I sit down with comedian, Jared Freid. We talk about why Mr. Beast is better than Spielberg, getting to know the Wu-Tang Clan, hot quarterbacks, tinder, fasting, and much more!
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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Was it salem, bareback roanoke, rochester, worcester newark providence,
in order to ensure that our guest to grace vessel congratulating fuck yeah? Well, we will put a cardiac here in case we have to edit it out
because the strike but streaming on netflix right,
I'm not in the union. I was the best for everybody. No it's! Why don't even know if I'm allowed to promoter, but I can tell. I can't tell you right now: it is an amazing fucking, spain, thirty thirty seven and over thirty seven and single thirty, seven single single thirty, seven single. It's such a great fucking special man, and it's so funny. I I never. I never realized how like your life at thirty seven has to stay in a certain lane, like you like. It's really fascinating, like like you're you're talking about not dating darlene, immediately,
no odor orleans, the kind that I would date the stability you know like the right eye. I guess like dirt like it's like these preexists. So what's the thing? What's the name, you date, the most lauren rachel jewish women whatever is jewish.
We learn learn rachel Lindsey. You know anything that went to summer gap, the yourself living in groundhog say dating young women. It's it's not
young like I'm. Definitely like I, I don't think under twenty seven caused is twenty seven, the threshold probably forever like four dating you know because
Couldn't I have to relate. I took on the special like you know: you're in a bar is to place of wife. Your
thirty seven! Your buddies are thirty, seven you, but
are doing thirty. Seven shit
You want to hang out with their bodies and
you go out and it's mostly younger women. If,
in a bar like its twenty five year old and you gotta neo
What is going to tell us what stephen duly, but do you know
I couldn't keep up with that, but there's
I just wonder who MR beast was. I found out because his very they look his videos like it looks at mtv heaves. He might be the best he might. He might be better. The stevens bill,
he's right. Yeah he's got he'll. Let me give you your right. If you put a view, take everyone right, give everyone the same.
Technology, but everyone into zack same age. They popped right, joy
Lucas Steven, spielberg quintet. Nineteen.
James cameron, MR beasts, MR he might fucking lap all those two. He s ear. He knows how to keep you on his shit waiver.
I won't say way better than Quinn liquid.
Guaranteed. I knew how to get you and hold you. I would like to see those guys make a tick tock
What would they do? Yeah? You know, and I want to see how much I want to see them. Put MR beast money into it right. If Steven Spielberg face Steven Spielberg starts listening to rogan and he gets on some longevity. Shit starts to him pull ups,
and been fuckin sergio, whose carrion about right Steven Spielberg. It's really
get really. I shall be very, very high, so getting his morning saw. Writing is brought three days, shootin bows and arrows anymore eyes, wrath, fuck, india,
I want to see him,
and start a youtube page lcd. Should he cranks out, he said
say and blew, the reason for its gonna be his is to smoking is good for you. I know these are badly with smoking. Is bad, nickname,
liberal system is I'm fucking overwhelmed by information,
I'm overwhelmed by information this so much because again, this is like the tick tock of occasional things like you just keep.
calling you and you don't go from like one video to lake the next year. You don't go from, like you know, will you know like
You owe me pause. One two peoples, two, you go from me pause to MR bees to yours.
smoking will come to poorly use. You go around. I saw you know that you know the woman did tiktok the other day of her just uncrossing her legs. I can basically it up
god, that's a video. My dad would watch by my dad is on tiktok. He literally said to me he's like it's just so many women's asses. It is said that, like
yeah you look longer like I had explained to him what was going on you? I there should be a there should be a button. You click the goes your married, but don't fuck up
Might I call for the hour,
all. We run our your warm up. I got this the other day and asked, and I liked it and then I proceeded to get twenty more of these exact same posts,
is David goggins right and it says for the next six months become addicted to these non habits and you'll be unrecognisable by december, so I go
this will not come on a little bit about healthcare, and so I know this is a story of my life that this would come out. You like, ok, yeah, it's sunday, we're done, would drinking
on thursday and David guy, and I know not how to drink in all in how many days it's gotta be three. Now how do you feel for whatever said there is a take longer to get back to like? Oh, my god? Oh my drinking, no leave me it's like three days,
like may I start telling people about it and all your slice or august. Fourth, it was four days and man yeah four days, and so yeah did you sleep
better. That's the one thing I get the ice with astronomic above I shall sleep and pretty good, wholesome pretty good
last few days of drinking I just got. I just got to a place where I was so fat. I was so fat and an ice warrior. I weighed myself. I was too so to sixty nine point. Two
okay, and what's what would you want? What would your beer I gotta get? So I'm not going to start drinking again until two, forty to forty five that's to eat. That's what you're going to set reasonable goal limit to six.
today to a lot of forty, so long
in pounds? Ninety four days, yeah, that's all waterway! It's it's gotta! Be so I dunno what it is. I mean. That's like it's funny. You say that because that's like there's, so many go tos when people talk about weight loss for your life, so then I go, and you know it's interesting, as is so many people are so quick to like,
easy? You start like a good thing ringing. Your ahead, you like I got a good thing going ray ray, I'm going to say this. I know the people downstairs are listening and I know that to the people listening downstairs. I have said things to me like they're asshole.
yeah. What little I may tell you are. You just gave me there s, wife. Once my way, campsite and the others, my assessment, Peter Peter
abuse and ass, I saw but Peter Peter can't relate
I know Peter
his body is not a relate a bull body for you to talk to about health, not even room
not remotely not in his all life. There is actually nothing.
we can relate on when it comes to health, fitness or so
control, not so regimented and he's like you know, Peter enjoys unify his way is gonna blow you and I want to let you know he is totally straight. He loves t t now says it's his favor,
thing- is exactly that: isn't that right is favorite thing in the world
like dirty water. That's what is to me. He goes dirty. I kyler water catchment, hey peat! As a matter of fact, if you listen bud,
I have a teabag by my prolong. Would you make me at an end, ensured a cup of tea, yellow out to see what you like? As of peat, is p listening my tears,
in my prolong animal,
I have two cups of today at let up on this fast is ok and so, but make us a couple.
issue cubs idea day, that's in the fast and you're having allowed. Why would you do a fast?
love it so that sovereignty over walk you back from walking about it. So the first one is:
so this is a. I didn't realize what the fast was. Its cellular reject rejuvenation fast right, so it's get supposedly good for all yourselves. It will generate all yourselves. Do you do the whole facets five days five days
very doable for me, but wouldn't last six day I'll get some of em.
Although the gets, because I I I have
struggles to you. I know I've given up on certain the many
said cellular. I go ain't so okay, so what it does is I'm going to a pull up? Can you pull up and prolong is? Is that is it this one or this one.
that one so pietro, o and so the first day
it is to mimic a fast rate of mimics fasting you're eating about one thousand calories, okay, but it mimics fast and go to the website first days. The easy first day is actually the easiest. Yet you get a bag of olives, another bag of olives, a breakfast bar or two things, a soup and then go to about prolong about prolong its
fasting minute. So don't you think I hang on high. I am I not. I'm gonna tell you all about these southern home until he's out you silly things up more said, the milk I do now. Ok, obviously, let's just start here sure I'm in san francisco of drinking from a second we wake up until the second we heard about with my wife from smoking weed all day. I have cigars graham eating. We
three different types of corn dolls. One day were all over the map we're having unless answered quite red x. That's a death sentence. We do
Say: there's the people, that's like seven people were to hide so three
If I have a lunch with you on tour and
I thought you were never going to speak to me again. I can't eat during the debt like I have to tell when I eat. I binge like that's my issue but like to wake up and just get to eat.
is your move I cant do. I have to have coffee to the point of like hunger. I have to feel like ok
body when you ordered three lunches
I I was like I'm never
gonna, be allowed to talk to bird again like he's
because I was like I'll have water
and I think you looked at me- there was disappointment in your eyes, you I want you stand with your water and peter with his tea. Yes, like three: what the fuck is happening, that these have three lunches didn't twelve with just talked about, so so so this. What this does is it mimics a fast and then at certain points, put your body into. Could doses sorts burning, fat on daylight, two or three ok, and then
the next two days. You're just burning fat but you're, you're, drinking tons of water and your
and what your allowance to do and I could be wrong, but allowing all your-
your liver, everything to take a fuckin break for the first time in forever yeah. So I'm in
Oh my god! No carne dogs, the
You know. Who knows I mean by the way they were fucking amazed, I'm sure, listen to the gourmet cause, I'm sure it wasn't a jazz, but you don't have three corn dogs that are just regular yeah. You aren't that I've done that. Nobody will talk about those. These are
with gourmet. I do the minute you said it. I was like these were special cowboys tall boys, a rose, a cocktails
In the evening cigar at night, just fuckin really do couple cocktails on a flight home
came home bottle of wine, the importance in my last letter
glass of wine. I shall allows the last supper last supper. Last nice bottle really nice bunker.
She thought I was going to have more than a glass. I had a glass of Sargon heartburn, so yeah I lived, and I said you know what the cleanse starts tomorrow. I have my prolong. I start the cleanse
there's always you, but I'm not gonna drive all from the day before I went off, the record does either as a day later,
You mean like energy, I haven't you like wow,
You got that one when I get every monday, my while this is I it's, I knew was easy. I'm I get you ate a whole
ride rice last night, like that's, why it's easy like that? Still in you so so start the pros.
wong- and I and I and I do not- but I've done this before I've done it twice before
lose weight, alluz link, ten twelve pounds and it's a good jumpstart to die in every time is jumped, started a diet. It's where get into a diet. Ok, I never really pipe never believed in kyoto. I've never believe, oh cato, nor have I believed in cave man nor have, I believe, in the end or fall like all that I was just ike
I was like I dunno exact cause heart issues, rest in my family, so I was like. I must stay away from high fat diet right and but today too, so I'm doing really good on this diet of not drinking and I'm eating this diet. Perfectly. I say to my wife now: this is the thing I say when we talk about diet. Sure, oh here we go two cups of tea, this better.
The most delicious fucking tea. I've ever had, so you didn't put anything in mind. Just water right, I mean literally. As you said, I liked the first sip of their huh
love, tee beg you pay loves diseases.
There- you have the same ones me. Ok, we'll see.
wait sugar anything in this little high
ok, what's on your mind right
This is really. This does look like a brown mustard or I'm gonna. Let my cigar little bit deep, so
So you go on the oil from doing well, it's like sunday, no sunday, yes under de Souza right days is sunday and I'm in the caribbean, and I go, and I said why am I so good at this like? Why am I so good at a tito and I'm such a teat?
butler like I can either go no alcohol, all no food.
Am I go from three corn dogs tat
boys arose I all day long to no food?
seven hundred dollars a day and no I'll call an that's actually manageable. For me,
real, manageable. Like I go, this isn't a problem. I don't I don't question it. I just go. These are the rules. These are the rules on how the rules.
Or there's no rules at all, I'm just like fuck it there's no rules ray and I'm I'm off the rails. A fuckin
we were eating whatever I want. Whenever I want, and by the way I will say,
at towards the end towards the end. Actually, I think we we I was- I was with Peter right when I went totally clean. I wanted to do the bears one cave ANA and I was eating clean but are still fat as fuck. So I go.
Why is it that I can do that and Leon casually so
Well, you know you like workarounds, you like she. She said something it she didn't mean she took backfire,
we'll say that, but she goes you like work rounds. You like a I can I thanks cheap code like you like to figure things out.
