Life is full of delicious moments like going to big table of friends, feels like a big table of family or when the meal you may then shared rings in all the lights. On your feet. That's right get on the upper spring. You meet boss, delicious savoured, meatballs, move with real italian flavors to help you savoured. The big and small moments that make life soon got em like it's delicious, safer for recipes and more. These guarantees that come a guy Joe gimme a bed recently at I'd like I love a good job, but I couldn't breathe and maybe he's bit by bit you when you get rid of it. They'll be this week thompson. world tour, abbotsford, seattle, portland, Milwaukee, Cincinnati, nashville little rock springfield, philadelphia, norfolk, Winston salem fairfax roanoke

chester, Worcester, newark, providence and all but a new york December tenth, I'm California sober right now. I guess I ween machines with mushrooms is just focus on cuba and so on and make then we are highly yes precisely. Yesterday, the free, enjoyable, ass, nice and I've never been like a get high guy here. Only I've always out It's always been my my cane yeah. That was my fav really I and then I started mixing other drugs into it, and then it just turned into something like like. How are we recording? How deep did you get and why have like a whole entire year that I did cocaine like a fun fucking year,

I got so fat which is like a miracle fat on coke yeah, because I would just go on coke benders and then eat in and out and then like not workout and not go to work and not do anything, and I just turned into a fat piece of shit. Yeah like degenerate, like a fat like just disgusting, and I was like this is and then I lost the with my friends, because I'm such an asshole, I'm ok, I bet I can see just from you on stage. I could see you on coke would be something yeah, I mean me sober- is pretty tough to deal with that, I'm not the nicest person you know so when I grow up wisconsin real yeah, we're medicine, now Milwaukee, like suburbs and lucky small town yeah, big Ben fifteen, twelve hundred people in the town. I grew up in a love wisconsin. I I've Imagine you were always call yeah, something I'm very wisconsin adjacent yeah, yeah like honorary doctorate was gone. So, like that's, oh, I wish I were

two. I went to that. You know the everyone without goes up to the legs in the summer like, and I went up to one of the lay someday dogs, yeah and the ground was saw. These are my memories. The ground was soft. We went on a homemade slide and I became such good friends of the family that they gave me in a war and I still have it and anna it was the award. I was a. It was a family ward, they passed around the person who met, who made summer the best right, yeah and it's been in their family forever. I think I'm supposed to send it back. I never did oh yeah he's crazy about the dad. Is we get fucked up and he's like? He was, like you know his or her drink lot I said yeah. He goes me too. As a django's is getting the best of me and I went really, he goes yeah, but you know what I should be dead yeah. So you showed me goes a scot over my shoe didn't open from us. It really is a guess, all alike, everyday life about doing over the fucker out man's abiding

that's an interesting way, liver yeah, but it was god's if there's nothing else to live for you know if you're there, it's just like there's three months where it's nice and then it's just like grey ashy fields and like nothing to do. We get fucked up really. Did you think? Were you bored as a kid in wisconsin snowboard? Really, but like I We grew up on a farm, so we had like horses and like I would just I was a girl Nature kid I would like go in the back and like read books and just like run away from my family, because they are all fucked up, while my kids, your family, just me, and my sister or mandatory under older. She had to she's yeah Is that weird, Those are obvious. I be met and I never registered it yeah because I'm, I would think, because the first I saw you I'm going back to the farm, your family and everything, but the first time I saw you online. It was the it was,

Fuckin now pentecostal the fuckin mba joke okay and I fucking laughed hysterically. I went while here and then I deep do and I was like a like eyes. I looked at every video. You had had so many questions I had so like who shot this, who reduce this. Where is it? Where do I find the whole hour like all these questions? Okay, and then and then I and then as I do, kind of I usually send. If I ever see like an attractive woman, I usually send the clip to my wife: go: do what you think yeah and why was it who the fuck is she she's, fucking hilarious and I say no right and then and then I think I sent it too. I have only women that work here by Senate there, and then so you're my schedule, you fuck you and then I meet. You and you go with met two times yet and I went that's impossible, not but new word to be fair in the bag both times an eye

as somebody who knows the bag. Well, I saw your eyes those like he's, not all right. So you don't. You know singular thing very well. I love shape. It's a fucking he's. Probably my favorite comic period he's in. I will say this. I will say this with sheer confidence couple months. about me. Every was ever come area when the netflix special draw, my god, my god, and watching that our four while I have to- and I worked with him I featured for him. I think maybe the third way and he was working the new hour and then I worked with a few other times and just the way that it grew and morphed and transformed I'm like this is a genius. This guy's, a fucking, and yes, he makes me feel like I'm, not even a comic. It's so good that I said to him what the after the second time I saw him working at, I said: hey man, that's great and all but like are you gonna write

serial, and this is my new hour. I went oh, this is your new hour. I got that this is the shit fuck and I was like Oh, that's how new hours disposed to look they're supposed to look like where people are like this is undeniably hilarious. Ets sow god It's so getting my dads and my dad's, obviously not a fan of my comedy every to every time a doctor dad. I'm funded, I'm about to run stages like hey. What are you try being a little more like shamed, ella Joe Joe list as the other? Why do you think I'd like? Why? Don't you say that you want to decide without value? That would be my daughter's. My daughter's love, single yeah he's there, they love single as big J put. The best is my fair. I I've told you my time to keep it in the pike ass. I love the story, so my orders daughter and her best friend daisy work for us on fully loaded. They pay so the first thing we do now,

last year there were a team at their age of adult children of adults of two don't ever you're doing child they break it down, and I didn't get it right here about italy, one sixty four as do, but so daisy in georgia work for us for fully loaded. We go out there and there they ve, never seen comedy, never seen comedy Shame I'm not going to do shane's bear, but it's the one about as one of the ones. That's on his new special about him. Being a history fan, george Washington, though, and george and her friend days ago. this. I know what they go away. You can't say that I am aware. No, you can't make me go we'll put on are we allowed to laugh, can definitely fucking laugh and it goes a matter of fact tell shane you liked that bit and I'm like what am I gonna tell shane. You liked,

that's how comedy works so shame ends up, become become a night friends with my daughter and a friend like just enough where they, like, you, think, you're funny in his april. So the last night of the tour shingles up to chores and daisy goes a guy, sneaking beers and they go no and he goes bullshit sneaking beers and they have known he goes. I'm not your fucking dad mike I'm telling you he was sneaking. Beers in Georgia goes yeah yeah. sit down next me immediately as georgia. Snake can be, just as there is a huge parking yeah he's the best man. He is the. He's the best. I am so excited for this hour to come out and that's gotta be coming out soon because he just felt he filmed it. In june, right yeah, the good ones they put out immediately the that you'll, like you, can see a turnaround. So I don't mean that I don't look. I don't I didn't say that I don't know, I don't know they usually when you have a hot special yeah,

we again you they're filming the like how it does not do for you like what that's like an two more rang like I know the ask: can we get out? I lay I forget her back, and so you are so so. Like four, like like a marketable round shit. Can you write a horse? Yes, I can write or, as is a but my ride, a worse yeah like right of live right hours. That's yes! Oh impressive, closer! You please! Please, please, for a promo video for next door. All I need is a view I want they want to do this. I wanted to do so that come out of the woods on a horse and a gallop and like a counter and then cut the corner into a sprint, get a truck to drive along with you showed up you'd in motion and and who this budget? By do I do I do it looks like you I want to do it so bad. I saw you write a word the I can show you.

together we can run long. Do I would I want to shoot that video, so bad. Riding a horse is the coolest thing. I ever learned how to do. Yeah it's great, especially I've tried to explain to people. I did a bit in austin last two weeks ago, last week, two weeks ago about yeah two weeks ago: And did it it'll never work anywhere else, but it works and ask some of you are forces less it there's a symbiotic relationship with a horse that it it's almost like a bad day the great sex so like a canter or a gallop, is tat bit uncomfortable rad bit like I may die yeah like like you, don't drink. I guess roman coffee attendant dinner, okay, school, no nice, nice, oh yeah, at school, you kristen this attitude still don't to read their height. Ok, I haven't seen oppenheimer's barbie. Okay, then, all of a sudden when that horse takes off

and you can see, there's a moment where you don't. It doesn't feel like anything. You and the horses now yes, are moving at the same time. You all the sudden. It's like you're, both feeding off the same energy and in it only can be contributed to great saxon like the best sex you ve ever had. We are like yeah, oh shit like and kind of us. Like being a roller coaster. There's that, like adrenalin of like I could die the skip. You buy Lastra, how it, but I have to trust this horse. You do. to trust the worse because I got out of can I did it. I've been in force for a couple times, but one time I was you could tell that like I was. I was not charge yeah but you're never in charge. That's the thing so actually in wisconsin people ride their horses to the bar, because you can't get a d why because you're not ever operating the horse, the horse is always in charge booking

those clear they go and they tie their worse. Is that there's, like racks outside of everybody? Can tire horse I've, give blacked out drug ride home and you'll never get it. Do you like any idea how many times I take the wrong horse? Oh, there's no way. I remember what my horse looked like I'd like yeah so is it was your dad like a farmer No, my mom was into horses and then my dad just got roped into the whole thing yeah. Would you do like a difference? I know he's an electrician really interesting. Yeah he's one of the last last in the movie Can I get be like tradesmen I really find by the wayside, while your speaking to my wife right now, my wife has a real bone to pick with the way the whole college programme set up and how of vocational colleges are looked down upon the rain and be cause, but I'm like yeah we're not gonna, be able to build houses, the tick talkers We need people who of skill

