There’s a wide spectrum of how individuals experience singleness: some would describe it as suffering, others might just call it sadness, and still others say it’s a sense of freedom.
It’s important to recognize though that the experience of suffering and unhappiness are a part of life for everyone—whether you are a single Christian, whether you are happily married, or whether you are unhappily married. Our core challenge is to live a godly and holy life in whatever condition we are in. Every situation will have its particularities, but the similarities are greater than the differences.
I’d like to talk about how to live godly lives in Christ under any of our circumstances.
This talk was given by Kathy Keller at Redeemer Presbyterian Church on March 1, 2014 for the conference "S1NGLE: God’s Gifts — Our Plans".
Today's podcast episode is brought to you by Gospel in Life, the site for all sermons, books, study guides and resources from Timothy Keller and Redeemer Presbyterian Church. If you've enjoyed listening to this podcast and would like to support the ongoing efforts of this ministry, you can do so by visiting https://gospelinlife.com/give and making a one-time or recurring donation.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Welcome to gospel in life, the power of marriage is that it is a reflection of the gospel. Today. Tim killer explores how marriage can help us more deeply understand christ, love for us and how Christ love for us can completely transform our marriages. You her jordan, say before lunch that there is a wide spectrum of how individuals experience singleness.
Some of you. No doubt would describe it is
suffering, others might just call it sadness and still others say it sets
why you saw the video sense of freedom? I can do whatever I want. I can turn
die my can go on emissions trip, you know
in time I want to. I can serve god without the burden of a family.
A single is like a little xvi sports car,
if around and a family is like one is eighteen wheelers that takes three blocks to make a turn and you're carrying diaper bags.
It's important to recognise that the experience of suffering and unhappiness as part of life for everyone, no matter what you are, whether you are a single christian. I happily
or unhappily married person, whether your ill or whether you're financially secure insect,
you're. Our challenge is to live a godly and wholly life, in whatever condition that were in that's the core challenge. Every.
Situation in life will have its own is, but the same.
clarity's are more than the differences. Pretty much try can prove that teams
talk about as theology of singleness after me, but before I do that before we get to that, when we talk about singleness in particular, I want to talk
I had a live. Godly lies in Christ under any circumstances here, adjusted
Hong also talk about having a plan in our head about how our lives are supposed to go. I think that's a brilliant,
inside that she had we grow up,
starting in our childhood and is pulling from all sorts of sorts,
tv and books and conversation
then make
it are we read and who knows where, and we get this sort of.
Rivoli wildly timey. Why me messy kind of idea of how we think our life is going to go or if you dont speak doctor, who
seeing if any of you are up, they're good,
an incoherent mass of expectations of how things are going to go
And as long as our experience, it doesn't diverge too far or to painfully from what we are expecting were all right, but once there is a divergence,
a why in the road a fork in the road, that's when our lives have to faint that's when we were given a choice that we have to face
You're, not all drivers here in new york, so maybe you don't know a fork in the road. Is it's not
somebody's take out utensils that they left lying in the street. It's it's where
one branch of the road goes this way and the other branch of the road goes. That way I mean, I'm not making any assumptions are not everybody's had the place
of meeting the people with the dmz die
regions can take many forms, illness, the death of loved ones,
Romantic relationships that either go sour, they just don't bloom career opportunities that don't materialise. Even the health that you expected to have my turn
to be out of reach, and in your twenties, these,
urgencies don't seem to important, because you have the sense that there is still plenty of time for god to get it right.
but as time passes and the sense that our hopes and our dreams are slipping away starts to become more acute. That's when this fork in the road presents itself as a choice we have to make. Shall I continued to trust god
do as he commands with my life, or should I say
like out on my own and attempt to grasp those things that will make my dreams come true,
as a young christian. I tag this in my head with the term. I'm just helping guy
get the things that I know he wants me to have in college
did what today would be called stocking
In fact, it was probably called stocking back. Then
to put myself in the path of the man. I was sure god wanted me to marry. I knew what is
classes where I saw I would just beyond the bench between that class in the next place, or I would be in the cafeteria when I knew he would walk in or I would
times sit on the hill behind his storm kate.
short tangent. If you ever have a problem with why, god doesn't answer prayer just remember, I'd be married to two different men, and neither one of them would be tim
God hitting answered all my prayers
sometimes unanswered purse good thing
but I was just helping god, because I knew he didn't want me to be alone.
and
The biggest temptations to speak, specifically about singleness for a moment
is to form an intimate relationship with someone who does not share your faith.
