I sit down in the mancave with Moshe Kasher and we talk about Moshe's book, Moshe's Justin Bieber story, bad sex stories, Moshe's uber story, and much more!
Make sure you check out Moshe Kasher and Natasha Leggero's new stand up special "The Honeymoon Stand Up Special" on Netflix now!
This episode is brought to you by eHarmony. Get one month free by signing up for 3 months at www.eharmony.com and using the code “Bert” at checkout.
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
The guy's brand new podcast, and this might be one of my better ones. I've done. I know that some people can tell when I like right away when I have a good one. It's most cacher, it's a great
They had such a great special netflix. It's called the honeymoon special its reports. Specialists
natasha first mosher second, and then they go up do crowded together with other couple,
scan like I've been seeing the third part of just one
Their stand. Ups
the plain and I downloaded the first two parts.
But in dollar, thereby leaving. Now I gotta be honest with you natasha
destroyed, I mean like really destroyed, motion destroyed, do but I've always known motion to kill like that natasha
the changed upper style, a tat, but
in my opinion, yeah and went very personal and talked about her life, and I love when comics do that, like that really connects with me. It's what I like most in comedy, don't get me wrong. I love when Bilbo talks issues but and when Bilbo tells the story about having a daughter. That's when I get invested as an audience. Member Natasha did that and I did not see that coming so it caught me off guard by the way I shouldn't. Suddenly things like shown that it caught you guys off guard, but
It is really a fantastic special. It's all netflix! You can go check it out now it just came out last thursday or last friday. I think
and- and I loved it
Absolute loved it- and I know you guys we're loved to pass on their donna. None honeymoon tour. I think there's
on tour, so check him out. Just
type in motion.
kashmir,
It's a great interview because you couldn't make it but man it was, and the last time we entered interview. It was amazing too, because the taj is so fucking funny without
we're trying to be funny she's
funnier. Let's go
Mozart, noise, nice, you only a narrow the script. Today we did yesterday and today the up to date.
Today is leeann. This is what a beast of a wife I have,
she, we took a meeting. They said we think we'll have interest in someone wanting to do a script, and they said you know we wanna pair you up with a writer, and I said I want to do my own thing I want to I want to. I want to create my own project
and the like. Ok only I was like you know what you said is a lot and sometimes even created. We are to have a
tripped over somewhere else, where we know we're working on doing land booked oda
room for two nights went in and
bang it out work,
The story with me made me, sit down and write, gotta love, you gotta tell it was awesome and we kind of beat up the story beat out the jokes.
And it was awesome. It was really awesome. It's done. It's done.
Done and sent off to the manager done done done. So I'm very proud of you babe, if you're any of my friends in hollywood, and you want to read it like dan Adler I'll, send it to your income, your notes,
I just want. I just want, like friends, that I don't invite anybody. Anyone, like any of my friends, are listening right now, they're like if anyone in Hollywood still see the ads, I'm fucked, they can fucking, read yeah and I got
It's I'm in nashville may
fourth and fifth, I'm in a hostile alabama on the sixth. Maybe I said that wrong, maybe that
weekend: no, that's right! Yeah yeah on the sixth at sundown, huntsville, alabama and then
Finally, saturday in nashville the following week and the tenth eleven and twelve ten times
All this tempi over in revenue again host in london in time be and then I'll take a little time off, not much, and then I'm in,
liberty, township
I'm in.
other places you're all over and you have a lot of daddy stuff going on. So your life daddy's delightful, plays a lot acquire. Performers is a lot of graduations alot of school dances. A lot of stuff belong
stuff a cruise,
progress. We Kevin Brennan's coming out next week, just simply wanted to meet with netflix and make sure my deal was in place before our released. The cabin brandenburg lie of
but maybe you still don't want to release them. Another meeting coming up lame throws bridges really does, but you don't I do, but I basically giggle throughout him just because you know it's just so bizarre to hear someone just really just just shit on everyone. It's just it's! So not this business!
its argue for a guarantee you, I will give a preamble. Well in the end there is nobody, does it out loud? That's what I mean is that an element as everyone does it, and nor does it out loud yeah, not everyone does it about. Who is doing it too. In my opinion, ray I will definitely the preamble for their pockets starts
disclaimers gorgias some disclaimers like everyone. I love neo, Brennan halfway,
He'd shuttle his brother
pretty aggressively whose is brother, noble and even met. Neil
Incredibly chapelle show
and accommodating loses brother neil Brennan
Neil Brennan, as Neil Brennan's brother, no neil Brennan, is Kevin brandons brother, whose on the pie, cat Heaven Brennan, whose on third Jesus Christ
someone on first, I'm so confused anyway. Anyway, it's it's a it's an interesting podcast, to say the least, but that's next time cause it's about this time. I did ok and they're a great couple
motions on of our guest natasha knob there really great couple
No, I'm hanging them a great couple.
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love others podcast. I got two more come up. Kevin Brennan, like I said next week, Kevin Neil Kevin.
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guys. I hope you enjoy the episode. Today's broadcast
moshe kasher
tell a story are often it was what was serendipitous,
I was glad yeah well, I I
that you are looking for a producer, because I was just a fan.
Delivering pizzas and I needed podcast and I was being-
Jeanne de la body, PETE pizza, pussy implied cancer. I entirely bees,
nowadays, podcast right in order or by guess you get into the nose doing, but the more pizza you eat. So it's a traitor
so and then he had. You know him
he's, not really discrete about where he
kind of lives so
I was like. Oh my god, I live in the area.
And so I was like a walker on that block all the time I know like I go on walks with my girlfriend and
and I told me
of labour, saw him and uses kids. I would never ever go up to him and talked him ever. Let go you talk to the kids caressingly awry, I get there
If you want a new, daddy, etc, and then you look a bird and say I'm looking for a job, I can make this smooth over. So I will
walking around the block and he was out front playing catch with with his daughter, and I was like eyes of the storm. I would never go up to him and then she throws the ball over the roof and she has to go in the backyard to get it.
I like this. My check this machine
this is so
Creepy a certain level is like the daughter's gonna go. Go girl do like I I wouldn't have talked to him, was with his daughter there, but, and then I
while everyone was like? I have a home studio yeah. I have to run all this mixing board. The best part was the. He lives right around the corner from me so like. If, if I go like we did a solo podcast now somebody go hey. Can you do like five today is again.
we learnt of either in ten minutes. Will you do your own? Now I do a solo one attach to this end.
Like, where is called open tabs, I just dropped.
weekend. I just
keep all the tabs open that road runner, Google,
just go through them and tell you what I learned: ass, brilliant and so on
and so, and a man,
this one, but we ve so backed up with had so many fucking podcast lately that they like
I guess everyone's got stuff go along. The super troopers have a movie travel more, has a special criminal
and unity. She did. The honeymoon special would just dropped yesterday, allied anyway, just random yesterday, when this comes out, it doesn't matter that it would you like to know what has happened. Is it you don't want to
We promote things you want to promote it. While it's on the area exactly this long window like three months, you really
for years, but you have three modally where people are gonna, find it
it's always mean the rotation screws like yes,
It was like ominous screen grab you.
People right now, just finding my specialty milling me use. I have as many emails today as I got the day had robbed you do. You know
Few people know this because no one cared, but I was, I think, the first of
first to special ever to go and netflix as my special and todd glasses,
and it was so long ago that when we
networks bought it. I was
embarrassed. I was literally he hours. I was man, ok, like commie central, not interested
You know that
passing, but we got netflix said they buy and I was like it felt like you know.
But amazon prime had said that they would would mean now. Amazon is also legitimate bywater, but I swear to god. I was embarrassed, I remember being embarrassed about it. That's
raise the end. It was that goes on for a couple of years and has been that my first vessels and that's all
oh nine or maybe twelve. That's what about you. So
Now it's like its other animal, its ears away. I perceive it you'd I'd love to hear your opinion
I believe its billboard.
Interesting as interesting idea. It's bill burr
it's also it's also louie and its also alley and its also Tom and oh, no. No, but but bill.
was the first, you think,
the first one that had a bill is big when it got their bill. Didn't netflix special
and I remember, watching it on youtube
an mba, unlike
and then be unlike putnam and be my god. It's a great special is one of the best vessels I'd seen a long time and then put
out there on the twitter, like there's a great special someone's like dirt. You need to
or pillar netflix an admirable what the fuck you mean, I'm not
to order this dvd and wait for it and then mail it back and they're like no it's online. I go up governor going online and at that time
special was airing and I think
oh I this where I saw it, I could be very wrong.
tom and bill were kind of married like kin brothers
like there's material was similar. Others interesting people like bill found tom and toms
fan base is so much bigger than that
I can. I can wrap my head around. It wasn't when he first did that special. His first special is what popped right and my theory about me and Natasha as a warlike like married
yeah yeah. I know I do
I actually did think I disagree with you. I think that,
the big shift is Netflix its bill.
there's no question: you think it was Netflix people finding netflix and people like love, stand up and standards ups having its renaissance and whatever, and also like, because of the way that netflix acquires things it's not like it. Doesnt really have an an editorial bent. You know so you're going to have you know
you're gonna, have your rogan
cigarette bill burned and also going to have your, like. You know,
Lefty liberally, o mandy jump german artsy, Joe Mandy, neil neo, bren, anyone it whatever it is. It's so wide that ever
everybody is everybody is what I got an email and that special came out this most recent special from
cousin in
tel Aviv,
it's my artwork
and it's in hebrew- and I read it- it's like stand up. It's like it's. I mean Israel now so
why should there need gonna die existing? That's it like, I think, there's no quest
in a comedian. My bill, bert,
move the needle and now and then the needles kept moving. We're sand like
I remember when I was at the store with moment dell, and there was like all of a sudden. I mean the the stores had a big transformation and, as you know, in many other ways, but also
Looking around it's like why so many fuckin bentleys here and then it's like rob, schneider and David Spade all these dudes that you kind of David spade has been doing stand up Russell consistently, but just I'm talking about people that kind of you kind of
What seeing as much before I go. Why all these
dudes here, all of a sudden, an mmo very wisely, was like well netflix. Just started, paying like millions of dollars for a set of people are like mere caddying out of like the acting world like we actually still do stand it. I can definitely do stand idle. I have something to say it's so funny. You say that because
right, Dave, chapelle kind of made it so that you just can do stand. I mean
It's insane the amount that people are getting. I hurt
I heard ricky Gervais people keep talking about ricky gervais Scott sixty million dollars, that's impossible on the overall development deal, that's possible because I would def, I think, that's worth the money. I mean to say that if you say that
and by the way I hope this doesn't come are super slanderous. But if you say more, what is palliate twenty million
I don't remember someone and some forty million rocker forty million aiming at.
Thirteen million yeah
I mean I just did spanish, I got nineteen million and I'm like how could this be? I know I got. I got boy got one god I wish I can remember what's funny. Is you are right now thinking about the real number and then you're about the best joke number to say? No, I'm trying to remember the fucking name. I was going to
if you have a dow, but it's not the of adele. Oh monique, I got monique money, yeah you're, you're, doubly racist, and I like that. But it is, it is
crazy that, like.
ricky. Your vase could put out so much more stuff right. My would I
I would
settle
for a very much
number
if my next special was that
flicks was an overall deal. I
I totally agree out settle for. Not much more than they pay me on this one,
for an overall deal, and I bet you and Natasha would wouldn't harpy, because you guys you're such a creative couple.
To have a home to create just put stuff up
absolutely I mean it's like we're in.
