Summers in the air, so you're, probably getting that to take a break, hit the road and escape to well somewhere anywhere and booking dotcom makes anywhere possible with a huge variety of Is this day all over the eu acts from five star motels debate, inside bungalows cabins in the woods and more booking dot com. Has you covered matter where you want to go? No matter what you want to do? Go to booking dot com, to find your perfect place to stay this summer, booking dot, com, booking dot, yeah? Oh, do it up dog thanks for coming spending the day with me or call in sick to work. Tour dates will be announced next week. That's where I got the morning radio drink or take at the club at eleven. Am you call in sick to work you spend the day drinking with you?

I'm excited guys. Today's guest stand up comedian gradually to talk about one talking into this microphone, and I'm talking into this. Why is this work? Ga? Can you hear me? Are they really fucking around fuck em? All right go be a dad if you have to men now all good, I think they're fine! I there there's nothing they can choke on, but I just get nervous. That's my biggest fear of choking my biggest fear month. I dunno hold this in my hand, yeah and the more natural yeah. I'm not, I think, for a comic it is you'll have to Jim Norton had it in the my stand, but I think that's because he's on radio everyday. Yes, yes, yes, it is not comfortable. He wants it over here. Oh no! This is fine man. Ever I was that's a weird thing. You know I can ask you, question yeah. I know I know it'll have to say any this to you. I would say to the listener. Further You don't done bread williams,

A brow. Williams is a little person. Yes, dwarf person is short stature for before for before you have kept. You know, curious others only a foothold in you. Crazy that, unlike Tom cruise is the same thing in the but there's a blow your might someday. I could you see. Tom cruising like like did keep us other than is jack fucking, bower ere. He they get it. can kill anyone who, incidentally, oh well, Well, maybe I'm close to that yeah, like now short guys, are becoming bad asses between peter dinklage and due to game of thrones. Don't get me started on Peter dinklage that guy has redefined he's. You know he is he's your martin luther It really is I've gotten laid so many times because of peter dink lodge he's because we had a baby. because girls are like well. I want to fuck peter dink he's not here.

You'll, do just like I'm. Ok with that he's commie lancaster was really. He really has because he's raising actor first and foremost, unease and he's a great character actor yet to be done about british act. I said no just saying moved from Philly or something yeah, it's like when, whenever you would see the guy that played house, I forget, is a hugh laurie, you're, Hugh laurie. Whenever he'd be unlike letterman, normal or leno, or something you ve got a british Accept new go at all right people, it is in their good at this who's. The bastard there's someone I always go. You know who is tom, hardy tom Ah, yes Bain, although he was that's it was so bad. He couldn't you understand him and let me get guess. I was like a big. feels they go back to eighty are and fix all his speaking as it didn't sound too much like darth vader.

I know if, like a human yeah yeah, it's all it's all. Just like the older model, things are not exactly things that you hear it's a yeah. It kind of confusing I gotta tell you man, I do the road a lot and whenever I go to a club I asked them to questions? I say who do you like? Who do not like because What I want to know who should I not be like and whose whose habit should try to emulate. I swear to you. Recall club on the who do you love? Who do you like list? They all sabert crusher you're so far. They all say that the one that it's really interesting. You say that because I am envious of your stories at clubs, because all I remember is one club. I was as I and there like you know, who you remind us of brown williams and also why I really like you because you love a good time with us. The last time was here. We all gotten boats and went to a private island and those like one,

You were market while in florida. Yes, yes, ok, your captain, ryan's numerical ireland, because here we wish we did this. They called the canoe raises, which is just next use for rich white people, the thai boats together and drink, and there, like you, want to do this. It yes, what I voted together in doing so we go and like an inherent here's, the thing is like every boat. We're all turn out. Do each other. So every guys got this thing on their boat, like some people had grills. Some people had inflatable patsy houses, they do to the water our boat, just ad hoc girls and a midget in that chair everything else, like era which lay we could go in the back it's a castle, but there's a midget over their legs like let let your party with that. I don't want you do. Have you like? I get this p reputation. Yet I get it through. Like word of mouth, you just by law. Looking at you, people are automatically smiling, go. There's gonna, be a fuckin time,

yeah cause whenever you ever hung out with a midget and thought. I'd totally regret that that was horrible. That was awful. I mean it used to be like that used to be by the way that used to be a staple comedy. Was that- and I think David tell set the precedent- that and then you're with a major like like that, you know I don't it's so funny, Saying the m word I understand, but you know I don't like saying it is because I don't you obviously You can say it, and obviously I don't mind saying it around you. The problem as you get used to the word, that a senior vocabulary right and you say it, and it offends buddy at so interesting because it's what it's one of the it's It's one of the next generation words like like and I only say the words or people note the pilgrim saying zyobites said the tea word you'd like I have no idea. I know he's argument about yeah, let's play the game, yet the f word right I can't say that not and not fuck enough The other one more word right. You can't say the m m word as yet

when I call it and now the tea word and there's a lot of things like you can't like it's gettin, a kind of thing, I don't know I embrace a tablet of political correctness, because I do think it makes us better people. I think of look if I, if, if I can just watch what I'm saying it makes and it just doesn't, someone's feeling fry. Then, graham, I don't care. I get their answers there. There is something that some colleagues have ended, find they have it where just because someone tells them they can't do something. I can't say something it it's the reverse. Psychology aspect were now they feel like. They now have to say at my philosophy. is that a comic should be. Obviously allowed to say anything and allowed to talk about whenever topics and mention anything. So just we have that freedom to be as far as we can, but when we come to certain phrases, don't just say:

just to say it because you because you can and because you have a microphone, you say if you have a good joke behind it, like that, it's the only thing like if you joke about certain taboo topics, it better be funny. It can't you be the shock value of its cloaks. The new hopes gonna be afford an immortal, seaward and edward walk into a bar m words behind the boy. I guess, it's so yeah. It's. I think that you don't I don't know. I've never been I was a little bit when I was younger was like. I just want to take chances to take chances and edgy. Now I'm just like. Like last time, I was always going to talk about. in a smith yeah right? What's going on with stephen a smith, then I was like you know what I really for the idea one can take it on stage see if I can figure it out yeah and then have changed so much. You can't take things on stage and figure him out in front of a whole, because if you figure cars used to be able to figure it out and take a wrong turn,

and you believe be. I was wrong so next time I'll just and that it's weird it's the beauty, of the cell phone. You two generation and also the curse of it, were now really be a situation like what Tracy morgan had had happened to him. What Although had happened him the laugh factory dane cook after the colorado the theater cedar, shooting who have all he so yeah yeah and by its like but these people have to realise, is we don't always walk on stage perfectly polished, perfect bits they have to get there, it's a lot of trial and error. I have to suck so many times before I get a bit where I want it to be into where I know it's funny and now a lot of people are trying to take away that freedom. That's why I say comic should be allowed to say what we want.

Of being on stage, but if you dive into those kind of topics you have to be willing and understand that there might be a backlash, do it yet and you have to be, you have to understand that that could definitely take place we, We we talk about the word midget, it's no joke in my act, but I still like telling the story. I actually got protested by midgets I really yeah I dunno. If you've ever been to lavanya michigan, they got a comical they're called joey's, comedy club, and I did a show there in a local chapter of something called LP, which stands for little people of amerika. The It came out in protest at my show, with like picket signs and all that stuff because they're, like you, say the word midget hell. No, Don't see the show hell? No, the bitch got a serious yeah. It was nuts I loved every second of it fuck up yeah. Why would they do that up? Here's here's the reason because they have they had never seen my act. They had just note.

They just knew that I said the word midget and they thought I ramp onstage and was explain myself and telling people to do terrible things. A little people in that and they didn't know I invited them. All in to see the show. I said guys I'll give you free tickets come in the show, and then you could decide if you hate me or not. And have a conversation with me. You can help me change my mind. Yeah, like you're fucking, human being I love when I arrived at all old, unwanted, the various or the out very old black dude in denver, see me nana and someone. Someone was and about one of my jokes and he a white person was offended about, like they always is alive perspective budgets stepped in user ex cop. He gave me a badge the end of the night I lost it. I lost it that we can that's how talking out of control. I was low oxygen and so and something I'm certain he came in with a cumbersome. About the three of us. I was like this is what was meant to happen.

This is why this is disposed. Abbot invited the men. Then they could have seen what you do. Giving you insane perspective years on from because we don't know just cause works by the way. I want you to run so bad at fucking, interrupting you took out I dont know what I say I don't know it looks like from the others from sitting in stage right I can table. I want, but I dont know what you're here, bring right? And so it's not until I get your perspective or your feedback and where I go that it that does sound fucked up, I don't mean to sound fucked up yeah, but it does sound fucked up. I need to change. Your kids were just going for. What's funny. That's that's the only thought in our head is I gotta make these people laugh and, like you say, we're not always taking into account all these other perspectives that someone is gonna, bring the table, and they're, not taking into account the hurdles that we have to cross. Simply talk about, you'd die released it today to talk about you today,

in my podcast, oh really yeah, we just randomly. I think I went oh well, wait to listen to it a world tripoli shitting on mincio for about an a solid our gotta put, and then we we brought you up because it like you so much. I don't know what the conversation was, Bulgaria with of oak. Is you worked with it with you in tripoli, you unless you worked with tripoli and in texas one weekend? Yes I came in and did a guest set and he's like fred, fucking flame throwers room and we were like and we were saying, you're such a great guy in so many respects. I think thanks, I hope to come off like you to people, because I don't think I've ever heard. One bad word said about you and I don't talk to me. Girlfriends. I told you, I don't think anyone know I've never heard someone should on your comedy either odin say they want want to follow you, but that's nice, but what what I said and what tripoli and I said is an and I don't think people put into account taken of it-

now the massive fucking hurdle you have to cross by just what people see when you gonna stay, and I'm a dwarf. There is a huge working hurdle to say that the fact that you are in this- and I say this fertilized- submits its hurdle twice. Fucking, don't you know what I'm saying it's it's it's so funny, because I don't like, like the fact that you are the sounds weird, but in the same category as peter language is the fact that you are considered just a comic and not a little person comic or somebody goes up and does all look like. That is a big that's a big deal mix because we're goin, I don't see you for what other people may see you at the air is a comic from an endowment and that was a conscious thought that I had late when I was starting my career cause. When I start my career, I didn't want to do towards jokes. I said I'm goin stage. I want to talk about. What's in the news, They talk about whatever. relationships race at anything

she's, not a war prism, and when I did that I walked on stage and the entire audience will, which is arr me like does he know yeah say: oh shit, ok, so there was this balance of you have to address it. You have to talk about it. But I dont want people to come to my show, and here why an hour of take a bath in a thin Well, that's weird hilarious, not bad yeah symbol that that that's my example of a terrible, dwarf joke, because I was like the second or third job that I ever wrote and then I immediately scrapped it, but I loved your. I don't know if I dunno, if it was you or me who I dunno, if I heard you tell the no how this happened. Every time I wash my hair, I think about you washing her. You said I think, you're a joke about

washing your hair yeah? My hands? Don't reach all the way to the top, so I gotta kind of yeah, and you did this visual of you doing it and I laughed so fucking hard and I sat in the back. You were just fucking around and there was a offspring of a masturbation joke. You had yes, I remember this, yes are, It is because I do a bit on stage right talk about how I can't jerk off standing up, because I Well t rex, arms and I and I wave my arm violently over my dick. I can't reach it was like and I and then I think you did a bit. I think you did a bit right after about washing your hair yeah. I did this fucking move where your you'd like to have your head: hadn't I got hilarious. I could not stop laughing, but but it was like it was like to talk about someone's personal struggles. Yeah, it's fine dude. I talked about shedding blood all the time. Yeah yeah you drink too much. That's what happened some weekends here and but- and I talked about my fear of flying. Why can't I talk about that? Why can you talk about your personal struggle?

