Joining us is the renowned relationship expert and author, Sadia Khan. With years of experience in the field, Sadia has been a guiding light for individuals seeking love, companionship, and personal growth. Today, we're delving into a topic that many of us can relate to – dating. Whether you're a novice or a seasoned dater, we've got you covered.
After graduating in psychology and completing masters in developmental psychology Sadia began teaching in inner London schools amongst children of deprived backgrounds. She then went on to teach privileged students in Dubai and noticed not only the economic but psychological advantage wealth provides children when their parents can access therapy. Sadia decided to complete her studies in psychotherapy and decided to post a few videos online mainly to make therapy accessible to those who may struggle to afford it and to make therapy more digestible to those who may not understand the concept. The videos blew up and changed her career path to online therapist, podcaster and content creator racking over 100 million views online.
In this episode you will learn
- Common traits of all poor communicators
- The #1 reason women feel unsafe in relationships
- Why people change their personality to fit their partners
- Who files for divorce more, men vs. women
- How to gain confidence and self esteem to attract the right partner
For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1533
For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960
More SOG episodes on Radical Self Love & Acceptance:
Jason Derulo – https://link.chtbl.com/1460-pod
Karamo Brown – https://link.chtbl.com/1457-pod
Pokimane – https://link.chtbl.com/1443-pod
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
People have this arrogance where they like it. I have to communicate, is not real in this world, especially because of movies, and shows and songs its tool us that if we have to explain
than that person doesn't love you. They should be
what a mine reed and predict and stuff, and then they create the ingredients for a distant relationship. Communicating effectively is essential. Welcome to this,
all right, miss monuments, louis how, as a former proactively turn lifestyle entrepreneurs in each week, we bring you and inspiring person or message to help. You discover
How to unlock your inner greatness thanks
in time with me today. Now let the class begin. Remember
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I've been doing a lot of people in the last ten years and typically,
someone has a lot of wisdom like yourself there they don't get to wisdom, because everything was perfect,
we have done everything was happy. A gas apron comfortable ends. Wife was good ass usual some challenge trauma break down at some stage their life. You know
If they're, maybe they're in a marriage that went one way they got divorced and they realize a girl. There was a pattern that I lived or something happened and I to go down this path because I had this experience was childhood thing or something like that. Oh
We think messieurs so wise around these concepts of relationships and all
So great contacts you're not married, you don't have kids yet so they gotta be people saying. While she doesn't you now she speaking about this, but she has really experience for they should at this level, although it may seem qualified to have this wisdom with way around your life, I don't know if it makes me qualified by it
say that there has to be a healthy level of trauma to ignite this level of curiosity towards human nature and
think in my particular case. I faced a law of neglect, particularly from siblings. I would very much like the middle child very much neglected very much by myself
The thing that was really bizarre for me is I'd. Be such a big personalizing outside of the home. I had so
friends and I really bored gravitate towards me?
in my home, and my siblings would totally ignore me and act like I don't exist and I would be spent countless about a time bomb
self in my bedroom, while they would have a great time- and I could hear them laughing and joking and so- and I was automatic
kind of in between two worlds and so what what?
and as I understood that their reaction was going outside of the heart.
is not the same as I'm getting in the home and it was causing some
in me. I remember feeling like I know, I'm worthy of love because everybody else seems to love me learns thought I don't feel worthy of love.
the people. I want it from don't give it to me some because I had this kind of dichotomy old, like self esteem
I then realised how sabotaging I can be and how difficult I can be. I in so many relations when
would be sir law and even to this day like if somebody compliments me, I find it so difficult to accept a compliment and I started dislike. The person has come
hunting really absolute ways or by don't wanna, be your friend, Alban rank. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My dollar lear broke. Exactly rise, in fact, is the quickest way to get me to dislike used. To give me compliment really. Absolutely all in my closest friends are hypercritical at me, and I keep it that way. They'll say to me that looks bad or you
terrible, very gaindu. Honesty on a dagger grady, I know, is also gray resource for a friend is over complementing something. That's not true. Maybe there's some there's some relevant hours it. I got it back up. There is a strong disliked towards people who compliment me alone, because a pot of meat believes that lying to me a new problem
we because at home I never got single compliment till this day
I don't think I've ever had a complement, so I think what happened is lie
life and myself esteem was so separated from my confidence? I had lowers eliza confidence, but no real self esteem and I saw
how, on the surface I come across
well put together a really like a confident all these things, but when you get to know me, especially when the way one pot and knows where they see all these insecurity,
in all this pay, and all this thing in this site that lets,
I met and the father the like is now in law, is to different people will and me realising that made me kind of go down this journey of understanding human behaviour in a way that I guess requires a bit more empathy, then somebody who would have it completely perfect room. You ve, really.
I searched a lot. Yeah did that do that to the same fee, when you again being the youngest of four and kind of being feeling like I was
Is the one left out right, mother out, you know five
an eight year old brat just running around you're gonna get attention from my orders they're off with their friends. They don't want anything to do with me or I em up
we years younger than my
sibling and then eleven years old or younger from my brother, so they don't have to
I was sent us it wasn't and they have their own seat.
