Hey guys, brand new part guest and it's a great one. today's guessed, his mark norman. He has a comedy central special, our special called dump yourself airing this friday at midnight may twelfth at midnight. It is may twelfth that is that what it is I dunno friday's may twelfth is: may twelfth I'm almost certain. It's may twelfth. May twelfth but midnight mark norman by way. Mark norman is an amazing, Joe, greater he's, amazing comedian. He He is a friends with a whole new york scene that I love big, Jay dan soder, JO list. I tried it on the podcast. I hit him up, but he was in and out of l a There are really great comics that are, you know, I say, This? Is the part gas by similar one generation behind my group of comics does podcast there

the great comics that are one generation by my group comics and their king. They really are all of the men and and Sweden Why should I watch especial with my wife embed and in the does not laugh often as she laughed loud yet was really funny he's very good joke writer. Your eye is really is rachel greater in that's one thing that I always say about rachel writers. Like me, you know In my story, you've got twelve minutes where you gotta sit and fucking go Jesus. Christ he's going to milk this huh, but with mark it is bam, bam damn them and he says he's not a great story, teller, but he tells a story on this podcast that has me laughing, artist. I've laugh probably this entire year on a podcast. It's about him, not showering for ten days. So when you hear that just fuckin hold onto your bridges. We all get us a little more about market. The end right now, I'd like to talk about my favorites answers in the world, starting with blue apron goddammit labourers. just got a blue apron or front door inside was a beef ball keen law

stir fry with udon on noodles la LA. I wanted the beef peace, beef mullay as yet keen work as I've protein protein protein. For my kids we'll have to run of the slow roll that one on them gap the mole lay the mole lay, but you know what they ate somethin last night they never had before they had honey, glaze carrots and they liked it requires close, was cured fantastic. We had the who have the chicken rested, chick roasted chicken or thought is so go with her with a beautiful side. Of like a spy. I see vinegar sauce yet was it lowers inside this? It was. I saw socio precise, which had never really thought I was put caterpillar mine, judge, tat, so grow, and now I can't help it but so I will say this real quick and I say this whole time, but I do need to say this gives you here in this. For the first time, blue apron is the number one for ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country, and it is that for a reason there, all their see food is

sustained under standards developed in partnership with the monterey bay aquarium, seafood watch, the beef chicken import come from responsibly, fat farm raised animals and the producers source from farms that practice rejected, farming. They say to say this. The seems like but this is true. Since we ve been blue apron, our family- has had legit family dinners. We sit down and you have two sides and a meal everything's under ten dollars per person, so it is cheap, but it doesn't take cheap. It is really great food. You sit down and get to introduce nude new dishes to your children, which, if you are apparent, you know for a fact, is tough to do. Well, I have to say something about cooking, ok, I know know somebody cooking chosen nowadays and so many amazing chefs you fucking much lol keyboard that I I became.

im, really insecure about cooking, because for years I had been cooking literally mac and cheese and chicken nuggets mac and cheese and chicken nuggets much like one of my and from richmond who only you anything but makin, jason, diagnoses and chicken nuggets, though with blue apron. I feel I feel like I'm a big fancy chef? When really the big fancy as the person who made this recipe, but I feel like I'm an excellent cook now, even though I'm just an excellent instruction follower so limited what upcoming meals worthy eating altogether as we have been eating. Its had been fantastic. More rum really excited about tonight. Beef to react stir, for I was sure, there's peace alone. Lime rice had that last week the lime rise at who puts lime on. Ice. It was so good really your experience with egg flat bread, was sought. It asparagus eliminate only three cheese and baby brought

strong boldly with tomato and irregular dipping sauce strong bully. What, then, what is I thought that was the bad guy pinocchio, family unroasted, potato salad, pickled mustard seed that do an increase fresh sauce. We had we had but we have the other day with that mustard sauce. It was so good. It was a chicken with cabbie tactics, in the cabbage. Oh fast food sandwiches and I didn't eat the bread. Oh that's right, it was the. It was a caging chicken sandwich. If we're not sewing this new, don't want this than I don't understand you. I dont understand literature legitimate both these monsters today or a hard core part of our lives, and we stand by both of them ibm oblonsky blue apron is such a part. For family I feel like. We should set a fifth plate at dinner for the people of blue apron.

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right now, right now, you're coming to this. If you ve been doing this this whole time, that's how little bob you are in your own business, but their fantastic islas come in right now, use my name bert for this I shall offer that's b e r t for this special. It's a free weight free week. Trial includes postage and a digital scale. That has everything you need to get you up and running right now, don't wait, go to stamp dot com before you do anything else. Click on the radio microphone at the top of the homepage and type in bert, b e r t that stamps dot com enter bert stamps dot com. Never good post office. Again we have a new shirt. It's coming out. It's based on my back. and given out sanctions. It is free, it's better beer, summer t and I want to a lot of summer activities and it not it's a celebrity cause new thanked. It's a tank tom. Please love! That's either grace with love it is. It takes

it's coming out soon, leanne's getting it printed up now, it just says given out spankings and it is bad ass and I want all your summer, pics of you listening to the dj khaled justin bieber song, apparently that's the summer song, so to be ready coming soon. All right do towards real, quick. very easily I'm met crapshoot comedy festival on the nineteenth of may. That is a massive well, I'm in the middle of a pie, Jeffrey just gimme, to sex baby girl. I know, but that's the point, but the families that he's come in and go out. What I need is most important: the nineteenth crapshoot com. Vessel in vegas. That is a ridiculous list of complex. I am proud to be on that list. Comics will be doing a lifetime. yesterday afternoon, at a venue check it out and then I'll be doing a show that evening other venue and then the twentieth,

bisbee arizona with dogs stand up a k, a captain mustard hands right Allah after a cake cap. Captain spit take kept this pathetic. They still talk about dog, then, ladies and gentlemen, on the thirty first of may, I will be in honolulu at the blue note doing two shows so honolulu about in thick, I will be doing ray I will do it between television that morning. I think my family will be gone. I'll, be doing television that we ve got cobb's comical. The ninth and tenth of june in Sacramento they added a second show on sunday, night, kids, city and probably fifteen. Sixteen seventeen, that's so we can with the u s open. I don't know why. I know that my taping, This is not happening on the nineteenth of june shit, but Agatha story ready orlando improv and probably twenty twenty three twenty fourth legions escapes festival, the twenty fifth of jude,

on sunday, I will be flying up doing a show and then I think louis said: I'm throwing a party. This just announced It's not. Maybe I wanted out yet on the thirty of something special, something very, very special omar, something very, very special. You can That's what it is, but I'm not announcing it on the first a key casino, columbus funnybone next week, pittsburgh improv hilarity is clear when Houston breyer stand up, phoenix Denver, Denver show I think, all sold out on the twenty seventh of august, but are still announce it. Addison improv. oh and then we're going to australia, mother fuckers, the thirteenth, through the twentieth think. I'm in australia with just for last, I dont know if that's been announced else get either but fuck it. I said it here it. I love you D, prague. After that, let's get this punk. I started Jesus Christ. I take this up as eleven minutes.

I will be mentioning this you'll hear this in about two seconds. My wife will be starting a podcast. Oh god yup she will be starting a podcast going to step up our man cave audio game, make it easy for girls to you, as cars grow, everyone knows, girls aren't really good at podcast shut up it. Will you know it's part of you can't drive you, you are so exhausted. If you're not good at hand, jobs and your camp podcast? It's going to be a cool podcast and if it's not stick around it'll get better I'll be listening to it. I can't wait. Ah thanks babe today's guest is always good to laughable check it out the cool thing about laughable. You can go ahead and click on the and you can follow that comic on every podcast he's going to be on will be on its. You can make its climate friendly so go in plugging you ve ever comics plug in this package. Plugin, rogan, plugin, Joey, plugin, ARI, plugin, tommy, plugging, christina and then soon plugin, my wife, oh well, you gonna be pigment laughable. His guest I've already introduced, but I'll do it again. He is too

with Amy humor. Currently he is in new york. Comic you. Is that a new orleans all this learn and he's got one of a story about not showering, I'm not your ruin and I'm just gonna. Let you hear it he's a fucking hilarious dude make sure to watch his stand of special all companies central may twelfth at midnight. That is this coming friday night at midnight, plug in as with all Well comedy specials. I promise you you will enjoy it. There are very few bad ones out these days. This is a great one, at least not as good as mine. I'll, be I'll, be honest with you, I'm just such a more seasoned talon comic, I'm kidding. throughout the entire park has always says that I wish I could do what he does, but I'm so bad at writing, jokes and comedy, but you're gonna love it. I hope you guys have a fantastic blessed week. I am I'll be at the commonest or most this week, I'm just in a very positive mood. Everybody gets on the treadmill right now, make it a blue apron and then head into the store today's. gas. Ladies and gentlemen, my friend mark norman,

the yo yo check, check, hey cool yeah, so she was going through a midlife crisis and now her and her friends are going to start a podcast, just fucking do it. Who gives a shit like lynette cola, corolla you and I. You and your party, the new york posse we're gonna good crew over there is have Make me laugh hysterically lately back so fuck, you wanna hung out with soldier in Calgary yeah great guy. yeah and he was like he was like dude you gotta he's like. I told him that you're gonna be on the podcast. Like you, fucking love mark norman he's, like he's, got apparently you're everything we all wanted to be when we were young, comics. Well, yeah. I was in a relationship for like twelve years, for I was like high school sweetheart college moved into together the whole thing, and then we had a brutal breaker by cut cut cheating it was you got cartooning yeah. I was

you're, always shooting yeah. Ok, I was by the way I'm a serial cheater put my wife I've never to on my wife, and that was a country decision. Yes, what art? When I wanna one with a note just we were laying out. I said this in the machines for when I tell them special, but we were lying in bed one morning. Oddly enough, I think we really have kids, but and I just hadn't cheated cause. I was in love and then one morning I thought oh, this is what life's about. Is this moment with me and the girls and the dogs it was like. I don't ever want to fuck this up and cheating. As you know, you don't, I don't think people go out to cheat on purpose share it. Just something gets thrown at you, I like? Ah how often I'm going to get this exactly and it fucks you up mentally casino? You come home after you cheat, you have to like fake it all day and it just eating at you and your guilt. You feel like less of man after you cheat say? I don't do it Not only have they could The opportunities were girls of like tried it on me, and I just I just know what I want almost forty four, it's like I'm fuckin.

you ve done a thing. We have cheat and right after go immediately, opened immediately in anyone. Her got really brutal I'm so you got caught cheating as we live together in a tiny, shoe box in manhattan, and it was already too, we had already started comedy I avenant towards some lay back an egg and it's a hell of a coop. He got out there. Holy helpless. I gonna just described as I had to use the term man cave, but this is a hell of a shed wherein this is beautiful. I feel that kids, oh alright, well, that that's why the t v shows which a legit man came. I got all say two flat screens a keg, a writer you gotta, I love the the David letterman framed carter's yeah, that's amazing just, whiskey everywhere in like a killer, sound system, some line. Oh my god. I love it. I suppose so you guys used stand up yet we were. Did you grow up? I grew up in new orleans

are you serious foreigner raise dying for may run up that the french quarter or use become a series of fuckin phone answers, outlets and sweet. I didn't you from well as deregulation patent. He was the guy or use it was like the guy. We all looked up to he startle before us and he moved to new york first and he was like a big big comic for me. So, just for everyone listening, I think a lot of listeners relate like this desk squad, loyal A fan base? Podcasting group? I think I think most of them probably know you, enjoy Joe list. Your policy out new york's, like soda big J, Joe list bargarh c, see yet amarillo amarillo hilarious. I worked with him a long long time ago, he's a beast yeah. He showed me pictures of you guys shirtless yeah, yeah yeah. That was a big one for him, voc yeah, killer and you guys are all our say so like just to put frame things out for everyone listening

