Today on something you should know something you must here before the next time you go to the grocery store, then understanding conflict, any motion, so you can have better fights with better outcomes. Emotion in a conflict are just like pain, air diagnostic, their help, some tea and injured here and usually when people get either at their crying or their yelling it, because the person isn't feeling heard and they're not feeling understood, plus there's a popular sleeping position that could be causing you harm and fascinating story of cities. A lot of people claim to want to get out of the city and move to the country for a better life that you know for every person who says that there are another million people clamouring to get in, because the opportunities are greater than what you're going to find in the countryside. All this today on something you should know.

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grocery shopping I like being in the grocery store, but it turns out. The grocery store is crawl. with germs so knowing that here are some great advice that I take to heart: wipe and wait forty. Two per cent of shopping cards contain illness. Inducing bacteria like eco lie seven, Two percent, the boy This come from other shoppers who may have already had germs on their hand or pick them up after tat contaminated food products in the store. so before you grab a cart, taken, antibacterial wipe and wipe over the cards handle And then wait twenty seconds for it to dry double bag. Your meat Tennessee state university study says about fifty percent of poultry package's contained terrier, including diarrhoea, causing collar form and eco lie on the

outside plop, one of them packages in your card, and you could spread those bugs Other items in your card so put it in a play. Dick bag. That way you're protected and clean your reusable bags in the places now, of course, we have to take reusable bags to the store and half of them contain nasty bacteria. Can lead to diarrhea and vomiting occur to university of arizona, researchers, but ninety seven percent of people now clean there. Reusable grocery bags that is something you should know. It's hard to get through a day without some sort of conflict. Kids. Coworkers your spouse, your boss store clerks mother in law there, potential sources of conflict for you and most would probably rather avoid the conflict if possible. That seems like the better road to take, but is it

actually? No? According to Lee and davy, Leon is a psychologist, speaker and regular contributor to the harvard business review and she's author of the new book. The good fight I leah high mike and gravity so the idea of having a good fight scares alot of people there's no there's no such thing as a good fight. A good fight is to have no fight at all. At least that's what many people believe yeah felt life create conflict being a human being in a relationship you know being on, the team being a member of the p t a would whatever you do and not to mention going to work every day. There is an endless stream of things that we end up in conflict about is totally natural and the problem is If we try and avoid it, then that conflict gets worse or it escalates. It can get nasty so conflict as a process to get to the others

I'd. Have a difficult issue is a really good and really important thing and everybody has been through that were the and conflict has gotten much bigger than it had to be, and then somebody usually says wool. I wish I had said something sooner and, and yet didn't answer now: it's this big thing that blows up out of proportion, yeah so I use this term conflict debt and either but a kindly credit card debt. So you know you you buy! That thing and it's not bad expensive. But if you don't pay it off it and you keep a carry in the balance over a month a month a month, then that interest starts to become debilitating, so looks like that. The original european thing we avoided, wasn't so bad, but when we let the interests pile up and pile up well, freakin. It can get a bit overwhelming. So the same is true with our complex and the problem is the we pay is that over time, if we haven't said anything when we do raise it, then suddenly it's like

Well, why didn't you see something sooner and either your credibility kind of goes down so that there is a big cost of not having conflict when it happens, but instead try to lay it so everybody knows in their own particular instance why they didn't say something sooner, why they didn't deal with the conflict at the time, but in a more scientific approach, way white. Why do we avoid it? Why do we let it slide until later? Maybe it'll go away? What's what going on in our head. Yes, it's a bit of biology to it wishes. We are kind of tribe based creatures and if he didn't want to get voted out of the cave and eaten by the saber tooth tiger, it was pretty important to get along, so we're we're biologically wired to get along with our in group and and then we're socialized to think a conflict isn't polite. So I bet of your listeners had a grandma who said, if you can't see anything nice, don't say anything at all and we learned or we learn to mind your own business.

