Hello, I'm jane teeth. Welcome to assignment on the BBC world service. At the beginning of twenty twenty two people in europe in the north of england tested It is, for the whip, hand, novel correia virus in the twelve months since covert nineteen has ripped through the uk defences killing more than a hundred and thirty thousand people. In the early months of the pandemic, we asked some doctors and nurses to keep diaries for the bbc. Imagine being overwhelmed with patients struck down with a new disease. You don't know how to treat normally assessment unsuitable. I would expect to say to us three lives of people, but at the moment, during the pandemic we seem to be only saving one of two lives.

deep down, I'm really rather fund, as I can my patient what I said: You have an became the coughed somebody the way they have got to be looked after. All the waiting ferrets should be solved or anybody, but this sense of failure to an extent that I have never experienced in mine over two decades of medical practice, is overwhelming in this programme. Medics will share their diaries from early last year, then we'll catch up, and he how they coping with the unrelenting pressure of a year of covert monday, the sixteenth of march social. Distancing begins that weak rupert peers. An intensive care consultant, the royal london hospital started. Recording it was an unseasonably warm spring this morning I a up.

go to spring day. Unless the house, the streets, were deserted, the trains rumours completely empty My family stayed at home, safe, He perched on a security guard at the door to more london hospital and walked up to them. It's ok to put myself in harm's way when. front line of a war against the enemy. We cannot see already somewhat. Has changed in order to win this fight. To imagine that things will have declined the same again mars is right intensive, the well. Today with a gentleman whose benefits is discovered- nineteen- let the bangladeshi gentlemen in his face. is the most obvious thing is he's got a cheap,

his mouth and that's connected to eventually Puffing away. In the background, he's got various cable leading away, but most important and enter the it is on santa she's. the bedside all the time, and I was not a train- intensive care unit. She normally works and operating theatre recovery and has been redeploy today to look after intensive patience during a covered them it routine surgery was cancelled and theatres were transformed into covert wards. The fear that the uk is national. Health service would be overwhelmed led to the british prime. MR boris Johnson, taking a drastic measure we couldn't have imagined back then, Monday, the twenty third of march week, one of lockdown.

From this evening. I must give the british people a very simple instruction. You must stay at home because the critical thing we must do to stop the disease spreading between households, That is why we're locked down. So we are not going anywhere she's, gonna barbecue, the garden with myself, my husband, the two children and the dogs. This is louis, a thorn she's, a nurse she lives in the south of england, with her husband, graham and her children, sky and tyler. Last year, she was working in intensive care thailand produced Mummy David's, most mummies job picking out right. I've been there soon for nineteen years now the intensive care ass, an time frame, When I go to work is the uncertainty of loss, begins wherever put enjoyed themselves in the sunshine. Now there

socialized and how many more people were going to come in we will get through. This is unfortunate. A long period, don't listen the longer this is going to go on for so stay safe, protect the nhs lives. At the start of the first lockdown doctors were entering the unknown. This was a new disease- and they didn't have anything to treat it with all they could do- was put patients on oxygen, hoping it would give them some breathing space for their lungs to recover. Today s twenty third of march, two thousand and twenty. We are full of covert nineteen patients massey our salary. pensive care consultant in london, was making the most difficult decisions if his career about who should get a chance of critical care the office

a situation where we have to exclude some people from admission of critical care and having ventilators. This is because the out come is not going to be good. I saw a lady seven two years old, very cheerful, very lovely, but I had to turn her down for critical care admission, because her underlying conditions and frailty. Also, to talk to a gentleman who was in his eighties and had to and him down as well, because he's underlying diseases. These gentlemen, The significant resemble to my own father saw my discussion with him affected me very, very much.