Goin down, but I felt very allow my whole childhood until I turn thirteen and I left home a high- and I and I was like I can do
but this painting a more gimme out and that the
I'll tell you beforehand that made me an observer of human beings yeah my whole childhood because I didn't feel like I'm. No longer fit in or was accepted, shutting of a lot of people feel em in some
it's in their life. They don't feel like they belong. They fit in or they're not accepted in some way that I felt that until I was thirteen really I sat and watched people and I observed people. What makes them react a certain way. Why are they in this energetic?
What makes them in our cry, what makes laugh? Why are they reacting to this man? What what was it, and so I just wouldn't watch people a day- has no
would hang out with a cat, would swatch people at school and watch people you know, and on street sir, I siblings I'll just watch cause. No one wants to spend time with me back and dad became an incredible.
all skill set a man on their standing. People are us
people and having compassion the asking people on learning how to connect matter and it's an ongoing journey in a process. But you know that pain for really decade plus became
something that was a superpower in the sense that lobbyists lobbying have periodic city the summer, like yours,
I'll, be in my town, meme warrior. Now, when I listened and fascinated by what you re sperience, what you ve learned and why this pain and this challenge affected you'd be. This
as I know, what effect on me to be this way than I am,
actually we'd be very androgynous. I'm the thing is sometimes the comments I get is all your feminine sub. I actually consider myself radiant I'll, not this non binary, all this stuff, but men's day. I think my content tends to be quite gender, neutral kind of talk about men and women. Quite equally by us.
Who is I was left out for my sister's, goes so what happened
I don't buy it being a woman, and the other thing that is really interesting is when I was a third guy in my culture, backside coinciding you on boys. So when I was born
When my parents were hysterically crying
couldn't believe they had a girl. They were crying now eyes out to the point where the nurse came in thinking I stopped reading and that we do
when a gal we really on again, and so what happened is I grew up with almost like thinking
I'm not a girl in a way like I'm, not one of the girls, I'm not one of the girls, but I am so
and so what would happen is. I would always have rule male friends and I d
understand the male brain a bit better than the female brain, because I always so females as like people who don't like me and males
be really nice to me, so I always kind of understood them away, but,
that and being a woman. I understand women. Buyer got this insight into the male brain. I couldn't have access, if I wasn't sir segregated from my sister's, so it actually help me
academic than in this career pod? Maybe marino emotionally way definitely help me in this way the ogre
do these aren't. I were had something came up for me in a heterosexual relationship. Yet what is it?
that men really want or versus
what women really want, based on your experience? Growing up
with men and understanding the rain and being a woman. What
that men are really want and that women really want and if each opposite
this, they would have a much better relationship. I
for many. The ability to be completely unapologetically them so unhappy needs predicted is something they can't do
where else in the world. Why me,
by that is for women and armed my best friend
for example, show no ban on feeding large. You might get me a tumblr or a mile, the best friends. I know I can call it when I'm stress sad whenever it is, I can outsource this ability to have my needs man
and without saying a word, because women tend to be quiet and motioning under an. I have the ability to be myself manuel hot beside whenever it from manning the real. While they have to be a man, they have to wear a bit of a mosque, so they have to look like you, ve got it put together after looked like therein control after looked after look back to look so if they can go home where they can take the mosque off and still be loved and appreciated, that an appreciation for them isn't just a quick
Thank you. It's also like. I know, you're tired. I know you're hungry. I know you need to get up early, so I am just turning the I will putting the kids to bed, I'm just turning the volume off. I know you need to get to bed. That is a form of appreciation for them. So I think
They have a woman or an environment where they can take the mosque, olive and their needs can be predicted it something that thing. You think that
Can only dream of. They don't know that that actually exists for them. Would you agree, oh indeed, like woody,
fill your eyes and fundamentally man? I am not sure that I can speak for my perspective or maybe like male friends, that I talk to congo are
business owners who have multiple responsibilities
beyond himself and they have.
Some points are not somebody that are banned or something is that there is a wait, there's a weight,
these men feel that I feel at times
not saying oh, woe is me, I will a or something it's just you gotta show up responsible for people more than gestures.
you gotta sharpened, deliver now, once in a while, but every single day I and I well
The responsibility on the last two
africa, china, india and the responsibility to have a vessel physically and emotionally immensely and spiritually to carry the weights and that you know has been give provided for me. I'm bless him ass, wide train myself, physically, spiritually, mentoring mode.
Way, take it onward feels light. So it doesn't way me down.
that doesn't mean there aren't days when it isn't challenging yeah and just wanted to be ordered, go and relax and feel peace at home is the highest.
