My very first talk I ever went out and gave her that's how I grew my business back and ninety seven. I was a for each kid and for age, is agricultural boy scouts to anyone who doesn't know what that means and part of four h was, you always did a speaking competition and I got into for each at the age of ten, and I was just actual speakers are always at home on stage, and so the only thing I knew how to do to go market this business, because I was not good at marketing. I talked about when I called the tri une athlete to emotionally and physically tough. I think that when you align all three of those things together, that's why all the capabilities of that athens will come out onto that field of player that icy, whatever and so that kind of fisher pray analogy, is I'm trying to just align these things and I dont know of one small little action will change. Someone's life I don't have one major action is what some people need. If someone like that, ample that you gave has been lost

inside of something for a very long time. Then I think for many those people they need a very big move, hi, I'm rachel Hollis, and this is my podcast. I spend so many hours of every single week, reading and listening to podcast and watching youtube videos and trying to find out as much as I can about the world around me and that's what we do on this show. We talk about everything life and how to be an entrepreneur? What happened dinosaurs? What's the best recipe for fried chicken? What's the best plan for intermittent fast what's going on with our inner child house therapy working out for you, whatever it is. My guess are into. I want unpacking so that we can all, understand the our conversations? This is information for the curious. This is the rachel Hollis

I guess I discovered your book probably the day before it, How do I had seen you quoted somewhere- and I quote- was so good that I was like who is this guy here and then I immediately start looking and as soon as I see. Ok, someone said a great quo and they have a book I'm getting the book cause. I want to see it like. Does this go further and then I devoured it like. I think I read a chapter and I was like I gotta get this guy on the show,

and then you know those around might allow the g m due founded on the website like when all the different routes, because it so in mine number one with something. I know the audience is really going to benefit from, because this idea of impostor syndrome and like how dare I have a dream, this bag is so prevalent within my community, but at the same time it it's like you say in the book, were you talking about these athletes that you will say like? Oh, it took about alter ego and, though be like oh yeah, that's what I do

so in reading the book, I'm like. Oh that's what I do. This is gonna we're going to explain this fully by you wanna get it do not say it now. I want to get into a because I think it's like it's not totally gonna make sense to everybody, but the woman who gets on stage to speak to twenty thousand people is not the same woman s sitting here right now and you shouldn't yeah to completely differential human beings. So, let's on package that I was excited and I'm sure you already know it, but like the best angle of attacked the way to get into this too so dual shane perish humans. The forum street blog so like form of street is the street that berkshire hath ways on. Ok, you got a mass. Audience, especially its funny cause? I did a postponement. Where am I I just book to podcast, couldn't be with two massively different audiences rachel hall, in spain, parish together, like oh, my god. Oh my god. What I love about the altar ego concept is, it unites me,

islami that allows me to go and play in so many different fields. Many feel because I've done Y o events and billionaires in the room come up afterwards and say like I need one as a yet I know you do yeah casually crushing businessman yeah, but you probably not crushing home life, on a judgment ray it's that's a natural thing. Yeah and then, and then you got moms or you know the large prayers and they really struggle with that. Do lie down of wine to be great at two different things and social and cultural rackets in the way right so down. Pont, though, wherein the shell site, I'm sorry that I really could do in our financial. This meat imports buddy, I'm gonna break the fourth. Now we always yeah sorry, I didn't we just started chatting and I got excited. I do a very bad job, though that's the best. I wish, because I mean they're so many times were I'm banter mussulman before they click record button and I'm like,

I I don't know how to save as good. As you said, a vastly that's a thing, so we ve learned that as soon as I walked in the room, you want to start record and obviously we edit out anything you don't want included, but then also at the end ends up being the juiciest bits. There's something about me closing a conversation that people just like their shoulders drop and then they show up as their authentic self, so ritual, it's funny because it maps to performance in general. So in the

in the world of hockey or like the nhl. The the large majority of goals are scored in the first few minutes of a period in the first and the last few minutes have appeared the beginnings and the endings interesting so like, if you think of just most things in life, it's the book ends that make a big difference. Okay, you know when you meet someone for the first time, if they don't get a good impression of you, they might change your impression of you, but it takes a lot longer for them to do that by the end, right, not surprising that your best bits always come from beginnings of things and endings of things yeah. Well, I guess, then, like let's be official and explain to the audience who you are and what you do are going to have a pretty deep

recessions day that I think is going to blow a lot of people's minds and I just want to establish some expertise before you like here's. What you need to do well, first of all establish his lack of expertise. The first thing is is identify as two major things. I am a farm boy from a small, very small town in western canada in Alberta, Canada and I'm a new yorker I got. I grew up in the middle of nowhere wanting to be somewhere the act as I'm an extrovert, very gregarious. Like an item you know, managing to get to new york city. I like my professional worlds in nice in ninety seven. I accidently fell into starting a little coaching business, working with young athlete fundamental game. It was my strength as I play college football. I was a national ring, badminton player, I'm not physically gifted. six foot, four forty five pounds, so I never had that. But I was, I was good with my mental game and I think some I was born of the fact that I was

the third point, I told her brothers, who could be the not out of here if they wanted to so I kind of did psychological warfare on them. I got into the mindset stuff because I got kicked out of a volleyball game when I was fourteen for punching a guy through the net because he tried to kick me in You know to another region yeah a couple of times, and I took exception to that, and apparently fighting and volleyball isn't a popular thing. So I got booted from the tournament and my coach, who is my first great mentor, grant Henderson, gave me a task to go pick up this one book at the library and it was a terrible book about leadership, but he did talk about minds that stuff. So I was like oh what's this yeah, so I fell down this rabbit hole and it became my strength and then, when I was volunteering at a high school coaching, the defensive backs,

I spent way more time we condemn on their mental game, and then parents started asked me to mentor their sons and daughters and the peak athlete was born out of that. So I was very much an accidental entrepreneur, but I was very good at coaching and I sort of illicit before cochin was an industry like it is now that there is no but especially mental game to young teenagers right and I ended up growing this thing to being the largest peak performance and mental game coaching company in the world. I sold it to real madrid through that span of two in two thousand and fourteen. Through that span of time I worked at the kobe bryant when the black mamba and I fell into understanding that at the highest level the best athletes were using identity. They would say things like I've got this persona that I take her onto the court, the field with a swimming pool. I have this. I a secret identity. I have this one I have this character. They step into they'd use all these different words and for me I was like oh wait. I did the exact same thing when I played football. I had this three ego named geronimo him and when I got into business I was so in secure, but

young, I looked. I wasn't confident. I was decisive? I was good at coaching, but his terrible selling my business and selling what I did here, I am selling todd, so I built super richard who is who I hired to be the advocate for todd stuff which we need to get into specifically that wording that I share with people. I created this in a great businesses in this space for a really really long time and human transformation, and I love it, and that's a bit about me in, and I wrote the book the altar eagle effect, doc and in the science and the stories in some of the clients that I've worked with in helping people to use this the tool to help them transform themselves far more quickly, because when you use identity as your tool to transform you're going to skate past a lot of the internal resistance within that stops a lot of people from saying yeah. But who am I to go? And do that way? I guess that's where I'd love to, it is. Why do people hesitate? Why do you even need an altar ego? In the first place, it sounds so funny to even say those words, but it is my

truth? It's like everybody. I know who does similar things are has to perform in any way. Would tell you the same thing, one of the answers, biggest fans planet. So I knew about like a sunni started, telling the story in the book. I was like the onset of we're about psychosocial fierce. so it's just something I've seen play out and business and media over and over again. I guess let s start with what is the type of person listening to this show right now, who doesn't understand that this? Is it well. They have a dream. They have a goal but they're terrified or they think like. I could never that's for different kind of person like where does all that stuff come from? The first thing you said was: why does everyone need to have as a not everyone needs to have an alter ego? I'm not one of those people who comes out and says no. Everyone has to know, I look at this as I'm trying to offer people really powerful tool to put inside of your tool belt of change and transformation that you're going to need. If you want to aspire to to pursue, some of your ambitions and they might be.

visions that no one in your family has ever done before. So you don't great model, in your own mind of what that could look like. I wanted to say that since relax people into like I'm going to you right, but I'm going to share with you like just some of them are really more powerful ways that this helps to transform things for you more easily and also how it's actually mapping to so much of how our brain actually works anyway, and some of our core superpowers, which is our creative imagination, I think, is one of our core superpowers as a human being hundred percent. And when you tap into your creative imagination, it is, I feel like, through my experience of now, nineteen thousand hours, plus of just one on one coaching and not with people

let her just struggling life, I'm talking the elite of the elite, and this is a very common thing and tool that they will use. That's different and that's just the one on one work working with people, but when you tap into this it it helps to skate by licious call it the resistance within whether it's fear We talk about impostor syndrome before which I want to get into cause. That's actually not its technical term, that social media has really sort of brought that thing to the surface, and actually I did host about does not too long ago, showing you, the google search trends of impostor syndrome and its spiked in two thousand and ten. What happened to us in instagram came around where we now had. These polished lives that, with this veneer, and then I went. We wonder why people felt like they might have been feeling like imposters. Not everyone has to use that, and I say it just cause

relax into the conversation and then take from what you what you want. But if you do I'm telling you it is a massive cheat kodak to making change happen more freely and it's the cheap code. I feel of getting more and more into the center of your truth as a human being, which is our ability to have many qualities many traits within us. It's just that. We drop this hard exterior of an identity that we bake into ourselves, saying: oh, I'm an introvert and we argue for them like. I know that not any human on planet is one hundred percent, introvert yeah, it can't be true. Yeah might might my wife public we would be more introverted yeah, but when she's around her three other sisters, introvert isn't the word I would ever by the transit. The points that we have as human beings. That's one great vehicle own way of going in getting into alter egos, we're all trying to make change were trying to make a transition.

