Today, I’m speaking to Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine who share their thoughts on dating and relationships. They take turns in talking about their best and worst dates, the general struggles most women have while dating, how to get through a difficult breakup - the do’s and don’ts - and the subtle dating red flags that are often missed.
Rayna and Ashley of the "Girls Gotta Eat" podcast. The podcast was launched in 2017 and has since become a popular destination for listeners who enjoy discussions about dating, relationships, sex, and women's experiences in these areas. Each episode features the two hosts discussing their personal experiences, sharing dating and relationship advice, and answering listener questions. The podcast is known for its humorous and relatable approach to these topics, as well as its frank and honest conversations. In addition to offering advice, the hosts also interview guests who are experts in various aspects of dating, relationships, and sex, such as therapists, sex educators, and relationship coaches. Overall, "The Girls Gotta Eat" is a lively and entertaining podcast that provides a unique perspective on the ups and downs of dating and relationships for women.
You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.
What We Discuss:
- 00:00 Intro
- 02:18 Rayna and Ashley talk about settling into LA and what’s been going on for them since moving in.
- 04:09 What defines a good date?
- 06:32 Many relationships may be great on the phone, but some don’t work after meeting up.
- 15:41 How do you manifest your dream date and what can you bring into the relationship?
- 22:00 Success can be intimidating and this is why it's challenging to date when you’re successful.
- 27:24 The early mistakes we make when dating and how to avoid them.
- 29:25 This is why our happiness shouldn’t depend on other people and start learning to enjoy every moment in our life.
- 32:16 Common practices of happy couples and why they work so well.
- 35:16 Rayna and Ashley share their thoughts on lovers becoming friends and vice versa.
- 39:11 How do you deal with a breakup?
- 45:00 The hidden messages many of us don’t see that often leads to the relationship breakup.
- 47:01 Pay attention to these commonly missed red flags because not all relationships are the same.
- 51:19 Having children is a choice, Rayna and Ashley share their stance on the topic.
- 59:58 What options do we have when we’re at the end of our lives?
- 01:03:24 Girls Gotta Eat on Final Five
Episode Resources
Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty
https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
You just get blindsided broke up with out of the blue and he's like you did you do this. You do that and you're like. Why didn't you tell me when those things were happening because feedback is important? Everyone welcome back to on purpose the number one health podcast in the world thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow, and I am so excited to be talking to you today,
Believe it. My new book, eight rules of love is out, and I cannot wait to share with you. I am so so excited viewed
read this book for you to leave.
into this book. I read the audio book if you haven't
it already me
Do you go to eight rules of love, dot com, it's dedicated to anyone who is trying to find keep or let go of love? So if you ve got friends that dating broken up or struggling with love make sure you grab this book.
and I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules go to jail, Shelly tool
com to learn more information about tickets, the idea experiences and more. I can't wait to see you this year,
so, I've been loving learning from anyone who is insights, tips tricks about dating about love about relationships, and today's gas are going to give us a lot of that. I'm talking about
Credible podcast is behind girls, gotta eat a top comedy podcast about dating intimacy.
An relationships hosted by actually hustled
and rain- a green bug raina
candidly, discuss any and all dating related topics ranging from fetish is to finance. It
and bring in regular guests, including therapies, comedians doctors and authors
was recently raina ashley of large new company, and I'm so excited
interview them right now. The company's called vibes only and there in the studio right now actually and rain,
Thank you. Sorry, for being such a lovely inner and an intro to my lovely interview, so great that is our intro, so she really gets off on what I love wait till we flip and we get to hide her love language. I'm going to be like one thank you for having three sucks. I know I'm so excited. As I said, my whole team are huge fans of anyone.
I thought I was gonna see you today they rely on
got a worldly there alone, so there was so much energy.
For us to be together, and I've definitely felt like I've been true
do more and more of this, where and- and I think we'll see this when we post about and talk about it
trying to sit down with people that people don't expect me to sit down with and that people don't expect to sit down with me, and I think that's what creates this like, really beauty.
synergy in getting to know
was I I want to get to know you both today I was one all your advice is my audience is constant, looking for advice and tips intrigues, but
to start off with just by saying as you david so far. What are you gonna do today anything fun driving him
We are taking a tour. We just moved here. Can I say, move loosely, but we're gonna be here for
you mind may be permanently so can grow and a new part of l, a and meeting you and we were. We actually have had a pretty exciting day, work wise. We books of really fun stuff ways
interviews. We go back to new york for some things and it's been a good day.
hey yeah, we're planning our next leg of our tour london, where your friends are really excited to go there on outset soon and yes, we did a lot of really fun stuff cause we're releasing really fun things for valentine's day. For our intimacy company
it yeah. It's been a great day, I'm like that's good. Where, where are you staying right now, you said you're in a good area. Was that specifically what you're saying I'm in west hollywood and reyna is she can speak for herself but she's in bed? I love diners yeah, the first time I me and my wife came here for work
we state in burbank, and my wife legislate. Oh my god
has nothing to do in a lake, as we saw at bob, I wasn't alive and then the second time we can. We state in west Ali, with my ass, the others, a cool I can go to. The german can get creation another by the third time. She's like ok. Here we can move to locate approach
hard city to know- and I came here so many times it's just I feel I must say we go to like charleston are often or chicago. I can know it in two days. I'm like I get it, but allay is so big and so vast or so many areas it takes a minute, but we're really
yeah, we've been here for two weeks. It's just been really amazing, where I went to the beach for sunset last night and it's just been really nice. I love that. I want to start dating her, so we're really excited about each other. Other people,
Ninety got it lets, let's, let's grab into doing less it'll come now always very rude ally. Obviously, together, like
there were doubts about. Let's, let's look about that.
When it comes to dang. I wanna hear what's been the best day you ve ever been on the best tool for me like what defines
David, is not like the activity, necessarily just how hard I'm laughing with somebody, and that I want to go to like the next place to the next place. The next place and just like drink dinner-
we're, and I had a really crazy day. That was my first date in your city. Ever fifteen years ago, this guy, like picked me up in a car which is crazy on new york. Yeah, that's a red flag and he took me to boot
bar, and we just had this like crazy over the top near I was like. I can't believe I'm doing it. I'm in new york is a new experience. New places hawkeye, it's so cool. We just laughed on it and we drank we drank a lot and then we took a car. We left his car. We took a car to the airport
decided we're in a fly to the caribbean under previous state, and we went to the arab world. Where are you are not one sober city which we drove out to newark and we got your boots, was one o clock in the morning and there like no flights bligh outright now, and would you like,
I go back home if you find yourself in an airport in new jersey on a first date, something has gone awry me, though I like a little crazy, though I was like the coolest person I ever met also has twenty one, but I just find somebody who likes surprises me. It's fine good conversation sounds like a fun date for me. What's your best, I mean I had these dates when I first moved to newark that were just epic.
are you're. You know in a basement dancing and then you go have like saki and sushi somewhere, and you end up with
thy tacos. You started a rooftop like all these epic dates like I really love dating.
Or and going out with guys that are like showing me the city, I mean I've been to new york a million times, but I always say it's a really great way to get to know a city.
