Dr. John Delony & Jade Warshaw answer your questions and discuss:
- Renting a car without a credit card,
- "I feel trapped discussing finances in my marriage",
- "Should I sell my house to start a business?"
- Top 10 Ramsey Pickup Lines.
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
I
but the headquarters of Ramsay solutions broadcast from moving in store studio, randy show we help people build well, do work, they love and create actual amazing relationships. On january joint, here by my good friend, jade warsaw, we're taking your calls on money like your marriage. What's going on your workplace, whatever you gotta go on your life, we got you aaa eight to five five, two to five, its triple eight, eight to five, five, two to five: it's got to
egg in philadelphia where he was born and raised in the playgrounds where he spent most of his days. What's here, what's up?
How we do us either
that, however you aunt
John I'm I'm sitting in four dave today, but I'm doing great. How are you doing here? John?
want to let you know, I'm a big your shower. I, like your show, and I
following your advice long,
story. Short. I dont want to get in the way. The whole scenario we need to do that and I'll need to sit with an adviser, but I'm low income and I'd filed for bankruptcy.
three years ago launched. I note your against that, but it was the best thing that could happen to me, because I learned
and yet still less than I
as a result of being low comes, do not want to own a car. I do not want to lease the car that it's completely off the table and I received professional advice.
Against doing that, and I'm fully agree with that
I also agree with papers advice about not bothering will credit cards as that off the table. What I wanted vice to do like to rent a car from enterprise
when you need it because mind shore in my other advisers, told me you want to be the type of person it you want to use the car, but when the
he's going you handed over inside your problem. Now you want to take the image way throughout
sing. I normally advised against that, but in your case and for it
however, as you know, for the consumers,
in the places it contradicts state's advice. You need a credit card to rent from them and I don't want a credit card. Is there any tactical way of advice may get around it because I'm bankrupt, and it would cost me more for a credit card, obviously to get the bank or card that I don't want to begin with. Then it would be worth
it's more feasible to rent a car. What do I do because it contradicts clear limit limited this
sir.
you ve been through Helen back. Haven't you? Yes,
story short, so
I want to tell you, is just
a guy friend friend now, I'm god, your back and you ve been through it
and you ve got more
it vice, and people john at you and people common after you, it's been a rough season and aren't you
non grateful for your call, am grateful for these boundaries.
putting in place
in your life
It's going to come as grateful that you've been able to take my call because I haven't been able to get to the show, and today I just decided randomly I'll, try it. Luckily, I got through I'm more grateful that you took the call
Well, that's that's all some. So this there's there
long story short. I travel all over the country, I'm gone probably a week in a half, sometimes two weeks a month, a ring
where's all over the nation, and I don't have a credit card. I use my debit card
Oh, I have become about that, but on what you continued? Ok
I do have on the on the deck
for that I travel with a do have space, and so I am fortunate that if they put a three hurl or hold or whatever that's oak, I'm ok with them
I know not everybody's. In that situation. Ok,
I want to go back before and above and I've also run into trouble, I've I've just
I was just telling jade affair we're talking
this, and I said I
what time was sitting at a a decoy
a rental counter in Dallas texas and I looked at the person working and I said: can you please
He's figure out a way that I can give you my money. I've tried,
to pay you and she would I it was? It was such a mess. I end up having to leave and I had got another counter they
my money right away in a car within two minutes and we're out the door that said
I really want to challenge the wisdom and again you got me bore,
with you and you, ve unite, have known each other for ninety seconds now right
I want to challenge the wisdom that
you are taking a very expensive way to get yourself around. Yes,
I don't do it occasionally that's the thing and when I want to go expensive, I liked to go luxury, because it's only occasional erica
still walking through the bankruptcy or is it complete?
I wasn't chapter seven spinal eyes to chapter seven. Its final, like good diet,
it's gone and proud of it. I wouldn't want to do it any other way. Ok is basically an cash only an
So where are you now with your income
just blowing commented in housing, tight situation, ok, how much or if
You don't feel comfortable, saying it. That's fine, but I'd like to be
to help you as accurately as possible
What do you need to know? I
we need to know what you're earning a month, because I want to find out your dad.