after all, these things that we were too hot as kids. That said, that conflict isn't nice citizen. A white for me as a female complex, certainly wouldn't zenith, lady like so there you know biological to begin with, but then we reinforce it, and so there is a lot of things that are telling us in the little voices in our heads telling us to ah to zip it and and to tough it out as opposed to making things better you about productive and unproductive conflict. So can you explain the difference? The worth its most meaningful to me on unproductive conflict is when I'm mad at you for something or I resent you for something, and I all that up and I just live with. Resentment and nelson mandela had my favorite quote about resent many resentment is poison. You swallow hoping some one else will die and we do in relationships all the time where we don't like the way were being treated, and so we just get mad and resentful

ignorant about how horrible you are, but that's not do anything to the other person, all its due making, you feel crappy so resentment is is another really good reason why we don't want to have that unproductive conflict. We want to get it on the table in and get to the other side of it, and so what does that look like in some examples might help here of what do you say? When do you say it? How do you say it so it doesn't get out a hand because I think that's a big concern. People have is, if I say something this is turn into a huge fight, and I know what that guy. So let's go through this in a couple part. So, let's start with what you do more importantly than what you say is when you say it and when you say it is both for you get into a fight. So I call this the valentine's day effect both if you think about it. I know-

lot of people who have images in their mind of what the perfect valentine's day would be, and you know when they tell me I'm like all right. If that sounds good to you. That's great said these grand illusions of the perfect valentine's day, but they ever tell their partner. What's included and they'll say things like well she doesn't understand, or he doesn't understand what that is than if they dont understand me by now, then you know, then it's just thought dot got they don't say what the with the venice and and then, of course it doesn't work. They don't get that valentine's day. And I say all you're doing- is setting the person up to disappoint you. So the best time to talk about what you want and what you need and what good looks like you is both for they disappoint you or do something different from that, so don't bother to the valentine's day. Effective, there's something you have in your head, whether that be you know, what a fine night out would be for me and here's. What a good report would look like at work. Here's what I'm looking for in this

You know what you're real estate agent is the kind of houses you're gonna. Take me too. I would like you to take me to places like this. The sorts of things tell them ahead of time so that we don't have this valentine's day effect where we just waiting for people to disappoint us with one eye The other idea is once something unpleasant starts to happen. When someone told you something that an idea that you dont like the problem is we can want to contradict them or told that's not true that norway, that's not right and and instead of that, the secret is to action instead of invalidating them. We want to validate them. So if you know if, if my husband comes and we're talking about deal a vacation, and he said I We need to go back to the same resort. We went to ask her what I want to say may be, as ah so faltering, who wants to go back to the exact same way. I wanted invalidate his point, but instead

what I should do is say. Oh so you want to you want to go back to the same place again, validate it and It's amazing how, as soon as you started, information that way? It won't start like a fight. It'll start started the conversation. Then you ask a question. You go. What makes you go back to the same place again wow. You know so much of the hassle of going on making. planning everything? And if we go there, then I have to worry about plan everything already, so you know you re I want to make sure that vacation is not more of a hassle than its worth. Ok, you know for me: I'm here thinking that you know vacations about having some novel experiences and I want to do some stuff. I haven't done before so you know. Where do we go with that, so this technique of validating the person? First, I'm asking a question to show them that we want to understand where they are coming from it.

immediately, not feel like a conflict. It'll feel like problem solving the problem. Solving were very to go on vacation this year and what's really cool, is that when validate someone first, The way we as humans are wired, as once I hear you out, you will have it, a tremendous obligation to hear me out for them. When I say for mutually about something novel and then he knows you're, ok. So what we're looking for is a vacation that doesn't give us too much planning to do and can give us some new and novel experiences are right and they He's got a world of opportunities. You can go back to the same place and take different excursions. You can go to a different place, but use a travel agent to take away all the hassle and then your problem solving, and that is not fighting. So that's a technique that that really works. Ninety five per at time validate them. First, ask a question to show your interested and then you can sort of pivot and share your perspective.

It's great, if the person you're talking to is being reasonable, but I want to ask you what about when the person is not being reasonable, I'm speaking with psychologist leah davy. She is author of the book. The good fight I've been king for a while now and this pod cast about the quip tooth brush and you ve probably wondered come on, it's just a toothbrush. No, It is a better electric toothbrush. It's been created by dentists and designers, It has this sensitive sonic vibration that general on your gums, because a lot people just brush to hard and some electric toothbrushes are very abrasive, not equip and brush heads are automatically delivered on a dentist recommended schedule every three months for just five dollars. three out of four people, use bristles that are old and worn out and ineffective. I love the quip toothbrush because it makes brushing easy