Round the box, and I got what you mean and I got really bothered by it. Cause I go hold on like I'm telling you like. I can work within the
cool shoes yeah, but do you really ever work within the rules? You always find a workaround for yourself and there's truth in that. There's real truth in that, because I do. I do find
cheap codes for myself in everything. On the same way you re I caught. You know the rationalizations yeah. You go well
I can have the meal now like I'll? Have the lot bid
and now because I'm gonna be better later, like shit like
that you're right and there's that kind of what you're talking about you know what I do is I go. I've already done it. I've already started
so I said to myself: I'm not gonna start drinking until I get down to like until I break to fifty I break to fifty, but then
I just called it avails. Unlike the onward thirty forty foundation sunday and I was like or fathers are punished.
Wednesday, thursday friday Saturday and I said Liam well what are we doing? Saturday night there there's a ticket right there cause. I know. If she wants to drink, I'm gonna have a drink with her right. There is but yeah, but then I am I'm watching myself. I do it with hot sauce, so I'm not allowed to have hot sauce. I'm not allowed, not good for you. If I have acid reflux yeah, I I swear to all my children, I'll get it
would do a grab. Hearts also go oops, you say oops I go whoa who the roofs for who did this? Are you even around other people, you just by yourself by myself, whoa whoa whoa? That's too much, I oh my god, and who put this case on it or how do I go to a fresh jalapenos with my button brings, you know she's already getting them
I agree that if they do- and I thought this was god this was
now what yeah, and so I am. I do that with hot.
Boss- and I know I'm not alone, and then I have diarrhea and I my stomach- hurts when I throw my mouth while I sleep and then I go. Why would I do this? By do it to myself? I do to myself on and it's better I'm an it is uncontrollable. I I went on it's so funny. I went on that Andrew Santana's bike, as at a good time is great. I walk out it's two o'clock. I hadn't eaten since breakfast I see feeling I felt I was like and I had a couple of drink
I mean we had drinks during it. So I'm like that's the best feeling, dude two drinks hungry, don't get my way. I am going to maul you like I'm coming after you
ok and I'm like out
might let out of the door that no taco truck like the fuckin guy and men in black the roads.
right, mamma mamma about everyone, every I'm gonna take it down in the distance. I see a cartoon picture of a bagel
on the side of a building- and I go- I just start walking- do it like a mirage
like you, you even control your bond wooden control by body walking towards it.
it was a cartoon bagel. It couldn't just been a circle. I just walk towards it and its hanks
or it's called it's a bagel place here in l a and I'm not like a new york. Bagel snob can be a fuckin bag. Who cares? I walk in it's one, forty five, they close it too. I go I'll, have a bacon egg and cheese on an everything bagel. They made one of the top bacon egg and cheese
everything bagel that I've ever fuck at I ate outside in half a second I'm sitting there, it's one fifty eight they closer to. I go jack
I read, you didn't need, since six a m you flew cross country, cannot bengal with chicken salad, my sat on a bag of the rainbow and not a bad idea. Chicken. You know we're good of yours. If you of york ohms set your mama bring that lay in its listen, we can have a big lunch.
no dinner, but I'll have a protein bar for dinner. That's in my mind what I'm saying yeah, I'm rationalizing. I walked back
and I got you guys still cookin she just let me go ask I go just wanted.
can sell it on a everything bengal touches. You got no problem, we got you and I go. I my good. We did it. You had the two bengals this, your big lunch. You could have a protein by later they go hey man. Do you want us to light?
You want these extra bagels we're just going to throw them away. No, I go, oh, my god. No escape they put together a bag of bagels that could have fed everyone in this house. It
and I knew what they were doing. They want to throw away. They want to be the purse like they should have.
It was a shelter of some sort because they didn't want to deal. It feels bad to throw away food yeah. So they're like let's get
this guy, he he'll take anything. They looked at me, though, like all this guy likes a bit jewish guy, a chubby jewish guys, two bagels and fifteen minutes a guy to lead a third yeah, just see how he ain't that bad. Can I get Js they'll take another they put
or a bagel bag bangles and now and I'm not
taking the battles and ripping them as if, like that makes a better life
ripping he's, the one which is hitting the outside on the outside and then going. I just gotta, try the poppy an sesame and the everything- and I probably is
ex bangles that
by the end.
I had dinner that night no profile. I didn't do that brody about I'm such a. I know
I'm saying these things, as I know, is, I know a rules I just made so today,
I'm having over and I go I'm like a morning doses,
like I'm over my body already burning fat, so I go. I'm a I'm a call, rogan ten organs or that logan lives in ketosis, okay and
and then I remind them I'd my dad calls. As
calling organ my dad calls and I go and I go fuck.
majority tommy calls no tommy calls, and- and I tell him, hey man, I'm calling rogan.
now I am ptarmigan who tells us is called on voice our them. Let me
you and I go hold on. Let me call
its ringing on the other line for rogan. Let me call you back over this
on rogan and my dad
calls. In the meantime, I going would like all these fuckin calls. So I don't get stuck anyone
only talk anymore about my ketosis first person. I talked with peter ago. You know I'm in ketosis right now and he goes really I said yeah. I think I'm just going to go keto. He goes well. That's a bad idea and it's like
anything you ve earned, but will you what he was saying was is barely everyone is, is accurate.
Nor assessments it's their, not being assholes who just accurate assessments but as opposed to know, and that's a great idea, you should try it. He goes all you know. It's a lot of fat
or not. They don't tell you it's fat and then, and then I call rogan or I called tom and Tom Tom calls back and he's like he's like do not talk to Joe about keto he's like Joey wolf, he's like
you're, not gonna, get a fair balance here,
You need high range higher
the boys in the daily shoot em, but my head, you, I mean here's my issue, though, when someone that, like that looks like you or I comes up those like I'm doing this.
Can you in what world do we want a like go? Well that might now.
Whatever I'm doing is better than what I was doing before that just be positive, but liking me constantly. My brother does that shit to me. As I got a you know: sugar and fruit like shit like the fucking faces,
fuck, shoulder through revolve about having fruit
it's a wage book. You take the wind. Why are we
you don't think we're gonna diabetes, raw, plum, I'm not going from six adds to eight apps. So let's just go. Let's just agree. This
a positive step to the one criterion when it makes me send me through the roof, now cover caesar salad actually
a cheeseburger is healthier than a season and I'll fuck you fuck, thank you and your faith get the fuck away from me. Don't give me your like half truths you heard from somewhere else
I am doing something that makes me feel mentally good, I'm getting better than I was the day before you
drink water at night or really instead
don't tell me water instead of a fucking bacon, egg and cheese. Well, when I'm hungry at night, I just eat chinese food or drink water. No, no! No! That's not the thing that replace tiny strats on mornings any real stats on the morning sun, because I'm not there every fucking morning getting cancer go with a cup of coffee on come on. Baby work turn it over turn it over these mother fuckers is like losing. I could listen to the dudes. I could listen to the dudes like
human he's done the reuses every government- I don't even now
I tried to like these I've tried. It goes on
I listen to I listen to all of them and that's my problem is like. Oh, it's too much information that you keep it simple man, that's what you know for me like it's like I like this. Is this
one right, mri sulphur book a moment, programme alone, fucking around breakdown.
Common right. This downstairs
I am writing a self help book. I'm writing a sulphur book. I got offered one along.
I'm no is a joke. I do it for
in real well, but I have a real and arms because I
hey to say this.
the then like other, then a couple people out there and by a couple I mean legit, like
Peter TIA. I was peter answer energy when time talk and that with their talk was really instinct.
like I would say. I would actually argue that yourself, how book vows to like brainstorm with you right now. It would be how to stay for importing you dick off
I does she don't right how to get every ounce of happiness at a life. I think nobody
Let me go nobody! Nobody,
squeezes the towel of life better than you'll not blow smoke like you're the earth.
three I remember we're having lunch. You ordered the three lunches. There was care
and thought put into what you're you're a great order or of the men you thank you, so I would follow you down borderless right now.
I don't want to bring it out. It's called I didn't want to bring it up. I have only a whole gmos because I would follow you in due ended the euro into the cave of ordering. To like,
As I watch those the order was like. I want the best- and I do this to where I, like, alas, the waiter, unlike like woody, what's the best thing on the menu and if they go everything's good. I leave the restaurant, where not only
we'll be there anymore if they go no one
thanks. No one hour to this is one that I like. I like hearing that, like it's a vibe, I'm looking for not an actual answer like I want them to go
No! You wouldn't think this is good. It's kind of strange menu item but you're going to like yeah. I get it right away immediately: Amelia Amelia when she goes meatloaf sandwich, I go woo. Why? Why did you have not thought about it? I would never. I wouldn't be on my radar, you and I we read people in that- a waiter in that way, and I I watched you order and I was like I got you get food jealous
I listened with ready, but you're gonna get the core.
dog that was thought for theirs thought put in really order, three quarters we had in the woods. I am corned all we have a dragon dick holding regular, so they could back it up. What's in it,
immaculate, louisiana corn dog was a hotlink that camp
good for your anus in your ass, our lives when those hotlines boobs.
is it an hour like the foot? Long was the real close, a dragon,
there are no no dragons dick was smaller was was a was a spicy kielbasa wrapped in cornflakes. Do it with a where they saracen mayo drizzle all over it.
said my mouth watering piazza you that so and when you have not answered in if we, if we owe yahoo answers
the two hours I started, I started fucker out hot software, like though I, like, robert danny junior, starts, haven't beers in areas like my time and beer was my brian
on paragraph one ask for beer: what's your lab hearts us mainstream
In all honesty, I younger tucker. What is that? Oh put up- and you can
get up on amazon in order me a new fuckin, ten back
I mean it, I'm going kido we're sitting. Why didn't you see a it should start coming up? L UK attacker
Is this a west coast thing? I think so you buy it primarily in like whatever our mexican word
bodega, is like you know that the rather the you know it
the cat, is welcome
these are in recognising the label so go to the AL. You could take a sample of latter steppin, sampler, sam SAM,
we'll see I'm not! I don't like tabasco it's too acidic for ok, Google, Google, blah blah blah blah go to the one. That's got all of them, not no, no, all of them all of 'em, all of them
The one that all the family the most here so this is for hot ones. This is hot one started back. Are you could taxes in the ones the bomb from her ones?
is thus spiciest. No, I don't want to spicy. I like taste, I'm sorry go to get off this and go to just gimme me, the? U l, you could take a sample powder like whatever it is just Alec attacker.
its eagerness for about an arrow. It's gonna, you're, gonna, jesse, nevermind norman. It's like they do this
and women in the internet. Can I tell you because they never dealt with borne away. We know how to navigate that we fly around. We ve been working rise, like lad,
added to our diamonds in the minds and then were these young african, his men. They bring us united states and the like. Hey. You dig a hole: the
It's and like oh you're, fucking kidding me. I've been the ticket for blood diamond my fucking life. I don't want to handle the all. I see
I would to Lula guy this shit so her arm and get up and show you
and even the label works, are authentic to me now where's triple x, you right here, yeah, that's what I hear holy
so the lad label it. No, no! No! No! No! No that went
yeah, oh shit, you did that in some report, so you pour like about and are you a who, who am I
like by robin eaten, and for this I know this is I got your take, take ran, stressing yeah, and you give me you gimme, that
four quarters sizes of grants, dressing dead, centre, gimme, a dime size drama that or me like a nickel size
holy shit on thursday, this reach again rotisserie chicken and I will finger
I will rip it off the bone and I will dip it in that sauce and I will fuckin suck it down.
