I think for listening to the tony robins podcast. This is just a quick know about this episode. Case you'd rather watch and see the video of this conversation, which include behind the scenes, footage with tony sage and me Mary, be heading click on the expand, your identity, video, that's on tony's, youtube channel that found you tube dot com, backslash, Tony Robins life like to listen in the right place? Ok, here, stony. Hello lot: twenty Robbins the money, but of halo, everybody it's totally robins welcome the twenty robins podcast. I get to be her in person for little bids. This I'm really excited about the subject that we have today and also the guests that we have the sub.

It is the most important subject. I know I've to controlling him behaviour. If you ve ask yourself, why did I try to make a change and try and try and not really succeed? are you going to understand the answer by the end of this and, more importantly, if you want to create lasting change, the tool that we're going to talk about today is the tool that creates lasting change and have it used improperly. It also gets stuck, and the term or the two were talking about- is the power of identity. Now a identity, While we all dinner fire, selves and different ways, who are you, are you a conservative person and aggressive person? Are you quiet? Are you out going here so many ways that we define ourselves? An identity is just the culmination of the believes you have about coup. You are, but those believes control how you think, how you feel what you perceive, how you interact with people would you're willing to do not willing to do I submit to you that after four,

in five years, working with people in one hundred and ninety five countries all over this planet from the most successful to the most challenged, the single most important element. If I want to understand, what's driving that person the understand how they you themselves, because hear me now the most power four force in the human personality. the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves, if you think of someone who's, having quote an identity crisis, what is that they do? certain age and they quickly question everything, they had accepted a bull If it's something you feel absolutely certain about, you dont, believes think of you start to question it. You produce doubt, and so, sometimes or certain stages. Life or someone suddenly goes out. Has this identity crisis and they buy a sports car whatever the case may be in the chair, their hair and they do everything else, but the quit, which really, happening is they're trying to redefine themselves having defined themself a long time ago, and we what these ways a defining ourselves. When the meal example just how powerful it is, so

I'll give you simplistic example I don't have you ever smoke cigarettes or know someone who did? but if you go to someone who smoke cigarettes and no longer dies and he said to them what like a cigarette wouldn't say to you: what brand is it? What would they say? Do you know I'm not a smoker. one of those and that's really important, because we define ourselves by what we are and by what we're not and its effort for when you're not a smoker. It's not ethical. If you say I'm a health not to you know not Ok, just not part of the world. You don't even consider it because that need stay consistent with how you define yourself is The basis of a human beings, basic person, making decision now? The downside of this, of course, is you can create a negative identity for yourself. I agree that says. Let's say you ve put things off a lot and india, but to go. Do something and then you get fearful, everybody has the fear of failure, the fear of something of the unknown and lasting you don't do it and then use

I'm really going to do this and you do it again and again after a while, you don't disappoint yourselves. You might develop a new identity in samara procrastinator on Wednesday who you are? Behavior is going to be consistent. It is that power. A control system and how function as human beings, so anything you attach the words I m too, over and over again consistency with your language with your motion with an emotional intensity, you'll eventually become it, because it becomes a belief in a belief, a self fulfilling. What do you think you can? We do think you can't you're right so Think this subject being able to differentiate between having certain feeling acting a certain way and being that kind of person is huge you can use Tool when I'm working with somebody, I'm looking to create a lasting change, I'm looking that person shift how they proceed Who they are permanently not just what they were doing

But I want you to know that today we are going to introduce it too to brilliant people. My two favorite people, my wife's age, am I right. Arm in arm Jos and family mary, I think a lot of men see identity as this is who I- and this is how I am but for what identity can often be a burden because you're so many now I dont that way within myself, but some people you it used to be an easy. I'm a farmer, I'm a mother, but today here. The farmer, you, the mother, her you, the community activist, right unit, athlete you're here, everything there so many pieces at my house and the reason I haven't used to ladys take this over with you. Is there you're done with this you'll start to question some. you're old identities, some of the limitations, those might bring in a sword Peoples are not the kind of person what kind of person and we need you to find yourself a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago, twenty years thirty years ago, most it was a long time ago, and maybe

At the end of this conversation, it's time to update your sense of identity? Maybe it's time to expand it. Maybe time to take some of the labels off that might limit you. Maybe it's time to look at some that you want to find yourself by You move the next five or ten years of your life of growth and expansion, but I think its impact. I understand how powerful this piece is. It can be used as a weapon to separate. people you're one of those. That's often what happens political The whirlwind today about matter what right left centre. It doesn't matter, I'm more than enough and it myself so it's a little bit easier to see, but even that I see myself as independent want to be able to see both sides. Not everybody has that feeling some people think someone as it didn't wanna use evil these days. Point is. Why would we use words to limit us when we get spanned our spirits, our hearts and our souls by banning identity, not limiting ourselves in some way- and I want you to know most people define themselves by how they behaved. and here's what I want you to consider

