The Bugle Audio newspaper. A visual would allow buglers and welcome to issue four thousand one hundred and ninety one of the Bugle audio news. By before I visual world I Monday's ultimate is the nineteenth of April twenty twenty one and the world I am pleased to announce- is no longer going to Helena Handcart, but only because The handcart fell apart, because the contract to make the handcart was given to Company, with no I've got making experience. But friends, I places so now I just stopped in between the and held, without even the prospect of the reassuringly, predictable moral consistency of hell to cling to to discuss our current predicament. In between these two well done. Existence join me this week, not for the first time and for the first time respectively, from

also respectively, telling the whole thousand miles away the crow flies or seven thousand miles. Where's. The squirrel borrows in Melbourne, Australia and about eight miles. Why is the car drives, doesn't get lost and with respectively, zero into you know what's or vice versa? It is it all over, I opt out right and for the first time, a bugle Chris Addison, hello, hello, early hollow Chris welcome. Welcome to the show is growth greater great to have you want. All these years long time, listen a first, I'm koehler I'd just like to say hello to our voting plus four be brought out juniors, and can you please dedicate your next palm to my mom and dad and anyone else who knows me? Thank you.

Chris, I think you just revealed the bugle secret, which is that the guests are not books. We just randomly coal and basically the Andes Ultimate obnoxious ex. My very very busy forward so were crushed when wait way. Firsts works together were over. Twenty years? Twenty Eightth or you figured it out, is to sell ISIS after we ve. We first talked about it after the two thousand one eyed and professor vote. That's when besides plantings, yes, can't even born, then whether a radio show called Gold Department with guys, Sir, name or forget, Son loser, that's how I feel even Johnson Rather, it is great to have you have your not the final I would, however, with companies is, admittedly vended dumb seven day. Someday. You yeah right. Yes, yes, I got the money

slemons it's Sunday suddenly, when was that I was there I fulfilling that was like twenty twelve or something it was all. We definitely cover the twenty ten general election because Remember that big, tough show the weak up took an idea. You at you and I had to sit in a room with jumpin or whoever softwood look at us, and then we have to say something to suddenly silence at the epithet was election night was now is invades, yeah yeah. All of it he's fond reminiscences of casting into shadow my anniversary today and which are only anniversary, was yesterday of making a bugle for the first time. At the moment, international comedy estimating date. So that's that's fought for yesterday,

for years lies when you're having fun from that, isn't it must have been having fun does I didn't expect to be resolved this quickly? You well, and I'm old, I'm just older than I expected to be by now, so to put this in context of your bid working because all of four five olympic cycles- and you ve been part of the EU. For now an entire olympic cycle. Let that be the standard of time measurements that some allowed to keep on the show. How are you gonna do with the fact that Olympic cycles are now not quite a mean their own turnabout angered on this alive? doubt they will ever doubted for, but that's that's that's all. I will cling to us, the quickest statistician averages your main currency on absolutely absolutely under you ignore the bit in between the cancellation of the Olympic Games in three hundred idea or whatever they were reborn, otherwise the average gets completely. So

I reported on the nineteenth of April one another important anniversary, Alice seventeen. Seventy captain James Cook, first sight. The eastern coast of what is now Australia. So how is that working out It depends who you ass, those of yours to people who were here before we arrived not withheld. Not well not well it all, but Joe WHIP. British. We took notes, these questions are people who might give the wrong answer I mean also for the people who arrived shortly after him. The convicts not good for them, either. Just you We. That equation was happy for the most part, a foot, but at the point that you know that's that's true. At the time you know, there's a great deal of misery, bloodshed. They forcible taking of land, but time later ten times, so you know swings very much roundabouts, yes, indeed, and the ashes.

That wouldn't have happened were not for change, could look at the right side of his boat. Are they stay in seventeen? Seventy as away A section of the people is going in the Bin this week April April is in a very special April section. Scientists have discovered this exciting news for the month of April that country, to the claims of the former team Gb poetry, Celeb, a Nobel Prize winner, TS, Elliot April, is not in fact the cruellest month. Monthly. Since a firm in fact April, is on average, only the fifth cruellest months of the year, whether they do acknowledge that this may have changed since the advent of social media. When anonymous abuse merchants of most active during the winter months and this old? We also investing in April section could April be ditched. Post breaks it to enable Britain to get some a month before the rest of the European Union or could even be postponed to the end of November to add some spring optimism to the difficult later months of the year. I don't know I don't care, but at least we have,

