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hi, my name is martin short and I feel duped by applying a screen, and I my name is Steve Martin and I feel sad about being conan, o brian's only friend at work and the friends they their welcome to coding. O Brien needs a friend and no sooner was not just punching me before she led back to her chin swatted her elbow first yeah, you did use its good it over in no. I was trained your hair, her all. She seemed unsteady and would never swat at anyone. Upstream

gone, steady and knitting. I was helping her adjust. self in her seat, o o k I didn't realize you're is angry. Outside Mohammed cups, you yet legalise. Yet there was a knock over higher. Yes right, yeah you're ready this good work less and there was an ocean and against just before the pod cast started. Maybe I took a swing it soon as shoulder yet so we missed it and then she needed to retaliate and then, of course, teacher tee Here I saw what happened. Did you ever mr Mann? Goarly idea, and I tell the truth- I d seen irretrievable him because no one asked him a big, baby. One stop security can be boy, no worm headed early times. That is ninety seven percent of the time here. The three things went through my head. Robocop, like I had a read out of options: it was my big baby, my big daddy, I'm a big gave, I'm fuck, I those

you're none of those things, this isn't like good or rights or healthy I have a problem. I like that ago I was taking a swing it soda and she was returning fire quite swatting at me, and then you end up the village I might develop remains the misunderstanding. Yes, I am looking at up right now and no villain and fool. Ok, big gig e marriage is the word its that's faulty the machine the wiring softened someday it'll, get there. I do love, I used to love when people would get really angry and try to yell. some one and swear but not be The pull it off and I knew people that would do that. I know someone in particular. I won't name them, but they'd be like cher sur, la font, color,

you could put it together. That's my lets me out damn you shit. Man. It's so easy. Her well go ahead. You fucking piece of shit, dick fuck you're, just a sam paper baby, that's got a little feet and don't even know who cheek people. That's a good one. An end to the fact that you don't know who cheat people are is your work. Quality I go by some lips. You reach around own reflects a gay. You know why as an hour on fire. Ok, you started out and in good lord, yet it how we work now and events ass to yeah. Nobody soda, you are very good. I've seen sauna get mad many times. and often, I have to say not at me just at random people and you are terrific swearing

I am great island reda are you? Are you are concise? Yes, they explode out of your face these these curses is this the way you grew up? No, my does your parents would be horrified that eighty cursing good. I think that is why I got good at that is why cause my mom didn't want me to to curse, and so I was like lomna show you a person the personal anyway, it's good for you. Thank you. So much overcame your obstacle. My dad! No joke cursed, a lot, and I'm wondering why that's why I'm back think, as I never got to exercise that muscle in my father. I have a specific memory, which is my father. You know there wasn't swearing in our house and casually are, you know to be there? Wasn't there wasn't much regular ass, a k? I wish. Ok, that's nice way, I'm sick. Various we don't have. What are we gonna cursing? What are you talking about? the youth. Irish though the irish curse means we are small. Penises

Not the irish makes more sense, yeah, please, that's the irish curse. Okay! Alright, I mean I've been looking for mine for years. So let me give me a map yeah. What were you can say? No we're going click on this theme. Now I've used ways to find it. We could go somewhere, it's fine, solid, see, plus anyway it's about a man came about So anyway, I do not know. Why grew up in a very proper house. My mother really didn't want. You know swearing in there wasn't allow swearing, really none at all and then on their forget. I had my room, up in the attic I lived up there if my brother kneel and my sister kate, and we Are there so many of us they they they said. Ok, some. If you are going up to the attic and was pretty clear who set it up there also immediately adding. Now what members say you didn't draw straws, I don't know we didn't ross, tries it with you. three years three up into the attic. Now

and we'll send a plate of food and you can figure out who gets. There is plenty of space, a lot of bedroom rooms on that boarding house. We we had a. We had a car on a revolving display on the second floor, that's how much extra room we had. Nineteen seventy five buick skylark. It was just so much extra room, but anyway, so I'm up there and I'm in my bedroom and it's dark out and all our members, my father was coming up and he was trying two. It was trying to find some thing and it was very late sister kate was in her room at the time. I think they were doing work in that room and all I know there is a bunch of junk in their including a big bed frame that was shutting out at a weird angle, and so I'm in my bed and I'm just about to fall asleep and my closet connected to my sister's closet like you could walk from one right through to the other. So there was, it was just a away for my sister to escape or for me

escape. Ah it's, We lived in any way, but I'm not lying. If they did connect. There was just an opening and you could walk round. In a room, and so it's dark out and I'm kind of falling asleep, and my father comes up the stairs and he's looking for something and teach him, but it's dark and all of a sudden I hear this unmistakable sound. His shin hitting the, turn red framed shutting out in the darkness, and I hurts every single swear ever imagine oh you're, censoring yourself, but didn't I like it's funny or to me that it's just its. I remember it. It was so jarring aromatic. I remember it s sire. I go shuddering, that's out of turn

and I heard every swear. That's ever been invented from this. Like you know, very brilliant scientists, He learned at all in one fell. How can one I do and I find it had- a record are running out. I've had them all like, yet he got every single one and I remember just going pulling the blanket for my own. My died, you did. He have like colloquial swords good, my dad for some reason had his only jazz swear lingo, where he would go god, dammit anyway, and god damn it all, make sure your dammit every single, where you can and all of it and he would like- Damn it anyway mean he wouldn't have from his eyes. Damages completely takes the power way, god dammit anyway. I would you like a power of the christmas tree. The wooden workin got. I love this man in love him for this, but he billet cod. dammit anyway. God damn it all- and these were just like

I don't know if they were like passed down through the family or what, but I now will stub a toe or something and like I have to stop myself from going god, damn it anyway. I think that's why I go to like your cheek people are with lover. I don't know why I just want to get away from. I want to stop the site. We had a lot of ethnic pursed words in like a lot of turkish ones and zeros idea might well one. My god. This is bad for people who actually know what I'm saying their bad, but like one was bubba china city, were you passive ink is surely shake things like now. Suddenly my dad said when he hit is shed. That's exactly was turkey might ass like what does it matter shabby? She won with our us, should on your dad soul and might you know? You know, do away out I'll shit on your dad sore. Friend turkey, you devils,