but you're right, I think about an assembly that is a little too far. East existed, but that's why I love doing jokes like that, and I I have this lie. Now am I act were I just say people ask me how I read material. I say: there's two there there's tuesday to writing a bribe williams, joke step, one b, a dwarf step to wait it's gonna happen to you in That's what it is. I want to create these false in areas. I want to talk about stuff that actually happened. Like you say when you talked much in blood, that's real to you! That's what you're going to talk about it you're drinking comic. Can you simply go? I shit blood in the new eu aid, but it had an avenue. You don't know the feeling using all the real, the joke of the said, this joke solely pocket times at the most. Isn't one of going? Did I get so drunk site that I resource and found a place yet roasted beats at four in the morning or my shitting blood

like us out. That's your first thing. Maybe I'd media authority that we're gonna get hammered me like you know the rules debate. the foods with blue some some thirty two possibly it's a! U right. What's on a zoo, lay I've! I've got a couple of comics that are then in some other, just starting so new in the business and they're asking me for vice and stuff, and I tell people that everyone when they walk into a party comic, not a comic, whatever job you have. You have two or three stories that our europe two. I am at a party, the story, You are always good. These gave me and with the in crowd, whatever everyone has those two or three stories that they always tell at parties. So new start comedy Why not just start with those stories, their own honest to you, you know they work. You know the timings of it, nor know the beats of it and that's how you start where your act goes from there

whatever do. If you want to turn to a one liner comic break. Do that but elite. It at least get you started in a comfort zone of stories. You've told a thousand times, not just walking on stage and going well what's what else is going on in the news to really interesting perspectives? I think I did. I think I did those three store. Is that you'd tell at a party and knows my first seven minutes for like two years, work has been what Didn't you start rolling stone magazine found this guy, and there was already this party animal yeah and you started late with thirty minutes of like your first night on stage. He did like twenty minutes with thirty minutes of material, my first night on stage and it was like which is fucking insane. It's not if you consider the fact that the majority of people it was like a bringer show huge younger show because everyone came to see me I was already I'd already like kind of groomed myself to get into it quickly, because I would do like when a bus rides rides for, like our org, a big organizations, I would get up with a microphone up front.

I just do jokes, so I had these. I go to like material driven theoretically, I didn't know it was material the time because I didn't think I thought you had to really struggle to get material right. So I just did that and then it worked and then I just took it It's you tell you told stories that were honest to you. You told your party story and boom like that. That's what that that at something that was visiting clear to you that you weren't faking it at that point. You're not talking about how are you you were on stage going Michael friend dont me last week when really that happened five years ago and it you're bring up that bit and in terms of your talk, are earlier in terms of hanging out with the comical of staff, I have no way of both colleagues, don't like you're, stuck in what ever city for four or five days is most a lot has followed. Tom. Segura are sad fact: people back pocket, a tom breaks, my heart. He called me one time egos

really hang out with the club as much as they say you do. I go yeah every aconite yeah drink every single night with him and he was whose years ago? Yet it's like thursday night, I'm like yeah, I'm in dayton and we'll get ready to go to and after party yet and he's like a good eating. and he's like unto mine, I'm goin home and going to bed, and I go tom. Why? When you go with him is like oh, no I just like put tom is that is tom, and if you want to act, is very indignant dim share index. do me a new, that's me we are, we want to go out and get down with them in that, and I mean, like you say, you're in dayton, what is there to do in dayton? I dont know I'm no, that someone lives on a sum, a big piece of property with a barn and test, and they do ping pong beer pit, beer, painful whatever it's called on fucking friday night, I'd have to happen by invoking good time. I d never been there and it is so weird goes like some. alas, me lay where my favorite places to go, and sometimes I bring up locations purely wait, what weight,

what you love going to columbus ohio? Yes, I fucking love Columbus, ohio, great city is great people? Air will Columbus's hands down, probably the best club in the country. I mean it yeah cause it's it's tight, it's a type pact through. One hundred yes like and it's and they all seem like they're on your toes, yes and it, and and it's and it's college crowd and they're, smart and they're, liberal yeah, and so it's like have an stroop runs. room right right out, it's a love, Columbus I'll, never say about word about well, yet exactly so like when I tell people that they always expect me to say, lego, I I like l, a new york or miami and don't get me wrong. I love those cities as well, but I mean yeah sure Amy. You start the second show at a time of thirty in the morning and you're like wholly crap, it's late, during the second show. Why are people and then its path? And when I think about what is to be that, because you work at work with a headliner? Sometimes it does to our

as I do. I do. I want a timetable. I may have done that. I, but, like I love my me, I think that I think that you like miami. The same reason: I think we're very similar in a lot of ways. I think armaments I think you like miami. The same reason I like miami's, because I didn't, if it's not natural to me and I didn't know how to work it at first but then, once you figured it out, yeah, it's It's like you got! You got this muscle that no one's got an end. It's like and it's fun learn more about yourself on that room, because there it's miami It's a nightclub seen they're out to have a good time right then I want to hear a guide. It's like that's ike, maybe go into a notebook; they wanted. brings amidst hardy and that I think manual, I regret is that we go into these clubs and we go a world vacation it also, and this is one for me- I dislike my job. I love it right, and so I think I can imagine me in miami- would have blocking destroy her room

would it like. Just like I mean that that or if we showed up to that if ever the nights before share these three issues on saturday, I don't remember it. Finally, meal sunday was a fuckin good. Luck will see and net see now here is something that I think you know both done is the fact that the fact that your birth crisis? The number one party guy in amerika the end, the fact that I'm a little person that likes to go out Never we go to a town. People want story. They want their yellow. It's like windows, benson, runs into someone they want to smoke weed doug bent sonia when someone one's neighbour Christ they want to drink and when a party with bird, when someone's an immediate and want to go to a club- and they did It- is that they want to dance with me in my day, they want to see me do do the worm in front of a night club and Pierre Werner. Three thousand dollar suits yes, yes, that's what I want to do

we make a good. We make a good facebook photo. How was your weekend and I'm not look, I'm talking very largely of me later. If you're a fan of mine and your friends know who I am, and you have a picture of me and you doing a shot together. Friends are like all you fucking did it up this week. Oh you yeah, exactly you're crazier, if you're in a photo of a bunch of boats, tied up inside marco island and brad is standing in front of the picture. The tip of the boat like the girl from titanic you're like a mother fucker. Why didn't I go out with you last night right well, and I tell people. I tell people when they're gonna, my shows when I'm like do press my shows. I say it. you gonna my show you have the, story. When you come to work on my back yeah big big eyes, and we all have a person in the office that you hate and always come, in every week that with the new I when hiking this weekend, I was out on the bonn the boat this week and they did up up up up and you hate that person, if you ever want to top that just walk in

iD say I got down with an oompa loompa and everyone's looking at you like wait, wait. What was that everything I dreamed? That would be every picture they have had that weekend looks like they're from the hangover shut up. It's you know it's so funny. You'll feel this. I I've always felt like we had a connection, but you'll feel this later like in, like in like probably two years, Your career is when you have a product that you're selling, that when you write a book you do your first documentary or whatever whatever it is. Where someone brings it to you and you do it and then you go to market yourself, but you're not doing stand up. It's a very vulnerable feeling yeah. It is because I do what you do. I'm like, if you come to my show, because I'm kind of it's like we're kind of working for ourselves, we're. Also working for the club, who we love and respect and all the staff and we're trying to bring people in for the everybody we're the spokesman for a group of people that we can. We are a spokesman for justice,

of agents and managers. There, like it's different, owes you just and a villain dirty yeah. He had an ado, I don't I don't know. If I can go to pitch meetings and jump on the table, take my shirt off and you are in your first couple certainly gave these likely. I happily can I don't believe that end end. When I walk on stage out, I know that I like to create a vibe of the audience of holy crap. Isn't this fun were having fun? Lately you deafening you, that in spades idle thing, I've ever been. One here shows a second ro stage not only everyone, all the comic smile. It's like you have that positive! It's it's time! You have that positivity.

to you and now, as asthma manager bury cats always tells you bury yeah all want a fucking career mistake out is just kidding. Oh tell Mary, I love bury or because you are just on his episode, a lot when Mary. I think there is great, I think, boroughs, I'm hoping that very hears that with a somewhat isolated and bury, but absolutely love very yeah, n n e told me in the meeting where we were discussing. If you represent me or not, it is goes in a while. I love you man, because you're huggable and loveable man, your huggable and loveable there are. There, are a bunch of fantastic managers out there that I would recommend people. Mine currently is probably, is the top of the list. In my opinion, vaccine brown is is Judy. Brown gets comics, comedy wonderful more than anyone.