choice now and finally, we investigate allegations. The April is a hoax. New evidence suggests that the month didn't even exist in earlier times and was a hoax concocted in the early days of ancient Rome, and we ask if it is eggs will should be there. Instead, what are we being denied? What is Brill, hiding not section in the top slowly now holy shit, the world is doomed. Now it's Chris is going to have you oughta shown a week where it does seem that the world is doomed amid amendments that could be any weak at the moment or data of most of the last few thousand years of human history bombing. It has by Yannick incredible. We NASA, has frontage flown the drone on Mars, big whip, it still a pointless shit. All sorry is pronounced that she thought let it jewish Temple uninhabitable desert, which was explains the forty Wonder no. Why measures would not live in? Here is a she folded. Football is being too.

Someday Corona viruses variances the shit out of itself. Please give it up crime. Had you ve made your point, those words could also apply to more than one story this week and I explosive new obligation, as suggested that voting in the nineteen seventy four Eurovision song contest might not have it. Entirely meritocratic. In short, was the French was I flew, please say, laugh Memphis talking, Phocas Fucking, Tudor logging, everything up so I will begin with the Ukraine. A situation as we speak. A summit is being held, they always work, and then there are tensions there. Tensions in the Ukraine Chris Honour, your massive fan of the cold war nostalgia you can you enjoy Well, my enjoying I dont think enjoying is is the right word for, for any of these, things are duty of legitimate Putin, who

A big watch have led me before this week are perhaps best known as the inventor of Spaghetti Putin Esker, which is a delicious inviting the source of its motto: garlic, onions, Novi chalk and just a little bit of time, the cut through yes, Randy Cook. I think you might be the first of the co host of having the show whose led off gag has been upon Well we're waiting room. Your colleagues, let me know that what welcome to the yeah baby, there must have been something very subconscious getting a limit on a less but saying that protein ram. Where am I saying the picture is known for aggressive behaviour, and he is a little like saying it. Ludwig Van Beethoven is known for writing the odd whistle chewed it absolutely relentless within cannot get enough of the old aggression. Thing had gone far enough. This is what I think so answer today. I think I would like to pay,

you that you start the bugle campaign to get Vladimir Putin laid This point is precisely the kind of escalation inattention seeking behavior you so it would junk young man, you haven't copped off in a provincial nightclub at one o clock in the morning, he's a pay topless on a horse. Didn't get laid the annex, the Crimea and Peninsula didn't get laid, so we sent high decisive point. Half of Salisbury didn't get laid. This massive build up of armaments at the ukrainian border, that is, it is absolutely desperate to let fly is essentially a very threatening metaphor as too, How are you feeling right now somebody and it doesn't matter who Andy somebody's Vladimir Putin STAT guys a guy I'm just so sexy is positive in cell movement. As always. I had to be paid to this work. Yeah I mean. I think I think that the ban is clearly that the amount of aggression being built up by by that yeah icicle. He certainly put a lot of people in cells

that's it ass. He started to show that this is done upon yet Andy is. Is it possible that the two people on the show without you, but not even done upon up and clean for a couple of weeks? You can stop any time. Can you noticed, but temptation of the fate of the master towards the students that girl him thing is ridiculous that NATO doesn't have a plan for completing this intentions eased last week after Joe Biden called him precisely. I suspect uprooted, though that was a protocol, but by these relatively Elden frail and he might not survive that task to the obvious candidate for the job is Boris Johnson, a man who is famously led by his penis or before atomic coming joined libraries to penises hey my book. The Kremlin, cause resigning says no way. She's gonna do it. Chancellor Sebastian Kurtz good, looking young man, but he's got a bad like

Pedro Sanchez, whose coincidentally Petros Sanchez Andy is coincidentally, Prime Minister of Spain and winner of the two thousand and twenty one senior global politician whose names sounds most like some are made up as a lazy stereotype award, baiting french five minutes for a french finance minister, Emily. Aha, he home italian Foreign sixty Giovanni, I was a matter. We yo british leader of the House of Commons, Jacob Reese, more dependent upon Sanchez, can't netflix until He gets an allergic reaction to carry out. So I suggest that NATO go the murderer, Uriens Express Route. I wait till of pretty falls asleep and then they all came. I don't need you will get some place. Isn't my pitch? Chris. This is a terrible praise. It I mean to be raised the ability of various poet political leader, I think, is disrespectful. The offices which they hold in the kind. Horrible university lives that they they had

