With you a cellular, it's just twenty nine. Ninety nine per line for one two or three lines. So you don't need that robot daughter, you built to get a fourth line for family glamorizing, rope, Elizabeth she's, Can I like that? The road isolated prevail boy get the low rate of twenty nine. Ninety nine per lie. We were cellular built for us terms, applied. Does it? U s cellular dot com, pretty deals. We value human connection with fever. Distractions cellular built for us visit your? U s! Cellular authorized agent located in eighteen. Fifty two decorator pike in athens. The What's up guys, brainy pike ass, his weak, real, quick, let's run through some toward its till you, bone september no tenth and eleventh all in sick to work show on the twenty third of september in tat of florida, my home town, so collins to work, you're tickets, cowards going,

their governs gonna, be there spanish carmen cat Ralphie may it's gonna be a blast because the very next day we're going to the cow had, cruise next week after that, october six seven and filled. Alpha helium comics, comedy club at the mohegan sun the weekend after that thirteen fourteen fifteen gotham new york, the twenty first twenty second and twenty third november. Third, my birthday- I'll be in the dayton funnybone baltimore comedy factory, temp, improv, more he's, gonna joint fort lauderdale florida in private. end of december and the very last toward data this year is oxnard oxnard oxnard new eve and those my toward it was just one. Joking Podcast reason sittest decoy pond would show coy. Is it's a really good podcast? It's a real really great pot gas, so I'd I'd say, never won over there and check it out. I think you really gonna like it thanks everyone.

for the love of check out my numbers, obviously in and the podcast is up over fifty percent downloads and last ten episodes I am really happy so keep downloading keep us in it out will be out every wednesday morning, potent tuesday night but will be out every wednesday morning, I am in love in this podcast cast a moment as mostly the conversation I have that I'm sure with you today with a guy that Looked up to him comedy my entire career. He's just a guy that he's able where many hats in this business, but the main one. You see him with every out, is comic and has it add and as a guy who, who a kind of sources first dad that was we're doing comedy that I liked like oh yeah, he's not the about daisies time about his dad I can, I mean very honest:

the angle I come from a stand up as I don't try to like risen drop off crazy. It's my experience with father hood. and I fucking just words. Back the living shit. This guy he's been in the past. Guess game six or seven years of fiscal radio, which is one The greatest podcast and syria like some shows out their writer comedian, really great guy and my friend, and I feel like every time we get along we get together we have an amazing fucking conversation. You won't go back, I think, go back probably three months, and I was on fixed on radio and I'm tellin. You want to say this: it is one of the better interviews I've ever done. It was just amazing because it here The contents of a vessel you'll hear mine. Just talking about me, a ball buncher whenever eyes, my boy, I guess I'm a little bit of mass he's amazing, ladies and gentlemen, today's podcast together. Gregg fitzsimons,

Let me do anything about I've such great parenting thing. I want to talk to you about today. Can we talk about it? check one too for breakfast this morning I had. I did a. I was a horrible parent. Let's be it's it's interesting all the stuff. The like! Are you go with that? with the money stuff. Yes, some all over that shit. Really here my dad. In radio new york and he went job to job, and sometimes I can remember him- one point now, working for four years when he was like four years old and he who does not I put life in like because as a kid, you must have seen that probably didn't register as much here but like now. have a friend going through that whose, like forty three not working and you look at it, you can see it like him in his head- is like pox it over here

such a possibility in the entertainment business yeah. You know, and he was my father. We see and talk radio back when that was king. You know before fm before rush limbata lots of stuff. I am radio waves, personality driven not did not very different than your show. It's just guys talking bringing yes, are you care about and getting into long form? That's what I m radio was. It was interesting you had it on in the background they played maybe two or three wrecked in our like some frank sinatra, You know now tore may or some cause, I'm corny old and then and then they talked so that's die. He was going out of favour as fm became more popular and so not only was seeing him not have a job. He saw his whole niece going away rule so he had to come. Transform a little bit and get a little bit more aid of apc, which leaves are going ahead as what was the like. What was the differential?

in between am enough. Unlike what would what would make someone Oh he's an m talent versus he's enough talent, but sam was all about rock music when I first started so it was about, you know, guys, scott beauty. We Jonathan schwartz, who come on in new york, Kennedy was more indy, you know when they were playing. First of the frequency. Fm is frequency modulation, which means that there's a there's a longer wavelength which carries whose agenda much richer form you get lower bases and and is made for talk because it is so kind of tiny. It's your elicit a sports, and I am in blocking never knew that yeah. He has now. Why? Don't they one or two I also say this you'll go you'll go will, but would you want that? Which, I am sure is a question, but why don't they too good just programme, and I am going wanta who wants

fuckin boss, nobody wants they who wants to give away. Ninety percent of the add revenue is that that we're thing There's no money in radio anymore unless you're, like you know the guys is preston and steve and philadelphia theirs. There's some monsters that have been around for a long time to make big money, but for mar or Oh friend, my call d, you know he keegan megan make real money, because these in a big market and he's got a lotta listeners but for other guys their rake. In five figures and their work and their asses often their decent size. Teams in their markets. I asked a guy in richmond as radio radio and hid it was one of those recorded ones. And he had to do a series- berries add it was, and I go ooh. What do you get paid for your shares, berries ads and he was like. I don't away firstly, and he goes why resource berries. I omit arguments. I make the avenues ike,

What up cuz? I just fucking, read them right. There is a part of it, but I, but I wonder, we're putting out so much content. I guess people are getting our content. What do we care? it's not that I don't be. I mean I want to point. Baron was picked up on npr on sundays and they were playing out enough was like his best episode of the weak or whatever. It is last assumes that goes on from six months or a year? But you know, look you look it even the serious exam bottle, enemy you're paying for a piece of metal up in space and office is full of people we're sitting you're fuckin house right now, the only overhead you have ban with, which is about a hundred bucks a month, and you don't even use a producer dear, not me, so zero overhead. You get your Your add your at age and takes. Is he takes his taste up front? He what's his beak and you're gettin what eighty percent of the revenue from the ads. That's that's insane. It's a click of our easy business model zero over her. Yes, I mean you're miracle

What are the same want to cause about four hundred fifty dollars a couple hundred dollar microphones and we're going we're good, you don't even use headphones. You fucking animal model in the middle from recording us that are so people know we're sitting in what looks like a ski chalet. It's all worried cedar. I do it's our all reclaim number it's all beautiful cedar and there's a there's, a treadmill that bert, I would imagine, about six miles out in all the years you ve moved the sadly I wish I'd say I was told well the other day I was like I subscribed to the, and I think it's because I was fan of stern. The ah I'll tell you everything, model of entertainment right like I, don't have any secrets I'll. Tell you everything. The out of things are most embarrassed about. I want to tell you first, of course, one of the my biggest flaws was ever was sharing, though I like to like to get on my trouble with a bottle of wine, and,

That's how I close out my knights. I walk like four miles and ring a bottle of wine, and watching t v watching t tv usually have usually guy fealty love, diners driving and die and it just just it just keeps on go yeah and I, and so I shared that I think, on rogan, and so now all anyone says is shared another secret. I shared with theirs, appeared a time rosemary in boxes, a wine thinking. It was a bottle, Pierre, those three and a half bottles, and I was like murdering boxes going. I'm Well, good, so funny, I'm almost at the end of this I go to bed. So would you get less drunk or more drunk from being on the treadmill more drunk? It was a better drunk yeah It was a positive and you feel good about yourself here. You burn those calories and drank those calories.

I can see that I would get. I would get skippy like I'd. Get to the point where I'd like skip and like I was. It was really fun, but there was always a period of time that, like towards the end where you could tell I was I could tell I was going drunk yeah, rose like stepping on the side, and I was like okay time to wrap this and then there'll be a period like mid baldwin, where, like I'm fucking, I'm jogging yeah he'd crank it up and it will do when you spill your wine yeah just drink it all out of the bottle you put in the glass they'll put the bottle on one side, the glass on the other and but the the wine glass tilted. It's one of those. Just a bulb glass ray the tilted. It would just it would inevitably I'd fill to hide, it would spill off. So what have we

in all in the where you're supposed to keep your cell phone. Why not drink it out of the bottle, which is contained, I feel too much like a whiner. Well, you know what the thing with me with wine is a and it's like a vacation. Do you know how like we go on vacation and as you're packing your excited that corking, the wine? It is really great feeling really really great feeling and then the first couple of glasses, where I'm just past the neck I can see it in the bottle. Just dark yeah and I feel, like I got the whole week ahead of me. We just got to hawaii. We just checked in let's get down to the pool, get our goggles on we're going snorkeling yeah and then, when I get to that last, pour of one like the hour of last night at dinner- and I get almost sad nostalgic guy here- it's put up, but I like to

measure it out with classes and kind of like and see cause like towards at last when they go fuck, it filled all where the top like the last one of my dinner is gonna, be great. He added loaded up at a bottle. One I've been drinking in I've, been drinking at all for few weeks here and then she gets shakes no depressed. Are you know it's not about you? You talked about its ought by depression. Yeah. What I got I was getting depressed. I was like I was just funny. Everything had like a a matte finish on it. Yeah and I was like like this- is odd, because normally, if I stop drinking, immediately the most pleasurable person to be around relay off through the fuckin rufus, like annoyingly. So is a hard when you go on the road now. Do people expect you to drink? Put them shots

age and other people since I started a stage of arab I've been pretty measured. Why didn't I didn't drink in syracuse at all about it? We wanted to drink. I'm sorry, I don't know I had there's nothing. I can do for you. a moment, I'd love to live that with the right now I just feel like it has, I think, that's what made it hard for a tell to quit was they were people exe acted, they demanded. I mean already lang the same thing when you, you know, there's a you guys have a genre are drinking comedians, it's it's! It's interesting! I've been garbage cause. I I started thinking this twelve signed up to do the oddball tour,

they cancelled it. I heard yeah the whole tour they canceled cancelled. Everyone I was on was cancelled. Like nine dates, I don't, I don't think they're canceling anymore. The ideas was on my podcast the other day and he just kept looking at his phone. While I was talking to him distracted and cancelled cancelled, can't one by one. While I think what the difference is, this is meant as a compliment, but it's going to come out backhanded okay, every headliner they had was a fantastic comic, but I don't think they were event comics. So I think what they had was comedy fans yeah, but what they didn't have were event comics like Dave chappelle is an event comic. You want it's like watching. Jordan play right. You want to go, watch him play before he retires or lebron,

Yeah like like carmelo Anthony is a great athlete, but I don't really he's not on my bucket list so that that tour needed to be made up of bucket list comics, which is like. If you had artie Lange on it, people would have come out. I think already said still it the differences, artisan event. How I say I want us out man, I'm I'm fascinated by him before he died. A tell it's an event. I mean I remember giving to tell wasn't headlining it. No, but what? But, if you are David, tell them that when, when you had to tell hedberg and loose black, that was an event show because, like fuck man, these guys go hard right now. I I take that and I kind of shifted to where I'm at in my career cause I was like. I was like. I wonder if I'm becoming too much of an event comic and not enough of a comic's comic A bastion is a comic that has comedy fans the guys who, like comedy, go, see sebastian fluffy, Jim Jeffreys Jeffreys a little bit of an event comic. I think, but like an animal

This is coming off as an insult I don't mean to, but like they're like you mean, like, moreover, cross relax somebody who, who almost the comedy secondary right like I get it. These Ansari is an event comic. I think so, like Amy's an event comic. You know, like, I think, they're more, it's more there's you think its cause. If the draw comes from tv rather than just stand up, I don't eat, maybe like Brian regan as a comic's, comic brian Regan, as a comic's comic. He could to a Brian regan, probably go through and go. I can tell you exactly how many tickets I can sell in utah yeah, but like chappelle, he gets. I mean Chappelle is like an a comic like unlimited, he can literally cell unlimited amanda tickets. Has everyone, including my wife, wants rosy appear more if those nothin about fucking comedy but she wants to see the shell right. Let me in even one like it, prime, Brian regan water room like off. For me, I'm like a thought, his brain regan. How great is at sea We support a room, I'm like oh, my god, a great white shark just swamp, asked me and it didn't fuck an attack

I mean yeah, oh god, he just said hi. How fucking crazy is this yeah? You know it's it's it's a difference and I dunno what the difference in like an event, comic verses, but I, but I do know that there are people that come see me do stand up, that I don't think they give a fuck about me telling joke at all. Here they want to see me do a shop. They want to see me my shirt off. They want. It really think I've been kind of like whittling it down. Trying to figure out. We know like tom cigarette is a comics comic. Here. People are commonly fans, they found a billboard, comics comic, although I think he's. Could he has he done our law? No, he wants to do so. He doesn't want to be part of a tour of the eta think it looks really bad now, if you're the headline news on this work, fluffy was one sebastian Jim Jeffreys dane cook were the ones I think the guy So it looks bad because now you know there was a high profile thing: they they were advertise.