Currency and what it you be accepted and having a sense of peace here and with that in a pike,
I'm gonna, get it almost every nights last raw and that's thus that's why I feel even more peace because of that and I, but I why I'm blossoms
I know that we opposite of it. I know beer and unknown blaming anyone. I guess I know what it felt like do not feel that added
There's more weight is powered on top of you and I'm not saying this. The one is responsibility of business trip he just didn't choose correctly and that
I am having to communicate the right way and I had healing the dew and also yes, I don't want to. I think pieces deafening created alone on men say they want peace, but you
she than men alike, are dying for peace and combine. It is either they ve chosen. Super can a chaotic, but they might be engaging
hey. Visa rules are not conducive to face. The sultan full data have self control their coming loom, lay that drinking to revise and watching banal, defend it, and then they screaming.
wifi. Why can't you give me pay is, but
busy when he met a man who selects wisely anne herself grimshaw pieces and inevitable outcome, he does have to ask for it. So I hear you say like a man that can have
Someone meet their predictable need the correct as its appreciation has. Our appreciation wish, there might be women say, will Hama get a predictable
He can predict what I want on he's, not reading my mind when he's not out there.
when I tell him everything is fine, but I have actually have an attitude and I'm not showing that over these wine. How am I supposed to predicts and better for him if he can do that for me and because he had to ask as I do I like that he doesn't do
For me too, I, like that experience of him not sing it not doing it. Zones are, if I don't like it,
Show me: why would I create that? Also? Why would I Emily behavior I dislike? So perhaps he can roma.
The behaving you'd like and also manage your expectations. What I mean by this is when somebody isn't
stick to your knees, men and women or isn't doing it. Is it deliberate? Is it the o e, I'm not going to do it for you or is it a case of one I didn't I didn't know. Let me help.
The reality is, are you communicating it before you get angry? I communicated earlier on after your marriage ass. This is what I mean, what actually communicating early
this is something that I too, I did differently and sort of martha. We
communicating early on
So I'm only now the I'm reading in the future as well
he's crazy, mean eyes like this is too
in a committed relationship to commit and be all in and be giving and of service in the thinking about a future together. Yeah has eliminated.
And here s where the issue is not whether and if so, why? Because, if any job discouraged
anything that that we want to know exactly what to do in order to get them to get promoted or whatever is it doesn't mean? There's good is logical,
oh and evolve, and this could be your flexibility, but it's like at least communicate least a basic needs that people have this arrogance where they like. If I have to communicate, it's not real because I watch too many movies yeah
happening, what is fishing western culture in any other coach in any of the period of time is, of course he tell people what,
How are they going to know, but in this world, especially because of
beings and shows and songs its tool us that if we have to explain it,
hasn't doesn't love you. They should be
bottom line rate and predict and stuff, and then they create say ingredients for a distant relationship and emotion. So I think an communicating effectively is essential. So what is it that
if a man truly knew what a woman wanted, they would have a happier. Healthier relationship is difficult in the case of it all depends on
you ve chosen, a woman whose healed and a nazi chaotic, essentially what they want, is to be a big protect
and in a way that nobody else can and what I mean by protect it. It can be financial, emotional, whatever is by its own
if I'm, protecting my woman emotionally engaging in behave
that will humiliate or hatter. If I'm protecting our finance,
it means I'm giving her. My best doesn't mean I'm giving her everything for the best.
Can do if I'm a taxi driver in covering, like ten cover. What, if I'm somebody who's frugal with her? She will
I always feel like a autumn suit, will she's more powerful than you and whenever she feels like he's, not protecting, she feels more powerful and then she becomes distress.
actual. But when she has a man, that's protective of of higher Bertha safety, her motions of violence is, she then keeps allows him to take control and when
But we feel more powerful than a man we feel unsafe and that unsafe deem makes us disrespect soon and then look for.
men is almost evolved. So, therefore, if it can protect us in those way,
Where were you feeling safe so is essential. So was the number one thing that makes women feel unsafe from the man therewith with. I would say that
showing a complete disregard for her emotional well being, and that doesn't have to be sleeping. It does have to go that far too sleeping with other women.
It might be a simple as not replying to her messages or in a bare behaving online. My liking vit. I know something bizarre, but you'll, be sir surprise how unsafe a woman can feel simply by watching who is pictures he's liking and commenting in saving is such a simple thing from a man but from a woman's perspective, be almost
knights, her fight or flight response is that which is that we are to learn
does it all for insecure we're going to cause us man. It makes sense beata you, like. Ok,.
Well I've heard doing this, maybe you, but maybe one in matter like on for me it doesn't
it doesn't matter what she does give to be able establish that trust
and and
If we have included in the agreement on something and then she did which wants to do and then I would just
knowledge to say, hey. I don't really like this: can we make an agreement on this yet and if and were Farrah what that is?
coal, we ve, created a new dynamic growl. Eight thousand just feel confident with who I am tat and so she's off doing something which she never.
