Use. Glances have taken their health mode by storm promising more than just a detox. So I tried out, squeeze dot comes juice, clans, and it was a total game changer. For me, it wasn't just about drinking juices. If all like, hitting a reset button for my whole body, I shed some way far less bloated and my skin cleared up being on squeezed out palms, refreshing juices became a daily reminder to appreciate my body. Each drink was like a small act of self care in my busy life. This clans isn't just a quick fix: its investment in long term health visit squeeze dot com for free, fast delivery with the code purpose, omber buzz is supported by eighty anti, the driving force behind connectivity. Bridging and enabling exploration and growth like never before in our ever changing world where time seems to slip away its common to worry

about finding our purpose too late, but I didn t is able to connect us, so we can embrace the possibilities, follow our passions and light up that path that sets ourselves on fire. Eighteen t believes ray moment is a chance to discover your purpose, no matter where you are in life. So take your time connect with your interest change your part and your purpose connecting changes everything eighty anti hey everyone, I'm so excited, because we're going to be adding a really special offering onto the back of my solo episodes on fridays. It's my short daily see he's on com, the daily J, and, let me tell you it's unlike anything else, I'm doing its part storytelling pot, mindful with a wide range of unique actionable insights and also only place you can meditate with me each and every day I absolutely of all the wisdom was sharing, all their lives were changing and whether you won t improve your mindset. You had its all your relationships, whether you want to work

developing more focus, presence echo nimitti, building a daily routine. Just seven minutes every day can make a huge impact so make sure check out the session at the end of the podcast and then subscribe to com. Your daily dose of the daily j go to conduct, come forward, slash J for But percent of your membership today the new york times. This is modern love, I'm anna martin now into the foreign stronger than anything, and I love you more than We have an essay about being yourself when you're dating which is so hard to not show off just to show up as you. The usa is written by relationship expert J shady and this guy,

it's kind of having a moment the late show jay shetty will smith as a big fan. I know. Oprah is a big big big fan, yeah you're, amazing, Jay, shetty, Jay, chevy dealership he's the go to life coach for over. Fifty million followers he's written books is, world tour? And this is huge for me, he officiated the wedding of J low and been atheling on his power, cast third question is from alone, and thank you for your question. He answers burning, love, question. I've been ghost and recently for the first time I feel like I did. something wrong. Woe right! This is such a common one, for so many people. Now. Why do we need Jason baisers tailored for the internet was at its rooted in hindu philosophize, something it was a monk in india for three years in his twenties and that time gave him insight. into the way that anyone can be more loving and more complete.

Should it and more monk like even if you ve, met benjamin to an ashram today Jeez modern lover say about dating, like a monk, and how- led him to the love of his life J shedding so excited to have you on the show, welcome to modern love. Thank you, for having me I'm so grateful to be here today you became a monk after you graduated university, which is not the traditional proscribed plan. How did you make the choice to daddy it yourself to this way of life, so the first one guy ever met was at a college event. I used to go and hear speakers and athletes, musicians and thought leaders speak all the time I went there. Acting very little and thinking, I didn't need anything that he was to share, but I walked out of there with the new found direction.

He was talking about how the greatest gift in life or the greatest purpose is to use our skills in the service of others. Now, when I look back, I realise that when I was eighteen, I met people who a beautiful I'd met, people who are rich, but I dont think I anyone who is truly content. Truly self aware, and he was all of those things, and so I thought I want those things. Those things seem to be worthy of pursuit of. You know for the neck. three to four years. I still had relationships. I was still going out. I still doing anything that any person does at college, but I would spend my summer I'm christmas vacations, often visiting his monastery in india ok and I'd- spend the other half in turning out financial companies and corporations in london, whirling thinking that that's what I was going to do for work and every time I come back from the monastery I'd be full of joy and induce.