Bobby Kelly, Jim Norton, is a class above me there yet great above me, then it's me, I think, to meet your morton prime might probably on that generation and then I'll am big J jane you guys with the class right below us. I think you're, a big jays above me, I'd, say: yeah yeah yeah began kurt a kind of yeah them into you. Ok, how come you don't you guys? I think I would say, despite our successes, Amy's in with you guys, the outliers yap yet and so but you're, so your group can like Nate we'd looked we looked up to now. Nay gives love advice, neighbour, gutsy and yet in Joe lists Joe This it a weird man because he was funny, but he was a huge alcoholic, so he didn't get anywhere and then he quit drinking in the now is like, conan overtime and blown up an opening for louis, but where we started our wish that he would a relapse and party with makers. I hear about Joe Lewis Jesus. I I've never laughed so hard in my fucking life yeah. He was an animal. He was a mess. He there imo,

tell the story of a wait. I'll say before. I think it's on this does not happen. winning about him. Shitting in the girls show, oh my god that out on youtube folks, it's a doozy, so you started stand up into orleans. Yeah, which is like note, there's a scene there now, but when I started was once a week, maybe at an open mic you can get onstage we'd drive to baton rouge drive to lafayette drive to texas just to get some stage time through. So do you do to connect with like a redneck background at all, Well, my parents are like the most liberal new Orleans eve people ever my dad's got to see her sucker suit on he's drinking a mint julep, my mom's, like she's, a creole chef So I don't really have the red. I have more of that. The creole like it's almost what lay redmond French influence, highfalutin weakened, yeah a little high volume, my dad's kind of gay, a little bit we'd call it coon ass. Like I guarantee you go down to dubai, you know, let's get that little twang in it, but yeah. So you we

Are there and it was just fun and we would drink our faces off and do comedy every now and then and then I was like this is what I want to do. I had nothing going on. I was rudderless, so comedy was like a big thing for me just cause. It gave me something to do. Gave me something to look forward to, and I crazy state trade, so eventually act. Like eight months I moved to new york and boy that was rough. I like that. That's what I do. I did sent up one time, intel ass. He and then moved to new york. one time. One time I was like that's amazing. What you're some really arrogant place. I did at one time Then I call my dad. I had to go home as before. Cellphones I went home after it. I call my dad. I thought about this. The whole ride home of stone, sober and I was like uh when we were kids Brad radke was a pitcher for that we grew up with. He ended up pitching for the twins, going from playing like thirteen seasons, police officer and grown up everyone's, like oh yeah, you're he's going to go pro he's going to go pro. My dad was like look for the thing in life like brad radke, where everyone,

it's like: oh that's, definite that is for shopping, and I told my dad. I said I found my brother look at that stand up comedy. This is what I had no material. I went on stage and spoke for twenty minutes without me, twenty minutes and sparking, ordered murder, light murder for interest back for a new guy. Yet for first on the stage- and I was like this- is it: why would you just talk about stories and drunk fucking, clue to an aids reference I made. I did a metre scooby doo reference, and I talked about jerking off in the cheese her eyes, I m an and then I said that tape to jason Amberg whoa yeah and he was like yeah move up to new york. I think you've got something whole. How do you know about Steinberg? This I have been written up in rolling. magazine in this guy atoms. No, I think it's Adam speak woman He was a bruiser on kimmel. Now, okay, he was doing this thing american journal and he came and did an interview with me. I told him. I wanted to be a comic and that he's like do it and record it and send it this guy jason Steinberg.

So. I see there's been a cocky bastard knowledge. No, I was famous at the time of our aim like in respect to like, even like, like I was leg, jet famous close rid of rolling stock- That's when there's no reality! We re tabled people numbers want the way they are Now they weren't, like tons of cable networks, so right run up and rolling stones really big sherif. You add like a lot of law around your Oprah wanted to do an interview with me. I was doing radio interviews all the time with oliver stone the rights to my life, and so I was like I just I remember Annie lazaro can one of my buddies. Dad's called me news like you'd. Never get an opportunity like this again take advantage of everything yeah. So I was just like fuck it I'm going to stand up, but then I moved to new york, I'm a dick in the dirt near midnight is immediately. It was ugly, but did you get your dick not hinder in life or in committee, because for me it was both. So so you got this chick. You guys moved to new york together, I move because she had no money. I didn't. I moved up there with four dollars,

way out to brooklyn and crown heights and cried like coming up. But when I lived there it was brutal. It was ugly like I'd get, you're, alongside mother fucker lecture like that at one end of the street and my landlord, died of aids. The first year I got lug three times in first year and I got bedbugs soldiers like that. It was like to see spit me out and luckily was young. I was like twenty three saga take it. I was drinking, allow just like deal with that beer and everything. You know you look great as our waking up one day seeing snow and everything snow before so I go as us other. Yes, when you have that first, but me and my buddy tony Hernandez that you probably know tony he runs, he runs he's number one anyway, he's he's you, he knows you, I'm sure you guys know each other. Okay, I'll tell you after the show, and he he was from Florida too, and that first day yeah he was

like he call me, is like dude we're going to the white thing as white horse tavern yeah yeah. It's like we're going to go fucking drink and it was like. I was like ten in the morning and we just went straight there. It started drinking got weed smoked all day walked around we'd, never seen it like that. Yeah, it's beautiful and it's like I was hung over. I remember look out the window like a kid on christmas and I just didn't care about the hangover. I went outside and open my mouth, you know he let it fall in. I had a crazy roommate He was from losing louisiana. He was like this product. The comedian he started when he was fifteen and he was killer and he moved to new york. cried on the right up because he was never left louisiana legacy is named william. He stood a comedy eighty lives here now and allay do I know I don't think so he's kind of like in introverted, weird guy, but he's hilarious, and these can, still in a shell, he never really grew up. He has moved in new york when you Eighteen annie, the crazy what you call it a southern baptist when he was whose care to go to church in our neighbourhood. It was like all black

we're just pray and further the tv and with the televangelist. Also. I was a to wake up to on sunday morning you but great guy. Still, and he's gonna blow up you just gotta get over that hump casino. I was parting and high school. He never did that, so he like got real in the drugs and try to get laid and everything, and so he kind of put comedy on the back burner. So now he's back in a comedy, it'll it'll happen cause, I don't wanna, do it guess who is here is an interesting guy, but so new york do the muggings were brutal. I was blacking out too much. I had a job from ninety six. Thirty I filed papers and you know just it was a hard. Hard couple years and junior college yeah, where our jealousy but I finished I skip my senior year and finished online in new york, otis force and yet to get up there. Oh, by the way online out is a joke. I mean is so easy. It's just like you spend you ve just been like twenty minutes online. That's why they call to spend time online and then you're danzig just watch.

tv. Why are online so crazy? How easy it is? I had to finish college this before online inside to finish the floor, to state corresponds classes which are akin to the prison system. same classes. You taken the prison system wow, that's easy as hell new, really I so difficult that I it literally. I almost didn't write We call it and would you mail it in the mail in giving you a fucking textbook ass? I read it and write a paper on it. Oh my god- and you like, I fucking kidding me, I give you a test. I would like you to answer the queen, like they give you tests, and mostly I was I was in my my classes were in literature, so it was a lot of a red all classics, but it made me smarter. I'd, never read a book really before then yeah like I've just was apart. Just party, that's good for you that the grapes of wrath I share some of it. I guess you could pay some guy to read and write it, but it's gotta! You did it

I know everything you need to know about viking longships, oh allow deciding suits You re a mugging finally comes up. After what alone he comes up, thereby like eight months nine months so of rough rough few months and she got there and if you want to move, And but I was too scared, then she cried so I said okay and then we moved in together and that was kind of fun for awhile live with a girl of twenty three were both poor, both artists, you know- and- sex all over the apartment in good times, but then it slowly dwindled. We there is as yet this small permanent This the tension is rising and when are you gonna come home and she's area like You are right when you hear her in the other room elects goddammit, so that category real, fast and roadwork started kicking in. So then you like this is amazing amount in hotels and I'm flying mom and sandy government detroit em in detail what iraq,

yesterday, which is so funny. I would you hurry he's we who were you talking with Amy outdoor with Amy out torn with leg? I would open for de rossa tommy John again Tom Papa. All these people are you. You have read your beer stanhope you nate and soda all you guys. You stanhope is I'd I'd, say it's different, even Joe different them, then what I do entirely its first was really great. grading, like? I said, watching mate the other day and then watching your special I was like. Oh, they probably never get nervous going into a gig going like fuck. I hope this goes well because yeah, because you're you're it's it's almost like the math, adds up at your wanna laugh. Well, I know people say like your your you guys, a joke guys. I'm like I dunno how else to get laughs. I dunno what else to Now that we're all joke guys, you write a jew, In other words, he gave it will itself only someone. I was with the chad zuma this weekend and we were wrong about this. I will mention this guy's name be. I won't go fuck this guy,

John morgan, the raging cajun. Do you know yeah, but it tells you about this. Guy yeah he's well he's like a road legend, yeah he's a road legend, and I mean the club's lobby If he sells out, every shows that cells are every show. None navid twitter Nevertheless, I love never been on television. Wife hit the lottery. What life had the law? audrey, so he'd monies that an issue I am just loves, it gray, wants add, is amazing. He is an example of of more of what he's a very far to the right example of what I do like I don't like. I don't I don't know if I have sent a punch am I act and I feel like I do, but you know the laughs gonna be hands upon show, like I said some the other day and it got a big and I was like I dunno. If that I don't know if that was. I said, I didn't really sign up to be apparent. I signed up to be a dad yeah. those are laughing. Those like no, where the fuck yeah, I don't know you tweet they're gonna, get some hits.

But like yeah, you guys are all you guys are all like. It's almost like somerset new york comedy, I think in new york, the audiences a kind of like what he got prove it asshole bring it on and you had to be efficient and I feel, like you know, it's a lot more laid back just part of culture. You can kind of talk. In flow a little bit. You know you can go in an hour both in new york. It's gotta be boom boom, a to b, a b a b, or they just check out the so funny. When I started it was the exact opposite really because yeah, because the new york style was like Bobby Kelly godfrey Coryell you, like a more like conversational mess with puerto ricans iraq. I going to jail all right. I heard of my act now when I first got out here. I opened for drew carey at the hollywood improv on wednesdays. That's a big gig. It was really great who's. The cool dude

I still don't know the guy neighbourly hung out with them, but he thought I was cool and put him up, and I remember the first time I was like onstage in my brain when I hope there's a puerto rican in here. Oh wow fuck. I don't have any jokes that as it may any like. I had I had like stories. oh yeah stories that were of, but there were two long winded eyes like I need to set up put right. I need to get a laugh quickly. like that was the chalet style in new york. Was this like fuckin? You know like a big a like yeah hurrying and fuckin fucking with the audience. But what about David tell, and he wasn't he around because he's the quickest guy ever you know tell him. Hedberg were definitely joke. Goes gaffigan was a goat joke guy there were some yeah. There were definitely it's probably the same as it is today. Yeah, that's you're! Probably right, I tell I'd sit in the back of the store or back of the seller, and just I could never do what he did.