Many of you are, and every single one of you I think I could stick the family savings on. This
know someone who is either dating or considering. Marriage to a non christian
as a way of taking matters into their own hands to end their say
we'll state to help god get what they need
can't be wrong if it feels so right.
is a song work that has a lot to answer for as an excuse for some really bad decisions,
is a tangent by may as well say it here. I don't know other people who said it, but that's just be. As blunt is we can. Actually, I don't have any other setting. She had a switch
Christians are commanded not to marry non believers and
were forbidden to marry. Someone who doesn't worship, god
We are also being disobedient in living with cultivating physical intimacy with
otherwise, mimicking the behaviors of marriage with someone outside the faith when we want something it is so easy to lie to ourselves,
I'm not really breaking that commandment I haven't married and we're just living together
we're not really having sex screeches sleeping in the same bed.
me. Those are intimacies that are reserved for marriage and to sort of creeping up until your toe is right. Next to the law,
line of disobedience is not away
of showing god how much you love him. God
if people, even in the old testament, I'm sure you've seen this and wondered at it were always forbidden to marry any foreigners. But the thing you have to realize is that's not just
action of dont mary outside your ethnicity. That was never an issue because remember Ruth she's always called Ruth the mullah vices
And she's listed as one of the ancestors of Jesus, so her ethnicity wasn't an inquest
and she has in the book of ruth, probably the most fame.
Conversion speech of any one in the world
there you go, thou hadst, I will go you're got your people will be my people, your god will be my god. She was
foreign or because she was a worshipper of the god of Israel, so
we are told that were not to marry outside of people who worship god. This is not just a busy work that term terms still current something to keep you busy. While the teacher s a little bit.
God didn't give this command just in order to make your search for mate hard, if not impossible,
if there were no other reason, but the bare facts that the word of god forbids it. That really should be enough.
Dude around me, twenty nine, twenty nine is one of my very favorite versus may, because it's easy to remember: twenty nine twenty nine says the sea
With things belong to the lord, our god, but the things reveal belong to us into our children forever that we may follow all the works.
Of the law and in
First John, the letter first John in chapter five refers to it says actions for three. In fact, this is love for god to keep his command,
and his commands are not burdensome
not a burden to do something for someone that you love to show them that you love them common sense and experience if you'd need something more than just the authority of the word.
On should also tell you why this is so important, a phrase
the bible. I'm sure you, for this phrase is not to be unequally, yoked right if that in an unequal,
we'll see too many yokes around here. Unless you ve been to a country
restaurant, where they have declarations on the walls and there's this big wooden thing
the beam and then two holes,
two holes that are meant for the heads of the animals that are going to be
pulling the flower, the wagon or whatever there pulling cement too high.
next, the strength of the team to accomplish the task and
We don't really have that much occasion to have teams heart
stop or agrarian images are a little foreign us these days. But the idea
that you put animal
of the same species in to a yoke, because otherwise, if you had say
a horse and an ox, they walk at different speeds. They have different gates. There are different heights, so that yolk would be a chafing and a pain
to both of the minute, wouldn't harness their power they be pulling against each other. They would be rocking back and forth instead of
wing forward in an unequal marriage? It's a pain to both people,
to the one who has to marginalize their faith or the spouse, who feels marginalized by the other person's faith. You can bring this up at the q and a if you want to, but I wish you'd listen. If you don't listen to me, listen to
the voices of people who have been in unequal marriages. I wrote an article couple years ago called
Take it from me and you can find it if you just google that and my name but the articles five.
The article k fine, but read the comments, because the people who commented of
saying I have been there. I this has been my experience. I have had the experience of being in an unequal marriage. Don't do it, it's not worth it. So if you need more authority than the word of god. Listen to those voices. Marriage is one of the most significant human relationships. There is, but it's also one of the most difficult and misunderstood in the meaning of marriage. Tim and Kathy keller offer biblical wisdom and insight that will help. You understand god's vision for marriage, whether you're single considering marriage, poor, someone, who's been married a long time. The meaning of marriage will help. You face the complexities of commitment with the wisdom of god. The meaning of marriage is our thank you for your gift to help gospel in life, share the love of christ with people all over the world.
