This is the ten percent happier podcast dan Harris hey this episode, the fascinating epps There's one started as an experiment and then blossom, into something pretty awesome. In my opinion, alexander dream is the star of a great show on netflix, it's called the last kingdom on the show housing who plays a viking so you're here, literally not gonna, find the guy who is more stereotypically masculine but I've gotta know alexander recently and he's also incredibly thoughtful. I met him because he's now engaged to an old friend of mine, Alison Williams, who is also an actor you might know Alison from the recent. mega, hit movie megan and also the hit hbo show girls

I've known out of court awhile and now she's got a relationship and a baby with alexander dream. It. I asked alexander to come on the show, as I mentioned at the top as a kind of experiment, tal over context. You're a we ve been thinking about changing the way we do our friday bonuses, instead of just posting guided meditations, which, by the way we will continue to do. We also get start at bringing on different kinds of guests and having shorter conversations about what notable people due to be happy. You know usually on the show we talked him: meditation teacher, and scientists and occasionally a celebrity, but we're hoping that, in this new, shorter format will be able to talk to different kinds of people, so you know athletes, actors, business leaders, you name it, but you are, of course thinking dan. This is not friday, its monday, so what's goin on. Of course, you write initially thought alexander would be the guinea pig for this new, as bonus format, we're gonna play with. However, as you can hear, it was just too damn interesting.

We're doing a full episodes? Instead, we cover- a around. In this conversation, marriage, parenting, anger, therapy, sleep, human connection, meditation masculinity and how to show your body netflix without developing body this morphinism? We also talk a lot about his show, which is awesome, although it is coming to an end just a few days ago, looks posted the serious finale. It's a movie length episode that wraps up the whole story check it out. I actually recommend you start from the beginning. Watch the whole show, because it's really good and for the record I, like the show for I ever met alexander get one quick note, since we initially thought this was going to be part of this new format for our friday bonuses. I asked him to draw up a list.

I have three things that are non negotiable when it comes to his happiness. So that's where the interview starts, but then it it just really just goes off and lots of fascinating directions from there before we get started with today's episode of something else to say here, which is that meditation is too often sold to us as a solo death march, but I think that's the way to view it- and I think I've history on my side here for several thousand years, buddhists have talked about the importance of songs or community, another It's the buddhists have long known that there is an hiv lane or carpool lane affect you, meditating with other people and orson having a community of fellow meditate to normalize the sometimes very strange practice. So now the team at tp phs. Created a way for you to meet and connect with a community of fellow meditated through temporary, happier live coaching, you can join expert, meditation, coaches and

our community and more than fifty live meditations and classes each month and you can get started for free with a fourteen day trial this week we invite you to check out happier our we created this event series, especially for you, podcast listeners, each episode of happier our turns one of our most popular podcast episodes into a class, and this week the episode were working with is called kryptonite. For your inner critic. You'll have the chance to connect with other meditated, live and get some new supercharged practice strategy. So, if you'd like to bring some more self compassion to your daily life, with life, support from our top notch coaches and discover meditating with other people can strengthen this ability. Go on over to ten percent dot com, slash coaching to get started with a fourteen day trial. That's ten percent! One word all spelled out dot com, slash, coaching, alright,

I'm with the show all your audio entertainment in one app, that's audible, you'll always find the best of what you love or something new, to discover. There's an amazing election of audio books across every genre for best seller there's a new releases too Birdy, memoirs, mysteries and thrillers motivation, well wellness business and more, I just finished listening to rules Ability by aim or tolls file holding my laundry new members can try audible, free for thirty days, visit, audible, dot com, slash ten percent or text. Ten percent to five hundred five hundred, that's audible, dotcom, slash, ten percent or text. Ten percent all spelled out two five hundred five hundred to try audible, free for thirty days, audible, dot, com, slash ten percent. The show is sponsored by better help

big things. I'm working on with my girl son is normalizing anxiety. I have no idea if you actually listening to me, but I try to tell him. the time that fear and worrying is a normal part of being human that broken. If he's occasionally anxious this better is the same thing. I would say to you your listener same thing goes. Depression or any other mental health challenges common, very normal and often very tradable. One of them ways I have found for treating my own anxiety is therapy in working with the same therapist. For many There is now really helps just to talk to him. Weekly and say that quite part out loud to get my fears out of my head and out into the open with somebody who smart and a good listener If you are thinking of starting therapy, you might give better help, it I it's entirely online designed to be convened, flexible and so dear schedule, discovery

potential with better help, visit better help, dot com, slash happier today to get ten percent off your first month. That's better help, hd lp dot com, slash happier. Alexander dream and welcome to the show, thank you very much than hers, so weird, normally brenda like like I've, never met before I'm to try something new today, you're very gamely playing guinea pigs. I appreciate that very much for anything. I appreciate that so three non negotiable for you when it comes to keeping you shit together, let's go through them. one at a time. What's the number one number one, I think his sleep and some people don't need as much of it. I do when we were shooting the last kingdom. For example, we should on a surprisingly low budget, which means we shoot a lot