My most myself when I'm eating a cassio rotisserie chicken, like on my own
like a lot of thought alone on anything? Will I like that's when your primal re self like if we took you back to caveman day? Yes,
I would be. No, we put you in a cave. Yes, it would be identical to you at a at a counter. No one in the house, rather rotisserie check lights off, fridge open just so the fridge light ridge lie behind the everyday life is hitting your face. The same way, the flicker of the flame. That's right that your wife right just lit my wife as you tear through a chicken that you roasted when that flame, identical right and I'm taken that rope off the legs. I taken off slow sex,
and then I take that wing. Where do you start? Where do you start I'm starting on away way? Because I want
go? I want to get that they want to get that. Second, tell your hungry! You really want me to.
What I am going to start on that wing and start? You know that part of the wing that you should need, but you do it's bone you chew into it, you that
let us just appetizer. That's the thing up. Some of the measures
crunch,
right through the bomb we.
I want. I want like side by side camera angles of Burton. I eating the bird in our own sexual way. I go breasts last yeah brotherhood because that's the part you're going to dip into this saucy heart, the big, the the big
Oh when you, when I go, I go then go thigh underneath rip underneath rip the thighs off and I will eat, especially if it's still warm
I am from the store. I gotta be still cheat code in life. A rotisserie chicken cooked is the exact same price as an uncooked chicken. It's the rotisserie chicken from markets is the best deal that there is less deal in the world you're going to a whole bird, and it's yours just take down the whole thing so,
it's so good its rate ago go thus that's kido approved. I don't I don't know I would assume, is rant kido and hot off kido about hot sources in cuba.
The way you mixed sauces, because when we go for chinese,
my dad turns into a mix allergist with the duck saw
And the mustard,
Oh you, the mustard I don't like when the monster comes in packets. I don't like when the duck sauce comes back as I wanted it to be in that in Boston. Had good chinese food. Oh my my mouth is watering pretty aggressively chinese mustard is
we should hang their hats up, it's about a did it better than every. Why a grey all the while the brits, all the german
and ran your hats approved at you. You ve, been outdone by the chinese,
clear you out. It's the only mustard there.
should be. I mean you other other mustards for children regular.
Children should have more like the the yellow mustard
for children and others, the dugout him in the mustard, because you know I'd adult rat mustard. You have to respect it if used too much. You done. You're you're
on the bench you not eating with the rest of us, you miss an hour. You serve no one else, cause you're, gonna, slow down and everyone else gonna beat and that poohpooh for two
You'll miss out on the wing. What is its most rations, alot of horses adjust worse run. It is italy, take you, the fog,
it is so good. I
to china. Never have. I ever been more embarrass than when I asked for ducks us mustard and china. They don't do that. There did you
Will you if it s like
does tat. Z, Mandela urine act
we'll china dude. I gotta talk, talk and make believe and tell me what to say my whereby in england number seven mother forever they like
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through miller brewing company Milwaukee was constant. This isn't bad. What was or you'll be back, and I think it's the honey. Listen. If I drank honey, I would like it to honeys awesome. This is their cinnamon, and this can you imagine, can you imagine how good honey was that we had to fight, bears and bees together? I think by this all time, like you, do you think of like the cave men, the first person to like because
basically with all food with all things you put your mouth. It was a fifty fifty shot that you'd die right. If you think about it back now, really good, I'm she give it your dog. First he's! Ok,
where they had about what they have a hundred test. Your dogs,
pack of dogs to eat all the foods before I do is one of my favorite one of my favorite favorite george carlin jokes was in the book drain paint brain droppings and he goes. He was talking about cavan.
and as the media, what the meeting must have been. I like alright up adds up number one: don't eat the brown berries care we found out. The brown bears a poisonous
Obviously we lost the dog last night and he's like. Well, I'm sorry dave I'd, stop laughing cause, you ate the dog and it was like one of the hardest sweet honey, we'll think about the first person that, like put a banana in their mouth like I've, been I mean I didn't
I had to take us there. I think I think you put it in his mouth. First, the first. He stuck it up his ass and they found the g spot mighty mighty sucks. You don't like it was fucking nothing if there's no hunting, it's herbal tea, oh no! This is pretty. I mean
Peters puts it like it's almost like smoking and it's almost like smoking, a clove. I actually get a buzzer mug, maybe I'll, maybe I'll start nicotine, I don't think that's a good thing
thanks. I don't like a figure is trying to solve your key here cap.
With a bobcat issue,
I know we're like oh I've. I've thought that through where I'm like, maybe I'll, pick up cigarettes. They they say you you, you lose hunger. Metabolic just started smoking at like fifty five, that's crazy, just started. Smoking was like fuck it. I don't have cancer. I won't
It met some some hilarious math. He did not know but like at a certain it's at a certain point, like I think about this lot of talked about that. I talked about this on a podcast yesterday, but I was like okay. So like
I really am into- and I know it doesn't seem like this from the outside, but to the whole longevity shit.
And that I have a polar plunge. I I work out with a trainer every day. It's not working, but it's a but its staving off
I heard a guy on tick, tock, tick, tock
one day, they're gonna go. I was taught on Tik. A hundred years ago
The same way they go for school.
I read in a boat. Let's put it
I mean everyone are already saying, like I read an article and they really mean they read a tweet wrote. No, they didn't read it. No, I haven't read an article I one years and I do not want to leave where we're at right now, but can you write up there and I have zero original thoughts? Hey, I have, which makes for really wet hot tough to podcast topic. I feel like I go on podcast and I don't say anything and by the way, there's I'm certain millions of people that must agree with me because I feel like I'm just saying. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about anymore, like I really am like at a place where I and I, and I start empathizing and it's in the hard work is mine.
to do the homework his mind to do, but I start empathizing with such say celebrities. On the same, like I'm a celebrity, but celebrities went comics that fall off.
What you know when they get here and you're like woe and then they start doing mediocre shit, and I feel like I'm at that place where
I'm doing some mediocre shit. I, like my my podcasting, isn't what it was when I was younger cause. I don't have. I feel like I've talked about all my thoughts and I've got to rediscover thoughts, just put a pin in that put up internet. What are we talking about before this tick? Tock? Tick, tock, but you gotta, I think, there's an element.
I like living you gotta, do like we, we get so caught up and we gotta get the podcast how you gonna get around the date only gonna live. I that's why I take emails like I love taking other people's problems,
but let me live in their world for second, like that's, been like,
alpha from eggs. I always have something to talk about like and it opens up door
in your brain, when you like, the thing opens
george you're brenda stories. You didn't think to tell is when someone says you have been go
went through this thing. This thing happened to me. Has that ever happened to you? Do you know? How would you go? How would you proceed? I had something happen. Yesterday was I got, and I think you'll have an opinion on this and I'm certain I have to. I got chips and guac of rebecca on food and back onto by the way I can live in this, but I mean this is the thing I don't like. I don't like talking about any issues or anything. I just want to talk about
dude, I want to make fun of my family. Do I want to like make you know make jokes about. I want to tell talk about me like I, don't really like the whole idea of like. Sometimes you go on these packets in that in that becomes a whole like
This can we say anything as it were,
I think that we can say whatever the fuck we want and I'm like. I can't do that anymore. I get chips and guac. Okay, I'm dipping in it the pit of it's a three ounce guacamole, the pit of the ava.
Otto is in the death, I loved you love it all, but I'll tell you why burst
the two sides of the island. This one do you know why they put it in there to keep it fresh here. Cause I said, am I go
and I didn't. I was oh. Your frustration is that it's been sitting back there, no less squak, it's a three hour small. I got it
Video go to my pull it out. Go to my tiktok, I'm gonna show you the guac. I put up the
video way, you know. Maybe I am an alcoholic. This is what brought this up.
nope. My guac is yours. Whatever I feel like, I feel like I'll. Tell you I'll tell you
we'll go to that video right there, adults, ok, that's it! That's the portion upon the right acute
I don't even see as small as it's a little scoop and the pits in there. Yes, oh, I thought it was like a big. No, this wasn't a barbecue where someone brought a ziploc bag. It's like well, it's like when you got there, the the the beers, you got the beers and they had the ice and the
we re all gives glory. I guess I'm not getting a pitcher beer right as a whole picture missing. Look at how big that that ted asking ridiculous. That's all that
So I said something- and I didn't complaint- I just go. Is this
something you guys do
like. How does one curious is better than accusatory you're. So I go.
who is this the way almost everything that comes out of a jewish persons voice sounded a bit.
Yes, we ask you. Is this what you do this is as this guy I heard my mom just now. Is this
If you do, you just put the pet in the rock. So there's the thing. So this is what you do. You just take up an ounce of guac with the pit you have not aged at all. You know
I I my family's pretty good good genes.
so what does it say? She goes. We put the pit and I go. Is this what you guys do with the guac she goes. We do it to keep it fresh and I'm like how long has he been sitting there? As my next course? That's a thought
applause I didn't have. I didn't really think that way. My thought was. This is bullshit. I the eye.
yeah, that's gonna brown over in the time it takes me to eat this.
eat those half a minute,
It's been sitting in the fridge in the bad. They made a to made forty of them in the morning. That's the problem, that's the problem, you're right or not! For youngest. Well, guess what I wonder: if it's a full one of its full of cargo, it does it.
This would avoid lighting. That is really great lie. I mean how do I know how to do what you did? What do you mean
our desire to do that
Scam, soil and then I move over the tec, tabula discriminatory easier to work with creatively. For me, the everyday
the sardine I've never posted on I've. Never posted I've never shot posted on tiktok. I don't even know how to do a reels to be honest with you,
You mean you ve had people this, I have to go there, but I dont know like people will do like, but I, like I work with people, draw back on the road with us and then they'll do their reels of them. Like
of their trip. Hey category time, re all the pictures and videos. You, however, did you didn't let every time
I do something it looks like. It was a like. A third grade
homework assignment like mine, like mine,
The picture is I'd like this isn't like with you know, captions
are like looking good and well in summary views. This did what it again, having nine thousand, which has got what was your average view for video on tiktok? Oh yeah, it's around that I'd be like it didn't bomb
a thousand broker, but when it takes off, you know her tik tok words when it goes. It goes the leg
yeah. You got other now my bachelor ones get alot. What's it about
So when I watched the battery auto show you can watch my my recap. I feel like I feel like it's. I feel like it's. You would like it. I feel like it's
right, go like you know. When people are around on carbon, you go and then
poland arouse the portal
dossier is a good thing, probably right or like us
but good thing I didn't get into coke because it would have been an issue so thursday night, I'm getting in marijuana pretty heavily at last. There's this thursday, this there
they are coming up. You're gonna, start smoking, marijuana
I have a friend who name and unnamed, is he not a lot o, and so he must get
we'd that your like oil, that we all get in same falconry. You ought, if everyone has the same way but the but he's not. We ve been talking for a long time back and forth about about about my
using just casually number like cause. We always have a good time we drink, but he's like you know you gotta, like
He keeps ain't, gonna pull back out. I would get I'm saying I'm talking way to candidly. I was hit defensive
as if they don't know how much I drink
and then I go and then I go cause I go but then, but the truth is the truth. Is he's not saying it to be a dick? I take it as a friend and as I go, and it keeps telling me you need to just fuckin lean into edibles at any night, take an edible. So I'm going to make I'm going to this weekend and this starting thursday. I'm gonna make and have a proactive
If attempt at leaning in to edibles, I don't mean to be your friend who drinks a lot who's going to tell you you're not doing so bad beer, but I'm going to be that guy
I
cause. I was around you for a part of the tour and ammo drinker like out.