Request. Your copy today at gospel life, dot com, slash, give the gospel in life. Dot com, slash, give okay, I'm going to return! That was the tangent returning to my main line of thought when we face the choice,
to renew our trust in god, in the midst of circumstances, not of our choosing an
if our liking or take the other fork to attempt to capture what we want without his help
This is an opportunity to grow in your faith exponentially. In point of actual fact, we are having to come to terms with the submission to the will of god, both as it revealed in his.
Stands in scripture and also providentially as it's been revealed in your circumstances of life.
This is not something that may have ever been presented to you. If you ve had a relatively untroubled life, you may never have ask yourself, if god's will for you his assignment, for how
Your meant to glorify him might be different from your plans and if it does differ, whose planned are you going to trust
Suddenly there is major issues of faith and the wisdom and the love of god
and his sovereign right to order your life by reason of
his creation.
Dumbson and his preservation of all you are become very real and very immediate. I
crohn's disease. It's an auto immune disease of the gut catholic asthma digestive system. If he knew definition I was dying
decades ago, but about eighteen years ago it became pretty severe and my
action well, I got sick and then sicker
then permanently handicapped was to thrash about in
Hammock. No god not be asking this of me to be a mistake and my privilege
was mainly of the tec. Variety
this wrong, god fix it up
people I should have known better, because actually I got converted when I was faced with the very first fork in the road I couldn't pray.
lord, the lord's, for I knew I grew up in a home that occasionally the kids went to sunday school. I knew the lords for her
And when I was trying to pray- and I got to the part which is thy will be done- and that's not what I meant and did not want
I will be done. I wanted my
to be done, and I felt like ok, I'm stuck, I mean
I have to choose now, for
rest of my life
there or not, I'm going to be obeying god garden. Of course
once he gets his hands on your life. You know it's gonna, be you now
awful, I mean that's the lie we hear or
whether I'm going to strike out on my own and try and grasp what I want in my own rebellion.
after what have been uncountable
really cannot. Even begin to think of killing them
numbers of these choices force on me. I realized I finally passed a tipping point if I can still that term from Malcolm Gladwell ice
have fears and sorrows when a long cherished plan is in tatters or in jeopardy. Even I will cry
I will weep and I will scream whenever
Things are not going my way, I screamed to god not at all, but I finally come to the place where my suffering does not call into question. Gobs love or his wisdom
his goodness when Jesus asked his disciples, if they too were gonna leave him. This is in John six had been a mass exodus of people who are following Jesus.
Peter said to him lord, where else
we go. You have the words of eternal life along with me.
There were times where, if there
I been somewhere else, I could have gone, I would have gone there, but there is, there is nowhere else to go. Jesus says the words of eternal life.
Let me be blunt again still,
Singleness is not your biggest problem
and if you are ill illness is not your biggest problem,
for people who are unhappily married. Your spouse is not your problem and yours.
I'm stances of life whatever they are, are not your biggest problem. We tell
ourselves. Oh god, if you would only changed circumstances, everything will be all right, but you are wrong the biggest price
when we have. I have got this underlined and big stars is a lack of confidence and trust in the god of the universe. You
I focus on the specific situation and we identify that as the problem, but that's just the pebble in a shoe
a thorn in our side. That's a kick in our collective, but to throw us in
the hands of god. Where we will discover
we never knew were there, because we were content with the comforts offered in this world.
it's not until god is all you have that you discover. God is all you need, that's pretty try. You ve heard that, but things get to be tried by being true and set a lot so.
I'll tell you another way to say it. God wants
all to himself and in need
in that he uses whatever it takes to chase,
into his arms.
Loneliness or bereavement or illness, or anything from
perspective of eternity, we will not say how it
too high a price to pay that really wasn't worth it to get full
Of god and the fellowship of Christ and having thrown in rwanda
people who aren't facing what you're facing a life without the companionship and loves a spouse
chastity instead of sexual satisfaction
people who are ill
the war and alone or poor, the bible records people asking this,
Should all the time there's some. Seventy three there's john twenty one, that's where I'm peter,
just been told, he's going to die a certain kind of death. Then he looks over at john and says: did Jesus the lord by him? What's what then again, the cs, Lewis picks up Jeez
his words and puts them in the mouth of as land. You are only
hold your own story? What god is doing
in their lives is god's business.
