Folks. What if I told you that, instead of what I'm saying now, I could be talking about your business if you're in africa. Their or a marketer- and you want me to do the talking for you- visit a cast self service- add platform where any business can browse and book pod castors like me to tell your story in a way audiences trust. Sixty two percent of listeners make Just after hearing a host like me, read and add head over to go down a cast, dotcom, swash sponsorships to launch your campaign, that's go dot a cast dot com, swash sponsorships, all right. Let's do this, how are you what the fuckers, what the fuck buddies, what the bucket dollar what's happening a mark mare, and this is my podcast- welcome to it How are you how's everything how's, the high going

today, on the show, a partner non chair le, is here she's a comedian actress in writer. She came up in the air. the comedy seeing that was happening around the start of this podcast she's britain for late night would set myers totally biased with kemal bell. And inside Amy schubert as well, and was irregular on the comedy central sitcom corporate. Her new book is called on liable. Narrator me myself and impostor syndrome. And she's been around a long time. I am glad we finally got a chance to sort of eat? But I mean I'd met before, but it is not the first a. I really talk to her. You know how that goes. That's what this is about. I know a lot of you our kind on the edge your seats about. It's happening with with my refrigerator repair guy, I dont know to catch you up after all, is said and done after months of him. Him in his son him

again is yelling there is insanity. Things were taken apart broken freezer door. I mean this is a journey. This a refrigerator repair journey, but after all is said and done and most of the work was done. It worked for like three daisy ice maker. Now it's making the same noise it made when I first reached out only a little worse now I'm leaning towards a new fridge, but it seems like a big undertaking. I'm kind of weird about Old machines and doing everything I can to get them to be new again, I think that sort maybe what I'm trying to do with myself. As I approached sixty here in a matter of days, wow nine days until I'm sixty years old, don't tell anybody nine days away. I

really given that big, a shit about my birthdays in the past, even the ones that you think would mean something. Forty fifty. Maybe even thirty, but this one seems significant. Doesn't it. Seems like it's time to kinda, wind down turn. The volume down a little bit changed the freak see to a lower one, get into some lizard mode to. I kind of extend my experience here on this plain, but in terms of the reform during. I don't know where we're at a reached out to the I know response reached out. I think, might be on taking a break from each other. I think me am I, refrigerator repair guy alex, I think, think we're on a he's No, I don't want to call it ghosting cause. My experience with them is that we have

get back together again after a couple weeks will see what happens I'm kind over it. Though I've had enough of this arc I've had enough of this story line the broken fridge suggest suck it up, get a new fridge or forget about it, or might or make ice by hand howard to do that fill a couple, a trace, who needs of recognize me but that's always the case. I just on my machine to be what it was at some other time doesn't matter I'll, let you know how that go. Sixty years old, six, years old, I'm goin I'm just a little younger than my parents. Now that's the worst thing. I think I've talked about it before that, because my parents, had me so young and thereby still alive now that I'm approaching sixty? You know I have friends who are almost as old as my parents, it just it's, not the gap closes, but it certainly shifts

just not that much older than me. My mom is twenty two years older than me right. that's kind of crazy. Isn't it my dad's like twenty six, is older than me nuts right. But now it's The gap is closing, but I imagine I don't know I don't know what's going on and with them. I'm to see my dad or this this friday because I will be at wise guys in las Vegas tomorrow, that's friday, oh, my god see my dad tomorrow and saturday september. Twenty second and twenty third for four shows in bellingham washington at the mouth baker, theatre for one show on Saturday october, fourteenth as part of the bellingham exit festival, sold out portland for October twentieth through twenty second boston and at the tv guy four comics come home on Saturday november forth. and I'll be in albuquerque new mexico, the chemo theatre for one show on november. Eleventh debt

we're colorado, albeit the comedy work south for four shows november seventeenth and eighteenth: go to w tia pod dot com, so to her for tickets to all of those ok Also I wanted to. First, some out, like I felt bad the other day I was talking about saint louis in and all the things I didn't say louis, I can remember the job over at the. Kay, em aleck station. I believe it is Dave. Glover was the afternoon. Dr time I did. We had a nice conversation about music, aging about all of that back but his name- and I said I think it might have been roger? It's not. It's dave, go over I just want to make sure I straightening out because after all that love de saint louis and and spacing his name out, If even notice, that's gotta be that you know that guy stuff, that have things a little bit so David

just doing this for you. I hope you hear this was a very listen conversation. We had on your show our cat news. Sammy seems to be evolving sammy you, I thought my had some sort of We might have been on the cat spectrum of some kind of which I guess catch are, but he just a little not quite not quite right, little off but all of a sudden he's turning into something else. He just quirky. You know what do what do I expect at a cat when they're they're, they're, dumb, they're, all dumb but they're they're interesting, Sammy is starting to come out of his shell is the point so now I want to discuss. a dream. I had that. I'm trying to put together. it's weird when you remember dreams. But here's what I remember I remember I was asked by a couple of character actors,

one who is in the seven ups, which I just watched and also the french connection. but I recognise they character, actors in my dream they told me that I needed to go. Kill a bunch of people killed bunch, japanese people at this place. is there a japanese, mob or somethin, in ai the place, and it was in a karaoke bar, but it was a reality themed bar as a real. He seemed to place an arrogant four or five days, go and hang out with them and then shoot them with a pistol and I remember that feeling in the dream that, like I'm, not a killer. I can't do that. I can't do it. What if I don't do it and the character actor was like. Well, Now you know about it, you have to do it because you know, if you don't

The implication was that they would have to kill me and I I was prescribed, killed. If I tried to do it but then somehow or another. I pulled it together and I was like now can't do it. I can take em all out and that was the end of the drink. I don't really know where to go with it, but I was of this sort of figure out why loaded up in my brain kit and I were talking about anime. That kind of fills in the japanese element. I just go. Shouted gun. That kind of fills in the gun element and, in terms of the reality themed place. I like the idea of that a reality themed anything, that's these. We because, while this news about a high But look I'm just happy that I'm not a killer. My dreams, or one in real life. But that moment in a dream where there there's something

terrifying or something that you can't get out of this the idea that, if I didn't do it, they would kill me I felt real in a real mental and emotional way- and there is such a relief to wake up when you're in that field Is that moment, like all my guide thing I didn't have to go, kill us. people in Prague it shot myself at the reality, themed bar. The reality themed event anyway, as I said, a partner non chair, the comic she's got a book out. It's called reliable, narrator me myself and impostor syndrome. Haven't combo, haven't a chat,

Why is it not registering the voices loud enough? How that now? How are you I'm only higher eager, ok, now, you're good, I just had to adjust the knobs you're question about adjusting the norms, there are all kinds of nerves, internal knobs internal, now external, not as people's now I know I know those are the this one's yeah, because you can and you have no control over them, really cause? You have your idea of the ideal settings and they have their idea of the ideal city and then there's the factory settings which are which none of us can override. That's right is the worst. I it's way because I don't know what to do in the window, you do know.