Mozilla is spending day after day in close contact with covert patients and the virus. At the end of march, the british government was under pressure for a continuing shortage of protective equipment for health service staff. It was really really a bad day. Yesterday I was getting car arrest, cause and medical emergency calls. Every hour. I had lost patience that I had to put on ventilator and they were not very old, that every day is getting harder and harder on tens of protective equipment as the third consecutive day that you don't have enough advisers on couples to protect ourselves. I love you isn't he nita, a nurse and midwife and mum on the south coast of England also wanted.

or personal protective equipment or p p at work back then, the country was clapping for doc, it and care is every thursday night. It's one minute and understood what people are doing for carriers have dna tests people are going to come out It means a lot to me: I want to work I just don't feel that way being given the bright p p. I'm a single mom. I've got three and a half your old, that's I'm also a member of the baby before.

I had a baby, they died of a brain, tumor, the thought of bringing back an infection, the cycle somehow com, my daughter, by choosing to go to work is a really really difficult position to be in as a man many nurses and doctors did get cove it but the world london hospital rip it passes. Team was hit hard on IRAN. outcome of the drought. These I'd say it is a nice. Cycles of suicide it's twenty eighth march and I've been called on to work to go to a colleague, who's become poly and probably has covered of mine seventeen colleagues and I see you can sometime- it's a select now who are able to work on the other, However, I have covered all thyself.

isolating were suspected symptoms. We're all a little bit frightening laughed a little bit for ourselves a little bit for our family. Within the confines of our decisions, tonight know how we solve the conundrum providing a ventilated, intensive care bed for everyone who needs it? It's really strange because you're trying to grasp as much air as he but nothing really comes into your lungs malin. Dolman was one of rupert's youngest, is a very real experience? You just like it radioactive laker. Have this thing they need to kind of dismantle it to be better, but at the same time you're so scared of kind of going off. And they hold your hand- and you know they picked- you up- gives it some kind of reassurance- and I know it's a bit hard for them as well as they like,

He's gonna give you you know. I smiled that it's impossible behind this mosque Monday, the thirtieth march week, two of lockdown when corona virus patients need their families most. The virus keeps them away the thought the nurse near london could comfort her patients. She could hold their hands but couldn't touch her own dad tony. You had terminal cancer. I've just got home from work, literally death, my arms, my face my hair and everything. We really did have good chief good. Good team on today, but some I've come home and on the way home I looked at my thanks. I don't take my fine into the covert wards. Vessel messages message from my family on our what's out grape about my dad's. Yet, very sleepy date day been at work, does take Take it off my mind a little bit, but

ways worry that I'm gonna get a call whack about my dad. I'm not sleeping Well, as I was soon as I wake up in the night, I suddenly think covered he's a really bizarre feeling, em and hopefully one I will learn to live with and get over monday, the sixth of April weak three of locked out Now just to bring you some breaking news, Boris Johnson has admitted to intensive care with those persistent symptoms of cold a virus, so just breaking news coming into us in a london hospital opposite the houses of parliament? The prime minister barak, Johnson's life was in the balance in intensive care. On the other side of the capital. Moselle salary was doing superhuman stance of ten, he's in a row. He was exhausted. I am completely trained people.

seeing that a little more patients die after being in intensive care for awhile. We did not have something like this before, of course, sometimes he failed, but not to this extent, we have become so hopeless in treating patients with higher age is pointless, ring a lot of them to the intensive care because there are going to die, and unfortunately, in some occasion it might be prolongation of torture. I finish today with signing a lot of do not attempt cpr forms feeling law around midnight and drove home afterwards. This sense of failure to an extent that I have never experienced in my over two decades of medical,

This is overwhelming. This was monsieur salary at its lowest his confidence in it. ability to give the sick his patients, a fighting chance, was shaken. Now eleven months have passed a quarter, with monsieur on his only break in a fourteen hours, shift simple question to start with mozilla. How are you I'm quite well actually the bit sad but very satisfying. How are things now compared to the spring? It was a lot worse at that time, due to two reasons, because, firstly, a lot of my colleagues are off sick. In the first week of covert out of nineteen consult and ten called covet in one week, It was quite hard core, which was a new disease. They knew much about it. There was no preparation, so it was much harder at that time. Although we didn't expect this time to beat this much. The extent of the

