Handwriting analysis sounds like it might be scientific. After all some courts allow it during trials and it has helped to convict defendants. But how reliable is it really? When put to the test, do handwriting experts do better in spotting a forgery or confirming a signature than you or me? We’ll discuss that. (http://www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/Tests/grapho.html)
You like to think that when you buy something, you do it for sound smart and logical reasons. And maybe YOU do. But most people don’t. Marketing expert Harry Beckwith, author of the book, Unthinking: The Surprising Forces Behind What We Buy (http://amzn.to/2FoSOHk) explains why we usually buy for reasons that have little to do with logic – even though we think otherwise.
All alcoholic drinks are not created equal. Some get you drunker, some are more likely to give you a hangover and one in particular is more likely to land you in a hospital emergency room although no one is really sure why. If you enjoy a cocktail, this is worth hearing. (http://www.menshealth.com/health/4-secretly-dangerous-drinks)
Ever go in to a conversation with the intent of changing someone’s mind? As you probably discovered, it almost never works. So perhaps that should not be the goal according to Celeste Headlee of Georgia Public Radio and author of the book We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter (http://amzn.to/2oXH1Zk). She discusses a different way to approach difficult conversations so they don’t end in arguments and maybe actually accomplish something.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
Today on something you should know how
hand, writing analysis work. Is it a real thing or is it just guess, work there
Why do you buy the things you buy you'd like to think you make objective good, buying decisions, but then how much time that we can necessarily take to make objective decisions after all you're running to get toothpaste, and you really can't afford to sit there and debate despite the one given by over and over again and not a wrong decision. Also, if you enjoy an occasional cocktail, there are a few you may want to stay away from plus. Have you ever had a political or other difficult conversation that didn't go well? If you enter the conversation hoping to change,
what mind geared probably destined
be frustrated that one of the reasons
conversations become argument because it's really hard to change somebody s life really hard. All this today, something you should know.
something you should now fascinating into the world's top experts and practical advice you can use in your life at something you should make her rather ass. I get it
of have emails from all over the world. This week I got an email from flora in Taiwan mean in I ran,
another one night. I think it was from Egypt
Interesting is a lot of the emails from foreign country
he's from non english speaking foreign countries that I get our people saying that they use this podcast to help,
learn English
ever thought. My english with is that good? That
could teach people, but apparently it is an
I got an email this morning. I must share this with you because it was just it just kind of made my day.
From a gentleman named stephen, and it says I just have to say that this is the best podcast. I have ever heard
phenomenal and life. Changing. Thank you know
I've got another emails. I kind of start out that way, love your podcast, it's great, but and then
I take issue with it, but he just
it's great and left it at that, and I ll leave it at that as well.
today. We're gonna talk about handwriting analysis,
been used as evidence in court trials and and is actually helps and some people to jail. But is
handwriting analysis really legit will. First,
have to understand. There are two types of handwriting analysis: there's forensic handwriting analysis and that's when in
expert testifies that to say
natures were made by the same person or that a say
Nature is, or is not a forgery stuff like that
sounds simple enough, but to Supreme court cases one in ninety, ninety three and one in two thousand and one have cast
I have doubts on the validity of this type of analysis, because there's
Standardized way of testing in any analysis appears to be very subjective once
compared so called experts with average people in analyzing handwriting samples and the experts did no better than the average people. Both groups were wrong. Fifty
percent of the time graph
Ology is the other.
Of handwriting analysis, and this is where someone tries to figure out a person's personality.
down there handwriting in
it's about. Seventy percent of employers use this as part of their screening process for new him in,
and a lot of employers use. This is part of their screening process for new employees.
But there is absolutely no evidence scientifically that there's any validity to it. In fact, one of the basic
in support of handwriting analysis- is that, like fingerprint,
everyone's handwriting is unique, indifferent, but that's never been proven.
It's never been demonstrated it just
it appeared that your handwriting has very much to say except for
actual words you right in that
something you should know
how many buying decisions do you make in a day or a week or a month many you buy?
food you buy, toothpaste, you buy gasoline clothes, medicine, cars, europe,
is buying or thinking about buying or looking back at the things you bought and wondering why you bought them.