I never met my entire life love and bear berries. Definitely in that list, because Barry is someone that can make magic happen in people's lives. He clearly distinctly can make magic happen. I have witnessed it in my career with them and but yeah, but I mean, if you're, not berries, agree, I loved ends its is because here's the thing is especially being someone with: what's some concern to be a disability or different I've, I've seen one hat, and when I walk into a room and not just on stage, but when I walk in what and then I'm angry or in a happy mood when people scene greed, disabled person. It really turns them off because they just don't they don't it thereon com

imho in so many ways like dealing with an angry person is hard enough. When they're of five foot eight white dude, you know what I mean, but when you're with like, if, if a guy walked in with one arm and immediately, was down in the dumps and started talking about how much life sucks that would without one arm, you feel terrible yeah. You feel awful and you feel worse than you would, but if he walks and ngos dan it the pillars This bullshit they told me. I have the right to bear arms, plural, arts, something like that, or in oh, my god, great and my dad, whose now little pearl by the way I'm nodded party there, your parents know none of them, none of them here. You know, dr on the street and go like which one is the dwarf house. It's the mushroom with that. or did you you're not doing that? My dad new

There s a little person that I would be different, be made fun of any goes brad if you walk into a room- and he told me this- like kindergarten he's a give. You walk into a room, and you start joking and making fun yourself and making fewer people feel. Double people be so happy to be around you little did. He know who is building a fucking. Eight figure comic! here's a lesson at a very young age. I noticed our work and our material buddy boy, that's what he did in inadvertently and he knew that we made fun of when I went to school so Would maybe you made fun of yeah, but he told me he's like peak people can make funny you you. If you have comebacks, if you don't let them get you If someone those a aren't you and you throw one right back then, oh, my god, you're gonna.

in everything and you're going to like it, and people are going to love you, and so she would. He would make fun of me constantly from my age too, till age seven, but he would always say: okay now hit me with something now hit me with something and sweat, but by the time I got to kindergarten. I took him teaching him how to fight yes, exactly like most most of the irish italian kids learn how to fight if they grow up in new york cause? I like because they're like hey, that shit is going to happen, yeah it's going to happen and he knew like okay. Maybe it might not get any fistfights, but I remember I remember as clear as day. First taken a garden, a kid walked up. Like ha ha your little and I looked at him? said haha, your mom doesn't live with your dad anymore it's a putting an end to the teacher who told him what the tollway said I and draw borders like why the hell out, What am I get in trouble? You made fun of me first day. They ended up calling my dad, which was the.

latest thing ever cause, he said hey who who shot first, they so well. The kid made fun of me is like but I love my son. He did nothing wrong click and just hangs up, and I'm like yes, that that's that's what it is cause and for the rest of the time ignore made fun of me cause. I knew like okay, brad's got shit like he's, going to come back and he's going to and he's gonna make fun of you and you're not going to like it. So I was prepared was when I was a time where you couldn't the code of. I can't imagine you not hanging over the cool gets that makes sense, there was always like. I was. I knew that I could be like. I watched animal How do you I'm thirty? I group of I grew up ten years old new and ten years only knew was I mean we like. We fought the communists like we were like that was part of my history grow, like

growing up. Was we fighting communists and disabilities when I was a kid like it. It really was alienating. I believe I believe that I mean I grew up during an excuse, the phrase, but I grew up and midget tossing was a real thing. Yeah. Like that. That was like a big that would have as an event at bars. Right am, I uncles would come back in. Just review revel in still is in florida, but they still do see serious. They. I think it was a year year ago. Two years ago, they a case where they tried to ban it in one of the top people saying I dont want to be banned was a little person? I think I know that guy yeah. Can you please? I know that I yeah I actually know that guy, because I think he also does midget wrestling. Yes, he does yeah. I know that guy yeah, we don't. We no that's so funny, you're, my buddy cowards, really good friends with them yeah exactly that

yeah like in and he fought to major- was legal, which it is crazy in my opinion, but believe me, but you grew up not Unlike you, I still grow up. I grew up with racism like real racism. That was that was real. That and when I was a kid right now, and I know it's real now, but it was like it was. His outspoken, like people's parents, said the n word what yeah it's the have you seen the scene and thing the sixtys when they they do like they talk about the civil rights movement and stuff. I I was in the green room at the comedy works in denver, and I'm watching that and the feature act is a blight comic and they're just showing like white people doing or group of Canada is kept. Looking at the guidelines, probably not me, I'm sorry it added and like he got. He is a comic but it like in. I look at those. tapes ibm. Can you imagine if, if you're, watching a tape of your watch and see seen in the sixties and your dad

Your granddad is on what those college apices holding a sign that says: edwards go home, but what kind of like what which oh, my god that is, that is that, is that his pupils parents? Yes, that's what I mean that that people who are on t v yeah people on t v, yet that did that there are people I mean, and it's like a weird thing. It's like it's like we're almost like nazis in the sense that we just go well, it happened. Let's not talk about it, because if you go to germany and you bring up nazis are like let's not bring the air, because that was my parents' close to home. We mean six million whatever that other rogue yeah but, like I remember I remember growing up in the south and and there was distinct racism yeah so, but I I look at it like from. You- grew up in southern cal when you re in southern california, very liberal, but still still a diverse, but then I would say tat years after I started it was it was lucy.

up where people are a lot more open, minded sure and if I can't see him not being apart of the cool kids well, like I said, like my, I am break watched animal house when I was like eight or nine, and and I saw John belushi and was like. Oh my god. That's me guardian. What the same thing happened to me like, I was like thirteen. That's fucking me yeah. Somebody want to believe that I'm going to be that dude and I'm going to be the guy that everyone once they have in the crew. Cause you always had lake and you would see in every every cheesy eighties movie, were there be like for really good looking hot there on the wrestling team type kid and in the wine guided, always at a weird nickname, like frog, foxier frog ox something like tat order, yeah ailing empty words like an you, looked different, you looked funny

but they all loved him and he would do crazy shit and I would look at that and go alright. That's going to be me, that's can be my Well, I'm going to be that guy. I didn't grow up with any any so to the type of hurdle, and I saw that too. I said that's me That's me too. I am like like bill Murray in as far as that in those guys we're always having the most fun they they do, that they were the ones doing whatever, and I found out very young that at that, as that as a little person, I could do shit and get away with it and that other, like tom kids, couldn't do as eagerly just like. Yet the dwarf ran up and in hit some one. Nord played a prank on a teacher or did something and now and now it's more funny. The fact that I did it and I'm getting away with it and when I saw what I mean when I signed or house my ok, this what yeah? Ok, that's my role, settlement

How ruin you lost your virginity, twenty five cents yeah. I that's the thing, though, is that guy doesn't we get laid to off didn't I was seventeen and I was like- and I was able bodied the earlier, but I like I had a hard time turning it off like I couldn't. I couldn't call me: do we the acts are our personalities define us. We gonna grow the bedroom, no part of our personalities like the hare. Limiting. Let me take this. and its author. That no part of me is that guy field, weird even say when you're doing a character, I just got crept out. Looking you in there as the saying it? Yes, why I never could. I never could like I'm, not the guy. That starts a train, I'm not like a like I'm just like I'm the goof around fuck off guy or the funny dude and that's the thing is when you're doing than of a sexual nature? It's not debts that that's the time we get.

Up in the funny due to delude people. Try to set you up a little people yeah all the time that an aids in here and here's. The thing is that little people are horny is hell because it's all like painter and they don't mean they're, there never looked upon as like a sexual, beautiful being and then once one. Finally, does oh, my god, I closed the roof off. I showed you too. I swear to god either even as a little people are horny as hell, because their privates are so close to their cause. I was like because I was like oh, I can I'll lose mine. Sometimes so so that we are voting on a person. Oh I will I lost my virginia or person real end of year had sex with quite a few little people, an ok I've. I've told his story before on the crab feast, I don't care, I'm a mattel again, I don't care, you know what no one listens to the crab feast face, grabbed the five stars like that anyway, and when

when I lost my virginity either I was doing a christian little person that, for the longest time was just like: no, no, no, no sex, no sex the day for two years Finally, she goes like. Okay, I'm ready we're ready to take this relationship to the next level and I go. I go replace and the parents are gone and we got the nod it it's perfect, but well as it starts. As you start kissing, I'm like. Oh, my god. This is actually gonna happen. She goes okay and she stops that she goes. We have to pray now and like with what she said. We have to pray now and let god know that, even though we're doing Yes, like we're not doing this dishonor him we're doing this to be cut because we love each other, and she made me

into do the prayer I to pray out loud bread, praise for pussy. Essentially, I pray to like the sex god to bless the awkward coitus. That was that we were about to gaze at god. Wish me luck? Let's That wish me luck, let's fuck yeah exactly! You know that and that's what I that's what I did do. I was like Lord. We are doing this not for cardinal pleasures, oh but oh, my god yeah and I like what makes you more horny than that. The way you do that now you're ready now you're all sorts of egg, it was so awkward to work on a yes, I did the guy. I can't imagine I dunno, I dunno anything about I've, never seen little people porn like low people like regular people's decks or just break as I tears lay I tell people is my dick. Is average size.

on me looks falcon huge guides perfect. Yes, my dick on me looks tiny, but yet average sized yes, I wish your dick army, you'll, be like tat, almost a packet well time, yet that's what I'm the elder molly shit, I'm so glad I'm not like six foot aden ripped, because if you look at nine food dong it that it doesn't look right, leg, the, but if your pack and six inch, is on on a forefoot for body. Oh, my god leg either. That's fucking phantom yeah! I look like fucking mandingo, say: oh I'm going to tell you this. The only other, the only time, I've ever really like, I interviewed verne troyer, whose loop he was a little bit of a dick to me I've had why interaction with learn- and it was not good really funny was, and it was in Detroit. All the stuff happens near near Detroit. He lives. Intruder has a house in the truck

grew there there's something in this area in the mind, by the way that guy drinks like as long as you still alive, I got party art that guy got that guy got ridiculous. Like I fucking that guy is a he, yeah, when wait, wait, wait when he goes, he goes and morose and an elevator in an airport in Detroit. And I'm going to add an verne and scooter poles in ends? I got dwarf tonic. various royer. This is awesome site, and turn owns a hate tavern his brow williams, amr comic and I just want to say that you know your work is great. You know I. I really appreciate your work and he looked at me It goes yeah. I know who you are and I do not like what you do as I what it's like you you, hunt might myers is leg in dressed up like you and I doubt very evil row you realm a good joy. They pay sprayed you what a squirt pottle. Does that like, like you

warning copper spaniel in Europe What I do Do you know it's like these takes us wait. You seriously, I guess in it if I'm right at least for adapting actor, who seriously when you think it that's what I think of acting or never insurers in the title of the cheeses Christ you bay, Verne, you literally gives might myerst happy at that. Guy gave you is always talking about you, you. You know, I interviewed him. He was a dick use, a dick to me when I met him was a dick only rephrase. Ok, he put me in my place, but he's a reason to introduce you to my dog cause. He was terrified of fuckin dogs. Well, yeah. because I'm alone- oh, I didn't know how my dog acts, but my dogs also going to her fifth leg surgery, homer, she's not very mobile, buying right, she's, also a hundred and thirty pounds a year, but we had a dog on set.

