It's so nice out there out there in them sycamore kids were stretching the sun high in and internet between that country, skis and kids, do in the first snowplow or next Pull off to a long day of forgetting what day it is with us to get out of there come home all asked and asked that went away, and when you Evelyn travellers inexpedient member. You can travel even more so nice out there, so less guy expedient made to travel times apply? Sisyphus details everyone war compared to on per bird. The number one help pod cost in the World Bank's to each and every single one of you who come back every week to listen, learn and to grow now this week I've been speaking to a lot of you. I've been talking to a lot of my friends.

I've, been reading comments and I'm noticing something that a lot of people are struggling with the mental health at this time with the pandemic, with the lock down. I know that its effect did so. Many of us so many different ways, and so today I actually wanted to focus on how we can experience more love and a connection. We're locked down, because whether you are surrounded by lots of people are whether you living alone. We all experience the need for more love and connection. So this isn't just if your lonely, this isn't just of your sign of friends, even if you ve started reconnecting with a smile. We are friends and even if you ve started quarantining in a small group and getting together again, this is really really important because for a lot of people, it's been hard to figure out how to reconnect ramming of yours, going to have just a normal bricks to conversation. Maybe you are maybe or not, but it so important that we learn how

to find more love and connection in our lives, especially endemic and, if you're not listening to me, you yourself remember to listen to it, for your friends, your family, who may feeling. This way there, maybe someone some your life. That is feeling this way. So listen to this. According to researchers, at Stanford University, only ness is be number one reason that people seek therapy today number one reason and more people are seeking therapy he can coaching and seeking community in their lives, and this interviews, researchers at you a city of Arizona, recently admitted a loneliness survey to more than one thousand Americans from all fifty states in the? U S aged eighteen, thirty, five, some of you might actually be in that demographic, sixty one point, five percent of respondents reported feeling mostly socially isolated

and these feelings of loneliness was significantly higher than in similar surveys that took place before the corn of lockdown as we can imagine, that the locked down and pandemic brought about that feeling of loneliness and disconnection now some of us are concerned And with family, and which we could get some alone time like some of us are clear that alone, to how many of you are raising right now shouting. Yes, that's me, you just some space and like I need some space ray. I need some space I find Space moon House. If you been surrounded by lots of people and others said, in most of their time alone, and, like I wish I could be with someone. I know people wanting to go visit their family- and I mean rather example would have loved to spend more time with our family. This but we couldn't go back to London to actually do that, and I know my wife's missing apparent seller. So today I M going to talk about the two levels of loneliness and what you can do to feel more connected and fulfilled in,

your life. If you already right now, I want you to take a screen shot, because this is where it gets deep you can get in with me. I want to be able to take notes if you're listening, while you're walking your dog or you're on your jogger you're running or you're in the gym when you cooking, so much again for being here, let's die right now in many ways, single people and people who live alone are actually doing better during this time than their married or partnered counterparts right for some having upon or family who they live with provides. Social outlet, but loads of marriages are struggling, Relationships are struggling, distress of on and off lockdown, Financial issues and spending tons of extra time together is actually driving some couples, a paw and, if you're in there, Then I definitely one you to stick around if you ve seen

We would have had a lot of my friends open up to me and say how much they ve struggled during the lock down with their partner and Mean Robin Daphne did in the beginning. True, because we used to be in different countries. I often we used to both travelling a lot to being out of meetings all day, and we start to realise that we were both inside our apartment and we just had to set new barriers. So I remember the first couple of weeks where to set new expectations about who is going to do? What, when you know how we left the living room or the lounge workspace, you know which area was work in which areas social we had have to do that. I'm you ve, been through a lot of this is well balanced. This in China, Hong Kong. According to the BBC, once lockdown restriction started to lift the number of people filing for divorce began to skyrocket, now summit, he's rushed out and followed for divorce laid to change their minds. Sets a reminder not to be too hasty in may major decisions during a stressful time, sometimes one

we are experiencing stress stressful pressure. We don't make the best decisions for ourselves best decision- is a decision that you fell is true for you for some time, not a decision that you just felt was right. You yesterday and that's great we have knowing whether decision is right for you for for a long time that you just need to move, had been speaking to my friends who live with a lot of family and We have known for some time that they need to move out that any do when their lockdown is made, that really clear for them, and so when they were all like using. This is right I was like well have you feel this way for before the lockdown rises? decision in your life that had some sort of a seed before the lockdown, because all the lockdown has done is amplify what was already there right lockdown as created new issues, its amplified issues that may have already existed, that we glossed over or didn't notice it much so