I going when trying to make a transition, there has to be some sort of an ego death that happens. The story that you tell yourself about who can go into the next thing will allow ties be limited by the story telling about yourself about who you are right now preach and so the alter ego method that I talk about in the book. Just simply gives you a really a model and way of transforming yourself in building a new vision of what you're trying to become inspired by the model or identity or character traits of someone or something else yeah. I think that's a lesson. It took me a long time to on that as much as I am, the amalgamation of every age have ever been and all the things that I have lived through. If you we want to level

in any area of your life, the part of you that got you hear there there's a piece of that that has to pass away. I saw some the other day. That said it was talking about when someone goes to something really difficult when you go through grief or loss or pain or trauma that the part of you that, like survived, that will carry on believing that there still needing to survive that long after its past, unless you are very conscious of understanding that you have to honour the piece of you that was able to get through the battle that was able to survive the war, but that war your can lay down his sword her sword, it's no longer necessary for who you are now, but we will keep telling us

was the story. I was just I'm on tour right now for the podcast, and I was just in I want to say it was in nashville, and this woman had had a panic attack on her third day of a job and ended up needing to quit. The job and took a couple of years had had basically a a a breakdown had to get a lot of psychiatric help and really fought to get back to where she is now to where she has now been offered this fantastic new job like she's. Was like. There's is your percent chance. You got offer that job if you're not about us, there's no way, and she is drowning in anxiety that what happened last time is gonna happen again- and I was like this is the exact example of one who is still living as the person they were three years ago.

I have had the same goal for like fifteen years and its to speak spanish flu. It I speak spanish pretty well, but not perfectly, and I have this view in that someday. I can speak spanish so well that I could give a keynote speech and spanish or I could do press in spanish and in order to get there and actually gonna have to do some work, which is why I'm now partnering with rosetta stuff, Rosetta stone is the most trusted language learning programme to expand your horizons or achieve a goal like mine. Rosetta stone is available on desktop and can also be used as an app on your phone or even your tablet. Instead of memorizing or drilling folk have words. You learn by matching audio from native speakers to visuals reading stories, participating in dialogues and lots of other practical language skills. You can choose from twenty five different languages

and with rosetta stones. True accent, feature you'll even get feedback on how well you're pronouncing those words start learning that new language right now for a very limited time, the rachel Hollis podcast listeners can get rosetta stones lifetime membership for forty sent off. That's one hundred seventy nine dollars for unlimited access to twenty five language courses. For, The rest of your life redeem, your forty percent at rosetta stone, dot com, slash Hollis today That's rosetta stone, dotcom, slash, Hollis

your favorite. Ninety two couples are back in their integrity on ninety day. The last resort we're here because we ve had a lot of issues with infidelity on ninety day, the last resort sessions, the official podcast we break down what happened in couples. There are beyond that weeks episode and offer insight into how to make your own relationship the raw as their powers are do not believe. The whole person is a good idea. Listen to ninety day, the last resort sessions, wherever you get your part casts. Can you talk about ego death and is that something that naturally happens or do we choose the the ego in one particular area needs to go well. This is the power of sort of the methodology that are trying to give to people, and is

anything in life where you get to go and choose the intention behind why the change is going to be happening is now something that you're owning yeah the change yourself and you're, not feeling like you're forced into it by some sort of outside pressure. I talk about in chapter three of the book. When I talk about the trap self, first, the heroic self and in the world of both of those individuals or their experience, the rule is any less difficult or challenging year. Both you're gonna challenges, no matter what, but the trap self feels like a trap self, and even this, even the language of the clients zeal will use the word I feel like I'm trapped right now by ex or I'm stuck or something like that, is that it's an outside in approach is that you feel like you're, showing up in the world to appease someone else or to please someone else or

or because you think that that's what they want you to do and that outside social pressure can make you feel trapped, because you like there's some qualities within me that is not getting out onto that field. Blank give you an example: it's like rachel, if you're in a eating and you're good friend, and you come together and you're gonna. U got dislike idea for a product in your meeting with some different venture capitalist system, investors, and so once gives a sliding comment towards your friend and you like like what's, but you didn't say anything in the moment. That's an example of feeling trapped, dat defied your values, your morals, your ethics and you didn't say something in that moment. That's what a traps experience feels like at the end. The? U three hours later, like you beat yourself up cause you didn't do it. The heroic self, on the other hand, shows up in the world. Very sure of who and what wanna show up with an

whether someone loves it adores. It doesn't like it. That's on them to appreciate if you're not shown up in the world, I don't go shop. The world like Simply try and be a jerk to other people. That's not the way that I am right, but if I'm speaking in absolute values, based truth for me and someone doesn't appreciate it well, that's your therapy, not my ray well and it's like I'd rather show up as myself and not regret it later. Yes, then, try and people please to get you to Like me, in this moment I mean you're talking out venture capital is I'm thinking, I'm thinking of my audience and I'm imagining How many hundreds of thousands of women particularly run our thinking about their mother? They are thinking about the last family event where she said the thing you know you say that you're gonna put these boundaries in place and that you don't want her to safe stuff like that in front of your kids or you don't want her to do these

things, but then in that moment you say nothing and it's worse than if you would have actually sit out for yourself or had some kind of tension between the two of you, because not all Did you not keep the promise to yourself, but maybe you did it in front of your kids or of some one doesn't have just one example of that trapped self, but they ve got decades. You know you're feeling, like so downtrodden like what is like. What's the life preserver, we can bring them like. What's a nine, the day, is it pay? You take one little step, you do one thing or is it like no You go bananas in another direction, all if okay yeah, it's it's a one. One small step can topple just a tiny domino that hits a big one and it could be tomorrow. So, like that's the my experience of seeing people transform and changes, I can't put it

time limit on things. I've seen people transform in a moment like I can literally see their physical body yet make a shift its it's like you know, when you ve got the small little fisher price thing. It's that it's that a toy where you got them. But rings new stack on top the thing here. That's how I look at helping human beings, unlike his I'm thinking but alignment. My my very it's talk, I ever went out and gave because that's how I grew my business back in ninety seven. I was a for each kid and for h is agricultural boy scouts to anyone who doesn't know what that means. Yeah and part of four h was, you always did a speaking competition and I got into four each at the age of ten, and I was just actual speakers are always at home on stage, and so the only thing I knew how to do to go market this business, because I was not good at marketing. I talked about when I called the tri une athlete the mentally emotionally and physically the fact that when you a line all three of those things together, that's when all the capabilities of that athlete will come out onto that field of play or that eyesore.

Whatever and so that kind of fisher price analogy. Is I'm trying to just align these things and I dont know of one small little action will change. Someone's life. I don't have one major action is what some people need. If someone like that example, that you gave has living inside of something for a very long time, then I think for many those people they need a very big movement. they need like is like massively opening up rail arms and falling off this heavy cloak. That's their yes, it's the demand to myself that no more rang a book. I talk about the ground, punch and the ground punch. Is this response proclamation that you give to yourself you create in that moment when the little enemy within it could be your ego or it could be just that voice? That's you know in

the tone of the mother in law, your dad, your mother, you're, a teacher that told you that you are no good or a bully or something like that says to like who are you? Who are you to think that you could have the same thing as rachael ray Rachael only did it because she- had this and this and this- and these are wonderful stories that we tell about other people cause the grasses greener, always on the other side of the fence. Well, if that's true I am simply leveraging that in the method that I give you will for developing an identity and all to riga. That's why the ultra go works so well, because I see huge jackman and ryan reynolds on the today show being supervised gregarious outgoing, like great interviews, but could Todd? Has toddlers glasses in his look more serious and he has talked about the cerebral side of things and so this is my wife coaching me when I went on the today show she's, like you know you well. These interviews, but like that really fun side of Todd doesn't come out as much yeah. So I changed my dress, a talk about like the way that he used clothing and artifacts and tools like that to help

you show up in a different way and huge jackman rhine rails became the model the altar ego. For me for how it was in a shop on an interview, and it was a beyond, zestful, I dress differently, but they were met, and so I watched how you jackman wasn't interviews my watch a run rentals where I sat like them. I promise yeah and now that's a very natural part of how I've now progressed and of a new tool in if showing up and that's the fun part of this rachel, is you start to break down we single paradigm you think about what it is to be authentic with who you are. What you come to realize is authenticity is like a constant evolve. in this in so long as you're the driver of that right, you're going to feel very good about the way that you shop around, so yes, big actions for some people might be trapped for very long. it's so funny that you say that, because I have been on tour this summer and one of the central themes in what I am talking about is this truth, that I

discovered in my life, which is, if you want to make, not just change but lasting change. One thing I know to be true is that if you do something you did not believe you are capable of doing it will for ever change? The way you see yourself so my very first example of that was running marathon. I Never in my life I was not an athlete I dont. Really. I hate running. I was fifty pounds heavier than I am today. I could walk a mile? Let alone run one all the bs we tellers us and then like a million other people who have the story, I just tried right. I did the five key than I did the half than I did the full and the amount of times my life I mean it's gotta, be, I guess my son's eleven was probably a decade since around my first marathon in the last ten years. How many times I have gone back to that moment of crossing the finish line of like if you can do that, you can do anything

the biggest change that happen. That day was that I saw myself differently and I couldn't ever go back to the like out of shape hating her boy. D. You knows I'm not an athlete. Like all those stories, I told myself immediately evaporated. They were no longer true when I first got attacked too. I know it. Some simple and silly, but like getting a tattoo, is huge for me because I was like. Oh I'm, the kind of person who gets tattoos now went swimming with sharks. I jumped out of an airplane every time. I do, of course, mountains every time I do something that someone like me doesn't do ya It changes something fundamental on me and I don't know if this is true for everyone, but I've been telling women all over the country all summer long. Unlike do anything, go hit, kind of arts, and if your shingle go ahead on nine march tonight, go get it had to sign up for a five kay

like do the thing you don't think you can do to show yourself that who you are is a creation of your own mind and if you understand that you control that you freaking control every I mean that's the story that so many people would tell that have been making transformation, sir out their life and the great thing, every single listener. To this, has a similar story. You might not have finished a marathon or a ten k or climbed a mountain or swam of the shark. That's just this circumstance, but thereS. Many examples in your life of you moving through difficult things, and I know that to be true, because life is hard. Life is challenging and your listening to this podcast right now, so a very practical exercise that I give people to get people to do,