small space of time, but you're kind of constantly on during that time. You don't have much time off and some people manage to still go out at night and go for a drink and party a little bit like for me the discipline of getting enough sleep overrules at all, because I know that I can't make it through seven months overshoot. Without that doesn't make you popular with the rest of the cast a crew now we have a great relationship and I'd. It's not like. I never go out, but when can. I do and I love it, but I only do it when I know that I can catch up afterwards. How much do you need sleep? my sweet spot, his eight hours, here's my thing about sleep, because I struggle was they personally I used to wear one of those or a rings, and do you know those are I'd just given one and I haven't really explored it yet, but I'm curious, it's a very cool and so

anybody from wars. Listening I no disrespect at all to very cool technology. It's a ring you where all the time and it tracks lots of things about your body. I found out, I was getting really obsessive about sleep and that the obsession with stopping me from sleeping I make sense does that ever happen, it can help and when I know that I have to get up, I have it important to do, and I have to get enough sleep and then you can get and that anxiety cycle of not being able to fall asleep. Because of that, however, funding enough, just as I use the example of filming asking them towards beginning of my career as an actor. I found that some of the best like. I did was when I didn't have enough sleep because when you are so tired, you don't really examine what are you doing in the moment and you just leave yourself along and you just do it and eventually, you learn how to do that. And still get enough sleep, but at the beginning that actually

hope, especially for emotional scenes where you can be nervous about. Can you get yourself today? point emotionally where you need to be in order to deliver that can help now so being sleep deprived can make you raw in. that, can help you in scenes that, if your fully slept You might be a little more self, conscious, yeah, correct here, there's a very therapeutic, quality to doing this podcast, because I say so to you and you, Sickly formulated back to me in a way that is more concise and sounds better, but I'm like yeah, that's what I mean I wish I could have said it. That way. Do you know what that is? Do you know what I'm doing? I know that my therapist does it every week and therapists. Do it good therapists? Do it really? Well, it's a hack that I picked up and when I say hack, that makes it sound. Like a violation technique which it is ensuring, although I guess in a positive sense, a kind of is but a scowl reflective. Listening and

I learned it because I was a bad listener, reasonably good broadcaster, but not a very good internet snow communicator, and so I, these communications coaches, actually been on the show more data riskier damn Claremont shut out today would eat at their amazing and one of the many too, They taught me was something called reflective listening. So if somebody says something to me not all the time, because you don't want to use it too much, because it can be like a technique and it could come off as annoying but not time will when somebody says something that feels like either it's very. orton to them, and I can tell it they want to feel heard more. If it may be just deserves a lot more clarification, I will repeat it back them very concisely and my own language, first of all, I don't mind at all. I think it's genius and I'm definitely if you're gonna use it going forward, use in your marriage. I'm telling you in my marriage as made a huge difference. I hear my wife talk specifically about this thing. Selective listening when she tells other people that

Seven ass, all now than I used to be in may how much sense, and on top of it, it also clarifies that you have understood the person correctly, as there are today number two on your list number two, is learning outside the law. in whatever it is an, however small. It may be just getting that sense of it. Achievement and the feeling of self worth it gives you the thrill it gives you, and I think that is also why I love my work so much because ideally you're all is being challenged, and when you over the challenge you can only do that by having learnt something new, and I just know that I'm happier when I learned something somebody in my team, it- is either justine or lower in one of the producers of my team was picking me up potential. Guess the other. I am probably gonna mangle this, but I think it's close enough. This was a guest who's, an expert in

memory and also the best ways to stave off decline memory and one of the most important things in terms of maintaining Your memory and brain health over the long term is consistently learning new things. There don't make sense. What do you do if learning weren't you, what do you do? continue. Learning you're, not it's not like you've got a ton of spare time going to be married. You have a little kid and you work a lot. So how do you learn on the regular As I said, learning can be anything I learned. When I practice sports, when I do digital, I learn new techniques. I learned from my work constantly because every Viktor you develop is gonna be doing. Something that you haven't done before or that you're not as familiar with as you need to be a future Playing somebody who is an expert in that field, you'll learn

the time period they lived in. You learn about the social arms, the source of structure. They lived in the political structure, etc, and the physicality of them so there is so much there and that's why I feel like you're not allowed to be bored in this world because there is so much to do and so much to look at and see for the first time and taken imagine having a child like that's constant learning curve. all the time, a learning and a real learning, because you re learn with them about them and what's best for, and you figure out what works. What doesn't work? Yeah, it's a constant learning curve. I think, it is our loner a year and a half. Is he talking much earlier? I only the french to him cause. I want him to have that additional language for free, and I heard that it's better if one

listen, sticks to one language, and so he has certain words. He only says an english certain words. He only says in french certain words that he makes up and you understand like, for example, a word from music or song is yale because, diego so what children in my experience will teach. You is all of the stuff that your most embarrassed about and thought you're hiding successfully and see right through it and will call you out of it a you're not quite at that age, yet with our low but In my experience, they become phds in your flaws. Can you give me an example? Just the other day teaching alexander to do lapse. Jim basque bought was trying to really emphasise to him that he doesn't need to be tentative. You can do right to the hoop- and he looked at me, said you're, giving me a boring, inspirational speech

haven't you ever lived and he comes to my lectures and when, if I'm going to give a speech, he comes only so that was deliberate use of words, because he's basically mark what also exceptionally smart. Exceptionally perceptive, I'm not surprised that he throws stuff like that, I dont know if it's because he's excessively smart or perceptive, I don't it's impossible to measure your own child or to have any objective. in your own child, but I what I can tell you is that he knows the throw a dagger. Now I look forward to that. I see you. We were taught a little bit about learning through playing tricks on last kingdom and I guess my question, for you is how how historically accurate is the show more first. Maybe you could just described the plot, the basics of the plot for people and then I'm curious,