They went out with it. Then they cancel it and the truth is you know what a water Y know these tourists, but it sounded like they were pretty expensive, like a hundred bucks, a ticket plus take if these are like a hundred- and there were like another thirty bar code of thirty bucks, a tribute I mean. That's it. That's a law task of people, big, it's the same people in their pursuit of. I think the problem was the people that want to go to oddball are the same people who want to see pearl due to non technically pearl, Jim France, but, like I know, would be a good shot right. I know the same people that go. Oh the stones are here, are the grateful dead yeah they want wanted. They want to go see the event they don't give a fuck about. You know like and roses comes in here my wife, c d c lost her mind yeah ago. Do you think they'll play anything new? She goes. I hope not like that guns and roses right. So, like I guarantee you, the people on this lineup that we're supposed to do oddball,

we're all working on new shit. Exactly what's that yeah they want fuckin, they want dane, they would have wanted, dane cook to come out and grant pickles yeah and they would have been like fuck yeah, that's who's buying tickets. I guess I dunno I don't really, I just don't think with these tours. I think what you saw at the first oddball tourists. Like you, said it's a really about the headliner. You know I mean granted. there is strong support acts like but David tell was a sport. I tells not good for ten thousand seats, he's, probably good fur. Oh five hundred seven hundred ah he'd, be amazing in it's right would want to see him go over southern rosy, but I'm just saying to terms what he brings to the tour. You know you ve got three guys that are good for five hundred see cheese. Their target of fifteen thousand see venues fifteenth of Z. They were, they were not moving. I heard nothing there and when we got like we got number breakdowns at certain points and you were like I'm in my one point I was

I said the cigar. I was like, why don't me and you do atlanta, we could sell that like right, but, like you know the other thing, I think they messed up on this. These are. This is not just my thought, it's other people's thoughts, but like I don't know they needed to pay me. Cigarette eliza, fuckin, tony sleight of hand clear felling, I need to pay us anything. I think what they should have done was gone around and gotten really strong feature acts who are good at doing fifteen minutes and plug them in for five hundred bucks, a shot right and they would have destroyed right. I can. I have a really hard time of fifteen minutes. Yeah these there are feature acts that murder fifteen. Yeah. Then they could have done that, and you know I mean I dunno they'll never do another oddball again. I think that if they do, I think there'll be smart and do exactly what you just said and scale it back to like a seven eight thousand seat theater. But you know people get greedy it to me. It just feels like why go there.

Big, I don't think that's an enjoyable experience. People I've talked to that have been to these shows, say: you're standing in the back and half the people aren't paying attention and you don't have that connection to the comedian you're. You know you might as well be watching it on tv, it's not it's not like a club or even a small theatre. Where, like you, really feel and hear them, and it's like a you know, you're in the room or it never made total sense to me to do stand up to fifteen thousand people. Look like I'm sure that it's I don't have my my egos not connected to that. It goes connected to different shit like I just want to be asked to be on the tour. That's it now they're doing the fifteen thousand people fuck that I just want to be asked, and then I won't be able to go backstage. That's it yeah! That's all I give a fuck about if they Viewed it they said, you're going on first there's only gonna be about a thousand people in the room. When you go up I'd like perfect gas. That is right and my swings. Fifty thousand, I wonder what do you do?

drop. Your makes that they know when to laugh like here, and I love the infers because then on a lineup like that, you can kick back and enjoy the shell harassers off. Yes, I love being a leader. Guy had no ego problems with that. Put me up first year at fucking love that europe, but you don't even know how they were going to do to show to be done and there are still doing them. Are they doing some limits on the ruin of taxes I have an leaned forward to berbice with my body what the fuck is house. What are you figure compacting your stomach. I think so. He looks so funny and I never notice the little eccentricities about my body like, but like people like you purple lot, I'm like really a little caper like fucking ten times an hour. People call you burp, chrysler, corp, chrysler, burnt, chrysler and everything yeah yeah, I'm all over the map. I smell it now. Could you have meat for brick?

this I had a breakfast priests. My guy I had met I'm sitting ten feet from you lost too much weight, but not idle. I did a periscope. Do there. which I rarely do, but I was getting a call and ask it be so I wanted to like go through the whole com. Ask if he shit and I as soon as it popped up, I swear to god in five minutes, three people wrote burt is fat. I know I wish things that thing has got now: I'm doing this speedo campaign that I'm hoping or parallel here, but we had a thing still got steam, speedo camping, they're, paying you speeder, no, no, no, irish, oh, and so they I am obsessed with speeders. I've been wearing speedos. Like I love speeders like I. Never we did trip flip on travel channel. If I had a chance to go swimming I'd, always wear speedo, yeah cause you're a bear yeah and that and I'm being dead, serious I've ever swam in a speedo, fuck yeah.

Fuckin dolphin ambling, like you fly through your amazed at how much drag you have on every day when you close peter, you fly through the water, and it's really, I think, they're really comfortable, and so we are kind of sexy to no matter how badger body a suit, I'm being feel like you're wearing women's underwear. Did you tell me if you like I've had days? Were the girls were all camping and it's me I thought of speedo sit in the backyard, get some son and I feel so sexy definitely jacking off that day? Yeah like I'm, definitely turned my cell phone, and so I did this thing. So the ryan lochte thing happened and I happened to have buddy Josh temple, who does a byard, crashers or house crashers texted me and said Aber. I dunno, if you know, but there's an opening at speedo for an athlete, and so I happen to have like three of the funniest drone shots of me and a speedo.

We just shot fucking around on triplet, so I posted one and it got like one hundred and seventy thousand views and saw was like, and so I was like. I was like okay, so I know I have to. War and then I also have a million pictures of me and speeders so Firstly in haste: we don't own home irrational and we feel that whole how thankful at all- and then I started. Stunning pictures and it's getting like good, it's getting good and then I was like fuck it. I'm gonna make like a proposal, so I shot a proposal video yesterday, like an official offer of like speedo, me: two million whatever your plane ride, morality and I will wear speeders only. That is all aware of twenty four seven. As long as I'm in contract of client playing conspirators outperformance the lads, grandma evil fuck it began and let it be for the common man we're in the other. That's the point is like they ve made speeders dislike elite is, unlike almost like the porsche like the top one per centres can wear them.

Go bring them back to where they were. When I was a kid were all wearing them. I was, I was on swim teams as a kid, and I warm I was so here's how skinny I was burt. Oh, I would put my speedos on and they were baggy. I was like an ethiopian. I have these little twig. legs and knobby knees, and I was so fucking embarrassed. I hated it dude and I would just I put it. I come out to the pool. I take my t shirt off a dive right in the water. I'd get out, I throw a towel around my waist and a teacher back on again. It was horrible ninth grade. I was on the swim, ninth and tenth grade, and I was in maybe the best shape, I've ever been in my young adult life, I'm from here like I'm, I'm full in puberty. My muscles are kicking me like a buck. Twenty five and I'm tanis fuck yeah, and we go to a lake party and I go fucking where my speedo mean like ninth grade tenth grade, and I throw my speedo and I remember a couple of girls being like holy shit

Like your legs are beautiful and I was like yeah and me and Alan Rieger wearing speedos and everyone's laughing at us, and there were- and I was like I was like oh shit. This is real and I wear speedos in college. I wore. I wear them all the time yeah I still. I have more speedos I've. Probably I probably have about fifteen different speedos yeah. so so I shot this video yesterday and then this video right now has four hundred and eighteen thousand views You get small, tits and so bad ripe I'd feel little Pouch, not bad, not out right now, and you still have good legs little. Drag on my chest, but they call that a bear. You

r a I mean if I'm a gay guy into bears. You are. You are mister january, the first guy of the year I got pitched to a bear. A bear magazine called me up when really they were like hey we're big for him, humble facebook to look we're big fans of your show and me, and my partner run a small publication of san Francisco's for the bear community and we'd love to do like a spread on you. If you're interested- and I was like- yes definitely- my head- it's like you know one like ryan reynolds does out magazine, I think it's a big crossover fanbase and we already had a crush on him. We didn't know he was so fucking welcome as if tickets sold aired. Yes, and so that's why I'm thinking what I'll do is all ok I'll do the thing it'll come out, travel channel will be like what, but no one can say anything cause it's a gay magazine, yeah and then

isn't it kind of fizzled out cause they didn't have any money, so they can players of uppers of album here guys, maybe if maybe, if it works out so than one item talking to travel, channel and micah were having drinks me and a couple of people at the network, and I said yeah I was supposed to do this bear magazine. I was going to do it and then release it and see like so that you guys like it'd, be fun. You guys would like what the fuck is this and then, shut down, the like you have a morality clause in your contract. Gay magazine is a morality, gay pornography like they were like you know how to do any pornography, but you wouldn't be naked. I dont and now that I'm in retrospect, I'm like we definitely be leaving a photo shoot like would it be, I'm sure I will you haven't, thought about and thought any other of its like yours

I do any pornography, let alone gay pornography, and you would have to pull out your car how's your cock. Let's talk about it, not good, really really bad know like bill. Burr saw it the other night and was like he was like. I wouldn't do that. If I were, you can back up for a second. Why is bill Barr? Looking at your cock, we did the goddamn comedy jam. What's that you don't owe that music gang yeah, goddamn companies. You stand up like terminus, fifty menacing minutes, a song of the end and I did run on children in prison. I did this. Ok, ok, how you did so. I made the whole band put on socks. I need to get it ok, but it was. I was nervous, it was so cold and I'm not doubt that might not we're going into my body, and it was just my dick, like the smallest has ever been so I had to overcome problems all I got like I'd like to take to pay tape and tried to connect it to that. We work. Yes, I ended up having to take a rubber band and do like a cock ring around my dick and balls the rubber band to keep.

Sock in place and even still look tiny tat is so humiliating bill was just looking at me like, like you, just get a cab taking pictures. Goin, I am sent I'm only taking them to send to you and then I'm deleting them off my phone and it was like it was, but it looks like you couldn't really tell everyone looks small in those like when you look at the round up John jelly members here, they're like small but they'll, but it is whatever I'm fuckin. What songs you sing. What I got you gotta get it put it in you yeah, that's all. I lose my voice after the first to libya of now was my saving grace as we would skinny dip, sometimes at night and we'd break into the town pool and we'd skinny dip, and I had no qualms about that. I have a big dick really and especially being a skinny small guy. It's you actually impressive. As a matter of fact, I slept with a few female

comics on the way up and they started talking in the comedy community. And so I was on. I was on tough crowd with Colin Quinn and they started talking we in the green room with the other comics in collins like what's all this, I hear about your cock, really get a pretty big cox at summits. Let's see it, so I just done My fly a pop out and they were all like whoa. So then calling goes. stern and talks about it and now enables the message was out, and I so I'm spring it up, because I want to keep one keep keep the rumor the rumor alive, a small, dick yeah or he's got a nice dick. Alright, as Jim Norton's got a big dick, no shit, Jim Norton's got a double take dick, like we were pianists to each other. It up

some theatre were added. We were doing last comic standing to hear when we were going to the bathroom talking and he pulls up, and he does the talking we still like talking to me, but he's kind of opened up. You know like yeah, like he's trying to hit that he was trying to pull the ball. or do I opened up, and I just can't looked at his dick. No one- and I ll it's so big- all I said- was holy shit. You have a big dec. and he was like yeah yeah yeah. I got a mule for whatever reason I was like caught off guard. I was like whoa yeah, but yeah norns got a big dick, who else while Bobby leaves is very small right cause any poll scottish shows. Sometimes I think he does. I never seen it here. I mean you not zoom in spanish, to perpetuate the stereotype of vat asian guys ex, but you know what Why? Is it that we can say that I can say categorically black people have extremely curly hair. I can

I say as you go. You can say that yeah right yeah, you can say that a lot of italian men have big noses. Do you do that? Why can't we say asian guys have small dicks I've seen porn I'll? Take it one further. I tried to describe what jc looked like on coward show show and he stopped and he dumped out of it. He said you can't describe his face. On radio wines, that is as a hate crime scribe jaycees face my crazy. I dont understand that J c has very stereotypical afghan. A mere african americans lad no big lips, there are already this is hasty drop it out like you're lucky you like that he I was. Does that he's actually printed kind of a light skins african american put, but his face is

from what I understand from the conversation we had his face? Is so stereotypically african american, when you describe a thing. You sound like you're, being racist, isn't that amazing fucking mind blowing right and my my daughters? Probably don't have a racist bone in their body and they will just say things they see and be like yeah like playing ball against mexicans makes me uncomfortable, yeah and you're like. Why? Are they like they're? Just very aggressive parents, want them to win? It's not the little girls. It's the parents, the parents are really daddy they're, like the parents scare me yeah and cause there are. Like I mean these dads are like fucking, skill, home and and kids are stealing home and girls softball home home the pitch.