On the shores of the show, no one after verne, oh boy, and he got for it was obviously Well yeah I mean it's took a lion when you're yeah well you're, two foot, seven, that's that's a fucking velociraptor coming after I interviewed him and, and my he said I said so. How long have you been acting the symbol before acting? I was doing stunt work. and I'm that's interesting. He says yeah yeah. I do all my stunts for MIKE my for austin powers. I said: wait, you do all your stunts for austin powers is like yeah moron. Who do you think they're going to get to do? I'm a baby, and I was like it's a really good point, but yeah was like how are they going to bring in the stunt double? I don't have that much envelope, throw it it's it's funny, because a lot of little people in in in the business do stunt work for child actors really yeah a lot of them. Do. They do stand in for child actors and they used to work for child actors

I put on like wigs and stout do some little people, actors or people in the business. Looking at you, like I mean they've, got to look at you, they've got to look at you very jealous because you are in- and I just say this, but like you have cracked the fraternity of the most judge, mental assholes in the world. In your one of us syriac you're, not if you're not like well, I know this for a fact. Our analysts, as one time learning to drive on the street, was like. Aren't you excited that, like that? I forget what it was some like some pilot, something like proud and I said yeah and I looked at it. I was like it's one of those surreal moments where I was like. I'm I'm proud of a lot of stuff. I'm proud of my book, I'm proud of my tv show and I'm proud of

more. More importantly, the the thing proudest proudest of is that I to a comedy club in role in an I know. If I don't know all the people there they have heard of me or, but in like a real budget way that, like I'm in this, fraternity of culture that it is in you can't you can't be famous enjoin it now. start at a certain level of work. Your way alright and then once we decide collect Thirdly, that you're in the areas for life- yes, I mean Paul risers than for life for life like whenever he does. Whatever it does, it becomes in its it's an embargo on the comic he's like what we're clubs you workin like stand open. I set my backyard and we talked like like honestly like, like best friends who have never really hung out. Much then little work Are they going to call of our text the other day? And it's like it's like this? these unless Adela rogan he's either an everyday

in this world that you could ever want to do in a career right. You mean in the first time, and it's not that it is one comic talking to another comic yeah. I I ran to Larry miller When did the cruel apply cast? He was hanging out in same building and he told me something that is completely true. Is that easy? What when people walk up well, apparently gusher? walkie talkie, hey is everyone? Okay in there they don't have the volume turned up. I guarantee it and these fucking idiots. Can you hear me how can that they don't have the volume up so they're talking? yeah. I think everyone's ok joint will be dead. Nope is everyone? Ok in there they don't have the volume up that this is talking into it and then hoping to god. I that I'll get. You have kids everyone going round adobe line, they said: hey buddy boy. That means are fine, so

miller, told me this thing he said, and it's really true at least I know it's for me and probably pry for a lot of comics is that if someone comes up and starts talking to you on the street, you definitely have maybe a wall up at first, but in the second they say: oh I'm, a comic while doubt shuts down, while I was pitching got a perfectly for god. I wish I knew no men, and I know you, listeners podcast, I'm walking with my film crew in times square, a guy's pitch and a comedy show and he's a guy who got great comedy. We got good comedy and in my head I was like you look at that with a very like okay and I walked past him and then he comes over and he goes bobo bert millett yeah, and then I'm going to just recognize me because my name's this, I forget his name right now. I wish I didn't he's like I'm a comic, I'm a young comic and I know I heard you on rogan, and I heard you got your start barking and that's why I'm barking and I was like oh cool, and I sat- and I talked to this- talked to them: fucking, fifty few minutes of bullshit with him, and I was like so were you working out here and I was like. Let me give you my insight like on the

york and we just started bull shitting about the business about who hey, who you like and who's young, like everything is so true, you have your guard up until you find someone's comic and then you're, like all talk to you for hours, Why us comics all progress talking to comics ray of so much in common, it's so in no one. Now that life, except for people that do it and I, It's this thing where I run into people where, just because that I I've seen their videos four times of the coming up coming up next week in the dayton funny bone, like you feel, like you know, people dude don't get me started. I just had Chad Williams and archer Daniels in here yeah chad, Daniels, I've seen his drives his poster every club I work at all my wife's here, and so I see Jack Daniels and I go or I go out of my car gotta, give you all my podcast man, yeah. Everyone said Chad. Daniels is literally the the sky they ve ever met that faced and he's like me and you that is

party guy biting at tat, the girls I'm doing a podcast, a mine, mom's homes Y know, you're. Ok, I'm turning this off! right and listening there just doin here, so I had to ideas in europe with its right. I was wanting to meet J J medicine, yeah he's J medicine. That was one of those guys, a legendary story. I go on J medicine hat retrospective and just have come up. People come on. Tell and tucked tell stories when that, when, when that happens, you have to have Colleen on from the des moines the des moines funny bone from omaha omaha right right, right, omar yeah she's got so many, so many medicines Actually, I've Colleen on your ever talk about everything, could she's she's what she is she's one of the last I say the last mohicans love people running a club who have been in this business, their whole adult life and our passion

about us, just love comedy column! When you go to that club, she and I'm not shitting on any other club yeah, and this way saline does it. This is the omaha funny bone. She not only does she actually you're at a nice hotel and you're comfortable, and she kind of looks after that. But everyone at the hotel knows you're the comic, so they pay like extra attention to you great how your shows tonight. She feeds you at the club. She will. She doesn't comment on your drinking bob, she she doesn't common on your set. She won't shit on your site to be mad. That and at like, like and what, if you're having a rough week, she'll set up a massage on saturday for you she'll take you did that for me this last, to take you out to dinner now right now, collines like bird. I only do that for a few been trying to take you out to dinner on sunday and like and like she is so nice, she'll. I think she looks it us more.

Family is yes to were were were her children that are coming into visit that we we live in. Another state he's always like. Why? Don't you bring the girls and I'll take care of the girls for the weekend annually and can have a couple of date? Nights then go to the show. Really is like a great one of the one and like one of the great people in this business, it's real. and like I don't think anyone really thinks of omaha's, like a hotbed for comedy but I'll, be going there for the rest of my life. Damn right I'll be going there for I'll, be going there for the rating he offers for the rest of my life. Yes, because I have a good time their exactly. Those are the clubs like that you get in the car companies whether agent, like look loves. You want to get rid of like a few you're like do not arrive in a direction that club rise, very corporate understanding on it, but, like the people working there, no really give a foreign but manners that, you were like strew per like like rick or like.

We're like Colleen people really give a about. They love com and, I'm sure, there's a lot more of those right now are just ones off the top of our heads. It's it's so interesting how the concept of a standup comedy club is so basic stage microphone speakers table yeah like it's so basic, yet there's so many ways you can fuck it up. So many people that and but then how? When done right and done it's just such a it's, the best form like you, could the the best comedy movie, something like some. Some like the hangover make it it may make. You laugh once every minute. Forty five, two minutes to two thirty, a comedy club. At its peak you're laughing every thirty seconds, every thirty seconds and barely laughs,

for an hour. Our fifteen minutes throwing the openers for four hour and for development two hours you are laughing every thirty. Seconds, why would anyone want it doesn't make sense that people don't go more often there like MIKE. You know, but I don't know, I'm sweet. So what was the first first like tall person, you fought, who first offers. I thought why did they make you break now? They did not first tall person I had sex with was, a person after a show, I started within about nineteen, Thus our gmos, twenty started did you started irvine improv? I started at the what its we're ok You seem like for some reason. I we started mexican rooms, you all here's the story and then for all for all the people that

I have that I've shit on Carlos mencia I re and for people not liking it yeah is that. Is that a thing? for all the route for all the rumours brought for all the stories. Let let me tell you this story and you can have any other thoughts. Him that you have. You have any other thoughts on me, whatever but let me just tell you the story and it's a true story is the brain improv. I was I was nineteen years old. I went to see a crossman, see a show. I never done standup before trying to think what year this is this. yeah. This is eleven years ago, punisher years or is this like this is right after is calmly central presence. So I feel pretty young yeah right before mind dementia. right before she doesn't want vitamin c. Ok, right after conniston represents your spray bray improv he's on stage I go to this obray number of new neurons. So he starts he's are telling me jokes half the audiences laughing the ice assumed by me now

laughing just like you, sleep, making signs, I like pointing with their eyes and like fervor one of them yeah men see a notice. Is this in turn? to that turns to decide the audience egos. What what the fuck! Why aren't you guys like that? That there is silent. By the way, I can hear him say what the fuck, like. That's like, what a fool. and he goes you What is it was because what is wrong with you guys these jokes are funny like what is one of them here and I raised my hand. I owe me: what's up, Any goes. Oh, my god. I talk to you, so we just cause me one stage, yeah and I run, and I run up on stage and he starts asking me questions of and just basic questions. What's your name, what do you do and I ask to them. My answers got laughs from the audience and that's when that's when the heroin Udall went in. That's when I got hooked that some, like, oh my god

she's amazing. Remember he asked me what I did for living and that at the time I was working at disneyland which come on it's a fucking, a huge dwarf working disneyland. We're doing it does in fact that they are a member. Like my first real, like laugh at a common club was, I said, I work disneyland audience laughs, and then I turned to the audience and point at them and go out. I wasn't one of the seven fuckers as they did in big laugh. and then am I owe while there was. I did that shit. I was a bodyguard for the characters. So I'd walk around with mickey minnie Donald, almost got really and then I get out I'll, be there in every now and then your five year, steps out alone go through a forum shiver. You know that it's what we wanted to be a fair fight please put a dwarf against them, so I I will I answer the questions in I laughs and mincio

onstage and goes well. Are you comic, I know, and he he me will you should be a comedian I go. I want going to be a comedian and the next next night. Yes, I've. I found an open, like star going up fast forward to a year and a half later and half later I go got the ontario to see this in other mincio heed this times. he's me before the show and connotes me Hey man, you you're, the guy, you do they do from breyer, yeah see showing goes. You said, you're gonna start stand up. Did you ever start doing com wanting to go yeah but doing it now for about a year and a half he goes. You have to open up my show tonight. You have you have to open up. My show You know this cause you cause you been through the ranks. I mean you're, doing open my in coffee shops and whatever for someone to say, hey you wanna go on stage at my sold out. Improv show the meagre holy shit.

An insane, seen opportunity and arm. So I say: okay and I go on stage before him. I do maybe five minutes and I get our stage and he owes hold on four seconds. Zero runs upon stage in those guys a I hear, you're if you're gonna see one more comic and then I'm gonna come on, but I'd have to ask you something my current my current feature act and as currency charts at the time was Steve was teacher vimeo yeah. He goes he's ready, he's ready to be a headliner he's going to go off and he's going to do great things and he's going to crush he's. He's graduated he's good. Was he working with you that weekend, yeah yeah and then he goes? What do you guys think of brad and the audience cheered and clapped? He goes. Alright, you've made a decision for me

brad you're. My new opening act at that more m. So wait what oh wait. What do I do with the army? He kept steve on for the dates and then then gave him a job as a writer on season. One cs those deepest on the family and yeah and then I had to go home and tell my parents out. I was going to u s see at the time. I tell you. I know I'm a year away from graduating, but I want to drop out and be a standup comic, and you know that goes over tremendously. Well, with the perfect yeah and the next week, he was doing the fox theater in bakersfield, so in in of course, of two weeks I went from doing open mics in front of nobody to the foxy or bakersfield, which is thirteen hundred people an hour.