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bout when your disagreeing with someone who's not being so reasonable, their yelling and screaming, and and things, are just going off the rails yeah. So it's really interesting. Oh, are tend to be afraid of, emotion, went, and one of the reasons that we avoid conflict is because we want to avoid emotion, and so I different way of thinking about it the emotion was useful and diagnostic and an interesting. So I like to talk about seeing emotion in a conflict as exactly like feeling pain, drive, a bum shoulder at them. And so, when I give speeches, I tend to throw my hands up in the air, it I'm a bit goofy and it my shoulder worked on that and what that is. A really useful piece of information that that your injuring yourself put your arm down. So you know what

Emotions in a conflict are just like paying their their diagnostic, their helpful of sums being you're here and usually when people get either their crying or their yelling overseas, that could a negative emotion it's, because the person isn't feeling heard and they're not feel understood so fine sing somebody who is real In that way, I try and say: okay, so clearly something's going on for this person. I don't know about its probably linked to some. That I couldn't even understand, and so what I do they treated like. I slow down! I go pay. This seems like something important seems like an important issue. What what am I getting. What am I not understanding or you? For me, this is the sum where we have to figure out what to do, and you know I'm sensing that for you this is a bigger deal. What what don't I understand? What am I missing? You know those

the question so that the problem is. We have always baggage and bias about emotion. We think it's bad. We think it's unprofessional, we think is unreasonable. and there new neuroscience research That shows that we interpret, feeling outcast by the group or feeling like we don't sudan or feeling like our ideas, aren't good. We interpret that in the exact same place in the brain is, if somebody bid us it's like pain, and so, if somebody reacting emotionally. Just go! Oh, you know. This is a pity foolish you for them Sutton not being some is being injured and if you can slow down of it And show them that you're willing to understand what would like for them how they are experiencing it you'll get back to that same thing of the person who had seen reasonable with actually not unreasonable. They just weren't being her or they couldn't articulate what was going on for them. So

think about emotion as unprofessional or inappropriate. Think of it as you know, really good! Coo, ee! Oh you know some. Being injured here, and I need a slowdown and figure out without is, and if we figure it without, it will probably be able to solve the problem. ever lose your temper, oh of course, of course, and it's interesting when I teach conflict skills, the people and I tell them about the right words to say you know I go through a lot of that The time on. You know how to say it and people say to me. Oh what if I screw up, I said I screw up all the time because we're human, but in some ways it's a great opportunity to build trust with people. So when I lose my temper, I go back not quickly because it's for a while before before I come down, but I go back and say that did not go, how I wanted it to go, or that is not how I'd like to behave. I blew it. Can. I have do over or

you know. I really wanted to hear you out about. You know what you want the vacation to be like, and I just got so busy. Talking about what I wanted that I didn't spend the time hearing what you want so can I have a do over please I'm gonna zip it you tell me what this is for and and when you do that. First of all, you express your own vulnerability, which strengthens trust is good for relationships. that you reinforce what good looks like hey good. Was us listening to each other, not just helping each other. What we always say, you can't communicate to someone you can only communicate with them, for, if you just when and communicated somebody go back, say: okay. I didn't hear your side of that. Let's try that again, so getting it wrong. When I lose my temper, I lose my temper with my kids. I lose my temper with my husband and I've lost temper with you know, coworkers and and all those sorts of things, and when I tried to go to the p t a I lost my temper too often

I had to stop going to the pity as if I had not one which is taboo big. It asked for me, but I found when you're willing to your hand up and say: well, ok, my bad! That was not how I wanted to show up people respect you more afterward, not less yeah, I'm and I've been in conflict with people where it act. They turned out to be a good thing because it utterly cleared the air it it. When you come back later and say, I'm sorry went that way: somehow a bond gets form that would not have gotten formed if that hasn't happened, yeah yeah, absolutely so think what we fear that a threat we fear that they'll get smaller, we'll get emotional and that's why we avoid conflict. So we sit with this poison, resent men or are we don't get the issue resolved and and if we just understood that maybe get emotional and that's ok, you're human and if it gets emotional, is go back and say you know

if you cry at work right, Ok, I got I got into that conflict like cried and from my boss raid, the next day you just going to say, so grateful for your patience in talking through that I really appreciate that you were willing to hear how I was experiencing this. You know great opportunity, then the boss goes. Oh look what a great boss! I am it's a great opportunity to add to strengthen your relationship, so so that's a really really important thing people to remember? Even if it is you know it's like it's not the conflict is over. Gonna be pretty. But the point is even when it's not pretty, an opportunity to make the situation better and to improve the relationship- and reduce your stress level? Could once you're through the other side of it, might well, ok, nothing to be stressed about now. yeah! It's not funny that that used sit in dwell about a conflict and