Where was the other one website they were passing is like I'd like a panther seek deed is like fuck it or you know how shall I shaggy, like I'm on your side of its don t. You know Yeah it's a lot of, I mean wherever, but our shit on your dad soul, yeah that should they should win the olympic jack. Is that rafik an a wedding? Yet I figured it out is also very growth and I think of the shot. The soul is being a furious light, yet it would drop through it. But no. This is proof that the sole has some scotty, but one of the only way you can materialise a soul to shit on it and you fine, like you know, and poor paint on the invisible man right. If you shit on the sole right trap, us all right, yeah check your toilet ball next time nature. As nobody saw yeah? Oh no, I just flushed grab that she's going to a better place, don't shit on grandpa yeah she's, going to a better place, the water

south east asian plan yeah in our house, it was all Jesus, Joseph? I mean it was all a with catholic. He asked off, and and so it didn't really, it was just more of a prayer more of a little here. Am I didn't swear, oh my god. No, my grandma model who lived with us. I didn't, I dont know why mighty deeds. I wear gorgeous with a swift. They swear, don't you're thinking of pirates. Nor did we know my irish grandmother was ass. She was a very well educated school teacher and she lived with us and she would say who moses roses. though, and she would say it all the time when what's wrong mahdi, nothing Oh my god haunted house like one of those worried you that night was. She loves, bad news to you. She loved the almighty, something terrible haven't. Do tell me tell me and you'd love, because the irish left bad news. So once it was her birthday, and so I say

hey mighty, happy birthday. I jumped off the top step of our stairway and pretended to get her to make her happy ass. They jumped and I think that you like that. I thought it was hurt for second moses. Thank you. Thank you went away. sir variants in educational. I think so I will- Should I use all really nice wait thinking not. I won't o o care buddy similar number plate. I want you to settle down, sir I've got exciting news When do I have accepted this? Never happened come around. needs a friend is coming to. You live at the brooklyn academy of music. For two shows november seventh, member states as part of the new york comedy festival, pre will be available starting this Wednesday august. Twenty third at eleven m. That's eastern time with the code, and why see if, before the june Go on sale, which is Friday august. Twenty fifth

at eleven a m e t. I'm very excited about this. To get your it gets. An all information that you need had to end a comedy festival, dot com and we will see you very soon in brooklyn, yes, aright can't waste any more time is due to speak, because this is very rare, my guest today they are legends without doubt comedic legends at the top and there are also my personal Shiraz and I'm sorry thrilled or on the show. Today they star in the hit hulu series, only murders in the building. I am beyond. There aren't words just so happy they're here, hm steve, martin and martin short. Welcome the gentlemen. It's a rare honor to have you both here. Thank you can in the same room. I think it's rare to be here. It is

I left out the were honour, just an oversight that, just before we started recording Marty, you knew verbiage wanted me to. I am, I said, with love to me when I see you, you look like someone, freeze, dried, prince Harry. I my staff looks forward to any time that Marty pardon me. I have staff its jenny it gets what kind of podcast very low noise. It gets smaller every year, but I know we have fans of my show and yes, there are fans of the work that I've done in the past. Let's not have any mock, surprise about that, but they have put together a mash up of of marty coming on the show and ripping me apart, and it is wildly popular a really

Yes, it is. It is widely popular and delights. My writers, to the point where the last time we were wrapping up the late night, shoah, epic, twenty eight year run. Thank you I'm driving too from the last episodes at marty's gonna do I need, did streamline funny bid on it and I'm driving to the theater I ll, down, and I realize I'm doing something I rarely do, which is where shorts and immediately I thought, I'm driving towards the largo fear and I thought fuck Marty whose on at marty's on today I knew that he would destroy me and sure enough. You come in and hello allow everybody, and then you see those two eyes dart over and they see my freckled legs there and it began.

And he began and it will. I was quite absent, Harold site and you couldn't because normally you can't see where the still so tat, I could be assured, revealed way to my oh and they were short short yeah. Oh nineteen, seventy a joy habitant like you were imitating the troops, but the writers were so so happy and then, of course, you're the line that just that you set it on late night and it it's live ever witches will yield we'd better than I, but it was Conan whatever you're doing to your face. I say twenty percent more and then stop which I mean in nine different, a love letter commodore. Why

of energy. I love it's also done with care. Yeah you're worried about me a little for about twenty percent. More now, I feel I have to put you down and I've got nothing now, don't you dont, you dont, because you Steve all help. I'm well I want to embarrass either of you, so I won't mention that you are just of my absolute common heroes. I'm you hear that kind of thing all the time it bores you, but one of them pleasures of my life and I'm not kidding, was when you asked me to do a cameo in your show. Your live show at caesars palace in las vegas. I was out, inside my body getting to be be on a stage with you guys it made me so happy so legitimately sincerely happy you kill. I remember I didn't kill. I mean we learned lessened? You showed with writers. One writer can't afford to I shut up with my oh you're, a writer yeah. That's true yeah, that's! Well! I suppose I am not. I

and in Matt he's man o no relation, but only higher bulgarians or end he idolizes. Both as well and he was just in Heaven and then there was it it, but I thought come along with me in and help me tweak a few things that I really wanted it to be better than when I got was it was inspiring and we ve had people show up with with nothing, no writers, and they did way better by the way, and then I heard you guys later bumped into letterman and he was like a coat and brought a writer. Has dave? Did it as well? We ate, tat, was the line you're sitting off stage with Dave, and he looked what was it sitting off stage waiting for me, I'm on a block on a morose. This sounds like So far the cant remember yeah, that was I remember he was well. He was he had they added by the way he had. I No? No! No! No! He had no, not at all. I know It costs money as well. Everything is in but it was fantastic. It was a bit.