Opening up those shows. So anyone can say anything about me see that they want and you and you can have as opinions. That's ok, you! You can have them, but I know what he did for me: and then I was on. I was his opening akbar fought for four years. and he put me on vitamin c a bunch of times, and I know I know I know it is a genuine. I know you one guy he does he. Loves comedy so, like said, have your pinions elephants and if, if you send me hate mail, semi hate tweets, that's fine! I don't get it by. He did that kind of disappeared. Like I don't I don't think Anyone really are sure they do. I hold circle yeah. I hope so it's it's. Then too, where, whenever we are on the road together, you you would pay for every meal. If, if ever win, he pay for my travel. If we have one not shopping, he would say what

you're gettin, throw I don't ever I've, never anything negative about I've, never even negative about I wanna know guy. So even I've heard it money, no yeah, I mean in its innocent cause. I'm friends, guys now that tell me like. You know that I really don't get along with your bogeyman. Sienna go. That's fine. I've got to get people there. I don't go along with that. Our friends were people that I get along with. I get it it's interesting, just a hint of of of plagiarism is enough to scare any comic, and it's a lot of reasons. It's the reason. I don't do a lot of rooms because I understand I understand that, and it's like it's like the kind of plagiarism I dislike is look if you're going to take my thing and do it verbatim. Onstage then do that it's going to come back to people are going to know it's mine right and good luck with it. There. I've had people steal straight up bits like bits and take them on stage and do them.

and I also had people have parallel thoughts of mine yeah like at an end, and you don't know when it's not a parallel father. It's not know I was. I was horrified the other day because I wrote it. We had said something along the lines I try to. Tweet jokes try a long one and, along with the aid it it's hard to do for the for the people at a great twitters pro. Apps are so hard in a tweet. This joke about cause. I saw a thing of almond milk and I thought almond milk, I didn't know almond said nipples or whatever I just worked with the guy who had a joke about this yeah. It was it I don't know, but I posted out as a tweet in people we merely jumped on and we're like thief by the way I've heard that I've heard that I dont over the same guy. I just heard someone working on a bit about almond milk like two weeks ago,

yeah and I was like I was like interesting, yeah yeah, I was like I drink almond milk, every single day, yeah and almond milk, smoothie and I've never thought of it. Yeah I was like fuck. It was right there and then someone posted a clip of lewis black doing a bit. Someone the other day told me they were working on a bit about almond, milk and so on my own park in, like I like, I merely take everything down. Enlightenment, You don't have to do that only like. I just don't want to that, and I know the camp that I come from, and I know that some people, may be looking for needed. Kano do something like that. There was it. There was a cabinet. when I was I just don't wanna do it yeah and I was a year when I was like a us when I was a road comic like doing them road like doing hours and doing a law? funny about and improves and clearly establish. I think I had an hour special out and- and I would been on tv a bunch there was a young comic who's writing for snl called. I want to say mitch bowling

me yeah mitch, blaney here I mitch. I know what yeah yeah and I I no no, no, no, no blaney John mulaney ritually nice. Asked you right. That's. Why said emily yea? That's why I would like to know is still John lady jama and Amy shimmered hold me who special and netflix is awesome, a visa. yeah, but dick is at an end. I was told they were like he's doing when you're jokes, I want to say someone told me and then Amy shimmers. I gazed doing when you're jokes, but clearly he wrote it right and it's just parallel thinking, yes, and in my head I was like yeah. Well, I've already done it on t v yeah at some point. He, if he's either going to see that and go. Why can't do the- now, because that's what a good comic does oregon fuck it? I wrote it and then a good comic. Does that too good comics like I like, I get rid of bits. If I, if someone's got a very similar bit, I get rid of it cause I'm like I'm like. I don't want people to question it

right now, even if it's similar in nature, I get rid of it, and the thing are saying about. Plagiarism is why I don't like- and this is what my my thing with the regional- do- a lot of open, mics or small rooms in the city or are a lot of young hungry, very hungry Cannot you cannot put a quantify the hunger that a young comic las yeah, and when I go up with a half baked bit that I'm working out, you can see from the other side of the stage how that can be funnier and somebody would just take it turn it into a bit. baron von? That's the thing you want, I don't want. I don't even want that rise reason I tore with usually with full trotter or some one of the comic. So I know, but I know they won't do that right and that- and that is especially that met not forego whose great colleague and hit by style is so much deeper than yours. So you have to worry about that cut back. I think I did a room in central california

at fairfield, called pepper bellies. Did you have to pepper I've heard of it? I I've never done it. Yet there is a. There is a dwarf comic there and he came out to me before the shows I am a big fan of yours abbott. You know I've been following your career. I was like yeah, let's join a guest spot, let's, let's get! Let's get you guess what and I already know where this is going ahead, exactly it's going exactly there. He went onstage and did three of my jokes in front of me. We can't not in a weird way, because buyer by those guys like the guys that are like party I had a girl. I talked to her. I talked to better with Michael yo. That's who I was talking to. I doubt whether my career, I guess renamed something called in or or or something, okay, but she's a comedy store comic. I think maybe, but she is. She has a bit about call it being called the machine and I was like and she came up suggest you know. I have a machine bit too, and I was like am I had I was like think about.

A big drinker bore anyone know it is a big drinker at some point per year, one of the big nicknames being a big drinker right out, but you That said, we know, look like it's. You may be sure Google Mine- yeah, let me know what's yours and I was like you might want to google mine, because I don't you're not going to you're not going to out me She may not be riot police, your dear you're dumber. Like a trust me I can get away from the nickname. I would write bustling. I am christened. Yes, I am I have shirts there's my kids. Don't Is that right? Documentary coming out? I have a book out. I have a booking like yeah like I do, but I like, but I was like you can't. I also can't tell her: don't do it she's Came by it, honest, I'm sure, near like letter. Let her do it too. Yes, it's, like I'm sure, there's comics that are named there was a comic named. Jim brewer out of out of state was steve brewer.

Jim Breuer way. Jimbo was SNL guy and there's one called steve, brewer. Okay, he was like such a fucking pain in the ass. They think we're brothers. Well, that's something you have to deal with! That's why We're brooks changes. They have. You noticed them richly was albert einstein, bob einstein's super divine. Today. There is a problem. It is rather right, yeah, it's it's funny arm, I e I want to go into an argument with it with dallas comment. Because his name is chris brown and he goes on stage as chris brown go duty. I change your name It and he's like no, no, no it it's great, because then people, then people can come out.

It shows they think the rapper is going to be doing it, and then I go on stage and they're like shocked by it and like. I would not want that. I don't want people to be expecting one thing and that late, you don't mean Robert Kelly. By the way Robert was one of those guys. I have been telling a story about him because I always get it wrong or at least when it gets back to Bobby different robert Kelly got his myspace taken down because he was using Robert Kelly. you know who took it down, who are kelly. Why advert kelly is also arc allocate out so yeah so early. I thought that I'm robert kelly wow was like what the fuck I remember he didn't see that coming in a million years. No, I wouldn't do that, but it's so funny. I never call him Robert. I was going to Bobby yeah, but I think he's still as Robert Kelly, but yeah. It's like you've got to

cognizant of it. I don't know whatever and yeah I don't. I saw that. I saw that J, Moore and and end are now touring together. They did a show in Cincinnati together yeah, I think that's a yeah that'd mean and they're, both friends of mine, so it's cool. I I I like it and here's the thing about comedy is that some people, you know work with J right, yeah yeah. In an end, some people try to go to war over factions. Well, I'm a blank feebly. Van and euro. Whatever fan so we could know, I know you're just your fan of comedy I if I ever works. Whatever makes you laugh, that's what you should like if care at top makes you laugh the kurds.

Makes me walk. Yes cares of, I saw his show. I went home and, like the sun, dearer whatever the sun centre, yeah, maybe left my dick off. Yes and you shouldn't be a nigger. You should be ashamed of. Any comic makes you are, it lay but listen. I have a thing that won't wait when it will never something good. it's me my career. I get my car I rolled down my windows and I play the song firework by katy, perry and ice. Scream the shit out of that thing by the way, a brilliant fucking song, great song, and I drive down the road and I'm just like screaming it out and like one time a friend was like bro. I can't believe you like that song. It's like the dick. It makes me happy what how does it In fact, that does my happiness affect you. Are you allowed to judge my happiness yeah? It's. What makes me happy? Try that isn't an intervention doesn't work like I could get that if

reed time. I listened to katy parrys firework. Twenty two african children instantly died. If that ok, maybe I'll, reconsider my options and become a fog hat guy, but your plants it does it affect anyone It only affects my happiness and you somehow want that to stop fuck, you know. Are you still touring with monsieur? No, we don't tour, but we talk. I just found it in I when, whenever something happens to me, that's good, so something happened. Me good, really, good. Yesterday that I can't talk about your jeremy I want to, but it's only after the genre, oh of course, and when something good, I always text him, and I say thanks ned and I I just say thank you, because he brought me from nothin to me on the road and got this ball rolling So I still call em. I still text him and and and and as it later it boy you gotta realize it's you like it.

And like I I was I was. I was prone to that for awhile then, and then I realized at a certain point. I was like not not prone to, but I'm very prone to being grateful for every opportunity and then a certain point. You like it. It's like it's like no one's in the room for auditions, no ones on stage with you. No one's know you're. It's you a lot yeah like like it's the same thing where, like I had an agent one time, call me and say I got you. I got you the part and I was like what in my head, I was like didn't I audition, for it is again, but I got you in for the audition I go yeah, but that that's your fucking job right. I had to do the red re at the rate like what the fuck like holy shit, and so I kind of it at a certain point. I kind of I asked

yeah, I know you're, so I I know you're saying when at a certain point you gotta be like it's all about me, but that is a point. They're gonna back lashing go. How come you didn't tell me you got. This would in fact be out it's funny in, and I think every comic has this when what, when they're a comedian is every relative every friend tries to be like. I remember that birthday party when you were eight and then I was really funny in front of you and that I did that joggling I threw the pie and your friends phase and by that that's It started, that's how it start you like now, how it started that. No, you don't take credit for that last night. No, that's now that it's not

what happened there. There was no, like my dad is the only person that's allowed to say anything in terms of how he took credit for any of my comedy coming up and need that deciding to become a comedian yeah! That's it. If your name is not Peter Williams, know you had nothing personal life yeah, my dad at my dad and I my dad actually alright can't get serious for a second and he was for what he was doing, chemo and radiation for about a year, and I just found out that he's cancer, free And- and I I found out an hour before my show at the comedy works and on backstage a clock con- the con works in denver, I'm bawling and bawling backstage, and then I finally get together go on stage and I have a choking my act where I say towards her happiness. We should be giving

just a cancer patients. I say that onstage pause. I just start. I lost it on stage lost it. I ve long as it is connected with the direction with reality, yeah, and then I had to have that moment. Where I look up at the audience- and I say I I No, it's a show. I know one. Do I'm! No, I'm the guy on stage on the performer, but my dad just fucking be cancer. Okay and I've never been this hat. no answer he had yet skin cancer, a fuckin skirts island warming khazars skin cancer that you could just burned off embryonic our right. That was it. What