The kids still fucking on my kid, my daughter was playing soccer and her team was playing. We were playing a team from englewood and it was all black girls and her team was like mostly white. You know some latinos couple of black girls, but mostly white girls and these girls come in and they play fuckin hard, not dirty heart and the the

the t r team, your parents started screaming at the ref that he wasn't calling fouls and the girls were crying when they got pushed a little bit. If those girls have been white and played hard, nothing would have been said. That is exactly what happened with the mexican team. We played right, the parents were up and fucking armed here and then they got and then the parents got competitive, they've never been competitive in their entire life. The parents are competitive and our room remove myself from the situation yeah. I went out to right field and I sat out there and I went because I get competitive year and I was like in it and I was like in my head. I'm like it is the fucking game. You can steal home. That is the game. You got it. You can feel every base. what happened? Is they get to first base, they score single and when they'd go to steal, they just steal? Second and third yeah, like steal two bases at a time, and I'm not a sociologist. I can't sit here and tell you why black people I mean if you want to have a good team,

There is a higher percentage of african americans playing, especially in certain sports and I'm not a sociologist. I don't know what that is, but I can tell you point blank. These girls were playing harder and from what I've. I I've seen a lot of african americans play very hard use it because they grew up in a tougher environment. Where you had to be more competitive. I don't fucking know I don't care. I dont have to explain myself. I'm allowed the comedian to observe a pattern and say it I dont have to solve it. I don't have to make accommodations for it. I can just say black people have curly hair. They play sports. Really really art sue me why? Why would what has gone to the place where people were it's almost that lets you member the curve? Do you remember when you or when people said faggot onstage in new york, of course, and then I still they lie the democratic faggot really,

as I was talking about how I had erectile dysfunction, one time and my wife, It's like you have set out better and I go, I go, I go, it's not your fault and she goes who said it faggot. You got the limp, dick pussies tight Since these sexless. What? What did you think about the curtain? Anything who is the current I: are you, sir? All, you missed a vernal date, Kurt metzger. What happened serious here I mean, I do know just any right on her show yea for years. Ok is not every season. I'd I'd argue that he's. Probably this reason the show so good. Well, as is funny as shit, but he's also fuckin twisted. He goes in the paint yeah hardy amis like him in samara, Did this thing with a feminist? I guess I didn't like it SAM rose jokes, so I'm by the way, I'm paraphrasing I'm

but we all upset wrong. These are just what I hear or what I think, or what I've kind of red online him inclement sam rural, decided to pretend they made her up, so they almost vaporized earnest essence made who the feminist, they were like, hey guys. It's us we're trolling you, this isn't a real person after the feminist was saying something the feminist. like? I'm a real person, then maybe like I got you again, we rode emerald and apparently I think, should try to commit suicide or that, that's probably overstretched, but she came unravelled really, I guess I'm not certain on what happened, but it was like it was to the point where Kurt won't talk about it yeah. Well, I think we went too far or either that or he's like. I don't wanna talk about it. Cause it'll get this girl right right. So how did Amy get involved? So then? So that's the first time that happened and everyone's like amy. You need to fire him from his show or show

just like I'm not going far Kurt metzger for my shows great writer and my friend and then cart gets it, but another person, this lindsey lynn. The lindy west about fat, shaming, I think an kerchief fucking goes to the Matt. You can't you can't scare suicide bomber. He just fucking he's got the pin on his jacket. Just wait and let me have a fuck, yeah, yeah and lindy west goes after him and curtains. Then they go after Amy. You've got a fire, Kurt metzger, it's like I'm, not fired Kurt metzger. So then there's an article that comes out a comic, apparently sexually assaulted, two girls it used to be in new york or allow work in new york. He I think I heard about that. The girls will. I know that d c b there were women claimed over the years. Oh no, I'm taking a second city that second city have, lot of sexual harassment that went on doesn't

erasmus is in every country club ever happened during this podcast it yeah big day. I fell and I told you he had nice tits. I mean it's crazy, but so these two two women claim I can also claim cause. I think that's all that ever came of it. yeah claim that a man sexually assaulted them, you c b does

An internal investigation finds the guy guilty and bans them from their club yeah. Then one of these two girls either one of these two girls or you cb, or a third party release eusebius findings online and clubs start banning this guy yeah kurt metzger comes out and says you can't do that. That's called a witch hunt, no one, I'm paraphrasing, because Kurt went pretty fucking hard yeah, but was like. If and if this happened. Ladies, you need to go to the police and you need to get this guy that day, yeah I'm with him on that, and that is called rape. Shaming survivors, were they raped or were they harassed? Apparently he'd from

what they from what I've heard. He drugged them and fucked him like he'd. Why? Wouldn't they go to the police? Because, because there's a ton of this is where that this is where it gets shady, because there's a ton of I've never been raped by sharp, I wouldn't to the police for got raped, but but apparently there's a lot of. They said, then, that new york city isn't really kind to rape victims and it's and it's not the cop. for it and that it they don't want to be labelled. There's a lot of reasons you wouldn't go to the police. We are raped and so what they're doing as their dealing with it there, own way and then do you see be court has decided something yes and that supposed to be a mandate for all other clubs and all the other clubs. A lot of other clubs, sort of banning the sky and curt came defences. Guy goes. I dont know this guy here, because all I know is it that I could be next right. If a woman says I raper goes to the club, the club is run,

a woman or or a sensitive man whose whose whose health is I have met there. Is it any wonder who says I'd? Rather I'd rather be safe than sorry. So, let's ban metzger in the end. Let's just take your word for it, because that's what kurds obtain current occurred, I mean you gotta regards the fucking thing because it's like, as you read it, you can hear Kurt pacing in his apartment. Yeah like oh, because a woman said it it's fucking fact just like the good. Idle that fact and then a k, something raper inner good? All I don't know what went fucking fools suicide bomber, a printer good? I what ever you paraphrasing once again, but he took it to the man yeah and so which he apologises for a tad that he goes. I let my ego get in front of it and I wanted to be more than right.

I wanted to hurt them yeah cause he's like you can't. Do you can't just hold a court online here and and go in Hold this guy guilty and so are so then family start, treating Amy and amy, I'm defending Amy a tab, but like a I told him I dont kenema. Imagine she really runs her twitter I'll think she really block people an extra she can have access to it from certain there's. Also, someone in her car That's like a. If I deal with this, I just block them are fuckin yeah reply. Ea can check me on tour. I don't think amy's like yeah check me on tour. Here's a link. I don't think she's doing that right, so Amy starts blocking people that are asking about kurt feminists are like hey. You need fire curt amy like blocked yeah eh. What about Kurt metzger? How can you support this blocked blocks? Are gonna. I'm gonna I'm in the ballpark of about one hundred people before someone realizes. Oh fuck she's blocking a lot of hands. Lotta people that are going about the

buy this book girl with a lower back. Tattoo are now all blocked and they're going to start a campaign against Amy yeah and they start a campaign against Amy and there they like force her hand like you need to denounce Kurt and so Amy comes out. With this statement I know Kurt metzger, I find him, I'm I'm heartened, I'm saddened and shocked by his language is used or whatever She was on charlie rose to talk about kurt I'll. I watch on Charlie, as I couldn't watch it. Lena, I lie, I think. Amy show is brilliant and I, like your stand up but she was so sanctimonious on child. She said he's like her, What do you write new material she's like well, you know I'll do a whole weekend of shows and then hopefully I get like ten seconds out of it. What and she's like and if, if a crowd, if I go to a show well I'll do some old stuff, but usually only like a minute or two of old stuff, and otherwise I want to jerry seinfeld told me, given the best show you can, and it was just

Like it was very like they started asking her but which thought about hill? It yeah she's, big Hillary Clinton, supporter rule, and then he said well whoo? Who hoo did you support between hilary and Barack obama? She was saying how much she loves obama and then you can see just like the wheels spinning everything was about how she was presenting herself as opposed to what she really thought. I dont know tread the trailer or saint balmy out. Yeah. I guess I dunno I dunno, I don't know so what did she say? Charlie rose. Basically, I love kurt like a brother, I think she's. I love like a brother the reason I have him in the writers. Room is too to have that other side of the fence represented, which is normally very accurate. You don't want a bunch of fuckin liberal ladys, in a room re making even having t cakes and right a comedy show he gonna be like you know, but I think ultimately,

that's what all the liberal ladys have loved about Amy is that they assume its amy just klein, morgan, murphy, that it's all the women of comedy making this Well for them. Yeah they don't realize. Is that Kurtz probably submitting a bunch of sketches that are greenlit and hilarious yeah and they don't and they're like? How can this man, who represents so much hate, be funny to us? They don't get it. It's against everything. It's like going to a fucking dinner, having a dinner and being like this was amazing, though yeah there's bacon bits in it. I'm a fucking vegetarian, yeah yeah cause. That's what you liked it yeah, there's bacon in it. The reason to think you liked so much about this Israel is the bacon right. So I think that's where, like I've been to orgies and had a great time and I walk out- and I was like man- I have just secreted every I've eaten anywhere and then I realized like it was the dicks It was all the players all the decks and I remember, as was like god, it

do something in my hand. I thought it was just like a leg or an angle arisen but whole this year, they exclude all over. My who do you think is going on with Amy, then? Is it? Is it so way? What did she ultimately do? Nothin she's like what is reacting by Kurt. Well, no, I mean yes and no, I don't want to throw her under the bus and I devlin on the corner of the bus, but Kurt basically came out and said: amy do whatever you gotta do to protect yourself. If you need to throw me under the bus, I don't give a fuck I'm already under the bus right. I don't give a fuck, and so he like kind of greenlit, her to to say whatever she wanted so they she threw him under the bus tat bit, but that she and the ngos, but she said This is where it gets. This is where I am certain she's trying to get in front of it is like she said. Car doesn't right from my So I hither his words, not mine, and then I would like thank you fired him signal.

no one's writing on my show. My show is not going on anymore and then comedy central's like hold on. If you just cancel your show was like no and like she's like these are all tweets and she's like no one. We have I'm on tour, I'm doing a book tour like I'm fucking, come on guys, like gimme a copy of volume, break everyone, whatever she said, was cut in a million different pieces she's, like I love, comedy central. I love by so my show we'll be back right. Now we have no staff were offer one year. Court is not on the staff, cuts, no on this that otherwise I'm gonna fires somebody during a heinous year in an ambulance. Certain. She can't have him back on the staff when we're if and when they come back but but yeah, it's a have. You have you ever seen. What's happened to her Does that ever happened? Other comics, where they almost it's like thing? They go.

Charlie rose and they have to, they can't say what they think anymore. They just have to say what will help sell the brand china think I mean there was the thing with Sarah sovereign. When she said the thing about asians on current o brien, and I know she had to kind of come out and make the peace because the chinese group They came out against it as an asian, grouped it's really fuckin vocal in Powerfullest saw by saw that I saw that on politically incorrect yeah. They had that guy on and I think bill mar was right.