I have this jar on my desk and if we were doing this podcast over zoom, I would be holding it up right now and he has a whole stack of poker chips inside of it. I call them confidence chips even to clients, I send them a stack of confidence chips, K and where it came as an inspiration from as I was reading, the biography of the ceo of Levi'S- and this is like two decades ago and in the book he was talking about the moment they were gonna to going into china as a market, and he was terrifies, like I'm betting. The entire company on this is gonna even work. This is a lot of money. Are they gonna even want to leave buys bran there, the genes tat, even where genes there, we ve done our due diligence but with the end is like it everything just created doubt more doubt the days of showing up in my office became more and more heavy. I was so insecure and worried and he has

his journal on his desk that he used as a practice decades earlier, where he broke his life down into three year: increments: zero to two three to five, six to eight and on and on through, and he went through each different phase of his life and he captured all of the wins all the skills that he built. What did I learn in that age gap we think about like zero to two. You learn how to efforts to try to learn how to walk out o crawl. How to maybe e told us for no say mom say dad whatever it is any keep on once in your in, if you're, really deliberate with it you're gonna. Have this huge stack of thinks that you have achieved and what we do is we dismiss it, but everyone else it yet. But you did it your unique way, but you build all these things up and which circulars like six, seven, eight you're not doing things

a little bit differently than other people. You might have started to learn to play the piano, or maybe you learn how to use your voice differently. You could sing well and and stuff, and the point is, is that we, as human beings have a negativity bias and we dismiss things right. Rachel you put out so much content and the intent behind it is to hopefully inspire people and motivate them and get them to take their actions and lead a life. That's fulfilling for them. The law must be a few people who leave a few negative, closer and out of the hundred positive ones, its thou hundred dioxide. Did you not see that my intent was like a positive one, Riah and so to be biased. We as human beings, we find those things, but it's just a part of the element of us as human beings is to protect us and the saber tooth tiger, that's hiding in the bushes and all of a sudden, a little bunny hops out instead right like why was I so worried about a little bunny? So his confidence chips are there to bring us back to the fact that no you've done a lot of things. You have capabilities, you have skills. You've got attributes, you got traits. You've got things that you're good at your kind. You

don't treat people a certain. You know typical way or whatever, and I want to stack these things up in front of people on their poker table of their life, so they can play life a little bit more big that even if you're dealt a hand that isn't all that great. That person's got two aces yeah or you think that two aces because they are playing so big or maybe they're, just playing with a lot of confidence and they've got a two and a seven right. I say that because that is a very practical way for people right now that you can end the podcast or you know, put pause or maybe just wait till the end, because who knows if you'll come back to it, to just do up a positive act and stack some things in front of you, and maybe when you do that you can start to take small action or a bigger yeah. Another way that we approach this at conferences in the past is I've, had attendees write a letter to themselves from their tenacity from the part of them that never gave up its something, like you know, dear todd,

I'm. Your tenacity- and this is what I want you to know. You know I was the one who got you through com a dry was the one that sate up with that crying baby with colic all night long. I was the one who moved away from home, indebted it, and it's the most incredible moment, because you have thousands of women in the audience. Writing these letters to themselves and just sobbing almost exclusively because they don't ever give themselves credit. They ve, never consciously thought about all that they will have lived through how hard it was, how much they ve push how they did the things that they didn't think they could do we're just sulphuric and hard on ourselves that we now were realised that we have all those poker chips taking a moan whether it's your method or mine or another, to just acknowledge what you have done

yeah and what you have accomplished, even in the last six months. What have I done? That makes it more possible for this dream to happen to me or this goal to come to fruition, like let's stack those things before we take on the next task, because then you're operating like at the vibration of someone who's like yeah, yeah, okay, I got this and another tip with that is language plays such a big part in my world in giving people and maybe better tools and ways of sort of navigate

in their lives and we and we get trapped by some of our vocabulary and the way that we talk about even ourselves. In my own head, I've retrained my brain over the last couple of decades. I actually put myself in the third person, so Todd yeah. Does this yeah? He does this way or if it was the altar egos super richard. Does that right and it's that they talk, but in the book the power of disassociation sellers disassociate apart personality disorder whatever, but that's when that that is controlling you when use disassociate again, it's all about, like I'm, trying to put your hand on the cereal of your intention, I what what's like why you're doing something, and so that dissociation helps you and now removing yourself from the narrative of what you think you can and cannot do. Multiple studies have been done in the fact that, when someone reversed himself in the third person, they will create a higher percentage of personal bess.

in competitions. So if someone's running a marathon and they're saying like I can do this, I can do this. I can do this and another person saying rachel can do this. Rachel can do this watch rachel watch what she's doing like watcher? Oh she's, going to me this is the heart. This is the hard part but watch how she breaks through those people will create. more per semester. So that's part like the the tools that I shall give. People is think of yourself that way. And now, all of a sudden you moving into an observer yeah and for me as someone who has been trying to help you get into flow state and that peat performance state or the zone that third person narrative self talk, helps to create that

because the often in common experience of people who experience flow state will say is it's like. I was an out of body experience. I was watching myself will, if that's the truth, I'm going to try and create bridges for people to get into the observer state yeah as quickly as I possibly can it's also just from a mindfulness. If you're someone who meditates, if you're into the idea of mindfulness, now I'm going to sound, maybe super wild to some of the sir, but it really is there's like who I believe that I am and when I'm centred and grounded and in meditation or in prayer. I understand that who are actually m is like she's, it's in here. It's now, the instragram, the hair, the nails, the kids, this house work in which it's none of it's like a year,

this conscious being made of like star dusted? Yes, your magic on whatever, but learning to separate that learning to separate my thoughts and go? Oh, this is ok! You I see that anxious thought. I see that self doubt. I see that has been massive for me over the last few years and it to me the third person they have never heard that, but that a line so much with the idea of like I think it also like there's something about that makes me feel like. I would feel more proud. You, like, She is about ass. He does do those things she keeps trying to keep sending up. She keeps going again like that's, that's a really cool, so, given other won't give me all the hack. So. I know that a lot of people who fall you are also in the services world right. They help their helpers. They have other people. I did this boat seventeen years ago when I started to finally see that

one of the powers of the alter ego and the method are working triple an identity is that dissociative power and and looking objectively, almost at ourselves. So I had a client is a professional baseball player as a pitcher. He came in to see me in I wasn't living in new york yet, but I was in new york. That's what we're doing our meeting and I got a thing. I got a carbon copy of him and when he walked and he was sitting in the corner and then you know, so he's like. What's out there, I'm like you'll guilty, so we're sitting now down and we're kind of talking about the the plan for the next year, and you know one of the things that you like why? Why are we here and stuff, and then I said I said to him. I said I want you to take a look at that guy over there. What needs to change with him to get him there. So just the fact that there was an object in the room, an actual.

Artifact and I'm getting him to now, not judge himself. But look at that individual and go yeah. What does need to change about him? I'm like cause you're here like this- is this. This is the thinker strategic you and because it was the cobra cut, it was of him as the pitcher right like you've got many identities yeah, the guy. That's here. This is the strategist, try working with another strategist, and so what can we? What needs to transform with that guy over there and I'm telling us that when we got some just at sticky notes- and we just just started putting things- and it was that that removed a whole bunch of the narrative of judgment. Yeah, I'm not sitting here and saying that when he's a changeable guy, I'm not pointing at you- yes, I'm not pointing over there and then made, and so that's what you with every single private client that ends coming in a working with me as we get a cardboard cut out and I was one of them. I can't get a full body shot fired and like I'll, get my for a person to lag doctrine up right, but that

it's another way and soap. Even for someone, if you had a picture of you sitting on your computer screens, and you just sat back and said like what needs to shift in a way that that person shows up as a mom or as someone who's going to pursue their creative pursuit or pick a role. Don't don't talk about yourself generally, we don't have an altar eagle, we don't have it. We don't have one identity, you and I were talking raised for the started or may be used our dirtiest hits start to hit roll and, as you know, the rachel that's onstage is different than the rachel is here doing. This interview should, because they take different traits and qualities to be excellent. At that rule, there's so much ego ego. Yes, in certain circumstances, your ego can absolutely destroy your life. It totally can, but there is an absolute level of ego that is required to be the person who gets on stage. I have a really deep,

Friend, whose it very big music artists- and we talk about this, a lot of people knew the real them. You wouldn't even believe the gentle just wheat kind, like who they actually are verses this bigger than life like massive celebrity, but that you have to step into that and I think, to a certain extent, without some of that yeah. I got this. If I don't have that energy, I promise you, you don't want to see real stage, because the person who you saw, even just my body, shift right right because that's you know it's like shoulders back chest out like: let's go, that's a person who's going to

have courage, that's a person who knows if they make a flop onstage they can make a joke out of it and make you a lot like she's got me yeah, but that was something that was even a conscious thing. It was just something that developed over time, and I understood that if I played certain music and I jumped up and down, I got myself into his own yeah right before I walked on stage. She was there yet, and so that's important that you share that rachel as someone else, is now about to go on stage and there like a whole. If, if I needed, dump on a trampoline to get myself going. Then I shouldn't be up there Place else must funny the network. That's what one of my sort of it is about because I've worked with the elite of the elite right, kobe, bryant or Christiana Rinaldo, or rather the doll or like mega successful seat

entrepreneurs are entertainers in hollywood or in broadway and stuff, and I'm like and assist. It really perturbs me to use a friendlier term when I see so much bad advice given in social media on how to level up in life, and I'm like that's not what the ultra successful irish and whose achieved something is action do I they recognise the fact that there is some invention or reinvention that they need to do with themselves, because that person isn't prepped for that role. Radio, play over there and it's not disingenuous. It's not inauthentic they're, trying to end and themselves into the world that they're trying to upload inside of yeah. It's also that version of me who's on the stage she can't parent. My kids,

sure. You know what I mean: that's not a thing yeah. The idea that, oh you have to be the same person at all times is is wild to me. I love to in the book. I can't think of his actual name right now, but super mench. You know the documentary gordon there. It is which I ended up watching the documentary I read in the book- oh my gosh, so fantastic yuck, but he and you will remember it much better than I do. But can you sort of paraphrase? I assume you don't remember the price but kind of what he said explained who he was and what he said that I like under, and I now I to my boyfriend. I was like that this this thing so very beginning of chapter number. Two I talk about shut gordon, It is known by superman she and the great actor and comedian mike myers did a documentary on him. It's on netflix highly encouraged people to watch it again after the episode. I was

at an event. He was there speaking. I was speaking at it as well, and I was sitting in the crowd and I was just like gobbling up every single one he's like an agent for manager? Yes, so he was a manager for so he he's the one who invented Alice, coopers, career right the labour he invented the seller. The chef space, the emerald le garcia credits in excess wolfgang puck, because by in the early nineties. They were all like these phenomenal creative artists, but they made no money. In fact, like think about this, in ninety two wolfgang puck would get caught. directed to come and serve a massive meal at a place, and it was no it's your honour to service and you get paid enough. Yeah, and then there is a huge meeting. It's famous and it was at, I think, was at wolfgang puck's restaurant spargo spargo here in l a and they invite Shep in cause he's a legend he's like he's kind of like a little bit, I'm not going to,

unlike him, but because I have been playing more behind the scenes. I've never went and build up. My companies, through like mass and massive personal branding by ship, was very similar so He doesn't know me yet doesn't know that my book is about to come out, is ripped from a book came out. He's like I have these amber says to him on it's. Michelle fell cone asked the question michelle great restaurants are in toronto said he was one of the first things you do to help these. You know a mega stars with the mindset of like their careers is like tell you the very first thing I did as I built an alter ego for them. I built a brand new identity for them, because what these people needed to understand was that the people all who were loving on them were loving on very specific avatar of what their representing and if they didn't build the altar ego. It would very much confused their entire. I again, right, and so they were able to then by four their life that when I'm in a hurry,

strong. Someone comes up to me and says I got Alice you, my favorite you: can go in your own mind, yeah. He loves me for that guy on stage and how I would then coach someone, so that was what Shep did, and so I was just sitting there just grinning and I have people romulus acknowledging the laughable. That's what you talk like that, I know Well, this is what happens on your novel, but it does not. We reserve, for that reason that I want someone who, sitting at home or nouns like covered in puke a three or something like that saying: abbot. It's like yeah, you're, you're, diff, you're living a different heroes journey, the yes and we can all use this tool because we did it as kids, yes, everyone's used it. This is my guess. When we sat down earlier like it was crazy what this is like when I was reading your book, I was like yeah. This is me, get you on the podcast cause. This is what I did yeah and and you're no different than sony.