I blame those just in Trudeau and then Disraeli for putting viability and on the table, Disraeli and strolled about banging really absolute dream, but what makes their own experts who wouldn't Alice Abingdon? Obviously, Australia Unmilitary tend hooks over the Ukraine situation, because so often wars in the Crimea leads a well within One million on previous previous evidence within twenty years to two that the start of an international sporting rivalry- if I can remember nineteen starving australian cricket. What's that was a reaction to the Crimea situation down under. Our enjoy very much fashion moves in cycles, Andy and I saw some slept- bands in the shops the other day, some hyper quality shirts and it's nice to know nuclear weapons, it back on the table is a negotiation tactic of choice. I think it's it's a beautiful

to witness these things coming back round again looked discussion. Moving I ask that nothing when, when it comes to me in fashion that that cycle crashed into disuse Corrick what what I was about three years Yet this unity, this you can't you Main president, Vladimir Zalewski is saying that it needs these nukes to defend against Russia. If it's not allowed into NATO dad if I'd known that this level of strong arm tactics was effective. When I was in high school, I might not have been so ostracised by the cool groups You know you in a girl school and yet enough, you notice in a girl school. You can never rule through love. Only through fear, though I am a bit absolute or schools. When the russian military I've been moving towards the eastern that Ukraine Border on its prompted a stern international reaction with you in passing resolution, twenty one, fifty four hours states. Can you please not do that

and not grated an upgraded statement also come from NATO I mean seriously now really that's enough of this carries we will have a serious discussion about not avoiding any more olympics, isn't welcomes the Russia for at least the next year, so the exact really starting to to sound a bit a bitch. Ukraine is warned Russia of painful consequences and Joe Biden ratcheting up sanctions due to russian influence in America, cyber attacks inferring in elections in media and business in Hollywood in the nineteen fifties, and the World Series controversially one last year by the Moscow Bolsheviks. So am I mean that also America's today threatened consequences? called it. The world series of anyone in America contains a number of areas threatened more consequence. This can be double consequences for Russia becomes comes from Ukraine and America love a beautiful, vague threat consequences. If the jailed opposition leader,

election avowedly dies behind prison bodies reporting a weak state. After all, the hunger strike. Must protest are planned for Wednesday of of this week, novelties been incarcerated for some time now for the crimes of surviving previous assassination attempt and then with opposition aforethought, going back to Russia, so it some it say clearly its hard to be optimistic about any form of russian military expansionism Botz. There is some hope from protesters in Prague, why things have taken the strongest action against Putin's government. They have erected a statue out the russian Embassy in the czech capital of a golden toilet, the best kind of toilets on a special plinth, the best place for any toilets on which is sitting a naked, Vladimir Putin, the best kind of I am a pigeon holding a toilet brush and toilet role. The best things if you want to symbolise the corrupt stench of autocratic monarchy with his underpants

round as ankles, which is emphatically the best place for Vladimir Putin's underpants, because it makes it a little heart of him to run away, and so there's a bottle of novel nestling in those underpants, which is probably the best guarantees when air freshness simply want cut them must have, though it remains to be seen whether the shitting potent statue will be more effective at constraining the expansionist flattery of the Kremlin from the Kremlin than the international unities mumble threats, but at least it can't be less effective and has the added bonus of being a statue of Ladysmith potent taking. Shit with his Andy's round his ankle sober having some detected when I mean Andy, this opens up horizons of new new mediums for satires satirical expression. For me, I'm I'm already planning. My next a bugle will be done entirely and interpretive dance. It's a great audio medium to be mean, of course, that certain Putin is, isn't as russian for chamber pot, so

It's none of it. It's entirely in keeping, and you'll be urging to see if what, when this statue is inevitably remove, mounts other russian embassy, if they're a conservative Mps lining to say. Oh no, you cannot simply eradicate history by removing a statue actually sculptors that doesn't represent Putin's? Specifically, it represents all women, or forgotten that one good at a quick, a quick question for any buglers were not fully aware of the situation. Who or what is? Ukraine is Ukraine? I a form of precipitation, featuring small stringed instruments. Is it be a device for lifting pregnant

