I am pleased to announce the comments it worked or starts at overturned in Edmonton, canada november. Seventh in west florida and over fourteen it pits pennsylvania that I go in. Do radio drink go straight to the pub and eleven? Am you call in sick to work and we party today's guests, one of my favorite human beings ever and my wife's favorite comedian ian bag? Biogas, pissing. in the backyard I'm an allude to it. What am I going to say anything, let's see. How, then, is this recording. Hello yeah, it is yeah

the greens is too will find out on purpose here soon. It's working, hello, hello, hello, younger, your private public who should endorse it, and so the nautilus state school here a fuckin got that easy ilium puts it the seventy two come in this room, but she actually go. Seventy jews, the rational co like automatically will put it to like I love it when it's like sixty eight, you can hold the mic if you want, if it's easier, I'm going to do both I'm want to do both gonna, have air conditioning to ruin the environment. You got a really ruin environment now, yes, kind of touch it exactly split. Seventy two issues: that's all you need. I love my wife. Does me. What I need is well, I told me A bedroom I she had like these old girl levi curtains. There were like they were

embroidered, they were thin and they were pretty they let the sun in. So it was light in the day but said the reason you have curtains is not so that they accent the room is to keep the light out there, and so she got these she's like I'm, not like em they're like falcon lab. I mean these things. They turn it Well cave right in it, I go in. You can take a nap in the middle of the day and not even know that it's do. We have those, but they haven't been put back up since our places had some stuff done to it and it's a complete different feel. But I like the fact that girls decided that, They just need to buy a material like the doesn't. Really. Do anything but accent things, I'm like really how many you guys every web I've got to dig to find my pillow. Because I have one pillar right cause. I sleep with ray: it's got drool on it. It's got rogaine stains all in it. It's disgusting I gotta, dig to find it cause. She's got like pillows.

all over the place that allergic to kids you're an rogaine the often using the answers I was twenty one. Do you like it or like one who have all that? Is your dad? My debt bald my dad's ball. I haven't used anything, but I know you're never gonna lose your hair. I hope not, but there's this guy and if you, if you're one last scenario, you're not going to start, but who knows, I remember you see Johnny Carson, then all of a sudden, you see him at the end and you're like. Oh, I think it's stress zone this. I think it's like, I know a guy. I know a guy in texas, that's the number one hair transplant guy in the world. So if you ever decide to go that way, let me know I. If here's the problem there would be, What is for me to do her transplants. I'd tell everyone about it, but that's the fun part that bit the foot all the guys have good hair transplant, don't say a word tat: they just where

hats for fucking. Excuse me a year, Josh Josh. What's what the who's? The guy that does the after thing parties and he doesn't have hair transplant hair transplant, soon notice that he wore a hat for two years and then all of sudden stop wearing a hat those transplants, adopt guaranteed, guaranteed I'm on it. What did they Josh wolf? If we didn't have hair transplants fight I can say I didn't have hair trade had I just love wearing hats, fight, back come on shark weak, who

Who else can we call enter tat? You know who pablo threatens this go? No! Yes! Yes, yes, that's impossible! Here we go get almost happy because we were not because it is there now beforehand, Zoe harry Tom Carter, Tom Carter? Tonker hope their address, where I remember where you hats, though, by Hee hee hee demand where had, but he had the slick terror for a long time, trying to remember Tom Carter's married to come to a girl, they married to a comedian burn. It polly know another girl, Shit I know knows exactly an hour and I feel bad. You not using or face you're saying about, remember, said the best, but these,

mary to Robert, had like eight kids in a tv show and we're something rent, a really yeah goddammit. Seen I haven't seen any of those. We started with those guys in new york right time, yeah Tom cotter, a little bit yeah yeah yeah! You know who I was. I hung out with Tom, papa kyle dunnigan How do again, I get it feel bad for guy. I like it, I like all, but do you feel bad that he fell? Furred sarris overrun These things are silberman. He was here who are present here than anymore. I didn't realize he was. He was on that sk later that ends oh shut, the fuck up. I don't know he decided to exert supplement. I think you really liked her. oh, my god, she would break my heart. She she's a girl that you're not allowed to love it out here, you're allowed to have fun with her, but you're not allowed to love. You can't love her now because that's going to end, and she's, so funny ryan, cool ass. She likes to smoke. We set ourselves.

Didn't you know how much fun she'd be to go to like the farmers market. It's on a sunday, she'd flick you in the nuts that kind of thing yeah and she'd. Never be like nah, let's not have a beer right, it's early or late, yeah she'd say it's perfect time is that there is a there- is a wake of broken hearts behind her. There either is just a whole lot of them Listen to Alex Sulkin. She didn't alex for while by think they I listened to talk about it, an he's like they broke up with each other, but but spoken was the guy. He wrote, he writes for family guy. He ok assault on twitter yeah. He was too, he did it for a while that some There are some good name. Shiner black jude outlook is one of the funniest fuckin guys would literally one of the funniest guys automatic, can imagine what is behind the tao. Carry channeling

Gary, actually did not a garage. I swear to god, god, I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty positive. She data garish handling, I you know it's. What's greater, there are some she's really fun it she's really cute and jeez super smart she's all those things, but then she has a sister. That's exactly the same thing, but you know laura yet know. I only know from that show she was on saving silverman. Server savings or a silver sovereign. Oh, she was yeah. I dunno until she was in silver, Sarah silverman show, but she was also laura and doctor Katz. She was yeah yeah way before. That's that's fucking bizarre. She doing stand up first. No, she was, I think she was just acting yeah god serious dated serious date, Some of the most talented, comics yeah you who you dont know if you're, jealous that you didn't date, Sarah or that I that to date those people I would love

be able to pick up her phone and just call whoever she's data just because those only shit Jimmy chemicals, the big one garish annulling I begged you have a kim on her like I thought they were going to I mean I don't know either of them very well. I know sarah kind of like, I have to say hi to europe and talk to her a little bit. I like I like sarah, I think, she's great. I I yeah it's like almost the second, you dates. You become a good comic. You becomes quantified he's got the touch if you like shut up, she was dating Jay, Jay, medicine hat. He must be talented if you say that, because he's dead he's not going to fight back yeah like I bet, there's some like mid level comics delinquent. If I could just fuck Sarah silverman, I guarantee you, people will start to get spots at u c b, if you're able to like write the beginning of a joke, but not be to put a punch line to yeah. You should just walk by sir it's over made such ok, sir,

and then there's a bunch of comic girls who date all common dude and then there's a lot of slicing. We're here does indeed anybody like this. Messenger. Yes, indeed only dated what you data, what redcoats threat or its we're. That's why you don't dating about after him the of what she turned. He turns off a man. I got the funniest embroidered stories, funniest brethren story, he so great tell yours has My favorite part about bread is that he just admits it. He had a lot of concussions playing high skill football and then he tells you the same story. He we did it. The reality so, together with one eye was called, was called frat house. I think where we want with. We we put up at out on craigslist the desire. or is it just a no just a guy for tb s, I think, and then they decided not air it. So bad. really so bad

and put it out on craigslist like if you have in mid life crisis new. You want just drop everything and leaving them, It gray com will. But we got a house, we got to match it up in the hills or had a waterfall, I'm in this most beautiful house, but we did not do any fucking mean it was like was so poorly planned. We got guys with real issues like this the priority that they do not have doktor drawn in your buddies with no, no, it was me theo born and bred ernst and it's the only host three guys that aren't going through midlife crisis with guys that are going through a mid life yeah, the guys that are dead, definitely going through a midlife crisis, one guy and it's like. We threw a party the first night and and it's brett me and Theo. Basically producing it, because it they're filming all the production right and and feel unbreadlike. Let's get points, like what then they come ass, you does it caught. Let's get worse, this gets where's tarzan, hordes wooden ogres ogier porn stars. We poor starts to start the hookers. and so we like here and like one dude one dude was, I think

my wife like night and I'm not thinking you did it. It was like it was like the audio guys like looking at us, like he's, got his headsets on and he's like. Look at me. What legal explicitly so he gives me the mics and people are getting blow jobs in the bathroom and he's like it's. The reality shows are they're taping, all of it and nobody knows and like they don't they're not glowing in it. Oh no, not at all. It's so, like I mean even me, I got like we. There was this cliff jump into the pool by the waterfall, so I jump into the pool and like then porn star, jumper, the pool their totally naked and they're all over me and I'm like. Ok, this is those two cheating looking like the last day, we played football with these powder puff girls of war pads Bread is like: this is so these, like these. These pages think they can

and what does that? Why these motherfuckers up that bread? I know that there's like a huge gap and then there's a snap, yeah you'd think I was eating bitches on the ground college football ain't going to win, so we I mean it was violent. These poor girls came out to do a reality show and we have guys like clothes lining them. Kong like it was so britain made me, laugh so hard. I get a kick out of that. Guy he's so funny he's so fucking funny here. I the greatest part about him, as he can tell a story that has no funny until the end, and he can keep you entertained during the no fun part honest, laggard deck for having that talent. He we did so tat. We could do a tour. The young comedian comedy tore. Someone might was Michael other reason, those on its cause accessible.

Michael and he won't you put it together. I didn't know brett idleness Sebastian I buy new steve from like new york. Steve burn see Burma's you see, burn a bush proudly. I did know any of them. I do know it amazes me, MIKE Mike site birth funny, so we go to a first gig brett like first it was all we got to do it in atlantic city and brats holden court on the fuckin boardwalk in the afternoon. off just like one of the guys from jersey shore just hold not worth bettered into gertie he's real, those as such on fuckin real. I love that guides weight, so I like it stories about beating, is stepfather. He dude, I haven't even animal the pockets I should like it have monica he so fucking funny amazing was made him and Sebastian did a couple shows together who serious how's that lebanon is a fuck amazing showed us that's three totally different styles of comedy I'd hoped

that would that way if my style fit into those guys who, as they tell stories and if I host it, helps out like yeah, so god damn it good progress and get back in the car and drive another hour in twenty minutes. Where you live in no long beach, the europe must girl right. No I'm down further will ya know yeah and I'm not I'm right on the water since, like it keeps you healthier, yeah, keep saying right now, not because they were dropped off a fly ass night, saying: there's a legs insert a tidal wave, coming if they're sandbagging, everything, that's why I had to leave late, because I had to figure out what to do in libya, where there's really a tidal wave coming on a tidal wave, but it like a fifteen percent tire surge. So their expect and we live right on the water. So they're they're, like don't

Your cars down here tonight leave only how do do not know about that. I dont them. Looking around my my my neighborhood asked, I think a lot of people. Don't note really you didn't like they are going to be prepared. I can't wait until the four million dollar house floats away. Oh, how great would that be if you just they just fucking, you, anyway, just getting property. I will wait for the next earthquakes. Why can get an old priority earthy way a gang war on the same day in everything's gonna drop. We will Will you were you here for the last hour earthquake? That was not well yeah. I was mad. The boat napa the other day, those like why so close yet so far yeah. I would love I would ask this house is an old fashioned anywhere. This house has been up for unlike in the build up to a point for big earthquakes, I'd get the house on the corner I got my island would be like how's. It how's it as earthquakes end up snorkeling down the one on this corner. Second, the earthquake hit. They put it on the market. yeah the gas. It there's a lot of terror downs now after that last year,

a bad, but it was a six. I think growers adds this like too much about three months ago. I'll remember it, because I ran in the girls room naked right when it hit. Oh, my god in ilo. Did this fuckin thing last night I just treated it she's. in their brushing your teeth with georgia, and I hear sneeze very soon, sneeze. Again, europe thought and I go. I love and georgia starts lab sterical an eyelid comes out dizzy, because I sneezed into the sink. Think therefore edited at stake I could laughing humor? My favorite part about your girls is there's two unsuspecting young boys walking around in about ten years. Their lives are going to hit, it is like. Can you imagine those girls you'd say you, think, there's a woman school Yet all your your girls are going be checked.

My boys are seldom if ever thinks, like maybe dating comics, isn't the way, I'm sure she's juncture, it is up to date in the guy. My wife told me. This was because I watched the wards last night by the way to give an award for an award show that so we got an award word for word. Lets us. That's a stir, This thing I've ever like I'm focused on getting a word for hosted reality show I don't want any I've told my crooks will surely have edward yeah and you potatoes, Tom bergeron for dancing with the stars sentiment. I mean like I'm, not shitting on Tom bergeron, but it's like have him. Do something I'm hosting a showroom. Jumping aeroplanes in general, having and ride motorcycles. But then I realized, it's about my hosting game, so I'm going to take it to the. next level. I wanna do want to dance to do an Emmy episode where wade. Take people out Well, I'm one m is that's how you do it? to get to know those people are just take up. Emmy voters. I guess you gotta get.

