A guy all right. Let's do this, how are you what the fuckers, what the fuck buddies, what the fuck nix? What Happening I mark mare- and this is my podcast stubby t f- welcome too at how are you look? I just got back. I'm punchy who in today, which would be asked after listening to this on the day came out food, from cedar. Rapids got up at four thirty to drive. The car from air, was city to cedar. Rapids drop it off, I'm not ensure if it's been tallied, I dont know if my car has been account. For its a sort of a long story about budget rental car? And it's nothing negative about budget? Ok, It is odd that chaotic experience I had renting a car happened. It lincoln nebraska airport

lincoln out, even if you called international airport. the most chaotic sir mild drama situation unfolded around a rented, a rental car, in lincoln, more more so than any other situation that I've had it. My adult life. Look today is and you garfield he's on the show today. You might know him for many things of the social network. Tiktok boom the eyes of Tammy Faye he's one of these spider man. He was on broadway and angels in american death of a salesman and he's Emmy nominated for his performance in the many series under banner of Heaven? That is. heavy mormon drama. Folks, some Some murderous, mormon shit and he's great net he'll be I'll be talking to him so very sky thoughtful guy we got into it, see Grief has been coming up a lot by tat, but it

it unfolded into quite a beautiful rotation, some lincoln nebraska, look out I was with Leora bites. Three shows what show shown lincoln did in des moines. We did a show in I was sitting flew and awaken. Now here's the deal it's a will tricky now to rent a car from a car rental agency that you're not going to return to them. They get a little weird about it. I think I couldn't get when from hurts. I had a reserve on a budget because I needed to rent, didn't lincoln drop it off in cedar, rapids there's a low on inventory. They get, I think, a little cranky about they don't want you to take the cars and when you do a car that you can take its usually not the car. You want the last time did. This I was in an f one. Fifty out it's called a giant pick up because it wasn't there is in there like go ahead reactor this into the ecosystem of of of car of rental cars me wandering rental cars, maybe it'll five,

it's way home to always are eight, its nowhere near the place where you rented it so I made a reservation of budget. We landed at eight thirty p m at lincoln airport in nebraska budget closed at six, so happy come back the next day to pick up the cardinal You can actually you could miss lincoln airport. You could drive right past it and I'm talking about on the plane We ended up. My guess is it? Are we in it so We got a car from the airport in this airport. One building really is a parking structure across from it. I swear to, god could probably park your car overnight in front of the building. If you need to I'm not being condescending. It's not. It was time travel, it's not all timing, its justice, an airport that services lincoln and it's it's quaint. It's cute, its small I'm not being judgmental. It was an odd experience to relay this was the airport, so there

Every day we we got em, we ate some food next day. I get up again neuber with Leora lyra with lire and go back. the airports. We go to the budget counter. There's a woman, their body and she given us a low down, so we got a reservation, says yup marin e up and she's like I'm going to give you a kia stv and my gazebo. He got it's, I I that's all I got that you can take to iowa and I'm like. Okay, I get it I'll, take what I can. Men were justine. I understand he go, oh employ you sold off a lot of cars during the pandemic to stay solvent and now it's hard to buy him because supply, chain issues and she's like that's right and I'm like war. Let's do it She goes our right and then do you. a work and I'm going give you the key and the you're gonna. Listen to me how you get to where the car is and how in my mind MIKE my far gonna be the garage his cross, the street literally walk across the street, but she made it. point. She says: look, here's the paperwork! When you get this the cedar rapids you can have

tell them to call me when they get the car in order to process the paperwork They don't call me, the paperwork won't be processed and, unlike I dont, even understand what you're saying but fine. She here's. What you do. Here's your key walk across the street. You go all the way down the sidewalk. Do you see the sign for rental returns? Then he go there. You go over a little driveway and you go you're going to go left at that sign and the cars right there. So I'm like fine, I take the key me and laura walk across the street were walking. I don't see any sign for rentals. I do see a parking structure. I look into the bottom level of that parking structure and there's cars. There's cars there there's rental cars. There see eva signs on this on the spot, so my mean this, so we walk in. We walk around on the water level, the parking structure there were budget cars there. I've got my key fab on pushing it. Looking for the key in front of me to write up, it's not, but the camp next to it is the nice new white cameras and fuck it. Let's take this

an lyra says no cause any be stealing a car, and am I fuck our eye, so we go back into by. who I believe is actually managing all the budgets in nebraska. From from that counter, now she had just run down and MR somehow, to tell us that we had the wrong key, but obviously we came back and she was sort of out of breath. She goes. I just tried to find you a my. We were just over there at the car she goes. I was just at the car mike. I don't know how that happen, but this is a key, what camera can I have that she goes. No, that's for a guy, that's going to rent it and keep it in town. She said tone. She was perfectly helpful and am I o k live the key to our car and she guessed the key to the key. So I go back with lara to the garage where the key was and it's not lighting up and I'm gone. To body. Might this key isn't working? It's not lighten up and she goes. What am I I dont get it and now she's gotta go into a canister keys and it's getting little aggravating she's, like I don't know, what's happening here. Take this dots

rogue, it's a great dots in rome. I take the key for the dots and dots in nissan. What did I just holy shit? Did I just go back to nineteen? Seventy nine, when I had a datsun b to ten, did I just go back there was I wearing puka shells that I have feathered hair dye february shoes on how about pertaining pants, hey so back here and now? we go out to the nissan rogue in the same place in the parking structure at point at the role which isn't the color. She said it would be nothing lights. Up to now, MIKE you gotta be fucking kidding me, I walked back. In the bonnet. This is the third trip in with a third set of keys, and I go nothing I dunno what's going on. She goes where you looking, I said, we're in the garage where the budget cars are. She goes. No, that's not where I told you to go. You got to walk all the way down to where the sign is it's outside. It's a parking lot. It's like a half a mile down, I'm like how would I know that I just saw okay, my mistake, at least initially, though you did give me the wrong keys. What doesn't matter so now we the keys to the road still

walk all the way down there. and we we get in the rogue ok, the rogue one is the last time he saw one, those hanging pine tree, air, fresheners, long time right, sums, gus a pretty bad for anyone even consider putting one of those in a car. It was in the car I got like ice one or whatever. So there the smell of that and then an underlying smell. That was unidentifiable. You just hope no heart in the car and was there too long? I dont know what the smell was, but we're like fuck this, let's get out of here. So we pull out and we're driving the rogue and we have a card to get us out and the and the oil light comes on and we're like fuck it. I'm not going back to Bonnie we're going to take this car and laura is right. We gotta check the oil mike. That's fine, she's right and one for a right am I will get you fancy talk. I know a throne iran is I've been driving, since I was fourteen will check the oil we get to the hotel. We check the oil it lot of oil in it and its filthy oil and

Well, I gotta know what we should do and she's like. Why think it can make it to the moon and probably cedar rapids, and I say you probably right and then we go. We breakfast more back in the car and distinct is bad. So now, like I'm kind of thinking, we could take His back because of the oil I do not have a card, it thinks like this out gave going back, would just a stinky car we're gonna get what we want and she's, like you mean you want to go back to the airport. Unlike what else are we can do? Weren't lincoln? It's not like you know. We have a full day planned. This is, I've happening. Let's go back there I was nervous. I was nervous because Bonnie was you I'd, think she'd had enough, though I do believe it was probably pretty exciting day all around so we drive. To the airport, walk in and she was I, oh, my god and a mikey up. She's like what's happening, and every forgot tell you. We had almost one the third set of keys. When we went back, she had started a cigarette break, so I just want it the anti emotionally or we interrupted a cigarette break. Earlier that day she was totally bright mode.

was about to light it and we're like where we're having problems, so that in itself would be enough. I would imagine to annoy her, but we walk back in and she's. ok what's happening not mad at all, not She was an unnatural, but she was like what is happening and I'm like? Well, the lights on this car, so we part we had the car right in front of the terminal. We went into the counter. No one's gonna, mind and she went on the computer. She goes up and needs an oil change, and am I Ok, so what he wants to do she got. It would probably make it and mike I get that by and she's ignore our right. We'll get. Can I want you it is clear that we risk get to begin with. Then we know, after she's like all right, she d rights of two new paperwork: I'll just drive the the rogue over there to the light and pick up a gear, which is the only other car that she goes account. You drive you not covered anymore, and makes what are we gonna do she goes I'll, get my driver and we walk I just an old man. Sitting on a bench goes right, get up and it's up to

drive these two over the lot saying get in the car we get. in the car with this old guy. He drives us over the lot, and now I have forgotten the thing. That's going to get us out of the gate. I'm like I can't deal. I can't go back. I can't go back anymore and psychology out I'll, just wait. Yeah so now, the key which doesn't small great either to be honest with you, but we got after the lot and we ve got a car? and I just want to thank bonnie for keeping your patience. I imagine I'd like to think she vice. Talking about it. As I asked her, you know when we went back the fourth time how many flights come in to a lincoln airport. She goes. Eight and like a day, she's like eight a day and am I. ok. Well, this was this is a big workday, then I've been condescending, she's very helpful, and I like to do so at a key, She's gonna run a lotta keys. It was a lot of stuff. Let's have a word. Our sponsor better. How better help is a way for you to take care of your mind. The same way you would take care of your car or your home.

