Today on something you should know, do you really have to wait. Thirty minutes after eating before swimming sums, time, myths and truths coming up plus power; we'll strategies to be more persuasive. For example, you were when you have a plan, and you watch your boss to get on board with it. When you present your plan, dog ass for his or her opinion, ask for his or her advice. Also, you may be washing your dishes all wrong, and how do you present yourself to others? You try to appear to be perfect. We have Image that we put out a perfection and instead of drawing people towards this, would actually create distant that the report is very clear that we find people who show human vulnerability. They tend to be the people that we gravitate towards. We feel most connected to so it's okay to show that all this

today on something you should know: how your ideas don't have to wait. Now they have everything they need to come to life del tech. Allergies and intel are creating technology that loves ideas loves spending your business, evolving, your passions. We push what tat knowledge can do so. great ideas can happen right now find How to bring your ideas to life at del dot com slash welcome to now. something you should now fascinating, enter the world's top experts and practical advice. You can use your life read something you should make her rather is welcome. It's the middle of summer and in fact, recording this episode of the pod cast in studio in California. But if you are less

ring to it or around the date. It publishes witches July, twenty third, twenty eighteen I will be in the mountains of vermont on my summer vacation. every summer. There's always this well intentioned advice that your mother probably told you things like dont swim for thirty minutes after eating or don't touch somewhat with poison ivy cause. You could get it well. Let's take. a closer look at the science behind some of these things. First of all, don't for thirty minutes after eating. While that may be a good idea, have a big meal and go swimming right away. You might get a cramp and while cramps can be uncomfortable They are seldom disabling. Some people get cramps Some people don't ever heard this eating. Watermelon seeds is bad for you, of course. Today

most of the watermelons seem to be saved lives. So this is a big problem, but I remember when watermelons did have seeds, that that was the prevailing wisdom that you shouldn't eat them that there's something bad about eating watermelon seat and that turns out to be false. body will try to digest them, but cannot so they just pass through. You can poison ivy! If you touch the rash on someone who has it, that's falls. You have to come in contact with the plant to catch. It specifically its the oil in the plant that causes the rash, but the rash can be passed from one person to another scratching a bug makes it worse. True scratching it can bring. The skin and cause infection, and even if you don't break the skin, scratching will irritated and make it more annoying so reason the urge to scratch and put something called on it to stop the itch a cold can will work in a pinch

if a jellyfish stings you, you should urinate on the wound, We are hearing this as a kid in in connecticut their allotted jellyfish in the water and people said you should urinate I'm. What were you get stung and that too to be a really bad idea? urinating on a jellyfish thing- can actually make it worse according to doktor jennifer ping? emergency medicine physician in hawaii, who has studied the most effective treatment for dealing with jellyfish stings, says the best thing to do is to apply and acidic compound, such as vinegar, either by pouring it directly on the wound or applying vinegar, soaked cloth that the act, bates, whatever it is, the jellyfish put into your skin and then you scrape those things off with a credit card or other flat object later and that something you should know. Perhaps best known book and perhaps the most

often quoted book on the subject of persuasion. Is a book called influence Robert Cialdini, it was a big seller backward came out a few years ago and it still cells well and now Robert has zoomed in a little deeper into the topic of persuasion with a new book that just came in paper back called pre suasion a revolutionary way to influence and persuade answer albert explained the difference between per suasion and pre suasion and the differ between the book influence and the book pre suasion well as opposed to influence, which covers what best build in what I meant. to get agreement. Pre suasion describes the process of gaining agreement with a message before it's been sent, although that may seem like some form of magic. It's not it's

science, so maybe an example, would help in one study, for example, researchers approach individuals and asked for help when mark for marketing survey, only twenty nine agreed to participate, but if the researchers approached a second sample of entered of individuals and proceeded that request with a simple priests wasted question, do you consider yourself a helpful person now? Seventy seven point: three percent Why would asked before the request if they were helpful? Nearly everyone said. Yes, then, when the request occurred most agreed to participate in order to be consistent with the root recently activated idea of themselves as helpful people to go from twenty nine percent to seventy seven percent. We do