So why is it that you buy what you buy? Why
by one toothpaste, but not the other. Why did you get the car you drive instead of a different kind of car, harry back with us
marketing consultant, he's too
of back with partners and has worked with companies like target
whilst fargo murchen ibm.
And he is also the author of several books, including unthinking the surprise
forces behind what we buy.
Many thanks for being here so so,
they know, it's a pretty big, complex question and it depends on what it is you're buying is there,
simple answer to the question why
By what we buy
with our hearts, I think that's the best summary of what we do.
Rather than with our heads, were often lambasting for debate.
national and buy things we don't need and things we not want bid. If you look deep inside there, some desire that it that it fulfils an it's, it's not the elected, doing it at the heart
So, if that's true, if, if we're making buying decisions with our heart and not our head should encompass,
These be appealing to our heart and not our head not telling us that that this detergent,
cleans better or this glass cleaner, makes your windows sparkle, but they should be appealing to something else. Well, I'm doing some, don't, as you know, the the proctor and gamble the world's dunno, how much time on re researching the kinds of things that I write about, I'll, perhaps more simply that they have a very good understanding of of
motivations and the triggers an awful lot of people and other lines of work, especially people were inclined to be think of themselves.
Rational and analytical thinkers
It's all rational and analytical thought that goes into it m m and they're the ones that made more the mistakes, but if you're in marking for any length of time
begin to recognise how utterly human we are but
using your example of procter and gamble. I mean most people would think well the way they sell and the way they appeal to people is, you know, tied, get your clothes cleaner
and you're saying that, that's not why people by tied to get their close claiming that would they
how, how would they know, in other words, tide
over and over again on television and appeals to us, but in many cases the p. If you look at the people,
by tied to other people who grew up with tide, it's just familiar to them. They associate it with family in the same way that we have a familial connection to copy, because most of us grew up with the smell of that roasting.
Percolating in our and our mothers kitchen, it so clean become the way of justifying the decision. But if you looked at them side by side, you couldn't proves that type
it's closer cleaner, so so a lot of the reasons we think we buy are more justification to ourselves than they are yeah you what you need to habitat. You need to think the APA justification until you give yourself one and or you'll you'll announce one end. Even when you do market research you'll find that people give a particular answer for why they bought something. But it's it becomes clear that that is the reason at all
if have to probe deeper, but I imagine somebody listening to this
and myself included would say, but wait a minute I like to think
I'm smarter than that that I do make those kinds of decisions. Maybe this up,
eyes to everybody else, but no, no, no I'm! When I buy my detergent or my whatever it is, I'm buying
because you know I've done the research. I know- and this is an objectively good decision- yeah they're not meant to, but how much time that we can necessarily take to make objective good decisions. After all, you run into the you run in to get some toothpaste and you really can't afford to sit there and debate. You just buy the one that you've been buying over and over again again and it's not a wrong decision. All toothpaste, I think works. I think you'd be hard pressed to see any significant change in people's teeth, but using pepperdine vs gleam vs. Whatever else is out there, but you believe that it's, but you believe that it works well and I dunno the unnecessary believe it works better. It's just you, don't you're not going to take the time to to do the exploration it just
requires too much time and were up. We need that time to do other things they still make gleam. I was. I am not sure that only or much took but here's the thing, there's so much toothpaste out that you can't even really you can't you can't even check there. I don't know I'm a different cut. There must be about eleven different kinds of craft. Now right, you can sit there and be an avid crushed by air.