It was like I would be like I, my versions of jokes were like and is so bad. I it was like artichoke with one. Do you think a papa smurfs middle name is boner papa, Boehner's murphy yeah? It was like that was my. That was the best joke. Writing. I could do haha. That's that's funny! Well, it's funny cause David tell you know, are all comic saga he's never on any lists. He's never like I'd like to see him on comedians in cars with coffee, get him in there. Why is he not part of the the whole comedy? It's like cool kid club. You know they'll put like lena dunham in there somewhere. Put David. Tell him that list I dont get the I dont get the g q top ten works to watch list. I've! Never! I know I hate it. It's not! Well, it's not what's not representative of who we find funny right right to it. Choose publicist reach out to them. My client exactly the ads aziz number one? What are you crazy?

I mean a thing of the blows me way about These. I will say that he was not nice to me when I first met him and he and by the way he wasn't payment yeah yeah? He was the most to me as a regular personality, she's genuine across the board yeah just but like he was not nice and I tried to talk to him yeah because he was because he was just the I mean this sounds horrible, but it's just the one minority out of a bunch of white comics at the table and I was like trying to be nice, yeah, so fucking this. I was like fuck this guy, so I didn't say that, but I was but, but I, when he was in that movie comedian, what was the movie, the south, rogue in and out of sale, funny people you're funny people by weight, the joke he had made me laugh there are other randal guy like this goes book. You kill it now. That was funny, but in a way this is kind of his act. That is there

eleven. He yells that ran ago was just a little more. You know aggressive, but yet I feel it gets us, that's him, but he does. so we or the who was, as he is he's as an ally guy right these visa, but he'll come in new york all the time to work out he's there, any does like a lot of bumping. Does yeah. So we all just I mean you know I get it he's a star, but it's a lot like john Abbott, welcome to the cellar and he'll put his avails in one he's amazed, the nicest guy ever he'll be like hey. Can I come in on tuesday at eight thirty and they're, like sure you got it so you know he's on the list, but diseases like I'm going to do forty five when I show up so it kind of screws- everybody, oh yeah, I just leave yeah I haven't. I just leave ugly, I guess I'm not gonna be doing stanhope tonight ray I just like. I mean at an end. I do it out of like a malicious way like or like. Oh fuck, you like dane used to do that and I'll be like okay cool yeah like who I'm awake now make the cocktail re examined

I drink until I get onstage I'll bring one with me and saw my bro have gone on my cocktail, I'm going home and I remember Rita, hustling and being like I don t believe I become so sorry, but that's if I mean it that people non us industry Rita it. If, if the system is they come up, they bump. Everybody then dont be shocked when the comics that you'd hired worked. I don't want to do it yeah. What are you supposed to do just wait around for four hours? No one bumps with the store anymore. I saw that no one forgets the cool. You know why cause fuckin, there's a there's, the fucking store. This is my favorite judd. Apatow story. Dude never met him. I never met him once in my life. I go to the store and get bumped for activities, but he's on the list there, like a judge, going to stop in, and he put me for fifteen minutes, fine totally fun totally fun. Tosh. Is there okay, yeah tosh goes

The first job goes up second, and then it's my turn and I'm like, and you know we bring each other up at the store yeah and I'm like I'm like okay. This is going to be uncomfortable, he's going to mispronounce my name horribly yeah he's going to he's going to be? Like who's the next guy and it's going to be uncomfortable because he's a is the stamp of approval in the comedy world. Old standard of comedy these days share, and then he goes sorry, that's my time or I appreciate Garza me stop in It means a lot. You know. I love stand up this next. Guy is fucking hilarious. You're, going to love him he's been on, the travel channel is going to show triplet go show birth con, Oh my god. I knew your credits dude. I said I was like he could. Molest of fuckin kid and also her back as I do that guy as soon as he did that I went, I was ike humbled go yeah, fuck man. I will never not no someone's com,

It's on stage as if judd apatow can know. Mine anita know me just did the little bit of legwork on here the next guy. What's his deal and they said it. How do I say his name? You know yeah fucking, like what the fuck monster, see that's great because a he gives a shit about comedy. I think just I don't know if I should say this, but I think he's a little secure by like look, I'm a director, I'm famous, I'm not I'm, not a comic comic He goes in their car like they can accept me in a word is gonna. Put me in a movie. You piece of shit, you know, but he's whereby beings, so he's gonna. Do the research, and also that shows that's a great name, because Oh you're, a big name. So now you you'll boot, look up and research. got you to do something better like once. I'm gonna call time and errors, I'm never on time for call times. I've never have been yeah.

And I show up we're in amsterdam and the the dirt the owner of the production is waiting in the Van. I go what the fuck you doing here and he got called times at eight if you're not earlier late and I went ooh, I'm was like cather to you know what that that is irresponsible, that I just in a weird way. I just go. Five minutes was later yeah. You know like ten minutes. What is it I'm getting coffee right now, and so I, when I saw that I went holy or that stuck in my head when he said you're, not if you're not earlier late, I went ocean She attire you never there! Now whenever I never heard that. late, please my dead, so that when I was like for real I'll call you five and five a logo priest your guy thanks, I think save so so so, just out of curiosity, do you were like what is it like his I'm assuming there's fame around you all the time when you're on the road with Amy? Do you ever like Are you ever like hey? Can I see some of them in a movie or now- and I don't know I would totally I would end up being like. I feel bad.

but everything I do. I always filling a burden that I want a bug any body, so I can she's people always say you, for Amy. Why does she have your writer on the show mike cause? She does enough for me. I'm on a private jet. I'm at her house go on a party. She feeds me. She puts me up like I'm, not gonna just go hey how about a writing job your you know like there's, not going to bother her and as she, in train wreck. I got cut out, but I was in it. Ok, so I've been on our show like eight times she does plenty and over Hb special or netflix special, her album. We with her on the honour on when you start opening for years pride as an aid doesn't nine for you. Ve been on this whole, kind of. I saw the whole thing. I saw that the roast I saw her get her own show. I saw the movie, we would go out drinking and she would be at home. Writing the movie at the in the hotel, really riding train wreck. Air did just out of curiosity. Do we party together seattle, yes, I might not, was portland laboriously yeah we went to a strip club can tell

a great night. I knew I was so hung over I'm mirage like an odd dream for four days. I'm so hung over and you were like do the shot as like I can't and you're like do it. as I do. The solemn appeal you'll do it and I did it and I picked up I kept drinking, and then I saw you at the airport at six am and yet appeared your hand still drinking yeah. I was very impressed. Yeah, that's a yeah! Well that that's my ammo. I can't I I can reward myself I get up early like I got off stage at like one yet. Yes, two days ago, saturday, night or sunday morning, my car picked me up at four, and I said: ok, if I can get like two hours sleep, then I'll get I'll get myself a cocktail then, and I was like in the metal right, the boat immediately sharing a little bit of buzz. I'm like oh I'm, fine, and so have you tried motive. Pierre, have you heard of this? No, I did drunk history free and I was talking to the guy who hurrah for his name, but I did derek waters and he was like. I was like look

can't. We do the show, but I gotta, let you know, get the worst hangovers like two day: hangovers they're brutal and he's like. Oh, I got a thing. It's called motive pure, it's they give it to add. Fleets to stay hydrated he's like I've, hang over four years of like oh, my god he's a good amount. Amazon go nuts, so ordered a bunch. I do drug history I drink like a thief. of a bottle of scotch: are really go after it, and a bottle of scots. As hell. I don't know I drink like that gold label, but I a lot of it more than half and I really went hogs. I want to be funny for the show, he's like here's, your motive pure and it's like a little shot. I drank it, cause, that's it! That's it yeah buying a box right now. I drank it. I can get it by tomorrow. ago so big over your hang over lara, but put it down and I wake up. I've never been more hung over a puke, my brains out, I was shooting blood. I was fuckin

cause. I had a gig that night I had to cancel the gig. I couldn't get a bed one I was like regarding Henry I was in bed. I couldn't move my toes. I couldn't get out of bed. It was brutal, oh my god that that ship, I think, you've got to like drink a lot of it or something, but I overloaded with the fuckin scotch, try my leg. It didn't work for me, do so Ready, oh yeah, I'm sorry. I had a crazy weekend and columbus great city funnybone yeah yeah great? I just saw you, I think I was there. I saw your name on the algeria guy and a black what fun town they called the austin of the mid worst here which at sea weird but good times gray club of you. You got a little liberty, township, I'm doing an end to it.

IX. Are you really yeah, or I was just there and I'll? Tell you the one thing you're going to I that I think every comic notices their fucking sound system is amazed. I keep hearing that it's the best sound you've ever had great. It's like you hear yourself, but it's not overwhelming yeah. I fucking love those two clubs, because you can pack em out and you can make likely gyp money, yeah and I hate to in a meeting greed after but a second up when I do it and yet a couple numbers and debt. Sir, it's a cake Walk out there in the mere words you lay. This weakens our boy. Oh boy, did you know that some Curly, hair new yorkers shows up and you look vila exotic out there. It's a good time, it's fun, so we that's what what sort of like out large numbers of through the roof. I went on man, you know I was, I never got laid in high school and all that. So I just put my folks into that and

getting late. It's a real, our former, it's a beautiful thing, so I just got it. It was like open mics. I've got shut down for over months and months then got better and better, and then you get on twitter. I mean a tinder and bumble and that's a game changer, so wait. So how does like I'm so far removed from the game like when you go on the road? Like girls, I mean I'm sure there are a lot of girls that have seen you with Amy yeah that help and they come out to the show- and I mean it's ten thousand- be we're doing arenas with Amy, so it's all women and they can fuck her. So you get quite a trickle down. It's it's fish in an arena book. It also adds the time to get their re alive and comedies. How right now gallons ever been so bub still young. Gotta get outta here you don't do your act, isn't put, isn't a get. Pussy act not really. No, that goes out is that is debilitating for comics yeah,

some comics, that my generation, especially, I will say names, but I can say that when you go a hundred percent due to act, built around, you have guy right down, threatening guy totally kind of funny, but not never anything, edgy gray and then ok, let's, go here and they ruin their at their ruin their careers. You think so I can name names, I won't, but I'll type it in this interest in you and your go and you go on I mean I notice ever. If it's a kill you you could be talking about like her. You hate Jews if you're killing, it's the women are on board the abbot, there's like theirs. guys like this guy. Oh yeah, he's a high guy here and you just go. Oh man, he shouted more. Yet he was hilarious and the only reason is he just ever: no one to get laid lasso like you, never challenge yourselves

call me. Era are bite, say things on stage that, even with my my fans, fuel that are paid to see me that I go like a good. This is I'm gonna lose them we re evil people that are on board with everything I say, I'm an illusory what, if you don't do that then you're not challenging yourself good for you, you gotta do it and there are people that don't they just go like. There was a big thing at the store. There was a whole group of guys at the store. Just wanted to get pissy never worked in the rack. They just want how to crush right, and then there were like now once I've christ. That's all we got right, He now I mean he's still gotta be a comedian at the end of the day. So talk to me about that when you got caught, how did you get ah boy brutal ban is it was like I funds were still kind of new, I was in the shower and I was ways on edge. You know, like a gun, almost like eight hundred ties were gotten out of it. You cheated alot yeah much every weekend to really he. I was bad because we weren't fuckin because we were at we were sick of each other, still lag. You shouldn't cheat and always got caught. A bunch

