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the reg e shit. I had a nickel for every time this before so. This is too good of a story to use up during this commercial come on we're in a commercial we're going to tell him and you play the music and then I need to hear about your old man shit himself. I really do need to hear this, but we need get this out of the way or people go fucking, crazy so anyway, today, cyber Monday. We're going to get right back to your old man. Shit in the pants storages people been complaining so much about the lengthy commercials- and I agree- that's why I'm continuing to get out right now. If you go to Joerogan dot net and click on the link everyday, you get ten percent off. It click on the link for alpha brain. You get ten percent off. If you enter in the code, Name Rogan and today- and only today is the twenty five percent sale. We also have a new product called new mood and new mood is a 5h tp supplement. It's also got l tryptophan, which your body slowly converts. That's what I want the building blocks. I would think you and I was in the army- some want to chat up his stuff. Five. Eighty be in of itself

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Well might be one of the great stories, no dad. No, he used to shit his pants another time all the time. How long would you said the story began with you saying that shit, his pants in a banana republic in Beverly Hills- and it was it- was like really was like, like the real coming of age, part of my life and my dad looked at me and he was like volume about the issue, my pants. What do I do? We use the worst part because we probably have a bathroom here's the fucking horse, part of it right. So I look at it when I go just shit. Your pants that I think shit your pants and go your pants a little bit walk as far as you can and get to your hotel, and he just left my daughters with me, like fucking drop them with my parents, I'm fucking outta here, and so we started walking down rodeo or whatever Burton one of those rose to get to his hotel right. So my mom comes up and she's like she's like where's your day,

and I said well, he left me this sweater I gotta buy it for I bought into buying them the sweater and I go here and he shit his pants because many of the shit, his pants, I go and she had a shit. So he should his pants and then he just he's walking on the street. I go, I'm sure we can catch him, he's walking, slow and then my wife comes up. She goes. Where should I go eat his pants? While we just use the bathroom, I said where's bathroom, she goes downstairs mental. I probably should've told him that, and so what is the best megabit? I don't know I was in panic mode. It was black Friday and I'm waiting in line two and I got a leather jacket on sale. But it's even worse. I think if you shit your pants in line for the bathroom 'cause, then everybody is going to know if there's a big kind of people you just his dump in your pants. Then you like coast, Prox, there's no way to playoff shitting your pain. When you shit your pants, I say that shitting, your pants is a lot like getting a DUI, you roll the dice so much and get away with it that when you do get caught with your cookies. Are you like mother Fucker would never thought that was going to happen? Are you kidding me? I should

back at the Y time. Why today, so so, but in his 30s he was running curtains and he used to shit his pants, all the not even like I'm, not even saying like I'm, not even saying like. Oh you once a month, I'm talking once a week. He would. This is before cell phones too. He was in his 30s using the 30s I was. I was a kid we were living in in Like N Tampa and not like the nicer N Tampa, but in the shittier redneck verse, Black N Tampa and the first time I heard the n word was in this neighborhood. But my dad used to run marathons so we'd run like five miles ten miles and go out and all these ten mile runs. He shit his pants. So we go into these Orange groves shit himself right, clean himself, the best you could and then run home, but there were some nights. I remember these

inkley was before cell phones, where it get dark. My mom's, like we gotta, go, look for your dad and we'd be driving his route, where he'd run all of a sudden like a naked happy with my dad would come out of the fucking Orange groves like I'm here, get me in the car right now. If he, I hope, come get him, he just yeah. It would be remember, thunder and lightning and he's just sitting in Orange Grove naked like how did his pants and and we'd, be like over here and he'd, be like brightening, just hop in the front seat. Go home. Let's go like real, quick shit, his pants he hates my stories. I hope someone. If anyone is listening. This knows my dad. Let him to this, because every fucking story I ever tell he fucking noise goes God Damn your fucking imagination, not, I would thought I did not shit. My pants, I shit a little bit. I didn't shit, my you're making people doing shit, my pants, he just squirts he's a little squirter. I don't know, let's call him on the phone, do it, let's get my dad won't see. This is a perfect example. My dad later at night and a human beings, we were telling store

this week in about like like one time a one time. One morning I thought I was try to town. My little sister was ten. I was probably twenty one. I was drinking a lot at the time, so you know party animal shit and then I was pissing. A lot of places that, like in the round house, is like a pistol, my Ex girlfriend's dining room table and was walked in by your dad. Do you wanna talk about a fucking nightmare watt, waiting waiting, waiting waiting where you pissed on the dime? in room table over in meadow and her dad walked in and caught. Her dad Larry Meddock in Orlando Larry. If you're listening, I I'm guilty,

I so here's okay, because I never really accepted blame for it always said it. Never fucking happened because it because I didn't want it because I didn't want okay, why did you do it was thanksgiving? Was right after the rolling Stone magazine came out and so and I go back to party. What do you mean the Rolling stone magazine with the number, the really stunning one thousand nine hundred and ninety seven called me- the number one party in him in the country just for someone who doesn't know, and then that was a big deal, I became famous in time became famous in Tampa the Tampa Tallahassee Gainesville, Orlando anywhere that I had people with four went to Florida state lived. I was they knew. I was there like a party guy, so shots really we'd any. Do people put drugs in my hand like it was king insane. I get roof roofied. I got roof a couple times, so you became like a celebrity party overnight. I became the guy that I'd walk after the before Protocol was just allowed fun shirtless on top of the bar getting everyone in a frenzy and then

in the article came out. It was like the fuckin lineman would come to the bar. I drank at YA knees and they pulled me aside and they're. Like you drink with us tonight, we want to drink with the party animal and then I just be up with these in like four lineman and would be just doing shots shots shots, and these guys are three hundred and fifty pounds. I got two two hundred and eighteen at the time, probably like right through two hundred and eighteen and probably more like two hundred and twenty five, but but- and so I became like, like I say famous, I say like reality- show like the way. Snooki first season was you know so, That's how you were in your town in your in Tallahassee. If I went right after that, article came out in Tallahassee definitely Orlando. I knew forty percent of our new I was in Tampa. Everyone knew I well that's back when people actually read magazines before we got shows before the internet, for the internet is big for its. Were in this. So like you, I was on Oprah called and wanted.

Be on show, but one of my parents to be onto and mom is lying to my fucking parents. So I did everything I did like fucking They sent you ready for this. This is how bizarre this a Perry period got. They sent ESPN, sent a tour bus with two actors in it to come: shoot a commercial of partying with me of what it's like to party with the number one party animal for the X games right they wanted to like, and one of the actors was Johnny. Knoxville fucking bizarre is shit, so Johnny Knoxville we meet and he says you draw and I was like I was like in my head: I'm like yeah, I'm gonna do it. Let's do it so I'm going to the store beside Verdon pills, like pills, and so he like pores. I can always say: no, it's not the end, little stronger, probably like P Tapia, I'm probably the he just for some time. Some titles whatever was the pores of my hand, and so I think someone like finger one hold down and he, me too, and I pop one and then he starts passing above so you're being calculated about it. I was like I don't know the fuck, I'm taking

but again I haven't started drinking. I mean like I'm just like what the fuck and then like someone might not guide. I have a fucking overdose around that guy. Yes, but this is before jackass right. This is, they were just great. This is like five hundred and ten years before jacket. Those are wilding and Johnny Knoxville's passing pills around and he's like in a bong and wouldn't bong hits, and you gotta be careful that videos he's put in videos of Bam, Margera trying to break a bottle over his head and he's like watch this. Now we're laughing art it's off. This is well before anyone knows what the fuck this is and then I look at the other guy. I forget the other guys name, but I go. What was that and he's like delighted? You never deleted. Did you get pharmaceutical heroin? It's awesome you're going to love it, and I was like thank God. I only took one Jesus Christ, that's like they used to give chicks in the wild West movies

when they had an issue- and I have seen some delaudid there's a little delaudid yeah yeah, so we end up partying all night. We take this tour bus out, fill it out. Dresses women throw us all down the stairs. This is women. Fucking just took one of the craziest night, some over that drinking beer bottles over our heads, like it was the craziest fucking night of my they cut, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, so There were no, they were, they were fake, breakaway beer bottles, but we were like, but we had seen Bam do it and we thought it was funny. So we were doing it with these fake break way, but we're dealing with a real bottle bam and I think those bandits posse, but it was the c k Y Possi. They were trying to break a beer bottle over their head. How did that happen that that became my god? Genre of entertainment, like that jackass watch? Dude? Do fucked up things and get hurt? Well what happened

I have no idea, I don't know, but I've made a living doing it started. It started off with like Charlie Chaplin falling down. The stairs are cheating his wife, like the buster Keaton like Physical Comedy, like I didn't, see, Jackass three, but I laughed my ass off at the fucking trailer. I just bunch of movies that I just haven't gotten around to seeing and that's one of 'em, but when that guy walks in the door in the giant hand, fucking clobbers him in the face, and he goes I'm sorry, that's a layer. It's a great is fucking hilarious. Great. I it's funnier than

I'm thirty nine years old with two kids, and it still makes me laugh my did. It is like an advanced version of like that. Charlie Chaplin shit right so yeah, that's exactly what it is and here's another thing is: it's guys: it's buddies, it's they're! All in it. Together. There are dealers, retard shit, yeah, plane, went Johnny, Knoxville, put a fucking blindfold on and stood in front of the bull he's out of his fucking time, and this is after he's, already a movie star yeah and he doesn't need to do it and it was one upping them, so they had to do it and you're. Just like this kind of stuff, he was doing movies with the rock, and yet he would put a blindfold on a stand in front of a fucking real, a real boost terrifying. The way he got launched easily could a horn could have guns to him. I got mauled by a bowl and I'll tell you right now, yeah I got my bible and hurt Bert it was. Yeah. This is before you riding it. No, no no was a rodeo clown. They just go. They just taught me how to put the makeup. And they're like alright, you ready, I go hold on. I'm learn anything and they're, like oh stay away from the bowl, and I was like that's it and then they pulled the pin that you hear that, where the gate Open

and uh real fucking bowl comes out like a real bowl comes, and I just we just met in my rib cage and he broke my ribs and broke my foot, oh my god, yeah and then then the producer TIM Scott says you see TIM's car with a little bit of venom in your voice, and I love the guy. But this cock sucker says to me. That was really good. That's really good footage we're going to do it. We do it like two more times and wax hold on you or fuck fine after you got your rib broken, broken ribs and a broken foot, and I'm sitting on the ground wind knocked out. And he's like well, it's only like eight seconds of footage like whoa he goes. We need it to be a segment and segments three and slash two minutes and we can make a footage. Eighty eight seconds I mean, if you watch it online, it's they just re, because I didn't wouldn't do it again and they just replay it over and over, and that's pretty uncreative of him that you couldn't come up with some sort of a way to fill that time, where you would talk over it and describe what

We were not realize it was terrible idea. It was yeah, that's we ended up. I can't believe that he was so irresponsible to ask you to do it again. That's TIM Scott for me, while we willing to do it the first place, I love Timmy still a friend of mine, but because I was, I don't know TIM, I don't know it was sounds like a douche bag. Now he's in the film kids right now, he's not listening to me. This is good, so number, I'm sure, he's a nice guy, but to ask you to do that after it was broke. A rib in your foot is crazy. It was also is like a I don't. We talk talk about this a couple times. It was like a new discovery of of their. This is me get more by the ball right here. That's the bull right, that's not a baby bowl at all, and that's me now, if you're on the clock, you're, probably looking at like right now, it's four seconds and they're cutting this up to make it look longer This is exactly how quick it took. Just the bull comes and they go all right. This is the the food and then right now I'm trying to run, but my foot's broken. So I can't stand on it. Oh my god, don't like you got hit by a truck yeah. I got hit by a fucking truck

it backed out just a little bit just the impact it play for a second. It will start yeah, just good, hopefully replace itself. I mean it, it will replay it. Yeah back up a little bit more Brian, so we could see the impact. Oh, my god! This is the first shot of the day. This is, we haven't shot anything right now. All we've done is. Stop me put on makeup. How much is that thing way? It's going to be eight hundred pounds, that's it fucking! I don't know I don't know. I guess I don't think that's going to be and I think that's a lot bigger than that. Oh, my god that thing nailed you. It hits me square. I've, never that's solid by anything. I said in the clip. I got him with the baseball bat. I've been hit by cars. I've been hit like in a car accident, but man when that bull its whole head connected with my whole, and we met where my MIKE was right now this is after this is I'm not fucking. Doing it again, look up pretty face. You're skinny! I was oh, my god do they show it like? Oh my god, look at that impact. I know holy

Getting your lucky! The thing that stump on your head wait! Watch watch you can see where it breaks my foot. It doesn't look like those look watch it right here. You go down my leg and stepped on my foot. That's the hoofprint! Was God just get this pull away from Maine so that speak with a slur for the rest of my life and have a half price on the side of my head, guys playing football we got more cushioning in your face. It's filtered from your beer. Did you got jacked, you are you are at where you should have been really well for a first time. How many times these guys went head professor, this guy? Can he we got an address either either and he was he was caught like old stitches, broken bones when a we're crazy, we make a live,

yeah. I don't know how he's ok sweetie I'm going to bring it back to where we started so so that is my connection with jackass and then I did. It show very similar to it. For six episodes we did six episodes, but I met Johnny Knoxville after the rolling stones stuff. The rolling stones stuff was crazy. When that came out, it was like being famous cut back to

how I pissed on my girlfriends table. Yes, so thank you, so that was unwinding. That was not. That was like untangling a necklace. So so we go out in Orlando. This is right after Thanksgiving when everyone's home, so everyone I know from Orlando's at every bar all unlike church Street, I think, is the name of the street, and so we go out and it's fucking chaos with my girlfriend, her sister and her sister's boyfriend, who is the coolest fucking guy any always have weed, so we go out and everyone's buying me, shots were getting fucking hammered. Her parents had just bought a house just bought this brand new house just like, and it was their dream house. We have thanksgiving together, we held hands, talked about how at the table how this is everything we've worked for guys as a team. We saved we script anyway. We go back to her house and I'm like I'm, not fucking done like. I want to keep going in this guide and he's like oh yeah me too. So we get a twelve pack of beer and we wanted the dock, and that's all I remember Danny, then the neck,

only counts everything to me 'cause. I might she walks in the first thing in the morning, did you piss on my dining room table and I'm like? No? Why would I fucking do that? I'm a grown man. I don't piss on tables you, like my dad said he caught you pissing on our table. Make your dad is crazy. He doesn't like me

from the party animal and he's trying to get me out of your life. That's what's fucking going on and you get outta fuckin rumor going out shit. I'm the party animal, I'm struck sure, I'm sure in those at the party who the fuck you're talking to right. Now he wants me out of your life, I'm not number one party in another country, but something to yeah. I'm sure I actually use those words. You probably had a t shirt of explaining it. Did you ever think about getting on the party animal tattooed anywhere in your body? I was thinking about getting a squirrel with a beer can in a cigarette. That said the party for a long time without this girl who's, gonna fucking question that tend to so we tell me what your tend to about it. If I pulled you over world far is the carpet. I pulled you over and you had a party squirrel tattoo on immediately. Take you to jail. I'm like I know this. Guy did something fucked up in the last couple of months. You just gotta, get it out of him. We just going to sit down and go. You know what you did just tell me. You know what you did just tell me will get outta here. Early will get you a nice quick sentence, just tell me what happened so

you're, talking about ok, so she party squirrel, get back in your fucking crazy. She goes out to the breakfast table where family is. Oh, my god, how much piss we talking about here. In my head. It didn't happen in your head, didn't happen, you didn't blacked out fucking. I swear you want my children right now. I'll in the bed rolled over? I want to fuck black women, then how do you know your home? We didn't fucking tell you down the river, maybe he pissed on the table and then said that you did it. That's why he woke you up in the morning. He knew you blacked out and then I blame you for pissing on the table that was going through my head right now. Is I rollback over and I go fuck there? Maybe you can get out of here, but maybe maybe that would be called shitting but yeah, maybe now we call a Brian train wreck pong

some kind of regular cigarette over there. No it's got. We didn't alright, so quickly, so Danny the boyfriend comes in and he like comes in his eyes are like so excited he goes her deepest on their table and I'm like no. Why is everyone fucking saying that he's like 'cause, her dad walked in on you pissing on the table, and I said, he's fucking minute man he is pretty set in that he saw you pissing on their dining room table and I go Danny. I remember fucking anything he goes, he goes well, we got these years went to their documents now, yes and he was like, I had a joint and I go ok. I remember that and he's like, and then you ate the joint and I was like. I don't remember that he goes yeah. I said hold this and you ate it and laughed, and then we killed all the beers out there and I go fuck. We did. He was like yeah and then you start piecing back like little things I go. Do we get stuck in a phone booth and he's like: no, we got locked in their food cabinet like in their in their food closet like pantry

pantry is we're eating in the kitchen and the and this I start remember. I go yeah so that the girlfriend come out. The girlfriends coming new is a sliding door, so we eating in the girlfriends, came the sisters and they go you're fucking, making a ton of noise. So me- and went into the pantry and shut the door, but then we couldn't figure out how to open it because there wasn't a handle, you guys were hammered and you a pantry pantry. They shoved you in the pantry to quiet you down. We shoved ourselves into the pantry so that we can continue eating we're like we're going to bed. They left, we went to the pantry, shut the door and I remember sitting in the pantry- do remember this distinctly is us being in the pantry thinking we're in a phone. Both laughing. How hard are they had this food in this phone booth and when I keep leave this phone booth has fucking Doritos in it. So then that's so then? He said to me. He goes them and he's really adamant, so he I lay back down. I'm like. I can't believe, I'm being framed for this shit

All of a sudden, I start you ever have one of those we used to. Remember the dream you had last night and I distinctly remember seeing her dad and his underwear in my dream. What why I'm like I'm like wait. I did have a dream about her dad in his underwear. That's odd and then I was like, but he was in here. Yelling at me is not a dream. You had sex with an old man. No, what happened was in this and then I start going. Oh shit. This totally did happen. I woke up in the middle. The night walked out to their dining room, table, erect and tried to go to the bathroom. You know you kind of try to lean it down, so I'm on been making a ton of noise after dining room table pissed on their dining room, table full blown pissed on their dining? Remember this now now, I'm remembering I'm like oh shit. I fucking do remember for being erect I remember. I just remember trying to pee. You know how, when you have one of those nights were like in the bathroom and you like. I can't get a likely in the forward forward, so I'm leaning forward over the dining room table trying to piss making a tunnel knocking everything off of it. He comes out in his tighty.