Pretty dominating miami voters either. As pilot on I mean bourdain was was nominated this year for a cnn show. I think you that's what it is Like my name, what's got last taste last by alone, I don't know o. I don't know why I'm telling you this. This is sewn onto an interesting beano on cnn. they hire bourdain and now they hired micro guided the job, the arthur corners his new show. Somebody's gotta. Do it so close my eyes, ears, it's a dirty job, somebody's gotta do it. Cnn is so smart saddam, then there's the atlanta workaday first of all, Christiane Amanpour is taken out of the cracker barrel. She will one day she's in Syria one day she is in atlanta. Next, no sense at all you just let what delta's got a hub here.

that the very highest I can't handle them, they got to have more shows because they're searching for news at all times and just coming up with this lame stuff ever be out. So you should pitch a show to cnn called dirty jobs. How about What if you don't show cnn called good news? is bad news and so I deliver the news and then the other guy looks at the upside of it and then another gather deserves a bad side of it. well, isis is rolling and Iraq ran among our goes good thing. Is we not over there, another guy goes. You have it, but think of our action will have you over there soon. Ok, that's good. versus bad I'm obsessed with name about? Is it good? Is it good? It's a good news. Is it good his averages, who just canoes and then it's all good. All good it's nothing but cats you like Are you haven't noticed at allotted

new shows show clips from the internet. Now I venture a couple glimpse of like a guy water. Skiing than gettin chased by shark is like I was on my facebook and on off. I need to get that from I'm upset I'm obsessed with that. I learned that in Tampa is that I'd find stuff on facebook. I find stuff on facebook and then look on the news. It'll be up there. Two minutes later and you're like you like that day's news was yesterday's facebook? Another that. yet it is news who, like that, yesterday's news, I need to cover subjects they already happen, but you just give but you ve had a data going to do about it, but you give today's version of it. Wait I would go so lay the sawhorse so you pick something where they've already blame somebody for something and then today's version is actually they blame the wrong person. You know what I mean too, like yesterday's news. Are you deliver yesterday's news, but that this ban is today ass? You like,

Why do they look? You cover the ferguson thing like based? these two out of georgia, based on these two witnesses reports that that it at that source was Brian Williams from NBC right turns out. Brian Williams was wrong. Today's news yet discount namaste. how about you just call it called out, and you call out news stories that have been reported wrong, but I wanted to do a show called hollow back where you just put a fucking video booth up on venice beach just put a camera and you're like a hoodie. Call out the lightfoot Madonna people. That's a good one as a great one, Paula you'd have to do that on HBO that because you just have to be believing the whole time on it yeah. I I want to do is show of I wanted to do is show I talked about it with miss pat, have you met this pat know? You'd lover

It was miss pat she's african american woman from indianapolis who had an extremely like rough and tumble life. She got prognoses. Fourteen hundred nipple shot off at fifteen she'd been nipple shot over fifteen, yes, he's fucking, fascinating a sea and I told her The do is show called watch. A movie was black people, and it's just you just going to do. I want to do it with roy words and done our islands in the man cave and we're just gonna, podcast it and I'll put up of a movie and then, guy guys, put watch along with us and start I've got better black me before you, who you gotta get You ve gotta get Darrell right, their rights, funniest fuck, you dear right, If the right is, I'm pretty sure he shot off. What's your faces, nipple right, he's, ease, he's got an interesting lies here. I did it

it with him on. When I did my, I did videos to promote my or special, and I did. I did a thing. Were this guy passes out on the couch, we all get sharp ease and go to write on his face, and then it closes in and it pulls out and is darryl right. So he's just colored in black was one of the funniest things I've ever done and then and then I think someone copied it or stole it. Martin. more than likely than langley it's been stolen. their rights fully with their right. We will it be. I am china thinkers who was just completely ard corked I donno is really good. Has done else he's really. What I mean like strayed from I told you. I told you what he was doing when we had him. I had a mona. We didn't reality by its backing. comedy central a long time ago, called CS walked up across the submit a hat for every day that he was going to be on. The show that for every week so the first once a week, one and the next one said week to, but he

so I dont want done I'll, see that not so not donnell style, a comedy. I just rowan his eyes and cosmic. What music does You are the weak. One like a big spelled differently. Has now not my neighbourhood, as does they weeks on pages strong common? He does not destroy kyle mandl mandela, I dunno rawlins gotten to be most fuckin a grass. The argument in a van one night or driving back from something and most most very young at the time, and I think my would never say this is true, but I will tell you my opinion: by doing it, polly tat ten years rather die Amy Humeral still very young bashir, like it was very young, but was very young. But then me, danelle, read like there are a bunch of Jeff gross electoral money order, guys and every time

I would try to tell it like an actual joke heathrow. Try throw material in to us hanging out, sometimes not all the times, but this one time when the van and done Just like these. Look at a cigarette in the fuckin by the window. He just turned round you smoke has, We were told you you're funny, mo says to perfect silent. My mom, like Being entirely honest, don l lost his shit, because your mom can't tell you you should be a comedian, it needs to be other people. Has anyone other than your mom said you're funny and most like, like give me an example like no way algos bert. Has anyone ever told you you're funny? I go yeah my own entire life and he's like who I go. Everyone on our egos. Does your mom think your body? I got no gardelle bogart so into it. I could not accident rate story, like all we're doing, is shooting a comic and by the way

I know we're not shitting on anybody. I just love stories. Yeah I love it. I love Sarah silverman. I hope that Sarah deck with saracens, I love Sarah silverman. I kind of fell in love with her like when it first started coming, the cardinal MR negro flow yeah, big. I remember the first time a matter of oh, my god yeah. Why should I I don't like the way I hate everybody, keen, eyed and butter, I think, she's really hot, now The engineers she looks good could quote drinking. My point ten years ago, so she just looks I can I can hook up other. Nobody does nothing. talk about. She would not. She couldn't sit through my act for a second, it would drive her out of her I dont know. I remember she told me ass. I was Funny, and I just like on what we have in our hands yeah, but you are, you're, all you're you're in the moment, as mexicans in your yard, his name's gabriel.

He turns out the only comes what I'm doing progress. I think he's a the podcast and just like to hear or is not an that's. Why he's got that that we need or going right in his sons a bit repair the fate of the park ass and so every time you goes. That's me on the blower here that in the back please papa ruining the environment, who else who asked you think or who s? Who was a comic that you'd hook up with that hook up with? see Heller embody, I thought about it. A wanderer now who argued over even right, I didn't know use. I didn't notice it s deck nosegays. I was. I got up and he's naked I think on probably naked, like man, I know you like, I mean about it. Just like you do in my guy bert. Any goes well hello, Bert Harry you do in the nose. I got good good economic. I can see in his eyes never mind ass

You go behind that, while, where the whole, it's like, I know who you are, I saw that I know he was gay and then I saw this act I was like motherfucker. Do you know who is design and those like- and I thought he had said needs was mitch. Fidel Firstly, that of I'm pretty sure did especially I I saw his act and it was. I walked up to him after the shown us was like. You did very good thing and I was like oh yeah: can you can? like that on stage not expect people to thank your reality here, think special needs, but no, no, no, I've known mitch since then- and I am he's. Maybe that's really fucking hard. We did with a concert somewhere like the meadow land and it was out in the meadow land football field who did a concert juno who was there? Do you remember a comic name, gosh you is due and he had like he'd like help jewish really hip drug guy in new york,

yeah. I know what you're talking about yeah and he was like his own jokes. Like chips are talking about, a tongue ring the bell woven a blow job. If I wanted that, I just thought my skateboard that was one of his jokes. Nay, Josh care. Member use funny was really nice to me, but you He'd be like just going to stand up, sono nah, he did then he was at that show and he came up and was like burt. I was like holy shit. as if what are you doing these, like most in this week, nausicaa shut the fuck up at the meadowlands this. Did all concert in this state him. It was outside the stadium outta. There was It was like side stages. I think there was, but Mitch did this joke about a girl, because I was up. A minute I oughta do his voice. God of it. I was Gotta have sex with a girl. She was like. I don't know. If I want to, I am on my period. Is I got care than we started, and I thought think I'm carry? Can we

tired out its values yet cause damage. There's, a veto sprinter, though it can handle. I can't handle retarded good after twenty minutes are like, oh god, it's still. It's still special. I don't know if I could have ever dated a comic I didn't ever know if you ever need to call of fourteen issue, but I that counts. No, it doesn't count was for sketch I dont abc were one night above forget where we were outside as I do. You know how I got it: I only have sex with you. I was married at the time. I think I had two kids. I was like I I feel like you're, the kind of,

I totally have sex with like you're easy for me to excuse me. I feel, like you would totally of excellent, like It's like you're in my you're in the zone that I used to hit out of the park and she was like you're out of your fucking mind and I was like nope. I think I was drunk. I was like your. up here. You know what I could work you, but I'm not glitzy, who else right now. This is what I want. One girls that are listening that are comics to all be listening is going. I think, it'll bring up my name, I'm trying to think they have to be good. Looking and funny there will be one or the other by I could I could. I could not lay in bed with it. and then her say something not funny and meagre companies are onstage, what would I said or you're not gonna. Do it that? Well, I fuckin alright go to transmit that stop her right there. You can stand on state, but I just did it the funniest is gonna, be they will not accept that ohio

if you're getting a call from ohio. You just got booked at the cleveland info of motherboard, I'm going to ohio tomorrow or the day after tomorrow for a triplet, we start triplet, oh you're, just picking somebody there noteworthy. We start with. couple ohio to a couple of ohio was constant than fijian new zealand they're, taking him to ohio. It was my fault What are you going to do in ohio, we're going to butler to do this side of dreams. Just like the: u side, down a to shop, forty feet in the air and land in a pool again saying we're gonna cedar point we're going to we're, taking we're going out to put put an island, you ever do any in iowa japhetic theirs. I did this this week. I was in the moines where they love you, but I love it so great they have a chimpanzee

Their name kenzie, not at the club, but there's is almost it looks like jurassic park. It's called. Animal I camera. What is called, but you can look it up this guy. This chimpanzees kenzie can talk to you via his ipad he's got all these same signals and they can talk to you shot. So you gotta go there have delaware like you, can't touch him because he is too big and he'll kill you, but you can talk to you. What that dog that is a dog there is the other dogs they push the button. I want that dog, guy. What what I brought him a banana a gift and he just kept getting banana banana banana just so skype towards betty white. I have no idea what you're putting out with betty. Why we can you chat with face time of them? Now? Oh my god we gotta, do it I'll fucking love the text back and forth like I'm like? Can we be bodies and aim is a k and z. I e bert, its kenzie, bert scandal.

Banana further up banana have greater gotta go meal, I fuckin love this scope with him. I said: does he like comedy and they're like well, like I said to the the handler who do because I really like Gabriel Iglesias, so I gabriel on that they put him on a tv and then they If chimps just sit around watching Gabriel, it was really funny. I have a history of it. I'm serious yeah shut the fuck up and then I sent the picture to gay boys like what the fuck is this Where did you get the hell? It's like you to see it send a guy random pitcher of chimpanzees, watching them freaked out like everybody's event. Speculations on your yeah. They put all that Gabriel. The fluffy movie is all that. That's fucking great now, I'm trying to think of.

who's, the hottest girl in show in stand up right. Now I mean from from my money. It's got, it's gotta, be elisa, that's how I was going to say elisa yeah, singer. Mean or name doesn't help it, but it does. I mean I I I I think he's gonna be eliza right, Combination Y yeah, This is really funny. I maybe listen to progress with broken now it's really good. It's I mean she's I think she's smarter, off stay dishes on stage. By she's yachting, I think she's young, will the Shi ites twenty seven to guess I don't know, that's a good question eliza in that for on that podcast. it was her upon? Gasser shows on Jos? She started upon podcast and rogan is first guest.

and it was within the first five five minutes of the pocket. She's got Joe Joe howling laughing at me, I'm in a hotel room in atlanta gone condemn. It is a really good, her insights, really I don't, have it a while, but I mean, but all I is in the last couple standing sets and I think I think most people when their young are emulating who they, like so of your influence, the your influence and I think that she'd her voice back then wasn't super strong It was strong up the windlass comic standing right, but but I think now she's developing Is that really dont slamming her anybody, but is it really something to brag about if you win a contest, not mobile colleagues have never won one right, so I don't. I don't think so, but I just don't understand I my body in the end, a job, and he told me I said he's asked me if I did, I contest alone

I am going to, and I said no, it goes. Never never do anything that gives anybody else. The power to decide your fate yeah it was. It was horrible. It's a contest, like the other. I don't I don't get it. I dont get it all. I wasn't I did last commission to and how far you get on that, to this summer finals to new york. I just did the audition got past additional went round and got kicked off. I don't like it when they were all. I ve seen the four one and everybody was living in the house yeah. I just was funny I mean a little live in the house anymore. Now that I think they just they just are they live on a boat? No, they don't leave anything his goalie. They just go there and do the show do a show and they get voted on the show. But I think the thing I think the thing that's if, if I was going to do, it's coming standing. What I would do is, I would definitely not try to win but try to be there. I on the show that makes other people laugh and you go like todd glass.

rise on the shoulder area like tat, I was thinking yeah and indeed instead he was like. I would never want, They could seriously. I would also like you to ireland and has complicated. Did up, isn't serious, I don't ever goin stage one cod You got a good this time. I go stage like like volume earlier Are you a literally? I feel a great encouragement. Like a token, get through this. Why don't you gets Madame and throw something? and then I m like an lately. I am in this big zone of going No, why I've never been like this by challenging the audience in a very. Liberal way of like talking about was sexuality but not carrying that I am losing people because that I've that people clearly do not like gaze. And, unlike ominous gonna, make sure that you know not only do I not care about people being gay, but I kind of,

prefer them prefer them. I prefer them to the to the simple minded: isn't that lay my favorite thing, the soundstage lately latelies, you should check the internet before you came here. Instead the fourteen, if you have a specific thing, want to see and you go something and it's not it. It's your fault, not ours. Yeah like if you go to something my mind's open, I'm just gonna, go for a ride and see what happens. That's dolly but when you have a specific thing, you're going to sea and thank you you're mexican just got sucked up by the air conditioner is that okay turned on okay, yeah yeah. I I that's. What I feel like I feel like I feel like the internet is good and bad because I feel like to come to our shows sometimes and they've seen all our material. I try to control what goes on I'd, say this week distinctly us like this couple in the front row guys fifty one african american golden

who's. The check is, you know tattoo on the on the chest and but they're both dressed up. Did you look really nice? The thereof night right, but my head. I was like draft for a night and they are free tickets and where were you bridgman richmond, yeah. So I get to the end of my show and I'm like. I don't think I'm gonna have to tell the machine story because I'm having so much fun and this guy doesn't want to hear it and he's part of the show at this time and and there's a lot of by people in the show so I said I kind of will throw John gingerly like so. Let me anyway, What really liked here and that guy the front rovers defunct Jeanne story and I go with you. You ve heard it because you get me of course I did. I went online and found a who are going to see. That's a fucking great tell the story, and I was like okay as a goddamn it. I really can't georgia, but by its cover you can't. You cannot judge a book by its cover it's so that guy. But I think that that is the responsibility, the audience but

excited to see that kind of person at you show falk. Yet I'm excited to see that person asking you to tell the machines like due to miss them it's more of a mind blown but the fact you use At your show, you see interesting and then you go all he enjoys me off and then I was it here he likes other than six, because I really feel that people hate me. They see me on on for life. I don't feel like in my showtime special. That's the only thing that really shows me so fucking good, that's the only thing I texted you, the second or the first time. I saw that there was one there was one of the few ones where I went alright pause. the line- watches that I'm bottle of wine opening, where the fucker I'm trying not to drink I'm trying to drink a lot lately, so I didn't drink last night. I drank yesterday on the plane, but I voted against the text. The plan.

in the wrong place. I got really drunk on the plane. I think I've broken my governor, like I got. I didn't drink until the plane took off right at the end, but then the flight attendant came back and was like. Can I get you something for takeoff? You look nervous. I went who and I killed it, and this came back and this issue is the greatest turning was debbie. She was a greatest by attendant comes back. giving you think finished another one quickly as like is a broad mamma says when exams earlier and saw murdered it and then, and then I had next, the old lady was nervous and then- and I just right- two more in the air landed in denver in dallas, then I just feel like I'm getting so buzzed before on the plane, but that when the time I got home I was out of it. are literally passed out on the phone call, ride home and then came home slept, and then the girls woke me up I was like and then also guide. Where am I

get out of here. Who are you who not tat you so much that I warn you just don't have the energy to put the sign up half I can run that all in all the time when they, when they just come in your room, is like I just let him men and see me and then why I slept are supposed to go for lunch. Some guys here today and I slept through it and they thought I'd kill myself, I also think was my that much of a bummer beer. We didn't want to call again how bad my career, I would like there were so many questions that when somebody thinks that you've killed yourself, you have to ask a lot of questions about what you're up to lately. when people don't think you have like I'm like like why not telling I'm serious enough. My bones been dead for a day.