and then his skin cancer as leg. You have skin cancer on its serious and then I made a post on twitter or instagram cause. I don't like to let people in a lot to what's going like it. I'm not the guy that want to go through a break up or something like that or a friend does something right. Go to twitter and facebook or it'll do on twitter votes beer, but that is, though, she walks on stage of me, yeah a guy That's your walks on stage really care. I make it uncomfortable times. I can make it. Oh I arrived, I don't give a fuck, like I'm here like yeah, it's like it's! Ok, you came to see me. This is me, hope. You dig in, like I know, my primary job, my might not have primary job. My job is to entertain people, so my jobs not go on twitter facebook and ran about how some eggs did me wrong or someone's trying to exploit me for money or whatever. That's not my job that people follow me

on twitter or follow me on facebook because they want me to be funny because I'm because I'm the monkey- and they want me to dance- I get that so I very rarely post anything personal, but I post about issues yet I posted about my dad and the feedback. I got was unreal and just People writing me in saying that they are going through it. Their family members are going through it, but how generally happy they were, and that was it was. Survivors guilt, but I kept reading things like so happy for your dad lost my brother do leukemia, I'm I'm so happy! That's that that that someone beat this thing and you feel guilty because you like. Why did my dad? Why? Why did he win? Why why'd, I mean don't get me wrong, thankful and aid. I would kill someone in the street to make it happen,

by holy shit, why you don't eat like why him, and why does he get that and in others who also love people. Why do they not? And it was a hard to read, but at the same time very good to read and very therapeutic and very like holy shit. We are we, are against this thing and we are fighting it in an that's the thing about sir. Is everyone, though someone everyone? someone you and you is that one of the most surreal moments I've had in my career just to have to share that with people, and then I think I made some post like alright, I'm going to get back to the dick and kardashian jokes. But okay, thank you for letting me have this moment yeah. I think I think there is. I mean I was always toe the line between that super on a super revealing stand up, but then you, you, definitely definitely toe the line of uncomfortable ass because some people do it. Yet

ever you're talking about right now, right now, you're like but it, but you don't say who advocate. If you know and I'll I'll use benzene example, but if he's going to take whatever chance, he has to mock the little people in onstage. Why not take? Why not that's what I mean like now? not shitting on him, but it's a realization. I've had recently like. Why would I take? I would I used to say I'm going to take a chance and do this kind of joke, I'm taking chances on stage. I'm doing this kind of joke abortion or arrive or or or race, or whatever we address our chances really anymore. The right chances are that taking a chance is doing something where it may not be funny, but no one's doing it like yeah, like doing it like like doing a pro gay joke, in nineteen. Eighty seven, I was taking a chance. I was like you know like that's like you know like, but no one did that yeah. Why not like you look back at me like oxfam, canada, the military chances is mocking people with aids.

And get us is one of my euros but, like you, Peter elamite other among mama gave, but like those our chance per se, whereas, like like, like trying to find out a bit about your dad, there is a chance that that's really taking a chance, because there are people dealing with it, but the pay for that right is is- is a waterfall. I went back rafter I got when my dad was diagnosed. I listen The two taken a toro sat holding, I haven't heard it. I can't listen to it. I ellison the beginning of it. Yeah, listen to her like go. I can't tell the joke about the humming bird

whatever right, whatever that and like she was like. I just can't yeah. When I heard that I was like well now. I can't either like in a weird way I was like fuck I mean I can I can do the carrot cucumber, joke onstage, but yeah. I don't have much of a connection to it. It's almost character, driven the older you get in stand up. I feel, like you get further away from the character that was working the character of like the It's like it was like, I feel like when I say we started, but when me and you were working the irvine improv at the same time, it also tuesday and thursday nights like as we all have the same legal competence level. Will you gotta, aging you're like time to murder yet and now what is happening now, it's like like its into it's really. This whole fucking path has been fucking fascinate. It's weird how it changes right now

I now when I go on stage at like I, I know that I could talk about something and I have faith in myself. I've been doing this so long eleven years now that I think like okay, I can make this funny whatever it is. I can try. I can. I can make a funny, but but it's all I have it now. It's all about finding it, whereas earlier I'd be too scared to try to just go on stage with a topic in my head and just read dude, I'm still there like. I tried to do this bit about. I told you about stephen, a smith yeah I barreled through it, I barreled through it last night, and I didn't give anyone an opportunity to laugh in order to get and give them an internet opportunity to think I was comfortable with the material. It wasn't because I didn't know like I was also judging like there was a lot of women in the crowd knows that someone's going to write a complaint letter like there's your head gets in there and I'm like what

pakistan, to become one point I said: Dorian will talk about anything that fucking matters right now, I'm just talking about me and that's it, and you can't deny me like this is what happened with me and my children. This is what happened with me. I dunno I dunno so alright, let's, let's back, okay quickly cause. I know we have a tight schedule with you, but I'm dying but more importantly, want to wrap up all the cars are going to find out. What's going on in your career, so so. What is the ratio of like low people? You fought first baby, oh ok. It's probably like for every ten tal girls, it's one dwarf girl, really yeah, so it but like. I was in college wherefore us six, one shot of former usc volleyball player. I had sex with her. Can we put we both did it for the story.

I did it for like. Oh, my god, this is going to be so much fun. We both like looking at each other like okay. This is yeah. This is going to be good, just in the fact that I know you've had sex with at least ten people, I'm like you've already beat my numbers of tall people, I'm fucking, I'm at like seven. I'd have doubted seventy years ago. You guys so you got the magical number seven year, financial way rate or six, someone who knows their wives in their little wife happens are coming. Hopefully you know what If you ever have you ever had sex with someone where you felt like they were they did you ever feel I've ever had sex to someone where you felt like this? I'm not, I feel like I'm being demeaned like, I feel like I'm just sorry. Yes, quite quite often, and most of the time most of the time. It doesn't bother me most the time, I'm like alright, I'm having an orgasm you're. Getting your bucket list item yeah, fine, everyone everyone's getting something they like here yeah.

rarely, but it's happened aware they will score something out. That's along the lines of lake, and this he's gonna sound, like I'm doing a hack bit, I get it. I understand that, but it's real, but we got our senior, probably most checks that people thought or hacks people. Our hats right, like the very few people who can make who have original so. This is not me. Writing this and going all madness, but like most people playing go geronimo yeah exactly like alright, that's yeah! That's what you do! There's people been on cruise ships that go up to the front door, I'm the king of the world. I get it so there's been women that have been having sex with me and and they yell out. Take me to your chocolate factory and like wait, what But if you like that takes me, come about at the moment a majority view in the euro area. Is that isn't like those in allow what in love you either.

The avowed women yells serve out like that and while I dont I've, never start and the like that's it. No more I remember jerk, I know I have always I've always been as that, but saved hundreds there's been moments like that. It's like alright, you like, I have no problem walking into this area. If, if that, if that happened right now, okay, like there was there's a bit I used to do, which was a true story like, like, I said, be a dwarf and wait, and there is a girl that legitimately wanted to paint me blue, like she's like I want to paint you blue, I gonna put some blue body paint on you and then I want you to fuck me. Wait what like that's a thing, that's great, but then, when we get done, I'm the one that has to upload watching the build up a post sex shower like I'm crazy. We what? What is it what's like one thing organism,

I was going to ask you at the very beginning of the podcast and you're wondering this today. Okay, so you make a million dollars, I'm imagining a roommate right now right now. I live alone, either by yourself yeah. Now I have yeah. I've got it. I live in orange county. I got a tony yeah, but you live in hollywood. Well, I have, I have an apartment in hollywood, it's just like a it's don't think. Like Oprah got two places technically it's a garage with a bed net. It's not that I'm not living large in hollywood. It's it's a it's yeah, it's just! So I can sleep and go to auditions and do things like this in the morning and not have to drive from orange county all the time but yeah yeah. That's actually a. I think it's a form of lifestyle, it's a lifestyle that my dad tried to get me into. Where you it's python, it's called pod living or something, albeit a place in the city yeah. It's like. I have literally a place where you can fall asleep there yeah and then you have a place where you live

right behind it in our priority that more based on the projects that are going on, but yeah a price that up like little, everyone can be hitting you up like brad. What are you working on toward time shares? All of it is better to encourage involved here because you popular english, I have he's the one dwarves celebrities that I still want to meet. Obviously because he's so damn about how about women yeah, we're friends really which is insane because if, if you know me, you know that I get mistaken for him every day, every everyday. And told me we man he's got more of a smokers voice you to eat eyes, and I dont see the connection for me, it's like argued about twenty pounds. Heavier he's got to sleep tattoos and he's mexican by oh yeah, netscape is nothing the Cunha jason agreement. Fuck

maxie midget are there any of this? It is a dull have little people, I've never met a muslim dwarf before I think the heightened don't know so. Interests of met like all by all forms little people there's tonnes, there's time they are. If you ever want the curious thing, the world adopt an asian dwarf baby and there's so many of them, because China, like they, have that little one kid policy. So then, if a family has a dwarf baby first or like that's not going to be my kid, no, I was like yeah. I love Children are my god asian dwarf baby, both both cute thing ain't. Like no the war could have a dog. If you adopted, would you adopt an absolute little person? Yes, I would adopt a little person out adopting asian dwarf baby. If, if I, if, if I saw a gang fight going on

throw asian dwarf baby in the middle of the gang fight, and it will just stop that bearded. Oh my god. Oh my god, I mean yeah, he's wearing red and I'm wearing blue and I should hate him, but fuck Guang ping is tiny. It's just like it. They're the cutest things in the world. Here's a question: I've been dying to ask, and this is a stupid question. I don't get what I'm wondering. Okay, like when you say you make a million dollars and like imagine there would you is it more the ability to get freely at smaller furniture and like a smaller size. Stuff like smaller chairs, would you get regular like big couches yeah like Tom cigarettes, calling right now a really on wanna podcast,

is it. Is it if you could answer if you could ask one question abroad williams, what would it be cigarettes? I beg your pardon us good percent figure. I've never heard of the high costs with brad I'll call you back a vagrant by bulgaria about, might give all right. You see you do you're gonna get my, as does that disasters giant so yeah, I'm dumb, do I'm doing ok, I sometimes have the flush twice like I said, least, get a break it up with a good anger? Respect yet like I think, because in my place now I have I don't have anything. That's kiley dwarf friendly, like I don't like. I don't have any like really tiny furniture or my cat. My counters, like I just have stools everywhere and not my bowel movements like but