I remember that because she came back in and I go to your dad wear Tighty whitey's and she goes he does. Why don't never mind and you can't dreamed I like no one wears. Also anyway, I dream about Heidi white 20s. Let's say two thousand six hundred and twenty five, so here's the apart, he yells at me and he goes where the fuck. What the fuck are you doing and I said I'm going to bed and he said Where is your bed and I and I pointed the dining room table- I go right here and he goes what so I David Blaine, the tablecloth pull it lay on the bed on the on top of the table as it actually pissed him in my own piss in my job, is the man cave full of piss just late curtain myself up on the next go back to sleep, and he gets me up and walked me into my bed and puts me back. In my bed and I'm like what a nice guy we it gets with. Our relation was fucking doomed like there was no. Up that he's a nice guy he's a really nice larry! Medic is a saint. Because

That happened one of my daughter's in my household feet, fucking, kids ass, so I would you really man now do it like that? Again, though, I would beat the fucking kids how do I set my passion invoice? Have you ever considered acting, maybe I pee all the time when I'm really wasted like if I black out like drunk night I'll, wake up and think like. Oh, I have to pee right now and I always like put on a shirt next morning like. Why is this smell like here and I did it again yeah I've done. I went so I do it all the time when I drink hi? So when you drink a lot, you'll pass the ban. I think I get confused. I wake up yeah my I think I can hear cases a light like a what yeah really John people in case yeah. It's actually fairly common yeah it it's it's, it happens. Maybe twice a year buy it. It's still happen. Now for it. Any ever does not like that. Ninety eight, he never did so much profit that sound like something right up any bravo yeah, you don't have you had any used to have these blackouts. That was so bad. I had to write a story about it. I wrote up,

log entry called drug. Getting. I think I read that it was at about when you guys were in Roman. He missed his flight to Germany, Germany yeah. I, why didn't MRS flight? He took my my car to the airport, he was so hammered and he woke up in the backseat of the car didn't know anything I will. I gotta go downstairs like where's. There's a car supposed to be taking the airport for Rogan. They go Rogan already left and I know what because yeah a long hair tattoos like Motherfucker sidecar heading on Joe Rogan, the airports like an hour and a half away he's only five minutes away from it by the time a column on the car is already there and I'm like what happen man. What are you doing? He said I don't know. I woke up in the back of this car to be fair. He was wearing Joes close he was wearing an outfit that looked resembled made. Really. It was just a party time and I just got got hammered yeah some dudes man they just they. They just can actually forget what happened. Yeah. I definitely blacked out. I don't drink like that anymore. I haven't. I have not had an episode like that,

in a really long time, like in years like you know, when I stop doing or just the last few days like four days, I stop drinking caffeine. Did not it all up dude I've never done that. Ever like mostly cut it out, but my God love coffee. I, like the smell of it. I like the ritual of it. I I make french press coffee, so I grind the beans and I put know water, you know you, I use clean, filtered water and I you know- and I get to see these Kona Coffee Beans whole- why it's delicious taste good, but you know it's you, you get the spikes and then the crash is that the really up thing and the last couple of days I've had no caffeine, like the last five six days. And there's no crash. It's weird! It's like you just you crave! Anything else. Do you like it? Fine yourself like eating tons of chocolate. No, but I want to drink the coffee like, and it's not that I need it. It's that it's a ritual. It's in it's etched in my mind, like you know, all,

Barnes and noble buying a magazine. Let me just get a cup of coffee go say. I gotta take a shit that you didn't take a shit, Barnes and Noble has some of the worst. It's ever. You walk into that bathroom. If you have to pee, God bless you well some coffee shits, but to be with yeah just eaten those fucking cookies and drinking coffee. I can't I can't here's my problem, coffee, here's why I want to cut it cut it out, because I had my first cup and I feel really good right. Then I go. Let's have a nice car, let's have another cop, so I have my other cop and then I'm like man, I'm fucking tweaking I need to write. You need to get something done, let's fold laundry and then and then I have my third cup and now my eyes are twitching and I'm like, I don't feel so good I want to. I want to take a xanax. I got a bad like on like why can't I just find a happy middle round yeah, it's good. If you want to get something done like it's good, I I um I debated back and forth whether or not to have one right before the podcast is like it's always gonna be charged up when you do the podcast, but I was like no.

What happens because I've been doing this for the past like like, I said I guess it's probably in about five or six days now, a little alcohol, the only alcohol I'm learning myself to like one drink, one glass of wine- maybe two at the most, but that's it. I read this thing recently about drinking about like going out and getting fucked up and how bad it is on your muscle, your your your body's ability to recover, and then it takes you three weeks to get back to one hundred percent three weeks man, you could be twenty four hours ago back is shit that it does like when you get severely dehydrated from really getting hammered and really really hungover, there's also an effect on cerebral spinal fluid that takes two weeks to recover from so there's like all these different things, different processes that happened when your body gets severely dehydrated, ants of really fucked up from alcohol and there's like this rebuilding process. It's like you know it takes a long time and if you're can hit it hard all the time you really for giving yourself a chance to recover. That's why you know people at prematurely aged.

You know- and I started feeling recently that, like like I've, never taken time away from from coffee, I've never taken time away alcohol. You know I've always done whatever I wanted to do it. For a couple of years. I have a couple of years. We wanted to drink wine. I drink. I never thought about. I never tried to limit myself. So this is a psychological pulled. Is a problem is, like you start thinking about it and psychologically, you could see how people get addicted to things because cycle Logically, when you resist something I wanna diet. Once for a little while, I tried to Atkins Diet just for a diet. Yeah, it's good except you cut something out of your life, like pasta, do that is shit. You're going to crave in such a rabid way might never want cookies, but on Atkins I want to cook exactly it's easy to eat clean if you decide to eat clean, but if you got some crazy law like views and rules Now you know you're following those you're, not just eating clean. You know you're following those specific rules, all the things that

from there the things you start craving yeah, it's a second I quit drinking. I go that's when all the beer commercials look awesome, yeah like man, I can't I can't ever quit. I can't ever quit for good that's why I need to reel it in every now and then you know all right. I need to be in control of everything. It would be a fucking alcoholic. Don't want some lush who, who you see on stage, and only does it slurs were words and lays down on the stage yeah and alcohol commercial, a beer commercial, that's all we really need is just that. Little push like what it is is you're already thinking about getting drunk that alcohol, commercial, like people say that targets children and it looks like what a great party yeah sorta you know who are really targets are really targets, guys who aren't partying yeah, I think about you. I have that beer may be broke up the blast. Now, I'm only fifty yeah. I got another shot in me, man that I've seen some fucking old guys are some young girl I'll give me man that today start thinking things like that. But it's such a

natural feelings, normal, so normal part of being a monkey. So my dad is going through going through like dad's is ready, get some young pussy. He wouldn't even I don't know, bring around the podcast see what's up, he was out there, this all half a million people on this podcast there's a girl that did with sixty five year old, never know his pants on girls, like that, I know a girl that likes that I'll get her own urine and no no no! I did I was the he had. A above blood infection almost died. What legs couple couple like a week ago, two weeks, we can now you got that charity pussy, Cumming USC, how you doing I like what you work is that sympathy pussy here come old. Shit is really in his fucking head about fucking almost over and then you start. Then it got into my head nose like wow man, I'm thirty. Nine, like this parties come and you're healthy, dude enjoy the moment. That's the most important thing, but take care of your vehicle. The real proud alcohol is alcohol, kills your vehicle. You know the marijuana. Look at some point in the home when you're in your car thing for your world, the body

is a vehicle Brian Redband, the body, the human body. The problem is alcohol is fun as fuck. You know there's the very few things like that are as fun as just a good night out when you're drunk with a bunch of fun, friends and you're all laughing crack up. In the end, the night you go eat somewhere, stupid eat some greasy meat, conco action with cheese and gravy, and you and you take your fat stupid ass to bed. You know those nights, fun man, this desert some some brilliant nights, but God damn Sunday morning suck a bag. Don't they they sucked that feeling of hungover as you're headed to the airport, and you can't drink enough water. Vegas once I think the biggest ones are the worse yeah, because So you get outside of those casinos and there's no longer oxygen pumping every is that a myth, the there? No they actually do that and there's no clocks in any casino. That's true, but you don't have a watch, a stupid phone

because if my watch is my Iphone and they scramble all the iphones, so none of the phones work. So you have no phone shit. Do you believe that you believe they scramble the fuck yeah? I do I don't believe that they scramble at one hundred percent, but I believe that as soon as I walk in there I'll go from three to bars to no service back, and fourth yeah that goes back and forth almost like they're they're, making your phones cut off so that Just say your wife, why honey honey I'm by the tables I'll call you in an hour, you know it's it's a good thing for that money away and they set those places up like you get lossed in uh, oh yeah, all the carpets, fucking views and yeah and is a maze yeah realize who you're going through all those machines. They're not set up with some sort, orderly way, that's easy to see. If your base now there's a God, Damn maze. It's like the the base of the shining as x. Get you in there and hopefully

everything out of you suck the money out of you either through your balls, there's hookers and those mazes or suck the money out through the machine. We had a hooker one time in Vegas, not had a hooker, but we had a hooker proposition me and my buddy Eddie and- and she was the one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen in my life and my buddy Eddie was like how much and she was like one thousand three hundred dollars. I can't uh because I'm a, 'cause, I'm trying to drive home tonight. This is good for driving yeah. It's just a cigarette so I go wow my feet feel like they're glued into the space. We is good for driving. This is this is the makes you think you're, not even driving anymore, yeah and driving here on the what you call it. I was like the I was video game, it's called a highway son who's. The stone one yeah was is that

you know driving in on that what you might call it a little note in that new fangled hard surface the earth is using it. I think I put the alcohol in all those new mind, yeah a new Monkees at our transport themselves, in a much more rapid way, hard service with whatever, whatever anyway point being part ' Carolina fucks, my driving up. I could never! I could never drive by really. How can you do? What did you do? Why don't drive that I'll be here for a few hours? I um I'm pretty sober by the time I actually, but I did you get to hide a lot of things, new comedy. Do sugar stop your buzz, but also you know three to realize. I have a high tolerance, yeah yeah, when looking alike at my last year of college. I was smoking a lot of weed and I could I could smoke all night long to be fine, but I now, if I, if I took like a hit, I definitely feel it especially. I think we was different back then too, we

good for you. Where Chrysler. Let me tell you something: don't listen to Maine, don't follow my advice because it's faulty, I have you know it's a lot of trial and error, and I've made quite a few hours. I'm not saying I'm right about everything, but I'm. About this we'd. My friend. Look, I'm not right about every. We we need. My friend is good for you and what you are afraid of with weed is what we all need. We all need a little humility. We all need to be terrified by the matrix We all need a view of the great beyond and with weed gives. You is a terrifying feeling of of your mortality. It gives you a feeling of insecurity, a feeling of what you call paranoia, but because what it is is you've drug dropped. All the blinders all around you and you realize how ridiculous is proposition as period. There is no way around the fact that it's ridiculous. We are, in fact just one part of a universe, it's above our head with there's. No, there's there's no actual ending to any of it and just goes and a part of it and we're floating in it and we're only here for a little bit

and we don't know what we're doing, and everybody knows as much as you do and you anything I mean, there's people who know more facts. They know more about the laws of physics they know more about, but the purpose of it all or where it ends or, what's for what? What is there a meaning to this? Is this just device to move entropy forward is this is a device for what are what other humans? What is this life? No one knows not a fucking one. No one! That's why you need marijuana township. Here's marijuana, let you know later that's what a beer commercials now dude this, we need marijuana commercials, it's not bad, for it's just bad for pharmaceutical companies yeah those fuck heads. We mean supposed be America, land of the free home of the brave you're, locking people up for a plant that makes you silly is nothing fucking for your brave about that. That's bitch moves right! That's a bitch move That's the only person who would lock you up for weed. You know if you had. If you had to create your own society, if it was Burt World and you

you know, there's one hundred people and you claim that you were the king of Burt World and you got this how much are the laws? Could you if you said no pot would be like fuck, you Bert yeah, that allow pot yeah one hundred people and make it figureheads. I think we all need to live like they live in Afghanistan, man, just warlords, warlords residing over small pieces of land. Do you think a warlord? I don't know I'd work for one. Maybe that's better! You don't want to be the guy in front. You figure head. You know you don't want Bush! You rather be Dick Cheney, the warlord in your in your opinion. What I would do is, I would unity. I would teach the warlord jujitsu or something I think you know with Lord Blacksmith, and I always want to learn how to make one of those samurai swords where they fold the blade over over and over again take a trade. That's what I would what what I'm saying is that I think we really would be better off if we, if we don't have any government at all, it should be very local, but just a small group yeah and

what's on the federal comes in is when the groups are arguing. The federal comes and goes do to relax we're all here to temporarily keep together hundreds of people, not not million. So what I do in a in a war, Lord Prime, what do you? What do you you'd fit in awards. You would dominate per Chrysler. We talking about you would be the life of the party. I'd be the life of the party I'll, be the guy by the fire lighting. The fire first put it out at the end of the night like going. I don't know why I'm all the sudden in a fuckin village with I'm sure we saw at makes for an awesome story. Yeah! That's why Conan! The barbarian barbarian was always cool, I would make saddles when I was thirteen years old when I became addicted to Conan the barbarian. But yes, the Robert E Howard books, really, no, I know there their books, brilliant, brilliant so? We've talked about him a few times. So Conan was a man of much words like what would they do? They just write with a lot of like narative. Oh that's not not not, really true in the books. He would he talked really, but the adventures were so fucking deep. It was all about this. Guy named Robert E Howard. What's that guy's name, that's on

He was in, he was in full metal jacket. He played Pyle in full metal jacket. All another trading wait: Vincent D'Onofrio, Vincent D'Onofrio. Thank you very much. Vincent D'Onofrio played this guy Robert E Howard, in a movie about his life 'cause Robert E Howard. Was this like really eccentric, eccentric character? Who wrote all these fantastic novels a fantasy but like live with his mother and his 30s and shot himself killed himself, but he was responsible for Conan, the Barbarian Kroll the and all these different fantasy books. This dude wrote they were fucking, awesome, dude when you're thirteen, it's a thirteen year old boys version of twilight, and it's like they're. Just these fantastic fucking stories. You know sorcerers and fucking, sword, aids and demons, and it's just awesome shit. Man, that's

and you read the I never read Schaller Dude, those were the books, my rent, that was then this is now. If you are watching, I, I always make sure this one lake or the route the model not mouse, that rather my motorcycle Ralph. You never got in the comic bookstores and on a roof over my life. Really. What about you, Brian? You got in the car, yeah yeah! I actually just read the walking dead and I read the whole, my god and then I started watching it. I just watched the first episode: oh fucking goals, the comic almost exactly look at the timelines a little little switched around, but it's so amazing how well they did so good. That's the only show I'm watching these days. The only fiction showing watching really yeah walking dead, get into everything, but why I still like breaking bad. Next time I go to get him when I'm getting my tattoo finished, I'm going to go back and watch the rest of breaking bad. I think you're going to get a break.

My shoulder braid that everybody know I'm down a fucking party. I saw some new dude, some new white rap dude on tv last night last night I was up late at night watching the PAC man fight I had it on Dvr hand Wash yet Juan Manuel Dario was a really good one bro see that's the reason it keeps put in these bombs out there 'cause every now, and then this one out of the park, one mile marker they had? This awesome fighting and I still haven't watched it. So I was up watching it and what the hell are we talking about was the point now PAC man knows before PAC man, breaking bad tattoo you're? Getting your tattoos, he only shows you watch God, damn it. I completely forgot I was talking about. Can someone tweet this real quick?

and tell us that we're talking about. We smoke too much pot folks, it helps and it hurts it's there, and yet it's not was ethereal. I apologize. It's probably my fault. How is it your fault, because it brought up indefinitely through threw us off the fuck yeah, but it was working blaming it was worth doing. You are the one on the Fuckin Nina the Pinta and the Santa Maria Colon look guys a whale and Columbus is like huh It was something I was watching on tv, that's what I was talking about. Oh this new way, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, some guy is got a song. I don't know who he is. I don't know, but he was with that Birdman Guy didn't many, do you know who Birdman Guy is the guy from the fresh, I don't mean any fresh from hot boys. Yes, yeah, yeah and apparently guys, like the number one guy in the car game note that means like he always has the

Russia's car right yeah it's about his cars. Are, I seem like articles about him and Dub magazine. I should use all the money from juvie. He gets like a million dollars with the cars every year plus every year. Just new cars constantly looks them up, make some like super stereos bat and Rams customizes custom colors like a white wrapped around like a white rapper. They were talking about well, the story that yeah guys in the video with no them right. Now that he's in the video and this this new guy and he's like who in the club doesn't give a fuck, that's like essentially Lee the and the the like got all these crazy tattoos all over his body and I'm looking at this bird man. And he has this star tattooed on his head. He's got like something tattoo his face he's got like teardrops tattooed he's got a star tattooed on the top of his head, and I can you watch him yeah the recent images you want, because I'm sure he gets tattooed alot

just a crazy fucking and I'm watching the big on parental controls over recent, like Brian dot com, by the way. What am I searching for Your search, many fresh, is bubble, Birdman Tattoos top of head. Look for that and I'm I'm this I'm like wow. This is some crazy music. Like wonder what my grandfather father would think, if my grand father who came here from ITALY, you know in the 1930s, I think you can maybe was nineteen twenties. Came to America from ITALY. I wonder you know he was like in the Sinatra and shape to go to his house. They were playing opera music. I wonder what how alien that would be for him to like. If he could be my change if he could be in his forties sitting in front of tv, I bet he latching absolutely hysterically. I didn't think it was a joke. I bet he'd go. I bet he'd, look at and go like re. We go get a gut laughing go. I can't believe this is hilarious. I wish I don't think you would take it that well

olive garden. There said it now, you say: go How about that? Is this? What you get are you kidding me yeah? It's got a bunch. Sometimes too far east as West is not nuts. Who was crazy. That's wild man he's got stars tattoo, don't understand, to like look at guy like writing on his head. Man hit him in low