may not have any idea what to do. Maybe I should get the crust with everything but gosh. If it has everything, then maybe it doesn't whiten as well as the one that just has whitening you know I mean what kind of a decision is that or tartar control, but tartar control plus breath freshening, let's see but the descent J? Is it better to get just the pure breath freshener? Does it freshen breath more than one with the added tartar control
I have to think about it. Your head spin well, is that good marketing to to make people so confused and head spin that that that I mean, what's the point of their shelf space, the name familiarity the more different product line that you carry the more shelf space that you can own, and so you can start to squeeze off your competitors into smaller and smaller spaces. Then people come in and see that crest has all this and and whatever else, and especially if you're new to this country, they'll go well. Gosh Emma cross must be the best toothpaste in this country, because they've got all this space through a battle for shelf space, in stores and and and then that's
an explanation for the poor formation as anything else and a valid one too. I mean that your space is pretty well already powerful stuff. Well, absolutely yeah yeah. I would, if I can say, is craster but
inclined to buy crassus, and I remember I remember that old, jerry seinfeld routine about you know, pain, really, relievers, you know. Do I want long lasting or do I want fast acting, you know and it's
I don't know. Where is why not both why it is the stuff of humor? But it's it's. It's I'm thinking it's not irrational, just non rational! It's it's! It's a motive, there's something it comes from our past. Our parents, haven't we ve seen it millions of times. We feel comfortable with it. Maybe we just like all other things things will we just like that
acted without even knowing that only reason my guest, his hairy back with us back with,
partners. He is a marketing consultant and author of the book unthinking the surprise,
forces behind what we buy. You know.
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daily fantasy sports made easy so Harry. This talk about
buying a car is like the perfect example of what you're talking about, because there is no one best car people.
use a car and they say they choose it. For things like we're,
ability and mileage in
color and looks and all that an end may be they do, but
It's probably a lot of cars that would fit that bill. Their power
We are some cars that fit the bill better than the car you choose, so there's, obviously something else going on. There is more than just that law
jiggle. I picked this car because it
it's so many miles per gallon and the other
cars. Don't while you can, you just had the experience where your party attended by the women
The brand repeatedly until you have a bad experience and are so so if you buy fords and you buy it, then you buy fords, and the toyota by air by toyota doesn't buy his toyota, the toyota, but we tend to repeat it as long as it is. It's a
They satisfying experience. Why not? And we initially bought that for some elemental reason. If we look back
whatever that choice of cars was there was. There was something about it. I I switched toilers when when I changed careers, I didn't have the money I had when I was like law on buying german
art and a, and I bought a toiled on. I bought it because, but when I looked at what kind of sporty
I heard that they were very reliable and I was having a lot of reliability problems with my german cars and I was impressed with the car when I tested it and I didn't want to have to try to test any more. It was just one of the first ones I tried and they tried
one or two other models, and then I was done at all- I needed to do
but wait, wait, wait, wait! That's a very objective decision making process, that's not you're, not buying, because you have your dad bought a toy yoda you're, not buying, because you feel warm.
Fuzzy. You bought it for reliability while how warm and fuzzy because reliability was a nice justification to give for it, but it was. It was the cool looking of the three cars. It was this
the sportiest and sexiest looking? But how do you know me
yeah. But how do you know that it's the coup,
and sexiest car wasn't
the secondary. You know I bought it for reliability and it happened to be a cool and sexy car, as opposed to. I bought a cool.
sexy car and it happened to be reliable
I have boys, and you know the most compelling when you're a guy who's about a as I was about three two years old reliable. Is it really nice feature, but the sexiness of how it looks works
more strongly on you, I just Didn'T- want a non reliable car. There were a number of areas,
viable cars from which I could choose. It was the sexy looking one, but a lot of a lot of people got what worked there when the final, so that an the car one
So when the dust all settles from this
What are you
Is this a message to marketers, or is this a message to consumers or both or what are not merely delivering a message so much as I'm delivering a story about how fascinating we are. I begin the book by saying this is a book, I'm thinking as a book about the most fascinating subject on earth.
And we demonstrate our fascinating. We are by the decisions we make and all kinds of decisions we make, and some of my book talks about the movies that we watch. The movie actors that we, like the television, shows that we watch things you don't necessarily think I was buying decisions.
The introduction of the beatles to america, and why were they successful because it finance
in the was that you could use in whatever way you want to or just to be entertained
and charmed by the human race,
Why were the beetle so successful here?
They did a very good job of making the audience feel that they were singing to them. There was a big part of it all their lives
have you lost all the learned from their early albums, their directed to you? They dont think about peggy sue, but they seem to you in it.