Abi will take you out. So guys would take me all these places that I would take dates there later and just act like I was a schoolgirl who knew my way around the city. So well, but I mean it's just. It feels like it's so obvious, like the best date I've ever been on was probably with like the person I felt the most of love with like the first date that
like so casual was a day day date. Rain is probably going to me for this, but he the data like showed
working for it that was already eating
nervous. I was like good luck to a terrible start. You know, and it was like- should have been so bad but you're
sitting. There were some one where you're like. Oh this is the real deal, so it's like a squeeze. It sounds. That's probably the best day
where you leave it and you're like ok? This is probably
I was a worse day you ever because I know you going have to thank you,
I try not to get any like so many others,
like I dont want to combat aids. It's like leaves you walk over the stories. That's like the positive is that even if you're they as long as you feel safe, as if somehow I buy a little bit like
crazy and any and all stay alive. All see this through that the worst do, and I think I do
it was right when we started the podcast. I had met this guy at a bar a few nights ago, and he had asked me out so we'd met before this is not like an online date, and we picked this dive bar to go to because they were suppose to have the best burgers. He said
had them. I was we gotta. Go there, be such a fund, a heating, confirm that
the day of- and I was like this is our
We kind of rude I showed up. He was
already there and he got himself a drink and it was pouring down rains, I walk in, he got himself drank and
walk up to the bar and I order a drink and it's all cash, and so I looked at him. This is a dive bar. The drinks are six dollars and I looked at him cause I thought maybe he would like buy me the drink and he was like there isn't eating
my town in apportioning ray, I get my own money, and I was like I guess I'll just sat up and stay
when they came back, oh yeah, I wouldn't I got me. I gotta catch restarted like we had. We talked about this on a pod caspian up to them,
loser controlling beauty. What we don't about, you just stay for the story
yeah. I do know story like I'm like I'll, actually pick the tab, but that since the podcast started not before the bug, but I've always done comedy is always good. Yeah, like the best seats, are the the worst dates of the best dates for the cause. Hey anyway, sorry yeah. He just he interrupted me constantly and ask me any questions about myself anytime. I would talk for any long. Sixty seconds, I always thought he looked so bored.
He can just couldn't be bothered. He was just rude, he wasn't engaged at all and then somebody came up and, like recognize me close to be a food blogger, and this guy was like, oh, my god,
go and that guy walked away, and I was like that's so cool and nobody ever recognized me back and I was so cool to me and he just jumped right back into history
acknowledgement of like that. So need the year. You know people are a fan of your work. He does like rude to start to finance, and then he insisted that I split every,
single round at the bar with ham and asking I have mixed feelings about paying on dates. Would I don't want you make it weird? I don't
if anybody owes me money- but I don't want you to be so rude to me, especially again francs or six dollars. So, yes, he was rude. He didn't ask questions. I just didn't feel bad, that's probably the worst date I've ever been on. We never talked again
algeria that it actually, yet they moved here whether to wear my. It is a privilege, like the voice, forgotten, catfish voice. I don't know
what, if you're gonna need to know this so this I guess it just started this rule.
we're not going on a date with actually kind of stopped me getting on the aps. Probably this way
in one of the very last updates I did. I actually came back to new york from quarantine
times I was at my parents house and when things felt safe enough in people
going on having like patio dates. I was on the streets like I was in like FEMA ten on the street. Having dates like, I was a what
What are we doing out here? You know, that's all you could do, but I think people really wanted that connection been inside for so long, so they were doing whatever it took. I felt like it was a fun time to date, it was like the people that were in new york were ready to be out there. A lot of people like broken up in the pandemic and so that you know late summer
into the fall and then it kind of shut down again in the winter of twenty. Twenty was like a dating time, but we are all just out on this literal streets, and so there were
you times where I was it. I can't do this anymore, I'm just like drinking socks
out of a past, a cup, its thirty decrees alec? What does my life I've a space heater, but I feel I can and it's a guy in these little like structures that they built, but this one really
set the tone for I'm not going to strangers anymore, that I haven't heard their voice. I haven't seen them walk and talk and the sky we had such could be. Inter member we were, we were bantering
throughout the election that the election that lasted a week long before we got the results, so we were texting all week and he his banter, was on point. He looks really cute his pictures. He was tall and had a job and we I was like, what's the catch here
because, if you're a woman who dates in new york city for quite some time, you know that there's gonna be a catch other, just as you know like. What's going to be wrong with this guy and he walked up, we met on the street to walk to this bar. He looked just like his photos and like what's it going to be when he spoke. It was the
waste of Michael Jackson. It was the most. It was my country because I mean everything
most fair begin
teeny, tiny boys on a six six mad, and I was like Paradise so we'd go. We sit at this place. I I've never felt so much like. I was
twentieth teeth. Remember one point we talking about candles. I was I'm on a date argued about
my favorite candle. Something has gone wrong here. He was telling me how he broke up with this girl. The pumpkin carving contest I was like this is insane. I actually went to the bathroom in the standard in the east village and took like a
these selfie in the mere for myself, like that's what the point that I was that that I need to feel myself
as I was on this terrible date and we had one drink and I insist on splitting the bell just to let him now.
He was in the friends out and we never suppose justice voice is,
energy, all right really. You know I've. I dont know that I could not pass that voice, but I can get past not great voice, but the energy was completely off like I was. It was not
it and that's kind of you know we can talk today.
What everyone but like when it people always ask us about app verses, meaning people in the wild and that's one of the reasons that doesn't work because you don't have a virus,
person you haven't seen her
interact in the world, how they walk. They talk of your attracted to the way they smell or their posture. You know little
things like that, you don't know through photos on an app. So that was a prime example. We really support on a data and not everybody has the authority on our side. We do and ashes and comedy clubs, comedian you're, not everybody has the option to do that, but we really encourage people to push themselves to be out into the world as much as they can make eye contact with somebody at a bar that you think he's cute asked questions say yes to.
Very thing, if you're, the kind of enterprises like I'm single, I don't wanna, be then put yourself in situations to meet people, and I've had a really good luck,
If the people in the wild everybody I've ever dated has been somebody. I've met in the wild I've done like two aid in dating at that dating app dates. In my life. It's just not for me. I get fatigued shopping for people, people like how's your day
I don't care about cats, so I just encourage people to like just get out more, even if that means, like typically you work inside your home all day, long go work at a coffee shop
at intel intelligentsia coffee on sunday morning and I like met many people and it's just it's not easy for.
But he knew but yours out there. But if your pain, what
I'm single and I don't want to be, then you have to put yourself in situations. Do not pay now absolutely Ivan. So I've dated four- and I don't need it
a marriage of rank right now, you're legal, taking a break right now. I know that's the way I am
for fourteen years, because as month for three years- and I got married, my wife Werner twice a day, my wife, ten years ago of genocide-
I did kenya's your ten years ago, but that's one thing when I started
doing so we met. We met him,
his sister, who happened to be all wing, bus and she's, like really close friends with my wife now- and she was friends with him before and she's one of my best friends too. So she did the work, but I I always wonder, like the closest decrements I've had to it is trying to recruit.
bring the pandemic so when I was hiring people ending interviews over zoo more into these over the phone,
like wow, I'm getting no energy from this person, like I'm, not understanding it's impossible to tell some of the best energy, but through zoom you can never tell, and so that's that's the closest. I can relate to that
I am intrigued by were you saying, because using go to places how everyone, as that one friend, is always trying to set them up. Do you have that one friend
but I got all of our friends. They make an organism guy. They would take that person about our red. You added rides. We talk a lot of the pack has like telling your friends. I would like to be set up in like letting them know. I'd like you to think of me, for this has not everybody thinks that you want that and it some people think
would be insulting to suggest that. Well, we did a whole episode on it, because it's such an art form to setting people up and what we, what we hate the most is like your single. Their single us should be together. It's an insult. It's like what does that even mean like just two people
This dude in the world based they're gonna match, though I think that its ice, when you have friends it
We think about who you are as a person who they have. That might be a fit, but I don't know you know it's funny, because I love that your sisters, that you and your wife up my brother
did kindest set me up with somebody it we went on a few days and it was great while it was and worse still fine, but it was. I had it.
doubt. I would have loved that story that someone is so close to me set me up with his essentially his best friend
his brother in law. You know it was that kind of thing he knew where I was from. We knew the same people so when people like that are really close to you and really get you those, I think those are the best type of people to set you up at. Like reyna said I mean
There is also people that have no idea that you're lucky noriega into it, so I dont think
anything wrong with telling everybody
now that I'm wanting to be set up with you,
when you buddy, why not make you know shoe your shot
all right now in the way anyone's watching was you dollar I'm trying to date, I'm deputies DA? Ok,
hey dave. If you listen to the show, I don't know anybody who knows if anyone knows good okay, can I go yeah? What do you want to do? What do you want he's? Who is it
What what do you want? What are you looking for and what do you bring into the game? It's just a matter of festivities that I like a big guy.