and yet when it gets resolved you you never think about it again, of course, when it's done so it's just like that debt, once you paid off. If you got conflict that ray you're carrying that debt, in the end the interest pay and on that you're you're losing sleep you're having to like. The long way around to your house to avoid seeing the guy down the street legal. All these things are, you need work around you're doing to avoid the conflict and ones to the other side of it. You're like well. Ok, I'm sleeping a guy that I'm gettin to buy out the door, So there is a lot that we take on cue care that conflict dash, where, if we just pay it off How we gotta have this conversation. Life gets so much easier. What about though it a lot of what you're talking about, sounds like taking the high road that rather than getting the dirt and and and the mud and wrestle you're you're here too,

at a higher road, but but sometimes you really get mad and it's hard not to express that anger. I guess this gets back to the emotion thing, but sometimes somebody's just being a real jerk, and you tell him off and in that You know. Sometimes I want to eat a krispy kreme doughnut to play teeth so good. While it goes down- and then you know you're like oh, I can't get my jeans done up right, so yeah, def, and every once in a while give yourself permission to just losers. Tackling yes, absolutely just understand, you're gonna then be in a hole and You ve made your own life worth you you're, like harder and so yeah, if you're,

went to put in the hours on the treadmill to get rid of the krispy kreme later. Okay, a you know some days, though I hope you decide, I'm I'm I'm not going to eat that in the first place I'm not going to- and I understand that you know I could say all these things and it might make me feel good very briefly, but then I'm not going to be proud of myself. and carrying the wait around about feeling proud of your behavior is pre crappy. So you know, where possible, take the high road its worth. yeah. Well, I think you're right, I I had an experience where I I I was just. A horrible mood. I was at a store. I was in this long line taken forever. We finally get up to the cashier he's prob Lee pretty new at this he's screw and everything up and I got mad. I died. I was very impatient with him, and I felt horrible and I actually two hours later, I drove back to the store a passage to the guy tat, which makes it felt amazing in

he the look on his face was all got here. He comes Well, you know what I'll tell you right. A book about this stuff is a really good accountability mechanism could arise if it's really hard, so I've actually played with the opposite, If, if you're in a restaurant in you know, you have a weight staff whose just bumbling and yet are getting everything wrong, and things like that, occasionally all like do a crazy, big tip for that person and I'll write rate on the receipt like you know that you have hard day hang in whatever and then all of a sudden, I feel so good cause I've. in a waitress and- and I know that sometimes it I'll just go south and it's not even necessarily your fault so and in those moments where you want to get frustrated with someone else or whatever. Sometimes it's easier, rather than even just being neutral. Sometimes it's easier to click over to the other side, and just be really generous. Just right be that person that gives

the big smile and gives them the the look that says it's ok, take a breath right, take a sack, collect your thoughts and then you get paid back so fast. Cause they just their eyes. Looking like saying, q right right right, so you know one of the other. Things is in that moment where you feel that amygdala hijack where we feel that right, my palms are sweating and my heart is racing and I'm so frustrated. You know every once in a while I'll try taking the complete opposite tack and just be you know, sickly, sweet and just are so generous, and you know that the horse to your day better and that becomes a virtuous cycle. While there isn't a person alive who couldn't use, your advice is really good stuff. Leon Davies, been my guess, she's, a psychologist, speaker contributor to the harvard business review and author of the book, the good fight you the link to her book in the show notes. Thank you. I appreciate it. My pleasure

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npr. Wherever you get your podcast in the united states today, over eighty percent of us live in cities or what could be described as urban areas, Just over half the entire world's population lives in cities, But six thousand years ago no one lived in a city, they didn't really exist. in many urban areas today there are a lot of problems that result from so many people living so close together in a city people stay, they not only stay, but people keep coming in so what is it about cities and the people who live in them? monica ill smith has some great insight into this shit professor of anthropology, you see allay and author of the book cities the first six thousand years I model, So what is it about cities that is so poor a fascinate to you before.