As in I don't think she would ever do it she's off doing something, and I I would find out eventually and say: okay, well, that's unfortunate, but I guess it's
the right fair. We need to figure out how to amend this year or I'll. Be ok,
If you go live this life, that's why
it's just not going to be with me. Alright, that's sad! It's unfortunate! It's is it that's a healthy way to say it, because a lot of people think addiction is a testament to how much he
someone, the fact that you can't let them go, must be new, really loved them, but actually means that you have an established, healthy boundaries and I don't have any self esteem yazoo vis, also, probably why certain things
I said he may want to do that. I wanted to do myself, and maybe it's not like the highest value that I would have for with my time or my energy or whatever, but it's who she is it's unique to her son would accept her for who she is, and I've chosen to accept her. That's why, when I got committed to her
right before we committed. I say: listen is raining us in no doubt shoe till I felt like I asked her as much like.
a few months, parent right and I got to meet her family
travel and all these things you get their experience and other that could cause upsetters differently if gown. So I got to know at least a good amount and in a short period time. I said her as long as this is who you are, who you gotta contain a bit
there's nothing. It upsets me. Ah, they deal breakers while just like I'm an except who you are
with his son man that are like. Ok, you, you were a mom
or whatever you did something, and now I don't want you to do that now,
We're together can do the same in cash marthas an actress, so she has done on a forty different.
Has she kissed men and moving has done the different, intimate seen said. I know that it and therefore I have to ask myself: do I accept this as she continues being who she is yet examined? I had to say
Ok, I welcome, as opposed to you, can't do this anymore. You have to change to fit into my work, but there s a difference between in secure and bans.
Is because he is a thing. Allow a men. What, though, like they'll, say no, I'm not being insecure and assessing boundaries, but you are being in secure because he is a difference between sick, insecure and boundaries.
Is a secure. Man was see what you have to offer
I greet the menu and decide if he will stay or leave exactly an insecure man will say you need to do this unity to this rather than just saying you are, who you are I'm going to have to leave you're, not very familiar, not right for me. Why do we want to change people from who they are to fit our world, because we are too insecure to walk
now, when we developed the willingness to walk away, we actually love people for whom they are relying. You know what you're always out in the club ordering our shit like that you really live in and shrewd pay doesn't work for me. But when I'm in secure is I please be something else, because I can't move away from this. I can't find anybody s song was hold.
than by the throat begging them to be a better person, because I don't have the strength to know when to walk away, so that
we have learned about or those in the eyes in our eyes fit the sellers nigh. So when you can become the fascinating,
Ok, you know me to be of asia and this other humans in the world. Are you can keep it moving and that's
the then boundaries between secure and insecure man or woman.
And waiting for them to changes this way, all my other doors when women
think that a man will change in the future. Like he's, got so much potential he's so gray here it here and I love his face.
we so much? They are welcome me, anne, but there's his two or three things that I just and maybe one day who change what typically happens now
patients should therefore not be they imagination, and why
reality striking and, unfortunately, reality strike at some point realities.
when we fall in love with our imagination, which were very capable of doing particularly for women traumatize, one thing which on which our people is that they machination and reality can get blood
We fall in love with I imagination. Unfortunately, life will keep testing your inter and reality. Testing will keep occurring until you're forced to face the person they truly are, and it's usually kids or ten years later, or something like that and then they'll say:
They will act like with me. You know I didn't know he was like this. Are you came out of nowhere? How can he's like this? But really they showed you
who are from day one they always showed.
If you fell in love with your imagination and now you're angry, that your imagination is not reality based, so, unfortunately it doesn't end. Well, is better to just be accept the person for who they are flaws, and all
than to live in the illusion that they going to change before you mary and complain about another day
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I've from the people that are the women that I've party or who have been married divorced. Always I'd. Ask this question to you
know before you got married, that it probably wasn't the right personally
or inside you knew- or maybe you actually nearly you just for too far along and he went through with it thinking you would change it.
Probably ninety five percent of them said. Yes, I knew I knew the day
married, I knew the week before. I knew afterwards what I would try to make it work, anyways yeah. Why do you think so many women get married? Knowing it's the wrong man? I think what happens is a biological pressure and become a sum
We can escape. I think, no matter how many holidays. We can kid ourselves. Where than how many career opportunities and how many alternatives
There is a biological thing that kicks in with women late twenties. Even it doesn't have to wait. Two people think it happens real
it doesn't. It happens quite under where they start to think that they need to know what the future will look like to eat.
their anxiety, even if they're not can have kids today to ease their anxiety that
will become another: they just want to settle down. They ve just wanna, get tick that box
and am in the process of kind of submitting to the evolution and pressures and societal precious. They overlook the red flag, and sometimes it's not the man, that's the issue. They need
themselves that then already from outside. They know themselves in a very good at council
Till they know they know, themselves is still a touchstone eggs, but the pressure to settle down
apply on themselves and the body can, of course, for causes them to
down the aisle, knowing what the result will be sacked men have that to you, I don't asthma.
Russia has much land or if the man is they can sometimes
they're, not lying the right person, but usually because these men they tend to be ok with it.
accepting the monotony of marriage. Those men that worked on the all knowing is not the right person they tend to be like, is not the right person.