No. I I sort of I couldn't pin point an exact anecdote, so I figured it was the festival circuit or their oars and allay show yeah yeah I remember meeting you and it's it's weird after I kind of went through your book, a little bit yeah and watched some stuff I had seen you on stage before, but I just watched some other stuff to refresh my memory sure sure that year, the era consummate interviewer uh. Well, I dunno about that. But but always felt like you know there is something familiar and may be something handle it happened, means I you know I come from depressive, yes and I am, a sort of wired by depression? Yes, when you sense, someone who has innate depression- oh yeah, there's a familiarity too. Yes that inside you just so mary well, she can do.

The thing and oh yeah it. I find that so strange with mental health where, where sometimes, if you and some one has the same. general area of your kind of there. Is a little too terror. For reality, words and your way away. Yours, like others but there is also this sort of like fear. Yes, yeah, I know you're gonna get a re infected. Oh sure, especially with depression, where ida friends with depressive here I'll, be like webcam, I'm on an upswing right now. I really can't have you bring him down or call someone else for help boy yeah. I know it's it's odd, because there are other similarities at that I have, but I mean so. We were You where'd you grow up. I grew up outside Washington dc in northern virginia. I have no idea like in alexandria, I

to high school near alexandria, but I grew up in maclean like near lay claim you get there. used to be a comedy, show in alexandria at a hotel there. Yet chip franklin used to run a show at the holiday and are one of the richest over I remember yeah, I I used to do it when I was younger, well yeah. My first open mike was at a best western, where in Maclean What was the first country show? You saw think Jim gaff again at the imf Oh really here in DC, yeah also be where Jim was huge. I think ways when he had a couple cds, I think before it yeah, he was doing like the big theatre. Third, when you like what brought the wire people in DC area. My parents are vote actors and nay emigrated from india in the late seventies. Oh really yeah and like do you to have a family in India yeah, I would say, Still like most of my moms

is there and about half of my dad's them really yeah. Do you go I used to go. I feel like, as I've got an older age just having made the bed time or like you know, it's been, or to schedule because I went alot when I was a kid with my parents, yeah yeah, that's a long trip, We would always detour through you know frankfurt or london, so you have a relationship with india, anyways yeah but, like I have an older sibling and day were born in india, and I was the only one born in the in the? U I said, just one Ok, yeah, just one older to you. Older, I I we've kind of had this weird pride of being like I'm, the hurrying american, likewise in hindsight, site so shitty, but your parents, I'm. The only one who deserves to stay was gardener. I don't know about that power, but it is true. I guess you just on a

our citizens have level you're the only now oh america ass, yet but I grew up like during the height of the gulf war, so I know I fully body into the propaganda of like greatest country in the world. Yeah, you got saturated and I got circulate in. I remember how old are you I mean I was seven or eight year, re yeah, that's about you! I think that's about it feels like wait eighties early nineties, This is an answerable question, but I'm not going. There is a way to find out why not any we could access yeah yeah, but does you you, you got excited by being american, because the news told you yeah and I was I was like the careers I was interested in as a small child are all now like. I would fully be cancelled, like I want to be a cop. I wouldn t be so sir. I really yeah yeah well, I saw it, Well, you older brother.

Older non binary sibling. Oh What's that person do a working sort of public health and read they do a lotta. There is basically a semantic therapist orange aramis do specializes semantic their preserved me. It's but a lot of body, mind connection reiterated, I haven't tried, it. Finally, I think I need to cause. I think I live very much in my head. I need to be more attached to my body. It's when, when you have anxiety, depression to live in your head, because it's always not a great party yeah, I mean like you. I know you write about in the book but, like I m If only I had more control over my generation yeah yeah is What it does on its own never goes a great place. Yes You find that over ninety I mean I feel like I have to flip set, because I feel it people who are prone to depression. Anxiety like we have,

If we are comedians, we have kind of two sides of the same coin. Words like on ones we're like oh, my gosh, the world life? Doesn't anything everything's, pointless like I. Why do I ve been wake up in the morning there and the other side of it is also how you find jokes right, you're late? Why is this like this, this area so random, Michael, I find you know when I tell my story verne over again yeah When people ask me why comedy is as I thought, that car eggs when I watch them and I was a kid- were able to sort of disarm and make sense of pretty big things yet known what they were YO I for me, like my imagination, isn't there's not two tracks? one is a comic and one is an anxious depressive person there is that action, then there is the one that tries to make sense of it makes me feel better yet

and then look for at least some validation from other people that I'm not you gonna fucking weirdo. I mean, I think I do. I turn a comedy to connect with other people, but I think ultimately, I still feel outside of everyone else. Because we don't live like normal people, yeah, that's the choice. We made yeah. But I think I already felt that and then I was like I'll just embrace a lifestyle that confirms that. Well, that's good to be less comfortable, but at least to have a job in in that world of discomfort. But I mean people call comedians modern day philosophers, and I I am that's a new mission. It's I don't like that, but I do feel like sometimes as someone who is self employed and awake, up at eleven and then you know wandering to my living room and being like. This is my job like I.

you feeling sometimes I'm paid to think and that feels wrong. Yeah, that's interesting. I guess we are. I think I I generally usually go with paid to talk yeah. You do a lot more writing than I do so like when I was going through the book So when you say that you felt a sort of weird, criticism and more american that that sort of followed you through elementary school and in that yeah yeah, I think I mean I think I fully bought into the army, adds whereas like be all you can be- and I was a yeah- that's it that's the point, but you and feel I like an outsider. When you were a little kid I did. I think I think maybe that also was what attracted me to those like sort of patriotism, things to feel like part of something I very much didn't feel like I fit in with my classmates, and I was like well. At least this would give me

I would be part of something bigger than me or give me a sense of meaning in a way that I don't feel day to day and worked like your parents or were they have higher the commission's where they hard on yeah yeah. You know south asian parents have a reputation for them in the euro. They were both doctors. I think they had a certain expectations. We would become like doctors or some other kind doctors or die ass usual gas. Anesthesiologist momentum chronology is under current system. Yeah. That's right! specific. I know why it was. It was one of those that you I did then explain. There is like a follow up. Explanation like what kind of doctors are What's an end occurring all right yeah we act as I think during my my high level of hypo. Contrary yeah, I saw an indoor chronology, I dont know or remember what, for I always say it's like a whore bones and glaring wire, yeah, glandular problem, big ugly and big land area?