if those kinds of ethics typically, but that's the power of pre suasion, in which we get people in a mindset in a frame of mind that makes them receptive to her. But but this could be perceived as and perhaps even used as a trick I can see the used car salesman, putting his arm around the guy in saying that you really want to buy a new car today, don't you a kind of scene has that kind of. Our sails many approach it- this is a real concern of Mine- is that it can be used for four unethical purposes If you have a particular string about your message, what I'm advocating TIM do pre, suasion ethically, is to first raised to consciousness in your audience

idea, that's related to your strength so that they go to that particular dimension. That particular element of your message that is wisest for them to take into account. in deciding what to do so. Are there some good examples things you can point to of how this has worked, so that we might get a better sense of this suppose, you're applying for a job. Typically, what we say at the beginning of that that interview is, I want to answer all your questions as fully as possible, but I'm going to recommend it that We say one more thing before we start. I wonder if you could answer a question for me. Why did you invite me the interview today as a consequence,

your interviewers will start hearing themselves, seeing positive things about you and your qualifications, putting them in a state of mind that is favourable. to your candidacy. Before you make your case for it, I have an acquaintance who swears he's gotten the three jobs in a row by employing this priests, wasted technique, but even use You know this is something that concerns you, that it be used unethically and around you. Can see where this could be considered like a sales trick, you know yes, and so we ve done some research on what happens to order stations that use influence techniques like this as a trick as a device and what we found

add in organizations that allow their people to use influence techniques. Dishonest lie. What happens is those people who are uncomfortable with the dishonesty leave right and what remains is a precipitated of people who are comfortable with cheating and they cheat the organization they pad their expense accounts. They steal equipment, and so that the legacy of an organisation that allows their people to use this unethically? So the lesson is for any leader to be scrupulous about using these strategies in only the most ethical way talking with robert shall dini author of the legendary book influence and his new book pre suasion,

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fifteen percent off the next two months, hello, Fred, america's number one meal kit, so Robert Why do you think or what is the research say as to why these pre suasion techniques that you talk about, what makes them so effective and and so powerful. This is the core question for pre suasion. What is the mechanism that makes it work so powerful and it has to do with a particular cognitive mistake that we make when we pay attention to some idea in the moment when we are paying attention to it. We elevate it's importance from the moment before compared to the moment before, and so if

we are focused on a particular idea. Some factor that we have been drawn to. We assume that, because we are paying attention to it, it must warrant that attention. But that's not true, because we can be brought to an idea by a communicator who draws us draws our focus to that it to that particular idea and that's what causes us did. Then overestimated overestimated importance and then act in such a way, as to be consistent with an important dimension. What other ways can this be used? What other applications does it have

was you are you have a plan or a new initiative, and you want your boss to get on board with it. When you present your plan, don't ask for his or her opinion on this plan instead ask for his or her advice on the plan, because there's research that shows when people are asked for their advice, about something they are put in a co operative partnership like state of mind and they become more supportive of of the plan or idea. As a

the. If there asked for an opinion they step back from you, they go into themselves rather than to go into a mindset of collaboration. There's an old thing when we ask for advice were usually looking for an accomplice idle. We add, on the basis of scientific evidence, that if we get that advice we usually that accomplish, and what better partner to have on a project than somebody in charge. I dunno. If you looked at

his, but does this work on children? Yes, it does work on children. There was a study done in belgium in which subjects were brought into an experiment and shown pictures of people either standing apart from one another or standing together in a in a togetherness kind of depiction. Then the researcher stood up from the table and and dropped up a box of pencils on the floor and they they asked well, which one These types of subjects get down on the floor and start helping the researcher, those who sought initially to people standing together in these photographs. This they had. The mindset of togetherness were three hundred percent, more likely to get down on the floor and help now here's the thing that made me glad I was sitting down when I read about this

thirty? Two subjects were eighteen months old? Well really were babies and this process is so fundamental saw primitive to human functioning that it worked on eighteen months old so the the web, like pre wired. This way, that's exactly right. This is how we think, when we are asked to pay attention to a particular concept like togetherness we see today. Their net as in port, and so we act in a way that is consistent with the idea of togetherness. but there must be times when it doesn't work and when it doesn't work, why doesn't it were? Well, there are times when it doesn't work. If you draw people's attention to

particular concept, let's say authority or expertise right, because people want to follow the lead of experts. So you draw their attention to the concept of expertise, and then they go do your message and you don't have a lot of expertise now you ve made expertise important in a way that cause people to move away from you, so that's. Why? Not only is it effective and ethical right to decide what is the greatest strength of your offer and use that as the idea you begin with begin the interaction with even before you begin your your appeal, because that will draw people.