Bald with a beard know the origin story basically ready to start hooking up with the security guards at our shows, and that became her tight security card. Okay and he's really bad shows yeah I mean if they can protect the stage now, I'm gonna pay them back, and so I, like guys with tattoo sleeves and something that can make me laugh, and we always talk about like ranking what you want in a person,
and books are my number one. I'm just getting that somebody I was nodding along. I was like oh okay, I think
number. One is somebody that I'm just inspired by the way you live your life, so whatever that is. I want to be excited to hear
your day. I want to be like that is dope what you have going on so whatever that is, and that's my number one thing I think, and I want to like laugh I want to be. I want to be inspired with the people. You surround yourself with what you do all day long so that, but if you're bald the beard and tattoos is also death,
Yeah, that's what the miles teller! If you're listening to a few more telephones in the office, philly guy and the cupboards I mean I want somebody that
the same things I always say. I want to look up to someone in some way again like I don't need to be inspired every day, but I want to be able to learn something
can be challenged and entertained, because I really have such a full life. So I need someone to enhance some of life, that's already very fulfilling and someone that
maybe me me, you know we do this. Hydrostatic comedy were really successful. Can
intimidating? I guess, but I just don't ever want to
like I need to minimize myself or be less aversion myself or toned down my personality or not share my successes with somebody. So that's kind of
What I'm looking for miles is like what was it like top gun or whatever I don't know trying to date. Tom actually said this thing really early on in the pockets. I think you said it. I didn't say that you know you want to find somebody that feels like
and that's like really what I want somebody that just like I'm so comfortable with you, you just being with you, I can just
Sadly, we myself in like use that I don't have to like shrink myself, make myself smaller, I'm humble, but I was
you gonna to hurt myself how hard I work I come from anything. I don't come from money, so everything
and I have we built ourselves. So I want to be able to hate myself, and I want to come home and feel like coming
that you're there I want you. We may first kind wanted. I can mc lean on. You have a large lest, but you know what I thought I'd always grows. I got my less out. I haven't. I also, like I'm sure, a motorcycle tattoos. Other things are surplus up, but I also expect that I will bring a lacked the table. I think that some of you here, people being like, I want this, and thus in this- and it's like ok, but do you bring a lot to table also that rose mother, goose,
yeah, and so I think I I think I do, and I think that I'm like a really caring, loving person, I'm fun- and I have so many friends like I use so many friends and
yeah. I think you're likely because he brings it ever autonomy.
No, I mean, I think you know I want some. I dont want
children and I marriage. I could take it or leave it, especially because I dont want children. I think that's. What is a big you know
not. Everybody is reason, but a reason why I think that people should get buried if they want to. You know, so I dont want someone that just wants to live a fine line
if that sought to dependent on me, we can support each other. There's no like quota
see. You're fix or upper type of situation
like I want some kind of already fully form that's living their own and
and life that we can come together and labelling together. So even awesome. Why? If I think that it's really fun to
talk to us to be around us to come see us perform. If you want to,
travel the world to do all these things. I am also it carrying nurturing person
You know, I'm a good listener. I can make you laugh over great family people really just wanna be wrong if my family, quite on the part of this, yet
you're selling boy and have a new nephew named Jay. So that's my favorite just so you know, but yeah I I I think I bring a lot to the table. I think
really great partner, and I think that I have gone to a point where I am a much better partner than I would have.
In five years ago. Now then, I'm in ten years and of course, but just
what we ve been able to learn in the pod caston about ourselves and how to be a good partner in the things that you look back on again five ten years ago, three years ago last year, and you really that's that
the sign of a healthy relationship or that's not how to be a supportive partner that I'm sure this is when you're feeling competitive
your party and on the same team, there's contempt, there's jealousy all these different things, and so I feel as
Oh I'm in such a great place to be a much better partner that I have been in the past, and that is something that I want this year and we talked about on our
so the first episode the year and what our goals are, and that's really what I mean
faster than I haven't really said that before it's been
very like last year it was like. I want to have more sacks actually in that I actually did like before that it was like I just on
we have room right now, my life or somebody, everything feels pretty fall. It's like at capacity.
he and I don't really want to be bothered, and so I do feel like I'm at a play
that, even though we are soup super busy and I do feel courting unquote fall, I can make the space for somebody
I wonder I love I love ourselves where those answers eyelids dispute.
we have the rioting. So often we ask
someone in our lives like our, where what are you bring to the table and and it's kind of a hard question to answer for a lot of people are because
bugger with that, because it's not what we ve been trained.
leave that we ve been trained to believe. You should know what you want in someone, but nobody you
inside I love hearing about your answers, and I hope that we ve just manifested really both one here
the shower right now, so, if miles or dave ever,
I wonder if you dont worry really high time. I really hot, but she is
blow me you married or also reminder of nobody else, he's a question because I think today
living at a time where everyone's having very
degrees of six
in their own way, using more people, expense, fame using mobile expert success. You seem more people experience financial stability, you you just have a lot more people having lot more variety of it,
princes in this way. Have you found it harder to date, as you become more successful and and yeah exactly, and so I want to know what what are the kind of troubles you've been having this time around and is there a part of you? That's like
Let one go away earlier initiative. I mean I feel, like a lot of you will see it as our men intimidate me success by the money I make and to those who buy say: what's the alternative, you know what you're doing,
a successful because maybe you'll get a partner. Europe make less money. Could perhaps somebody will end up with you? That's not the answer to this can, of course, as a woman, it's the inverse, like men, make more might become more successful. Everybody wants you, women, you you're dating
trees do not grow in tandem. The way a man's probably will rise once more about rates more. The fact that its intimidating, as opposed to be
take advantage, will use your network and cannot you're dating pull just trunks now, and you don't put yourself in situations where you're competitor,
with your partner, in a negative way where your success emasculate somebody you're constantly thinking, is my success. Emasculating this person and but I just think your pool gets smaller for sure, but that doesn't mean I would ever stop what I'm doing you know. What's what's the alternative I and I have to be conscious about how I speak about my life, how I speak about money we make success, we have but
not going to pretend it doesn't exist either. I just have to be mindful to be humble, and you seen people be turned off. If they don't know you are and then you're on a date and then they figure it out or turned off some assets. The other day like we would talk about. We what we do on a first date- and I would say the name of the
asked. I wouldn't be like it's why the number one dating imitation eyes and united states. I wouldn't leave with that, but not turned our people.