now and then they, when they came over here, did do their residency here. Did they like how work my dad. I think, came here for he's residency and then my mom, I think, came had an arranged. Marriage came moved here with my dad, but then got pregnant and then had to move back to india to finish. Meds cool, so therein are arranged marriage yeah? How my god? What now really stopped you oh no knife, I've heard of you. I've heard it before I talk to other people who have that in their family. and certain people that have run away from it. I can remember who I talk to who, whose mother, maybe your kind of got out of an arrangement, maybe it was all, was no, the mesh, I dunno know it might just been. Why talk you just recently.

there wasn't arranged marriage, but it was a bust. Oh yeah that happened in then here they married somebody else or a yak is really that's a refreshing twist. What is there were the religious background that you come from hindu yeah? I need neither every time I speak to somebody With an indian background, I need to be explained. How religions and casts work? Well? to me, I think hinduism, especially right now is having a moment where it is almost like the you know the fundamentalists right here, like the evangelicals, where it's like gary's afar, I kind of his the prime minister, realism, oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah and I feel it gets to the point of, like you know, persecuting other religions, which is not obviously in the the nature of its nature of the year, but we were brought up with it and why did? Did you go like as a family to what kind of

house of prayer, I would say we were not like orthodox or like practised, have lee, but we will. We were like a holiday hindus. You know, go the temple on on the holiday you yeah yeah, india? Is that the vegetarians egg some are cause. It kind of depends on what cast you are, and I think if you're like brown men, which is like the high that's like pure, so you don't eat meat, but we were not raise. We were not brahmins, so we romans yet What is that the ruling class or the ailing it like wise? Like learning, tell you see, a little vague on enabling the royal our below that and then there is like the workers, which is our right right: the workers, the the the billions of work, the space less masses. So when you were growing up, how different did you feel in really in school? Instead? Did you I mean

think it was not just like being like a brown cared like. I was also really shy and I m really anxious. So I think I just like any difference I felt was compound. by just being scared all that I am of everything yeah yeah and I didn't have the words for back then, like I don't think I even thought of myself as an anxious person until I would you know that when you were a kid yeah, you don't know your parents, her instantly. Take you to a doctor, my mom was always trying to like make me less shy? How how go well, I mean What were those exercises like? I had deprived is ordering It says over the phone Who would have you know we family pizza ray and be like you're gonna, I the order of terrifying,

it a guy dating away. I mean data can be large yeah they they're busy they're they're not getting paid enough in their mad. So would you, where'd you bail in the middle of the cop, nor I will do it, but I would like you no kind of black out and go to a different part of my brain because of the future. nor do, I think I may. I would just like memorize the order like almost like an incantation and then just spouting this is interesting, because I mean the way you're talking about it. This is fairly space, if a drama that cover them in their people, the pizza ordering yeah. Maybe, it is a decent m d. Are on that. I'm I'm it's tough again, the empty are circles providing I've been trying to find someone you doing, They are, and I keep finding there as you do in their like. Actually, I'm sort of moved

from that like day we'll take. It would really I mean I m ready borders still doing it, but they're just like that's not what I'm excited about right now. If I asked in fact within the therapy, communal was really effective, so I'm like I don't know why it so hard to tell you to do it. I have some she's good. Love out ache wreck here. So I took it goes on. When do you start having real problems in turkey Oh with the anxiety or just like yeah and and yeah the body image, stuff and yeah. I mean that was all college. I I would say, like my official date, diagnosis of depression was when I was nineteen and when did you quit because, like the other thing, the other weird thing that we have in common is. when I was in high school yeah I

to an orthodontist and- and I've had braces on my for a year and a half and then the orthodontist said what they're not gonna fix your bite. And one orthodontist. We only want you once thought. I had academic leah. What's that that's why your bones have a disease where they keep growing a couple. A famous horror act rondeau hatton was one in well says acrimony earlier. Well, like you know, what's his name, andrea, the giant like they never stop. yeah and ate their joy, its jack. They become giant near their their bones, get disfigured omega, so he's like you might have this and he showed me and my mother a picture of his head with his protruding draw at jaw my mom's, like we're not going back to that guy, so we went to another guy. Take that out for every person, because these just that's his, maybe

I bit for under, so I have this under bite in this job. It was. It was exactly what you described in your book. It would would never meet yes and threat. Was your your teeth again aware, wrongly? Yes, sir, well. We went to another guy and he's like well here's. What what has to happen is, you know, will take the braces off yeah well break your jaw, reset it wired shot, and then you you know you have to deal with that, and you know nemo but the braces back on and I was in high school and am I I'm good Neither like I didn't do it, but you did it I did it and honestly, I think you made the right choice. What what where'd you that was! The similar thing is, I still sort of an under by my teeth. Dump me in there all kind of man that my mouth sky fucked up I make do when, when one my teeth goes out, a dry, replace it

What do we when he goes out when it just leaves your mouth? I, because of either the biter sort of aggressive brushing my gums are not great but like neither of mine, yeah yeah, and I think it has something do the same thing, so recently. I just I had a two that where the rue canal, and then it was in which it is just natural omnium fifteen I am- I did have another one put in took yeah yeah, you know you can just, and I don't think any of that is because of the job Don't think so I dont like the only problem with not getting the surgeries. Why my literally only meets in two places so chewing food. Properly is difficult in there not aware on there's a lot of attention on these two three teeth? I would say, with the surgery alike, I still don't have all the feeling back in my chin worth into the worth of that everything removed from my in like a like? It like? There was

You know sometimes, when you bite your lip and you get like a bubble. Yeah cause you break a gland yeah. I had one of those removed by a guy he's like oh yeah. That feeling will come back. It's like it didn't so over. Here, too, will will numb, but it's not big, but but still Did you have a choice about the light was because you can make it seem like that part of the cosmetic thing. I mean it was more of a cosmetic thing. I think I I was given the same spiel about like you know. Your teeth are going to be worn down, but but he certainly wasn't like it's critical that you get it, but I was like no, I look weird. I need to fix this writers, eve, I'm gonna go to hollywood right and we all to me how it was so this was like amateur late twenties, so this is after yeah, through the dark woods if realization, yeah yeah was so nice going just work. Ok, what your job! yeah yeah. Oh, my god,

wasn't even thinking about being perceived, yeah, that's it in part vote to? How did you know? How is that not a red flag of depression refugees? What does that mean were you are unaware of being well. Ok, I went to a very competitive high school like it was like a magnet school. You had to take a task to get in, and obviously everyone there was like over achiever to the max, and I think everyone there was unwell but would be because we are all in this system. No one thought like are dysfunction. Were bad? We owe it was like everyone with socially awkward cause. They were kind of high performing mental people, I mean it would be. The full range of would be like popular kiss, we're good at sports were like future me, no politician genes and then like this kid who, like you, know, still physically, looks like five, but he can

like build a bomb or something yeah and you and me in the middle. Yet what were we? specializing in at that time I was. I was just trying to keep my head above water mark here here, but you felt invisible or that yeah. I think I just felt like I think a lot. Kids are kind of, maybe still in this a cycle where you just think. If you get into a good college, like everything, will work out so you're, really just building towards that you're, like I'm, going to get good grades, I'm going to do the three to four extra. killers you know, I'm gonna be treasurer of spanish in our society or whatever. None of that I had none of that. That's the thing like I I two comedians and it feels like a lot of them are like. I never was into school and I'm like I wasn't into school, but I just did it because I thought that's what you were supposed to. you're, there wasn't a rule. Breaker no but I mean but you're your parents probably drilled something

