Today on something you should know. If your doktor where's him necktie stay away from it I'll explain why, then, why is the english language so we're? There are rules and then words that break those rules, and we sometimes have to words that used to be one word. One of the oldest is of an off f, o f at those were the sea and now their separate words also ever try to stop us knees. I'll explain why that's a really bad idea and the world is full of passive people and they often get taken advantage of typhoid fever. Half what people think like that, I know. Well, I dont like, like I don't want to rock the boat. I probably lost your mind anyway. I'm not really tell you what I feel are, however, have reactive before your life. They tend to roll over the top of all this today, something you should know

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before deciding to invest carefully reviewed. The important disclosures at master works, dot io, owe about slow disclosure. Something you should know fascinating until the world's top expert and practical advice you can use in your life today, something you should know with MIKE Carruthers nice welcome to something you should know. You know I seldom wear a necktie, mostly cuz, we're pretty casual around here and I haven't been invited to too many dressy events, what with the pandemic at all, and it seems to be the norm now. Fewer people where neckties, however, doctors male doctors, often where neckties and if your doktor does You may not want to touch it. several years ago, a researcher Stephen Merkin with New York Hospital Medical Center of Queens. He is,

people, sampled, neckties, worn by male doctors, physician assistance in medical students in a New York Hospital, all of the volunteers in this study were known to have daily contact with patients. They are so collected neckties, worn by hospital security guards. People who seldom interact with patients laboured retesting showed that, twenty out of forty two clinicians neckties carried bacteria compared with one out of ten worn by the security guards. In fact, Doctor was eight times more likely to carry potential disease, causing bacteria on his Ty compared with a security guard, I guess this is partly because now ties are washed infrequently compared to other clothing, so hopefully by now, doctors have gotten the word wash their neckties, but if you're actor is wearing a really nice necktie. admire it from afar, and

That is something you should know every day you and I use the english language to maneuver and navigate through the day. We talked people in English, we write things in English and probably very early on in your journey through the english language, you realise there were a lot of things about this language that make no sense, and inconsistent so why is that? Well, that's something Erica Oak Rent has spent a long time looking into and trying to understand Erika is a linguist, an author of a book called high irregular. Why tough through an dough, don't rime and other oddities of the english language. I erika welcome. thanks for having me. So this idea and this belief that English is a very strange language with a lot of oddities and quirks is that a fair assessment of English? Well,

hear about it. A lot. You know people as accept o English is so weird all these strange spellings. What are you doing? English, what's going on here and then we kind of shrugging, say that's angle, what are you gonna do? But it's not the case that it's just english it that there are reasons for the weird things in English, and so I started looking into what are the specific reasons for the specific things. So we don't just have to shrug and say that's how English is. We can actually say here's why it's like that. So, let's start with something that I find interesting, and that is, if you go into a restaurant and you want a small drink, you order a small drink, but if you a big drink, you: don't order a big drink, you order alarm, you drink so, why is that? Why don't we order big drinks,

well. This is a great question that you not necessarily think about while you're speaking English, but then I a child, will ask you or a non native speaker will ask you why? Why can't? I say I'll have a big drink or I'll order, a big pizza. Why does that sound so wrong? And this comes from the way that work. carve out meaning through history They keep a little bit of their original motivation that we don't even see so big was a word we got long long ago from the oldest and all this layer of English and it as the sense of large size, but it also had the sense of power. So you would be big. in battle meant you were forceful and powerful in battle. Where law, large, came from a different pathway. We borrowed that from french and large had more of the sense of

been Essen and freedom and generosity as we still have in the end words like large chests- and at large when you're roaming, free. So those words, still carry the old sense it. So when we say to a child who you such a big boy we don't mean just size. We also mean power and competence, we dont say: oh what a large or you are that sounds strain so big still has that sense. Power and large. because it had that sense of generosity became it add to consumer goods. So in early years of industrialization and consumer goods you had large cold, large salt things that were in bigger pieces and

continues in when we buy things we buy them in large, medium and small, because large still kept, that pathway, and so that's why we order a large drink and not a big, or for one Why do we say what the hell, Well, when you see english- and you say what- the hell. What is going on here? and then you start to think of about that phrase- and it's very strange that we say what the hell? That's a very strange syntax, we don't say the hell. Where does that the come from and that? also comes from a long meaning pathway where we used to say the devil or two to emphasise something or question something, and it did come from a longer phrase. It sounds like it should be something like what's in