Kara settling down, and I accept the milan.
reality of marriage. They fix theyve succumb to it
with women who know they will eventually goings alike, will ask the divorce. Men are happy to stay married
in latvia lottery not lottery happy if there, that kind of guy who falls for divorce
men or women women, but why is it a long time is a cry for help and there's been cyber attacks
The women say to me is, like I told him, I wanted to wars, but hoping he had come back for me, but he let me packed my bags and thus of times a day
the file for divorce. On taking that far as a way of testing their partner and if there were quite a healthy
Nah they'll. Take your wife, a gospel run. I think you mean it. Why do so many women trotted test their men constantly? I it's an evolutionary thing, it's an evolutionary thing because his reality, we are designed to have children with men and charge. That is, but
and fatal weaken. We die from childbirth. If we were left in reader, our natural habitat, I am so to put thou I'm risk unto relationship, he bene be able to endure or types of storms,
So we have to test, though so we have to unfortunately death and we have to test, or they can be faith though they're going to be a financially stable. Are they going to be able to have a bow? It came like they have their own boundaries. We push, we push we push now. The problem is, unfortunately, for man is when we push year and you succumb to us
you automatically lose us. We. What we're saying when we're pushing! You is really make sure you don't give in to this, because if I, if you do, then I know you're not strong enough, my goddamn, it example. What are you lie on might be something like I push a man to say: I'm gonna come home when I won. I bet it. I'm gonna come home and do I want with the girls? Were I'm gonna come on guys trip some new? Do whatever I want push, you pushy appreciate,
and then when you actually given and say, ok, essentially, she feels like she's not being protected. So she felt no reason
winning unama, spine, Ozzy, alarming doing you're, not really responsible, or she might sound talking to my ex boyfriend and use. I don't feel comfortable,
sure I know you have to do with their fine. He accepts it since she she saying that you don't mind cold,
you dont line of ireland. A fat lie so essentially what we're begging for sometimes is the boundary not the sick.
The kind of were not looking feet about out so hard ferment
outright, I feel so bad man is. I got robust psychology all the time, unfortunately, outside of people who are divorced and are responsible for communicating with their axes to go pair. I took apparent yet do
I think, it's possible for a man or woman to speak to an ex partner as a friend
whether in a new relationship and not let it not be an issue. I think it's definitely possible based on a sunday. Respectful is a thing it's definitely possible and to people
we have passed it and in the north and to reach other whatever it is, but he's not respect voting a new connection, so you have to choose whether just because I have
billeting you too have a right, platonic relationship with an ex doesn't mean I should have the willingness to do it if it disrespects my car relationship or my car partner after Paul is ok with it. Maybe that's different, but I just think you should be self regulate
I know to know where your values are based and when you enter a relationship, a part of that it should be to respect it enough to let go of relationships that don't serve the route
your relationship, in a way that is going to be constructed woody. You think Eliot's, ass, gonna, ask you: do you think it's?
I think, a man or woman who is not liking if their partner is speaking to their ex relationship.
Does that mean they are jealous and in secure or should they have self esteem? I beg us
element of boundaries. I think it's just a case of I think we naturally desire partners who are self regulated. We naturally
a partner that says I'm in a relationship. Now I love you and I can feel by a minor relations. I don't want it to affect my new partner, so we naturally want
somebody who has that now, if we are asking for them to have the end
it doesn't necessarily mean insecure. It just means that you prioritize the relationship over other relations. Such should really be a priority, and a former relationship outside of children with children is really important and is waiting for us to have a healthy relationship, but outside of children and one it doesn't mean the heart is triggered jealousy, but it would be nice if your partner respected things without you having to invoice, though sure, whichever
If somebody's speaking to an or I want to like it- and I it doesn't mean I I would feel like okay, you- you spoke to your ex, like
Why now say? What do you mean to doesn't mean they're gonna have an affair. I wanna be in secure talk to everyone,
yeah. It's not going to make me insecure as a human, because, if you want to be there x, then go be with them, yet don't be with me yet
but I'll just be thy, why wise is necessary so that there is even in a bank
together. The only thing I have made sense. We just want to hang out and talk tamayo that doesn't work for work, doesn't make any
don't work for me, and this is one of our stand and it's not necessary things on this.
very mixed offence and what have you got in ways that is not necessary, as I would say to those up, only ass, your question about self control and self esteem, and on a scale of one to ten for you personally
ten being high gatt and one being low. Where
you on self control and personal self estate, I would say about as fake sunrise high as I'd like to be. I was sultan.
Well self control. I've got luck, I never drink and I don't over eat, and I do I go to the gym and stuff on that. But my here's, the thing my self control goes out the window during when I'm angry,
this is, I say so and what happens?