sheep out of quarries. Is it see Hugh Crain? Is a cabinet ministers on a two billion pound deal with a friend from the tennis club to supply people for the energy from which all there was delivered? Was a Maxie back a frozen Peter Bridge with elastic ban staple to the ends of workers. The work, shipping entanglement of slightly dump Halloween outfits and handwritten up saying they should work. They should work days, but or is it d, a large european nation currently concerned about a build up of russian troops near its border, especially after Russia? Nicht a big beta that country just a few short years ago to send your answers to Moscow. There was a farce of upon in their Andy. I'm no show you ever actually wafted implied one Why, like that, must be tough day for Chris

as a fan of taught impossible, recording this on Monday will touch more or less store lights, Roma, Jose Moraine Yoyo, your own personal messire, has just being sacked and spurs emphatically joins the sight of all evil with a european super. How are you coping? I mean at part, one of those things you say it's a tough day is actually event that day very happy pol pot to look if you're gonna be on the side of evil, each got hope, evil win we right you don't act like I don't follow sports Whenever I hear that anything has happened in sports ice, human has to do with sexual assault, while those issues financial assault, which is not always the same thing

what movie on in the Holy Shit wielders doom section, while one of the trend is things in global news, these days is things finally coming to an end after lasting way. Why why longer than was originally hopes and This is due to a series of early mistakes, unavoidable political errors and, while not cover this online bandwagon Afghanistan as jumped on it as well. Now I write a jug round about two thousand and two hoping for China find something positive from the american and british Afghanistan campaign, and I was hoping they remember Jack, Chris from love him company might even a mite into the public. I remember a foot hoping for a final answer to the previously unsolved question that is echoed through eternity If two wrongs do not make a right, how many wrongs do make a right and that was essentially wants. The Afghanistan campaigns

to buy in efforts to ants, and here we are nearly twenty. Is on still no answer and America is ending the research projects. With this intractable question still still hanging in the air and to withdraw its troops in time. For the oh, my god, we cannot go on for more than two decades symbolic eleventh of September. Anniversary any any positive to come out of the last two decades in Afghanistan. For either of you see I I saw I understand the problem. I understand the problem for them for the Americans in equipping ashore joining It's only been twenty years, but you want before you that stage a welcome. Don't you you, some time now the Taliban have been making yawning noises and talking about having to be up early for me, about how they can stop girls from going to school while them. The military is essentially got it.

Guitar and started singing bad vampire. We can cover spoke to me the fact that it is difficult. What is the etiquette believing a country you ve spent two decades occupying with military? It might be. I thought it might be useful force at this juncture just to go over the social rules for invading and occupying another country, so festival is in to remember that when you receive an invitation, you absolutely should not rsvp as this com. Lately gives away any elements a surprise to your invasion in terms of a rival times. Try to arrive within fifteen minutes of the state is start time and not say a decade after Radicalized jihad is funded. Fears of kick the Soviet Union out of their country- that's just embarrassing for everybody, and it makes a very tricky for the house to know when to put it casserole in the oven of Watson, Tafia Hosts s role is Magritte, you'd outdated time. It right. I'm telling let it sets telling you Andy by the time.

The? U S, it turned up. That was nothing the ash at the bottom. Local occurs. Ursula was one to take. Your house is a tricky one. You don't want to bringing the traditional bottle of wine to an islamist regime, so what might be reasonable substitute? Well, according to debates guy, to etiquette anything up a trillion dollars in military equipment and purse now, and tens of thousands of lives is considered reasonable and another issue that is an absolute minefield, is the minefields really consider quite rude to so your hosts bathroom. It underlines explosives and fail. To clear them up before you leave and, lastly, do centre Thank you note the next day, something along the lines of day Taliban thing for simply wonderful occupation. We absolutely must not have you over two hours anytime soon. He just follow those simple rules. I think we wouldn't go into this situation. Gouts ominous gracing with etiquette, isn't just give you a guy through the difficult times I'm definitely been difficult times in difficult times. The other