Other people do they're doing the best they can with the resources they haven't. That moment. Others I know, people who do stupid things. My bed is you're a smart, perceived, you've, stupid things I should have. Are there the people? There are not seemingly a high intelligence who do some really bright things course they do can use. Is it possible for a really mean person? You can still remain to be really nice, yeah when there are really no state, they will be as it nice. Is it possible for a really nice person to be mean, of course, everybody's got it in some time, but the happens is your identity. So identity is more powerful than even the truth. Your beliefs about people shape your relationships with them. And then your beliefs, of course, about yourself or the most powerful ball. and that's why I think the subject is so critical. But here is why don't you realize people are not their behaviors you were not there baby, we ve all been done, things does mean you're dumb, with hard things have been your absolute mark right. It's not,

black and white. It's not that simple, but that's the way the mind tries to reduce things. That's the actionism of the mind. Not your heart, not your soul, not your spirit, but the mind trying to keep things this or that it's true it down its reductionism You know want to fall for that but I want you to know you can also expand your identity, not by telling yourself I'm great, I'm great, I'm crate. But by doing something it's like self esteem. I hear so many parents talk about. I want my kids to have so much self esteem and I think it's one of the biggest mistakes the only one who believes this doctor back the from Stanford welcome every her books and she's talking about how we raised our children. I told him they're great all the time and they're, wonderful and they're perfect and when it really does is mess them up and the research shows it because then they go in the real world and they aren't perfect. They aren't all the things their parents told them. They'd been told her whole life and now they're scared to try something or they're not who they thought they were their identity was larger than if they were as opposed to rewarding your child for effort

wow. That's amazing effort boy. If you keep doing that, you'll achieve whatever you want. That's a true statement. They can grow and expand out of that, so what you understand there are situations where people get in emotional state. They're scared, they're, angry they're, afraid that whenever they behave a certain way If they do that several times, they might say that's the kind of person I am and once you do itself self, fulfilling or worse, you know somebody in their remained you some time there are other such a mean, harsh person. Well, a bet there, but whether china but their different international distress it. So give somebody an identity. We limit our ability to actually reach that solar that spirit and we limit our own world put ourselves in a place of judgment of others and more judging others who's. The first person we're going to judge ourselves, so This is an area that deserves taken the time to think really looking all the consequences of identity and also standing, it's it's the controlling force in your life

its controlling decision, making its controlling your perceptions yourself, it's controlling perceptions of others and here's one month controls how far Are you grow or fall. so I'll. Give you a metaphor I like to share with people. Think this way, if you set was that in the wall, and you sent that thing at sixty. Eight degrees once you sixty degrees is the metaphor not for your goals in life, but your comfort zone, which is your identity. You might have these huge goals. I want to be this, but if you ever like said I'm going to go, do this and then some voice inside your head says: who are you getting right getting. Is that a big reach beyond who you are in the mind in your mind, at that time, say sixty. Eight degrees represents where your comfort, financially, not where you wanna be, but what you're used to your current identity. you might say. I want to be financially free, but you're finished. struggling and that's your identity inside your head. You want financial framework financial strike, you can do the same thing for your body. It's not

I deal with what you got used to true identity, who I am like. I remember I used to you, know I'm big boned. That's why I'm overweight! That was my excuse and reason right. That was my identity for a long time. I broke that pattern, kept it out, so what happens if you set at sixty degrees and we're using that as a temperature metaphor and things get less than you think they should be. Not your goal. But less than your identity like all of sudden you game fifteen pounds drink over twenty or Something happens in your body or your relationship. That really is uncomfortable. You're finances dropped a certain level. There is where to go sixty eight sixty five sixty three somewhere around sixty degrees, maybe fifty nine it's gonna, go in and computer, that's gotta go well o o o what are you doing out and fifty nine sixty eight greer in Well, that, like the have you felt like things, got so below your own standard that something, you kicked on is that this is changing jane now, another minute than an hour. I'm doing this now, I'm sure yeah

what happens if the heaters kick on the drive to get back to where you, your basic identity is, and people that way you have drive and suddenly the personal they find the way and their usually get there or there just two alone identity. That's what some people do over and over throughout their life and that's why they're so disappointed And they ever reason, because somebody betrayed them, because this happened something up in the economy and all those things probably really did happen. But it was really the drop in identical once a joy. Did you find the way but think it this way things get bad enough. You get this drive. You get back to your identity, not your goals, your identity, your muss your mother who you think you are. If all You start doing better than you dreamed of you, carter, yet some breakthroughs, get some insights, and now emotionally, psychologically, financially, physically your career, whatever goes from sixty eight degrees to seventy, the eighty eight tonight you know me I'm degrees when I'm greece, so mountains we break or what are you doing here

sixty degree or what are you doing here at ninety nine? You don't belong here and then what hence the heaters of DR stop at that enough? The air condition kick out. You start saying that mess up the relationship. You start sabotaging things in the visit. You start sleeping in until you get right back to where you need to be so I want to just set up for you how Port and identity is an throughout your life. My bet is you ve moments that have redefined you, They may be redefined you for greater sense of who you are and what you're capable of your spirit and your soul and what you're sharing or they may have Created more limitations, goes it didn't out? Are you didn't do the right thing over and over and then finally, you want to feel bad about yourself, so created an identity that was less them I'm inviting you in this session to participate with us and listened to these two people have so much respect so much and let them giving their perspective instead of mine about the power of identity about

you can build it by doing some things that build you into a stronger identity. Where we might want to let go of some of the old identities within ourselves, and maybe the people around us cause so much of identity today is used to define people's way to separate us and. We all brothers and sisters on the path that's really what it is, and so these by gas, We only do them when we have a subject that we really think is important, and I hope that you will find this is important as I found it my life. My goal is really simple happier discover that who they are as more than they think they are and have them, have experiences that snack that so they know it's true and then an expanded perspective more of the heart, their soldiers spirit there, He comes out and I got a lot of identities to father and husband and friend in business owner in athens. and I'm gonna go on and on run. I actually enjoy those. I don't feel the pressure from those, but I know for not all people but for some women