Maybe they're turn off and that's. Why doesn't it
well, you say to your face: maybe some I mean some one person. One time said to me: you're you're too public. For me I would never date, somebody like you and we
I heard I remember, leaving the date and the cry on the street. Like really hurt my feelings, but that's okay, that's not my person and that's fine and you know, listen. We all bring baggage to a relationship. That's my baggage! I think that you know we love this special from Ali Wong
where she talks about specifically women, women's poverty like the way your woman onstage talking about acts like your dating ample issue,
gave a man and onstage or the microphone his his table is growing as he speaks. You know, so it's really the inverse and dust specials,
to me, like nothing else, my life and as if
welcoming him, but I also just think part of its the bargains higher when your life gets more dope. You know
you gotta bring more. You know why we have this friend of her love this front of our she so funny murray, fostering Jeez agreed at night. She did this
random, real or tik tok. One time she was that if a single at forty, the bars so much higher as point I've been with myself, and so I'm happy in my life,
it is now, and that may not speak to everybody, but it does feel like rain, and I have achieved our
true dream life we feel.
as though we have such a purpose and were able to help people every day.
The emails we get our such an honour and we get toward the world to make. People laugh and it's so good as it is,
would really be someone that is going enhance any of that in our life, and I dont say that in like we're so picky the bar, so
but it just no. No, no, I get it more yeah, that's how you grow those two things together and you can yeah I mean, and it's just you know. If the way the world
soon the arab woman europe like europe, you get older and just as that is it is it that you are
impulse rings in that way to you now. I think, the being alive
the best feeling in the world and I by miss it and I love being in love, but also one of the best brains in the world is like any other.
Somebody says to us that says, like you, help me to make my life
Are you committed to ending ask her raise, leave an abusive relationship, strengthen a relationship I didn't want to lose talk to my mother and a better like I get choked up when I think about the things people have said, as like. Your voices have filled
arms with sound. Like my pet, tired, I get these phenomena like. I know
that we have change people's lives. You touch people in such a deep way and I can't imagine anything feeling by them.
So in the interim, while I'm single,
I don't have any blame. You just have to make your life good, so maybe you don't have a dry pack. Has you can reach all these people but like
you can go make friends. Girlfriend hobby is go find other ways to give your life meaning and joy, and that's what you do when you're single and then when you find somebody like how the job is it that you're, like a great person now
Yeah you now. I love the ets coming across very strong outer begun. Listening to both the view. I just
The recent I've been going down. This question trail is because
hoping that been to everyone is listening his gang. Oh yeah that I can aspire for that right, like that's, the point of everyone can aspire for that too few hall to feel complete to feel like
I live so awesome that someone's going to bring some value to really get in on it like what a great place to be like. That's, that's the biggest achievement of all right like, regardless of all the other success
that you ve had which, which is phenomenal in and of itself. I think it's amazing.
To think that you're sitting here eggs expressing confidence eta
I vote that you don't always experience even from people who have made it right. So that's I it's amazing
and I'm telling you that, like sitting opposite you right now, I'm like wow, it's it's incredible to feel yeah, my life's dope, my life's amazing and and someone's going to add value to it. What is some of the missing?
ex that you think people make early on while they dating someone, especially when it comes to that self worth self esteem. Peace, because I think you're coming out from this, we ve been working on ourselves, but often we find
the opposite when people dive interrelationships when their lonely, when they want to be depended
someone when they feel that their inadequate. That's why they're alone? So what are some of the mistakes using people make early on
just not working on the fear of being
one and loneliness- I guess those can be two different things. So you enter
your relationship with such a desperate need to have someone fill a gap or
If you feel worthy or make you feel value, and so those are big thing
is that you know those just require a lot of work, but they trickled down and did the way that you act and the way that you feel so desperate. If you don't get that text back or that someone doesn't
like you, and you know one of the things that I can't stop. Thinking about that I was listening to you with a recent gas that you had on humble the poet and I'm sure you ve talked with us before
going into situations. I think then do so that more than one by think women do it too. Just wanting them too
you and not even thinking about, if you like that more if they would be a good match for you, so you ve got come on this road of, like you, ve tried so hard
to feel wanted to feel desired and not rejected that you haven't even stop to think if the person would be
a good partner of you in like light, you know
how do you void that, when someone's telling you stuff- like- oh, my god, you're beautiful, I use a smile you so intelligent like? How do you avoid kind of and
weighing that even what we talking my earlier like when you say that
in a place we feel like home, and I love that definition of a home love or you know it's.
I think that's a feeling everyone wants, but it's hard, because when we walk into a dating scenario, most of the time we're trying to impress each other, we dress our best. We look our best like that's, not really comfortable, because you know that
in the sense of you, don't look like that, all the time where you set yourself up like that all the time? So how do you even a
How do you deal with someone who
actually validating you and it feels good and inversely. The other side like
you make sure that you are actually finding out whether you're comfortable with someone at what stage. So I think that
we should be allowed to enjoy things right?
if you don't have to go into every day being like are they love bombing me is this? Do marches is not enough? What was the exact amount of time they spent before they texted me and what I think we are allowed to just enjoy things sometimes and take
he had one date at a time, one one moment at a time, and I think that in order to sidestep putting so many eggs in this basket, essentially making this so important,
we do. We should do what I was saying before it is built out of life around yourself. So your friends, you have hobbies you like what you do for work so that this one person isn't so you don't depend on them so much to be your whole world, it's not so in the state
it's important out everyday, just be fine and you shall enjoy yourselves and of leaves have to to fall back on other other plans this weekend. Other things you can sinker teeth into and it just doesn't mean so much. You know like every single thing is not riding on this date and I think that we should be cautiously optimistic but
also not so hard on ourselves. When somebody lies to us or manipulates us, because you shouldn't
and every interaction going where's all the holes in this. You know we should just be able to be calm and enjoy it, and we shouldn't assume every person is going to lie to us, manipulate us ghost as cheat on us all. These things
I do. This is just the kind of person they are and isn't it isn't it nice that they went away? And you know that now sooner you know someone's going to go shoe. Why would you want someone like that in your life that can do that to somebody, but I had a friend that said to me ones like this. May not look like what you thought it was going to look
because we have these unrealistic views of dating and relationships in the first place, and that feeling
You've talked about the spark. We've talked about, the spark we've had guests on, but the the spark, the butterflies all that stuff is actually just anxiety, and so I think that a healthy amount of nerves, of course,
I mean I m like that. I'd, but rarely ever
nervous about anything and I'll, be nervous before first day. It's not that, but it's that feeling that actually
is just anxiety when the feed,
if someone that is probably a good partner for you, that's like a solid, secure person is really comfortable and like kind of boring in your body like I just always say you just need to listen to your body. I think we all
he's now if we're willing to lessen of like the way someone makes you feel
when you're in their presence and then when you leave their presidents like I always tap. I always really
want to hone in on how I feel, when I part ways with somebody do I feel this like sense of anxiety like when am I gonna hear from the next or is this like calm, like
sure I absolutely well we're gonna go out again, and then I guess, while that is where I love the sick, the when you say good by what is the immediate feeling. Is it like anxiety earth like chill, you know your work and your friends that are in
reality, relationships around you like what are some of the things that you ve seen and there's the you like. That's that's really special, that's great like what are some of the good signs. Now I just I mean I've when they have funding other. I really just we have the five one thing:
but that there are big fans of yours are also an uncharted russia and just as surely
yup, but the reason they work really well together. There are t, and they do all the things they have great communication and yadda yadda, but they just seem like buddies like they just really have fun together.