Alice our view. Everyone the idea that the Afghanistan to two decades of the majority of your life on earth, I mean, declaration that they will withdraw feels as because indicates a little too little a little too late. They plan to withdraw math Afghan it get wet the rule is actually surprisingly effective as a form of contraception, but it doesn't work when you ve been talking someone for years and only decide to withdraw when they are well and truly impregnated with the consequences of your military action in order that cross. Thing is hold out, breaths and hope to see the geopolitical babies spooning into the future, It makes you wonder when America gave up on the idea of being world leaders by virtue of being out of a better at the race of nations and committed themselves to fully just angle, tapping all major geographic regions that look like they might be acquiring any sort of you know too, given is forward momentum,

in Britain, has announced after conflict of almost twenty years, involving hundreds of thousands of deaths and injuries, civilian and military until disruption, the surprise astonishing rise of the Afghanistan National Cricket Team, up the international rankings for refusal of the Taliban to do the decent thing and write off back to the middle ages, where they they merit Military will be withdrawing violence, isn't that if the history of Afghanistan as a reliable guide and the last twenty I suggest that it is probably the most rural I will guide to anything in the world these days, then the official history of the campaign its end, and its aftermath is not especially likely to conclude with the words: are they all lived happily ever? After all, stories Mandy that, because the withdrawals based to my misapprehensions by the Americans in their agreement with the Taliban is now. The first is that the Pinky promise recognised in international law and second Is that the Taliban recognise into hello.

I've been going. The third is that the Americans recognise that point let us if we ve learned one thing from this, and let's have there is at least one that ideally more things is that when considering inviting Afghanistan reader history book first, but that was not Emma of America's president, at the time, George W Bush thief. What did John the Baptist Donald Trump De Jesus and at most. A Bush has a new book out. This would give me in great paintings of immigrants in America, and Germany's awkward timing? To be honest, as Afghanistan holds back into the news that George W Bush is publishing, a book of not especially impressive paintings is not clear if being forced to sit for port trite painted by George W Bush was one of the enhanced interrogation tat

Eggs developed under isn't ministration, as part of the wards are, but it could well be confessed. What we tell you ve done or you're gonna have to do. I ten our sittings for George and an yes when we Life means life. That applies not just your likely prison sentence. If we ever get round to actually put you in court, but also how He wants you to pose talks off. Well, I'm just as if we need further. Concerning news monkey humans are being bred in laboratories I mean this is really a sign that, with basic just giving up now and acknowledging that stuff rueful planted the apes scenario, scientists them again ever been putting making monkey embryos containing human cells, the nominees a scientist playing with fire, let's call it what it is done by, though there have been other mix. Species embryos in previous experiments,

Human cells, implanted into pig embryos up Lee former Prime Minister David Cameron, more criminal nature in the show. Was involved in some way. Early research on those projects technics were refined, overtime, monk, human? I'm do you see? This is a positive move that that the file the failing human genes could be improved by got going back to two are ape brethren and sit cistern too to find superior maker our dna moving forward. I hate this kind of story. Andy always makes me confront the fact that I don't know how to pronounce chimeras chimeras cameras, I don't know, I don't know how I feel about this. I would like to say I welcome our new ape human hybrid friends, neighbours and, and probably children and

I can only hope that being brought up in clinical laboratories? Is organ farms Faye humans to use that they will be bred to have more critical thinking skills. Their human soon to be subjects of fertilizer. The news the monkey human hybrids have not yet successfully been released. Into the world, will come as a surprise to any stand up saved on the Friday. Late show it jungle, as does the fact that, obviously this sounds like a good idea, because which of us hasn't dreamed of creating a monkey human hybrid army to help us with HIV. Personal security, housework and just Let me get lonely. But now we ve all seen Helena Bottom Cartoon plummeted aches, but that the problem is that if the past has taught us anything Andy. It's that science just can't keep a lid on things. One day room, I'm lab trying to win a bet about whether you can engineer a novel corona virus, the next millions of people,

dead and the ones who, on a booking to our slots, to go sit in a freezing bear garden on a Tuesday afternoon, just break the fucking monotony. So there is absolutely no chance than them humans are not going to escape from the lab and start breeding is gonna, be like the parakeets, all again if parity sat entries flinging turns passes by that's my pencil until they can be trained to do that, the political will, but we gotta talk, is right here in the industry used to living stratum. Of course. Yes, one virtue just up the road where I m the barricades, respect. Tabular, though a little confused as if they so wish. Somebody like colorful, has no business in Britain, to put the palm here. As I say it is to me scientists not enough boffins right.

Abraham to boffins Greece, they hear a lot about boffins, but they also mosquitoes puffins are fundamentally benign. Adorable classes in white lab coats with high costs not dissimilar to yours, Andy who engaging colorful yet hammers research and all winning well bore to and all designing a monorail any of conscious desires that they might have to create projects that threaten the very existence of human kind of usually stymied by the fact that boffins can't maybe get anything very much done.