Indeed, yeah yeah, I think the expectation was like if you are not doing these things, then you're not a value. I think my parents just put me in school, so they just they were like. As long as we don't have to deal with you yeah you go ahead and fend for yourself yeah, I don't remember doing homework throughout at all, hardly ever you're just opted out until my senior year when my grades were so bad. It look like I wasn't. My guide decided, I'm not going to college in that you know, whatever happens, happens are working where I grew up in and I then, then, all of a sudden I rise like how to get out so my senior year, I locked in and you know straight asian was like at least get me and to ensure doctor college, yeah yeah, but now let is it a senior riotous via which is easily

If you don't do the work yeah yeah senior artist is like I am good. I did the war nam for I was full of panic and I wanted out. I finally saw like oh. This is an opportunity to get out For me, it was like. I worked really hard olive highschool, even though my heart was really any like. I never liked schooling dwell, but did well, because I thought that's what you were supposed to do and but then I got to college expecting like all these answers to show up and like me this figure is an alliance, yeah personal answers and just like figure out what I was passionate about, really like anything in particular, and because I did and it discover that my freshman year than I then I that's. What sort of wed to my mental crisis ha cause I was like well, then, what is the point of any of this really here it's where that you said he felt sort of invisible because, like I felt very awkward by felt kind of amoebic like

I just like. If I could just attach myself on to someone popular gear definition. Oh I mean yeah first sure I also felt that way, but I also like that's not even an option for me. These people aren't even giving me interviews freshman year. The edges and saw a trap. Door opens yes, as you like, you got their aid in order to study, you didn't know your interests, were you thought it would be too? ever to you magically by going college, amor, oh also you're, on the country holding the wilderness with those their three schools what's out there like, I am sure, Hampshire's down the street in a name you mess amber math. How yeah yeah pretty out there. It's Very pretty am amherst the small nice one right. It's the one day, is to be all man, ok, yeah, so you're out there

If away from home you're out in the woods in like this weird pastoral college, clusterfuck and you're, you, we go, I freaked out and I was running cross country and track at the time. So you know like many. I guess I would assume woman. Before me, I chair, my existential anxious into body this morphia oh you got that to you. I mean that's. What sort of pre dated the depression is like? I really, sir, restricting my eating and I had to take time off. school and high school. No no! This was there. He is sending out a second year of college but that have been going on before they restricting no a really started. Like I think when I was like what is the point of anyone for you, you didn't ever struggle with wait. I think

struggled with it in in the way. I think a lot of women did in the nineties where I was just like. Why don't I look like this person on the cover of this maize right here, for you kind of entered eating disorder body just morphia, yeah yeah. I have that oh yeah yea. I figure I figure it's like more common than we think brought up in eating disorder house, oh guy, I was raised by mother within eating disorders and I'm a legacy. Ok, your grandfather data, but I do understand that the problem in terms of the the kind of pressure on women to feel like they have to be something that they're not based on these ideals is abroad problem yeah and also like my mom, is a doctor who treats diabetes. So I think there was always like sort of an emphasis on like what

a healthy diet. Libya are good foods. These are bad food. So did you become dangerous, did you become anorexic. I last saw out away, but I think for me it was also. I was running a lot at the time, so I think it kind of slipped under the radar could be poor. Dislike. Oh yeah, you're, really active lake. Read that make sense. Your small if even given the backstory now the bad story and took their interpretation and said yeah, that's what I yeah, but I diagnose myself, like I I you know. Usually it's like all we're worried about a partner like that's how the lifetime movie goes. But for me I was like I'm worried about apart or that's good. That's something! That's a voice from the darkness that you kind gonna need. I mean it was sort of like a doctor. You know parents doctors influence thing where you stop gang my period for a bunch of months, and I was like this seems wrong- Then I went to the clinic and they were like yeah you

I lost a lot of weight quickly. Have you noticed that and I was like no no huh yeah thats? That was the other part of the story of surgery on your jaw. Yeah is you know, your dad, the doktor which mine was o you can always Europe Seeing your dad's friends, yes for sort of medical problem. Weird is it was it's totally boundaries its liking? I don't feel like lead I'll call, Joe and we'll just go this house and we can we not do it that way. I also feeling my leg. South asian. You know people sometimes, have boundaries with others. So, like a my other, south asians yan would have like enough community events. Go to and there would be other like south asian families like trying to be like. Oh, my grandfather has like lamp on his arm. Can you look at it right now? Let's, just getting free health would happen. Yeah. Do it? There's a lot of south asian doktor yeah yeah. I saw the other

this sort of similarity. So we we share emotionally because of this type of you. It is a boundary this weird thing, but what happened when, when you heard that voice in yourself say that these problems? I mean this was the beginning of you, acknowledged in realising he read depression yeah, but I honestly like found it kind of cathartic in that it felt like there was finally a label for this thing that I just thought everyone was going through and feeling better, which was what just like, not knowing what the point of anything is yeah, but that's the label Well, for me, like I want, you know, I grew up and I had periods where I just felt like. I did like one of exist or like be here but I didn't know I just figured it was something everyone was experiencing and sort of was able to cope with better than me. I used to night. I get that

yeah, and I used it when I first started doing stand up aggressively. I would tell these stories when alternative comedy, star did I and I just really believed. that everybody, if they just let themselves way as angry as I yet, but but you went by and I started to realize. I think they're just wait. at my discomfort, I really don't think they're like finally someone speaking for what's inside I I I I hate to a minute by overtime, I realise that there are well adjusted people in the world. I now is the fucking worst, it's horrible to think about So, ok, so how long does it take? You did to realize that you're not well I mean that have been pretty quickly. I feel like. I actually lost most of the way over like one summer and later in the fall. I think I realized that somebody was off, but it was of course that tricky thing, life where I was like you know. Maybe not