Arrow right now where companies are eating culture alive and like
netflix, as is one interesting example. That's its eating culture alive, but in a way
That's not destroying culture like like amazon amazon is pudding
Amazon business model is putting little stores out of business. I me I always say: amazon wants to put business out of business. They want to be business, but netflix is putting like networks-
not a business and it's kind of like who gives a fuck
you know like in the end, if there's like see:
Steve new shows a week and their churning out creative stuff, like that.
kind of like a home for are and in a way that really cool. I mean the idea that, like you're doing a special and I'm doing a special and birds do an especial, and
cat williams do like it's. Just
there has never been a kind of cool or more interesting. Time too, like be a stand up, they can do of especial.
I think that the one thing, the one weakness I see in netflix right now is they have
cracked and not of reality, programming
did you see queer eye
I haven't seen queer eye, and everyone told me yo for real. You want to be sitting in your man cave weeping, I mean. Are you serious at one hundred percent serious like you will all I would love to watch it with you really. I would love to cuddle up with you and bill burr and just watch. You guys, watch and queer eye se and see. I love that right now bills here and this going, I'm not a fucking homophobic. No, I'm not even insinuating. Anyone is it's just like it's nice to because that's the premise of that show is like.
Men
and not that the queer guys our men but they're they're, very alot of some of them. One, in particular, is extremely affectionate. Kind of, like
closing up to these men who are men. He had just. It sets
it's kind of beautiful. Like I remember the last time we were here, we're talking politics a lot and I'm like now at this point, I'm feel like I've been like a flawed due out.
While gras duck with Paul like I don't even want to think about politics anymore and queer eye. Does this weird thing where it subverts politics and it's like it's? It's it's beyond
but it's like I'm getting your emotional. I want to see you watch. I would like to watch it because I want to see the
format they use because I know,
netflix has acquired some I'm a big fan of a really really really big fan of like
building shows off
off the grid shows. Wilderness shows cooking, show yeah, yeah, alright, ultimately everything that
is like a c b d. I why cooking and food
and travel but travel. I think is stalled that nothing that network and installed and
redoing stuff that worked like
twelve years ago, and we see nailed it. No,
funny show its courts wouldn't do Nicole. Buyer is no very funny camelia is it?
It's a show where they get people like what
you actually can cook, but people like me orton
Actually, you would be good on it to come in and try to cook pastries.
At like an extremely high level and they basically watch as people make vogt the most horrifying like ugly disasters of a desert. Is that on netflix is on netflix, I'm watching I'm watching that ultimate flight tomorrow? What are you? Are you still? You should do a show. I mean that's your
I will
I would I think I would be probably
I dunno a part of me feels like I'm in my last show I got offered. I felt like a failure. I was taking a step backwards, so I was like if I'm not like, I just felt like I've done.
And that for so long I want to try somebody I hear that you want to be in a sitcom or something or I mean my ultimate goal, and this is super lowbrow, but I want to be in the four camera sitcom. I've always enjoyed that you'd be so good at that. I just love that live aspect. You want to know my ultimate goal, or at least watching queer eye with you in your man cave
What is my ultimate goal? I don't even know the answer to that. I remember one time I was having like existential way. We can totally do that yeah. We can totally do that as a podcast, where we just watch it.
Birdwatching queer. I just wait and just and every now and then we'll have to stop and anyone answer spaceport stops it or there are no watch along with us. You know what I like, there's some great videos on youtube of those that these two black deeds listening to heavy metal like heavy medical.
Sexier and then they do that exact thing. They're, like the really there
so cool like really knew there not like metal heads at all, is like their listening to like you know,
master of puppets for the first time and you watch them go like okay. Okay, stop! I see. Okay, I see definitely what's happening here. I see why this is good. That anyway
that's u with queer a good idea,
I think you on a multi camp sick. That systems like I would point out to you gonna. Do I'm doing what I like. I think, unlike I think in the long term, like I've, been thinking about this lately, like in the law,
term. I think I had a moment.
Essential acts a few years ago right after my book came out, and I was
what do I want to judge a great book? Our thanks message angry very much unless it's great bore. Thank you. I'm sorry. I didn't you read it Catherine. The right course had not kept for the listeners, not catcher in the raw catcher in the Asher. It's me
such a review, such a natural writer. Thank really is a medium.
There's two people were read the book and I went out.
If they should have standards, they might have been writers in a different world in the nineteen fifties they might have
It's been amazing writers, that's what I wanted to do. When I was a kid I didn't dream of stand up when I was a kid I dreamt of being a writer of books, yeah you and Patton oswald, oh patent as it rolls and lollipops yeah. It was such an amazing book. It really took.
and now he had he had the leaning into that. I knew the character of patent. You know, and I think you did to renew your character going into air, but man
and both of those books just really really nice. That's so cool of you to say I really. I was very proud of that book. It was like it meant a lot to me to do that. It was like very it was just a huge emotional
here, because a book for those you that I'm red is all about my childhood trauma, which is was severe and insane- and I know what I look like now, but if he had seen in the herds word of parents are deaf. My dad was a hasidic do after my parents, but my dad got like delved into hasidic judaism. My mom is now religious members raised in oakland with a few white kids in any school. I went to raise our.
welfare and then got felony drugs and juvenile mental health system. When I was like twelve and was in and out of rehab and in and out of jail and in and out of high school and junior high school and and then just hit the
brick wall. By the time when I was sixteen, I went to rehab for the last time it so that the subtitle of the book is a catcher. In the rye, the true tale of a white boy from oakland who became a drug addict criminal.
our patient and then turn sixteen. So it's a its amount
full and it was a mouthful and experience to really report thanks to, but did you
Would you I say I didn't like. I didn't enjoy the process of writing a book. You didn't like it. I bore it's, not ok, it's my natural extension is so different from stand up right it so lonely stanhope is so communal. That's what's your stand up, maybe more than any other state of committing literally in the world. It's like this process. I owe you in europe and europe
machines or whatever you call them dogs. There I mean they, vienna, cause it's like yeah. A book is so isolating yeah you're, so in your own brain, but I've kind of like tat, part of it like, but also don't you feel like its it real.
It puts you out there to show your weaknesses in a way that stand up. You can mask your weaknesses with stand up absolutely yeah. I was I remember when he said ma
you need- was my editor and he was like. Let no one really go through a punch up as ike
well I dunno have. I know how to do that. That's just funny, as I think it can be as fun and then I went through and I was like oh, like hold on
it was really like- oh fuck
like. I, don't do this much. I come up with an idea and kind of work it out on stage and I'll just sit where your punch obsession is like six months long ride. Your luck as you are correct, crafting and perfecting a bit and then, by the time I mean nobody punches up eventually, like a stand up, because by the time it's done, it's like yeah, there's no more room for jokes. It's insane. I mean imagine, reading your material it'd be like it'd, be too
you know it happened to me one time, tat,
Google's reported premium blonde was
I got hey, we never really went over your material. Do you mind going over it right now? It was right before I went on stage and I was like sure as she read it to me. She
the transcript ends up. I swear to god. Doesn't mobile jerk muslims?
sheila visiting my name's bert and everything
hot sexy name, bert
I call on bed bert bert,
sounds like you have on your when I do it then
im funny when I read it and I went what am I I make- the noise go, boop boop boop, she was like ok
I mean it's like how inane can you be is? Are you not aware that there's a performative aspect to stand of comedy comedy central, do the central area of comedy. You said that there are like
okay, yeah, the black guy said when you talk to your faces. What yeah, I think everyone does. I mean that is so funny that somebody would think that they could read a transcript and be like this isn't really working.
But you know what I learned that night take one up before me and I you know I don't mean this once again: slanderous I loved egg
Tig bomb she'll tell you she mom. I went up and killed yeah. I had a great step when you watch it on tv. I look like crazy. Then tig looks
confident about ass, verify major plugin, laughs and twigs. Take
that was so much better than mine, and so I was like I'm one of the best I ever saw was your first aspen set in that field
oh, that was fun. I remember watching that set online on mice. No shit really such a supportive dude. That's so interesting that you would have done that. I would never have done that by. Like I like laughing yeah, I mean that's my my it's it's my flaw here,
Here's. My my biggest flaw is,
I like
being a famishing alike enjoying shit. I don't like disliking stuff. That brings out a really negative side. I mean it happens, doubling happens, but I always
to find the glass half
all right now, I'm trying to work on a bit
why social media is amazing and great and I live. Animals are great skill.
Like some like we're? Not gonna go away, everyone saying this
bad for us, so
I got my I dunno. If I'm lost in my bits, I dunno, but are you? Are you rebuilding right now? I am me too. That's a bit of a process yeah.
I mean I've like I have my promise. I did this special when Natasha
She doesn't have basic structure, the special that she does a half hour. I do a half hour and we do have our epoch
together we bring couples up from the audience and basically just gonna roast and the other in its
cool it, a new format of the special? That's, why I think, like, as you know,
there are so many our specials on netflix, like that. I think they're gonna start doing there's this for power.
Special. I from forget the guy's name did from england that
is on ethics right now. The people are talking about. Allow lot on an aside, I think so. Yeah yeah, I saw an, I saw. The I saw the pope, the
poster board for it, no one- I I
it stopped watching. The
international specials, oh yeah, right because watch it some and ours
and I was fucked with my head- some like
As someone who tells me once within some, but the planted the seed of it.
Daphne, not what you say: it's how you say: that's what makes a great stand up the whose I doing, though, if we were doing impressions of comedians, but not
in their acts, just do
what they sound like an
when you start listening people dispassionately. Do it acted spanish? You can offer,
predict where the
folks coming in and it started really fucking with my head or you were like watching those mexican specials in the malaysian one yeah I mean that's another weird thing about netflix. You are like what am I like who, where are we right? The brewery brews best comic, I did not know I would ever be in a world where I'm watching Peru dude here's a crazy story,
speaking of how the internet has affected stand, a comedy be, this is pre
flakes acquiring these international comics. I read this crazy story because the internet itself is affecting stand up in this crazy way like like
because for a long time, people internationally were isolated in their little.
Stand a bubble where I, because there was no internet, so they won't watching everybody stand up, they lived over there. You know they might maybe they would get like once in a while ago, a famous special but they're, not you know it's like
It was always just like carlin and whatever law
story short
If there was a guy in ITALY, I hold heard the store when I was over it. I was in italy riding onto land or two. I was like dude punch up for real inner to the outer living in rome for like four months, and it was like one of the best experiences of my life and
like local comedians, and I met this local time comic. He tell me the story that there was a guy who start
it in
like the eighties or something, and he was kind of like an italian comedian like a clown like as you would picture. You know me, I, like you
big kind of silly. My me internet international ricardo money and then about five years into his career or whatever he
did the shift where he became this amazing
incisive, like
national hero of stand up comedy. He went from
this clown to this like sort of lectures
this brilliant, like didactic, technician of of of the police,
so ideas and and
and other rural fuck you're talking culture or whatever, and then then he beheld the hero of you know you like. He is yes carlin of ITALY and then the internet,
came out and the
an italian comedian started a watch, everybody
stand up and
I watched you know Carlin, with subtitles or prior with some others. I showed this is this: is this? Is our national euros bit like thing after thing after thing, and then they busted the guy and we're like
he disappeared and no one's like he basically he's off the face of the map. What
king genius, though for a while it worked all. How do I let him when he was like this internet site gonna catch him? That's what I worse. It can happen in any google's himself when he sees the the
Carlos Maza, the the like a lot of similarities back to back flies to just think of this guy, like okay, goodbye, ciao, a charlier I'll be back in one month, and he just like flies to vegas know that no at carlin shows and prior shows like great. This is good stuff flies back home, translated to italian. Yes, like a genius anyway,
there's we taught tweet what was it like living in rome punching up
and what's it putting up I've, never done that I've always wanted. To its. I mean that was real fun and
especially on a movie like zoo lander, because zealander is a movie that is so chock filled with the cameos. That every day is like a new exciting like holy shit, I hung out with sting today, Steve you're meant staying know. The most awesome guy in the world clearly has made a decision at some point in his life, like I'm, staying
I'm going to be fuckin awesome so that everybody them saying will extend this fuckin awesome came in eight. He ate lunch with the extras. Staying staying
three hugged me good bye? Why
why are you hugging? They stand because
a cool guy
I mean just the coolest. I mean the nicest dude ever.