Ellen him here or someone was ike like you, don't give a fuck about the job. You don't realize is a joke involved here. Just hear your thing and you fucking need to make money and that's how you make my right right without really bad, though it was really bad yeah. I was tough and she was it. She was out of really high point in her career where she was you know in movies, and she was doing stuff that would have been affected by this and she had to make the peace. with it, and I think she did eloquently, but I know it's tough, because then all sudden you're comedian, you're being serious like you, can't make any comedy out of it and then all of a sudden you know you're you're trying to sell your book and it's not I dunno. Maybe it helps the book sales. It could easily help the book sales yeah. I mean I mean I didn't know about. Do you know that the chinese authorities have no shot a book until early

because it surely resonates you and stir in the other day really yeah, that's good enough, and I wonder if he brought it up. Oh yeah, to yeah he had to I have to go back and listen. She went on the Jimmy and Matt Serra have a podcast, no, no, no to moma podcast yeah, but she went on that. And I dunno I just started listening and then I kind of fell off yeah yeah, and now what about the other controversy, which is leslie jones? Who and she's a dear friend of mine, has turkey is yours. Focus must tell us on a tweet out say like our come shaw onto shot like who has an axe to grind. Would Leslie jones, racists racist get out sergeant is the racists, because but here's the thing about this and the switch

horrible about social media. We exploit we'll, have a lovely, don't love. Basically, somebody hacked into our website and they put a picture of a gorilla, an in place of and they release some they'd hacked into her? cloud, I guess, and they got some nude photos which first of all we'll everybody. Please take your new photos, eddie you're, fucking, cloudy. I can't get him out. I dont know how to get him out and I definitely have moved floaters up just me. Will you don't give a shit I put them and put my deck online, so they did all the so they put the nude photos up, and I forget what else and I- and it was obviously pretty devastating but which she and I I said an email about this- I said where you have to remember- is this: was one fucking guy. He does not represent any kind of a groundswell of opinion. He doesn't represent anything

more than point out, one percent of races, people that are just looking to spew hate and don't internalize this don't walk out into public thinking. That is people looking at you in this way. This is just this is the danger of hackers, no wait hold on two things. What like is there? What like, why you hurt like what? What did she do? Look is like meaning so little in hurt like three weeks from now three months or no will she set her table having coffee going? Maybe I should know I've done something to provoke this person, or is this

I really just going like I'm looking for any black star and I'm fucking them over. I think it's irrelevant what it was that set this guy. I'm saying like what like how how hurt, like I only know of leslie jones, like globally, because of ghostbusters the cgm ghostbusters when everyone knew leslie dries with arms, and she popped on us and, alas, is she was the very large right. But but what I'm saying like? Is it because she was in ghostbusters that this guy was like, probably more threatened because she was successful on such a huge level? Maybe so you think it's her success that god this pissed off there's like I'm fuckin taken her down. I mean I don't know I don't I've to me. It doesn't register to me what what matters is that he's a guy who it it's obvious? What set em off had to do with race and gender because that's what he attacked. You know by putting naked pictures of her he's, attacking our sexuality and by putting

The gorilla is obviously attacking her racial yeah. So I don't think it mattered. What set them off? It was just what she represents. I'm just saying from our perspective, if someone broke into my cloud and changed, my website overlook what was the fucking thing? I said: that's the danger, though, that's what that's why I sent that email to say you didn't do anything, and this is not. This is not a referral, action of any public reaction. To anything you ve done is immediately, I would go what have I done right and end the thing that the thing I'll tell you from my perspective, that is affecting leslie jones personally right now is the idea that two months ago three months ago just for ghostbusters came out with shoes on personnel murdering it before saying before this, but will the real olympics all that good stuff?

leslie was aware that people were talking positively behind her back, yet that the conversations were we've got to get leslie jones. To do this, leslie jones, killing it leslie jones, this she's aware of that conversation happening, and it makes you feel good. It makes you feel your ego are connected to me in that, like when I, when I was doing trip flip at it's height and I travel around the world people, woodside I'd, know. People like he has the most amazing life, and I knew I love that and then immediately when the fuckin fat, shaming happened. The exact same amount of people were talking about me, but there are saying like that. It knows a joke to me at home, in their like fuck part, is gone fatty, shit and we won. That's all anyone says about it. Yeah now leslie sitting with this fuck that those same people still want to talk about me. But now this is the conversation I have arrived and that's what fucked your head, yes and and and you're what you're you're right is she didn't do anything here? She doesn't

Well that's why I dont want to feed it. You know, and even talking about, I have mixed feelings about us even talking about it, except that it does bring an issue up, which is you know the this guy was banned from twitter, was it. Was it this guy that was banned, Milo yiannopoulos nice is the guy who was banned from twitter right and that was baiting. Her yes and that's like extremely rare with twitter, but hopefully it's going to be less rare. Hopefully this is something that twitter will take control of saying that we need to create a safe space for p. I hate to use the word save space, but twitter really should be a place where hate mongering is not allowed It's so hard to tell what it would take mongering and what's what some people think as a joke, their eyes met. Some people write things. I've got to do the other day and I was like cannot take any fat comment. I get you give me anything as long as you follow me. I fuck him

I should offer a layer. I go okay, that one was mis directed, but I get what he's trying to do and then I got this really hateful one and I went and the guy doesn't follow me. I was like oh you're blocked forever. Yeah fuck you! I don't ever want you in my universe that almost started blocking I like today, I was like I might just start blocking people. I don't like their opinions like I do. I just feel like if somebody misses the mark on a joke, really bad done. I just don't it bothers me. It really can fuck with my mood a little bit it does. And so I just say will why would I want? You know? I mean I've got eighty thousand people on twitter, which is in a ton, but it's enough that I feel like I can lose. You know ten people a year are well, I mean that's at all. I blog, maybe twenty people a year and I feel like. Ok, if that's gonna make my my mom

morning not sock, because somebody says something: that's just what what I hate when someone says something accurate right when they, when they kind of dialed into something here and you're like rules, maybe I should fuckin, realize what would that be? Freer, one guy in minnesota said one I'm I'm a real comedy fan but you're just an alcoholic on stage who tells the same goddamn stories every fuckin time and I was like that's a pretty accurate blocked. You should have either blocked him or hired him. As a life coach like I was like Bachmann and I was like a like a bigger row back like what show did you go early, show yeah had to handle what I wanted to be like. I want to be like. I know, you're talking about the machines story. I know you're talking about biting the bear like fuck

It is just too stories that you ve already bought. You heard right now that that carbon hurts me more than anything. I remember really once unlike a use without it, with this Why stop doing you see bay? As I do stand of shares, there are. Then they had a very active chat site about. Who was on the show on their like Monday night showcase show and is somebody said you know he needs to reach. Fill though the material well, which for me, is like because I write a lot and I realize I go through periods where I don't write a lot and and when I and I he must have caught me in a year where I really was recycling shit a lot and it fucking hurt all it that that is the number one thing I think because for us it's like there is. There is an illusion when we go on stage and talk to a crowd of people that it is coming off, the top of our heads and that we're having a conversation with you and- or even when I do podcast. You know. I don't like to repeat

The same stories because I know people and to allow the same podcast, and I think it's really disorienting for them to hear you do like almost on a pod, galicia say like I did earlier this a bit from my act. Did I what's amazing to me: is. I mean there's a lot. I will say the guys name only cause. I don't want to say the guy's name was that fucking, whatever there's a guy that was a montreal like last year, two years ago, mark marron no and there was like another and he was murdering, and I was so impressed- and I saw british comic- maybe I gotta say his name now and he was like I've seen it before lasik. What he's like I've seen these bits before you gotta watch his last hour and I was like fuck I got. I thought it was all coming off the top of his head to like, and I was like really he was like yeah. I've seen them all before

yeah and I was like fuck and then part of me was like okay. So what is the point cause like? I went to montreal this year and I was like why don't want to do? Should I did last year here because I don't want anyone having that conversation about me right, I do all newer stuff and it's all kind of, and then I and then I saw Tom papa and I whatever it was. I hadn't seen it before, but it was so fucking funny and I pulled him aside and I was like dude is that all new and he was like no told here and I went because it's fucking great and he goes What's so funny, I was so self conscious about the fact I was doing all this whole journey. I was like it was so fucking, but I'd never seen it. So I dunno. I mean that is that that's the conversation that sign fell, with Amy humor and I've heard him have a conversation with a lot of people, which is people are paying a lot of I see you and there, good to see you and you should give them the best act. You can give them. That doesn't mean all new shit, because if it's a small percentage of the crowded seen that bit before I don't know, I think that maybe they have to some degree

and bear it because for most those people I know that I can do twenty five percent better. If I do, it should have done for a while. If you so you mean you mean sprinkling. It threw out I'm talking about closing with a bit that I know. Fucking kills because I've been doing it for a year and of a new thing isn't working. go right to an old thing right. You get them back up, absolutely, not a lot of tools in your belt, and it's like you know that you can think that fucking, you know, parole jam is going to do all new staff for all old stuff. No, they mix it. Any good live band mixes it up yeah, and I don't think it should be that different for camp, especially for somebody like you, where you're a performer, you know you're not like some guys, their listing material and it kills, like. You know, You see a guy like dmitri Martin, who is a brilliant writer, but I don't The see dimitri do the same bits over and over again, because there's no performance behind no, and I don't want that

this latter him? It's just that's not his focus and the same time. It's like. I think, bill and louis started this like I lose the hour. I start bread and I was just like an hour. We learnt that already. Does that and I was like in my head. Oh I said I go. I dunno. If that's the healthiest thing cause, we did Calgary and he did all new stuff brand new yeah and I was like- and I I think I said to him- I was like, but you're not coming back to calgary again like you, you only you just did your hour, so you the time you go to Calgary you just put on like a a twenty five per cent, show yeah like right in my head. I didn't make the math yeah like you, should try to make sure that all your shows across the board are at least eighty fives yeah and in the people that you you don't want to just give good shows to the people that are the people that right before you out,

for he had a great warrior. Do our those are. The Moselle killer shifts the calgary game like I'm working on stuff here, but then what one of the guys we're with recital no that's the deal is made with his audience is at home. Don't ever seen the same material twice you! I can see that meat, because I think do you know his style lends itself to turning material over cause. It's so conversational, even though these jokes, its commerce station. I think that you know Lou. In burma- are their opinions there. There ranting opinions at you, and so I think that for them it's not about they're, not words smith's per se as much as like they're they're, getting out there and churning through new thoughts which require living life and looking at life. Ok sure looks so then, ok, rockwork. What do you think? That's? What do you think the different styles of comedy or, like you,

like you said this, there's one thing: I'm stuck in the middle of these days. You ve got to meet your martin, who just set up punch right. You ve got billowy her opinions, yeah right yeah, you ve got rogan, would you say Logan's opinion yet romans. Opinions are he's conversationalist. Why think rogan and duncan trouser? Are there. Would you call it psychedelic comedians a talk about existential thanks rather than political. I mean rogan talks about social thanks, but if the interesting says to me as when those guys go into sims, deep spacey existential share beer and then what do you think you do. I don't I don't do anything. Maybe that's my downfall. As I tell stories you do liners

I don't know what I am asking is dialed in. When you watch like us, I saw his fuckin. I would secure the return of others. I saw like a thing he put on fucking instagram and it was so his voice here and he didn't have to it. They like no work and it's got like sixteen thousand likes just like fuck and those like, I don't know where the fuck I am like, I'm like I'm stories. I do stories deftly better than anything else yeah. But then, then you then I'm just sitting there going when something's going to happen, so I can write about it yeah! Well, that's the good thing about you as you live life, so you've always got a wealth, draw from of new experiences and that's why you're storyteller, but then you ve got guys it sit in a room and right. You know like a tell is like that. You know it tell us a joke. I hear it's in a room and he writes jokes and then you try them out and find tunes and we make some stronger and then he flushes them any moves on, but

I'd say I have a voice. I deftly feel like. I have a specific voice, but I dont know that my format is consistent, which I don't is necessarily bad. I think that you know. Sometimes I have an opinion like I saw you know- I just saw this as the craft matic adjustable bet think, but it's always based in you know like to me. It's the signals the end of America, it's like here, you are you're into bed with a remote control to adjust what angle you're you're back, but it's not just you that on the other side, they split the bed. Now got a remote control. I now and each one has its own thermostat. So you can adjust your temperature, why not just get a divorce I literally you're not working well together so like and to me it's alright, so I'm touching r Y amount, like I do a lot of stuff that america and how fuckin how well we have it and don't realize it and you're you're my favorite stuff that you do the my favorite stuff across. Like last night, I had a parenting situation

and then I went I can talk to about about our reality. I immediately cause knew you were coming over today, but you, my favorite stuff about you when I was young, was anything parenting because you made me feel like parenting and having a family was cool nea and those ok to be be a dad being a dad was fun and loving your wife wasn't fucking, gay and, like all and like you can in that being getting older, didn't mean europe old right that getting older was like, and that was all this shit and I loved about like when I for the first time I saw you with, where you're at more today, like I think you just had kids here and but last night, the pair I this is the thing that happened, and this is going to turn into a bit.

sure it's okay? I can't I can't I'm really close to it right now, because I really fucked up or did we don't hit our kids, so the old close thing we can get is just to make them cry like to like me. I want him, I give it I'll make them cry, but if you do, but there are things where like we, this is going to sound, really really bad, but georgia we can make cry very easily,

how old twelve and Ila is just really tough to make cry. You gotta turn the screws. The younger ones always tougher, just like almost disconnected so like they're having their findings were all living in two rooms and they're, just fucking bumping into each other and and we can't get him like I'll, kick ga in the vagina at a pool party and we to leave like fucking bad, like it was it's funny, but you kicked them. No, no islet kicked ga in the vagina now and so in georges, and you know they're descriptive, she's in the pool. She kicked me in the vagina and leanne's like fuckin, we're outta here hooray and it's been horrible yeah. So last night Leon said we need to separate you two yeah. I can't do it in this house. Maybe I'll like she was just saying, like maybe I'll just send one of you to camp for a week, and then I said why don't we send you one of you to boarding school? Oh, I know my dad got fucking pissed me some harry potter,

they show and then early ngos, not about idea. I bet you really appreciate yourselves the sisters. If one of you want to go, in school, now eilish shut down? I was like it's not gonna. Be me, I'm fuckin learning disabled, I'm not going to burn reporting school. It's going to be georgia! Georgia! realizes that, and is this for real real fucking with them? No, no we're fucking with them how you are, but so I know, there's no. I know there's a boarding school in ohio or go online and Google. It like the they're in the room and leanne's like, and I google it's called Villanova and I fucking go in and I'm like, I'm like you know what wasn't both you guys to boarding school? Let's, let's send it'll be good good because all our we're not doing a good job as parents. Can you hate each other so and that will teach you guys guys had a team up like I'm, not unlike I'm just spewing spewing like yeah, because I can we can get out of the crisis. The don't like when you guys get on the bus to go out to boarding school like

I bet you guys will learn to love each other. Yes, you won't know anybody right and when you guys see each other in the hallway, I bet you won't bump into each other you'll hug, each other yeah, and I bet that one that george's fuckin melting down and then and the big problem is that they share bunk beds but george's bunk bed. They both have bunkbeds georges, can't see the tv from where she is so sometimes she wants to sit on islas an animal letter to big I can fight in our house yeah, and so I said I bet when you see Georgie isla walking through the halls and you're in your dorm room with five other girls. I bet you'll, say hey: why don't you sit on my bed for a minute, yeah and hang out? I want to hang out my sister in honor starts welling up and, and I go because I'd let her watch tv with me in my dorm and I go no tv's ila, no tv's, no ipads, no nothing and I and then Ila turns now I got we got both crime and and I can so bad and then and then it and then I and then we can get him to stop.