in the world and then becomes what in the hell it didn't come from that longer phrase. Those longer phrases came later. when people trying to be polite by the moon, from the devil to the hell, to what the hell too Nowadays, you can just kind of say what the. and be understood as saying phrase and my theory as to why some people have replaced the word hell with the F word. Is that a hell the word hell has become much more acceptable. It doesn't convey the outrage that people with that it once did and that people are trying to say when they say what the hell, so they replace Hell with the word because that's more outrageous, yeah it's meant to convey, a sort of flabbergasted shock and dismay, and if you need to up that emotional part of it, you need to come up with some stronger words, I think

everyone has wondered about words like tough and dough and through that that all look like they, the in the same view, letters, but there Pronounced the same, so why are they not pronounced the same, Well, from the very beginning, the oldest layers of the language, they were not pronounce, that's the same, they had different bowels, but they had the same ending this sound that we'd all use an English anymore, a sort of sound like that both sound making the back your throat. Was one of the sounds of English there, when the roman missionaries arrived, had to figure out how to spell The latin alphabet at whether this without have that in Latin and we don't have a letter for it- how are we going to spell it and they tried various things and eventually ended up and g h, so that g H stand for the old old fact that

tough and dough, also had that sound at the end? But then that sound disappeared? We don't use it in English anymore, but it still there in the spelling, Meanwhile, the vowels were undergoing dramatic transformations through history, but still specifically in the couple of hundred years that the printing press was, arriving and sweeping through the nation and spelling was being established, It hadn't been established very well and at the same time. Printing press is doing this and establishing spellings the pronunciation is changing. We're going through something called the great vowel shift which change the thousand English. So we ended up with these three. different vowels in the oldest pronunciation

came to be spell the same way, but not because they were pronounced the same way, but because there was so much variation and back and forth in the pronunciation and in the spelling that It ended up stuck in a partition, their spelling by accident and that's We still use it because it's to entrench now we can't change our spelling to go. The pronunciation the spelling has a life of its own and an influence of its own. I think I'm glad that we have lost the Sahel Uncouthness rather uncomfortable in it. It just feels weird to try to do that but they do have it in other germanic languages. So in german you, you still have that sound and its you'll hear in exactly the same places where you, where you will see a g h in English. So the word for eight an eight

Has that G h in there, because we used to have that sound in that position we got rid of it, they didn't get rid of it in German and but we can see the connection there because of that, spelling that spelling is a little window into the history of the language, does have a reason to be there. It's not just justa. English is weird. What are you gonna do it? The English is weird because of its history. of all these little quirks that people are aware of what your favorite. If you have one or one of your favorites that that you think is particularly interesting one. my favorite weird things about English is the way will a word make it into two words in a sort of four sort of no reason at all. One of these is the word discreet. This is one we have two spellings d I see our e t or

Haiti, and this is something you have a drill on and school. You have to learn it. When you write to you, I have to pause for a second and say which discreet and my writing here. Oh yeah, or eighty and that work there Spelling difference is relatively new. It was well nineteenth century, which is new and language terms that was one word we had one word discreet and it had various meanings and connected meanings and connotations, and at some point someone decided to start spelling one of those meetings with e t and the other with e t, but in a pretty random way. It wasn't a rule, it wasn't something you ve learned in school. It was kind of arbitrary and a matter of taste, a matter of style, and we still we have some like this now so so you might see the word aesthetic

written with a key, to start with or with he s Fedex and tend to be. If you remember you no beauty business, it's the e version aesthetics and, if you're in doing art history or something it's with a key I bet they're the same word and we we know they're, the same word, but their separating into to kind of senses, two kinds of uses and that's what happened to Discreet they're, not to separate words, those same word. We decide to make these two spellings or we didn't really decide it. Just sort of happened over time and became the established standard another two separate words, and there is a number of words like this in English that you, To be one word, and now our too one of the oldest, is of an off Oh ass, an o f ass, though, were the same word and now we

only if we don't wouldn't even think they're. The same word of and asked. but we pronounced them differently for various reasons, and now their two separate words and it's interesting. How that can happen over time where talking about the english language and and why it so weird and MIKE is linguist. Erika Oak rents, she's author of the book, highly irregular. Why Tom through and don't rime and other oddities of the english language. What's holding your small business back In their new book level, up now available, as an audio book renown, politicians, Stacy, Abrams and business partner, Leora Hudson, recount their fifteen year entrepreneurial journey together to help you tackle the obstacles that business owners face learn how to grow sustainably, higher thoughtfully and key? but with the Goliath Senor Industry, some businesses don't need to stay small level

