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I mean got a great show breed tonight. So let's get right into the big election news with the daily shows: do mock receive twenty twenty four this. Eventual election is less than a year away. Can you even believe it? I know I'm so excited. I wish I was dead And last night was a big night for republican candidates. First, the front runner donald trump took a break from his six thousand criminal trials speak a rally in Florida where he made up a very touching moment, every time. The radical as democrats, marxist communist and fascists, indict me the indicted me. Can you believe my father, mother, a looking down son? How did that happened- were so proud of you. So out of that happen,

quick corrections? They never said they were proud of them and they were heavily not looking down. crazier is donald trump face melting in congealing all at once. I mean it but why is weird, but now it's so, unlike us, sweaty and golden you know like in khartoum, bugs bunny would be hungry and suddenly someone's face would turn into a chicken leg. He's right there starving, but while tramples deal, with his daddy issues. The rest of the geo p field was down the road and a primary debate, and things got pretty fiery right off the bat between the vague remo swami,

and nikki Haley ramaswamy repeatedly going after Nikki haley. Do you want a leader from a different generation? Is going to put this country first or do you want dick cheney in three inch heels? Yes, I'd first like to say they're five inch heels and I don't wear them unless you can run at them. When asked whether they would support a ban on tiktok or not. The attacks quickly turned personal. All her own daughter was actually using the app for a long time, so you might want to take care of your family. First leave the next generation of americans to actually support us wrapping her up. That's fine! Here's the truth! Here, the easy answer, Why that was so many petty insults, Donald trump may not have been there, but I believe he was looking down. Them in saying I am to meet grammar swami is real

the annoying I mean, I have to admit he does big dick energy. But it's only because he's a huge dick I mean making alley was America's top diplomat at the united nations. She literally kept her cool with the worst dictators in the world and eight minutes on stage with a vague and she's like you are scum. He is so insufferable he should just lean into it. You know he should say make me present, and so I can enjoy our enemies for america like However, one meeting with Vladimir Putin and twenty minutes later Putin will mysteriously kill himself. Be like excuse me. I must accidentally fall window now now it wasn't just bickering tonight. There is also a lot of substance. The candidates disagree, on whether to keep giving aid to ukraine on whether abortion should be left up to the states and on whether it is possible to be forty. Five as and still not know how to smile,

but one thing. Almost all the candidates agreed on is being horny for war we telling bb finish the job once and for all, with these butchers come off. The first thing I said to him: when it happened was, I said, finish then finish them. I would tell president Biden with great clarity. You have the strike in iran if we are going to deter china for invading taiwan, the only way we're going to do it is to make sure that they don't know whether how many nuclear submarines from the united states america are ready to strike on them. If they decide to move on Taiwan, I am going to send troops to our southern border. If someone in the drug cartels is sneaking fence and all across the border, when I'm president, that's going to be the last thing, they do we're going to shoot them stone, cold dead. I wear heels, they're, not fair fashion statement, they're for ammunition,

your heels, our ammunition, where do by those things, foot blocker- whenever it's my last day, but it really seems like these. People only know how to do one thing: their solution is always wore. Meanwhile, we need shit fixed here doing to convince you that, like iran is putting potholes in the streets for you to fix them, No north korea's aiming a missile at affordable health care. but looked, the debate was in all about fighting and war. In fact, it ended with a surprising romantic twist, one more fun and we haven't seen this before TIM scots girlfriend mended? on the stage at the end of the debate we had this year,

the first time I the reporters asked, is this the girlfriend he said yes and they've been dating for about a year so that mystery is over and he took her up on stage, took a couple of pictures and there's mindy tim scott's girlfriend there. You go It's so sweet man. You know you look for love your whole life and you finally find it with a respectable looking woman. Just two months before the iowa caucus, I mean: what are the odds the he really should have just proposed right. There got down on one knee like mindy. Would you make my campaign manager the happiest man alive? It's just too bad for tim that he had to get this nonunion actor to play his girlfriend and then just waited one more day for this right. He could have gotten a professional actor fake girlfriend.

Honestly. Why do we make TIM scots have to do this? Why can't have single guy be president I mean really worrying that the oval office is gonna, be full of like fight club posters, pest bottles for more analysis of last night's debate. We sent not one but two, two correspondence to report on it. So, let's good it does he lighting and dual say: desi you're in the spin room and don't say I think they sent you to the debate, how why would I don't want to all expenses paid trip to miami and then go to the debate ground, I'm trying to laugh I was at a bar, eaten dog grabs, doing body shots off a pit bull. The way, I don't say that's so funny. I was at a bar doing shots of pit bull

are you sure of his people? twenty even bother you without back yeah, but we did just watch the debate. Five minutes go on double speed, so ask us anything. So first question both of you who won the debate? Easy want wanna swami to be that annoying onstage without getting punch in the phase? That is aware respectfully. I disagree real, when our last night was rhonda santa's for this serial killer. While the whole debate without turning it was so impressed He is a lot of things, but I do not think he's a serial killer of sought ass. Just you don't really I found, sometimes god in his girlfriend. I don't like it. Sarah going official at a presidential debate is too much pressure on a girl I had a guy run, for