As an energy and every time I finish, my internship I'd. Think I dont think that that's what I meant We doing so. I allowed myself to live to supper lives because just trying to learn and understand? I was, I was very young. I even skipped my graduation ceremonies because I was already in the monastery and the air. Was everyone in your life. How did they react to that choice? So a lot of my friends were really confused. They were just like what are you doing like you know, everyone was getting fancy jobs and my extended family and community was actually quite negative. They were saying things like you're wasting your life you're never going to get a job Again, you joining a called wow. What would you tell them was so important about this way of life that you needed to go, dedicate your existence to it. Well, two things that I saw the monks in those summer and christmas vacations

they dedicated their life to was self mastery and service. At my self myself mastery I mean understanding ego, understanding, envy understanding what our emotions are trying to tell us how to respond to them and the other half service that they were living their life, trying to build sustainable villages or food distribution programme to help the poor or disadvantage children and I saw them living their life in a way trying to positively impact others, and I thought that's what I want to dedicate my life to is figuring out. What's going on inside of me, and then help people for ground. What's going on outside, you became a monk in your twenty years when most people are going out and flirting and gonna dates and your modern love as a kind of begins with you listing out what your priorities were. When you were a monk, can you

read that part of your essay for me. Yes, absolutely dough monks are famously celebrate, bets weaver c doesn't just mean you're not having sex. It means interacting with other people in a way that could be considered romantic descent. Word for monk brahma sharia means the right use of energy. It's not that romance in sexual energy are wrong, but my practice tee She is that we will have a limited amount of energy which can be right did in multiple directions or one. and whenever energy scattered it's difficult to create momentum or impact

You mentioned that these monks that you saw, who you saw admired him, were learning from have this method of self mastery. Can you Tell me what you learned about that method of subdued We, the ego over those three years yeah. So from a more general standpoint. I'd say that when you living with a group of men in an ash from every single person is a mirror for your ego, because you're having so many interactions daily that trigger you. What do you mean triggered like you know? You have a difficult conversations or something yeah good. It could be a difficult conversations It could be that someone didn't save food for you and you are late to lunch for breakfast right. Can it be that you weren't selected to give a class this morning and someone else was- and you start noticing very

worldly responses to a spiritual tasks, and you realize that just being in an ash from doesn't remove your ego right. So I'd say that some of the practices that really helped word practices of recognising that everyone was a teacher and a student. At the same time, this is something that was one of my ever moments. Actually, I was with my mother teacher end is it is sixty to seventy, the time- and I a young new monk and Every morning I would down to him, which was a costume, and he would bow down again back to me and I would always think how special that was, because there was this mutual respect and I think that practice was really beautiful, because you realize that you never at the top, and you are never the bottom. What I want to talk about you,

vision to leave dash rum after three years. How did you make that call? So it was the most difficult the decision I made at the time communal living was really tough on my body. In terms of my health, I would get sick more often the ashram you know you live in rooms from sometimes thirty two hundred people, and so there was a physical health component. And then there was this deeper realisation that I loved I was learning, but all I dreamt about and thought about was. How could I share this with other people, because I know so many of my friends of dealing with this, but they're not going to come here but I've. They feel the desire to share it with them, and I want to do that said, there were these two self awareness pieces led me to realize. I wasn't a monk and I think that's almost like realizing that you told someone you loved them, but now you fall out of love with them or you realize you're, not a lot of any more like that's how it fell. Did you talk?

your teachers at all. When you were thinking about making this hard decision to the ashram idea, did, and I was even scared to talk to them about it, because I didn't want to feel judge you're. You know you're almost dropping out and you think what are your teachers going to say right and my teacher said to me when I told him that I think I should leave. He said to me that Some people go to college and some of them become professors and he said some of them leave after a degree and they become entrepreneurs or they work and accompany any said, which ones better. The people who become professes or the people who leave- and I said neither a mean whatever is right- the person, and he said well, that's the same here. He said some people come and a graduate to become monks, stay here for many years and some take their true, like you did and leave and going to the wonderful things, and he said I think you'll be very happy if your share and what you ve land, and so you should do that, and so there was this really light on this