But I remembered you were saying that Dave was sort of had been off the air for just a little bit and then, of course he always does the thing where he's horrified that he, if I go stage will just be awful: yeah animate, your David letterman. What do you you know, but he's done it and, of course the place goes nuts, yes and then, and then afterwards he still has a negative feeling about it. He was very ill yeah he, but he had only been off a few. I think this was like in june and he'd left six weeks before right, exactly exactly but is his personality is always good. He came by and which meant a lot to me did a cameo on late night, which was his old studio and he came by and of course, his attitude was well, gonna hate me well there's a video there. How will they know? Who I am we will you say my name before I come out, there's a self defence mechanism as being overly paranoid and then, when you get a little cheer,

you come out and you go oh, I was wrong. Yes, yes, I'm familiar with Marty yeah. I think we need them at all. Yes, I think inwards. I think it's kept me out of the big money not having that I'm just kind of going. Oh you don't like mima, you know what I like you either, but goodnight yeah. It isn't, though he does have that attitude. I'm the since insecure making one and he says I don't give a fuck they're gonna love me. Well, if they don't guess what. If I had dinner with them, I'd be bored now what often, that was your opening line. It was, and I dont know why didn't play well. Are you an alleged graved? Obviously where's my big money. Why and I get the big money? Why don't they like me? They don't never hire me again. So I got to see your show ed. I was so impressed with how you guys worked it out and even though you both knew the show so well, you had a rehearsal, and you were still

working so hard to make sure that it went perfectly ever hersel and I thought this is. There are no accidents like people, good. In my opinion, there yes is talented, with there is talent, but then there's just this just now. Desire to get it perfectly right and it never goes away. Will I always think that that by the way, I'm I'm here to god, oh So you did you just thinking. I was always a may. I feel, like I choice, are raising my go ahead. You say so go I don't have. I had something I say I think we prepare. I prepare out of fear and all love, because when we get a new joke, I I'm in join the whole showed. I cannot it's true wait to get to this joke and often they don't work in fact years an example, could I say when they don't work, I am like either onstage or in the wings I go hysterical classic

as he's been so excited about this go ahead. I are a joke. The other night, I thought when I introduced Marty, I thought of this. This is really going to work and then we're going to analyze why it didn't work afterwards. Yes, but I said, and this man he's he's done, live tv he's been in film and he's done broadway, and truly he is a master of the toxic workplace environment. Amateur there was just so I D, and I realize later it's had too many words yeah I'd or it needed to be more like a casual throw away in them inside the inside toxic. You had to have just read the story about that tat s. What you mean you alive, no, no! No! I dont think everyone is following. You know: variety, every memorized about our toxic workplace, environment, Obregon, well, I'd because you got nothing. Member that plumbing conan shorts represent a toxic were out of that region.

Oh we settled out of court just what I've I've gone mad turned. It is figure out. Why did one thing work and why did everything not work is sometimes something works and you dont know why its cause. I dont know enough on the face of it, whether that's. Why is that really of funding Joe? I was doing letterman and they started the laugh, and I didn't mean it. You mean the show right. They started to laugh and I said to dave what are they laughing any nothing we're doing, but I think we all over prepared so that if it doesn't go well, we don't blame ourselves that china that yeah. I gotta tell you, but I'll over prepare out of fear. I shouldn't have any fear. I arose point I relate to that, I'm afraid, I'm afraid of the feeling of it not going well is so terrible. I dont want to have that feeling and yet, today you don't seem particular

No! No! No! I was you guys that way, you know, can be mass Joe I've seen monetize one, I'm one timesthey for me up ten years ago and said Do you have a moment? I want a run. Some jokes past you and I said what as for you said I have letterman in a month and that's why what am. I was just thinking about jokes, you stick with and they kind of work you liked them in the new year them have their life and then you take them out I was just thinking about that, one which I discovered cause looking back through old material and that the joke was in the opening of the shell. We used it. I used it in my badger show, which was you know we tried to do you know good show for everyone, no matter whether your see seated,

here in the vip golden circle or up there. You refer to the balcony her in the corroded, zinc fire, it's a little too early for a joke that lengthy, but I dislike corroded zinc, fire pits, the have, maybe think, doesn't corrode, and they are the un's viagra that out. You know it happened this tonight that the chemist, the outcome was in town and they were like. You know actually nowadays what what's he talking about? Yeah, I was speaking about preparing I I didn't get Just tell you this steve, because I guess you have collar I d marty took the call and when you guys co hosted esa. Now I That might mean recently yeah. That's only time we ve got lost that's I of all the time or the forty years, last season and you guys did this monologue and

over and I've work there I've seen thousands of esa no monologues over the years, I cut my tea, on that show as a young kid watching tv- and I said that is the best Saturday night live monologue. I've ever seen it was perfect, so you didn't like my other monologues, I didn't know. If Barry yeah. Well, whenever you come out to do a monologue on snl and Everyone knew that was the time to go, get a drink. What here use the bathroom now yours, but it was perfect. It was absolute perfection? Ok marriage. My yes so that marla we do know we worked out with the right. We got some things, but we we'd cited we're gonna do a bit from our shelton, so that will know we can trust it. So It went well and the ratings were sky. High was yes, highest raided show the year, as far as I know, and I said, to Marty Martineau the monologue when great

and the ratings were high, so there's a chance will be asked back to host at some other time, and I said and before you say yes just remember, we were done. That monologue for three years I football scenes about got a fan. Dual is giving you there to win all season. Long is right now, when you bet on us superbowl winner, you can get bonus at every time they win in the regular season. Yeah just pick any team to win the superbowl and you'll get bonus bets for every victor ok yeah. You can use your bonus bets on spreads player, props overrun and much much more tan and I'm all I want to go out on the patriots. Ok, you might say I'm a fool, but

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man summer memories, but are the ones that always stick with you. You know I remember when I was in camp is along I'm a girl and we out all wearing those super short shorts. Yeah legs were really long and skinny and frankly were ok. Yeah are you in that round so anyway? Those are the memories I like, but I gotta say, of all the summer memories and this of course started when I was quite a bit older. It's the memories. Where I'm really chill out. I got a beer in my hand, yeah. those are the memories, a nice cool one, not just any beer sona, which wine miller alight. I didn't see that coming. No, that's not a miller light. I read out freak out as they say it in europe and a freak ethical freak out