the point is whether we might think that those living alone and singles haven't hardest during times of isolations. That's not necessarily true and that's not taking away from someone's pain of being alone, but it so recognising that there are challenges being surrounded by people so something those surprise, a lot of you. According to Doktor Ellie, I came kiss level hope. I'm saying that right, a professor of public policy and government at Hebrew University and the author of Happy Single heard, the rising acceptance in celebration of solar living, the narrative that cobbled people have an easier during lockdown could be large wrong in an article in psychology today, kiss live, writes that many singles have fed well socially during these initial months of isolation, and that's because while they were isolated physically there were not isolated mentally. And those are the two levels of loneliness we're going to talk about today, loneliness caused by physical d,

dense and loneliness caused by mental and emotional distance, and I'm going to give you strategies and tactics for how to address both so that you can feel more connection in your life. A minute ago I told you that loneliness is the number one reason: people site for seeking therapy today Right. Let me just mention that you, but guess what this isn't: a new phenomenon. That statistic has been true for years. In many ways I think of the virus as that great ample, If you have underlying problems in your relationships, the locked down and other stresses we're flying and magnifying them. If you are feeling lonely before you come feeling even more lonely. Now or maybe you want feeling lonely before you weren't aware of feeling a lack of connection.

Because you were so busy with your job and all of the activities you had going on, but now that those things are cancelled or postponed or even laid off work or just physically ice hated more she'll. Realising that you feel socially disconnected loneliness doesn't just feel bad, creates real problems, doktor Vivid Morty, former surgeon general of the? U, in twenty seventeen wrote this during my years, caring for patients, the most common pathology I saw was not heart disease or diabetes. It was loneliness. Marthy went on to write that impact of loneliness on health was similar. Listen to this waiver to if you smoked fifteen cigarettes a day. How crazy is this that the farmers

in general of the U S. In twenty seventeen said that during my years came for patients, the most common pathology I saw was not heart disease or diabetes, loneliness, the impact of let us help to assimilate if you smoked fifteen cigarettes a day. Conversely, according to Emma simpler Associate directive, a Stanford University Centre for compassion and altruism research, the opposite is also true. If you feel you have strong connections in your life, you have fifty percent greater chance of living longer. It's about how you feel about. What's in your life, it's not necessarily about. Who is in your life or how many people are in your life. It's about how you feel about the people that are there it's about how you feel connected to them right. Sometimes we thinking about about like you, know, easy, because I don't have enough people in my life. Is it because any more

people in my life, it tat. You know, that's how we feel about the people that currently exist in our life. How do you personally feel about your closest friend of your task of whose micro, his friend? What would the answer be right when you think about how you feel about the role that person plays wherever they are? That's gonna be the one that makes the big difference. I started taking a lead, means because, as someone who is always on the go, sometimes it's hard to eat healthy. So I wanted to make sure I'm still able to get the vitamins and minerals my body needs without carrying around a ton of supplements. So what is this stuff? one delicious scoop of athletic greens, your absorbing seventy five high quality vitamins, minerals, whole food source, Super foods, probiotics and adaptations to help. You start your day right, This special blend of ingredients supports your got health. You nervous system, your immune system, your energy recovery focus and aging

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This podcast caused sponsored by better help online therapy relationships take work, especially the patience, you have you have with yourself with go out of our way to treat other people well. But how often do we give ourselves the same treatment this month They help online derby ones to remind you that you to just as much as everyone else does, and that therapy is a great way to make sure you show up for yourself and I get it. There can seem intimidating. No one likes to open up a bit their personal problems, but remember no problem is too big or two small and having a good therapists to help you you through those moments. You feel so much better after letting go of that stress to someone who is eager to help, Help is online therapy that off his video phone and even live chat sessions with you at therapist. So you don't. See anyone on camera. If you dont want to its much more afore

both and invest in therapy, and you can be matched with the terror based in under forty eight hours. Give it a try. And see why over two million people have used better help online therapy. This part caused sponsored by better help and on purpose? Were jerry listeners get ten percent of their first month? I better help dot com forward, slash purpose, that's b e t t ye are h: e lp dot com forward, slash purpose. So let's look at a definition of what it feels to feel connected. You see, burglaries greater good magazine describes Social connected ness as the feeling that you belong to a group and generally feel close to other people. Many researchers say that social connecting this is a core psychological need for us to feel fulfilled and happy. Yet, according to data from you got thirty percent a millennials report,