One thing I'm dead: you can't kill yourself anymore, it's sort of and done its delia stealing bits can you be copy, and rather more yes, but have you? Did your meat rumblings couple times really Is it really nice really quiet really risk from you know. Just now, I never met him. He hung with me that I didn't really care for so so who I won't to say like this the sailor. I describe it. Russian woman does comedy high voice. About me. I don't, I can't believe you killed, of its craze. I someone, though, are starting to the mai feature act this week in We can't let us siblings, So let us to better condo, there's condescension, kill exorbitant because associated can other

shower curtain snap before you actually get your air out of you by my buddy killed himself like a month ago in a hotel room, and I my first thought was hold on? Was he just a comic body or just it's just different yeah, the guy I grew up with. Dont know. I hung out with them all the time and allay- and I have known him since I've known him since he was probably ten and I ve no in a nose. I've noticed brother for just as long and he killed himself in a hotel room and in orlando- and I was, I could think, was my I was in a hotel rooms, leaving my came home to be with his family, and then I go on the road. My first night was like hard to be in hotel room cause you're, like fuck. I never saw them his lonely as they are right. I just how non inviting, but then I was like I'd try to find where it go myself, because I spent might drop looking for like how would I hang myself in a hotel room, so fucking

Would you hang yourself you have to you? I'd, take pills and jumping to pool just fall asleep there. I will find you say, ruin forever. I would I would be. I don't know don't know how I'd do it. I wouldn't take pills. I wouldn't take pills. I wouldn't jump off a building because apparently, once you start doing it, it's a like. You regret it like. They say they stay ever seen that movie jumper, jumper the bridge using the bridge. Now I've got I'm sure, I'm saying the wrong name to this movie. It's a president memory about people who jumped off the golden gate bridge and they show it. Oh, oh, my god, it's fast living in a show they for a year they dot, so they were doing a documentary about the bridge, but they just did a doctor, about people killing themselves, so they rolled tape, fucking twenty four hours a day and you People go over and having second thoughts, and then you see people jumping and grab everyone that job

survived said that the the second they left, the bridge they regretted it to be like that. For anything, though, like doesn't matter whether jumping shooting yourself hangings Hanging yourself, a hanging probably be the worst, is what if you don't die right away, I think I think hangings, pretty fuckin cut and dry. think. When you hang yourself dragoons himself, I think when you hang yourself, you dead, you come back from that. China think somebody found somebody not too long ago save them. No, no! No. I care, remember like somebody tat and then they were There were never quite the same. I had I had three friends kill themselves in college and then this guy was the last one. I think that's it. Jonathan Cool get a new one. I was really young like I was twelve and he was ten there

Adam savage bizarre life was ten years old and shot himself with a rival. Like that's yeah, it's yeah here want to do it. Mother, fucker, yep, clay, eat clay. I forget his last name, clothes and my authority. He drove out to the woods shot of solve the rifle do name just then goddamn believe I don't remember names all authority like but the third suicide like? Maybe we should stop using each other with clear that making within which it We call on each other losers baby it'd be a little nicer to each other, we're losing each other guys and ecologists a big place to kill yourself, though right like I think I mean. One guy deal. One guy was drugs. You just can't we just peter? What none are now he was just is really deepen drugs and he

Is it a lot of trouble with people, and I think he just not easy way out I'll kill himself, Why I don't know, I can't see it as an option at all now that age, a kind of thing, still have a little bit of that I can click over and start again like people. Don't realize it's yeah, it's it's it's end. It's the end. My body was very drunk I'd. Imagine I think I think you I think if he had gotten through it, he would really regret it. I mean he was, I think, he'd really like I mean it broke me. It broke my heart like I haven't, really talked about it, but when I found out. I was at the I was my dad told me. It was like I said I said I said my dad sent it back to him. Like ten times I was like wait hold on, wait, wait hold on. and I just kept saying no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no yeah, and I just kept saying it back. Like my dad,

I was just We he was like I nobody, I know I know, and I was like no, no, no, no, no, no, and then I think someone called my wife at that exact time and said you need to go talk, bert. I think birds can have a hard time with this and she came out and I think I told her to fuck and fell apart. I fell apart bad. I couldn't man, I just couldn't write the book, I have just sadness shock she complete shock, complete shock and then and then getting to like, where you were you'd forget about it for a little bit and then you'd, remember and you'd be like mother fucker punch that initial punches raise somebody just like that. almost like he took, I drank accidental medicine, and he just feel like your insides are burning that initial. When you find something out like that you're just like I don't Well how I get myself up off the floor off of this. Oh, I was bad. That was really bad that I just start

for no reason at all, like I just be had a girls with makes a clue. Other tamper be crying with tortilla, Jordan. Neither would be like dad Oh my god, I'm fine! in the context new products such remember but here I just that I was blown away when Robin williams at it, but what I was who say my feature act said that he thinks it is cause robin william said the earliest early stages of Emma S, levels, reprogrammed, parkinson's bargains, but I don't I don't know man, that's that's kind of giving into something without it that's kind of I obviously you just don't think that's something you thought about along time right, it had to have crossed reminder cobbles Like this now, because of muslin really close to serious when you're sixty three in your kill yourself that you ve been through,

life, like youth,. there's you know one people join calls and stuff like that we're religions at certain age. It's because and after huge success, it's because, Heaven there's nothing there. There try feel something and they have been able to fill it. They don't they at the end of the day, this to have everything but there's still empty for some unknown reason. Writer, I wonder what robin Williams list his head of what he hated about himself was much figured I'd, know myself to be deeply. He was married three, I'm so obviously had a hard time being close to somebody right. Does that being married? Three times says something right o there there is definitely a flag. There goes up. Would you when you heard three times? I think I wonder you know miss body of work was pretty great body where

insane like him in his like there's no way you can look at himself and go like you. Gonna take, I mean, Could it taken any meeting you wanted. You could do any project he wanted. He can make something. That's the thing presses me as I go. He could make shit like it's really hard to make things in this business. He can make anything but make anything any go in. to make people smile a crazy Judas, I'm unaware where I heard it. Sure heard a podcast that he went and did he was at some. Some outdoor vest whoa? There are other play music and I forget the band that was complain, but it started raining and so the band couldn't play so rough Some are told that story. I who told us, I don't know it most progress. Others do yesterday was a job bargaining, told that's very much it inside your partner. It was your warning. We were did I hear it? important ecological regard, niggard. Jim short, I don't know one of those eyes one. I it's one of those two guys solid, but I heard he was

morning, but I heard it on someone's podcast the job market told it. But he went up any performed and its standard. The like forty five, it's. While everyone waited in the rain for the ban, then the sun came out and he was like all right then just went back in the audience, listened and fucking amazing. only I've. Only one about my life rights, what my life I want all. I want out of my work on my body work is to get to a place, not famous. I don't want to be like. I don't care to be famous, but want to be famous so that, like in that situation? I can go to that right. guys. I do this for free. I don't care, I got money, I don't need the money, I want everyone to stay, but that's just that's for minority and what makes that guy then say, as the highs are so high in the loans are so low right. Do you think you if we are to be bipolar, bipolar, there's no way there's no way, and I think all comics are because

We hit ties and we had lost anything we do a movie. How have how depressed the next two weeks. Nobody cares where you are. Nobody said your time. She nobody you know you're sizes. Nobody wants to know what you're wearing its incredible. I remember I just remember the first time. After doing like a long sigh donna movie, just being just kind of standing there, a week later going. Nobody cares yap last week, everybody cared so can you imagine and I'm sure it's it's gotta? like that for him right after doings, even though some people care- but I don't know- the laws of gotta be so low and high gotta be so high troll, the roller coaster anymore, it's gotta be it. I mean. I know that I know for a fact: I've been in a deal at travel channel for all four for a bit. I've been there for five years now

and I know that I know that. I know that one day it's going to hopefully it'll, never at roughly the net we'll keep me there for twenty five years or go broke, and that's all I hope is that like is I like how I is whenever they have any project they want me to do. I always say yes, one hundred percent. I can't wait because I don't know what I don't know what's going to last and what's not going to last right, but me triplet looks like it's going to. I told the I told them. I will be here as long as you want I will be at this network. I love working at it, but when we get like between seasons- and I can't get anyone on the phone over them over it, none of the network, but at the production company right and I like and like everyone goes to a new, project and about sitting there by myself, I get depressed, is fuck, yeah, angry to people and our crew left early. the new project- and I got my feelings, hurt us like I was a bitter. I was out of my feelings,

after the the only person who stayed home is the other executive producer Paul. I talked to him. I touch his fucking ear off about to show people leaving the end user working on another project he's like yo. No, I hear ya, I hear it, but he's the only one that I got to that. That's so funny, but then you get ready like we're going into reproduction now and you get excited you like- our vote into production next in two days and you get excited you like answers it or so again everyone's going to be in bands everyone's having breakfast and dinner together, but god I guess, guess when you're rubber Williams well, I had to I did that that pilot with Annie with my family and it didn't get picked up and it was an, though they do sent us through a long period of ups and downs, and I had to explain to my in laws. Oh shit, it was really tough. I felt really bad afterwards, bringing him into that world. What you know cause they didn't. Stand in the production company broke up, in the middle of it, which was even worse.

split in and they fought over. The show person that god at shelved it, and I did I didn't really tell him. You know that we got decked over here. Journey. They begged. I don't understand You know, what's going on with dead can I will just move onto the next thing. That's how we do it in this business, guys we're going to des moines yeah we're going to do it, we're going to see a chimpanzee. It's going to be! Okay, yeah yeah yeah. I always get bomb, go like like in development that we develop a sick. Come that that's my that's the heartbreak as when you're like what no they ve passed, but no one set it out loud and you like certain hands that I always take that I just I just know, and I just go we gotta move on now and if other people aren't following you, just take your head out her ass, we gotta move on now, yeah yeah, that I think I've kind of one when I have people that don't you

at. I have to move on from working with them. You know so yeah, I'm back in like pitching, shows right now and and what do you pitch scripted, and I know one script in one night, yeah yeah I want to. I want to I'll tell you what I wanna do. As I have seen the silly in do. I want to direct all show, run. One should get a deal, development, I travel channel that you can create a show for somebody else. I told you good, I told a good. I want to direct community in hosted reality? Now you need that, like I want What I want to do is I want to I wanna I'm working on it. This season, with trip flip of being dreamily aggressive in watching how we do it so like the light like a really I'm leaving joking. I really want it emmy and did reality so who just want to trust me for that

pop jody ordinary here, so that so I said oh Paul this morning, I go what I've never done. This never done this ago, but now there on the bicycle. What can they do better I've never said everybody I'm working on it, I got it would know. What can I do better? now my name's actually on it hard core and was like animals like I could better. We like, I bet I could find a one way to do what we're already doing and make it more? interactive with the fit with the viewer right in and make it. I said, They do it. I said tell me everything I need to do is like I think you're doing. It I want to do more here. Let me think about it so like, but I want to direct comedians cause. I know the shorthand how to talk to a comic to tell them what they, what they're doing wrong. What they're not doing right like There are so many fucking loopholes. Half of it is just not speaking right like if economic just doesn't speak. It's amazing how much funnier they are on posted reality, because the ones

funny are the ones that are trying to drop jokes and writing one liners and plugging I'm in here and volume, and there the better is. When you let, like the other person speak, new and uganda rwanda them we like, but I was like I'm trying to think of what I can do for travel journal. I want I wanted to do something green screening with comics and comics talk. I wanted to us they can make like but travels moving in, so many different directions right now. we have to do, is show about everyone. Travel channel, never does their hometown. A travel show where you never go anywhere. these just show you just show your hometown and they come to you and it's just it's just You can do a valet, but I you know you could do it for theirs. Guy is it. Are you know what I was better just from Columbus and people come there their funding, but they know