I will give you that confidence, knowhow and savvy to grow your business and thrive level up, by Stacy, Abrams and Laura Hudson is now available everywhere. Audio books are sold. This episode is brought to you by linked in with in becoming number one and be to be display advertising in the? U S, you ve got a great advantage with tools. You can stand out against competitors well nurturing customer relationships and growing your brand so scale your marketing and grow your business with linked in advertising as a thank you to their customers for helping them grow three times faster than the competition Linkedin is offering a hundred dollar credit on your next campaign just go to linked in a calm, slash marketing, so Eric, one of the things I think drives a lot of english purists crazy kind of drive me crazy to a little bit is: is how figuratively and literally get mixed up?

you know. You say you know my head heard so bad. I literally my heads gonna explode and was it Jack people misusing the term literally and it just became acceptable, well. This is is one of those that it's not acceptable. Yet, in the sense that people really notice it because it there's a lot of Jokes about it means about it, comedy routines about it and that will keep it from becoming completely standard for a while, but one day it will be. So when a word gets tired, You come up with another word that brings the punch back and theirs One thing one way we did this a long long time ago that we don't notice anymore was was with the word really so we you have very oh I'm very tired or- and this is very interesting- that becomes bland and boring. I do we punch it up. I'm I'm

really tired! Well, what is really means, in reality. Not I'm not just saying this as an expression nor a figure of speech. It's I'm really tired, or this is really interesting in reality, and that's exactly the same thing as what literally does we'll say: oh no, no, you mean figuratively, you mean metaphorically now I mean literally what you're doing there is punching it up and bringing it back into a more tangible, a more physical manifestation. about eleven and twelve they won t into t, see like they should be cause. What's a more logical system than the number system we accept language,

language is gonna, be a little strange and and and here and there because we're talking about meaning it's not that specific, but numbers I mean numbers, don't change, numbers are numbers and they have a system and eleven and twelve should be wanting to tee for doing the system by They are an a long time ago I mean thousand years ago. They did have more of that kind of structure. So eleven was something like a leaf and twelve was something like two or leaf but at the same time they were said. much more frequently than the numbers above them. So the numbers from one to twelve are very important. We have twelve month, so we have twelve, as it is a common way of dividing time. It's a very mathematically important for the things that humans do

and so we would be saying the words for eleven and twelve a lot more frequently than we would for fifteen and sixteen and twenty five and a hundred and ten and we I've been to those really big numbers: there's no irregularity! It at all. Those are formed by system because we're not using them very much, so we form them from the system when we use them, comes to eleven. twelve in the lower numbers, those been used in history, so much more frequently than the higher numbers that there able to get irregularity just through repetition, the more we say, something the moral level it is to be irregular because, the saying of it, entrenches it and solidifies it and keeps an old pattern when a new pattern comes along and that's why we have many irregularities in English. There fossils the old way we used to do it, but they were so frequent that day.

became imbedded and weak. Get them out. What about these silent consonants that pop up, like the p in receipt of the Ellen Salmon or the bee in debt, her down to work Why are they there. will the other silent letters all over the place and some of them have a good reason to be there. Like the the- Kay and know that we used actually pronounced that and then we stop pronouncing it, but it's still there in the spelling. There are some like that. but the salmon and receipt and debt those type we didn't have them weep. We had them in the spelling without those letters, in the beginning of spelling in the printing press and for a hundred years or so and then we decided to put those silent letters in when we never said them at all, because of a a fashion for fancying up the language to make it look a little bit more like latin

So we had the word receipt and we spell that something like are I see a t, something like that: we said. Well that word Obviously, if you're in the no you know it goes back to the latin receptors and the English is a you know, a fancy language that goes back to this glorious routes. and we're gonna show that it does and put that p in their so We never said the p, we borrowed it from French. Originally they got it from Latin, but we decided to latin it up, put the p and we did Salmon. We did that to debt. We did to another number of other words, but we Didn't do it very consistently, so some words got their latin letters back and other words didn't, and so it doesn't look like a very regular system.