I have like yeah just like fold out stools everywhere that, like all around my kitchen- and I just like, like you know that later, in a library that, like you, throw down the bookshelf in second wheels about that, like everywhere, to slightly ladders and stools and stop yet might my condolences damn funhouse zero is? There is irc accompany the does it for you coming to specialists, in all. There is, but I just go to like I go to home depot and grab at a store like so like. So is it like your your seat? When you sit down like when you go, was to be just a regular counter. I guess I would want to. I would love to have a huge fucking cow to my house and when I do me in a king size, bed holy shit like I can roll around, I can jump into a back deliberately I got room rate like did. Dejected gives you the shack bed on yes,

grebes yeah, that's what a king size bed is for me. So awesome thing: I love, I love the functionality thing as you bring up. When you talk about on stage, I got the things that people take for granted that you look at with regular glasses and you're like like, oh fuck. I would love that yeah, like even in its an old bit by either, if the story where- and I have to do this almost every week where I have to call down at the front desk when I go to my hotel room and have them adjust the showerhead because the shower head, where was in their last or cleaned, it is now spring in the wall, and I dont want to like, I am up the side of the wall to get like my two streams of water on on the back of my head. So I need people to adjust the shower head and sometimes I'm trying to describe it to the front desk and they like just the shower hedging, a plumber,

No, no! No! I just need someone to reach up and grab it with their hand and move it like. That's all. I need and they're like wait. So like redoing pipes or what no no no no grab it now move it. That's it. That's it israeli yeah and like they have a weird concept about it. I wish there was a keep your eyes open for a time like because there I heard this podcast on a on radio lab one time trying to blind people. How blind people see the world, and this guy was telling a story about him, checking into a hotel room there being like a living room and his bed, and he went to the bed to use the phone calls why, when he couldn't find them phone and then he went to another room and try to find the phone and they are in the lead living room. He added by the phone is that's interesting. We we didn't get to trace, the walls, never ends, and he went about nice, no phone them no tone music. Mother fucker he's like I must be out of my mind. I'll just go to sleep and fell asleep. We woke up the next morning to the phone ringing and he has

The fuck write like traces with his hands and he goes into that living room and he finds the phone and he's like hey to his wife's segue new colonies. Like I dunno, I couldn't find the phone last night so yeah. So then he hangs up the phone and then he traced his hand to go back to the bedroom and the door has been closed. The walls up. We want like he's like hold on this in twilight zone to the phone and he's like here's, the phone yeah, here's the wall.

The door to the bedroom should be right here and he starts freaking out and he's like the fuck hold on. I just walked out of this door and it's now it's not it's. It's all gone and he's in a cube and he's like mother of god. So he calls down to the front desk and he's like I'm going to need someone to get me out of my room back into my bed right and he's he's like. I am stuck in this room and I don't know how I got out yeah and all suddenly here's the door open from like far away and he's like what the fuck, what it was was the room had a living room on the left bedroom in the center and a living room on the right, and he had only been exploring the living on the left So the phone rang, that's where the living rooms in the right, but he got and turned around and fine. I gotta be heading right like he knew his direction yeah. So he was just in the other room, but then like it's still goes kind of fucking fucking things things than arguing thing about,

yeah like like when you say I need someone to move the move the shower had yet look for me. It was washing her like that fucking resonated with me. For ever like to go back and look at life now gotta be wiser, every fucking dog or yet. Is my life. I think- and I think it was an ad lib at the time, but I'm imagining things that I talked about, where the fact that, when my arms aren't long enough to reach top my head, so I have to like in my head over this, I do every it's like I'm in a eighties bangles video like going back, it was so For the first time I found out that big pond couldn't wipers ass. Like you know, it's like it's like my god by that date that today is coming for me. It would mean. Ok, like I hurt my back in november, and for a while. I could not wipe my ass and it scared it one that was like. Oh, my god, this is gonna, be my life now and I couldn't do it like I. I can only shit I could immediately take a shower afterward shut, the fuck up.

My arms, like my arms, are small so like I couldn't do it for the longest time, then through enough physical therapy. I got enough motion back my back to where I can do it again, but like that once that happened like oh, my god, I I have to prepare for this. Now. Now, I'm like a doomsday prepper. What are the? What are the? What are the physical? What are the physical challenges that are like long term physical challenges, for we have a lot of back problems. We have a lot of problems because, as you see, my head is a fucking oil rum on top of a toothpick, so it's raising crazy. Like Well, you have a right. You have a regular size, have a actually a kind of a big at it. It's a big head like how two seven and seven eighths I wear an eight yeah to be exact same But it's really there's no other heads of government yeah like I got a huge head on top of this tiny little body, so I will also get the big dick so I'll take the. Bigger than that

got big ass. Oh yeah, it's fun! So, what's a what's a, do you think you'll get married? I I hope so So I think so I dont know if it's gonna be a dwarf. I don't know it's gonna, be a tall verizon, out of it. I watched it. I just started just started. I just started in man, it's I'm it's. I hadn't done it, but I'd I'd. I never done it. in the I I just started. I just started seeing this girl and yeah. It's a it's fun. It's like it's stupid. It's doing something new and he's mean sex is still sex. It's not like it's like who know the black. Jack is a whole new world possibilities. It it's not it's not that, but it is the same yeah. This is this is something new dark, very dark nipples. You know buzz from the ritual the funny bone, yeah, okay, I'll tell you a story about does after the snake say too for certain buzz

he's a he's, a sexual being everyone, because it's a funny bone nose, but he had sex with a blackjack and he had it. He said the funniest thing, one time I'll tell you off the podcast cause, I'm sure that he'll get back to boss. Why are you talking about power cool that is carried out. I stole his song when private carry earlier. Purse is buzzes guy that are the richer funnybone retired car protect, retired cobb. Sweet guy does like lives for karaoke little store karaoke and honestly lives for the funny bone like yeah. I committed with that place. Great guy he's a great guy. He invited me to go to karaoke with him after the sunday night show I I went and then I I have figured out that er staff told me that his song was frank Sinatra's my way so

Well, I went up and I sang it first and he guts of his yeah yeah it just like it he's a that's bizarre that people know me for my. I call your jets pause, knowing driving from four hours away. Like it's sunday, buzz again. Do my way. You have to see how she had no one's doing that three. How much pussy goes over those opium budget are so much. I can imagine, saw what it was like. You guys show up, and it's a deal, I'm friends from there, the known forever yeah I bought one of a guy that I've known- and I was five just got married like- and I was just at that- The convention is in san diego this year or at for those you all. You on

There's thing called l p a little people of america. They have, they have conventions all over the country throughout throughout the year. But then every summer there's a big like national convention like this is midget comicon. This is just like. Alright we're all descending. On the one place, there was over three thousand little people at this hotel the echo this summer, and yet you show up- and you have you have to remember this- is these- are people that entire year, interacting the tall people there never looked at as a b as a beautiful person as unattractive person, they may be looked one is sexual objects, but mostly in a bucket list format of a windless. Before someone read the Tucker max book and knows that story, and they just want that. You know they just want that story and which, by the way, I read the Tucker max booksellers, or so

well. Now you go to a convention, and now you have someone walking up to saying: oh, my god, you're sexy, you're beautiful and they mean it the absolutely mean it so people go nuts people go through like two or three relationships in in a week that it's been like, like people turn into players like now, you have the option of saying no like cause before you. You say yes to just about everything as a dwarf trying to get laid like yours. I guess I guess someone bought me, please jar, and then you go to the convention and it's like being at a strip club where you can now say now. I know and now you'd be selective what it's insane shut up yeah and it's it's just such a it's such a mind. Fuck of a week where now you've been you've, been everybody's friend for a whole year, then you'll convention and now you're. Just like your your

you're the year, the quarterback you're the year, the cheerleader you'll hear you're the one that everyone wants to be with insist. It trips, you out to have someone truly look upon you and say ye. I find you attractive for everything that you are when you've not heard that for a year in fact heard the exact opposite. It's a mind, fuck eight to complete it blows. It blows your mind and I It's fine, it's it's so much fun and you will always share that ensures had a common, this the way that some can walk up to me and say hey, I'm a comic and guard goes down. You can easily start talking about things whenever I see a little person bond instant, because we know of I'll tell this story and I did crackers in indianapolis and I go to the green room. I show a show up to the club and there's a green room and there's another dwarf just back in the green room hanging out like a

What's up do like what's going on? I guess I don't know why are you here is like I walked in. I bought a ticket, I bought it, or their score me the green room and they sat me tap on pages staff. Guess that's why we obviously want brad's, friends and inexact brought him back to the to the green room like it like we don't know each other, like aid lay what's that, but now an hour now friends. Now we joke about it all the time each other and whenever I go back to crackers, he's a he or he always comes out to the shows but yeah. It's just sort of like this weird they like the the the doorman, was like. I thought that was your cousin bro, I'm so funny government. An asian comic. Come there ryan, throw all the asian people your grandmother can you imagine what what Russell peters is green room? How crowded that would be if, like every indian walked in there like? Oh, you obviously know Russell. Take it back. I I that is the most heart warm

thing I've ever heard about LP a convention is Andy egg, oh yeah. Would that would that do you think that would entice you like city may the city like a city of just little people which bought which, by the way, if your tweets about I know, there's a tour city in long beach. No there's not that says it's a rumour within minutes soda yeah. This is in or just outside, of minneapolis yeah. What no, what? What ants in little rock is it's just a little rock they hollowed it out there people live inside like its fragile rock. Its awesome, I d like to tell what would that be enticing? you live in a city that had would that be interesting to you? It the interest days I was say, was closed. Ella yeah. It would certainly be, interesting, I honest to god don't know because it that's the thing. Is people tell me

They are well well like. How would you like be different if you were tall instead instead been instead being o person? I dont know This is my cause. This is my normal. That's reality. I don't know what don't know what it's like to be a tall person and that's about it. That's about my comedy is lay work and you write non dwarf jokes. It's like I can write my jokes yeah, it's whatever that is. Here I jokes. I look I right just what I just said earlier. I read about me yeah, adding me one hundred percent, you not getting much deeper than me right. They so interesting, because I only know what life is like as a little person. So it's always going to have that little person perspective sure it's not going to always be about directly being a dwarf. Whatever I'll talk about race, I'll talk about relationships, I'll talk about whatever, but it's always going to have that viewpoint, It's the only viewpoint. I know I I don't know anything else. So you see the world. You see the world from four four yeah. How can you not? How can you expect him? That's so interesting that is that is fucking genius.

And of itself. You see the world looking out. Look like baldness to you, male pattern, bobbin. What Would you like a little? I owe you lose your leg. You pray, dont even recognize, and I'm losing my here on the top like this. That's for them! I seen it as worth I'd, say: you're, a fuckin. I should have been dating and little people my whole fucking life. I got a perfect head of hair exactly as fire will toggle jaw line. Are you kidding me? I tell it all: it's solid, oh yeah and he sighs not be under. Like I say, like I say, regular, but that's wrong, but I really to be a large size. Okay, who you can to be six six, five, six, five, six, ok or

or six foot not only make you five tanks. Everyone is five ten as or six foot, though, what would you pick and I'll like? Okay, five, six extra six six see here see here's the thing. That's weird for me is that, like I don't know the difference, I don't know I don't like five six six five Six. It's all Paul lay people in its always word to me. What we would like like people come on. We're after shows sometimes go a. I really got some your material, because you know like I'm five foot, four, I'm like what the fuck is: five foot, four: oh god, I'm kind of short do it's like I would. I would go behind a dumbstruck suck my dick to be found.

