« The Daily Show With Trevor Noah: Ears Edition

50 Shades of Graham: The Lindsey Graham Files

2023-09-06 | 🔗

Desi Lydic narrates The Daily Showography of South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, a man married to the game. Trevor sits down with Lindsey Graham, who wanted anyone but Trump to win the 2016 election. Flash forward to the 2020 election where Graham backed Trump's claims of voter fraud. 

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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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maintenance based on the pulitzer prize winning know he was sending messages. The entertainment weekly calls it false, must watch t v series, the time of darkness, the I will never give up all the light. We cannot see now streaming, only on net flax, you listening to carmody central, somebody. mary for love, some people, mary for stability and some people, never well, I'm the first bachelor run for president. forever. You know, I'm not married. The last time I checked there was nothing in the constitution or at the white house said. Single people may not apply here s. How could a person mary when he's hopelessly devoted to the greatest love of his life. Poland,
this power- this is the daily show of lindsey, Graham Mary. lindsey all in grand grew up in the tiny town of central south carolina, his parents, and a restaurant that was also a pool hall that was also a bar and a liquor store that was also the home? They lived in basically be whatever people wanted it to be the perfect environment for raising a politician. at the age of nine linsey started working at the family bar one of his jobs. Taking phone calls from concerned wives looking further drunk husbands, it taught him a valuable lesson that it's ok to lie. If you're protecting the interests of power Man young lindsey also saw first hand the ugly reality of segregation in the south in that, as parents bar participated in it, but I
The kid african americans would come in and by the beer to go, and I remember asking my parents: why was it they said? That's just the way it is. That was another lesson when you see injustice anywhere at any time, you can just say whatever and move. come on then, teenage years, like those voices aged flimsy, developed, strange new urges uncontrollable lust for political power to remember him saying I wanna be governor and also let me out the slaughter after becoming the phone his family to graduate college graham joined the armed forces where he would serve six and a half years in the air force. As a lawyer, in a lot of ways, graham charted a path similar to american icon tom cruise bar tender lawyer member of the air force. But as a lawyer,
and all with the grace and style of a southern vampire, and of course he secretly very short, during his time in the air force graham fell into a love affair, with aloof tons of flight attendant named sylvia, but sadly it was not to be. That was probably the best time in my life, but you know at the end of the day, everybody's got a story. Lot of people have had worse than I have check it out at lindsey, graham dot tk it's true what they say about heartbreak you can I get out at linsey, graham dot com and, although break ups- are never easy. It gave grand the opportunity to rekindle his passion with an old flame ambition, a nineteen. Ninety four graham was elected to the. U s house of representatives
and like most relationships, his early years with congress were absolutely consumed with sex, specifically the sex life of bill Clinton from having to judge bill Clinton based on evidence, and much of it is about sex. The definition of sex colored buses, sex sex, sexual relations, sex sex sex, sexual sacks sex. This is not all about sex oral sex means graham, was horny for justice. No adulterous president was a lie and abuse their power on his watch, at least for another few years The fledgling grand maiden name for himself prosecuting the impeachment of president Clinton and after a hot and heavy years in the house, he was finally ready to settle down for a long term, commitment, whipping and no wedding would be complete without the best man, graham and senator John Mccain with the best of friends united, by their shared love of fiscal conservatism, straight talk and desired?