About cities is that oftentimes. You know if you're in an ancient city or a modern one, you almost do a little bit of a double take, because the same things that we're used to in modern cities. You know that sense of of busy ness, but also the spatial layouts of plazas and streets and crowded neighborhoods and elite houses, and so on. We see those in modern day cities, but you know we also see them in ancient cities. So this pattern of urbanism that people have had for the last six thousand years is something that we can see both in archaeological and in contemporary examples when you look at cities and where their located is readily apparent that ok this city's here, because while there's a river here or in this made a good port or this the gateway to something or or do cities crop up because people just

and say? Well, you know, let's, let's start a city here, archaeological ii. That is one of the huge questions, because we look at the plethora of cities that we see in many parts of the world and we kind of scratch our heads and say why did the city come up in this spot? Because sometimes it's a place that is vulnerable to floods. Sometimes it's a place that vulnerable to cycle once or hurricanes or earthquakes, and we think of ourselves you what an illogical place to put a city, but then we realised that we also have places like new orleans, for example that are also illogical, and so it seems to me that there is

something that people start with like a really great idea. Maybe mining site may be a port site, maybe a trade place, and once people start to come into that domain and they have this energy and synergy of interaction, even if there's some days after that hits like a plague or a typhoon. Well, they just sort of clean up the mess and start over again Well, when you look at some cities, you do after scratch. Your head in wonder, will why here I mean some big cities are in places where the weather's bad or or their prone to natural disasters or- and you wonder why well, why the city here? What you could put itself, where really nice? challenges that bring people in The very loveliest parts of the world are places that don't actually have a whole lot of cities in them. If you think of, for example, stonehenge

stonehenge is in a lovely location, its lush. There is a wonderful agricultural potential and so on, and people certainly gravitated towards it, because they built stonehenge and turned it into a ritual place, but they never turned it into a city. Do people move to cities because they want to typically or because they have to because when people talk about where they want to live they you know, you often hear about getting out of the city going to the country, get so why do people go there in the first place? If they'd really rather be somewhere else? That's it modern day question. That also is something that helps us to understand. Dark archaeological examples, because we know that cities are bad for your health. We know

as for modern times where we have things like pollution and when there's not good infrastructure, there is yet disease transmission at, but we also know that that's true for ancient cities, as well and of the ancient city of rome, was constantly plagued by malaria. We know from looking at gravestones that there was a kind of death season in in ancient rome he heard the late summer and the early fall was a time when a lot of people got carried off. This was surely not a secret to other people migrating into the area. They knew that they were taking a risk going in, but

There were so many amazing opportunities not only for employment, but also for entertainment and for education, and those are exactly the same calculations that we make today. We want to partake of all of those urban opportunities, and we just accept that there are going to be some things about cities that we really dislike like traffic. It also seems that, as cities grow, so does crime, soda taxes so does congestion all these it and so does it. Have we seen with cities that were at some point the bad outweighs the good and people leave valiant

it's a common urban trope nowadays, especially in wealthy enclaves, I too have people sack. Oh I'm, going to give up my life in its office job and I'm going to go farm goats in vermont that you know for every person who says that there are another million people clamouring. to get in and come in, because the opportunities are greater than what you're going to find in the countryside, and the opportunities for enjoyment are also greater. Think about where museums are think about where most universities are think about where major league sports teams are. They are all associated with cities, because there's a critical mass of people to be able to partake and enjoy those opportunities. One thing technology has allowed people to do is to not have to be in the city

I mean what I do. I could do anywhere and that's true of a lot of jobs. Now that may be wasn't true before and so is that ability to not have to be in the city. Actually, too, king a toll or having an effect on population growth or decrease in urban areas,

in some ways, yes, but much of the of the commuting near the telecommuting is maybe one day a week and another sign that, despite our digital capacity to be spread out everywhere, we are still very much tied into the urban form is to look at companies like facebook and google that our digital companies they could be anywhere they could be in places where land is cheap. They could be in places where all they need is connectivity, but look at where their located. They want to be right there in the heart of downtown san francisco. They want to be in los angeles. We have something: it's called silicon beach, where you have people who are coming in protect jobs, and so common I realise that people

want to have all the amenities beyond just the job? You know they want to be in a place. That's exciting, especially young people when we think about the demographics of who's, moving into cities and who's grousing about it. You're most of the young people, most people in their twenties and thirties are completely willing to trade off living in a tiny apartment. For being, you know right there in the beating heart of the city, they might change their calculation a little bit once they if kids or you know they want own property and things like that. But even so, we are seeing a lot of people choosing to raise their families in cities, and we even see retirees moving in two cities, because there are all these services, you can get people delivering things to you. You can easily go out for entertainment, so, despite the fact that people grouse

the city. They have fit into them in ways that make them difficult to leave. Yeah well centrist interesting it. It also seems to be a lot of purse. preference, and maybe where you grew up in an but your history is because I talk to people who live in work in say, new york city, and I love me- city, but I could never live there. or probably work there because of that just not for me, I just don't like that having to do that every day in new york to me as a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there so That's just my preference and I've never worked or live there, but I know other people who say: oh, I couldn't live anywhere else. That's right,