Then I started getting real to me. I'm like I don't want to fucking leave like I start getting hurt. I'm like! I don't want them to leave. and then allianz in on it with me? She like, when you guys, come home for christmas, and georgia is like christmas, christmas and and then I even Greg got back because it got so bad. I started pitching the school, that's fucking, imaginary, I'm like guys, don't worry, they have horses and they're like I don't wanna go. I don't want to go, and so we're like listen, we'll revisit this in a week. If you guys can start loving each other this week at the end of the week, we'll we'll make the decision man they woke up this morning, both sobbing crying still they're, like don't we'll be better kids, don't send. It's a boarding school and I was like I might have fucked up. I call my dad and my dad was like buddy he's like that. Was a big fucking mistake, huge mistake: you do not you're not supposed to lie to your children by the way I've been lying to them, their whole fucking long guy I've been like will, because if you do it

your creating a whole leg set of dynamic, so you're not now in control of, like you, don't know what. Come next week and go like oh, I want to go to boarding school, and then you gotta say break my was lying and then they think what kind of fucked up Animal are you at least when I watch me cry. I think you are out of control. I think that's out of control parents, both clear desperate, both go we're like one point. We're like me we need to hit one of them, but we need to hear a warning shot like they need some like, because there's no respect for the law. Yeah, there's like we make a rule and that rule is completely disregarded. What it can take away. T v or takeaway type shit we're all in one room, we're in we're in two rooms right now yeah, and so you can't take away shit because if they kill watch

tv, we can't watch tv yeah. If you take away an ipad, then all of a sudden you've got kids staring at you yeah, and you can't there's nowhere to play out front. We've got this big problem with harry. Maddox right now, bruton run a neighbor now real bad, real bad and we fuck import upon your front yard. So it's an invitation. That's not the only place. You can chat in this neighborhood there's a. I had a dream only for you guys! No, no! No! No, no, that's not where we're sitting, but it will be where we're sitting in two weeks, I had a dream. This is the homeless. People are using your porta potty. I had a dream last night two nights ago that I went to go check. The porta potty cause. I put tape on it, we'll find out if anyone's opened at the mill the night. I had a dream that I went to go check the port, a potty and a guy grabbed me and goes hey man. There's a line dream. So it's like. But tasting promised people to just take shits who doesn't want and undisturbed should at three in the morning air raid, so we can just at the girls one round for yard yeah, literally a move on

and there's a homeless guy sleeping in the front yard the other day because it looks like you saw, our house looks like armageddon, so they think no one's there. Such an I ll hold up and I didn't know your new construction has like where I thought bert was on fire lately. I thought it was making money. This looks, like you know, redneck far, a hundred percent, so almost who just pass four year. So so yes, oh it's like there's no way. How do you parent? How do you put do you hit no never had never ass a what's worse right well. My son is now four inches taller than me, so, even if I wanted to like that, ship has sailed, never strike them. Never once that's impressive, because what, if I hit him- and he hit me back and then fought and he won how happy I'd have to move. So then, what's your? What's your? What was this the stamp?

experiment. What's your stamford experiment with your son, what have you got for several moments when they made half the students, criminals and half the students how jail wardens, Egypt, words but they didn't give em guns or anything gray, and so in order to establish dominance, they just did psychological fucking warfare on them, You know I'm just so fuckin lucky and I blame my wife. Mostly for this is the kids are good kids. They then you marry her arrival of disappointments. Your number one tool- it's not shaming them, but when they feel like they ve disappointed you. That means more than anything else, and so I dont use our card a lot, but I think they know, and I say to them- I am disappointed. You know I thought you. I thought you were better than this but of law and it that's all. We need to do that works for georgia. It does not work for

yeah, like others again you're so right through your lawyers, virtues of the yeah but ilo z there still in the parenting age, because what You do now will affect their personalities and characters. My kids are thirteen fifteen I'd. Now it's just just a zone defence just keep it from gettin, fuck, docile so and so, like you, appoint a girl right here, so I guess there's no fighting they wouldn't hitting elevating, see you're fucking hitting each area. Now. That's how I can't I can't come on in that work. That's a hell. I can't imagine it's just it's like, and it's have you spanked them. Never leave leanne spanked Ila, one time yeah and I and I got pissed now because she did it in jail,

forza in front of her family and I felt like she did it family or why Liam will be fucking irate if she knew I was talking about this and it's hard to have a fight about that, while you're in somebody else's house, I was not there. I was on the road now and I came back and Ila came up to me. She was like hey giving you a heads up, mom spanked me, and I was like what so I said. Lena was like what she was it was. It was about it. It was interesting because it was about rules set up by her family that I was always breaking yeah and Ila would not either disney did not give a fuck to fix that yeah. It was about wet clothes on the couch and Ila. Just don't give a fuck yeah and just kept sitting on the couch n liam like seven times and lands like ila no allergist. I think homages, mad dog, Nora and sat on the couch, yeah and leanne brought her into the room and spanked her and then took her out and I was like I was like, but we agreed never to hit

kids. Did you hit your kid so that your family would think you're, good parent, air and land still to this day goes so donor? Spanker trust me, you would have done the same thing and, unlike I would never have never get my hand, and you can add cry both my parents used to hit me a lot to me. It was like I new the damage. It did the number one thing it does: is it It shames you know, especially in front of the family. It makes you feel like here's, this person who loves me more than anywhere else in the world responsible for my life. Literally, my food, shelter, everything them and now they're actively trying to hurt me. It doesn't make sense such a conflict, so the first time I remember being spent, no spent a bunch before this for the first time. I really really it stuck with me. Was my sister's fourth birthday party? She went to go blood cake,

like faced her fed task, yelled at me area, and I my I'm out the July fern on her face top of it gong it killed. I thought the joke. I would make right now is I thought my dad was taking me out to the garage to high five me. Like I killed. car that I thought he was like. I don't wanna do this, your sister she's emotional, but that was the funniest thing I've ever seen and he fuckin made me pull my pants down and spanked me in the garage and then forced me to walk back into the party and that who game of thrones you do that to this day. I think of that moment. Walk like emerald comments. Go back to the party I was, I don't feel like it, and I want to go to my room. I want to just cry like I find that disgusting. This of shame. Shame was a very big component in my life, like I remember my sister, my dad would go oh birch, showing off whenever I was doing anything funny, they'd be like hey, stop showing off yeah

and it would just shot me down like mother fucker, I'm in my so this is my personality yeah. Oh, he showed off. He shown watch us bert. You know what stop showing off it would cut me. It would cut me in half yeah in front of people. I was what the fuck you privately yea. I can relate to that as your wife, it now. Will she was never hit, so I don't think it's even an impulse It was an impulse for me when they were little. I deftly wanted to. I would love to beat the shit out of stock I gave you now and I hope we respects that live. You know. Why might?

add me and it was like you know he really felt like he was doing me a favor. It felt like it was a park and he'd beat me and then he'd go. That's nothing. You should see what happened to me and I was like wow. That's fucking gothic holy shit yeah. What do you think happened to him? Well, he was molested seriously yeah by his brother and his parents used to kick the shit. I dunno if the father molested them too, but his brother did really and both his parents died. Young, so His brother was kind of raising them for a little while so fuck, so he relationship with his brother. After that his brother was a. He was a bowery bum. He literally lived in the bowery in new york and he was an alcoholic lived in welfare motels and my dad would kind of support him holy fuck yeah was heavy. Then you know therapy for that now. I think he went to a therapist a couple of times my mom, but my mom said he

He was able to manipulate the therapists whose very smart guy and he would talk circles around a therapist, and there is no heart. It was all in his head. You have, I done well. Yeah manipulated his therapy, yeah yeah yeah. So there was no progress and it was very sad. He was an alcoholic and he just was a very pain guy. I look at my dad is, he was a very sad man and he was also the most literally the most charismatic I've ever met. My life really big. As you know, the guy at the party that we were waiting in line to just how hang out with him. He would shit on everybody, but in the most joyful way he was like a great friend to people, but he when he got home, he just pulled back and he would just go into his office and read and chain smoke smoke three and a half packs a day. And he did interact and it was like you know. We find video of your herb audio view that I have much. Tapes do have an online now I should put it up.

She pulled up here. Listen you download here. I've got something like a fuckin spiral into for an email with a bright right. That's fucking, crazy! he used to interview ed cards like every day? He would call into the show the mayor in your room here yeah. I would definitely put those all I'd love to hear that yeah. Maybe like fathers day, one here are like work on it and put together a nice little website lane about what about like I become obsessed right now. A sound is a sound exchange that we get money from. I I used to get so much fucking money from them. It's way down the mines down too, but I thought I thought I wonder if I could, like I have the audio equipment. Why don't I do like a comedy cd yeah, look just like an old school, Adam sandler, funny, cop, no audience no audience just to a comedy cd yeah produce one permanent, sound exchange put an ad on the line,

a soundexchange tracks via sirius Xm, know you put it put it on itunes, on a parental right and sulphur fuckin, a dollar right, oh, and make the money with the residuals. Don't just make the melissa people know the residuals are huge. You like big fat checks, was twice a year, yeah yeah and it's it's fantastic yeah and I was like wait. Why am I not doing that? Because there's a lot of likes, small amounts of money to be made across the board that, like premium memberships, yeah yeah merge I'm fuckin fascinated by making money for the first time in my life this this this side of the business? At the other side like making money on podcasting and stand up and merge and audio and all that shit, yeah and then like unlike import me, wants to start a weekly video podcast that I just put on youtube yeah and, like I was like a one on one may grant put em if one and then just idea that we can now canoe everything yeah

I think that's fucking, I know well, do you know the periscope is the way to put the video stuff up. Then you look it like this morning. I watched jody, as is a lot in the morning. Middle always got what five thousand three thousand people gear and it's like. I will not even that's. The thing is like why don't know, maybe over time it gets out much this morning. It had like two thousand, which is a lot but this I read this article about this thing and you should do, should look this up whiskers one thousand true fans and it's the idea that if you can get a thousand people to be I'm super fans, the kind of people that listen all your podcast, you put out a cd they're gonna buy it. You come to their town to go near show and if you think about it, if you can get each those people spend a hundred bucks in a year hundred bucks, that's a hundred thousand,

dollars. That's for a lot of people are living now. Obviously, that's not including all your major money, but that is you know, that's a thousand and that can exponentially go up, but you gotta connect to those you gotta give the kind of, love that you naturally feel I mean you know how these people are that reach out to use. The regular names you after posting on twitter and you feel like it becomes our relationship and it's a matter of just keeping that connection and making sure you're putting out products, your proud of, but putting out a lot of them so that people want to engage wanna buy you should they want to support you, but it's about getting that one thousand core and those people then become like emissaries for you. They start telling We are friends, they proselytize about you and at parties, and then people find out about it. It's great when you see one of those people and they come up to after shown, and then one of their friends goes.