This is a bit more affecting young people affecting a lot more number of people. I remember one of their patients I managed to successfully three. She was thirty three years old, then we got her off ventilator. The first thing she did was talking to. Two years old daughter on the video, it was quite a satisfying and good feeling for me. At the same time, we have had a lot of horrible discussions with families about and of life when they have been quite young. I mean you mentioned doctors that got cave it did we managed to stay free virus yourself. Yes, sir, I was one of the possibly for people in our department who did not catch kuwait, so only for yes, it was like a dream. I tell you once I remember eight p m. I was in the eu

it's with something like seventy ventilated patients around me. How is your morale now maths, because when you recorded some of your diaries for us in the spring, you were really quite late. I think at the beginning of covert we did not have the equipment. We did not have the current treatment that we have So it was a bit more overwhelming at that time. My feeling is that I have just done all I have to do and all I love to do during my career, its hands off as such, but future fate you out onto our poor out four to six hour block. What worries me is making a very go out of step, but difficult patients are so things that are last spring is Monsieur said doctors were only beginning, to understand the damage corona virus could do

the royal london hospital consultant. Rupert peace was worried, he put it. Many people as he could on ventilators, but more patients were dying than he was pretty normally is an intensive care doctor. I would expect to save two of the three lives of people, but at the moment, during the and make we seem to be only saving one of two lives. It could be that Nineteen is a more serious illness. The we normally see it could be that intensive care where currently only admitting the thickest of patients, because. After a lot of lesser patients. on the standard hospital woods, and it could be that the quality of patient

Are we giving right now is just not good enough. They then I'm really rather fund at her hospital on the south coast. Anita was spreading herself more thinly, but had protected equipment, wouldn't stretch wednesday, the eighth of April I'm through another shift. Another department, this department is wearing p p, but does it of mass and basically handover, I was handed one mask and I've got to where all day, which is an essay, wait where a mask discarded after each patient contact. I don't think it's too much to ask It feels safe, a work, who had a day between shift to look after her little girl and we had a quick catch up on zoom. So how are you did you have a good christmas?

come. How am I did have a good christmas. I would say I viewed have asked me a week ago. I think Putting my morale would have been slightly lower than it is now since we last book, it's been quite along tough slogan, the unit chess, but we have started rolling out the vaccine and my trust- and I was really fortunate and what difference does it make getting that first job, because we We recorded for us in march and April you just so terrified that you might be exposed to the virus, but does it I've changed everything. Absolutely absolutely. I really feel an unexpected sense of relief. from it. You were really worried about whether he had the right protective equipment and mosques did that's it.

Why should improve? As far as you say, we definitely have an abundance of surgical masks now, which is great when the peak started to pass in the spring. Did you think that your intensive care, the department at your hospital would be full again in the winter. Hospitals are always dreadfully winter, and this was always going to be the worst in our living experience because of covert and because of staff sickness. This it was like a train, can really slow down the track that we could all say and we all shouted about, and yet nothing has happened to my left scrabbling on our knees, but leaving a shift- and you haven't been out to do your best for that person because you were spread so thinly or even connecting with them, is so hard because we're behind the lines of plastic. That is what really is really yeah really hits hard for me,

I live quite close to the beach them so lucky I can just be set to some degree. I am committed to see this pandemic out. I think something in me shifted its like. The spark has gone monday, the thirteenth of April. Week fall of lockdown. The government was warning. There was a long way to go before restrictions could be relaxed in you cannot larissa was scared. The end of lockdown would come too late for her dad and for the family to spend the time he had left together. I it's the fourteenth of April I've just come over and done a food run for my mom and dad and my dad's at the door You might open to him very works. Who said that want to get too close to him that how he feeling too bad

because I've got a guy gonna food to be outside vehicle with anybody over them. If they continue to ask, as I'm get upset my dad's gaps nice blue get this it's just really hard, because I can't support my mom. The way I want to- and I know that I can touch my dad thunder. I love you