I want to hold your hand, so that was a that was a major part of it and then, of course, the incredible brand building publicity that they got just by being on the ed Sullivan show was helpful to them and then went
People saw how strong the audience was reacting. They thought there must be something there and we have a tendency. Looked toward others, though, if we fall
well, the crowd and the crowd was wowed by them, and we took in that we to win some of that feeling to watching it, but they were very cleverly. They weren't very cleverly marketed it's interesting to note the dick clark that supposedly expert on american pop music at that
I'm so that they would never succeed. In has reason for saying that was what I think they will look, what one at that traditional habit, we fall into rats. We find patterns, Emmi,
we fall into rule, and there was a real music business at that point, that british acts don't sell and fairly
I wanted the trap of thinking. Well, if british acts hadn't played well here, then this british act a wouldn't. It was just a you know, guilty of that stereotypical thinking, but the american audience didn't care. They were looking for something fresh and new, and especially in the wake of the Kennedy administration. I think
and ah, but you know the beatles didn't sing. I want to hold your hand, but they also sang michelle. My belle, hey jude. I mean they did songs about that yeah. Those came later, though, I can listen to lyrics. First, album meet the beatles out within the first two stanzas. They used the word you and almost every single song on the album. Then, once they've once they've built that audience and that's what they were Epstein was trying to say he was trying to say we're. One of you
even the title of the album meet the beatles. I mean what an odd idea you know, how does one do that, once they establish themselves, the beatles could sing anything that they wanted and you can't sing about you.
Over and over again, so philip, they change their may change Jonathan their adapted, but that they introduce themselves by my talk.
the as. How do you know, though, that you're not just looking at you? No help,
products are marketed or how the beatles were marketed and just kind of
up with a plausible explanation that fits the success or failure of that particular product. How do you
What you're saying is true, I curtain be certain, except that you see this ethnic used an
advertising and marketing all the time. Usa today. Does it malcolm Gladwell, writes books and addresses them specifically to you. We have a great interest in ourselves and when we think some dale carnegie said and many of your readers would would know and how to win friends and influence people. He said the the most beautiful word in the english language to any person has their own name use it often, and- and so you see that again and again, the advertising typically says: do you want this? Do you want that, as if it's speaking to you and the beatles followed the same technique, there was more to the beatles' success than just that.
but that was the explicit strategy on by adapting the part to try to win them over, because he was worried that the court was right well in and with good reason that mean declared did seem to have his finger on the pulse. Well, I'm right away when the kids first heard when he played them on the de clercq at all, they gave it really low ratings. These staff
I would rate a record. I remember that yeah I gave it a I'd, give it a nine as he can really dance to it and exactly what we're welcome to dance to it. I think they gave hum and I think it was she loves you and I think they gave it a seventy eight. I have it in the book and I'm not sure of that and when dick clark showed them the pictures of the beatles, they laughed
so there are no reaction was extremely negative. Were changed, changed all those influence, those I said, the influences behind them.
actual the audience reaction. The the this invitation to meet these innocent kids. They also had that look of innocence initially about them that made them palatable and they were just different enough. But, interestingly enough, you know they. They sang a lot of familiar songs that were very influenced by american, rock and roll and by by chuck berry
or songs weren't really that different? They were actually quite familiar, but there was an unfamiliar element of the britishness and his hair and that a gave them a freshness that or some other american act. Singing similar songs may not
well. I didn't want to talk all about the beatles, but it
fascinating, but but getting
the idea of why,
by what I buy,
What you are saying is that when I make a decision to buy a car or to buy, you know us
can a beans
for another, certain kanda beans, there
something else going on beyond just my objective criteria of well. This cars got. You know this,
is this an s and this up
our doesn't. So that's why I'm choosing this there's more to it than just our objective checklist. I'm not ruling out some object
if criteria have at all nor my ruling
There are a segment of the population less than ten percent.
Who are truly objective, an analytical or who tried try to be big, it's hard to keep your heart out of it, but there are people who do it to a considerable degree, but our hearts always is on for the rest of the other, ninety two percent or whatever it may be its high
Our heart is very much in that, and so again it's an act of unthinking. It's it. There are feelings about it. There are associations we have with that product with that color. With the end
but I was by the way, is not the least bit irrelevant to no matter how much we say were not informed by advertising. We are and all those influences compound, and it is more complex than just the the objective characteristic.