and watched. It is that, roughly speaking, what was happening at that time in the uk, roughly being yourself, it's based on a series of books written by bernard, cornwall, and it is a story set against the backdrop of quota quoth, the king, asian of england. So, during the time of Alfred the great who is said to have been the first king, have had that vision of a unified england and in his life if time he was never able to realise that vision, but his grandson king Ethel stun, meda happen during the battle of in burma, which was the last great addle that a set of unified england and all the battles and all these rulers are storing figures who trade as a whole. Your router? It existed two hundred years later and was actually the lord of bourbon burden, which is nowadays bambara castle still exist

and that's all during that time he has a fictional character and the story is told through his eyes. So roughly yes, it's historically accurate, but there are of course, a lot of liberties that have been can in the way that neutrality has weaving in and out of that story very skilfully. I think the liberties, because it feels I don't know anything, but it feels real to me. This story is clearly fictional, but when I'm watching it, it feel like I'm watching something like a document of that period of time. Just for this, nurse who are unfamiliar with story of alexander character. Who tread is that he's, born from british since he is re line, liking saxon and raised as a dane is biological, and get killed by danish invaders and he gets kidnap button becomes part of that family and is raised as a dane and belief.

in the north gods and this whole battle between christianity and paganism, thus also one of the major themes of the series of million other branches of the show. I want go with your less though, and will come back to the show just say: recommended to the listeners. It's been described as the thinking man's game of thrones, which is incredibly high compliment because the throne is amazing, so it s amazing, I'm a big fan of well yeah, I took you, I took your comment and the spirit in which you intended. It is a great show. That's basically my message right now, but anyway, let's get back to your list. What's the third Thank you for the pr Next thing on my list would be connection human connection with first of all, With my partner, we know allison Alison has something I see as a superpower. She really taught me this, which is that she has like as something I call zero space policy. So

I think when you're in a relationship with somebody, it is so easy to drift apart and to have a little the thing that upsets you and you don't really voice said, but it stays there and it creates a little bit of a distance between you and then maybe there's another thing about distance becomes bigger and also just whenever something like that athens, overtime, that little sea just grows into something more momentous anyway on his own, I'm not saying we can't, space if we ask for it. That's death the case, but the un. conscious drifting away is something We worked really hard to not let happen and that has really worked wanderers It's definitely most important factor to our patient shepherd. What one? What makes it work that super interesting, Eminem step gingerly, because else's

we're talking about something else and you're invited on the show anytime. I have no one else and for quite a while, since she was very young, I remember the first time I met her she's like in her early twenties, already very impressive. So I'm not going to I'm, not gonna, ask anything from her perspective. She's not here to represent herself, but from your perspective, and I think, having talked you off MIKE Personally, we may share a few things in common, in terms of how we show up in relationships. Do you ever find zero space policy challenging only that god, it's excruciating initiated itself because, especially as a guy, I think a lot of men function the same way like when we took on a bone we like to do it on our own and yeah my default is just disappear within myself and just take that space. That's my comfort so working against them natural desire.

To do that is really hard and its also really hard for her Get me back from that space, because you need to be really brave to do that and go into that whatever it is that's going on, but I sometimes have this dark force field around me and she needs to go in there to get me out of it and she always meets resistance. But of course, with time we get better and we know that the solution is not to stay in that space, but to come back because once you're in that mode. It's very easy to just spiral to me, If you allow a little germ of distance take root. it can lead to holistic rot within the relationship. I think so yeah and even if something that then gets but decide because you move on and because you tell yourself that important it'll come back

and then you rehashing when you are discussing a different subject, and it just add spice too whatever other subjects you're injured is sing and that space does need to be there. It so interesting pierre ago, just making about me, but I'm gonna, go there. Met least it'll help. You not feel alone on this when you were so thousands voice about yourself. She describes you is having this dark force field, I believe, was the term DR myself as our cap as having that yeah I've heard bianca saith similarly about me really that especially pre annotation days when I was working, a very stressful job at NBC news- and I was way too caught up in the politics of it and where I stood at any given moment, should talk about me coming home with a scowl on my face. And for her as somebody who I think I can say this, could she said it publicly that it's easy for her to be made? feel especially when she was younger. Insecure right, so she would reach

the look on my face is a referendum on my feelings about her, when, in fact, I'm worried about some shit, Peter jetting said to me at the office or whatever, and I think that I have exactly the same guy man Doug. I know exactly what you mean. It's really hard not to take it personally. to really be trained by going to counselling and having fight over the years. I think if I had heard you say what you just said, men are not even as recently as five years ago, I might have just gotten defence, but now I recognise that everything you said is absolutely true and have the data person not take it personally, it's not that hard just cause They explain, give a person what's going on and assuring them it's not about them. It's about you that just like human, interpersonal hygiene, one or one correct it's not easy, though, even knowing all of that. It's not easy to do when you're in a mood, because one am angry. I just won't be angry. Sometimes I