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lincoln went great and we drove to deploy our drive through the mid west to heavy weather out there. There were some. We missed the house, the size golf balls. It was breakin windshields. Then we would I thought I would take the car back to bonnie, but there is a in storm that just it's like a waterfall, it's not drops this nothin, but heavy weather. Yet you barely drive in this rain, but driving the midwest was beautiful in Land kind of way would get to the mine. We do that show great. That was great venue, ass time, though we drive the next day to where I was city. That was a sweet, so we get up before thirty. We gotta get the car out. We get at five. Twenty five were heading for my with city to cedar rapids in the dark, and I'm drop enough. This budget car and I'm thinking like did I do everything right. We felt it up it. there's? Nobody gonna, be there it's sunday, it's gonna, be clothes. We're gonna do a key dropped. But what about this thing we're there? call body in order for people were to get finnish and I didn't know really

I filled out a little bit of paper work on the envelope another and then I couldn't get it into the key drop. So it was to say It hasn't been process, yet I have not got an email from budget saying a receipt aura. Anything like that. So I imagine all hear something not great. But more chaos and I've ever experienced seriously renting car. I'm tired listen. There are certain people in life. It just make life so much easier. I don't know what I'd do without them. There's plenty there's two guys. I gotta part time is the name walter? I got to the brilliant bread mcdonald, the the better half of this business. Who is right on top of shit, I got Kelly in my managers office whose do when she had the egg. I dont know what I would do without these people. I not be doing what I'm doing. I would prefer we'd be just sitting somewhere eating it.

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standing led actor in a limited series or anthology series or tv movie for banner of Heaven and that streaming now on hulu- and here we are talking great greater fifty eight and I dont know what the fuck is, that the time with the fifty eight without without show business works. Even I mean you seem to be operating pretty well in a sort of dial show business, your legit, I mean you're, doing movies, awry tv series right, your net, you know you're old enough to not you're you're, not doing tik tok videos yeah, I was all I was in the I'm, a geriatric millennial. I was on the cusp of: are you doing calculating video. No, no! I haven't re needed to. Are you europe? No. I haven't this a privilege that I swear no,

All of these I I have korea, I have creeper accounts on. All of these should not take out a lurker, that's not small, but you're, just a consumer of entertainment, consumer entertainment, politics and news, and yet the other things like of that nature. So, like I watched them, I've watched the new show- in uganda. Manoeuvre Emily for an enemy than I got. An anathema I got an end are nominated banana, my enemy anima. I think I'm thirty, eight chronic, never article a thing I feel I gets round the corner. There is little time at an animal nomination in line with the way we go norman infant and then in me, and examining its interest because I mean this is got it. This is likely third seriously religious character you for or maybe more I don't know, either more dismal, really? Will religious yeah, I suppose religious you distinguishing because I would say, like prior wolters angels in america, is like a spiritual here sure, but I knew pointed a monk yea, jesuit priests

you play adventists yeah and then Jim bake right. Who is arguably religious, a preacher, yeah yeah but maybe the least spiritual, but did you feel like did- was I as a big fan of mine. I've had this time a betrayal of his son as well of J yeah, I love Jay. Was he involved in that? Not particularly we. We had a really beautiful conversation and we've remained kind of in contact basic, oh yeah. I love. I love him. I love what he's about he's a courageous guy yeah and his relationship with his mother was very sort of beautiful. Many interests, you still region, I don't know, I don't know. I haven't kept up with the activities, and rightly so, Was the process of lake with this guy good I'm, which go the morning idea. What's his name a well is it is a fictional carried over. His name is jeb, pirate, sure fictional character, but I gotta go to salt lake city. I do stand there. I was there, I don't mind solely to sir

her quickly impetus with a solid. What are the best endorsement and I don't mind c mon man does not mind linearly civil war, as you entered. You realize that you know this is a functioning theocracy. It has been for years and Andy, you know it's it's doing jokes. When I was there about the idea that it's becoming a progressive city and im in in my mind, it's like it's not really enough. It is the illusion of that is only because the church is letting it happen because it generates money. Hm interesting, interesting, I mean yeah no better than I don't know anything just speculation, but you know there are a lot of people that aren't religious, but my point what I want to get as that in the research gotten through the whole series yet, but I imagine we're heading towards you know what that com and in big love must have worked doing right. There did that element to be working. What was what was the process of educating yourself about their religion? Yeah I mean it was

fascinating latin for them. the very reason like war, Why found really interesting? My entry point was three x mormons lot, dawson black who is jack mormons jack yeah. Well, it isn't a jack moment practicing, but kind of conduct. Crappy eta. I think Oh, I thought jag more more. They like they were locked out. I I maybe but It either way. So there was the three people, one one being Dustin lance black, a show runner who who was a writer on big love? Okay, who who kind of crew who adapted Jon Krakauer book he and two of his friends. I'm lindsay Hansen park who's this. very kind of radical feminist ex mormon and this other man called Williams. Young runs a equality utah. He runs a l, L, djibouti q organization in in utah. That's like a kind of full progressive. Let legislation in the state so there's really a political pushed. Their

amid these earth. But these are three x mormons who who are kind of who had their own real spiritual crisis. spiritual awakening away from thine of that. The narrow the fundamentalists nature of of organs. It was generally but specifically moment for me that they introduced me to people who was that it was so pray the people who are really really deep in the religion I went to. The church I I visited with a lot of people and then there were four from it was from the extreme of that to you know a bit who is kind of on the way out because he was two, a m burma with eyewash, karen and plot medicine and my life, like a lot of ex mormons and knew. This is very interesting subculture, like the romans and bureau afraid that he was gonna find the plates again.

This is a very, very different things and but it, but what kind of amazing is that, there's this group of ex moments in utah who have cut of sub, mental, the spiritual kind of me, and that the abyss that leaving the faith Can it gave them with hallucinogens and win damn per annum, and specifically this guy, you know I was good mushrooms or at any anything like that- that sort of unfettered spirituality yeah out to the rigid connection with, maybe a true more can a visceral, spurs rag cabbages and that an unnatural morality, connection to nature, and so that was very, very cool that that was kind of my introduction to mormonism was very, very unexpected, arise through these people and that's the journey that my character goes on in the in the project. Yes, he does have a huge crisis of faith because of having to pursue the truth of this case, which puts him at odds with

the untruths that his and his religion are kind of perpetuating. So when you put together a character like that and you're just kind of putting the drive shaft into your mind and being you know, it's basically a guy that is struggling with faith, and what come back? What comes with that is a struggling with reality right, with every perception, exactly grand and how and the courage that it takes to. Actually, if you find, self falling dive right like rather than resists the owl oscillating between resistance and acceptance right, and I think it's psyche, it's a psycho, it's a psycho Google break, that's happening, it's it's like I not based on on guarantees on chemical or our mental illness, but based on literally information yeah knowledge, can an awareness of launching, because that happens.

the time both for forbad anger. Always here, then I think, if we're lucky, I think it happens over and over and over again we expand our consciousness every day and we die every day we get. You know, that's like ha I don't know, I think, maybe the metaphor of the Christ myth, which was literally ized by a group of people who want to domination and control yeah. If the idea is, if we're lucky, we emulate Christ's the metaphor of christ's d the resurrection every day in order to become a new in order to become and is what you are saying before is again. It's like you know the older you get the less. You know. I don't that's true wisdom right. I thought, as some would area were breaking open over and over and over again I like he's are expanding. Our hearts are expanding that you I do at home, but I mean unless you're just holding you know which rule to you know whatever your perception it yeah right. So you know less and less because you're not taking new things in riser. You, oh ultimately get abandoned by the.