With their hobbs. Unless I had three martinis, we often not, it was just a good night to friends. Hang it up.
You want tour, I didn't really. It wasn't like. I was my own tours healthier than me off to
is our them fully loaded was bad. I didn't
You ve only drinks.
So I will again have rules, were fifty minutes, several Ivan haughty and everyday all day, long, shell, and yet, when you do an hour when you did an hour, I didn't like we even one
the barn redding we
you told everyone agrees that bar and you were behalf,
in the bar and I was like this isn't
you're crazy night drinking to me. Like a little more like a normal fund night like us, the misconception is, I said
some of the other day. If I quit drinking, no one would actually notice,
you don't say I don't I'm not drinking on stage I'm not drunk on state. I now know no stanhope comedy. I think the critique as a buy. A lot of people have never seen me to stand up and then and are just internet people. Will that's good. That's what people do if you?
If you get a reputation will then the losers come out. If no one knows the battering king
as an end. No one's ever seem like they williamson see my bad drinking andrew seen my bad drinking a peterson
a battering alliance, him a battering binary, not only you know, cause ass. The part. I hide from me what my bad fortune themes for some about drinking. Ok, my bad drinking is six am fuckin. Why
seem to know air I'll, see you at the airport or early skywalker airports. Do it forget my bad
king. That's when you really want to put one on you either say: there's an element of place.
time will wear
had that I underline that it is not so
I like. I sound like I'm defending it to someone who's accusing me. No one's accused me but I've, but but in truth I'm just being honest with
The situation is
You know when I have nothing to do. That is where problem shylock by time, and so, but when I have some do I understand up,
I'm on the road we ve seen it. We don't drink all day. We do activities we worked out at night.
We're doing two shows I don't drink the three languages.
it'll, ireland, but the more going on state. I got my first
drink, usually an enduring fully loaded was different. Klaus goes such a bit,
party. We were rather shrinking during the day and then we drink at nine. Then we smoking weed and mushrooms. It was crazy, but but at but
on the road. Normally I had my first drink at the end of my
over. My second show is momentum. Eyelash show when I start tell the machine
or middle a bishop thirty by it, and that's when I have a drink
No one ever sees me hammer austin
age, even if even if I play it up, I'm really not hammered on stage, because I would never be hammered on stage
would never end by the way there have been times just we're clear. I known double talking there happen,
times. I've been hammered on stage everyone's had that right, you're, you're, you're doing the thing where, like we'll all look at here, you know now I watched what the deal was and it wasn't a person drinking
that really more than anyone else and I'm a person. I know exactly the same with the day. Time thing: if it's a football so,
day broke and its one o clock, and I have no shows that night. That's a danger
scenario from may be: guy now, there's not a guy
the time in the world. I wanna watch the gains a got money on every single game. I put twenty one on gambling, I'm going
but this out there right now, I'm gambling every fucking weaken this weekend on football. I am every fucking
we can. I wouldn't did my calendar out. I'm going
the rams saints games, I'm going to the bucks eagles game, I'm going to Florida, state syracuse and I'm going to go to football games all throughout the fall, and I'm gambling
every week I my best, I went to see if I get Tom to match me a sea who wins just me
then go head that'll be gone, it'll be fun for the pod gassed, but, like every week put our bets in open will track your bed.
It will give you a jet if it is fun. If you're a have a betting website hit us up or don't I don't give a fuck, I mean I have a cousin with a app that, like it's like a social media, betting, app that you can track people's bedding and you can like give each other shit. It's called sharps. I better get a right, he'll, fucking, kill me and it's I didn't plan on bringing this up, but my cousin started. It's a it's a good idea. It's like basic!
the idea of like you give you shit, you know you and your friends. You can see what they bat and you can do it through the sites while so it like
If you do it on your site, I won't make sure have a right to kill me sharps with a z
and it's like one of those things that you can track your back and you put it up there and you
shows you know? What's going on it's like a new app? It's a good idea. I used to love, I used to love fantasy football, but I don't have
done with fantasy football, because I just like
well. I'm not dunham in one leg and it no one
gives each other's shit on the email anytime.
I give someone shit, I don't know them well enough and everyone gets got. You know. None of them responds to pick 'em league and offensive or bullying and never performed in the pick'em league, and I and my fantasy football league was with
never fun! It was like a finally, the last one I was in was a piccadilly, but it was with all my life buddies
college? Where would you want to start with some confidence? Bore you give like points over five zero
I just told you observe original thought, but where do they make up these days? A gambling I get it to an hour on this today is welcomed or something
and like I I have also, if I may say you my new material. When I get out, I have I marked it out. I think I have a hundred
new bets, Amelia new bet, there's also a hundred
It's either all strung out and long, and one of them says about this fucking dude, one of them. So good is about this dude. You know it's crazy. What's that he fucking emailed me yesterday, out of the blue, I have not spoken. What is the bit about?
about. Well, you don't have to say, but I I him cheating on his wife, oh my god, and telling you and twenty seven years ago. He told me twenty seven years ago and I Peter get up here. Peter, get up your police. He fucking emailed me out of the fucking blue, okay out of the blue. He emails me. It's like
I mean it like the one. We need another, I'm doing a bit. She doing a bit about him telling
you twenty seven years ago that each year on his wife, he saw a man and you have kept the secret of job secret. I sort of tunnels says it's
a funny story, and, and now out of the blue, did he get wind that you were talking about the deep? How are how are how accurate is this?
people at home, don't notice how accurate this pretty accurate, yeah I've been told the story I told twice.
I told twice at aura both types of roadhouse bands like that I've only told it twice cause it's a good bet, but it's something I never really told because it is kind of salacious. But I was like what are the odds he's going to ever hear this, where the odds are still married and then- and I told twice at at the comedy mothership both times it fucking killed more normal male scientists like that fucking bit is a banger
and then he fuck he goes. What is the email about he just sent from her just just a jacket, just checking in just we're coming into the twentieth shows we're going to be everyone's. Come to your show, guess you're, taking a night off on that bet. How great is that it's great cannot wait? Can I tell you, can I tell you the bit and you have to edit this out? I so good, it's so good, edit. This habit before you go to this. Don't edit this out. Okay, there's
nothing funnier than that you, I don't know, there's a screen over here that just births
staring at it just says: I have zero region.
that's it! It's like this.
Insipid
you just sitting here staring at I'd have zero origin and it's like robot
just staring like
it's like you need to lose forty pounds like this. Is the funniest shit like it's like? Why would
you do this. Why can't join this greener and let them remind you later,
I have to say, I'm loot, those insanity. This is like urinal, your prison cell in your life,
fucking with yours of zero is robots will prevail at all right right on this issue.
yeah, that's it
turn that into a t, shirt. I original thought is a great day
I looked over the original bought. I had no idea you're just sitting here staring at the negativity. I don't think David goggins would be in favor of yeah. Give me like put your most negative thought on the board and stared at two hours, zero or more, like I think you have original thoughts. You don't have to do this yourself. I feel like you know. I feel like honestly. What's that that it would behoove me to do a nice club run, but I don't have one hundred bits. I don't do that. I I I bring that because it's like I've never counted like. Oh, I was so pete fucking godless pete that they were going to do comedy mothership
I two bears and then Zach lebanon is nice right. It's fucking granted like a chandelier. I was like what the fuck is this your ide to you just text Adam and then I did rogan. Does I think rogan does every thing he does. I once he does every night, but I did as the rogen and franco and then I do the little man room.
little guy. Whatever it's called he's got. Two rooms got a big room that he does and then the little room which is like the it's actually more fun. In my opinion, it's as fun and something more fun. It's it's just different, and so I did that I did an hour there and then I did an hour thirty and but I said to pete dupe because pete sits by stage and then writes any bit that I have he put, that he sees that he kind of like notices that I haven't put something he kind of catalogs and then he went through and he made a spreadsheet of all the beds. I took the spreadsheet my phone and
I end my spreadsheet, my phone and my joke book and I compiled everything I had on a piece paper. So I had it so I'm honest, I won't have it.
I've lost so many job books that I it's the most frustrating being in the fuckin world and sadly, I think when you don't do this, that, like I'm unlike hearing this on my guy, I should do every single thing, you're saying away so things forward
if the cracks you say one thing and you go wow. I gotta remember that and then the next night just gets lost. I like I have Billy and then the f o two years later you go
What was that thing I was thinking about? You know it's weird, the way the brain works and what sticks? What doesn't it it gets me frustrated? I will so have I I wrote on a piece. I've been trying to figure out what to do with my gym. So I was like started writing things. I had a phrase I wrote a long time ago.
Must have read it no original thoughts. No, I read that I wrote yesterday. I wrote start every day with an original thought. Okay, try to find one thought so my thought today, okay was and I'll. Ask you this thought. How did you discover wu tang clan? This is a bad question for me. Do you know who tanglin so I I know them because of popular culture, but that's about my cute. My ass tom's girl this and he goes that's a weird question. It's a weird
Jim for everyone. But my curious question is: how did you come upon wu, tang clan, meaning there's others? There's nine members prabhu tankless? Oh hold on you wanna hear something crazy yeah. I have no relationship to music whatsoever. I like music,
I like your top forty, I'm a music. I would say
have no music taste and I'm being I don't. Wanna co opt the music
I just I'm not on top fourteen to listen,
they know who will say to me. We met a guy like that, the other day member we were in temper and we show
was talking to me as if he knew me- and I said I so, do you listen to podcasts? He goes ana. I said oh for real years. I've never heard one. So when you listen to in the car and he's like.
whatever's on like what do you mean like what kind of music do you listen to, and he goes oh whatever's on the radio, listen to ugly, you just get in your car and just drive and there's a gap pretty much and I was like whoa it fucked me up. It fucked me up to a place where and I'm being dead serious. I started discovering new
bands took because I didn't want to be that guy. I don't want to be a guy who didn't have any mucus, and now I'm gonna put it on you. Please, sir, tell me to or like St Paul and the broken bones. That's like an abandoned, bring up that. I like never hurt. I like that,
I just like the sound of them, but I just never been a music fan. I don't gotta concerts wriggle for real leverage or the falcon I've been a dave. Matthews ban were soon become comments and I went to like yo daily malthusian voyaging once because I was data girl, love, dave, Matthews does not get the
spectre, the letter he is so fucking talented. He is so good. He changed the law,
and of music.
Dare I say he introduced?
a generation my generation entirely to live concert
he did like the fish model kind of like he would do these like yo special de sets and jackson.
a big devalued been also when I put on during sex so apparent,
bah bah, my dick.
happens on twenty seven year old girls, like my dad, listen yards aging out, it becomes less sexy every year, but I
father.
do do do do do do an ha, ha ha ha ha ha see. I don't even a word. That's david tell doing karaoke ads or.
So I do
and so I don't wanna like I am hard on myself with music like I've been lives in a run. The jewels lately, I just found them randomly and fucking all the words I listen to the words. Sometimes I go. I know this wasn't made for me. No, it was.
This is why
white or not. I just it seems like their against the man and I feel very much the man. So I like that.
It feels like. I I don't really maybe
like there's a little bit like one is playing, unlike
again the office space. Would it puts up the window like a kind of you'll like that? I
but I like their sound, you know a guy I enjoy.
Wu tang clan? I know who they are. I'm aware, I know it's a big group and I know who is like the most famous guy name. Everyone knew Kevin wooten, don't look at the this zero named names
name, I'm gonna know nay, one name. The everyone knows, one name, it's running.