Columbus, so they can take people to see things in columbus and never abattoir goddamn never have to. But that's all it's personal. I remember my. We use it My dad used to take anybody that came to visit us to the dump to see bears. You know so much vaunted- are able cool but love this. Would you just to a city or would you do the whole state? you did all state you'd never run out, never run out. Never of florida, the name of the show the floor, detour, guide, bert crisis I just take you ever did right burke rises, Florida, precocious florida, and then you could do on two different series. I do fifty fifty different ones, you could do it and you can do as many as you want There are so many comedians out there. It doesn't even doesn't matter, a comedian like bill, burr's boss, milburgh boston

and yet will Anderson, will Anderson's australia, these different different places find a community drew, carries ohio outlook watch that regulates yeah, well, woogie up this today will find out from Anna what she thinks, and this is our copyright. Ok, there's this guy and write us wait what name. You tell your from terrorists in bags terrace in bags terrorists and you're like you're, going to terrorists and your target in bag, and the first thing you do. You pick up an airport dad, I've been egos. Those iranians bears to see them ass. You are great about? My hometown? Is it you come from the airport as you drive across the first bridged again to the down there, just nothing but good fishing on the river bank, sir. Yes, the idiot instantly in the woods as you come to the woods, it's pretty girl. That's great! Now it's fun, yvonne, fun,

you get. Some of you want to go with you, wanna go next year to my don't fuck yeah here's. What I'm doing here is how you can help me out of this year. I had to do to fund raiders for two. Girls. I grew up with one died of brain cancer. One is living with brain cancer, but it came out of nowhere. You know if I can talk about this keep going and dismal. So so I raise money for the family. I went in and did they this it can you to night I did we did probably about thirty to fifty thousand dollars each night and with two different times, but I keep going up and doing stand up for the same people? So I need to take people with me. Has no money. for the family asked is this: we have this we're this grey if we can put people into it, situation and make money for people, but if you Go I'll. Take much ado eta, which I do it yeah. Well, that's not a bad idea. Just doing fundraising, for people that have died in the news set up your phone. fraser and you amateur bringing comics yeah. Why not like out I've kind

pictured is a show, I think interesting, do five comics and you take five comics to five. From towns and you do a show and before its people and all the money goes to these, whatever fun razor you're making right and then me you and whoever we go see their town and then you my town- and I take you to show my town, but we film me showing you that town and we as because there's better than going someplace what somebody they grew up there because they take you to see stuff that you would never see. Can really show the forget. A tablet. People right. and how huge would it be if you brought in five? It was like, let's be honest, you probably it's you who are. Who would you bring? I just named five comments that you bring. Oh, I dunno I mean like a friend's yeah it'll, be like you, so don't ever meant make us I'm here. Okay, it's like two girl, ARI Joey, like you,

you, probably ask, you probably ass, Joe PRY probably apply not because he so busy. I wanna, but other of what one of those guys. It actually gives his guy that deviating. I read get my beach house, and I just get us all down their right and I'd have What am I, what am I I get it all set up for a fund weekend? Numbing get thursday. Do a saturday night show fly home sunday morning or something noon and then and people are to have a good time you could have ailment. You could fill I would die. I would if I took much bunch guys that we go go to my. In the town we go to. She goes go into the boonies and shoot things. I'd take everybody to play. Hockey I'll go go curling, you know, I would you know a little bit of fishing just end up to a house party, that's in the middle of a nowhere with the people that I grew up with. That's it. We shall coming central another trying to do like that they are, they had is ours at a special. I would like to see.

I would like to see our series- and it's all unlike this- is that this is the pitch. Call me central matches whatever you raise the venue and so and so you go in and mike, and it's like people from town You can't be boss, anxiety of comics come home, but it's like comics come oh, but it's in there, but it's not it's like you're bringing people to your house so right, so you can, and you could have guys go so I mean the really trying into I tried to. I tried to pitch to I've tried to do a cruise. I've wanted to do a cruise with a bunch comics, there's another guy who already does one that someone just told me about that. Jesse Thorpe, jesse, thorn chestnut thorn, really good podcast. Her like really good podcaster and a really good radio interviewer. I think he's a comic too I'm not certain, but I listen to some of the shit. I tried to get him on my podcast. ray eleven. Does a cruise like the band

all three eleven that you should do they there they have comics on it really having spent Does it yeah? I think benson ones, one issue that I heard they were looking for, somebody, yeah and so yeah. So, but I tried to do a cruise and then I was like, and then I think I pitched it to Joe. I was like we should do a retreat where you come like, where the problem with the problem when you put in a similar shows that he doesn't need anyone come up with ideas, form right but keep like when you go to do this good animal it will do one show that'll pay for everything, but then you realise that what they told his money, like you have course would like If, until the point where I get to the place where I can go into a thing like, I remember talking to her about bill burr about it and he was like Oh, do you gotta get a toward us? It may seem much easier and I was like I was like go help her, remove you from where how much money have a cake like we were and my head, I'm like how much money so the river things, how much We need to make. Do my kids go to

ghoul? If I get it, I get a tour of us it's. Why do you think I beg for who? Would I be delivering on this tour of us even set out one gag covers a tour boss who bring up your friends, makes it so much easier by their bills doing dealers now, so I don't think he's doing clubs see this. This is what I mean like. there's a chance with what we do. We make stupid money. So if we just a way, he says one show I get to pay for my bus. You know what, if you go back to your hometown, one show mean some to a family yeah like covers met, cool expenses gets there. There's kids left behind. They can get some college funds. You know stuff like that. We might need a hurricane to hit tampa. You need to know just called for it or there's a hurricane coming up. You pick you pick whatever you, whatever, whatever you want to raise money for, and we go into that town and we raise money for I'd, be great I'd love to do it. I the problem, is I'm just too busy to planet

I need some of the planet. I somebody planet, here's. What would you do you ready for this? Are this? Is my pitch? You do a five kay, and a comedy show that weakened. Five case, a love five case. That's really you do. I've k at like nine the morning saturday morning, room and then one comes out and then and you get a whole group of immunity that already does that ship. For anyway, they already do five gaze, and then you companies show that night I mean like Larry. The cable I'd is, I think, does a golf tournament and then, like a show, would love to do something. I would love to do something like that. I just don't feel like I feel like I'm like I did. I did a benefit for my b, this buddy guy that worked on trip flip one of our executive producers died one of our one of our producers, who was a producer. He died of pneumonia,

got pneumonia and they gave him the medicine his body to reply to it. Lung collapsed, no oxygen to the brain died, fucking whore rebel. It was right after you did your benefit. I did one in denver for his family and we raised six grand. That was it I mean it's not in those item, but still one november on a tuesday night, I mean so much to people and so but you go like like it, but I've been in tat, specify brought other comics in. I bet it could do a big how headwind it so I make would Michael Michael Michael J. oh I love the thing I learned about how it is it like our guy you're, worried about my blood pressure and cowards, like poor call me when you're one ninety over one twenty

I repeat it s funny he's funnier! There's something about him could take, must pursue and is not trying to be funny. That's what I think fucking funny. You shit we're looking at you. I need, see hymns. I am I. I really regret that I don't go that crews, that he does. I wish you to invite me to. What is it? What is it this year? I did so much fun because you get to him with him, just unadulterated. You know that it's just you being with them and I mean the one I I went two years. I laughed so hard with him. I couldn't stop laughing right because he just making me giggle nonsense his that shows really fun to be on dude. I want, the last time. I did it quietly

at side, splitters and I knew korean babies- would be busy with that split. I knew he had some epic fucking stories and I was like and, and I loved it, I loved it more than anything cause I was like. I was like Oh know that if in and I know cow had knows, it are enough- It runs the show, but I knew there were a couple stories I wanted to hear. Pete tell so I didn't feel like I needed to talk, I feel I just got to sit around and listen to these stories right and it was the best appearance. I've ever had and didn't say a fucking thing. It's one of the, things. Were you just kind of you're hanging your job. hanging and adjust feel like a hanging anna gets recorded, adjust its just galicia and the people has around. are really cool, yeah dude, I I mean I've known him since I've known him for before I had georgia, I've known him for twelve years, rarely yeah. He went to his back when I tour J more, but he went to go see the sunday show. I ate

but that's how he was like enjoyed you more and call me call you got he set on rail I don't know who this guy is, but when I meet him he's my favorite comic and my dad's old secretary from when I was a like a baby like when I was a kid like the first grade: Debbie called him. It said I know who is dad is they called my dad's office and then from my dad's office. They got my number and they called me, and I was like I was like. Oh my god twice to go and do his radio show when he was in like he would do it in one room. It was just him and a computer and two mics and and I've been doing his chauffeur- four friends with them. I any other showing to I go to I think, they're kind of are they send me to morning shows airborne when two days a cow had nuts, what afghan, even I understand why change it, but you've kind of nicknamed him cow. I can't stop call him cow had I am. I just never call him MIKE. My dad always called him mike, and I felt like it just

he did back off a little he's like Michael Michael, going to stay for dinner. Let's call him cow head called cow. Had I'm a grown man, your dad sounds awesome yeah the thing I love about cowardice. He doesn't my fucking, destroying it. He loves you like you. You and him a very similar in that. If something is is wrong or not right, you will be very honest about it. and you will burn it to the ground. It's hard. It's! I wish. I didn't have that I really I've really created some people that hate me by being honest- and I don't understand why people I understand maybe I come across a little hard sometimes, but when pushing, pushing push you and then you're honest to them, and then they can did you I just don't I don't understand, I'm like. Don't worry you being a dick, I'm like no, I'm not being a dick. I just don't want to be around you like men, then, and then they're like. Why don't you want to be around? I just don't feel

comfortable around you and then here's that what's wrong with say that here's a thing that you do that I don't do that. I wish I did do so like there's a privilege that bottom over the guy's name Oh, I had all, but we were like Cleveland be columbus, not columbus, Dublin columbus. Who will I clean under Cincinnati or dayton or software some club and it was a feature act and he sold five dvds and three shirts. Any posted up right in front of me like and any posted up at the door people walked out and then I had like a round high top to sell my, shit on right. I was like you know in my head. I was like it shouldn't. Look like this be anywhere near that its. But I didn't say anything it's getting him! He didn't ask itself I just started selling drives me and then I talk shit behind his back for like fucking two months. I talk shit behind his back

every chance. I got the opportunity to and I was like a worse person, but here's the thing he'd rather me talk ship on his back then say to him in his face. You can't sell right, like that's the weird thing I just had I deal with a guy and worked out, ok but this feature I was in Tampa. This feature contacted me, hair. you don't have features, sell stuff, and I said no doubt if its problem has no, we can just get. You differ, wake listen, I do understand, but I just don't need contact me. If we wait before hey I really need the money because not paying me enough? Can I and I says he was coming in from somewhere in the midwife, and I said this is- cool that you're doing this. You are putting pressure on me. I said you can see but don't be anywhere near me and don't anybody that I let you sell, and I said you have less respect for yourself by saying you have to sell a t shirt then asking the club

for more money like if you can't afford to go there, just go their stay in your neighborhood in it and intel you risk do what you do enough. They never respect what you do. Created one no end and the reason the rest they go. Why can't I sell stuff? Because one that has to go to press I'm the one that has to go upstairs and look at the numbers to see how much we sold an ef. I didn't sell enough tickets theirs little bit a question whether I'm coming back next year. None of that pressures on your hat, none of that pressures on your head, so I have to the hands and press the flash. If you think I want to there. She can everybody's hand afterwards and seeing some people the din, enjoy me, but a lot of people who did and having to sell these cities that I have like and have your consent. mistake, and I want to disappear. Go hang with staff immediately and I'd just be around people that I know I'm doing it, because it's a business, you you'd be doing it as a business as well, and just

becoming so strong that I can follow you, then your headliner, and then it's your show. That's that's: That's the way it works, but the fact that some guy, that has many minutes more than material has five cities and t shirts not make sense and nothing drives me more insane when they go went long and I go the other guy did five men intro to sell it like. I did a five minute bit on his cd to sell. t shirt. That's got what do the job it's in it, yet I'm the for you know doing my jokes and having a good time with the crowd and taught it ends I did. I dont understand and I've never one. I was when I was a feature I was never disrespect of headliners I didn't in sally thing? I didn't. I didn't goats and shake hands I kind of just while I was the one that was often the background. I feel like there's a pecking order like it. doesn't make sense of these guys just things they did. They think they deserve things and also its. When, because anybody thinks that they can go on the stage it at the improv be going on.

Improv was was something you earned. It wasn't a right. Like all these clubs that just have bringer shows now you just they ruin there. You know, I think, don't you I just I don't know. No I've never thought about it. That way. I've never thought about it, and this is very valid. Is that I am the one that gets up properly. I am the one that flies in and leaves my family. I am the one that has to hold the fucking. bucket of water the end of the week of how worthy sales did we make enough money Will you come back and I do I do not. I do not personally enjoy, sitting on taking everyone's handy all only because there were other arm. They did not like what you to write that we're at that's where you know Europe has made more people show up to see you. I do ok, the room for people to come but we still have. People had just come to carmody club in our careers and it's like, and it's like an end, the the they can be totally bonus. I get by waiting for at the front door

and saying goodbye to every single person that came. Is that maybe on the off, they really liked me, though, by a short right and so on, and that is my bonus, forgetting staying out chickens like by the way. I don't ever remember a comic when I saw that only remember anyone that sold anything right like like? I don't remember that attitudes that is sold shit when I started were hacks. I mean like, I feel happy when a plot, a shirt Face on it, unlike the t, are too great nothing. I do. I do that centre that message that one night Joseph molly in in that seattle was wearing a t, shirt, I'm like who's t shirts. Then he loves burt's, I'm like that's fucking cool. Oh, it's a good think about your makeup, but, like I don't remember, I remember, it's getting off stage and then go into the green room and hang him out to the next show. I worked with Kevin now I'll. Give you every name of guys that I worked with that. Never did it tossed ever. Did it a tell? Never did it, let me say: seek it at a time

go out to the bar and just sit at the bar write a hit, but his back would end if someone wanted to say hi he'd be accommodating, but a tell wasn't by the door shaking everyone's hands. What you have to do now. That is the way that is well. It's hit that point where that's where you have to do that. It is the status quo of going hey thanks man of technical facebook and pictures of so much easier. Now with phones back, then they had never camera with them right and no one had cameras so So have you brought a cameron? You want to get a picture. Anyone would have would you be like sure, you're going out of your way right like who brought the camera to my show? But I don't think about that, and I don't mind I mean I don't I don't mind kid selling, but but it is, I understand. I understand. I understand it. The first time ever what you're saying I linked as a young comic you should as a young comic. You should be sitting by the bar working on your next set. Nothing so and

and maybe not like like trying to get in on every time. I go picture of someone do when all is said, and you like yeah, I I don't know what that is that it is these kids put these kids by the way. Understand that we're not talking about you would about the really bad examples, but I'm sure summons, listening going. This is me they're talking about, but these kids put fame in front of talent, lotta gable debate. They may have a bigger instagram following and it's all fuckin selfies them and like crazy, evening bloated up, but it's like they don't care about the art form of comedy, which is all I really give a fuck about which is you should be in using instagram to make funny things. You're, not just workin me onstage element. Sword I'll show you it's it's bizarre I, but I I would speak of just a guy that you know standing I don't

I don't know why, but I have a little uncomfortable ness when they stand right next to you and want to sell their stuff. I just like. Can I just have a little space? I just want This is the first. While we just came off stage, they ve been aid for an hour. Yet there in a different mindset. Viewed idea, you're still reliving stuff like in boom, bang bang people coming up and doings steel, like a writer, went away. It is like China to reset mirth we're having too that as were resetting yeah. So never to full tron, probably polly more than anyone. Lately he never sold on it, never cells, so funding for transit by the bar and his fucking. working on a set of. I think he may we sold once, but he was like a member. Just that's so not him right, you know, that's like is not I had an empty cell and I guess I don't say anything in vain, say that I still have my contract. They don't sell, but it's just a different.