My life is the ninety six calorie beer that tastes like beer, hello, isn't time, a beer tastes like beer yeah, it's perfectly brood for bonfires stories and memories and making, because when it summertime. It's tastes like miller time. You know what I mean yeah. It really does nor time as when you and your friends and get together enjoy the simple things in life: cracked, open a white can but the greatest miller light kit shirked ace. But so are you feel your art, thou your emotional centre. Your heart sounds a little intact. Maria had guessed. What, when you're about me or alighted, is intense yeah yeah and you know Yeah makes suddenly conversations get easier times, get more memory. miller, lite, megan, forgettable summer memories, with Miller lite get mural. I delivered right to your door visit, mirror like dot com, slash Conan or you can find it pretty much anywhere that sells beer. That should be your first question. Walk into the store, yes albert, it's all very responsibly, military

happening to what he was content? Ninety six garrisons we put two cars for twelve hours, The you guys had this may know it's part of your show, but god it's a idea, the I care about I care about marty and so much so that I've prepared the eulogy already. You know what I'm going to give for you each have them on you and you damn it it's funny. one of the funniest things. It's such a great and the minute. I hear that the matter heard the idea I was saying: oh, oh, this the killer zone for the funny lying to me- is- is Steve's opening line where no, no, no, no, this time for me to talk, remember narcissism is just with you know what I want to do. Actually I have a priest. to that end, then you can say that I was gonna do your line, so you must keep talk. No, no! You do the line. I am saying that I

this idea that we would do this eulogy, but I couldn't get. I said I I don't know how it starts. I don't know they'll be some jokes is something and then actually a writer send in and in this light maybe meat, so you be meest weakening the life comes down. It says remembering Marty and Steve's opening liners jean, not me, if a turn out, but it enabled the whole piece because we could get into a were the first last year. I right right. I love it occasionally. You. some one who thinks wire being mean to each other and, and that always drives me crazy. The funniest thing to be as when we know we during our thing else, pulsation I'll, say something and you'll hear some of the audience scope whoa. I remember one time being a coat and show and again I insulted and a great deal and then I went

next I was on. I went to you too busy with jokes. I done and I read the its below and people would say. You know he shouldn't touch that we have conan wanna. Do he could take him up, as we did at the that's a fun person to have dinner with. I know why are you making jokes? We had a when I was first doing the late night show. We did a piece where you know the most beloved one of the most beloved people, that time was Mary, lou retton, the gymnast and she's small and cute, and she went on these gold medals and everyone loves her and we need a pre tape. Bed were I think Andy says I'm saying I think I'm getting the hang of this late night hosting thing and goes, and he goes he can do he could yeah, but the other night. I thought you, you were a little off and I said I know your time and he would cut to a pre tape.

of major losing on Mary, Louise unpack, pepper and I'm a screaming out are fully committed and we showed that audience laughs at the next. They are the day. After that I go and stern howard stern. He takes calls and someone calls in. I saw the other night. and you, your behaviour towards Mary, Lou Ratan, was trojan virus. I dont think funny. That was awful. The way you I can't believe you didn't recognize. My voice. Yeah reminds me of reminds me of a story. I dunno. These are like older elderly joke stories, but MIKE Nichols yep was married to his his was married to Diane sawyer and he was Larry sleep funny guy and he would he would Things like gum that advice,

to a parting said, while have to run by the ball and chain. So you had gone by and his ball and chain of the joke so then I think it was a vogue yeah. They said evidently MIKE nicholls refers to his wife as the ball and chain as a negative thing, so he wrote them a letter I think they published but said I realise that humor, Your editors is like a cross to a vampire once said mike once said: to me when we were at this parting said: where are you staying? Is it I said the essex out. She said no, but real. I feel like I was lucky. in the people that I got to me. But then I look at you too, and I think you ve got to meet someone,

more people in your younger, yes, you're, going to meet everybody. I mean I I remember sitting when I was twenty one years old and I was hired to write for the smothers brothers that has very naive and were now we're all at dinner and tom and dick are having telling stories about people and I'm sitting there going. I have no stories. I can't believe I don't have a story right and I was twenty one. So you've got to be this age. Le hundred and eighty have a story. You met general grant, oh my god, what a fun guy he was at, but I I do think there was that wholesome mary lincoln could be pushy. Yeah now? Even you know just dinner and there's that clipped it I have seen a million times. I think it's you on the tonight show with johnny Carson marty and I think it was bette Davis sitting next to you. Thank you for that. She had already killed with her three episodes. Three,

segments. Yes, we take on the plate bit everything. Yes, she during summer sides that romania about. How could you be your minute? She did kill. She was she great, oh yeah, yeah great yeah, but I just think o johnny Carson as those of the tonight show and sitting next to you is Betty Davis. That's an error, of of Shall I ve never met Jonah cars, so it was particularly because I loved johnny korea, as we all did not so much so that didn't even do his show for ten years or eight. It's right when I could have because I thought onto hip. I just do it But the really I was scared yeah what impudent immersed in the era, then it's all changed so much, but both of you experience where you go on you'd go on Many cars is tonight show an Dear you're sat in the next nay, everybody had seen it railroad end. and he could walk through a hotel lobby, Steve which is dry.

from town from the hotel, the hotel just to walk through the lobby wearing a shirt said: did you see me on Carson and but people people I have so many stories that I've heard from comedians, where they were not famous They did well on cars and the next day everybody in the united states is saying great job, whereas today it's just a completely different mice. By observation of that is a little different, but it's too long and boring I'll. Tell you one nod. I believe the love to hear that okay. Well, I've. I that's what I believed you went on Carson and you then, the next day you were famous right, but I found with myself you went on. Arson next day nothing Then you go on carson again and then stay that somebody? you like delay. I meet you party even longer and then finally, it slowly starts through and finally on my fifth appearance by fi, got it together. I bid a good good shot and they would to a store unless you nikobob of art and the woman said where you

That boy that was on the tonight show last night, and I said yes, I am, and she said ugh well, that there's always that young. I remembered seeing a clip Marty could tell your just slightly different. You killed, but yours just I could tell that you're you're, not the marty. That's going on my show and you're just going to kick the shit out of me. It's going to be so much fun. You are, you did a very funny thing about spit take, but it was, I could tell like, His voice is a little different in your being your your beat you well behaved with garson with garden. Now I never go I don't know I varying there is. There is a difference between being cited: Johnny Carson snowman. What does it say

people I've never overcome by all and Johnny Carson was one of them. That always felt little. Did I'm hoping- he's in him yeah believe knew each they had card games, we have yet we played cards together. We had dinner, that's a famous card game. People talk about that card game; it was really fun yeah the lesson of that card game is everything changes I mean your having well you're having poker games with Neil Simon and Karl reiner, then mill, nick and in a chubby, and then people die I you know everything changes, I'm trying to bring up the party he hurry hope now, but it's we're all gonna die to yell. Never all right. Well, anyway, great caesar shall we we were going to be all right on credits. Let's we just prayed right, yeah right. How have we do a, I think, very nice and hold hands here, while I often think about that with its its to my the fact that I get to