Name one name and will tank lamb
I didn't even know he was either totally or ebay. Elderly rather users, older, bastard, he's cohesion router, ok, so I'm at I'm doing
gig add a yard at mohicans sun on my am at the end there comics
comets millions out of their once. We, I will tell you, though, so on there,
and I'm like doing like a when I think it's thursday night there's like thirty people there and
I'm doing. Ok, whatever and their these there. These two black eyes like in the back centre
there have a blast and I'm like cool.
like a mad you're having their enjoying but like you're in the middle connecticut too. So it's like too
guys are like kind of a little bit stand out in their young and whatever. So I crossed age, their content,
That was great man, we're doing the stadium, weren't wooten, clap,
and they were like the guys in there's a guy who's in charge of it all, and he
on stage with them with the whole group
he goes. Would you like to come? Will protect society housing? I would love to theirs.
mean yeah. Of course I can come after my job, so no power,
was will set aside for when your name as a great, so I get done with my show.
the stadium at movie? They have a stadium, and I get my tickets, I'm in the family section and-
I don't think anyone has ever stood out more in a family,
such like I'm like there with my white wine,
now, you're looking at everyone, came up to the light, thanks for what you did with our money.
did you. Like my shoe. The manager me I must be the is the account and son
as I dunno why I made them jewish msp, the accountant's son. He may do all the family cause. You gotta definitely married a jewish chin buying tickets
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we set off with free shipping, it may escape dot com and use the code bert hit the refresh button with manuscript. My original thought for the day was: how do you find people right? I can't I find
if the people I was trying to, I was trying to assess how to use discover things. Okay, like like, I want to get back to the thing of how you discover things. Some I'm obsessed with music right now is specifically right now, because
All my friends kind of listen to what they listen to and in highschool and college. None of my friends are graduating their music tastes, like a bunch of my friends were, or we were going to go, see widespread panic, which is my where we listen to in college. I was gonna, go see them and I was I couldn't wait to see them and then we ended up going singing this jazz festival and it was crazy because a lot of things I'd never
seen before I can. I like something: I've never seen before did of age at this age rang and do a comedy.
will you be, I know a comic. You can fall number the comet breeze inga, oh, my god, fucking malaria love the demeanor. Whatever yeah
it's hard with music. You know why were the shuffle only gives you widespread panic years,
it doesn't do like. If you like this, you might like their those it does. It does a jew for like I've, twenty twenty three ban, that's how I found goose. So
he's from my high school goose there,
jam banned. You apparently want to this.
My one of the guys in the band went to my eyes, who I was just for
undermine told me about this. Oh a mother, goose! Why
went to meet him high. Really. Can you look it up? I
I was just told. Is that is an old
What is that an old native american phrase? I need them said that outside of Boston eat them lol, you need them, we got them, you got them, we need them or I dunno one of
I hear pulled up. My friend just told me about this.
They're from kinetic energy area of day, and one of them went to my high school or somethin, now kind what go down,
that guy better than I could maybe him. Oh, no one trevor weeks only ass, my friend, because I know one of them went to my boy,
Is like a huge fan and he was a good out. I thought can also apparently there like, and then they were at last. They were enough
they were in
was down in the jersey shore, there were down like a where's, we're bruce
students from
very piled. They were at the outdoor stage, so just so everyone's clear method. Man was my entry level for what for
tang clan, so method, man, the aid that the one, namely area. America, then, was my entry level natanz tom about that, because I met method. Man was the most accessible. He was the most.
Commercial, he was the arise wrapped around. I could not goes face killer it as an adult. Now I enjoy his stuff, probably
I still love method member I enjoy his stuff by the most, but a rake one as an adult
but as a kid. I really enjoyed method man. He just talked to me and then that's how I met the whole group and fell in love the group, but you but the old dirty bastard couldn't like he's a tough.
true level it was. I was just trying to write and I was like only to write for
we're only to write a joke. I can just write an idea, just haven't idea and go. How do you find things so for goose? I live.
and then I was do they're young right yeah. So last year, at red rock
alex. I was to high school when the weather atkins, I know bona so his sister. When ties cold me real,
I don't know, I'm just got my friend you're better than I'd earlier
because that's her younger brother, though wow
so- he must ring- I knew my days is: financing go back to the band, then is the one I I've. I kind of hit up. I have on friends with honest ram,
and so on so anyway, the my point being as I and so on,
dude red rocks again this year as grazes in getting huge the other. The really function here through the whole band is their amazing.
An amazing boat, so I'm doing red rocks as your last year. There like yahoo, does not that red rocks us. Who do you want to play after you, but they're like,
trying to find a spot for you in the right listing bands and they go and red rocks is like. You have to come, see goose, we're gonna, put you in front of goose and I was raised as a frill and I didn't know anything about goose, but I had seen them come up on my na spotify, but ah
play apple whenever alexa plays whatever that whatever leanne has in the house and we go alexa play widespread panic and then it plays it and then goose shut up and I want what is this and I liked
and I went away, I think another man and then, as I said, I am a little man, I'm again in this band
listening to him and I liked him
and then I really got into them, and then I got leanne into them and I was like cool I'm going to do that with more bands. Here's the panda discovered today well before together. It's funny because, like
there's a band. You want to support, as it does feel like you're, getting like the waves,
eddie ban silos? They know there has been a pleasure working college of music and also you go. They must be surveillance of a certain type. Your virtually scott escort music, like my
others, fiance's younger sister she's in juilliard yeah. She was like the lead yo.
violinists, and I went to the concert near like they're good
I got the ear like I'm seeing something that is just
beyond Alan? It is it's in you know they were born with it and worked
on like I we don't
I don't I don't you stand up, I go yeah, I work really hard at it and I'm telling funny stories and I'm having fun doing it. I don't think
I don't love, you meet a standard that you're like the
berkeley, school, music stand and I dont know willard have their summit are really talented. Bizarre. My
thing was because I feel, like quote unquote, I observe zero original thoughts. I feel like
so. Let me get music see those peloponnese anyway,
yes, you're, never at your your most creative public right when you get to college in it, I was when I was my most creative, my most free, my foot, but I have only just I've ever been or when I moved to new york
and all those times coincide with me discovering new music nicer. Nothing only
is it they're not going to go? You go whatever. Whenever I do. If it fails, it fails, and you know in the choir
yeah yeah and I I told them another day, oh so comfortable and failure, because you have nothing to lose right, I mean,
the things that I still do today, it's because I was started and when I was like who the fuck him
yeah. You know like in its hard with withstand
that's hard to do because you, like you
Wanna go again
when they, when you say we will be on the line up, you know
so people are going to show up and you're like I. I can't have someone walk away gone and I feel this web zone. If you know I can have someone walk
no like as others that better we effort as I'd feel like shit. What I want, I want to turn gonna grow right.
Guy. Would you gonna way both the other
Your fans can allow you to have it
I, where I saw where he was going with that you gonna tell you
story, but you gotta believe
In that you know, you have to like think highly enough if your fans- which I'm sure you do but it's our to do not a why
I said to myself. I said I'm going to go to this trial. We went to this jazzfest I'd, seen widespread and the answer will see widespread again, they're knocker, but this jazz festivals, one time thing and to watch legit servants like there's this. I talked about it on to theirs. I don't know if it's out yet, but this band darmian and back and they're, just I mean they're just better at what it was told me backstage. They are the bay
and that everyone steals, although all the wrappers one at one and want to steal their loops they're, just fucking they're, just
about right. There's your children there, like nineteen years old and their fuckin bizarre and their weird and their fuckin cool and and they play fucking
Raising jazz dammit yeah
and even though you had to say you're like a piano and a set of drums right
In this website you go, these are cooler people than here,
and so I listen to them got very moved got emotional because I went on watching something totally different than watching them
making it so not old. Yet I am. I am not in the I'm, not in the dirt. You won't you. You know you have to try. You have to obey, ok, looking stupid when you get a that's all,
no that's, ok! But that's what that bodes. That's what makes you it's tough, its duff that makes you a relevant person if you're, ok, looking judges off when you're you're, all your friends or like bad ass comics, like all your friends or like tough guy comics like tom,
not a tom's, never looked foolish jos, never look foolish rattling ari
as foolish ass. He may he still doesn't look like there's like
everyone. I know shingle us, never look! Foolish like everyone's! No one looks like no one's. I feel a tough guy com.
mix, but you're gonna be more norman's foolish bigamy like he silly,
right, you know, but, like I,
mind. I don't mind, sir,
I don't know, and I don't have the answer. I don't mind not standing behind things. I don't understand. Like I don't mind a lot of the I don't mind the joke being on me. I don't mind being the butt of the joke, I don't mind. My whole thing is,
if you're, having a good time that I'm doing my job right, bling a rogan is a fucking bad ass. When rogan goes on stage, he's got he's, got like fucking, tight angles and it's fucking common with, like the tom Tom has never Tom is like Tom's. Never the fool you know like between me and Tom. Are a team ray like
I think Tom will make fun of me before I make fun of him. You know what I mean. I mean he's going to question you. It seems like
seems like you do something he notices. It looks.
yeah there's I'm I'm fuckin the weirdo right. Look, I'm
global. That's that's, ok, I think the curiosity being able to go. I don't know something
that's how you learn. Something like you know, like my grandmother, always had at their silent. I had their decidedly curious, like their children, most curious person. I know some. Some people are like readers curious. I think you're out in the open, curious. Yes, there will be a difference,
Like I'm yield, we said we're, never gonna go red, Joe
journal article he's always curious than he goes. A library gets the book and then is no longer gary tabs Tom,
never curious. He just as honest phone nonstop fuckin, whatever
and then he goes in. He like you,
one of those guys we're your like consistently go.
like. If I have any questions about anything I go to him will, but what's your like? Do you have a hobby? I guess it's froth. No, I mean disc golf but like that's not even a hobby anymore, it's like feels like a I'm going to fucking.
Tournament and I'm just utterly elegant. I don't I don't mean some woman on a date. Ask me what my hobbies are. I was like. I should just leave stand ups as your eyes years ago. I I don't think we have anything in common. Like my like, I call friends talk shit like I don't know, I don't do anything your workout. Does that help no ok, alright, drink.
I wish I could count if like having a martini and looking at my phone was obvious. Is that a happy? Can I call it
I think it's avi. Can I call
my parents and going what is that
is. Is it? What is? How do you talk my wife, a hobby?
It demands which I will have you gettin where's your job, sometimes that she's listening, I dont know if I have a hobby per se,.
Look. I've tried hobbes or your tried. Oh, I think disk love to me as avi. So
b. I alone I will. I will you put it not trying to I'm trying to get into golf gulf that is hobby. I would would ask.