I would just denied- and I deny and then I'm in the shower one day, everything gone great good relationship, birds at european sons. And I'm showering up whistling and my phone lit lights up on the coffee table, she's watching tv and a naked picture pops up and its some bon check that I banged who knows where and she I know pascoe Then it was kind of a new phone and I she opens it up and starts reading the thread and it was like man. We did this. We did that. That was so hot and I want to do this again. I want a gargle that and suck on this and swallow that all just this saying shit like I can't wait to do this again and pull lad and yank that and this and so the blackened bathroom door kicks open. She pulls. The curtain back and I remember like hey coming in and she just showed me the phone and it was the picture of the naked girl and dropped the phone in the tub and I'm like. Oh shit, sorry read the phone. I jump out naked, I'm just like in the living room. Like

kebab. What are you crazy get outta here, though she's? It's walker, just like I read the whole thing fuck you I knew. I knew what I knew it and you're naked when you're naked. You look, you look like a you know you're naked whet, the foot flophouse airum feelings are saw oh yeah, so that was it after that, then we tried to work it out, but it was never the same and six months later was done and I have sorry we live together and I just moved out. I was like keep the place. I paid half the rent, just try to be a good guy at a guilt, and I just couch surf for like you're really yeah. I blocked everything. In a year I mean I'm a bang, the chicken, homeless shelter. I was gone on the road as much as I could it was. We will go back to almost crazy store. I was met a girl to show I got her number. We met up A week later I went to a bargain alligator lounge, where you get a free pizza with every drink, so I met up met up with his girl and she just wolfed down these pizza slices, putting them down. She was like a cute,

on czech and you are she's that good. I gotta be honest, some homeless and I go what up homeless so we started bonding on the homeless thing and then she told me she's in a shelter and I'm like, oh so we're making our megan out and she pulls me away and goes wouldn't be crazy. If we went to my shelter- and I was like yeah yeah go back to make it out collecting out pounding booze pounding booze I know in a cab on the way to the shelter and It's a funny mould by way being in a cab to a homeless shelter. So we get. There is way out in brooklyn, big stone, building and she's I just realized, and I can't let you and it's pretty regulated. You know so there's this guy in the front you have to like be buzzed into this huge gate, big metal gate that slides open and goes or you know, So she has this big hobo key to the sheltered like a key with a like hubcap on it and- she's like maybe you could go in and just act like you, the place going. the key and walk right in one of the sign- and I was that's: that's good

I go and I got up homeless, tough ride the rails and I'm swinging the key and as a gay. I, whatever it's for the morning and she just walks into- goes hey I'll sign and cause she's, actually there. So they know her. So she goes way we do don't get caught. I am on the third floor, the women's floor. You could call a women's voice, go to jail cause like you can't go up and rape women bunch of hobos up there. You know and remember I walked in there was this big pit. It was this big floor and it was. people on cots people and sleeping bags, crying people screaming people leg, Wrestling was was wild babies crying was crazy and I go up to the third floor. I've run to her room and I hope the door swing, the door open and it's got to costs on the wall. Jail style stains, the walls just shitty cracked window and, oh, my god, she comes in like ten minutes later. We have crazy, hoboes sex. We go out. that gun a rubber. Who does what she's been and ex morning. I had this crazy. Like beer,

Yes, I had to get out of me like booze peers, so I had the big stomach and I was like I got a page like you can't go that you get caught gotta Oh it's an emergency, so I get the key I run of the bath. from a peeing and a girl comes in I'm in the stall. A girl comes in the bathroom and oh shit, so I have to sit down and pee yeah, so she doesn't know I'm a guy and she just dropping fuckin loop cans in there. I mean this girl next week, hobo ship and I just pull my pants off and get there. Out of there. I give turkey back. I said thanks thanks for not, then I run home. That's fucking. While there that's fucking insane yeah. Sometimes what so we at the time you catch surfing were out our meeting people- oh, I would just drink it shows every night is kind of tender, alot of tender, lotta bumble and I would bumble. all day. You know maybe like art will meet at eight. I gonna shoot Let me read, and that was it and hopefully, if there worked out? I would see the helpless euro oh well.

Yeah. So you just leave your luggage at a friend's house, I was on staten island. I was in queens brooklyn. I was all over. The fucking know who you hang out within comedy of the time are the same guys same guy, who are all still starting out together. Yeah I mean this was not their long is right for you. I go rizzo yeah. It was three years ago, yeah yeah. How old are you thirty? Three god, damn it so this isn't. This is like two thousand and thirteen ish yeah. He doesn't fourteen year, so, okay, so that you have I go from that whole fucking toll time on my whole twenties gone yeah. It was wild. What was it when, when you got when you got back into the game, was sleeping with chicks? What was the thing that you notice, like? I always had a hard time. Dame told me this one time it's like he can't shut it off. I can. I can never turn it off you can't really hard time. Turning off the add a comment gimme so when you get to them, I hotel room when I get to the back. To my mean it's been so long. I guess back to my house with the girl. I would

keep vulcan go and no doubt cover how'd. You turn it off. I would turn up goes on Burma. de introvert, a guy like oh yeah, yeah, I'm, a big big, introvert bigs anxiety. Riddled weirdo, all kinds of anxiety. I had anxiety on the way here. You know just how's it going to go anything. You don't know how it's going to go a lot of anxiety. Really, oh, I'm a mess. I configure pretty well ten thousand hours. I'm an expert yeah some a mess so that that was the harder but to me, was seeming confident and cool, because all consultant There's going to be like when, as you like, but as you like real Bogucharovo me, I'm an idiot, I'm not that all I got a medium dick. I wish I was bigger just forget about everything and yeah I mean I think, when you kind of break open and become more real with the chick. That's when you're going to get laid yeah, I dunno I've. I wouldn't I wouldn't know what to do now. Yeah well, booze is the booze is like eighty per it needs to drink is for me the hard part was good. That's what the fuck am I aid to be that guy. But, oh, my god he's gonna fuck, you you're. I just make love to you.

it ain't come on with the talking. How many times you go. Oh yeah get outta here, you're in sales. Come on. What do you create? Yeah? You hate your mom. I know I get it that your cat, you love that cat. How many times can you do that? You know it was that every night, so yeah not a booze that help them that the moment from small talk to fucking is that's That's an art. Man is not easy. You that was that's what you really learning how to do. That's crazy! Here there was good times I fuckin glove. I'd love that so so, where do you have any idea about special, whether special I was it's already done. It's in the can. I myself that yeah that was bruce fantastic of my previous really was I was land and pear when my wife, I'm watching it go on talking, haven't of jokes. My That's all! I was thinking like I was like you don't fucking I was like. I was like there's There is a real value in being able to get in and out of something right. Yeah. I completely agree, I love and ending love

knowing where it ends and then starting a new thing. Someone said that to me this past weekend or two weekends ago in Calgary I said I said: I've never really gotten applause break in and in and in a a set, and I I didn't realize this kid's been doing stand up for fucking four years, the guy I'm working with a wizard James Kennedy. As his name is canadian by ways. So, amazingly, talented really doesn't realise. Why he's talent in visas, the because he's very authentic yeah says things Really opportune and you can you can take it. You know you can be like that. He really did get by Sid skateboarding like yeah right and so he said to me variants icily goes all the reason their clapping his cause. They knew it was over and I went cause I've, never gotten applause, british, that I've never gotten an applause break on a joke ever I've. Never let you see these do conan yeah and they say something and then they are like. Thank you and you're, like that's odd, yeah. I've never done that oh god I don't write jokes it or that finnish,

you know daily yoga like I would I'll do a long, weaving thing about my wife, where it's like, like I have a joke right now that have it's privileges more stories. I got the zip lining story, that's like ten minutes when I started and by the way I want even know. If you know it's over, I just keep going. I weave into something out right, be my jumping off point for the next thing, but this one joke I did has defined ending and I want you write like an air and letting them know you're it is out of. Something tat is really fuck invaluable. Its huge is the ten yards it you gotta, have it and I was you're, my wife's lying in bed. Next to Me- and I wish I could remember the fucking joke, but she started howling fucking laugh, oh wow, just in the middle of your set, it's like twenty two minutes in I dunno. If the have not figured out. That means a lot to me and I can't believe you even watched it. As course I did Dennis crazy yeah my manager sent it over. Then. I said that this girl

no way, I'm a huge fan of him. Yeah yeah, yeah, a girl and I and it'd be very odd I think I sent it to a few people. I might have sen rogen to oh, my god. Yes, yeah yeah, you guys have a good crew. We have a good there's, a it's a good party, and I think that I think that rogan is the one that kind of was like In fact, when I had a falling out with a guy Nana and rogan was just one night. Was this very we're both a little high a little drunk and he was just like hey man. you don't have to have shitty relationships. You can have good friends and, like you, there's a lot of you're the one of your friend you got. Allow there to be a friend excitable, I'm very closed off. I wouldn't I do have a the hard time making friends really rather one guy, the social guy, a very from a very it's. The same thing, I can't turn it off like a great fun witnesses.

right, yeah yeah. This is off, but this is. This is different. Why I like my podcast is because I get to hang out like if I saw you at the club, I'd be like. What's up mark special, I love special yeah, so cool man. I saw just that whatever we do the very beginning, I would you do that. Then I'd be on my way right. same way same way because you're, like I dunno, where it's going to go what if it gets weird, what am I bothering me to see just get out as soon as you can it's the it's the reason you know that that night in portland was so much fun I knew Amy very well. ray. We were like we did. A tv show everybody we lived together in that tv show rang like what five weeks whatever. She loves you and then we we We I used to let her stay at my house wow, so my wife, we go out of town and my wife will call Amy and go hey. We're gonna be out of town for a month. If you want her house to come out and do auditions yeah, and then

when we were in tell she stayed with my sisters, and so will you when and so there's not a ton of people that I can be that I that I'm an I'd, let my guard down Rogen ARI, Tommy joey, but like that, by the way that list just happen and like five years ago. Isn't that so funny? It just happened here. He always here where these guys, like I'm, worried my high school we're gonna have refugee my high school charm. I got rid of them years ago. It's crazy. I mean I sat with rogan the other night at the store and talked, and I was supposed to go to roast battle and we just ended up talking for like our. I love that and then I was like I missed doing roast battle of fucking good for you cause I was like, and I think I should leave, but I was like fuck that I'd much rather, this conversation yes I'd much rather like regional, get that a taunt ray? here. Are the road much like now The same way I mean in the EU. those seller hangs those diner, hangs or so key. I mean it'll be five in the morning