Yet. I never thought about this until I saw it in your book that that when something isn't gonna take long will say this won't take long, but if it is going to take long, we never save. This will take long, so Why don't we ever say that. yeah this dear. There are certain phrases that only show up in negative contacts, and these called in the in the linguistic literature, their negative polarity items, and there are a number of them in their interesting to discover because we don't- think about them is only having negatives. Until we try to say it in the positive or someone who's not enables native speaker tries to say it in the positive, and it just sounds weird, and then they ask why why? Why is that not correct and the ants this kind of it kind of a shrug. It is a well. What are you gonna do

polarity items, but all languages have some expressions like these. That tend to only show up in the negative or question context, so This won't take long He doesn't have a red sent to his name. No, we don't say he has a red sent to his name that such a sound strange and a number of other phrases, Mister and Missus. What what what wiser and are in MRS, and where did they come from? well? This is a great question that my daughter asked me that I I'd never thought about it. I thought it was strange on Mr Missis and why is there and are in Missus ware because we don't say it when we say, MRS, but we write it. Where does that confirm its, not a shortening of something with an hour in it, but if you look at the history that it actually is, it was a shortening for me.

Stress so much stress became MRS in the pronunciation, and became a morass in the writing and those don't match. But there again the holding on to an older pattern in only one of the places, and not the other, only in the writing and not the president's pronunciation and echo stuck that way, but the more we use it? I did want to ask you why there are words in English, English, verses, American English. That are the same word. They mean exactly the same thing There's a you like in color in the english version of the word that is gone in the american version of the word color flavour, there's others. Yet the oh, you are two o r was

somewhat intentional. That was Daniel Webster in his first american dictionary decided the change some spellings with the intention of making it easier, making it more regular and one of his ideas was too the oh. You are and make it o r. Instead, that wasn't because he came up with it and said we have to get rid of this extra letter both of those ways of writing. It were already in play England and in Amerika there was inconsistency. Sometimes, oh, you are sometimes o r. It went. And forth, and He enshrined in his dictionary the o r as the way we're gonna do it, and what, that did, was make it become associated with the american way of spelling and it made what happened across the pond base. They were also using both

but once that Oh, our virgin had been claimed for the american way they, went the other way said. Oh well, that's the american way. We do it this way, even though, before that there had been a lot of back and forth between the forms and that that's what com, does the split in the end the, a decision of this dictionary and then then seeing it from the EU point of view as to a man. African, so we're gonna. Do it the other way boys to talk about this because, like you said at the beginning, there's this sense of you know: English is Corky and oh well, that's English, but there's actually stories and reasons behind some of these quirks and oddities in the english language and they're really interesting to hear about Eric current has been my guess: she's a linguist and the name of her book is highly irregular, why tough

through and dough dont, rime and other oddities of the english language. and you ll find a link to that book at Amazon in the show notes Thanks Erica Thank you. So much like this has been fun Would you describe yourself as a passive person, someone who lets things slide? You don't want to make waves or- are you the kind of person who speaks up when something's? Bothering you you speak your mind. I am ask, because, while it matters, if you're a passive person, for example, how many times have you let something slide, not said anything and then later wish. You really had spoken up or, if you're, the other way. How many times have you said something and done in a way that caused more trouble than if you hadn't said anything at all. All of this impacts how we feel about ourselves and how other people see us and how we navigate through our lives.

Dennis Adams? Is someone who's taken, a hard look at this? He is, or was a self described passive person, a former minister who wanted to find a better way. He didn't want to be that passive doormat. But he didn't want to be in your face kind. A jerk either So he really did his homework and came up with a better way, passive. Not Turkey. But direct and respectful, which the name of his book, honest, act respectful. Three. but words that will change your life. I Dennis so when you say you were a passive person, you mean you are someone who didn't like rocking the boat. You didn't wanna make waves, you kept your mouth shut, avoided conflict. That kind of thing, yet that that way I always say path. Happy people think like this, and I know this well, I dont like, like? I don't want to rock the boat. I probably won't change mind anyway. So vernacular

tell you what I feel or thing, but I'm gonna be very respectful, but I'm not gonna be honest and direct, and when people do that when they take that passive approach, what's the impression they leave with other people? Well, I thought early on. The impression I was leaving with other people was that I was a peacemaker and as a great guy and people actually like me very well. However, If you have reacted people in your life, they tend to roll over. That the EU and it just acquaintance ample. My brother's probably reacted by nature of back I'm curious and I'm path it by name and I remember one night when he called me and when at sight of me and down the other ass, we could meet for lunch and he said sure- and I said John last night- before we start, I said last night we honest with me. Yes, I was, I said where you direct with me: any does yes, I was. I said where you respect what he goes well, I have little trouble without one, but I knew you would take it. So that was a huge insight to me and said I was able to tell him you know, John. If you call it