It's not, it will be working out a hobby. Now I I working out is something I do to feel good for twenty minutes after I'm done and done working out. You know like I'm not. I need to feel okay, that's to me to keep it even we're. Not what about I mean I guess hack collecting.
api, but you don't like track your hats know. It'll will take care of them. Do you think you wear the hats more because I told you this last answer you just fit well in those eyes so jealous of how you fit in those ads, and I don't like or don't like what my hair
It looks like any more like that what it is yeah like it. I just I women and I think it's because I've worn so many hats- I don't see- was over there. So in college I chose someone's like you: have you lose hearts going to lose your
as I just said, I'm never going to I'm. Never gonna, wear hat, don't think! That's a thing, I think that's either hit in the cars. I wear hats all the time, and you said you looked good on your special electric ankle
but I- and so I and then I also thought well, if I'm gonna lose my herod, I just assume lose my hair openly in front of everyone, so everyone sees it going as opposed to one day. I take my hat off and it's gone. I can't see you as the gone bald route. I'm gonna shave it soon you're going to go Michael Jordan, yeah like it's thinning, it's thinning it's when they say no, you go. You want. Oh no, I mean I'll, show you but like I don't think it looks bad, a thinning. That's in your.
more than everyone else's, no idea what my wife wanted her eyes downstairs. Nobody could hear her. He goes. I don't want to get hair transplants. I like what you look like and I was like yeah but idol she's like I don't matter what you think, it's what I think and I went
I'm leaving you look good. I just saw that I was like that's that's a look here. I mean,
like. I enjoy these hats I enjoy like putting them together. Like I got these pants and I was I wanna do short shorts, the sum
so short shorts target. Chubby, that's the yoga! That's the shorts company do Ababa somewhere in the shirt right now. Are you dude? I have an embarrassing story. I got so mad this you ever hear cuts to take a t shirt. Can I have this thing with t shirts? I can't find one that fits. I like too short, too wide, okay and then now I get Sarah,
while these adds like your fat fuck, do you want to assure their figures, not bid you your daddy discuss, though,
we should for you, unless you can. This add, shut, embody modality out of a large and large hangs your thighs exactly that's my predicament. Dresser urban outlines double excellent exile, so in exile,
exactly I like this
like cell is like the. This is a double excel. What's weird, because the european council of five, I think, that's a double,
so and what happens is James pairs deejay. I love that is so good knows that I mean that's it. That's an expert.
It's a problem, James problem james! Well, I just so. I just went to henri either the day.
and I you're not getting the same shirt as James prayers at ARI Ari. I makes a an equivalent type cotton shirt, okay and they do it in the only the only problem is the second I put it on.
He goes. Oh, so we're going with a front pocket and I was like okay had to nurse so that the the chubby they got. The short track were back in Keegan chubby. Chubby has the short shorts, but I and they're tight around the thighs. I love also here's the thing chubby is I I got like the guy from cuts. T shirt he's like: can we send you some shirts? They sent it to me. I was like it was like. I was,
wrapped hot dog like it was discussed and I looked fucking grows and I could tell the type of person they were for there are like for a dj type. There were four over
yeah. I jus. We, you know, like my my antithesis
a guy. I couldn't
I know who wears these? I don't it's not me. It's not me. I threw the shirt,
I just don't even more
never talk of is again, sir
months later. I got another message from cuts: hey we got new shirts. There are whole new style. I go dude we're not a match. Please yeah! We can't, let's just let's just call it what it is. You're cuts, it's fine cause. No, I checked your size, we sent you the excels. Last time, I'm gonna, send you a double xl. I go if I'm a double xl in your fucking shirt.
We're not talking we're done. I don't give a fuck, I don't care if it fits me better than any other shirt. I've ever put on my entire fucking life, I'm not going to double xl, and I have done that's not me. That's not, who I am I go, and I literally as I'm having this rant, I go. I
Are these shirts and I like looked at my shirt ago, I like
be sarama good, like
goddammit alma mater
sky, roma jabbing. I have
like admit that you as a perfect moment round like what am I wearing right now. I like this journey in wearing, shall be some like your what she is, then you know they. Never you can't when we get home again,
camp rat protests that one aroun day I transitioned too
alex w x. I remember the day I was on that day. I was on a cruise with my buddy cow head and his brother and his brother John came in and I was like, and I was frustrated we're going out to a nice dinner and the problem is, you were called to who
his great yeah and he's been double exile. His whole life problem. Oh, I would argue right,
bigger than whatever he is he's like, come home sandia like it
the bear it's like me being like you, don't drink too much.
being, like always brother, how other two of his brother had gone out of us. One of ass. His brother had done kido and lost about weight, and his brother,
Add a double xl shirt that that, ah, that I either didn't fit him or what whatever and so we're getting ready for dinner and his was a nice of polo and his brother goes a. I was thirty. When I go on a fucking shirt
it's almost sure. We'd win a cruise. I've been blown at that point. I got all my shirt. Shirts are tight as fuck years I one for you as of early christianity.
Maybe I'm not double extra money goes to try it on I'm not
let's all yours, I've been awarded, it doesn't fit to
at on? They got I'm not I'm not a double xl tried on. I put it on and I couldn't deny it and that, and they were like, barely feels good. Doesn't it yeah, it does feel really good and there was a gate. Just no one's going to know go to dinner.
I'd like a book its ally, though in their legality, and that right now to tell anybody rights good
these? Are people get into scientology back,
I went to dinner at the double exalt dirt, and now the shirt does have one small double xl, Ralph Lauren. That things should be,
up in this house. It's a great
as you pointed out, that my first double x out see like everyone up their album, their platinum albums. You put up your first diplomatic, so Tobin might,
council, Bert crozier, dinner, crews essay the shirt, its
it sucks when you're like wow. This fits so well and you're, like oh, my father, and then you go like why don't I did so right before I started this. Just images yeah, it's it's gotta be one of their silly,
Excuse me: I'm accrues right, so you don't wanna, be around a triple x out when you're putting on a double x out because they're gone. What's the big deal and you I know this is a big deal. I was such a group.
What shirt so I remember said the other day we went to went to ARI, I e, and I just gave up I just gave up- am I just
he's right minutely and loud talked about that. What had happened was we had a conversation about how come I can t total
On either side I can't, but I can't find this middle ground can find a middle ground. A blake have a have a couple drinks, let's just call it a night and let's go to bed early and read like I'd. How come I can't find this middle ground, and you know then leeann said she said what she said to me and I was upset because I was like was like her exact words. Were I don't want to say cause? I don't want her to feel bad cause. I I I like she retook back the words
I said something kind of rough to me kind of rough, maybe a little tough love that hurt my feelings, so I go into ARI. I I gave up a give the fuck up. I don't care or care. So I go. You know what I'm gonna get some pants a fucking fix, I'm a fuckin piece of shit who can't who can't follow
some a double eggs. I am a double, actually know what forget for good.
I did, and I and I don't have any I'm doin
if you like good summer pants, so I start going, and I just started going like forty two that should fit rattle fit a fat fuck like me, I'm doing that to myself. You have written on the alive zero original
you're, fat and fucking piece of shit if only to yeah you're forty seven listed for some of the big it gets
and you know what gm noman joking I bet. If I put on a forty two, I bet comfortable rabbit the fucking comfortable and that's what a thirty six used to feel like on me when I went homo
thirty six ray, and so I got. I bought three pairs of forty two pants and then
and then I said to myself and then leave my made up in the store. We bought matching overalls and then I said
and I said, amen again same size. You just say I got double a phone. She goes, I think, they're a little big on you. I go honey, it's not the butt that we're worried about.
the hoofs over the bell and so.
And so then I go home buy a pair of forty like,
as almost as, if I'm as, if line,
self? Again I go. I want to buy a size, forty pair of shorts, la gama by one forty two, so that it fits cause. I know it's gonna fit and then by forties I get a hopeful old school bert way. I never all the pants I ever buy. I always buy like jeans, I buy thirty eight
like a thirty, eight jean and I go it'll work. It'll work like I do that you do the hopeful part I always do, and then I I think, is a really bad way to feel good about yourself.
It's so good is not good. Then you end up giving up on those. At some point I
to do this? I'm done. I am aman gimme, the ones that fit sure like war I put on today, are put on yesterday upon the pair of forty two pants and therefore of swimming in them.
Early patently our eyes like arias, I will pay attention to sizes, but once we get the forty we get it we were again
It is a matter of bob just does exact like exact measurement right, but don't to your target. Forty two is going to gonna, be beyond
if you have bathroom and beyond, and so then I put to this morning, I woke up and I went I weighed myself and I weighed pretty good and I did not weigh pretty good. I weighed the fattest fucking piece of shit. Is that what it said
That is why it was upside down and still looked what the fuck in so scales and ass. I
I go, I go awry.
I'm going to see if the these pants. These are the forties and obama just take a stab in the dark. See if the forties fit- and I put them on there were loose our eu to get fail. I was like night and I am but while they're really tight now because of a belt on are falling off and beltre fucking cunt, that's the thing about belts. I know that there's been
new bell companies created till I get around this words like if you're in between and it looks like a bell, but if I click syn
You don't want to click into my belt. Now these coming,
Is that started by like yo, stat geeks
you ever see these like it's always it's the same as, like the t, shirt, hey fat fuck. We got a picture for you, there's also this
their brand of clothing,
start up nerd, who decided we're gonna, make assume that you can wear the jim and on a flight.
On a day and it's like
no woman has ever claimed these clothes packable there's a
that has a shirt that zips. Oh
This guy stinks so hard, I'm sure nice guy start a business.
No woman is wanted to fuck a dude who's gloomy. Let me unzip my t shirt. It just seems like no woman has add. Any input is just like one star
Nerd, whose, like both men have an issue, would shirt said, need that don't button and get gap, and you like- and
will make them zipper and it's like no. No, no did you talk to a woman. Was there any moisture in her panties for the shirts, like no there's,
I have the unblockable collection amber Tom, said to me a pair those pants.
What's the girl like he was like a pair of like it was like a flying outfit and I was like as a ah nobody
It's all just gonna tracks. Stop it stop. It is always made by almost so much more fun fat tom.
This is the wrong so losing way man. Then you lose weight. You become you when you lose weight, you change. You have to.
and if you really love confidence, I guess you're fasting right now. Who would want to hang out with you? I'm pretty fun, bold enough on it
night right, buddy, I'm just saying I don't you know right now, but I like hey: let's go! Do.
When will we actually lunch? I mean I didn't have three meal, you got three lunches and I was like a madman water and then you are like ok, europe,
outside the table. I'm at the side of the table. I get a load of fucking. I I
I could watch you order all day. Man I need. I need. What I need is any David goggins to move into my house and just knock shit out of my hands.
What I I need a offensive player or await I'm
I am certain that the fucking area tat whenever that emerged as an Amy humor sketch, oh as it does the ones you are in trouble for they said she stole.
Now, I don't like any. Some areas need a fuckin. I need like what can be done both to just be in the paint a need to draw a fuckin money to make the paint and simon
the phrase I can only spend three seconds inside three seconds in and then people not exactly yeah threes that are just a referee yeah out too long in the paint yup. What is it called three and the key? What's it called? Is it when you hang out in the paint too long as the cycle is not traveling? It's a.
What is it called when you spend time three in the cave, three three hundred dilation as theirs is. As far as I am, I think, there's a word for it.
anyway. I don't keep anything in my house. I do. Will I level I ve no doubt would be rougher me, my
Did you start right? That's the thing when you become a dad like there's just that
Is that you have to put up with egg. I have no
snacks. All I have is popcorn colonels and all
well, and I dont have a microwave on purpose because I'd nighttime eat I
about especially I'm a night. I mean I can't stop and I basically
no microwave, I got my own apartment, I'm in the studio by studio, looks meister. I did a photo shoot for the special and it's like thirty seven and singles on like. Let's do a photo shoot at my apartment looks just like thirty seven and singles do you have a picture
with online a picture. It's on my instagram. You gonna my whole judgment. It.
you're lucky when I apartment looks like a somewhat norman's bathroom yesterday and also
right. This is the need to. Let me touch me up a little bit more like you. Will you married? I mean I know, that's the thing, I'm I look the most thirty sentencing. I sent the pictures to my brother's fiance he's. She goes from others villains edge,
While these are there there to see, the net would go the the one in the middle the why one so he lets me in the fridge.