I thought. Are you serious? Are you talking about your little like like? Do you realize how much my life would change if I was bi for I could just go and buy pants and they would fit holy shit? Why would that be? I could rent a car. What that, like five would for. My wife would like you have no idea what like. What's what activity you see the large people doing that you would go? I wish I could do that my I want a football but kind of like that. I don't know it's. I mean in this can sound so simple and cottages, and I cannot just sit on it. Going was store and buying pants in trying them on and they fit for the record. I can't do that either yad fucking six, but to thirty or whenever I they don't make any delay

it'll make size thirty, thirty, two, not you can't find thirty eight. So so, when you go to visit, calling in omaha you're like shopping spree, take the fucking lucky store in omaha know they have my size, like I actually make a joke about. Target is great to shop at because target makes clothes for fat people. Because targets all over the world people all over the world. So when you go to target there, they always have your size. I you know, I find his shirt exile as an actual excel, where I can't wear under armors excelling? Oh yeah, you gotta go. Istore, yeah and you're late I'll. Take a large xl in I in here. Here's the deal I wear. Normally I wear a men's medium shirt, just a men's medium. That's my shirt size at guess. I wear an extra small like it's, so it's so it's so nuts, so yeah that would be the activity is being able to walk into a store, because whenever I buy jeans I buy jeans and then

I I don't even care if they fit or not. I then take them to my turkish tailor and I add their kids' college fund and that at that day, like I I I go in there like once a month just with clothes and like alright. This is what we're going on this week and yeah so that's what I would do and every dwarf either as a tailor or they'd get really good. With a needle and thread themselves, I can't wait to see you at fifteen years into a stand up. I think your perspective is going to be so fuckin like cause. You get you get the long you do it, the the closer you get to to this, like the amputation we have just that. Thank you hang a billboard. He so in the zone. Even just talking to him like about nothing he's got you doubled over. Instead, all my leg, utopia.

and hope and he's so in the zone of what are good and who he is right. He knows it so well, he I mean. Are you talking about how your nickname is the machine billboard like when you've figured out your voice that well, you figured out your machine and that billboard can drop a topic into the bill, beard joke machine and understand how it comes out. A billboard, Joke it goes in here, comes comes out, a billboard show. I saw him right working the other night. We all did a show out nice house and a cigarette or me score rogen in edwards and bill, and I sat in the back with a girl and I just looked at him and I went I'm not working hard enough now. Look us up and that's what I want to start doing sets out the clubs again, because I was like I'm not working hard enough, I'm not in the mix and I'm not breaking down subjects or or I mean not to talk specifically about bill, but like he really is in the zone, I wrote

a joke when the down sterling thing happened, that I was so happy with, and I went stage and it did well. I was felt so proud of this joke and then Next night I went to the hollywood improv to see bird cause. I knew he was going to be there and he did this bit on Donald sterling. Just made me go alright, I'm throwing mine out yet it no. Nothing even close! Why even write about stephen, a smith when you know bill burr's is going to be better. He didn't do it he's just Kennedy. There are going to go. Well, that's my perspective. Well, good luck! With your perspective, yeah I'm going to look at the I'm going to try to write not like him and that's like saying like. Oh I'm, like that's velveeta his perspective on cheese. Now it's just as good as the other shit for by the way. That's out there record. I did hear I'd I'd. I did oh wait. Nevermind, I was about to say something: that's totally non sequitur. It makes no sense and everyone. Everyone just complain doing what you're talking about half of my fucking podcast

What's your goal to like what would be your ultimate tour if you could do a tour for comics, oh my god. Well, I would love. Do like I've worked with Adam Reyes, like my best friend and comedy it is such a good guy? I only got to really know of him because cut through you yeah, and he is funny as fuck yeah he's so funny, and he makes me laugh and we can't wait to do your podcast Alex can be good yeah? I do a podcast with him called about last night and two to hang out with my friend for an hour and just talk to people is great and No, you hang out all our time. If I did a tour she's number one, I would love to have him on the towards us we never really toward together and he's he's doing such great things. Seer, Adam re like It's weird lecture! You have your wish list of people. They are truly admire. like I want. I don't want to monitor and want to be a feature act on a large door right. I'd want to be on a tour of guys that are my equals

We all lighted up and I could watch be inspired by yeah and we're all just hanging out. I would love to tour with rogan billboard. David tell. Let me tell you something, a lot of knights guess who's opening. yeah exactly the middle of the lineup yeah yeah, oh well, at least the gate is open. It's weird because it's like yeah there's a lot of guys, I'd love to tourists and it's the same thing, but I mean the guys that I came up with and that are sort of in my age group, you're Adam raise your Jeff Keith years. Katy Torah like we're all kinds of so funny early. mid, thirties and real funny argue mark ellis from smoking.

Oh, who I was jealous, I I I I will hang out with that man any day of the week. It is so funny in anderson, Tino and all these guys that you come up with that are kind of in your age group and you're all doing it like. I would love to do a tour with those guys cause it's just like. Oh, my god, we have so much fun so much file an fuckin want to do a deal with you, so bad, Did you tell him dear cargoes, if you're listening yesterday, MR campos, the food brand I want to combo comedy tour where I just it's combos all over the place, everyone that have new blue cheese and and blue cheese and buffalo wings, so those and they're all over every table and what we had a big. both ground. But it's like two fucking awesome headline areas or I get to pick. I guess we're on the road and bring like My favorite headliners and I get a headline with them: yeah, that's what I'm trying guys hit up. Combos. Look, no problem with my combo. So what's your favorite combo do Marco island. I will end up having that magic mike moment where we're

I sitting out there at me and you are channing tatum and the drug addict. Their names work. Well, because I've like when I first worked with you in irvine right, yeah yeah, and I Just during your closing bit, were you took a shirt off. I just ran up on stage I was hosting and I just ran a bus. It's my shirt off and you didn't look me as a hell. I go what the fuck you doing my stage, mice. I know you like. I now have a midget with his shirt off now it's getting, why now, where we're fuckin cell phone cameras, ban right nowadays been videotaped and then blown up online and we both famous yeah back, then it was like right at the advent. Everyone still had the palm pilot. It was right before it. Why did I say that? Like tell a palm pilot, I was going to get a palm pilot, but I got a parrot the liberty, no one as wards on our ass legs. Yet like we, we got to do a theater together man we got to man, we got like r man, let's get buried alive. What we just got fought once again, let me

well. That'll never happen barely be on the brand you're selling more than he is. He was very hot two years ago, when the Joe rogan podcast. That first did that, but not anymore. Now he's on his own blog. My podcast is bigger. Actually you you. You'd be better. Having me as your opening act, man's ga I ga come in guan in georgia. Is my friend brad. I ga hello. Brad is a little person you're a little person is here or sit next to me. Do you have any questions you'd like to ask spread about? Have you ever met a little person. have, you know, you've never met a little person, I'm your first one. That's okay, remember little person for real yup that hey wifi, that's okay, yeah yeah yeah. And what do you have? No questions really you're, pretty quiet normally

she's talkative is shehu and all I made a kid this was, I just did the improv in kansas city and, like I made a kid cry, because I didn't do anything, I was just on the elevator and the elevator door, and and there's a two year old right there and elder door open. He keeps he's with his dad and the two year old makes eye contact with me and, like just grabs his leg and likes crying and my dad is free yeah cause. He knows exactly why the kids crying. He knows that I can see it and he knows yet. The other doors are open closed. He has his minute amount of time to like make it right, and the dad is like looks me he's like ugh he he he always does this, I'm like oh everytime, he sees a dwarf. He cries like. How often does that happen? Georgia actually told me, can I can you? Are you come from me to brad a riddle? The riddle ominous hell.

Georgia told me a riddle in the car. The other day. Do you want to tell brad the riddle? Not sure she said, has a real go? There's a guy and a skyscraper like a twenty storey skyscraper, and this guy works there on the twenty floor, and then he presses the tenth, but on the elevator than walks up ten flights of stairs to get to his job. And rainy days he just presses the twentieth, but do you know why were oh, so, on the twentieth float, I got a regular day, just presses turn and walks up ten flights. Go that way for a rainy days. He presses twenty I've heard swindle before, and I still don't remember the answer or why is it it's because he's a little person and on rainy days. He has

umbrella, so you can it twenty threerd. You told her to be in the car the day by and cato Brad this, Are you comfortable beds totally go yet. This is how you learn in life. Yet she she used the phrase. Midget, ok and I said baby. You can't say that went on. I said because it has caused, because midgets will protest. Your show in livonia, michigan brat says only it, but the whole It is because if someone doesn't want to hear that word, then that will make the it's like it's like and imagine if someone said something about like what's something you're self conscious about? Okay, imagine someone says something about it. Remember remember that one kid this isn't about your teeth, the exact same thing so like like, but and that's exactly why you don't use that word.

brad's comfortable using the word. He says it, but I don't say it, but at the end of the rule like you can make fun of you, but you can't make fun other people does that make sense. Why has this been uncomfortable for you very, very tight, but here's. The beautiful thing now is that you now You know, and that's half of what life's about is learning. Let let let me tell you this right now is I interact with so many kids just out in the world and they they. Look and they stare, which is fine. I don't get mad when kids there me because their blank slate, they don't know something new. The same way on adult would stare at a blue human for arms coming out his forehead ass. You that chick right, a good callback, sir, yeah like the same way. You do that kid stare, because it something new to them, what our parents don't

I realize is something I'm so glad that you so happy that I just saw you do this. All you have to do is tell your kids the truth, and then they go okay, yeah, because it's brand new, the truth is where's your always tell the truth. Tat always love! You don't have to look at your kid ends and I've. I've heard everything like when it kid stares. At me. I've heard every parent, the most The most ridiculous one was oh he's like that, because you didn't eat big food, unlike what lake weight, so if I had eaten,

t bone steak instead of gino's pizza raw. Then I grow taller it. Maybe they that that definitely have started an eating disorder with a child. Yeah yeah, oh my god. So now it's yeah! So now there are just going to eat long like foot long, subway, sandwiches like okay, so crazy georgia is you are. This is a little cool experience. You, the first little person you've ever met is actually famous and you will in your life. You will continue watching him on tv and go so funny. I know that guy and your friends I know you don't we man is never battleax, there's absolutely good we say that again hill. We made yeah. You know jason, who you got the youth vote on your side right in ten years, I'll a huge beard, that's how we end this podcast the perfect way to end the podcast. Oh brad! Thank you so much for coming over and doing this,

that you're. Happy though I love you are you are so I so much by my favorite down right now. this: observers brought to you by the machine.