me that way again, it really jeopardizes our relationship and I'll probably up the phone at which really shocked him, because he had known me as a passive person for so long, but there I asked him, I said: was I honest with you, and he said yes, I said: was I direct and he suggested was I respectful, and he goes yes. And I said well, you know I learned how to be honest and direct by watching you, but you can learn how to be respectful by watching me. What I find his people and the fall either into one of the two camps either passive, a reactive? people who are passive, who don't speak up when really they might really want to speak up. Don't, because they're afraid of something you're, afraid something's going to happen. What is it, what is it they're afraid of you know. I think it can be altitude of reasons for folks. You know I am a therapist. I've seen a lot of reasons, but for me it was my fear. Being rejected, or not being like, I always say to you or you can know of your approval attic. If it's a hundred people like you,

one thousand and you focus on the wine And I think about a workshop I did for about three hundred people where there were ten people in the back of the room talking during workshop and during a workshop I paused and looked at them and a number of other looked at them and they got quiet. But after I start talking again, not only did they start talking, but they got louder, and I remember this was one of them: one the first type. I really had a challenge myself out of my activity. If what I wanted to do was walk away and take it home, and if you were to have my kids, if I were passive, it active when they were younger, they would say reactive cause. I took all that stuff home, but what I do, it is. I walked back in the door with a lot of fear and anxiety and I walked. Acted at table and said man share something with you folks, and they said yes I want you to know what I was doing. My seminar was really distracting and when I paused and looked at you

a number of other people, look at you and you continue to talking louder than it was really frustrating and I was upset- and I hope you don't treat other speakers this way. And I was able to walk out of the room and truly let go of it. And, of course, when I share this example in seminars, people always say the path people I say: what did they do? But at that point wasn't that import. the important thing was. I was leaving it where along and I was able to process it real time without being rude. Just one of the concerns I had when I started this work, that is, I think, some of the assertiveness classes that are totter really taught by what I called tops tiktok. happy that are really telling you how to confront people and in an honest and right, way without being respectful and really blaming other people procure passivity, it's in sting what you said that passive people want to know how they reacted. Because that's what passive people are worried about their worried about how people are going to react to

Some one standing up to them, but also just out of curiosity. How did they react Actually, people called me that I've been apologize. What sort of the icing on the cake that they get her didn't. I did the right thing. I call coming from a place strengthen becoming a truth. Teller. Now, let me think I think there are times when it ok to be. positive a reactive, I when I was managing the Psychiatry Department, because I wasn't reactive most of the time, a puppy. Ninety nine percent of the time The one time I did react over an important issue. It really got everybody's attention and I think that's important, and I think there are times too to no one is perfectly acceptable to have a non express thought and to be go to the passive place, but I think the majority of time, if we can spend our time being honest director respectful, not only do we gain salary but we gain the respect of those around us. The problem, I think for a lot of people, though, is,

It's one thing to have this conversation in this very and emotionally charged environment of here's some advice on what you should do the next time this happens, but in the moment of when it happens, it's hard for passive people to step up, because they think I just one is to go away just wait this out. In that say anything and probably just as hard for reactive people to stand down stepped back and not get overly react it. I think that in work. I do I find that eighty percent of people in any given population are passive and about twenty percent are reactive and actually, I have oak easier time getting reacted. People to move them because of enemy I really like, if I can do that, you know I'm honest, I'm direct and I said well the first thing you know Do it lower your intensity because her intensity, the notes that sort of reactive behind

you're into they tend to counter the middle, but take to encourage a passive person. They come to the mill means they have to be honest and they have to be direct and it's very difficult. I know it was for me When I was walking back to the table in the pharmacy convention. My heart, I could see, I thought everybody can see my heart beating and you know my voice was like to pitch- is higher when I started to talk to them, but it's the right thing. Do and to try to find that balance. But I do think that reactive people have an easier time come to the middle, although there really put off by passive people, because passive people don't talk to them, they talk about What do you mean by that? But what I mean by that is that I'll give you get a camp. I was gonna seminar up in Canada. To day seminar in the managers came in the next day. They were about twenty five of my eyes. I said divide up into and reactive, and it was about eighty twenty eighty percent, passive, twenty percent reactive So I ask you react managers I said Youtube