We see like it'll, get get some more face. Tattoos removed look up face tattoo because he's got some big and it's cheap too. Man I was when I was. I was googling Wayne's tattoos, because Wayne's tattoos are crazy too little lane yeah, those guys are, and then I got into the U S, the guy, with the swastika tattoo on his stomach. You know I'm talking about now who got a swat look as Britney. No back up one Brian, we know not him, but there was one there was bird man is above you it's above you right. There see that click that birdman. Is the guy lighter skin black ball? Oh you've got fucked. This is probably what we're looking for, but here's a virus bitch. I have oh wait. You have a MAC. The viruses don't work, amazing how many pc people want. I want to still stick with Peces. After that. Okay,

did you do with the trust me man the moment the numbers of MAC users won't think it up to a certain about where it's worthy of their time. Then we'll start writing viruses. When did you wear the of their time? I don't understand, but they don't have it now dummy. What would you care? You don't get him now, where there's? No viruses, that's better! Well, that's there's! There's another side said the the other side's got a bunch of shit too. I would really go outside to get someone's cheek right there that one right there boom fucking shit, I'd love to be his nurse. If he was in a coma and just read him read 'em yeah like just look, his body while he's out like oh yeah, so you don't have to worry about him like him. Angry and just read everything about his body and have one of his friends to explain to Cmh is the neighborhood in New Orleans we grew up in. Yeah, ash money. Guess what else it's a weird way of living man. I mean they they're, making like they're, making a living a sensational one outta just live in big. I mean that's what they're uh

they're talking about how big they live in, showing you how they don't give a fuck and that's using their head driving around bentleys? What bitch, literally? Why yeah? Exactly stop me? Stop me from women. I dare you look at his fucking face. That's before the stars on the head, yeah, that's the one! Man is not something he's got, something is crying. That means he's killed. Re rain boots is committed cheek that you're not catching in that picture. I have something written on his cheek, it's hard to see in the picture, but in the video you kind of see it. You know essentially got writing all over his face. He's really does have writing all over his face while do not want to get up to lately what you want to get how about this? the bear hug, I might add buddies or I I would have to get a. I would have to get that sleeve. What was your first one

You don't have any on news. Radio right now I had one that I got just like the graphics logo. I remember that graphic graphics, similar there's, like a demon with a jesters hat on. I was a retard. I was like twenty three or something like that when I got that yeah such a dummy- and I still have it- you wanna see it yeah yeah forgot, you still have it for some reason. I thought you got it covered up, oh shut up, yeah. I drew it actually and that's right. I had a a guy, it's actually a pretty cool tattoo for nineteen, eight thousand and eighty nine. I drew that in whatever it was when I had it done. I guess it was probably one thousand nine hundred and ninety or something I guess it's not a good idea to mix electricity with the news,

yeah. I everything is under control way, got it handled. What do you do in your next hour? I don't know man Hopefully soon we are talking about here. Come I do it Louis CK style. I like the way he's doing now, he's just to get on the internet? That's really the smart way to do it. We don't want to figure out if there's a way to do that which does the five bucks to about down by boxes. Good five bucks you can stream, it live, we're just a married does it be live? You know you should be able to just get it whenever you want it and just make it a podcast, but a paid born on I tense like it and move like a rental. You know that's sort of a good idea, but I would have to like I would have to set it up. Ok, can I tell you my good cameras and you know, make sure it's directed well, you know, that's kind of a part of a stand up is like when you want to stand up special, which really cool was a special, but what's really underrated is like all the people that do it behind the scenes, like the guy who directs the UFC is a very good friend of mine, Anthony Jordana and he's the one who did my special too, but like he,

a guy who understands how to make something, look cool, how to cut things, how to shoot things like yeah. You know bring some life to. It, did not just here to record this but record this in and put into focus in an artistic way. That makes it more so yeah, I have to have fun and I were talking about doing dates together in February, a ruling. That's also when we don't know that. I don't know, I think Dorfman's brother, I love have front. These are great at it. Up he's a great guy to have on the road to to get a great guy, he's he's and he's put together in. What's that? Well, nothing. Michael me am I talking into it wrong, yeah, okay, trying to suck so you We were talking about doing dates in February. You turned it that way on purpose. Did I yeah you were getting really upset during. We're Talkin early

do the tighter ones lately, because I I did boxers for like ten or fifteen years, but it was just too dangerous like boxers, entangled dating your like waking up you're like. Why is my dick like asleep, and then you realize your boxers rap. I wear the tiny white style, but I wear black underwear 'cause. I don't want to see my fart stains yeah. I do spider pain. I want to be reminded of it look. This is just a part of being a human being. We gotta pretend that whole that shit comes out of

The air does leak out of there and occasionally it stains your underwear. Are we playing games here? Why you give me white underwear? Is the fucking test that I can't win? Is this a test? I cannot yes yeah this yellow by my dick this 'cause, my dick drips pissed. What am I supposed to do? Get toilet paper out and damn it now, I'm a man. Stick it back in my pants and then we clean the fucking underwear in a couple months. I buy new pairs, black ones, black ones, and I don't need a fucking hole. Somebody please provide solid pair of underwear. Dickhole Dickhole is useless. It's just more embarrassing than anything like your fucking, like getting a ups guy looks of your penis is only way you should use that decodes. If you have ugly ugly balls, if you have some like pomegranate. Looking balls, you have some deal, breaker balls you like this.

Maybe I got a pretty dick, but I got some balls it'll scare, the fucking paint off your car. You don't want to you, don't want to scare off the country, listen baby! You can see my balls eventually, but right now I wish my dad. Could you just under words? Are beautiful tickets a glowing sort of passion lust? Oh my god, and then you see the balls they just like. Voleibol horrible made rip the leaking. My balls are so bad. How bad are there? what's wrong with them there. The ball stops at like, say like four inches five, but the chrome keeps going to like. I said: that's not that's, because you have a lot of potential for manliness, and this is like it's like say. If you went to a surgeon- and they were going to give you artificial breasts, they would make it a nice deep pocket for a good set of double d's. You got to create some space and that's what it is. You just got a lot of room nice. That makes me feel a lot better. My balls? People pay big money could have like giant balls. You can be totally running. Shit that'll, be great. If a man doctor told you that he give you a scrotum, examines like man, you're going to be a great man

This would have to use a lot of potential to be the greatest American ever she would measure potential ball size with accounts in America. Is how big are your balls? That's really what we admire in. If you really want to get real, what we admire is how your balls. What are you willing to do, yeah? How crazy you want to get? That's why I should like jackass works. That's why you know stand up comedy works. That's why fighting works! That's why anything crazy. How will it? How crazy are you willing to get watching this show where they were talking about this guy who died recently? Who is a professional snowboarder? apparently he caused an avalanche, and I think I heard yeah you know or I believe it was. I mean it's happened more than one time. You know where these like extreme app. They go back home, try dropped off in a helicopter yeah I mean I like whoa like what the yeah. That's that's as real as it. How do you do for a sport? Have you seen you? I think I only reason I'm I take this. I say I say to you: have you seen, but the only reason I probably saw it is going to be your news. Feed on twitter. Have you seen the guy

in the squirrel, outfit jump off the fucking thing and missed the ground missed the ground by like six fucking phone, my god, it's incredible and he's going one hundred miles an hour. All that is one of the most amazing videos. I've ever seen is insane. What are those called? We were on a swirl of this world. Twelve. I think the results will suit your lawyer. That's what looks like a flanks yeah. It's incredible! one of the bad things I've ever seen in my life? Is you have to be absolutely fucking fearless to do that, One mistake! One miscalculation of the terrain: you don't pull up in time and you slam into the fucking mountain you're one hundred miles an hour you are flying. That is, that is a game changer in a crazy idea. Who is the motherfucker that tested that out that it was when I, when I was jumped out of a plane with Rachel Ray uh. I was fucking hardcore panicked but I was like man when you're screaming at the earth at a hundred miles an hour. It there is a fucking surreal moment where you go all right. This is it if

the issue doesn't open, it doesn't open and I die with some dude strapped on me, like a rape, harness some horrible fucking in Rachel. Ray goes home and eat pie. That's a great look like gangster Rachel does a ship yeah he's got my back so on permanently, is stapled to your back, he's literally harnessed into you, where you can't. You can't get and it's the most uncomfortable position to have a man in sitting on a man's dick on the flight up to get to thirteen thousand feet, so you can jump out and you having you have your own little moment. You got some eastern, with his arms around you hold onto you like going let's. Let's start you what a what a what a crazy fucking activity, but that is, six people died in those like two thousand six. With the last year we looked at an alarming amount of people die skydiving yeah. I know Loring like when you when that morning I woke up. I was in the I was at the w in in union square, beautiful hotel, and I think what could wrong, I'm going to check the odds and see how many people die skydiving and they were like

my this year like it's like fucking, it's like they're August in six, like forty six like forty fucking sick that's a lot of people on that, I'm not comfortable with those odds and ends in the year in in a year here, and then you too, and then you see a video. They show you a video and they go the it's a it's old you need goes, the you have to know you're entering into an activity that you will is likely to call death. You may die today like. Why would I want to do this? It's not that cool yeah it like. I don't want to fucking die, but then you do it and you land and you live, and there is uh week, where you feel like you have a secret that no one knows like a fucking week where you are the most powerful human being in your head. You see movies where a guys running across the top of the thing in your head. You go do that, I jumped out of a plane, like you really, you feel limitless. You feel like you've, clock,

the tallest mountain you jumped out of a fucking plane and you live. You beat the odds you fucking one and then you get addicted to that. Like like I know Rachel and I have been doing some crazy shit like just doing some bizarre shit lately and in February we're going lemon sharks and I was like in the cage and she goes bucket at a cage, so we're doing going swimming with sharks advocate then we're going to do well. Well, what's going on with you and Rachel Ray had to, and I mean to make you do a lot of younger bombs and like you're like hey, let's do these. You have a black out really nice one. I have black that we will raise your rates on. You know. Definitely we ported blackout. We are you blacked out with her before we parted to Mexico near her husband and we killed on IQ. I will say I I don't fucking thing, anyone to think that she drinks, but but I murdered some wine like nice wine in her in her room with her husband

Let's see comb your hair. Did he comb your hair cock, hold stories? No, not actually very cool peoples, very cool dog, you dyna stat. If you want to keep the party going to have to tell no tales, I understand listen. I wouldn't. I would do this exact same thing if I love Rachel and I love John, who doesn't love Rachel Ray yeah but her and her husband makes me some lasagna and we're in a hotel room, I'm not going to like fuck the guy. She looks like she's got a great personality like she's, a lot of fun she's, a human being just seems like a fun person to be around she's. A black doesn't seem negative at all. Not one part I don't think I hear it she's a rare person to that's like a celebrity that you don't hear people criticizing that much. I don't really hear people talk shit about Rachel Ray one day like her she's great she's aloft down, and so you go over she's parties in videotape the whole shit for her show and then she'll like cut the cameras and then let's talk shit, I saw Ricky Gervais other night

Just like really gossip about more details about the comment she loves comedy. She Fucking loves comedy, and I guarantee you. I guarantee you she's on a treadmill or elliptical right now. Listen, those shit, if you another life. I thought these. I love these. If you know if young Burt had gone left instead of right yeah one day, you know, let's just spite some weird stroke of luck. A thirty year old, Burt Meats, Who knows how old she was and you're both single yeah thanks man, it's happening you like we're, not famous. If you guys had met famous, but I'm like saying, like parallel universes, I meet her to bar right dream: dream, girl, dreams, she's, your mother's, your wife. I know my wife's listening, You might not only this in your sound Rachel's, a kind of check that you know son. I have a son. You know about him yet she's the

check that I will say that any dude dude that met her in a bar love in a hole she's so cool, but does that threaten your wife that you talk about her like this? Really damn? nothing, you can't say anything bad about her like and usually I'm pretty honest about everyone and and I'll find some that. I go yeah, but you would like this, but with Rachel attack everything you love, you love everything about her she's cool. She fucking gets it like you can tell a joke sure. Like we got two bodyguards go to Mexico, we each got bodyguards and then was those Gary, oh so great whoa, so, and I told her, I said: what is that who were the bodyguards mind was EDGAR and hers was, I think, his mother worried that the bodyguards of like sold information because they've seen Bert the conqueror and they want you to do a bunch of shit around the house. All that cartels I did not hear. I didn't speak any English, no none, but as a joke, I go almost a car. Take our bodyguards down to the beach, make him fight and she laughed she was like do people get hilarious like like is a joke right right, but you tell it to some p.

Well in the industry and they'd be like come on man, let's not be disrespectful, they're working very hard. Tell you that if Lee right answer she just laughed and she's like it'll, be funny like just a so cool wait a minute? You were talking about two trained killers to trained killers. It's natural to see. Which will only kill the other one there's nothing wrong. I wanted to see was correct in the beach she's heard correct in her interests, so he doesn't mean they should do it and then we get to pistol whip. The loser well. That's where you want to cross the line. Mister, not with me really. Oh, how come on man where in Mexico Shits going down, would you do you think it's weird that this a third world country that's connected to us? I mean how crazy is that the way where we got fucked everything over in Afghanistan right now, you know I think about all the soldiers we have over there. Meanwhile, right next door is one slash three world country with the drug war going on. Like having ripped arms and a perfect chest, but then just a

but like no a rotten asshole and a small, Dick yeah broken small deck in politics. It doesn't even work like we cut it off like it goes. It goes It goes money, money, money, money, money, money, stop like you, do not get the model. There is money in Mexico which you know the big like Mexico, city and stuff like that, and this is really nice sections of Mexico City. We were, we were saying a million day and it was a fairy place. They show the HBO special of the twenty four seven with Pacquiao and Marquez yeah, and they showed like Mexico City like Mexico, city's like a real city, you know it's a it's a high into the it's huge. I think Mexico's is the biggest city. In fact, the world it's really high up in the the altitude is high stress. It is yeah, I'm guessing one major I know that the air quality there's terrible. So then it's really hard to get the smog issue. It's real bad, this more people in Mexico City. I think than any other city in the world. I might be on the line now, but I think it's close the whatever it is. It's it's top it's right up there, but it's bigger than any other american cities. It's it's a massive. It said: yeah it's got its own and and and

figure are the quality life. There's got to be it's gonna suck. Well, in some areas, yeah I mean the the with the show one. My all Marcus's place, like you, had forgotten a Mercedes and a. Porsche. How do you have that right? Now? All that shit, you gotta, live dangerously son. You know because you're you're flaunting in front of a large population of lots a large population had not to dole yeah, who I'm I'm, I'm assuming there have. Nots are ten times worse than our have give the difference between a mark as who's rich in America. You know one memo. Markets is a world champion. Boxer of a famous athlete in this country, loved by millions of people want to you know: tough, is boxes on the planet in this country. In America, yeah he's rich, as in America, he's made millions of dollars yeah Mexico. That must be staggering. Like the difference between him- and you know, you know in America him an minimum wage worker is substantial, but it's almost you could see it in the disk

is not available constable via Instrumental in Mexico in Mexico, since mountable, it's insane it's impossible. How could someone stay in Mexico? And you know- and you know what the percentages of of or in the amount of money this guys are like this is insane and so for him to be flaunting. What in Mexico is like what it seemed to me. I don't know anything about the culture. I really, but I you know I bet I bet seemed extravagant, but I bet we're not pudding into this is that he is a mexican I know, yeah he's a hero, no ones fucking with him 'cause. He is the golden boy to them because he represents them. Every fucking day, though, is the guy who came from nothing who got somewhere, and I bet that is what keeps him safe. I bet no one told him they go. They were going to take away or Adam Rodriguez, whatever that guys name is based. One loan. No, I meant I meant, like are Derek Getr yeah, yeah yeah. He is he's, he's a bad ass, mother fucker. You know him. He like fights for the pride of Mexico

two along with it. You know the mexican boxer man, those mexican boxers, are fucking. Gangster punch me me. Some of you will not be out yeah there's been some of the best fighters areas Julio Cesar Chavez and his prime is prob one of my all time, favorite boxes to watch because he would just be dudes down with, like a volume punching, he wouldn't punch like even a like full blast on a per se. Wouldn't you like eight or engage in while slug, yes, he would just fucking methodically move and throw Beaton's on dudes and hit him with body shots and break guys just slowly, slowly, break guys even guys there were two more talented than him like. Do you see the Meldrick Taylor fight and wait Taylor. Medic tellers, the guy, who can barely speak now, yeah dude, yeah dude, will fight that does war weight, wise yeah, I did see the magic Taylor was Boxing Julio, Cesar Shabbos, face off for most of the twelve round fight and then towards the end. Shavez connects and starts connecting on him in the

turn around and nails him with a right hand and drop some. He gets up with like three seconds to go or something crazy like that on down clock, Richard Steele waves it off and he calls the fight. So Chavez came from this beating by this young incredible. Fast like technically sound olympic boxer or he was just getting lit up and it looked like wow like you know, he's just too good he's too good. You know he's too fast but shot just slowly kept methodically breaking him down slowly, breaking down to the body and then eventually over I'm in the very last seconds of the fight over came and would have short stopped him. If Richard Steele make him made him stand up again, it didn't matter, he would have stopped him, he would have jumped on him again. Eight seconds is not enough, he wouldn't last, and he was done you know, but whatever it was, it was two or one. Second, it was the right call. Meldrick Taylor was fucked up, he was piss in blood and he was never the same again and if you watch videos of him he stalks with a pronounced that staggering stuff

well. That is one of the most like, like obvious examples of a fighter who has a really tough fight like an all time, epic battle and then essentially never reach that that performance level. Again, you don't know whether or not it's physical, like it, took a lot of their body, which you know that does play a factor of of a real big beating like that. Like that, I mean a real war that can really does by shot shot him with over and over again that could really wreck havoc on you, and then you also have to consider his motivation when a guy gets beat up. Sometimes they don't have the zest, the fire that they had when they were undefeated undefeated, they thought they were unstoppable. That's me yep his strong dudes man. They just talking. You know young and and full of confidence that they got the world at large. They feel like there's, I run into so many guys, especially the UFC these young guys with this incredible confidence, incredible confidence, and then you see him have a really tough fight

you'll see him have a really tough fight and then you'll see a Marie engage and sort of look at this a little bit different go okay! You know what everybody's phone? Ok, let's not get crazy here What should I do something stupid I'm going to do this. Let's do this intelligently and the ones who think that way they have a long life in the sport and the ones that don't there's the ones that you know they. They have a few epic contest where they they essentially have a really really difficult time. Recovering from whether it's psychologically with Ritz