bomb the middle east to the stone age. I believe those We are calling for withdrawal. Have the obligation to tell us what we, region when it descends in the chaos. As my friend lindsey grander said, Center Mackay nailed it. They went searching for wmds, but they found there be a fat with Iraq solved permanently ground in his political spouse, were finally ready to co ascend to the most powerful office in the land but when they were foiled by an even more radical hussein, Graham became despondent. He knew that he would treat power so much better cat obama, so he made his I'm lindsey, graham and I'm running for president of the yes, Lindsey graham, was simple and ready to mingle with voters. He turned away house into his bachelor tat. First thing: I'm desperate
we don't drink more and the media was fascinated with his roguish lifestyle, so it's date mary or make disappear forever. Hillary Clinton parley periods for serbia, who you married like us use rich frere here that rams goal within sight. His marriage to the game was through having, but if there's one man who knows how to ruin a marriage, its donald trump by lindsey. Graham, you have a guy he's one of the dumbest human beings. I've ever seen. The guy is a nut job. I could put him over with a little simple bomb. He called me four years ago three four years ago and he gave me his number and I found the card. I wrote the number down I dunno. If it's the right number, let's try to out two two two, eight
Two nine: two, that's right, trump heated grams, so much he did something he never does give out factual information. Graham's presidential hopes were demolished watching his beloved walk away with a much richer and more famous man. He had only one option left to warn the nation about the dysfunctional relationship it was about to get itself into his array. xena phobic religious pick. Donald trump is a political car remedies a jackass. You know how you make america great again, tell donald trump to go to hill. I think he's a kook, I think, he's crazy. I think he's unfit for office yes graham, saw that donald trump was as unfit for office as he was for a book club, a dance off in obstacle course tennis, shorts
or literally anything he did in his life, granted everything he could to stop the wedding between donald trump and america, but if he couldn't ultimately succeed, the god damn it, he would give up harder than anyone had ever given up before president trump deserves that nobel peace prize and then some. What concerns me about the american press is this endless endless attempt to label the guy as some kind of kook not fit to be president? No, I don't think he's other grace bedding really is about a really really like the president. Please a great commander in chief. I am all and keep it up, Donald, I'm sure. You're watching, but if you don't like me, working with president trumped and make the world a better place, I don't give a shit. France political instincts had kicked in it, the game at joining a drifter personality called well that was just the thing he'd having calming the tom cruise. Why
Lindsey, grandma line himself so tightly with donald trump, because he's lindsey grand that's what he dies. I know how to get his play down the river there. Yes, Graham wasn't off the drug trade It was more like one of those tourists buses that you can get off and get back on whenever it's convenient for you, which is why one thing we know is that whatever the future holds, lindsey graham will be there always doing the most politically expedient thing to serve himself, always mary to the game. Life what it is now. I can't answer all the mysteries of life, but I feel good about lindsey, graham
Saint John university is a catholic university that elevate you personally and professionally home to seventeen division. One teams, Saint John, is a diverse learning community committed to service in new york city and around the globe at saint John alumni, partners and employers are invested in your potential in future success. Ninety nine percent of our undergrad receive financial aid, and our staff is ready to help you navigate the process to Saint John, not even use last elevates today to learn more about an education that elevates navies intent that broadcasting concurrently executant, but I will not be so
maintenance based on the pulitzer prize winning know he was sending messages. The entertainment weekly calls it false, must watch t v series, the time of darkness, the I will never give up all the light we cannot see now streaming. only on netflix I life is the senator senior senator from south carolina Please welcome senator linsey grab and it's amazing, graham being a good as it gets.
wait what you're gonna say really where what is good as it gets you or the other show what he's saying. What's zaire, the thing that is just as a phrase you say now. This is just something is an observation. More than anything else, how you do it I'm doing great. Thank you very much for ban show Lulli thanks. Let's get straight into, let's cut to the chase said that a country, the changes you have officially endorsed ted crews among the dead train, epps, ugh alike, ok, which is a very interesting train for you to be a board. Well, I've already was seventeen cars and down the three. Well, you have you actually one of the cost which I yeah, so you are an empty car and then you got on the train. Got. Is a train is to happen, got one This is why this is so interesting to have you here, because if we can play that whatever was mesopotamia this waste if you killed ted crews on the floor, the senate
in the trial was in the senate. Nobody gets conviction it's safe, it's safe to say that you are slash worse lush on fan of TED cruz, it tells you everything you need to know about donald trump stand this. You you rarely re united around, like you, don't like ten crew, I dont dislike ted ted and I have a lot of differences. I'm get better at this, so you don't know you, don't you like about the choice that work and as one he's not completely crazy. Good he's a relational, crazy, partially grazing that works in washington. You got Bernie
Ok, that's it take. What else is at stake for him with what turns you about crews that he's not trump and that is the republic and who will not. We will not get completely killed in donald trump tears, the better my party, I think it taints conservatism for generations to come. I think his campaign is opportunistic race, baiting, religious, bigger dreams, xenophobia other than that the good nominate, the question? I have shown that the lose millions of scientists, woman in america using thing is a thing if you say, if you say, Donald trump is not a republican, why does it seem like the republican based fits him like a glove? What what's going on? Do the vultures not know that this will have? You may be given them. They impression that maybe this is a party that support