and I, who else it I mean I met justin bieber. Also just the nicest dude ever really now come on now is not a bad guy. I do have a very funny story about justin bieber. Also answer:
We were. We were
The car call a in rome doing at doing
a sunrise scene and and he
who is justin bieber was there and Natasha was visiting and
She had done the the bieber rest. Oh yeah, I'm so I didn't want to get in a star. Like
like their theirs.
and of energy. That's like
in our surrounds and words even one. I can enter their orbit without like a portal in kind of and an answer
shooting scene and staff, and I was like pitching jokes and it's always to it what's funny to pitch jokes to like you know,
kiefer, sutherland and and- and you know, penelope cruz and watch them laugh and then you're, like kind of like I mean I don't ever get starstruck by stand ups, but when I'm seeing like some, you know these, like oh yeah, weirdo movie stars. I like that
cool. It's like a net neat feather in your cap, the pyramid jochen. They like it. So whatever
the the sun's coming up. They they shot all night, the sun's coming up and then Natasha has been taken. An app. My trailer comes out and
I was like justin, you remember, Natasha
from the rose and he's like. Oh yeah, they connect
Because she had roasted em and unreliable and they all I mean after something tat, they re pretty much know each other absence of sounds crazy, but also
the present like discord, himsel ard like and she
It's a diminutive little like that to be her. What her opening joke was your mom had you when she was a say something like your mom. Had you knew she was sixteen? No wonder you've got such good dance moves. You are dodging the coat hanger in the in utero some crazy anyway. So then we're like okay, we'll buy. You know you do, buy we're going to go. Take a private tour of the car called bass because it was closed down for us. The car callbacks for this ancient roman bath house, where all of the citizens of rome would come to like workout and bathed, and it was just like a giant la mega bathing complex. You know, and- and it's
a world unesco historical side? This is beautiful, mosaics and it's you never get to go in there by yourself, but because it was a production, they shouted all down so dope,
so we're going our walking away and we hear from behind us some leir motion.
Natasha we turn around and its justin bieber and his squad and there
Can we come with you on a walking to a sunrise walking toward the car called us, we're like,
yeah justin bieber yeah, you can shut off so he comes with us him a scooter scooter. I was going to say Libby, but that's the other scooter scuba scooter braun, who, by the way I dunno. If you know him, he's justin's manager. He like that dudes slide,
the most brilliant music tactician in the world. He lately he found justin online and it was like that guy's a star. He bought the rights to a friday. Remember that for like something like one hundred like ten thousand dollars and then just like turned it into this viral hit anyway, whatever so
we're like they join us. I mean it's. This spiegel squad of luck in his dancers and ate a person
that has an orbit
walk into the car, call bass and work.
I like playing this game, where you know where narrate we're pretending to narrate you know and then justin bieber will narrate one room and it's like. Oh, this is the this and I'm narrating another room and then all of a sudden I see justin do like a uh be bereft.
dance move over like security gate. He like pops,
into one of the mosaic. It's like oh dope, and any the dope any grabs. A mosaic tile from in the
inside of the this international herald
ted, and is I lose any like jumps back out like got me a gift and I'm like I,
look at him- and I might
my judgment, my gut judgmental got is like it is
falls out of my mouth- I just in what are you doing that back and
I mean I swear to god like if I had one more second to think about it. I would have been like honest cool man should be reduced, robbed a roman historical artifacts, but I did just fell out of my mouth as if it was a child and he looked at me and it was like
He was literally with this look like stop it don't do that
I know those words are heard. All those words together before I know it, but his face was up a new one,
no one said that to me in a long afresh, rational, I'm, an omelet have my base right, oh no value his words and he goes on men. Are you made me feel bad? Any pops back over puts a mosaic to Helen unduly low. My we continue on our tour
god, the council, we are mourning,
grape, what
a fuckin story, I would love.
just meet justin bieber. I would loved it
If you like tat, I would love to get inside their head in an honest way, right, yeah amateur. You know like to really like,
my problem is I'm super honest. I'm superadded, some super open
so you can get in my head really quick right and by the way, sting is as famous as justin bieber, but you could have a conversation with him easily yeah you had him here, you guys will be in it by the way. I'm not stingy
best friend- and that sounds like right now, but my my homie staying like I'm on a first name basis- was staying and I don't do first and last, like most people do steam borowitz, but
is this borrowing? Oh no. I wish believe me that would be fucking. I will be on the front of the Torah yeah. I always feel like somebody's watching me, but but a dude like that there are just that's a really good bit. That's that's a really good visual thing. It's a really good note, just the if-
rock stars. Were jewish mick jagger was jewish. What's the what's the I mean? That's I
of course again get satisfaction and got a second in various areas of enlargement. When you think about it, I mean what isn't that a regime like K he becomes roughly data revealed. All of a sudden.
But there is something that happens with extremely extremely famous people. I think I mean I've never been extremely extremely famous. I have a partake on this, keep going where they have to make a decision. Like am I going to be a cool radio
a person,
really be regular, but you can,
a person at that.
In its regular person or you can be a person it's like fucking,
World I'm gonna be a famous person only and walls around myself and that's how I ll be what you're too. I believe that I have
experienced a few and is more my past. I think of people that big
famous and then it
after their head so bad. They believed that they had
there, the secret to life. Oh Tom,
Billy and they were less now that I've done this everything I tell you is the right answer, because
I did this a hundred or so, if you're, not listening to me than your fucking, your life up and
I never really never really could connect with that
as I came from a place,
given such a regular place in life like such a place, we're like no one ever,
thought. They'd get on tv. The earlier
and that was not let you by the way. I think I think everyone that comes out of business comes from that,
facebook,
Then, when you come Ella remember my body, eddie fernandez witnessed
comedian, who was famous, make
one of me in front of everyone like they were there or right there, all right, they're, gonna, Emma bunny, eddie fernandez is like a regular dude cuban
dad was part of the the
not sunday, bloody sunday. The bay of pigs, oh cuban, like cuban
yeah, but he lives in tallahassee, his dad's, a doctor, really smart guy, but like building up a bunch of his fights sure and he moved out to l a, and he heard someone make fun of me and
everyone laughed, and I laughed
and he pulled is what's happening to you,
during the fucking face- and I was like that-
how hollywood works. He works like
That's how men work. You know a man doesn't do that. Bro like are you? Are you alexa, stop reliquary you
saleratus you're, literally like alive podcasting onto alexa right now. She just pops up like do so and in doing so is unwilling to did somebody say cuban then got like that. But here are now watch list and so part of me was like we can. I ask you
sure who you, this famous comedian? Will you
offended by the joke, but pretending to laugh or will you enjoying having your balls busted it
What part of me? I don't know, I really don't remember. I don't really remember the joke. I remember what I'm saying like if you bust my balls yeah, then I'm going to like go well. That's my friend burt, that's funny! I liked it. He didn't know me that. Well so it was like it was rude. He knew me, but he didn't know me that well and it was in a group- and I said something, and he
fun of me. He wasn't a whack, their doctors lot. I've known that have done real, should
the things in which an eddie was just like you smack him in the fucking face, and I was like. Oh it doesn't
like that in hollywood needs. No, that's all men work and that's how that guy should
understand that? That's what happens when you talk shit like that right and I was like we were-
in talking shit like that he was just
eddie, it's really complicated. Negroes know this will have
Looking ahead of a hollywood is that
You would never let a man taught you like tat, but then in hollywood you would write.
And there is a weird by think, but it's funny, though this a lot of wisdom in that there's also, on the other hand, is causing in tallahassee. You would violently assault that person, the wisdom of tallahassee, that's the flip side of it is that there is
part of that. That is my
friends were I go
echo hailed him now. Some of them know all them and they do
shit like talk.
except the strangers, which I don't do in l a. I don't think a lot of people do in l a yeah like a like. I do like
I do, though I gotta harrier, I know I know I look like a bitch guys, I'm gonna, whose areas the year I have this thing and I'm working on it and that it will not for a long time we have this like here
trigger around risk being respected. That, if asked, if I get
I never start anything. We ought if a person disrespects me in a way
that I just can't my mouth starts going before my brain can catch up to go ago. You don't do that by the way it's bullshit cowardly, because I guarantee you. If, like a big fuckin
like bodybuilder looking dude started talking shit. Somehow my brain would be able to stop my tongue, but if it's a person, that's like you know, vaguely not threatening. Looking then I'm just like in the I got, I got a tale of these. I was coming back from the airport once this is a very funny very stupid, exact window into my natasha calls it old most. That's what she calls it rules. I don't fucking bring old moshe. I know everybody's rolling their eyes right now. Listening to this little googling and image, search of me and going like yeah sure, it's terrifying, I'm not saying it's terrifying, I'm saying it happens. Okay, I said to my friend Jake I go anytime. I mention the word oakland in an argument that I'm from
oakland. I have there's something wrong happening, I'm about to go to jail or get killed right at any time. Mamma. You knew that over my doesn't war in a bad place. So I was on my way back from the airport
We called an upper and when we made icon
tat would do uber. He kind of like he made us
face, and I should have known at that point like like
Oh this saw this
some are because dude he's a big ganglia like I looks like
professor, but is very tall like like college, but I, like basketball player, tall,
like sixty.
Years old, professor of like jazz, look, endued or whatever, and here
kind of rolls his eyes at us, and I was I should just like paid attention
that q, but I did didn't I jumped in- and
we just watched drugstore, not drugstore, cub
yet drugs recovery with with the hoffman
and the ban
No, no, no! It's! It's angelina jolie used yeah e g and does not, for the first time ever seen it before. So we were sitting in the back seat and he's cup.
often a little bit, but not enough to really notice the driver, yeah and we're talking about Natasha and are talking about drugstore cowboy reprocessing it. I never seen him before and we're like
and not just to discuss what was it like was
a homosexual love affair, or they not or like I like, were they in love with each other, or did he look? What really was going or just really talking about like deconstructing, the film from mars?
effective as having never see you seen it. Of course, I I get that and midnight cowboys. They are used super confusing. It's about le jean boy. Moves to new york and is like a big old, cowboy, looking dude, and then he just does what it was like: a high street high street hustler yeah and like he'd like starts.
judge jumbo. It's like turning gate tricks, excelling himself in a gay waving, not J. As this whole, it's really a great movie media. Have they been? They were game in thy cowboy to write or that about it. No writing hats on the bed. No I'm thinking of a baby, I'm thinkin midnight cowbunting, that's what it norman. I cowboys combat Dylan in it were
Are you sure not mix will not know
drugstore cowboy, is what you're thinking and am also mixing up. The river phoenix movie
when he's blowing the guy in the opening scene. Oh, that's a roofie yeah! It's a rough blow job! You have to turn that on in college and be like oh yeah. That's I remember that I dunno. What is it re re? What movie is that's a rough blow job scene? That is one of the and now
you're thinking guys, not not a good rough blowjobs yeah, the new fund, modern bang, bus, rough blowjob, but a rough emotional blowjob anyway. So,
So we're driving back or do they gave up just like really kind of get to research
half in a little bit
we're getting into my neighborhood and-
like the kind of
it gets into the wrong lane. I'm like. Oh, this is the right lane. If you just stay here, you'll be able to go straight through a little. You know a little hard breathe and I'm like okay, this dude, we get to my my corner. Where
according to this, is the problem of over is like their driving you to your home. You know, europe
Madeira on this happened in a dress, address
what on the street yeah like like pretty and pink exactly another great prostitution movie. No, that's how singing pretty woman pretty in pink totally! Ok! Molly ran what the so I go. Then I
I swear to god, I'm not being there's no antagonistic thing happening with me in the sky. I just go or you can turn left here actually or the entrance to my house, isn't on the street that it's that the addresses on it's on the next street or you can turn left here. The entrance is right. There is like yeah, I'm going to turn but he's blow and I'm going to turn left. That's what it tells me to do. I'm doing what it's telling me to do and I go okay. You can stop the car right now we're getting out right now and
just like he's fine and he slammed on the on the break in the middle of the road, and I like open
the door in the middle of the road till I
I'm getting like we'll get the fuck out of here in a private said. Little get the fuck out of here. Let me out-
and we are getting out and he's. I pull it over and over into my drive when I'm like, and then we start like when I know you're not pulling over just gimme the fuck out of here. You fucking you this and then am I
the trunk dude, I'm getting the you get my bag in the fuck out of here, and
I know what I did to elevate it. Things are crazy. I pop
my phone and
slight record, and, unlike what heat? That's what
he called me like a dip shit or a little or he swore yeah and I'm like click start recording. I'm like would you just say to me and he's immediately like auditor anything and then and I go pop- the trunk you're getting fired, I'm like narrating, it all world, star style, motherfucker, getting fired today, boy and and he's like I'm not
giving you your bag
not giving you your back,
Now, I'm like a map of plastic natasha.