I've when you're in vegas I dislike, but the seed that m c had a cd and I didn't I dislike. What on earth could you be selling like his entrails is that what you're going to be able to produce a good? Only a policy that higher about loud drinks measures, but right now headline you may have seen on by if you're an intro, and you do make that city I'll? Let you sell it myself if you're who are you at that point, though? You pick here, you're features. A lot of time aren't really how I like, for the most part, full will go with I want to go somewhere only because by- really so one of if I anyone but like it just kind of work, that way and he is like runs like I'm on the road that we like, ok, so make sure to let the levity. No, does he go with you because you don't

a couple days and he can headline held headline thursday and sunday and so or thursday, and I'll do it is utterly summits but full drawn up. I had this kid work with me. I don't know his name, matt math. do. I wish I remember a what no Matthew goddamn it. What's his name, it's Matthew bolt it's like a phrase same. He was really fucking funny right, I mean like. I really should look the kid's name of I'm going to say it's funny, give them the credit I see it's gotta, be four o four right was it you that mentioned somebody not too long ago on a podcast, and you said his name wrong and he was all mad about yeah. I've done that a bunch, a shit on I've done that I've said the wrong name. Alive and then they're like. I wasn't me, and I was like oh but there's no like taking a backstory out there and got mad,

a more? No damn find it anyway. He's really funny guys is funding alone. I am his. Is his twitter handlers, pundits funding polite monday upon day when they put on Monday monday upon monday plunder sounds indian. That's all I can find the right now. see us and want to cycle that Monday pun day monday. Panda is a human being, but Oh yeah, I wonder how many fucking monday upon days are: are monday, pandey, dot com. This has got to be him. Matthew Brossard, Restart now have an antivirus hard. He he was really funny. Any was really smart and anybody and sell anything. It is like

I I want to say he just was: I can check out like a really really funny, but he was real. It's like really smart. In the end, he was watching my sets and he was coming up with notes like he was. I came in when you tell the joke about skydiving with rachael ray and the guy look at this part with a guy that goes sky. That's tantrums, stuck behind me he's like what are you nervous about. I was like I dunno that you'll get hard and will hit the ground and it's all too tight hikers will find us. You fucking the end of the earth. He was like. I think, if you throw the word crater in there, I think, like he fucked him into a crater, make it a bigger laugh, and I was like thanks and I try now those like the worked so like, but would never write a joke about fucking someone into a crater, so it was, there was never that's. My biggest fear is that I'm gonna work with someone who's similar to me and want to copy off of me, and then I will have to be real. I've sent you, I've sent you a couple messages I forgot there, but it's like It's my beard so like when you work with someone is totally different than you

can enjoy their stuff and give them thoughts and then making enjoy your stuffing of unit I'm going through he's right now: we're I've got a lot openers that you had a couple years ago. If you know what I'm talking about yes, now has been. I mean like really: this is interesting, so where's, doesn't it doesnt affect me, as no carrying away affects me mentally, but on stage at dawn, mentally before and afterwards, but one I'm sure you're. Just like me, you kind of blank out when you go on stage, don't you yeah you just kind of wake up afterwards it just go up and like I like to I love, I love when I guess I did this this whole weakening, saint everyone. I love this. I hope joy. This more than me. Writing jokes. Like me, cry getting it right now, I hope, because I was like why, when I was a kid when I saw it Suppose you up, I would never emma sailor, they ve spell, but when I was a kid watch him go up, and I believe this is what love watch is happening right now, yeah and so,

like I had one moment this week. In those days it was like so real those are. This is what it's about right like, but sometimes I think everybody talking about how Dave gotta standing ovation in in hartford last week, yeah sure he enjoyed when he was having the problems more yunkers he's just he was it was. I was in. It was real time form him so much better. I like that so much better when you, when you're in it or you say the wrong thing then you gotta get yourself out of it and you gotta work internally, need a fucking. I had a thing happened there. They were girl wearing a sash at the front, and I love it when they were ass. I should just ass if she were sacked issues had ribbons so sheep with second place, and I love and I'd like to say that it was her birthday was her twenty first birthday, and I just had this whole conversation with this whole conversation with her and her family. Was there like you really need younger france. It was just a mom or dad neuron call, and I was trying to figure out whether the was really an uncle we're. Just some older altogether was sleeping with this girl

It's I figured it out and then we'd had. This thing, but for some unknown reason, I've been talking about death a lot on stage that just I've gone to that stage were suddenly As happens around me, and I don't like it and I'm trying to figure death out white settlers coming at me, the art they I've just been talking about it, but that night I didn't talk not at all. When I got off stage- and I dont know why didn't talk about it now she had a twin that died six months before how crazy that I'd, somehow somehow just knew not to talk about death. That's crazy! What there was. It was fuckin freaky, she came up to you and told you that that they told me afterwards that yeah just lay guy was there was like chill kind of thing that I just didn't talk about it. Mother fucker I had I had someone come someone came out there, they were dying. Additives like their dying wish was see me to stand up using Columbus.

It was a lie and they, but they told me extreme, told me it's like I'm giving you a heads up this girl's, like she's dying, her wishes to come, see you perform so we're going to take care of. But I want to give you the heads up. I want to make sure that you know not a fuck around with a thing or energies, madame Diana you're, not like somebody witnesses and so I was fucking panicked, and I the only person. I know that had that experience is dane, so I called dane- and I was like I don't know what to do, and danes like door about. It thought it acknowledges that ought to be brought up on stage You said they won't talk to you. They want to take pictures. It's like, I wouldn't charge them for a shirt personally, but because I just hang out with them- and I was like. Oh thanks he's like yeah call me and let me know how it goes like. Okay, I never most likely to call the bags completely wrong he wondered who shot on today. I did what

most in cincinnati, and there is there. Are these women? Always the same shirt, so I thought it was a family reunion and saws and like or of some sort and a really make out the sure what it said, but it said something like Britain in unlike airbrush and the whole time, the whole shoulder and read it and the Finally, I read it and it says I says breast cancer. Survivors and I go. Oh wait: do you guys have breast cancer and they're like yeah they're in the front row, and I was like oh, the us treasury, your shirt now it's uncomfortable and my brain like we call her playgirl or get the fuck out of here that and then I was like, but you guys are all got through it and they're like well kind of when I was like what do you mean? I was biggest mistake. I've ever vulgar made my life, but it worked out totally and then this, what I love about stand up is like and of talking, I'm going to cause I'm going. I'm kind of in the thick of it right now not really cigarettes actually not to go into a well ass, a really

She goes yeah, I said well, I said well come on stage, let's talk about it, so I bring real estate. I get guess shots to tequila as I can. You do shouted to kill it because I'm getting chemotherapy he wants a week. I think tequila fine. For me I was like ok, so we do we started of tequila and then at the end I said the end, then this is our god knows we had like her. I mean I'd, ask questions about you, it was. It was was fascinating for an audience member. But for me it was dangerous. Those like Lithuania is going insane rate at the end. I I was like I dunno how to get out of this, and I was like here's gonna. Do I'm gonna give you my phone number. I got any time you feelin down rest. You call me personally and I will talk to phone until you're laughing. I swear is that really agree? I gave her my phone number one time like, should I This burnt altogether this lake superior deck cigar and the girl from the,

I was like oh hey and I just fucking rattled her ear off. I think she fell asleep on the phone, but but yeah. I love those moments when you gotta try to figure where yeah it is good. It's working, it's crazy! I like the way you get it like you're you're, the only person. I know that doesn't do contrive groundwork, though it's. I have answers, sometimes you know like, but it's I try to explore when somebody ass, it's like a football, the snow does the initial footprint, but when it comes out its beggar, so I after the initial footprint I know, there's gonna be a footprint, but I dont know how big it's gonna get. So do we? Some say that about alone by and by the way I love analogies, stand up a means, have an answer. I have a job like all I'll, bring up a joke in question.

Then we go from there like. We know the initial foot, but we don't know how big this the foot going to end. I see what you're saying so yeah it's like a. Like there's, combustible material around the joke. You don't know how big it's going to get or where it's going to take you, but you know where that's way: better yeah yeah, that's what you're saying you're starting a fire, but you have no idea how much gas you put on it. Oh, I heard that a diver SAM Tripoli said to me one time he's like following someone like getting here to follow rogan one night goes, it was getting dropped off in a forest fire because and I get my way out of it. I had a panic. The other day I who did. I was at the bravo mailros. It will turn out but it was rogan second it was wanted. J. Little J does all the shows around town J. One. Why my viking eyes then.

But it was rogan. It was I who is it was a alonso bowden was who ass was it? It was all these guys are just like red hot fire on tv right now, and they only that nobody knows and I like and closed it really, and I just love word, though, what why and it was fine I was like, but I was like this is gonna, be in say you need those moments in life, though, because I can you get doing here own show. So much like just on the road that you almost like expect to murder, and then you go back in europe. I going to follow who yeah you gotta? and you're like here. We go I'm going to follow people that are known. Yeah like that Nothing more like David spade, yeah. we have you seen Davis bid and exports and have a show on fox sports about fanciful, jerry, for I have you seen. No, it's so fucking good really. It is a show that is not being fought with by any producer at all. A fox ports is that right now, right, yeah,

It is so good, it is all them. Brodie Stevens is on it and its, but propose via satellite and there s two eleven people they're all if any fancy colleague and they're all. Basically there all fuckin just kind of David spade kind of running it, but he's not he's like. Definitely when he speaks. Everyone falls part laughing he the funniest personal not easily puts words, and was I mean Brody's hilarious, brody's room and everyone gets brodie. Jerry Ferrara, I think, is the one I don't know it shut. Glinda is turtle from entourage that chocolate del a lady from espionage, sports or from fox Words and then take laser. I think the weightlifting coach. so good and it's like an hour long and there's no script. It's basically them all just fucking with each other. It's so good! That's great But while all I was say that, but you I don't you say it like when you follow I've, I've,

you're saying natural. That's all that's what you're saying like natural Jani compared to contrive funny is way better. I've never had a follow. Rogan, thankfully, like. and I would venture to say, he's kind of at the peak of his fucking game right now. Writing was, I seems, to be of the punch little he follow bill bert, I think no! No! No! I don't! I had a host for go at first filbert, hans, gert me in our words and rogan whereat in house. I want first, and I was like a mother fucker. I have not, I've got a first in a while, but the health first. This is bullshit and you'll have to jump start everything You need to do that everyone's, whether remember like it here, I am when things are warmer different art that, although I think a.

I will do several dozen sets in the city and so fucking long they're fun to do I'm only home for a day. It's like, I feel gluttonous. If I went out tonight, said I I going to do Hosting an award ceremony on Friday night at the standard, the new filmmaker of los angeles, really doing. They have five categories and I think I think thirty, three films total they do. They do short films in itself hosting it so we'll see I've. I would I figured out right now you are put on a suit and go hope that others will be nice and then I'm gonna go do. at the improv and then tonight I met breyer improv. Do that every so often on it today. There is that you gotta do that its I haven't, and I do once a month at her most of each other I'll do a tuesday whose is richer. Rather, I should Would I lie you? Not you should be doing irregular has.

All number one drive is a little bit of a drive and I remember telling Jay Leno. He was like how come you don't do the comedy magic- and I said oh, it's too far and he's like only a fucking comic was. It's too far. He goes everyone else would be like, oh yeah. Of course that's in my city, he was like, but you're like to then I maybe I'll go to Ah ha I did I did. I did richie I honestly, I want to make sure there's nothing wrong: hello, yeah, yeah, whatever. In the tacos you'll take a bunch but remember in the in and I like to eat and get some tongue. Tacos too are okay. Alright by god. I fucking love that woman she's. The best

I can't believe she's the best. My second wife never live up to her and with great is mormonism. Phenomena I put it two wives, that's the best. If I can, with another wife like a second wife I this is what I'd do I'd be like leanne. I will not let her speak in front of you ever. Like foreigner and you'll be in charge of everything she's just for touching. I won't letter the kid I could have a second wife, I'm pretty sure my wife would kick the shit out of that yeah. There's no way you want from the south right in the south If the southern women that's a southern women, I get all fired up. My buddy has a work. Wife. Do you know what that is no kind of what like girl that he it's his wife at work don't know if they have ever done anything but he's always talks about his work.