Ire triggered, went along the line, ass comes out what happened mean, and so the thing is all of the thing is I pray five times I'll fast.
from it- and I don't really swear, I don't watch pornography. I don't know all these things are great, but the thing is those are really self like mice. What I do for myself
But when I get angry, I heard the pupil I love the most and therefore I can't say myself see it myself. Control is high and, as a result, a consequence of this
if I, because nothing lets me more than hiding the pupil, I love sorry is always like a power dogs, but because at my temper
gotten better against Ben. I think I'm just being lost energy in amerika. I want a year beds and when you have people, because you can't control your tongue,
you go back feeling the loads, a shaman gill. Afterwards, you feel bad absolutely, whereas when you hold your tongue, there's no shame in gill, zero,
or even on a spiritual level on a religious level on an emotional level when you can't control your tongue? What good is it that you can get to the gym at five? A m? What good is it that you can avoid carbs for a week if you're hurting people with you
hung and especially when I
the program. When you are like a bit of a you know, a speaker in a you know, eloquent speaker or whatever is you're equally eloquent and when you're
horrible their hearts even law give your long. I really so awful.
so I said seven on sovereign
all aspects or some of the salmon dakota. My temper self esteem were you, I would say, is six as well as
It is a different with your self esteem in your career, verses relationship derived their self esteem, for lack of it there,
no self esteem zurich come on it
where you will get a grey contrary consistently? If he has, I think you have some self confident the haze. Why do
at the conference. I have confidence and self esteem. What's the difference between confidence is my ability to get the job done. I can release a good video. I know that and I can speak well on about
I know that whatever is self esteem is doing deserve this level of accolade notoriety or you me in my
had blown oraibi in my address is like
We deserve this level of like because I always am. I feel bad about it in a zombie,
Well, I'm manifesting this for years and they ve got tee when they had a vision board and then
that somebody, I never thought about.
On social media. I have a bunch of spending areas in every post because I don't even prove free. I ain't she post. While
the tread wheel, I'd take their pride.
our energy and it just praise, be to god, just happens to land. Well, so my confidence is through the roof
and do it or danny too. I know that some stay wise.
Always an element, and this is why I have the impulsive inerneys why I was so nervous when I met euros like shakier, although I because I'm confident
I don't know if I deserve to be here with you, so that's where my self esteem, for some reason doesn't seem to catch up with my confidence, not yet anyway, how do you, how do you have confidence in putting something out.
If you know people are going to see it thou and you know, when you see it and they're, going to comment on it and they're going to give critique good or bad. How do you have the cowardice of put it out there if you lack the self esteem to receive? Whatever comes back, I think it's just great
present punching bag that you always prepared for negativity. I think that's what data cray me such a thick skin. That is not the I'm posting, because I think I'm sir gray is on posting because I can handle the
and will be. I get so much hay and not we agree. Understandably, I get so much. I am and consider lung rabbits agree like I'm not
here like trying to like curio dog, I'm just gonna go, but I get such a disproportionate amount of
for considering my line of work and is because, as all I'm always ready for an unwise.
Ready for that, because I've always receive a lot of criticism and allow may not just with sisters,
general with women in general throughout my lie so because I'm always received by either confident, because he is a thing competence is in this area.
great, you think you something issue relating to accept the rejection said because I
is zero concern that you're going to be offended or you're going to be her or you're gonna upset me that's what pushes me to do it nope. It looks like it's. Ok for me.
so is a bit like a by cook, something and you didn't love it on their care without that makes me confident not because not just because of the positive, but I can accept the worst case scenario, because I can accept worst case scenario.
will the hay or they suddenly Ella. That's why I have confidence,
steam. Doesn't really come from that if you can accept the worst case scenario, but you can accept the best case absolutely. Nor is that so weird, but you have the confidence to put out stuff consistent with such a widow. That's just day value may derive. Doesn't none other rake thank saudi? What would life we like if you were able to receive?
All the positive abundance comes your way, love affirmations, generosity kindness complements what would life feel like if you could truly receive it at saint? Better, I think that's the main thing, I would say a lot better. I think I constantly have light and micro awakenings, because
I am very good. A kind of brushing away the anxiety by EU body keep score of everything and the amount. The way I kind of sleep
It is always a signal that you're, not peace, and you haven't accepted them.
that I've been directed towards the always pushing away.
Home in on the negative and sabotage love in some way shape or form, and I think, if I accepted
in the right way, I would sleep a lot better. How do you sleep right now, terrible?
yeah? I love it in l, a because I've got jet lag, so I'm for some reason, I'm asleep at eight pm or waking up before him, but in the real world I
I have to numb myself into sleep after watch, something that would distract me from my thoughts I have to I. I can't be alone with myself, so I have to keep
noise on after what something to distract, what a chick myself into falling asleep. But just a gentle arrest will never come to me
and now we are heading for thirty years. I couldn't sleep,
you do that as its a trauma response to feeling like saddam hussein,
and yet I like
it is I wake up in the middle east, we mean crying dobbin, my lungs until now
while more common probably tell us like nine or ten, and what was it dri saw like that, would make you like arm
I think, I'm nervous system was so on high alert from not feeling emotionally safe or physical, save in some ways. Nanosecond. I've felt, like my parents, were too
something made, but I just and when you are mostly unsafe, you typically are physically feel the embody fiance contract. You know like a
I'm not worried about. What's around my surroundings, you're always kind of like looking around and be like. What is that? What is I? And so I did
Take a while to go to sleep an hour and a half a night. I would lay there try asleep. I couldn't do it and I would just be women any of my thoughts. Fears and security is dead.
traumas and am now just wake up screaming,
What are you going from five to probably nine or ten so big enough to like not be screaming like a baby, and I was still wasn't able to sleep until I hit thirty wow, I mean I could sleep.