being healthy, but then I was running like faster than ever saw is getting all this positive feedback road for them. thing that I was told was bad. So I think I was very confuse cause I was like, but we these are telling me it's good, and these people are telling me it's bad. So that's why I had to leave school cause. I just like couldn't get a grip on. was going on and, like my grades started to go down and all that so you have school after sophomore year. Yet middle is myself me you just what how did that you like our treatment centre for eating disorders, gs, yeah, how's that I mean my book is him about imposter syndrome and it was still like it was still impostors interim because they were like. Actually you cases in severe a for, like which, typically we wouldn't let in someone that's not it, severe as you are, and so because I

if too far away from the treatment centre there like. Ok, you what you can be a resident, usually you would just be a day patient, so you therewith people sort of a death's door with yeah. like a lunch more interacts year, worthy avian, yes ha now the impossible syndrome frame, yeah of your Look unreliable! Narrator! I mean when did you like? When did you come upon. That gazette seems to be the portal through which gives you you wrote a real book. It such as funny essays, like a real book and indicts, not just funny right right. you had. You know you took this on as a thorough memoir. They are. There are difficult parts to get through and I met It's a relatively happy ending that you're a functional person yeah, but I think I love the book is just about like how we we don't neatly resolve a lot of these parts of ourselves. we sort of land at different places in our lives, but there are not really things where it's like there's a neat,

so at the end where it's like, and now I love my body unconditionally, yeah. That's like a week, yeah yeah yeah and then that week passes and then there are four months I'm fine. Yeah and then the monitors weeks, captains in some sort of dust. exploring that we're all kind of masses, but what about and what about an impostor syndrome in and of itself is at the subtitle me myself in an impostor syndrome. What about that spoke to you and when did that sort of? sing a song that you needed to hear why I have always felt kind of outside the box of what people expect me like. Even getting good grades in school, I'm like I'm doing it by you guys, should know that I don't care about any of their send. I'm. really engage like I'm doing everything at the last minute. I'm not really like caring about what I'm learning, and so I always have felt this sort of outsider feeling of like even one

showing up and doing things and people are like. Oh your! U get great grades, I'm like it's! Now, it's all a farce. I didn't realize that was part of it. I didn't realize that you could be functioning per we well. I guess it is the rub it like. I thought that the to feel like a fraud you had, be getting away with something, but if you're action, doing the work yeah there there is at least evident, say: you're, not a fraud, in the sense that europe did not some trick yeah, but it's oh impostors and joan gale advisers in german that you continually feel like people are not knowing what to do really going on with you and, like you, don't feel you like your actually as good as the work you produce cause. You don't feel like it's actually that good you're, just like other people, seemed I think this is good, but I know the true it's alright, it's so funny because there are so many people, especially the culture we live in now that

they're getting away with it yeah it's the best thing ever yeah that you know it's just sort of like you. You know if this is what people believe about me. That's my brand yeah yeah and, like I have been your you know, one ec, we hobbled and fighting the any sort of brand idea. Oh yeah and people always have ideas a view. Yes, they people have ideas me in a waking. They put me in this box and they sent me out on additions or something yarn and I'd be like. I have no control over this anger losses in a character right right. You idiots, I I feel a guy at the really perverse thing about hollywood too, as you can go out for a part that site a mark marin type in they're like you're, not quite what we're looking at, but that's me yeah you're, not working for we'd like some a year, that's a little muted you're too much you. We can call this you so after

eating disorder treatment that help you help I mean that was when I first went on antidepressants. I I don't know how long you deal with mad, but that was first time. I ever had any experience with them and I would evidently was in that honeymoon period where you're just like, I know you could even experience life in what med frequency I think started with prozac and then that change to select sir I know it's like I. Never stayed on meds that long headed there pursues like yet take the prozac until we work through this yeah yeah that ending on my cool I feel a little muted yeah. I liked what you drink? Has it made me? Oh yeah, speedy ye I get the office will affect mike. I feel great yeah, I workers I've always unwell beauty and I would clench might and so hard I'd get headaches, so I had to come up with it. He asked.

I would. I would welcome that already. But I'd say I haven't been on medicine wild, but it was a game, a little respite, breathing room a gay I mean I would say it almost gave me like a level of euphoria like that was when I first went on them was when I tried my first open mic and I really don't think I would have had the courage to do it. Otherwise, like ambiguous from that boost, yeah. So it was like a way it turned off. The noise yeah ha it was almost like when I first had the diagnosis of depression, like I know, there's like stigma, adds to it, and people are like I, you know not. Everyone wants to admit. This is something they struggle with. I felt the opposite. I was I like. I wanted to tell everyone. I was like hey You guys guess what I'm depressed like that's what

deal is you know like I haven't something to attach at tat challenge to those like theirs. The scene and iron we'd that I always remember, bears tom waiting, Jack Nicholson and timely says I just wonder hospital doctors and got cancer research I never got anything before I read it was like that it was kind of like this explains me yeah yeah. That's it's great, like If you do a joke that I think is probably off base, but I I wonder what you would think about. It is like the the the advertise fur for profit. used to be like you know, ill give. You knew personality cult, and I used to say yeah, but the old ones still inside and it's like I'm being held prisoner, but let me out, but but it does,

mute, something because you can't go down those neural pathways. The same way yeah, but I think for me I was just like oh well, I'll take the new ones you know like I cause. I I've heard people feel that way with many of the time they're like I don't feel like myself and I yeah spare me. I just felt like such a shaky sense of self. Before that I was like anything that's like given me, something to hold on to our take it. For you any of that too to lake, because, like depression is obviously genetic and that's all white weird, nebulous self thing. I can also track to the way I was brought up the out of parenting, were you able to sort of come see both of those things? Are you just feel like its biological? I think I see it as both, turn, nurture yeah yeah, but even though you're not even notice, personality enables you to address your.