I've been lucky enough to live in new york briefly a couple of times, and I now understand how people say that and- and you know, people in Hong kong say the same thing or singapore delhi I mean all over the world. People feel a part of a place, even the drives them crazy and that has on balance been the thing that is increasing the urban population. You know it used to be six thousand years ago there were no cities anywhere on the planet, and now more than half of the world's population lives in an urban environment, and that proportion is growing That's amazing to me that that it is because what we just talked about of industries a lot of companies can be anywhere now and it like. The advertising industry is pretty much based in new york, madison avenue, but those coming

for the most part, could probably be anywhere else. Actually, you know they could set up their own kind of utopian communities. They could buy up entire counties of a rural parts of the us or even other countries and set up an you know, an independent campus and have all the facilities that they want, but they don't have to do that because, if they just by a chunk of manhattan or as san francisco or sidney or tokyo real estate, guess what they have all of those features built right into the city. So it becomes very efficient for them to locate to an urban environment where they know that. All of that you know energizing vibe, that people want It is not something that they have to create they just by right into it right What's it almost seems like? businesses are in cities, because they think that's where the people are, and people

go to cities, because that's where the businesses are, so it's a self perpetuating environment exactly And cities are also where you got. You know critical masses that allow for innovation not only in technology and in business, but also think about medicine, and when we think about medical interventions and new technologies- and you know where are the very best doctors for specialized medical care- they are associated with cities because you might have a disease that is very rare, but in a population an urban population of five or ten or twenty million, you will have enough people who need those services to be able to develop cutting its treatments that then become attractive for people to come from other places and use them. Opportunities but Sometimes cities don't thrive, they go the other way. I'm thinking of you know, city, a city like Detroit, for example, I think

people would agree, has has seen better days. So some time something happens it makes a city stop thriving peoples, coming, and it goes in the other direction in us, king archaeological e, this is something that we certainly see in the archaeological record. So one of the sites that often call among the world's first cities is a site called tell brac, and now it's an archaeological site. There is nobody living there and we have you many other cities that are known archaeological ii, that don't have any populations in the many more. So this is why the concept of your collapse or abandonment has come into our understanding of archaeological cities, because there are sites where people lived very successfully for hundreds of years and then they just didn't

if there are any more so we naturally ask ourselves, you know: is there a breaking point for cities? Are there circumstances in which cities become completely unviable? that when we start to look at it in more broad terms, those People move out of a play. That's no longer viable in may be a major flood or maybe a major earthquake, but they move to places that are close by where they continue and urban lifestyle just in in a new place. So I ll give you an example from our own archaeological research that we ve been conducting with my colleague, grubby ma, hunting from deck and call in india. We ve been working at an ancient city.

Two thousand years old and after about the fourth or fifth century, a d. The city no longer seems to have been populated, but there was a new ritual center that started up about two kilometers away, so you know an easy walk about a mile and a half and that's where the population seemed to go. So it wasn't as though you had a complete abandonment of the settlement idea. You just had a shift from one place to another maybe that's also the way we can think about a place like Detroit so near the inner part of detroit is definitely undergoing a lot of stress, but the suburbs. to be doing just fine, its varied got to kill off modern city fact, the only one that I think, we can think of is the city that was abandoned because of chernobyl many other cities have taken a huge hit so think about Tokyo in world war, to think about a new orleans more or less continuously

then to modern times with katrina think about bam. It's a city in IRAN that was almost completely devastated by an earthquake, and yet He also display, all logic- have sprung back to life. Typically, when large parts of an industry, kate. In one spot, you know the retiring industry is in new. what city on madison avenue silicon valley is. Where a lot of tech companies are, we causes industries to migrate to one spot, is it a follow the leader thing, or is there something about those locations that attract businesses or what brings them in businesses respond to tax incentives. They respond to zoning laws. Are they respond to