Would take me an hour you're going to be exhausted. Your mind wouldn't and I'd stay up super late, because I just couldn't sleep and I was worried and so had
lot of anxiety, anxiously ass and I started to sleep better when I started a heel, the biggest traumas from the past, and then I started
We ve been five minutes on make my Lord knives right, but it was literally. It doesn't evolutionary thing because we used to sleep in lyon, come together times. Would they be predators and stop only when we feel safe? Could we sleep well
did studies on the amish community, John hardy, writes about
I swear in because the collectivist and they will work together and they are all one group. They lie cheese sleep like constantly in deep sleep until they get falsely because they know they're so protected, whereas in western cultures, where people are isolated
sleep? They had the hut the highest rates of his I'm near. Yes, I actually biological being from a high lives on you know: amish country,
is in a highly homage to mean. I know that throughout the mid west, but I've you know you drive through high. Oh and you'll see different amish communities. Worse literally there
the drive around horse and carriage electrics,
electricity. They don't use certain tools that their cycle
amber and saw how I and a simple clothes- you know work on a farm and they usually selling something you now
and they say you're out of your watch, its kind like its fastening zealously
gone back in time, Brian or years,
and I have a lot of respect for the irish community for it
the community that they work together. They share together. They give together and they're all working together at their than doing something. Physical and the kids are out and are doing something but they're around the parents, close by waste from my observation and
I can imagine your outside in nature working hard all day, long you're, gonna pass out. Of course, replied
as trust
ok, your identity, so spread along the whole community that europe and the jewish community do this renewal is yeah. They share responsibility.
The children and they like crazy to so they have this ability to
rely on their own kind of a compliment to determine this up esteem as a means of group is good. They feel good, see, spread it out and it was very difficult to have an identity crisis.
because it's not all about you- isn't be bored here to be hot, to fish, a hot to feel depressed
how to feel lonely haunted, feel all the things are actually quite toxic and they who they create a buffer for it is amazing to think how many people in relations,
abs do there feel alone in their relationship. I say I am particularly
The court is where we live now. I think majority of them feel alone and the reason being is, and the esa
really highlights this. While is we ve got? One of our knees lie a girl, so short, emotional cognitive. All this we putting all one person or when they can't follow those needs. We start to feel alone, but before we have a community which spread to all those, neither crossman different people,
and as a result, we wouldn't blame all partner for our low new kind of experiences. So I think- and I notice is particularly with
housewives wives in western communities. What happens with housewives is because, as
meaning under kindness and they haven't fulfil their purpose.
a completely in their mind. I'm not saying that they haven't, but in them line
feel lonely. They fell soup alone.
Because I always feel like they're a slave to the child for the past couple of years and whereas before now
his generation and their generators would be so many other moms that recently stay at home, moms only ons uncle everybody would be close to buy that childbearing wasn't so difficult. Now you have to toot totally alone,
so, they end up finding really difficult and they feel really lonely and they resent the husband as a result of the region
or somebody and he's u. She gone to. Whack was zoe, so the end result
who is this rift? What do you think
new moms
I to do it alone versus doing with support,
oh arabic, then because we ve created individualistic societies what's happening. We don't trust people aim or we see people as predators, whereas in
well, society is a leash. You share breastfeeding that I'd, give me your baby put it on it. In the end they do stuff like that they raise them, they pay for them. They do everything. So we've always created a
all connection with free of fear of sharing responsibility of
and I are understandably because the worlds of it were messy plays so wicked. What happens if they want to take full responsibility, but then there over
and in an angry as a result. There is a really tricky scenario for, though
Knowing what you now, oh, what you studied and when
her from men and women in relationships and once you ve heard from moms, even though you not mom yet what is it
that you think you need to take responsibility for the set yourself up for a healthy, cautious love with a with a partner, but also as a man.
I see, you're not resentful
in our long way, you're not angry at your partner when
Then you get to work on yourself. I think the annual audit
that mom. That's present an aim which assumes that child you have two inch
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he's unmet words. What will happen? Is it
either mollycoddle and over kind over at tat time. I that protects overprotect, not allow them to experience immersion project, your fears unto them.