The thing that will make it most wise for them to move in your direction. When you engage in this technique called pre suasion. Is it

Is it invisible or do people can people later at night? You know, lie in bed and go hey. Wait a minute that guy you know, priests waded me! It's invisible! It's invisible, you'd, never recognize that what happened is before a message is designed to leverage the essence of that message before it even is delivered I'll. Give you another example that so under the radar, no one recognizes that one of the goals we often have in business is to get people to change, to move away from their old habits old practices into a better new approaches and that

the cult, because people are resist moving from their comfort zone, it turns out that you will be more successful. If you ask for change at the beginning of the month or the beginning of the week, because at the at the start of a block of time, people are more receptive to the idea of change. We know that's true with the big of the year right at where we make all our, years revolution. Will it turns out there research. The shows the same thing applies at the beginning of a month or the beginning of a week. You, if you did that to get somebody to change your direction. Do you think they would ever recognise note you did it on a monday, of course, what about beginning of the day

the beginning of the day that have actually been examined. But I wouldn't be surprised, feels right. Doesn't it down at the beginning of time for new start when you look at this topic? You certainly given your previous book in your reputation, either guy to write this book, but why didn't we Has this been addressed. Before I mean this seems so obvious. What

taken so long, it turns out it has been recognised. In writing my first book I infiltrated, fails training and in marketing training, and what I saw was only a fairy rarefied. You understood, pre suasion. Everybody else was focused on building the strongest case inside their message, the priests waiters. These industries recognised that it doesn't matter how good the seed is that you have you what a point if you haven't cultivated the earth. First, the acted like expert gardeners, recognising that you have to pre treat the ground that you put your feet in

in order to make it worth. While it is surprising how this hasn't been talked about or written about much before the priests ways book came out and yet, when, when I hear you talk about it. It just makes so much sense that you would want to have a proper we the land first before you plant the seed, a war of course she would, and so it's to hear that the research behind it is so strong, Robert child, he's been. My guest in his new book is pre suasion evolutionary way to influence and persuade and there is a link to his book in the show notes in us we'll times in this part cast. We have talked about how one of the few dacians of good health is a good night's sleep in that we. The people need to sleep more, but the quality of their sleep really matters and you will not get a better quality of sleep. Then you will get from a mattress from helix sleep, working,

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speaker and writer, whose work is often seen in forbes and harvard business review and as the author of a few books, including the power of presence and her latest book inspiration code. I christy well. What I like about this topic is actually how elusive it is. I mean it's hard to wrap your head around. What presence is, and yet it's important presence determines so many things for us to be friends us who dates as who marries us, who hide those who promote says you know who wants to be around does pretty much and yet we notice it and other people that is hard to see in ourselves. So sometimes I think about presents as the way we move through the world I offer my cholera is worn on the outside and its innocence. It's something that people pick up about us that were putting out all the time yeah that's what I say I think of it is kind of this vibe that you send out that that either pulls people,

in or pushes them away or makes you hard to figure out or one of those things right I mean, and and how easy is it to affect a vibe right that didn't have a problem? The way we think about it is kind of a squishy concept about it has such a defined impact on us, and so a lot of my work has been trying to help people understand what it means people who have that real straw. Powerful walk into a room and everyone everybody wants to be near. You kind of thing: what is what is that as if you think about it cause I, when I ask people what presence is that the answer I get back? I get sort o thou the person who move through the room and shifts the errand matthew, well, that that powerful, that super assertiveness I'm kind of impact, but when we think about what what his presence of wood we care about, if we care about it, because we want people to connect with us who are people to feel, I can

and two as we want to come across as someone that people want to be around and often those Leah hyper. A sort of people are not there. And we actually want to be around so we don't really feel connection with them. We might have been added I or their ability to have confidence in any situation, but when we think about presence is something that's actionable for ourselves: we're a much better service to ourselves. We think about it in terms of connection and what are people doing that make a People want to connect with them, and how do you put that into action? I mean how? How do you make people want to connect with you? Well, if it comes down to a discrete set of actions that really that that provide connection with other people, I mean it's, how we communicate with other people, it's I building a strong bonds through listening. You know I in my latest book the inspiration code. I started delve into this idea of what inspires people and how do we get more inspiration in the workforce and in the