totally open view of no. Maybe it's not right for you any more. It was right for you, then, and not anymore, and there's nothing wrong with even in decision to leave them. They had compassion for you, which is really beautiful exactly that. Time was extremely tough for me- and there wasn't even api decision and it was even more depressing because when I came back, everyone was like Are we told you so all we? You came back? Oh you failed being a monk and, and then You know I was applying for jobs in forty companies. Dragged me without an interview, and I was thinking on cause. Your resume had ashram for three years on it and nothing hearts exactly exactly It's like what are you transferable skills sitting, star silent and being still like? No one wants, then their company, and so it was. It was just almost like Maybe everyone was right, and maybe I did just ways three years, every really difficult time when you can

back to london, you know like in science fiction movie or something when people are are frozen in those little pods, and then they get released after thousands of years and their like. What is a cell phone? Was it like that for you, when you came back to london to do not recognise anything around you. The hardest part is having to do so. We'll talk when you ve done. No, someone can create right. You ve not had a conversation about delays, tv snow or the ladies move, like? Have you heard about self mastery and they'd be like why yeah that's exactly it? That must have been really awkward as you started to get back into dating to what was. part of it like, like building a social life Dating again, I didn't really think about data overall, is, I kind of I guess I was a bit scared, but I even think about it. That way, but I definitely like forgotten how to fly, but when I started

Talking to my now wife, because she was really good friends with my sister should be over at our play. Sinned in talking to her. I I only really knew how to have really thoughtful vulnerable. Deep conversation said I I do remember that she was always very inquisitive, and so that was kind of helpful for me to just totally be my self they're gonna make it easy for me to be around her. I guess, because it wasn't someone that I had to be someone. I wasn't around After the break Jane said, he goes on a date after leaving the ashram and

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today. Finding your purpose is easier than ever. Thanks to the kind of connectivity, a d n d provides allowing you to explore and grow and reach out across the world in ways that just weren't possible even decades ago. So take your time connect with your interests, change your path and your purpose connecting changes. Everything a tnt. A susan you left the ashram, your back living in london trying to return to a normal life, you're working you're starting to date and Eventually, you go on a date with roddy who is now your wife? Can you read the part of your essay or you talk? Your first date with her absolutely

night, was going to cost me nearly a week's income, and I wanted to be perfect. We were outlook and the locatelli one of the best restaurants in london, when we slid into a battery leather booth. I winced She was vegan and vegans aren't known to appreciate leather boots. The lights were low, the ambulance beautiful. We're still hoping to hear how impressed she was you think they have anything league and on the menu she said. Sounding more worried that excited their famous for their fresh past. I said trying to sound optimistic, but I had signed up for a special day, sitting menu and I didn't know how much choice she would have fresh stay usually has eggs. She said, but we'll see this is amazing right. I said she

I'd politely, but she wasn't being much after dinner, I drove a home and dropped her off outside your apartment, thanked me and waved a friendly good by the evening, had fallen flat clay. I had no idea what I was doing: I'm feeling for you J. In this moment. Oh, my gosh, why do you think it was so easy for you to say back into this serve unmoved. click mode of trying to impress roddy like Is it about dating someone that made you slip back to the old way of life, I think, we're so unaware, and we underestimate how strongly our conditioning and why, bring leads our life. Since I was young, I saw the dates that movies had in wrong. Comes I done those dates, we're,

partners in my teens and college life- and so you assume that I just have to keep repeating this cycle until it goes wrong, and I think we don't realize how how many cycles and how many patterns we live in until we start to break. and it was only later that I figured out that my wife's favorite thing to do. She said to me Ideal date would be going to test goes him. Looking down, the bridle test causes england's whole foods and- and I think that she, speaking more from a kind of funny tongue in cheek in town, It says: hey, I'm simple! I just want to walk down an aisle at the grocery store and pick something up to eat. We don't need to go to a fancy restaurant then I thought that that was refreshing and beautiful, because it showed me that she didn't value those things hm. How long did it take you

we just sort of relax into yourself with roddy in what did it take to do that, while I think it was, I give the credit to her because she was so good at not trying to impress someone back, and I dunno rather just a special human being- it's like she's, so different and weird in a good way. I dedicate my first book to her and I wrote the dedication to be to my wife, whose more monk then I'll ever be. I just think that a lot of the qualities I learned during my time as a monk rather had them. Quite naturally, I look among qualities in everyone I meet, and I believe everyone whether they ve been among, cannot have them. That among life really helps us justly train them and build them and develop them. As well, I am struck by when you said that she was even though it was a bit of a joke.

