Hey it's dan, as you may already know, may is mental health awareness month. So in that spirit, we're going to bring you a bonus episode from a podcast that we love called meditative story. Actually this is a an episode that features me typically self centered on that that I'm going to drop my own yammering right down this feed at you, but I think you might like this. They do a great job of producing episodes I like this one. This is quite different from the work we normally do here on our show and the folks at meditative story have a lot of storytelling chops that you will hear in just a moment in this personal story. I talk about up a really a trip. That was a turning point. For me and my relationship with my son, he was four years old at the time and we took a father son trip that I was with her in her fists about, but it is its had huge impacts rolling forward. If you're not for me, with meditative story. It's a show that provides immersive storytelling along

with mindfulness prompts embedded right into the narrative and it's all woven together with a great musical soundtrack. So I hope you enjoy this episode of meditative story and you do go check out their feet, When bianca, I first had alexander, I remember there being a whole tsunami of sentiment both over now, for my friends and on social media from people I didn't know where we are being told and exhorted too. enjoy every moment or cherish every moment, and I always wondered about that. Is this just What kind of perfunctory thing that people sale or is it may be based in some sort of remorse that they may feel

about having let their kids childhood slip by without really taking it all in while it was happening yeah hm parenting is a viola case to steep climbs full on free fools. Sharp turns one moment, you're filled with doubt and worry the next joy and delight it justice. This way today, storyteller dan Harris is a broadcaster and- list and the creator of the ten percent happier meditation up and broadcast in the story. He's about to town gunshots a candid look into his attempts to connect more with his son alexander

I met now, be your guide for meditative story. So why now in this moment, what can you do to really be here to help may be as present as possible? For you, I'm feeling my feet on the ground. I am aware of the temperature of the air when my skin, I know the movement in my face as I speak. What is it for you? Relaxing the body, letting them

howdy, breathe your senses open your mind, open meeting the world for days have been pretty and of all her on my house furlough, while my son alexander, is for Annie's all about his mommy right now. They're bond is beautiful and tight, but that sometimes means it's really hard for me to break in because of nature of our respective schedules, my wife, bianca, spend more time with alexander I our very funny hours employed at abc news where I anchor. Good morning, america on the weekends, which means that three forty five in the morning and once I've stretched

howard and meditated. I sneak out of the apartment ass quietly ass possible so as to not wake alexander, and we can then I take them quick car right through the dark and early silent city streets to the office. Those are my weekend mornings and then In a week, one of the collector nightline, which means for several nights. I stay up really late tanker that show bianca is highly trained physician, but she's not working right now. She had breast cancer a few years ago and she's been taken a little time off. Thankfully she's fine, but this situation does me She spends a lot more time with alexander than I do. typically in the morning on week days, I walk out. Did the living room dishevelled and our into alexander's playtime, with his mom before he heads off to school. Sometimes, ok,

the right, in the middle of the often difficult routine, of getting ready for school he's in pre school right the dolphin Alexander thoroughly rejects me. He will look at me. He won't even say hello and if I go over to him, he whines or calls for his mommy and runs away This, as you might imagine, does not feel awesome. First thing: in the morning, the person I love the most in the world totally rejecting me when I can get him to explain why he'll, tell me that he doesn't like that. I have current crazy, hair or that I smell it feeds my overall sense of guilt that not spending enough time with him. There are times when these interactions can make me sad or region. full, but good mornings