There. I don't touch this over the everything scary. Oh you or neglect one or the other, I'm vote.
the mai, equally damaging area, the passing on anxiety or passing on avoidance, and you know distance. So I think until you,
he'll those words as much as you might wanna be a mom myself included is better to reserve it to time. We can do that child justice because we always aren't redo their childhood. Would support of you
feels like there's something that I am still holding onto. I get to hear. I get to transforming it to process so that you can,
dip into motherhood, one day of being in the best mommy convey god willing, I think
and I am around children, why lan hawaiian loved them, sir, so much to see only environment where I don't? U: adjudged, because children
georgie they just kind of like using reasoning and stop, and I remember, being around twenty one years old and going to like a kids policy and as an having it.
I am of my life with these four year old and they also thought
some kind. I need to be on a register or sun so because there is a thousand sesar them, but because I'm always felt so judged and rejects it. I always vote
the really whom were children really loved in it. At home, where children-
I didn't want to cairo make that the responsibility of having a child for me to feel cushioned and for me to feel at home
for me to feel like I bought an insurance policy for
I got an emotional connection for the rest of my life, so I think now
I have been out into the real world. I think in a way it's been really healing cause. I Atlanta, I actually am maybe not as bad as I think I am, and I'm not as hated
I think I actually really appreciates it and therefore I,
need to rely on this child to heal the wounds. They didn't create, trust her god willing
why you gotta go. If I recall online god willing, visible ruins bar
I am grateful for your here. Your conversation
and I would like I said to you. I am so grateful that you provided society with an alternative to netflix knows hundreds of two tb, it's just sir impressive and you're doing such a service to so many people by providing them
and it s really really appreciate some for charity, our pressure larry. You never got a great team, that's doing a lot of the effort in the work behind the scenes to make this point
the and down the addresses this uninspiring. How can we be of service to you today? How can we,
poured shoe? Where can we follow you? Where will we like to direct people more about if eleven,
conversely, how can gonna get more from me? Am I still do one to one, so I thought this psychology on instagram youtube and tiktok stowed
unto ones? I also have a patron patriotic have a quick question. You want to ask me I'm always available, and I put all of why extended content on that.
and yet you can just primrose Simeon most people's tik tok freeze. Unfortunately, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I keep popping up. Even I get annoyed, I see my
faith in god go way. So I do apologise
often to be everywhere, but unfortunately, for receiving Rinaldi rather than a euro were onwards in at least say. Thank you again so much for the opportunity. Of course, sawyer psychology on instagram is a saudi psychology doc.
I was well my my my website websites, audio psychology, dichotomy et AL you on youtube,
so I'm sure you'll have a lot more stuff coming out in the future. There's a question ask him when, towards the end of the three truths? Okay, so imagine a hypothetical.
Scenario you get to live as long as you want sata, but if your last day honour overall, you have the family, the kids, the coup
here. The relation of everything you want happens, but whatever reason, all of your content has to go with you on the last day, so no one has asked
to this end or information or anything you ever created the world, but you get fully behind a message with that shares your three lessons to the world: your three truths. What would those three
first be for you, I would like to express my appreciation to god creating a set of values. I could have never
by myself in the world that we live in today, so had he not sent his message, oda been very lost.
I am in the other truth I would say, is important in connection with family and children
children are really really healing and important and if we don't not to them, unfortunately recreate the memes memphis societies we grow and to hate so not to children as much as possible, and
practice self control. Motorways are in fact some self control itself healing Sophie.
one way of practicing self control. I pumiceous an investment in your future self that you're the preaching of that before us of our question, saudi only knowledge you and now you're broke. I gotta like my neighbors July. We need all come back on our together with all of them and I do not believe in Europe.
I journey is get you now start
and continue when you allow love in, allow compliments lay now I am and so
we won't do right now. Our knowledge is audio for your wisdom or sperience
the challenges. Are you been through and are still going through to be? Oughta have a perspective that can share and support people and theirs
You now facing you said today that I think will help alot of people open their eyes. Some things will lands other things you
Some things are going to present a deeply and help people overcome a payment arrived and other things. They may say that doesn't work for me I'll, be there
ecology for getting out of your comfort zone? All leaning in
your confidence and and being consistent by sharing this information and others, because it is make an impact. So I really appreciate it
and you and the oil thing you're allowed to say. Thank you. Thank you.
right now, you're right on all about those arising gear, of course, and I was trying my heart is to believe in a company that my mind stuck to believe that your beauty I mean what you're saying as speaking, is that terrible by
work on that, and I promise is when I, when I
you again, I will walk on this perversion,
here that your homework Ethel, I must have been she's he's very eyes. I I say that ok, sorry of our question: what's your definition of greatness
I
ten to an ever area that may be, and not relying on high is to see a growing via teeth. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for rundown of today's show with all the important links and if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as and free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus
and on an apple podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text. A friend leave us a review over on apple podcasts, and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at lewis house. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better and if you want more inspiration from our world class guests and content, to learn how to improve the quality of your life then make sure to sign up for the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness dot com, slash newsletter, and if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved. You are worthy and you matter and now it's time to go out there and do something great
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Transcript generated on 2023-11-22.