and I think that is also the main thing of rain and eyes released, rear and you're. Just your on the same team we already talked about this on. Our upcoming episode is that you don't feel like
I literally picture at like whatever sport you're into where are you playing against each other or you on the same team?
common gall guy rarely see somebody break up.
that, unlike what you'd Alex, I think about my brother and his wife than they ve been together like twelve years, turkey has the friends they really
enjoy each other? They are really fun to be, rather was joking.
round there really like loving the same couple that you're talking about same thing and another one of like Ashley's other best friend and her husband, they're, just they're nice to you see a friendship and a respect between them. My best friend just got engaged and I her fiancee really has around this great pedestal. He really looks up to her. He thinks that she is just so wonderful
he thinks he's so wonderful and I listened to how couples speak about each other, allow when they're not around the other person. Also, and are you proud of your partner, you cited to do the stuff that day that they want to do so. We are fortunate to have a lot of really good examples around us, a positive relationships, and
I always encourage people when you're. Like knows what's going on, I mean normal to to look at people whose relationships you admire and say like what does? What do I emulate from that? You now and it's important that surround yourself, a people that have good relationships with everybody, not just the romantic partner but friends in
May as well yeah like I like that new ones like like that,
really subtle idea of how people talk about each other.
When, when the other person's not around, and when the person is around to write both of that when, if, if you saw me and my wife together, you'd think we hate each other
Please leave zobeide because such I feel at least it's very british thing
me, and my friends do this too, like we will lay into each other and the more you can lay into each other more and love your idea with my guy friends who do my wife, like my wife, started by the way it was not my idea, so it's not something. I came up with the legion. She says the turn of your issues.
ms you'll find a way to get pretty big. Some flaw in the most larry's re funny way possible address the difference between healthy banter and rose.
In, and I love that too and nagging, and I'm only trying to make someone look bad toads, remember clearly, yeah impossible.
yeah yeah I know about it, has outraged
wow around those couple? Yeah yeah withdrawal,
if you're telling the third path that yeah, oh my god and they bring up their therapist, I'm like how fast can I ask what what
they got friends becoming,
love is in love, is staying friends after the break up, so both wherever we can also lies in land. Can can can your friend turn into your lover and can you let her go back the rigour frat new avenues, for I want to take. First, I mean ivy league. Can you can you? Can you be lovers and then friends, I guess it depends on how the relation bandit, I guess met, depends how much time goes by what happened. One of my best friends in the war,
Heaven I I slept together for like maybe six when we first met an ending. It was really painful for me because he basely was like out. He was like. I don't want this. He was like. I dont want to date. Anybody it feels like this is where its head.
I'm just telling you right now, you're, not gonna. Like what happens. I I don't. I don't want to be in a relationship with you and it hurt a lot in the moment, but the honesty and sticking to that is actually what has allowed me to stay friends with him, because he didn't disrespect me. He looked at me in the face and he said I don't want to be in a relationship and then it was
probably a little weird and painful like six months, it hurt to see him with a moral. It was really. I didn't really
hear about it if he was dating somebody, it hurt, but with enough time I was like this is still a defined
are you in this? I really like this person and he really truly is like one of most important people in my life. He took our podcast photos when we first started just he is such like an acts of service, love language person he's so wonderful.
with enough time. If you really want, if you feel I think, respected in the ending of it, I think you can be, but its president haven't erosion.
dating somebody, and they say to me you're my axe and I are best friends. I don't know that I loved it depends on the circles
I know it's one of these things if there are no hard and fast rules and we don't really trust people that say that there are you can't be friends with an ex. You can never dig a friend shot up, but, yes, you can try that, so I think it's all case by case basis, but yeah. I think the fret friends that end up in a relationship can be
really beautiful, that guy. I think it can totally work. I think it's again not ahead
He goes out saying that you could ruin the friendship that you'd be willing to take the risk. Thinking of one of his bind, the deep d in a deep d and caught fire. That was upsetting. We love that show, but at that I think kind of, like you know, the friendship can can really get
but it can really be really beautiful to make my thing without, I always think you should think about what it would actually look like if you dated this person. I have a guy friend- and this was not an meantime recent, but where we connected so much. If we were in the room, you can feel it it was palpable. It was just like hell
in a day you know, like everybody saw it, everybody feel it. I get the chemistry and we just felt like a perfect match, but in that I knew,
at two and I've, found him super attractive, but I couldn't picture dating them. I think should be like at home with them or something you know, and probably vice versa, and I took a realistic look at it because you get to that place
like? Shall we try and
maybe or maybe not, and I think it's really you have to be realistic with yourself as I can actually see them as a romantic partner, and then
friends of the acts that is really also can totally were
or not, and it's so much about the feelings that each person has. I have an ex that I wish I could be friends with. I could absolutely be friends with them. I think he's the best person, I think he's so funny
but I don't think he could- and I have said a lot of
hungary's with him, because I just don't think it would be healthy for him them without saying much more. So it's like. I absolutely
we get tax, we could be bodies, you know, haven't podcast billy,
I think he'll be healthy for him, knowing what I know a lot about art the way our relationship ended in his past and things like that, and I think it's so fun to be friends with somebody.
Casually dated like a guy that I casually dated, for you know a month, two months right before the pandemic, we text all the time he has a girlfriend or sure she doesn't care unless we told her or not, but like joke around and I'll. Be you know it's it's like a funny relationship. I find those relationships like just
kind of weirdly special. I like those. I wouldn't want to try something. We've never done this before. So
imagine if you were breaking up with. Actually, I want you to try to the basket of what you'd like to hear some was broken up.
She says you're, you're gonna, be the person is breaking actually it's gonna be the person is being broken up with ok,.
I only have to deliver what you'd like to hear. If someone's break it,
but you said you been kind of day
Ideally six months, three six, my I wanna hear. Oh my god, I did my last
and actually you respond. How uterus, when I have to,
with you. Oh my gosh more. There goes my bank account
I know I know as you guys as may yeah, not not as you I feel like this relationship has run it's course and- and I feel like you already messed up cuz you
the star with yourself here that we are breaking out myself. My darling you're, the funniest cool, is to know that
why are all I've ever met?
sir. You wanna hear compliments before someone says R relationships. If you just started and stay unlike funny and hot, like it'll, be better, it's like it's just that
it'll lessen the blow. I don't care. That's is finding your daughter, I would be breaking up with you, that's all
I guess I'm just like that's sounds chill. You know that's reliable yeah, I don't know the last week I did. I tried to keep it like it's vegas possible. I said like. I think this relationship has run it's course. I think we want different things in life. I want to be successful and you don't know. I know I just I said I think we want different things in life than we expect different things out of life, and I said I still love you and care about. You think you're, a wonderful person you're all the things
we're smart and funny, and but I just I think this has run it's course. I I've used that line before an electrical blueprint. Comes I recycle that line, but there's a couple of things in breakups. I don't want somebody to walk away being completely confused. Actually I talked about that in my last breakup because I was like what if I said this- and she was like you don't want to like. Have him walk away thinking? He did something. He Didn'T- and I agree with that, but I also don't need to like
burned to the ground and be leg. This is wrong and this is wrong, and this is wrong. You know like I also don't you should make. You feel terrible. Sometimes, like some vagueness is ok, we'll that's the thing that we say when
bull are begging for closure. It's like do you wanna hear the really bad stuff. You know, and I think that's one of the best things that we ve learned,
brought the years doing. What we do is sometimes it's just that you're, not it. You know, you're, not the wan, and
it can boil down to some things. You may not want to hear- and I think it's good to reflect on yourself too, like how many times have you been with somebody that just wasn't the purse
and then you couldn't necessarily put your finger on it and then, if you did what come across
pretty hard, so I think it's always gotta put yourself on the other side of it. Two like I'm. Not so
desirable. I have dated people that were great than we had to end it too. So I mean I would hate to be broken up with in tone.
heartbroken broken was somebody that I loved and I saw a future with, but I know
would be ok and I can't be
knowing what I know now. I would just have to take it pretty easily, because sometimes it just doesn't work out. So that's kind of the thing to and people are just there so obsessed with that closure conversation.