He brought all aid of us yeah you're, like fucking love that guy right, I was thinking doing these on a cog called the machine cog bottle, openers yeah and then giving them each a number. Like me, handwriting, like a c o m zero zero one yeah see it like whatever it is. You know like a like give him a badge, number yeah and then doing a I. I was going to say twenty five hundred yeah. I was like make twenty five hundred and made literally draw in every number and then go hey. You want them. Email me I'll send one to your house and free for free, and then that is a like. That's like a hey we're connected right. This is a thank you here like and get them from china. So they're, like fucking, thirty thirty cents here, a cod yeah, but

buy a bunch and give them to fans who really like. I felt like because I know Louise and email that he sends out yeah everytime. I read it. I think it's to me like everytime. He sends out a mass email, louis ck, hey just wanted you to know, and I was like: oh fuck lose. female me, then I click and I go. Oh, this is mass yeah, yeah, ok, yeah, but that's what I thought about doing, but I just never followed through here cause. That's like you see people that put it that tweet, all in like a rob, Delaney or somebody like that, but I feel like putting out a pie how many podcasts a week. Do you do what a week? So you want a week every week, you're giving people this thing. That's like a thousand tweets all put together and I feel like that should be enough, but it's not.

You got it also periscope we gotta also instagram is so much you gotta do ever since I started doing every wednesday the same time every wednesday and caring about my colleague, Zita, like I didn't totally care about it for about a year and a half year like I would do it, but if it came out it came out and if I miss two weeks I miss to india and ever since december, I've been really focused on specially this year, have been like really focused about putting it out and not seem a numbers grow exponentially and I'm unlike oh fuck, I really love my podcast name, grant I didn't really good conversations to hear now. It's a great well, there's so many reasons to do it, but one is like you and I are now sitting in a room talking without anyone interrupting if you're at the comedy store. We would have a thirty second snippet before some guy who did a guest spot on your shown. Minneapolis eight years ago comes up and goes

yeah you don't. Remember me: hey man, they're drunk all these comments go to the comedy, store and they're like you know, opening or feature acts and they go there and they think you're supposed to get drunk and glom on people to help your career. It's like do you realize how fucking disrespectful that is. This is a workplace. I've got a sheet of jokes in my hand. If I'm in that back hallway and I haven't gone on, I'm focused, I didn't come to the comedy store to make fifteen dollars I came to try some new fuckin material out at the focus and if you come up to me and you just kind of Rudely assume you can you know just it's. It's really I mean read the body language here I usually sit inside the o r yeah. Then I can't read my notes. It's too dark or young, I'm not at the place where I feel totally comfortable

just rocking out entirely new material in the jar yeah like I'd. Like I'm bible, I dunno. We can be totally honest about this. I dunno when they come out, but, like I just got past the restore a no shit allows on Israel. So, like part of me, doesn't like I'm like. I want to erode the normal good comic for yeah yeah. Before I you know starting. in like a right right right like oh here's, some, like I don't mind doing under the belly room, do all do stuff, yeah like when you go up into those new material rooms or whatever storytelling onto a brand new store. I've never told yeah, but down the o r, it's a little bit of a fuckin. I got a couple of rooms for you might like that. You can do all new shit and, like I'm doing this gig tonight at bar lubbock, you ever heard of that yeah. I have. It's fucking great, really, who does that, rob o reilly. It's called peachy, keen, that's the name of the shell, there. You go up and now not are you? How do you ok? So here's my biggest problem? How do you know you don't drink? So that's one thing but like how do you write

the pendulum of parenting in the morning and being out at night doing spinal parent. The morning I sleep you just sleep. I get to be like ten o'clock, oh for real yeah, okay, I'm up at like fucking six. Now I don't do that, and so, when I go to the store, it is like getting it to I'm going to be up in four. Hours now. You can't do that. You had spoken of beasts now. I just realized. Like I'm like last night, I got I got at lake. You know four thirty hung out with kids play some bought, you bought in the back yard. My daughter took drove my son to else agenda for soccer practice. What tim play drove in and out burger afterwards come home. That's my quality time with my kids so Laguna morning. What it! What what the fuck do you get out? Well, your kids is different once they get to thirteen, fifty they fucking trudged down the stairs, eat a bowl of cereal while they're looking at their phone and then they go to school, I'm not missing any magic moments there.

You know I gotta go, earn a living at night. You fucking handle my wife handles it yeah, you know, granted she's gotta get out walk the dogs make breakfast make lunch, get them dressed: okay, you're a stay at home, mom step up, I'm out tonight, I'm doing for sets. You do four sets yeah. Why don't you go? Why don't you go truck and tried to run from eight o'clock till midnight to the shows? That's why I brought that like I did like joel call me up and it'd be, like Joel call me up booked like with bookings. For me, yet dog will go into the dark horse when a swing by it apart if you want, you want the bar bank- and you took his pardon me goes- I he's just got off. I just got from the brigadier yes and he was like he I have. I wish I could remember the conversation, but it was all about like we gotta be out there more we get out and so I'll be doing spots in the valley.

with him just go. Do this dark horse is really fucking fun yeah, it's kind of you know it's kind of empty, it's a lot of comics, but when a laugh gets a laugh you're like okay, that works right rewrite the other shit. That's the place. You can try new shit out the ha flatterers dark horse or what I met a lot lately. Those are on a valley. The area about him back in the air the store I feel like. I felt the stores just like like that. Through the night I was, I was just a beast of a fact line up the avenue If we're really going to go after ron, Wyden or judd apatow or daniel tosh, the ad work on new stuff yeah like it's, I just feel like I would be. I should be doing what seinfeld told humor yeah I put on a show, although you'll find once you start work in the store a lot, it's a lot of the same audience. Members really and you'll start to feel at first of all, new material can kill at the

at the comedy store and especially in the r it can kill their very supportive and, if you're loose with it and confident with it, I find it goes over just as well as all material yeah you know, but not right away. Like you said you gotta get your footing, learn the room. Undersea cause every room, as its own dynamic, such a weird fuckin room yeah like it's so bizarre that it takes a little bit of crowd, work yeah. It takes like a little bit of like what me it just takes being like a better, much better comic than I think it will be tough if you are an open mic or to go up into that. It's intimidating, yeah and there's always a line of comics in the back, a guy Adam who books it is sitting in the back a lot yeah he's the best friend he's changed that place. He's unbelievable. I can't say enough good things about. I don't think anyone can say enough good things about him because he took the place and realized all the potential that yeah. He said, though this could be, the greatest room in the country will be yeah and then you're doing a show words ron, Wyden dale toss jet uptown, you

rogan, marin and Sebastian and about Jim Jeffrey, maybe take a bath and break during tat cause. That's a big line up. He can't sit there for everybody gets it there for everybody. The park, as we did last love your pocket. steer us like we're tunnels, ngos, great conversation in my head. I was like, I know what you will see in pakistan, you don't have an early in the day I was really cigarette called me goes as far as our rapporteur listen to know. She is at best pike s either ever fuck. I loved that podcast scuttling lot of good feedback on twitter. A lot yeah I was like really goes. Dude, I'm telling you that could have been two more. Hours, I will listen to know shit and I was like tat so funny. I think we just I don't know what I mean. You know that was delivering different them. We're doing now rang we would have done before, but it was fuckin maybe I should listen to it. I was like fucking do nah nah fucking call by the way this

the snook app that's coming out that I dunno, if you want to get involved with, but it's going to be it's going to host podcast, but you also put like videos. It's got all kinds of like bio stuff, your dates and it's going to be like a bunch of bigger podcasters route and it's going to become like cause. You know itunes, try to find pod, go to the go to the home page on itunes, really define podcast. It is impossible that, especially on your phone, you've got to use the podcast app have right and even still, I will post in if, like our I've, tried to find someone's podcast and I think I've consistently my entire life misspelled. Michael yeah and I tried to write michael and it didn't come up, and I was like great. I guess that podcast doesn't exist, yeah and then I couldn't fucking find it it was like. I did go online and then I went to their home like it like. It was just a fuckin nightmare yeah

and this way it'll be like you know. If you get the right people on it, and I think we got some good people on it so far I'll talk to you about it. After the show that you're clearly yeah, I would love to do that. I would take control of this stuff more make our own network, why you know it just it's Its growing I've seen my numbers like double and allows nine months would have only been in seven years, seven years here, but if plateau for a while and now and then I don't know what it is last night, months, or is this a declining ngos? Have you noticed spike like I can look at my when I do my lips and I think what we are left. I it's it's literally flat lined shows me three lines a chunk here and then it's just a down strike of what I was doing. Travel general.

The most and I just wasn't releasing and then, if you look in my recent numbers, just skyrocket here and I'm unlike oh shit, get feeling, but I would like- and it makes me think that there is people are more and more getting accustomed to listen, disseminating their entertainment through how they want it. They watch viral videos at their subscribe to they go to certain websites and they go to certain podcast and they can

roll it. Nobody wants to surf on t v anymore. No one wants to surf on tv, but people don't want to lose that thumb like that. There's there's a! I don't know what the right thing, but there's this: what was it? What was the fucking emperor? This thing the thumbs up thumbs down julius? How was it Caesar? Oh, might have just been that Russell Crowe movie yeah yeah. It was by the ada gladiator, but like so that thumb you become the emperor you'd be like when, with the thing that was beautiful about television, is you had the you had the power to change the channel thumbs up thumbs down and

instantaneous like fuck. This show click, but that joke like yeah. This doesn't matter I'll, fuck them clay right right. So it's the same motion as you get to swipe on a right swipe right, swipe light. Netflix doesn't have that yup netflix has a weird, almost puritanical commitment based set up of, like I will type in the name. It's almost like mormonism, like I will type in the name. I will then make a commitment. It's an arranged marriage. I will then watch master of non and if I don't like it, fuck man do I gotta in another fucking name yeah, oh shit. How do I find something easier? It doesn't have that thumb, yeah and the thing with podcasting that I that I notice is as opposed to youtube where or it's right there and there's a clear, really english? Who would have about listing videos on the right that you might like? I'm fucking, claudia? Oh shit. We've also been really into this fucking. I dunno why? But this bodybuilder guy,

it's rogan online and then rogan dealt with it really good, really like smart yeah, I'm so it looks amount of fanny work. I just think you don't need to fucking, lose your shit and then the guy who tried to come back- and I was like who is this guy collect them, and then I was like fuck. I can't believe I'm into male bodybuilders and talking and but then all of a sudden, we watch its opinion on the right of the cave and we know you're an email, bodybuilder What about this shit? I'm like fuck, penitentiary, penetrate bidders thing, penitentiary, arms I got penitentiary. Arms was like. What's that click, and so, but that's what you to pass that netflix hasn't figured out there Podcasting is the reason like I'm not shitting, on Anthony kumi, obviously at all, but like one of the things that makes his show tough for me to get into is that it's not within my firm yeah, like I gotta, then go hit safari on my phone and pull up anthony kumi network It's not in my it's, not a pod care. It's on my list upon tat right. It's not! I think something with artes, maybe is, is his of subscription base to write.

yeah. I think so and with serious is kind of you know. The serious a swipe of all. I think people like that. I got the apple. My phone yo rolling, governing up a go in I gotta opie, I gotta run bennington check out. there are due in africa in uganda to yeah. He gets alice, but here's the little, which shows fucking great not to get off topics what jean ochre since shall are really got yet. Really good, be watching videos from it yeah, but the differences. So then is that someone said to me the other day they go trying to sell me some thing and then like it's one dollar a month, so you gotta pay. Your fans will never know, though, like look at their credit card statement, it'd be like one dollar a fucking, it's too much to unsubscribe the thing that kumi has got is I paid fifty nine bucks for the year. The first time I subscribed.

And every year I get charged under fifteen bucks by his look at an ngo like I go, fuck answer scribe later, maybe but haven't even listened to his show other than when, like topics come home, but I just find those on youtube here but, like that's, the thing is, though, subscription based once you subscribe. I bet the rate of people. Unsubscribing is fucking minimal, right. Once you subscribe, you're fucking in this, so many different business models for podcast and doing adds is the default way to do it, but I just think there's gotta be more creative ways to do it. You know, I just know that going back this thousand fans. Thank it. Getting people like that there are going to be like. I have a ten dollar premium membership. It's ten bucks a year. You get three hundred and fifty back epochs,

it's plus half price tickets, when I'm in your city to fuck an unbelievable deal so battle on a lotta people. Do it, but I don't know if there's not a higher level to go to that, that people would do that, doesn't rely on ads. Is I don't want to do a lot of ad you do ads? Sometimes I don't like to do. A lotta adds a turn not to because for me it's in the ass because its once again, oh no, oh brad, it's just one asia. So to me you having to like get the copy, fuckin read the copy, read it within the thing. I'm going to have a really good, outlaw reader, yeah and so then, and and it in my head, I'm like. I just see people hitting that skip head fifteen seconds button times right right. I gotta love marriage podcast, but man I'm

fuckin? I know that if I hit it twenty times, I can get through that yeah and then DA da da da da da da da da da da da da da DA, and I wait for the music and then I go back two minutes to hear the introduction of the fucking person yeah, and you know- and I mean I love mark, but unless, unless it's he's interviewing the president and political, the first ten minutes yeah, you know- oh you mean his his commercials. Are him talking all of it. I've heard that I mean all of it. I did the same thing with ari. A library Alison was intro. Only in troy listened to his duncan trussell yeah. His intros are fucking insane really insane. They both interview, guests, yeah duncan, has guests on, but his intros are fuckin amaze yeah, oh yeah he's higher than giraffe post. We just talking about the ethos and the paphos and yeah and shock row. When Shakur visited the world yeah, she came and do the giraffe and grabbed her by the eyes and said take these.