He's gone! You know everything
liquidated. I want to know what your left with and kind of what europe
going forward is because I agree with John renting cars is not sustainable europe.
Spend more on the long haul? You can get a cash car at some point not today, but we want to get. You want a plan,
it's going to be sustainable and you keep referring to yourself as low income as though it's an identity- and I disagree with that's, not who you are brother, that's where you find yourself right now, but that's not who you are: okay, yeah! Basically I get
eight hundred a month and my portion of bread is three hundred and then how transport chain, and basically the rest-
money is goes on whatever
new necessary food price freeze, train my transit card things like that. It's basically gone by the time it makes there after the bells.
you on disability. Are you on
We'll get work permits
long story. But yes, I don't want to get into that situation on the air. If you want to speak with me about it on a more or connected with an adviser I can get into that portion. But yes,
We definitely want to do that. We definitely want to get you connected with somebody that you can help me financially and I'm gonna have austin I up afterwards, because there's a lot more to this.
Down- and I agree, but I just you know it's time constraints for the shall not only right to the point with a go on: oh no! No! No! No! No! No! I mean than that. This is the fact with with John said: you're gonna run into an issue with that, because when you do use a debit card there saying hey, I will do this, but we did your liability s so there,
the charge a lot more on your card, they're gonna, put
holds on their. If you're going from
supply, sometimes or even say, like you, gotta show us your ticket if you're fired,
somewhere. You take it hearing your ticket returning like they, they do put. They make it hard for people who honestly doesn't want to pay cash for things they do
and so in your situation where your income is so limited, I dont believe it
This is the best possible thing for you.
Long term, but in the short term, do you know that you are going to run into those problems? And I know you mentioned you d like to do luxury when you do do it. If it is not a season for luxury right now, I
hopefully get that sentiment and feeling this
not the seas in your own right. Now,
and here's the thing Jay. This is the choice I made kind of like what, if I've got a diet restriction, I'm always doing these weird diets, and I go to your you and SAM's house for dinner. I'm not going to impose that on you guys. I get to make choices about what I mean, because it's that's on me yeah. So when I go to a rental car counter, I'm not mad at them they're making my life hard, but I chose this. This no credit life. That's right! So be it man, I'm not going to lose sleep because y'all don't want my business right. I know that's a good point. Alright, this is the radio show we'll be right back triple eight, eight to five five to two five, the identity
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We get question of the day. Today's question comes from russia,
joel in utah com.
My question is: how can I combined finances as a newly married couple? It's his second marriage when your spouse has no budgeting discipline and has no limits to giving his children money. Frivolously have good credit.
and we discuss these things before marriage. I feel trapped
Jonathan stop beneath the surface area. This question: you should not a question your discuss these things before marriage, my guy flip,
Script, you never made any decisions before marriage and you didn't come up with any plans before marriage and you didn't have any ideas you prob.
probably had a conversation over lunch like hey budgeting is a big deal and yeah sure that's cool and you'll never made one.
I never sat down and said hey what do we want our marriage to look like in ten years, and what do we start off to do where we have to start doing right now, so that we can be there ten years? Yeah? Well, there's also the side to it. Where he's giving his children,
he frivolously ends.
I want to know more about that because that's from his previous marriage, maybe there's something there where he's like this is all I can do to lake, and maybe maybe this is somebody- that's never had kids in this money isn't frivolous at all. This is what it costs for a kids. So who knows rachel
all questions you should ask before you got married and you should have been super clear and here's the deal.
You have married somebody with kids, great awesome that me
You have made a choice. You chose.
Be in some sort of relationship with his ex wife forever forever
you have chosen to participate in the raising of two kids that are not biologically ort forever?