configurations of real estate that are already there and while we might think of that as being a kind of exotic, high and way of thinking about industry. There are other ways in which this kind of bizarre concept- you know you think about like an an auto mall right. What's the logic of an auto mall, why does every car manufacturer want to be in competition right next door to another car manufacturer? Well, it's because when people that zone they might not by a majority or toyota, but there in the market, for something. So by having people off concentrated selling the same thing in the same place, they element

the chances that they'll get at least some customers. So if you have tech industries that are all located in a single place in our whether its singapore or silicon beach or someplace else there taking advantage of the fact that they can maybe try to poach other employees there. Taking advantage of the fact that people who are interested in a certain kind of job have that as a goal so they're using that competition nodded something to be scared of, but as a kind leverage to increase, their market share and to increase the skill levels of their employees. I know there are attempts to lure businesses and people out of the city. Having my I have grown up in connecticut. I remember some years ago, when Stamford connecticut was trying to lure businesses out of manhattan. with some success with the lure of

you know bigger homes in and a better lifestyle than the inner city, lifestyle and joy. Telephone move, their corporate headquarters to stamford in general, electric move their corporate headquarters to fairfield connecticut. Where I grew up, and I wonder, How successful is that? Typically, there was no mass exodus of businesses out of manhattan to Stamford, but but some people- I guess came this- is that it's between what people say they want and what what they actually want. You know they might say that they want. Oh, they want a bigger house or they want lower taxes and so on, and then they go out to those places and they realize that what they really want is fifty seven different kinds of pizza and you know the chance to eat. You know vietnamese mexican fusion, and you know it's all those little intangibles that are not necessarily found on a questionnaire, but that what makes Urban life, particularly rich and distinct and exciting yeah

Well, I always had the sense that the answer to the question that I just asked you was much as Stamford connecticut offered people and industries, it still new york slightly you're right, and people in Japan will say you know it's. It's not tokyo and and people in india will say. Oh you know it's, not it's not delhi. People in england will say: well, it's not london. There is something about those biggest big big. Urban areas that that have a kind of cachet and prestige and just by living there.

You can sort of feel like you, ve made it right if you, if you are living in london or if you have a child who's living in london, you know that's a marker of their success, even if their living in a really cramped place. You can still say. Oh, you know my kids living in london and working in the financial industry here. The realities of that might be pretty stretched then, but The appearance is certainly wonderful. Centres yo? You said very early in this conversation about how so many people talk about You know maybe leaving the city getting out of the rat race and going to raise goat and for my butt Obviously that many people do that. Otherwise there would be big. cities in vermont of goat razors, I guess and their art. There are lots of small towns in vermont, but there is not a lot of big cities

so. Cities are still attractive to people and- and I guess they're not going anywhere anytime soon. like a smith, has been my guess. She is an anthropologist and she's author of the book cities, the six thousand years. You'll find a link to her book at amazon in the show notes for this episode. Thank you monica thanks for being here. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it What could be more natural than curling up and sleeping in the fetal position? I like that, and yet doing so may be sapping your self confidence. harvard psychologist. Amy cutty studied this and found that sleeping with your knees, clenched tight against your chest connect. Cause you to wake up, feeling stressed out and hears why by sea, being all curled up your actually sending a subtle signal to your brain, that your body is under attack, but if you open

beer posture in bed, you will see an immediate improvement in your daily confidence levels and hat Dennis I know for me. I sleep in that position a lot of the time automatically and I'm asleep. When I do it so there's not much. I could do to undo that, but turning to Amy Cutty, if you just stretch your body as wide as possible when you wake up with your arms over your head and your toes pointed that out can make all the difference in your day and that is something you should know this pod tk is on twitter and you are invited to check this out and follow us can find us at thing? Why s k at something I as kay

I might carruthers thanks for listening today to something you should know: stacking benjamin's with Joe and his good friend oji. Not only has great financial insight, its lay back with humour to the lehne, pens, oh say much survey I wanted to know: was it really cheaper to around bag it every day or was it cheaper to go through these school lunch? The most expensive sandwich of all forty six percent increase is the first time in a sandwich has ever touched five bucks before anybody gags on at them. It's a great sandwich find out more by searching the stacking benjamin's pie cast wherever you listen.