I know how to lay a foundation that, to somebody doing a two step sweep so your mom was into horses. My mom is into horses. I find that fascinating do do you find, because I want to we're so bad. When I was kid I hated horses cause, I hated my mom. We like really didn't get along really yeah she's borderline personality disorder, so she was a p db. He d, be BP, bitch yeah she's very tricky, so she would like. May she begged you're, so like it have the horse go ride the horse, and I was like- I don't want these horses edit asked for the sources. I don't want to shovel shit. I don't want a bail hay like in the summer when it's like ninety eight degrees, one hundred percent humidity were baling hay. There's hago into my eyes. I think this fuckin oars and and she got my sister gotta tenancy walker, which is a really nice horse. And she got me a shetland pony which is a half force peace, a shared than I thought

I care about that in college. He was like calling majors like Joey Joseph. He was Joey Joey sick. I was like. Let me know when Joe is dead like fuck about Joe it turned them into glue. you're a reader yeah was like like harry potter, was like my jam back in the day yeah boy, you're, Giuliano just lit up town most recently met under better, is like he's into. He loves reading yeah and he doesn't live in a community that is reading. Acceptable though, but is that he lives on a tour bus with me. Ok, he has to read in private in the bathroom. It's like he's gay. He like louder. No one knows I'm leaving the sorcerer's stolen is adopted, that's what the buses or hope if we walked into a bookstore like, I think we're like manchester some and where they wish should all a book. Britain, europe was read a book and who is a good call,

the europe, let's we have been smart to be smaller imprints areas book Why would you do that? Fuckin snooze first? That was absolutely no. It's all right. Look at him he's our aim. I feel bad for him. I think he got hoodwinked I think she I think she She she pussy swapped him. She like scotty go bad right Actress, yeah, yeah, yeah, all actresses are good in bed, yeah they're all at crazy as their own mess. I wish I could tell you about the weirdest blow job I ever got, but it doesn't feel right. me evaluating them in our decision you have yes, it was a comes. You have with a dude yeah, I'm ahead of it, yet

to perform it at a mega hollywood, I get a tv show and I get a development deal immediately immediately at different networks. Okay, so I could develop until CBS. I got a tv show fox or fx at the time, but it was a studios fox to meet this girl. We go back to her place and we go we're hanging out and kind of weird to put a robe on like we went in and then she put a robe on with nothing under it like a robe, and I was still fully dressed Where was I guess I didn't bring. These are by rapid fish was really bizarre. Yes, so we get into bed and she we suffer round as she starts to in the kiss. Now on a chance, your brains are gone, he's sort here and there the chicago bulls, entry musical about them

gentlemen. Let's get ready to roll as she grabs my dick and instead of giving me a blow job, she looks up at me goes: how can you have a developmental at two different studios and I went huh she's, no, I'm just saying like fox and cbs know about it like do they know about it or do did they not know about it? And I went no not really Sure, as she goes, is your debbie. Is your deal. It CBS larger than your deal fox, but my your dick still, but this is back. This is early work of five it's like I was never have seen this series, I've, never I'm! Those are the reasons I don't have sexual objects number one. I wasn't good at it yet another two, I'm terrified of diseases, yeah, I'm terrified who says so Just I've always been like I've always been like navy germantown air, something no now know I've met. My wife would tell the story. I didn't date. I just I met her bowling if she were met

after a couple of other times before, and then we really met each other bowling. She goes yo. Ask me out- and I was like yeah she's like it I'll, give him a number as a catcher and immediately I was like she's whore like she just wants to fuck me and just have her my body that will not deliver our pockets. Malone warrior smuggling, the boiler, skinny bert crisis, getting there, and so so I was like. I did anybody, bird rock. You end up seeing a skinny Bobby kelly industry, this too skinny because he's getting better, just go us kelly. Wait where our way out the mi, the one that you well recognized, oh yeah, so So my wife, I was As I am? I a dollar If every woman who I believe every woman, I believed

I I we just talked about this too, so I wonder who the other day, but I had this theory that, because of sex in the city, all women just wanted sex in one relationship, and I was a soul. Well. Monogamous only wanted someone who could get my sense of humor, my personality that could be myself round and so immediately when she said you asked to go out on a date. I was like no, not not with that girl and I fuckin didn't call her and she called my roommates like. Why hasn't he called me and he's like he's right here, ask him and then she was like. You know: oh I'm, a cute girl like whether what are you doing- and I was like I dunno so have you asked me out I'll go and I was like fuck: do you want to go out and date again

tape, and I was like oh this she's, not a whore. I was like she's just like a regular person who wants to meet people yeah that you can also be like at least she was nice about it. I feel like when guys reject me. I'm like what are you gay there's? A number of I guarantee, there's a chat thread that says bert, sucks, cock yeah, I'm certain of that. I can name them all fight right now, so we so then, when the Would you school? I went to my cat route, my right Farley what market? Yes, Then we were in the same dorm rooms, not together. Obviously, but you look great. I've been drinking baby blood. No, we were in mccormick same exact, dorm room when I went there, I transfer it halfway through my freshman year and they're like this is Chris Farley, so old dorm really yeah fam I was a big fan of like tommy boy and like the movies, but I never really watched us an owl back in the day. When did you forget member calmly, so I started technically and

two thousand and twelve, and then I did it for two years and then I quit for two years and then I came back and then the pandemic hit. So I've only really been doing it for like five and a half years and like two years full time would wouldn't You start digging common reality that companies can. Actually. This is thank embarrassing to admit bad they incur. Well, there's been a minute ago when we just we just talked about this last night, me and people forget, he introduced a whole generation of comedy yeah. He introduced he made comedy accessible, I'll, never shit on bane yeah. I got my shit on a couple of his posts but like, but like no I'll, never shit on dame because why not mellow when he was doing it and he he there so much greater could say about him than about he created created a genre of comedy a style of comedy that everyone stole from yeah and while he stole from people too, but I mean that aside, I think I was wrong.

into dean, and then I remember, a david tell did his insomniac to her with Gregg geraldo, but I only want shook his dean was on it, but I found gregg geraldo and then I was I owe holy. Shit, that is your brain yeah I was like this is another level like this is the kind of comedy I want to do, and then you know once I saw like also naked consumer and those people. I was just like fuck yeah. Let's go yeah, that's crazy. She s was great about it yeah. It was great about podcasting, yes, that there there are people, I'm certain that don't like Jos, stand up but have met, have found comics through your right and there's people that don't like my stand up that have found comics through me, like I had my matt rife on the podcast and our numbers were okay and then he exploded and everyone fucking walk. stick and our. I wonder if any of those new children Van of those

are going to come my way yeah. Maybe when I die they'll be like yeah, it was good yeah, Matt's, interesting cause, he's got women of all ages and I had like. I was in the spokane airport and there was a she had to be seventy eight years old, with her husband clearly hating her husband, just scroll. through my rose to dock at I think, video, I a demand. I was like you have these bitches in a chokehold. I have never said that the boy beyond phenomena unanimity in like we're all these girls are like we want to fuck em and also, incredibly down dead and buried, you know he's funny in light of god, whose job buses as poverty forlorn area. Since fourteen we are, then he looked all you have to say to me as you toward with ralphie yeah you, don't you don't towards ralphie and not have a passion for comedy or food. They re so Did you start up in wisconsin a nice idea really yeah? I took a class and then I was here's the thing I was an act of alcoholic and I was drinking- I was treating at leg of a party. You know me

like when you say like ours. Was curious because we had an incident with a foot with a friend recently an end and I went whew. In an incident with business partner. Were saw what alcoholism really wasn and like it it really is I randomly? I talk to doktor drew out it today and he said no notes it's when their atta control, like when they're out of control that there's no bringing back in yeah, it was just my only priority- was getting fucked up, so I in comedy and the the first time I did comedy I was like oh, this is what I was born to do, but it didn't matter because I then just used comedy and comedy shows as a way to get fucked up, and I remember there was these shows back in l when I first started called supersecret comedy shows- and I was performing, like theo and damon lands and like all these people- and I was brand new and I thought that Brennan, obviously by my oh I'm so whenever I thought I had arrived