I know demands are different, I think might have to do with mom's and the way were brought up. Rather me speculate on women's perspective. Its made me more sensitized because I repository feelings round identity, but I've also worked very consciously to shape and create it myself and others, but not everybody does and it and its it can be the greatest tool for your growth or can be the greatest weapon for years, operation or for weapon against yourself This conversation is one that's really important haven't. So that's why I want to drop in a kind of set the tone for this by gas and then pass it on to my dear ones. Here sage and dashed on that. That was I thank you tell me just a second cash navigator tony again, thank you argued he who never go out of town. Thank you for the introduction, your insight, your perspective, your life experience- and you know you spoke up.

out many identities and hats that you, where you know something that I think is so such a beautiful inquiry that they use in the east is you know who I am I beyond the externalize who's, the one that looks through the lens of life that who's the one that seeks sits in that seat of your soul. That's unmovable! That's enable that your body, your not your body, your emotions. What are you or something deeper and more than all, of the above deeper vaster? That goes beyond because you know when you mentioned about whether its men or women, just human beings that can get overwhelmed by identities. From my own experience, I I think part of that is because there's unconscious expectations of who we're supposed to be under each of those umbrella. And yet I what I'm interested in curious about to share mary and tone in this conversation,

It's really an identity that can say is larger, but is vaster than all of them, and that and it is that, where we all meet in this human experience called life and so Mary, I can't thank you enough cause I've thoroughly enjoyed. I you know just sharing and exploring and sharing our own life experience and with all those listeners out there who've had the curiosity I am to join. So I can't thank you enough. Tony? Thank you once again for joining the podcast we just loved it yeah, that's great! Well. I hope that what comes out of this is a larger, more expansive identity beyond anything, you've limited yourself to be before the we've limited ourselves to be before not only for ourselves but for others, and I can't imagine better hands to pass that too. Then, the two of you past the ball to you: enjoy the pie, gas will authority or comments in hearing what you

from this, for your own life and for your family and for your business and for your community blessings things to you. Well, I want to start like we often do when it's just you and I sitting here at the table I like to start with, tony robins trivia to all you listeners out there ask me if I am not all that way. You are also involved here here involved but Listeners viewers. I also want to ask you if you have been too many either tony robin seminars or a few are a graduate of the audio program or, however, you're coming to the tony robins podcast today, I'd say what is Tony's teaching on identity, vibrant quote Tony has a very famous quote about identity, and it is

wanna play yeah. I didn't want to put you on the spot, mrs Robbins, that's why I was going to open it up to the audience. I bet many of you got it right, because tony is one of those things that he often says right. Down now this Strongest force in the human personality is the need. to stay consistent with how we define ourselves- and I can read it again but think about it again- the strongest force, and there are so many things that I would argue. Our very strong invisible forces in this life of ours and fur Mr tony robins to say that the strongest force in our personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves so with our self com that or our identity flight let's get into that a little bit unpack that, as they say, said robins? What does that mean gosh well

just what I'm being shown inside my own mind Is you know that ideal other projection that gosh, I'm good. Let's just say I'm a good person and by nature? I am a good person. We all our good person, but can a good person do something foolish? Can a good person be blind? Can a good person be conscious you actually in many ways are saying what tony teaches and really drives home at something like it with a sneer, something where he says our behaviour is not our entire identity. People are not their behaviour. People sometimes behaviour that meets needs of theirs? But it's really not anything. It's not there. Core essential identity. Whatever that is so honestly throughout this podcasting were asking questions is really open ended. This is so open to interpretation. I think that's why

such an interesting topic to come out with. you said curiosity cause it's like. What are we even talking about this concept of self like What does that mean its it? It gets mind bowing to me really fast and that's where I think you know, identity of a of a larger perspective is that we're all human you know we're all human, no matter what raw human. Kings having this human experience. and you know we all have in certain contexts and certain references may make different choices. You know. Does that make us good? Does that make us bad? No, I think that makes us human. You know. I think that makes us human and so in a lot of times these identities it's like gosh. You know I could I'm a mother. Now, I'm a daughter, Emma wife, I'm

You know, that's what I've done a friend is soon. I mean all these different identities that we can put on ourselves, but it's like I, you know those threats represent a portion of me nina. They represent a fractal of me, but is it Where does it represent? All of me? You notice it represent. All of you all the You know whether or I'm christian and catholic you know, I'm exe political party and I'm decide that a lot of times these labels. These words these just Egyptians are limiting, never mind to ourself on our own perception of ourself or others, but language did ducks it it. It locks, it is not expansive enough, because the truth is we are it's like we're human beings, it's like the being part. The human actually makes me most curious. You know who am I in, and the eastern cultures.

they'll do inquiry of or they'll they'll do a process of them. You know meditations, like I'm, not my body, I my mind in such ok, I I'm not my body and you know chop off my legs. My arms may be completely up to right here. Am I still me And who is that me? What is that that essence, that isn't it you know, I guess who's the one. That's looking at me as you right now. Through these eyes, you know who's the one. That's perceiving this. You know that's unmovable within us that is faster than all of it than all the labels we can put on it.