Those are just choices you made and so
don't go to war with those. You also chose to marry somebody who's super immature with money. You knew this before you said I do you did
So what you can do moving forward is one of two things I would
with number one which is to sit down and say we are
few months in were a year into this new marriage aims,
death and I can't breathe. I can't breathe because
I don't know how much money we have onwards going. I want
home some day with you on a build, a life I want to be able to share in
adventure that we both signed up for-
If the way money is leaking out our back door, it scares me to death and I can't move. Can you help me? Please? I don't feel safe. That's number one that by the way, that's a
That's making the entire issue, not his fault, not he's gotten
discipline, and he just
it's about you and what your feeling and
your body is trying to get your attention for right. That's number one number, two!
If he looks at you and says, listen, honey. I'm never gonna give my kids money ever
wherever I am budget,
budgeting is stupid. Then I,
classify that I I think we often when it comes to marital fidelity. We often get laser focused in on sex, and I think fidelity is a much bigger picture about how you treat the person you're married to and so
and this is somebody who is choosing to not be in relationship with you and at some point you become unsafe and you're going to have to either create an account. That is yours that you can begin to plan a budget for your take yourself too.
housing or you gonna start deciding. Is this marriage safe overall, because usually jade in situations like this? There is something else going. It sounds like there is
honestly, when I
look at it. Might you know I try to see that the best and things John out of the door, you don't you went to the dark side quite by our pull it back for us who were kind of like it's, not that bad, I kind of feel like there might have just been,
difference in vocabulary.
like the words, what what words mean, what does frivolous mean? What does budgeting mean you what I mean, and I think that sometimes you have those conversations early on any kind of just don't know,
don't know is like a bug
I grew up without yacht guy budget and then it's like, but
Dave, ramsey budgeting is different from you know what I mean the the budgeting. Some of us grew up with, so I think there could be just the lines are crossed
only, she knows really what's going on, but I think when you have those conversations and you approach it from instead of approach,
from a mad at you, I'm angry with you but kind of from. Like I'm scared, I think that if you're a good guy
in your woman is telling you she scared. If it doesn't disarm, you like she should go.
go to count lily! Go there, you go there, ok, get John you're throwing bomb your great great respect. There's this! It's an old
counting adage that we speak in pictures
we think in words, man,
often it
wife and I, like hey, I'm gonna, be home late for dinner tonight, you're right late,
for me. I know my calendar. I know that my last meeting in media hit is eight o clock exactly late, for her is fifteen yet ripe yet, and so she had a picture of what lay was adequate. Well, it was and we both used or late, but we missed each other incite, maybe it it may be because you're, better
For me, it is a matter of
When we said you're gonna give money, your kids, I didn't realize a thousand dollars. I thought it was fifty and I think that
who knows I'm looking at
words newly married and that's kind of where my my bringing ring is gone off, cause that first year you don't you
I know what you're doing dude I'm twenty years, I'm still okay, I had this thought the other day. Do we have time for this? I had this thought the other day. I was like okay, a kid when we raise our kids they're in our home until they're, eighteen years old and we're just teaching them how to
be in the world right. They don't know anything and then after that, then you get married and you think
that somehow, in one year in a couple months, you're going to be good to go, and it's like it too
eighteen years to just learn how to exist
society without being a total jerk, and now we
to be married, combined with a whole other person and we think we're just gonna just scheme
through it and like one two years and then like be prose at it, was absolutely highly win. If our kids got married,
your kids would have grown up in in the war.
Your house, two wonderful parents, how my kids would have
grown up in the dorney house, one wonderful parents and they would have had very different understandings of how the world works and what relationships look like yes, and so they've got to figure out how not to recreate what they saw. Mom and dad do go to bed, but to create something new and magical for them. Yes, and that just takes time it takes time. So I'm looking at this from rachel and I'm thinking
Kay your newly married end there
there's more dynamics to this than it did not want to see
typical, there's more dynamics to this. Some people get married and it's just you and me for the first time ever, never live together, and then some people get married. It's like oh and bring in three kids into the resist. His second day, dance or so of this is this. Is this is a
Here hopefully, rachel out of all of the hundreds of millions of things that we just said, your pull something out that is helpful to you, but give yourself a little bit
is counselling, John
I love me. Some counselling
christian council will enable
counselling. Put me on that
That's I wouldn't be sitting here for wasn't earlier today. After talk with my wife, I said I'll call my counselor and she goes
and I do that so yeah that was the ours today. I love it. I love it. That's so so good. What is so let's
rate. Let's say Rachel husband, sits down, says I'm in let's do this, but
think about. Where do they start? You know
the thing
She says: let's do this budgeting thing. I think that's a great place.