I remember a friend came with me and I was shit faced in the green room and she's like. Why are you drawn got work and I was like my it. She this is a job op you're, treating it like a party, and I remember just being like oh yeah. I need to kind of take a step back and get my shit together, cause it just like it wasn't cute. I was just like sloppy and like you know when you're a comic, you want to be left alone in the green room, and I was like just like: hey yeah. It was not about luckily you're pretty enough, where I think people a little lot of that right. But that's not especially with the group. You just named yeah, that's nice, that's not what you want to those guys yeah. I know she's been drinking better, get her out of here yeah. No, I I was told the very first, and I have said this a million times I'll say it one more time and do not edit this out. We added a lot of my pike. People think I tell the same soil. You'll, be shocked. Me we allow I only have a twenty two story. That's that's really, but one

I was in russia, so so, but when I my first night on stage ever ever ever, I grabbed a miller, light and the dude with me and who I I always fuck up his name and he's just he. He was stand up comic for a long time. He now has a podcast called. I think he changed it and but he he's working comic use. A word like now like we're we're peers now, but we both in tallahassee and he said him, and I wouldn't do that. If I were you and I so why, and he goes because if you do that now Then you'll always have to do that to get on stage, because you should take treat this like a job and just do it sober, and I was like okay- and I was I I don't know how I dunno my drinking was like in college, where it is compared to today. I don't know I'm assuming. I'm worse,

today than I was in college, I don't know, though I think I might have. I think I may I there's times I've been better and worse. I think I might just be a jason, but I didn't drink on stage I didn't drink until I got off stage and because of that I had that I had the superpower I was like. I don't need to be fucked up the ranks and I watched so many of my friends. Half the fucked up to do stand up. So many didn't even know what to do with their hands. They do the letterman and they would go reaching for the store to grab a beer and you'd, see it and you'd be like fuck yeah. But but that's good to do you just that? Yes, I got fucked up a few shows and then I stopped, and then I took two years off a comedy and in those two years I got sober and then I came back. Our was sober. Brutal brutally. Aren't I mean I was such as I drank when I started drinking at sixteen? I would drink like an entire bottle of like rum tequila. Whatever it was, I would drink the whole bottle and and then it was just something that was part of my life from the time.

Sixteen until I quit at twenty eight and a coincide added to my mom committed suicide, and that is like that was what made me get sober cause. I was like. I can't process this. If I'm just getting fucked up, she killed herself in two thousand and ten two thousand seventeen. So as three days before my wedding, she school yasser Arafat. about em, like that's one way, rsvp, let's get I'm sure, didn't bite at yeah I was like. I need to get sober, so it was like to think that one's one, but I do think cause my mom and I we had such a fucked up relationship and I wear a strange for six years now talk while her death was very hard. Losing booze was way harder to them, like that was at least reliable, every ounce of good times. Yet obama was caught at a very moved by what leah become up your right? Maybe I'll go take him. I tell you my mom story, it's gonna heartbreak and when I hear story like yours, craig, oh, why we should have been better

But it may be, who I am you know they mean girl. She taught me how not to treat people like if I'm ever apparent. I know how not to parent you know like an emotive, of borneo. She sent me my birth certificate and she crossed off her name and she said not your mom and I was like the level of patty to face a government in turkey a bit better and then when she died and we want to go seller house. We had like little footprints my sister and I put little footprints in the category She had mine covered up and look. Do you know how bad you have to be to to make it or if I could go to home depot the mystery of god good the worst goes it. I've ever ask anybody, but what did

You do know that, like I was an alcoholic and I would just tell her to fuck off she just wasn't a nice mom and you know edited book with it. So I just have doggie door mat robes Doug killed himself, I know, but he was like not. He was very young blade, enabling twenty due weight to the dad was trying to be met was like very young lady. I'm saying I was a child like the two or three hundred multilingual gun, melter head gang shit. She fucking exit. You know I mean it's like you, don't do mouth I've learned through number, of people? Don't do mouth? I guess when you go to pull the trigger there's some party that just wants to move your hand a little bit right now. No one ever does it like the this, a horrible conversation that I was with a dude the other night.

Who is explaining to me how suicide is a pretty rational option yet to greater there and we would like- and it was the funniest comes Actually, I've ever been in cars. I've never heard the other side of it and he was like, and he was telling me about it and then all said his wife's like stopped talking I'll fuckin suicide, a guy but his dad boston, suicide, his brother by suicide and me, rubs, pierre Maximilian, busta suicide and he's the guy that created, cancel culture and rubs at implodes, really like the the reign of terror in paris. Those canticle three killed seventy thousand people, but he tried to kill himself and apparently when the shoots are jaw off, yeah yeah, my mama she's, pretty slack, she like put down a fuckin plastic bag, gotten a sleeping bag. This is very, you can get this appeal, No, no, no! No! No, she answered the most engaging overlap and unless you gonna sleeping bag, she took a practice shot at the wall and then she felt herself not married, you daddy more, not add

warzone I was very young. Surgeon, basically told everyone. She was going out of town and then the actual eventually she's town and then her on and off boy and was going to check like water, the flowers and whatever and at her house and he didn't catch it I think she did it right away and he didn't catch it until like two weeks later. So by the time she was found, she was a full dicom yeah. Did you sue this, I'm so bad. It interview people. These are the weird requested, as I wonder who who told you. I think it was Tom. I think it was her ex boyfriend call me. So it's like I was getting. oh no. I actually got a call from her sister and I was about to go get married, so I thought people I'm like it's a little. Early for a call, because it was like three days before is a little early for a call about the wedding and the colony remember she was like. Are you driving and has again and You need to pull over and I was like guess it grandma, because my grandma was terminally ill with cancer and

They get your mom and, unlike how'd you do it because I just knew I knew I mean like it was like. The writing was on the wall. For a long time she was like schedule it at the end and like posting pictures of her like shooting at tar. It saying she was gonna kill. Be bushes was like threatening to kill my dad, and this is like how small town arts like how the small town we came from because my step, my stepmom called the police is when cause my mom was. I got literally texted. My I'm gonna kill. You am to have mom pulled the gobs and the gods came over and there like, what are you afraid of a woman? And I don't like I've got scared, It's like I fucking packet he's like chicken club drive it and then, like three weeks later, she was dead, so holy shit, yeah and you were in. I think, but that's what we should have taken the gun away from her. You know what I mean like when you're threatening to kill someone. The next person is you, so oh man did you

I still have a hard time with it. Very my sister and my mom are very close. I was not close with my mom, so it was much easier for me, my sister still pretty pissed at her. Oh yeah. I guess your mouth, oh yeah. I dunno I've had a lot of friends killed themselves, so many that at one point we had we had the suicide of eternity. But I was like one year and then then it's pretty crazy when you think about it, cause like he got killed himself and then everyone was like when, after you do like a big group with the counselor comes in and the council, it's like. You know everyone grieves in their own way and then so it was like it was probably just gay and everyone's like yeah he's. Definitely gay because, like hang on, we don't want to blame anyone and then another guy killed himself like also like, and so the same culture comes in, so they must not jump to conclusions about why.

I. He did it when we think he was probably dating the other guy. He probably killed himself and then the third person killed himself. I think in his message, like I'm not Yeah Everyone knows, I'm again. Is it any wonder that after the fourth suicide, the council was like what are you guys, It's like! Maybe it's you like with so many people kill themselves. It was like we were like. Oh maybe it's us! I've had lost, so many friends killed suicide, so fucked up it's it's a kind of, but it's like have you ever seen that norm mcdonald bit where he talks about suicide is like everytime, someone commits suicide. People are like. I can't believe they did, that it's like. Really. You can't believe it. You know, life is tough. Life is really tough on my body, one of my best friends killed himself and I think it was an accident. I think he was. I didn't think he like he was,

Craig, like you see I was ever, does no, no, no! No! No! In a closet with the with the attacks. That's a mass of dublin! yeah. Apparently it's a nice way to go because I shouldn't just pass out and then you die yeah but yeah. I don't I don't know, I don't even know if I could do it if I just terminally ill like if I like, if they're like yeah the last month's going to be hell, I dunno, if I could do it even then I can yeah like this one morphine em out like had dug, stand and can help cut hub, killed his mom, his mom, that just wasn't history that they thought it was bingo. Ah, oh here

no but Doug wrote about it in his book about how he helped it's great yeah. So his mom, I'm telling the story, but I don't care it's a good keto that he's told a number of times that he's so good at telling stories. Yeah he's great. He was telling a story to me. One time it was, I've had to be on stage had to be, and he goes he was taught he did. One of the girls from head of the class in the tv show had a class, it's really popular, he dated the hot chick and he goes and she cheated on me. can't say the guy's name for legal purposes, but can tell you what he does for a living he's the prince of Monaco yeah, okay, so so he's so they do it. Do I look, I I'm I'm. I apologize Doug. I think and tell me if you've heard this, I hope