it like old, most, no, no, and
open the fuckin gate opened the trunk and he's a? U go inside I'll, give it your wife, I'm like sheep
Natasha like nine months pregnant by the way I'm like
well, leaving you alone with my pregnant wife, you fucking psycho, open the trunk and he's like I'm calling the cops on like calling the cops for what I'm trying to leave right now gets on his phone walks away publisher, I'm seen and Natasha Natasha nine months and gone, I'm no longer a human being and like Natasha, getting the car pop the trunk. For me, nine months, pregnant she's like fuck, you dude, fuck, you old, most I'm getting a divorce and I'm like ugh I dive into the car I reach over. I pop the trunk. He sees me, of course, he's no longer human either he's like neither of us are operating in a real world scenario. He's like. Why does he want my bag? Why is he what? What is the cops for? What are they going to do?
Whatever he sees me in his car and pop in the trunk, he fell
x out, runs over slams the car that, unlike I'm, about to beat this dude asp,
must be accurate, I'm thinkin, I is more like in reality. I'm about to like getting
a tussle and probably like get chin checked by a nine foot tall bathroom, but I do think I could have taken this guy. He looked like he had health issues. He had like pacemaker wires or there's something happening with him. Where I feel like I could have killed him, but he got
which were screaming at each other and back and forth natasha trying to mediate. You know and he's a get on the curb get on the curbs on like that. You know get
on the curb and finally, he finally autonoe how why or how? But he pops a trunk. He gives me
Natasha and I go, I go awry
or go inside now, get the fuck off my property bitch and he's icon
going anywhere, I'm I'm waiting for the cops and then I'm like the cops I'm leaving. What are you going to tell the cops he goes? Yeah he's like I'm going to tell the cops that you're that you're, the asshole I'm like oh yeah, they'll come in and a p be an asshole asshole PB and he goes I'm going to tell them that I'm walking away targets shitty goes and I'm going to tell the judean understand the plot to midnight cowboy I swear to god. Are you serious through story, and I just go in my mind. I'm like? Are you
You win like many levels as, like
you win like I honor what you have done right and that's the best way. I'm going to explain you don't understand the plot of midnight cowboy I or mister cash, or do they have any sharp objects in your pocket. Yeah just reach behind your back. Here we did get a report that you you don't understand the plot, the midnight cowboy that you thought it was. Maybe they were in love with each other and that maybe you're not really a deep thinker when it comes to classic cinema yeah. That was me. Are you homophobic, because that was a great drugstore cowboy amazing
parting line from a man
whose barely in touch with you so angry. He he he's.
so angry he's like become like a federal child of testosterone to be able to pull that at the very last. Second, I honor you, sir. The one
applause is hearing historian and going or have a story like that is where my flaws is that of law. I love that are a little bit, but I will tell you this is and want to hear that area short boredom,
I don't want. I won't it wasn't a one night stand a newer, very well. We work together. She was a waitress at a comedy club I worked at and and which one we might have been with the same lady, don't say
So.
we have one night. We had masturbating in front of each other classic yeah and it was fun and we partied and
and then it's a consensual classic. It really was. It was really cool. We all need to franco. There's candles the middle we were drinking. Man is legally allowed to masturbate in front of a woman went on to franco's playing. I think. There's actually a loophole that you can't do that it was pretty fucking hot and then I.
Then, when the maiden no gap again and then like
two months later were party in again and she was,
like let's go back to your house, I was in a different apartment, so it must be more than two months. I was in a different apartment and so
it must have been a while because
almost been a while because not lose. I endeavored apartment. There's probably a year later,
a year later, we hook up again one night and we go back to my apartment,
and my roommate we show and his girlfriend Alex. We are rooms, there was a door behind our beds were against. That was the
part of the wall that separate our we and so we go in
start have sex and I have an orgasm like within.
Maybe ten,
fifteen seconds because we are so close now I ask Yeahs it was it was just I just
I hadn't one of those nights. I just well noted by the way it's pretty regular, like that anytime, I had sex with someone for the first time it happened right away and by the way I knew this person. I knew this person for a couple of years. I mean
I always hung out with her. We were really good friends and
I have an orgasm, really quick.
start giggling and she immediately gets angry Emily monumental cope and she goes should be focused.
Grace, and I hope that you will you do, and I am sorry is yours: are you fucking serious and, as I am a k,
I might head of mombasa calm down we're going to do this again. Right. Give me a second and we'll go back at it. I'm not done, and she was like fucking bullshit
knocking, but like really angry and unlike hay for real
gotta come down. This is good.
but again against yours, you
I remember her saying this: you need to read a book or get online and learn how to fuck, and I want ease as a surprise brutal like I was like hey. I go. Don't talk to me like that, like
and I remember saying you're not my girlfriend, like I'm, not your boyfriend, you can't treat some.
like that slavery, like we're friends like this is fucking
ridiculous. I can't believe I miss.
fuckin train and I
can came over here and in winter
The party we just came in here. It's I've always liked, probably
three in the morning four in the morning, as you suggest,
It's fucking ridiculous. You better fuck me again, like I'm, not fucking, oh yeah, it was a matter of fact. This date ended awhile ago. As a matter of fact, you're going home yeah, she was going fucking home and I go. You are because
I have to remain in their that it's worked. Moral and you're being rude and disrespectful- and I dont want to fuck and talk to you like this and by the way
still the condom on own austere, having an immigrant nice bull bunch. Second, like like a heavy diaper right now it is- and I
get your shit together and now she stroked kit
in the walls and the door. Oh my them, I said get
shit together and you're leaving. I walked into the kitchen, a go
I grab a bottle of budweiser. Should I set up my butt against the sings are still naked condoms still still on my buddy rico walks out, also, which one sees me as four in the morning sees me and I go she'll be gone in a second and he's like okay
What back into the room? She walks out issue
also always also. I can't this fucking happening
believe you're, making me go.
Taxi at four in the fuckin morning.
Inevitably this way as she goes, you can
what fuck for shit I go you're totally right and I
start. While here to the door, I opened the door. She walked to the threshold, the door she was. This is fucked
ridiculous. I'm I really going home and they re issues you did.
Fuck me at all
I have to go home, you have the fuckin weak, ass fuck and I have to go home and I start giggling and they go. You know what, though I came in you didn't happen. I win and she looks at me and goes to throw a punch ngos.
And stops like a flinch. I go and I go and the beer splatters all over. My dick with the common goes up in the air and we both start laughing hysterically. Both of us are
then immediately friends, I go fuck off and shut the door interfaith, that's amazing and ages, and then she went. I was on the sixth floor. She went down the
stairs hitting every door going bird cries camp. Oh my god cries. You Can'T- and I was in
on Cornelia street right in front of po young
It requires your camp fog and I was like. Oh my god. I told tony woods that story and tony woods like don't ever tell anyone that story again. That's a great story because at that moment where she went to throw a punch as very funny- and I we I flinch so hard- and she saw me reminded me of a story- she would keep doing that yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, that's a great podcast! By the way, your story topic that I just want top of that, because that's all men,
good. I love that
no it's not as good as is not as good as
the guy
I don't want to tell him, you don't understand the plot of midnight cowboy, that's the best line of these two
stories, but your story. I mean the of
idea of you with a full condiment with beer. Splitting on your, I mean, there's a lot going on there, all right. Ok, when I
first one of them. When I first move to allay, I hooked up with this girl, this
real intense, like got kind of
Looking girl I'd, imagine have a boat load of those in your life. I have. I had a lot of fun.
But this was like a hollywood kind of glam rock kind of you know
hollywood dave's stronghold boulevard type of like lady in a tragic drug person, s overdue, but I decided to go so high yeah. Let's do it to go home,
she is
making out or whatever and I'm smoking will close cigarettes at the time, because I'm with
off girl. I guess- and she said
yeah yeah-
but that out on me and our mark
Oh, I I own, I mean I'm into freak, I'm not trying to like actually she's a car,
put it out on me and my all, oh! No! No! No! No! I'm not an item
I kind of like what kind of play the game on what kind of, like you know, teasing.
I'm not gonna, like fuckin stub cigarette out on this chick, like that's, not that's going
little far and we keep qana, hooking
and she's like she's our. I want you to spank me at my no problem and she's
I know what you look like it's getting to an area where I'm like I'm a freak, but this is we're getting we're going to
I'm gettin uncomfortable here and she's she's, sucking up with me.
And she said she come like this.
Down on me a little bit and it's like out
I'll. Stop, stop
and she's like what. What am I gonna fuckin at the hurts, whatever you're doing too much
balls is like a painful and cheese and they pay
in the fall, I'm staying in a band called the police and and she's like oh whatever, and then she keeps doing it and she keeps hurting me and I finally
looked down at my balls.
Fighting on and stop and look down, and it's a fucking there
contusion like a bull, a blister
a big yahoo. I know exactly we're talking about I'm like in
No, I'm wasn't me mediators. She looks down and she sees this like contusion looking thing on my balls and she goes
What is this in that way that, like, if you had a nasty d, that would be what the person would say what's going on here? I am I. What do you mean you, you wanna salting me you can chew it on me. You think this is some I'm dirty and brought this to the table. You been like a vampire equally like hurting me and like whatever
at night at night over and and then we ended and she caught. She like text me the next day he called me the next day is texting and she's like oh, that was fun. I'd like to do it again. I go. I go look,
I I have fun to, but you know I just
feel like, maybe like that the physical pain stuff, like I think, maybe you play a little harder than I want to and like I just
storm on an over
and do that again, that that level of, like physical pain, she's, ok then call we want, hang up, no
I'm dial it back. No, like always not a problem. We was like, if you're not there, to get your balls fucking her and can tos and hit me and put out cigarette back. But on my back it ain't happening again. Chop motion cancer. Can't I can't I can't
Oh, I have nothing even remotely close to that I mind so team's actual etc. One hundred percent. Well, I mean, by the way, that's not a story about me being a freak storm, no, no meeting a free, nobody, I mean almost I've only had six parts.
There is now a girl that one I send one of them. While you see my god, I have a problem at a price.
Turning it off so like.
like I get you into my bedroom yeah and I could hang out, but I can't
are you have all switch the switchover
What do you mean you fall in love? Is a life allah variously avebury there,
but I have a high
time
turning into sexy guy like is because it's not natural to me. I dunno. If I was like, I don't I don't, I mean I know that you would definitely know, but I don't think I was like awesome
molested. Anything I don't know, but something happen to me as a child. Were
being serious, wasn't like rewarded or something I have a hard time be. Unlike I dated
couple girls bade them
this goes going really fucking bad,
I dated two
I also think of
that I never kissed shut
try dated, and then I didn't kill the first night dress, not who I am. Secondly, the demand by the third night. Now the pressures on that did not
I could put in a sort of freaking out my got too drunk fortnight.