I have a six, a m flight or whatever. What are you just can't? Leave, sorry to leave your friends and you got to stay up all night fuck it. Oh I started thinking. I was like together, I got a new york. I homage I'm as to new york for like weekends or liked week days till I hang out with people over there. I found I was soda this last week. Dude, we talked no lie for four hours a day. Yeah lodge. We talk for four hours, the best for four hours and then and then go go like go, we'll see, and then we just do it again, those like dude. I could do this. I love big. his favorite human beings that literally Js was like go out I'll, do bonfire or deuce I'll do the same, Jim and sam yup and then and then opie or whatever and just fuckin bob realm yeah go and hang out at the diner spirals. Maybe I'll stand his couch for a grown up. I have kids but that is so valuable key,

almost the sounds. We were it's almost like fucking. It's like you, never get! I don't? U fuck that girl. You like we're gonna fuck on aid, that is to say with talking, because you never get that interaction, we're on our phones all day, we're talking to crowds, that's empty, you know, but when talk to that other comic and you really gel in oh, my god. It's it really is it's like my favorite part of the of the it's my favorite of the business, because I remember coming up in a time when I wanted to, I was the I would say, the the atmo, epic time ever in comics hanging out was the seller yeah. When, when we keep Robinson patrice It was like apollos and our all that was that was that was the impetus of of ground. Yes- and I was there for that, but I was I was brand new. I was too like an open micro. Technically it was was terrified, workin the door at the boss, comical I'll. Just hang out, listen yeah, but I wanted to be in that I wanted to be in the conversation. Yes, I've always wanted to have the conversation with

at first sentence. I was terrifying cause. They would just shit on it. If it was stupid, you know I never did it. I was like knoop ooh, but I didn't know patrice, but I I'd watched him a few times and I was a huge fan. I saw one time this guy went up to him was wearing like a yellow like rain. coat and he goes hey, but trees buddy. He was a comic. I didn't know who he was, but he was like a portrait. What second buddy and producer bang it fish dick S, data here, MR gordon. Yes, it is it get your Mr Gordon fish stick asset and I was like, oh my god, it's hilarious, but I could never do it. I can never say who am I to do nervous. I got lucky. Patrice was now really. I don't know, I really know the truth, but he was never really in it. Seller like yeah, but was banned. Alot who banned a lot and I got to hang out with him, so I worked the door at the boston comedy club. Were you doing stand up when that was real? I did the boston a few, just the open, mics and

He would always hang out front at the boston, and so I got to know patrice I'd say really well, just as every night by the way, so I always say like I was I could. I became fans of people before their famous like I'm fucking new, patrice me Bobby and bill. All of us knew patrice was the funniest man alive Yeah way before anyone else did the right way, but I mean I watched him. He had a joke about Michael J fox. You ever hear this job he's like man. I see Michael J fox appalled tv when Mohammed Ali and this method is trying to out shake the champ echoes. I wish you just be genuine in them Oh man he's like we raised all this money for mls, whatever he had. What does he have? Parkinson's, parkinson's? You think I'd love, someone in the audience just to be like Michael, that's, fantastic, but what about aids and cancer because well the problem of aid? The cancer is adamant about shit. You desire,

in this day and age while the vulgar I mean, I don't think he ever released. A special thing is just him a throwaway. He told me a story about the cool kid neighborhood tony and how totally picked up girls and how he learned how to pick up girls through tony, but he had this, and these are his words. This gorilla isms to his like tony, would go up and like tap the girls in the back of the neck. Now so I just go. I might just fuckin pounds business man. He was really one of the true here and I would we still around, as he would have a whole new angle on trump like that. No one else has, of, and that would be in a soap politically incorrect. It's still genius. You know and they'll refund, to hear what sir, who were, who were the first guys when you got to the city that you just blew. mind you like all four are male, some guys, don't even get with, like nick griffin is amazing. Oh yeah gee talk about joke. Writing, my god that guy's killer is clean and he's got his character.

Down so well, and he is that guy that divorce, sad guy. He to my mind, Anita obviously like ten alexander, I loved you ever those atomic. I feel better. To watch comedy who, owing to a sharp lou aboard, but the listeners milford say that's the anxiety earlier, for great conversation, but among others, is pouring pollutant. What do you think the losers will be here? I assume that you want to hear that you now fun party stuff. You do that. To that. We want to make the amateur artists does make it out just worried. You now know we're getting pretty inside I'll, be they like this part right now. More than anything it let this weird, no other ethical comedy yeah. Just yet there they don't know of second tunnel examiners or maybe even patrice, though they loaded evelyn, the trees, how it actually know they pray, dont, know della alexandrovitch yeah, but having todd bury was huge alone in residence either, probably which is sound,

but he's amazing did I tore, would nick we did this thing called jamieson company for tore me. Billygoat l, Steve burn nick griffin danny bourbons peculiarly within my then, who nick? No, because I went I wish I had known him. I heard the news it he was drunk earlier. No, he was sober and we go the first thing to do It is in Tampa and I go up into the green room and he's in the green green room, and I I've always had a problem with shirts. So I I think I took my shirt off just to hang out and he was like it's sitting there and I gotta start talking and he goes up but you know I'm not going to talk wow and I went ok because I just want you to know that I'm not going to be speaking yeah. I don't want to talk. Then I went okay, I go ahead. Just you know, I'm still going good, we're fine! I just kept talking just sat nodding his head. He is, he felt it. tor manager, fucked pendule at and he lost his fucking me.

Therefore you let patterns were eager. was. He was so fucking funny he's a cool guy really is spoken, hilarious yeah I mean just a fish it's brilliant writing and he he just put out a special so that that show did check that out. Yeah we filmed it. I dunno where it's going to be, but he put it out himself and that's the cool thing about the way, specials org or the the accessibility to them these days it seems like there's more yes and air. Evelyn goes all substances like netflix putting out one hundred and twenty spine out like crazy and you're like yeah, who gives a fuck. I still get to find great comedy yeah, but Gary goldman is a perfect example. junior vessel is fucking phenomenal, yeah and because there's a lot outlets he gets to keep doing stand up. That's how it works now, as we all get to keep doing stand up like of schuman special in February and mike I'm occur, and by the way, even if no

one wants to buy it I'll, just put it on youtube, yeah fuck. I feel the same way. If that's the cause, I can't get better. If I don't do another spell right right and it's more content who gives you this is like another movie coming out great that one coming did you I pull your material from the special I'm still doing on the road just to fill the time, but I'm I'm probably got a new thirty. So I'm like halfway there, okay, but it's tough man. It's just that transition period from when you shoot it Zira and then even eyes stopped. I started when I did my special. I was so we're tired of that material that I was like. Please anything and I am the very first joke. I started writing dude. Can I tell you something really sad. I shared out this weekend. how to become a good comic fire and we ll always so it so this is only the tip for me, it's just for me, but I have to work on a story for one year. I have to work on. One story for one year takes one year for the store to get good

doing it every night. I have to do it every time. I got an act and I mean the machine took them to the machine store. It took me four years to figure out why there and so cheese, and by the way I just did a fucking tagging at this week's still telling someone still chance about, and so I did italian with this week that may b. I was like why didn't I see this in four fucking years in that adversity rating? That's why people don't get about comedy! It's so hard and jokes, never really end yeah and then and then I go but like even like this. This zip line story was the first one, put the special a record, the special and then I went on vacation my family. Wednesday planning. I went right. Here's a new steers in my next story here that was a year ago. almost two, almost almost exactly You go and now it's doing really well. It takes me like a year

like the one story, I'm tellin on already storytelling show I've been working on the story for probably two years and saw MIKE right. This is Have you done always toyota? Did I bombed? I feel horrible about it. Did you really want my story? I have a it's a great store, but it had no ending and arya was like all. He needs a good ending. Just don't worry about the store, have a good ending. What's the story, I had sex with my screenwriting teacher, and I worked at a new york film academy and at the one of the teachers there it's a law story, but basically my showered and work, and crown hide so I was I went away. without showering smell like shit, my boss, you got a shower. You can't come in and so is going. although you literally been solely to the boy and we were like yeah. It was bad. I couldn't do it cause I was doing sets at night and then I'd wake up. You know you go get home at three in the morning. You have to wake up at seven for work, see in your urine outta there and we had no hot water. We had no electricity in our apartment every now and then so it was snowing ours too cold like a cold, shower and ass.

Eventually I put a plug in part on the stove, my boy, hold it in the dark and, as I understand it, take a horse bad and the kitchen get it over with the lights click on after done showering my fuckin roommate cookstoves top stopping in the in the plot. So I've now covered and in bio, unlike spices and shit and herbs. I was We had to go to work, so how does it would run out and asked what like thanksgiving I'm getting on the train was the for train was all it was the only way, guy and black eyes like standing over like sniffing stuff. There was I put a pot on another with water and turn out. There was dark sorted It will cover the born porn. That's in shit, cornbread,

but values valuable work. Now I smell like home, cooked mealy through, and I thought I would now just gonna get to work on covered in this film and I got like will parsley peace that I made. So I go up to everybody and one lady screen, writing teacher. Mrs friend it's what caller I go. Hey look. Can I share your place, you go sure. I don't care and I was like. Oh my god. She was like kind of cute like forty forty year old, quirky, weird earrings, big beehive, kind of thing, a hairdo and she was a guest or just come over, but I haven't having a dinner party. It's at eight. So if you don't mind getting out of there, I was like you got it whatever. So I get there like six. I a bottle of wine to be nice. I get there, she is beautiful, in brooklyn. All like outlet and spread on the table. Just crazy set up dishes glassware placemats and I'm like oh, my god, she's, like eight things going on the stove bubbling, I'm Ahmad! Oh my god, she's really doing this. So I gonna go halo

Gotta take a shower, be out of your hair, no problems, you go sure sure I'll have a glass of wine. We don't really know each other. I have ass, a wine. We have two last line: three lasso on fourteen by life and love and philosophy we're going at it, and I was like look it's it said, in ten. I gotta get that shower. She goes all right. All right! Well, are you hungry and I'm like, I guess I'll have a bowl. She made pie I was like yeah. I've been I've been eaten good in three weeks. I'll take a bowl. By us now meet the pie, air. We have another glass. Why am I hate? Look? Lady, seven! Thirty! I gotta get the hell out of you. Haven't a dinner party in eight, so all right all right. So I get my shower and I'm hammer to this point about, like six glass of wine being in the shower washing my body be like this is so nice. I go: am I gonna fuck, this now. What are you kidding get out of here? It's fuckin get out. Twenty minutes of people show up, So I got out of the shower and I was like seven forty eight, you know I'm like scurrying like all right, I gotta go! Thank you. She goes add one more glass, I'm like alright and she's Let me give you tore the apartment where water on our part

show me knick, knacks and whatever now we're standing up on a couch looking at a painting on the wall and our Look at our like face to face, and she goes. You know what and I know what's that yours I want you to come in my face. Swear to god or to cover my so I go in our just go on at it. We're on the floor role around knocking coffee tables over and all this shit just fuckin, and porthos string or some and all the lights went out her apartment going at it, there was nighttime disheart, dark sex. I wake up the next morning there's blood everywhere she was. She was on her period, and I mean I just did notice because of a dark uses. Fuckin beat red crime scene thing and I work the next morning, so I just had a leg, so I went in the cleanest I've ever been in economic governance. That uterine lining cited put on clothes and go go to work and we are on the way out you like? Don't you tell anybody nosing around? I want and I of course

Nobody, but yeah that I was it. That was my story. That's fucking great by I bombed it. Onstage, didn't I'm not a story guy, so I you know, I freaked out a lot yeah. I I can tell I'm here, but on stage I need those beats. You know I'm a joke guy, so I it wasn't good. What, if I had your ability, I think I'd be a much better story. Guy I fired europe. It would be a better story. I know it's so funny. Was I got sand? Someone videos like yeah, totally forget the uni jokes inside the story, some yeah like sometimes for me, I go I if I can work it backwards. If I can get a good ending orient, I talked about this a lot and if you can get a good ending to a story, you can fucking figure it out yeah, but but but then, like I, this joke about of one of the stories that will be probably really all my special that I'm working on is about the time I jumped off. Stratosphere jump off stratosphere,

is yeah yeah holy shit. So is it scared cause? I I got a laugh, I'm doing vegas in two weeks and they said hold on you get a free stratosphere. Jumping I could I pushed out. I couldn't do it hold on hold on. Are you doing yes meta. Hey look at that. I can't wait tales going. It's gonna be a good crew, but I'm only there friday night. Alright, I'll, see you leave, I gotta leave and go to I'm gonna bisbee to do some withstand hope. Allow Saturday afternoon fun yeah, but I guess we all leave thursday. Yeah, you leave it out of my life. now new york to vegas on thursday, ok and thy rivalling I'll, be there in the morning, thursday yeah! Oh good good, I think we leave here. We leave here at like noon or something yeah fucking so excited. This is going to be a good group. Good group, that's going to be a shit, show it's going to be fucking insane what are you I couldn't distress for. I was down the scared heights. It's not about coma.