I really enjoy being angry at a while. I can see that your character right he's in pretty constant brooding mode- oh yeah, that's true- that wasn't easy. I think I've had a long journey with anger and I think I didn't really allow myself to be angry much. That doesn't mean that I wasn't, but I've had a all journey with my anger and feeling like I am, I'm allowing myself to be angry and that's ok, what was now for you that you didn't feel like it was very angry. good question. I can't really can't really, a finger on why I didn't feel like I was allowed to be angry because I certainly was, but I think I stand upset anybody around me make sure my mom was okay, but of course it does nothing because people around you can feel that europe said I remember when I was

I think those eighteen or something I logged on- my life other than just being a team nature, which is aware period anyway, but you know a lot of things that up at me- and I didn't talk about them and I didn't let it out and was one night were was in the car and it was raining and I was so upset that I had the gas on the car. luckily on a very lonely like country road, there is nobody else around, but I was going fast and I knew that it was dangerous and I knew there was wrong, but that anger inside me? I just felt so good to let it out, and I was going faster and faster than those dip in the road and ass it came out of the dead. The car left the road flew up in the air,

and when I hit the road again, I lost control of the car and flipped five times and ripped out barriers on the side of the road the car was totalled. I got without a scratch? I don't know how but That was real. Wake up call about how important it is to just talk. That's a heroic story. Do you feel like it all fixed because you learn your lesson then, or is that carried over into your grownup life? I think nothing just gets fixed a great that's the crazy thing you can live by these rules and bodies, goals that you said yourself and you can thrive on that for a period of time and then you can suddenly forget it just like with annotation I've gone through a period in my life when I was meditating a lot and I was reading a lot about being in the moment, self awareness and all of these things- and it was a time when I had finished theatre school. I was working as a temp,

I had very little money. I was not do the thing that I was passionate about, I was trying to acting jobs and in our addition, after audition after auditioning didn't get where I wanted to get, and yet it was one of the happiest times in my life, and I know that and yet life happens, and you get busy in a way that you didn't anticipate and you forget to do it one day and then you forget to do it. The next day and suddenly you drift out of it and you forget about it again and I think it's very similar with anger management that's very similar with that space that we talked about in a relationship of these things. You can now and forget again, and so I think at some point to either have people that remind you of that. Sometimes it's new. Let me you did that for me to wonder degree in the last couple of

monson. Of course, when we met, I just become a dad, so it was difficult to get back into that motive life right away, but you are a huge factor in getting me back on track in terms of meditation. So thank you for sure. But yes, of course, it was a wake up, call It did help me to address the problem at the time, but it something that I keep coming back to your point is an extremely important. I have a whole little rap on this I'll. Give it quickly- and I apologise to the listeners have heard me say this before, but before you get annoyed, you listen. This is actually something you need to hear a million times so deal with it. The work that we use currently is mindfulness, but ancient indian word in the language of polly, p, l, I that was can at or around the time of the buddha or at least around the time that the buddhist teaching was written down,

The original word was S. Eighty I saw tee in it. We now translated as my voters, but with the original translation of safety is actually remember. You can hear amazing podcast you can read books. You can go to an amazing lecture. You can do all meditation retreat for ten days. And learn life changing stuff, but the way we are programmed. It suggests dip right back into the habit stream. Im of acquisition and competition and distraction and whatever it is, and so that's why the buddha called his teachings against the stream. You need to just keep waking up, so you don't need to have a car crash. Say every six weeks to remember that your anger needs to be led out instead of metabolize than a healthy way. Will you do need to consistently practice above of things in order. Yes, who cut against our habit patent? That makes sense

salute leah may summer sense and a friend of mine, literally to me about this two days ago, about blaring habits and connecting practices to habit. That you have anyway, some data around this behavior change. Science suggests that if you will want to form a new habit. You can draft off of the momentum existing happened. So if you want to start meditating. You might try doing it right after brush your teeth every night, because you can take some of the momentum of the existing there is that, in line with what you were saying, absolutely that's exactly what I was saying and I've been doing this for years with something's on travel, to that later, when you said you wanted to ask me about practices, do but yeah. Absolutely coming up alexander dream in talks about how having male friends makes his romantic relationship even better

if their therapy of silliness and of kindness. If you been wanting a straight or smile but are put off by the thought of the endless trips to the dentist or the high cost of braces, then I know What you need bite bite offers clear tee. The liners that allow you to transform your smile from the comfort of your home bite, clearer, liners doktor directed and delivered right to your doorstep, just taken impression mould of your mouth previous treaty smile, in order for all day or at night liners. Yes There really is that simple best of all is that their thousands was embraces, have monthly financing options and even take insurance spring is a time for new beginnings, started while journey today, gotta be white,

ea dot com and use code wondering at checkout to get your at home impression kit for just forty. Ninety five: that's code wondering at byte dot com for over eighty per cent off your impression kit, even the rich as a podcast from laundry that tells the jaw dropping stories about the tumultuous lives of the world's elite from the greatest family, dynasties to pop culture, superstars, having unimaginable wealth unlocks a world of which most of us could only dream, but once you get past the red carpet, galas and private jet vacations, there can be a darker side. The most recent season of even the rich explored lucille ball's meteoric rise to fame as the first female sitcom star and studio exec, despite periods of soul, crushing rejection and a husband with a wandering eye. There's also a season about Madonna, an american icon in more ways than one, though, from humble beginnings, she transformed herself into the material girl and became not only the biggest pop star on the planet, but the world's number one trendsetter another explores the life of the legendary dolly parton who began her career as a poor girl from rural tennessee with a big heart