Leon used to call stacy blacker who is the director of triplets is, what do you call my work? Wife could stacy would call me be like I need to talk, and then we would have to talk about like work stuff, and then we talk about private stuff too, because we worked together so much and then she just start in the end and the they started like sister wives, in it and and but yeah then will blow up, for that was name was Lonnie. She was like my work because we're other overboard conquer for two years and she did, lonnie love. She did ever my god, oh my god, there. We go. That's one of the girls I'd, definitely fuck the atlanta attack or sarasota, but all he loves what kind of I'm so obsessed with women and that are hot and who do you think of them, who think the most desirable male stanhope is the guys that different though right cause for guys girls like to see a guy that they don't think is high.

and then walk on stage and control things yeah. The girls find that completely different susie fitzsimons yeah. They like paste, if the patient, in hockey with them is, I bet, he's fucking a monster out there. He is there's no abuse of press. If you really is go all different directions. It's really funny to watch. Has the bird is proceeds neighbours, the idea how a bill billboards getting better. I like I haven't, played with those guys in a long time. I, like that they're real you should come out sometime, I can't skate. I have. I have a show that I want to do. It's called the it's called the what year old gully, where I have mid life crisis, decide to become a goal: tender wide old. Why We do why we pitch a show called hockey leak right where we all start a team, and we play an you just like hard

Alex h hbo, but you watch us comics like we're just jointly. We want a hockey weak. Ok, let's do it. How coolly! sports natures yeah, let's do show hockey, where we all join a team and everyday, just like hard knocks really fun and it's just all calm yourself, workin funding, we didn't yeah we grow be fucking great though it be great. If I may be better, if you do while because you can see our faces now we will- well, where we all. You can see us, but we're on. Picked up the chirping. That would be the chirping on an ancient. Oh, my god, you realize how funny that would be ok how many people are in one? We, we probably I have deliberately eleven I'd- have to be magala, garlic, women. I just sold colleagues go equipment away: the abbot, ok, so eleven people, eleven people

me, you Belper, in steve, burnt, stubborn fitzsimons, fitzsimons, martinek nick barton is horrible. Ok Who else? Is there There's this guy doesn't from from moscow and that's really good bye care members, namely. I he's a comic book, burnham, a guy who else would be. birds got the list of the guys who play hockey. We can. He can dude. We get all things comedy to do. The pilot fucking texting bar right now. All things comedy produces the pilot right.

I'm taxable right now. I have an idea for a show in bag, and I came up with I'm gonna call you later for all things comedy to produce. Ok, yeah, that's a great idea: and then we and you follow us just cardinal cardinal at home, burt deals with his kids. Everyone shut the fuck up. You can't buy ice skates. Skates are just you drying your equipment. Yeah. It just would be such a great show, I'd love it and you could do every season. We'll just do a different sport. That's great! So we do hockey. First, then we do softball. Then we do softball. Then we do tap flag football then we take up like a curling tee league. I want to start a curling team. You know right yeah, berwin, to start a curling to him too. I think that's so great and its

and we had to deal with the network. So we can make money to do it, so we can take time offers It want to make sure we can course yeah. That would be great man. There's a water, Paulo tournament in my neighborhood, that's in the ocean Y yeah Are you shitting me yeah was last weekend, that'd be great. We could do that. to cool that, though in the ocean in a bay and the ocean. So what do you call it figured out later, owing other guys, all the right now summons, like someone is writing it down and get us the reason I just texted books when this airs everyone's gonna be like hi. I got that we got that we got you, we got you. We could, then we could end up with doing an all valley, karate tournament, where we compete against each other, her having

As you know, we could get into it the guy from a karate kid. I know him who lawn kid that Johnny yeah sweep the leg. Johnny, god that's a fock it also funny I was just. I was sure someone has a bit about this. I'm certain of it, but I'm obsessed right now with watching old shows all my old tv show, but my girls and seeing like out homophobia outright sexism like portuguese, is all sexual assault, yet just data. The dj movie of today. Right movie, you watch any watch, you watch on sitting candle stay rape, diagnostic are you drunk you take her for the night gave his girl. to a nerd and gave the dad David s. Car drinking and driving. There's I mean it's like it's all illegal shit about ray Donovan that guy never stops drinking. Have you seen that Joe drawn of it? He just drinks and drives all the time like this your blood pressure medicine. I am not know how many go find out today.

I need it- is that what you're doing I think some new stress tests, but so in stressed about why what your blood pressure the kind of high like one forty over ninety some bad, I think so bad, I think so. I think I need a little medication. Ninety nine, the ninety part, is what you worry about more than the one. Forty part really really because you're Those who is one twenty plus your age, isn't it no one hundred plus your age is the top hard really yeah, What other one on the other ones, usually around eighty seven between seventy and ninety, I think months, monday night, like night, it was. I I think I need a little medication just to bring it down a tad bit told you that find out the doktor today, I'm sure you'll get me plus ramos and end fucking was less but back to twenty yeah, that's a little higher and its it it's borderline. It's just above board, one so I know, and I feel, unable borderline. I tell you to do things about borderline rather than have ever told

the time that I had my blood pressure diagonals. While I was on cocaine, though but the way it was Forty and whether it was my bottom number was like one: twenty am I I up over by was one eighty or something really. I wasn't good at all. I was like having a panic act, cocaine yeah the like. Are you? Ok, I'm like no, I gotta get outta here I had a panic attack underwater the other day. Rarely has a. I was scuba diving in Denver and I was having a hard time getting oxygen to begin with, because it's denver, let alone I'm under water and they started the class. we have do a class underwater, so I've just started. King, so you want to be in class and it was taking forever labour like operation, not all hands. Signals number three. Take the mask off clear it. it one fill it. Okay, did you see me do it? Did you see me, do it now you and it's like four of us

and I was losing my shit and I was like I going to get the fuck outta here, so I just swam to the top, and I was like and she was like- came up sugar, you, okay, I was like yeah. I can't do that. I won't have to chill out for a little bit she's like are you okay ago, freak out just freaking out a little bit and it was like it was because he had to be on your knees and he couldn't like you. Couldn't keep yourself steady, kept coming back up rose fucking making. We got the increase, and so are the things you do you have that is able to panic that on pinning all that on all still panic, you so panic of panic. Of of I'll have low level anxiety. I think it keeps me safe. I think that low anxiety gets me lot more aware of my surroundings, so I'm a lot more tentative to detail I didn't give a fuck I'd, be like air hornsby and I got it, but if, but I'm like, I'm always like on edge like we were doing this slide butler you that its aggressive, but I'm guarantee you that

going to work my way up to the top of it. I will do it so that, like I will do it more like once I do at once that, unlike hey. Now, I'm gonna, the only time I've ever been hurt doing tv is when I didn't give a fuck about something that I was like. I'm not worried about this at all. Kids do this and I kicked up both my hamstrings What was that those blob? What what's giuliano like a big big air pillow and they jump the guy jumps honor, they shoot you up and there was one your promo. Wasn't it for you and I kicked up with my hands, strings and rupture my eardrums. like you that I have that. Doesn't look fun at all. That horse, not a foreign but being making do with kids, because a rubber balls yeah but ever since, and I've always been real cautious. Why do stuff cause like I'll? Do it first time and make sure I'm comfortable and then I'll take it up step it up level, and so by the last time. I do it that's the time. That's probably the craziest, that's the one. They probably used first like in the edit,

Well, yes, good, I wrote scuba, diving, fiji and I was just going to fiji to the big island to big and then we're going around in the maybe up to come and tell to to- louis taboo and then by when after you did? What do you do? we just want to china, we're on the big island, and we went north north south there yet, but will have four. and so we didn't have enough time to south to the south east part, yeah yeah, it's great yeah yeah did you go to any rate for stuff or- waterfalls. We do not do that. We do when we went to the beach once swimming, never dan, like I'm on my way, just one home, so you have a role in four or five days. what it has done in new zealand, I don't. I can't say, because the people may listen to it, that one of the data gonna be there last week of september four feet october,.

I'm gonna try to book it over there yeah yeah yeah. That's right! That's right! Let me tell you I'll, tell you exactly: we are there September twenty first until the twenty it's okay cool. When are you going to be there, I'm going to be there from the twelfth until the twenty, eighth, so, okay, so I'll try see if I can figure it out. If I have a couple of days where I can meet up with you guys, yeah there's One thing we're doing this so fucking bad ass? Rarely do there's not there's not one thing. There's I'm supposed to be on the call today that I'm going to miss because I'd missed. I thought my stress test was at three, but it's at two, but there's one thing: we're doing. That is going to be that I've seen online and it's that did not wanting everything. We're doing is insane like there's so much shit. We're doing that I make. Are you fucking kidding me right, but but that's just zealand, I guess new zealand just like an adventurous Paradise. Yeah, that's don't have much.

Space. So they do it all right. Oh, but you gotta, we gotta take flights because new zealand is a lot bigger than I thought. I thought you could drive it no couple of ireland's right, yeah yeah. I know that yeah I'm not real good with research, and I have a big idea. I put it on paper, I'm like here. We go and never put it on paper, but I don't look at the paper. So what are you gonna do the rest of the day I'm going to see if my house is flooded, oh shit when that happened? I started ten, so I was trying to prepare everything before I left. Apparently it's for the next forty. Is there some sort of hurricane down near mexico or something really we're getting all this waters sent up to us via the ocean. So how can we don't ever get hurricanes up here? They happen. ask over then they just don't. I don't think they make it far enough like they did burn out slightly. Always warm water yeah it.

I guess the warm water stops probably around the sea of cortez, similar that yeah right cause. I that's why Florida get so many cars, then it just kind of have we ever been in a hurricane no know, but was in omaha last time, just before my show for the tornado warnings. One often they put everybody in the basement. Like the show that seven and six they put everybody in the basement and when I'd buy like what I think that observe one eighty six and I think it was at one ninetieth, really yap them love those people as soon as tornado warning was off, but it went upstairs. Did the show when I was in omaha no two moyne into more, not less last time at the time for that there was a really bad lightning storm, and I got panic attacks and I was like I wouldn't hold the microphone cells

it's funny, because it's going to hit the building and then run into the microphone I'll, be like. Oh, my god. I had a dream last night that this guy was shocking people. All my god. I have fucking I'm having very vivid horrific dreams lately What was he shocking people he was. There was a there's, a wire down from from a telephone call, and I forget who was. Actually I don't forget was an exact. Who was my body who killed himself he was in a puddle and I have seen you gotta get other puddle that that that's gonna get to you, and he goes well then helped me out- and I was like- I can't touch you because of it. Electrocuted electrocute, migos, just grabbed my hand. Second, I grabbed his hand. There was this That was a part of a wire kind like jamie fox character and inspiring That was just shocking both of us and I was pulling my friend trying to get him out of the electricity.

And I was getting shocked and I was, and I kept yelling the guy you're, not fucking hurting me you're, not hurting me, then. I woke up like that at another dream that this or so you're trying to help your friend, which can help a friend yeah. Basically what you're saying. Basically, I had a lot of really fucked up dreams. Last night I had a dream that that I was a. I was on a paddle, with another guy, and I find it that's fucked up gets worse, it's worse than this guy. This guy, elsa address like get out a gaze and allows? I really, and he goes yeah disgusting- their children around and I go, and the guy I'm with happen to be gay and I go. I got dory, stand up for you, I go. You know what get on the wrong side you're on the wrong side of history. We are you're fighting progress. I was like this is to these keys familiar my mom and I'm like he she's like as like you're finding progress.

this is the future, that kind of karma your son's going to be gay and the guy got really pissed off and go there I was with was ike. Do I he you got it that last one well, let's stand up paddle away, cause he's gonna throw shit at us, so I stood up on the paddleboard and I start to paddle for the gay guys I started like yeah, we're in love and he was like rubbing me. I was like mm: don't touch me it's like we're we're above and you can't stop this love and I was like and he was like caressing me. I go home and I'm all for this, but you cannot touch me. It makes me uncomfortable at least like no, no I'm trying to sell it. I go no, no! I think we sold it it's fine. We can be just a gay couple who doesn't touch each other and then I woke up. That is no you're trying to be right, but you're, homophobic yeah. I guess ultimately it's just been like and then it turned out. I was the guy that was throwing up as it goes. I get out of your your gaze. Are you like? Whatever is yelling at us, and I was trying to paddleboard and we're at speed

the guy just kept going your man and his robin my backlog of stop it like an hour. I thought I sort of the amazon either. So interesting is like the most progressed. The guy in the world is totally call with everything. But the second that you like like, if you put your hand on my leg and you like it, look really good today. I'd be like dude. Don't do that, but I still hate my heart, but I det, I make a joke. I think, I'm a homo contract from comfortable. Do you get it began to pray one night, we'll get me drunken tricked me into it right or like it? That's what it is that this is your problem with with Is it that you are the problem. There at another dream were where there was. We then an odorless society, so you couldn't have ownership over anything. Your house had to be given to what was in your house was gift to you by the state and if the state wanted to take back in any time they could and what they would do is they would give you a price offering of who wants that, because it was like this upper echelons of people and they could buy things that

or watching you. They could watch you at all times and if you will take having too much fun with something. Then these oppression people wanted it so we're in the house and the lady comes up. She's got like she looks like one of the girls from star Peter Frampton. Video no was a beautiful. now Peter would like their target. And lives now noun that without one they play the guitar love radio addicted, we add, sticks Peter Gabriel, notes, Stephen Frampton. We all know who we're Peter Gabriel saw its peter gave her anyway looked like dabble in like a in like a black in a black coat and annum, she was. I gum hello crisis and I was like hey issues like today to objects that of your house. have been selected as she was like for twenty five thousand dollars. They'll give you the money.