always often feeling lonely. That's ten percent, more than genetics and fifteen percent more than baby boomers, twenty seven percent a millennium say they have no close friends. That's a lot of people. Have you fall into that category? listening right now, you're not considered a loser right, like I think, that's the issue that we build up around having no friends that we also view not having lots of friends as a weakness, as opposed to just realizing that it takes time to build trusted relationships. It takes time to be friends with people that are good people. It's not something where you just wanna be sir, did lots of fake friends who, once fake friends right known once that so by now, What were you thinking I get? A J loneliness is bad for me, but how do I stop feeling it? So, let's get down to the real story? these four erasing, loneliness and feeling more connection in your life. Let's start by addressing loneliness caused by physical DIS

its that's level. One of loneliness you want to connect without is, but you can't, because of physical restrictions and guidelines of fear that you will become sick or ill you for physical loneliness. You either of people in your life you close to where you feel disconnected from right now, because you, get together with them in person or maybe a friends and family you're connected with where you want romance and it's hard to meet someone in lockdown when it comes to ways to connect with loved ones. During lockdown lots of newspapers, a media sites have been offering suggestions, so I'm not going to spend on recounting all of them. Not husband, having zoom dance parties in game night. watching movies or whatever. It is what, if you one of those people who, because of all the distractions at work, How busy you were before lockdown, you don't realize how much lacking in social connection Some are met, those friends you or that partner you deeply connect with, and now with all these restrictions, you feel like that's going to be imposed

all around the world. People are feeling similarly and as a result, they coming up it's some pretty creative ways to connect. Now this was a story that I love and common Jody Jeremy Karim, a resident of Brooklyn York, went out onto his roof deck. He saw a strange sight, although maybe not that strange for new anyway Jeremy went out on the deck as he looked across the way on the roof of another building. He saw a woman dance probably doing a tick tock, or something like that right now, even though she was far enough away that he couldn't see the details of what she look like something about the woman appealed to him write a German how'd CBS News. I saw shining bright light. She was happiness in a dark time. Now I don't know who don't fall for that line, writes a great line german you he had to do something

and made this woman, but how and this is why, at the beginning of lockdown, everything was lockdown, he went back out onto the deck and, as luck would have it, woman looked over at him. He smiled and waved she returned smile and waved back, but still what to do from there even in a city was shouting is a popular form of communication. She was too far away for Germany to Yellow that's where's. Creativity kicked in Germany wrote his number on a piece of paper, attested to drone that he happened to have and then, over to her a short time later. The woman Tory Senor Ella text it in and they started talking, and he asked me to dinner literally because of the lock down you can eat to get in the way that people normally do. Instead, they eat set up a small table. Jeremy. His deck and torn her Ruth said it with the white linen.

some wine and set up a face time with a shed a virtual toast, nor even what about a second date. How do you talk that if the first it was created in Managua for the next day, Jeremy did some shopping. He bore now not making this up. I swear to you. He bought a giant inflatable bubble on Ebay and he got inside it and they went for a walk together picture it she's walking along like normal and there's this guy walking all sort of rolling working alongside her in this big bubble, but it seems to be working out of a mean. We can be reason: s aureus, probably never had a guy go to those lands today. Other, for I know, I'd be impressed if anyone to death for me too, so the Good NEWS is, you don't have to go to those extremes. To figure out how to make meaningful connections during this time. Lots of us, especially when it comes to anti relationships are continuing to lean on dating apps during the

downs use of online dating apps has skyrocketed. According to the economic times, tinder saw an old Tom usage high on March, twenty ninth with more three billion swipes around the world and during a two week, peered in March, bumble explains to twenty six percent increase in usage. Filter off is a relatively new up, which lawns just before the virus developers. says he had only a few dozen uses and road in the video speeding up would suggest matches three minute video dates before covered struck. Then, in just under a month, he experienced a seven thousand percent increase in use, a sign up,

maybe we'll speculate of this phenomenon of video predates may continue after covered, but according to rights, is a representative from bumble in the UK said that fifty five percent of uses surveyed said that they would continue to use video predates to get to know potentials before agreeing to me in person. That's a good thing right, like I'm, actually happening here that, because the more we doing, video dates where people onto swiping or on just texting, orangist ghosting gradually having face time cause we're actually talking to each other in communicating. That's how you gonna give us a better sign of whether someone's right for us and whether we feel connected to them in the EU

restrictions very by stay and changing daily, so an inverse and day might be on one minute and off the next. Based on current guidelines, you straighten seem to have found a method that works according to the guardian in Australia. Flirting from one point, five meters upon across the supermarket I'll is now the new. Nor are they Jordan, Smith told the guardian. Everyone still needs to go to the grocery store and called supermarket in Corona Times the new place. Today. I've decided right. This is what are the Jordan Smith. All this I've decided this. What he saying you learn about people's food choices and then choosing three ply or two ply It's a whole new level of intimacy for friendships, there's an app called quarantine chat which connects,