If you have so I'm not sharing stories some people times, you tell me a secret and then I'll do all you'll think you've heard it somewhere else. Yes, yeah! So is this mom decisiveness passes she takes a bunch of xanax and they all take a bunch of xanax. They all fucking get fucked up with his mom, but you can't whereas on the annex I thought was a very difficult now. It's am morphing wish you to establish a token, ok to think he took them here. He write again they annexed to chill out, and so they watched fuckin homes shopping network funding and rain, I credit the perverted. and the statute of limitations on that he had to wait to tell the story. He was later geiger. Wait legs, eight months until lowery ran up like twenty granddaughter gridiron and and then the

and then they wake up. Doug up is like fuck, my mom's dead. He has his moment cause nine one one you may want to come. My mother's passionate would come pick her up nine one one comes in with a pressure and they start loading, bingo and think. Oh man has to stop bigger, so if I get out of it, sees others better tucked up setting us, but the way The old lady but a funny prayers whose I'd sucks for the people to stick around here. They viewed on there but if I just by susan exits and because I know John, as long as that is the one thing. I've said it so much because over there, when my friend killed himself and they watch me just mourn, I had to mourn openly because we were supposed to do a bunch of shit and I was really upset. He was like my best friend,

and ah, oh yeah yeah, it's crazy. It's yeah! It's crazy! Why you know I went to his flew home to his family and and it's just bizarre- the whole fucking experiences like just happened so instant. Things which is kind of the way you want people to mourn. For you a little bit. I I'm selling them justifying suicide. I'm not believe we are talking that the other day I don't want to go out in a long drawn out thing where you pass and then everyone's like yeah he's in a better place. I wanted to happen instantly where people like shut yeah order to be newsworthy. I yeah know I hadn't astrologers tell me that I was gonna, get murdered for my money and I was like I'm gonna have money? that's very exciting, at least like no. I mean it could be like one hundred bucks in your purse. Well, that's not as exciting thrilling yeah I was like. I want to get murdered. That's exciting! That's a good way to go, but then, once I heard that I was like fucked up for a week, I was like. I don't want to be burden that sex and then once I accepted it, I was like every

and I get on every cora men. Every situation where it's like near death. I'm like this isn't going to this. Isn't it this? Isn't that dark alley like I'm? Just like can't get me. I wish I knew I was going to that'd be cool. If you knew how you're going to die yeah, you can talk to my astrologers who high on value they'll, tell you then had a fortune teller psychic over and miss leo? She comes over as she is towards his birthday, and they do this fuckin psychic thing and is about what about it in one of my specials a part I didn't tell the person she says georgia is, I swear to god. She goes you're a soldier in the great war you're a general. You are a general in a big war. You are responsible for the death of two hundred fifty seven men in georgia as a ca. She was those men's souls were haunted until the day, though so this is your daughter says to my daughter. Afterwards, his birthday I was like bieber, then she looks at jordan's friend I'm.

not lying at all and goes you have breast cancer. There's a loving your breast go to the bathroom. She hasn't. Bathrooms comes back sobbing, my, whereas the other, what the voters for fifty dollars I get rid of it. In the end, go, get rid of a career, they will go ahead and if you go back www brass than the google and leather goods, I gotta get rich, so that only answers we by this new house right now is how the

other house yeah, so the goes I'll have her come over and and like and check for spirits as she comes over as she's she's she's checked her spirits and she goes. There is a dead boy lives in the basement. His name is max he's he likes your dogs and lands like he likes her dogs and she goes yacht and what's crazy is that is your brand new dog? Would do this weird thing where she would play with something that wasn't there in the thing we're like foc as she goes I'll talk to max four hundred and fifty dollars thanks I'll tell him not to bother the girls bedroom, your bedroom stay in the basement and he can play with the dogs when a great and as she looked at me goes, you have stomach cancer and I was like motherfucker She goes for one videos I get rid of. I go. I just Thirdly, I do the fucking thing. Just do the fucking thing. Then, when I had come on just bleep The thing out, I'm out, I said she's great.

She is really interesting. No one make eye contact with you will have cancer because you're one hundred fifty bucks to get rid of it so cheap to get through it to see through a fucking was just like the it'll, be all you ever that fact. lady I'm not a bigger, say units. So we do gonna be rich requires yeah. Do you see I like it seems like a weird thing to like these days. It seems like people don't wanna reward people who want to be rich or will be famous I even been will take los angeles gillis. Yeah you'll know like I think, people champion him cause he's an underdog, but the second he gets to like, fuckin louis status worries like flying and private jets and get a nice watch.

I no longer wear versace shirt. The other day is on his way. Baby. Oh yeah, oh yeah, to the bites. I know I think I dunno, I think, there's a level of talent where it's just like. I remember I heard seinfeld say this once he was talking to a comic. I can't remember: who about? Do you want to be fame? mass, and they said it feels grows to say I wanna be famous in seinfeld. Just said very matter of fact. He said, being the best this. Business comes with payment money. So if you want to be good at this, that's what comes with it I remember being like yeah, that's very simple: yeah it's a mean, I'm bit it in. This thing because I've I have my best friends- have Jerome and has consistently said I don't wanna, be famous I remember I was talking with Tom and already one time in areas like the queer podcast meant to scrape, I guess and go live in a hole. Yeah. You have enough to just stop what you're doing and he's like bear, but I loved you then that's what comes with right. Then that's the dust. The rub, yeah is: if you want,

If you want to just I mean it's such a fucked up, first, major, because if you wanna do step, if you like to stand up, you do clubs right can always do it to tell did tell did not want to be famous, so you didn't, he didn't he not to they wanted to theaters. He said no and they will hold onto more money said I don't need the money, I'm all. I gotta take care of me and my mom I'm good, and he just did and still does clubs, and whenever he goes out, we I put em on any fucking show everyone's like who the fuck is that you like about the best comic. That's ever lived, yes, but he did not chase fame. right. So it's so disingenuous to hear comics pretend they wanna be a tell, but just go out, and do that I, no problem, I dont understand people not liking thing right, fucking. So, able to walk into someone. Someone go to.

You ve made me so happy so many times, yankee so much what you do and go. They think you well that's what makes it all worth. That has thank the flip side of it. when is like this, like being on the road road dying of being away from your family, being away from your friends being your diet, fucked up everything fucked up its eye, when you see people that are like you have helped me get through this last year as like. That's what makes it worse because I'm like I'm struggling, you know what I mean and the fact that I could turn my struggle into something that help to struggle ass. That's beautiful! That's what it's for exactly was forty. What what I think is and look- and I I have a problem with over sharing- I tell everything about my life around that, but I do think that that fucked up brains help fucked up brains. Look if you don't have a fucked up brain then I don't you. Should you definitely shouldn't be following anything I do. If you're I mean, if you're, if you're a person, that's got your shit dialed in you got you're you're eating your macros, you get up,

in the morning, you workout your journal, you fuckin pot pot, solid and polar plunge, and then you go out for a ten mile jog before you come home and eat have a carnivore diet like if you're that dude, I may not. I may not be for you, but if you're a fool the person whose, like whose ike, Having to deal with anxiety and a little lucy D in a party, my dick off and I'm in love with my wife, but I'm a fucking mess like a then you want to try to find your way, I'm looking for that Japan, the out of the woods. Yet you know that we have It makes sense, but I do think also like the stateless people, like you appear, you appeal to them also cause your kind of like a peak into a dear friend. Oh, you know, I mean like a different world there, like man, how fund would have been a bad guy behind or three yeah like that will show you. I feel like the comic that having the most one

I look at your life and I'm just like he is fucking. Having a blast. I said to someone today, someone today who are oh, of course, talking about personal trainer, said how's your day going and I said fucking awesome, yeah and, and she goes really. I see I just had a great conversation with my daughter, driving her school and and I and I had a great conversation with dr drew and then I called another buddy like on the ride home and, as I have a great podcast lined up today. I am looking forward to this workout few. Well, good! I've been. You know, it's amazing how good you feel when you don't party, although I smoked weed yesterday, but I don't think that counts and so- and I was like- and I are gonna feel great. Some are honestly. If I'm the happiest I've ever been issues like you say that those who give. I think I m near the got nothin among both my parents are still live, which is like crazy to me. That's why I wonder who gives the phone call like that's the thing I m most nervous about his who's gonna, tell him

added, don't think about it. Just stand today. I think about all the don't think about it What is the news is putting that energy out there just stand today and stay grateful that he's alive today my dad does I'm I'm out. I fuckin he's my best friend I am. I can't even and think about that leg literally, when I'm doing acting scenes now to cry? That's what I think about things. That's the but then We also feel about even like thinking about it because I'm like I don't even want to put that energy into the universe. Yeah, you don't put energy out there the I believe in that yeah, but you do want to put good energy out there. Yes, I put what what do you want out of this out of your career? What do you want like if I said? Okay, ready, let's say I am going to do end of twenty twenty three before twenty twenty five and then and then and then up to twenty thirty so like yeah, I always do this. I was answered first, I'm good at it