Hundreds and thousands of people ping me on dns and instagram saying: oh, my god. I used to do this when I was when I've taken college tests death. I didn't realize it when I was putting on the fake glasses that I was using this and I'm like yeah, I'm just giving you voice to something. That's a very natural part of the human condition right. It's like putting yourselves to and like certain situations or circumstances. My oldest is going into his junior year in high school, and I see this with him. friends and I used to do this- and I think it's super popular if they want to study like really study, they want the aesthetic of someone who study right. They wanna like go to a coffee shop, They ve got their high like in it seems silly, but I will watch the level of work, the quality of work, the attention to detail shifts because they're like we're in that language. Yeah they're like doing something that should have flips a switch and what I

as a native with wish shap it in your reference in the book, is that he says basically like if you know the brand, like the altar ego, the brand of this subsidy? If the celebrity understands the brand peace, they know how it answers, questions in an interview, that's right. They know how it takes pictures. They know what to do. When a fan comes up. They know the brand is not confused about exactly how it shows up. In the world and that resonated with me so deeply, because I think, if there's something that has, really affected me

emotionally over the last, let's say since twenty eighteen. So let's say the last five years. It is. It's been very hard for me to separate the brand from who I am like. I. I know that the person who gets on stage just like real life, I'm feeling that but it is. It has been very difficult for me to separate the things written about me. The things people say the outright lies, and you can't defend yourself, because if you defend yourself it like gets bigger, so I just experience this massive explosion in my career, then felt very overwhelmed by that and then in a lot of ways I think got smaller like a lot of ways. I think I should have shut down because, with a certain amount of exposure, there's a lot of back. That happened and I'm still like the little girl who's trying to people please and makes your mom and daddy are proud of me, so that

really resonated with me, as I god I feel like if I could be a bit better about truly understanding that the thing on instagram is not me. It's not me. It is in every way, like an authentic version of how I would show up, but I will show up with a filter on. I don't show with like a really nice angle, so my chin look snatched like I dont didn't build five so that peace I was like guide. I don't. necessary? We need help to like be ambitious. I got that all day, but if that peace would just help, it feel a bit better the process of it, and I know that I would do more because I wouldn't be sort of experiencing the ramifications of the negativity, if that makes sense, totally makes sense yeah. So then, what's your takeaway from that idea from that from that experience.

is that informing how you show up any differently now, like yeah, I definitely post a lot more content since I read your book, it's true because I like this. Is this the truth I've thought about this, a ton in the last couple months or whenever it was, I read it I went through. I mean I feel like this would be textbook for what you write about. I started doing personal development started work, on myself, went to attorney robins com verandah. This is back in like what twenty sixteen jack jacqueline. So you're. Certainly suicide. Kick my man who, if not occur from work. We all went to this conference, but for me- and I think, probably for a lot of people- is ass. A first thing you ve ever done anything. I had never If anything was the first thing, I just surprising to me, I would have thought that you would have gone to like a bunch of that stuff,

I grew up in a really conservative european environment. Madame was preacher. Miranda was a preacher and something like that was considered very central. So you would be you shouldn't be taking advice from anybody who's, not a preacher, yahoo, just terrifying, but that's how is when I get so it was a huge deal for me to even go in the first place and in choosing to go. I was probably the first time with any significance that I stepped outside, of a decision that my husband wanted. For me he was not supportive of that. He did not like that. I hear he grew up in a very similar environmental, so I went to you too. You p w with the crew, and there is this moment where he's essentially talking about the idea. He doesn't call it an altar ego, but he's like basically what's the version of you that can show up for the skull was the version of you that, like has the courage or can do these things, and you like are working with this concept and

What would they do and how they act? And then you give them a name, so you given in it would just you know, you'll talk about this in the book that you have to like call it something, and I was and still am, and a lot of ways really interested in what I can do in the media space and like how far can take that and how big it could possibly be and back then I was like well what's a name for someone who's like massive and media, and so the word, the path to my head was mobile and and wholesome. Oh, that's what I'm calling I'm calling it the mobile and I came back and I was like I'm kidding

word mogul tattooed on my body back, I am serious. This is what I'm this is. Who I am, however, was my first tattoo. So imagine I come back from this conference. I am on fire, my husband at the time not happy about any of this, and also I have but alter eager now and I'm giving attached to which he also was not ok with you. Very strong opinion about people who use sound so stupid. No, it doesn't cause. I held lousy, biographers, very small down writers. I get right again. I bet I might No I'm going to do this thing. I want to remember it forever. So I have the word right here on my wrist. The word mogul tattooed on my wrist and all of those sequence of events were massive for me again. It's like the surprise. You surprise yourself because I, for the first time in my life, I went from like my daddy to my husband, but from the first time in my life, the like a sword,

figure in my life did not want me to do something, and I made a choice for myself and said I, I respect your opinion. I'm gonna do it anyway. That takes courage. It was massive and in a lot of ways it was. It was beginning of the end of that relationship, took much longer for things to dissipate, but it was those and of choices where I would like. No, this is I'm an ado Oh and I am allowed to like, want to have a career, nails or I'm a lot like all these anyway, I'm getting off topic. But the point is that when I was reading the book I was

Thank god. I really lost that thing. I've lost the attachment to the identity of the mogul. The mogul is all business minded and they make decisions based on the company and growing, and I guess what I'm curious about would love your perspective as a coach is because I know I can't be the only one who's like done it and had success. Please and then shit went sideways on a lot of levels and then that, on some level has made me fear for that the success is sort of what made those things happen. Does that make sense yeah? So I, if I'm being super honest, have fully taken my foot off the gas and I'm just now, starting to be like b, b b b, so, like if someone in it doesn't have to be as big as what I experience, but if someone's hearing this alone

yeah I did it and it freaking worked and then shit fell apart yeah. What does that mean? Well so then we what we, what we do really really well as human beings, as we attach a story to the things that we think may a successful. I dont do therapy work. Ok now I know all of the different therapies out their family systems, thereby cognitive behavioral therapy, and this because there's some amazing, schools in those things, but I would never go out and tell someone hey. I'm going help with your trauma right right. That's not I'm a performance guy performance people. We help you to move forward despite circumstances and situations So if you're, not someone who can pull yourself on the sidelines of life and it yourself perfect, I'm the guy I'm out about people out there. Not just me, there's another meeting, people too, and so

I say that, because, as a guy who made his living poking around between the six inches of people's ears right mental game, stuff, inner game world, there's just natural little buttons that you're going to find and push that are like whoa. What's that I don't share it with me, maybe not all of it and that's why I have a roster of like great therapists or psychoanalysts or whatever that I'll refer peopled off to, because that's not what I do, but one thing that I'll encourage them with lot lot of reasons why people will hold on to their church,

ah my stories and no use it as dark energy to drive them in their actions. Is they think that's what makes them successful right because of this history that I went through as a kid or this happened to me. This is the reason why I'm such a killer on the core times or I'm I'm going out in doing this, and so while there may be elements of truth in that, what I don't want them to hold on to is that that it needs to be a truth forever. So, like the athlete I'd say: no, you know why you're excellent on the court or the ice or the field or whatever? Can you really frickin good? Your skills amazing? You have our sense of ours doing cross aubert rebels right. You have thousands of ours of insert whatever you're good and you ve put in the work.

and I say that because one thing that will drive people to take action better than anything else is pain. Pain will be pleasure in prompting someone to take action better than anything else, but after a certain point in time, we have to stop running away from the tiger and we need to shift our focus. Not over our shoulder for fear of that thing, catching me to know what The vision of where I'm trying to go so going back to you now the switch up the metaphor. It would be no what's the vision that rachel wants in alike and cause you're. Here, yeah ships got burned, yeah, whatever what a guy story right and it informed some of your decision making going forward but know what's the vision, because the thing is gonna, get you up and be excited about, putting up more content. or delivering something you are creating something new or in a reaching a new little sub brand or something like that is because it aligns to the vision of the world that you're trying to live inside of

along the way it would be. Ignorant of us do not think that there are gonna, be people on the sidelines, throwing a little arrow in brad bow and launching it right, but I'd much other has other people in their bows and arrows at me than me. I will not be the one who shoots an arrow into the beating heart of my own vision. Damn that. I will not do that and I, like I get vibrator because I've been there like. I am someone who, when I really unpack the nature of my life and why I've done things, and you know the pursuits that I've had it. You know very much driven by trauma and stuff that happened to me when I was a twelve year old kid. I grew up in an amazing family. Great parents won the lottery on mom and dad and and great sybil and but as an extra work growing up on farm and during when summer came around, I wanted to go to any summer camp. I possibly could so one week

evangelical the next to be got just next. The catholic adjusted. What's the camp I can get too can be around other humans make friends, and so oh miles out a camp when I was twelve and for whatever reason, got singled out by two men and was in a sexually abused over the course of a couple of days, And I was never in a toxic environment that was never my world, and so it was you know it. It separated me from my family. I could feel it like. I can steal, even feel it to the dave and cymatically in the body of like when I felt the separations, like. Oh I'm different now than my family, I'm like I just wanted my dad so bad to walk through the door and and it didn't happen obviously, but at the same time, so I carried that with me. I went home got dropped off at home. A couple of days later by the people who would take me to the camp and

I dropped off my bags at the front door, and then I went into our backyard. We just put a pool in the backyard, and I tried to drown myself and that was kind of my story through my teens and have my early parts of my twenties was I several attempts at suicide and so me trying to master my own mental game than being good at helping other people with mental game was literally just survival like I was just trying to get through, but I think about alter those came into my life and I stayed connected to my creative imagination, because my real world was so tortuous to me because I never told anybody and it wasn't until I was in my early forties that I finally divulged it to my wife and then I ended up going through and getting therapy on it and came out the other side like so much better, and now I can talk about it. It doesn't bother me, but I also recognize that in that experience, because nature tells us this, nothing can only be bad.