Of the of the product will maybe just knowing that, knowing
there are these other influences that go into our decision making process. Some of
which we may not even be aware of my
be knowing that will help us make better decisions,
back with has been my guest he's a marketing consultant director at back with partners- and he is author of the book unthinking the surprise,
forces behind what we buy there's a linked to it,
book in the show notes for this episode of the podcast
and thanks for being her harry, you know
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You have no doubt had your share of difficult conversations and you will
continue to have difficult conversations throughout your life. So what
be great if you could make them go a little easier for once?
If they were easier, you might be more likely to actually have them rather than avoid them. So what's the
best way to go about having a difficult conversation? How do you do it?
less heavily? Is somebody who's really taken a hard look at this celeste? Is the whole?
of a daily new show on georgia, public radio, she's,
more than a decade with national public radio- and she is author of a book called- we need to talk. How to
have conversations that matter: high celeste, welcome
What, in your view, makes a difficult conversation difficult
How do you define difficult conversation? Difficult conversations can almost anything can be difficult right, I mean anything in with either your feelings might be hurt or someone else's are or someone has to be.
Honourable, can be risky now nationally we're having a problem with a certain
issues
of those is is race. That's one. We tend to have a lot of trouble talking about. We we have some trouble talking about gender issues and guns. A number one must pay
rising issue in the united states. Those are the three topics that we often avoid discussing, and my contention is that that's really hurting us, you know. Are our strategy in the past have been to avoid those things
one of the the cliche of Henry Higgins saying stick to the weather and your health, but that strategy has gotten us where we are now, where we're more more polarized than ever before. Where we're we're, don't understand one another and we're not making any progress. So I I would say that the first thing, the first strategy
for difficult conversations is to stop avoiding them well, but one of the reasons people avoid them. One of the reasons I avoid political conversations is I don't I just don't want the blowback. I don't want the the
nasty comments. You know you're an idiot kind of for believing what you believe
just rather not, and I absolutely get that often times when we entered into these conversations. Our intent is to change somebody's mind or to challenge what they say, or sometimes it's to just to figure out at all moments, whether we agree with them or not, right that everything single thing they say we're deciding in our heads. Do we agree with that? Or do we not agree with that, and then we tell them that what they think I would I it's much much better if we just set that entire thing aside, set that burden down of trying to educate somebody else
change their mind and instead go into these conversations and intending to learn something from them, because no matter how strongly you disagree with them, you can still learn something from their point of view. You know if you enter these conversations, hoping to change someone's mind, you're, probably destined to be frustrated. That's one of the reasons these these conversations become arguments because it's really hard to change. Somebody else's mind really hard. So the best outcome of these conversations is that you learn more about where they're coming from and and maybe you're able to share your thoughts in a in a non confrontational open way, and so they learn about your perspective and you walk away and perhaps, as you walk away and digest what you've heard
It might end up changing your perspective or change your mind and the same for them. But it's not going to happen because of some great argument that you've made, which is what people think that ah ha I've got you now and and then naturally, and then they, the the big slam dunk here, comes, and the other person says know your that's not true and you're an idiot. So exactly that's exactly the
so now, where do you? You have to remember there trying to do the same thing right there also trying to convince you, and so all you're doing is fostered.
in each other. Well, exactly that's what these conversations always are. Very frustrating and people both end up leaving.
Feeling frustrated and nobody's change, they buddies mind and what was the point of that right and the frankly? I don't think there is the point of that kind conversation. You know you're, like I said, that's all
he's going to disappoint you and anger. You because you will not achieve your goal, but if your goal is to learn something from the other person, you can always one hundred percent of the time, a key that always the problem that the issue here is that we often approach conversations thinking about. How can we change the other person and I don't just mean changed their minds, the most common question I get it. I am. This is everywhere not just the united states is. How do I change someone else's behaviour? How do I stop him from interrupting me? How do I stop them from you know, raising their voice
their whatever it is that they are doing, and I always had to say you can't I hate to tell you this, but there's nothing. You can do to change some of whose behavior, but the good news is. You can change your own and research shows us, there's, probably room for improvement there, errand by modeling good conversation
the forestation of and because human beings are already just primed to learn by modeling, you can actually effect change just by doing better yourself being a better listener yourself yourself, using curiosity and good questions put to sustain a civil and an engaging conversation, and the other part of that, of course,
You have control over whether you learn something for the other person. Is it your sense that if you up
gee conversation in the way.