Finally we note. This is fair knight.
No date function and that does
I been there and then and then also make seven dates in and I haven't
them and I'm like I gotta break up with them. Oh you don't mean you had sex and didn't kiss him. You mean you guys, never even got to a kiss, because I couldn't the first kiss for me was such a fucking.
Mountain decline. Aha to to,
shut down and be like.
because you'll come immediately. When you kiss a woman. That right I mean that's. You you'll you'll have a condom full of bert too. I had a girl in high school one time. This was like a story I shared with my friends. My fucking mistake: either
high school in time, and I think I was a pretty good first kiss her. I think that was. I was good at that.
I think so upon your head on a grey and as they probably not nano here's the thing. My
First, sexual experience is really traumatic. Really, but not knowledge. Traumatic
dramatic, like anyone who had trauma life, but I
Yet I would really aiding or semi right and I fucked up, and
and then all of a sudden I started regressing like
I don't wanna
And then I girlfriend for like fought and then
and after that I had a girlfriend
five years. She
my best friend and then I had
that's what I'm after that point is what
data. The couple girls and I did
and kissed them in time?
it's because you have a really great daters this one girl cooper miles. We painted picture
together and we d.
Red wine and we hung up on the roof every
was there and I just couldn't pull the trigger. It is hard that first moment of like we're, going from not physical to physical
If, though, you worthwhile so the opposite, you know cause. I immediately just assume you are thinking, like I add a couple girls at I slept with, but never kissed
I have so many people in my life, and I mean so many who I
could see them in the room. I can be podcasting with them right now that I have had sex
with that I wouldn't know, I would not know who they were
Are you serious, two hundred percent?
I mean so many might have been an exaggeration, definitely at least ten people. I could be
have them in the room with me and just like, I love
really there's no possibility that I would know who they were really oh yeah for sure definite
then a bigger name, a number, a much bigger number of people who don't know their name. I mean I just have no idea what they're I mean. I would recognize them vaguely and I'll be like oh yeah, but I mean
a great what a great
in the tv show ha have you had sex with this person, it's funny it's like a panel of three and they bring they bring up. They bring out ten
people and
if you can guess all
people, you had sex with you in a million dollars very funny and they just bring out brows like hardware browse the library.
Johnny jolly Victoria rejects.
policies on and the like really or about this person, and you do at spring break. You do
as an mtv show they bring up all the people he's had. Sex almost is an mtv show, it seems like it would be yeah. It seems like it definitely could be copy written by motion Burton know. I was helped by the way I would I would
would probably drop my touring too pretty
is that show deal much fun. That show will be it'll, be so insane I mean the problem is you would have to get people? You have to find enough people that are like horrifying slots that they've forgotten people scattered all the guys, yeah guys you can't go to the for the for the outright the gender dynamics, be a little weird. If it's like a girl like, I think I did fuck you in a blackout. It's like this got creepy quick, yeah yeah, it's gotta be all guys, but yeah so
How could you like this,
my biggest question, how did you have sex sober, that's
such a disturbing question back at his hilarious that you don't even know. I don't think I'm not that
that is not a question that you should mean that to be a quest,
our the alcoholics, anonymous pamphlet. Have you ever said yourself? How could someone have sex sober?
I yeah moses. Stranger, I mean.
it's funny. I've only had sex over. I had sex
one time, but before I stopped drinking land
why was the you know,
fifteen. How old are you when you lost your virginity? Seventeen, okay, yeah normal age? I guess I was fifteen that crazy that, but then,
got sober after that, not every single sexual experience. I've ever had has been has been as a sober person, but I was also
really and raves. When I was in a young
so like night was bus,
sixteen years old, assorted, gonna, raves, very, very heavily, like sober
but here was like super in that seem like like every weekend
you know that was my whole world, and that was like this
strange world of free love that I like stumbled into. You know, like you read my books, you know like when I was a young when I was even younger than that one is fifteen. I like thought of myself as this kind of em
it was a little like a white wannabe, be like a horrible garros white, wrapper kind of person and like just the worst kind of little shithead that you could ever me ever and
I got sober anna?
what kind of leave those dudes like you're talking about like there's a certain mentality of some of the guys. Some of the people I grew up with are lovely people now, but some of them are like you
prison, the kindest whatever just
I had just leave it behind. I also believe the music behind of like
like a gangster rap guy growing up. I stumbled into this about nine
months over the rave world and it
was just such a loving like
free love. We all have sex with each other. We hug, we don't like it. Nobody nobody's a thug here and nobody wants to be a thug, and it was just like this really transformative experience where I like.
it came softer as a person I became like I became more this person than I was that the person that is here now is more much more influenced by that scene than it was by the drug stuff that happen.
Before that. So interesting people is weird right because it was a dream world. Every eye was on drugs, but me I mean everybody, and I was pretty much too young
person there and it's not like it's an old scene, but it was like before eighteen, nineteen twenty and I was sixteen.
And I just I found
this they I mean. I have like a theory about it. That's a little more sincere wish.
Is that like when I was growing up, I was in so much um
some so sprite, frightened and so alone and so isolated? By my circumstances? You know I only one,
kit and black schools only hearing kid and deaf family only you'd, I'm in these
re only sane person and mental hospitals in other. All this kind
thing like we're just was like so isolated alone that I became the people.
What I found rather kids, who are just like that you know that's the most typical story of a of a wayward youth possible. It's like you feel alone, so you find a gang of kids that are also alone.
Being alone together but use
through a really toxic kind of like gross form of like much
small and violence and yeah. There's a ton of that. In my it might do my early childhood
air was his where old, most comes from.
Well, almost is really just like the last wisps, the fumes of whatever
double traumatic lessons. I learned when I was a kid go on like that.
It's on saying I become that's too I mean I say: I'm from oakland is
parker. They like ivory.
To attack
view old, I mean I'm aware of how I look. I'm aware about tough guy, I get it
yeah there's some little part way back in the financial memory. Muscle memory, where are all the same, is as I already cares so
I go to the rave scene and all of us, so I think of it like a pendulum. That goes all the way in this. Like disgusting world of gangster,
that's all. I listen to west coast gangs, drab, never loved a whole, never word of detail. You know you got busted net and bound sums. Fifteen I've never had sex ass from kids. Exactly kids was like
watching, I didn't even enjoy it as a film because it felt like I was watching my I swear to you I felt like I was watching my childhood. It was just like, except that they were like
or sexual and things are doing we're gonna cooler they were, they were going to. Vehicles is new york city and not oakland, but a sweater.
I feel like I'm just watching me
my friends growing up,
so I go to the raves yon, always all on this pendulum like day. You know this is a toxic form of like the enemy
school entity and in a bad way. I like masculinity, but it's that this food
is like filled with violence and filled with grossness, and
I found the rave scene, where the whole thing I dunno, if you've ever been to yeah. You know the whole ideas like it's very interesting. It's like the men are very feminized right
if you're a raver, not if you're a dude going to array. But if you like get into the scene, like all the men, become very feminine. You know you were especially at the time in the early nineties. It was not, it was not as mainstream, so it was like there
no more of an underground scene where the guys would wear glitter in their hair. They would you know they put
rats in their hair. They would they would. These are very feminine and more to the point for childish, liver, baby.
Binkie zinc straight up, you ass. If I was there on the sea, I, by the way how to pacify are never did ecstasy. The only reason I have a passive iron rave, seeing this delay not going
your teeth. I did it.
I thought it was cool, so
oh, my god, why I said that
very infantilism version and, unlike in a way, it's gonna,
silly, you know like I would see people from the old days or my brother people, the new me and ugly
doing, unlike all of a sudden I go from this like wayward rehab kid like bleach, blonde hair barrette, my air glitter. I was that that clearly and
I got le got these dudes coming. I remember very clearly my friend joey who's passed away actually due to some of the insanity of that old lifestyle he's dead now, but he came up to me. He goes. I was working on
telegraph avenue by using berkeley campus a bear costume. This is my job. I was a mascot enough,
I. The flyers in front of the store called bare basics now go to a rave all night, and then I would go la cracked out and put this bear costume on a pass out flyers, and I was
looking at the smoker.
my helmet off and I would be smoking little kids walk by with like a mascot with it. They'd be like. Why is this bear smoking, like I'm smokey, the bear kid walk on and joey
certainly goes a blood
man blood,
for saying you gay blood. They say you gay eight. You want me to be the ass he's doing
beat them up because and I'm just like I'm in this other one. I know everything is a luxuriant come on. Who cares if I am
I think of it like I was up in this pendulum of like
gross version of of who I was and I needed.
all the way over into this cartoon version of, like you know, bitch boy, you know of lack of like child and glitter boy, unlike in order,
Finally, as an adult come back to, like that's all
trauma swings. You know, that's interesting. I wonder if everyone deals with that in some were its view, probably usually not that, like insane a stark dichotomy of like you, don't wanna be gangster into like you know, candy raver,
but that's literally, was the swing. The cultural sitting that I went through and
and what I found there in the racing was like that. You know a lot of life.
warm kind of loving this and also tons of sex and sexual.
Tons of everybody fucked everybody in the rapes in so
when I was sixteen when I first started. Gonna raises is like oh my god like. I could look anyway,
Anybody can I mean I'm talking like insane like that, the amount of
sexuality that that happened. When I got to that scene was like a fucking deal, you like you, could fuck anybody,
Well, that was not the rape scene in tallahassee. Is that right? I'm sure it was you would go to these. You will go to these clubs that were open late
I mean we were frat boys. We were legitimate rap boys this by the way. This is the early ninetys like and north.
Two frat boys everywhere, they want
even up on that. There would be no frat boy you're, not because they wouldn't be allowed. Anybody could go, they never would have even heard about raving. So when I
I got to tallahassee in ninety one
ecstasy was still legal.
Oh yeah, right ray is hosting. I was legal in the eleven amendments represent, it was. It was legal in the world
we have got in there. They had stories of it being legal being able to give em dna.
People at this club called floor.
This may be, and so there is share where they give it to you in it and then
really have very funny. You're like I was it woe
was. There was talk
talk about it, but no one knew what it was.
we were all we'd mushrooms. That was our big thing. Mushrooms are super easy to get tell ass. He could
rate once it rained everyone because actual all martians and on cowardice is interesting mushrooms.
or insanely easily until it interesting that you were so experimental with drugs and not with sex stuff, I was never think, I'm still not experimental drugs at our ok. I have a couple, but I was when I was really really on and then
couple about experiences with just with we'd the rat panic attacks and spun out too
to back, and after that I was like I'm done with weed
stop smoking weed. When I was, I guess
there's one by one or sixteen? So I was when I was sixteen didn't.
We'd again until I got
to college
got calls him. It is really fucking amazing, chick once again didn't rather but
really awesome check.
and we did with its all day
in a grocery store with its are fun and we do not have a webpage we're just doing the fucking through the whipped cream, yeah edward.
Walking up and down the grow stored doing those around them.
mostly with her, and I had a good time, and so I was always cautious with we was cautiously we'd or with anything. I'm home
I thought I might tell us joking the story my hour, but when I
My advice to my kids will be when it comes to drugs just take off.
Don't need to overdo it like just wait. Cb like it
taking my entrepreneur idea. No, it's
I have to drug entrepreneur ideas further,
recently legalise marijuana world one is,
the windows brownies and
They brownie that you
eat the whole brownie, and that's a mother takes to get you high, not like you.
I can look at ninety seven of a browning like I'll. Try that and then wait about make imo make brownie pop brownies. Then I'm on it
a square out o the brownie connect
to a regular brownie. So I'll just and then you just they eat the brownie get I that's. Our motto wonders brownies eat the brownie.