that I commissioned after the harris pull the number one quality of people who inspire us that they listen to us? and so we think about all the effort we spend on what we say and if that's not important is just that. What people really respond to more often is how we listen to them. So we want to build a better presence. We can work on those types of qualities being open minded being present to other people, not being distracted, orchestra so that we can't be there for other people. Often, though, I think in trying to present this image to appear the way you think you want to appear to other people. There's this desire to appear to be perfect, that the more If you are in every way the more you have every hair and place in everything under control, the more people will be attracted to you.

but you talk about how a perfection is really a turn off. How well right were seen as planned social media at real time every day, and we have this sort of image that we put out of perfection and instead of drawing people towards us, it actually creates dense from people get. They seem other unlike us, or not realistic, and it's it's funny that you talk about that point, because I see this more and more play out, but yeah there's a lot of research around that I mean that's, that's the great thing. I always tell my clients, who have I get nervous and in front of board meetings for example, or or who have temperate troubled difficult conversations and are worried about conveying weakness or messing up or saying the wrong thing, and that the research is very clear that we find people. who I'm shows you know human vulnerability. What I call could be able to count credibility with vulnerability, so not

not one hundred percent credible, not one hundred percent vulnerable, but are able to balance both of those. They tend to be the people that we gravitate towards- and we feel most connected to so had a show that- and I remember last time we talked- which was certainly several years ago, but you made the point that that in public eggs, for example, one of the reasons mitt romney had trouble connecting with people was. He was so perfect. No hair was out of place he he, was so squeaky, clean and perfect that people had trouble connecting and in the same with Hillary Clinton, she didn't seem very human I very much like us in and then when she cried Poll numbers went up exactly and and so you thought we were talking about the last election. But then you saw this play out in two thousand and sixteen as well as her campaign yeah I mean we could see it over and over again

we appreciate and some amount of humanity and people. You know, there's research that Adam grant the author of give and take talks about, and it's been going on since first discovered in the fifties, because the pratfall effect is what the social scientists have labeled it. But you know has been repeat, and let the different settings, which is that, where we show a little bit of vulnerability, we actually are seen as more likeable and You know a couple that with what what is so to find his call the transparency illusion, which is the belief that other people can see. What's going on in our heads that when we mess up number one, we think everybody sees all this the crazy stuff we're thinking and how bad with it is. Well, they actually can't see all of that anyway, and and if they do see a little bit of it, you can lean on the pratfall effect that it actually can help us. So you know one of the.

Things that the leaders I work with. I often will tell them basic how much of this you make visible the people so that they have a sense that they really know you and go back to that ground, innocent centred nets. We can't feel that with some one, if we don't know what they're about- and we can know what you're about, if you're trying to do perfection all the time. Isn't that so true that we we so much want people to think that we're just everything's, fine, we're perfect, where an and yet we don't connect with those kinds of people. We don't want those, because it's too hard to two you don't know what to do with somebody like that of true. when you put it into the terms of your what you gravitate towards it makes much sense, and yet we spend ourselves up. You are trying to get out there and just not mess up, and do it just the right way and we don't you loophole that off anyway, but we got a lot of pressure felt trying to do and what

and like the example that I remember is like when you give a talker or- you're, even just talking to people in a room and you stumble. Are you mess up? You think, and that's the only you did wrong. You think everybody, costs on that, and nobody even noticed, but you think I got. I blew that in its eyes, so I loved the example of them and his an out. There example that I thought it was so perfect, but I tell my clients all the time: it's not the mess up. It's the recovery recovery is what people pay attention to. So, if you just sort of bounce over it and can honor laugh at yourself a little better eyes of amid we know in a little bit of so use it as a deprecate self, deprecating kind of witty experience, people appreciate that and that's what they remember and they just sort of move on and versus letting it cripple you. So I, in a recently the parkland kids who did the the big march in washington appeal.