Are you find your budget find something? That's good! You know here we go
like to identify the personality types like is, she has spent?
or is he a saver, because if you can kind of identify that early on you're kind of going to know those points of contention ahead of time, and so them working that budget together is going to tell each other a lot about each other, so it's like if they
yeah. Maybe he says alright, let's see this budget and they sit down and she immediately sees that he's like his eyes, are like glazed over tuning out. She can probably
hey he's, not a nerd he's, not he's he's a free,
spirit. He might be more.
a spending type and if she's like
my gosh. I love these numbers. I just love filling in the line, items and she's, probably more of a nerd
be a safer or a spender, but doing that,
budget together tells you so much about each other and you both
at each other in their needs. Somebody who's got
to balance them who's a saver. You know the free spirit meet somebody who's more of a nerd to keep them balance. So it's a balancing act, it's a dance, but getting that budget together and of course you know, John I'm talking about the baby steps all day work. Those baby steps. Are you alright, we'll be right back dribble and eight to five five to five on the ranch, the
Is this the rams you showed replay, eight, do five! Five. Did you five john bologna joined by jade warsaw we're taking your calls on mental health, your marriage relationships, your money, whatever's goin on aaa eight to five five
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j t in the final vote.
albert Kirk, you albuquerque. What's up g
john day: that's what's up man, you gotta, take him
I appreciate it absolutely your brother. What's up, though
I'm in a situation which on very fortunate to be in, but I bought a foreclosure about
I six years ago and
I'm worried on everything from the floors to the feelings in line water and eat. It's it's.
Its security fur my side of my wife, and I am therefore
I mean minutes wondering if I should sell it
can kind use the money to do other things like that.
started their business or though something outside property
I know a very secure about the same time. I just I don't feel like
I would say that I want, or she wants to hear in new mexico and
I just can't trying to figure out if we could sell this, but when you say security, is this?
secure, like you, ve got your own home or, as you have another house somewhere in this, is just a project
now. This is my primary residents, and is it pay the earth? It is ok, what's it worth.
you know I gotta for thirty, and I can probably sell for about one fifty
Do you wanna leave new mexico? I think
So between water security over the next fifty years them you know trying to find
not opportunity. I just I think, it's time, I'm sure my parents,
if the parents don't feel the same way by I'm.
cause. You guys have cancer one kid: how old are you ma'am?
I'm twenty, eight, twenty, eight, so J t theirs
jade will walk you through the math part of this. But let me
in a lot of ways I feel like I'm talking to myself tuna fifty years
ten fifteen years ago,
created quite an anxious life for myself and for my family.
financially as work
way too much
too much
wanted a life that look like acts and why and z, and every time I got close to it, then move to the finish line. Moved on me right
then I started looking at. I was in west taxes, so right down the road from you and Oslo,
what about this, and if this happens and then in twenty five years, this might happen in the oglala is gonna go draw us. I started creating these catastrophes and
happened in short order, as my body started reacting you, those catastrophes as though they were happening right now.
Even though they were all could be, might be, maybe he's even probably of the next.
fifty or one hundred years-
What happened to my home at least and while to say this in the home of thousands of other people, have worked with the last glass decade.
is people around me started feeling electric, because I was hard to be around because, as always
rejecting the next bad thing. The next thing. What about this? What about this and then I'm working and I'm trying to earn my word any just created a mass
very hard to be married to knock Zaza, bad guys,
I could never see the sun comes up
And so here's I'll tell you
I think you can sell his house and you can move to another place but you're
move to another place, and your
have gone with you
same anxiety in that same stress. In that same, I gotta work work, work that all coming down that guy's going with you ma am
And it wasn't until I completely unhooked from all the nonsense and when got myself some help and when got myself around some people that a new love me some other men in my that were my friends that I could just go. I get to.