and an even bigger dream, but even dolly's, yellow brick road was chequered. With struggles follow even the rich. Wherever you get your pod cast, you can listen ad free. I mean amazon, music or wondering app both through the practice is now how centres very good, sir. I asked him gave him anyway on work in advance to take it lists the three things you do to stay happier him eat. Did he lifted the three things and then gave me a second list is very buddhist buddhists love list. I've got more on the human connect Secondly, we all do that first, yes, so We're talking about the connection with the partner, but there there's that are really important. Dimension. Connection with friends, think, especially as a man. I've been so lucky to have connections or tat friendships with guys in my life that are we can be vulnerable with each other, and I that's a real blessing, because I think a lot of guys don't get that because of the way there are brought up because the way their targets

ok to doing what's, not ok, to do and having guys. In my life, on whose shoulder I can cry when I need two has been one of the most wonderful things and I I'm not recommended highly enough, because it's one thing to confide in your partner and have that support and that's the way you're in a connected relationship, definitely the most important, but I think sometimes it's really important to feel that love from a friendship also there was a a guest on the show recently pointed out, and I think there are studies here that marriages. you better when the partners independent friendships, because no one it can do everything for you, and so it takes a lot of pressure off of a relationship if you've got other relationships in your life, where you can work through issues, you know and I think one of the important practices is

set time aside to maintain those relationship, because, especially in the lifestyle that I think we both lead, we travel a lot. I've moved around so much in my life and there are friends ips that are extremely important to me. But most of the time these people on the other side of the world and so setting time aside, not to just text. But also to to make the phone call and check in and see how they're doing is so important, and I'm not perfect at that. but I certainly strive to be and then making new friends like you, certain people that I mean that make me excited, but life I can't really say what it is. But when I met you, I felt that way. You know it makes me it's almost like makes me giddy, incite united, inspires me. It and vigour it's me and being oh to these new relationships and friendships is really important to me, and I think,

one thing I want to add into that category is silliness is so important for my happiness, because certain people bring out certain things in you and some of the times when I'm obvious in my life is when I'm with people brackened blair, my guard be completely myself and usually when I'm completely myself, I'm pretty silly. I totally agree actually. First of all, thank you for the kind words I feel exact same way, As you know, last night I was having dinner with a big group of friends, Haddan we're being ridiculous, just absolutely ridiculous and that she is magic. It is what were designed for rights I, Oh terek magic really how we evolved, and if you don't get it even if you're an interval if you don't get it in the right dose for you, based on your wiring correct, you are likely to suffer. You know one thing I would add, I think to stay connected is the importance of therapy in my life.

after you have a team of people that work with you, you have your agent, manager and entertainment lawyer and publicist, and one of the really important members of my team, I would say, is my therapist and his importance. felt in my work as well as in my private life, and I think in turn of connection with your friends with your family and with your partner having that person to talk. And to catch you to certain agree, is such a huge luxury This is a very and unfair question, but it's a brief question with a long answer, maybe possibly long one, which is what do you get out a therapy I think the ability to reconnect with myself, with people around me and with what's important to me

that's what I can tell you when you put me on the spot, like that, it's probably something I didn't need to think about longer when you say reconnecting with yourself where I take it, and this is probably projection. But maybe it's right is. I can say stuff to my therapist that I can't say anybody else and so just putting it out. There gets it out of my head. Seeing another person be the handle whatever wild, I'm hurling at him actually just makes me feel way better. Even if he's not solving the problem, he s and dad it's definitely part of it and I because of these friendships, I've spoken to you about Earlier, I feel like there's nothing. I couldn't say to my best friend I can't a single thing that I could not say to him, however, dark or in sing. It may be- and I am so grateful for that- and I don't feel like I need my therapist just for that, but having a professional assessed,

of the situation is so helpful. I think a lot of the things that people struck, with in relationships or just going through life is. The childhood trauma and the repercussions that has throughout your life. and so having somebody who can take on the role of a primary caregiver at certain points. Can work wonders gino, then my therapist be able to the role of my dad. point and say, I'm really proud of you made me emotional and think about it, It means so much when you need to hear that. So having somebody who knows. knows when you need to hear those things and who can say them to you and saying what we ve been talking about anger like somebody who is comfortable with my anger,

and who can see that ugly sight of me and who still we'll give me their respect, is amazing in our lifetime. Nobody has perfect parents I know you love your parents, given that nobody has perfect parents, if you can have a therapist too, can step in and make for whatever deficiencies are there we're both parents? Neither of us is a perfect balance and we will have deficiencies to that. Hopefully, some therapists can make up. For what keeps me up at night yeah. What am I not doing my fucking him up? Yes, that a lot of things I could say about that, but not about how you're fucking yourself yeah somewhere. ten minutes. You said something about man. The age made of mental note that I wanted to bring back up with. You

the eyes. I think you have a very cool opportunity and have said this before, but you are in the culture as an avatar of masculinity. You play a viking, get credit, technically be euro saxon. But your raised by viking certainly work of viking on the show and we live in culture where it's not necessarily. Doesn't that easy as a guide to step up and say I go therapy is really important for me to have male friends that I can cry to as a figure in the culture as a husband as a father, a young boy Do you feel summers ability to model a different kind of masculinity. Or am I just throwing this at you for the first time? That's a good question. I think it is in saying that we are not talking about The human condition machinations of the mind. at a young age. It is insane that

this is not something that is part of every curriculum, how certain things affect you and what repercussions they have on your life on your relationships, how you can project certain things, that are really your own to somebody that your close to and how that it's them and what repercussions that has on your relationships and all of these things that become clear to you when you work with a good therapist. I think that they should know about, because it literally make everybody's lives better. It would make it bodies relationships better, whether it's on a personal level or at work. So I can in some way contribute to opening people up to the idea