No you guys and talked you guys at all is oh, is feels like I'm linking to this very important item. I would say, as I think everybody has kind of disdain for their own- air of showbusiness and reveres. Well, what we observe and probably applies to you, the younger comedians. Like me, no essen, I'll guys that we kind and now I'm you know them better than I could you're a warm person, but we see that camaraderie among them. That I assume the you know like don Rickles had with frank and yet, but I see We have come robbery with people of our generation and I see that we see the younger people helping each other. You know it's a absolutely not mean people like fed our.

Listen and John. The lamy and bill Haider are all close, close friends and you know them I've already. They also have collar idea. I was talking to fret arms and wants them is permitted years ago. He needs to hang around sql me said the lad this thing that this is probably old now that night said. Let us thing is when you text some one, and then the misspellings come up in the different words is don't change them Is this said that off like that, we do that two other commedia threat is an interesting guide, because a member we had it. We were at dinner once and might have been at my house and fred. Was there and didn't say: oh he's hilariously funny guy, but that night he didn't say he didn't say a word and a member looking up and down the table in everybody's laughing and joking, and he was just observing at all and he has at almost like you know. I always heard Peter sellers at a party was not half was very quiet. kind of just observing.

and I think we were all their labors. Yes, yes, you were, there is a funny guys dinner. It was a funny guy. You know their steve. I was up yeah you're worried that you said funny guys. You were a last minute addition. I was a control group. Yeah pauly shore fell out and I been so happy for both of you because you've got this crazy. He smash hit only mergers in the building and I was in it. Lee very, very happy for both of you I love the show, and then I saw so much signage everywhere. I drove in l a and then I would even leave allay and I would go anywhere and there would see both of your faces and I would think you know that's it, No more! No more! I can't keep seeing there. This is too much. This is too much success. I once did intrude for tom back soon. and if I were in the bit with something like this and say you know when I first saw Tom in sight.

Or on the tv shows and lambent idea. I said I had this guy's good. You know. I wish him luck and then I am solomon splash like well he's, got some real comedy chops good for him, that's great! and then I saw him in philadelphia a decent, really emotional actor. This really. really good, and then I saw em in what's the war movie, Sweden, perceval saving private ran, and I thought mother fucker Did you say that it may have? I guess you gettin rid nice very nice, just yeah. I was thrilled thrilled for both of you and it's. We can see it on every phase of asia. We ignore. the tears that actually have blood in them and and you both get to be so fun. many are so lucky to have a hit at this stage

marty's life yeah! No, we are it's fantastic know. The shows show's fun to do shows fun. To do we love selena. We love everybody work with. You know you finally get to the point where Two people learn early on our own vassals anymore adds over rights, or so everybody there is kind and having fun and a beaten workin for this m gall, and then I then you guys announced the cast for the third. Yes and I became enraged. Now because I was like Europe, you have a royal flush but you're, adding separating us you ve got barrel street yeah I'll. Tell you I'll tell you a story about a male strychnia, really tear a new one. We were, we were sitting around and we're gonna start rehearsed. A scene an hour by our had writers there, don hoffman and merrill says you know. I just want to say how happy. I am that we're all

together and working so hard together and John said yeah. I agree and I said John That's her first line and it happened more than once seen on stage where she's were not least those decent actresses going stage and she'd trip and then the second take she triptych and it was realized. We thought she actually trip and we said shouldn't someone move that wire and jf. Is it guys I'm? also. She was to do of song with a with an orchestra urge. It should start to sing it because I'm sorry I can't hear the rhythm and there's a book and we'd know that was her but was lost her lie and budget every time ago. What are they? Gonna fix fix that rhythm. How can I did a thing it was for nor mcdonald's here in new york Can they had some gathering in? I was against the m c for lack of a better word, but I gave the first talk, but I went up on stage and went head over heels fall. People thought was a preferable is real and I wasn't me

made a joke of it. Nobody saw, will and and then moved on and then I did my thing and then like this. second person yeah in person who went up the third person they tripped and I went to note and I said what stage hand what's going on everyone. Stripping whence I other stairs had been messed up for a long time ago. Not any was I dare not even yeah tell everybody trips, anyway away. No, they still haven't it's those fucking stairs. Where is that it was? I don't remember where it was faith thanks, that's a big drilling anywhere now we're gonna go trip somewhere. We also Paul rod bad tat, and I love that you you have. This show that everybody agrees is fantastic, andrea, Martin and you Add you Paul rod, you know you dont need Paul. Read at this point is to making it it's too much yes in every morning and tina Faye, yes and Jesse Williams. You know who wasn't asked

Oh, I know who wasn't est. I know who was an act because Conan has beady little I have my own weight is diverse, seasoning conan did Beth, that's Jimmy your name, your name! came out. Oh it came out yeah. Oh god said you can't light the eyes yeah. Just like the he's got those charles grodin eyes. You can't like them, they're like a doll's eyes yeah, listen, you're gonna figure out a way to work me into this short out. I think they were the premises we're doing a pod cast. I dont know it may be late, but I know the title of the episode. Oh yes, here we go, the circus has come to yeah. My favorite thing is getting excited about it. The nice I'm sure you're about how good

Marty scenario has no memory of how martin short eyes are treated him over twenty five years. The absent minded podcast. I love that yeah marty's got something to say about allergy. Let's have it martin or also you can recognize it later about. It was an insult party said the nice thing about that. That's what you're about upon cast I have the pond cast. please that's not me talking that second class magazine guest edited by colonel brian, but but yeah I'm sure this is a way to fix me, and you know that get me into the mix in absolutely yeah honoured inquiry. did me of a joke. I don't know why I'm doing a show next week, and so these jobs are going through my mind, tat. It was a marty. Talk about me playing the banjo rejoys insults records of the

Was an may use at he said, and bluegrass magazine has recently name steve, the official ambassador of the fostering banjo. It was between him and no We have that great Joe, it has a deliverance? What is our hope? It's such a great joke. What is it touring around with Steve is a lot like the movie deliverance, it's all fun and games until the banjos yeah yeah you my leg had made to your apartment once and I remember first time I ever met you you do now. I know I do a lot of life had a guide that was really fine. I saw you rise up and involve no no came to our apartment. Man met you or was it you know I don't know yet we are. We had work together on a scenario beyond. I was very shy.