If I got into the little room- and I said quietly long enough- he will actually come over to me on his own and on bad mornings. All I get is him reluctantly deigning to allow me to kiss him on the forehead? I'm not a big one for metaphysical claims, but alexander is something of a miracle we were told bianca at I that it was a long shot that we would ever have a child. We went through I ve F twice in vitro fertilisation and on the second round, which we already knew was almost certainly going to be our last round. We got one egg. Everybody who goes through I v F is, of course, having fertility issues, but still many of these people get eight to twelve eggs. So again we got one and they implanted it. And now we have this giant blonde

running around the house as a result. This is a huge deal for us to have a kid, and I really really love him and I do feel guilty about them that I'm not around as much as I would like to be. I do my best at this. we deliberately found an apartment that seven blocks from my office so unable to pop in and out and see him during the day and it also close to his school. So I do go pick him up when I can. Those school figures are actually quite magical. Often surprised and delighted to see me and I'll run right over and give me a hug, thing I try to do is to organise regular father son dates, because I found that when it's just the two of us he is much much nicer to me so it's not like. I never see him, but I would love to see him more. I miss a lot of dinners.

at home and mornings and stuff, like that. One of my colleagues made a joke. Recently. He referred to my parenting style as ten percent around, which was scattered funny job, but it definitely

stuck in my head. Am I spending enough time with him and when I do see him he's often so fixated on mommy that I'm persona non grata if he were to rate how pleasant you are right now? What percentage would you score yourself, ten percent, fifty percent more? It can be a fun thing to do from time to time and no need to give yourself a hard time. If your scores are so high right now, what would it be to grow? Your presence by ten percent come back to your breath, the feeling of the butts or headset over your is the sensations of this moment. The

So I decide in consultation with my wife, try to be a little bit more proactive and take alexander on a father son trip so that we can can in all new way, I wonder what a change of scene will bring. I hesitate. travelling with a then three year old, I worry hill revolts at the idea of being away from mommy for a while. So I gingerly broach the subject with him, while he's playing with his toys, at the dining room table one night. I say: what do you think little man do? You are go to Boston? Do you want to go to boston? It's your grandparents! I grew up in Boston and my parents erst there I ask him again: do you want to spend two nights, just you and daddy, and he says yes, cast him on this over the ensuing days. Any concern please says yes, so why put it on the books? I buy us plane, tickets and because a room

I tell my parents to clear time in their schedules. As the trip approaches increasingly concerned. he's going to have a full on temper tantrum when I pick them up and try to get them in the cab to the airport. What if he doesn't want to leave mommy what if the entire trip is traumatic and awful for both of us? What if he will? Let me put him to bed. I used to put him to bed when he was a baby But ever since he's been able to speak he's had a whole problematic sleep career. He would not. Let me put him to bed. His mom can put him to bed. His nanny can put him to bed, but not me fact. One time I arranged a night were both his mother and his nanny were out of the house. So I would be the only option. Irony where he was sitting in the bath before bedtime and after I'd finished shampooing him it dawned on him that I was going to put him to bed

he's a freaking out in an whining in a way that suggested a forlorn bout of crying may be in the offing. One of the cats I haven't, walk through the at that time, I asked alexander. Would you be ok with Ruby, putting you to bed and he's a yes I asked him why and he said because she's a girl, so there I was second fiddle to ruby Can you imagine being there a fly on the wall, see Dan slumped His son adamant, the cat nonchalant.

We leave on a sunday. I finish: work walk into our apartment and he's in a great mood, all dressed up, hair, combed and ready to go. I walk over to him and asked: are you ready he answers in the affirmative enthusiastically, so I changed my suit and call a car head to the airport, and I do my best to get him talking on the way about all the fun things will do in Boston. I put a heavy emphasis on ice cream He's in a really good mood, they look, the window he laughs and enjoys himself once we're at the airport, he's a dream going through security. He insists, though, on writing. On top of my rowley suitcase. This is, on my aging body, carrying this little beast on my suitcase through the airport all day, but we're both having a really good time,

We land in boston and go to the hotel. Together, we head straight to the pool for a little bit after checking in and then his grandparents show up and we eat dinner in our hotel room. It's a great time and then the hour arrives, where I'm going to have to put him to bed. I do have a strategy, though there no official bedtime. I tell him. Instead, we had into the long carpeted hallways, where it is game time.