Years to heal.
and now I really believe, with hearted, pretty much move wherever, because I've got it. I've got a
They not anxious life. For me, my family zap,
ringing the bell tell them crazy. You know that it does not happen
I'm pretty aren't okay, so did Emmett. I would not
You are one of the few people in the history of the world have paid for home. I don't think
J telephone crazy. I would not risk my life of my family's primary home on
something that might happen in fifty years and I'm going to start a business is gonna, be my exit strategy. It just
and like you were,
clear on what the path forward was, and so I,
want to run from something if I'm run, and I want to know exactly what I'm running to, and I want to have a very clear plan that spot out that is not based on fear. That's not!
based on a series of ah what, if
do you know, I'm saying I want to make sure that it's something that is
worthwhile yeah and that's just
I know John- is hitting the mental health side of it. That I mean that the financial side of it is what's the plan.
we're not gonna just go. Oh, let's all our house, it would be cool if we could start some kind of a business. Does that make sense.
and maybe there's more legs to it- that you didn't explaining around the air but a kind of
haphazard. Am I wrong
You know it is a matter like this specific point
yeah, but I got things I'm trying the way out and so yet so, let's wayne.
Yeah, you got a is electric my brother, this sin,
that I've gotta keep moving. If I start moving is going to catch me whenever it is an eight warmer
best friends in the world. Is that water law? Professor, I know how bad it is its. It doesn't. Look like I'll be honest. I come with you
and is selling my family's primary home right now with a young kid? Is this? The path out
or it sounds like a desperate scary, I'm just gonna start sprinting and hopefully get some wherever I'm going. There had said I
pretty accurate and found out.
Who is when you ve got one. What's your what's your wife's and I'm just curious? What's your wife's ain't about this duty, you know.
she's kind of down for whatever she's right to leave, but I'll get paid off. So we have security but whose
come opportunity in so you know,
he's gonna, keeping back and forth
I gotta get nowhere. It feels like eighty, you just said it man when
but he tells me that their wife is currently down for whatever. That means. She's tired of fighting you she's, hang it on.
They are mainly until they listen, listen, listen,
I wish it had on the line and send you a copy of your past ginger future. My book, I want you to read it amasine redefining anxiety to send you both those books and tonight
you take your wife out fur valentines dinner and say
honey for the first time,
before we make any plans, we start running things and selling things. I'm gonna go talk to a counselor for the first time and I'm going to commit to get myself well and stable and then we're going to start making some long term plans together, but I'm in this for the long haul within a love you and I will get myself to start there. My brother, I'm proud of you, thank you for the call we'll be right back on the ramsey. Show the
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hey ramsay online, dating groups, people looking for connection
our financial and love journey. I am not bad at tat night, I'm all in ireland yeah, I think, you're dating look when I was dating. I
didn't know about money. The way I know about now, but yeah you want to marry somebody I mean we talk about all the time who's on the same page. Is you or that year you're going in the same direction right and you have the same values surrounding money and how how you spend it so that it can
can't think of something that was further from my mind when I was dating. So I wish I had that much foresight. Look I
can't say that I like one at life with this, because you know you know how much that we came in with an
Let me just so you can. I just say this
Gwen salmon, I were dating not like,
gauge. We talk about money at all. I just I didn't
I didn't notice a couple of things like I notice, like he put gas on a credit card once and I was like. Oh that's interesting, not that
smart with money. I notice that then,
when we got married was the first time we really talked about it and
he told me how much student one daddy had lowered? Thank god, goddamn worship is good. Looking man is a snack, but his debt
came in. I was like ok, ok and then we paid off.