is an authority of the country and all of the possible. This and absolutely thirty per cent of my party believes that obama is a muslim born in kenya. He's locked that crowd down now. Sixty five percent of us just think he's a bad president. All I saw there was a joke there, but then the guys were not only I I get I get paid, usually shouldn't you should have done it the other way around, because it made it. I hear what you're saying so: you're, not an astronaut. So you're saying no, no but you're saying I understand that you're saying that the awesome people in the party who do not have the correct views. Am I a citizen? Yet? No, I'm not I'm not what why have a green card? I do not value I'd be in a hurry. is that you are setting out with zero number you don't I love you. I love you,
but liberal africa is not going to work within. Have you have the look of terror in your eyes if you were sitting as close as this is fascinating, because you're literally like we're all going to die the you look like right now. Have you ever seen those movies where there's like one guy, then you just got like a shotgun that he's running down the street. The end of its. What do you say? Ok, you know that you say that you say timber whose you say tipp crews over dollar, but then he has a little clip and this is entering to pervert joan case. I think that he has no chance. That's really that electricity, when this play this their skins. Like me, shudder pausing. What does it really matter? how do you stand if it is like being ok? First of all, who is shooting and who's poisoning between trump and cruz or donald is like being shot in the head. Okay
I find an antidote to poisoning. I don't know, but maybe there's time what is I don't know, Are you saying why are you saying airport is completely screwed up, but then why would you why why why dominate anyone? Why not one on one of gold? Behind king may we want nominating anybody would start all over again, but you know this is of course call democracy. Welcome to america, I feel I'm always remain when you put bodiam both face granted that helps
We are voting that voting, because it is only natural that voting lizzie, graham everybody. Thank you. So much saint John university is a catholic university that elevate you personally and professionally home to seventeen division. One teams, Saint John, is a diverse learning community committed to service in new york city and around the globe at saint John alumni, partners and employers are invested in your potential in future success. Ninety nine percent of our undergrad receive financial aid and our staff is ready to help you navigate the process tenders. St John's dot, Edu slash elevator today to learn more about an education that elevates. Ladies and gentlemen, we know that broadcasting could kept me executed, but I will not be
islands based on the pulitzer prize. Winning now he was sending messages. The entertainment weekly calls it false, must watch t v series, the time of darkness, the I will never give up all the light. We cannot see now streaming only on networks. It has been, four days since the presidential election was called for Joe Biden, botz donald trump has still not conceded, which I get I he wants to cling onto power as long as he can, and also golfing isn't there's much fun when you not missing work to do it, and it was just trumps personal delusion that he won. The election
I'm not matter so much, but he's got a lot of people who are right there with him falling in line key republicans get behind president trump and his claims without evidence of widespread voter fry, the bread, has every right to look into allegations and a request rigged out on a limb stand with president trump epidemic, brett we're doing there said be cheered on one and what the media intimidate us. Secretary of state by pumping just told reporters that basically does not trust the election results. Either there will be a smooth transition to a second trouble. restoration overnight attorney general, William bar and justice department. Memo authorizing. U s attorneys, to pursue substantial allegations of voting irregularities if they find oh mega friend you rejoice, as bill. Barr is on the case. Yes, the same bilbao, who investigated obama and found nothing with the same department of justice, there
Estimated hilary at found nothing. So if you look in a fine, nothing, you know the man to call. Oh and it looks mcconnell, unless he graham also partner with trump to undermine the election, which is a terrible idea. But I would love to see these three together in a heist movie: ok, guy, you still a vote and then I'll meet you at the four seasons parking lot, which four seasons- oh here we go again now. Look I don't know if Donald trump genuinely believes that he's the real winner of this election, I mean keep in mind, he's also the person who actually thinks he looks good, but he does his hand the morning and walks away from the mirror. Thinking yeah, I nailed it. So, who knows what he thinks, but the truth of the matter is most of the republicans know that Joe Biden will be the next president and right now they're just saying what trump
is based want to hear not because they are worried about the vote. That just happened, but because of the one that's around the corner, lindsey graham this morning. First, up as to one reason why their standing behind him, they ve, got to send in elections and special elections that will occur in january of democrats when both they will gain control of the senate under the new president. Lindsey Graham said: if we don't scrutinise these election results, we could hurt our chances of rolling up our base and turning them out in january their concern that if they get sideways with the president either he won't help in georgia. With these two seats at stake or trump voters will be, pressed and stay home so again, they're playing this dangerous game. It keep people energized, yeah, that's dangerous trump is screaming, made up shit, that's weakening trust in american democracy, but republicans are going along with it, so that the
squeeze out a few more seats in the senate. Is I'm burning down your house just to make small or dating having frontline just so you can maybe britney spears, as that's it. We're shows from an early toolbar guess universe by searching the daily show. Wherever you get your project What's the deal easier, we noted eleven Denzil globally, several stream full episodes any time on Burma. What this has been a comedy central podcast, were interrupted? Your favorite turns bad news. This is a commercial but other causes for mexico, make everything better even commercial breaks. So actually it's good news. We ve gotta contest you're, going to love. When you deliver bad news.
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Transcript generated on 2023-11-12.