ages in quarantine zones around the world for phone chats to combat loneliness quarantine, shot was created by artists, Daniel Baskin and MAX Hawkins friends. You have stayed in touch for years through the strategy of random cause, so those in some ways people dealing with loneliness caused by physical distance and finding ways to meet new people. And what am I have? You already have lots of friends and your integrity family, but you still feel disconnected in a study of twenty thousand adults. Fifty four percent said they don't know one person who knows them well in a study of twenty thousand dollar. Fifty four percent said they don't know. One person who knows the mall loneliness is not necessarily being alone. It's the feeling. Then no one loves you. That is the deepest level of loneliness so and is about who statement by Robin Williams, and this, I believe, is going to find it free energy limits, bring it up him just reading this out loud, I used to think that the worst thing in life

was the end up alone. He said it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone. Now, when you hear that it breaks your heart because we can identify and of course we would love to Robin Williams as well, but that's why guess how he felt so if level one is learning is caused by physical distance level too, that deep alone is loneliness that mental and emotional origin that and no matter who is in our lives or even if their enclosed physical proximity. We still feel that we lack worth and vat or that no one understands us going out and meeting more people on its own isn't going to help that. But I'm gonna give you three strategies that will

for a lot of us tat feeling of loneliness is coming from a lack of connection with ourselves. That is the very deepest level of loneliness when we're physically isolated. When we lose our distractions part of the inside in discomfort, we often feel has to do with discovering that we're living with a stranger ourselves. We discover how little we know about our selves. How disconnected we feel from our own deepest mode wishes and desires, and that can leave us feeling, incredibly lonely. So that's! What is your number one for curing learning is caused by mental and emotional distance. To know yourself better, it can be even a simple as sitting down a bad pen or a tablet, or your Iphone and making two lists down one amazing I like and down the other column. I dont like that's some really simple, and it is that's the point. Allow use,

how to write down or the type what comes to mind without censoring it. You might be surprised what it leads you, maybe some of the things and people you think you like or think are healthy for you they really on. Maybe you'll, find a secret, passionate hobby, you ve been busy. Did you connect with like you write down like drawing, and you never drawer, and you realize there's something you'd like to do more. So you by sketch bad in some pencils or you son, for an online all clause and there you having to meet someone who also likes to draw. But even if you do me other people, even if you just enjoy this new hobby, you will find something surprising. You will find that even if you just doing this thing by yourself, even if you just making time every day, every week or every month to sit down alone with your sketch bad, you will feel less lonely, because you'll be connecting with something you truly

I too, do you be engaging with something truly meaningful to you right, and we will experience that before so that strategy number one get to know. You so better sit down and make a list of your likes and dislikes, and that includes things or people. You want release from your life, or at least spend less time and energy on and a lot of no. Here, it's not helpful to turn your dislikes into a rant about some other person. This is about you and I The things that few desirable and healthy in your life and what fools undesirable and unhealthy.

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Are you keeping things on the service and then wondering why you don't have deep relationships? Will you feel seen and understood, I decline a while back, who taught me Jake. I feel like all of my friendships, the supervision like. I know, that's the stereotype of guys that we can't look my deep some feelings, but I actually want to connect with my friends in a real way. You're always seem to talk by sports work and tv shows and the weather when I asked if he was being that person with his friends that he wants to be with him. Is he sharing his feelings? taking emotional risk to them by being vulnerable. Is he bringing up topics with some depth to then he realized he wasn't right. I advised them to pick one or two close friends who he trusts and to try that to try being vomit and he was shot one c lean into those friendships by taking them to a deeper level. They respond as well and now

she was like those friends, really do see him and value him for who he is the same to be true with family members. Maybe you complain that your brother on never checks in with you checking with them. Are you showing them the kind of relationship you want to have with them? The real problem is locked down its lockup. We feel like the issue is that we can't open up our doors to one another. The real problem is that we can open a hot one another or sometimes even ourselves. Sometimes that's because we think we need to be someone else. We need to be wealthier to look different, thinner, more attractive or to be more successful, but that's just not true if you want to have deep, meaningful relationships, connect with the people from where you right now related to this is something that doctor Jody Spencer said