The pace of of culture, raise your right and and and and we feel that abandonment so acutely, and that's what creates rage and that's what creates I don't. I mean right and and this the the the error that wherein now people are so desperately white knuckling holding onto tangible explanations for completely mysterious things right: the rise of conspiracy. There is around over these. That's all in that's! That's because of a spirit, vacuum and just fear I mean be, but the the the nature of conspiracy theories. The reason they take hold is the same reason: religion, stakeholders, this need for people, it's almost compulsive. It may not come from a good place, but they need to be feel like there are answers in their part of something bigger, yeah yeah, but the bigger. I think The real bigger is the mystery, and I think that it is the thing that our egos

can't handle younger and that's. The problem is that we send to the ego, maybe in in our culture, a rather than I don't know, making us make our culture eco centric, which where, where all the wisdom really live, I don't, I think, about tat. Yeah, like you know how we blow it missed. The mark would not just missed the mark, but it's like what because they're the I think the wedge is really ultimately cannon. just the free market capitalism, yeah really high degree. I mean if you, if you just sitting round bartering things in your bringing vegetables to the neighbor's house, you know in exchange for sale for a hat united like I was really hoping in the first, like maybe two or three months of the pandemic, I was like. actually going back to me bringing you a hat and you've? Given me a carrot like I was like. Oh it's happening. This is the moment, but it strikes me because of the the the impending and and and happening you know. Climate crisis is just sort of like this could have

we could all be living with you, I don't. I wouldn't have to be watching my long die right now if we adjust your traded carried for they had by the ugly best, but a year would have saved the world will so, but we brought up with religion. Do we write up with these questions? No, it's weird: isn't it isn't at all strange? How? Where does this? Well? Where do we? Where does this come from in us like? What is what would you? What how were you brought up yeah I mean so father jr psychology to mother kind of church of england, christian berlin non practicing patent jus it she was. I think I got some spiritual. She was a pantheism She died just before the pandemic. She passed away to learn two years ago in a few months ago. Now. Thank you, at the end and you know there's lots of grace with the.

In the sense that I got to be with her. Elysia was pre yeah and- and you know I got to be with her because if she had died during the pandemic, you get the jury's out. If, if I would have gotten to be able to, by aside hold a hand in vienna is how I loved process. I want somebody during the pandemic and it was but you Here you I mean no one button, you there was no way to grieve really, so what How long have you been ill, Are you a year and a half two years with pancreatic cancer as a bad one, do its duty? like few sites you she two on time with it. She was person. She is the kind of person that would that would the would have stayed here. for another ten years. If it meant that we were all happy here, better what her condition was here, some beauty to that, but there is also some. I was very angry with her for that. A lot of the time I I just wanted

take care of yourself better and I had an end. It was a you're angry, be for her hanging on or no I mean I just generally as a personal tray of you know. Like you know, I think women of that generation, but now I'm not gonna, say a blanket stimulate that she was I'll speak about how just specifically she for whatever reason, was she she she loved she loved living for others, loved right being giving last night to all areas it's beautiful, but it costs too. I can see that I think she would have country like admit to that really to me put em. so you're able to be there. Thank god I mean I it was. It was the most I mean I don't know how I would have handled it without light. It was his hot enough with the ocean. Sixty nine should so young, and you know we were such a tight knit family and how many people in the EU is that put the kind of the core group is the four of us, my dad

and me my brother and and you and we still are tight. All four of us, if in whatever kind of non material way that that she still with us thy, I feel When I talk about her, you know it's like is this: is the ritual talking about her and yellow eyes? I in any way though right, oh yeah grief. Like my experience with it was not my mother dying at a young age, but with somebody who I loved nine spend time with. But it's it's a fascinating. You know controllable and not really talked about state, and everybody's in it at some point its the one place we're all going and it's true and it's such a weird, I mean I and I think it ties in with what we were talking about earlier, but I guess about that kind of a lack of a lack of spirit, culture right now, a lack of an epidemic of meaninglessness may be in the culture where we anger, yeah,

yeah and denial and illusion, and because, if we keep exiling this, you know the of its ability of the destination. We were all heading. I think you know I think about, rupert murdoch and then I think about MIKE Nicholson and I think about at the same time. Is it I can exercise, I know just gets right now. They vote just came up and migration as like, oppose in polls of how to die, and I I and I'm and obviously ruben verdict is is still with us. As far as we know, and in in in material form incorporeal form here, maybe he was never here in spirit. for ass, yours raggedy. Getting of tat happy. I really don't think it's the god of eighty, my aid. He does fit the kind of description of whatever father got kind of like the evil one fallen when the light, but the desire to be the richest man in the graveyard verses mike who I got to do that Ozma within twenty twelve on and bro

but I gather that the lasting he did. We really was one of the issues, last thing he did was mean phil, hoffman and and and fill playing but what really lohmann anne and you are, and me playing biff and MIKE Nichols directing and and seeing how he always seem. You know MIKE was a terror growing up and he was feared by many. I think I met him in his. You know eighties, and he was just all the edges had been softened and I think he was understanding that he couldn't take any of it with him. He was just giving it. He was having it all away near like what was that experience I mean. How was it different? I mean outside of you what you are bringing to the table, which is a tremendous respect for him you're, not knowing really how he worked. How did he work? That was somehow operational or different for you. He told stories that was his direction and it was again it was very was this very elegant kind of leaving a trail of bread, bread,

comes with a seemingly unrelated where you from the scene we were doing car and then he would sell, could do it again. He would tell a story about something completely unrelated hot. Oh you would see it was. It was like he was coming in the being conscious. I can, and he was just kind of right- oh tickling, parts of your brain that you didn't know were were available thumb yeah, just kind of completely leading you towards light tricking. You basically tricking here to a good performance, a half an hour. yeah and and and outside of that you know, Phil fill with someone who I just kind of absorbed as much. I possible. Could and lit Linda Eamon who play dumb, who played Linda maize, new york had so actress. It's a hell of a and what's what's really kind of baffling You did it in the middle of doing everything else

Where are you? Well, I mean you just do denver salesman and you what did you you'd shot? I guess I guess the social network of in the can that was done and spider man was what not happened yet just done just finished. I just want a spider man. I and I, and I think I think I was so freaked out by the sperience of having made that kind of movie as an actor, yeah, because I never imagined I would. I would be in that position and and also I got a taste of what making what kind that kind of movies line also it was. There was a high pressure situation yeah big time because it is about to come out here because You were the new guy yeah. who's a bit make or break in, and I think that what kind of antidote to the feeling of like I need to get back to. I need to go home, so have a eras as a balance exercise exactly my psyche was, I need to go. I need to go and do swinging relatively soul whole challenging with members of my kind of theatre, tribe

Also like things were, you know you. Each day is beginning in an india rights. Was like total immersion yeah for for the whole arc of history, as opposed to a yeah ten minute pieces here and there, and I think, it'll, on a on a more kind of like vulnerable level. I was just fuckin scared, scared of this massive film coming out and a good julian people saying now we don't we don't like you, you don't like your soul. We don't like your creative choices. He turned like your face, which was gear, which was with everything you say he d absolutely baked into the ignores areas as immediately fifty percent of people for the test for hake- and I was like you know- twenty seven- I thing twenty six and, like you know, that's like that's older than justin bieber was when he had too sure put put up with it. With his more and more extreme version of that yeah, but even at that age I was like no I'm not ready. For that. I need to I need to protect. I think I had like wisdom enough to know I wouldn't

lose my goddamn mind if I don't also ground yourself and who you are, as is hardly precisely right, yeah exactly solely when you were growing up you, your dad was jewish He said he was still is, I suppose you know yet I find I let you and cultural cultural easier, his? U west coast, UNESCO shoe, allayed you, oh yeah, yeah emigres polish, russian. Pre world war. Two landed as gorfinkel ended up his garfield. That's why it is another very famous actor golf jaw gavrilovs who was our go? I think I was a I think so interesting. He was a great acted too. He was great actor by whack. Listed guy, get us right, yeah, that's right! His daughter was also an actress. She was in good fellows. She was one of the wives, no, yes, definite yeah yeah. I sat with her on appointments. I don't know you back in the days got shit faced with her monoplane. I love you I know, but

But yes, oh, so he What was in show business, not our role. Now he was content? and then a business person and then and now is assuming coach, but in england in the UK yeah he was he was born and allay, and then his power, and decided either you just getting to the big boys and he was putting role escape wheels onto a mere like wood and he was like and then his his family. He said, lina we're gonna, go back to europe, we will raise you, I'm close to your you'll. Do extended jewish people. and he landed in england. Southampton here to thirteen the earth grim gray. England from you know the while in california and and then met. My mother, like was brought up there and met my mother and then immediately just kind of wister whisked her over to l a had me and my brother, and then she was raising two kids and marine adele re in the eighties, was I anna- was pretty dangerous and then said, I'm going back. If you wanna come with me

come on. I was there and then he comes our visits makes I live between here and there. I both passports and is funny that thing of being the unmet dreams of our parents. Rice I've become like us, I, sir, if I you know, I I have this little little spot, neither beach in here and allay so now to give him the kind of the dream that he never got to live. I himself has carried out and also yet ass. He had a secret, sadly, the beach boys earning great shaped by now. You can give a part of it, but is also urging when it when I first I'd I'd, say he was tat. He was terrified and very kind of you know like any, Jerome water would be like you know. You're gonna be destitute and you're gonna have to vienna They want you to have a life of struggle. Yeah like selling selling myself the sex on that strict cohesion fund. Should I had a little more faith and if he lit shrinking gots have not as yet it is apparent in. You should have a little more that there will be the the ultimate way that this would go.