I want to go, I'm going to go, see people ah, but I'm not. I can't do it. I just thinking about it. Freaks me out. What do you or did you did they make you pick a If it is to do yeah, I don't like the roulette. I'm doing the buffet, basically everything, but the stratosphere determine stratosphere. In my opinion, Is you know it's less about the free, follow the job more about the actual jumping itself, I always say that it's one thing to say: you ve been bundy jump into it. You go bungee dumping in leap off a breath. Yes, that's the difference. I call them now youngest just but bitch knees, love, you will jump and they just kind of crumble off them. Yes, we fall of it, but the last budget jump. Did I leaped like it's a very different sensation, but that the stratosphere jump, the hard part, is getting off the edge yeah. That's that's the whole, but she's got much faults.

Sixteen seconds? It's not about sixteen seconds. That's an eternity yeah, but you know what it's a really cool. Sixteen seconds where you clear your mind, really it's no thoughts, it's just like fuck, I'm doing a real, a real, a moment of other realisation of dreams like because all that, with the day you do it, I don't how to do it. This is the reason I say to do it is that the day leading up you'll be so dared and you'll realise all things you want out of life interest. Hardy you'll go fuck this. Why am I doing this? doesn't give a shit about writing the jokes yeah. I don't give a fuck about his hanging out with my kids. I don't want to all I want to do is just going to bike row, my kids, that's what's fun to me: fucking, jumping off a building and then when, when you jump as you fall. You realize you're not going to die you it's a realization of those dreams and you go oh shit. I get to go bike riding with my kids. I get I get a pizza like the things I wanted that life. Anyone you land, there's no better feeling so

I was even a little better in the sense that rachel rachel ice all she's like yoga and she's like yeah you get done, you feel it give a secret. No one knows rachel re, who knew she'd, be the wise one here, she's a jew. Pretty pretty check really yeah. It's pretty cool, you have fat, chicks are cool, they are always the What do you find yourself if you find that you have to be edited in any sense of the way in that aim is becomes a spokesman for for life. Rule that parts tough as well? because you know she's my friend I'm getting so much ship by the way when Amy she represents all read, it blew up. What what are you doing? Barack obama like she's, my friend, colonization, gimme a special must she did it so she's help me out like don't. You should be high arriving her. You know dear friend of mine, but get so much shit, but is she gets it like an ungodly emotion?

Oh, my god, I, like I talked to Jim Lord, about this he's like I get more shit about being friends with her than anything and he's like I've. Blown dudes and people give me more shit about being friends with Amy Schumer, that's creepy. It's great and the people that she has so much hey. I dunno if it's like a woman thing, because she's a woman or the trump stuff for the gun stuff, I guess that doesn't help, but man people give me shit and she it's more shit and she still smile still walkin still doing great and she's a tough broad? It's that would break me. We would like our is that fat, shaming, shit with segura yeah and I was getting a great deal of like real, like a lot of jokes but then real hate. Like I didn't know, we were friends, just better, and the cigarettes he's so much bigger than me now that the especially at the time, I think a lot of people know we're friends now, but at the time people just like you who the fuck is this fat comedian

burnt chrysler and they would say rural. Sometimes it's a girl got it too, because there were parts there were parts of our fans like. I think we share. Probably let's just say one hundred thousand fans. there's that let's say I have one hundred thousand fans: cigars probably got a million. If I have one hundred thousand scores got a million of five hundred thousand of that hundred thousand. We share definitely a seven hundred and eighty thousand okay, anyone who's a fan. Mine yeah, also a fitness guru right right, but so out of his group I one hundred thousand there's a big group that just were just like yeah fuck this guy, and then there were a group of my fans and orphans mutually that are like fuck Utah, I'm like. Why are you doing this to them? When that we're tolerant vote every single day were comparing and we're talking about trying to lose weight right that we know they don't know how close we actually are. But the miller was getting fat shamed. One

It was really really bad. Rarely my I mean my agent or manager called me as a man you're trending, about fat, shaming, and it was the three people were me Kesha and Amy Oh my god. That's hilarious. It was about for something to do with fat, shaming yeah, and I guess I think amy had posted a picture of herself coming out of the ocean and cashier posted a picture of her ass. I didn't read: Amy's cause, I don't really care to read. I don't really care to read the comments yeah only based on the fact that I started reading caches and it was it hurt me what people were saying about her. Let's see harder for a woman to why did you fuck up your face? You're always going to be like, and I'm like, I'm going. Where is this joy were out of this right? Yes, that's what hurts the most like you just trying to hurt me, that's what stings, not the fact that the words of the vector you want me to hurt. That's weird to me: oh, it was not. I was like

and then once gonna try to write a bit about fat, shaming some going through it yeah man. I was to vote. Close to the flame that anytime, anything I said was like people are say. If you talk about, if, if, if I dunno, if you ever talk about something on stage and You it's real. So then you share something. Creeps are one eye at total, unlike what the fuck? Yes he's too. I mean those erode about she's super feminist daylight. One time she was Amy was like, Why to side with her she's a girl, and am everything like that's is ignorant would have what would I do that trumps. A guy guy. You know that's what happened in the election of course deserve there were. There were guys that watched things like lately. To have a real, tough time, listen to Lena dunham, who doesn't I and I know that her your friends year. Armies, like there's, got to be some good about the czech but men she fuckin like just.

The hotel becum shit can now is bad. It's it's either. My body croy was a hard core fuckin. These are my views and one of his views was don't ever polarize yourself. Don't ever stand and one thing once say? I'm liberal everyone's racist oliver s brain you do something a little racist, little fucking synapses. Yet then everyone's like, oh, burner. Colleagues at that's the problem of the left- and I am a liberal guy, but the left they there so happy. Critical. You know they billing, hey, you can't fat, shame! The next joke is lookout. That trump is in the hey. You can't slut shame, but this guys fuck everybody. What a piece of shit like this whore maloney as a hordes like well, what year your morals are skewed. You won't! You won't stick to one thing: you only shit on the people. You don't accept so you're still fucked up you're, just doing it to people, you consider bad yeah. I don't I don't get offended, I just don't get. I don't either or you cannot offend me and I will not and if any I

laugh at anything of a twenty right, any same ear aids miscarriage wherever bring it on, I love it. You name it and that I think that's where I think I don't know. I can't imagine I mean I can't imagine what Amy had to go through cause, it was like all of a sudden all. She was just a comic for like for, like fuckin the major part of the time, and then I think It's like a speech at every woman attached to it. That's what I what I saw was she gave like some speech or something and it was really moving. It was very honest and vulnerable, just like a fuckin comic wood and everyone jumped on than she was like buck, and then there are budget that won't even like. Fans they were just like and then, as soon as that happened everyone who, on the other side like fuck

yep yeah yeah yeah. Well I mean how it goes in america, you you're up here and then we love to tell you bagged alia Ronda rousey. I mean it happens all the time they love. Unless, like I was saying to someone, you know who that you liked the never, I I was figured like it's better to be the journeyman comic, where you just or good good comic making money and you're not famous and then one day a blow up ray as I used to like Chris rock yeah piano like just work and work and work and working blows up, and then almost you like your and because once you have this meteoric rise and lady, like accent amy or disease, or like somebody just like Nowhere is like fucking all over the internet yeah. I think people just want, like dane gal, good day now. Jeez, that's lightened day. Fuckin blows me way. Ninety so liquidity. So just out of curiosity. What do you see as a party story like cheese like whitley, when you're coming over here and like and you're, like ok cool, I would say the virginity stories progressing

a party, though bad virginity, slow, really urban, but without her ears, mines, fun, o minds. We the is it for it's a a wild time. I've told us on a bunch of pods to make it short, but it was new year's eve eve of the millennium, so show our thirty or twenty ninth of white uk So when I got a big party on new year's eve in this field in new orleans, but this knight will go the french court about it, bourbon street holding a hold of you. I was sixteen okay So we go. I don't exactly ten years old, I was twenty or twenty five, when at nears, oh there, twenty five or twenty six at nears eve yeah. So we got a. We got a bourbon street. You know a couple of local kids yakking it up, and this is before cell phones really. So it's me- and I think, five guys and two guys go. We just Big ideas around it, daiquiri staggering neurons are big thing. We're like alright and we just lose them. That was it. They were just gone yeah boom, that's that was the nineties.

and it was the nineties. He would just disappear or just disappear. He lost them were like where'd. They go last year we looked around for ten minutes and they were gone. Fuck it So then, now to be in new friends and we're walk around this woman is on the on the balcony flashing, which is pretty par for the course, but she was gonna Hoddan, just flashing freely shit. A leather jacket with no shirt under it, I remember- was pretty hot and she looked kind of like a like a jennifer aniston. After a fistfight I'd say and as we keep staring at her- and she goes- he looks down it. Was you guys, wanna come up and warlike fuck here. Let's do it, how to see I'd, say forty five oh yeah, but she looked good still. She was hanging there as you'd. Seen. If you want yours, but you know she was hanging and So we go. We try to go with the romano hotel. We try to go up in the guy. Goes. You can't comment: if you're, not guess we go back, we look up at a route, they won't. Let us end chagos, I'm coming down like, oh my god, you as a kid back, then is it a teen it? No one. No adult gave you the time of day. So this is crazy that she's talking to us. So she comes down she's, very maternal, like how you kids do any good

wanna come onto some beads. Are you feeling it or like a house? Woman doesn't want to do anything, and so my friend is like nudging me. He was like just say something just ask her: what what do you got to lose? So I, Oh, hey, look! Lady! I don't I don't two thousand aversion and sheep it's your hand on my shoulder and goes well. I won't layer- and I was like- oh my god, so she's icy brain is out of the hotel. She goes puts us in the elevator and she's gotta room to thirty nine. And then the doors clothes she thought in there, and we just go I just bought a sixty year old, John coward punch each on the shoulder head lawrence, oh my god, so we get out elevator we gotta room to thirty nine. We wait ten minutes twenty minutes. Thirty minutes I would prefer we're just sitting on the floor now. Finally, she walks up. I know what she was doing. Finally, she walks up. She opens the door. Does it old man with a white beard and a harley davidson hat and a leather jacket just sitting in a chair staring at the door anna, those which one is it she goes hand which points to me.