There has to be good in something, and that can be hard for some people to take that it might be going through a trauma right now or there really any emotional anxious at it. But I can tell you that every single thing that's challenging for us gives us a capability I think I'm seeing capability in the spelling of mine is see a p e dash ability capability were given a cape, there is some superpower that you're are gifted with mine, was extraordinary compassion for the plight of other people, because I dont know where they came from, but I'm very curious about what is driving your behaviour in your actions, cause you're telling me that you want to go there, and I want to help you go there And I know that you can be moving through some difficult things as you get there, and I want to help you get through those things with my skill set, and that's what I know from with theirs

clients over the years, and I do big online programmes just like you do and I've got. Thousands of people are go through stuff sometimes, but if there is one thing that would be on my tombstone that are generally want to be there is he cared and so that support of our values is at my company as we you will not. You will not beat me on the treadmill of carry. I will out care everybody else and so it is said that, because to that challenging experience, he had like the zenith, rising and stuff and then oh crashing. Then come back. It's like just stay firm to the mission and the vision that you have, because the arrows are never going to stop yeah they're. Just not. I wish that I could tap into bless her like twenty seventeen me twenty sixteen twenty fifteen any of those years where interesting we enough. I had this awareness the day

I was never aiming at a goal that was like a light, freddy never like I'm going be this person, I'm going to have these things and I'm no. I was aiming at one I want to be in new york times best seller. That was it I knew I wanted to be an author, and so eventually I got to the. where had written a book and ones written a book. I just wanted to be new york times bestseller I this was so shocking to me cause I was like. Oh man like I, you know how did I get here and I'm like? Oh, I wasn't trying to get here I was trying to get to one goal. It just so happens that when I got it one goal: the tide came into the harbour and every boat went up with it, and so I would pay so much money. Get back to that like naive, young woman who, like others, want me, though, does reseller, because I

think now I find myself I'm so cures. You have to have coach people on this before athletes, especially what do you do? An f? Why I tied you're like the fiftieth person, I've asked this question to us by gas. What do you do when you have achieved more than you ever thought was possible? What do you do appreciate the that's all day? How do you dream a bigger dream when you ve already surpass averaging you ever had? Well. Ok! So that's an example of.

From in my world into my language case, so the ego is the one that forms it no matter. What so the ego formed the goal and no matter what it was inspired by if his divine or whatever it still can be, passing through to the lands of the identity of the person that was back in twenty sixteen and twenty seventeen right, and so great you created a human being that achieved tackle all right now that person has to be retired in some way. You're gonna, of course, carry skills with you into the next version, but like now it's what's what's that next and it's gonna sound platitude to maybe some people, but what's the next vision of we're gonna move towards ok, so

it'll probably be somewhere around eight out of every ten one of my olympic clients who standing on a podium earning a medal, feels very empty yeah, it's a very empty feeling because they're on the podium and it's what's next like I, I did the thing and for me it's the the danger of goal setting to something and goal setting through something. Ok, that's alright! It's j J of case by the end of this decade we will land a man in the moon and return him safely to earth. The most important part of that is turning safely to earth, because setting two is getting to the moon goal, setting through coming back home right so that we get yeah? We're circular right were not when I m points there's this spiralling up that we do in life. Sometimes we spiral back down because we needed to wit,

is something that we got to a certain point, but we didn't actually have all the capability and skill the hold that thing. We need to go back down to get some more troops. Skills, attributes, qualities whatever perspectives to climb back up. That spiral staircase and it's always going to be a different formation of a spiral staircase force, so are all those spiraling in some ways up and down, but we goal set through something so to the athlete, I would say you don't want to get to the n b, a right cause you get drafted in you play one game and then it's over you don't your goal right, because it you said right mind is very literal because it's telly logical, it's goal seeking constantly. So no, what? What do you actually want know you want to make it to the n b a you. Won't have a successful career as a point guard, as starting point guard and be viewed by your teammates as a quality leader on the team, someone that they can rely on. You know when the Aim is on the line, that's who they want on the core also that's who they want sitting next to them in the locker room. It's one thing to be great on the core:

but also in the locker room, where it can sometimes feel very lonely when you're sitting just in your locker you're inside your own head- and you don't know if coach actually likes you, the new coach will you'd like to have a trusted ally with you sitting SU where you can get some advice. Is that the type of career that you want and when I kind of like In that way, you like yeah, that's what I want my cable, that's, what we're gonna build them and then do you break those down into pieces, you're like ok, we're gonna work on the athleticism, we're in a work on how you show up. human being and a leader leadership the communication skills as well like if you honestly think that this is about dribbling right. It's not just about that, because dribbling is there's a diamond dozen guys that I can go to in any street corner or park in brooklyn. The lower side of manhattan. Throng sweater, that know how to dribble but they're, not in the nba right, there's other qualities that you need to get there, and so

there is a more valuable version of rachel that can serve other people sitting here right now, because of the experience that you went through right, where you got to do helium level were just the balloon got filled with more and more in not hot air in dismissing at right angles. Just a lot of things came together right right for you, but now there, some sinew and muscle there some wisdom on the bones that you have that make you even more valuable as a communicator as a messenger to other people, if you hold a different model in the mind- and I know this to be true rachel about you, because I've had conversations about you with other people, since I told them that you know- and there are you know- are like all that you know the stuff that happened in twenty nineteen or twenty twenty and a lot of people like to hate on her shit. peter, but then, after a little while people get tired of the hearing in the sitting on yeah, because it's like a bit of a reflection

on themselves. Rightly that so a kind of like yeah but happened to someone. So too, I happened to this person to so I would encourage you to look at it through a different leather like another, some different muscle that I have absolute range from, is done. That's here, because wisdom is only green gained through applied action, applied knowledge yeah, I'm not even. To be honest, I don't even think at this point. Have all the stuff that's happened. Has bend and I've learned from it and of your own and, like it sounds like you know, the party, nine or whatever, but it really is in so many ways. Why I'm the person than I am today what I think More than anything, I don't fear people dislike. I mean there's no way that you can have a platform in two thousand twenty three and not have people that are like a fuckin hate that person. It doesn't stop that person from being successful because guess what the content wasn't for it was for this person who has had like.

That's right and I think that I have a unique blessing in now. and I'm sure you ve experiences to and I'm sure people listening who are in some kind of coaching or leadership or anything like that? The amount of people who come up to me and told me what the work means them told me that they were suicidal and something made a shift in them like I have those stories by the thousands. That's that's a legacy. Yeah that like, if I never did another thing but raise these babies and like live on a farm. I have that legacy forever and I am super freakin proud of that. I don't have fear about what the brand is right. I went from a

team of five people and then all of a sudden everything got really successful and then all of a sudden there were sixty people, and I take ownership because I was part of that, but I wasn't and it was one of those things where, like all of a sudden, this person's helping this person's helping and this person's running your company- and I it just felt Everything got out of my control and I know for a fact that is my number. Unblock. Is my number one block. I have one of the biggest podcast hosted by a woman in the world,

you know how many employees I have you're looking at them. Really it's just you enjoy all the social that you see is me. What you just articulated, though, is that there's still a trapped version of you that stuck inside of an old story of it's gonna happen again, and I'm going to tell you that it's not going to happen again. Other things will happen in the future, but not the same thing. If I was hypothetically coaching in the with which I am- and I say, okay. Well, let's I get that rachel's continues experiences whose someone that you're very inspired by that. What would what? What is it about the way that they lead? Other people that you appreciate and again it could be a character in a movie. It could be a character in a

It could be in animal. It doesn't matter just there's something that's resident within you that you, you saw something like oh I'd like that yeah, oh specifically, have you ever met John Maxwell? Yes, as- I met him. I just know his world prow, and so he has. I haven't spoken with him in a minute, so I assume they're both still there, but he has a chief of staff and, like a vice president, who run his businesses, who are the most buttoned up like cool, but also not like they're, just incredible, I every time I've seen them interact with their team. I'm like you guys, are bad ass and what I do honestly, the amount of times that I'm like I just need that, which is what got me into the situation I was in in the first place, is. I think I can't be like that. So I need to

find someone who is that to be in between me and my team. So, who can be this efficient leader who can speak truth to people who can tell them like cable? You gonna sucked it that thing and we need to improve over here. That's who pops in my head when you say like so that is a debt. There look. What are the core is that they exhibit do super confidante. I believe ellie, I don't if their their team would say the same thing, but I always thought that it look like they really wanted the people on their team to have great lives to be the best that they, could be and they were willing to speak to flee to them to get them there. I hate confrontation. Memories and have forever and the reason the jack has been with me for like ten years or so thing is that we have worked together for so long that I'm not afraid to say, like hey grow like just because I love a man like I'm not afraid

yeah, but someone brand new owen, I got at it. Just it feels so time consuming, it feels so exhausting I'm already parenting for kids. The idea of adding more people and then having to manage them is very stressful to me. So just one thing that you'd, I don't know if you build your build your company through the values of it. But one of the things that I used to I coach people on is so I have a company ninety day year and it's a performance operate the system for businesses, so it's like when I sold my sports company, I took a lot of those principles that were used with athletes and teams and organizations, and I brought it into the entrepreneurial space because I find that entrepreneurs zero people that are freelancer whatever we are ambitious. Poles on the waiver of more more more more more thinking that that's gonna, help us get to the outcome when

in reality: more is the enemy of peak performance. Adding more to your plate, isn't necessarily gonna get you into what's called the flow channel like where you're just like your ears in it, and it just feels good and you're and you're already producing but you're, using good stuff. One of the worksheets that we get people to complete is yours Anytime, you're writing of values that you're trying to operate in this cozy unit. Like your identity, you have to be able to point to the value on the field of play. Inaction yeah. So in the way that you described that group of people from John Maxwell's team. and how they really believe in best nests all the areas while they. in one of your values should be. We believe in holistic, bent business and again you just make up words if your business isn't a word everybody and and what that means is that

ex phrase so and what that means is we believe at the rachel Hollis group of companies that we give our best in the work that we do, but we also want the best, for me buddy in their personal lives, in their families, in their in their health and in their wellness We know where achieving that. That's an ex one when, if it's two o clock on a wednesday and jack's son, jack has now, but let's say jack has whose justice devilishly handsome is. He is. is having a volleyball game. It took laconia jack is at that bali bug you're, absolutely right, so that's how we express these things- and I'm saying, is like playing this out because I'm trying to get you a tactic but also show you that like