You know this really really tough ones. Those are the hard ones to come back from getting your ass kicked cycle is more psychological. I think it is, but it's important for people to humility thing. You need to know that that's possible to you. You can't always be the hammer and pull out a young fast people, especially a lot of young athletic people. They're, always the hammering it used to be in hammering terrified of being the nail once once you've taken some shots before you understand like this is a give and receive bitch. This isn't just to give and sometimes you're, going to get fucked up. Just like the way you like to fuck up other people, sometimes as long as we can accept that and understand that, then you can look at this whole thing. Rationally and instead of thinking, you know with this crazy confidence that you're on top so guys games, change and I can change for the better or it could change for the worse all depend on how committed they are to their goals. I thought I was a badass at fifteen like

that ass why'd, you think that I don't know had been beaten up. I was terrified of fifteen really afraid of everybody, really yeah man and you have really got in Taekwondo yeah. I would didn't I just thought I was tough. I was big like I was a bigger kid like I was the in the top of the level of the height and size, and I just thought I was tough and then and then you get your dick knocked in the dirt a couple times in your. Okay. I got humiliated and what wasn't really a fight? It wasn't a fight, but it was a bigger kid who just did something to Maine peed on you. He wrestled me the ground. He thought he like, like hip, tossed me into the ground, we're just playing around. You know like I don't remember what started off. I wasn't really that friendly with them, but I was like hey what's up, you know it was one of those things and somehow or another. We were in the locker room like leaving and we got we said said something and did joking around and he pushed me and I pushed it back. We grabbed each other in the hip toss me on the ground and just laid on top me for a couple seconds, and I couldn't get up I got into how to get up

and then he let me up and he laughed about it wasn't really a fight, but it was humid, but it was enough that you, you weren't cool with it. I wasn't. I wasn't cool with the fact that he could do that. I was like shit like that. Fucking threw me on the ground and I couldn't do it think about it. So then I started excellent. That's when I took wrestling seriously yeah. I was like that does ridiculous, because I was, I had a bit at inflated sense of what I could do physically, because I thought that physically, really strong guy. I know in a strike like you know, if anyone's gonna want to get in a fight, I'll fucking kick in the balls. You have all these stupid ideas in your head of what you're going to do with. Why you're a badass, then some guy just hit. Cause you it lays on top of you, and I can't get this guy off man like I really I couldn't get him off me. I just couldn't I had to give up and he let me up it was a huge eye. Opener you know, and then luckily he was a nice guy. Didn't beat me up or anything we had me down, but good eye opening message. This is so funny because I practice

none of the real striking. I would practice the talking before the fight you were going to that I was, I would do it in the mirror. Like yes, I'd be like you want to fucking piece of this I'll fuck you up, fuck, you up three ways from Sunday and would just practice it, and I would like, like shirt, often like flex, every every kid. One of our kids are our guys in like that. There was a gang call the men. No! No! No! I wasn't. I wasn't what I was. I was in a gang car roller skating in the cave, there's a gang called the Caveman in Tampa in the cave. Men were like these public school kids book from the rich public school and they were like they were, they would just get in fights. All the time with Jesuit kids. I want to do it and I was in the not a gang, but a club called e p. U and e Buon caveman. All the time from like junior year until my senior year, even my sophomore year, you always to beware of the cave, men and so like you go to. Party in a fight would break out and it'll be the caveman, and so then that's when I was like,

I was like that's it. I gotta learn how to fight, but I never really learned how to fight. I just how to talk shit But- and that was your opening move just to be loud and crazy. Man now that you're in for some dangerous shit. I remember the first time ever punched someone. It was the first time ever punched. Someone was a black dude was the that another get gang I think from Robinson. I think it was called the gang. No! No! No! I wasn't in a gang. I was just gonna club. Okay, I was in a after school club at my school and everyone else gangs, but then our after school club was the one that got involved with gangs 'cause. It wasn't. Even gangs we just fucking high school kids. It wasn't real gangs, so nobody got killed. No one got killed just just like this fights, definitely guys got beat up, and then there was one like gang from. I think Robinson. I think they're called Twt.

Who, with anybody, no no no yeah? Well yeah? I was apart of this, like Epu Group- was the Epu Pleura Pbis Unum, it's on the penny. That's ours had like some latin significance to it. I was like twd together, we thump seeking men, so you were gang, not it gang a very strong word for what we were. We were a group of guys So what school together, who likes guys played football and baseball and wrestled, and we like the cooler guys at our school, and we were in this group called p you that was a sanctioned group by the school, the initiations we got paddled and you get into it, but it just happens that the one guy that Tpu in, like one thousand. Nine hundred and eighty eight got into a fight with the caveman and so all the fuck. Epu you always for Caveman Ebu fought whoever Robinson or Hillsboro, and so

at a young age. You realized you had to stay away from those fucking people. So the first points ever thought so was I heard a fight is a story. I've told him stand up many a time, but the short, the short honest version of it is it was at a party. So when you'll fight- and I thought all of you all- my friends were gonna- come and watch it and I rolled out and it's it's one cave man right and the whole t w t whether we thought posse like it's all black dudes and one white cave man- and I stick my head in and I actually know this caveman. I know I know who I know his reputation he's unconscious on the fucking floor is it was Morio. He was fighting this guy Donovan and tucked my head in the second I stuck my head in. They were like brother get him too, and they push me in, and I was like well, I'm not his brother and his friend like we're. Not I'm not only once team wanted team like, but they think we're on the same teams were in the away uniforms. You know so this guy be the beat the shit out of me standings. That makes sense. Yeah like I didn't fall, he didn't kick me

I never at any point, did it look like I won, and I did a lot of to talk my way out of it, but while he was hitting you, you were trying to talk. So I was like man, I'm not and use a pound of me and he was like he was like, oh and he was talking shit like, as you would fight me like just weird shit like you following me around the mall motherfucker and I was like what is that follow me around the mall bitch see what happened see. What happens is what what's up you just pop in me and I was like, I got the chicken and throw the first punch I ever threw is then, and I go to throw a punch, but I never thought a punch before it only worked on talking shit. So my shit talking was outdoor from getting my ass kicked, so I got a little punch by just. It was more like a like. It was like, like I got the end, stop name being you bring my begin over and I literally my hand landed in this high top fade. It went in

with her, and I remember thinking to myself- and this is now the joke is very different than this, but the truth is one into his hair and held it there 'cause. I thought I never touched by persons here before and I fucking move my fingers around a little bit. He didn't move and then all the sudden, the cops showed up. Oh my god and the cop shut up and then all the Fucking brothers took off, except for this guy cops showed up 'cause, they knew there was a fight going on cop showed up change. My cars two squad, cars, two rednecks and the other guys still out cold out fucking cold. What they did on. He was just laying on the ground his latest you got there he's a he's already been knocked out. He was he that guy, when I stuck my head in, he was unconscious and this guy Donovan who is standing over him beating him pummeling him, and I focus on my head and thank God I did the king might be dead. But I stuck my head and I was like: oh, I don't want any of that. What he ordered all take: yeah the L sack kind of damage when a guys out in a guy gets beat up. All these out kicked his head, like sometimes people never recover. Yeah that dude that got really fucked up and

La Dodgers, another jersey from another five, who knows I mean maybe did other things. I don't know why they beat his, but they definitely should have done what they did. What they did was horrific math is a nightmare. I I have no idea how that guy behave, but you know so that they need. Obviously they need more security, there's no way they should all be allowing that many people do a place like that to a position with that kind of happen to the Dodger Stadium sketchy. I need to tighten that down man. You know when a guy gets beat down like that. Like shit man, you need to be able to protect people from thugs. There should be a fucking Geico numbers are too high. What this first of all those people are, who anybody who would do? That is a sick, fuck and you know what we're having here, man, it's it's a classic example of people, not caring about terrible neighborhoods. Those terrible neighborhoods have more kids come out of a man, more kids come out of him. They want to do fucked up things and that's just the way. It goes

you know, that's a very accurate statement. I uh the other day. I realized. I don't judge a man based on his skin, color in the slightest I them based on their age ages. The most determining When we were in Amsterdam, I a lot of smart young dudes man I mean there's a lot more today. I think that I've ever met in the past. I meet newsletter like twenty years older on the fucking ball and that does happen, but you know who stole punches. The bars in bars twenty year olds yeah. It's always going be that man is always going to be a certain percentage of it, but not allowed thirty. Nine year old, stolen fucking sucker punches. There are planning, I some losers, some never got it together. Yeah man, together, yeah man. You underestimate there's a lot of good Vegas. Go hang out in those fucking crap dens now watch the degenerate gamblers instead of the horse back. You know, there's just plenty of thirty nine year old. I guess you can't stereotype anything. Yeah yeah they just tired her. I don't have the gumption to get winded quicker yeah. They just got the gumption to get up your fucking ass kicking.

If you look at what they ate for lunch, they might have had a burrito, they just got no energy and it's ready to shit their pants. I talk, he owes us, I'm a guy. Talk to you or I don't know I mean it happens. You know, as it hasn't happened a long time most people really nice to me, I'm very lucky. You know when people say like: what's the downside to it, you know people know who you are when you go to the? U S like you're like a stranger or somebody paid to do that, a stranger with the for Are you eating Dick, like a stranger for someone who paid into that? Thank God, you're broadcasting, meeting GMT, so yeah. You ever had a confrontational. No people are generally cool

Did you ever think? I'm nice? You know, I think you know if you come to me with some sort of a predetermined idea of who I am or you know what you think about something I said once and you know you're angry at me, then it's probably not gonna be a fun conversation that they have that hat. That happened before, where people misinterpret something I said or taking out a contact or disagree with it. That can happen, but for the most part, most people that meet near nice, nice and even when someone does like listen now, it's just an opinion. You know not have to get people get, so God Damn attack. Each to their opinions. You know, if you know, if you just just stop and go who the fuck knows and stop and go well, maybe you're right. That clears up a lot of shit. It's you know, it's really simple

and you know, and then a little Google add that to the mix, and you know you should be dealing with much less problems we should have because of Google for real. We should probably have I'd, say a seventy five percent reduction in arguments between human beings. They should be resolved. Seventy five percent quicker just from the access to information, is how many God Damn arguments when we were kids came out of one guy talking out of his fucking ass and you know in it. You not having encyclopedia handy handy, oh yeah, and you just would fight that fight that until the day he knows, that's a are the things that movie went straight to video to go straight. Yeah, don't even make movie straight to video. That was fucking it was out in the movie theater theaters for at least two weeks. I know because my dad told me those are frustrating conversations man, you never had closure say in the movies. Go fucking video and I was like that doesn't happen. It was a fucking nightmare fight where kids, when I still remember it, but we had fights, we had five. Would you argue with someone and you just get into it with them, and you just would never have closure and you'd fucking be like fine,

I disagree, and I just hate your guts secretly behind your back Bert Kreischer, talking about how he in handle relationships. Everybody has their own approach. What's yours call us now at one eight hundred? What is the temperature cago right now and I have a question for Chrysler Super. My wife has three. Samples, but both of 'em are on her asshole. His three. Are they like circling her like crop circles now they're in their inside? But if you feel you can feel with your finger and if you come down here, we will show you it's and I need to know what to do that. You need to bail on this one. Wait! No, no wait! No! I like these failed, improve. My wife looks on the actual breast area where the nipple would have been with the areola is

well. We know nipple car keys mostly have you ever. Did it drove a sexually an aerial and knowing the ball rolling I've had guy I've dated girls, that's aerials have been chopped off and then they've had boobs put it on one, and so on I mean it it's like it. That's like a ghost nipple in some ways you know, that's not like a here goes: Diego's vehicles. What is that is that a real song? I just made that up listen so you do have friends but hole yeah. That was. That was a sign that we were barbecues one night and were hanging out with him, and he was he just started dating this particular LAS. Have for some reason we started singing a song called. I saw your girlfriends butt hole photographs of her here's. However, right now is that this is not a right that that and see that's a nice idea about how artists are better but yeah, the girl and yeah, and how that happened. Had you ever hook up, which is like that huh,

Do you magic totally naked Brian? When he's out, though I wear shirt like the pool. I usually wear Jersey, like a polo like have you ever have you ever had sex with clothes on? I guess you have like quickie sex with a shirt. You know Kevin James. I I would think would have sex with a shirt on because they know he seems like a guy. That he's always got a hat on he's always got something cover you know. Kevin is an interesting. Guy comes a really interesting guy. I went to his house one time a long time ago got bellotto yeah in front of him, and I just watched him. Look at me like studying me like. How does this happen like a lot Drunk oh yeah. It was me and Gary Entire Gary knows how to put him away being Gary started. Drinking in Vegas have been ended at Kevin's house many evenings drinking with Gary back in the day, God damn he is a hell put it back. Do I solve all the time guys? I saw Gary Valentine one time at the improv take a shot of a candle. He

So it's just kind of put it back into stuff that wasn't a fucking shot. Alright I'll keep on guys. Let's keep going with. No, he drank it. While you just fucking shot it back home, I get a candle Taylor. Mountain playback is that when they shot? Let's keep going guys. Gary Valentine's, a fucking party got. We could ever tell you what happened. Oh, this is my favorite sweet. Maybe I did wait so did I ever tell you the Do you remember my you know MIKE Burton MIKE Burton Comedian, bald jewish good good body, but got that it is about our lives and it body out anyway? What was that? I don't? You know those are not like he's. An animal July works out here. His problem, gall, what's on the guy he's reaches, is really system a martial arts. He teaches Krav Maga all right now so anyway, so one time you Gary this guy, Scott, Henry and and MIKE Burton all drinking at for most a cafe. This is like Thursday.

We want to work Gary and I are making money we're doing that show and when I go a guys go to Vegas and everyone's in, except for Burton. I want to go, but it was a comic and he was he's stopped doing comedy sense. He was Anybody wasn't like that funny, so he I'm only going by come on, come on. Let's go and he's like I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go to go fuck it I'm going to my house and packing my bags I'll meet you guys at Scott and Burton's house in like in. Like thirty minutes. So we go meet me burn and Scott GO to Scott and burns houses and burn goes out, fuck it I'll go. I go burn this. What you do hide in the back of my truck we're taking my escalator my navigator, whatever in the way back, hide in the way back, and we won't tell Gary you're going until halfway there when we get halfway to Vegas. You Papago, surprise, I'm surprise, so he so such a great idea. That's a great idea. So we Packer car wait. Gary Valentine pulls up and his parks his car. He comes up and he's like what's up message, hot damn already in use. Alright, Scott Henry is driving my truck Gary hops in the backseat and

then we go well, you couldn't come in Gary goes. Let me tell you something about my mother. Tell you. Why is not a good comic for one and all of a sudden? in the review- and I seen Bertans heads sit up in the way back and he goes 'cause he's not fucking funny, and I don't have the heart to tell him he should like he starts fucking tearing Burton apart and- and we are in Hollywood until we get on the fucking ten, all the sudden Burton Go Gary. Can you reach in the back about me? A beer he reaches back is Britney, goes hey burden, hey doing turns, it looks you're gonna tell me, is in the fucking, Most uncomfortable the whole rest of the ride to Vegas. They just spoke like in the backseat, just talked hashed it out and no one spoke to each other, the rest of the weekend, fucking uncomfortable this sometimes dudes will blow up and they don't even mean it exactly. What they're saying they just frustrated with their own lives? Yes, and they find something about someone else, whether it's a minor glitch in their system whatever, and they just start poking at it and it

sort of a distraction to turn that same know. I object being inside yourself yeah. You know yeah I've. I've done it. I've done it when I like, when I was less not but with when I was younger in this business, but I would definitely take apart someone. I did not know yeah and look at their act to be map fuck, and I would you could get me started on someone and I would destroy and pay apart everything in the days until they had to say was hey man, I'm a big fan of stuff. I'd like you to I'm a big fan of you to love. You. I've been a big fan for a long time, but there are dudes that are annoying, mean there's no getting past, that there are guys to get up there. They're annoying yeah, but you just gotta avoid them. You know I just avoid their acts, you know that's, the best way just to just you know kind of get out of the way when they're up and just but you know be there

You do that when you're young a lot of times you gotta, follow that person. Well, the follow is not. The real issue is when someone tells you what you can't do you ever have that when you open for those guys, oh fuck, that yeah, that is, that is ah there's something real negative dudes out there. That will start to, like, like Micro, manage your act when you work at like clubs that happens a lot yeah yeah the headlines will tell you whatever you do. You can't talk about farming? You could have like your whole opening bit about farming. How about I have a different bit about farming than you do. Is that ok now look what the fuck dude! You can't tell me what I can talk about. It's one thing: it's like a guy purposely tried to step on your material in that I'm sure you've had happened. I don't have it on where they open, or you have like one day well, you'll be the headliner and he'll, be the Middle ACT and he'll have a certain set an it will do well and then you'll have a bunch of bits on certain subjects and all this uh

next night. He magically has these new bit. So you can tell our new bits the the cut off shortly that expanded on and they're about the same exact subjects that you talk about and they're just a sometimes it's not even the roads. Just stepping on what you're about to talk about he's, trying to make your act less effective on purpose, fucking exhausting- and it's happened to me so much- it happens to a lot of comics when they're like Ther in there in like thirty two they're not make a ton of money to make a one thousand two hundred bucks on the road and they've got some feature activated: seven hundred dollars who's like fuck, this guy I've never heard of them, I'm going to take going to make sure that they flip flop this at the end of the week, and they sell like five dvd's with two t shirts and the undercut your sales until the dvd for twenty dollars, and this guys, I'm selling all my shit twenty five. Damn it's really unfortunate. The the way you should go to do shows someone is, if you're friends with someone like I don't like like even I love doing the K Rock shows, because I know all those people that do those like you know they had that big April fools April fool.

Yes, yeah yeah yeah show on April fools Day air April fools Day weekend, whatever it is, and it's always that huge place in universal. What is that theater in universe? It's like six thousand fucking people and it's all a lot of people that I don't normally out with, but everybody is really funny you kind of know 'em all from the business, but it's way more fun when you're working and you work on the road with friends. It's way more fun like. Is this not like, for whatever reason some comics want them to be the only one that is getting the laughs, yeah yeah it. It can't just have a good set, and then you have a good set too it's uh. It's a competition is one on one like on the funniest mother fucker in this club tonight. I need to be the one that when they exit they go, you are fun

and that guy they need that, and then it becomes. What we were talking about earlier before we even started rolling about being addicted to killing being addicted to killing is the worst thing that can ever happen to a comic, because I heard you and brewer talk about this. Maybe seven years ago, six years ago- and it was when it was when Dane, was blown up- and you guys were saying that dane- is the perfect guy, that's addicted to killing yeah that it was he he. You know it's like what we exactly what we were talking about with your friend. They don't want to stop doing the bit because the bit works, and even though they know it's unethical, to continue to do the bit. It's really your story that they're repeating they can't help it because it's so powerful. It's such a it's such a weapon to use like. If you want these people to love you you want these people to get a fight however, boom. How about this brilliant impression? With this perfect story that is so fucking hilarious, you're going holding your stomach laughing, the brilliance of it all. But in reality he shouldn't be saying it.