I find your past problems with with a certain confidence yeah, I mean, I think to me also growing up as like a pretty interrelated kid. I saw you. No extra version is kind of a little bit more be end in our society, so I was like if I can get closer to a version of that. I think I'll do better yeah in general, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and, and so the comedy went well. I my first in my gwent well enough that I think I had the you know. The seed was planted, yeah but I think of it had in I will you know I could very well have pursued. I don't know, culture. Would you major in in psychology- and he finished it- I gotta be back here, and that after did you choose that after you got any antidepressant I didn't you want, therefore background yeah yeah and You find that useful. I found you

useful in that it was the only subject. I found a continually interesting just because I feel like psychology, you can see it at work all the time and like human behavior, I'm just like yeah that fascinates me yeah. It is and did you find it also helped? You understand yourself you omg someone who's gonna, stop to take the personality, quiz every time a reality. Psychological welcome like this is me totally everything. I'm like a little. yeah yeah yeah. He I can totally relate to you just go to the the dsm or whatever it's called pathologies is like. I got a little of that and I'm like well rounded psychological problem, yeah, it's like the opposite. more like? No, no, I am not me when he a unlike know all of it, so you grow way without degree with with no intention to sort of pursue it as

Mean I started I I did some I held my thesis adviser. Do some research. I tried to go down a journalism track for awhile journalist yeah. Well, you never thought like medical school, no I think it's very much the thing of like what your parents do. You're like. I want nothing to do with that. My version, your college. I was gonna, go bree med. Why? Because my yeah and I just mean into it now is after, like your senior year, awakening exactly why I leaned, then I did well my first year collars biology and I understood photosynthesis. I remember that was like this sign that I could. I was capable of study is. I took some biology class and I was completely obsessed with photosynthesis. Emphasis I come in. practically. I learned that sell your elements and all that shit you I can do this and I come as I'd the up, I'm going to be a doctor and then that went away how do they go away too much?

oh yeah and I had him doctor, I want to be a intellectual of some sort and want to be a poet to performer. I wanted to okay express myself somehow. I also want to express my men I felt like I like. I took an acting class in college, but I felt like that thing I don't view there were felt this way, but you're in the classic well, you're not being taken seriously as like, like there, the people or who are being treated like real actor, yes and then you're there to cycle. Why are you here? You need an easy one here, while I was, I could never like, I think, with acting that I was always really struggling, just hold onto me, yeah, so the idea of these people they just drifting devices and characters and stuff yeah? Are you have I just don't have that kind of confidence really to lose myself gus barely holding on yeah yeah,

and they and I feel it when you talk to people like that. They're always like no, but I admire what you do cause you're just yourself up there and I'm like I. I don't even know who I am. How am I supposed to be someone else? You know I'm just trying to figure out what both go out with me, but I think a lot of people feel relief. There are going to do that right right right and I imagine that we do as an adaptive yet necessity yeah, but you know that that's our business, you know tat. We re. This is to me that I am presenting Yeah we're tired of building it. It doesn't mean I can build other characters. So so the how many kind of stocks are after you graduate. Then you leaning then I lean d ye. I did some journalism, internships again turned and at NPR I in turn that a city magazines and then that's when I start doing open mike's at night, we ban you built an act I built an AK in in out in out there in in where you lived.

Mainly performed in DC c. So up in the d scene, yeah, who is erroneous there like when I was there was like worry skull. Seton smash your me in fowler, yeah, there was a was a good seem like you could get good stage time and I feel like it's not an indian, through towns. You can kind of What are the values of a comedy? Cafe is gone right and the improved learn here, the improvisation Arlington draft. How will you know it's a lot of? It was more a lot of alternative spots. Little restaurant had are in draft our summer. When that open idea exert adding, is bigger. Now, there's a couple than you said: Montgomery draft area be air, so they had opened mics and stuff, and then, when do you like it decide like this? Is it on two where new york like, I have years in. I was gaining a comedian at the time, hampton yawned and I move. We both decided to move to allay no need

no new york, oh really eyes some time there, but he was very much like. I only want to move to l a and I was kind of like either one seems good, but yeah shortlist to l a where you felt like you were. Did you have the foresight to think like? Well, you know, I've got an act, I'm sorta ready to share myself or you just saw like Oh, do comedy there cause that's, not a great joy, as usual. I think it was just like need to be in a bigger pond in terms of moving to the neck. From what year you came here, two thousand and ten ha had been debts around when we may have first met ok, yeah, and what was it feels like was I guess. Alternative comedy was sort of peking guess so. Yeah night, like on the sort of on the other side of peeking? Yes, it's it's sort of for most intents, and purposes is disappeared. L would you say

so I don't know, maybe I'm just a liar I own. I am fully added, though, what just feels like in the early arts around or maybe mid that it was huge. You know, and they are now Hardwicke had this world the right at the outset down and then you're that became a tv show what you did yes in that must have been one to that right right when you got here, maybe a little after two twenty thirteen. When are we, so what kind of allowing a lot? But it just feels like all those rooms are gone. Yet I was before covered that had happened. Oh right, yes, yes, but I was sort of the the the world of comedy yeah, that you entered yeah, we're going to the comedy store? No, I definitely tried the clubs and I think I just was like. I don't feel like. I get this as much as these other rooms your supported, yeah. I think there is something about the vibe that just doesn't fit with me. Now get it you! You can't hear you,

can't be vulnerable at all. Yeah like you know, in the alternative rooms. There is a certain tolerance vulnerability and longer form stuff that may not going anywhere. Yeah where's the clubs are deliver a thing. Yes, I remember. Sometimes I felt stuck in boats bases, khazar, you'd feel again alternative. Sometimes I wasn't like weird and While you were you where I was like well, I am, still doing this set ups and punch. fines and new year's straight joke person, and there were like, isn't there what althea he asked I could see that yeah I mean eu did do joking yeah, there's. Definitely alternative joke writers matters also, the sort of era. Yes, current something that MR retelling element, which I am guilty of, that I believe overtime that if to do right, you they're filled with jokes

yeah if you ask them down so is out when you start doing that stuff de, were you I'm going to be a comic or was writing always part of it? Well, I think it was that was where, where the imposter syndrome played in where it was like, even just calling myself a comedian felt like too presumptuous even like two years in here are in d c right cause I've been gay. I was just like who am I to tell people I'm a comedian like I do I don't? What have I done? Well, my thought would become from the old scores. I give you didnt pay due comedy than your comment: comic now the problem I have is when people colleagues of artists, I'm very reluctant, to say: I'm an artist yeah. I know. I am very proud in fine with comic yes but art It's sort of like, let's just step back a minute, yeah artist feels like you. You have a certain idea of the discourse you're presenting right, but I think what I I