Like it's supposed to be like this was the photo shoot and then I'll put up more.
I have a view in the fridge yeah we put, the camera felt, prevents yo, here's another one. It's me
I met my brother's fancy, she literally tax measures. These look so the detail
Yeah, that's my life. This is how I lee live. Like look at like that's my bed sweet. Where do you live in in the west village in the west village, so is in the bathroom, and it's like a studio apartment that, like a single guy with hears me on my
on the toilet, that's great! So there are great pictures. It's funny. When I was before I moved to new york. I thought if I could never live like that, and then you move to new york. You're like I can totally live on new york is like the the hope, the whole places rationalizations again. Nothing makes you realize
how your living than when you tell your mom about. Like I told my mouth about my mom
it's never made. I think that generation just never really
had to make like a decision
in between one thing or another, like I think, that's like it agenda was just made for them.
it's like we're told like we're getting married, we're getting. There is going to be a teacher wrecked my mom
I go a move. I got a partnership. Does it have a power
Can garage alike? Are you out?
fuckin mind like what are you talking of a parking garage doesn't have a
Where does it have a zone wipe your ass? I shall ask questions like you, don't know would be
under these she's known as ending of tradeoffs do not like
because that's all new york, it is just tradeoffs you like, while the bathrooms in the kitchen,
but I live in the west village. You know you got him,
is that our bathroom was. I had soo, no two part two apartments and three apartments. Technically, in los angeles or in new york. One was across the street from the seller. I mean that's a that's a great
but also you're, not gonna, get like modern amenities in a place like that team hundred dollars a month at the time expensive, and it was in arguably smaller than
the room, obviously smaller. These are cheap, now expensive, that yeah yeah and it was it. It was an apartment that went like this. That's hilarious so like so like it went out like it was like a kind of like a hockey stick and then there was a closet in there. So I wish I could show you.
It's like this, but there is a closet here, so there's a little hallway here and then there was a living area and there was a bed above the closet. So my roommate took the bed above the closet and then we built a loft since high ceilings. We are on the top floor and I lived in the loft upstairs and then made the couch downstairs. We had good times in that apartment, but but you're living in a a life that other places can understand like yeah.
Lay people I mean the space out years: crazy, oh yeah, it's not cheap, but here either, but it's just we every fuckin austin and it's fuckin. I mean it's made a good, even though we know since dinner. The expensive places are expensive, but you can get some
space out there. If you don't give a fuck the union there you are yeah like if you want to go out like that's where I'd go like I looked at like I'm watching the quarterback things on Netflix yeah, the quarterbacks anna, you see, Patrick Holmes is pleasant.
certainly pry went out far out missouri and can you know like outside Kansas city, but his fuckin place is may as golf course on it.
Got me all the answer. Your son separately.
tornado, wonder yeah. He is the richest contract. Well, if I I dunno what I would do if I owed what I that's crazy, it's funny that, like he has to live there too, like he can't just like. Oh who wants to live there for the rest of his life. He wants to be there forever here over, have a weird thing with Patrick mahomes, you so towels texting with the group text about it. The other day he's so talented, and I like him so much, but for some reason I am am
I am like it's a view like someone you should like their wife people really in that town. There really turned off by the people around him. It seems
and his brother they didn't like, and then I didn't understand it. Well, then, the brother had actual legal issues, but before the brother had let legal issues, it was like this weird hatred that, like you like you just what's up, why you guys so mean to the sky, and now he has actual yet actual summit came up of real think he was harassing
I wonder: if something will you know it's gotta be tough. I mean I I empathize with his brother. I know that no one wants to hear this or like to fucking lie
If that's the way the internet works, just all all that really pays. The bills is like fuck, that guy fuck this guy, but like on him and his wife are kinds,
sweetheart, I dont know the story. I just there was one video where she sprang champagne on people like in their seats.
And it does look a little bit like you know,
all the the rich just pouring stuff on
The peasant all I'll say is not a good look if for some crazy freakish recently and goes in to get breast surgery and they fuck up her rotator cuff and she can throw a football and then all of a sudden she starts playing for the fucking chiefs right and, as
is just fucking, throwing the ropes down. What are your movie this? I will.
the field or no, no others. My left arm mollified. That's that
that's the story of how you masturbate now I will be better
above all. It would be the unfair I will make you go crazy, brittany. What's her name, brittany, I will make brittany look like. I will make brittany look like fucking, queen Elizabeth.
So I will be so fucking un bear if leanne comes out and all of a sudden she's just like
rookie of the year rookie of the year or fifty two rookie of the year playing for the chiefs, she's backup to Mohamed Mohamed, gets a high ankle sprain. We know those
anyone any opt out and an honeys. I got like listening to you.
in there. You know I'm not loose, though the old lady in their land and loosed up a lovely with his breast larger augmentation bank fragment fuckin. She has a cannon, are anime
tat an amazing like play about a day boy, aborted, snow man still loves appeal, go
the stands porn.
I'm on paypal. I would wayward
Have you ever say worse and worse and I've got wayward
I will be. I would be and cheese,
on the two hundred and eighty five million dollar contract, the aid.
the yeah yeah top early to the ground, it'd be tough to be classy. At that point, I would yeah. I don't know if I could do it like you watch kirk, cousins and kirk cousins,
dislike her he's a man of god. I think right or he might be vehemence
he's got. Is Jesus he's he's so good that parliament feels like he might be a serial killer?
like there's a part of him where he's like like take
but the doesn't mean I have an accent. He talks clean, like the lord, wanted him to be like I take tuesdays off and he chooses for my family and and then they drop the kids off school and the opponent, the house and his wife says to a fucking all pro today's trash day, his wife
come on, he played fuckin sunday. She has the balls to say today's tracy that them fair and I go, and I went well you better go.
I have a girl yeah, so it pays the bills around here. Is that what it takes out trash and his last name? Is it cousins? I would it
Then he takes out the dress there you doing this is not a fucking will walk with his wife like this,
the guy. I love that the tragic one thing you're like he looks
his wife in the eye
He do such a thing. He his chest
not just blow, would have all day long whatever they want your man that, guy that I might go, I'm sitting there going like fuck off like theirs.
the way it is real. I don't believe that Israel, I dont like when people who have that type of money and like whatever tracks,
day like they're just imitating mill. He would believe that doesn't imitation has no it kirk cousins. Clearly,
putting shit on right, there's it. This is a real perception of a person
I will only say that because, but like the craziest fucking shit, he comes home, it's so different than the homes as the mounds is
I have yours go ahead, I'm sorry! No! No, he comes home and he goes. Ah, there was one and someone's bathing one of the kids and they go Connor thanks for being such a great little brother and letting your big brother go today like I can get fucking today.
It gets and I'm like you're the fucking starting quarterback for the fucking yeah. This is I don't like the faking like it's all that, but it wasn't fake cause. Then he takes those boys into the room and he goes. Let's take a knee on the lord.
pillar of god that he gave like a legit fuckin and you could tell bill, have video. So you know her cousins isn't slick without were like production. He saw the mai gone and knees, and you know this slick. Hollywood crew is cynical.
He's poking praying he's, people have budget godless assholes, whether back lizzie bucket back this fucking eighty, it's an audio ever better sound guy I'll. Go that way. I don't like you, don't really believe this brand cans he's a people
Bigger witches,
the producers are like. We got got on there and so yeah, but it's this them. The tv shows fucking for
Nominal and when I heard it's way have you ever seen the quarterbacks turned into women, yes, and I would fuck that shit out of Tom Brady garage below bring in a poem up. You gotta pull this off a garage, hello, grumbling fuckers, adieu re, he is again
fucking guy, I mean you gotta, look at the the problem is character. He was crazy is, like you say stuff like that, and then I feel guilty cause is younger than me, and I go I'd brought a fucking age, appropriate quarterback like like terry Bradshaw, I'm passing on Michael Vick.
Is that Michael Vick, when casting on aaron rodgers, Aaron, rodgers, lucy or letters aaron rodgers looks like
they yelled at a walmart employ five minutes ago. We it's down right or the left down,
The? U s very, I knew it christine you just at the right down right. There left left rather who they were. There arises.
Well, that's the weird part of these rights and then, let's see a vegan show but no visit the site see if they can see and have a girl and two women okay hold on. They even gave them female names, which is Patricia holmes, wait on megan Stanford, but these are wives. Now, where she ok, I would not never fuck patricia holmes. Tanya Brady can get it so can
rogers hold on wait. I'm sorry, Jim boroughs can get it. Imbros can get it falk tyrant, ready jenny,
rob hello wow.
No aaron rodgers, aaron rodgers, with an eye suiting. She repairs to be part in the wrong.
to close or grant. She looks like a nurse who didn't want. The vaccine, disarm watson,
Yes, he had to show us, and so can we follow? No, it will not just our watson, I'm sorry- and I want to show watson.
what rachel wills rachel Wilson bring in it of fuck yeah. Look a crystal cousins looks like a cunt looks like a kindness. She looks like I can't just
five existing cousins looks at her prescott can get out of.
Ask you Derek it. Car derek car looks like she's gonna fuck you than cure car. By the way
Traveling trump travellers. Does you don't change it to look at different rioting still get it keep going. Dylan hurts I'll make it hurt Justine herbert sherbert.
whoa genus, J smith, genus midsummer night. She should be on a view: josephine islands of fuckin sex she's, a friend in spring, break your like fine or who did Lamar Lamar attack, syn
Lamar jackson bugs you and then goes the fridge. This is horrible that we're doing this will be more. I had another. These aren't written this.
a whole Mary Oda looks rough. Yet some of them, you know it's funny,
when they gave like like make overs and like some of them, they just love
hang out to dry a little behind its colonel, a girl
marianna you're, like that. Why would they like fucking touch that up that crazy? That, like it, is funny what guys like I've got that send to me like a hundred different times and
as I did just be. Unlike what do you say, and now the conversation gets opened up like the way we're talking,
Now he just go yahoo which of these deeds, and it's like an airport, aaron rodgers way patricia weight.
back at jittery variety looks like a woman. He would day job roses. The hottest jill boroughs looks like,
It could be on a on a mugshot shorties, like those girls who commit crimes, may cut to him and they're. So hot you're, like I fucking drug trafficking, this apparently there's a instagram account that shows all the people that get arrested at nashville, like after partying in nashville, pull it up and they bring up the like the police report. It's like a fun police report,
these people to travel there and just get blackout drunken then there, like yeah, there's those this larger. This up an a.
I can see how I get arrested. I can see myself getting him what the fuck.
I'll get my never more. Never finding that the add- and I it's gonna be tough. Is this your computer? My computer is: do you have the it's funny, I'm watching the arrow go across the screen. It's like you have the old touchpans
If the mouse thing is that, where you're at oh yeah, I do figured, I do typed up to that. Do you remember when you remember when I remember the first time someone came to my house this? How old I am, and they could they showed me how to make the error go faster or the other direction or, and then they had it where they could do sound effects when, like I click
It would do homer. Do I do because it wasn't even my wheelhouse of fucking I'd. I feel like I'm talking like you do in your special, but how tinder works? Theses like black know so bright bottom right right, the I b, I I it's funny. You said that too, in the special and I and I go. I do wonder why I wonder if I would have gotten married if I had tinder, you know it's very distracting that all the dating apps or distractions you know, because it does feel good to get a match.