The way that you're gonna be building your business going forward is going to be very different yeah than the way the east to do it. Well, I've already had a breakthrough in just what you're saying, because this is the biggest piece I stopped thinking. I had a business. I stopped I had a company because I worked for over a decade to build a company and then Second, that I got, I should say the second that's dramatic, but when I experienced the most success I had then abroad and other people who who made that bigger and bigger and bigger until it exploded, and then I feel like the people, who did that then bounced and left me with a mess that took me copy is to clean up, and so even you saying that that's the biggest thing is I'm like. Oh, I stopped believing. I had a company, I like it just me and jack and we're doing our thing and it's it's not

it makes sense if we think back to the company as it was pre covered, because covert was one I think I spoke, but if we think like pre covert, that's all we were so high core about our values. We I mean t meetings it was coming into. Work was like the happy place like it was such a vibe. If else it was my dream, I was like us Fucking did it. This is where I wanted to come into work every day, and then that are when you're Helen, I am basket. So I stopped even thinking in those terms because, unlike oh, you tried to have it

thing and it imploded not for you. You know it's not yeah. So that's like a trip for me cause I'm like, oh my god sure, but of course you have a company, because the company is literally just value creation in the marketplace right, you create value in the marketplace and there's an exchange of commerce. Because of that, if we were just to break it down, so of course you have a company and some people, I think the last four years has been a breakthrough in that they used to define company as no yet to sell physical goods you think you know how it can be a store front and in all the world of the internet is massively transform that and no, if you produce value in the marketplace and people are happy to other exchange money for or exchange there pension for that value and then you get paid because of

advertising dollars is something else, though that's valley, and you guys, you ve got a business in a hundred percent. You know it's not even like the financials or there is not even its literally just this weird block. I have about hiring more people, which I desperately need. I just keep, I mean every day taught right a job description. Put it up. Some, were like, and then I just so I'll give you this. Someone had asked me recently about like hey, like you know: people talk about visions and missions, and things like that. Do you have a mission revision for yourself in the world.

And I always I dunno what you rachel. You know when it comes to personal wellness seminars or self help seminars. I always really struggled with- and I judge myself for because I wasn't very good at writing out the vision statement for Todd herman's life. He was such a grand thing, so how? How can he just whittle down towards life into just one statement or apparel graph. But if I asked everyone, the same question is like hey know: what's your what's your vision or mission for who you want to be as a mom yeah seems a lot more because that's just one identity, ryan role, so I said I would like it lets. Let's break your world down into roles. And like so, what's your vision, admission for crew? You want to be as the athlete where I talk for myself for myself. I look at it as the caretaker of this body so again talking and third person so like who is the key

take her of this body, and what are they gonna do what's the mission of that particular identity and taught, and then the areas I think her like a. What was my philosophy like? What's the mission of the philosopher within me, because you while in life is gonna massively determine what your actions right cause. That's the one that you're swimming inside of the classic little parable of two little girls too little fish are swimming in the ocean, and then I more scene first went by and says how's the water today guys and to look at each other water. What why? What? What's with water? That's philosophy. Sometimes we don't recognize and understand what were even thinking about what our viewpoints of the world, what our paradigms shape us. So I say all this: to get back to the whole vision emission. The moment I start breaking myself down, I was like oh, I can actually create visions for these things in missions that felt more doable only proves my point about alter ego or identity like when you start breaking yourself down. It's a lot. You can think a lot more. Clearly,

But having done all that now, I've settled on a very specific mission for myself I'll ask You and jack. This is what I want to include jack in the show plug your microphone over. If you want, what's the most honest place in your home, if you think about it, where do you think for you, the most honest place is in your home, it's kind of like a bit of a wacky, the kitchen. Shower great one kitchens, and I would say the most for me, the most creative place in my home is the shower. It's your pillow. Your pillow is the most honest place in the home and the list I can tell you your pillow when you lay your head down at night, is where you take stock of your day in is where you're either very happy with the person that showed up that day or you beat yourself up with that

Is that you didn't do, and so my mission is to create as many smiling pillows as I possibly can before the day I die yeah, that's what I wanna do and the way that I go about doing that is trying to share ideas with people that are real. Article and also ground them into. really the way that we operate as human beings, maybe get people permission to be different, in short in life and just their way, do it their way. Don't do a todd's way. Don't do terminals his way and if I can get more people to end their days smiling because they showed up the whither they did. Maybe they did confront. Somebody knows very awkward in the moment, but at least they acted through their values and not only in the I stood up for their friend, who was getting some slighting comments from somebody added frickin cocktail party or something like that, or was to their mother in law, and they re able to do so. Due to their kids, as you said earlier, that no no one's gonna other

locked him on that way or put me down in front of you, because I need my daughter to see someone being strong in the ak cause. I'm gonna be her greatest influence. That is the stuff that makes you smile at the end of your day, and I say this to you because the thing is going to make you smile to moral is launching a job description for something. Because at least you did it and who knows if you're gonna find the procedure, I dont know Iraq. What is going to topple one domino fear right, you're, so right as when we have these like fears that stack up on ourselves, It becomes bigger and bigger, and I know it's so stupid, but what I do I do- and I think a lot of entrepreneurs do is I keep telling myself it's just faster. If I keep doing it, it's just faster, it's just faster, but when I think of the level of content that is required of me and it's real

I'm really experiencing the attention. I now because I'm getting such incredible opportunities that I've never had before that require me to have the time to sit down and create, but I don't have the time to sit down and create because I'm writing an email good. Your execute, I'm executing exactly so. It's like that. Myth that I keep telling myself and I know I coach people on this on this podcast, like I freaking know that you you're supposed to take the time you're supposed to separate you got you do the thing and spend that I'm investing in being able to delegate so that you can do the stuff only you can do. I know it and I don't know why I just keep swirling around but you're right, I need to just suck it up, stop being a weenie and just freaking hires. Some people to help there you go. There's your next books yapping alarming away, flee, honestly its

It is so wild whether we're talking about and their family members or you'll hear someone else. Tell the story like tell there story of why their stuck if you're at like. Why that's the simplest thing in the world for literally the simplest thing in the world but when you're inside of it, you can't push yourself out which only gets to the point of helping people disassociate from that individual for me and let's step into a different identity right. It's one of the reasons why I was asking the question like what who is someone and how would how would like? How do you see them doing it to what is inspiring about the way that they go about doing things? and the fact that you can recognize something in the world is a sign that you can recognize something within yourself that you either have that attribute. You have that treat you have that quality, because you can't see something I something in the world that you can't also see with.

In yourself, it might be buried underneath a whole bunch of story that oh well, of course, it's easy for that person over there to do it, and I try to stop people say. Is that it's not truth? It's not true! You can. You also have the capacity to do that because we do have traits abilities and qualities that are available to us at any point in time. It's just that we need to find a better vehicle to transmute those qualities through and that vehicles typically through our identity, yeah, and so I like helping people build new identities that help them to bring more of themself out in the world, so they can feel more whole and then, when someone feels more whole,

rachel, the only thing that I'm ever indexing towards when I'm giving people advice or content or coaching them is the only the only thing I care about is. Can I help you trust yourself? More trust is at the very center of peak performance as a human being, it's different than confidence confidence can come and go. There is extraordinary confidence that twenty seventeen eighteen version of Rachel Hollis had made, and now it's happiness a few outside experiences. Some we cause things. Of course we do right and we take stock of those things and we can change them.

is it like coupon? You know like slaying myself every single day with those things right, but when someone trusts themselves, that's at the dna level. Now that is within you that is resident and when you trust who the person is that showing up as a mom to your kids, because you're very clear about how you're going to show up with what you're going to show up with that's a very powerful person. Yeah, I mean again I'm not perfect. With this stuff right, I mean human being and that, but I'm always coaching myself, unlike note taught to trust yourself with this. Do you trust yourself that you're going to show up in a certain way, you're coming on Rachel Hollis, his podcast? It's a big pockets. Are you can say the wrong thing and I'm like well? dope, edit things are probably don't wanna have on the palm costly yeah, but

I know my skill sets, I know, are very good. I will not talk outside of my boundaries of my skill sets as my problem with like the life coaching world is like there's some phenomenal people who not a coach people, but again I'm not a trauma therapist. yeah. I know where my bumpers are. I play the game of bowling with the bumpers on the site there are no gutters for me, the ball! these days between that lane and any time I find someone that need

other skills that are met from that lean over there. I've got a human being, a waiting for them to help them out ere, I feel like I would be remiss if I didn't ask you to walk us through how someone hearing this like. How do you build an altar ego, and I would not have you on the shelf. I didn't think every listener shouldn't go grab. They should all grabbed the book go grab the altar ego effect read every page, understand it better, but because you and I in my favorite sale of conversation and gone all over the place, I don't feel like we properly established year. Listening to this, you need the version of you who can show up and give the speech at work on tuesday. You need the version of you who can be com with your children. You need that. How do you built it? We sort of danced round a bunch of different angles of attack for this, so to give people the steps for the kind of natural process

always start with one rule, one one area of rural life where you're either really frustrated with it or this can't be lost in the conversation. Rachel is the one thing that makes the altar ego the method in the concept so powerful. Is that there's an attitude of playfulness, that's their because your tapping into something that we did naturally as kids, because we have no sense of me and myself and I don t until about the age of eight and so were actually caught. If anyone knows well bring way stasis, beta, alpha, beta and then delta and children, between the age of six months to seven and a half roughly years of age, pre much are mostly operating in the fate of brainwaves state and that's where the creative expression is most unified together, so big, creative thinking and