Then nobody ever literally said: you're gonna end up selling your soul or other problems that have to happen before that becomes the only option you have in a lot of them are psychological, pretty well adjusted day of annoying. My father's might know in the end, so, but then what, style gang. You know, making making money and all its parent and or an and put food on my own table the ashura he started to get very decided to share. And that happened in in in uk uk all I was doing theater. I was asked when I made my first couple of movies. He started to come a bit closer- and I was I was going on here- is an innate turned out. He had this very secret. Desire, is right here he had a moving company here in l a year and he would drive past the the studios. Sure, like the fox lot, for instance, He had ass, yet he had a kind of on on. mentioned on. Oh, a disowned dream of being a screenwriter,

because he's a great story, tellers requires matic, charming jerry, telling dude and is a great its eyes. Anybody never did it. So it was this very interesting thing of all my go. Maybe that's where maybe that's I don't know pretty glamorous. Whether he's got a dream or no dream. You know I mean debt to have an actor in the family. You get to do that thing. Everybody loves lady. A mostly I like show. The ice see another emily, just afraid of you now to asia, but what was the education process? Are you go to the fancy place, the raw the play yeah. No, I didn't go to the wrong place. I didn't want to go to the wrong place for some reason, maybe that self preservation, like a self protective mechanism Amigo the other place, which was the other player arthur to the royal academy and then there's the other one yeah. I just I've, talked to a lot of people who have gone to one or the other where'd you, yeah. I went to one of the other two under the other ones, which other one is got here, each other one centre.

Called central out of school speech in travel yeah. You know who I am Judy genuine, that libya is two or three ray. I see a bare now went and yeah. I had a really good time. I'd really good time. I was seventeen and I I I didn't know that this was a job and Do you know I was really introduced. Two great, I was introduced both miller and nice beer? When you were a kid, though, wasn't the thing? No, not at all. I wasn't. I wasn't athletes and an eye. I then I stop growing and I got can cost three times. playing rugby, and I kind of let it all and I was a swimmer. I was a gymnast and my dad became a in coach. Ultimately- and I don't know, man like I don't know there was a really cool thing that I can see in retrospect. That happened where I got soup per lost,

I didn't know what the hell I will have. You were done with that's. Why did he rises in a future yeah exactly levied up another be muggy bogus hours. I always dreamed wellbeing bugsy bugs he's. What did he say? both american. I care about sport salute his like he's. Like a legendary lee tiny. mba like five. For you. She, while the me aren't you telling six four but like at that time. I have. My growth was done because of all the the gymnastics, my russian coaches sitting on my back home in a box plaything. That's true, I dona ok, the integration of refugees who have hit your women affected by employing the russian

I know we can blame the russians sure why not this point. Yeah it's safe is the right types of questions. Yeah. You would have been six two for worrying for those damn risky yeah, but no, I was late, so I let so I could apply myself at school, my brother and but the problem is, is my brother was golden boy. My brother was is a dark days along doctors he's been like keeping people alive two and a half years to the best of the year, so he's a young doctor in the uk, yeah yeah the brompton hospital in Chelsea, oh my god, what a tough couple of years and he's abbreviate but he's the guy. You want taking care of you because he stays to out he's like my mother. In that way, it stays three hours after you know he shifts Does it keep abreast of the new shit? He must yeah to a degree. I think, he's just kind water. As you know, I think he's just trotted he's just like any great physician tree one at a time of year. Otherwise he gets overwhelmed. It does get overwhelmed like he's a person I'm trying to keep reminding, and that is a person ideally like I became his kind of emotion.

Support animal during the pandemic is happy to have a job. You don't know me like I'm sure, we're all sound or ass soon ass. You can still talk to people by ashes kind of sad. I talked, while sitting on their asses. Here I in their own houses, so you re, so I ask this golden boy, brother. It's a etc, etc, and I was oh fuck, this emulate I'll would like. I am I who am, I will appoint sure like my father, obsessed with my brother I do I imo, you found that at the time, yeah yeah, yeah, Syria just sort of like dunno. What's going to happen with that, one we'll see we'll see if he makes it we'll see if he survives or no, but but it was like this kind of amazing gift because it liberated me into going well. You know I was I was raised in a very kind of conservative, suburban truman show feeling like is this. Everything can be everything if it is everything I don't particularly I want to be around. I was never like. I wasn't like us recital kid, but I was definitely like. I don't know

I was enraged at the concept of this being everything and reassure you know: and the arts once valued they once who can about that in your house in the house they buy my dad's signify. My dad loves move that, although that was something that they wasn't magog music, yeah. They had a great record collection, your mom's, once you do dead head my, but my dad was a really has a big deadhead. My mum, and my mom is incredibly crafty and she was amazing, like cake maker and like cashmere sweater, no yeah, but it but it wasn't. I don't know it was it was if you're, not a lawyer, adopt in business than you are nothing I see so so more I've, capitalists guy and these were hobbes inanimated young. How about things that they enjoy? Yes, but it's not like. They were in zaire ongoing or I do it. If you want men on you know, no, there was no value in you and value. You know is re capitalist. Take it was light. Will how many units did you produced They fear. Would you mind, does your homework? She was a house

I've. She ended up having to work because the the lampshade business she had with my had started to go under. It ended up being her and her friend Brian converted living room, which was converted into a lamp shaken, lampshade maize ideas ass smack for her, because I had brain scan, it would yeah whatever what made them special. They were handmade by my mother, like they were absolutely. That seems a very crafty belief in the art. Auto is incredibly yeah, but it failed massively failed. This is the problem. If you have a do, you have at least one of the lampshades. I dunno, whether I was at our house that early she's everywhere still all of her things here. You know what she know. I'm not gonna tell you that too, probably I heard them there was a so anyway. So I was ok, we'll fuck this I dont know how to particularly be here in this one this person doesn't fit here- yeah

I think there's something about letting there be a bunch of empty space where the right thing can then show itself. We hope the will yeah, but it takes a great. love like staring into the abyss right, but right right are you. I mean it's like this. The empty space with was not so you wanted hell. No, I want. I want everything to be totally laid out and planned, and I wish I had a gift of being a great his personal or could stomach it at least, but I just fucking, couldn't you do here? You dig either either. That's all you give a shit about. Are you not that guy right yeah? That's what I think tragedy of most people in the british educational systems. They end up doing shit. I don't care about living lives and having to you know, put the the guitar in the in the ottawa that, but that most people, the, there's another tragedy of the is it though I do think so your way, so I won't work going on what, if you take it out of the attic years right, here's the thing is, like you know, if you, if you like,

bunch of guitars, I never knew band I think. If I played an abandoned, I had all these guitars and I was no longer in a band. I would hate them right, so yeah you're, so together like if you can enjoy something in really just not see it. As you know the life or death yeah. No, I log older, I agree of who you are. I agree with the view whether it singing or acting or playing to get to know you were there when you did when when something is not monetize wants me doesn't have the pressure of serve of your your lively touched to I mean like or or you realizing me who you are through it right. You know, like the artistic element, will what was it that they that fish the empty miss first, that made you realize, like ok, you have Is the space that I I have and now I can occupy it with this yeah? Well, I tried everything I tried. Sculptra is I tried golf sure I tried painting. I tried music. Do you any good at painting? No, I'm fine at all of it really enjoy all of it. I'm fine at it totally finds a tough road.