Thank you step closer, but to what extent will some people want to have a third break up conversation? A fourth break our session right leg. You ve got the break of compensation, but they want to keep understanding
women's wear that personal, sometimes, thereby since doing it to us in you're, saying
you're not gonna, achieve much from that extension of conversation depends who you are and in a wide and added
I don't know it. I need to give you a declaration of hate. You know it's just I don't know you myself, marrying you. I don't need to tell you like. I don't respect the way you live your life. I think it's find a break up, take some time to marry
and then really want that. Like closure conversation six monthly
or something cause. You really can be a little more honest. Tensions are lower, but I'm not going to keep unpacking the breakup. I think sometimes my so my I was engaged to somebody we broke up and we didn't really have any other cop. We broke up the day after my gate. My engagement party and we never spoke again for three and a half years
and three and a half years later, ashen had started the pie? Can I go about two months have restored. The pies has tonight through a series of
things happen. I ended up talking to him and he asked me to go out to dinner. We had this lake,
our long all night closure conversation, and he said you know I've got it
do every day for four years and I've never really gotten over this, and I I hate what I did do and I'm so sorry it was a nice moment. It was nice moment to have it, but I you know, I appreciate it and helped me to walk away from some
insurance and some things I really wise to hang onto, but I didn't need it. It was nice to have it. Sometimes that feels really good, but I you have to learn to like go to therapy and reebok's and listen to podcasts and
thankfully, today there is so much out there, like your show, like our show that people can listen to and how do we find some peace that yeah? I don't know,
so the dream as that you're consistently doing relationship chickens,
you need them and you know where you stand and where they stand, and so he loves you
if, for example, and you just get blindsided broke up with out of the blue and he's like you did you do this, you do that and you're like. Why didn't you tell me when those things were happening, because,
feedback is important. You know again, I don't think you should be done someone's door for this closure,
tell me everything that's wrong with me, but like it is nice to know so perhaps you can be better in the next room
ship if it's something that was actually valid. So I just think there is a happy medium
I'm happy medium like us would be that the better word, but again it sometimes you just boils down to this. Isn't it and I think you're, a lovely person and all of us
the yeah. Do you think? Do you think that people doing blindsided is a real bang? Sometimes when people are qualifies when people say like he blindsided man, I'm like
person just woke up, walked into a room and say goodbye, like I don't know, and I'm sure that does happen, but do you think it happens as often as people say that it does that's a great question,
I mean I'd I'd love to look at the research behind it, but from what I've experienced, I definitely can say that I I think people are blindsided to the degree that.
people may not be saying much
before they do something like that right. But I'd say that if you were
I don't mean whom, as you oughta mean like interrogating in investigating and having a private russia. Unfortunately,
that, but I think, if
reading the signs of like how close someone is how distant someone is like
to engage the our conversation library? How often you are actually connecting like, I think you can tell, but I think often we think things a great, because they look great in our heads
but we're not really looking at what? What am I actually feeling? What am I experiencing from this person, but I do think people do have that complete. I mean I I literally spoke to someone a couple of years.
A month ago, as I had been made
twenty years and then they parted told them that
They don't think there were right for each other any more and that they felt that way for a long time. Now, that's
insanely, tough. I like that so difficult, and so yeah how's your someone for twenty years. I would feel blindsided because twenty is a long time, but often people are quite
I do find that a lot of people are like silent or choir or distant before a break up. It's not like yeah they're telling
if they love you right now and then to well, maybe actually I take that back. That's happened to people every once in a while. You'll have a conversation and then it's can you believe it we were.
perfect and a little deeper and idiotic largely there? Is this one
It happened in miami and you're like oh. I got that huge ride like why didn't couldn't you couldn't feel that something was off then and when you said you might just think it's perfect or you're. Just try not to be your you're trying to not be honest with yourself like yahoo, china to see the signs like wanting to be so perfect that you don't pick up on those things. What are some of the common red flags?
people mass like what are the ones that you think people actually miss them completely. Like this is a good example of what were you thinking
How do you know really? Because there are hidden message? Is then what does some of those are? The ones that you think we just like just don't recognize. I mean a lot of signs and narcissism. I think they're that didn't the charming thing
I'll. Just I think you are doktor romany on maybe like that. Word is all
these in my head of, because it's such a positive compliment and of course it doesn't have to be bad but the overly charming. You feel like a cannon.
it isn't like you're, the only woman in the room when you're talking to him? It's like I dunno. That might not be good, so so hard, though isn't it. We all want to some degree, isn't like. Isn't that the feeling that we want to be made filled out? Oh no you're saying we should never want to feel that even with the hard yeah it's hard to nurses- and I was like that sounds of like-
yeah they try to take you on a trip within ten days of medieval. I was like that sounds great yeah. I don't know, I don't know it's like. Does everyone feel like that that they met so yeah? It's it can be. It can be tough to decipher. I mean I think, just general
behavior like if someone doesn't do what they say, they're going to deal, they don't show up. They bail,
an you they just immediately like someone does not show up, they don't respond to you or whatever it is, and you don't pay attention. I think you can blame yourself when that actually turns out to be the
I have a relationship because it was there at the beginning minds going the other way reads to text each other. All the time, and now we've been married for seven years. I don't have to message seven times yeah, my wife's, the west. The text is literally she's she's, the worst
to everyone always message me going jobs and ruddy this
as he's like three days ago, like she's, going to get back to I'm like yeah three weeks later, like because literally yeah she's, she loves calls she can pick up the phone anytime texture. I love my daughter, texted no attack, I we had a guest on him. We talked about different texting styles and I would say it was one of the most impactful episodes we did
twenty two. It really helped to be framed in my mind that not everybody is like me. You know
when I like somebody. I want to talk to them more in it just really put into perspective. The people have completely different communication styles, even when it comes to text, and I think it's help
remember it does mean someone like you, but I mean yes
days later, they haven't returned your tax. I think that's a pretty clear sign that you're not top of mind and a priority or could even be purpose for which they are yeah regions like they're trying to put you in your place, I wonder I really enjoyed
at the very beginning stages is a lot of fun. Ireland. Ninety somebody that, like really is engaging, makes me laugh, and I I dont pause to think that often can this person be a good long term
and I think, there's a good balanced, there's a hard balanced to strike cause. I don't know
interview somebody to be my husband on the first or second date, either because that's fair to the, but I think what you can do at least
in some ways, lifestyle and what they do just stated aim for work. How they travelled a friend and say like is the lifestyle I could enjoy long term. You know
somebody went on a date with me and they were like. I. I really want somebody home seven nights a week. I want to be that's going to like have dinner with me, seven nights a week. I I I don't want their career necessarily,
to be primary in their life. I want my career to be primary in our lives. You know, I'm probably not your girl. That's not worry about clear, though, as well like at least I would make it really clear. Everybody was more clear yeah that would just be a dream of something that makes him a heavy amazing. I wish we could all just like interview perfectly on the first date, but I have leaned into situations because they feel good cause. I find somebody that is really nice and I feel really connected with them on like an intimate level, I sometimes stop don't stop to think like what does this look like in six months? Can we live the same type of life? Am I going to be proud of this person? I might die like the kind of family they have their friends so
get caught up in the beginning stages, because I said this in the past on our show recently, my mom didn't raise me too, like fine, find a husband finds me to pay her bills. My mom was like you, be the first to pay the bills vs.