Luisa was on shift that night and it was a tough one. The morning I just finished work is her past nine. In the morning I had a really busy night. I just didn't stop. I did have a bit of a cry this morning cause of health luck, I'm not going to be able to cope with this because it feels I can't my patient should be Heaven by two. That's probably why I'm putting too much pressure on myself, because you look off to somebody the way that you want to be looked after or the way that your parents should be taught or anybody she gave my mother shave last night, be only one side mainly come with the old crappy raises we go, but I've done it. I found the time to do that

Because I my might doubt what was to be cleanly shaven, Lewis's father tony passed away, two months later in june, in the new year she handed in her notice after Nineteen years working in intensive care the twenty seventh of April weak six of locked out. Look, down, was starting to have an effect. Fewer people were being admitted to hospital and deaths were falling, but in just three months more than twenty thousand people had died from twelve nineteen in hospital consultant rupert peace. New corona virus would weigh heavily on the national health service for a long time. Yet the world is decided. They go back to normal, It's very rainy outside you can probably hear the rain pattering on the windows

The kind of matches my mood because we expect to be dealing with the problem of the covered outbreak for at least another six months and probably another year. The good news is we ve coat, but only just in fact, at one point, it was very close. And there's a nature staff. I think we're just a little bit broken. There were warnings if a second wave in the winter, but few believed code it would make such a cruel comeback. Rupert huh little the royal london has tripled its critical care beds, but still to go into disaster medicine mood in the new year. We spoke shortly after. Secondly, it has been going on for more than twelve weeks with cases wising. Still I'd have to go back. tat were on numbers were in the spring we painted about eighty six patience, and I see you, I think we're close to a past two hundred and fifty

Do you personally feel more? confident that you can save more people now we are better looking after patients were covered, the that better us doesnt represent itself in you know a quarter of the vessel, half of them, deaths in normal times? My I see you would expect six out of them. to patients, we admit to die, that's a typical a number. Now sing roughly the same number dying and covered at the moment where, with that disease, I can't sit down with my patients, family and friends and discuss over a period of sometimes several days. The things that I dont understand before we make decisions. whether we stop treatment and somebody who's dying, and we have to make those decisions

more promptly them we normally light to and how I am. I am tired and I'm stressed and struggling to sleep, and what do you think about when you can't sleep of tomorrow's problems, are we gonna do about how we say ventilators because we're having problems with them What are we gonna do about the fact that the oxygen pressure, alarms keep going off? I wanted to come chop with mozilla anita rupert to hear what they think confess, about the last unrelenting year. It's already made an attempt to put it into words. I saw he'd posted something on twitter, so is called the unrighteous who we all right now we want an army with a single culture where a coalition of wooden tribes sharing a common belief impact.

The proud of what the unequal stands for a patient is the most important person in a profession. World Two shanna sadness the happiness, a relief to be strong when they cannot be to honour their wishes. To christ them when no one sees. When I stumble others picnic hand on the shoulder a kind word, an inspirational young chloe The com is short of lord stage. We can do this. We will do this. You ve been listening to assignment with me, Jane deef. The producer was robbed cave to hear more in the series go to BBC world service dot com, slash assignment.

Hello, I'm a matter of this amy, and I'm just so amazing? And we are the hosts of comedians versus the news on the BBC world service? The show that invites international comedians to take on the headlines. Peel them up. I ll make you cry with laughter poor wily, say that's funny Dna into comedians versus the news from the BBC world serve as we promised to never break into saw no guarantee well, very rarely breakin. Besides, I think the people like, I don't think, that's true spies, Chang for me to dance forces. That is where where you get your pie, gas.