And that's the scary part as you like? Maybe this is all I needed tonight. I didn't need to go out. It plays to male laziness and a really bad. Where the matches like the now I got off a little bit
I like? Oh, I got a match. You know like it played, I think, for men and I can speak for myself. Like my laziness is my issue when it comes to, like you know, going on a date
going and meeting new people and it's like the app is quite a crutch, and yet it was
made to kind of avoid you know dating apps were created by like male nerds. You know like Zuckerberg types that
Didn't wanna have to experience. Getting turned down
want to go and a safe waters.
so it's like. How do I not get turned? You know
It turned out daring, lay its very rare. No swipe left, no slight swipe right and no match you go well. I guess they haven't seen me yet.
that's the feeling in your brain, whether that's right or wrong, that's out in theirs ego at play. But, like that's kind,
What's going on, do you know that if you like, I feel like the guy who had to fish for fish and a dugout canoes watching a shrimp wrote? What do I will
What did they do those nets right amber? Then? That's would all your mary friends say? Oh what I what I would have done? It's like not one!
done, I wonder I wouldn't shit
I would have. Never, I would have never would have never found one person out of
we said: what's next, there's an unsatisfied nature and it to anyone
it's the same way. I'd as its I mean it.
only assuming it would be the same feeling I have when I get on instagram like went away.
Yup and then I scroll right and I find myself there for twenty minutes going. What's eight twenty, I haven't even gotten out of bed, yet I gotta get the fuck on my phone. I mean I talk about the idea of like why breakups happen like when I break up it's before the next step. You know a lot.
female friends, though try and try again to work on things and-
there's an element of laziness that we go. You know what I'd, if
if I'm not pause and about the next step, I'd rather go back to the beginning again then have to deal with working through these things that come with the next steps and you're not eating the pizza crust right. That's the best part is resisting the good part of the peace and then put the peace process
you like I've finally able to the dog. If that's how you want to refer to my when I realise just now, I know
Yeah there's that yeah you're, like I got here now, it's the hard part now its engagement. Now it's moving in now. It's your guys do that they go
and I'm saying guys from speaking for myself. I just know that I'm a lot like a most guys out there and-
You go well my careers, not ready,
well, this isn't ready while there's a there's a I we know so funny. I said I said when I was twenty eight I said I'm going to get in the bed. I have all my hair. My teeth. Look good! I'm just fat, I'm going to lose all the weight I can and I'm going to get the girl. I want for the rest of my life and then I said cause it was old school. You had to meet him in person like yet it gray, and so ah
and I did it and then I did it, but I was like my career was never a part of it. I was like oh yeah, I'll just figure that out that'll that'll figured itself out. I kind of had that and I was envious of you. I was like looking at you last time. I was here and I was like at your. It was at your house and I was like look at. It can be done like yeah cause. The things I live in fear of, like you know not doing enough, not being
and I looked at you mouser look at how birds got it fan
like desire. I look up to you and your so it's like and I go
and I saw you and then
cause. I know you. I was like these families happy he's
Asheville is doing well like it can be done.
yeah. I think so many comics or so negative, like you know, and they keep
grinding grinding riding and I'm looking at. You enjoy himself beautiful family before home and you go it
inhabit? I had that feeling when I left here last time, and then I also
that feeling at the end of the re romano netflix special. It's him eating pizza with his family. We are now is
wake up cause. I do pretty regular dude is a pretty regular guy and you watch the end of that, especially like oh. This is this is to be. You
to remember it can happen, because so many comics you we're well, when are you gonna go to
part of it the comic stuff they think small. They look at things rookie or in people
with all industries. I'm not just saying us, you know like so
nice to see.
Special. The way you were living as version you see the end of that specially, like ok,
It sounds like a good start looking at these things and not be afraid that the next step won't come because I chose to like have a life
you know, so I either in the special happening is like the best thing that ever happened to me like I'm like I am like this has been just leading up to it were taken. Before has been.
The bus, the best time of my life just being able to like live in this wind for a second yeah and then maybe in when it comes out. It comes out, whatever happens happens, but also
like knowing like you, could do this with a wife and kids to like it didn't have to be. It gets complicated
Only because you got a tour, you gotta know there are certain things that you miss out on in family. But if you, if you like most of my friends who had families later in life, which
I mean I'm at that already, like I didn't, have my first special until I had kids and I had my special there was any good didn't come out until I had kids, kids, but not fuck kit will that's when used felt that the subject matter was most you there and that's. When I changed my voice, I think my boys are really found my voice. I didn't change. I just found it like I found by that. I was turning better about these subjects and I were about like what I thought was like
hot but rio. Why had that feeling with like just getting rid of this material? Like I'm happy, let like, I could put it out there. It is a very specific picture of my life, but then it-
forces you to like ok, do the exchequer, they need more material for the next special and I
been doing that since December, when I taped this and at the end of this special in the credits as my parents, I I put hidden cameras in the green room, and I put, and I want to tape them yelling at me here. So in the credits you can watch my parents,
like telling me to take pictures of they still don't know. What's up for real, I'm gonna watch that I haven't seen. I didn't see it. I I and then you can watch my parents just like being them with me. Yeah and I like
that so much so I had this story about my dad and mom and my brother. I go to the beach.
As our working on that, since the special like cause, I had to
nothing else idea at all on. I get gay, you know burnished the boats, type of thing and
I've been doing it now for since, since December, this whole story about my family, the beach,
It's our guy, that's the whole our rule and, unlike so proud to do
like I love doing it. He will come with their families economy with their parents and the like. That's us lake, because I'm just and it's all just talking
I like stories with my parents in what's going on like how how we relate to one another and, like the you know, being this like adult friend with my family, which I am
and you know I know you want a job- you you and your
brother right yet where bodies others might brother are fucking tight with your family right, my brother dad
mom, and I we like you know. That's probably, why has been hard like me. You know women that I want to bring into that
and so I ve been telling stories and now that's like the next hour, I'm like just like you said, like I'm talking about stuff that out, because
does- and I think a lot of that has to do with, like oh I'm not gonna, to do the crotch joke that I know works, but I
I know like I don't want to there's nothing to work on here. Yeah I feel like that's all I have is crutch, jokes, not zero. Your thoughts, zero, twelve you're gonna put it above the bed, I'm gonna put it I'm going to fucking tattoo on my chest. Let's get tattoos, I've been thinking about it. So much. I think you have any tattoos. No, I don't think that's what people do by age when they're like desperate for a change rather get fuckin ink and now the changes not having one at all like yours.
more interesting for not having one than having one year or giving us swastika. Where am, I was too tasteful roused rapporteur
That, when you know you ve made enough money when you see, if I could do that, what about us was good tramp stamp duty,
one as a typing swastika tramp. There. It's gotta exists, you think you're from Florida,
You wanna go not one already and swastika tribes there. If you start voting swaths it's either come up to absorb, makes a lot of the nazis.
What a surprise that eight hundred early sorts allowing a four year period,
scroll down and click that then go up to the top again. Oh, that's right. We don't,
her name's, swastika, unable as well. On the whole, I raise a swastika, that's
indian still too close yeah. You can't swastika na siya, swastika vj you gotta, as close named a swastika, had to look as on the hand, that's an odd place to put where you'd get your
right. I mean it's like a little change for the bus and on foot yeah the foot weight tramp stamp weight. There really isn't not a swastika tramp stamp, while these people put on their hands while they put on there has nothing at the butterfly. It does seem like it's a big upper chest thing for these. You know I'd be certain that don't wait what she wants to go. Who, wouldn't? I don't think I'd put it somewhere where everyone
What's interesting was as oh, my god, o l, l, o l, l, o l. A lot of these. Did you see that you see? That was bad? That's that's see I I guess
They try to say that there was a mistake that looked like a swastika. Are they sang
He laughed out loud, probably had a swastika and then he was like. Can you have helped me covered up the guys? Like l, o l, l, o l, l oil? I got an idea.
Kids are gonna love, wait, wait, no swastika tramps damp
I was listening, I was I I my faith in humanity.
It's been renewed. I was listening to a conversely eavesdropping on accommodation other day and ass. I was just casually its picked it up and I heard the squirrel say to a guy. I know there's actually this moscow doesn't just mean that and I went
now it just. I wanted these jumping to go into it. Actually, not someone! I know I don't know ran out of nowhere. You guys right in this kind of thing. You need leave, sir it does. It did not get an array brand. I had a friend in college who got the swastika tattoo on it to do on his leg, really leg:
and what did you did you say anything will rise it will. He said it was an indian symbol.
and he had It- was all drawn in with feathers and stuff, and I was like
I remember everyone, arrows was his name, he my fraternity,
And he had, but it was on his fucking thigh.
Have we wouldn't have given me a bed? No! No! I don't think you don't think he
wasn't no he's not giving me a bit, I'm saying they're their voting. No, he will he would. You bet a authority, but here he d, never here
and anti semitic. He was really open minded and he said it was an indian symbol.
two open minded.
You go all the way back around every ozma swastikas tramps them, whereas it there do, though it was it's a white honestly honestly with that belt, I kind of common the
It is a great place to end this pod gas two hours I opening two hours in and we got I got It- will work out and
I asked you to start with swastikas tramp stamp. I'm happy! We got there at some point. My fucking visions gone the un, I'm not certain how we promote this, but I think I think we should be in the clear, you're. Okay, I'm more worried about cause. I go cause. I hope they don't go. Are you promoting, but regardless we can? We can. I can congratulate you on your special. It's phenomenal. Thank you. Thank you for watching it is phenomena you're a you are a real talent.
Thank you and you genuinely your phone is fought online to thank. You may be really are your your foreign on all cylinders. I try to get that. Try to be the home of fun. You know come the show
party have a good time, so it's all over and I just want to have a good right, and it's like you know, especially like I think, when guys come to my show. They get usually brought by a girlfriend. Who knows me yeah, that's kind of what happens and the coolest thing in the world. They go out boyfriends and now two husbands now into so. It's like really cool. Thank you to J train, the your
tour dates. What are your tour look like when does come out? I, oh I'm doing some theaters over real and I'm trying to you know trying to get this house and the family in.
Ah Lana centre stage theatre, paramount in huntington new york, that's a great island bitter as a great theatre, everyone,
loves it there and where I think, Bruce Springsteen or no billy. Joel blade is our
they they go. We can, I was well,
but that room, because I have a long island crew. I was like the specials change where your crew is, I think,
I am hoping that I'm hoping it just changes thing I wanna go to the next,
staff in the gallery: the neptune theatres house, almost all that filmore in philadelphia capital. They turn around and dc baltimore the sound stage, the wilbur. What data that that's out of february two fuckin, that's gonna, be fuckin baby will there's really fun. I love that I've done that. That's that's one of
done like so. It's been places where I've been able to yeah. So now I you know, I hope we booked these theaters before the special even got bought.
I was like, let's give him a shot so now they're out there. You know it's going to come out
comes out and
it's a yeah, I'm excited dude and- and you know I got you- you know you're part of that. I I gotta. Thank you. You've always been.
You're, always like you're. The best did you do. That
I have known you for a long time in this business dude long time when I'll, never forget it, I'm starting to do comedy my pledge, brother and robson. I'm telling him I'm going to be a comedian cause. You gotta talk to my cousin and I'm like sure who who's your car and e z go are crazy.
Was really never came up and our college whatever and from there
You ve just always been really nice and good man. You don't have to be so I really appreciate alone.
Rather congratulate you on everything and everyone check out specials fuckin phenomenal. Thank you the best that's hanging
the
this episode
where do you by the machine
Transcript generated on 2023-08-24.