as for low wage, I love it and she's so empowering, but I loved. No one ever told me like when you go on a first date. You should date because you want to do this person long term, and so those are some pitfalls for me. I don't pause to think
what does this look like in a year? You know that's a great show, thanks for the one, the dev and a couple of more personal things before we wrap up
Actually, you were saying that you know for you, you decided you dont want to children. How have you tackled explaining that
to potential partners to your family like out as the reaction and because I was for like when we make things,
that like break a traditional patent nuggets and a big thing to sell it
to do this in an it shouldn't, be a big thing, but it is seen as a big thing right like even even for us like we
together for seven years and in our community. It's like that's a long time to be together and not have kids yeah, and so it's not even that, even even if, if the conversation is still open, so I guess I'm interested in that because
There are so many people who are listening and watching who watch,
think the way relationship look, who changing the way love looks.
Changing the way what matters to them looks and so
when I hear from you like, how did you ever
My conclusion yourself, what have you come to sharing and then how did you shadow
the people in your life that matter it's been I've never just want. I just never wanted children, we did a whole episode and, as it took me,
to to feel comfortable even doing it, because I wonder, approach it very sensitively to women who are struggling to have children or that are struggling with the decision.
And I don't want to be flippant about it like. Oh, it's no big deal like. I just don't want him and that's what it is. You know, because I actually feel I see so many
women, especially as they get older into their authorities, forties that, like don't know
You know I don't really have to think about it, and so I have always felt that way in my adult life. Maybe when I was a kid
in college? I was like, of course, I'll get married and have kids. You just don't know any better and then I slowly started to realize as I became two adults and that I don't want, I can't picture it on any level, any part of it and
my family again, it's just one of those I'm lucky that they just support me and don't expect me to live a traditional life. They never have and so glad that my brother
It shows that have children have a brand new baby, nephew named Jay and more to come, hopefully so they're going to get their their grandkids, but I've never felt an ounce of pressure from them
to do anything besides be myself and local.
I have achieved success and I can show them them. Letting me fly was not for nothing so
That's never been an issue. I think I just emma confident person and I m sorry
fast and my decisions, no one ever really,
in the shade or makes me feel uncomfortable about it, and maybe I just dont pay attention
I don't care, you know like those little slights of like well, you might change your mind. It's like shut you, don't people put,
as things on you, that's because it's there feeling some sort of way the you ve chosen.
The decision that they have, and so I dont let those things bother
I just know it's a decision. That's right for me and I don't
feeling it's a big deal. You know, so it's like batches makes me easier to flow through the world with this decision, but I feel for people that are struggling with it whatever
b, and those are just conversations that you have to
communication and conversations you have to have we're so lucky to have so many of our resources today with podcasts the internet buxom how to even the language
use when it comes to this type of thing. You can sit in my horse it if you need to potential partners again, it's just something that
feel comfortable sharing. I wouldn't want to get down a road with somebody where I felt like things, we're getting serious and had come up, because I wouldn't even probably start to date. Somebody if I knew they really want to family. So that's been is that it was a fear of
that I would find somebody that I really felt for that really wanted a family in it. It hasn't happened, Jed and I've dated guys that either didn't want children
well, could go either way and it wasn't really something that was so important to them. So I am fine if it comes a date one it comes out. Sometimes if it's in a conversation, its bit part of my someone tried to insult me, one saying I was part of my personality at this point yeah, so it's like it comes up and if I'm ask them open about it, so I think these things you just have to own them. You know, like the that's, just
what it is you now, I'm just saying so many more women chaired that they don't want. You are not doing its natural out their object. They, I think it's funny when people say, like you change your mind, it's like when you tell me you want kids, I don't tell unitary I'd itself. I need a man, we did this episode and it was really so beautiful and we tried really hard to not judge anybody's
just because we don't we don't care if you want to be a mom, that's amazing! If you don't, then don't be a mom I'm, but the amount of people that wrote us and said I grew up. Never knowing I had a choice. I thought this was a foregone conclusion. I I'm one of those people as well. Just always thought like, of course, all them. Kids, everybody has kids, you know so many mother
protests and said, like I love my kids, but I dont know that would have chosen this. If I knew that I had another options, we got work heartbreaking
yeah for mothers yeah we're like. I don't think,
could have had kids, you know and then that, like rain aside, I love my kids, but we were like oh legacy,
he was honesty with honesty. Guy people felt like a safe space to share your tape again
than they feel it's, not a big community that exists that you can tell your other mom friends like I hate this you now and
I care relax, I'm not a mother, I'm not in these mom forums, but I know that there is a lot of judgment.
You know I m sure I very popular thing to say. Like I made a mistake, you know
arm it's a huge decision to make and to each their own. It's not necessarily a decision I'm going to make I'm but yeah it was. It was hard to see a lot of
People say you know I I just didn't know. I didn't know that I can make another decision and there's been so much writing, especially since covert that so many women are forgoing having children- and I I love that, like we can talk about this now and it's not so.
Abu- and I remember when I told my mom- I didn't think I wanted to have kids- I'm not at one hundred percent like Ashley is, but I'm I'm aging
so you're, not for example, I'm not freezing any eggs. I told my mom, I didn't think I wanted kids and it was a really bad situation and I don't think I think I approach it really flippantly
I insulted her choice to have children and I think I said something like well. I don't need to have kids to make my life mean something and she was like you think I need you.
Lived in anything without you, like you know, so I think that I was kind of hurtful in my words, and I didn't think about it, and I was just like what's the difference, my life means a lot to a lot of people and she was like, so I think that you do have to
JANET tread lightly. We have with family, and I am also sure that no ultimately going to approach it with compassion neon. I did not choose my words while I was a really bad five because they insulted her choice is alive and my mom accepts anything are pair were really lucky. Our parents just accept whatever we do on, but I think that you just try a little bit like
and you know my mom was mad- that I said I didn't want kid. She was madam. I delivery about me that such a great point I mean, I think so often you could be making a really good decision for yourself, but it's more, you just said it's reflect
it and projected in a way onto our
majority about them or a flow we see in their more challenging diamond. I I love that you brought that point because having is so important to communicate and say it because it's for us
about you. It's by use the individual and even the way,
missing. Actually, I think, there's so much strength and courage when you like this,
someone, I'm owning air.