as I write and we're like what the fuck is this and she go, he goes you to the old guy. Goes you to come out on the balcony I got to. I got a case of beer out there in a cooler, and my friends are like shh. We go and my like is go fuck it whatever so big outside he closed the french doors behind him. She walks up and shut the blinds, so they're out there and out there out of my life. So now, she's like all right, so how how'd you want to do this, and I was you know young cocky kid ago- well, take a blow job first and she goes. I don't give blow jobs, and I remember saying if you pick up kids off the street, but you don't give blow jobs. She didn't like that. and she goes or anything else that I go. What are your claims? Because you want to do this or not? I'm sorry, snooki gooseberry, I don't know what to say and my first time gleam never been fucked never been blown whatever, so I remember she said you want to make us a little more comfortable and I said alright, I had a jacket on a button down and a undershirt. I took the jacket off. On a black on a bed and genes and

he's like well, I'm going to go in the bathroom first thing and she comes out completely naked with just socks on and it'll, be like, oh, my god, a naked woman. It was. crazy good body, great body. She had the ski slopes like the banana trade that was kind of weird, but they were fine and as for the worse breath in the world to armor platter. we're going at it and she goes. You have a condom and just like out of a movie at the condom from the forties, you know and she's like air hang on. She opened the nightstand drawer it as lube dildo as condoms. French tickler vibrators was like, oh my god. What am I getting into and she she put the condom on me, and I remember I put my put my dick through the boxer hawks. I was too nervous about her, seeing my balls, calls for some reason on a wide area and we fought for our hours, maybe like two hours. I never came out too nervous leaving you never can. I never came out just so like blown away the whole time. I'd never finished. and she after it I think, could use. I was

younger guy could last and she was like we gotta do this again. As a guy, can I catch his eye come on? What are you doing tomorrow and I had this wave of shame. I was like I gotta get the hell outta here, and for the door to the balcony. My friends fall in their hammered. Another one my friends, because I got sloppy seconds and like that, I'm just yanking them out. We we we get the hell out of there. We go to my friend's house, we pass out and the countries like seven. I am, and I answer the phone, which is that's very nineties to was a landline, am answered, my friends phone. You would never see that you're. So here's, my friends, and it's my two friends we lost and they go you're not going to be admit to me. I'm like you're, not gonna, be able to mate and they go. We met these two as you cla, we fucked them and I'm like I fucked a whore, and she didn't charge me so and that was I was king of highschool for like two months after the really yeah. Oh that's, fucking, crazy virginity, and that was new orleans. Oh new orleans, a wild town that was fucking insane. You know girlfriend at the time now now I was Well nerd enough, this a skinny, skateboard kid I look. important idea was pretty good, really area.

Clothes, like my whole life before comedy, really yeah. So, oh, my god, that's fucking insane yeah, I was wild. I love those moments like like. I was with the Bobby Kelly enough in Arizona me Bobby Kelly enter our two agents, the time guy named matt frost and a guy named ross state, yeah, yeah, yeah, matt frost and this guy vincent nasty, very, very, very fun guys were just, just read it when a beggar we drove around, though we want to see the west, We had never seen the west bobby rye or those guys. So we just drove all the way through through utah. It's great, it was really graves were in Adam were at a hotel in arizona, was it was a by the lake havasu and there's a woman on a balcony and I'm sitting talking to all the guys and I just kind of catch either. There and she she's, maybe six stories up. Yeah she's in a red dress issues goes.

They put your finger to her lips. I allow and I'm looking at her. Six or had known as you suggest, stare after she pulls redress, shows me and then put it back down and goes oh my god, I'm like what the fuck and then she walked inside and I go you guys. Did you see that yeah like what and I go that girl, just fucking shit me and flash me and they're like not until they are you fucking guy shadows, so hot. So I wonder if that one of your sexual imprinting. What you got, what time you gotta be out of here, you gotta be out here at they told me ten, ten fifteen, you gotta tell you what I'll do all in all. I got a crazy day. Would you got piddling a tv show right after this a tv s, then I'm going to do to tee. Shit. I doubt ok, then I'm doing at midnight and then I'm going to need a pitcher. I would kindly central nice

gimme, some nay? I need an inch or I got nothing goin in I'll get the I'll do this. It's one thing to perfect these really cool dude, oh great, I bombed I've done bomb the first three now yeah. Well, they already passed so so how? How have you pitched often this is probably like? My eighth show have pitched the the thing this is. I learned how to pitch Will smith really holy shit, I'm pretty good at pitching, but the thing my the key to pitching is: don't let your agents and managers start the conversation. Okay, do not let them start the conversation. You start the cage conversation you direct it and just like you,

wouldn't stand up, maneuver it into the pitch I got to like. I think the guy going into pitch to like, I think, he's he's really fucking cool. I am almost certain attitude is but like, like I go into a pitch and I'll just I'll. Just very candidly, just start taught like will smith, and I the first pitch that went well was at a b c and he was like he told me goes. Be yourself, don't ever not be yourself, even if you think what you are is going to scare them just be authentic to you and and and don't ever. Let them talk first

you are talking, you just go in and you run the room, you run the room, and so I walked into the a b c and up. The first thing I saw was his couch and we had the same couch in our in our dirty house. I said: oh, my god, by the way, this couch is the best couch to knock yourself out on what they go. You guys have never knocked yourself unconscious and I know- and I'm like, oh my god in college, we, the bet the best you put your head up against the armor this couch and put your head. You gotta, keep your head stable. So this arm is a great armed and wills miss like sort smiley just nodding, and why exactly like just go in and drive it yet I went, and even if, like I've had out pitched I've outsold my pitch before, but not in- and I wanted one time- and I was like I was like- of pity show called um systems with points show us put. I go in.

I said yeah I want to do I so badly want to do a short of me and my bud. He croix he. I call him up, I'm like dude. I think I have a dead hooker, my room and he comes down and he comes out of my house is like holy shit. What do we do? I go? You need your help to get rid of the bodies. We carry the body up in a in a sheep and we take it upstairs. We put it into the trunk. He goes out. He gets a shout couple of shovels and I'm like man, I'm freaking out and at the last minute right before we shut the thing she wakes up and go and then quite takes a shovel hits run ahead, goes that was a close one and the guy were laughing so hard. The guy goes african by it and go that's not my pet anyone what the egoism I guess what your page, I told him if he goes in the past. I tell my pits. Why would you say if the pet? That's? It just goes to show that I should have liked, but I've met. So the next room I went into was effects and I was going to pay

The same shows I was called the it was called the process. It was a bad name, but it was about two filmmakers. This is right when film It became easy to make like this is right around the bow. Just ass millennium, two doesn't do yeah at two farmers get the filmmakers get the same. Log on bank robbery goes wrong and they both gonna, make it three minute short based on this same logline, but on the studio on this on the studio on the finance guy It's all. I may give them the same pitfalls that a studio would give not- and I say what I want to see this as he guerrillas marilla some this, my cousin. He wants to be the getting rambo. These reports, so that was the thing so we go in and that was then I passed on it. I go to the next one and and they go. I go up, the guy goes, you did. I shall hurt bert and I was like yeah and he was pleased that you guys are pitting and this got money husband. His goes. It is

and we just sold herbert without even having a pitch wholly yet every fold herbert with no pets, just six rub so, yes accepts that order. He's gonna go with the flow of just over the flow, but go in and make a very natural light. Something like find some of the room that remind you of something something like that. You can break the story. I do not share your agent, Oh, he just fuck about fucking up all the time they're like. So let me tell you about mark bs, that's what they do lock tours with Amy Schumer he's got yeah. He goes everywhere with her his. He sees ten thousand people a night and he's got a fanbase did we Amy's fan base? Are you saying the exact pitch and we ve done it four times what it allowed or let it be the about. Not only will this early and I'll help you saw the figure out, I think I know exactly your pitching to CBS is then just go anywhere. I just a barrage of progress and he said that if I play my car dry, you give me a glass of the keel at ten in the morning.

And I'll be like alright, alright I'll do it for the pits we went in. We were there the last time we paced me and him were going to pitch a show where I was, I think, Yes, we are going to do a show where I was the I was the council of directors I would go in and I would be pitching I'm selling this wrong. I was going. I was going to go around the world and basically set up embassies and throw a party for two. Top ten countries that didn't like america editor want to change your opinion about amerika great hedge. It was his idea a great idea was that we all came up in the room, but you came in and he was like. I wanted it. Then russia? I want to send you to fuckin russia yeah, and so we kind of morphed it into this party event. Planner I go in. I do a town hall meeting I find out what they dont like about america. I explore their culture and then the last anything to save you from the town all meeting, and I throw an embassy party at my embassy and- and I showed them all the good things about america I get in and out burger ran and I like it, but by the way we're in turkey and so

upward slowly and I get or I get like, tally, owls italian beef, rash ship, didn't we make it for them, and I and I have like one of our great in their territory. On Google melancholy ex with something in there called yes, so, but we're not doing so, but yeah. Let's get you out Glutathione leave ten twenty Ok, opening in due time are you here. When you go back to new york. am I red eye tonight. I know I don't I get beggar adored found on thursday, so they would forget me back in yeah. I guess it's hard to push in the groove year. So the thanks. I know I love it out here as places. What else what other press are you doing? You don't fallon to promote this best found opie jammed with the bonfire doing all that a bunch of like sports illustrated serious podcast its glory. Brothers, lawless, erskine, score rosalie bahrwan. Yet again it's a it's, a wild, it's a whirlwind, and we don't know how people do this. I wish I could do hot ones. I was my favorite mosaic

I, although I have a live, a real big theory on this business now. My new theory is falk traditional publicist venues and find the shape dig online that you keep watching and try to get yourself into that like right. Now, sesar they showed deals, a marrow have you heard of it now did so fucking good. It is so good. I am sure I'm like. I laugh hysterically, these two dudes two black dudes on the violin and they just they're just I I dunno if they do stand up traditionally, but if they don't they fucking. Should there the to the funniest guys and a celebrity interviews are amazing. They just shooting the shit or they also t. After this I am it's fuckin. It's fuckin next level, But what do you want to do in this business? stand. I wanna be a cigar yeah. That's all I want

it has never done anything I know he's ever done. Fucking anything he's got the perfect career. If you ask me just a podcast and stand up, you guys do tuesdays with morrie tuesdays with stories. Yeah yeah and that's that's doing pretty. well, but you know still, I I love doing stand up. I want to. I want to have fans, I want to go to a club and sell it out like like you or saguaro, or you know, rogan to me. Rogan is huge, but rodin's next level, as another empire rogan, the the prototype for what we're all do. Yeah as he was like I gotta be honest with you. I bought it for a long time until him and burst at me down there, like the fuck you doing like what are you doing on tv yeah. It gets doing nothing for your career right and I'm ahead of my gear, but that's that's the thing that we're supposed to do and then like yeah, just to your podcast and just to stand up. I will tell you right now because of that, because of following just what I like, Just the things. The interests me not wait are pitches, folks, all weight, loss, challenge and focusing on putting out videos

getting a video and just to initiate did I've. I've had the best you're financially really refreshingly, I haven't had one show that hasn't sold out this year, not one You know that, but that that is like that is you know what it's like to be a comic into do foggy, show with forty people on a thursday yeah and go and do like one sold out, show a week s and I swear I'm at now. You're, like your excited, when you get your numbers, liquidity, we're more people than a glass paper, the room, exactly yeah, that's my story right now at columbus anatomy, yet with it, but clubs of such a great com detailed yeah, but the thing is is like I dunno what your your fans will find you, I don't like yeah, you can't ever go like like I used to open for Jay more than I used to think. Oh, this will be great I'll, just Will I get some his veins unanimously that never happen every consumer, feeble added? They never came on board. I don't know, I don't know her fans arse

luxuriate comedy exactly a hot la girls who, like we lover, gets its like their fright. That's their saturday in exactly two bachelor party. Let stand up for ourselves ratio. Me I got from louis. That was one thing will overlook for awhile, that's and now that's a comedy people, companies that was huge. That's legit company fans will fucking money Yes, that's what you want. Yes, you are white people you! What's? Yes, you know not all white people aren't smart bail out very good we found they get canada savvy. Yet I was nice. That's for growth like open without ever feel servitude, opening for louis the brain, while Amy's amazing disease like a friend of none of her while we're like tight corner and also she just no does know. What's the word like no holds barred on the on the amenities. You know you get the private jet during the four seasons. It's a black town, car, the gig. You get the helicopter back whatever and the food is insane and the drinks above on whatever the thing is in town to get that all that, like the dell