it was on the show, and if you miss that it was a great episode, you should check it out. It was absurd number one, forty one, four zero. So when I was going to doktor Joe Dispenser, he said that something we tend to do when we meet people is a sort of bond over Hurts and Carolyn may says something similar that we often become wound bodies with people we bonding victim space are over things. We dislike ass, Doktor dispenser says it's like. Oh, that person hurt you they hurt me too, but that's a very low vibrational space, the bonding and it can be challenging to take those relationships that Stein is negative or wounds space and move them to a healthy, vibrant space. How many of you have experienced that, maybe you became really close to? one to a tough time. Maybe you are in a class together and you really dislike to teach you the professor. They were tough because was tough and you can't seem to get anything right and you enough

student became friends and wandered over you dislike over the professor, the clause, but as life went on, you started moving on Bigger and better places and more positive mental states that friendship kind of fur like you can't pulling you back down. Maybe you is for bad after talking a person with a always seems so negative. When you are trying to be positive when we bonding our wounds, it's often difficult transition. There relationships to a healthier space, so that strategy number to notice what you're putting out there. Because of your stained superficial, you may just be getting back where you're giving out instead show people kind of relationship. You would like to have it done now. You probably don't want to go all in and tell someone your new deepest secret. That might be a bit too much too fast, but be open about it. It's like dipping your toe into the water to take his temperature and noticed two if you're burning it in negative space, because it's probably going to be hard to transition that will

in shape to a positive one strategy, number three for resolving mental and emotional distance and feeling more connected is to hold out. Oh no, you thinking J, you just people vulnerable to give More- and I know- but this goes along with that. Listen, I'm a friend who's on the dating scene, now and she's, doing social distancing dating so no physical contact, and she told me James the Weders thing now that physical contact is off the table, it's actually a relief. I'm getting to know people far better than I was before it's almost like dating is returned to the nineteen hundreds rules right only without the shop of his speeches for fun. I googled dating Jeanne hundreds, and so, hilarious voters came up people sitting in full suits in big puffy dresses on picnic, blankets, eating grapes, Amene sounds like something else is inscribed in one man with the big handlebar mustache is giving a woman a very chased pack on the cheek, and she has sort of our scandalised look on her face. You know it's kind of the type of data on your part.

I wish you did especially as a teen or twentysomethings so over some of you, handlebar moustaches, writing about install. But what I find said made me think: wouldn't it be cool if courtship was back in STAR and by courtship I mean slowing things down, really getting to know each other. Or jumping in with lots of physical contact. I think I might actually be one of the gifts of this time that If we're falling regulations anyway, were forced to slow things down a bit when we bring physicality interrelationship quickly. The broader intimacy we have been building can take a back seat, the physical acts and intimacy, and I cannot see, decrease our chances of a successful relationship in the long term. We can become quickly distracted by the physical and nazi Hu, a person is so look on the bright side of not having a media. Physical contact get to know one another better. It seems out

How should I know, but not everything, that's old fashioned is bad intimacies and just physical, and it isn't only romantic for friendships. It's like what I said before. Don't put everything on the table up front? Enjoy the process of getting to know one another or for family and drew the process of getting to know about one another, those three strategies to overcoming mental and emotion. Distance and loneliness and creating deeper, more meaningful connections. Number one get to know yourself better if you don't feel connected to yourself Some part of you will always feel lonely, no matter how many friends you have strategy number two is notice. What you're putting out there are you being should for official, or are you willing to go deeper, your friends or potential partner right, really really think

by that and number three to hold out slow down when you meet people really take the time to get to know them to invest, to develop a meaningful relationship. Otherwise, in my just stay superficial or fizzle out entirely right as Emma several of them Stanford says the beauty The part about social connection is that it doesn't really matter the number friends we feel connected to weaken for meaningful inaction in our lives, we just one other person or even just ourselves. The feeling is subjective. As settler says in a TED talk, we don't have control over our external environment. We can't always change humming. friends we have. We can't always change how successful we are, how attractive area, but one thing we do have forever is our internal state. I hope you enjoyed today's podcast shared inside the strategy that helped you the most one you're gonna, try out. Tell me on Instagram Aunt, Jane Shoddy, please, if you can do this, leave a review on the podcast out

means the world to me. If you leave a review, tell me what you love about a podcast. I can't wait to be back with you again next week. Thank you for listening. Take care of see you soon. It's so nice out there out there in them Sycamore kids were stretching the sun high in and tonight between that country, skis and kids do in the first snowplow or next pull off to a long day of forgetting what day it is with us to get out of. There come home, more asked and asked that went away and when you Avon travellers inexpedient member. You can travel even more so nice out there, so less guy expedient made to travel times apply seaside for details