That makes me really curious. All in all, like I want people on offer self expression. I want people to be anything we want to be in every moment. We get one shot at this vast life experience. Why? not be automatically toning would argue like the best. We can do for ourselves is to expand our identity, and how do you do that? You do something that is, inconsistent with your self self image like tony eyes says, do something you would never do yes and why that's so hard for people, because we have these strange. Somehow they get put on through, I guess, conditioning through our. I also do our past. a whole notion of sight. well babble- or maybe we just like we're part- were a reflection of Culture in the times that we live in, and so we are the water that were swimming in? Like that's? I think that's really what the heart of in personal development and self help in this industry, that has a lot of

criticism around. What are you really doing all this for it? Like I say I think what are we really doing all this forts to expand our identity while we can and be as much as we can before time runs out some like that? No, I I I hear you on that mary, I think. That's you know very accurate and to expand and also to question. You know I hear it. Here's a beautiful example I was raised, you know christian, went to church and had that beautiful imprinting and upbringing and still come the and utterly alive within me, and I remember maybe about fourteen years ago we to add to buy, and Ah, you know ever been in a most muslim culture I ay everything that I learned idea Can the commission say I didn't learn from my experience, heard or may be read and so solid projection in I hadn't had And- and I think this is something so you,

they can a lot of times. That's missed in today's society. Is that you know we have. identities on individuals or groups of people, but it take if you actually met and sat down and had an intimate exchange with somebody from that community or somebody from that religion or somebody from that demographic and I had the privilege turning, I met with this group of people and we re doing an event. There actually and you know them the men and women they had separate experiences. Twenty went to the mosque within this group a gentleman and had a really loved the experience and for myself I is maybe there was about one hundred women. Everybody was in burqas, and so I wear a burka to be respectful just entering that that reality that culture, these beautiful women from all ages they and they taught me they taught me what the redoing and washing their hands of washing their mouth.

washing their feed and gave me the cut in the context of the why you know they held me. They fed be they prayed with me. It was when I think, back to light, just spiritually, really rich experiences. I've had, in my life that's one of them, and I why do you think that's a meaningful? I get so meaning for, because it completely glitter raided, possibly everything. That's it narrative. You know I mean it's like the narrative who is who is this? You know who is a christian? Who is a jewish person who is Listen, you know individual and we have an end by the way you can put any of that any of those individual identities of religions, and we all have- we all- have is preconceived notions assumptions, projections that unite picked up in the group minder that we pay. Got through. You know, media different sources and so forth, and I think

just so beautiful to pierce that veil and be open and willing enough to have an experience for yourself and that experience it schooled me get opened see it rearranged everything I've ever heard like it was one of the research. Beautiful people and they were so in service. They do. You know they really wanted to take care of us at every level and I remember, leaving there and just being so, struck at how I felt I should, through this beautiful culture, how I felt welcomed into this home into this prayer circle of these. Women, how I felt seen how I feel accepted even I was the only blind eye blue eyed girl in the record made an upper then. Nor did I speak. The language we spoke the same language of the heart. Like you know, we there was just big, serious only

faces showing there's something going on everything else disappearing, and there is just that intimacy with that that's a really also like even I hadn't thought about until you said that, whereas on picturing, at my mind, right you're in a burger, so all you see are each other's eyes. Also to almost make yourself invisible? Yes, what a unique they come at identity when you're. Actually, your physical self is invisible, as I think, as human nature. A lot of us to get stuck in the fifth the reality of this life? While we know that there's, like you said to your point, I could shave my head, I could cut off a pinky. I could cut off a foot or a whole leg. Still Mary aren't I so if you cover your whole self and you're, just looking each other's eyes, and when I hear that sorry for you, I also think it's so beautiful that say: there's there's a little bit of an inn group outgrew happening so you're, you're you're, coming into this group of of muslim women, and they

are welcoming you like there's no, I bet but miss to me today is like I think it's great. If you have groups and I think, as human We all want me to belong to groups and communities, but can we still invite others. In the are we so deeply immersed. I just think that that, like those women an awesome example thing like come see We're doing. Thank you for your willingness. Thank you for your curiosity thanks, for your showing up and now like. Let us you an experience of us. I was highly impacted by that and I thought about those women. Interesting entire experience, many many many times I and job honestly, it's one of the first thing that just came to mind to this whole conversation- and I tell you another context: it's defense, more political. We have to two dear friends of ours that have

have a horse rescue that they say forces from slaughter, and so they are working passionately, these their forces in nature. And die. Not only do they help to save the horses, but there also really actively pro actively working too a possibility to end or slaughter here in amerika extraordinary headway, and so we We were there we what we all had dinner together. The four of us had dinner one night what's so struck me listening to their conversation was you know they had they probably in a little bit more left that say democratic And so they, you know, that's one side of the perspective, but no in order to get a bill past you wanna, have you know. What's compound Thus there is no more, you know. Support above perspectives so they were going to meet with the you know, republican candidates and so forth. In that they were. They were sitting at the table and they were like. You know what they were actually really cool.