Do you have that? But it still like artists is like unwanted pressure, all right, great right, right, right, yeah comedian feels a little area, yeah, it's all more working class somehow, but but you were getting paid as a comic. Yeah I mean I don't know. I feel like spot pay. These days is a lot better. I feel like a bad time, you're doing chosen. There was no money in sight or the other, shows, which is why the the art of issue came his eye. It was indulgent, but on both sides the idea as a performer could be indulgent and, as you know, the venue would let you indulge in that they'd be like what he can equal there's some food and back and they These are driven by that. Now you get there. and a kind of invasion of amateurs that were able to kind of you know who themselves for a while our shared here, but that that's always, I think,

so we'll there will always be a place for them. No, of course but he was usually in a sort of more open, mikey sort, o yacht like yeah you're, headlines, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, but So when does the writing kick in ours okay. So then, I'm in l a for like two years and then I get this writing job on totally biased will come out with come out and that takes me to new york. So come out is great. Guy yeah and an you'd, never written on a show me now, I imagine he was. You know, sort of the very attentive to diversity, yes and because I was a time when there was a lot of talk about the lack of diversity, yeah and his host always about him. Yes, so did you feel

you have. You had experiences in both kinds of writers, rooms, or just that was your first experience. I mean I think I got lucky and that that was my first experience and that was a particularly diverse writers room and then, after that I worked at set myers, and that was also I think for like an NBC late night show a more diverse room? Then then I would have expected was there a feeling of like? Finally, you know, there's many voices here I mean was at a conversation, not I big. There was an overt conversation by I think I still felt like I didn't fit in those places as well, and I think that was citizens just the way you are or what that's? What I yeah, I think, that's what I realized was. I was just like. I don't think it's that I'm a woman of color necessarily like. I don't think that's the end of the story. I it's just that. I don't feel like I fit into groups now, yeah, that's why we chose this world yeah

But what was the experience on commercial? Like you? Did you get a lot of stuff on the air and he felt like out. This is good. I thought like I was gonna like constantly fella goes gun, be fired, that's not great, but that's like waiting citizen or may, as your like, this has been a horrible mistake that you hired me. I don't know. I am year was evidence that was: possibility or religion something you were doing to yourself. I think a combination of both because it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where you convincing, so you don't deserve to be their new kind of keep, proving right, right, yeah, ok, but there was evidence to the contrary. Like I got on air segments, I was included in star fight. You know people like you using my jokes, but I I just consulate I felt like I was struggling to keep up with everyone else internally, but you don't know that was

reality or maybe you were really for. I still I mean still in hindsight, I'm sort of like I don't know if I make sense in writers rooms well, but but what we but these are our our panel shows so where they are most, we jokes and a few sketches or how it. What was the job yeah, like a late night. So it would be like segment like monologue, jokes and then like segment and sketches and field pieces yeah for you you're gettin stuff. On the air, yet by those environments, especially when it's like a topical show, and it's like you know come out weekly or every other week or whatever it is like. You feel a pressure that is, even if you get one thing on your like, ok now I gotta think it three more. You know like it never ends the area like. I can rest for a second and you start doing acting as well.

oh yeah, the acting sort of came after cause, I worked at said myers, and then I was let go from there and I think I doubt was sort of a point where I was just like. I don't think I really am like know how to write for late night end and that's when just like some acting opportunities are you coming my way, so it was kind of fortuitous yeah then, How do you feel about doing that? I like acting. I think I didn't realize is going into it. The how much eighty is just waiting you and me both its way. It that's the hardest. Part of my heart is part of it. The cause they doing with a whenever, unlike this is great, but this is this- is like one per cent of the job. Yeah and you're doing mostly sort of gas spots ryan, and then animated surf and bojack jack yeah you do out about of and did that

get you other animated project yak as well. I think voice over people are always like. You have a you know. You have a voice, I would be good for waste over and then I never knew how to break in cause. It's very competitive area, and so I think that first break helped me kind of a shared myself and others things was funny because with voice over like there are, there are voice over actors that can do ninety character. Yes, why get mad at me yeah? It's like eating the same for me like if you're hiring me you're going to get. This are you going to get some version of this. How you doing those are, the two actually a horse a like a horse, he going to know this thing or or me regular. I know I used to feel embarrassed though it's like my range is me to me, but now I'm just like okay, that's what I'm bringing the table and corporate that seemed like a big.

Oh yeah corporate was a comedy central that was, you may know these guys. Jake Weissmann, matt in britain and pat bishop, made this sort of dis workplace comedy and I was like you. Do I lot episodes I was there. I was irregular regular in that hr. The hr lady well yeah now is a fun. I was really for. I mean working with your friends. I feel like that's. That's like the best yeah yeah and they are your friends yeah, I think that's help me get the job and you do and up through it all year, but I will stand or by started, struggling more and more with performing performance, anxiety route. I got really bad where I would just like even you, usually would be so bad leading up to the performance, but then it Are you getting where it wouldn't? You may go away, I I was on stage road and I really do nor to ducas like nothing seemed to be helping it end, lockers I

I was taken like propane along, it do it wasn't doing enough. Yeah see you just terrified I was terrified all the time and I friendlies before kindest yeah us worse. anyway sorry that thing of like I you know, I was getting more opportunities to headline and stuff, and I felt like worse and worse about it, because I think you know you're what you think people expect of you gets. higher there, and so I, when I was working on this book, I took a break from stand up is also like when the pandemic happened, and I took like a three year break and I think I never would have thought I would have come back to it after that long away by her since I've come. I owe it saved like the best thing I'd ever done for me to get aware. Yeah, Well, yeah, I mean I think about that. why you know not

but I don't know anything else. You know I'm not. No. I yeah! I get it, you know, I'm not really a writer and I do some acting yeah, but it's just it's just part of my dialogue is to go up there and do the thing yeah. You know I I I tend to worry more about like one or people in the stock start. Giving issue here, or turning on me. Oh yes, then ikea sure should now be doing this, but like I've gone, I don't go very long without doing it, but because I am more about my life. Sometimes I don't do it. It's like. Okay, yeah, I'm ok, maybe that was what they said after the covert like when no one was doing. I didn't, I didn't want it. I didn't care, I didn't want to do it yeah my first site and you're right. This is like, maybe I'm all better. We care exactly but as soon as other people started doing as I fuck here, we go

That's a thing, my relationship with performing its like very love, hate. It's like I need it, but then what I'm doing it. I'm like am I happy, but then without it, I'm not happy near its a weird. It's a weird thing: what are you up to It leads back to that thing where you feel you start feel kind of invisible again. Yes, because after point. It kind of defines you yeah and it is- and I think it's one of the main reasons I got into it- a way to be seen and to be seen as how you decide to be seen. Yes, so you gonna, let that go. You like I'm back into this amoebic. Well yeah my business yeah. I think that's exactly it and you have so much control over yeah. What how long you're being seen there were. Other people get to see the order you to have control over his like whether not people like seeing it.

but see? I would have the anxiety for me comes in where what you're saying you worry about where you're, like our people, not gonna, carry any more than can be over it. I, start having those thoughts as soon as I I saw them in the audience. I'd be like they're already going to be like this was a mistake. Why did I come yeah yeah yeah? I tried to just fight that one yeah, the idea that I know them yes like you know, just by like her, you sit there and you listen to the comic before you right now, like its energy. If someone comes out stage before I go on and says they're great, am I gonna want to know that I dont tell me they're great. That doesn't mean anything for me. That's a thing like bombing now I'm just like it does it's not bombing that that kills me it's more just like when they like everyone else, and then they, like you less yeah, but like and we're just judging that on what are our own insecurities and the laughs we get right, yeah, but like after a certain point,