I'm dealing with it in our reflects on me, but thank you for opening of ensuring that, because we have people as there are back with us- and I am really was actually approach- the topic region- I bet my mom- it was, she was just sort of, like you think you're so successfully,
need care, but I need a damn. You know I didn't aim off tat, very nice,
some, but I will say, having a new nephew, I
yeah, but it does make me want kids, but I feel different down the inside, like the love that I have for this baby is like. I can't I could cry right now, just as I miss them so actively every day like it did not make me wanna have children, it would be very clear. It's still, no part of it. I'm interested in
it's like me me understand it more something where I'm like
really I get I y'all it all and those I mean more that even more that our kind of struggling with first in the first place, because it really beautiful they want them and not want the multi wise cutest moment he displayed so much
to the room and everyone ages brings everyone together in such a beautiful, I buy your sister in law like ice its around the clock. I see her heart. She works tyler
it'll, be a great mother and criner, and you should cook this great christmas dinner and then she had to go upstairs and feed me dinner and I was like I don't want that nightmare last to eat and I didn't pay for it. So she is such a good mom and I, I think sometimes good parenting is looking
If that and going I wouldn't be good at that. I don't want to be bothered. Okay, I mean first cause that's what it is right when you're looking at the baby for two hours a day, it's very different than being with the baby, I will say I want to tell you this. I just feel like you'll appreciate it. We talked about this on the episode of like there's this tiny thing in the back of your head, that you just don't want to die alone. You know, like you,
it may not be with your spouse. If you ever got married or your friends could be dead or you won't. Have your parents anymore, like your family, your immediate family is gone, and so there is that little thing in the back of your head that you know for me, it's like I watched my
I tend to my grandmother when she was dying and we all had a very close relationship, and it's like what,
since, when I'm in my grandmother's place or what I'm dying or I'm hospice, are one sick or whatever, and so it doesn't make me want to do it. But there is a thing
in my head and I think in other people's too, and we did this episode and we got this. Maybe I should have brought this up, but we got this email from this hospice nurse and she was like I, your fears are so valid but, like I just want to tell you too, that you will have people with you at the end and you've built this life for yourselves and you'll, be surrounded by people that you love and it took me out like I was like one and a beautiful message.
I those fears than not you will have people around you and you will be surrounded by love in your final days- is like morbid as that sounds, but it was really nice to hear from someone who witnesses those things happen every day, yeah and the really the greatest gift to this podcast is. It has given me better friends given ashley and I have a reason to travel and tour and reconnect with friends from college and high school, and it's made my relationship with my parents, better, my brother, it just it's made me a better person and I think, a better daughter, sister friend, all of that, so that such a gift and now, yes, I know I'll- be surrounded by people, because I've used this podcast as therapy for myself and we get to interview people like you and our listeners out there.
Yeah do a live stream! Yeah yeah, I'm ministry, my death, okay, yeah I'll, be live, be like at a zoo where you watch the penguins penguin dock, but yeah yeah yeah. No, thank you particularly.
added honestly, I could tell why people are addicted. Listening to you both
it's very addictive is contagious. Its
it's amazing energy. I fully agree that whoever uses
It used to be within it used to be
we're gonna have such a great religions of the girl such great die. Just just love spending this time with you and
to hear how reflective and thoughtful and deepen just the amount of self work that you that both done is is unbelievable. To see it in this planet.
Waze is really inspiring and I hope that everyone is listening or watching can see that you're gonna have fun and think deeply at the same time which, which is which is important, because I think there's this belief
I, like all, you can just be silly and stupid or you can be really thoughtful and reflective. But I think you both walk that path really wonderfully. So that really means the world
You know it really does get sick people are dynamic.
And you can go on stage and all the staff and at the end of the day story like an intelligent person with depth, can have conversations like this up. I really
actually that really means a lot. We we try to make our show like that. We as we call it a comedy, show about dating and relationships, and we've done really wild episodes with porn stars, but we've talked about sexual assault and abortion and really heavy stuff. So we're really proud of that. We hope that came across it.
cooper saying yeah. Definitely no definitely I am hoping this will be the first of many. So today's today's good intro for anyone who doesn't already love you and follow you, but we end every episode with the final five and said I'm going to have to
you, but you can goes fast. You don't mind, but why are you have done the same questions? Ok, so questionable one? What is the best relations relationship you ve ever heard received or given
I view the best relation advice. We've we ve heard I can give him want of one tends to this is going to sound counterintuitive, but the thing that's going to make you the best partner is building
for yourself that you are proud of,
Our our whole shows mantra Jakarta our original as it's yours, raina. It's nice has come up with their own one, although unusable page Monday, actually is
What's that clip make a list of the person you are and be that
No I'd be it, but that's right. They will make you the perfect
partner and the best route to yourself. You going
everyone already one. Why ass we are taking place inside I mean listen again. It might some kind our duty to like manifesting and visualize.
but I really do stand by a minor look like we thought it was gonna play color than anything. You know your life, but your relationship
It's all just relax, she'll, be so happy just relax. Alright, second question: what's the worst relationship advice, you've ever heard received or given change yourself defenders somebody else's life?
yeah, I know the quick answer, absolutely just stupid stuff, like don't sleep with someone up till like fourteen day rule of any rules that we just really. We had a hammer that I think sex roles. I think it's crazy and we have to like I'm not saying you should always sleep with them. The first I mean, I just think those things like bob
you down question number three, what something you used to value in relationships that you don't anymore, I mean, I guess you don't need to play a d want or pro sport I only use the one of you is that we do not have to be in a guy got it. I don't know I'm going to keep at it.
It cause like the bar started so low. It was just like. Do you have a paul's know that anymore, because I was one of the girls was like I dated a guy with money and finance like I wasn't one of those people like this. Really it's gone backwards, it's just you don't have to be an approved provider. Yeah I just had the bar was so low.
or of nothing, bad! That's good! On the question of what one
on your part gus that you'd love everyone to listen, do it's just
you looking for this community for this for my identity, I liked this episode. We did called you're, not the one cause I feel like. It goes in canada with us today, and it's just about breaking up with those people that are not the one.
Well, we did do an episode with lane more in the new year about what do we? What do we call it not be how to be alone, how to be alone,
and along the line I last year are trying to ensure that we are in his heart.
What about that on our show? It's called, but yeah I mean so much of this is just checking with yourself being a good version of yourself. We did do a relationship of Lori gottlieb.
Zack, what they're just about lisbon on I love luria. We love harsh than twice on both the episodes of our great, but we did want to fall about. I'm strengthen relationship.
daughter relationships, it is applicable to any parent relationship, but it really
I think, helped a lot of people. So, if you're looking for anything like that, I think it's really special and everything's on our website. Every episode we've ever done, you've got a girl's. Gotta eat dot, com from the Vanu question. What's your biggest piece of relationship advice for each other this year, twenty twenty three I feel like my pieces.
waste. Verena has always been about the same minutes. Just doll go.
The road of people that are not emotionally available and would be a good match, and I feel I can sometimes see and answer more than one sentence, but I can sometimes see that when she can do
if she's in It- and so I just would continue on that road. If, like pick partners, that makes sense, I think for you, because you just in the past have just that. I don't care about being released this year, just to prioritize it this year and to just give yourself some
grace that you don't need to work seven days a week and you don't work at ten p m and that you're allowed to take days off and you're allowed to pray
as yourself and should be in the moment and be happy and you don't need to just be working all the time you're allowed
it's awkward getting this one. Actually, you run the company, you don't work today and I was like what reminder that they own this company. She was just really stressed, yeah really bogged down. I was like we own. The company take the day off, but I think that you know she has a really full life, as do I, but just talking with her. She has a really full life and all these friends and
worked really hard, and so it can be easy to be like I don't have anything left in the tank today. So you view your intention is today, so I think you should do it. I'm trying to energetically make space beautiful love the rent.
Actually this has been so fun to talk to you. Everyone has been listening and watching wherever you are make sure you tag right now,
actually me with your biggest insides takeaway steps
that made you love, allow whatever work for you and stuff. They are practising try
out this year as well, and make sure that you go and listen to unsubscribe two girls gotta eat as well
if you want more of rain and actually in your life are actually thank you so much for the?
You know you're the guy so grateful to both of you and our thanks for joining on purpose.
Thank you. If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with matthew, hussy,
how to get over your acts and fine tuning
in your relationships,
Transcript generated on 2023-04-28.