Stuff, but you can't say no to all you do is out bid them and then you would then have to go into debt and pay off what it was and the further The first object to a countless week. What no I counted this week ago. These are, these are dreams that I have during tax season of she goes. The first object we will be taking is mona. Our dog and leanne melted down she's like no. No no no hold on come down I'll, go with the price point, as she said: twenty five thousand dollars, and so we'd like to offer seventy five thousand dollars and keep the motor she was like fantastic. You can keep Mona. This second object from your household that we will be taking, is Georgia I what fuck, I should have, let him take mona, we're, never gonna be able to afford this, and I was like, and I I started panicking and georgia is like, If you take me kindly daddy arose like no and those like oh, my god, I've been having too much form if you girls, like they ve, been watching us and ass. I know they can take you and I then decided that

going to go to the head of the state and kill the woman in charge of everything, and I was like guys I'm going to be right back so I went out, isn't going to be right, back, went out and got a. I had a piece of lettuce that I would t keep notes on at the end, and I was just keeping mental note of how I needed to get there and I need to kill someone I got down. I got like right around the corner by my. Oh, my parents lived like by orange grubbed up. It was an orange grove arouse good. Now it's like houses I was down around the corner, where the churches trailer to explain those where the church was a guy in a white car pulled up, and I was like how do you have a car and he was like I own it. I was like how do you own a car and he's like I'm in the oppression? when you're not then went no. No, no! No, I didn't think you were here's like you. Of course. Let me drive you back to our place, so I was going to the upper echelons place with, guy in this car was like a you go, but it wasn't a pimp. Doubt you go away Driving and I hope and and as we I've gotta love. What a dream comes back to you as we are driving

there were he started like running the engine real hot and we were pouring bottled water into the engine which is in the back of the car, and I was like any is like so What are you going up there to do and I was like I'm going to kill the head and he was like what I was like and then I woke up like the bellows realise, just a tom cruise movie, where, during our problem Basically, that's one of the I guarantee you, I fucking got it from a Tom cruise movie. I guarantee you we've, heard this and is going to turn that into a movie. I one time told my dad my dad, my where my dad was having a dinner with like some people that were buying his company and there were like. Have you ever? Have you ever you? Don't you It was the families you need gas on airboats in the everglades. I was like: we've done that and everyone my family looked at me. I was like We totally did that. He. I remember that no,

as a member. We all have our own airbus. We write chasing each other round. Will we then a hillbillies, an m? My sister is both a ton of whether the time because I think it thank you police academy, three, yeah you're right. I am no way you know it's like. I dreamt that, and I thought it was real and then told people my dad was like the guy. That was with my dad that moves wanted to buy. The company was like you son, me about a dream. He had and thought that you guys really did it and it was actually police academy. Three, my dad's, like he's a creative type. I can't really help you. I love that your sister was watching police academy, three police camera. Three. So did you stop doing your protest? I did really and I'll tell you why why I just did You like it was his get as anybody else's mine. Isn't here, my tattoo revive. I I read about your

It's like I love reading on twitter, the things that people say kyle can enter the funniest fucking thing the other day. What is I was still explaining to him totems like I might totems owls, whenever I see owls see out a lot of them all the time grow the front row how to have an elder like this week and I am lands like that go to my surrealist user, lions, totems hawks. She sees hawks everywhere like everywhere, She sees hawks and the girls are obsessed with hawks and calculating robe broke clearly is so that when you see something a lot that you're told them and I go yeah, he goes. My total must be hotdogs that I could. I was like funniest thing I've ever heard is really funny. He really is really really funny, and you know it so funny his day. Persona, is so gruff that you forget, he's a soft sweet guy right, you think this is a guy in the corner, smuggled cigarettes? What I think all of our statement, the really

as a stage persona just basically concentrate us part of me. That's what I want to know my first, our that's what you do and let me she was like the upper part of you gets me with a smoking jacket. I liked your pipe via by like by like a fire ways barium funding, although everybody we ve got silk of use, he's a driver either What are you doing you're next hour? Hopefully soon we ve been talk, but I just did trying to figure out who is going to do it. I want to do a common space like a city cd and why do I want to do like a cd but like a like a cd like why? Why haven't you just want you? Why don't you just. Put out an hour every so often I know you like me like there's somebody me. Why did you just put out ten minutes on itunes every couple months because I've

like? I'm not like. I feel like I'm so good question I don't know I don't know I have my his location, whereas my next location, going to be for your hour yeah. Why would you want to do it then chicago? Who I'd love to do one chicago? Do you ever been to up? Have you done up to it's awesome? its downtown like reached the improv. There's really good too up as downtown. That's the only difference. Ok and it's it's there huge, is four hundred seats and got a big stage and stuff allowed in minutes. tier seating? So it's really quite a shock. No one's ever done an hour special at a college like one of these college comic guys yeah, that's actually something! I don't do you like doing colleges no. Why not six cause- I have- I can't just so what I want to say,

They also need your people and a half to two gets our as you have to have a little bit of disappointment in your life. You have people generally have that in any display, medea them. If I mean something right now, there's someone going up my mom killed my dad and you'll go what you have You go to college I would love to hear. I would love to do colleges their rules where there are no rules and you can't get in trouble. I feel like I did. They want to hire you, though, that How are they hire you if they're not getting they honestly? They want me to tell a machine story. but the machine story so crazy, hard core the that is just a kid. I have heard the story and then they got a college budget nor, like we want to bring him here and have him story here and and and and honestly- and I know this is from my past experiences and whoever hires me is

basically bring them in, so that they can do a shot of vodka with me and it'll, be like I gotta do a shot with a machine like I did as college in pittsburgh of so great and I got there and I was like so I was like requirements and the like are not really just we really want to the machine story like that's kind of why we brought you, and I went okay and the guys I can I dunno if you're cool, but shoved, kill, sort of argue with. You knows, I'm sure it's a great one, I'll get it. We went and got it brought it into student union unlike portable. Secrets or even their boss. Was there the guy in charge. it was like. Don't worry about it totally cool owing to its agenda like this. this really corridor shot with a machine. So this I'm gonna stage, and I just told stories the entire I told like and that's it colleges. I just telling five stories: I've done us go fighting it. Jumping unemployment, rachel ray the mission. story, disneyland on acid and like us Some swing story and that'll, be

an hour moscow. I've just never gotten pass the and empty empty college. So there was a girl if rail here, what time is it about budget where you goin. How dare you leave your? Why should leave her? What time to get there give can pursue like twenty eight thirty minutes, were you got laser to two to three One thirty thirty one thirty they do away where the talkers from land just porthos, cactus tacos practices, that is tattoos from cactus. We come up with a lot of it

tv shows trainers. Podcast we should do is show out pitch but which we just pick shows that's all. I know so funny once beef. What's pork once time. Ok, ok, The cap will have a very similar show that the guy's too, In writing. My show must come came up with. Could I have but I'll tell you after the thing what they are our only tacos animal sweetheart goes on upon cats. What's up, needlessly. Tacos have tackled fucking love, tacos, I've been obsessed with tacos. Lately, in new york, you have you done. Have you do you do gotham? I haven't done in awhile, let's see what the geezer problem with our think. These are tongue. The problem with tacos check my after check my moment

He'll live webcam streaming from your house, see if it's underwater think these are tongue. tongue tacos? I love tongue, tacos and, if you're listening to this and you're like ooh

tacos like I like it taste like and taste like a tasted like like beef. What's more flavor taste like beef with taste buds, which ones are the one hundred strong northern desert on? I have no words. I do know neutron yeah! No, those are those are town know. Those are town, it'll be like be a part of buncombe of darkness. Is my batang? Really?

Chocolate just let me know this is not. This is all new sure, you're supposed to go to a stress test by eating tacos before thinking to myself. I'm like are you going to throw up on the machine at the time I hadn't I knew a guy that had got your tongue down the middle and knew a guy that had his cholesterol checked but you know you weren't supposed to eat a day before I should so they can't it. My cluster of rights must take your clara rogan. We should. didn't know you not eight twenty four hours before no us, both for twenty four hour and other factors. Good thing I told the story because you wouldn't work and drop dead when using cholesterol rating cliff frozen. We through the roof

am eating tongue dog. Well, I knew a guy that didn't know it and then he ate he ate a pizza before I went to a pizza was blood with basically cheese eyes, bugging hilarious, napkins cause I've got an olive if more here sorry Ok, I'm your brother said priscilla. Second, edam how's, your house, you know Good she's got she's on the other side of it, so people people compare our dog stories. Society. and ten grand online off our prices. Astounding. Thirty eight thousand. Are you serious you yeah probably a little well, here's. What happened

and by the way everyone that's now fucking throwing up in their mouth on the fact that I spent much on a dog here's. What happened? The first leg was like five grand and we would like okay well, that course. Of course, we're not going to put her down to a ridiculous amount of money to spend, but we're going to do it today, the first leg and then it started healing and the other leg went out, and that is it. That is the point when the doctor asked. If we wanted to put her down, he was like the other leg went out. Normally, he's like he's, like you know I don't have both- can heal at the same time or what but few now's the time I just made I was really upset about it and I made the calls like you know what fuck it. Let's do both legs. It's ten grand! It's not a big deal. You know it's going to be it's going to hurt. We can't redo the kitchen and there.

I know, but I go out with other dogs to family dogs. It's big, it's safe, the girls love it. It protects the house when I'm gone. It makes me feel good. So I go alright, let's do the other leg, the other leg and as the other legs healing the first leg goes out again. Can we go wait and he brings ran me goes its the kneecap. The kneecaps need replacements on both legs. and he's like. I don't know that together, like heels, but it's yours. This was doubly kneecaps. So what I say is we fix the new cap. If we do the acl cfcs, yells hurt and of animal go from there We goes any fixed that kneecap he does. Now the ratio, replacements or surgery. So now we ve got another five grand with another four ran for any any said. We want to keep her in the by the way. These are rough prices. I don't really know the exact prices represent going to keep her in the end. The recovery

a week and a half while these legs? He also that we can keep our eye on hanging, basically yeah, basically hanging and so we're like fuck it and we're doing all the extra treatments and it was like- and by this time now we're pot committed, dog we ve spent so much money on an end, its like a genetically go, and once you get us are rising in it and then it just keeps keeps happening, women, the same thing, other acl, other new cap and then everything he'll, but that the last surgery tad was she had one of the wires they put in to keep the acl from tearing during healing was not did not pop and go, and so we had to go in for other surgery, and so that was our final surgery, but she went in yesterday and they found out. She had no cartilage, one of her knees and so that there's gonna be paying, managed for awhile, but yeah. I think thirty. One thousand is where we're at man which at where did you go to the right up here? What's it called the

the I dunno is it the one with the blue light as their logo? Blue now it looks like it looks like an old old town saloon. Oh that's! Even better! That's even better! Why where'd you go, what are some places that have sold us on everything like? Was she like? She was a bmw yup. Were there like, you know what the best thing you do for this dog I do this or you can do this, I'm like. Why would you why would you do half of it so yeah? It's been a fucking cluster fuck this dog, but we didn't have to put the dog down. The girls are happy We had our thirty thousand dollars right there and its, and you know why let me touch on my mom. Being very honest. Thank god. I had one project that was. I did not expect me to do right. It came through that was a lot of money, but it was like I was. You know corporate thing I didn't didn't expect to do. Thank god it happened. I don't know what you ve been there.

in this dog would be an massive debt and what we buy the way we are in debt. We owe we we took out loans to do it right, but now we can pay off those loans because of it. So Tom's dog with tom toms, the worst one Tom, even that keeps given the secret for me, then, where is the policemen in or even heard tom's might hold my favorite doctoral ever they adopted although when they went to india on sunday, they were like to put it down and they're like no. No, no, like okay, it'll, be six grand they're, like son of a bitch. they didn't barely even ohdahd tajik crazy.

You become so attached to them. It's insane. I mean. I say this all honesty when we thought we we're going to put priscilla down or the time I was like ten grand's fucking, nothing, my head, because I don't give a fuck lacquer, that's what I was like until I had to pay for it, we're staying in this house because of that dog right like we were supposed to redo the kitchen. No, not even fucking close those houses staying the exact same way. We got it got it because we can't afford it can afford. We are going to buy leanne a new car, not that dog, the dog got it all, but we showed me what would you like a new car, priscilla for another ten years, broken priscilla in a heartbeat. I love that dog. The greatest of rocks is fifteen and we had to do it at twelve. We didn't she jumped off the jumped off our balcony. That was our yeah.

You didn't jump off about me. She chewed you're about me like of working, beaver and jumped off it. Are you sure and we're like the third floor and I was in vegas and I got a phone call from a guy. Hey? Is this Roxy and I'm like no there's also a hung up. Then he called back I'm looking for Roxy, I'm like roxy's, my dog, I'm sitting with her on a beach she jumped off you off your balcony use. Serious I'm a grades what it was as they make raise these these m sailboats in front of our places, and they shoot cannons off like fireworks, so they just kept doing it and she d all afternoon my wife was at work and I just flown into vague as to do is show so I wasn't there. And I happen to have. Oh, I left the that's the balcony, open and she just went Andrews few through it left off, so you felt guilty to back,

as laid out and it's my wife's dot. She's had it since she was in college. She found it in the day they ve lived in hawaii together? They travelled all over the place like one of those things when this dog passes. I but home. Otherwise I have to leave the show and fly back home because it's not gonna be a good day in our house. I leaned out a cat move faster. to new york, with her move out to allay with her, lived in l a and was like one of the breaking point in our relationship because I was allergic to cats still am and she was like. I need you to accept this cat and be cool with living with a cat, and I was like and so I am another like in the tax. A cat was just hang out with a closet like it. Just never did anything you'll never see it would currently at night and four can have a clause in all day. You know A lot now and now I'm mrs cat rise. Can't we have now is a fuckin jerk

and not only an often think as I ate tongue targets for this cardiac exam listening, that's not how you go to a cardiac. You walk into. That is how you have a cardiac that helped. Yes, I'm going to go fucking heart his chest pains yet, but then, for the day the faucet died leon called me and was like. I was in houston and At pee member pete, crazy, beads and outlines fucking crying agree simply just like us. I thought one of our kids died and I think what what is it? What is it? What is it What does it tell me what it is tell me what it is that mufasa died and I was like oh fuck, you I I thought it was fucking. Kids, I think, will you it together and causing exponent of fuckin so bidding on. You text me when a cat

It's actually awesome can't believe I eat tacos before I claim they're fantastic, they're, really good. I ate all the tongue, one sorry go for it and they're from cactus tacos did you guys have tacos growing up in canada? No, We had a mexican restaurant that several ozanna, really it was a good design. You know he's got some being damsels became with tortillas bezonian fortieth of god. Damn it can't leave a fuckin ape for this. They don't even think about it by wisdom, had coffee to yeah, I'm just trying to do a stress test.