I just decided like well yeah, hunger decide to sort of go, get em yeah. I can do two overwork it yet the pace. Yes, or or just sort of like certain what I wanna do yeah and get when I get yes, Sometimes it's a little, not somewhat disappointing, but like it, it's more earnest. Yeah than doing the charm trick. No, it is, I think I I lean more towards the ladder, the as well yeah, I had to learn to to slow down and just kind of do it that way. You know, as I judge myself, against neo killers, all I'm yeah and its and I know I can do that yeah. But to me it's like, if you more thoughtful and you at things you kind of have different pace? it's more rewarding if it really works. Yes, yeah does you're not doing all the dancing, but I don't know if you do the dancing

not so recently, where I I I I wouldn't, say, I made the best decision in doing it, but it show where you have to try and be a clown cause. That's for youth, courageous, how that goes terribly. Did you ever knows no, but it's like It's all stand up, trying to do clowning end. First, what happens? First? If you go up there and you get roasted your stand up. Acts gets roasted. That's the part where things went south for me, the first part of the first part. What show was this, and I now I'm scared to say because it's a podcast and then you then you're supposed to do the clowning and then your service do clown scenes and end the director. riser you yeah it's. What clowning is, I guess.

I dunno about the whole kind of the you know like I don't. I can take a few shots, especially if they're good they're from people I like, but that's the thing, I'm like the thing with roasting is it needs to be from someone who knows you, yeah yeah. I have. I don't know you and you're making fun of me. I. How am I supposed to feel yeah yeah? I don't love it and I'm not great at roasting, because I'm only good at insulting people. If I'm you know kind of if I know them, while he thought actually trying to hurt somebody which happens just defensively, sometimes yeah. I do it less. I like, if we're gonna do a roast battle needs to be behind closed doors. We need to build up a couple of years of intimacy yeah. I can't do those rose petals, I'm not you know it's just It's not I I you know, and I don't mind I like don Rickles into Yang or even better, and I get the art of it yeah, but Europe I don't. I don't really want to do it. Well, that's all he's funny to me when people are like oh come, it is just a job

Oh who care is like. Why are you so sensitive? I'm like I'm a comedian? Of course I can't take a joke. Yeah yeah, I'm the most sensitive area do this. You have to wear and after the point just like our right good one You know that and then go home and be like what the fuck did. He mean of course, I'm gonna be mad about this forever area. Exactly those things are catalogued. So what's the plan now just to tour with the book? A bit yeah, I've never been good at setting goals. Whenever our like what you Do next! I, like I, don't know Even know in a given day what I'm gonna do next year, yeah me neither like moist, I just buy my schedule, yeah, like I get up in the morning like what oh I didn't. Even I forgot about that Do an award show my guy that that bad, but am surprised, even though its

on the calendar for a month or two. I think it's better to be surprised that you're going to do an award show because for me I'm like, I would be so anxious about it. It would almost be better to just be like guess what you're doing and origin yeah I just yeah- I mean I you know. I just forget that I have these gigs. And most of the time I'm like, why did I take it? Oh of course, every time yeah I've been trying to be better about saying no to things that I know I'm going to cancel on if I agree to it. But now, my trick is that if I say yes to a thing, could use em to software to be Ass run now, I say yes to it. If I am like, if this were to morrow morning or like in four hours, would I want to do it and if I cannot say yes, then I say no, I just say no to a lot of things now because, like I feel old enough to that that a little more financially secure young like yes especial like how many weeks do I like its acting like? Where is it

how many weeks weak thing with acting they make you feel like you should be so lucky every time to go. Do I go to scotland for three months to shoot? the trailer in scotland startling: while there will be greater than your you're not can be seeing scotland yeah yeah you know it's good to know that stuff yeah, but are. We saw you in a pretty good place, yeah yeah I mean for I'm I'm very microcosm like am I enjoying this cup of coffee, then? Ok, that's good! Things are good. That's good, so you don't wet year wet year, but the eyes that then, like my brain sort of like, doesn't take the same break. Oh yeah, yeah, great cup of coffee and then my brains out, but what about and what can we just yeah? Now it's a curse. Instead, you gotta I'm trying to be nicer to my brain, like instead of being like shut up, I moved, china be late, and I understand where you coming from you know how to a this to

we talk about later, that its weight to later I want a mean dead, yeah and then you can start this conversation. Yes, well! Good luck with the book! Thank you so fun to read what I read and good there finally talk your greatest wait a minute wait. We were Didn't you do alive. The yes of I was I first moved to allay. I did like two thousand and eleven, Steve valentine later raised a pan. All acting grown bunches was on it. Being sure that was like the old w demos or are our attempt at ned making money. We do the live ones in trouble, okay, okay, so, as you like, it was Steve Allen. So ron funchess was eddie, pepper tone involved or no maybe yeah, maybe yeah. I can't remember the other guests, but I yeah that was I first big ella break where I was like? Maybe I haven't made a horrible miss

Deputy yeah at the old devours my credit when I went on shell- oh my god, why I'm glad I could you know, provide you that I mean the full circle. and also I made a courtesy of my anxiety. I made a joke about abortion at the top and I do not stand by it and I'm sorry I said it. We can take it out, okay, I wasn't sure I don't want to censor your norm. Will ya, If we can do that and will just leave it at that was nice talking to you, I create there you go the book unreliable, narrator me myself and impostor syndrome is available. Now, wherever you get books hang out for a second will ya. People on Monday show you'll hear my talk with chevy chase and, if you're, full marin subscriber you can listen right now to me and Brendan talking about the experience right after checking.

if the garage does, he think he railroaded or something not that I could tell me. I think he thinks he did fifty movies. I think, that you know he thinks he's still waiting for an opportunity. That's gonna happen. you, I don't think he would eat you know in retrospect, but there was no talking about that kind of stuff. You know, reflectively other than the talk show which you he was. That was the best moment. Really It was like it. I was. I was terrible don't I don't know what I was thinking here I get he had watched other people do it need, took the opportunity and he decided that he was no. He didn't we'd note he was just going to do it and then he says my first guess was robert de Niro and I'm like what are you thinking to sign up? the full marin, so you can get all our bonus. Episodes twice a week, go to the link in the episode description or go to w e F, bod, dot com and click on w e, F plus, again. Chevy chace is on next Monday show and then

of our burden on thursday good times. Guitar time.

The

lives, monkey and find a cat angels. Everyone yeah