I have giving that a shot. Then I will very gladly take on that responsibility. I think it's an amazing opportunity you have and I'm proud of you to watch you take advantage of it to an incredible service. You can provide because there is so much emotional stunting among men, myself included, I'm not things with any judgment that can be counteracted, by having positive role models out there in the culture. That's my opinion, gum. Nothing is easy to do, but I think it's important to do well yeah, it's not something that I took account. This decision of doing- and you hinted at this when he invited me to the Podcast- and I feel very honoured by it- but I think it's something that so important to talk about, and I think these, meeting. That is of ultimate importance here. I think this interview is gonna help in that very regard. So thank you cry from working down your list, ago, while the last point of my human connection list is kindness and the importance of kindness to one

its people there in your life, but also just towards strangers, it is so much fun to just be kind to somebody that you have no action to that. You don't need to be kind to for any particular reason. It's fun can get me out of a bad mood. I can really make my dad add so much to my happiness, and I think if you strive to operate with kindness, as much as possible. Then you are, and live a happier life, because your work environment will be better and you will have people that are gonna support. You when you need support, cannot recommended early enough. Kindness in one of these words at its easy to overlook, because afterwards they needed on to throw pillows and use it as a hashtag on instagram, and it can come off as it like. An empty bromide, basher

again tell a data here, the better your relationships, the better everything is gonna, go for. You. one thing I know about you from talking allison. Is that your talk to anybody and you'll make friends with strange yours and if you're, saying at a hotel for a long time like you'll, get to know the whole staff and that's a real and if we could call it a practice. It's just some you do naturally or deliberately I don't know, I guess what I'm building two years, a question which is you ever feel like you need to put up some boundaries yeah. I think, that just comes with the job that I do and I think the more successful you are at that job, the more boundaries you have to put up, and it's a sad fact. Really I'd like to not have to do that, but I think boundaries are extremely important in all aspects of life. You not come Just after me, you don't know when their overstepped and one

It's too late and it happened, then it's very hard to come back from that. So you ve had moments where maybe let people in it didn't go, Yes he's giving me a link that says adventure I wanted but I find that suffices. Isn't answer has made them poured choices with very good intentions, but to be honest. I don't know that I wouldn't do it again, because I think what you can reap by sowing. The seeds of kindness is worth every defeat that you can encounter along the way. I completely agree. I've had the opposite problem, which is that my ankle nation is to be frosty, and so I've had on learn that or I'm trying to learn that the more I learn it. The more I see how correct you are again, the more I have signed, on the show talk about the power of what one scientist I believe it's barbara french, resuming talks about the power of micro interaction said if you can

pepper your day, with the positive interactions with your barrister or just a cab iver whatever it is. That will have a measurable impact on your happiness and I think you're doing it naturally fisher not a conscious decision that I took. I just do it because fun coming up alexander talks about the importance of exercise in his life. how he tries not to get overly attached to his body. Looking certain way, even though he has to put his body on camera, which leads them to all discussion between the two of us on the buddhist idea of non self. We also talk about what is meditation. Practice looks like now that he has a toddler around the house and what it's like to wrap up his show the last kingdom and what might be next room. Here's a question I ve never foundered before, but he would go. What would you do if you were trapped alive underneath millions of pounds of rock the odds

of survival in this scenario, I'm told our nearly zero for an unfortunate few. This, became their reality, and these folks were not willing to give up against the odds. Is apart cast from wondering that tells you national human stories about regular everyday people who find themselves fighting for their lives against unthinkable odds like the thai cave rescue, which chronicles the incredible events when an adventurous group of teenagers, themselves, fighting to save their lives and the brave heroes they gave them their only chance of survival or the chilean mine collapse when the government had to Race against the clock to assemble a global task, force of rescuers drill, urgent medical experts. Each episode will remind you of the unsure couple human drive to survive on the inside airing bravery of the heroes who helped listen to against odds on amazon, music apple pie cast off Ever you listen and by the way you can listen early and ad free. If you join wondering plus on the way three ap there. I want to ask about actual

no the exercise on your list of practices, absolutely yeah, yeah. Ok, I tell you for we start rolling that I was branches, picked a random episode last night, just to get myself many interval asking them and do some seen were somebody throw some water at you to wake you up out of bed, haliae and you're, not wearing a shirt, and you have like a twenty four pack abandoned. I guess my question is: what is your exercise region look like, and how do you do not get into body? This morphinism end adding overly neurotic or obsessive about how you look, especially since you're gonna be filled and put on netflix gotta say I'm really lucky in that area, because I really enjoy. the collapse or size, and I really enjoy eating healthy foods. I don't have to make myself do that, so that's a huge plus Of course, there are so many days specially, while shooting the show when there's so little time and when I'm exhausted and then I have to force myself