is tat the sculpture and going through this report. You're not gonna, hurt you glad. I didn't have a television sculpture here as literally the last thing I tried was a drama, a drama class outside school. I was I fifty sixty and it felt it felt different yeah. That's all just show and then a mentor arrived like a ay. A teacher arrived at heights, all in them in a very critical moment, a newt, a new drum asher, oh yeah, and he saw me in a play any said. He said why It's basically said I see you and I I think you can do something with this and that was one of those she'll moments that we are lucky. If we those men tory moments. Yet there is a good time for it to happen, in you not quite formed what year hungry yeah and a little nervous yeah and your questioning everything. If, if, if a responsible mentor steps into place in your life

that point time it's a big game, changer exit. What was it about that guy? He said he thought I was good, oh yeah. That was it. If I know I don't have to know literally no literally it was it was. It was really kind of that simple. That hadn't happened yet in something that I actually enjoyed, something that I love both are your mom. but she didn't know she. I thought if I had murdered someone she would have shown up with chocolate chip, cookies, you're right, whatever you would have done. She was like Hugo's. I mean I wish you hadn't done. It really cut that guy up good yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I wouldn't make a life out of it, while you can because they're in jail now but maybe be on the inside, though she was literally That way there to a full, no matter what she would have figured out a way of justifying in her head, so

it's cool thing that started it. It was a it was highschool and then there's this guy of philip tong, MR phil tongue, and he he just kind of, and then he introduced me to all these great writers and then encouraged me to apply drama school and then I got into drama. Then it was as we were just Now I was it you're on your own. The path then a kind of owns you right for you, I get the idea of europe, s version of the we and it was. Comedy, and yet it is still ongoing, but it's weird that Given that my success is what it is. I do ok, but I know I can. pushing it. I know my age that still completely, engage with it and doing new things with it. The ito. Without you know, I've still friends were much bigger. Stars than me, but you know It still means something which is good if it can continue to mean something to you: yeah yeah yeah, which it seems like the battle you had yeah

a recent in light of spider man was that you know What does it mean again too you know, what am I doing with my talent, yeah. How what are we serving so wendy? What were the first opportunities? You know we're Where were you headed from the beginning? I just wanted to make money really. I shall be able to pay rent and eat. So we do in commercial, guided yeah. I doritos commercial in spain Spain here like no later than I was I was I would much rather, albeit somewhat people Zena, yes No at that point I was honestly you my doritos within its vanish. Like yeah. Did you speak. But I didn't have to speak in it. It was, it was all visual or physical, but you know those are the directors who directed it went onto directed the it movies, yeah, ok, so what they made good, then you did our two fine

its each other and go I'll pay. You guys also act as a brake. We have we both in our view it was a major moment. I was very very excited because I got light, not three grand for. two days of work there I thought well, if I can sustain this, I'm gonna be a happy camper. If I can, you know this can supplement, being able to do my my theater, I love it. I fell in love with it's a! U knew that wasn't let him be a big paid a night now, especially in the uk, because it's mostly subsidize government funded for them right by the great theatres in the uk in london government funded. So so case. You understood that there is a business to and you had to go out and hustle some chips. I just didn't, want to keep working cause. I was working at starbucks and I was working as a waiter and doing all these things. Yet I just didn't I when I was six as for me, would have in, would have been no. to do those jobs right right, simple and then when do the film start happening? When do you realize like yeah? That's the problem is what you get spoiled. He, like you, get given the final so she and all.

Japan, the earliest you're sayin. You suddenly light. Will I can't I can't go to the supermarket for my sushi anymore goddamn, like em, fuck yeah here, because you ve, you know he argued made some money nor that I meant and more more kind of symbolically working with some people and sun material. Ok, ok, you know you're the first movie, so I'm I'm I'm doing plays in london, india and I'm working on great. plays. The irate theatres were great people, but in a moment I share that are totally fine. I'm just about making ends made you work away. The old timers that you back. They were there any those moments ray. I can't believe I'm working with this guy who's that I did a reading with people's way. and that was a big moment. I remember that being kind of incredibly exciting here there that either there are a couple of other people by the we do in shakespeare I did I did romeo and juliet manchester that was actually not good production.

It was a pretty shitty action, but I was doing I did a play called cass in manchester, which is the ken loach movie, and they they made a play of that which was really really beautiful, and then I was doing new writing in london posing a little new writing in the national theatre in london, which has come to my home theatre, which it's new writing means like new playwright, yeah yeah, like young, younger playwrights and, like I got an amazing irish playwright called and a wool shoes and a lot of work with Killian murphy, a play called disco pigs and I did a play called them chat room with him. Digital sent an internet chat, room of wit when when that was all happening sure I buy online bully. It was just like some may, an up a great play by american playwright called JT rogers called the overwhelming about the rwandan genocide area, and I was getting radicalized by the by I guess I was getting my political kind the education, education and a value system shaped by it.

modern playwright by incredible. You know on a hot scented, progressive Socially Connie. Writers are that's great, that was kind of was built, new york- you built your person in the theater. I think so, and I think off the miller specially miller. In shakespeare, I mean there's two good bible, sherman and then so I was doing I was doing plays and then the system of a dearth of a famous director costs. Even soldiery came, and so one of the place and again it was one of those moments where you go off wilson, the sun was looking out for me and she saw a play, I was doing daughter was doing us- was printing other screen tests for a book. Hold the amazing inventions. The cavalier in clay by Michael shayban, vienna figure great book where they was putting up a screen tis together from movie version with them scott rude and whose producing at the time and they

asked me to come and screen to steer in london, and I had never done anything on camera yeah. and then I mean studio with tall tree and then six other actors ryan, gosling, killion, murphy, jason Schwartz. Jamie bell, Toby Maguire and I am just shitting myself entirely and suddenly I'm working with excitement or nervousness, but all of it- and I am suddenly thrust into working with- witnessing great screen axes, work and I've always kind of had this romantic is always been like brando and James dean is, should go. How do you and I dare not done they lose our- how you, how you doing that, and I got a slightly the bear very white paper is everything was whispered. I was always quite simple: he just whispered really. No, I I it was really ryan gosling. Where I was overwhelmed. I was like this guy's figured something he's doing something on a deeper level here

I had just on the believer you just done half nelson he was in that period of his work and he what doing You can always you're doing here on he was alive. Me was purely he didn't. You didn't care about doing the same, over and over again he was listening. He was very present. He was spontaneous humans, surprise seeing he wasn't trying to be those things you just being present right. Those zen quality to it the end, but it was a kind of I don't know it was like being in a scene with a wild animal where you didn't know whether he was gonna kiss. You will kill you and it was and then you no, and then you kind of hook into that right. You go. I want to follow whatever that is yeah and, and it's funny how those things work out, because I have managed to find my way to to his teacher in l a and I found I found her. she found me and we became who's at woman that doesn't like be talked about

Oh really, her name is a name is gretta seek her and she is some she's very modest, humble son with she like just doing what she does and you do or per project, or do you do, with her I started studying with I was introduced to above through mutual friend me. I just found a fortuitously and I did some works with her and her. The who invented that that the technique that, though, that gretta kind of is keeping alive. Her mother invented the end when the technique, because your mother, her mother sondra seeker who plays my mother in under the banner of Heaven, yeah he's a really really funds graze, a fine actress, she's, a genius actress- and she was she study, was least draws bug back in the eighties in new york at the active studio and least draws bug

I believe, asked her or floated the idea of her taking over the studio. So, she's of that the people see she she's a method, a method that whole era of actor is yeah. I mean that's the gold standard for film acting, I think for sure. There's been a lot of misconceptions around like what method acting is, I think, a huge book that that was just written, that I didn't read. Oh yeah. No, I saw the cover of that as well. I think I had it next to me it alone at dennis, and I think it was your thing. I think that the angle is that the the mythologizing of the idea of it verses, what it really was year and is because people is still acting in that way, and it's not it's not about being an asshole to have an answer in rights. It's actually just about living living, truthfully under imagine circumstances being really nice to the crew simultaneously and being a normal human being and be able to turn to drop it when you need to

and staying in it when you, when you want to stay in I'm kind of bothered by the misconception kind of bothered by this idea of light methodology fuckin, bullshit, bushes, I don't think you know a method. Acting is if you're calling abortion or you're just a school, or you just watch with someone who claims to be a method actor that actually is an azure I the methods and is also very private, like I think the the process of creating, I dont, able to see the fuckin beer. The pipes of my toilet, like I want to see how I'm making the sausage here like so anyway. It's been a bit it, but it is really really profound. Were. for that, the greater and her mother sondra do, and being in a scene with ryan gosling. In that moment near I was, I feel, like he's out of control, and I think he wasn't, but he was letting himself be driven by things. Look at me:

for china and though they are equally pacino in ensuring the f b. I am thinking specifically now by light dog day. I'm sure! That's it that's for one, and you see someone this just following his impulses. Only every single impulse is its role and is real, and he greatness vulnerable and its grotesque and his beautiful when he lowered it, ought to pacing awry, yeah, yeah yeah, it's it's that that and then you look at you think about about man. You got make side of acting subbing cut a been kind. Tired, lay it's nice thinking about, I think about deniro in the mission, or deniro india did india hunter. Those two scenes that of the narrows the maybe if I am, is our greatest living actor while the scene in the mission were He's paying is pennants, I may the cry unease he's got his his tied all that alma and and all the by ropes as his as they can. being on that mountain to reach that that indigenous tribe here and

get to the top. What seems like the top and. he won't drop these thing- he won't drop this pennants. He feels so shameful killing his brother. I think a film and one of the natives, when they look one of the indigenous people. They see him and they approached him and they pull out a knife, and he thinks he's got his about to get me that for whatever reason here- and Well, the one of the indigenous people cuts the tie of this pennants and it for this that this heavy ahmed, these bold as there has been carrying out this this mountain and they for you see this is beautiful, shoved them falling off. Cliffside with a waterfall grandma, and you see deniro, every single moment is so pure. You see hymns, seeing it feel it fully of seeing it fall off a bunch. Mysterious shit happens in his body in his psyche and it's like

your witnessing someone forgive himself in real time for all of the sins that his committed up until that point you see, the human process of self forgiveness or feeling let you been for and by god that you can live in peace, We agree like you, ve done your time right and it at all in thirty seconds yeah and he manages to give us- that universal at another thing that we all know somehow, even though we haven't maybe experienced it to that degree, gives us. In thirty seconds and that's a holding other than what we have ever seen is the first russian roulette seen. Oh, oh yeah, yeah look anyway, I but the impulse is that right, the wild most when their choice when yeah yeah yeah yeah, like the the the seeing seeing an actor, an artist so free any artists, tat whatever it is. Comedian, like with since censorship ship with with with their open raw kind of vulnerable ha and of themselves.