as I once just to impress me, and I was like how about you in an actual state. First, then you can take it. red lobster, dennis percentage. I don't know who that is an look. I love the indus. What a get out I don't care if he is a senator any fifty eight year old man, who's never been married, is not a catch. He's a liability. It's like one of those couches has been left on the car. You know like it might look good, but he's gone. Bedbugs, bugs and all kinds of stuff, and you gotta think twice before you sit on him, the main takeaway from the night,

wait for me. I was impressed by the diversity on that stage who are all kinds of people coming together to advocate for total war. He had a black man, a south asian woman, a south asian man, a short king and a piece of shit from new jersey, the now my takeaway I'm accustomed to a president of a certain age. You know none of these candidates were old enough for the job. I could see them climbing stairs or riding a bike. They can I chose out loud that that my president, now, what am I gonna president? I want a big all are we call a priest game final question dealing this debate will move the nato for any of these candidates. Now I've got it all now know their greatest hopeless. maybe get a new awful nickname from donald trump, because that would prove that he knows who they are. Something

men are no tricky Nicky, Hayley or gonna die alone, TIM Scott. Why even have the debate then, because What's the last try waited in southern motorway, I mean it was either this bullshit of the golden bachelor. Oh know trying to see that weird ass man talking in front of the women, the coverage, as always says the it can do presents what cats one cats once sheba perfect portions cuts in gravy

too convenient servings of roasted chicken covered in savory gravy know what else cats want the red dot from your laser plainer on? Why, on the ceiling on the couch on the floor on a vase, by Sheba perfect portions cuts in gravy zero mess. there are left overs snapped peel serve shiva what cats one that ford pride ourselves on building strong, capable vehicles, but we're only as strong as the people who drive them. People like you who don't just see an f one, fifty or a ford super duty, but see what they can build with it. Look at a four hundred and fifty horsepower mustang an invasion where it can take them or see the new bronco or bronco sport and think that thing. It is an off road dirt, bad because bill for proud is more,

just a set of words: it's a pact between us, our drivers, what we can do together and we'll do it bill We're proud some models. Trims and features may not be available or may be subject to change horsepower and torque ratings based on premium fuel per se ha one. Three, four nine always consult the owner's manual before off road driving know your terrain and trail. Difficulty and use appropriate safety gear forward is committed to the preservation of the environment and treading lightly reminding these might be exercised. Her scream or the twenty twenty election and now new trailer just dropped for a horror, reboot that puts in all classic in modern times, this winter to evil will be born,

a very vocal let this woman give birth to the devil, all say to knock knock. You're welcome baby beelzebub lithuanian before we go in further. Hullo contractual, but insurance leave ass woman. What we just saw sites, ok sure button. Do you have health insurance, because we don't even know if your plan is going to cover this. Like do you have a p p o or GMO or napier, or are you speaking tongues, and I have no idea what you find that a lot

if you're not paying with insurance. Let's see the fees going to be thirty. Five thousand two hundred and the scars shut that baby up. Let me take a look at that bill, eight hundred for the ob room, eleven, seventy six for the lab fee. Then the pharmacy charges are here here and here and we charge you for holding the baby. That's actually something we do. Sixty eight hundred for imaging come on now who's being evil. He were so bad, listen, until one of you pay is this anti crisis property of Saint Joseph hospital excuse that areas teeth pictures presents gooseberries compare. This is why I wanted to draw up a lady in toronto.

That a t believes that you fool is part of what makes you you. So I understand why you're holding it as you eat those cheesy snacks arm ago. Why you list and your favorite podcasts on the subway or when you video, call your best childhood friends from your favorite cancer. Nothing should come between you and your connectivity. Eighty anti five g is past reliable and secure, and it keeps you connected to family friends, fine everything you care about, you'll enjoy fast, Please, while you download out, share your favorite videos or get your game on. We know you don't let that found out aside much less europe,

I no matter this is a no judgments and eighty two. He wants to ensure that you can stay connected to what matters most to you. So you can prioritize yourself requires compatible standardized coverage not available everywhere, learn more at atp dot com, slash five g for you, ai has the power to automate. But if it's using untruss data, can you trust the results? You been this doesn't just need a it needs the right I for your business introduced. seeing what's next a platform designed to multiply output by tailoring ai to your needs? When you watch an extra business, you can train tune and deploy ai all with your trusted data. Let's create the right ai for your business, with watson. Next learn more at eyebeam dot com, slash watson,

ibm, let's create any meaning rayner director and producer is this movie is called. Please don't destroy the treasure of foggy mountain. Isn't hello interviewee goods to here with you are right, the star. Because over what have you been doing the last hundred ninety one days I was exercising,