Here's the problem. What's the what's the dosage on that? That is one.
No one. Does one brown, what's the dose, how many milligrams of marijuana- I'm gonna, be honest with you. I know very little about marijuana dosage and I am not an entrepreneur and this probably isn't going anywhere. No, but here's the brilliant thing about that is that I
I as a a pot smoker
edible scare me. I have real ability to podcast tonight at like six o clock with with Josh.
It's one of the projects. Call it twitch! No, no rental! Really! You play video games yeah, I guess uncle. Will we get high and I'm seconds from Josh wolff? Okay,
I am even get high and drunk. I am. I am sick and I have
these animals and their these little blueberries and each serving as to milligrams
and in my head?
I know Joe. He takes a thousand milligrams. Social
de as but I would I
gladly
you could sell me.
two milligrams of th see,
for the same price, you sell Joey five hundred million hilarity, as I would gladly you need a bert do see. I would gladly get the one that works for me and pay the exact same price as the one that works for that guy. That's not about idea! Chelsea!
josie handler, but we who are a mega joke about much puzzled. I really do lover. I really do want the job,
say you know your car cut, but but it's not as bite busy.
Ok, just its by an auto mean it. But more aware of
I urge you to go to work with you and I love chelsea handler. I don't know where it all. I dont even never even met her, but I followed
instagram, a lubber she's coming out with a weed where
just get you high enough to take them,
the edge off today. What
that's my other idea. It's not quite that, but is very similar. It's it's
that they day the went on us as possible is where they start making
strain of we'd. That is so
mellow, not just high wise, but also inhaling why's, that you can
look twenty of them a day and there for people try to quit smoking cigarettes does so you just want it's got twenty during the day,
de the whole brownie no end
that's my idea is: is the quitting smoking the possible
god, I
I'm Tellin you- and I say this- I
Those are not bad. Ideas like amp, you you're the first person to tell me that we have a lot of really bad ideas. Muddling of wrong, I'm looking for a low grade tee,
Infused cocaine, infuse t hilarious,
I really want cocaine,
was probably one of the most enjoyable feelings I've ever had in my life. What about that? Those leaves that the native companies are you fucking. Getting me yeah woke me up. What are being what you mean like I'd idle, nobody, so that it can. I get anywhere here, it's coke, yet no one's, no one moving the legs and rail is a co game, not to south america on a trip I would love to. Don't they dont people down there just chew on those leaves all the time all day, long yeah. I watched the documentary on netflix oddly enough about making cocaine, and I was fascinated by how to make it, though be
something that
I would enjoy a hobby is making cocaine but but
but what was heard up I'm going through today. I would like today, in this place in the business where I'm like a
oh Mamma lost by just like things get
very complicated- I think it's certain, I'm sure you know that at certain levels of your career things get more and more complicated sure you have less people that you trust and less people that you can confide in and less people that and then you feel more alone and for sure today I was what I was going for a run.
I saw guy building offence and I thought very canada thought here.
How great is that,
I wish I had that simplicity, my life reggie
new to danville
the fucking fence. Meanwhile, that
you'd like
development deal at a b, c clang clue and I'm building this fence to get me away from my hollywood dream clean. I I I thought that at the beginning, my joggers in building the fence and I'm like it's gotta, be
rate, no notes,
can agents no managers. I just go
and I got the goods I build. The fence
I come on I'll get at at the end. The day looks good bye.
Yours and I'm not up at night thinking about deference the up. It's like an nome
beyond the notes. It's like it's this. He donna treadmill belem. Looking at a treadmill, as I say that of ego, that's the real!
problem, I'm having a hard time with instagram stories right now, because
everything is subliminal branding. I I kept everything is me trying to put my best foot forward. It's me like I did it. I did a hashtag today, subliminal branding, because I did a video of me
making my daughter's breakfast, which are never fucking, do get up early and make my daughter's breakfast and looked factor lunches.
I can get them to school, but I do a video of it in the military in the video I go, this is bullshit. This is not who I am like. I should.
My phone, my daughters, and have them goad dad woke up early until night. Well, he's back in bad luck, and so on
heart like on my jaw, goes like. I should record this job
Why, like what? What is it?
the about my job
it's interesting when I see other people do it like. I know that when I watch cameron, haines, gopher run and girls
It's a beautifully inspires me right
I'm not inspiring shit like I'm, not
It looks at me they're just going. Oh bert, wants us to know that yeah he drinks a lot, but he's still healthy. You know what let's
funny you say that goes I mean. Look I mean whatever I'm over here
watching you,
friend and nurses appear on, like oh births got this like great kind.
like vibe of like wiping his face,
base into like you know four
no I'm, not necessarily that think, like. Oh they're running the l marathon tuba, like justice kind of like
is that this community that you create around you fans and stuff like that which I'm a light, be I'm slightly jealous of like I like that idea like that, but I under but it's fun.
to hear you talk about a like you're just trying to keep
up with your own egos jones is in the exact same way. I did a thing
I turned my mentions off on everything a long time about germany, messes up on twitter like to to arrive, seen seen dimension in in forever. I turned off
keep going on this. I'm not I don't mean, but I turned off alma.
Of course you know my phone, oh yeah, that's waiting, get your text about my address until like
fifteen minutes later zones in the pool and I just an idea
and it made my life
amaze, oh, my god, no notification, oh my god, keep going right and in turn off the mentions, it's a! U level out! If I were you, I love
upon a dyke like
ninety degrees of happiness. You know I mean I would be in. I would be, and the other thing I stopped doing is interesting and this all Natasha she guessed full credit for this is, I saw
penetrating her. She started penetrating me and that's been really nice now. The other thing I stop doing was was I used to.
think it was a part of my brand or whatever to get into it
people online
like that was part of my brand as I would go back and forth you. I would clown you, you you up against a professional, you know and you just like retweet them
go to war with people and two things.
Happened. One is will first of all trump got elected and the tone switched the, and I don't blame tromp for that. But I blame like that
oxy city of what happened to this country politically, like made.
If the tone shift to it, it was like you're a bit. I hate you, it turned into. I know you live in l a I know where you and your wife live I'm going to find you
from let's go back and forth ha, I'm a professional, I'm gonna find you and then it's like
You definitely win when you're say I'm gonna find you like. You ve won the jimmy kimmel, just fucking quit yet fight. He was like none.
you're twenty, my kids, I'm over night halls eyes. Masses are exactly exact. I would so much rather be someone's someone taking.
like I just turn that do no better. They have that guy show up at my nothin
probably would happen, but it's just like when I start thinking. Do I want to buy a german shepherd or a gun is like
because of what, because I'm like
My brand is argument. So
the other day I saw my dog and I just bought two guns. Yet no, it's fucking, scary, fucking, exact reason of like up like you. Don't there are
for that reason. I don't, I don't mean to cut you off, so I I want hear what you to say, but
People too, dull likely
you put out just
even me, like even me, Emma idle talk, shit immobility.
I have a good time to drink like two fuckin
challenge was all brought america under the top. Muttered do is born race next weekend, but their people that that
makes them angry, and so still, unlike fuck it there's gonna house baby by my here. You ve got
kill them, and I got that dog. That dog,
I do that. My one dog sleeps in the bed with my oldest daughter, my other dog sleeps in bed with my youngest daughter and
I get it. If I may, I really do get it and
if we're vulnerable. We only want to talk about this, but we're vulnerable in a way that most entertainers really ones. You don't know that someone knows you yeah. I saw brent moran yesterday walking the street walk across the street from warns of
I mean I've known for fucking five years. I somewhat street and I just didn't recognize him wasn't being attention and he touched me yeah, and I want oh, my god.
yeah and I didn't know it was him right- and I thought, oh, my god,
I realize it was him. I called him and he was like yeah. It was me asshole. You were going to say you were saying you're you about. Oh the second thing, the other thing that that happened, the I I started to notice that, like the internet,
actions were getting a little more intense and weigh more intense than they were. It wasn't like
I had a hate mail section on my website, I'm telling you I thought it was our part of who I was but ones
got into the zone of like
feeling scared. Like literally I was like. I don't have time for that, but the other thing
Natasha sort of pointing out that, like I would start of,
you met with some one thinking.
My brain I brand and having a good time I started like ten in the morning all day
replying to some food
king freak in some, like the middle of nowhere as having a great time going back and forth
the comedian that he likes and or hate which, by the way, we've all had that too, like you bet, you bet you bet and then you're like
Fuck, you and elected on a big fan went up and yeah, but
most of the by underside wasting my life away with these with these strangers on like so I
commenting so that
I turned my no all the way off and
hush up pointed out, like you're, wasting your life when I heard her heard. That is the truth, and I stopped
responded in a comment on the internet. There wasn't like fun
or a friend in a long time I feel so much freer.
Oh so much better like just I can
even it there's no comparison.
Someone introduced me to some one was I come ari
as sex with checks that he meets on instagram writer checking thinkers
didn't even without him, yeah he's got fun.
whom, upon instagram museums, yeah and I'm
the Dmr. He saw a part of me like he told me this and I know married to know that people know I'm married, but part of me was a little like, like
I can't believe, like no one tries to fuck me like I like sends me. New pages gives new picks all the time, and I
it's about that and then someone
that I knew directness. Someone
next to me and go broke.
reply to them. What
and then I think I saw that person that night and they were like
this is where those direct messages are and when you have only got eight and the like that,
other people. You know that I look.
and then it said. Ninety nine plus those are all the people that you don't know and I hit it and there are
thousands and I went
I wish you would never shown it. I harrier, and now I just can't like I I can't
look at them, because I don't want it. I don't
Welcome to my life, you can have your producer go in once a month and delete em all permanently. My wife gets. My wife gets reads my
fan mail. A hog
stop. It comes from a website,
and.
Its use. You don't get. A lot of negative ones. Are you're gonna, get native once sick, of course, like waiting
I didn't need to know that exactly, but that's all
going to tell you is a turn off alone.
two years ago. I turn him off. You know and
because we were when my show came out, there is a video that, like just right
I caught the I'm. So glad you remind me this who are caught the eye of the all right and they really like came after us, and I was just like you know, I'm like
I am thin skinned. I can't deal even if it's somebody I don't really like care about or respect if you're hating on me, it's going to affect me so just turn off everything right and then it was great. Actually I just really
like was enjoying my life and able to draw my life. Then yesterday the special came out.
Natasha look maybe should undue, though you know little
tune mentions back on, so you can like fave, tweets and stuff like that by the way the response
the special so far has been early days
been so awesome
everybody fucking. Its has been great
like people been, are
dimensions were filled with just love and positivity, and people love and special, and then, like you, said one
to one I'm talking
like hundreds and hundreds of like this is awesome? I love this so much and I'm scrolling through the awesome cool cool cool cool. I don't get that's what's really fucked up about the ego is the positivity doesn't outweigh it's like a bomb when you, when you bomb on stage like yeah,
it's that feels good, but it's not like it feels as good as a bad set feels bad about will really make you question yet my doing this for a living aerial you can. I got a million dollars a year. Talk
bomb sharing this with tom
is one of the most successful comics and I know in this business right now he had a bad sat in atlanta
call me in the next day and he's like I dunno. What's going on with my career yeah, it really makes you question absolutely everything and you can be the biggest comic, but it's a bad set you're like fuck yeah and it's not like. Then you got to get a good set and if you get a good set, it's not like you'd then like actually I'm the king of the world, then you're like okay, I'm back to normal and back to normal, and I need a few of these. I need to the suffering of the year dude. What I was speaking of promiscuity
when I was single and I would have a bad ceremonies very visceral because, like by them
the comedy store you
to be like late at night. I think you had you did you leave when rogen left or no? No? No, I never. You are always around no tommy. I was never there or you weren't. There was just time he didn't. I just showed up when, when Adam was there, I got passed in the tommy days and
not old school comedy store, unlike literally the slice of pi, between missy and doing
that passing people and
adam passing programs like with like a little slice in their item on how long that was to be honest with you. I was there. I was there right,
but for miss he left.