Allergies, but then I'm good analogy, I think that way for me yeah, so about just let you do it so end of up. Twenty three. What would you like to have and of twenty twenty three on a star my pie cast and then I want to bring up almost stop you right here. Why don't you have apologised. Because I didn't think that I had a good idea for one until recently and I finally got one and I finally got a pike- has co host and am very excited about burning for she's fucking hilariously she's voting. Also, kind of like conversationally one of the funniest people have of magic makes me like stop breathing every time we shall actually so like a funny, and so we will not work yet we want to do a bike has called unhinged. Were people just bright and like their craziness like most annette dating stories, wedding stories, family stories and then just kind of talk about screwed god with that to greater do so. I want to do that. I want to finish my tour. I want to table another special, I'm so what I saw it so you have. I don't you have to. This is how you about it here how

how let little I pay attention life. That's you ve two different. Food. So I saw yes and one was it don't tell special ones a comedy central those are both shorts and then I did a thirty where they had under pound guerrilla. Ok, so I think What do I mean? I have an hour, but I think people's attention span is so short and if I'm self producing it, I think doing a thirty with some friends will be good. So I want to do that before the end of the year, so podcast new, special and then ok to twenty twenty five, twenty twenty. I said that by then, hopefully I want my movie to be getting made production in production yeah. I wrote a movie called sorry for the mess and it's about my mom's suicide and it's about basically I'm the black sheep of this catholic family and I get put in charge of the eye of the the funeral, but suicide is a mortal sin in the catholic faith. So I can't find a real priest. So I hire a fake priest and then it just the family executing my mom's. Well in me, trying to hide from everybody that this guy's a fraud,

and, like you know, I was kind of figuring out like what really happened. Yeah, it's done! That's great! Have you drive it? Do you have a team you're working with no okay? Who can make that happen? yeah, so hopefully twenty twenty five that and then twenty thirty twenty thirty. But this is the picture yeah. Now you have the big house, re native big house. I don't know where you were someone somewhere and divorced: okay, ok, yeah, would love to have a partner. Again, I do miss like ivy league stand up, such a lonely thing when you're out when you're alone, you know what I mean like being on the road in those hotels by myself. You travel very differently. You travel with people, but I'm at that stage, where I'm traveling alone and I'm a nobody, was where I ever. What I'm trying to do it as an added does not goods. I would like to have a little funny. I only know you as dialed and uncontrolled yeah. Like I don't know you as the fuckin yeah as unhinged yeah

I only know like I've only seen you very measured and and in your stand, you've talked about being sober yeah, and so I only know you as that was keep going. I'm sorry, yeah now you're fine ams of it by then obviously, hopefully, theater theater comic forking, the successful podcast, a couple of movies tv shows, whatever you know what our here's. The thing I feel like, I actually think Tom cigarettes does, he was talking about he's just landed walks. Yeah, I barely nominees with you. I never heard that yeah. He was saying just let it surprise you. You know what I mean like have plans and like be excited but like let it surprise you and I kind of was like. Oh I like that cause I feel like everytime. I go into a year, I'm like these, my goals, I want to get this done and then the doesn't happen, and am I gonna fuck it look as a united mean, but other things are happening that are bigger picture better for macro. Every year on my birthday, I sit down I right out and the number of goals forever old. I am about to innocence on twenty six and every year I come

for some, but I believe it. I believe nobody, I'm a very lucky by also very driven out overseas outside. may I dont show it I'm not proud of it. I try to hide. My ambition is its come out. More recently like people seen that, like that, I that I do I have. I am ambitious and I I do work very hard. I thought the sexiest part of me. The porter me I think I want I want to see. Is that I have a good time and I have fought nea but with honest if you're doing there's no way you're, not a hustler, you know what I mean with everything you look at. Just everything you're up to people aren't gonna, be like oh he's, lazy, right yeah, but I liked I liked when people thought I was lazy and stupid. Yeah because then that's easy. Once people see there's one we'll see, there's us now, snot do it but like. But that there is a plan in motion, then all of a sudden- I don't know I don't know I just never found it. I never. found. I never found ambitious comics the sexy comic to watch

personally, I was always into the the messed up comic the broken comic, and I think I tried to hide my ambition with my prompt now I feel like I'm in therapy my broken parts I tried to cover it with booze, weed and cigars, and but don't you think that sort of broken. Comedy is sort of a thing of the past leg. We just watched all of those boys. lades crash and burn. Where leg no kennison prior, like all these people, just had the yard the what, and really bright, but then it kind of just faded ip. Like now it's more of a wave to take. Of yourself and to leg. You now realises the bigger picture and I think so, but also like no one's gonna, You know no one. No one in our generation is gonna, be better than geraldo. It's not going happen it's going to be better than her tracy as he is just a rewatch. I actually rewatched David thousands, how many actually recently I was trying to find a joke from there- and I was like this guy is so fuckin, smart and he's so funny, and so

few people like in the general public knew about him cause. He died so yeah, I'm it aside from his roasts and he owes rose virginias bets. There's are americans, big candidly patrice would be rolling his is it in career he would be, but he would be like. Oh no, but I was friends with trees, but the way I work, though, as hard as I work patrice, wasn't that guy he did not work very hard and that's kind of his brilliant. Says that he was just so always in that zone of comedy, and he did he didn't mercedes how this can be sakhalin, He didn't even do stamp that much acute. stage that often like he, I would argue I was getting on stage more than him when we were both in new york cause. He wasn't like running up town and he just go to the seller and there was a big peer to time. He was a lawful state at and yet so like, but like those guys

like the geraldo, the hedberg, the patrice is the way that comedies turn and where you have to self promote you have to use interesting is patrice, never had a bad word to say about dame ray. Never once had a bad word say about dame yeah and it's I always thought with his cynicism. Something negative will come out man he celebrated day and he was like no danes ever made it unclear to anyone that he wants to be a movie star yeah. This is his path. Yeah, you gotta respect what man once patrice is a tricky fuckin, dude, yeah and but yet I I I feel like I feel like I definitely I I put things out there that I want and I want and I go for what I want, because I never felt like it was going to happen to me yeah, you know and then, when it started happening and you started getting evidence that it was going to happen. You're like why not keep going yeah well, the first thing started and then I was like. I wanted an netflix special and then I got it. I like I got it

like I will I like, where you like so excited when you gotta owes its probably is probably the best news. I've ever gonna my career I remember. I can tell you where I was sitting yeah. I can tell you that they told me how much money was, and I said I don't care, I don't even care. I have a netflix special because they'd offer me a half hour and I turned it down, and this is This was unheard of you didn't matter to ARI n J, a r r, r e joe and Tom, and all of them sent get on the platform get on the platform. That's the most important thing but my head, I was like the most important thing. Is the art form of the hour, the for me was so important. I was like I have crafted an hour like I have an hour. For this is a good hour and a good hours, a good. Was better than anything in my opinion So when I got no citizen and right where he dragged me, Anne They know that in the same sunset and I was through the fuckin roof and bright, I got it

through me working hard and then I was as soon as that happened, maybe to my detriment as I now I want this. Now at this and then all of a sudden you started to point. We can say what we want and then they did you get it for you and you like won't on. Maybe it Can someone say no to me right because I don't have all my ideas are good. I don't know what to do a band of ict or ok, but I believe in, but he asked pandemic site you yeah yeah, I guess it's refreshing to hear because oftentimes they feel like when I talked to comics, who have gotten everything that they ever wanted. They're, like I'm, still sad oh no, when you get it when you get it, you haven't, earned it it's sad yeah but like if you didn't have any like. I didn't get successful until I was forty four okay. So it's kind of nice to be like forty four and think you're a loser yeah and you have two kids and then be like well fuck yeah. You know,

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I have made strides these last by three months in my flying. I've had, I think, maybe ten sober flights, and I and I will attest a lot of us too. There I see a lot of it's just getting your brain to be on your own team therapy. Helps you figure out, what's holding you back, so you can work for yourself instead of against yourself. Obviously I overshare everywhere and I'm over sharing now, but I will oh you that when I start getting lost now, when I start fighting with myself when I start getting in my own head If immediately there's a chat thread with my therapist and my wife and peter, I text them and I'm like I, I need therapy if you're thinking about starting therapy, which I will tell you, I just told one of my best friends that I grew up with. He should definitely start therapy. I will say that to every

one, I would say that to everyone isla said the other night. Everyone should be in therapy, everyone should it should. It should be. It should be given to us by the state. I think it would be so much better for everyone, but if you are thinking about starting therapy, I applaud you and I will say immediately. Give better help or try. It is entirely online, which is the best way to do. Therapy does because it's designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule, so you never feel like they're taking away from your day. That's how I feel just fill out a brief questionnaire and you get master with licensed therapists and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Make your brain your friend with better help. This better help dot com, slash burt today to get ten percent off your first month. Thus better help e l p dot com, slash burfi, do you think of kids, as I just froze my eggs am just like I did too, then I put them on the wrong side of the frame yeah