Would you rather that he left
you alone to dabble with the toys, sex and money, and the entertaining
pursuits that the world offers.
While knowing and glorifying god is neglected, if we're on
Sometimes the answer is yes.
We'd like to be left alone to
apple with those things, I'm
Feeling very spiritual: today, god can we just put it off, and so I think that too
maybe I'll, be but way
thinking clearly, our dearest desire should be to know him and whatever it takes to make us cling to him.
is worth it. In fact, I remember very clearly shortly after my marriage telling one of my very good friends,
then I was really worried about my spiritual life, because now that I wasn't lonely anymore, I didn't have the.
innovation to run to Jesus? The way I did when I was alone. Tat was a whole different issue that married people face, but I realized how merciful, god
then to me in allowing that to have a motivation. I mean of the whole poem about the hounds of Heaven who chase you into the arms of god and if it you're loneliness, urged future sadness at your single state. Whatever it takes, you won't think it's too big over sacrifice. Sorry.
Chrome is starting to come when we know that if we choose to trust gods, goodness and love, ultimately, perhaps on the others
I'd of resurrection. Let me see,
that again, ultimately, perhaps on the other side of resurrection, everything will be all right.
Let me end on a note of hope. You know they put that clock here, but then they put this year's. I can't see the clock.
sometimes the most crushing part of any circumstance, whether its singleness or illness, like me or a thousand other things, is the fear that it will be life long. We looked down this bleak,
corridor of years, and we say I can't do it. I can't remain chased for a lifetime. I can't fathom being alone for decade after decade the can't deal with this disease day after day after day, knowing
Neither can I, but the good news is that we don't have to. We only have to take
day size chunk at a time. God gives us his grace any upholds us with his presence. Just for the day. Jesus said that the days own trouble was enough and what he won't do. This was huge for me whenever
just hit me what god won't do as he will not enter the dark imagination of your worst nightmare and give you hypothermia,
grace so that you see how well god will be taking care of you. Ten twenty third
years from now when you get there
Things are,
bad as you imagine them to be so it doesn't play that game. He won't
So if you want to imagine your life as you think it might be five years
now ten years from now, maybe you're still single twenty years from now
you're imagining it without the presence of god. That will be fair if you get there
You get there he's already there waiting, but while you're doing the whole imagination, I can't face that he's not in that your facing that too
italy without gods, grace present cos
now can enter your little daydream. I said this for years ever since college,
hit me like an avalanche, but recently someone just published a very
short article only know who she is in its bets childs, and it was in first thing.
And friend emailed it to me, so I am really happy to be able to quote some besides myself, so I will read. I will end with reading just a few senses from that child's article, which is entirely
marriage and celibacy lifelong grace one day at a time, those who
chosen to lead to celebrate life may be happy in their friendships, their church and their work, but when they appear into the future the frightening prospect
of growing old alone.
Overshadows the mercies provided in the present system.
Of enduring your marriage or lack of marriage for the rest of your life is daunting. It's because god doesn't handout. Grace in a lifetime supply
He provides it one day at a time if you feel, like god, has not given you. The cat
ass. You love your spouse for a lifetime, that's because he listened, but he has given you exactly what you need to be loving today,
Furthermore, god has not given celebrates the grace to bear a life
I'm a solitude, but he will give it
it will give you what you need to make through this day. God will give
what we need, but he will not give it to us until we need it
didn't, give the israelites enough food to last you forty years in the wilderness,.
gave the man a one day at a time, none of us.
Has a lifelong stockpile of grace, but we can look forward to gods faith on this over a lifetime,
for each of us one day at a time, thanks for listening to today's teaching from doktor keller, if you were encouraged by this pod gas, we invite you to consider becoming a gospel unlike monthly partner. Your partnership helps more people. Access resources like this pod cast just visit, gospel and life, dot com slashed partner to learn more. This month's sermons were recorded in nineteen. Ninety one, the sermons and talks you here on the gospel, unlike path, casper preached for nineteen. Eighty. Ninety two thousand seventeen. What, after keller with senior pasture ever deemer presbyterian church.
Transcript generated on 2023-09-28.