Do you mean it's like preaching? yeah you're sitting there go on like this is fucking it and then all of a sudden, I read an ad get out of it, but you're like I'll fuck I'll sit around with the outright and then he just goes into the podcast you're like fuck. That was amazing yeah. You know, and I I understand why marion doesn't understand why ARI does it, but it just doesn't. You know he of rogan banks is out at the beginning. He does see the great thing about his is when you do his podcast, he doesn't do the ad in front of you. He used to yeah. Now he waits, which was interesting because you'd you would go in and do the ads and the most natural conversation would start and he'd be like save it for the podcast. But then you'd be like will a trap of these ads, but you can offer some tangents during the idea that you're like fuck, let's just you know, I like the way. Doesn't now, though, yeah

yeah. I dunno, I think, there's a I've always wanted to do integrations. I dunno. Why one I do an integration. You write stuff like that something interesting like your speedo idea. If you could get something that becomes part of your lifestyle that your fans attached to and they get excited about it and it becomes like a meme kind of a thing. That's huge, the advertiser being creative about podcast, because we are, though they are listening there or not it's not on. In the background there not surfing past it their committee. In an hour or two sitting down with headphones on, usually not missing a word, and you know if the numbers are not as high as tv and by the way, they're good

close. There's a lot of there are a lot of podcast that had better numbers than my shows. Right, you have. A cable show nowadays gets a hundred. Fifty thousand viewers- that's considered during the Democrat up right that some of you get. If you can get, you didn't get a hundred, fifty thousand viewers in the demographic did there marketing to be added to the fucking roof. Yet no work. Only selling toward demographic, that's it the added no other african people, the people that are listening just our listening. There is aid, our demographic, and it is that it is. It is the exact same group of like minded people. It's what market is dreamer yeah. Knowing exactly, who they can sell to and not all hands are meant for. All people like you, know, shit he's berries. You know, may I, like our, I remembered nor mcdonald, had a no no Joe ideas. He came on my show and he's like yeah. What am I going to sell? Fucking berries, a bunch of rotten fuckin bear?

easy at six. A m frozen said like he went off. I was like that's fucking great cause. You realize That's not as demographic rates for people in a bind valentine gives to their mothers wooden joey's shows is there a library at the best, like it's so odd, who decides to like who chooses to market on podcast yeah? They were like so's I wanted to the show- and I don't think I'm gonna do it. So I might as well fucking say it out loud. I wanted to do a show called stranded and branded where I go out on an island for fucking thirty days, and every two days knew a new products brought him so like the like, and that's so Just like things are not always that's all. I got ass with it, but it's bizarre bizarre hysterical brands that just wash up and you're like fuck doktor souls in short inserts I've got seven creates of them. What do I do with them? What losing momentum

ephedra out of the inserts hilarious, and no one gets it. No one everyone's like yeah, it's a good idea now or no one wants to commit to it. Yeah for me, who's, like fucking, put me on an island naked, we'll start off with speedo, be my first brand but like and and a but is one of the people I met was like what can we can we fold in all the or sponsorships to podcasts was like so weird who decides to sponsor a podcast like mattresses are really big on the pocket. Yeah mattresses are big. Unlike razor shaving yeah underwear, yep, like a wonder why? I wonder what like what's wrong? in a weird one, like I got a a boutique, so ho clothing shop approach me and like really expensive, stuff yeah, and they sent me a bunch of shirts and sweaters and there was like real cashmere. These were like three four hundred dollars

Letters like fuck, I did want to add, and they bailed I was like good. I got some clothes at a man who thinks I have been looking for. Kashmir I right the right. You can't see the clause we want to go, see the clothes. Then I get and then the mattress companies are greatly because they, like you wanted, you want to fucking to advertise matches next day. I gotta matches in my house some like home, the shit I got so many emails Tom sawyer and I did a mattress fucking campaign. You did yeah and cigarettes like home from that it was. It was a really great opportunity that was so funny I got emails from people were like hey. How good is that mattress yeah? I was like hey what the cast for one's fucking good I was like. I was like I was. I came in one of my buddies, John Moore, and he was like him in youth girl going off about these fucking mattresses, I'm buying a mattress, and I called him. I go. Hey man go to a mattress store and like lay down on at first, like that's how you

he has brought crisis broke crises drunk, I gonna, buy a tub. Apparently there comfy, probably losing resist, We should right about now in the the razor like. You know how different I, I swear to god. I don't know the difference. spoke at twelve arabs. It's like that. weird- is ray- I got fuckin stamps dot com by male three letters a year.

Get a scale in my house. What are you fuckin? I? Oh, it's so funny cause you're, just like you're gonna. Do it and then you're like? Oh, I remember with the big one. Was we all got someone wanted to advertise their marijuana stuff on there thing outside here's a product I can pride taught pretty here. Emma was ignored it's, so we couldn't do it and I was like whoa. Are you scare off all your other sponsors like that? Also whose was weird cars which are unknown. I'm not going to speak out, but we tried to do a booze sponsorship, but one of our friends that had a dui and so because that it, had a dui and was the most famous of all of us. We lost our boots sponsorship,

no yeah who was it a podcaster yeah podcast? Are you who got a dui and lost his license? No, no! No! He got a dui. So we like this beer sponsorship. I, like I want to say, was maybe to cartier. It was like a. It was a big. Maybe it was in Newcastle yeah I forget. Maybe it was knows who's put a tequila okay, who saves tequila, and and we're all excitable fuck. We would it a big showed the at the store is. Our first show the sponsor for coming out the brands coming out big fuckin thing, and then we got a call from The guy that had the divine is like just running through no one's ever had any fuckin proms legal

Alcohol were like no, no we're all good he's like fine, and then they come to them and they're. Like someone pop positive he's like who the fuck was it like you, he was like a fact. I tried to get a dui. Oh that's right for you. I totally forgot about man fuck. I totally forgot about. You're like we couldn't be mad because he was the only reason they re coming anywhere out to be who it is. oh, no shit at all he literally sort of ouzo like I'm. So sorry, I totally forgot. I got a dui sorry, I didn't they were like. We don't give a fuck dollars and they were coming because you anyway

We were riding the coattails anyway yeah yeah, but yeah it was, but that was like. I would love a booze sponsorship yeah. I would love, I wouldn't mind, doing cigarettes. Well, you know like I do cigarette I've been looking for. I just started smoking. Kids, listen to your podcast know that cigarettes are fantastic booze If you look at you know, corolla makes a huge chunk of his money on man gray. I bought. You need a huge chunk of money going into the right. You can't just trust me: try to buy a dog. Company like an idiot. Like all my ideas, I spit it out. First, on by an avant company, braungart really excited lined up with a bunch of vodka. companies all in there I got all those vodka still lined up had a tasting pick, my favorite vodka company, no real brand presence. Let's urge sure how about two. Fifty off the top yeah was at work here

thousand dollars will now, let's stop We can't I'm ailer, we can't it's gotta, be sold out of stores and worry about a guard. Fine, then we get a new one. We gotta not! This is like the fucking dream. One. Are you ready for this perfect fucking marriage? Vodka? In those little emergency, pouches in plastic, pouches to go packets? He had vodka for real alcoholic fucking stamp on the machine vodka in to go pack throw four in your back pocket, go to a concert, yeah throw four in your backpack, get on a flight and throw four in your fucking thing: go to an expensive nightclub, buy a coke, throw the fucking ramen yourself, yes yeah! So I go I'm in tech companies out of clearwater florida and we fuckin line it up.

it's a sizeable purchase for the first initial one. I want to say it was like seventy five grand, but my wife and I talked about it when I don't worry about it, we'll take everything out of our savings will go at when we're going to invest in this. We will make this money back and light awesome. Then we get the deal, I mean almost closed and the guy I says to us in passing. So when are you going to come pick them up and I was like whoa he's like? Well, we don't ship him for you. You need a warehouse to house all this vodka and you need to pick them up. You need a truck and you're also going to need a license. I think, to drive vodka round and, like he said it was like none of the stuff we had thought of here and literally everyone's like hold on what am I Joe Kennedy forties I need to. I need to drive down on a truck pickup fucking nineteen crates of vodka, and then my parents are fork, lift operator,

I was like what the fuck and then there were like and they were like and then and then like, and you need like a licence to say to ship them yeah, and I was going to something my pug. I didn't think any of this brew yeah and the latest one. I have there's this company out of grand rapids, I'm going to do a concert to work shoulder bar then I did a show with NATO. Vodka we're talking about doing a machine vodka and then just just literally just go and here's my face. I just want to present yet whatever I don't know, right is really hard core was across much better businessman than I have yeah. Well he's got a good team behind them. They they've got a whole team and that's fucking team. You need a team. I said I'd be a much better comic. If I just had one fucking assistant travel with me everywhere write down every new bit of tape record all my sets pull out of the new stuff. Put like just a little bit of fucking world war ii. Do is you hire feature acts who's. You know good.

but who hungry for work and say here's the deal you gotta do all this stuff I'll pay you a little extra on top of the feature money, because that way I ve got a hotel lot at times in a flight, and you say no we're not going to have an opening act, any more we're gonna. Take that money. Give it to you just to their shows. Two man shows you do an hour. They do twenty five. Let me groom you done to be great yeah. What about t shirts? I saw you've got a bunch of t shirts in your garage, a moon t shirts like crazy our yoga. What did they say on them? Like? I have four t shirts, no threes. You know I got ones that are bert cast

the ones that's a bear's face and inside the berets as marshmallow those are moving. I dunno why, but those were moving like crazy. They must have played the the marshmallows story on something yeah from fighting the bear. I got the machine shirts, which is my face and russian propaganda art that changed our lives. That shirt changed my life real hundred percent, a hundred percent like we did yeah like I gave one to rogan when we first came out with him. This was probably four years ago I gave one rogan. He was on his podcast and it it's one of those things where my wife was getting emails. When we sold a shirt and her phone was going ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding ding, the no shit turn it off and then she woke up the next morning. She was like. Ah, we just sold that much in t shirts and you were like shut the fuck up and like three months later, we were like we just made more in t shirts and we met on the road this year, wow and that that shirt. That shirt was insane yeah

and then I got a new one. I got a new one that says fat, shaming. Every I'll, give you that one! That's my favorite one! that's my favorite one. I drew it as me as a fat, mermaid yeah, and I just released that like last week and who ships them my sister, oh no, she, my sister, comes in and does all the all the packing the books. I order the new shirts everything orders, the shirts. We do my book, we do trading cards cause. I did a thing with the gingham mentor or allen guenter whatever now people make trading cards with something with them and they gave us like fucking, five hundred trading cards of me, and so we sell those we sell the shirts, and yet it's so nice side. Business is like just extra cash, so she just takes a percentage of it deals with everything I think she gets paid. Salary yeah like I think we just pay, regardless, as she packed my bags

road and then sends out certain books here. Social come in here like ten books. By the way I wish I'd die. If I ever do another book authorities are published it's she's going to ask you cause? I did a book, but I don't think I can sell them on my own, but I mean I think Simon Schuster, would let me just all we buy them from them from the publisher. We buy them for the publisher from a very marked up price right and then sell them. So the profit margins not huge on the button. Plus you get a ship which is expensive, shipping expensive and then take them on the roads, expensive, yeah and but yeah it's it's. I did I. I did a blue bit of a grassroots campaign. When I first did the book. I did the same way I made no money off of what I did is I sold them on the pre sold them. Give me your email address I'll, send you an email charge. You for the book you pay me cash, that's right! You pay me cash or pay me right now.

well, then get your email and I'll send you a book when it comes out to try to get my presales up right. So I get be on the bestseller list. Yeah and I did not. He did not make the bestseller lists, but it was a really interesting way to go about selling the book out the gate. I just recently moved so recently a few last six months, whatever made all my money back from the books. Now, I'm in the green, where anytime, we sell any books, I make profit, but this is self published. No, I thus through a ST martin's. So what do you mean made your money back on the amount of books you purchase from them to sell yourself? No, no, no one on any book sold. Do I get a profit got it like, so I'm, finally, in the in the red or in the green, in in the red in the red yeah. In for the books series in the black, with no black and the black arches ironic yeah, I dunno I'm trying to think I'm trying to good like like a really, I think, meaning. Sometimes I just listen to the people I go. I think I can do this all myself right. That video I made yesterday today

I made this video that video, the factually or the speed a thing tat made the video my friends backyard, my friends ten year old, shot it for me. He said the camera square, up. I looked at the show I mean I couldn't really see it, so I looked at the shot yeah that was like it looks good he hit record. He I put, I use this audio and then all sudden, your agents and managers are like this is fucking genius yeah in your head, you're like I just did it as a lark yeah. I was just fucking around yep and then because we create content as opposed to the industry creates deals yeah and pitches and meetings. We just do it and I, and I think the podcast is the one thing that turn the a memorable. Listen to your podcast a long fucking time ago right when you first started- and I was like in my head- I was like I wish I could get a deal to do. One of those ambrose I can tell you where I was at. I was on the forum.