I am when to it, but it like not anytime. Soon, like my careers coming for history is really poverty off. Do you feel it? finding people say that and I'm like when I go on the road and I tour and I'm still not selling out or like you know what I mean it's like it's hard because I feel like the life I have right now is exactly what I wanted three years ago, but I feel like life is little bit like thinking, you want something getting aunt realizing you want something else on repeat till you die, so I'm just like people, sam popping up, and unlike am I I now the visit us a great analogy: yeah, because you do there are ports where you go. I got it, but this is I thought I was gonna, be yeah or even like you and I just got job while new bases- and I'm like the only thing knew about my base- is all about this. We will have on new faces. Audrey story leslie trot by and cutters this one guy, what's his name,

Your ex troop, I think, is his name. Turks troop do no empty holy shit. I mean he knocked every new phase out of the fuckin water. He went up before me and I he made the room so odd that I couldn't veil he was so Fucking god you dirk troop on towards the other, would be fucking money. We have the same manager he's just brilliant, like he reminds me a little bit of like a southern like billboard, ask lag or is just so much and so on and whose perspective so original yeah. it's so right, and he is I sought so I was like and in bed one morning and someone who says like someone in my team, or I probably my agent Nick- was like yo. Have you seen this and it was a. It was an internal uti, a tape of derricks, and I and I fucking sat my thing and I I laid in my bed and I walked and I was crying laughing and I hit him. I hit up Derek I hit up nick

What a beauty I was like do, get him on my door yeah. So we brought him out and he went on tour with the day. Went on towards me, we brought him out and he his I want to say his first show he killed so hard that I was. I can't remove them up in the london, yet he was struck tat. It was fun yeah I mean when I was a chair by the wind in the wings, I'm here in him, just fuckin murder, I'm like he's either gonna make it so hot. I can't fail or he's gonna bury my eyes and it was he made it too. It can feel like you're getting behind one of those. Oh yeah, I was like whoa mine was earthquake. Oh I love I love earth. I was I followed earthquake when I was twenty six years old at at the laugh factory. Everyone was terrified to follow me and I was like whoa. No, no, no, no, no yeah, there's a dead room, yeah, the guy! That's gonna! Murder! You think you think you have a bad set after you know:

I follow earthquake and I fucking end up getting a deal from it, who that name, how many people would you get rid of a body for for real, get rid of a body? Let go hey. I'm on your team. Let's get rid of this body, probably like to really your sister, no their strict adherence, my best, my gloria and my dad oh, my god could of his own body- has got yes, nineteen acres and hurts all sorts of too. I would tell my dad. You had a good run, you're on your own as I said earlier, the arena Tor companies. If someone needs a paper sisters on air

I know Tom would get rid of a body for me yeah. He said something one time someone left a negative comment on his instagram about me and we we used to bust balls, really hard and sometimes fans wouldn't get it and they'd go in hard on Tom are going hard on me to each other and he would get. He would be like the like. The fuck wrong with these people yeah and one time, unlike like quietly egos. Oh just let them come after my best buddy yeah and I went ah. Can you get rid of a body for me when you go? You have no idea fugitive with the current threat. There will be greater growth was called the buttons like tom and get rid of a body. I guess I'm a man in a bright young players, A person must answer, I've, never understood to deeds and a girl, and you ve done it right now.

We hope that w resign yoga yeah, but it wasn't it's not like at the same time, ok yeah as light we all whirling is generally donors in that year, but like our borders always want to share tax. Yes It is wild that something that I never really like. I remember fuck cause I hooked up with a basketball team in college all the time and guys would just like call their friends in and like he'd come on and I'm like no, like you know it's like, get some of this, and it's like. Why isn't this enough friend who says you gotta bleep it out and they're like we were talking and they're like you've, ever been on a train, and I was like what like to deeds and a girl, and I want to know- and then, like you might be gay so like we is kind of guy like when you I think it's weird two guys of their dicks out at the same time there's something a little yeah I own. I stand, girls that I've done a lot yeah

tell me about one of the vital thing: I'm not I'm to competitive with reserves. So I I'd like back in my day, would like initiated I'd, be like let's have a threesome that I get there'd be like yeah, just fuck her life, I don't think walk out. I'd be like oh fuck, be that I was not a team player, but I'm too insecure to be in a threesome yeah. I would be like you really have to be with a guy. Who knows what he's doing too is both its most guys. Just came like guys, can even a handle what you know. It's like those guys disappointing one woman at a time. This is this- is why guidance of waiting to wear, but at the same time I would like to be a threesome with my wife and have her explained to the other person just how it works like this, you know, can be quick gives out, get yourself ready to be really it's gotta be quick and he is going to think you have germs unless you do not touch his his tits, because they'll come right out. stay away from that

and then ask him about his developing deals. You leave you about he's, gonna, kill me. You really have to stay away from his leg. You be shot up. Yeah. I know the to guide. Tourism is not not for me. The reasons are for me. I'm too, that's like back in may in early twenties. You know what I mean. I'm like. I can't do that anymore, yeah! No! I was talking to a baseball player recently and he was like. Let's have a threesome he's, twenty six, it's like a dump, a threesome. I was like. I can't I can't we are like the dams. I know I mean like in real life where like hooking up and he was like, would you wanna have a threesome and I was like listen? I will snuffed the life out of something. And if I'm not getting dick like if you're given old girl to budget, does your dm blow the fuck up when your when your clip started going viral, did your dm blow the fuck up or do like famous dudes no famous dude. Nobody good, really, gonna. No, nobody good! Like there's. You know I've done

like a few interviews at bar store with the calf, see you guys. I think I saw you on a figure saw you on one the other day and everytime. I do. One of those I'll have like married athletes slide in my dams and I'm, like you know, I'm not twenty anymore. I'm not doing this, but it's like the first pose is like the love of my life and they're like yoga or whatever, and I'm like get a grip. You know what I mean like I'm too old for that but yeah. Oh no good dm, like nobody's sliding. I have. I have zero pride like there and I'm not dating anyone, brute yeah. I was talking to that. Would, though yeah? But you are an expression of your focusing on your career. Yet as an outside as an outsider on this I would fuckin. I would drop everything it isn't you and get on that you train and Joe fucking yeah barrow forward. I get you have a moment right now. That's happening specially J I fell just have have have Heaven having happened and the faint where com

it's going: yeah, but yeah. I was a little underwhelming cause the industries on strike. So it's like. I couldn't even talk to anyone about anything. That's okay, wait! Pauper towards the sky, pool portage real quick! Is a british british mint dot com? Oh what a great to me and my pimp fuckin jacket, it's a great picture! Thank you. Helium is a great fucking. julian helium you're in india, helium saint louis Healy? philly helium buff, oh helium, yet a helium run eighteen nineteen twenty five. Twenty six, yet fucking great chicago's, anti semitism is always wish. I had Tempi great yeah, yeah it'll be good. So do who do you bring people with you when you, when you're on the road yeah I try to? But you know it's kind of tricky cause like they have to pay for them. health determinants does like comics, you have money cause, there's not many of those gilbert. I wish any more now it's bullshit I now he's college.

pinched yeah. It's changed now shane's interesting. I think he that he doesn't bring women on the road very often, and it used to be because of his girlfriend, but now he's single. So now it's just because he doesn't like women or that he doesn't think women are funny what that's crazy. What are you going to start the podcast? podcast network with britney. We just we're in like the infantile stages of it are going to pitch and get going yeah. I'm gonna, it's gonna. Take a lot cause Bernie's married to Tommy Lee, so she's like got a pretty chill life. So it's going to take a lot. She started doing stand up, stand up. Yeah. I found her on fine. Yeah she got real famous online and then she just took time. Often now she starting to do stand a bed in order. to get her out of the house, and I have to get it pretty good deals with us. Will yeah do if you put together the perfect female comedy tour, meaning one you would be like inspired.