why it's natural for all of us to play with this idea of using an altar ego. When were kids, you know being our favorite superhero or in o playing restaurant and on the chef for you know playing house or whatever it is because there's no me anyway, it's just a bunch of traits tat. I got a bunch of emotion, that's coming out of me all the time, so I say that because the fun part about this for me is like seeing people kind of common. I've and having more fun with how they show up in the world. It frees them up, and so it play from us as their sewing backward step, one fine, a rule and identity, a self, a field of play like some place for you that you want to make change happen, you're, really fresh, with the way that you showing up or not, showing up you're, not pursuing. Something like you want to get us up from one. Who is that? What is that role? So if it is the person's during the presentation, hr manager, yeah fits the operations personally asked us if it's mom, if its dagger

second, and by the way that could be because there's a big transition is happening. You want from manager to leader you getting promoted. Transition points in life are where there's a lot of breakage that happens for people. I got three kids, a love all these kids, but pushing them together. Their as removing outside the door of the home. Yet is a recipe for combustible action, fresh gate, that's a transition If we can manage our transition points really really well, we can actually mitigate a whole lot of stress in our lives. That's why alter ego works so well, because it helps people transition into new identities more quickly. So what's a role that September one september, two: what are the characteristics of the traits that you're showing up with that, are causing you to get in the way of how you want to be. What's the thing you want to be doing what success you want well, the most personal story for me,

is when I started this thing in nineteen. Ninety seven yeah. I was good at coaching, but every night I go to bed going. You know what I'm gonna make these phone calls I'm going to try and get a speaking gig here. You know talk to this soccer association over here and stuff, and for me now it sounds so laughable because it would it's nothing for me to call up a soccer association and then what would happen. I put my head on the pillow very next day and it wasn't smiling. I was beating myself up because I never took those actions, because I was worried about someone saying no and the fear of rejection and oh, my gosh tie your twenty two now and you look like you're Well for crying out loud and you don't have four best selling books and you don't have six degrees, and you know fourteen letters behind your name and you're talking about mental toughness like don't. You have to be lord psychologist or don't you have to have for best selling books on the wall street journal near a timeless. Nor for you to be honest, I talk about these things again. We build rules about who we had to be before. We can do

interaction. Fundamentally, most people are walking around waiting for someone with the sword to come and touch us on one shoulder and bring it to the other side and say you are now knighted yes, and you can now. under the thing, if you're waiting for that. it can be sitting there for a long time cause. I won't happen. So what are you fresher with? For me? It was. I was very indecisive I was so insecure about how young I looked and my qualifications. Maybe and I was not very articulate with telling people what it was that I did for a living or how I could help people, which then gets us to the third thing. Since I've identified the things that are getting in the way for how I'm showing up kind of the root cause, will just take the flip of those things now we're getting into like step, number three is or how do you

we showing up and there's a three a and three b to this? We can go in it from one angle love while I want to be more kind, confident, decisive and articulate, or we can go at it through the angle of whom I inspired by and what is it about them I'm inspired by. While I want to be more like Rachel Hollis, because she sort of an apology Eric I want more low, but more more unapologetic. This is this is who I am right now or whatever those traits are gay. So for me, going back to my self confident assess, articulate already knew immediately, who I wanted to be should be more like who were my sources of inspiration? The confidence benjamin franklin I read his biography so many times, and I like the man reinvented himself so many times he had so many careers in his lifetime. The conference to be able to do that plus He was one of the great purveyors of altering us. You know with the

avatar that he rode through ass, a teenager and do their silence do good right. I've seen national treasure many so called movie was great. It is not appreciated and felt that I like one I like once above, will we watch. I watched her with my kids yet or a hundred percent five yeah yeah cater to extradite, yellow caper silence do good, so confidence was benjamin Franklin and being decisive while it was superman man of action, nineteen, seventy version right and an articulate eyewash, the Annie or pbs special from bill Moyers about Joseph Campbell, and he wrote. You know the power of myth, the hero's journey, like famous mythologized, and he was just so articulate in the way, headed with words. I wanted those. So that became my source code of inspiration for how I wanted to show up, and I want to be more like the

the franklin, superman and Joseph Campbell. Then we get into kinda. How do we make this real case? So that's nice todd. How are we? How do we make this real in the book? I talk about the importance of understanding in clothes cognition, so it's a psychological phenomenon that exists in every human being, where we tell stories about the articles of clothing that other people wear and what they mean, and because of that, when you put on that thing, you will actually embrace the cognitive traits and abilities of the article of clothing. Naturally, you don't have to convince yourself. So the example is the kellogg school of management. This study with a bunch of college students, brought them into a room and they gave them the stroop test. the stress test. Is its fur like a site, and it is when you have the word of a color, but the color is different than the word yes, so the word is green, but it's done in blue, yes and your jaw

it is the state, the colored, that you see not the word and because we assume these walls process words before we see colors it's kind of its challenging. Yes, So there's all these words on there and get into the strip test in any country. results and you bring another group of uh students and this time they get them to put on a white painter's coat thats. What they tell them. Hey we've got a painter's go for you put on the white painter's coat, so they put it on they do the stroop test track the results. Then they bring in the third group, the third group to give them a the same white coat, but they told me to doctor's coat. Then they do the test track the results, while, what's the difference, the people who are wearing the doctor's coat did it in less than half the time and didn't and made it less than half the mistakes. Why in cognition tells us why it's because they they enclosed their mind and the cognitive traits of someone who's a doctor?

careful, methodical, detailed in order for you to do the stress test. Well any be careful, methodical in detail. So when your articles of clothing map to the performance where the way that you want to show up it but to align even going back twenty six years, ago, the trying human being mentally emotionally physically, so step number four. Have a totem haven't artifact have an article of clothing that you wear that helps you get into that, so it creates a ritual, for you is one thing: people talk about habits and routines all the time now, and there is great books on habits and great books on retains, but at the peak level the people that I work with we talk about rituals and rituals are lost nowadays. They used to be very important parts of the process of becoming a woman like in tribal days. There is this ceremony that would happen that signified the end of childhood and becoming a woman, the

and of child in becoming a man now right and you built up to that end and you came out of that very different human being and rituals are. You two people do the exact same thing. That's why studying behaviour isn't enough cause? You can do the thing that I can do thing but am rich, gets four point, two million more likes on her post. Then I get on my. We said the same thing I have really. We can be doing the same thing, but there's a way that we do it and the way is a little bit of the magic of life. Now I built a science based peak performance company. But after doing all of that, I also know that there is little better magic in life. It can't be explained as to why human beings get certain results in other people dot, so

what what we're doing now is we're bringing intentionality to this state change to when I become super richard, which was another part of this process of giving that alter ego, that identity and name and super richard was simply

me taking my first name is richard. I was always I was went by Todd and I was like well Tajik sounds like more of a teenage name and richard just sounds like more of a business name. So I'm going to be richard now and super was just taking from superman and superman put on the glasses to become clark. Kent, the mild mannered version of himself. Yes, wait, I'm so sorry to interrupt you, but that line in the book where you say you ask which one who's, the alter ego, superman or clark kent that mess my shit up yeah that week it's. I don't I'm sorry that I'm freaking out so badly, but I totally forgot about that. Until just this moment you said you asset to audiences, a lot all of a sudden which ones the alter ego and everyone's like superman yeah, and he and you're like no no clark. Kent is the alter ego.

That was so freaking powerful, because it's like I love this idea that we already are these powerful, magnificent beings, that's more than he had something to like help him to fit into certain parts of society who couldn't handle him in all of his glory, wholly crap that so good

and- and that's and that's kind of my profess to most people as you're kind of walking around with an alter ego already and it's the mild mannered version of yourself so that you don't upset apple carts of other people's shit. Yes, and and we need to take off the glasses- and in my case I needed to put them put them on, and I think it's worth saying, because there are so many women who listen to this and because I know these women I've been in in community with them for over a decade. This is why it's so important for you to feel comfortable to dress the way you believe you are yeah. I actually just did a podcast about this. This week is that I know it seems silly, but I'll african love, acrylic nails. I love it. I do it so like there's all of these reasons, but my whole life I loved it, but I always thought that's not for someone like me

and in twenty nineteen I decide screw it. I'm getting these acrylic nails that I think are so beautiful. I love them so much and the whole time I kept thinking like people like this. This is not the brand. This is what it is. It's also a reason why always had long hair that was crowing whenever I felt like I had to live in to someone else's aesthetic of who I am Was and then covert happen, unlike life went to Helen, a ham basket, and it's only in the last six months at I'm, like. Oh all, those all those choices that you made to show up authentically as yourself to have nails to where all the rings to cut your hair, you ve gone backwards. I swear god reading your book like I'm like oh shit, you lost all of these things that were you tryin to like sharp, is who you think you like, who you wanna be it. So

important that you're able to look in the mirror and see a reflection of like who you're becoming not who you used to be ten years ago. So, a week ago, Todd I put my nails back on a week ago, two days ago, I cut my hair off and I it seems but I know the listeners are going to get this- that like they're, so many women, I know guys, do it too, but there are so many women who are making decisions about personal style based on family members, expectations, conservative inner choices of their church community, what their brain and is what they think and so every day or showing up as the trapped version of you, and even if you start with something small, just one little thing that you're like its totem right, not not one little thing, but you're talking at the turn him years is your asses. Mine is my watch. So, I wanted a rolex for ever be partial. I won.