I remembered I I don't want to get in Steve. So I was writing things, but not approaching you I was in the ground, but then I was chosen for you know. Lorn said I think this fellow could hosts late night showed a be rough for a few years, but he'll eventually get it. I think you could do it so I'm named letterman's replacement The first thing I do when I come to l as lauren says. Maybe the thing he does, but he let's take a walk through the flats, beverly hills and people Tommy later on, our livelihood takes a take. A walk and we he's taking this walk and he's giving me advice. He sing always tip your your know now, always tip at least fifteen per central IL you'll show up in the post. That was added. He was going to tell me like here's the secret, but he was telling me things like that which was fine, and then he said, let's see if Steve's in and I didn't know Steve. He always assume steve craft and so Rossi yeah. Actually, so we had knox

a door and you answer, then you have a sin to your place: and I was like this- is too much I've. I've just been put into this situation and I need to navigate this and now we're dropping in on Steve martin forget. You had just had all the power The things taken down and I think I just said like. Oh there paintings and you reacted immediately. If you'd been robbed yeah, my god, I thought out ship. That's a perfect reaction to wear painting yeah, whenever that, whenever and studio a member once every now and then you'd be it in the studio at six, they were her sing and the law would go out because of some situation in the building rockefeller centre, some situation, the lights were just go out and

would always instantly scream my pearls yeah, where Andy, who and director hilarious yeah. It was just my girls and yeah. Oh, I gotta remember that, but I have to give them credit know you don't know you don't know just take it. He's fine. I know I'll blow at my purse for our lives pearls my book. really is a review paths. Tat how did you guys decide we're gonna start work in together as a as to hander to hinder act, wouldn't will have had come about, and I know it I'll tell you what its bring stories. I want to give it to you, but then it was two thousand levin. We were asked to interview each other, for it was the closing the just for less comedy festival in Chicago. It was may and was to tell and we just in what we had her breakfast,

I had scrambled eggs, I had crashed, come on man, I answer no and we interviewed each other and that was it and and and it went well and we thought we'd do it again and we'd just then well, the the the funny part is. We were interviewing each other about comedy for a comedy festival, so we could talk about comedy kind of like we're doing here, but you know two comedy people, it's kind of interesting, so we thought hey. Let's do that again, so we got to corporate gig or something dentists and so were sitting and we're talking about comedy and we're thinking. This doesn't work and then restart and marty how to show he did so low. and I had a show that I did band, and so we kind of combining them he had material and I had a bunch of songs with funny interests and when we first when we first working together. He had everything and I can add nothing because I didn't bring the ban I sent by gonna- bring the ban so that that's when it the jail into a show. I can go on the other

like everyone. Did you always its? First of all, that was greatly out in any way, but, as I was saying, I was saying that I think you said it you know this is just what I didn't think I got from the part. Oh, you didn't need extra reminds me of I made them stake once of its end. You know it's like wearing a short, but I knew I hate. I made this terrible mistake of some had mentioned food and they eat, and I said we know it I do now is to meals a day I have, like a shake at eleven and they put a lot of spinach in it, and then I I try to eat dinner early like at five and then I am finishing saying it. I see Marty just staring at me the way. The way a shark looks like getting looks at a canned ham and fell into the ocean, and he looks at me- and he said you know when other people discuss the details of their diet. It's boring

and of course there were some right we're standing around who were like. Yes, they love when the boss is attacked. That was also just me realizing I. Why did I get into this? Why did I lather myself up with bacon, grease and then climb under this piranha piranha pool? Why did I? Why did I do my wife as a very wise about about talking about what you eat? Is that you're allowed to talk about what you do eat you're not allowed to talk about what you have very good. I like that yeah I like that. I mean if this podcast, if we go away with one thing, that's it it's like with me beats. don't worry I the state statefarm personal price plan helps you create a plan or peace

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their many times in life when you feel uncertain, where you going I on the right path, you hand, things. Well, I think we all have you ve- had it somehow had a line of outward Y know. You ve had a lot to forget, and I've talked a lot about the fact that the I've I've much uncertainty throughout my life. We all do nothing. That unusual will sometimes your face, crossroads in life. We don't know which path to take. Maybe you think a career change or feeling, like your relationship, need some tea I'll see. Well whatever it is fairer, pekin opium about your future and trust yourself to find the way forward, it really helps to talk to someone else for thinking of starting therapy. I say, give better help a try. Ok, it's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient for subject and suited to your schedule. So a lot of the normal barriers to therapy, I feel so conscious about going. How do I find the right person? How do I find time. a lot of them are premature. Limited

with better help. You just fill out a brief question: to get match with a licence therapists which therapists any time for no additional charge. So let therapy Be your map with better help, visit better help, dotcom slashed current today to get ten percent off you first month. That's better help! H e l p. I'd come slashed on it, when the esters, but it's when you come up with a great new insult for the other, Do you ever try it out in the moment onstage or a or do you have to? You have to try to surprise each other? If not, really Sometimes we ve come up with thing and then we'll go right to the prompter. Afterwards is a right that no will remember what yeah, what prompter that, if we had had a thing for we had so you're saying if we

a problem and we count up with a job. We would go over and I don't know I mean now. We just go to our own minds, lock it in oh you're talking earlier about people, you ve met, and I know Steve that you got to meet or kind of meat Elvis a dead end I told the story million times, I don't know, I just worthwhile. Well I've just love it so well, I was it was now in seventy one, and I was opening or an margret at the hilton in Lhasa. which is no longer there and for good reason like they tore it down. The follow is the worst comedy room yeah, the last ceiling, that's like eighty feet, high yep, so laughs that they, the laughter, rose above the audiences head about two feet in his mouth and stopped. But anyway, Anna Elvis was opening the next weekend and he knew and margaret so now, it's after the shine Elvis is going come back and say hello to and margaret and cited