I just wanna walked on the bread I'll. That sort of simple, pure way of connecting does feel very monk. Like of her, I mean it sounds like you were picking up on, these sort of monk like qualities in her even early on. That is well. But I think- and another thing I just came to mind- is rather would always say. Oh I want you to come and spend time with my family. My family's really important to me. I remember When I first started hanging out at her house, her family would often look at and below. Are you really going to wear that when he comes over cause she just be in sweats or whatever and she'd be like? and that is what I'm going to wear, because that's what I would wear if I was at the house totally, and so she had this really like honest, vulnerable, open way of being from the beginning, and I think that definitely monk like as well to say yet. This is why I am- and this is how we'll be- and it's pretty your practice now to try to develop,

or even hope those monk qualities in other people correct. That's your books in your podcast. It sort of about two have training folks who, having spent years an ash from to exhibit these qualities in their own life. Yeah yeah, definitely the ledges- that I studied during my time as among greeley, laid out the four stages of life almost as for classrooms of love, and so the first stages of life are considered in our life in solitude. apply for single life. The second stage is relationship life married life, that the third stage of life is almost reflecting and thinking about what you wanna do next in the fourth stage of life is loving the world and the monks believe that the most important loves to raise the love story

you have with anyone and everyone in the world. I think so often we ve built up this idea in society that the most important love story as your romantic love story. So many people. go through life single and think that their unworthy of love, because they don't have a romantic partner. He was someone loses. Their romantic part and then they feel like they don't have any love in their life, but the love of a brother or sister, a mother or father, I, like all of these loves count like we can say that romantic love is above or below any of these J of those four steps. What stage do you think you're in? I would say that I probably have a bit of a I listened to all of been wow. Okay, probably a step too practicing to love my wife and the people around me, but I have a glimpse into step three and four because step three,

requires a lot of healing hacked love within yourself and then stage. Four is where I want to live every day, which is I want to love everyone, and I want to share love with everyone on the planet, and I want to write, be able to spread love across the world. While you are on a world tour, so I'd say you're pretty you're pretty far on your way to step four, I guess I I think I'm definitely that's what I meant. That's what I said I'm says, because when I'm with my teachers, I see how they live in that space, and I I just have a little peak and that's good enough to prove to me. It's real, and so I feel great there's more to learn that I'm not I'm not upset, I'm not there, and I'm here, be that I know where I have to go. All I'm gonna give people is. I don't want anyone to fool, shame or guilt for how they currently live. I want you to feel clarity and cure, your city, about where you still have to go to jail. Thank you

much for coming on the show. Thank you for having me so grateful and appreciate your time and energy modern love is produced by Julia patera, Christina Josiah enhance beautiful. It's edited Sarah harrison negative producer is Jen plant. This episode, mixed by marian Lozano or show was report it by Madame S, yellow the modern them music is maintained. Powell original music in this episode by marian Lozano pappa kashgar enrolling still digital production by behemoths, blarney, no globally special instigation eddies, team, Nicole burg, in any gold them and love column is edited by Daniel Jones. Merely is the editor of modern love projects, I'm gonna, Martin,

Thanks for listening, I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations. And you're, not in this world, to live up to mine. I just love that quote from Bruce Lee and while it can feel really hard to become the limits it's done you by others. Here, to remind you,. then limits don't have to be yours. The next seven minutes are about Potential and defying expectations I m J shady welcome to the daily J. Before we go any further, let's get scented with three deliberate breaths.