Or to every weekend where you are on it right. It's kings a comedy, but just female checks: female females near who'd, you wanna beyond with others in the top class, then because there's there's women whose comedy I love, but then that I don't get along with them. You know what I mean real yeah. Oh, I kind of just do it the fuck I want- and I am sorry to say this, but I'm pretty and they fuck me you know what I mean. I've got a lotta heap without my whole life. What career my whole life. So it's just like they just talk. Mad shit like I just that and only bands to like fuckin cause these guys in my dams are like, whereas your only fans that I literally just took pictures off of my instagram took them all down, re uploaded them to only fans, and now I'm like charging people for it, and in two weeks I made thirty grand. So I'm just like So

Town is a buzzer like everyone's talking about it. She started and only the events as a matter of time. You know you know, I mean I'm gonna talk shit anyway, edit the first poured out to keep you only fans, poor yeah, that's what you have given only fans yachting Peter subscribe to it. Who's been. my assistant, while it's nothin special, its literally them I could show my grandma. She is dead, but I went up we ve how forward you gone only events for money. Let's let set the table okay, so we know the base global by edit out numbers just to keep things very tablet. So I once jornal events for a very long time the I but I want to go for nude yeah, but No, if I had the fan base up, would support that. I got to know speed taylor? You I'm burma so late. So like the real money you get made is lap on. Everyone is a pleasant bottom line. Is that on the table now price point now prized? Why now the hold on? Ten million dollars a year now

twenty million dollars a year now hold on to what I said. Twenty you still to stand. I heard ok I dont need, while my dad is alive. I do not need my pussy on the internet. again say that for these the die is therefore afraid to guide that ignore big I like you. I gotta get tugs back from those twenty six year old baseball player of both policies everywhere. Number was so low for my full dec. yeah well, you're a guides to your also really successful. I think here's the thing I was I and my doing only bends like a year ago. The calves, you guys were like starting only ban and I talk to you about to people that I respect their comments and if you want to get anywhere in this industry, don't have only vans, because your that's gonna be something where, like networks are looking at you know your movie and again, but she's got her ass on the internet age. That's what they say, but I santini told told me he's like the industry will added this outer. Whenever bet, he told me in these like that,

three acts like their woke. You think, but there actually still deeply, thus aim. You know I mean like any other another all with that yeah yeah street industry yeah, the industry hasn't changed right, but I'm like Marilyn monroe used to be in movies, and she showed her second in the family- yeah? That's what I'm saying so, I'm just like I think be I to show there is room for me to show my ass and also make make a movie yeah yeah yeah, Events is interesting. I tried to sign up for one the other day. What am I saying? Why, when I say this- there was a it was in his. It was how to give assent or massage. There are two foxy dreams. Now things are now. and I was I was in the sauna and I'll say into my saw, I taught fuckin. I can't believe I'm sharing this. I just shared it with my wife, the other day, oh mother, fucker.

The fucking shut, my eye. I saw my wife and I are doing this thing where we're dating each other. Again, it's really great, really really great sex been the same, but I but I realize I I realized, I'm not drink right now, and I do this assessment right my journal every morning I realize I made a deal with ever whenever pleasure is I do it the same way I go after it hard. I don't. joy it I just go after it and then a you after pleasure to hard you just get it and it's over, and then you go window, and again, yet the lamp tat feeling here it's an is doing that a little bit with sexual. My wife rows like we're in this great place, but I just go after it and it wasn't like. When I first doubly first, our data each other again me like just yet romantically it was fun- and playful and crazy and long, and then I website, I am in the sun I go. I haven't given her like a fool, massage. of our own learn how to give like. angelo massage that, like

turns wrong, so I gotta porn up and that's what life I got a letter. You don't you know that, You know when you tat you type in the air cream by this. That type into tutorial. Nothing shows up well. Shit shit like fucking, no tutorial yeah, and so then I get one and it's her name. I was there in his foxy dreams and that's her instagram that Google foxy dreams. Official, I think an she says she gives she gives she's low pregnant and unless I have great accent, not really sure reassurance from tat it up issues like she starts to show how to give the massage and then my great and a right which has the money parts goes. In the rest of this are my only friend I was like fuck and I was like. Well, that's roxy fox. I think that's her. That's her. I think that's her for real nineteen ninety nine per month and so on. certain utter sex catch and each year and so on, wrongs his eyes and so

so I had to guess: you're gonna get leah and if I could ahead will rogers each girl. The guy plugin jokingly abed recently- and I was I couldn't breathe and I'm like, I love a good chunk, but I couldn't fucking breathe and then he spent my mouth go to the I can't I'm like. I need to go to the hospital I can't breathe. The last thing you are when you can read the joke about I know people really. about that. We don't have any beginning with respect to the various means, whereby

They want what do the job was it failed? What did he do it like a casual, barely types amateur you, but I get away from it. oh yeah. I did notice anything either the joke about a joke about it, and I thought it was a joke. You know what girls really like when you spend months ago knows. There's I forget, I forget the joke, I'm sure sl, I thought it was a joke. I did you really do it, someone, I didn't think so either, especially when my face is turning put that sick. I know what you did. Your dehydrated

and I ve never finds be upside down, look pool. I got this. This will helper. our smaller fuck, as we know is a pitcher oh god, this is how long it's been since I have talked to baseball players. I, when I slid in his dns, I was like hi and then he didn't respond. I was like sorry that was drier the new sliding into home. I didn't realize pictures, don't hit me for a long time Instead, it is we ve been drug use. bad? I was like what do you use like yeah? I don't hear it and I'm like why didn't you tell me that what they said your dmz is like you try trying, I guess the rules of changed since using little league I read the letter was college said to them then, when I

the god? Oh my god, I would love. I would love. Oh that's! Fucking great! I cannot wait for your podcast, I'm gonna, we're gonna finish this podcast we're going to go down. as I'm, going to tell you how to do this. Okay, perfect it'd, be like this. What you need to get perfect, because that this is with you and brittany and brittany is a fuckin pretty as a fire she is the funniest backer I've ever mash. You should apologise with tommy the I think one. dinner did package might have had might have had him was in a omega dna. Now here, a funny story about tommy. So please I went over to their house. Bernie has been sober forever, she's been sober for over ten years and she, I think, a long time and she helped get tommy sober and read the pool she's a if you do want something to drink to one of these cbd drinks, to make sure as long as it's just cbd, it is like tommy drink small. They look great, so I take the drink and then thirty minutes later zoo

add up so high and I'm like. I don't want to snitch on those. Definitely we did the strikes and she's like no. and she goes geographic here- did you like in tommy hobby leg, just trims bonds. I treated that's what it does all day like terry she's. Where did they needed a bit better Ben? is to shoot heroin yeah like, of course, these eyes dripping with itself. There, they even just called fortnight all night. They I sabotage by get us a very grave, were being as it was a freelance. I had a great day for free lapse of FARC. Whitney are not whitney. Nicky Glaser had a relapse one time, or I heard that she did. She went to her. She went somewhere and had one of the had had a

come boucher. There was a hard compute. I think this is a story. She went somewhere Jeddah caboosa, something like a budget I guess so, there's no boozer right and the like. No, not at all. She had it sounds like ok, yeah. That happened to me when I went back to his guns in, of course I order. I ordered a soda water at the bar and she is like double or single has like no booze and she's like okay and she handed it to me and I took a drink and I'm like there's bob cutting edge. It's like you just wanna soda water. What are you doing? I was like you can't even compute somebody, not drinking after you as single or double. I said no booze, and I wonder, do you ever do you ever? Do you think you'll ever drink smoke or do anything. I don't want to say never cause like I've relapsed before I had three years and then I smoked weed and I did mushrooms- and I did I laska so like I yeah and then and then sweep, and then you did that and then just went back on the wagon yeah. So did I alaska? We will get you to smoke weep. I talk

my sponsor about doing I alaska, because there are some people in asia who do I Alaska and it's not considered a relapse, because it's like therapy, it's like ten years of therapy in one night. It's not, but nobody is doing this for fun. So I take it I sponsor, and I was like. If I do, I was gonna, do a roulette and she like laughed in my face she's like yeah. I won't sponsor you and I was like so mad. I was like okay. Well then, I'm just going to get high and like do mushrooms cause as a going to to loom with my gay bestie as like I'll do mushrooms on the beach. I have fun, you know what I mean than I did. I was gonna fuckin, rocked me, and then I was getting stoned like twenty four seven for like a month after that- and I was just like okay- I need to get sober again cause I was just like yeah that was collected from students or of sobriety is,

it's fascinating to me, cause I'm not sure I won it by really enjoy it, yeah a really really truthfully enjoy being sober for. Whenever I do it and I go through this every year I do a month of it. This one was caught me off guard because I just was partying so hard on drink, fully loaded that I was like as I need it now like. I need it now and it may last till october and may last until my cruise Chris october, twenty seventh and so we will be doing sober october, but I am, as I told the guys we do so right over I'm still going to drink on my crew back. But it's it's fascinating. to because I don't know if I need anything like you know that did you feel like dollar like give you like you and me ever needed it now I really enjoy. I think the nice thing about having substances for me was numbing out so like when I'm uncomfortable. I dont want to feel that way as I would get high or drink and a new kind of eel euphoric.