Let's talk about, I think they are of times, though I've said, can help you, I'm so glad you're good. Looking that's exactly right there. Ok, it does help. If you can't be
here like yours may, have you no coming through come through at three hundred thousand dollars a debt to you, gotta have one or the other rights a day, ramsay online dating.
We'll thousand members dave ramsay dating group by like this,
four dating dave he has spoken for. This has been our like minded.
I don't want to fight with Shirin Ramsay dave. I wouldn't dare ramsay christian dating bless this mess with several hundred members.
day ramses baby step errors dating page. Ok- and here is some questions to ponder jake.
Look you rapid fire. These would you think when should you start talking about money? Was someone you're dating? If you think you might get engaged soon? You'll think before that
Ok. Now you make him eat me. I've others, rapid fire. Ok, I will change like major. Rapid five now have now stop and think and not be rapid. I think that when you see
seeing. Ok, there's like to be
the things that I like about this person, let's take it the next layer deep because at first it's like our eye, they're kind, they ve got into their integrity,
but like its base level, seven gotten character now has taken a step deeper and I'm upset
being used comrades again on actions, behaviors you're, seeing yeah, I'm I'm observant. Oh, they pay gas where they pay for your gas. Will the credit card interesting or like you too,
you aren't in tip well you're, just a leg when you're stingy or you keep not take me to a restaurant. You keep getting
jeez at home. Now we would have been finished. We would have been done. The bird the first offence. No three strikes on that when I do you share your debt when you're married.
so you talk about it a year before, but not so when you're just dating or you get engaged or
Mr Sharon and it now when you're engaged. I think if you both have debt start paying on its separately or if one side of it has debt. I think it shows
really good faith for them to be like hey. I
bringing this into the marriage, especially if have spoken about it. I'm gonna start paying enough now, and
you get together, you combine forces and you can't be stopped,
When you talk about what are your money goals? Are they aligned? I like this? A yes, I like this one less about.
my wife, and I have had this conversation recently and I are smart, Mister pros reached out to say: hey, we never just a just a catch up conversation. The market was bananas last year and I don't think my
and I've ever sat down his head. What are our money goals I,
we have shut down and said what we want our life to look like
what a security look like for us. What is where do we want to live? What what kind of home we want a half our kids to come home to, and it's been so that that death
particular phrases is not something that spoken to us, but the idea that we're gonna talk about where we want to go and how we're gonna get there. I
that is is is how it so. It's all. I think the idea of what is what does not
it looked like for you. What do you want this thing to look like when yours, when it's all said and done for you, knowing that when you're nineteen, it's going to look different or twenty five can like? Do I you're you're reading my mail on that, because I I read
He just set goals, I'm a straw.
Lee based on values. Unlike what are we value in our life and when it comes to money, I think that's a phenomenal way to approach it. Do
value. Who may be the wife values being able stay home with the kids? Maybe- and I think that when you do have those conversations approaching it from that, there is so much more tied to it and it's not.
Like, I won't have thirty thousand dollars. Like that's great, like that's a goal to check off.
On that list on that path, toward that those values that you that you cherish but
that John, that if your money goals not tied to values or not tied to a picture of how you want your life Debbie, I
cannot emphasize this enough, you will have a million dollars network and you
his hollow as an old rotted log apps, mainly or
you can have
four million dollars you can have a hundred thousand dollars a year, leaning into your values and goals in your life will be.
master ordinary night, so tat those things here. Your goals valentine
it's a good folks. This is your last warning. Make sure you don't forget if you have forgotten take care of your loved ones? Is the ramsey show another hour and the books will see sue the hey? What's up guys, it's kate! If you love the show and want a deeper dive on your money journey, we have a weekly newsletter that gives you trending and helpful articles and tips on following the Ramsay way, just go to ramsey solutions, dot com today to sign up for our newsletter again, that's ramsey solutions, dot com to sign up for our weekly newsletter, hey it's james producer of the ramsey show. This episode is over but check the episode notes for links to products and services you heard about during this episode, thanks for listening.
Transcript generated on 2023-05-27.