if he were really point seven in my mind: what did you think they would be? You know, and yet it struck its. me, because once again it psych who did they believe them to be, they believe them to be who possibly they ve heard or they ve read. Maybe somebody has spoken about contractually, but its egg did they have their own experience and when they had their own experiences, call people an almost like you know, like horses, why? Republic, kids, like horses really struck me always is running moment, is about for a it was the same moment. Is you know my own flight? to buy and experiencing such a differ? contextual religion and what I was brought up in You know for them. It was this world and we can all have this myopic view, but in not view theirs,

blinder shoe know in our beliefs of words, there's blinders and it gets really narrow. That was a moment where the blinders started to open. You know an let some in illumination of experience and reference points of who are these individuals, and you know they talked about their human talked about their willingness, they talked about their open, mindedness and somewhat think they were. You could feel Do you know just almost I tell you, I think I can believe it. and I found watching that an observing that I was a beautiful like this is the human experience I think you know that were willing to, and it doesn't have to be, but I think life will offer it lest I don't need that shifted their expense You don't mean out of a need and a hunger to push this through. in order to save these animals that are so beloved. They put themselves in a country.

That may be, they wouldn't have associated in no, maybe they wouldn't have sought out, but cousin, ere long and their passion they did, and but by doing so pulling away like the blinders and then having a personal experience, not personal experience eyes them, and I remember just leave and spoke a word at that dinner. I actually was just so interested in serving and then just noticing, gosh. You know I've. I other moments in times in my own life, when I've had blind spots, and you know for those You heard listening the light balls in the identities, thee, community, whatever the label is it's like you do? engine about you know I am I married at change me being marry at stake. Are we our name? Are we are families? Name are? We are really?

in our we are political party. You know who are we? Who am I, I think that such a profound, question to ponder and can also create a lot of confusion at tat, cause it's like Ashton. We wanna build more identities. Who I am. I am a lawyer, I'm golfer, you don't think: even our identity and a day she was in taking swimming classes, and you know I caught myself, because it's its she's, a swimmer issue, swimmer. She actually learning how to swim. because once again, if I put a lake on her she's, a swimmer its. Then all this you know It's all about him. She feels like, If you swim around, you don't mean I might philips in a thick now. She, really enjoying the water she's really enjoying the pool. How cos

she's learning how to swim, I think the I am and what we put after. I am as somebody mindful of that. Really is something to be mindful of, and I think that that I that we all are you know, whatever you call that that is news that fastness our true nature, the essence, what You really can't put in a name or label in, and yet we all touch upon it. There's that. Like longing inside of ourselves to turn to recognise that to the two, in line with that reality, I think that's just a really beautiful question and I really beautiful reality to recognize that we are

larger than the labels we put on ourselves and we are larger than labels that we adopt through our conditioning through our upbringing through the external, you know society. Are we this political party that political party, this particular race, that project race, or are we really brothers and sisters on the path all walking walking each other home. you know like how that feels inclusive. You know how that feed, just automatically benevolent What do you mean supportive? I you know is that a I dunno that that's a it's, it's not fair to say, hire laura cause, it's just it's just another perception to perceive, and you know others rather than you know who we the sticky or that labels that we put on them are on ourselves. I don't know I'm just saying: oh yeah right cause, I think even saying others then you're getting into that

duality of himself and other is itself me myself? I ego whenever you want to call it like if, if, if we are listening in any part of you has said, any like little time. of an experience of one s link. If you really do some if you search your soul in your heart of hearts, believe that. we on this planet, everything living breathing is- one somehow connected the connected universe. Then it just me we can't be like like why, Are we arguing about right now and twenty twenty two like it feels to me like we're taking steps backwards? in our specificity, like twenty x, teaches about the importance of chunky right so like if you have a job, if you have to wash elephant some take the tails Take that leg, somebody, the other leg, you have to break it into chunks, but if you are, chunk something than it actually becomes really complex and a right now.

they were almost over chunky. The fact that it's like all here, if we can just like remember that there is at least some sort of umbrella for us all that that connects us Identity, it almost seems like this heavy thing that there were alike, pushing up a whole right now as a collective cause. It's just people are having a hard time agreeing, and I also- think its human nature to want to make sense of of the world and where we're all come from what sees adrian. for example, are brilliant, sound tech. his birthday today and we had a little conversation before we walked in here and sat down, and we kind of his life, to get at the teams everybody's weighing in at a different time, so adrian at the ripe old age of twenty five adrian? and tell you I'd, be sharing this but happy birthday to you. He said You said something like Are you who am I? What is that question even being in that area