You feel better bad ones. Got sober and I lived a few years sober I'm like so much happier him so much more productive. I am so much more myself like. I think I was a different person when I drank like. I was like this big loud kind of like about action is needed, everybody's attention- I wasn't very nice like I was really mean, and I thought it was funny, you know and it and it was kind of funny, but it wasn't like you know. I said some pretty horrible shit to be well like I remember when I was in college. I stayed in as basketball player and we got in a fight and I was like maybe your dick, so small, because you took three fourths of it and shoved it into your personality, and I saw him as summer and he's like that comment lives free advice is like it ruined. My life is like, while, datapoint yeah, but I just like one say horrible and I, my god, I don't like being that person so now at least like when I shall have to essential I can show up sober. I dont embed

myself. I don't know anyone a phone call being like I'm sorry, from a kind to someone. That's just who I am that's. How I feel about yours owes it to store you tonight not dragging or smoking doing anything I forget who are talking to russia. Remember, and they were like. What's up with you, and then I osborne norman I actually yeah. He was like he was like, you seem really relaxed. What's going on yeah and I was like nothing he's like. Are you not drinking no and he goes dude I can like you seem so grounded, and I was like really dancer that to me said you know or dance that I looked like I slept for a week because when we were on tour, I have this thing where I pride myself on getting up and getting shit done, even though a party the night before, like I pride myself on that,

I didn't realize how much of a tax that puts on you when you're on the road nonstop? That's how I was when I drank too, because I think it was like an elaborate performance, art piece to prove to the world that I wasn't an alcoholic. I was like if I wake up, if I wake up and get shit done Nobody can tell me, I have a problem. Even If I'm fully drained- and I have nothing left to give at the end of the day, wow. so that's going to free for a long time replace torments piece by piece. like live, I'm living, elaborate, put, forbids, be. so that they can all be. Maybe that's why I don't want anyone to tell, but is up for Dear god, tat city

I count like when you do. When you did mushrooms do count my his legs. I don't think I've ever done. I'm not. I yesterday smoked weed for the first time by itself by itself with out any l anything else since high school allow I've never smote, we did not rank see. I I used love smoking weed get rid of a hangover and then, when I started smoking weed again just on it's own, it's so strong. Now it gave me fucking anxiety and all I did was think about like what a loser I was and how I haven't gotten enough done with my life and like the beauty about my weed use. Is that my my we use goes? This doesn't count yeah he's like you're, not partying, you're, just challenge you just being present yeah

so fucked up my weed when I got high yesterday I set my brain went. My brain was like I am so proud of you that you're not drinking right now like this is a really big step in the right direction. This said to me, you know, cause rogan onetime promise and he was like hey man. You should take a break from brute booze and just do what edibles or weed- and I was like. Why would I because I could not do weed edibles by itself? I had to have something else, and so yesterday was like this is a big step in the right direction. You can go to red rocks and go see a show and not drink. If you want, you can go, see a concert and get a little high and then enjoy it. I would watch people do that. The next steps mushrooms. I would like to be able to take mushrooms an inch and enjoy tripping and allow my big word right now. I do words every morning I want vocab. No, no, no, not learning more. I thought, like the vocabulary up we'll they told you

did you do that you just learn that word surrender. Yes, under my big worry, so like that's the one I'm focusing on, because I got let go of control of things yet do journal Yes, really yeah do morning pages every morning, and then I do transcendental. Meditation fleetwood walked me through what you do look for so usually layers of I live. I myself with my dog snarls min pin elbows to get a new one again new baby dog like a little tiny dog and my wife, I've always joked, and then we saw one the other night at the same party with a guy I thought was rationalizing suicide and the Liang as you can get as a bus dog, I want a boss dog. I get a bus dog I'll. Let it live here at this house. All shut the fuck up yeah, so keep going. Ok, so wake at I may

funds in the other rooms. I dont, like I'd journal three pages morning pages meditated for twenty minutes. Go get my phone collides with you. Don't sleep with her familiar bedroom does well go to What are you going? Nothing to do with aid to do with like social media? I think in such a fuckin wasteland for me and especially after. My clip started like getting lament about wake up and look at my phone and then just like see a comment of like this budget's killers. you know I mean I'm like that's not the first thing I want to see or someone being likely it hurt. Her husband sounds like a cock and then I remember, like as you know, an age of course, but I thought your husband seem so cool he was. He was fucking also means the vast lay we the a very amicable split and I used despotism, unlike her husband, seems like a car like she's a slight, and I responded being like I'm divorced, you twice and my thing: god,

and I got a notification from instagram for hate speech and bullying I'm like so he can call me a slight and call my ex husband a cock, but I can't call him a toilet first, any I mean setting this record straight. I think it's like completely unfair. So anyway, I just started putting my phone in the other room because it doesn't bring me joy muslim. My phone doesn't doesn't, it does represent me with a totally. Boy I like I was I dont. Look, I'm only saving I basically what, when you put yourself out as much as I, having a- and I have to realise I've done that my share. I have asked everyone why I ask everyone to know. I am that is my fault, and but it's part of it is part of how you do it this you wanna make a movie and you want to do a special and you another podcast one of three pod gas and if you want anyone ever to a arena tour, part of the rub is you're gonna get people not liking here, because it just as easy. It's here he's it's an easy topic too. like someone, it's so easy. They did. You did you do to a lot of you, some people earn it. Maybe I earned it

I'm too knows I don't know. I don't know what I've said: I've taught while shit about people, young podcast, we I did it would have done it today. But I do it all the time and I booked. I was coming up in my own algorithms and I was like that's not what you want yeah, because not all of them are celebrating you. Some are some are good, and so I had to get an idea, bernard as for everything, so I can enjoy the apps right yeah. I have a social media manager who runs my shit most of the time. I take it off my phone a lot but yeah my days journal. Meditate go take me, ro, I couldn't a meaning work out right, little bad, just fucking well when I'm not on the road. I just like to just fuckin chill like people, I don't understand the comics who go on the road and then come back and they're up every night at the improv in the store and all this stuff and like I need to recharge because I'm working enough on the road yeah and so would like, like an average day,

Do you make yourself dinner? Do you do you long to see some unless you gotta dinner? Do I I love like a yeah. That's the thing like I love. I would love to be dating again. I would love to have someone to have a crush on and be excited about, but I think to our point earlier. It's like. I need to focus on my career and my shit and that's all just a distraction right now, so, like all postmates to myself some italy I'll eat some fucking pasta, here's the thing my ex husband was like he I have been a professional chef. He was such a good cook, so not being with him is so hard because now I'm eating like turkey, sandwiches and fuck phuket. Turkey, burgers and like my meals, or very sad. I just don't like. I said the pictures would be like I'm sorry I left you know. I mostly. Of his new girl branca. She gives to eat like a fucking queen, a credible sugar exports. Husband looks like he's back and hide he looks like a hands, are at their really yeah yeah. Oh, my wife just picked up with user hems worth he has so directed to chris worth he's so hot.

I'm we use to work together in advertising when I worked at advertising and he at an advertising agency in a room called him for he was. This is up. Isabel he also got like revenge bod hot weather, no of one of me and your shoes. That's the though one that bit is about everybody figured out I ruined his life. He had to get off Instagram means ebbing, probably in a Jehovah's witnesses, sleepers. How is it weird crisscross applesauce and women, like women, always sit normal in this, and I was like a check. I don't think the thing I think you I mean your tunnels are painted you're a beautiful feet, Have you yeah they're amazing? Do you get to pretend I am now?

you're ready to start by saying that it is just right in my life to spread out for what the montreal ok, I fucking up yeah. I things a little. They smell little bit there to these smelly, whore, yet isabella, cancun, yeah! That's what I always do! Yeah. It was crazy having sex with my wife with a spray tan yeah. It was like a different person, but with the same accent like I, I love spray tans, like you said as no left a white handprint of webbed, whereas you didn't say meta, I b c yeah. I liked it a light. A lot more grain returned the other eight hundred percent opening by for real YAP. Whenever you want, you can do my podcast ass, you made me go really fucking heart. Thank you, you're amazing. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see or more stuff, as I can't wait to watch your career blow up and I cannot wait for unhinge

I'm telling you I say this and I and I I need to say this too cause we all get it. We all get negative feedback from people that don't like what we do for whatever reason. Maybe they find you too happier. They think your happiness, The lie- maybe they think happiness, is a you about put the time for whatever reason, and I will tell you from a genuine person, with no ulterior motives, no baggage, just like a regular person when I, you drew me and immediately and you immediately out of fan immediately you're funny fucking fucking shit, funniest, fucking, shit I and I saw you on barstool with with a with The bad habit of final bergen. You are amazing, on podcast, think you are genuinely enjoyable and I cannot wait what you blow up. I'm so excited, run. Heads things I love brittany too. Thank you.

When you guys launch on hands, you have come on my pockets to promote it and we won't do any drug drought. if her village done so, but you do like those few people you can hang out with sobering. You have a good time, yeah some people, it's a fucking hideous tat, yeah, yeah, fuck man, Christ go the dentist but you're you're you're, an absolute joy thank evenings, prattling visible this episode is brought to you by the machine