stand the concept we spent the whole they talk about yesterday. What would you like to say to the path of vanity, and they really let them have if they told them. Why don't you just be brought what you put your cards on the table? I just went out about ten minutes and then, when I asked the pass advantages, it was a real I opened or because they said yes, we would like to say something to the reacted managers, but in fact, what they do They turn to each other and start saying things like why can't they be nice? Why can't? I just you know say it. You know nice, your way and wire. You know why are they so mean until angry and, of course, the more? we're doing that them? The more angry the reactive manager forgetting getting, but I was able to do that company was to help them to learn, to communicate from the middle place, from the place of strength so Dennis, what do you say to someone passive or reactive? What do you say to them when they say hey, this all sounds great, and I wish I could do it, but in the moment I can't I mean the way I handle those situations.

is the way I handle those situations. I react that way, whether its passive or reactive. It's just a reaction, and that's how I do it in that moment think reactive folks are so used to reacting without thinking, sulphur reactive person. What I say is remember, it's perfectly acceptable to have an unexpressed thought. Take a time out thinking. what the real issues are, I think for a passive person. It's true whether you want to stay in the can role or you want to truly come from a place of strength, and I think it is harder for passive both because of in one of the concerns I have is in a lot of the communication and conflict management workshop. I went to try define. The middle place really talk, people how to pull up there truck loaded with all the stuff. They ve never said anybody back up to him and pull the lover, and I think that's unfortunate because one of the things I had to realise early on is that I can't blame other people if I chose to be passive all these years and

but I have to do is find some way to let go that Ankara that bitterness and once I let go of purpose. To be honest, I reckon respectful. It sounds simple. It is not easy. It was very difficult for me because I was in the cycle of me. In passive for awhile feeling with anger attention than reacting, and for that more brief my feeling? Ok, but then ten minutes later faintly bad and go back to be a passive, and I just kept going through this cycle. So it's simple, it's not easy. I would imagine aids easier to start with the smaller things than the bigger things it is, you know. I remember one patient call me one day I picked up on, he said I did it. I said you did. What and he says I share the message in the important thing I knew he got it because the important thing to him wasn't how it changed. other person or fix the circumstances. Although it has a better tendency to do that, his focus was, I was able

Do it I was able to let it go. I was able to come from a place of strength and be a treaty. It is interesting that there are so many. According to your statistic. There are so many more passive people. Then re. Active people, you. I think that eighty percent of people in any given population are passive by nature, and I think twenty percent of people in any given population are reactive by nature and its, not scientific, but I have tested this out with groups all over the? U S and asking them to divide themselves up in large groups, and it tends to be that way. Typically, when I get call to accompany to do I'm sort of an intervention. The people their focusing on are the reactive foe and the ring

issue is: are the passive employees who talk about the reactive employs, but don't talk to them and there are many passive managers that truly struggle managing people because they want to be like, and they don't under they have to balance between their productivity and their fair treatment of employees that they did not see it or understand. That's all. I want to talk about this idea that it it's your experience that passive People don't talk to reactive people. They talk about reactive people that they. Don't talk directly to them. They talk to other people about them and then maybe there's a reason for that may be. The reason is that did that if you talk to a reactive person, you may get a reaction that you're not gonna, like that's gonna, make things worse and blow up in your face. So so, what's the upside? What's the benefit a passive person to talk to her

Thirdly to a reactive person when the reaction may be terrible. Well, first of all, I thank you for not half the people hold a mere up to react to people and help and see themselves are going to look for a better way to communicate, which typically doesn't happen, but I think for a passive person. What happens? Is that talk to people about a situation, or somebody else typically doesn't help us to feel. Her about it. It just sort of is a fertilizer, lies, more self doubt and anger at the person and feeling in the victim rural. What honest Riker speckles done for me is it helped me to deal with issues in real time and let go of them and- when I was managing a department in this medical center that I work in four or five and a half years from the bed, first day I walk, and I said, let's talk to people, let's not talk about them

I remember one day walking into a room where there were five employees and it was very clear they were talking about somebody in the department. We heard a little bit of it and I walk in, and I said you know would you like to be the topic of discussion in a room with five other people, and you know just to help him understand what was happening there and over time, we were able to change the culture to one where people talked about each other to a culture where people talk to each other and it truly change the culture of that that advice, that department. I would think- and I want you to respond to this and react to this- that past people if they thought about. It would realise that the passivity their reluctance to to be direct with someone about a problem or something that they're doing or whatever that by by avoiding it?