Inhaling and sailing. Filling your lungs with ease. Emptying them with focus. embracing this moment, I'm tuning in. Today, I'd like to introduce you to work, the most exciting run is of the past twenty years. No. I'm not talking about you same bout or alison Felix, I'm told In about foul just sing the worlds. HU. This marathon now found you was not born with the traditional athletic build. In fact, His legs were so skinny and weak that he couldn't walk at all until age. Five.

growing up in a farming village in india, other kids would teach him. They called him dunder, which is punjabi for stick eventually found. You grew fit. I'm healthy. He got married. Had six children and a form of his own. It was a good life not without its challenges for one that was full and fulfilling then in his mid eighties, FAO just for the loss of his middle sun could eat his wife had passed. away a few years earlier and the rest these children had long ago left india found felt lonely and lost so move to england to live with some of his remaining family, he started running with fellow punjabi experts and he found that it helped him cope with his grief. It gave him purpose and in fact he

good at it really good for his age, It stayed in shape with his lifelong farm work and be challenged. Other scene is, he would win, then one day he saw a marathon on tv. He didn't know exactly what the race was, but he wanted to compete. Even though founder enjoyed running, it seemed like a stretch to prepare for a twenty six miles track. The failure was determined. He found a coach to train him. And several months later he fell the london marathon enjoy on this seven hours since then he has made global headlines running, astonishing. Eight more marathons he's so, broken several world records, including being the first one hundred year old, to finish a marathon.

Fao just lost competitive race was a ten k in twenty thirteen. Just before turned one hundred into he's now retired, but he still runs for fun at the age of One hundred and eleven All my life found your one said people who sat limitations on me days, ed. I would never walk, they say. I would never farm, they certainly never thought I would set records with my runny, no matter what People said always believed him myself, I ever gave up. I'll just story is remarkable because he didn't let the expectations of others determine his path or slow him down. Despite this those it barriers in his way. Maybe you can relate to that

maybe there's something you want to do, but people keep saying you con Oh you ve been teased for something that's supposed to hold you back whatever. it may be, don't let outside opinions prevent from pursuing your passions or chasing your dreams, don't lie. Others define for your life, looks like remember those at their limits. Not yours, as our time today wines down, let's meditate, on that to get comfortable wherever you are. Allowing your body and mind to relax into the present see if you can adopt a compassionate attitude,

yeah embracing yourself and your experience. Whatever this practice brings. This is a moment of rest. You don't have to do anything or be anywhere. And if you find your mind busy, all your body, restless, that's! Ok! There's nothing you need to do with your thoughts or emotions. Just observe that they exist. See if you can gently, let them be. Allow yourself.

To feel whatever you're feeling right now,. meditation is a beautiful opportunity, to just be aware of your present experience. And now, let's open this up. Bring to mind an interest that you might like to pursue, but your hesitant wondering if time has passed you buy. Can you open yourself up to them possibility that it's not actually too late. What's one step you could take toward that interest.

I am looking forward to seeing what you're gonna do next, Thanks for being here today, I'd love. It is share this message with someone who could use it and I'll see you tomorrow, juice, glances of take The health world by storm promising more than just a detracts, so I tried out, squeeze dot, comes juice cleanse and it was a total game changer. For me, it wasn't just about drinking juices. If all like hitting a reset button for my whole body, I shed some way far less bloated and my skin cleared up Bring on squeezed out palms, refreshing juices became a daily reminder to appreciate my body. Each drink was like a small act of self care in my busy life. This clans isn't just a quick fix: its investment in long term health visit squeeze dot com for free, fast delivery with the code purpose, omber buzz is supported by eighty anti. The driving force behind connectivity. Bridging

apps and enabling exploration and growth like never before in our ever changing world, where time seems to slip away its common to worry, about finding our purpose too late, but I didn t is able to connect us, so we can embrace the possibilities, follow our passions and light up that path that sets ourselves on fire. Eighteen t believes every moment is a chance to discover your purpose, no matter where you are in life. So take your time connect with your interest change your part and your purpose connecting changes. Everything. Eighty anti.