I make him run wind sprints in his pj's for an indeterminate period. Occasionally other guests walk out of there rose and see what alexander and I are doing, and they laugh at us. If I'm able to get him tired enough, I'm thinking then he'll have no choice but to fall asleep. We have a whole set of games in the hallway, where I run him up and down like a dog he's, loving it giggling and squealing. As I chased him, I am clearly winning here. We had to bed to reach them,

looks out aiding about bedtime are going to sleep. We just reading books here and after just a few minutes. It crashes. I should say this kid generally, is not a great sleeper. He wakes up all the time and screams in the middle of the night, but not tonight, not on the boys trip with alexander deeply asleep and dan exhausted to no doubt, www energy levels. If you want to raise them a little twice near the spine opening the chest. Raising the chin, letting the body led the mind

we spend the next day at lego, land me alexander, and his grandmother six hour Yes, I am bored out of my mind, but he is having a great time and feels great just to watch him go that night we have dinner at my parents apartment his uncle. My brother, who just happens to be in Boston that night joins us. It's really sweet Just my original nuclear family right here with my little son, was being a really good kid eating his dinner, a bagel with an egg on it. He dances. Well, he eats because that's what? when these happy everybody laughs, and he says a lot of funny cute things the collective admiration and adoration of my family all focused My little boy is really meaningful. For me. After dinner, we, back to our hotel room. He runs more winds: parents in the hallway and again sleeps through the night on

ass day we had to the new england aquarium. We look at all the fish. Alexander's attention span limited, so we move very quickly from penguins the eels to sharks. He seems highly motivated to get me into the gift shop, so he can get a treat when we get back on the plan. Dad home alexander is great. He looks out the the whole time clutching the new stuff Well, I got him as somebody been meditating for nearly a decade now many moments during this trip, where I'm really glad to have the training, because I'm able to just two into how for lack of a less cheesy word? How sweet this experience is? I love this kid. Obviously, every parent loves their child but especially given the fact that I'm an older dad, I'm forty seven and given everything bianca. I went through to get this kid. This whole situation is especially point when bianca. I first

alexander. I remember there being a wholesome normie of sentiment, both over even from my friends and on social media from people I didn't know. where we are being told and exhorted too in enjoy every moment or cherish every moment and I always wondered about that- is this just a kind of perfunctory thing: people say more. Is it maybe basin, some sort of remorse that they feel about having let their kids childhood slip by without really taking it all. And while I was happening one of the many things meditation is designed to do, is to wake you up and to help you be. Here, wherever you haven't an abate throughout the course of my job, with my son. There are a lot of little snapshots in my mind of him. Looking at the window is the plane flu

or watching him look at the penguins in the aquarium or fiddle with legos at lego, land or dance around bagel. hand. Well my family laughs hmm and in all of these moments I was really able to do the opposite of zoning out, Able to zone in my experience that really amplifies the awesomeness quotient immeasurably the self aware, is that I've been able to generate that anybody can generate through meditation, me too notice and accentuate joy and it can provoke what consider to be healthy reflection about the fact

in our. You will fact that these moments are fleeting, so it's best not to waste them by reflexively reaching for my iphone or something in this world of distractions. Minds have become so well trained to jump from one thing to another. You might even feel that pull right now If so, can you rest and acknowledge how Dan story is making you feel letting any enjoyment or appreciation sinking I should say there are a few moments during our trip where zander says he misses mommy. It hurts my feelings of it, but I just do a version of what were told to do during meditation.