their dragging the whole thing out, whereas if they were much more direct and respectful, but direct they could deal with the problem dispense with it, be done with it and move on and that in fact, by b, passive they're, just causing themselves a lot more grief over a longer period of time absolutely? I remember I had a physician in my office one day telling me that they were having a problem with one of our therapist. And going on and on- and I and I looked at the position- and I said, have you talked to the therapist about it that's right, we're doing that now, which I found really amazing data that a medical doctor at that level could not understand the concept, but what I with a physician was under

and if I go to the therapist and say this is how this psychiatrist feels about you. What is that going to do this as a relationship, and so I think that in directness really creates more problems, as you say, and it does help to resolve those problems, it would be better for the two people to get together. And agree to disagree and stay professional than it is if they are trying to indirectly deal with a person, Your problem. What, typically, do you think is the reaction when, when a passive person mustards up, courage or whatever it takes to be honest, direct and respectful to a reactive person. Do you they respect the passive person more. I am

We do. I remember situation walking into a room with a bunch of other people where a person was talking about a decision I made and was very angry, and so the first thing I did to them was, I said: can we go to my office and talk about this and I know- and so I used on a strike, respectful skill and here's. What I said at the precise it have you already made up your mind about why I made that decision, or would you like some additional information which stop them dead in their tracks in front of all the other people they said? Okay, I want some additional information now when I began to explain to this person why the decision was made. How was made by the group within thirty seconds they were. angry Greek ended in my face, and so I simply look and said I am a little

He is because, a minute ago you told me you wanted to hear an explanation of how this decision was made and now you're using angry and her in my face and the person said I don't want to hear from you, and so I walked away and every bone in my body wanted to go back and defend myself, but I didn't do it. I resisted that temptation every and that was in that room came to my that answered. We really thought you stepped up to the plate and handle very well. In the end, the person that was creating the problem came to my opposite the next day in as for their behaviour and we were able to come to a resolution, so I do think it builds respect, not only internal self, respect, bud respect from other people. Well, if you're statistic is true that eighty percent of the population is passive then this is a lot of good information for a lot of people to consider, because, as you ve clearly shown being passive

as well as being at the other end of the scale and being reactive, both of them extremes have real consequences that aren't particularly good and there the path to fix it. Dennis Adams has been my guest. His book is honest, direct, respectful, three, simple words that will change your life. There's to his book in the show notes. Thank you Dennis. ever feel sneeze coming on and then try to stop it probably shouldn't do that a medical journal reported the case of a thirty four year old man who ruptured his throat pinched his nose and clamped his mouth shut in order to stop a sneeze he suffered significant pain, was barely able. The speaker swallow and spent seven days in a hospital

It seems that halting sneeze by blocking your nostrils in your mouth could be a dangerous move and should be avoided. According to the authors of this study, they say it can lead to numerous complications, including air trapped in the chest between both lungs preparation of the ear drum and even rupture of cerebral aneurysm So I guess, if you feel the sneeze coming on what it rip, that- is something you should know You are listening to this podcast on some sort of podcast Platform- Apple, Podcast Spotify. Pod being cast box and some of the sum of the platforms that you listen to pipe gas on, allow you to leave ratings and reviews so, since you're there, anyway, listening to this pod, cast, leave a rating and review a fight. Star one would be nice and tell a couple of people. You know they give the shoah, listen,

I might Carruthers thanks for listening today to something you should know

please rejoicing and my first guest of season three just getting started happens to be the new host of this podcast, my better half Susie Schuster. You ve got one of the most unique stories of how you got started. So why don't you come across the hall and take the chair and I think I locked the door? That's not a metaphor driver has relating in here I mean in vain. So I thought for the foresees in trying to bring people at that were diverse, indifferent and may be interesting, and that's why I started off with Jaffrey Grass the convenience and then we ve got a bunch of other. Ask sound. Making Paul reduce sign, probably know that you're doing this, and I want this to be inspirational. Life is really hard right. Hampton sometimes just needs Lovin health, someone to reach out their hand and polio along or to push you from behind and say you can do this, and I am hoping that we're gonna get from just getting started. Skull followed just getting started wherever you get. Your favorite shows.