And a longing to reach deeper rear. That's it and I that is- and- and I think you know these are all these roll great. But I did you see it was the last time you watch the verdict without power, I don't think I've ever seen the verdict. Man that's exciting and I get to watch the woman. I love Luma he's my finance its. You know. It's! It's newman in his fifty right fifties right playing a loser, and there's a couple moments in rome revelation we yet were The battle between his eager area ran end the realisation that he's made a mistake

it's like it's pretty great into, did you re limits book making movie now have it can be happy here for cancer? I rode his shepherd very soon there he prestige and looking very selfish health, giving gloves their hats here. It has impressed real book by you. Haven't we dare I you know, I got plans. I ventured into many but that one was here is really easy. Serpent easy bugs area is now you're I'll the wench out in the woman who was with who passed away. She was, she loves him book and I have her copy of it so I guess you know, and I know it's an important button, the I'm so sorry about that. Oh yeah, oh yeah, thanks but like it's a wonderful book generally aiming to bring it open no, no, no! No! It's just yeah yeah. You watch a movie. I definitely well I've been watching I've been watching movies man, whatever watching

China's boxy movies on criterion fat city with stacy; each to John Houston, directed movie and though the woman's name. is choosing to rail and it's one of the issues one of the amazing performances, Jeff bridges in it. He fast city register its the sad that box and without devilry watch a verdict yeah, I seen it cause it's a real true. Well do met I lovely mac as youth. He would talk about. He says he talked about it. Look he's and acting needs to have moments of cell revelation. Otherwise I send them home. It has to be self regulatory. Oh yeah, Just remember that seen in network, with where was his name, the great the gray, I'm older, active inch no the away holes in holding yet where holden has to confess to his wife about the affair of the affair, And I think he came in on the data

the shooting and it was just kind of not happening and I think it is in the books. I'm not. I don't think I'm playing one spot up here. Language fit fifty! It's an earth this now I took care of that listening to the them, for they might be listening to everything but they're all dead, but how wild that I'm suddenly feeling getting bad about gossiping about to sidney it's take on William Holden, it's like yeah. I got some hog guts to talk about the value of a holden. Keep it on the down low medicine about olden, yes, Lou met was like come hey. What's goin on hold. It was late when you mean them, it was like. You know what I mean: I'm paraphrasing okay. This is literally what that is, and the and Holden was like. I know what you mean and lumet said: okay come back tomorrow and bring all of that yeah and cars holding just had a big affair, and I'd had to do. I think we was going through a divorce and was like,

he was he was. I need you to. I need you to bring that stuff cause. Otherwise, there's no there's no scene here and I thought your and I've got. You just know that I've got you and know that it's going to serve a lot of people. If you reveal this and back and gave the remember. That goes the do that nine part of that the anger is the white yeah. Academy award for one in this incredible seen such a great foam as well. Like that's the thing about him as a director is that you never feel him in the in the movies. it's always about the actual hurry and in and there is any different in every from moving movie over the city it out of the city by its all and then in the great supper com. The style is always the the style that supports the film. Did he do doctor who did not a dog day? It's crazy and it's not as ye walk takes his time. He had a real streak, yet a real incredible streak. He saw

theatres well yeah. I was always he was he with the method gang. I think you was. He was a little bit, he was, little bit of shoe. You here was an entirely. I think he was a bit more of a journeyman director the beginning. You know you ve been here a long time, twelve angry man right, yeah, yeah now, and then I was his first ass. His first movie he's because jack wardens in the verdict, while ok, it's great I'll do is he's an old man. I have a night in tonight, I'm going to watch the verdict. Thank you. That's our god! That's so exciting that it's great because it's a it's an early mammoth script, so it's height I think the only mehmet thing I ever really loved here was the movie of glengarry generals. That's pretty great. I, like other members, I just I buy, was bothered by the book he robot acting terrible. It was like shut

yea, say: eliza fuck you get out of my four and also this idea that our motorways, yet no yeah yeah, it was bothersome yeah. I dont know I Eric I. I struggled with the surrounding playing LEO things that when I say things just to the clarity of ITALY has a home, and he s a spinning top here and an old school kind of that's a hard thing. You don't like it was I hand exercise or the size of that. I wonder if some people I get it it's like a hard one. I don't know where it came from a thing it was an swag box of some kind is stuff you just put out for people too. What are my old garage? I had a lot more clutter and you know that nor shit all over the place in the original garage and this is sort of stuff that was on the desk in the old grudge, but it sort of matched the rest of the environment. Now it's just like. Strange selection of things. I love to have out how cool to a bit alive when this was the iphone. When that was the exam

meant a spinning top when the spinning top boy s, oh yeah, the ps five I don't ever was ever quite that. But I don't know man was a virgin cry. is just before the hulu hoop yeah softening top. What dumb What are you? So? What is the process now before? We will need woman, and talking about the method is essentially so when you played nets corsage movie to work with him, You know, or his expectations as a pretty sparse movie. It's you, you go in with them thing you imagine, you'd go in here with total excitement, the pinching yourself here away. And this of how lucky you are the you're. One of the handful of people has gone to work with the american masters of cinema

story and a system of yellow these babies, but you how you hung armies. I haven't them. No, do you have a great time with them charges fun he's like a funny yeah dude that another unum talk here knows a lot about moving area and those little by history, another about culture and people and just loves being a person like a visa larry, as he's almost he kind of is easy, the most jewish italian american, that you ve ever kind of come across the others. Definitely a relationship show my area so so I went. I went in with all of that and, and that was dispelled pretty quickly because of who he is because he's just disarming and very ordinary we're with the will of his extraordinary nests. But then I had a I gave myself a year. I gave my a year to study, with him study with an incredible jesuit priest in new york called father. James Martin pose a writer, a fantastic jesuit,

spiritual writer here and a great man, and he became my kind of friend and spiritual directive for a year, and I just studied This is my studied, the single the spiritual exercises, so this is really interesting for for nuts lay me and you, I think so- there's a through line to all of this, so the nation spiritual exercises where a series of exercises of creating by saint Ignatius of loyola back in the fourteen, as I believe, fifteen hundred, maybe I'm not good with dates. Prayer, I'm good with other things I and it's basically of a thirty one day, retreat that you do way. You active meditate on the life of Jesus Christ, and you place yourself using your imagination into every single stage, unseen and moment of the life of Christ. From his inception,

his resurrection and its, but it but it's it's it's more than just sitting in thinking. You are actively imaginatively eight a relationship with cries through a series of problems and questions, and you end up. You end up in a pretty deep space, and I was guided through this by this sum. This amazing priest, father James Martin, and it's a transformational process like I had a relationship with an imagined christ in my head by the time. I finish this, this retributive grove, oh christ. No, I grew up with you know when we know how to show how you and which are not yet, but I have a lower and I didn't have a relationship with an orange Jesus death. Nor was any Jesus and and you know what I discovered, I discovered best, stanislav ski. the event the creator of method idea based and wasn't.

Inspired by saving leashes spiritual exercises to create his method of acting, by imaginatively entering circumstances so fully that you feel like you've lived them cellular, but Do you know that historically isaac and now I know that historically its documents document ocean? You know what else, what bill who created the twelve step leah was We created the twelve states with a jesuit priests and it was based on its oxford group. It was basins that setting nation sprout layaway sizes and So so them. Why did they came from originally from something called the oxford group, which was a christian thing which may have base it on that you? I don't know about that, but I am but I know events bills. Buddy was a jesuit and he was I check how these spiritual exercises, and maybe this can be inspiring and they created the toast upset it's like yes, so so that so I got to do the kind of the brass ex foundational injury, work of of of waste.

immigration is really instincts. He was a soldier, he was a warrior and not the rule. This will spiritual at all and he got wounded in battle and he was bedridden, for I think, maybe a year and a half and in that time the only books it he had with these catholic texts and the spiritual awakening from just being completely. I dunno, waylaid and limited by by this. This injury so you do so. You went through this process what jesuit prison, go through the other two can get in a zone of inner worked in current their works, and I was alive and I acted as a jesuit has, but like a word, that is always delighted with the method is well totally. It was. It was just the was regulatory better if it works, but it works. For me it worked in a very beautiful kind of I I'm I had an incredibly spiritual expert and, combined with I didn't, I did a bunch of spiritual practices every day, the the

I created new rituals for myself. I was celibate for six months. I I was an I in and fasting a laugh because me and Adam had to lose a bunch of way. Anyways we have added up. So there was all these spiritual kind of practices that we got to do while we were praying meditating, and you know how to having all the intention is that we have just as those key while it was very cool man had some pretty wild trippy experiences from starving myself of sex and food for that period of time. Of course, your brains guys do something when you know we're not only not satisfying into that dover me with to I'll give you some gifts for joy and somewhat you do to prepare for Jim Baker Lee.