Because they get too shy and tongue tied, run a brilliant and possibly attractive lab assistant, Miss Phelps and surprisingly hunky lab assistant. Carruthers scientists, on the other hand, are ruthlessly efficient, amoral fact: travellers with the co dead eyes of Paul Hollywood project they won't take on, however, questionable they created robot police dogs. They develop the technology that gave us Twitter and they Andy invented gravity, which is the number one cause of people falling over and toast going on the floor, so bring their profits and all this will this kind of stuff won't happen anymore. I meant This is an unbearably good debut show Chris Young Man sallow joke about it. This fund is one in well.

Of those I've never been anything for fifteen years of other locked up, we'll have a geo beginning. An ending in any number is probably a lobbying scandal going on here in the United Kingdom and Woolidge, involving David Cameron, stormed the hypocrites book written the writing. British chaos causa all a year and stepped up his campaign to scoop aside for record six consecutive year by getting involved in a sleepy sleazy, is lobbying over concerning the catch renamed Corona Virus Large this interruption. Loan scheme- automobiles, When is it going to collapse? Finance firm, a civil, seventy six have been simpleton. Italy moonlighting for that finance, firm and mooning at the concept of conflict of interest, may have been sending desperate begging text. The challenge for the exchequer, who didn't reply with the view that such seemed appropriate the commission's own. Finally, honed catastrophic lack of judgment has been another bit of old nostalgia from political times gone

all savory as a sugary Moran based dessert and, like the other eight, unless the longer this one stays out in the sun, the less appetising it gets do when he became primates were pledged to clamp down on political sleaze and It's much clamp down only as leap into its arms and kiss it firmly on the mouth we absolutely mean clamp down. He meant do his cables. Family she'll do don't think I've ever heard. Anybody say that word out loud. It's not it's nice to know how to pronounce that It's your chimera. Is my shimmer chimera cocoa your school with local shimmer cable. If Roy Interest, now when they become and came to power, question twenty tunnel that matter at night, where we want the radio his John pay. Now, yes, he said that year in this part we believe in competition, not cronyism, which, with

sites like hearing and nineteen seventies priest saying we believe in God not institutionalized mass abuse, I was also photographed hanging out with legs Greenhill and the renowned assassination fan and independent journalism sceptic Mohammed been salmon, so haven't cowards between when it comes to two to lobbying most much game. Keep people not much gamekeeper turn poacher as poacher who used to be. And he was actually conversation is now admitting. Actually I just love the look of fur in the eyes of a rhinoceros? When you stand a written statement on saying, look up, may look up. May you already snouted lows, I look up by your guy lessons unicorns of reality. That's great! Nor does really go. That's a relic of metaphor. Isn't it. This is joy,

face it. This is real love. I tell you what I spend another cracking week in David Cameron, ongoing crusade to eradicate shame from british public life very much the foreigners who go home with the coveted statuette or to massive brass balls at this year's fewest fox. Given awards, he has been using tighter Cameron, who is, I mean you're the one. Economic downturn, a man who looks like a freeze frame of pork chops exploding, a man who those are the main character in a pig's film called Dave about an anthropomorphized drink problem, a man who looks like a reboot of the fly in which pays Morgan, accidently teleport himself at the same time as have been back full of strawberry yoga anyway, hey The fact that he, the greens, advised him when he was catastrophically, prime minister, then he advised green. So when he was cattle,

Obviously, head of a financial services company is just one more example. How the current british government on their cronies are essentially the world's longest running continuous experiment into the Krueger Dunning effect they are produced. Jupiter know how stupid they are to a man, woman and valley, functioning collection of cells and nerve impulses. They are remarkable. They have the unshakeable self confidence of people who wouldn't stop if you walked in on them winking and the color of the lack of knowledge of their own grave limitations. You know my associate with contestants in the early rounds of x factor. Take, for example, on the Mat Hancock, a man who looks like he knows, where I'm frank is hiding in his accidently, desperate to tell a man over there in your emerge this week that his sister owns affirm that was given in an age of contract and hang cocking self took a fit