In our area and there's an end to the killing. It's it is it's hard man, because bombing socks, and if and a lot of times, people think that bombing is the alternative when it's not now, if the alternative is just not killing, you know, and I think a lot of those a lot of guys who was a specially like, like I remember, tell never killed. I really like he always killed to comics, We always love them, but like a lot of times, he do five thousand fifty fifty in the room at the cellar, because because in all honesty he was working on new shit all the time he was always taking a bit, and It was not about the crowd, it was not about them. He knew if he wanted to. He could murder that crowd in a heartbeat, for him was about the art and find the right way how to kill someone with a hammer like. What's the funniest way to kill some of the hammer? How do you kill and he would I swear to God he must have said: kill some with a hammer, one hundred and fifty times when I lived in New York and tried to work that out and you

watch him Louis CK was about it was about him figuring shit out. I work with Louis right after Georgia, my my oldest, was born and and Dave right back to back and Louis in I'm saying this in all fondness, Louis bombed for in a week, and he had a rough weekend anybody, but he was doing all the material that defined him as a comic today. That is, murderous shameful our what that he did the shameless or shameful shameless the one that defined the defense, power of Louis C, where you went okay, he's my new favorite comic, he was doing all I was working on it for him. It wasn't about killing. It was about getting this concept of being a regular guy thinking. Your kids are a dick wanting to be wanting to eat. Whatever the fuck you being married to someone is a a little micromanaging like being kind like, Louis C K. He wanted to get that idea out. So you give a shit. I remember going up, murdering as a feature and then we will go up and kind of like struggle and fig

about his figuring shit out, and you could definitely see who is working. I remember my head going. I was so fucking impressed that he did not care, I'm not sure you cared about killing. I'm sure that mattered, but I was so in. That he didn't. He had a bigger goal. You know he wanted to create new material quickly. Yeah he wanted Thio make he wanted to make. He wanted to change his style. A style was goofy absurd. You know kind of I always. I don't know why, but I think of, like top top ten fucking For some reason it was like it was like Goofy's top ten team and don't know why. I say that I don't know I mean, but I was thought of that. I don't know. I don't know how you to say it. Do you mean like like one of those like a poll like top ten funniest things to happen like that kind of humor. No, no, no, it was like it was a tight top tent like up other top ten yeah like it was like a tent like it. I don't know why. I think that, maybe is our special headed to his old stuff, was resolved. Don't listen to fish yeah yeah he'd go his joke was

hey guys, want to see me order anything old, dial or diner style done or something was he dies so order something Ma'Am she go to eggs, bacon and and pancakes use one of a drink, some orange juice, because all right I need to monkeys runs on. I need flapjacks saying about going silly any do this whole fucking hilarious rant and then you go and we need two eggs over easy bacon and pancakes with some orange juice like that was the bit wasn't who he is now at all. It was more absurdist but man. I remember watching that and going mother fucker. I wish I had the balls come as a feature at the time I felt like. If I didn't kill, I wouldn't work ever again, yeah. That's like the fear. You know it's the hardest part of come coming up with new material or changing gears. You know, God for bid what, when you get a guy who's like a musical guy and decide

to try to put the guitar down shit man, I've seen that go horribly wrong, messy sure used to yell at them shoes to yell at them. There's a series of guys that were guitar comics, so I'd like some kind of funny songs, but they resented the fact that they were not considered legitimate comedians by the rest of the comedians they did. So there was like a little extra. You just had to go up there and talk. You really would you would eat dicks up a little like not I mean here's the thing you pull out a guitar and everyone's like oh you're, kidding nothing wrong with it. Not not saying is anything wrong with it, but what I'm saying is there was a bunch of guys who got pretty good with a guitar, and then they tried to put the guitar down and just go on their own personality and they would eat dicks up there, but Mitzi Shore used to yell at him. I'll never forget the students on stage he was just choking and up there. I just didn't, have it it just it was at a rhythm needed. No, I don't have a reading. I don't know the rhythm yeah. He did know how to do it. Yeah yeah we can just introduce the next song. Was that song I wrote what I was thinking about. I dream of Jeannie yeah

bubble bath with my dog, hey, you know, there's no, there's no set up. It's just you doing stand up and you know you can. You know, there's no guitar to pull out. There's no pretending you're having a good time Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You know soliciting collapse, there's none of that. Just you talking, there's no like tuning, the guitar when you need a, let me hold on a SEC and so Missy the kids on stage doing this don't get that guitar ever going stage without the guitar I kind of wish. I had known Missy she's, one of a constant meter. Oh she's still alive, really sure. If you want want to meet her, she she's in poor health she's had a part time poly one time he was a dick. You know I'm a big fan of his brother, his brother Scott he's a good buddy of mine. I love that but see. I said to Paulie in front of Lucy Louie Anderson introduced us.

To install a new call, can be a nice guy. It's he's got the potential to be a nice guy. He just doesn't know how it was to be totally and it seems like it like. Whatever it is there, it's it's really weird, because every time you meet him like I most of the time, it's like he's just a nice guy, very friendly, and then he has like a bad weird side. I guess yeah, I don't know you know whatever. Your check him out me, no, no, never did I never. I never. Even really I mean I got more upset with how ridiculous the the set the whole situation was. The comic store than Polly Polly was just a part of a machine over there yeah. You know whatever position Polly why is it now? I don't know. Speaking of the machine Cyber sale Monday, I got machine shirts at burrburrburr. Dot com keep going cyber sale Monday, cyber sale Monday on Monday. So what happens when they get off? They get The same price is normal. I think I don't know how to change it,

same price. I don't know cyber sale, that's not a fucking cyber sale right now we have a cyber sale at Onnit, dot- com- oh and it put in the code. Word cyber you get twenty five percent off, so you don't you don't have a real. I actually think that everyone should go to Doug dot com instead of going to Amazon, dot com and that's dug if you go to deep dot com. Brian explain to me why that's good, because if you're going to shop on Amazon, dot com, Doug dot com, just forward you to Amazon dot com, but any of any time you spend dollar, I get six cents and goes towards this studio that will not charge them anymore, charge them anymore for the pro. No it's it just gives you a kick back just because it's a kick back for promoting people to Amazon dot com. It seems like there's dealing money for themselves yeah. If he is, then I would argue that all out we make good money on this side of the apocalypse, because how it was. I was gonna fold yeah. It was like you should together you my favorite

at all online shopping option. I went to black Friday by the way, and that was straight up- scary, like that was like really that was like being at wood stock, but if it was like all rappers, I guess what did you get? Did you get it by black Friday, these projectors in the background and stuff like that? But it these projectors right here yeah? What is this movie? I don't remember you were playing, but you don't know the studio starting to become really bad, so we so now you guys, do you guys? Do you do live show here, Wednesday nights uh, we do a live show here on various evenings. We don't it's not like every Wednesday night, and then you come straight here is to do the popular. What we do is we do a podcast. While we're doing I just kicked over his cameras, they still cool. What we do is we do a podcast like, while everyone is going up on stage,

Thomas Lee, back here, having a podcast I'll come on, please, why do it anytime? You want. When is the next one percent open invocated? Maybe this week, maybe let's figure it out will figure it out I'll. Do it this week? Do it this week, put this week, it'll either be Wednesday or Thursday, most likely Wednesday. That's? What I'm talking about doing is doing something like that on the road with you stream in, like kind of, but I don't I'm not good with that. If you could do it do it just to add, passes through its twitter, make a little you stream show Heffron's in charge. Everything be in charge is good is that she is more, he should be put to get organized online survey. Yeah I'll, have friends, Brian he's a great guy too, and he's a fun guy to have on the road yeah. I would yeah he's a real you know, you real good guy you'll have a good time beat him and Charlie Murphy went on a one month. Tour, the country- it was a good time there- cool monster, Charlie Murphy, really he's so interesting- is a great guy man. Good luck, Charlie! I rented trolley in Hawaii. Once man, it was one of the fucking coolest things ever just random on vacation, the exact woman he was on there

he's one of those guys like. I was truly happy to see him. You know, yeah he's a he's, a real legit dude, he's one of the most honest people. I've ever met. That's in like show business. You know like he came on the show and was telling me a story about his wife. Passing away, I heard about you, know, raising his kids and doing the best he can, but he still travel on the road and sometimes just to leave them and he doesn't want to and how it breaks his heart. You know powerful fuck. Shit. I love. I love the words he chooses he's got. This he's got like a like. A ninety year old man vocabulary words like articulate crooner, like crooner the Fucker Ticul, eight, his feelings on the matter, yeah so go say that hit the MIKE Tyson. Is that like barbershop stuff you think anything like or like J guys diamonds, how do they?

I have a black barbershop podcast. So if we got you together with Charlie in a room you and Charlie Murphy, oh, I want to tell her story off I want to. I want to do a start story off with Charlie Murphy. That would be. I want to be in Germany to go out one night haven't evening and then us both recant our evening to you yeah, but I think too much party like that anymore to Skype. Kid put me with young white boy with his smile after plugging laugh, I would plug laugh uh, I It was dark, kiss it and it's not being every Ryan black guys do not play gay shit Brian that little for what's a good way to get knocked out. Silly brothers white, guys love it like. If I can sneak around put my dick on your shoulder, you, like God, main yeah and listen, there's a lot of black guys are just looking for an opportunity to punch a guy. Like you found you, I hope. Joking back off of that shit, I want to do that

wanna. Do that part? Okay! You do here! Absolutely please do so! Are you in town? So in time, for the two weeks, all my goodness lays down a you are listening to this organically occur. We are making an appointment for Bird Chrysler to be a part of the ice house. Car. I'm gonna, get a charter service out here. Nice house, in a soft up, are the favorite new club here in California and we're we're doing shows here all the time as often as we can and we're doing, podcasts here, all the time as often as we can great man's Aussies Joe you does, he is doing, is Matt flavor gonna beer? If he's here, you know, you never know, we can't call too early dog, listen, listen! I got things to do dog I'll, see you at the fucking show like he doesn't like that. Do it do it- How do appreciate that guys so much he's so healing to the podcast for like forty five minutes, nine, I'm going to have him back. There's like a sports game on he's like a big sports guy, which you know yes, the UFC fan Hugh

Gfc fan really 'em all the time with the OC he loves. It he's one of the sweetest greatest important guys that I have in this business one of the coolest things about doing this podcast one of the coolest things about you know just being a comic in LA it's like you get to meet a lot of God. Damn interesting people tell me Alright, I think about our lives in that respect. You know that all the the wild stories you tell me your drinking story, Johnny Knoxville and like just of the ninety, should he told me in the past. I think about how how fortunate you are in comparison to the average person, the average person to to have those kind of experiences the average person doesn't live so insanely? Funnel I get it. I get it when I go on the road because the documentary guys will attest to this- and I say and I say this- and I mean it- I get the fans of this. Podcast come out to my shows in fucking droves like drove, but here's the most interest thing is: they know I'm a fan of the podcast also, so they end up sitting and talking to me for the entire night we in it bar and

talking about our favorite podcasts. So we end up bullshitting about this podcast and then and then maybe like W, was Joe's house look like just make up some story about aliens fucking, with what's italian, fucking, something I didn't Alan Alan Italian yeah. I don't know what I was talking talking about. Brian. Did you really work for NASA? Yes, well, that's cool man, yeah that we love doing this pockets of great it's a we were so set on the phone with you last night with an in depth conversation- and I was in this podcast- has made it's it's. It's so to be a part of because when I stand on stage the second stage, I see droves of people in machine shirts, all sold. I got to present you got to excel sort of the light one which I prefer a very thin sort of above of fabric yeah. I got a one. That's like a regular cotton tee shirt. I prefer the super thin one. It's got a bit

sexy to a little extra sexy you're, the reason, those things. So I could find a documentary you're. The reason Henderson Show gun shirt on you know, I'm not the reason dude all. I am as an antenna that tuned into the greatness. That is Bert. That's what we just found you you know like I couldn't I couldn't make you funny. I can't make you interesting, you know having you on this podcast is just we're lucky. I've never subscribed to the idea that you know that someone should be happy. You know that come on someone show and are entertaining as fuck for free for hours, we did we, you know we have. Some really hilarious. Fucking shows with you dude. Oh, thank you. I thought I didn't make you you made yourself to your you. Well, We were talking about last night. It's. It is a neat thing to be a part of because when people, when you stand the people who love you anyway, you this is it. This is the crazy thing. So I go that we do this special in Amsterdam for Showtime again onstage in Amsterdam, although it's grow all the crowd, while you know stage- and I still stage

machine, fucking, thirteen people yelling the machine and my bucking lying right now, where is the crew out in fucking Amsterdam dudes Have the machine shirt on and there screaming the machine while in Amsterdam now this is everyone's. Had a rough beautiful thing about the podcast talking free, every reaches out over fucking whelming, it's free and it's everywhere, and it will always be free yeah. My ads are annoying, but it's always going to be free. Fucking Great bug when you're done with that l is overwhelming is one of my favorite interviews. I've heard with the tell 'cause a spec When you told to me could smoke 'cause, then all the sudden Dave started really parking relaxing yeah. I know I couldn't I just turned on the machine. I was like no big deal. I love him. I let him smoke for him, he's a two pack a day guy. So for him it's super hard. To everybody harass Doug Stanhope, please get after him email.

Get him on Twitter. Tell do the podcast wise is he's in town this week as you do, and Irvine Improv that's closest Diane, who was in town this week. I'm calling, I thought why tax email of Doug Stanhope, Twitter, twitter and Twitter yeah when he doesn't read his twitter, hello. Ladies email, either. I'm a call later it's his facebook is faceplates causes or him. That is what is the little girl tweets fourteen year old girl book, like page on a whack I said, is that what is that Brian? Did you hear another coach got caught with little kids, yeah another coach today, some some fucking uh I'll. Look it up online because that's like saying things weren't. If this one Colin Quinn tweeted about did he did he tweet about Colin Quinn's, Twitter, so funny talk

twenty spent rolling everybody with this thing about a will Ferrell sailor who stole the idea and it will will Ferrell and doing a lot of bad drugs. He says bad drugs, but you can't see that's a Colin Quinn joke right there. He was saying angel, he's doing a lot of drugs and they picked. They picked it up on the news wire right. So silly, it's socially! You can't see him saying even the vernacular he uses. The words you choose is that he was doing a lot of bad drugs. That's got damn joke he's. Colin Quinn at the fuck is wrong with you. People Bobby give me the residuals. Give me the results. I want my mind man. How do you not know he's brilliant Bobby Kelly, told me the funniest Colin Quinn story I saw Bobby in New York. We did his podcasts, which is coming out next Monday, or you know what they're the same as progress is really was really fun as black as coal? No, what do you know what that is? That's a great name for a podcast, so so to Bobby says. I never met, but I love him. I think he's hilarious and then I

that night he goes. You know Colin said hi, and I said I don't think I don't think we've ever met and he goes well he but uh Gotham the other night, and he sat with the guy for thirty minutes and then at the end said see you later, but the bad guy goes, I'm not Burton. He was alright. Take care. He probably stalking me for thirty minutes like happening with some guy that celebrity, you burnt the guys. My name is Robert he's, like all right, see you later, oh wow, so you guys just sat down talk politics. Maybe your your ghost man goes Burt. This is talking with this guy from Syracuse. That's who it is Syracuse University, fired, Bernie. Fine, as I do men's basketball coach for sexually abusing boys at so that I should happens all the time now I mean I yeah, but I mean it's here to signal lasted half of our elementary school is really we talk about is on the podcast. His name was filled me up phillips and he would just like walk behind guys and smack him in the and have like this huge bucket of like prizes that were like stupid, small toys and it was like a joke between us in elementary school like yeah, he

molested, our friend Sean. He molested her friend blah blah example. True, he really did molest them well here we just making shit up. No, no, I mean that's what we all believe, but we are only elementary kids, but then later but do these kids tell you that he molested them? I don't know how it was one of the things you got to throughout the whole entire school right, okay, people and so it could have just been a rumor, maybe even even as well, even as a key, but we all were like dude. He totally is so and then, a few years later he got thrown out of school or whatever, for whatever ended. I don't know, but you got suspended for doing that, but you dodge that oh yeah, I never got you know. I wasn't his kinds too fat, a defense mechanism Joe make yourself unpretty. You don't feel pretty on the inside to make yourself

on the outside. That's how I get out of most of my relationships that, because, after five or six years I just are eating like crazy, not he's not lying low fat he's not line is one point time. He was at the end of this relationship and he had to wait almost three hundred pounds yeah it was, it was to say he was a normal use. Sixty pounds yeah and then told me that I've done that before, where I've MIKE I'm gonna, get a lot to get rid of the most self destructive way to relate to remember her, it's hard hard to break up with somebody. That can be a big test, though, that if, if they can last for me being fat, then it then all right they do survey, but they deserve what your did deserve. Well, no, it's like join me being faster thicker, thin bitch, so you do it on purpose. Here's the thing that there are guys in unhealthy relationships right now doing this. You should try to push the girl away, oh hell, yeah and and and here's the thing that I learned one day in a yoga class. I was in a miserable relationship. Right before I met my wife. I go to you

class and the guy just does that fucking gets in your head. You do the whole so the very end egos so right now when we lay down on the max. I want you to think. What's the one thing that makes you unhappy, I remember thinking this fucking chick and he's like you have the power to change that today take action and I went. I can fucking dump her like I was. I can make myself happy right. Fucking now so, if you're listening and you are thinking to yourself- I'm not happy with my chick fucking chain that shit, absolutely change order. Move to do is also is to sit down. Give yourself advice, nobody ever does Self Evaluation and actually give yourself advice say if I was in this situation. What would I say to myself 'cause nobody ever that they know. What am I going to do? How am I going to fucking? You would say if I was saying this somebody else. Let me take myself out of it's very difficult to do. Obviously, and you can't be one hundred percent objective you're going to know you have a situation back and say: how would I advise myself to handle

situation and then fucking foul that man, because that's the person is thinking clearly not you now he's looking for a shovel and some lime yeah exactly yeah yeah, you totally fucking right. It's the guy going true You know I never fucking listen. Give yourself advice is very poor. Got roped, you gotta go into the isolation tank. I want to go into the isolation. Take really bad. I want to get the tm too. We should get when he runs out of meditation in the isolation tank fucking. That's what I want. I want I want here we could do on here, but the only thing is really have to maintain it. You have to make sure what space would we put in Bryan, the isolation tank that rule next door is there where you can rent it out like a store by well. You know we could do that and we could start up float lab sure. Do it do it do it lab is in Venice. If I talk to crash will say will talk to the flow I want to relate it generally back that would be down. That would be dope dope delicious. You know what I got yeah. I got an idea. I think I might have to open up a business.