Because all that Guys that I admire and business all have a fat rolex- and I didn't just want a rolex, I wanted a men's rolex yeah cause. I was like I can wear that too, and I think men's watches on women are awesome, so I wanted it forever and ever and finally got to a place where I could afford one. I call my account on what can I do this and she's like? Yes, you can and about the rolex, and that putting this watch on is the mogul it is. I feel, like kind of embarrassed, even saying that, but- and if I put this watch on It'S- that version of myself, who's meant to show up today so on a podcast recording. If I'm going on a flight anywhere, I'm workers like that's, whose like gonna, do work and be the business person? I that's my totem, then we are told it doesn't have to be this. Do she, but you need some don't judge that challenge our own again, I don't care the fact that people find out that I wear nonprescription glasses, yeah now

Now it's really just a part of the brand and like how todd shows a yeah thing and again, I'm in good company but when I shared on stage in two thousand and four in san antonio texas, at a leadership event, it was for basely howdah, led millennials in the new era, and but I talked about on stage this alter ego that I had you know my insecurities and I'm like hey, don't forget, like people are coming into your worlds and you know they might have insecurities but where they make fit in, but as I shared it, like my alter ego super richard, and this lady came up to me afterwards and she said, oh, my god, I loved your talk, but specifically, I love that you had an old, even alter ego and you went and bought a pair of non prescription glasses to like embody the character yeah cause. Martin did the exact same thing and I was like I looked down at her names and it was credit- scott king Martin, luther king wife, so I'm never tell me more yeah that credit and she's again,

when people are notice, but martin would put on a pair of nonprescription glasses to step into what he called his distinguished self to write the things he needed to say, and he didn't want, is eager to get in the way of what with such an important mission to lead people to nine non violent action again like its burned in america like this is a moment. The air, like other body, yeah, talking to criticise, looking about him. Ok, he stepped into history, english self interesting herself was there to channel for him. It was like a divine type thing so that when he went on stage and yet another glass tat he only war than when he wrote he could deliver the message that needed to be said, and I shared that with george raveling george raveling was the basketball player who was standing behind martin luther king when he delivered the. I have a dream speech and if you know anything about that speech, the I have a dream part wasn't the part of the speakon part of the b. He adds yet reasons because I forget the ladys name who

their away. I do I've given this and I've, given a speech about this a million times it's a sheet: mahalia jackson, yes, mahalia jackson, he so in this big talk, the crowds not really feel in it and she said says Hallam about the dream time with the dream, Martin tongue dream, and so he turns back around and as they have a dream heart and then, when he gets done, he hands this speech to george and george Edit, tucked away in a book for thirty years, forgetting that even had it and so he's got it ensured for like five nitrogen georgia's, like he's actually famous in the movie, then why I've seen you guys Where yea, I say you know in team lies huge in the n b, a villanova insight I used when I told george about the fake glasses he's like no, he didn't he never wore glasses, I'm like no. You never saw him wear glasses, but when he did his speeches when he wrote his speeches, he always used his alter ego to write his speeches.

Wow. So I say that because there is an intentionality behind that and there's no, you know I don't care that people know that these are an option I like wearing them now, but I wouldn't got pair glasses back and ninety seven when wearing glasses, wasn't cool ever was getting lasik. I surgery even the optimal. at the lens craft in investment in mall, said to me. You you're, exhausted, on peace keys. Only some four can get classes, and ass I did I would. I would now not going back to the steps right. So we did. I find the role so my room was I wasn't selling. I wasn't promoting my business k, so I needed it motor needed someone to grow this damn thing what will why wasn't? It was getting the way I was insecure. I lack confidence, I wasn't being decisive, I wasn't being articulate and so well. I want to be articulate, confident, decisive, great whom-

is that for me, who are my inspirations, who are my mental models? Who are my heroes, Joseph Campbell, benjamin franklin superman, so that swimming to bring into this thing, though? That's who I'm going to show up with now I'm getting into, or what's my name and what's my totem step number four, while my name is super richard, when I step into I'm super richard and again, people can laugh about this whatever. But again, these are personal ways that we navigate the hard things about life. This is your or inner game I built the black mamba with kobe in two thousand and four. He never revealed it to the world until two thousand and nine when he won and be a championships. People forget that part he didn't come out after we built it and said I'm the black mamba? Now, no, that's not how it works. Try he lived with it and communed with it for five years and you've mastered that self, and then he built it into I'm, not claiming the brant, my god like what he went and took with it and did with it is

really kogi. But this is this: is our own inner? Well, we all have these little different ways that we kind of navigate. We do things and are funny way and you ve got your acrylic males I place no judgment on that. You got your thing. You got your magic. You got your men's rolex watch yeah. I who cares staff, but now, when I put on those glasses now, I'm in a practice my identity- and this is where people have lost the idea that who you are now you practised. every day you collapse your identity into the same form. You do the same habits. I am helping you to break it right now. I want you to practice changing into this state. So when I put on those glasses even now to this day, the feeling of at arm going by the side of my head. Just swished afflicts the switch and that it me being confident, decisive and articulate that such an actual way and I operate now, but I practice those simple. What am I? What am I traits? What am I attributes when I am super richard

tell people now that I'm I'm a see something say something person. It really helps him it's like when I see a shifting, I'm like whoa. What just happened right now, rachel, you just said something, but there was a shift that happened like you straighten up a little bit. What was it about that moment right there and you're like and often times it's great conversations like? Have you noticed that and you're like yeah, there's, there's something that there is a resonance that was there. There was a story. There was something there's, an emotion that just happened within you tell me about that and what was that and what I'm trying to do as the coaches, I'm trying to bring you back into that thing. So it's it's! It's a stated known, that's within you and I'm trying to make. So we can trust it because someone who's, highly skilled, good I've taken payroll and body language

training is still like. I can see things in other people that you know the average person would just in a class over, but I'm trying to change state with people. So what are the habits? Were the attributes with a traits? How does supervisor talk the people, and the reason is important for me- is because the moment I'm thinking out of alignment with supervision, I cannot work glasses you cannot put on the cape. You cannot dishonor the memory of the people that you were inspired by in that moment. Benjamin wouldn't think that way. Joseph wouldn't say that superman wouldn't not take the action. So you gotta take that off. You can't wear that cape you can so for me, like one of the more powerful parts of the. forming an order of acting with people, as is era a ritual in something that you can do to like break yourself, are the state and aiming I wouldn't name names cause.

I never share, who I work with unless they publicly share that they worked with me. That's a part of the magic of how I grew into becoming so huge in the pro sports rules, because I was the one guy who never traded on people's names until you know, kobe would have mentioned me or Christiana wrench mentioned me in Portugal or rafa as well in spain, but I can see it happening with my athletes or, with you know, friends or clients, on stage that, when they're doing their speeches when they feel like they're falling out of alignment, there's something that they'll do. then I'll coach them on like no there's like if you feel like you're, getting too heady with the audience, because you're they're not feeling you or whatever don't, engage with that cause. That's the enemy trying to convince you that you're, not the thing. So the moment that I'm feeling myself not about to ask for the sale, those losses outcome I'll. Take my nose. Teresa, like you know, aunt rachel.

After the constitution, and that is, I think, it's obvious to me that were good fit yak is I want to bring? I love. Confrontation is from your confrontations. Very different free than the confrontation is the opportunity for something new to be born, There's a new conversation cause. If I never asked for the sale, there's no no is now he always So, like you know rachel, we need to go further like this up a lot like I'm seven minutes into like if you, if we have been calling your like. like here we are right fit like. I wanted to and I'll be like rachel, your challenges, that's cheerios! To me: it's one of my classic lines. Yeah I eat those problems for like cheerios for breakfast yeah I've been eaten for twenty six years now. Yeah, I think we're yeah and then it's so crazy. Cuz now cause I do have platform, and I do have you know you know context or whatever ninety percent people say like yeah you're right yeah, like I mean just because you're,

call, was look for hours. Man, you gotta, use up all that guy right, so ok, going back to its assent for was like k. What's the what's the tone the artifact, a uniform, a uniform that you're gonna, where for that identity in what's its name and then step five is how we can bring this thing in the world like how can going to the traits in the attributes, and we got a practice. with a practice that, because this is so important for you, like you, want to be such a great mom or I won't be such a great dad. My kids, I'm a challenge, your personality type when I'm coaching people. That is the idea that I built because I'm working with such I level people yeah with a lot of times huge egos too yeah, and for me the visual that I have in my mind, is no I'm like the potential rock and you're going to crash your ship on my rock. I need to break your ego and that's highly resonant to those people, because they too

have yes people around the people who will never challenge them and I will like I won't put up with any of the shit yeah, but is that who? I am Is that really, who I am I can make myself believe that cause I flushed the muscle for eight ten twelve fourteen hours a day, sometimes coaching people since ninety ninety seven and I developed that persona, because it works for that field for those participants on the field now, if I was working with people who are like new to things like there's, a different persona have to bring them. Right, and I understand that- and I can still do that too. So am I in full of who's on that field right are the juniors just starting out cause, there's a little more of a caretaking us, but if you're a veteran there's a different way, I need to show up, but to my kids want to challenge a personality type that is a I'm gonna be the ship breaking on that rocky ghastly. Kids are different, so my in

duration, for how I want to show for my kids is MR rogers and my dad s, mister rogers couldn't be more different than a personnel or a challenge, a personality type right, but I want to be kind and caring and patient and funny. and I have a little bracelet that sit on a hook outside of my office. And when I'm changing roles and I'm going back into the home. My officers at home. I I never wear glasses around my kids and I put on that bracelet and I snap it and I and I'm very intentional the ritual of changing my rules, my most important roles. These kids are the most important thing I ever never in my life, my book yeah great wanting ozma has again Those kids are never can be more important than the not or that book would never more important in those kids, and I put that

and my snap at I imagine, boom boom mr rogers and my dad walking behind me. Looking over my shoulder observed, me because I'm the one who said how I want to show my kids and I get MR rogers and I see and I watched cause I grew up watching him. I don't need to invent my love for that right and that's a key part of that process of us. Finding are you know our men, tourism heroes within that we use, is only choose things at our resident to you, dont use I can't say you an all the off the shelf yeah. You know we're all inspired by different things. We have all come from different backgrounds. I am honouring them in the way that they would show up, and it's that honor code. I yeah there. I found that's why my method is different in describing and alter ego its them the it's that method, because we as human beings, we love to honour things. We want to honour where we came from, or we love to honour the idea of someone in something else. Well, I'm just leveraging not, then in helping you built

the thing that's new for you, and so that's who follows me when I'm with my kids, and does that mean that I'm perfect all the time? No, but if I'm twenty per cent better, that twenty percent means a lot to a little kid. Absolutely absolutely that's so good todd we ve talked for two hours for two hours and I still have about a thousand questions for you. We can of around two Let's have a raft of speaking have kids. I have to go to a middle school hours or intention at one thirty. So as sadly, I was like you going this ben incredible. It's incredible for me, I just like stole a personal coaching session, but also, I know that some of the things we talked about they're gonna, really resonate with audience so when they go to the book of value on social, all those things because they know that they well. Where are they going? Where can I find a good site

Yes, europe is too hot herman dot me is my home base on the entire webs, and people can get links to the different other ventures that I have links to the altar eagle website or in all minors. and then todd underscore herman on instagram on twitter you'll be able to find me there, and my favorite thing is when people will you take a screen shot of the pocket. Episode worry I'll, take a photo of your computer, listening to them. The youtube, video and just tag like what's your favorite, take where what's a question for me, and I truly like want people to ask me questions because that's the south that allows me to like create more nuanced content for people to answer those things for people and it'll show up in a story and I'll. Take you back and saying I hear any answers. The question: are you so please reach out tat they do so much for the time that you say this is a long time coming in a mere opulent valid it out of the reach a. How is pot cast is produced by me rachel

Yes, it's edited by andrew weller and jack noble.