He's running on the treadmill for ten minutes. I think until you get wait till at one seventy yeah? I can get that happen. You may burp in somebody's face and then I'm going to be burping in the fucking stress test the entire time. I know my blood pressure at least this way I look at it. I've always cheated on these things like I go in and I go like a guy, I'm gonna fuckin eat really healthy for the first two days. For then another drink anyhow com and take his annex, but like and so I go in and I get my blood pressure and blood pressure. Fine, I was like new it and then I go back out live my lifestyle and this time this last year I've been like. I am not going to cheat going into it like the exam I had when I was forty. I had a physical, but I was I was on fast going up, after the exam and I lost like forty pounds when I was skinny and my blood pressure was perfect. I hadn't drank in a month and hadn't been doing anything, and I wasn't even drinking coffee and they're like you're in great physical condition. I was like no it and then went back out gained all the weight back.

I'm just come in hot, got drunk drank on the plane last night. the us is what is going to be, but what my body really like we're? a broad and hot, let him know or a supply gas get ready. I gotta leave, unlike thirty gonna take pope. If we're getting a big shit, you don't go in don't in what one of those dont go on with and in a chamber man. I comment: after this exam now stressed out, I shouldn't be like this. They may make you come back. We share is a can be found if we go back package, son of a bitch. I do not want to do this and I want to redo this I'm asking: how can we put pressure on them? You think you needed that that Donald doesn't sound that high. To be honest, we use a thing. I can change it through lifestyle, but I can't right now Nobody even at that that just sounds boring it doesn't sound horrible it's borderline? Yes, can I give you any. They were borderline. There's really. What are you check? Do? Jacketed lights?

What is it all right? You, nitric I've, put pressure on IRAN to travel with. I fucking hate taken my blood pressure. I haven't manic attacks during it. I can tell you. The story on air would do is well now long time ago. do you do cocaine as well. No, no no ideal physical physical and I needed it for a tv show one time and I the blood pressure's gotta, be in check to get charged for it as well, but as they would take it, it was just getting higher and higher cause. I was having panic and I was following do they say what it's called. Now. It's called our white coat hypertension white coat hypertension It's like they freak out from the from the process yeah, and so I was doing that and it was just going highest like now it's getting like dangerously. I and I was like I'm freaking the fuck out, I'm having a panic attack. I need a just, and so was it that place in hollywood boulevard. Did you have to go upstairs floor? now hold on IRAN, member where it was the up. Your white could hypertension to tell a doctor that today, just why no good opportunity

tell him tell him that as though they may make him lay down and take it up, I bring my I'm going to bring my blood pressure monitor in a letter telling me you have a tell me. How are you telling me freak out when you get it done? I always have to tell my doctor yeah cause, if I don't I am I'm going to just going to tell him my blood pressure, what it is because I haven't. I check it on my thing. I'm just gonna tell him, I'm going This is my blood pressure. Don't take it now, it's pointless to take it again. It is that is, doesn't it yeah you're going to have to figure it out, though? Alright but I'm going to australia. Sidney comedy store, oh shut up our pockets. Actually pretty big in australia is dead. Sidney comedy store. My solo shows on the twenty seventh. in the twenty seventh but I'll, be doing, sets around a common store for from the tenth, and the twenty seven fuck. Yes, guys gonna see, and he is one, I favour comics. He's lands favour comic is any you can go. You can go see him first

and second show that night and totally different chose and there and fantastic fantastic, and you follow on in back on twitter right. Yet I came back to and I'm going to get a stress test and I'm going to go. Take a shit thanks for having me on this. I I love doing this dude. I love talking. Do you want the one of the few people have? You should come to the beach at some point, your family, I've, never home, I'm home today is only damn home this month. That's the only problem with doing stand up you separate. From your friends, because you're right, you are going to different places. I hate it. That's why we need to get this object. Hockey shows could happen hockey, league hockey league and then just but I love the intro in bag. I played sort of way When I, in nine years old bill burr's, I got started I'm trying to build.

and that started when I was a guy seven cut to me. Thirty I was like I sorta get forty one. Forty one on the goalie. Don't need an estate deal. You'll need an escape, I'm a good catcher. Then you just show. The next thing is this: you lying on your back mean taken off on a stretcher. Is our backup goalie. Now? What if I just whenever I did was. I gotta get a real professional golly to fill in. For me, as you can see, my face had a mask on bananas. Did audio like what's really hard earlier. We should Cause, I know a guy that'll, do it and yeah you're an amazing goalie. Thank you. I appreciate it. I've been bragging For over three weeks, I was gonna, be a good golly. I thank you. going. I can't wait for this business we got We were really martine jerks, the video like receiving deceivers, Steve Steve Steve why my bike amount is now martin, the jerks.

go see him in the holy city. Is the holy city. Zeus. There's a cabinet club in in san francisco call the holy city so that only sat twenty people really scholars, The holly cities is because of our team would have meant more than twenty people on this agreement. I can't. I can't believe, though, has texted me back. I guess he's on his tour bus again find his phone fuckin billboard This new sallow podcast yesterday ever listen to it now so just him just hands just him and he's basically so angry. Tell you what material you needed ultimates, like basically, I listen to it and I go okay. I won't be working on that bit. Bills already covered it on his podcast, that's hilarious, yeah! That's a problem with podcasts put too much material out narrow, but wait too much but charter. They want us to my solar, we'll just have a solar power ass. I did one episode sallow and it is like what what a madman I sound like I'm thinking about doing one for five minutes, but it's just.

my ober driver that picks map is an old hippy geometry into him on the way to the airport, because I got a long beach airport in something like ten minutes for miles. You get along these lines. Lord John wayne John wayne is well yeah. All those are the best. Nor should we should do some sort of just I try to find a different. You want this last beef talk fun, I'm going to play like curb my before this test, just soldering eight three tongue tacos into beef tacos, probably you pay think of some do but think of something different to do with it? When you mean like to think of something different, think of a different way, to do what everyone else is already doing how about? If I did this, how about? If I Is it a stranger? I tried it's not that in the airport and I tried in mexico I used to fly. I was like I was like what's on, Whenever I have someone on my podcast, I talk anyway, but I was like what I'll do is I'll. Just have other people interview me but, like the show will be called your first guest is burt crusher

so the other people interviewing me, but I was like me simply underwhelmed with how interesting strangers are. there's a reason why we're in show business not and they're? Not. really open and, like the guy, did it with a bar interim mexico and mexican know he was always he was mexican, but he spoke really good english and it was like it was a really bad podcast. I've done a lot of test podcast it sucked more than you could ever imagine where I have to come back. At some point and talked about me, getting fired from last comic standing going warm up, we want. You can tell me now. Ok, so. Becky pedego do you know who that is no she's, a she's, a comic and now she's a writer. I guess on last comic standing. She goes hey, they're, looking for one warm up guy. Are you open all these days? She gives me a bunch of days. I'm like nam open like one of those dates, then I'm open to being open for two and I like, while they want to

as much as I want this much so they said. Okay now went there and there like here's the dj that shall be doing the dance contest with my work And then god, and any give tee shirts landmark. Ok, I just wanna stay just started doing what I do and ignore the dj cause. I've, never gonna use a dj yeah and talk to the crowd came up and there like, we have to talk about what to let him go you dont didn't do enough dance contests. Am I because you didn't use the dj enough. I mean it. now go well, you have to do dance contests and you can you can you can talk to as much and you're doing way too many jokes, talking about new like when you have to keep them and by doing stuff other than comedy, and I just kind of as like. Hey you know. I've done a couple specials right now is there? No, I didn't I go in.

Didn't one front of me, I didn't want to circus before I got one on stage to do stand up, and I said these guys a product in this pretty serious? So you probably want to have them the crowd, warmed up then expecting comedy and their life. Can we could call you rebecca and how can we were going to bigger than they came back and they're like we're not going to need? You tomorrow shut the fuck up they're, like we're not gonna, need you to my life. Ok, that's fine! This will we, we think pay us dollar said: yeah yeah you're definite payments. Still they pay me foreboding. They fired me for one. It was hilarious. Add some girl that was on stage walking yourself in a dog collar. That was the warm up they use sousa dude at one of the things not to say bill, burs name a hundred times this progress, but one of the things he said to me. I remember one time I think we're doing it together outdoors and they they started. He certainly goes. I can't follow for, can t shirts, nobody can. you don't follow me because he can't follow a colonel. You can't follow t shirt. You can follow a dance contest. That's why

That's why I had got rid of the guy that was doing warm up from my special because he was do. It was dj so and so and he was having a dance contest, and I said this isn't happening because you can't get them from being interactive and getting up stage and going like this is the this is so much fun. Then go and art sit down and see some people that are really kind of new at this right. Try to do material. That was an art I thought I told them, they're being dicks to the guys are on on the show. By doing that, that's fucking ridiculous that's how little they know about stand up the executive producers, I'm sure I don't know a thing about stand up whose I want to say, show no right. I see somewhere what is left with what you live with wonderful heartbeat, really decision. Into my act. I thought it because he found a good looking binder hot do do you live on. You looks like that blue, bald, eagle from from from the mob show.

They have you seen, want sex his girlfriend. Now she hot fucking, a ten really french, maybe the hottest fucking, the hottest woman. Like one of a hot topic I mean I would, if I could have mother. I had a stewardess the other day, though as a ten neck can believe, is working for you as air out and better. I couldn't stop staring out of the hole to what lag. How do I gotta find this chick out? I just like this. How do you find that your way? What would fight for you as our sometimes not the view of american she was flying phoenix to Alex it was too. She was about issues problem just a little under six feet I couldn't tell she was half asian or half black energy was yeah, that's exact. However, guy sounded when they, when she came up and ask them if they wanted a directive, Where this is it,

Well a chance. I get to talk to a beautiful girl, this beautiful it's crazy. I said to her. I said to Justin Stangl one of my buddies, a guy, that's right in my show him and his brother Eric. I said to him. I was a candidate. Veteran. I couldn't get my blood pressure down because I was so nervous and the doctor was like. Alright, we need to get this done. It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay. Is there anything due to help and badly valid. How about brazil skyrocketing? That's about it, one of the others. One thing with that usually works its common front. Bottoms if I had to get a swab and my dick once when I had that that is the most fucking pain I've ever had in my life. It's crazy right. The doctor said this is going to hurt a lot, so the doctor does that then the guy in the room beside me is got the same doctor

and he has something stuck in his ear and they have to take it out. We end up at the front desk together and the dock says the other guy goes not keep you tips out of there and I got you again. The article explains that started the laughing stock of the guys. Here I have no, I guess a q tip or something but fucking what he had to get it out with tweezers or something it was weird cause. I could hear What's going on in his room and I didn't clicking those two young that he could hear, what's going on a mind, he's gettin, plum pulled out of his ear and I'm gonna fucking swab at my day. It was crazy when I got the plane when, when it's clean

everything was good. We didn't have anything when I was in college. I had to get a swab in the dick and he was like and they just prescribed me medicine right away, because I was like look look I'm one hundred percent honest. If nothing, I got the clap, so it was from my girlfriend. I've been dating or five years. I got the call from her and I was like and I I knew something's going on the doctor looked at me. He knew something was going on put this. He as he was, but the swab of my dick he goes. Okay, you may want to brace yourself. This is going to hurt a lot, and so I literally grabbed the sides, the thing and he did it. I know you, yeah. I know I know and then, It's alright right to sentence his hand, but I'm going to put you on antibiotics and I like. Oh, no, What should we wait to find out what it is yours buddy? I know what it is and I go now. I go well why we wait till the test come back and he goes now. It's was it.

q tip on the long way along wouldn't, dare then they fucking you just like. I had no idea that sticker go that far up there. All my goals, like, oh god, and I remember saying to him. I remember saying to the doctor- I go a. We should just wait and get the results back and he goes. He goes look. He goes dude. I told him everything you did. You someone who, how many people you've been with, I said I would just my girlfriend. He goes she cheat on her. I said no because you don't have to lie to me man, I go. No, I didn't he goes okay. Then she cheated on you. She got something she gave it to you and I went well. No, she didn't when he goes. Okay, are you lying to me? I said none goes well, I'm not lying to you. That's exactly how that happens. He was there is no possible way Haven't any other way and I go but wait, she said she and here's this man, we could do this all day long, I'm telling you what happened your girlfriend. She she had said she had cheated on me. I was like well we'll have to see about that. I remember him saying diet

I remember him saying something, and then I went back to my girlfriend and I said the doctor says I was out of the clap and she was like what. How could you get that nose like from you It's like you must have cheated on me, and I remember that it was the same thing that that same feeling that the doctor must have had when he talked to me and I was like wait I know where my dick has been a growing. I've follow him around everywhere and you're, telling me that you telling me that you think, When I know I did it. I was like I never get. I remember that I said was I never get to the club on me like all right, my dicks, like alright, we're gonna split up. Ever more ground due to the morning, and so and so I remember calling the doctor the doc called me with the results I go and he goes uh how's everything going I said turns out she cheated on me. He goes yeah. I know I told you that the room no way- and I do it with a colleague doctor. It was because doctors, though he was like he was pilot, like a med student or an intern who I told you that in the room man and I was like yeah he's like okay- well take care of yourself

Don't worry about it. You ve been adobe. If checks are going to be fine and like six days don't drink alcohol and I was like okay, I have a friend. got something. No, he can't remember how he but he had he. I think he got something he's married fuck, so he made breakfast for his wife and put the pills in her peanut butter like she's, a dark and put it on I gave it to her that ways like so for the next fourteen days. I'm gonna may making your breakfast and dinner apparently was only two doses. He had to give her what I hear tell me about the making breakfast foreign breaking open the capsules and that's the only reason I can only and not only the lottery

references. Large areas in his aids nobody's ever imagined bring something back to her. You can imagine I can imagine of her going because they are adopted. When Deborah take me back, if I cheated on her, if I told her I cheated on her, but can't imagine that might not even get out of this one yeah, I know this statement why? You talk just reggie targets and you want to go. The meda tacos cause you're. Here I guarantee it here? I should like all, what you would like a great deal of money. This episode was brought to you by the machine.