You just suggested that if that helps
event it from getting out of control that that, if you model good behavior, the other person is less likely to lose it too. Oh, absolutely and there's really good evidence that I mean I can give you examples from my own life, and one of the things I share in my book is that you know I'm a mixed race person
I moved to Atlanta three and a half years ago. The last time my family was here. We were owned on a plantation near milledgeville ga and I am a journalist which means that when the the massacre happened in charlotte, I had to talk about the flying of the confederate flag. I had to speak to sons of the confederate veteran, then ask them why they felt it was their right and the right thing to do to fly that flag, which was personally offensive to me, but the way that I get through that is going into it, hoping to learn something from them and it didn't become an argument and had nothing but respect for them and, quite frankly, I did learn from them. It was a good conversation and I feel as though I understand better, where they're coming from you know the the jazz me there's a jazz pianist named Daryl Davis, and I I he there's actually a pbs documentary about him. I think it's called accidental courtesy and in his off time, when he's not playing jazz. His heart
is to convince men to leave the kkk and he's really good at it, so good that he he pretty much a dismantled. The kkk operation in the state of maryland think I saw that. I think I saw that yeah and when you ask him when they ask him, how do you do this right? Because he's black, how on earth is this guy convincing people to leave the kkk? He says he doesn't try to convince them. That's the opposite of what he does. What he does is he goes and he listens to them any asked questions and he responds to them and he he says, listen. Sometimes,
We'll just want to be heard. They just want to be heard yeah. What? If I remember correctly, I got the sense that that what what was sort of going on there was that he was
black eye, and he be friends these guys in these and an end. So it puts a face on what the k k k is so against an end. They they melt yeah exactly and even when he left her. That's how he befriend son. He ask some questions
Not in a not in a confrontational way, but in a curious way, he really wants to know why? What? Where do you come from? Where? Where did this start? Tell me about how you got to this place and- and they are happy to be heard, and it it ends up forming a bond or the kind of bond that most of us have sort of lost touch with, because we're stuck behind these social media platforms, where, like you say, all we do is, is call each other names and you get rewarded for calling people names right, you get more tweets and more
like when you're insulting and carried out a people down right- and I see people that I could probably have a conversation with, but they tweet stuff and and post stuff on facebook
that is so inflammatory and probably things they would never say face to face, but they
behind that or that than that that their hiding
somehow that they use that platform to to make these very bold and provocative statements that they
probably would never do in person absolutely different persona, and I like to think of it, is as code switching code.
witching. Obviously you is what we do. We become a slightly different person
reality in every environment and rent right, you're different when you speak at home with your partner or spouse than you are, when you speak with your kids or your friends from high school or at work right, so that's normal,
and that's what we're doing when we go and social media were codes, witching and switching into this different personality, the fat part. Is it not a particularly pleasant code? It's it's, not nice and I too
and that's another thing: you're not going to be able to change like that's what social media is. So I think it's just healthier for us to just recognise that. That's what social media is recognised, that that's the kind of person that other people become and that, frankly, we probably become as well and so
leave social media alone. If you want an actual connection with a human being call them on the phone or or see them in in person, the average american at that
spend almost a half an hour, a texting and only six minutes on the phone yeah. That's all
that is crazy. It sounds like you're saying that that right
then go into a conversation with the the goal. You'll, never reach of changing the other person's mind go in with
Different expectations go in, don't make that the goal, because that's probably never going to happen. It that's exactly right and that's why you get frustrated. That's why the other person gets frustrated and that's how it lead to arguments. You have this goal in mind and you keep pushing for it and it tends to make you more argumentative and it makes the other personal argumentative. It's not.