Other than denying or trying to paper over that his feelings exist. I get him to turn into himself. I ask him How does missing mommy make you feel sad and if he says yes, which usually does I say, it's ok to feel sad. I get it. But we're gonna see or very soon. In the meantime, we have fought. Generally speaking, this works like a charm When we finally get home and ride the elevator up to our apartment, I prepared it his mother, about what an amazing job alexander did. within minutes, though, pretty much as soon as he's around his mother. Again, he has a temper tantrum, not at me. It's directed quite squarely at her. This speaks in my view to the impenetrable bond he has with the. And actually makes me feel like this whole dynamic among the three of us is,

about me and more about the fact that many children simply have intense relationships with their mothers, and you know what I think it's great, that they have. This plan is now clear that does nothing for me to feel jealous or resent about clearly. The move here is just for me to make time alexander and I to intervene. One on one, so we can build our own relationship and I think our boys trip really helped on that front, interrupting patterns. The groups in our everyday lives created new space for us to relate to one another differently we're building our own repertoire of private jokes and secret memories, mostly involving my allowing him to have more chocolate. Mommy does so, I have to say,

is that I'm going to do it again, we're already talking about going down to florida together. I've also learned my lesson about the crazy hair in the mornings. Now, when I wake up many days, I put water and my hair. So I look better france. That is also help. Oh and the other he told me that he has now decided at daddy is fourth allowed to him to bed. so, finally, on par with our cat, Ruby We reached the end of tat story in just a moment okochee through the closing.

mutations. Parenting is hard, given that my own out a child, a boy, is pretty much the same age as Alexander there's a lot that I recognise and dan story the importance of stepping out of everyday routines in order to connect but of all the themes. The wonder stands out. The most, for me, is the simple power of time spent together when there's disconnection we solve it by connecting Letting time and attention do their work attend and connection are in their own way, the heart of meditation. So since you're here, why not join me in a short meditation inspired by Dan's story, it'll be in two parts and we'll start here. Just as you are whatever position your body is in if you're moving or still

take a breath take to take as many as you want. If it's been one of those days when outside. Letting the sound drain away any tension that you might have been holding and in the first part of this meditation, the idea is to just rest. Your attention with the body no need to fix it on any area in particular, instead just resting being aware of the body as a hall giving it to your attention connecting letting the whole

body. However, it is fill your awareness soaking up your attention as you do so there will be flickers away from your connection with the body times, when particular sensations thoughts. Feelings come in and take over as with dan. These might include doubt judgment. boredom worry tiredness. It's ok! Whenever you notice your connection with your overall sense of the body break, just come back and start again bringing the attention back. We connecting.

Ok now that you're, hopefully feeling a bit more grounded, let's move into the second part of the meditation. What I'd like you to do is to bring someone to mind that you wish you could spend more time with four dan. It was his son for me, it's my eldest sister, who was it for you there's no right answer, but in my experience the first person you think of is probably the best person to go with. If you're visual person, you can picture an image of them. But if, like me, you don't have too much of a visual mind, just recall something about them, an event, a feeling, a story.

an image without pictures, whatever helps bring them to mind, whatever helps bring them into awareness, and this is where will rest keeping your person in mind spending time with the image of them in my feel, totally contrive totally fake has a k. It can be like that,

sometimes just do it anyway, bringing to mind the person you wish you could spend more time with and keeping them in awareness as much as you can. As you do, this all sorts of thoughts may come up. Thoughts of regret self judgment doubt thought of delight happiness enjoy, as you feel touched by them, they're all. Ok, we do the best. We can. You know let this gentle attention towards your dear person forge a real sense of connection. They might be far away, they might be in the next room. You might have seen them just five minutes ago or it could have been decades. It's all! Ok, your body, relaxed your breathing gentle, your special person in mind feeling

mind feeling the charge between trusting the quality of your wish to spend more time with them a deepening your connection, just as Dan did without expanding the. Hmm Meditative story is away toward the original in partnership with dr global. The show is produced

the studio inside as white partners in new york of executive, produces a demonstrable june cohen arena. Huffington and dan cats are producer. Sabrina fine supervising producer is Jai punjabi, a curator is carry Goldstein original music. A sound design is by the holiday brothers mixing and marching by brian pay special thing to answer sex Juliana stone summit ties mechanically madison, odin borg, lynn. he benoit o connell libby, deep smithy sinha and Sarah Sandman, and I'm gonna tell creator of the butterfly meditation our and your house visit, additives story don't come to find the transcript this episode, hmm

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