I was there right before elements left an audition in front of Mitzi. I never did. I never even met her. That's why you know. I love the comedy. Store so much, and it's like my home club here in l a but and I wanted to like tweet about, but I don't I hate, p
for, though, when their jockey, you know you're trauma jockeying are like.
I didn't, know, missy
So I didn't have anything to say I do it. All I said was she was
Can I put out a tweet because Polly had
someone say bert in omitted
ass, like someone, a fan and Paul
in favour of it
and said you know, hey guys, shared right who thought and I was like you.
I don't. I don't even really know Pauly. I know him. I don't think you'd recognize me right. I think he'd be like if someone was like this burt, you remember, he'd be like oh okay and I'm sure polly would recognize, and so, but I see he did lose. His mom ran is the place I work and I
wrote some tweet about, like you know, and which is also serious. I choose a visionary. She was a mother should a great one point,
sorry for lost their robots. Yeah wrote. That's we are too was just love, love to you park polly. I do know whatever
The point is this:
You're. There was a moment in the store. Rutten really like right. When I got past, where the
the odds on your set, warlike,
Seventy thirty, like there's a thirty percent chance, you're going to have a bat if you were going late, especially your thirty percent chance, you're going to have like a bad to bad to like really
Dad took me to mediocre to really bad set back to the degree where, like my manager would be like. Oh I want somebody come and see you. I know you're doing a spot at the store and I'm like no, no, no, we don't send people to the store. Also like a girl who'd be like, I will all want to come see you got none and no, we don't do not know the weekend spots at the laugh. Factory has yeah exactly do we get spots we go, but if you're doing like tuesday night at like twelve twelve fifteen,
they didn't have to shows. First of all, so it would be like somebody got near at the crowd gathered. Eight whoever's left at
well, fifteen or the people there just too drunk to leave anyway, whatever
if I would have a bad set at the comedy store, I would
all the way home to be texting booty calls like it
but the path, a larger marilla, like my brain, my bomb brain was like you, gotta get laid and it'll. Take you out of this. I believe without you up
top you up sop you up and if I got home I remember this very cell natasha about this. The other day, if I got to western, which is like I'm home yeah, and I had no one had texted me back, I would pull over at a Winchell's there, a western and santa Monica, and I would get like a old fashioned buttermilk donut laid you might as well have a buttermilk done attitude. I I had thought the other day. You'd said something earlier that made me think of this yeah, and then I forgot it and when you said that right then
I realise what it was. I.
Southern sick, for I was sick in lexington. I flew
I drank on sunday by during dinner, monday, tuesday or wednesday, and I ran each day thing unlike fuck
I can't let in bad it's killing me here. I I woke up.
Yesterday morning, and I
and also my phone, I could get off my phone, I couldn't I was
I was like there's this
called kooks lambs
Oh, do kooks slams, that's my shit. I love callback hooks. You know I surf right. Are you sure yeah? Are you
to serve island, not serve any more than we think of your surfing dude. I will take an I'm so bad. I mean I used to be ok.
You'll, probably be as good as I am now having been serving our. They live in the latter two years, because I am so bad that with active like two or three times a week surfing, although, since the baby, it's dropped, a bit like that,
I bet with equal violet, but coastlines is like. I was
If I was tosh, I would open up my house for comics to grab boards. I would I would find like a side path right there. I think he lives on malibu. I think he goes out of his house and go surfing every morning and comes home meditates danielson of your listening, Daniel edison, there's so much daniel. I want out of your life,
you ve had a graduate. I went away to share that. I love the idea of Daniel task, not only downloading this episode but listen
all the way to this point, yeah and and then being like? I'm opening up my house to the I wanted to throw a surprise party. This house cause you just read to this house. I wanted to surprise party at his house where me bill burr, segura, rogan, stand, hope, ARI, Joe everyone, a big group of comics yeah and our families rented a bus drove it
tosh his house knocked at the door
just like some a rental we ve got coolers, we ve got beach tears. We got some schooner. He opens the door were like sprise work on and thrown a party or pretty easy very, like set the like, isolated as
Well, no, no, it means a regular person. Actually I don't know him at all. I met him once I did his show. I did a little bit on a show many years ago, but I've. Never. I dunno him at all. He's a really he's a re is I mean I dunno. I know him
I know I'm enough to live
say hi and bull shit right where we were in. Oh, we hung out,
couple times, but I
who consider my friend of these very sweet guy,
but a whole weekend together and then, after that, we tried to like hang out a couple times and
but he's a rate very regular guy, but I would I would assume that he would be, and that now is something that will make him laugh very funny and then
everyone knows I'm really well was like. No. That would not make him laugh, and that makes me
think you'll make them laugh even harder, and I think also you're the king of good ideas that right up so eyebrows lamps out, I was
I was on KU claims that I couldn't stop scrolling and watching them and watching them and watching them and watching them, and I I said, come on
bert touch, I'd acts up there was honest, Roma might give you that acts and I go and I hid the axe and then I thought
I am. I know we talked about this earlier, but I have been talking about the positivity phones,
when the positivity I see a phones is that
my wife and I have a very happy relationship, and I think that is due in part to phones, yeah,
The iphone, because we
We have to hang out that much we can just get on the phone and so,
I think there are a lot of girls that I date for two years and I'd be like I am done with her, because I had to talk to her and so on.
Get it from that perspective, and I I want a one.
if I could cut it all out like
yeah, no phone, no cell phone, no cell phone, no booze, no,
I feel for forever, no just for a while and just get back to work
I sure, at thirteen years old, but you know you gotta do to do that when you got a lot
go away. You ve got to the woods. I really
think we're all like. We are
I have to go to the woods.
Like everybody, all the whole world, but also especially people like us
like in this. Like this battle
yourself as if you have decided that year,
you're hollywood aspirations are like the most important thing in the universe. I mean not. You me, I'm nuns me me too, and I just have to like get the fuck
I have an army and I
have to like started
drive into the woods, I'm just on Natasha. This recently, like which I have to leave like I have two, because if I'm not like
physically in nature
there's something happens to me and everybody. I think that when you're physically in nature, it's like you dream
king water, you didn't know. Your thirsty assists like I gotta get out
of this sets a really great example. That's a really great analogy, because there are so many times you like one
is hurting what the fuck is wrong with me and my wife will be like. When was the last glass of water? You had a big, both fucking.
Thursday yeah like waters. My big thing lately mcx my back, hurts and more secure de high.
It now your partying, like a party, I start
party and on like through
thursday morning at the airport, I'll get a cocktail cocktails on the plane, nap at the hotel ones,
thursday drinks Roy
press it friday. If they have
tells we have cocktails
People are in the day to show us a year like on a lack of a fun run. Every weekend, euro area,
The problem with me that the good thing about me in the problem with me, the
thing, I'm having a hard time.
Getting out of my system, which I don't look, I'm not asking for help anybody, I'm not looking for anyone. You mean you're, gonna, get direct message area nights. Two grand they're just like bert, does
helping hand here for you. Sometimes when you say, stop honestly people like brow. I now know design and, unlike now, that's all I'm saying that
Nothing about me is that when I show up places its party, I am the reason
I learned this very early into having kids. If
I went to the party all the parents could drink, but if I wasn't at the party or if I wasn't drinking at the party, everyone got
down on so like I was the excuse for people party and then I'd ray,
you had come in. Maybe like
but the second we got there. They start button beers on the counter. Funny and aerial would have a beer in their like birds. Here, it's our excuse and I think it's an
it's a blessing and occurs because
girdle club and an unsettled idle.
I said to secure a wonder. I see them yesterday. Oh fuck
my god. I wish I don't hope I don't have to say a comic's name, you trying to figure out
tell a story without thing: again
nope
we were saying
We are saying that we were talking about a comic who isn't technically that creative, ok and
got some ideas, already go ahead and is very low brow
I care, remember the name right now
I can't the name of the comic of we're talking about a lie,
of being dead, serious and I
said to him. Then
ass, lost my ideas and, I said to him,
guarantee you that,
person thinks I do nothing but take my short off
rural areas, that's very funny and in their and he's our love he goes. Oh, I guarantee it that a very funny I guarantee you. They don't see like I've had
people say to me
Their slam on me as like all you do is get up one day
get drunk and tell the same story. I go hold on one. I
have told us in story a lot every show for the past fucking.
In five years. I close on that store. Yo, you pass your free bird. That's my freebird. I wish I had a free bird by the way by the way it lets just for one second
This is me to remain, on which I had only to do with whether by competent and myself, but let's just say, that's a fuckin
thirty minutes story. Not every comic king can go on stage until a thirteen story closer show it's a thirteen fuckin minute story. I won't. Let me just say this as a as a card carrying number of the alternative. Comic community. No, I'm scared, but I would say that I think you are fully
well within your rights. Not only then your rights, you would be robbing your crowd. If you didn't tell that story, it's like you're, the one comedian who can get away with telling a thirty minute story, the indirect for, if you want for the rest of your career, because that's what? Why would you
give me what they want is its it. It with
our question made my career,
than when that story popped, it
chain so into my life. Where was it? It was on a facebook. It was just a clue.
on facebook. I did it all the time you have seen the clip. I told her on rogan the first time and rogan said I mean
You could argue that Jos, the person that change the tried checked my career cause. He said
that's your sought- that you're we're your bit at her heart.
Pockets! That's your thing eugene!
to tell him I'll stay. Jaguars honesty story was no. No, no. You need to tell
stage every night until
good and whether we want to stand a bit. No, it was. I was a story. I just told on radio I told my guest and he's like that's the best way of ever heard a guess.
well, standards. Betty was no. You can make it into one, not just how to work hard. That's really can so that, starting that weekend, I in colombia, I told it every nine old stage in it by really
for a year and a half bomb, that's awesome, and then I and then I figured
couple things out and the pilot too
now appears in I figured out the
ding. Once I got the ending of the confidence to tell the middle of it and
I did so. Then I told my showtime special,
and not clear, and I put that clip. I thought everyone has seen it pull on facebook. Just
perfect time to put a clip awry randomly December twenty. Seventh, you I've gotten it forwarded to me from civilians. Oh,
I've more, not in my comedy life, really them in the normal comedian. I don't mean forwarded directly but like there
all comes up. Nigga. Have you seen this clip? So I'm like bats? Are you know when it goes all the way through
comedy around people, you don't know, and then back. That means it's of that's a viral clip due to he it and then it.
We'll have a guy got big,
varnish legal, like thirty million views from me, but
what happened? Is these other viral places holy posts on there and it would you all of a sudden, you notice a huge spike and the
tag me in it and then get forty million for them work, fifty million for them and it just blew up and then
I gotta shows and now and I
I'd say I tell him
I go on doing our material from
dad I bring our own nose it that's what I do I'm doing my new our adieu
at the end. I goes ernie thing you guys want to hear,
because I've done I do in our do in our fifteen tunisia, sugar
the demon asserting wanna hear and people call out a bunch of bits sometimes
I'll tell to stories, but I
and to tell them, shamed and shoes? I say they go fuck and not did you.