It's me it's like what does tat even mean? Who are you and then is that different to you than? If I said like what are you, What are you are you, a writer, doktor, dentists, school teacher, why in and that somehow different than like who What are you in asking me ma? Am I? How would we even choose, things were gonna, let define us. it just seems so. Nuts to me, and yet so beautiful that? you know we are all. I think, that's where we all meat, I think matter where we come from that question, knocks on all of us to understand too, to touch to touch it. on you know, I think life I mean, I don't think life. I mean from my own experience

life has almost been like a learning but an unloading of who I thought I was you, know You know it's almost like the ideals in in inside he and ideals as a family or in your being. the woman, the wife, rule into animals had so I am looking for the rules which are really another form I didn't. I didn't know your and was so trusting. Is you know, The same, at the same, like I have the same, ah of service or, like I'm I have I I want to offer that love. I want to extend that love, but at this stage of my life it comes from a different place. I feel like in my maybe twenties and thirties. It was who I thought I was host to be, you know no incentive to twenty one tenos like honey, I said like

seeing him as husband. I didn't realize that I had unconscious expectations for that identity. He would it had unconscious expectations. For me, as wife and like to arm. I dunno it's been say: twenty twenty some odd years. It was can and learning or an unravelling or evermore full of all that, and then it just stake this beautiful human being that goddamn it. I love this beautiful human being that guy caves in for a lot gab gave you to love is too much of a stretch. Ok I give you put some someone's put in front of you in your life path, this beautiful individual that okay, if you dont want to say god, this beautiful individually want to drop that identity. This beautiful universe just bless me with this. Individual that I get to share this experience and love. That's that's. I mean there's nothing more found and also to get to know one self through that membership. I think that that's an amazing art

and there's a beautiful freedom to move beyond, from other speak for myself to move beyond who I thought I was supposed to be in holding that architecture up with the behaviour around that cumbersome, clunky, you know and and removing mad and some a second a good example. Your mama Harry or my mama? For that my my parents had site. You know something we grow up. We see our appearances your mama's mom you dont. Many ten shows that identity in that area is a lot of expectation and many times you say to me like, like your mother, like mom, just be talking to marries, so I'm not giving a context them many times on the phone with marries, mom and hang up and I'll or what she shared and she's, like your mom, My mom just said that she just talked about that and your boy, I fold, because I don't see your mummy as mom. I see her just as this really cool human beings really cold woman and speak to her as a friend from that perspective,

and so sometimes she shares differently with me than she would with you and yet you know, as I do I you experience and get to know curious about your mom, beyond who you believe she is ass, a mother officially, who should be to me her daughter, like its goes from shock, to what you owe us it for my mom to like heartbreaking quickly for me, because I realized like I'm not drawing that part of her out because of the that I am limiting her the total any of her identity by just being like me,. I got a plug. I know all about you, you know, but I see how I that to my own mom, then I take it out wider and deeper, and you see how most kids do that to all moms was kids, two heads in others, though those identities in previous podcast. We call them arctic

ips use the narratives earlier which absorb label okay, so in just like. If I stick, one word on you, others, race, religion, That necessity, if I just put one word on you, the people will have all kinds things come to mind for that one word and then so, each How to tell a story like I think our identity is also the story that we, tell about our lives. I guess the story of who I am narrative the narrative of who I am. I'm trying to make sense of it. I dont know. Well, you know I have to to ponder that the narrative who flew I m cause. The narrative would be anything that's collected so that in the past and so who I am similar. Meditation can only be experienced here here now And why so you go, but the back like, I would say,

If you're going to look up the definition, the dictionary definition of identity, but that's what people would say, it's like that action of your memories. I know, there's no sacred, it's it's like if we go that far there's no such thing as past feature that made only now so If I could just start be, it's like you just like woke up out of something. could create yourself afresh, starting right, new new right now, beautiful notion is it we also, but nor would do it was that true, because is the strongest force in the human personality- is the need to kit cancer stay consistent with how we define ourselves. We, you could be totally different one moment to the next she wanted to be. I am surprised. You are a little bit. You actually really are yeah, I'm going to read you little quote: okay, I'd love to have it on my phone this time. It is from albert einstein and the einstein papers

albert says, a human being is part of the whole called by us universe? are limited in time and space he experience is himself his thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest, a kind of optical. delusion of consciousness, This delusion is a kind of prison for us restricting us our personal desires to affection for a few persons nearest to you are too must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. einstein. Famously was like you know he didn't want to. He wasn't nationalistic. He didn't want to be known. As a german, he was a citizen of the world, he was constantly taking his mean People, if you say who's this brightest mine in history, probably ninety nine percent people say: einstein right, I dunno pretty smart. we all pretty much on that.

And hear what is his like core belief if we want something to model it's this idea that, like dont restock who you are called to love and feel Is this tiny little circle of the people that you are around you that and keep going keep going? It's really beautiful. I love, and I love that you discovered that that's it's really profound and I feel covers of oneness. two connected nests of all life and a willingness to touch upon that you know here now I mean even the oneness of here. We are in this room you're here. I'm here and then all those of you that we have the privilege to share this conversation. That will be tuning in that interconnectedness of this amazing. technology that links us all. That really amazes me.