Working for you, I'm and so you're you're, just constantly trying to hammer in a screw, so instead choose a goal that you can achieve and- and you know, coincidentally, that goal that you can achieve, and by that I mean learning something about another person. Had all these other benefits for our mental health or emotional health and our brains. You know listening to somebody else. Talk about their own personal experience is one of the most effective ways we know of to increase your empathy, it's one of the ways that you actually become smarter in a larry
king once said. You'll learn enough. I will learn nothing from what I say today. I can only learn by listening to other people. So what is this about? The mere presence of a cell phone hurts a conversation. How can that? What is that? How can that be? I'm not here. We actually know why. The the that what we have are these particular studies and I'll mention just one that occurred in the uk and they had a whole bunch of people come in stranger, sit down and talk to each other and in half of those conversations they placed a cell phone on the table didn't belong to either of the people didn't make any noise, but what they discovered was that when they, when those people came out- and they asked him about the conversation, they were like over sixty percent, more likely to say when the cell phone is present, that the other person was an empathetic untrustworthy and unlikable. So even when the cell phones just present it's having an effect on our brains, we don't have the answer:
two why or how that mechanism works. We do know, though, that your brain is distracted by your phone, even when it's making no noise. You know, you know, that's true, because I just the other day I forgot to take my phone with me. I left it at home and everything was done,
because
since I didn't have it. It was like I can relax. Now I mean I can't check my mail. I can't check my so
so we just
like life was easier right, yeah and in fact there are logically speaking, it was easier
with easier to poke s got your brain power. One thing there
about your phone
what else affects our conversations. Things like that that may be, we don't even realize, has an effect
if we knew maybe could help things go a lot easier. So one of the things it is that we have a hard time focusing on what other people are saying and the reason for that is that our brains are
constant motion. You know people say clear your mind, which is just crap. You cannot it's impossible to clear.
your brain is thinking all the time we, the average person, the average speed at which a person speak. This
we're around one hundred and fifty words permitted, but your brain can think between four and four hundred and fifty words permitted
so with feeling in all those other words right, as the other person is speaking, and sometimes those thoughts or more
interesting than what we think we think and we get distracted by them. They pull us, and so we stopped listening and we're just thinking about what we're going to say. Next
an end, that's one of the major obstacles for us in listening to other people. You know Stephen covey said you know we're always listening not with the intent to under
and but we listened with the intent to reply and that's one of the biggest issues and that blocking us from haven't you
conversations well. I like your message, and I really think that that people have to think about it. If the point of going into a conversation is to try,
to change somebody else's mind. It's almost desk.
To fail, because a conversation is unlikely to do it
going into learn,
that's a whole other story and you ve given some great strategies to do that so lestat
he's been my guest her book is. We need to talk, how to have conversations that matter and there's a link
her book in the show notes. Thank Celeste thanks. I might have a good one.
Not to take the buzz out of your evening cocktail, but there are a few drinks. You should be a little wary of four exam
oh jack and diet coke, the artificial,
sweeteners in diet, soda ease the path of
alcohol to the small intestine, according to research from northern kentucky university. As a result, people
who drank hard liquor, mixed with diet, soft drinks,
just at higher blood alcohol concentrations than people who drank
liquor mixed with non diet, mixers red
bull in vodka. The high costs
being content in energy drinks like red bull, offset the sedative quality of the alcohol there
did you can drink a lot of red bull in vodka with
feeling, like your hammered wise,
a problem because
you drink a lot of it, you are hammered, but you're still more likely to drive swimmer. Take other risks. You normally wouldn't because you think
you're fine
brown liquor most
liquors contains something called conjurers. It's a natural but slightly toxic by product of the fermenting process, but dark colored
cars like bourbon and whisky have about three
times more of these organic molecules, then vibe
gene or other clear liquor as a result
will feel more hung over after drinking dark booze according to research from brown, university and fight
more liquor while more
Liquor makes up less than three percent of the beer sold in the? U s us
from John hopkins university, found that roughly forty six percent of people admitted to the e r for alcohol related injuries in a year had been drinking malt liquor.
Sit typically contains more alcohol than regular beer, but it's
clear, why drinking it
the more likely to end up in the
emergency road and that
something you should know
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Transcript generated on 2023-09-24.