Yeah. I thought you did a great job in all these movies that I'm sorry you I get hung up on the is the more spiritual, those good ones, because their deep shit, you know I do baker was more about what it was to be deluded and and Out of alignment with yourself actually, most painful, both spiritually and sexually. I guess just just completely just entirely ours, as is suggested it was. It was a practice in an in non alignment, is a practice in self delusion, and greed, and you know the stuff, the shame shame for sure and the stuff that doesn't feed us that we think feed us it doesn't. It was like my opportunity to really get a taste of chasing the of chasing the murder of stuff. You know how I like working with her. She saw jessica she's, very talented, young girl, she's excellent she's, a consumer actress for sure, you're crazy,

and and in working with the lin yeah lublin. He's spoken to Lynn yeah, here he lublin here we are greater he's great and that in if lie to make a movie about that guy about Jonathan no, what linz relationship with him was, or was it would just with the work or yea? Did they didn't know each other's jonathan died by the time? Lynne was mister, worthington thinking it becoming a playwright, but he was inspiration, line, Lynde says that they wouldn't be Alan. There wouldn't be hamilton without without there would be enhanced without rent sure and without Jonathan. Why I, without taking boom, actually chasm it the production of tiktok boom that real galvanise Linda quit his day job as a substitute teacher and refocused genre, finishing off. So in the highs, wouldn't exists may be maybe without Jonathan Jonathan and to end the one mentioned and tiktok boom, sir,

so yeah I mean that's, that's that's fucking. In this biomed movies, did you write it out? We? What was the most important thing about? Putting together was it the physicality yummy What did you find the acting challenging to make that guy When I think charging in all regards fit for me, that. It was more the kind of responsibility of my fur, ever hallowing costume was felt spider man, caution that my mother, that my mother had made by hand when I was three years old and combined with that knowing that I'm about to make a movie that gillian young boys are gonna watch here and and at the same time I was I happened. Studying and old boys, an old boy yeah forever boy forever. But very yes, I I you

was studying joys of campbell. The time as well, where I was looking at here, is johnny and mythology. You know full well that we are just because, just because I happen to come inside, I allow wait a minute and the universe, literary campbell as if he was talking directly to my soul, going well here's the thing you know me the people in the film industry, don't realize any more than they are a myth. Make us now, and it is their responsibility to tell a story. Is that give us meaning and they will provide structure, will either me no, but actually yeah do. I know for sure because I'm like ok. I know that like them, you know You know you want to sell tickets and you wanted to be a spectacle near by sunday was off fuck. There's a bunch teenage boys that are gonna, that I could get some medicine here that could get some structure that could get some inspiration. He could get a deeper understanding of themselves right, thereon, ordinary nests and how it into intermingled with their own extraordinary ness and maybe an idea of what their extraordinary extraordinary. could be in, and maybe me

get given some solace and maybe get given some inspiration, and so I That was the main thing for me and I was the that was the joy of it. For me, it was like. Oh I get to have the opportunity of re trying to inject this. Would soul so and and I have a that would be connect with boys with like adolescence, you're. Ok, go. You can change. So I was big deal so it seems like you did like through the acting in through going to come back to what we talked about before about the emptiness and not knowing initially yeah, I'm fine. this journey for yourself, which turns out just by virtue. Of roles and and your career see there has been somewhat of a spiritual journey, for sure man and now, even that light in the wake of we live in the wake of losing mom like the emptiness so vast? You know the vat them there is no longer than the space that eyes left

and and the not only the space at it's left physically, but but also I'm sure, you can relate in your own with your own experience, and Everything's rearranged I was living under the and illusion before that she was gonna, be here forever, a whether I knew it or not. I think to intellectually that we're all we'll die, but when we act, if I had some more time, anyways yeah, but that visceral last, just totally, as is rearranging my understand They have what matters and what, what dozen and and I think- I'm trying. My heart is to be with the the that empty night sky and just listen and try to pay attention rather than fill it with things. that may distract me for a minute, but but ultimately won't won't bring me to a deeper.

Perversion of whatever it is to be in this life. I e. You know what I'm saying I know exactly. We sang a deeper when it is its acceptance. Ultimately, we're deep into reality into more reality. So yeah because, like I was talking to somebody the other night, because the weird thing about grief- and obviously I am not talking about a parent- but I'm talking, certainly about somebody- I loved and thought I would have more time with it was at the beginning of something it wasn't. You know so, but It comes and goes, and you know feel visceral feelings of of missing them, but then I too, thing new is happening around living with the absence. Yes so I think, is what you talk. Camellia say the space yacht right, but but the absence is very full You know it's the fullest right kind of interesting because its eternal for you now yeah right yeah and it's

true course of thing, so that's the evolution of grief right due to two. build a relationship with the absence of an almost have a sort of passive. If not, Welcome an expectation of of the end of you yet In a way how to die well yeah, how do we die as well as possible right or just your or accept the reality of a because that's really what it comes down to any say someone can be there forever. Is it your brain? Doesn't in that's the curse of of consciousness is You know we don't know, what's going to happen and it's fuckin terrifying bonus, our losing people, you're gonna, be like mild, definitely happen. And is it is actually the only thing that makes this worth. The time is knowing that it has yeah yeah weirdly yeah. I think that

this effort. Argument you about the humility or whatever you're saying about getting older. The wisdom of it tat is, I think, however, its manifesting it's it's in its If you have humility and you're, not fighting it, the it's an acceptance of it of that that you know like I did this gonna arc here and now is the time where I prepare as opposed. fight, you got a lot of fighting old men. There are making a real fucking mess of things here I mean I'm curious about

Your relationship with the absence in what is giving you and war air, if I can ask you what you will there's no explaining it in and in terms of a wire. What did you know. So that's confounding right, sir! You like for me, like you, can't blame anybody. Each is something that happens and, and so the whole premise of it is just fucking terrible right because you can't you can't even rage and there's no answers right.

Guess you could debate buried. It serves nothing so so my relationship is and you seem to be doing it- was that, like when you get past the trauma and end in a through that that tough of the extreme grief at the beginning. You can sort of like you a certain amount of control over you. How you want to experiences feelings. You like, I just got flooded with them right, but you can't live at every day? So You have that relationship with whatever that feeling is whatever that frequency is then that they were but also sort of the knowledge that they're. You know that their eternal there there there with you all the time, you fill yeah. I do and I get to end its happening more, not even a woman.

My mother, but I like, I feel that the presence of of what we had together, whatever that was you know, still informing my wife, united in this, not just sort of like. Oh, she told me that she told me that, but its active yet alive right. right right did you feel Diana acutely? In the first few week? So because, like you more it happen quickly and tragically, you know what I mean. I think that whatever you were able to go to be to be pressed for somebody knowing that they were going and very different right to did all of getting nowhere like what the fuck is happening. Yet what so ever It was terrible in April in I couldn't no, I couldn't x, I I knew it happened, but I couldn't I couldn't profit I couldn't

no, of course, not because I have no preparation and nauseous zero. Isn't it there's no way it so it's watts Is it slight like and everybody loved her and she had such a goodwill with everything I had. It was situations where you she had a long history with a lot of people in this community. I mean she made movies and energy and we were just really sort of starting our thing. So I the the compounding. Horror of it was like you know, I thought like. Finally, you know we found Each other and now can ride the rest of this out. You know to me so what I When I look at it now is it like people can grieve a history with somebody but to do grief, possibility or buddy right so and egypt,

right so you're, so the relationship with the absence can be a little. You know how do you go had what's next week since you what're, you have you here. How do you trust in all that shit of cohesion that good before you, I might thought. I had a shot so she's really got me. What is it that the recent autonomy that some amazing amazing Thank you for sharing all that is really beautiful. To hear and I agree with you. We don't talk about it I don't know why we heard it's hard. but like I think, it's hard, because we don't have ritual around walking about it and we ve been talk. We ve been encouraged to not fuck and talk about it. We ve been encouraged to avoid it. Have we or as some think so dude, where it were a fucking