I get an ordered to the theater and you're in an hour and euro, your home, ex night. It's amazing but lou just like this comedy guru so justly trying to soak up as much wisdom Why around them, and just the vices guy I laid back, our normal guy, humble guy, you know, and he gives you eeg dude coke tags, I'm like I'm going to do a mic and he's like I'll go with you and you're like what It's he's yeah yeah. Where is it I'm like what was bugging me? Twelve people there and he's like? Let's go, and so now little town car on the way to the bank. Would lucy gay he's the coolest sort of aid. If I say we do a makes, you would spit my face. You know and I get it lets us. She doesn't need to Louise, like I got this new idea wanted to test out. It was very different there. There they're very different celebrities and the fact that if louis wants to go do an open mic, everyone sits and goes shut up. he gets here of Aimee. Does MIKE airlines. I pushed amy and pulled out a phone about, our global yeah and act, and so it's like you can't there. She doesn't get to do that more right, right exactly, but

Yeah, I open, remembers. Netflix better was like john arena. Hers too, it was an honour, but I just know her. So it's not as we are, but would louie funny story. I was at the back and a comedy seller. I get off stage pretty well undergoes good said. Oh my god thank you I did know you're here I freaked out and any ghostly. Can you get twenty bucks that ago it helped my wall, I had one twenty in it and I was like here you go and he goes alright I'll be right back and he had a tip some guy and he came back and he goes shit I'll pay. back later and I go out whatever you now louis. I got it and then he goes. You know what you open for me tomorrow, town hall, and I go yeah. That was it and that's a sort of reform. never know you'd, never now by which is what some young comical here, this ngo or this, what will do will pickpocket This would have fallen behind weighted by the door yeah exactly cadets, fucking Awesome you never know yeah he's yeah is this. The best really is he's using these one of those guys like. I knew him when I left open for a long time ago. I cry when it first edge.

Georgia, and I had seen him a long time and I saw him at the asylum at the store the night and he just popped in they're like lucy, goes come up next. I augur answers. I others next year reason I'll, probably stick around have a drink and watch the rest of the show. Yeah I got the virginia together for lucy. Can he comes up and he's like like You know when he like says something to me as he gets them. It came as good senior yeah, yeah yeah and then he's like very funny. Guy, very sweet guy burt fucking great and I was like in the backers heeded need to say that yeah, you just made my fucking. My right like don't you want to be. that guy. That's all I want to be the guy or you say some nice and we will go. Oh it's like a little girl. You said What me so nice, I just are all I care about. I you know what I was thinking about this the other day I was like you have it. I think I have it it's the a comic that every one likes I'd, say I'm a big on ya like I don't need to be. I dont need to be the whenever one comes in,

watch, your aid or a rude. Rather not. I don't want to what bilbil has I hail economies watch me. I'd like to ever it goes up, and everyone goes and watch me that I really don't rogan. That way. I want to be the guy, the airlines- when they see me they smile yeah. What's up man me too, and I feel like I feel like I'm I'm that guy, I feel like you're, that guy definitely he's gonna, definitely are he's not a guy. Now by a smile- and I see our by a procedure is not even that guy, like you re, the girls like he'd ever ever, want to be that guy. Well, those, I almost too- and I hate these, whether almost to real. Do we What kind of sacrifice our own comfort to make others feel better. I think that's an anxiety thing, maybe a self worth problem we have. But if they're happy were happy It was, it was the he just like I'm just going to go and do my shit and leave oh yeah he's. He is like literally almost just so like that. I'm trying to think of the right word but

like he'll hold, calling the store and be like give me an early. So I don't see everyone's stick around see, I'm kind of jealous of that cause. He wish. I could be like that. I wish I could too, because my life is consumed with how others are feeling be I was a lot like you like cigarettes toward with a lot of really big names and when it was younger like when he was probably your age, he was doing wrong peters, rogue, oh really, yeah and you've traveled the world with on private jets, yep and and then, but he I hear that netflix fixing bloom on yeah and then his next. Then he kept doing now is to was another one and he's a now, and he someone that in a police, massively fuckin, talented yeah, we're gonna really fun. can hard alley, eddies generous as far away the openers yeah. Oh my god, I can't I gotta work with some guys the other day and I was like hey man. What am I supposed to tip out? People is a gulag and five thousand dollars. What what? Oh, my god, he didn't say that

but yeah? I just want to put that out there. Alright he's a good, a we. We had a little beef thing happen and we were always at a bar with my colleagues, we are telling like street jokes and I was like that's a funny joke and I told him on Opie and the fuckin twitter went crazy, like that's a cigar, a joke! You, mother fucker. I can't believe you steal from cigar, and I was like I dunno this joke. I didn't know it was about like it sounds like a street joke like got a prostitute? The other day was fifty bucks app. We finished working as it where's the fifty. or something I know, legged misdirect, any sampling street jokes. Is told that as a street joke and the fuckin twitter went, raising, then he picked me up right. Here are some puzzling age way. I got his number from ARI as a guard. We cigars number because I want to squash this immediately, so I call them and you just cause you're dumber dislike, I

if you stole it, I I you know what it happens whatever and I was like am a big fan. I respect you, I don't want you to think I'm stealing, I'm not a joke the boulevard and he was LI ion a probe. So that was it, but it was that I got taste of what it sounds or feels like to be a joke thief. Just from that twitter blowing up- and I can't imagine what these other people go through- your job would wear the the Well comedy is we are we are a pirate ship like yeah? It's not a problem, it's a good thing, but like we are a pirate habits. We have pirate ship laws so like when we do find out. Someone steals we handle it internally and then, but but when it gets although that's when it goes fuck all list, people get crazy with it because we introduced him to it. I guess so rogan really we are with the Carlos museum. They yeah. They were like. Oh, I didn't know, you couldn't fuel it literally came up you're like yeah. He tells it better

yeah yeah? No, it's not that fucking right right, yeah yeah! I know how that fucking works. It's not ooh so, and input yeah women comics! That's all we fucking talk about backstage we're just sitting there, like hey man. When you hear this, fucking dude tell him that bit you're, like oh fuck yeah. I know we've been stolen from it's sucks. Do really. I guess that was a big thing. I dunno yup, it's top of the boards have been stolen from because our most that there's a big flaw that me and you we're good guys, so people feel sometimes like they can take liberties with us cause yeah or like we're. Not gonna want to rock the boat out. All right now I don't want stealing from rogan. No, that's a good point. Yeah! No, it's yeah people look at me and they're like oh. I remember hearing one person say some time. He'll probably forget he wrote that right pretty quickly and I write on stage yeah and I remember cigarette telling me that cigarette told me distinctly that person said that you write more material in

in a year the no right all their like yeah, you're. You'll, probably forget. You wrote these thing plus the booze yet and an umbrella and re, and I was like a member here, an echo that can't be held now now I d guy hit me up on facebook goes some guys doing your bit verbatim. I took a video of it here. It is unbelievable, stole a bit it's crushed. I'd never had a happening before it killed me cause. He works so hard on this shit. So I emailed the guy- and, I said, hey, I said I'm like a page long thing of like. Would you get it? As for you, it's all about your point of view. It's all about your opinion of how you see the world. What's the point of just stealing shit and he wrote back you're right, I'm sorry I'll! Never do it again, and that was it. Oh. I want what happened to me as I was getting stolen from so much that I was like that. I was like okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna nip this in the bud. I'm going to write stuff. No one can take nominal, I'm going to do a twelve minute, fucking story. Do and that's really got me into storytelling, because I was having these jokes that were mediocre at best yeah. That would choke pseudo. Currently cucumber up. The ass joke in iraq

like that whole settlers right there are very still able now and then and then and then. Finally, I was like was taken my disney unless it knows that it was taken the machine, those taken as an early enough. Some plumes was only a but like, but I don't know you gonna huge toe me. Are you well endowed no never. Let us always like three inches wide, though crazy toe big feet, It said obsessed with penis size, so so, let's We brought about an hour and a half his choice. Ten twenty lout. Yet every meeting today to talk to you about your thoughts it sure so. I've set at the very beginning the park ass. We imagine it must be our special this, oh this week on colony central friday night friday,

know yourself, just what they'll be yourself self yeah, it's a great special. I have watched it beginning to end that it is phenomenal. That means a lot. It really isn't, and my sat with my wife and watched it while giggled hysterically when she offended by anything, no okay, it's a lot of girls. I've had problems with us with some of the lady material, really yeah. Alright great We get like that. I love it, so everyone check it out. Mark. I appreciate it. Man thanks, I'm gonna hit you up when I want to get your number, I don't think we have numbers now. I want to get your number when I come to new york. I want to fucking, hang, let's hang through a diner hang on. I want to I'm going to organize a hang. You know what I'm gonna do I'm going to organize a fucking dinner for the new york comics wanting a private room of locking wasted gun lie. I love it bullshit and gossip. That's that's a date that you know that already is inviting someone going how come wasn't about that you're right the best. By the way. The best thing I heard a soda told me one of the best things beside

as the jealous fitness. U story, yeah was, he was talking about, nay, forgot, see, didn't get invited to patrice, is Barbecue one year they restock disorder was like dude. Can you get in touch with patrice if he'd like me as soldiers I came in march concerning seed and invite him is it ok becomes an patrice, goes man back at us I believe in dinosaurs? Of course I want him at my bar that he doesn't believe in dinosaurs. I want a human, that's so funny great, so religious, I'm like what are you crazy will do. Congratulations on the personally I like the tactic, is spoken awesome and watch I'm going to watcher. What's what you do thursday? I fallon. Yes, sir. Tonight, this is coming out wednesday morning to everyone. Yes watch the watch valid on thursday watch a special friday. I can't believe they. Let me get away with some of the material and fallen I had to fight for it. For real I've got a boner in there. I've got legs, some anti relationship, stuff

it's heavy stuff shot fall yeah on NBC, so that'll be fun, walk, yeah! Well, congratulations. Thank you for doing this extra elicit my podcast uses a store with Joe this. The way I got it you got. It introduced me to Joe Louis, oh sure, because he met that story of him shitting in his shoe made me laugh so fucking horrible he's different now, but yeah he's a good guy or his podcast. Oh yeah, and I was listening the whole fucking the european patent is a good browser. Then this episode was brought to you by the machine. But you are cellular, it's just twenty nine, ninety nine per line for one two or three lines, so you don't need that robot daughter, you built to get a fourth line for family plan pricing, rope, Elizabeth she's.

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