ten percent share in the company two months previously have failed to declare any fat thinking. That known would notice a government spokesman said- and I am paraphrasing, but only slightly nothing to see here. Everything is completely normal and exactly as it should be other occasions on which this response would be equally accurate and appropriate include last flight of the Hindenburg, the two thousand and eleven Fukushima nuclear reactor, health and safety check up on Jeffrey Epstein autopsy. It is gambles from soup to nuts, ah anyway, returning to to Britain them, and we must attach on on this story this week this week or Britain has been farewell to join figure in public life, selfless, seven country, an exemplar of court, dignity, wisdom and commitment who strove to make the United Kingdom and indeed the world a better place to live in a tree

operation to money used extraordinary lifespan, almost ascension, whose contribution to the nation encompass the decades from the Post war era to the present day. He sat death of policy. Surely Williams has hit the country very hard, but we also had Prince financed funeral on Saturday, these social event of the air. So far, the tabloid press was so stricken. I agree that were barely able to write thirty article to die slamming Prince Heroin is insufficiently. British wife was impressive in the circumstances the despite that pay. They have Ok managed to combine their funeral coverage with slamming hurry and mega before an incredible range of perceived infractions. Am I started out as the OECD on paper? Philip was some your de facto hang in Australia US as much as much as our house, Australia Cook coping with

Certainly, we are slightly less than the UK, but when negotiating the delicate process, as in a pit public figures in comedians of of what to say and and whom we might be offending by saying you know, for example, drawing attention to two things that principle those Donno said, DORA thought or have been seen to do. In the past, but really, I feel like this is and blown up worry that everyone's worried about it. Upsetting or offending or speaking ill of the dead, because really isn't saying the worst possible thing at the worst possible time. The best possible tribute monumental yet but he ever be as good. That again, is we ve seen the passing of, I think, passing of a culture,

the big musing and global real circles. Now is that now that the fuel is happening and Prince Phillips wished to be made into bullets and fighting to unsuspecting wildlife has been observed, the queen is back on the market. It's been a seventy three. A drive for people hoping to Mary Elizabeth, the second, but like how he's come at the opportunity comes around every three quarters of a century. By now the new law chamberlain, what may David and breaking out will be furious. Wealth dont know that that's how it works within a monarchy, but look I'll tell you what right, let's just let's just go through a few. The peat hold bring this background, a potent that's duchess beggar. Why doesn't she don't know that was modest? Gonna say what was going to say was that of sea. Eventually, she's gonna get tipsy with a girlfriend and where the spoon they can put the ruler up on a smartphone and thick and persuade her it's time to get back in the side saddle. So who

a few of the people who, if some of the profiles again becoming that she could get up with now first, a herald, the fifth of Norway,

Eighty four years old, Harold would be something of a toy boy floating on the generic monarchical singleton. Sadly, there is a small problem that he's already married, although, given that he and his wife only wedding nineteen sixty eight fifty three year Old Union Andy has pre shallow routes by the queen standards in this actually, no reason she couldn't subtly drive a wedge between the young lovers, offer shoulder decline and just wait for Harold to come to Mama. Norway seems like a natural territorial acquisition for Elizabeth to as she's very used to rule in countries with unenviable weather and self, harming attitudes towards the European Union. Swipe right, the jury along corn, king of Thailand, Sprightly sixty eight. He still an absolute lad. An alleged they certainly got an eye for the Ladys and we'll go after innovative Ermintrude skirt. He can having married four wives over the last forty four years. He's your knows where to put his arms and said to you know what I mean you don't know what I mean I was referring to. His car can balls. He currently has two wives, although one of them is technically a concubine, a dangerous choice, given that their spines can really hurt, you join sex, but what the queen really prepared to share attention with two other women or for if you include, make and model in the late princess Diana, not to mention the fact that a palace in Bangkok is maybe not the best acquisition for family that trying to keep Prince Andrew on the leash swipe pipe Francis. What that's right, Frances, because Big Frank, is not only head of Catholicism, the world's campus religion and second largest use of gold paint after the contestants on Roupell drag raised these also sovereign, the Vatican City State, which is the geopolitical equivalent of owning the free held on a beach in calling herself homeowner Vatican City state, is so small that most of the maximum awful scale is lacking in certain community. Airports are public transportation system, hospitals, etc, but, on the other hand, its bits of it that our church to bits of it that I'm not a church ratio, is comforting Mihai for anyone who is either religious or likes candles. Pope Francis and the queen have much in common, mainly dresses, hats and waving it people from balconies, but the real attraction would be the opportunity. Finally, to finish what Henry the eight started and absorbed the rest of the catholic world into the church of England, as God herself always intended slight right, swipe left swipe up swipe down in nominal parties, ethically at spiritual, seventy men. I give up comedy that brings us to the end of this week's.