And- and I think it's super cool and I think it's really beautiful in all means that those this all these invisible forces. This web of this existence that weaves this web that connects us and that's the true oneness of one mind, one heart: it it traverses space and time, which I know we're getting out there. That usually is one for media. Even try to I grab my head around like I know conceptually it's true, but then, unlike feels really linear linear and it feels like their space and time, but like we're, your conversation, people, this room, Ethan, adrian, are listening to a real time, our dog, but then people across time that will listen to it today, tomorrow next week, three months from now, it's I right like so what it just again A lot of this little mind, blowing moments in this conversation of like who are we

Who are we really tony just finished a business mastery one business masters seminar of the year and one of the question said he asks consumers and business folks alike. Is what business are you in? What and so you really in and we can ask. I think ourselves and of our life and of our identity like who am I and see what your brain comes up with? Unlike knowledge? Who are you really like whose your old sage, twenty year old fifty or Eighty year old, nine year old, like what is the essence of who you are and for listening. I hope that spring. you into a little bit of processing about like what is? essential part of you? What do you want it to be? Well, I love that you mentioned about age. You know my grandpa used to always say my grandpa Bob he'd say you know honey he's like I look at myself in the mirror, and sometimes I forget that I'm this age and I'll see like my body and my

she was in his eighties at that time, as I could. The heck is this guy, ah, but that struck me and now you know I'm in my fortys and it feels different because the business that we are the essence that we are doesn't age, its timeless city eternal. You know it's it. It is, and so at sake, why that isn't? As that. Hey, don't there's no words that does it justice, but the consciousness that shit. You know you could use that word. The awareness that is receiving through these eyes. That's watching at all was same one at ten is the same one here in what twenty six thirty, my forties, thy grandpa his eighties, and I think you know, does body chain does the external matter shift in change, but that's the movable reality of us all and I

that that is where we really meet, and that is a recognition a realisation? That's the exterior. changing identities or expressions of who we are that's the part that is unchangeable or tie or out of time or I've heard I think it was Joe Goldstein say like okay, so say, except Adrian hears twenty five today, I've heard Joe make them work like how old is your breath? It's coming out right now hold your breath. The twenty five, right now like how oh, your leg is tingley. How old is the sensation in your leg or your hungry. How old is you're? Hunger is twenty five years old or is it like there's things at it's like? I can. make sense of this rationally logically an identity is one of the things that I just have it feels it when I start to talk about it makes me laugh because it's too slick nor What are we to you? How are you ever? How do even attempts to describe that had? Just I don't know we have purse and

and we have personality tests. I get at robins research. We rely on something called the disk test. People may have heard of it d. I see william marston was the psychologists who also funds also invented wonder woman one. given the comic he invented the disk test based and these personality defined, markers lot of people familiar with the big five personalities so within. Is personality, the same thing as identity. Most people say no, it's different, but by then does that from my own experience, anyways, it's you know who I think I'm supposed to be rather than the essence of who I am so that's the immovable unchangeable perspective within us all. And then the personality from my own self, the personnel allotted This was another name for it is, I said, self, you know it's the person that you think you're supposed to be.

well or yeah I because of conditioning socially familial, so innocent, yes, oh it's so innocent, and I think it's a beautiful gift of this. distances the shedding or the unlearning or the other, removing the masks so that its psych there she is there. It is fair, You know I can't even name it male female truthfully cause it's just there, ah that that essence, that that you know- and you look in the mirror. It's really beautiful, too. You know I watch our little one and as she perceived herself in the mirror, and it's so beautiful to watch just you Her look inside her own eyes. We forget to do that. You know we will can to others eyes, but to actually look at them? Don't look at you know your hair year phase,

So what are your shaved or make up for that? But just actually looking in your eyes and see who's? Looking back, I I I think that such a profound this house- and I see it every day with our little one and am reminded by that innocence. I reminded of the on the curiosity to discover oneself and that's an art, often forgotten, because you know, through the limits of identification, the limits of personality. I can be a little bit more fixed, even though it's not. I have a question for you. Okay, is this real? Is this for you? Okay? Can I just have a sip of water sure I might she fake pleasing I'm just as warm as I could be saved. I have a question for you. When I was growing up, it was much more. I remember as a kid we would say this funny thing like you're having an identity crisis and don't hear it is much more, probably because people just don't make jokes like,

People don't make jokes anymore, maybe giving. But Eric eriksson is who actually coined the term untold essential. About an identity crisis. Here's my question: for you: this is from a little extra peerless. Probably Erikson's most famous concept, has been that, the identity crisis, which was designed to point to the central conflict of adolescence, quote each youth forged for himself some central perspective, indirection some working unity out of the effective remnants of his childhood and the hopes of his anticipated adulthood, a young person must find some resemblance between what he perceives in himself, and what is what his sharpened awareness tells him. Others judge him and expect him to be. So I read that and I thought that was an incredibly interesting thing like wait a minute. So it's not even how we define ourselves

there is even ericsson as he does described. It was like also like your bumping up Hence what then others expect you to be because of either this identity that you ve claimed or this identity that they ve put on you or some that you ve mutually negotiated when say that getting into some murky waters, if you ask me What do you make of an identity crisis so to speak? And I also do resonated all with, like he sing That's true. mark of adolescence, but I think it's also forget adolescence. I think there's some marking of going from youth to a mature respected. the elder responsible human being. Where are you have some sense if the identity working for you, you might not verb describe it, but you, know, who you are or not or not, ok exactly you know or not.