dressing room door open. I did my active site, seventy one. So the act does not fully formed and you know it's got a little weirdness too. And so Elvis by any saw me and he stopped and said, sir. You have an oblique sense of humor and then he came in and now we're talk talking with him- and I dont know what to say in my manager was odin all about son records lock about that, and then there was a pause in the conversation, First of all, but this apart, I loved Elvis, has a guy who comes up terms too to get him out of conversations Elvis, I'm sorry. We have to go and in this case I sorry we have to go and elvis it is ok been blessed we're talking. Now we run out of conversation than he said, one see my guns, Jesus and with a choice

and if he was he was, he was a gun. He liked artful gods. Yet I can engraved sure any was very cautious. He there were loaded so he took out a six shooter and he opened up all the bullets. his hand and before he handed me the gun to look at it, and I again I marvelling at it then I've got another gun. Did the same thing dumped out the bullets handed to me they pulled out from his sock, yeah a derringer and then opened that up dumped out the bullets handed it to me and then I'm I'm holding three guns and he's holding sixteen bullets that I'm thinking where Elvis, guy yeah, out of the viability of your memory. He was wearing yes, all white, It was elvis slim and he had them all white anywhere. That big buckle that the hilton had given him to him. For

biggest show ever in history, the world right, but he was very sweet and very nice yeah. That comes, cross when you know that famous face than elsewhere g, It was also the reason I wanted that, because I know that you met frank sinatra: yes and who's your absolute idol, but it was a of his one of those situations where you can remember. You told me this once you are at a bar and it it I was at george slaughters house. Oh George, later says: okay, it was after all, a sinatra. Shirley Mclean concert at the greek theatre and we all went back his house and dive shore was their shoes and big fan of essay tv. How great she's going on about it. None thrilled me data showing the haiti one me frank, I suggest you sure sure and I went up to him now. This next part, Paul Schaefer maintains I've made up because he city didn't eat. Didn't speak like out of guys and dolls. and I said well, he said I said this is not on when is it? I know it of you and your mouse.

I know well, if they don't know whether god now I didn't dare anyway, and then he said, would you like a drink and, I said sure said what are you drinking? I said anything you you're drinking frank. And so he turned to the barn door and said Jack Daniels and I dont didn't done, don't drink scotch so that martin said straight. for on the rocks and I was nervous- I thought he said straight up or relaxed and I said I'll haven't relaxed I said he said straight up or on the rocks. I learned like fifteen seconds. Then I pissed them off. They stretched de chile beat the crap yeah. Are you a moron? So I know it was when you meet those people. It is surreal, but you know I used to have that with MIKE Nichols, and I knew him for twenty years that I was still in awe. Like you talked about carson, you're in awe of being in the present. I had I mean this someone he both of met a billion times, but

Lauren once asked me to go to. We said we would like to go to a yankee game with me and I said, yeah I'd love to do that, and the play of game and the red sox, and so were I get in the car and he says we're picking up. I think said we're picking up a friend, I didn't hear who he said. We are picking up, but he put you know so I sat up front. So there was room in the back for lauren in his friend I set up with the driver and we start having up and mr to slow down and as someone leaning against the lamp post with the very cinematic way and we slow down and its jack Nicholson while and It gets in the back seat and in longest. Anyone is like how you doing. Lauren has other nieces, and this is our corner of mana gone in any sense. Very nice just said nice to see you- and I said, oh so nice to see you, sir, you know and then, where we drive, we see the game at my expense It was. If you want to be anonymous, walk with jack Nicholson.

because I am my life is I'm six for I have this pastry on my head. I am immediately like me or dislike me. Everybody knows it's me and I walked out. The street, and everybody knows it's me and suddenly nobody saw me because I'm king three feet behind jack nickel sense, but then this? real treated, so we'd shattered a little bit about a few things and but didn't talk much. He mostly spoke of. and then dropped me off again. The night- and I think this has been right and I get out of the car. First sums can walk, we drop jack nicholson off and he gets out of the car and I said it was a real honour to meet you. You know jack and he said the boys, crazy about you. And I said he said, and there are forgetting that my boy were standing there and learn still in the current. Does my boys crazy about you?

Every morning, it's comin this and color man. It's driving me fucking crimes, the idea that even that god, but I just knew that I was an irritant- and that made me very happy very happy indeed and I'd just go back of it cause. I kept remembering this great joke and I think it was a shaky greens joke about frank and me It had been don rickles by figures, Jackie green. He said he said and if francs in the audience, who said frank saved my life one night in other stuff is Frank saved my life. I was in an alley, and I was hitting beat up by some guys and frank ed, that's enough,

is the famous rickles joke which a story which I'm sure is true, which is rickles asking frank he's like I'm meeting I'm dating this young girl. Could you this young woman it would really mean. So much if you just came through the lobbying and walked to the restaurant and said hello to me in front of her. That would really help me seal the deal and so francs in that comes through and walks up recalls and his date and said a dime and just when he went and frank place, I meeting at hand a frank, leaves the restaurant and then about thirty seconds later, two guys come in and pick up a regular. carry him out of the restaurant and dump him in the fountain yeah. Is that last part true, it was a found. It was found of acid apparatus unless have on average. Had it constructive you gotta be killed, don recalls the other yeah. He never lived past. Nineteen sixty one! guys I'm gonna, let you go because you have it's been making, wouldn't you

I d get some part of his interview. That's usable! This is you're you're, a young lad. You haven't, you ve, listened to some of mice. I'm going to say this is my favorite episode. May I ever this is one of my are certainly has a spectacular episode, I'm just going back over. Why were doing it It's because of your admiration. For me and my level, that is very, very famous podcast. I understood yeah, I know, and so what we should be honored to be part of your client. If you couldn't say it with a straight face. Hey I see after this. Let's you and me: go and cash our checks I may not yet have I hereby maybe get some cash and son The cash is jack and end. I