But I'm afraid a dinosaur reassessment set section has been postponed, as has our early coverage of further the football crisis that we will touch on one uses never really breaking new. We missed for a million no urgency theories. We will touch them in future weeks. Thanks as always to address Fraser, whose now finished at the Melvin Comedy Festival, any more shows coming up. Yes, I will be doing, shows Sidney Comedy Festival, Kronos, my new solo show eyes: Veil Blair, I, I will polypi streaming it again to my pigeons, ascribe his pension dot com, Slash, Alice, Fraser. I have a podcast or two the Beagle Umbrella at last what we are doing alive show of next than accepts over the last post will be live and you can get tickets on them

upon cast outcome, click on a link, or so the goggle, which is the weekly glossy magazines, Beagles Audio newspaper for visual world at the live lost both show is this: coming Sunday, twenty visible visit good, I p m you, time Chris Chris, giving it the knot. I'm impressed that you got there. Andy S, wonderful work done, and the guests will be me and Jean Luc Robert Zoellick, rather celebrate Christmas Eve, Eddie, to plug yes, yes, the second series of the tv show that I make with us on a black. Well, not infrequently. Breeders is currently on effects for our american business and effects on Hulu on every Monday night, and you can catch up whenever it can Hulu and for british listeners. It is on next month on sky and at some point and its on various places around the world that they don't tell me about what you mean.

As in places around the world. I don't tell about because your British, as any certain places in the world are we learn about school, which, yes, that's what they they dont tell me just in case of freaks me out the idea Also, I think you just don't want to tell british people that their culture is go is being accepted and somewhere further abroad dusting. You take it as a key to invade just It's this is simply a safety procedure, and if you want to listen to urban featuring the colonel John Oliver from the distant past, I think someone put it somewhere on the internet today, usually yeah, like I'd like to listen to those wonderful that will be like national funding of the year. Have alive listening party on twitch somebody good, there's so dense are so full of jokes. Visible it is a larger Mexico's yet come up make the tv show one day and one day we will have been saying that for eighteen years, yeah, eighteen years

I know it's been a pleasure of your company, so yeah thanks Fatima spin. It is it's a tree after thirteen years sitting to get from do. I will be back that's right buglers. Until then, we will play you out with some lies about our premium level. Voluntary subscribers to join them and have a lie. Told about you join D. Be voluntary. Subscriptions came to people, Picasso conflict, the donate button. You can also give one of all returned and of any size to be shown by picking Only monkey hybrid story from the jolly Pearson suggests a better cross breeding steam for humans would be with cockroaches. Approaches can survive anything according to their reputation, says Jolly. I reckon if we can splice this having anything dna with only human skills. We could pollute the well to our heart's content and not have to worry about whether one

It would still be inhabitable like a real boost for the financial markets, but David Irish, is not so sure, and would instead, recommend a human Barracuda cross breeding programmes. If the sea levels you keep on rising, explains David. We might as well Prepare ourselves for the inevitable and pick up some innate see dwelling skills. Also, acuteness ugly bastards, which might help cure us of our obsession with personal grooming, barricaded, don't waste their time with special care. And cosmetic changes, but frankly there all the better. For it concludes David. I've been Morocco, would go one step further than that, even in try a three pronged hybridization strategy that cross species ass humans with foxes, pirates and Wales. Would end up as a terrific all round species as ebon have with added cunning plus a willingness to cut down on food waste by things through our own bends, a heightened ability to agree with it, look just by repetition, and we

travel the world in an environmentally friendly manner, by migrating across the oceans, Greg, how is having none of this good luck. Getting that one possible plankton rights lobby have enough bees get the sizes. Gregg himself would prefer a human leopard flying squirrel Genetic cross blogging olive trees and I've always funded living up. One states Gregg boldly, but also love to have leopard spots. Because well, who wouldn't and flying squirrels well until the autumn. This have wings and wait before we were and finally Curtis Edge is not politically interested in droves breeding humans with any other species, because these suspicious of words ending in the syllables Ellie, we always further to the television is to tell you when I was growing up leading We too believe that all words ending in Ellie with similar shortcomings, my politics tutor at universe, the day was thus disappointed when I submitted an essay on the influence in the development of modern political philosophy of the relations

Martin Rights, Niccolo, Macchiavelli Vision, and if this week's lies goodbye.