account, but I read you just have to force myself to start once I get started. I feel joy, I get it there, feel joy when you're extraditing in that you don't mind eating a bowl of kill on the regular, but if you're gonna be filmed with torso uncovered. How do you not get obsessive about how you look and does that not set you up for struggle as you get older, and inevitably the body changes. That's it, good question I had and of twenty eighteen. I think I had a sparring accident I bent My- leg the wrong way at the knee towards us and I had to get minister surgery and so doing that time the physical I was just gone. I can't do anything for a certain amount of time, and I really had like a bit of reckoning with myself, because it so part of my identity asked myself like if I'm not my body anymore? What am I

it. Sir, it's a deep question to a bit of a deep question, but is an important one. yourself? I think what am I, if I'm in an hour my face- gets damage distorted. Can I still do my job do people still feel the same way about me and in the end, you're gonna lose it anyway, exactly So if you don't want to get into the space of way, not suitable growing old you're gonna have to find some other stuff that you can hold onto, and so I saw a video once of somebody whose name I can't member who said what defines you? What are you and this person said? Well, it's easy to think you're your thoughts and feelings But you thoughts can change your feelings change by the minute. You know your body because I think it takes seven years for every single cell to be replaced in your body, so you are physically, not this person you're a seven years ago by any means the only thing that

its constant is your awareness hearing that was, really important to me, because I grew up in lots of different places. with different languages, and so it feels I've had different lives, and sometimes it's really difficult to reconcile these lives and realise that they're all the same point. this was all me because sometimes I think back to when I was a kid at some point. I'm like Swirl is so different from the world that I live in now. How is that still but then, when I think back to my awareness, I can connect with that and it gives me that through lying back, I think that's why it so important to practise mindfulness, because it brings you back to that which is really all you have fresher em. this is where things get really weird, and I have not really had this experience that much, but if at the deep into the pool of mine

plus you'll, see that you don't even have awareness that there's no continuity to that either god, I'm not area they prefer they called ever ye rolling up the mats stage. Why? Because it's terrifying and I think you can get to that realisation pretty quickly if you take up large enough dose so I've been felicity. You realise that there is, No alexander, you can put your finger out. There is no core negative view, and sometimes that's called ego death, that's very terrifying realization and have had that? Have you felt that I had it when I was my first panic attack ever was when I spoke ice we want a kid in us, remember being in high schools I can weed and every once in a while, it was like russian roulette when I smoked weed. Sometimes it was fine and then every once in a while just realize that. the insubstantial reality of my ego and and how right now it's now but known now, it's now and now

it's now and there isn't anything to hold onto I dunno, if I'm even articulating this correctly, but that totally get what you mean yeah, yet that terrified me I've had as a girl up on meditation retreats where thing slow down enough and you were actually paradoxically, chatter slows down. In your mind, your ability to notice all of what's coming through your senses. Speeds up, feels like me, really able to notice hearing seeing who smelling thinking very rapid may you can see how rapidly your mind cycling through all of these inputs and other words, I've been a meditation three four seven or eight days- and I have a mac, but where the chatter really comes down, I see how right but the mind moves, how quickly everything's changing there can't be some solid me because everything changing all the time and seeing it in that context. In my The forties or early fifties am not stoned, and I've spent seven days to get to this point is a little less,

terrifying, but for some people, even that can be, and maybe they're just seeing it in a more vivid way than I've had the luxury of seeing it. But for a lot of people that that can be terrifying too cause you're. Just seeing the one thing you sought with solid your sense of self, that's a wisp too! That's that's like a as the buddha would say, a bubble three. What did you get after that? There's this great story about adding red syrup. It's zen story about this old zen monk, who's been meditating forever and he's not yet enlightened. He decides to go up until the top of a mountain and meditate till it gets enlightened. As he's walking the mountain and some older monk is walking down the older monkeys enlightened and is carrying a bundle of sticks and there enlightened monk, says to the enlightened mk? What's enlightenment like and the guy drops, the bag of sticks? Let him go and then the enlightened guy said what's next, which is basically your question and he just picks up the sticks.

Why and what I take from that? Is you see the illusion of your ego of the sense of self? In my case, it's not biting permanent vision like I forget it all the time, but the point is to go back into the world and be less of a dick and to help other people so that that's my reading, that story. That's, I think my answer to your question, but I don't know: if that's does it? Ok, in my question. Thank you. The point is, if you can see that this ego that's giving you so much suffering, isn't real, then you don't have to suffer as much run. What do you do after that? You help other people suffer less yeah. That's my rough understanding of buddhism in a nutshell, thanks for their way, hopefully to act fast. So are you meditating with some regularity, I am here, I haven't been able to integrated into my daily routine. Today, stand that I would to do it, but basically

every time that I wake up before my son does. The first thing I do is asthmatic once he's up, there's no night, except for, if you're, awaken, aware, while you're playing with him and that it is the next thing I was gonna say. Actually, that is for the He liked sit down breathing all of these things. about type of meditation, but then the other types of men station, and this is again something that I have you to thank for is just make. The point of doing it as much as possible throughout the day and actually doing it with my son, is bliss so doing at the time that I talked about earlier, I used to start every day with meditating. I always made sure that I had a flower and in my room of some sort. One of the many. patients. I did was just looking at this flaw. Or on a macro level, and just taking at all in and doing that with my son sounds creepy budgets, so blissful because first,