Ok, I'm going to open up a tank business, Brian Reichle, right next door. Genius, son genius cheers I can't hear out of my left ear one of these, because it's not a good headphone. We should get new yeah. I got some amazing headphone alike, but it also candy. They sent me to keep forgetting to bring them here. They're at my house. Diligently waiting. Did you bring five htp with you? no, I don't have any with me. I have this big thing. Alpha brain, I I'm so the role of my my personal five, and by the way you take new mood. This is the five htp thing and you're taking antidepressants already. It could be problem and yeah yeah yeah. Apparently this is doctor site, so they say if you're 'cause, apparently what Neal Brennan was doing when he came on the podcast, and he started talking about talking about anti depressants and 5h TP be and how it helped him. His dog

we're told him. Essentially that what's happening is when you take five htp and you're already on depressants, it's it's like getting anti depressants. Actually it too much serotonin, which is, I'm crazy, because what that means is that five htp essentially produces much the same stuff that these anti depressants produce. It's like. It's also gets natural anti depressant, see what about new mood and Stella. I think, that works new mood and Stella Hose at the beer. Yeah we'll still is a good beer. If you wanna, let should know that your European Klein a little bit. No I've been aligned and no through four times it's cool he's got the right. I got friends and then I got use when someone to the I guess, who's been a kangaroo. You know I got it and that I have a stellar people like Stella. I think the glass, I think still is nice. I like it, but it's like a light beer, as in a glass site, beer both out skunk, light, be without skunk.

So what man give me one of them, bitches I'll, try it let's roll myself, I want to yeah Burton FUCK this one beer. When we push it, we got men. Two beers is nothing to Manavar. Stature too. Here's how much you weigh two hundred and thirty twenty five, I'm like one! Ninety, Are you really ninety nice Brian? Thank you, Brian you're, fucking gentleman, Now I gotta go back and have a conversation with my wife and my daughter's not going to happen entertaining oh, it's going to be fun. My daughter last night. That's what pop comes in and makes it even more interesting again, I'm trying to help you try to help you could I can turn you into a pot head. It's going to help you! Let's do it here. Is my friend cheers to a two to a great: do you? How do you the last name like Artie Fuqua, it's okay?

It's got like pretty good What's your favorite SAM Adams, Heineken, I'm a if I get behind again in a heartbeat number one these are guys asked me they were like how much did how much would it cost to get that Budweiser your hand and put a Heineken or get the hang on your apple, but wasn't on stage wow and I was like can't do it so you would only drink but was on stage just during but was on stage. I did. I did a deal with Dennis and he'll. I do joints in terms of for two years too much crazy though I don't think, but wasn't one having no. No, no! No! No. I love that go fuck using the commercials. Look at their super bowl commercials. It's pretty much what you think of when you're taking a shit, maybe, but what super bowl commercials you? think about taking, but like Budweiser, commercial, commercial bud light is a first response to the say. So all right, I I have nothing but love for blood like there is at rock blues. I think they got nothing and when he was just he kinda like made a joke, who's trying to be

tribe is character. You know the he's. You know the heal from pro wrestling's big fucking wrestler. He Cela stuff doing doing smart thing you know know, so he up just should have said that, but he just but he just fucked but bud light was like the first big sponsor to step in and support the UFC, so I'll always be a bud light fan. Just for that sounds ridiculous, but that's a big move band for a company take a big chance like that and step in Do Usc Usc with HIV Aids Sportscenter for awhile yeah. I do remember, hearing that shit and being like God, reviews for. Did you guys go through that honey brown stage where I was drinking honey, brown and killing? Isn't really one Brian? You always do this. You always change the subject when we start talking about MMA immediately what we're talking about beer too. So we were but people online are gonna, get angry with you every time you do that. So when, when I worked for Jamison, I work for Jameson for two years. Did the Jamieson tour me Billy Gardell, Steve burn uh Michael lost its Nick Griffin and Danny Bevins Andi you they

sent cases of Jameson to your house every fucking month they sent cases of cases of Jameson the expensive. How do they expect you to drink at all? And no, when you got to his show Jamison waiting in the Green room and the rule was you had to drink Jamison onstage, you had to mention how good your jamison was, but you can put it on the show on the show like take a step like damage. Good fuckin Jamison, like you like: hey everyone, hey everyone like to you had to be pro. No, I got no problem with that because God is pretty, it's fucking good, it's awesome good shit and then we get done the tour you ready for this. They buy us each of acre of land in Fucking and Ireland on a river all of us right next to each other? We a girl, acre a deed and a picture wow fucking Jamison was want that, but you gotta build a house in violent. Now you can build that you can build on it can't build on it. It's fucking pointless, but can you camp on it? You could camp on it, making it a Billy Gardell permanent. Can you have a

yeah, but mean about psyches, so be fucking. Pikeys dude. I've been obsessing about watching these irish travelers, its own fights, giving some locals. I keep. I keep my god. They have some of the best fights dude. You got up Brian, you gotta. Look this up, they're boring as shit. I mean most of these guys, but they're tough, guys and everything, but there's a different style of fighting when you fight bareknuckle and you literally, they stand there and punch themselves in the face. Yeah. It's not like a street fight. Like you see in the states, have you seen the ones they challenge each other when they challenge each other? How to tell you this Johnny Johnny MAC good for nothing, that's how you are good for nothing, and I cannot put balls inside of whole have tell you right now by cha our future anytime, before Christmas, anytime, before Christmas, video main there's a video of a pikey driving to a street. They said we'll meet, quotable click, two president has it and then

ever knows that one between me, because I tweeted it a while ago. It's really hilarious, but I can't find it in my twitter while the show is going on, but I want to play it because it's so it's so that you want to see something really disturbing irish travellers. Then there were talking shit before a street fight, it's even better than the actual fighting the most disturbing pikey video on. There is most disturbing one. Everyone someone's listening. That knows exactly what I'm talking about it. Please tweet it to Joe and me and Brian, it is. Ah Pikey gets what he deserves. No, no and it's a bunch of british school kids in a park having beers, snorting, coke, smoking, weed and a pikey will comes up and he wanted it, but it's all done post its It's a recount of the british kid going. So a little pikey comes up and he wants to little drink. You want something I didn't do this and that well we tell cocaine, but guess who just got a nose full of a special k and they cut in the Pikey is fucking seizuring on the ground

it Bucky Sketchy, it breaks your heart. Could you go that guy's helpless, make a hole right now, he's not coming out anytime soon, and it's all. If you, if you type in, are you typing? Pikey gets what he deserves park or something like that. You'll see it, fucking you just go all that shit happens, that fucking happens, but manuals pikey fights were. Test with us for awhile, here's one of them Brian? Can you find I'll? Tell you the name. Tell me when you're ready, all right. Big Joes Davy Joyce reply to Simon, oh, oh, shut the fuck on wait. Is this a vlog? No, it's it's. They say one time. Big Joes just been big, Joes, Davy, Joyce reply, just type in that big Who is Joes David Dav? Why Joyce Joy,

c e reply. Hello, Sammy a senior played nor vice squeaker? They call you see you later, on stop, stop stop raining at two things play at the same time. There's two things and his him in this, I'm not going on the background you hear it local thug gets what he deserves was that it was this, in that Bert, told me to play the same time. Sorry is baffled. I couldn't hear how horrible this one here, this guys blog he but this is what's going on here. There's a guy who was talk shit about him online set out of high chair. I find any time with Janelle at Christmas, then this guy came back to reply to any time between now and Christmas here goes present. The same you'll be sleeping with you to the hospital. If you put your oppressive decide to see you, you know finish: if you come out and fight one million doctor squeaky years and older unison,

come out and fight knows I'm I'm running by. We can all do that same. We also with the hands you around I have the hands come out now come out in favour times. We cannot do that by first being dead, yet don't be. Squeaky could I always take their shirts off always get seriously even when they have terrible chest. You want to slow it down no place for on the rats open the site of living in the shape of your friend with the state of it I mean. Can I use this same equal, but all you need the rat poison would be demanding Ubi, elevate or dollar their squeaky innocent basis. Get worked up, we know, know, know Quakertown sentiment. It helps I mean you know, Look like a down, so here the shirt off that triple sure body like that. Guys getting right. Now, our a different foods in England. I need printer back down with broken pipe fight. Fucker now right downstairs, I'm all crazy or everyone at domino's. Look like this. Why you will?

fight down time and we would end up with an fucking Pasadena on my Ford Tennessee. You want, it must be, well L'M a minimal this way. He didn't give your brand of it caught the sweat is different. Left your head. You hate that tight on the Darts Weldon, isn't don't be good for that bastard it dirty good, good? Nothing. Bastaja farming concert you're the best regards, but the country trades I seen this happen steer them, but he took his battered Cuomo. You say men fight I love. It comes back again right there, I'm your worst nightmare afar cycle, sword Anthony. We call you shake the pocket side door bucket full week can be over with finished up in Dublin. There would have to trade. You were cited above for movies. What Simon buying Kristen you now or officially Cheyenne

poker as well of closure to. Why are y'all gonna be shutting up over two weeks as well. So that's what the world, where is shake the bucket, but we call you shy. Guy. Ok! Stop this real quick and we can. We please do this. Okay, listen! Please anyone, everyone right now do their response, video to this guy, Well, I don't know those shiny, but I know you and I'll fucking kick your ass, who the fuck! Do you think you aren't like? Do your American take your shirt off, let's see how good they can get. Oh fuck! I want to do one tonight. I want to do in the second. We get done prior the camera I'm doing reply to that guy. What's his name Big John, and I'm going to be dead, fucking serious, so big, John Season, he you know he doesn't get irony he's gonna be sitting in this trailer one who the fuck on his slow modem that he's gotta fight me use these. Everyone could use this jawn. Her

I'm going to use these shirts coming off. The shirt coming off is a strange move because, especially I guess it's that I don't give a fuck move. It's like that white rapper that I was talking about earlier. Who is it takes his shirt off like oh, do cuban food to go with Birdman, I don't know, but he did give a fuck. His whole thing was that he didn't give a fuck with this guy. Basically doing the same thing, he doesn't give a fuck. Takes his shirt off. He knows, he's fat. I love it. You know I'm pretty sure it comes off. That's when the fuck does not Phil Baroni under there. You know it's not a a young Randy couture come on son, What are you looking at now, Briony, looking at every funerals, bagpipes and butt holes, it's like bubbles put the bagpipes, pronoun. There's a gentleman big John! Only answers big John. That guy's name was guys it I'm fucking so I'm Fargo, Davy Joyce replied to selling big Joe David Joyce right to stymie to Simon O'Donnell

time, and he was saying Simon this whole time. That's what we're saying sign mean. I need some queue cards, some, never in America. So I can try to I'll I'll I'll. Send it to you. I'm trying to see if I can send it to you right here from my phone is going to be a way to. Yes, God, that's what's great about the internet, I would ask you what your email us with them. The whole world will know and if you think about changing much of black dicks in the mail I just had to pay for new mortgage g email space. Yeah and that's just disgusting to me disgusted from penis pictures or something out. I think it's from just sitting a lot of movie files like video files and stuff like, and I wish I could like just. Like hey. Let me download at all and meet like at once file right now and then erase everything right thanks, because it's it's only five five bucks a year, but still it's like. If you stop paying it. Then it takes away that space that extra twenty gigs

I have a trick and then, if that keeps on going, that's going to be like a gas price thing, an like in seventy years, we're going to be paying like five thousand dollars. For our Gmail space, I think you getting out of hand it yeah. I think you might have over stretched that one Google has everything for free in pricing. Eventually they'll control the monetary system of the world and J them, they will be. Our overlords do really We believe that by and large I I. I think it is a trick that that they make you pay for hi twenty gigs Exter

a year, but if you don't reach a service yeah, but if they don't, if you, if you stop paying for it, then you they just what did to delete the last year of your g email, it's kind of like. Why? Should they give you so much storage? That seems like the type of stories that you know why you know why they do. You know why they should why, because I could just make a second g email for free and a third g email in a four g mail, and you telling them right now. You see it is that it gets the lost being away the secrets, man, you don't have saying that. What do you think about the latest in Google phones, because I've been having these Google phone for This is Iphone conversations again. Lately we stop with this. It's like the sound that supposed to know exactly. What would you go by your fucking phone and you know it: and out and month you'll be back to the Iphone? I know one hundred percent, you would one hundred percent. What if I like, looking at big pictures, I want a big picture: are your ipad around on the sling like he used to wear my backpack fuck Joe, that's the next moneymaker right there I want. You come out with man like Fanny Packs Man,

Fanny Pack. Yes, I got one right here. We have a higher primate Fanny Pack, torrent release, never mind, yeah, maybe it's gotten most ridiculous. One of all time back is more like a survival camp gear that it's good for cameras. Yeah, it's tough, You carry that's like a guy on the field that needs like a belt bag. It's too ridiculous for a Fanny pack, it's a guy at work. I don't know it's pretty tough. I like Well, I you feel sexy with it. Although yeah, I don't feel bad I think it looks so ridiculous when you're around your girl. It just looks like g. I Joe style, like it's not like when you look at Fanny Pack, you're like all right. That's just lame this to me, it's like more, like oh he's, got a good camera and stuff in there. You know what it looks like to me. It looks like the big bad Wolf Army. Not now the big test. Both I started watching the show Grimm on Sundays Gram gonna going to talk about your show coming out what yeah yeah I'll talk about it and are good yeah, it's going to be fun, it's a funny show

and everyone I talk to so fucking excited with it. I don't know if there's one episode where I'm not sure, if they're going to be able to air it, they haven't decided. Yet. Are you serious 'cause, it's so crazy. So ridiculous! I heard that we're doing it. Look I'm going to assume that the way they are filming it, the with the the stunts everything is like way more over the top than before the start way bigger, and it's it's. It's very strangely find brands. That's your Fanny Pack, Brian yeah, look at that! That's like a survival gear sort of thing. That is a whole that is a fucking that the shooter in the field fanny you could do some serious. You know what they got traveling with that, though, that Brian, you know, that's a good move for the airport dude, so you could film us going through the airport you're not allowed, all right. You know, I don't know we're trying to organize a home in the airport, the TSA they allow you to film. We use that can the he was saying they use another camera, the other cameras, the Seventy and it's a little more looks like a film like you, just walk around with a gun in your neck, and it looks like you're carrying a fucking camp.

That's one of the most shocking things about traveling in Europe. Is you realize how much more lax they are unsecured and they're much more relaxed, much easier to travel there? through and very you know, nice and friendly and easy going. It's not it's not nearly as investigative a cz when you land in america- oh god, you know I fucking when I flew from London. L La coming out of London was a cakewalk and Bookman man coming into here's the worst part. Is the problem- you, the biggest the biggest problem really was I don't war, so many different outfits in Amsterdam evening wise and I had so many fucking chaotic nights that I didn't know what was in what pocket and I literally packed- and I was like I'm sure I'm clean, but who knows who fucking knows and did they know you're coming from Amsterdam? No I took a train. I took a train sound like flying that took a train from London to Amsterdam and then a train back from dinner

It doesn't show on your know. They ask where I was, and I told 'em Amsterdam and they said why I said vacationing and here's the kicker. I had like a thirty dollars cuban cigar and I was like fuck it I'll just roll with it I'll, take it home and smoking at home. It's a cuban cigar but take the rapper off they'll, never fucking know, and I told my dad and my dad was Donald plug into it to two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Fine. If they catch you with it. Well, they could prove it, they cannot prove it. If you just stick to your guns or even say it's dominican, going to fold like a cheap sheep, I'll be like I'll, be like the opposite of Kaiser says: hey guys are so they take me away. I didn't mean to oh man, I don't even limp it's a good cigar man. Why would you want to give it up to the man I had to give it up? I don't fucking ruin. Ten grand, they said alright. Well, let you way with ten grand fucking put a dent in my family. It is kind of crazy how all the rest of the world is allowed to buy cigars from Cuba, but not us and man. It tastes so good. Assholes were still mad at you it by land in Cuba. Would you buy land in Cuba? Why?

I don't know think this through overwhelming need to go to Cuba and things here and if you're in so I wouldn't buy land anywhere that I wouldn't want to live. What would you Could you imagine what you Hemingway Hemingway in the 50s, make your own hotel out there and have the mob come down and run everything again, good old days, a lot of people in Cuba, but long the good old days and the mob was running shit? There must have been nuts man, you mob, run Cuba in the 1950s. You know when you think about like, but those fuckers were into back. Then you know like like Kennedy you know like how be like almost flaunted his friendships with all these high level, celebrity entertainment figures and how all these hot chicks around him all the time talk about ruelas like lawless, go to Cuba right in the what fifty 60s- oh my god, okay? Let's try to think what point would they prosecute? You like you, could

someone totally accumulating yeah. Of course I want, of course, this guy who was guys get. I don't know Cuba's history enough to know who was the most corrupt. It was the most corrupt before before forecast for even when Castro came in technically, but Eddie. Bravo is a huge Castro fan and shows Joey Diaz. You sit down with Joey Diaz help break it down for you forever about cash or the good ending. Really yeah it's it's. You know. Joey was born in Cuba. He morning, Cuba he was born in Cuba, came to came to America when I was really young shut up. Yeah yeah, yeah Joey Diaz is a real that's why he doesn't really know how old he is the children around about that yeah Joey Diaz in Chrysler have a lot in common. You know you both do to be really really funny person, there's like a certain level of conventionality, a certain certain see if I don't give a fuck that has to be reached, not everybody could reach the.