look who we celebrate in our culture? Sorry not to get raging at her, but look at the the we celebrate ascension, always ascending, ascending ascending denial of death, denial of that we're going to live longer, doesn't matter how the quality of life will just live, fucking longer and we and if we fuck this planet will go to fuckin mas fuck, you fuck you. Let you read that book the denial of death. Now we should offer a good one. I will ya I agree with you and I think it is hard, but it's one. I think it is it's only hard because We make we allow it to be hot, though I think people are afraid of the vulnerability of it. That's how I've been talking about Anton says age at all. It doesn't require anything of you. This idea that people like I dunno man yada on. Maybe I should wait a couple of weeks to go over there. He and his girlfriend just died. His mother just died like I, don't know how to handle it. It's like when you make it about yourself, you're missing the the the the real point is all you, gotta do is stand there literally

or just send a text. Well that well, that's fine, but but I think we've all gotten too used to that, and I was grateful for a lot of the texts and everything, but I can handle someone's grief, choirs. Almost nothing literally just presents just presents, bear witness. You know, touch a shoulder then went that arrive. Power merges just acted out. Someone touching his shoulder. I wish you guys can to see that we here we also need, is ok, I'm just doing any day and age very good, but it makes me think of a couple of things and amazed me like what you said about there's no use and being angry and and You gonna rage against. And a sense of inevitability. Acceptance Marianna and obviously we were coming at this conversation with with with different specific details right, but for me

you know I'm sat with my mother looking at her ass, she dies and I think how can this be? How can this be? How can this be? But there was something that clicked, thankfully, in me pretty quickly. I think, because I had the time to prepare and I was willing to kind of look at yeah, but I had to accept it as the greater opponent. I had to accept death sure as this soon, army, the if we try and fight and and the way you just get end up drowning ourselves in in in more, necessary anguish. there was something about the inevitability of it. That was weirdly, reassuring and deeply mysterious. some confounding? I remember, get diving into the war one day in any way, fire island, we stay out there with a friend. I was you know I had that resist

staying in my chest, like that anxiety lay over just before she was some. She was about to die. He was just this, pain that I couldn't move. I couldn't shift and whatever instinctively went to the ocean. I just kind of like submerged myself, like I suddenly just go to download from the water it. We are weird man. It was like. Oh yeah, I was like the expanse. It was like it told me everything in like I'm it. Basically just to me. It or in this room this one rush, and I I understood that I wasn't special understood. What I was it. What I was going through is fell incredibly acutely unique and and no one else has been through this agony before but fearful whatever that wave gave me the information that it had been Healy- people through grief for the lost millennia, arabians life like

tiles lose their mother reptile case, as this is the way as bins and write a guinea of time and welcome to the club of life. Why come to another ring welcome to the land of the actual living exact, we have an yes, because I like, in saying that the think the three things that I that stuck with me, you fair, quickly, was that I'm not the victim. She was one. The second thing was theirs nothing unusual about. What's happening zero, I mean not just death but there's nothing. Sometimes people died tragically, some eighty, it's gonna happen. There is nothing unusual about the experience I'm experience so till I am not alone in it now in any way, a hundred percent and then the other thing was, may her memory be a blessing that jewish thing the idea to get to that? Yes, your area, that was it s, good man, well, yeah us good shit. No is really good But you know like a lot of indigenous cultures. They would they would give the grieving

limited time off of tribal duty how they would assign them a buddy Because- make that they were eating drinking and that no one interfered in their grief, because the dear as you let someone you let someone whale act, crazy strip, naked sleep under a tree and eat the tree by sure slap themselves enough well, you're, not like doing lasting damage to the bodies that to make sure they that they don't really himself tat will kill themselves and makes if they're fed and if someone goes by goes what's that crazy person doing that the buddies that to be like no, no, no they're in groups- oh okay, cool, oh yeah, that I get like that was our original impulse for the june as if he isn't thing right, yea, no formal, but the one that I don't. I don't suppose a service to the idea, because it was covert that I didn't get any of that, but I don't know if I would have understood it anyways, but I am sort of

we understand the daily. I am processing it. You know why I didn't understand, like I'm, not greet with she with with allowing myself to be he loved or taken care of really I just I you know, I don't know I don't. I don't have resisted yeah, my grief, because I am trying to keep together because I resist the emotion of it through all of this time and has been over two years it it. It would serve give me the like. I would this emotion would come out of me and I'll be crying uncontrolled. We over. Like played eventual out is with a friend of mine, because I want to house, and I grew up in new mexico visit. My friend devon. I didn't know what else to do. I go. Spend time trying to do the job, he was your grief buddy. We he he knew what was happening, but I didn't know. What's going to happen, I do know is going to come and it just comes so I,

I I I often wonder why did I do the wailing that I should because it still seems to be fairly active Did you. I'm leaving. like you had that, like it's, not even anger, just a feeling of of of sadness and laws that that is exhausting to me, trickles out I had. I did a lot of it. You know, Yeah I mean, but but again it's I think. That's ok do not get no course everything's. Ok, everything's are preparing to take me that you give it to me. I'm sorry you're, not sure I did degree I already evident. I do one week a grief, I didn't get it all out and I need to know I'm with you, it's no. I get hit. I say my garden in london or issue with my dad. My dad just came over me sign silence for about twenty minutes. I this new garden in in london, and we both just start talking teller connecticut.

We just cuffs silently sonia together, just like where and they was literally I'm an empty stool ahead of us, and you know we will both just thinking. You know exactly what we were thinking right. I agree she should here not only that, but she would I wish he had seen His garden, I wish he had seen a thing that I'd made funds for people to for her to enjoy it these all its, oh, no, I mean like, but I dont to go actually like. I don't want to leave, and I think, that wailing. The that you so elegant, Alec, eloquently kind of expresses its. I feel kids, actually it's the law that we didn't get to give which is eternal when there's never win, it's never going to be given like the love that I the love that we have for the people that we really love. It's it. I think another thing I learned in this process. As I actually learned what unconditioned unconditional love was vis, I felt it. I feel it visualize. Oh no. I love this person's essence in full

lee, there's no end to it and also source that will never ever dry up right, but also, though, the thing that you have to stay in those regions, it seems like you are and that I try to is. I think I was a I You think I was at my best when I walk through her eyes. So it's also about. you allowing yourself to continue to receive the love that was forthcoming area. You're a hundred percent, absolutely they're, alright and I bet that dies, how we honor that's how we own them and slightly he their eyes on us actually here. Well, yeah, yeah! That's what were mad now! That's that's the this sort of like proactive living with the absence right, you're right and also my I'm doing god bless him. Oh my god, man, forty forty audio of marriage. You know he's he's having to contend with ouch at home or family home, where she is in every single honour. I that's why

I learned from the experience, is like I really get rid of some shit because I mean just for me You know, I saw what happened to a lot of stuff and its happen. Anybody stuff it's like two weeks: This. Does anyone want this? Some point someone's gotta go, I know beggars, no, it really sort that out. You know I do a pre dupree death cleansing of your home, as if feels more like a natural thing. I don't know if it's all its and every day all over all the time right now someone crying saying: what does anyone want this? I found an old l, a dodgers T shirt beer at my dad's place here there was hers and that one and I've taken that one I got a hat. I got some boots and I got a jacket and I got about four shirt

then, when I met her and I kept it, I have that sweet yeah good talking to you, man, good talking to you thanks mk, as that was a nice conversations real ship we'll deal emotionally connected. We were connected, so under the banner of having a string now on hulu good luck to andrew at the amis, Can you hang out a second please thank you. we're posting. The latest ask mark anything tomorrow for the full marin subscribers on dvd have plus. If you submitted a question last week, it is our I answered it. I tried to get to most of them. If you haven't scribe to the full marin. Yet go to the link in the episode, description or quick on wmd have plus at w e F p dot com, listen here,

I mean to tucson arizona at the rio theatre on september, sixteenth fiend, arizona at stand of live on september, seventeenth, both colorado at the boulder theatre on september, twenty second fort cow colorado at the lincoln centre on September. Twenty third toronto ontario at the queen elizabeth theatre on september, thirtieth in october. First one. England and dublin ireland are becoming to you and october, and my dates for november and december are now on sale for the public. That's it oklahoma city Dallas, san Antonio Houston. eugene Oregon, bend, oregon, asheville, north carolina and nash. Tennessee go to deputy of power dot com, slash, tour for all dates and ticket info and before we go a word from our sponsor better. How better help is online therapy that offers videophone and even live chat therapy sessions? So you don't, have to see anyone on camera. If you dont want to its much more affordable than in person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist and under forty hours are listening,

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