Number. There was one of the girls who had been shot in that school shooting who had just had surgery and she got up and she in the middle of her talk, she threw up in front of you, know thousands and thousands of people, millions of people broadcast everywhere and after she did it, she said I should throw up on national television. But This is how fired up. I am just kept going you about what you're right I mean that's. That is a great example, because nobody you saw that adding and thought what what this outrageous, this is terrible. I mean they, they saw wow. This is somebody who's who's been through a lot and everybody on the planet gave her a pass. That's exactly right because she could have just walked off stage after that she's. A kid like most people that age are just walked off, there's so much pressure on her already, but that the way that but rallied around that. I felt an extreme example. Most of us are in that situation with that kind of crowd, but we have our own situation like that. All the time

our and in the board meeting and we get up we present and we in stumble over some sales figures and we think all gosh. I didn't say that with certainty? Ah, you know instead of just saying wow, I went through that too fast. Let me just back up because I will make sure I do that again into it right and just keep going at it. That's all we have to do, but wait. We get too caught up in the perfection of it. it, does seem that it at the core of a lot of this is the ability to believe to have confidence in yourself that that you can handle it yeah. I think that that is part of it or to be comfortable with not having confidence all the time and realise that that's the human condition, you know I thought had one was comforting: but I can tell my client- is that no other people Even people you admire are gone to exactly the same thing right Even the most successful people, who you know you seem like, they have it all together

time there are still situations there. Still audiences. There are still conversations the trip up where they feel lack of confidence are they feel on shore and they still perform and go Do it anyway, so it to me, it's actually not expecting that you're gonna have company. all the time, but realizing that you're not gonna, have competence sometimes, and you can still do it, you need to do, but how If, if you are someone who, whose screws up once in and falls apart if you're, not that girl who throws up on tv gets up and you know keeps going, how do you get there? not for some people hard to imagine doing that it is, I mean, I think the only advice to get back on the horse is pretty good advice. You know that you, you gain a lot of confidence by seeing that that's the one failure that you had not accident a fine, you that you can keep going so if you're somebody who has a hard time

he now what reason presenting a lot about the common issue for people. If you some, It has a hard time presenting in groups and you and you do a presentation or doesn't go very well, and it is one of my colleagues told me once just because it's uncomfortable doesn't mean it's wrong. It just means it's uncomfortable, so we we equate comfort with something being something that we should do as a warning, but we're really means is that we have to keep doing it more and so too as well. That didn't go as well as I want. I want to make sure I take the next opportunity to present again, because I learned some things here and I want to try something different. I think that's to put that extra we shouldn't in our mind, if you get rid of the perfection piece to put the expectation our mind that we have to keep doing this stuff because the more you do. At the more comfortable again? and the more you learn how to bob and weave when situations don't go exactly like you thought they might talk about the swing thought what's a swing thought would this

that is what I really call equate to it. I label a situational intention is how I talk about and I talk about how you know in our minds. We always have this loop of thoughts and actions going on and we think some We have an action, then that the of a loops back into our thoughts But you know, for example, if we don't like to talk in front of groups, we're kind of going in thinking, I'm not very good at this. It's going to be tough, and then we are look for feedback that it's not going so well, and that makes me it makes us feel more nervous and- and that makes us talk faster and then you know glues back into that initial thought and we go around and around, but we have a choice there to either have that cycle be positive, which is I'm going to be okay with this? No matter what happens I can handle it? You know versus you know: directive wanted somebody ass, the thought. So what would a situational intention is is and in the moment, thoughts that

Try an on that. You think about that focuses some of that unconscious the unconscious thoughts that are spinning around into a feeling that you want to put into the room. So it really focuses you on the feeling you're trying to transmit. So if I want people to feel excited about something, I'm going to say, I need to think about how I can show up and transmit excitement, because they're only going to feel it. If I can put the into the room. So that's the ideas that last thought before you go into a situation and I really like to hook it to to the feeling, because that's really what we, how we see people how we take in people, is through a feeling and and focus your energy on what you want to put into do you think that that, when you are dealing with stuff like this in thinking about stuff like this and with them, the thought for you walk into a room that is faking it. Ok, if it

putting on a bit of a show okay until it feels more part of who you are hey, you know I don't like to wear it faking it. I I prefer to think about it as adapting. So you know anything that feels authentic to us now, particularly at work, is generally something that we have adapted. So we may not have been that great at managing disagreements at work. For example, when we first on the job, but we learn how to do it because we got a little bit better at it. We try some things out, and so we adapted as we went until it becomes very natural to us. That's how we evolve and so is the same idea with with this is that you know you're, not thinking, and if you think about this feeling, you're trying to put into the room. That's a real feeling, you're actually trying to put into the film and it's really just visualizing what it is and trying some things out until they feel more natural to you so faking, it sounds like we're putting on a persona that we don't actually buy when we adapt we're. Looking very strategically