You know. So when the guy comes along like you and reaches it like that, you, like whoa, he just took a fucking pill from Johnny Knoxville, twelve shots. He just did. These are number one party animal for only what you know to mean like yeah. They just you know to be an event that throws the conventionality. After that rolling stone article. There was nothing I could do. I was going to get a straight job who the fuck is going to hire a guy that shit on a pizza box, one election, guys like that you're important man, it's important! It's important for people to push the I never had a I've never had a happier day in my life, Brian and I were driving to your house or from your house one night one day and Brian and Jim Joe, we call Brian. And Brian and they started talking on the speakerphone on that was a comfortable 'cause. You brought it up while I was in the car and I just felt like I'm eavesdropping, so I just said I go hey I made of

talk. I don't know if he goes: hey wait! Guy enjoyed years, I'm just what you know, I'm in the calm of the car. Just when you know I don't like government, they go and you know who's on the yeah. My dick, I see a let's see what it was, but I can suck my dick, but I listen to so much of the park and I go just very pale. Just enjoy I'm in the car. I just want to know that and show you the is just real smooth goes. I'm. I see a like the machine. Well yeah, the grate he's he yell you, you and him of a lot of common speaker phones where the like that right, though, do you get called to, let you know when you're like you have to announce it to the caller. I always yeah yeah. I don't want everybody. I think it was a up fault. I would call my wife not say the n word yeah, unfortunately I already said that a previous video blog did I fucked. Let's get that fight video route for Joe for big, Joe Davey? No, let's, let's shoot mine! Oh your video! I'm ready to fucking challenging

what we be, your stance that he's a dirty, no good bastard. No, I'm going to go to assist them fighting this. This is the video you told me to search for it earlier for no this isn't this thing this that's the Ical five video yeah. Does I, if you just type in pike, you'll, find out why so much today? Still but is it? Is it gay if you put a picture of Shirtless Brad Pitt in Fight club in you man cave so it inspires you to workout. Absolutely not that's! What I'm talking about that movie is awesome. Not that, doing that, but I have a friend who's thinking about doing. I think it's awesome anybody. Do you love him as the ideal build that? What is it back till? It looks like that. Why can't you do it I'm

and Ryan hearts were got like a maniac, I'm trying working on vegetables and I'm not a lean grass FED meat, Thanksgiving kind of threw a wrench in my workout legal fucking, savage, lift a lot of weights to trick your body into thinking that has to do this all the time I did bench press and they're going to tell the the other day in New York really out. I'm high school, strong, strong yeah, really like one thirty five I'll. Do that shit ten to ten times now? What are you going to just touch bench, commit to like a serious weight lifting program and get you lifting and running and run party ship for an hour, and I'm lifting weights really push. Ups plank I just want my body to be I going to get my blood pressure low lower and I want I just want to be healthy. I don't want to be battle man I want to live. I want to look at. Skinny. I don't look perfect, but I want to look like working with the beach and go here's an active lifestyle right instead of saying, like I saw the way your belt when you showed your tattoo, your belt, doesn't it hold your pants up? It doesn't define your waistline like

Does it make sense? I should be saying, like my belt cuts into my fat, you have me to on my pubis and my stomach. Sometimes it did. You have to put a little neosporin on it and it cuts into you, corn syrup, so the government escorts government corn syrup cluster, all Trans fats, that's what it is man, it's the government keeping info. Stupid. No time in history of people have been fatter. I don't think there's ever been a time in history where the model numbers of people have been fat like in this country. The numbers are gigantic: white fat menus, get respect in the 20s. When you were Buster Keaton, your father like how did you do that? That's why you were a movie store, hey Babe, Ruth arm. Here everybody animals like humans have a lot of money. Babe Ruth was eating steaks and hot dogs and drinking beer and he's living high on the hog, and then now you just fat you just it looks like you're, poor and don't care.

It looks like you just unhealthy and they have a poor diet, no connection with your personality anymore, such a direct connection between what you put into your body and how your body feels Mount and some people just I have fresh. I a buddy is on anti depressants and he eats terrable is fucking die. It's awful! I think it's lack of women. I think, like old, the old days you several wife and they to cook, for you like these nice nice me and stuff to me. Half the time, I'm like ok, a jack in the box is open. A subway is still open. You know it's more of like I'm more rushing around if I were to come home like oh, you know like family dinner style, you have the kitchen table and she's like I made it, drawing like wow, that's nice, something that we've been watching too many Patty Duke movies. Like that's how I grew up, that's how you go. You grew up. That's how I grew up. I had family dinner every day. We all set it well, people still have family dinners bro and they were super unhealthy in a family dinner, doesn't necessarily make it healthy. What the real problem is is most people It's. The woman in the house is what I'm saying the woman is. How certainly helps men that definitely helps if you live with someone, if you have kids,

even you know, y'all like have good food in the house. You know you want to make sure everything. When I lived alone like I ate out, every fucking the week if I lived alone, I'd be in great shape. Yeah. When I lived alone, I was just a comedian on tv show a single to me, anyways in the morning, some way in the afternoon everywhere. Really restaurants everywhere for breakfast lunch dinner, I had to keep some food I want to eat when I was starving or was writing or something like that for the most part it went somewhere to eat. You know why would I cook a lot of time for that shit? What's the one thing you miss being single the most I don't to put it all now, I don't know what it's like this every day, because it was always a. I had to do a song and dance to explain why that didn't go the way they thought it would

like I would never, I know with Bertha, so sad. Never I never that first new pussy experience you had where you would go in and you get on top and you were like right. This is going to happen really fast. You know that in your head, you, like the whole thing. I'm trying to do is make this not prolong this moment so that she thinks it's. Somewhat enjoyable. They only good parts about being single are that you can have sex with more than one person. The only bad parts of being single are that you're, lonely and you're single way better to have a relationship it's way better, but the numbers are our we're a wired to one I have sex with other women, so it becomes. Life becomes, am order of managing your desires and manage which ones manifest themselves into the real world because they could cause but a negative energy and their cause a lot of arguments, and they can cause a lot of lonely. Now you got to like look at like what is the most logical plan of attack to have a happy life and what is the most logical attempt to have

a wild, chaotic roller coaster, ride of those chaotic now those are great man, but we're standing on top of a corner of a building in New York and the suns coming up, and you gotta fucking girl from Liverpool. Next whose tongue stuck at the bottom of her mouth and she's like oh, I need a more normal pack of cigarettes. What time does door open that fucking shit when you find yourself fucking in a parking lot in the middle of downtown Manhattan? You find yourself just doing crazy shit yeah, but you know ultimately it's fun, but the real problem with single being singled the real problem is meeting cool people is right, fucking, hard man. It is hard to find the real person you got to go out with them for a while. You got to talk about controversial subjects you have to you know you you have to to get to gnome and know how the brain is. You suffer a lot of fucking fools with my goodness. You have a nickel for every night, crazy talk and you know nuns. I watch this kind of date once and I'll never forget this,

I was they were the table next to us, and the guy was talking with this girl and the girls talking about her dog and her dog is so used to the finest automobiles and Mercedes. Is bands- and you know she was like going off about her dog- that if she ever tried to bring her dog in a taxi cab, she doesn't think our dog would go in and out I was just telling God, and I was just imagining. I could you imagine if you got just stuck sitting down to this next, to this fucking dummy and you're, actually having this conversation and she's, not being a joke. Being ironic, not being hilarious like that, could be hilarious statement. You know if you if you're being a silly person just joke around she wasn't joking around. She was bragging about all the scientist automobiles that her dog rides like it was just like what kind of nonsense conversation would you have with this person? That's the real issue with being single as peep. Don't want to be single, you want someone that you could spend time with, but what

kinds of finding someone who's actually fucking cool. It, though I mean I'm, I met hundred uncool people for I met. Cool, of course and then it's also a matter of what you bring out of that person. What that person brings out of you, because you'll behave completely different in one relationship than another, and I was. I was told that guy I was bad and all my relationships. She did fucking you L. Never was I wasn't a good guy. I wasn't like I didn't. Listen, didn't give a shit on and then, when I met my wife, things just changed for the better and I was like all right. I remember thinking to myself. I stayed single for a long time and I was like I'm the fucking problem and all all of these failed relations on the Charlie Sheen like well to be a Bert kreischer to be the Fucking Party. You you, you know you got you gotta crack a few eggs and make an omelette you gotta piss, on a dining room table every now and then fucking shit, it's kind of.

Sometimes you gotta run before the trains and that's the only way you make a guy was as funny as you are in this, this form of the podcast. You know the stories is brilliant stores you have to. I mean they. They you you're funny on stage, come from years of craft and working on it writing and performing itself. But your your ability to just just tell these fucking stories. You know on the podcast, that's why you were created the way you've created. That's why you I've been so created, chaotic and insane it's to create this amazing product, because diamond doesn't get made. Unless you have a mouth and pressing up against a piece of coal and fucking smashing the shit out

yeah for a million years. That's how you make a fucking dime, and you know you don't make a Bert Kreischer with like a normal childhood, no alcohol, no drugs and when they say do you want to shot. You say: no thanks. I'm gonna get some sleep now. It's only gives you a pill. They give you two pills. You he's going to swallow one. I cannot fucking! Bang with the guy I gotta take one at least following one man: you're, not you're, not completely fucking around here the best part about Johnny Knoxville's. I ran into him at California. Chicken cafe one day like fucking five years later and I'm sitting there. Any walks in he's obviously is famous at the time he's been doing movies and he walked in. I go Johnny Knoxville and he looked at me. Real criteria, gringos Birkir, sure I went shut the fuck up and he goes the number party animal the country on what the fuck are you doing out here, and I remember deity- is thus fucking greatest guy and his whole fucking posse was at California Chicken CAFE and I was like. Oh, I wondered about me over me. Thumb wanted me to do that so Does he ever done stand up season, he ease and he could tell story.

Yeah, he seems like he could do stand up. You should do the podcast. It would be so Steve O was fucking awesome. There was he I didn't go in that one day he was in the ice house. Chronicles three I should subscribe. Death squad with Steve O was first of all, these cool is fucking with second of all, his fucking experiences dude. He is on a tree, an a lion, climbed up the tree and got on top. I saw that on tv, and that was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life and I tamed lions, but I saw that in my way way way you did what a damned lions Bert the conqueror I did yeah. I was paid leave you with that. No we shot it, but it never aired. The show got cancelled like right after that. We shot that. In there and then taming lions and then the show got cancelled. The guy the guy tells me he goes. How long ago was. This is don't fucking seven years ago, so I mean Yes, so two thousand and four. So this video exist Mark Crow.

As it somewhere, I'm sure did release that shit on the internet fucking it was. It was a bizarre fucking, taming lions in night, so you You have video of you with a full grown connected like full grown lion. Oh my god, the full grown lions and he brings them out this mark Ronan. Let's get ahold of him know him yeah, I know mark I mean I mean I mean: do you have his phone number and everything else I know more cruel who's, my boss, for like he did, produce the x show on FX loved, see that video put that video be fighting them there and getting fucking raped by a bear and then meet a man three. How much money do you think if that got a million hits how much money do you think that someone would make if they had like those you two ads that we got a million hits? I don't know that's a really interesting, because I heard that, like Rebecca black Chick that girl that made that Friday Friday, so Everybody should have Blu ray, but it like an unbelievable number of views like something like thirty five million plus means.

But what's the you know who would know is what's his name, John, it's good leisure as well John as well, but he would totally know. I don't think he's going to tell you how much money is making yeah wonder man 'cause. I would think that if you could make get millions of hits boy it's probably I mean spending, writes that video Fox owns the rights turns all exactly do. Do ask him to do it. Dvd for them to release it and put an ad on it. They can make some money, I don't know, maybe would be worth it for them to do it. That way. I'm just thinking like how much for for you know This is like a million hits pay in Payena. You too bad. I don't know I've. Never. I have no clue and it's interesting that sort of you guys would have how much do you have any hits you get on a democratic version of television channel. Really, when you think about it, I mean you really not honestly democratic button open version of it because it's like there's guys, like our friend from the message board, that six kid that guy's videos have millions of hits right doesn't mean

onions, millions of hits and he's got ads on those. So I mean you gotta be making a few hours here and there I don't know how much it is, but Essentia Lee like this is like one step in a multi step. Process of you know like exactly what we're doing here, the podcast being able to make your own shit like in not need a travel channel or an NBC or anything to produce something like it. So you could do it all the online and having it online is actually like reaches more people than the networks is eventually going to happen. I mean how many times do you watch something in full? screen on your laptop or on your desktop. Now, like of you, Youtube Video, and you see it's like a cool definition, I watch the first four episodes of PAN am on my computer, and I was like you photo. Margarita uh, there's a fight, that's coming up and they had that twenty four slash seven and I watched it on the HBO go. If you go to HBO, go on your ipad, you can watch anything. That's ever been on HBO. Anything for free wow.

Mike! Are you for real? I went down why it's higher last all the fights? Well, the all those. What is twenty, four seven to get h, B, o h, B, o go. You have to have always here to have a h b, o subscription right, but you have you just log in we show like and it you can watch any labor bored to death entourage of boardwalk empire. Sopranos specials everyone's comedy, specials, anything that's on there. You can watch it and I'm like how FUCK Showtime. I have that. How did send I don't have that one of the greatest you're. Eventually they will just HBO, got there. Man HBO's on top of the ship, because I'll put that on my ipad and go on the that sounds kind of busy, but go on the cool it feels better than running better on my knees, smart and you can go hard man, you go hard with the elliptical or very casual and watch bored today. What you do sometimes so, but man, it's the best Dreams live my daughter's. This is how crazy this is. Having my daughters, we have, we have fucking more tv's in our house. Then we could ever have

who, in the man cave three in the in the house, my daughters sit in front of the computer. Morning in my wife's little office and watch Netflix Just since the next stage, we need to set up a podcast headquarters. Let inside Bert Kreischer's man cave. Let's do it just do it, I'm installing a port, Bryan you've said it dries. I set up. Please do this stop it. You're gonna have to get your own guy at your own Brian, but will set up. Hang out at Karaoke bars in north karaoke bars are a great place to start a lot of good sound guys go to karaoke bars, get a set up, so you could just podcast anytime. You want so you're sitting at home. You hide in your man cave at one hundred o'clock in the morning. I have a couple of beers by yourself. You can just start talking into a microphone just kind of ranting.

Usually you know life right sure you can use treatment absolutely to view. Usually you do it just like we're doing here. I'm doing it also goes to Mp. Three could finally have as soon as you name it. Let's name it would buy soon. Do you say you're buying is in another language as soon as the MP three recorder bro, that's the one that are for years and then I'm getting a, and I got a good camera right now, set up it up one shot now. What would we name it? Well, yeah, that's exactly what's going to say All this time, the machine in the man cave. That's not bad. Bad machine in the man cave is not fucking bad, but the only thing I would think I was you would want people to be able to well what the fuck with mark, I don't machine the man cave. I don't know. If I want people finding Kreischer 'cause, I don't travel channel is going to be fucking '

super happy about me making another tv show. I think if you just come here at this internet, podcast you're not getting paid for doing it for your fans, you doing it because you're an entertaining motherfucker and people want to hear you talk all the time and look What we're doing right now, there's a lot of people right now that are in their cars. There's a lot of people at the gym. There's a lot of people that making some people taking the train into communion to New York right back out the Jersey, exactly Womans boring as fuck. It drives him nuts and you could bring a little jewel, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. I'm doing a shave, my man cave and I'm getting on this ship. Before I go back on the road in Chicago there, you go I'm getting on. This should make it happen, so the machine in his van cave- I don't know, I don't know, don't worry, but the travel channel is only going to like it, because it's only going to promote your show more yeah. You know it's like. Why would it? Why would it hurt so I gotta hurt bro. Hopefully, it's just like it on Facebook yeah

just yeah. Your online presence right now is just starting to blossom. You know, if you have your own podcast you'd, be straight one and Shit Bert Kreischer, my right, Brian yeah, how the fuck do it. I think we should just do it here, though I don't think you should do it in your man cave well, you could do it you know. Nobody ever tried space these as well. I like to be a little buzzed. If I'm gonna, do it sometime, that's what the couches for yeah I know, but when I spend the night here yeah my cat want to cut to a Brian sorry, girls that he's a death squad like him again you how cool that sounds, do it. That is a death squad. That is what I tell people is as we're gonna squad with his death squad. Name come from you guys to call yourselves that does what the secure should ever opened. This is yet ob from Opie and Anthony. I I came the studio and it was with my friend Eddie. Bravo, brazilian Jujitsu Black belt first man to tab first, American, ever Tabby Gracie.

So that's where I thought. If I take pleasure, you know two or five pound fighter from the ultimate that from the ultimate fighter I was there. Yeah, Ryan? Was there and he's? Obviously a killer filmed it? So I probably don't feel yeah, and so you know Opie looks, and he goes it's your uncle Brian, the death squad. You know we just joking around yeah bro, the test squad like just as a goof, and it became now. It's like one of those It's like you hear it. You know you hear death squad and you go. That is a douche iest, most aggro dumb, but to us it doesn't even have that same meaning anymore. That's why the logo balances it out. Yeah the logo with the cat, it's like when you it's like. When you and your friends, just the name when you and your friends heard about a douche bag, saying like Bro ham, spring break and then use calling each other bro him as a joke and then all the sudden, you start going up to the Bro Hymn for real yeah like program and use it with the program. Then the white guys those random way because you're doing it

sounds best thing ever, but it's just a group of nice people. It's a group of nice people that want to make you laugh, I don't know, That's a do. She! do she named it? Sort of balances it out, otherwise would be two Fay would be taken advantage of people would stop all over uh, so they wouldn't do in Firos, Bert Kreischer, People furious bird pressure is any message you want to give to the young people of the world. What is it what have you learned in your time on this planet? My friend just take half just take half yeah don't bring over No drugs. Just just take one decaf, just take a lot of Johnny Johnny Knoxville give him to take one. That's sound advice or sound advice. My advice would be pretend you're taking it. Spit that bitch in a glass wait a few hours if anybody dies, many people die, but the problem is then

when you do take it. If nobody dies, then, unfortunately, you're going to be like last one to the party. You know last one to the K hole. Everybody would be coming out and you'll be sliding in at one time. This is Vaughan right after college. We go but we go to Strip club in living in New York. We go to a strip, mall he's getting married in Atlanta and everyone gets ecstasy. So we go to this way. This bus, this big Fucking party bus, we're going to strip clubs in the hood in the swats, and it was just when out Kast K along with that song. Everybody move to the back of the bus and they were playing on repeat and everyone took ecstasy and everyone was taken. It and they gave me one, and I was like I'm going to take it in the last minute. When I'm not going to do it, I don't want to take XC tonight, I'm think I'm cool and then thirty five minutes. Started, fucking going flipper just passing out and I was like and they were moving like going,

like seizing having CNN later and they go phone. Everyone has had an instinct, and I think that I just our members in the back of my head, all that- and I was just like I don't want to take- actually man, I'm fine, I'm. I was past that phase of my life knows a coming in for a tailor and see what they've given it to me, and I was like I have in my hand to that- could change your life. We've got brain damage from that it will all my friends now or forget, stockbrokers and the rain down inside those spots before the corruption that has led to the downfall of this great economy, the whole, not Democrat sure but yeah. I did. I dodged a bullet, make your contribution to the World Burke Crusher by american cars you buy American have afford out there for you and talking, sync that shit. I really would let go all american. What What are you driving today? My Bmw have a Ford. What was my favorite car, my most silly, my favorite car, but next

Standing to get is a hard top. The the ragtop freaks me out the fact just fucking meat, I just hit you in the head with our time. Our deep odds of that happening are very slim. I just know. It also feels like it's about that. You know it's like. I have it's also a hard top well it'll lessen the blow Tom Segura is Tom Zagora per month. Alright, it's out of my fucking car hold on. Why is your car on? It was my not on I'm on speakerphone, hey you're on the Joe Rogan podcast with Joe Rogan Tommy burns. Tommy buns wanna talk about that guy,

because you got a problem with that guy, nothing buns Would it where you at where you at nearby Pasadena come, say hi now, I'm in I'm in I'm, not where you at guys would do it right now we're alive right now. Yeah, Tommy, I'm gonna tell about the time I shaved, your underarms shave this under eye. All right. I love you bye. We were in Hawaii, doing gigs under Tom'S, Hair Tom, so Harry his hair connects his underarms to his chest, and I was.