I was wondering this and ensure the answer's. No, I just didn't do it on the netflix special, no knocked
interesting story that I was thinking. I was thinking on the way over bird
Actually, in my opinion, mice, comedy snobbery, open and other I'm not as big a snob as some of my peer, I was I
could totally get away with that because, just like, I said, like that's a git, that's what p
want on every platform. I thought he could do that nobody would hate. I wouldn't hate the it's an interesting story:
I'll tell you all fair, but I
we'll say that
during my special they were calling out bits. They'd already hurt, oh my god, which is like it so bizarre cause parties
like you heard. It saw my next tour, I'm I'm
I gotta figure out a determined next tour. I want to call it
the on court and I
tell him mash up closing bit that
Is the machine fight a bare flying dodoes
and- and
and the training
in story like a calm like
tell a story. The incumbent find a way to to do
a story? That's all of the story. That's all the stories into one in it.
interact where that I don't know. I gotta figure it out on stage, and I got an idea for a show that I will do my next tour, but that's it is similar
creative challenge, which is
I want to do so. Did this
that's what natasha- and this is my most current half hour. I have another hour that I'm just like. I need to just write and record because it's the hours touring with both
went too long without doing a special yeah. I know that feeling so I have an hour that's the hour before this half hour. So it's like it's stale, but it's good. It's good!
good, it's, but it's! I just need to do what you tore it for like six
and you're gonna do another spam, yo yo yo yo to anyway, but
the tool that I would like to do. The next had I'd like to do as I do like a lot of crowd, work on the road and that's what I want to do is a show called like five questions or ten questions and its basic. The problem of god, work for from a permanent per se
is that it can often feel very temporary and in the room like it's,
this magical thing in the world, and you see it, but it's like war
what that guy does for a living, I know it was fun there, but the audi make it feel permanent. So I want to do a show called ten questions. Five questions where I figure out the five.
And questions that are the most stem, the most fertile for a crowd
answer that aren't like what are you for living, but are more like tell me
The most tell me
the most awkward sexual experience you rat some version at her. Tell me about the most like that
closer near death exposure. Were I to ask
ten, ten questions that's the hour and I get the I get.
the answer, so it's a crowd work where the stories and the ideas
telling enough that you can have a pair
in a crowd, work special that war
feel like an already brilliantly, if I can figure out those questions and it can work, but that's what that's what I'm geared towards for my next big touring thing is like because today
did a crowd, work, tour and there's another crowd, works or is also like ours,
define an angle on a crowd worked or that felt more. Like my own thing, I think that's what I want to do. Next. That's all,
great,
that's a really great. That's all
ray premise: I
I loved, doing crowd, work there and then I stopped. I stopped because
it really was. For me, you really was an excuse to not right from nude. It is
an absolute liability in terms of the desperate need to write because, but
Abbott broken always I can always kill if I have twenty minutes.
Said material, I can headline any club
if you don't, if I put them into new material, yeah yeah yeah, I'm good, because I love the last jokes. I tell at a at a live gig, the more fun I'm having more fun they're hounds have, I said
bit I'm working on it.
I'm a hunter. My youngest had her period, and so we had a period party awe and- and I was just
parking through this again or period
and I'm trying to get to this period party and write the bid for that and and talk
periods and- and I said,
this lady in the front row yo.
Do you remember where you were when you got your first period? She goes oh yeah and I was like really she was kickball.
And may I go, oh did you think you broke a pussy and just
oh my god, I'm lately and it just killed. Then I went why bert stop like
tell the joke. You wrote in in the house today like don't kid you're good
because nothing's is gonna, be as good as what you just said. He ass tell me about the first
we got to period, that's the kind,
of question where the grave you're watching
stir of crowd. Workin tell
please, that railway out of a person then you're gonna, that's a more permanent to me. That's like that's the kind of question that is more
you can watch indigo. Oh, you can watch out in the year, but we hear different than my eurocrats. Work is very different than mine. Mine is very brodie like it's coming.
That perspective of not being met
in crowd work. Now, I'm not I'm not saying me whatever one in line but like there's, you can tell when guys do amazing, grout will and grace were like real masters of crowd work. They are
putting their thumbprint on their responses. Yeah, that's fair timeline, so mine was like was like mine,
always ended with, like I'm talking the like.
not like the most in spontaneous, like the most like you'd, be in the back of the room. I promise you be like this is funny as fuck, but
of course, he's going there like I'd. Applying guy
front row in Hartford connecticut. One time I had two deaf people at my show in in schaumburg the week before cool and they had said we're fans of your show. We hired this translator. They were fans of your travels, travels a while cause. They were like we hired a translator to translate, for me, of course,
You know where I went happy by a I kill
It kills back to my crowd, work, I'm doing right. So then I give them the blind guy in the front row and immediately. This is how stupid I am I go. Are you a fan of my? You must be a fan of my show like this.
If you're blind, why would you come here and he's like? Oh, how would I watch your show? I was like oh yeah. How would I watch your show yeah and I said to them. I said your wife's actually really beautiful and he's like. I know I said what you mean you know and he's like I can tell. I belt
the face. I know she's gorgeous and I like everything about really interesting and I was like so you can tell a face you can feel
and tell our drive to their, whose again,
so immediately. I m on onstage in a stone in a seat, and I have
but from the audio that working on and him feeling
their faces and on five, and it was
It was as amazing what was what was right to tee
to enable the only thing that he was often is he couldn't because you,
I'm feeling bodies, there would be overweight people and
say there were hotter than they were hey. But if you came down my road, though, that you can be in a, u can be attained,
yeah. It was really fuckin for, but that's we're like when microbrewery like. I remember this approach is a perfect example of micro work. I do
a show with Steve trevino in miami is back in the day of the coalition show, but Steve went for
and I had to close, it was only
I found the show
cuban poor again dominican black audience and I am bombing so fucking bad- that I give up and I go fuck it
most bogged down black eye and ear. Come on
stage by drinks all night guy gulf.
once comes up, sits upstage, bringest, the chair of form,
I want the most cuban fresh off the boat,
socks with ears flipper slips le loup, blobs, gonna guy he
up, I got my jokes aren't working and I think it's
a translation problem. So I'll say my joke and a new translated to your people, ok area,
I was talking to a girl and then,
the bible, and it was a man about how this bitch and
a place. You know not ass very really great, but
it was always something bring
people on stage it was
like you know, but that's fine, that's like that's fine, but is now it'll, never turn loose or something, but but it's never going to turn into a bit yeah
I am a big defender of crowd work. I really resent the there's a few things I resent in comedy
and one is that I really resent like the idea that crowd workers like up inferior footfall.
Form of liberia hunter bourgeois shore, its weak. It's like no lou, the infer.
Your crowd. Work is from inferior practitioners of that, like if you
patrice o neill alive, who did probably forty percent crowd work. There wasn't a dude in comedy that,
I had a more in black pressure,
and how Larry s an amazing experience is a lie performer than watching him. Riff like the back.
The best do here
his lasts there an album yeah,
did you ever made ip Ivan now goes up on stage and.
is. I gather these two overweight blackmail.
In the front row
and he goes out I'll get don't get em chicken wings, baby
he's a syllogism aphasia, oh
you. Don't get me bit by bit right now about the honey. I grew up with a big black bit. I escaped a big backlit talk, big back bitch get some catch up like I'd like immediately. Oh, he read sir and
translates to his mom and it is. It is like
He was a master knows that, oh by the way, you know how good he was. I used to open a couple times when I was an am see at the punchline out open for him and his san Francisco. He was.
Maybe the most sexist comedian who's ever worked in meat. Maybe like effort at
me onstage anyway here right away. You David argue, Cosby was a little bit less but dumb, I will
she's crowds, maybe ten percent of the women- will be like fuck. You would walk
but the ones that would stick around the most. The most,
in congress inorganic connection audience of, though a liberal can awoke san francisco.
Feminists de female crowd
be unable to deny what was happening on state and just like against their own will they would be laughing an heap. I was at a dinner, I will not say these people's names, three,
bigger. Women in comedy
and we are at a dinner with twelve people
the night he had a stroke, the
he had a stroke.
I brought up there.
The treaty is one of my favorite comics and
Three, these women
each gave a reason they hated patrice dear and eat
cited a joke that,
that he said to the him and one of them said he one time had the audacity to say it
it is doing something in montreal and he was like alright, let's just say, there's no laws on the fucking kid I've had this conversation with poetry. At what age would you say aura? You can't tell fucking kid that age and, as she said it, the whole table laughed and relaxed
it's funny and everyone
they get a ban on its good premise. You hear this one I mean by that
I find his material. There will certainly be immunity. I gotta go see. Ok, I will read mother. I find his material. His ideas straight up, objectionable, like would like not cool
and yet you wants that special every time you gotta be, he was so good anyway,
point is that there are masters of crowd, work that, due to his is open, the room is, arguably crowd work, the sunny along the thing. I will agree the beginning. That was always my my problem a little bit with, but you haven't seen him live was
his hbo special those great, but it wasn't it didn't
you like it, bottled his lightning and
in the room very much or little room you, god. I want to thank the audience coordinator for them set of cities in the front row so good. Thank you so much for them tidies patrice, was so much fun. The war
thing I said, like, I think, I've stolen from all comics hints of
meaning like that, like our felt like one,
I stole from birth. Is that
an enemy number from boys at birth. A mind about your bar known. No is that
challenges himself. Every special to kind of recreate himself help reinvent himself. Now he challenges himself to try something new. If it's an act out
its conversation with an inanimate objects here:
challenges. Also, that's one thing I saw him do that. I want to start doing that the one day,
I took from day
the tell sometimes is tell the pace
of a joke and then tell your story like.
it's very it's very clear in my act.
Twenty two. I got involved with the russian mafia. Here's how it happened. That's almost david tell us interstates it's a it's a david terrorism. You know what cops eight. When you touch your faces, I thought a bear. One time I jumped unemployment rate. Hooray, it's dave! It's a david tell into my joke and
wouldn't notice it, but I know for a fact that that is how I started telling stories and its in it.
Leaked into my life. The one thing I
would say that I bought
For that I stole from retreat
trees had a
a rhythmic beating
of words that he said he stole from mob deep, how, while he would say so like or engine
see a member him tell me who you are
get caught off. You there's a phrase. It jazzy has b b
I'm picking them up lenin play with the dig in the truck
and there is a phrase everyone get ready, I'm about to use the n word and
just so? If you're offended just know that here it is here's what comes there's a phrase he had when it was the dc sniper. I remember that he was man all these us.
Like the diabolical mastermind. This mastermind he's a he's, a diabolic
whoa genius he's a genius and they found out of the nigga pontiac, just basing that upon the era just came and they bleeped it and it fucked up the joke in else in the room, but no no that's in his comedy central presents. I linked it and it funnels like that.
the brilliance of the good
pop pop a puppets any case. It's it's his is. He gonna from hip hop. Does what he said to me when I open for by the way we were not
I'm not if I'm telling the store like he was my, but he wasn't. He were guy that I admired from afar, but I did get that
entrance to open for him. He goes
sure cash every night most
sure cash or
his name might as well be jewish jewish nigger, and I was just like every night so like. Thank you thank you for for that. For that insult, and also for the for the n word for allowing me into your world, it was
that one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Cod, I would if I would simply love him to be alive, to see him in the tosh o hang out I've. I bet. I wonder she met him actual shawl boy, what a classic
oh that is speaking of classic do owes Natasha. I just dropped a netflix special. It's called the honeymoon stand up special, it's a three part special coming away with
some of the crowd work that I was talking about access of dude? I could talk to you for everyone here. This is the one that the imo to set up a meeting for your next, I'm in your new york with my body dan Adler. He always with me up on him on an interview like this reads like do that's a bastion of you ever because it when I can hang out with guys and I've known for while it's just see
This conversation and
take a general meeting with them is a really great guy. Creed of members is food equated birth conquer he created
all these amazing shows all we got Natasha, I have a travel, shows a we're coming your way, damn all right I'll, send it out right road and congratulations. Thank you resolutions on the baby, the special on everything,
I was good and it's good to have other people for whom life is good as well. Even if we sometimes think it's
I've good. If we don't get enough likes,
mine's me ten to post an instagram video. It's four o'clock thanks,
this episode was brought to you bad, a machine.
Transcript generated on 2023-07-13.