at how we want to show up and were trying it out we're trying to show up. will. It does seem that so much of this is knowing that its ok, not to be perfect, and that you know life is a series of experiments in and you'll get better and and that that's ok, that one mistake isn't gonna derailed, The whole thing is a lot of it is in our heads, you know and, and the power presents. I think I I say you know. Eighty per cent of presence is in our head. You know it's just getting all that clear again, it frees up a lot of stuff and there are some mechanics. We have to learn about anything. So if you look at present, says in a big part of presence being communication, there are certain ways we need to learn how to communicate no question but after a point we know that stuff and then is about getting out of our own way. So we can actually if you use the capabilities that we know that we already know and put them into full effect, the embodiment lot of how think again, and so once we if we can get that straits,

it's a lot easier to shop in a way to make. So the people want to be around us connect with gravitate towards us Oh, you said something a little earlier about this idea that that people know what's going on in our own head in it. The universe conceived wasn t know all of our food, foibles and insecurities, and they don't justice you don't know anybody else's? They don't know yours, but we we tend to think that and that can be paralyzing. I think exactly. It is very comforting to people, especially because again it's called the transparency. Illusion has a lot of research behind

get that to know that they don't know that. You know I had a client one time who would get very nervous and her her neck would would get red like that was the that was the physical manifestation of stress that she would have and she'd be so worried about it and the people would see it, and you know one of the things I pointed out to her that when she speaking to groups she's way across the room, they can't see her neck. She thinks began, but they can't even see that. But in her mind everybody sees this. I mean we really concoct a lot of stories in our head about people. Knowing what's going on that, you know physically, they might even be able to see anyway, boys think that's good news in its it's almost as if you know like a sigh of relief to know that you know everybody feels like this, that it's ok to fail and, and it isn't and the world in, and you get better as you go so so move on its great news. Isn't it we're all human anyway, the well that's rape,

This has been really interesting. Christie. Hedges has been my guess, cheese, speaker and a coach and a writer and her book is the power of presence, and her new book is called the inspiration code, there's a linked to her, Look in the show notes, thanks Christie. Thank you, so much might have enjoyed in the back. do you rinse your dishes before you put them in the dishwasher, lotta people do and if do you probably do it, because you think you're giving the dishwasher a helping hand right. well actually you're not- and here are for reasons to stop rinsing dishes before you put them in the dishwasher. First of your dishes need to be dirty for the detergent to do its job, the makers of dishwashing detergent, cascade discouraged customers from pre, washing or rinsing dishes, because it actually inhibits the cleaner from working,

enzymes in cascade are designed to attach themselves to food particles, says the wall street journal without food. The enzymes have nothing to latch onto and therefore nothing to do you. Get your dishes any cleaner by pre rinsing, because today's new fangled dishwashers are really savvy much more so than when grandma got her first dishwasher. They have advanced sprayer technology and sensors that detect dirty your dishes are and if you're worried about food articles from your dishes getting into your plumbing and clogging up what chances are because most houses are plum. This way, the wash your drains through the garbage disposal so that it's time you run the garbage disposal, the food will just go and up and go away and fight. pre rinsing or washing dishes by hand, waste water and electricity you waste about

six thousand gallons a year, if you insist on pre rinsing, says consumer reports Finally, it's a needless time suck especially when you have so many other things to do, and that is something you should know remember, if any of the advertisers in today's programme sound interesting to you all the links in the promo codes in all the ways to save our in the show notes for this episode. Carruthers thanks for listing today to something you should know packing benjamin's with Joe and his good friend oji. Not only has great financial insight. Its lay back with humour to the LE pen's owe so much survey I wanted to know. Was it really cheaper to brown bag it every day, or was it cheaper to go through these school lunch? The most expensive sandwich of all forty six percent increase is the first time a sandwich has ever touched five bucks before anybody gags on at them. It's a great sandwich find out more by searching the stacking benjamin's podcast wherever you listen,