And I got a San Diego time- you can't let that happen, I'm so glad you brought this up, because I want you to tell me what you told me last night. Is that cool? Can you tell me last night with those guys said, but the guy said about like, with the reason why you were happy that Russell Peters wasn't there, When you guys were shooting guns- yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah tell that story. So what so? Let's also does it for the so we do me Tom and Russell Peters. Do a gig for the for the US so for the military in Pearl, harbor are buddy, Charlie Books, it is this all down: Russell's brothers, there Russell's a great guy love Russell and I love his brother. Even more. If I could take a one person to death, that would be his brother. His brother Clayton is got the best giggle in the world and just get mass ratio sandwiches. It was him think about it, a little bit so we get here in Russellville, know Russell's, definitely a big like he's a big name, and he doesn't he

he's there to do. The show he's also there for vacation with his chick and his brother and his wife and there having a good time, and they wanted to hang out, but there's like a list of things that they kind of wanted us to do. One of them is like sample. Firearms like go shoot firearms, and- and like do this like thing where these people come in the in the screen, and you gotta shoot him and Russell, I want to shit so we're like or like alright to me, Tom Charlie and all our wives go out to do this. Like simulate somewhere it's war were all have guns. We all fucking, there's a big thing up and we get out there and more like manner which was sold come. This is really cool and toms again, I know, and then the guy comes he's, like alright, the simulation starting in thirty seconds. If it's brown and it moves, you kill it and we were like well, thank God, Russell didn't come 'cause. He would not have enjoyed this k hold. That impression is amazing. Give me that impression again. Alright then star, in thirty seconds, if it's brown and it moves, you kill it God, damn that sounds like Nick Nolte and it's my,

ten years ago, still robust? Oh man, I have, it's the craziest shit ever so just so, we were joking around about killing, Brandon and then Brian and then Scott Time, and I just kind of blow it off like that. I was fucked up. God. Russell wouldn't hear that work late, because they're both very brown. So so then we go to do the show and I go up first and it's like I kind of do. Okay, but I'm hosting a little bit Tom's younger a comedy at the time. So he's gonna go second cause it's a little easier of a spot. He goes. Second, he opens with a joke like they say, don't make alliance. Tom's opening joke was while I was living, is a really slow down here. They that's what they told me. I don't know they're talking about your metabolism as well. These people are fat like that's his opening joke right, yeah, so uh. So then Russell goes on stage and Tom and I realized for the first time we put the dots together that these people have been trained to kill brown people and they just have a brown person headlining on stage and then I'll see they're, not seeing the nuances of indian versus iraqi they're. Just seeing brown

you can hear the murmur of the crowd is like for as a wise, this guy here. Why? What only a white like in in their heads, yeah Tom and I was just like little and then what about black eyes? Black is very different than brown. Right today I mean, I'm looking, I'm also with Verizon, with a black guys having what are they saying we wish we had a boo No. I don't like. I. There were a lot of black guys to be honest with you. It was a lot of white guys. Yet was means Pearl Harbor we weren't in like the thick of it. It was a lot of officers. Was the navy like And I'm also I'm also putting words in the mouths of people who aren't allowed to talk right now. So I don't want you to think I'm a I'm from Pearl Harbor. I don't have a problem with brown people, but I'm telling you where this was the heat of the war, and this is what me and Tom Experience yeah. No just tell the truth and it was like fuck and then the next day they were like you're, never coming back then Charlie last night, gig was a really cool gig

for like a week, but so during this gig? So so you could go to Hawaii for a week and do how many shows one Joe two shows you used to do. Two shows one in like the mess hall for the guys and they could be dirty as you wanted to Dio and then one in um and then one for like that was on stage and like dog. The bounty hunter would come out like a wave to everybody. So did they cancel it? Because Russell was Brown they I think I think they said they cancel it because Tom and I were dirty, but we weren't really dirty. You know like we were just when we didn't like curse at all. I think they just they just canceled it. You can't curse. It was also a new. You couldn't curse at all. How to create, but knowing cursed know curse. Did you imagine the idea that you are, they can send you to war, they can arm you with guns and tell you you're supposed to kill these people, but you can't hear anybody swear

at a comedy show I mean it was as a military man. That's pretty much like their thing. They don't ever let people curse on their shows. Remember I read a a Louis C k article that he had on his blog about going to overseas to entertain the troops in about a one time. He kind of got dirty a show any apologize afterwards to but he's just like. I couldn't help it. They were love it. They were. Yeah, crazy, and you know you couldn't help it. It is one of the chain, though yeah I wanted them to be to be laughing but yeah. I guess they. They do a lot of censorship. Yeah. We keep you from really doing your full lacked, but the first night there we got me and Tom get there does not Russell's, not there's. Just me and Tom are wise and Tom, and I proceeded to pissed drunk in on the beach, and then we go up to his room. I don't know my wife falls asleep with me Tom and Christina push a caller in the in his room and Tom has his shirt off and he's in his chest here connects from his armpits to his death Tommy. Let me short shape in that shape up for you,

David. So it looks like you have breasts, so you look more muscular and he goes you think that'll work, I'm like yeah we're both really drunk. So I shave a line right. The line here, and I give him a very well defined, armpit hair that looks like a fucking mustache and then, and then I shave all this well, it looks like it looks, yeah tongue out pictures. It looks like his tits wearing a tensor wearing a mask about to commit a robbery, and this looks like fucking, two tents going ooh. No one knows who we are well folks. We need you to harass Tom Cigar on Twitter and tell him to put these pictures online. We need to see these pictures. Yeah he's got him he posted on, I think in his facebook. To be honest with you going to put it on your mom's house, he's a great god he's really as well love funniest fucking guys. So did you want to talk about that situation? You had or no fifty five minutes and perfect in that situation out there I mean I don't know I mean I don't know why

As you say I mean it's. I you know, I don't know how to do it so weird on that sock about it. Would you would you say, but what I say if I was you well, no! No! No! No! No! I it's a I don't know if I saw Bieber at a grocery store, I would also get a hard on. You're talking about no! No! No! No! No listen! I don't want to force you anything, so we just end this thing right here seriously

we're gonna end anyway, we have five minutes for the the power goes off. This is a three hour podcast already and in three hours you stream cuts it off. Then it becomes to separate hunks. It gets annoying. Jay, Mohr and I've been very incestuous. I would say, with this Tracy Morgan story J as admittedly on his podcast said he told about that, happened to him and he did it. He he does distinctly regrets. Have you ever having told on Opie and Anthony that happen to him? He started telling it that happen to me and at the time that he told that happened about me. I didn't I was like aw that makes me feel like whatever I do. It was a story I never wanted told under one told, because I I don't know Traci, I don't hi, I'm telling you I'm. So it's a something I never wanted show. I wanted. Behind the scenes that whenever good Mitad Berg story, I thought it would be one of those you know and and I'll be a good story that we tell at comedy clubs and right yeah and it was it was. It was a lot of those a lot alike. Yeah. I got a great out on George story. This is a

one hundred stories yourself, Australia and so J started timer on stage and then started telling. Instead of happened to him. I talked to him on his podcast about it and he distinctly said. I'm done telling it I'm never going to tell it again. I don't want to tell it in a more it's. My wife thought it was a bad idea, the first time I told it and then and then what happened was we went to Amsterdam and Gary Finkel Gary Garfinkel, the VP of Showtime, said to me in front of a bunch of comics your bird from the Tracy Morgan story. Jay tells on a special which Falcon is like doing lunch, meat in front of lions like they've everyone's like what do you mean? What do you mean and then I two fold protective of friend. I was concerned that he had taped it for a special and I was like it's going to make this fucking sociopath ik. You can't do that, but he

I talked to him today and he said you know he did did he did taper for special, but he told it that it happen to me, which you know is, is a very it's still weird middle ground. Some. You know. I tell your story, but still your life still you're dead. It will still your yes all my doors and we told him the reason. Why was funny the first place because you told him he laughed at and then you repeat what you said: yeah it's your story, the the invents in I mean that these you know whether it's you know look every story is not exactly the events in character in you know, in order in absolute order, it's there's a an art to telling the story yeah and that's what you're really good at you're, really good at not just telling stories with telling them with economy of words and setting them up correctly and and and building it right to a big ending and that's what you did in that.

It's not just a story. Okay, because you didn't tell that story is. If you know it was your connecting the dots man walks on Land man finds plant manager. You didn't do that what you did, as you told it in a theatric way, and he just simply repeated that. Okay, that's not telling someone story, that's stealing someone's bit yeah! It's you know it's all right! Brian! I think so? Absolutely if I told you a story of something that was rude, it was saying like had him, it's like that's. Why that's a real story. That's like, and I got high, let's all gonna stop doing. I saw somebody hit on the highway and die. You know like the brains, splattered out. I talk about a long time ago on a podcast. It was like one of the biggest crazy things that ever happen to me. If I told that story to Joe and then Joe STAR doing it originally, as it happened to him on stage to begin with immediately that would piss me off so fucking hard and then the fact that you've taught

I'm already. I think that would even the make it even a thousand times worse. I think that I think that in this, in this worst case scenario, that I thought that, if this is you know but I think he's taken here did ran at the fact that the the the story is structured in a funny way. You know you told him a story, the structured in a funny way. It is not simply a bunch of facts just put together in a time you told it to him in a in an entertaining way. Do you know the the out of, though all this that happened? I think the best best of the worst case scenario is that he did. He does tell it on a special way. I mean I, you know he does tell on a special that it happened to me. So in a weird way, I get yeah, it's the last four or something like well. How yeah? That's? I mean it's pretty easy for me to do. Yeah. It's it's J, yeah! Well, it's I'm doesn't wanna. Not do 'cause. It's too good, yeah yeah, it's stupid,

and it's written out how you set it to him is not like. He did not put the words in the story. You told him only. The only the only fair thing to do is have J on the podcast, and let him tell his side of the story. I don't know I mean or not, or act like like exactly how we acted like before. We just don't fucking talk to the guy or you don't have anything to do with that guy, I don't be a part of. I don't want be part of of the an attack John Jay at all, because I never I mean it's as much as I should have been a fucking grown raised. I should've been a grown man at the very beginning. If I wasn't comfortable with what was being that happened. I should have grown romantic, stood up and said. I don't like this, make it stop right now. That's what I should have done, you're right and in essence I I I didn't, and so, and so what is happening is exactly report you so I die. I allowed this, but hey I loud whatever is happening to happen it's and it's as much by my fault as it is anyone's. Did you

a bad bad relationship? You need a break up, yeah! That's what what's like. Maybe you do you need to go baby. Is that what's going on? Does he kiss you on the belly? Does he make you do things you don't want to? What do they do? There's a secret? Are you molested we're going to turn down the line we run out of time? Yet Brian Huskey says yes the time I don't want to go over good well we're over on Itunes, but we have about seven minutes on you string, I'm being molested. No he's to run means what that might work better than the use of thing that

Tom and I had a conversation about last night yeah and that nice- and I you know it's it- it is behavior if, if, in fact, I should take responsibility for everything, my eagle was inflamed. The first time he told me he said that it happened to me. My ego is inflamed and I loved it because it made me feel good. It made me feel like. I was a real comic that I had a really fucking thing and then I thought that was word would end. I didn't you know. Obviously we said this. I says Tracy. Morgan feel about this. I don't want fucking to find out because here's, the worst part

I never wanted Tracy the reason I never told it. So I didn't want fucking Tracy to go folk bird Christ why'd. You tell that story. Why you know why you can't keep that to yourself yeah. You know I have kids, I'm, ah you know that's the fucking worst part of it is I mean I think Tracy. I doubt he remembers that night in the slightest, but I don't know how he died. I don't know how we act. It's hopefully you know, here's the worst part is I told it. I told the story to a bunch of comics in Cincinnati with Tony woods. Tony was one of my good friends who used to party all the time and Tony was there that night and tony- and you know

you tell stories so much in the store going. How much of this is true, like you just end up, getting hitting the beach your store right right right and you like it, yeah like what we did, what we and so I said to Tony ago, I'm gonna tell the story again. I go meant step in at any point and tell me where I'm straying off from the exact truth, and he was like okay told all whole story verbatim and Tony it at the only point, the corrected, as he thought Tracy said more before he said that after you get out of paying the check, he thought that he's like no trees instead of me, was like check this out like you and give a little bit of a monologue which I just I just got Oh so you said a few more things like he stood up and he was like yeah yeah and then and then, as we left, you change that to like somebody else like Alan Thicke or something it's your story, dude sure story period. That's disturbing, but it's depressing

isn't it yeah there's a great podcast. I'm glad we ended on that, but I had a great time it's important man. It is as much. This is important for you to not let people step on you for him to not step on people. You know he. He knows. I think he knows everything that he did wrong. In that transportation. I know that you were a little bit weak and I was weak and it's so so if anyone is to fall as much as fault, not me, I'm a little bit. You got him step on you yeah so letter. So it is it's completely. It is something that if I want to have a productive life, is a comic. I fucking pass it. Maybe people here that story and they go who the Fucks Bird Chrysler in their research me on his after a special. I think that's going to do more damage to him. Then it's going to benefit him he's a great story, he's a funny really funny generate your story like that. It makes him seem illegitimate, really really mean he's got he's better than that. It doesn't need to do that he does know his whole act is good. He's a solid comic.

A funny guy, and I just need to do that. One bit that one bit discredits him in a way. That's unfortunate and unnecessary and unfortunately it really truly it's going to find out how much more does that big killed then as of the rest of this material. Great that's. He does a really does a really is dynamite yeah. You know if you know it's almost excusable, just because the Morgan impression is so fucking good really fucking good. I mean you even you read the chat. Threads on Youtube is like you could do that with anybody, though man. He does a great Colin Quinn and he's a great impression as he the best he's. In my opinion, one of the most underappreciated a precious amongst comedians. His Colin Quinn is on the fucking button and it's really funny he is like funny shit. He says you guys back. No, no, no, no love! You! I'm never to fuckin man! You can't you can't not be honest. Getting you gotta, Express', the positives and negatives. The whole ball of wax. It's not!

his and he would agree, I would venture to say, even though you would probably if he was saying this table agree with everything were saying to a large point, and I think his wife is Nick is a lot like you in the sense that the first time He told that on up in Anthony as if it happened him, she was like you're up. You can't do that. You can't say that happen to you. You don't have to you, don't have to it's, not necessarily you know. Mark TWAIN once said. I always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember anything and it's a smart thing. Yeah smart way to be you know, people forgive you for the truth, what they don't forgive his horse, because then they they got dammit. It's tough enough communicating with people of noises that you make with your mouth. You know that we we you know we we would that we attach to

bunch of meaning it's it's difficult, it's difficult to do when I find out the you're making artificial noises, you're faking it you're, saying things that aren't true. All your bull me or you know you're you're, representing yourself in any way with where I feel like now, I can get in on this read from you yeah now our communications all horse, because you just have this this impression that you want to put out you know want me to know the real. You know what you want to put out this impression and you want me to respond in a positive way to fill up your in securities. Okay, that's not what it's supposed to be all about! That's why, when you were talking about your machine story- and you were saying, could you imagine if that machines to have somebody came up to goes to you? Go everywhere? You go people yell out the machine. Yeah I mean he. I have a t shirt of two of them. Let's say the machine has your face on it. Yeah. Could you imagine if that wasn't a real story it would it would north it happen to somebody else. It would crush crush me. No, no right. If

someone found out that that was a that was entirely fabricated, like I would fuckin, no one would ever listen to a word. That's the only reason. The only reason I I ever was hesitant about ever telling Tracy Morgan story in the first place, because all it took was Tracy Morgan, one time saying that never happened and my entire credentials as a comic for the rest of my life were done with no matter me and Tony would start on a soapbox and watching. That's where part like Charlie, I disagree and I think everybody would believe you who yeah, maybe maybe I don't know yeah. You know how people view Tracy Morgan does not remember. I remember when I was a young comic in New York, saying I had a story that was this. It was. It was based off of a bit that I had heard the music and I like it the way they tag the song. I just wrote this bit with this story involved in the tag. Was this song from an outcast lyric and it was great, it was fucking great in this fucking guy came up to me and he goes. That is one of the best stories I've ever heard. It has ed, it has ego, it has everything, that's beautiful about a story. You've got

tell me, is it true and I looked at him and I wanted credit and I went no. I fucking made it up. You looked at me, like I told him, closing out the clothes in the ass and I was like I was like number one. I will never fucking make up, as I will never make up. Like a fucking fabricated, that is you just it just you just don't have anything. Fucking put your head on the end that you put your head on the pillow in the end of the night. You go all I got or whatever happened to me. However, I fucking tell it. However, I craft it and present it in less. You tell a story that you wrote and made up and then go. I just made that up That didn't really happen. Oh yeah! I've done that before plenty of times, yeah, there's nothing wrong with that thing, for common comic relief as long as you're, not trying to mislead people long as you're only doing it for your intention is to fucking entertain. That's what my job is: a fucking comedians, a fucking comedian, good God, yeah follow him on Twitter, it's Burt, Crusher, b, e r t k r E. I s c h e r holla at your boy

and follow him online at Bird bird bird there's some sort of a sale today, but apparently there's no fucking sailor, Cyber Monday, sale and Bert Bert, Bert dot com. By his shirt, I prefer the thin one. I have both Heather. Everyone rocks the Heather, it's very nice. It makes me feel sexy. I, like it's a light, fit it's like a summer breeze. Thank you for the flashlight for sponsoring our podcasts and if you go to Joerogan DOT, net and click on the link for the flashlight entering the code, Name Rogan, you will get fifteen percent off the number one thousand six hundred and twenty one man, my favourites, as we've done so far, dude you're the best I love my favorite one. We've had we also sponsored by onnit dot com- oh an it today is Monday FEB or twenty eight, and it is cyber Monday. Twenty five percent off everything when you put in the code word cyber other than that after today enter the code, a road and get ten percent off your album, bring go, get yourself to move new mood, get your get together! Bitches! We love you. We appreciate you were all in this shit together we got a lot of

people this week. I do that. Live we're going to have Adam Curry to Adam Curry, you communicated to us through your podcast. We communicate back you're. The man who created the pod asked we would love to have your own shut up, yeah holler from the member. Yes, I'd sort of like to prevent tv. Yeah we've got twitter. People are putting this in motion that real pot for the people. I don't have your name, were you did this that my one gentleman I was communicating with. Thank you, sir. All right. I love you we'll see tomorrow right.