I don't know I mean as I listen to that quote. My only reference would be as an identity crisis cause. I dont know his complete understanding of that, but would be it's like the death of the old and the birth the new, and I think that that's happening every moment in our lives. You know we ve talked about this before it's like. I can look back at photos and myself five years ago, two years ago, ten years ago, and think gosh I wouldn't where the clothes that I was wearing do today or some other think gosh. What was I thinking you know, but I have compassion for her and interest you know, can witness I just that as we all grow and evolve, and so I think that the identity crisis sometimes is the death of who we thought. We were the death of who we thought. We should be and even I think it's one thing like you'd mentioned in in his quote. I think that's one of the reasons That's why we move away ass kids is too if of so some distance from our parents, elders so that

one less of that waller that voice believe. that oh, my gosh I have to please or I have to be this in order to unity- mean serve them, so I think it's we all find our way. We all find our path, and it's all you dig to each of us, but I think not, I think, it's all unique to each of us and I think so that we can get curious about, is questioning. Ah you know what identities do you. cling to or what identities in your own life to find limiting do find restrictive you know. What's a a broader perspective, or label or identity Is it a matter of removing norman and recognising than you're more than that label? I think that's an inquiry to consider you known and taking a look at what when here you, you know what identities are possibly limit, your locking you in a fix reality,

rather than the spacious. Already at this. Business to experience more of yourself. You know, I think, that's all of our path home I too, I am glad that you said I heard you say it just now, at and then it really I'm knocked die in a little revelry actually said. something that made me realize when I was like maybe twenties ice to downright like fantasize about the idea of like I just wanna go somewhere Where no one knows me and there's no like like where I could be We just start fresh and settling anybody knew me in my town. As much as it was just like this, something that was so like Tantalizing, too, about like what, if I could just be in a place where anything, I think part of it stemmed from my own from experience would be like. I was a little kid, as you probably imagine like I was such a little tomboy.

And I remember sometimes say our soccer team would have to dress up on days of game soon after where like address ring and it wasn't there I didn't want aware address it was I knew that when I get to school in address, everybody would be like all you dress in sight. Like it was it's not that I couldn't get out the door in something that didn't feel that felt way outside of my identity. It was like in now people are gonna. Expect me, I don't know, It meant, but this it's my earliest memory of like wall like wisest such a big deal You know and then feel like. I just want to go to a place where I've tabular asset the anything I widen and- it's probably why some people may be run aware or lose touch with people. I would think it was it's just like this really innocent desire to just

live your life, how cool a tomboy wearing address. I expected you know who's to say that those two can't go together. I dunno. Where were where? Were you in six gregg south cry my eyes out under my bed? I One other note here that I just think scribbled about two things done what we said. We are going to talk about identity, ok and one of the things was. That its proven that there is more diversity with aiden groups of, say: men, women, race, ethnicity. However, you jumped the group there's more diversity within groups than there is between groups site You think that's another example of light, and this is why identity can it makes me laugh cause. I just think it's like. Aren't we all visuals connected individuals, and we have all kinds of traits but like. Why would any decided upon

group of traits make. Why would that be any more essential? you than anything else, it just feels like what are now, and so I think, that's what so cool we're all here to express our own is next in how it flows through us in its own unique way, and I think that that is the most gorgeous discovery of this life is to recognise our uniqueness and yet are likeness, because you know there's there's a fragrance to theirs. In essence to you, there's a beautiful essence too. You know you if, in or to tone or to eight the coup member, everybody expresses

that is an that consciousness uniquely, and you know to summarize this: try conversation and identity. What's beautiful is who am? I is a profound question and it's a question in the east that is inquired much more meaningful and you know they're not looking to the outside the rather looking inside, and maybe that's where the answer lies.

And a lot of times we are looking at who am I for this external representation or this external? You know label this external identity. Ah, you know, through my travels to india, wishes so struck at how they contemplate and ponder that reality of I am now. I am that I am a touching upon that in town observing that I think, is a really beautiful question and I can't answer that for anybody. I can answer that view can answer that for me, and I hope they do this,

look at this conversation, at least maybe there's been some space created, some an opening, ah, ah ha, and in that space I, u can enquire, you can perceive the gorgeous beautiful self that you are, and I thank you for joining in. I thank you for your own curiosity. Thank you for your own. You know inquiry your own hunger. It's beautiful eyes will guide us all here and I may be. Ah, I enjoy these conversations with you. So thanks, Vicki catbird continue to come back. I do with curiosity every time. Thank you. Thank you. This episode is brought to buy deal with destiny?

In case you don't know a date with destiny. Is it is a sixth day total immersion program you may have heard of it as Stanford university, just publish their research on the programme as a remarkably effective treatment, for killings of depression, anxiety, stress, loneliness in suicide ideation date with destiny, was also featured in the netflix original documentary. Tony robins. I Your guru, it's really where you go to do the inner work of uncovering invisible forces, those beliefs and rules. The whole blueprint founded For every part of our life that controls, how we think and feel and behave, consciously and unconsciously, theirs values realignment process, it's really powerful healing for many people. It's my favorite part excited to tell you that tony and sage hosts estate with destiny programme. Every year,

once a year and its coming up fast. This year's date with destiny is December, second, through seventh and there are still tickets available. So if you can't come to palm beach, you can also attend digitally right from your computer at home and stream in. We would love to see you there check it out. The tony robins podcast is inspired and directed by tony robins in his teachings is produced by us team. Tony copyright, robins, research, international.