and eating, and then I decided to eat without the exercise I wanna get them back I want to take it and move. You can gain weight on it. I was binging right so in home. All the time you watch this shows a new bench and I thought to myself. These are all terrible. We don't deserve a raise, the not strong enough. It's not going to has a new directors ticket. The first thing I was thrown yeah: that's all we deserve, so please don't destroy yes, this the comedy grove and they ve made this. Did you write or direct? I was producer I'm only here because of this dry co. I there, because the start you get the lame guess, you'll get the starting at the producer. No one wants the producer

darrell zanuck on their show. Who is actually it's a very, very funny movie with the guys from Saturday night like it's about like ok, this guy's there's there's a trip. Treasure What does it matter to me? It's funny trailer and I found a cunning goonies ass. It does very silly like you, that's what we all needed system pure silly yeah asked play, and these guys these kids but they met in college. And what were you doing in college, do you see. I went to see. Cinema school now applies when fair and nothing for you, and I

not good. I was very young. I was seventeen, but when I got there, everyone was much Martha than me. They loved movies more than me. So all my little films were the worst ever met. Reads the guy. Who did it Many was in my class in his stuff. Would look amazing and my stuff is embarrassing, so then I might not that into it. I win the dating game, well. Why so, like you know you audition for the data game, as you do in your young and I win a trip to acapulco, but when you have to go, was during final, so I did to decide whether or not to get an education or go to acapulco, Are you the way women feel bad money will go to spain to new skins general? There is a picture with with the ladys,

go back to that lady. She gets to bring a friend for like the reason we call it the chaperone. He knows a chaperone and nothing a chaperone. Well then, it was right. Kevin, delivers on the dating game. Many people said Martin peewee herman. They were all fair facets really sorry. they're gonna go to youtube surgeon find on this later Well the strikes over. What are you going to do? What's your plan? What are you? What are you doing now do well, I started working on a book because I didn't know how long it would last so I'm putting but called comedy nerd, which is a scrap of while my photos and memorabilia from my career yeah. So I I brought some stuff because I don't know what to put in the book as I I literally have like half a million photos in my phone, so I thought

show you- and you could tell me if it's book worthy this is the first google it right. Do you remember what that is zero recollection is, I know it's Larry sanders. That's the first time I was ever allowed to direct was low. Cylinder showed directed you life first seen? Was you and, what's your is you look exactly the same now and I looked like Bernie sanders. Let us that I bring out of the summit was a gary shillings journals. But I did the documentary about guerre channing. I was able to reduce journals mason, put planted right in here heart give what you do

but you didn't get that. That's that's awesome. Here a lot more, but on the flip side of that deal here too big court bored with all these jokes that he, some of which have you ever tried for obvious reasons, but this is one jug. I just thought was weird that I found in its current form, it says: where were you on nine eleven? What year I've had twins? a bad nine, eleven You have tried it, but it was out of court board what else we have allocated this. My city by women first jobs ever. That's me in the green shorts. That's Paul Simon, in central park, pre game, show over h, b o miller right there.

but but had won? The first jokes, I wrote for someone else which I've always been very proud of, which is that Israel has said Paul. Simons gonna be here pretty soon, with the thirty eight may, Students from around the world it took to replace arts. Eighty in tee believes that your phone- Is part of what makes you you so we understand why you're holding it as you eat those cheesy snacks arm ago? Why you listened to your face?

a podcast on the subway, for when you call your best childhood friend from your favorite cancer. Nothing should come to you and your connectivity. Eighteen t G is fast, reliable and secure and it keeps you connected to family friends, fine everything you care about, you'll enjoy fast speeds. Why download out, share your favorite videos or get your game on. We know you don't let that on our side, much less europe, but no matter this is a no judgment zone. A t and t wants to ensure you can stay connected to what means most to you. So you can prioritize yourself requires compatible device coverage not available everywhere. Learn more atp dot com, slash baiji! For you, the one thing we can never get more of his time or can we

this is watson ex orchestrate ere. I designed to multiply productivity by automating tasks. When you watson Ex your business, you can build digital skills to help human resources, spend less time generating offer letters writing job rex and managing schedules and spend more time on humans. Let's create more time for your business with watson, ex orchestrate learn more ibm dot com, slash orchestrate ibm, let's create the premier or intermediate stages

it's weak when your house is the amazing leslie jones go sparks the shows from the original dodgers universe by surgery literally show wherever you get your project watch the daily show. We started eleven term several on comedy central and stream, full episodes anytime on fairness books. This has been a comedy central podcast. Get your home holiday, ready with robotics black friday specials november twentieth through thirty of get two hundred and twenty dollars off the all in one q, riba robot cleaning device from eight ninety nine, ninety nine to just six. Seventy nine. Ninety nine save three hundred and fifty Hours on the seven max ultra two hundred dollars on the s a pro ultra, a one hundred dollars on real arrives, giant bro,

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