all it so easy to see the beauty and a child, but then they also teach you so much about that. The other day he woke up from an app and he is a psycho about sleeping without any light and so who are travelling, and we had done something with We used to make fun of other people far, but we had put trash bags over the windows to make sure that there was no light in the rooms. I get sleep and the heating was on and was blown out. Errand piece of trash bag was floating a little bit on the window and he sees it, looks at and points out it while I am in that joy in his eyes from that trash bag is just that all the teaching that you need really, but it it is True, if you can go through life with that openness to beings up by beauty,

you are in a state of mind that lets and happiness. I think I had a mapping a researcher on the show. A couple months ago, daiquiri kelp neuro postal, linked to it in the show notes for anybody's listening but dagger. It is an eminent having his expert and he said if there was one emotion you can cultivate. That would be to happiness, it would be so the attitude of wow, it's like something as an master might say to you, if you said what's one word, that you would approach life with now in one of my teachers used to say let yourself fallen love every day and it works wonders now you can fall in love with anything everything, anyone if you're open to It- and I think I let you go to talk a little bit about this series finale now, absolutely so. You ve done five seasons

other asking them. It's culminating with a movie or a feature length. These of entertainment us can be posted netflix on April. Fourteen two thousand twenty three. Thank you very much. What do we know about going back to burn out cornwall who wrote the books this year, is based on. He explains it in a way that I love, which is when you look at gone with the wind. You have the big story, which is the war and the small story which has scarlet story, and the stories are flipped. The big story becomes, a small story in the small story becomes based in the last kingdom. It's the same thing will treat story Is the small story against the big story the creation of england and so the I've seasons were about to tread story, wrapping up and him getting back his birthright of bourbon bar this fortress that he fights for throughout the series and the movie is what wrap up the big story and the creation of england,

and it ends with a bottle of gothenburg, which was the battle in which a search of unified england, how excited to watch it? What's it like for you because there's been a huge part of your life to have This theory wanting their obviously has been bitter sweet, because I miss the people that I work with so much the crew, the actors the production team, so many of them have become close friend. And I'm in touch with many them, but we will never be together in that configuration again. all of us and having that that microsoft that world, something that I will miss dearly play trade has as an actor. Given me such an amazing opportunity to explore every emotion, a human you can have. This guy has gone through everything I get again

the learned so much from that as an about my craft. I've gotten the opportunity to direct Which is a whole other, learn a new profession and that time, which I am so grateful for, I'm also ready to take on the next thing. I think you have given it that I'm that it deserved, and I've gotten so much back from it and more, and I think it finishes at the right time. It finishes at the time when I've become a father when it's a new chapter in my own life for it to end, and I'm really excited for the next chapter my career, to start the mask question that maybe like ties this altogether? Maybe it won't maybe it'll sought, but trying to get the driving motivation for traders home yes and a huge part of what we ve been talking about today in terms of your driving motivation for doing life better for being happier revolves around home and

I think I can see it in your life to the child of divorce. Itinerant actor now. You're really said down in many ways, if not geographically, because I know may move at some point, but you have a unit yeah, and so I wonder if there's something there to refund before we close my god, that his soul perceptive of you my producer, give me an idea. It's so true. I've discovered that there is a very strange parallel in the job. they take on and my personal life and that happens in a way that that is impossible for me to I have noticed like filming the last kingdom, for example, It has gone through things that are. strangely parallel to what I was going through. In my own life at that time, and I could not for life view. Tell me, which was

chicken and which was the egg like what came first and in a weird way who treadstone He and his debated struggle about finding a home and what that means and what a home is has been a huge parallel in my own life and has been a huge part of my nation ship with Alison as well, because the question of what your home is a physical place or whether it's a person or a unit is something that has been a big topic. For us, because I've been very useful, being a very nomadic lifestyle, and for me idea of a home was a group of people, the pursuit of my passion, but I think throughout and I've I've learned that it also needs to be a place to a certain degree, and I think, when you become a dad, you have to create a bit of a nest for your child, and I feel very grateful that I've been able to explore that topic. So much with this character, because

made me think a lot about what it means for myself. to have a home and the importance of the different factors in there and just he has found a home. Like you said I found a home. It is the unit I've created and the family that that I've created an so fondly, I think, will drift story wrapped up. In him having found a home this in time as I feel like I found a home and a solid base for the next after my life, so nice place to live it now. This was reefer really fun. For me, you crushed it not that you need my validation. You did a great job. I feel very honoured to have been asked to partake in this. costs, because I'm a big fan its added a lot to my life. So thank you for that. Thanks for letting me come on pleasure Thanks again to alexander appreciate him participating in this experiment gone right. Thank you to use,

listening and thanks most of all to everybody who worked so hard on the show ten percent beer is produced by terror. Anderson go terrorist, took the lead on this episode on short notice. So thank you for that terror Gabrielle. indeed, J, cashmere, justine, davy, Laurent psmith Our supervising producer is mercer, schneider men and can be read is our managing producer scoring mixing by Peter bonaventure of ultraviolet audio will see while on wednesday, four a brand new episode with doktor gobble or maintain. a prime members. You can listen to ten percent happier early and add free on amazon, music, downloading, amazon music cap today or you and listened earlier ad free with wondering, plus in apple pie, cas before you go to us. solid and tell us all about yourself by completing a short survey at wonder. He died

slash servant trying to grab the glacier reason. Laundry not are you I have done that you know. Sometimes less is more like when you drive less and save with the usa. A annual mileage discount usa get a quote today.