I have a servant with me. He could carried the you know. You guys have always kept in touch yeah. That's what I like about you. You never got in the bubble. You're out there, I'm of the people always, let's get in touch with whom. What do you mean you're, just in touch with the all right, you know him Yonah you're, going to the bank you'll help and we have to stop and get a wheelbarrow. But- but you do it in a humble way. Would you say that with success, you changed. I am pausing, you can't help, but change, but I'd say I have changed for the better success. That's a lie. right. You probably disagree. When the jobs. When did you did you know Stephen? You met him three mingoes eighty five july here and there

we began, then we became for the great friends and then you make that decision of whether you're good at just have that team of experts. Of making will be, never see someone again or not, and I think we both chose to keep hangin Were you guys? It's interesting. You may have three amigos because you made that moving it. It came out and it's you know, did what it did but then it goes on and I dont know when it happened, but within be ten years of it coming out through this, generation. seizes that movie and says this is one of our favorite movies and it has grown since then in a way that I think is well deserved, but it's kind of fascinating to me. Did you were you aware of that happening? That's what happens with a lot of my movies, except for the tenure part where they like it Well, I have always found that you never know up a movie is, is a hit or success to ten years go by? for some movies are bigots when they come out and then you never hear him again right and then

some movies tend to grow. I was surprised, and fact we got a call from a magazine in law then- and they said we wanted- was a film magazine. They said we want to put you marty and heavy on the cover and we said why That was the twenty fiveth anniversary of three amigos as you care and that started noting that there was some kind of right thing happening. It's got this whole other life and I'm I don't. I can't tell you how many times I ve seen bill. Ask various roy musicians, artists, athletes. Just now politicians was favorite movies and then three amigos keeps popping up in there, which is great will stay wrote it well with learning languages and randy newman, that's right That's what you said. You wrote the funniest. That's it you're hanging, Andy Newman, wrote my favorite joke and the whole thing

and it's when l glop, oh, his birthday of his men are celebrating and he opens a package goes its us better yeah. I the canteen joke so much that your both of you know that three of you are running out of water, guaranteeing that the canteen and justice there's you'd barely enough and then just luxuriating less money out yet lit bomb? Is so fantastic. My my favorite joke as we go into a saloon. That's filled with bad guys we're all in our spangler outfits? I got barton say: excuse me: we're not met yeah we're we're from out of town yeah. Was it fun to make yeah? It was yeah it was. We were. Actually

arizona locations and building these the sets is one of us can sometimes have known when you're having a blast making something I've. get worried. You're having a really good time, making something that this means it won't be good. One of my favorite lies. I just somebody reminded me of it. Do at the end, the very end I got two patrice martinez it's a beautiful actress who played carmody area passed away, unfortunately, and disposed to be fixed thing between us and I go up and were about to ride off, and I say to her I'll be back one day and she says why, If not, we will go. What's the plan for the rest the day, I'm sure you ve blocked out a whole half a time with me. Well, it's a girl. You, my five b ex work,

Incredible yeah, I was going to say you look amazing, thank you and it's today it's ab day and that's most of the day, but just hard for me for you when you say that for me not to think of your role on arrested development where you're They killed the beard, the bullet no know me shoot me and my son doors that show so the times that you ve been around as much as you ve done. You never know it's gonna get people and he's each scene and really liked or other work, but but you as the bullet, whatever isn't that during that year, I was a guy. I was so old. I was their uncle that my legs didn't work and I had to be carried around the wrong man yeah and we kept adding jokes and at one point I said to the nuts and they put me down to jason bateman's. You know testicles

bridge mix bridge and will have a budget? So nice lets you do these do when things you never know what's going to catch with who an end, you know my son who now seventeen, but at the time he was seeing, it is like twelve and he was like well. This is the funniest thing. I've ever seen. like the ease he's at the you know, he's coming over tonight and insist: it's lovely! It's very nice gentlemen. Ok. Thank you. Conan idea. I want to watch go. Thank you very much the cameo, oh yeah, I will play a small part have a tendency to shoot the lens. I look right into the lens while good. Would it be. It's got a like me

your clothes and then a rested, a murder, something like out, but I like you, I might go you. What are they asked for? More like cones approach, because most actors tried not to look into the lens. Yes, I would We have a small role where I'm literally carrying crab cakes in the background at the nice west side apartment. I stop and I turn and look right into the lens and freeze that's what we're going to do steve taking a canola. Oh now I am looking at the wreck. My plans for the rest the day cause you ask, and I realize I have none and can will perfect. Ok, lot! You very much guys. You both mean the world to me, and this is like Diana. We will never talked this episode and I know you're being so facing in saying we ve killed. Time is an absolute joy I'm out and about I love you too. We, I love you well. And obviously we both been influences.

yeah a little bit. Oh me, oh, can see everybody's looking at me thanks conan, now, anyway, Steve your cars here guys go, go in your case That was by the way. Yes, you This ought us high money, Margaret felt blank out. Being, let's hear you do it spontaneously, but replace coney no originate admire. You could do another version and I can put it that was meant ass, dick. I thought I did do a good deal grudges the moonlight I'm a challenging here we go sudden If the learn lines learning a line, it could be, a you. Don't write you dont right. You could You could have a sincere emotion and say it in a moment. Oh you know what, never thought of that here I could say my name is comin o Brien and I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with gratitude that that's did Steve Martin.

Martin Schulz, Jordan even know my name and address, and sooner their ago ok doesn't have to be. You know,

I didn't have a writer work amount, so you wanted us to compliment you. Yes, I really think about ok, conan o Brien needs a friend with Conan o brien stoneham of session and mac goarly produced by me, matt goarly, executive produced by adam sacks neatly out and Jeff Ross, a teen cocoa and colony anderson and coty fisher. At your wolf theme, song by the white stripes incidental music, by Jimmy the vienna taken away, Jimmy our supervising producers, errand blair and our associate talent producer is jennifer samples engineering by a duarte Perez additional production support by mars moaning talent. Looking by polish avis, Gina, battista and great com. You can write and review the show and apple podcast, and you might find your review read on a future episode, got a question for conan call the team cocoa hotline at three two three four five one, two eight to one and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode and if you have an already please them scribe. Colonel Ryan needs a friend on apple podcast, nature or wherever fine. By cast down.

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