I've gone under the term, and I listened I, why think Andy dick was spiralling out on your put on your on your podcast. Tat is when you did did both your aunt. You didn't you, do them in release them where you do happen and do another half Will I do a serious show so thereon for an hour, and then I do a podcast right after with the same gas for an hour. So was the one I listen to both of those like. I want to get a deal to do a podcast yeah, then I remember doing rogan and being late in his house, gone god. I wish I had enough money to buy all this equipment yeah the middle of a sudden. I was like oh fuck. Now it's sitting, It was like six hundred dollars, total of equipment, yeah and you're like it, you don't need, unlike obviously I was thinking it was like doing this audio comedy thing as I can. I could. I could probably release them in the very beginning of my podcast. Get some energy build up then do like a comedy album getting like target getting some really funny, people that we are in for free, and I you make some money and then I'm like fuck. I don't know

part of the business? I need me more here. What part of the industry is gonna be the first canary and mine, where you're like holy shit, eighty Don't have systems anymore. You know like what is the thing? you know well and also it's like you know: you're gonna get things because of literally people don't understand this. This is true production companies net. works will literally look up how many twitter file as you have to look up where your ranking is of your pod, cast on itunes. They'll, look up your instagram followers and that's what they will base, not to say that they'll give a show only on that, but it's a huge factor, oh yeah. So if you focus on building up your own following the rest, comes to you as opposed to chasing it down as opposed to chasing down, is the exact analogy

I said to my wife leslie. She was like. Where do you want to be in this industry in five years? I said I don't want anyone like. I want to be able to go. I want someone to call me and then meego. I think I'm good. I like what I'm doing and she goes that's ego based. I go. No, it's not. I think, that's what I want or what I want and it's under my ego I just wanna be making such cool shit that someone comes to me with an offer. Mike aren't like what I'm doing yeah like I want like. I remember bill and I had a show for travel channel. That was so fucking brilliant and travels like do you think we get terminals like our own, amber, run and abilities? And I was like, oh my god, that's mine. By the way. That's my dream is for the network to want to do the thing I want to do here and bill just as I come here and I was like I, I don't have time for either here and I was like one and not have time for shit right now. I remember there's this thing: comparing trump to to do what's his name,

the billionaire lives in nebraska. Warren Buffett more above it and and they're comparing their their visions of business in one of the questions was and how do you? How often do you make deals and trump said I make as many deals as possible because most of them fall through, so you just keep throwing things at the wall and Warren Buffett said. I say no to almost everything and look at those two guys, I mean look it not only whose more respected but fuckin shrub has not made, the kind of money he saying he's made. He failed collide. Silly on many things were buffet has

so much fucking money, its mind. Boggling is one of the wealthiest guys in the world and every opinion he has look it up. I think I can't remember what site it was on, but if you look up Warren buffett, Donald trump opinions he it's like ten thanks and its they could not be more diametrically opposed to what was the first project. You should note Oh god, I said no to a game, show em, tv and and my manager kept call. May I say now you gotta do and I was like you know I was like the hot guy at the time. I was ninety. Ninety six, I just come out of the montreal comedy festival. Where you know I just I've been doing. How many like seven or eight years. Nobody had ever seen me before, because I came up in Boston and then I went up there and I did some sets and I just you know, got lucky and killed and all of a sudden I had fucking industry literally see

ending in a line to hand me cards like head of envy, does back when the network's went to the montreal conference, which was what was so like. I know at montreal looks like now. Did it was it the same venues? Where were you performance same venues? Do we want now not the same values, but you know hotels that had banquet rooms that they converted into show not great set really. But then there are some clubs that were really good, so it was a combination. I was doing a lot of sets and they just coming and they just kept coming and got bigger and bigger. Until by the over the weekend, I had a stack of business cards, nine inches high and it All like, and I didn't have an aid you're a manager at the time, so wasn't just a net works that we're all interested, but the agencies. I had breakfast lunch, dinner meetings. I had it, at the time left their development deal with fox a big fat development deal. Nineteen eighty six

eighty. Ninety six, this is this is, I want to say arguably three or four the dutch government deal died right. This is now a days Alan deal then. I get a spot on letterman I sign with Dave Becky, whose, like two biggest measure, the business signed with abrams artists that were big at the time I gotta show on the usa network like oh, like a segment on a show recurring all, and I had nothing before that. I was a feature act before that headlining, a handful of clubs, mostly a feature at all sudden. I was headlining every club in the country, the best clubs, it all changed in a week for me and then my agent came to me and said: do you want to host a game? Show on m t? ivvy and I was like absolutely not. I like, I want to become an actor or show called idiot savants any and they they kept coming back and the deal got better and then I finally said yes

real- and it was the best thing I ever did cod, but I yeah, but I said no to different things, never said not anything nevers. Now I don't night I'll say no, I don't say no to any pretty much or like I I my thing. My dad said this to me. The other day might think it was a fault, a fault. When I was very young in the business, my dad, I I wanted to turn something down yeah and it was the jameson comedy tour right, the one that did the tour, whose good money I'll tell you. The money was five grand a week. He did twenty minutes, they flew first class, put you up first class and you got Jamison every one month into my head. I remember the one caveat was

couldn't make jokes about drinking onstage yeah and I was like I was in the car with my dad. I want to say it was the day Chris Farley died, although it probably wasn't, but I feel like it was that day only because I just feel like I remember having that conversation too and I was like I was like fuck that no one tells me what I do on stage and my dad's like you're. Out of your fucking mind, he was like you got a kid on the way. I think, or I had a kid at the time. I think I might add two kids and he's like you fucking, take this. You eat shit and you cash checks, yeah. You do not fuckin look this gift horse in the mouth, you eat shit and you if they tell you, work clean. You work, fucking, clean, you're, an idiot right now and I was like yeah, and that was my emo from that day until, like maybe a month ago and I've had a conversation with daughter at the beach, and I said something like noah I'll, probably do it each and gas jacked right and my dad's like no

no. He was like that's just from the beginning, like you need to need to be like more choosy when you do right, and so now, I'm kind of being a little more discerning of like like what do I, like my time is a little more pressures me yeah, because I'm getting older or you know, yeah but yeah. I don't. I don't, think I've ever really turned on anything. Well, I think a lot of it is that I've worked with, certain producers and networks before so. When I get an offer, it's usually because they know who I am and what I do, and so it's like in that wheelhouse who not not totally changed subjects but a new friends with the MIKE gibbons yeah yeah. His new show yeah he's my best friend with the joel, Joel, mchale yeah looks fucking awesome. am I came up make it I was is best man. He was my best man. You guys. I want to say I want to say, like your progress, was you and him

They receive my side kick for the first five year yeah. I love I used to be so interested in what you choose. Life was like yeah he's he's he's keys, funny fucking guy here. How do you on to your progress out, never even met right now, he's he's the funniest guy now smartest, guy now and dumb. He basic I started out. As a you know, staff writer on kill, bourne worked as we have to head writer then became head writer on a bunch of other shows, created tosh point o with Daniel created. The george lopez show created the burn with Jeffrey ross like just

all over the place really and and then he had an idea for a sitcom, never written on a sitcom in his life. I don't even know if we'd written episodes spec script pitches at CBS. They they love it. So they order his script. He writes the script, they shoot a pilot, it gets real, close, doesn't go a month later they give him. Another deal, writes the screen for fucking. Good money writes his scripts. They pick it up the shoot, the pilot they get well mikael on it and a James burrows directed it holy shit and and it gets picked up to series they get put after big bang theory, the best spot on tv that you can get following the number one show, so it airs in the fall. I just talked to him actually driving up here. I just talked to

and he said it's berries. I got home at two thirty in the morning last night and a love, a love, his he did an interview and where the millennials were attacking him yeah and he was like well the fact that usual, cut me off right. There is exactly what I'm doing yeah it was the yeah, the whatever the press. The press corps has a has like have a little like a convention and then yes, he was speaking about the shell and end the show, is about a guy who's, a little bit older having to work with millennials and how I who lived there lived a life a guy. He was a travel rider. He was all over the world in the jungles and it comes back because they're going all digital, the magazine, and so now he's like stuck in an office with millennials and what policies they are an end. Yet millennial stands up and it goes well. Don't you think that this is offensive to millennials? Don't you think that this is in sensitive areas,

so. We get the strait of electoral is asking me if they making front of millennials for being too soft is offensive, and he just fuckin that's the thing about mike is he can cut anybody down with pure logic. He stays so cool, yeah he's so cool. He has such clear vision and it's why he's such a great producer? How did you guys meet? Be you? We were buddies at beer. Are you serious yeah? He and I, I graduated same time moved to new york. At the same time where we lived a block from each other for ten years, moved to l a at the same time got married at the same time had kids. At the same time, Our fathers were friends in the bronx growing up our sisters, we're friends before he and I were because they went to school together. They goes on and on I mean all the While these things happen before we ever measure up yeah. Do you guys talk everyday yeah? Well, no! No! No! Not! Now! Now that he's working on that show, I never talked to him. Get the fuck out yeah. Do you ever look at a friend like that

No, the one you're going to know your answer already, but you ever look at a friend like that and go wonder if they can help me out. Sometimes, while it's hard, because you know he, he offered me a job doing punch up on the shell, And I said yeah I'd love to do it, but then they've already got fourteen riders. So the punch up thing is just not something that's happening right now, but I feel like I'm kind of buddhist like I, I try to not ever want anything, that's the thing that keeps me from getting craziness businesses. I really believe things will come and they come when they're supposed to come, and so when I talked him like we do you talk about their writing. Job on the phone is just like. I know,

so that if they need it and and the and the money comes through from the network that I'll be there and I'll love to do it. But if it doesn't, you know my friendship with him is so much more important. So what like? What do you like? What do you want to do like? What do you like? What what's like? I I there's so many things I see you like, like. I know that for me I see myself doing other things in this business like what do you want? What is what's like? What's like your the thing that you want the most I like to do a weekly talk, variety show, but I find a different spin on it. You know I like to find something where luck, I'd love, to do a monologue. I'd like to get some good writers write me some good shit and do it not top goal, but on a topic like something evergreen, you know talking about massage any talking about drugs whatever and do great monologues and then go out induce like not breaking them,

old necessarily, but doing it in a way that is a little bit deeper and a little bit more personal like I find talk, shows to be very cold. You never really find out about the host and I think if you took that same format and he personalized it like a podcast, almost the bombs feel like a video podcast more so you know I'd love to do that. But you know I just did a sitcom. I just did a guest spot on a sitcom and and I just realized like I don't really want to do that like I, I'm not that interested in sitting in a trailer all day, so I can say a few lines that I don't feel like they're me yeah, you know, I don't see that I would love to see you do a video look like I mean I guess, of a row. A weekly variety show you mean the whole thing would be like you take one subject in unexplored for the whole show, Maybe I mean I've got ideally I took methodically did field pieces did sketches

in a monologue. I think I'll go like you know, have on Kurt metzger yeah talk about it. You know maybe a panel like I I I miss tough crowd. I think that that was a perfect format that that is, that is Bobby Kelly and I talked about it in blogs like he wishes. That would come back yeah. I dunno why it's not coming back, but you know chelsea handler did a a soft pop culture version of it, but that show is bout politics and race and deep social conflict. He was about real fangs, and I don't know why that show doesn't exist, but I have a show. I want to do. Joey Diaz. I talked to him about that's gonna, be like the church of joey year, You know like him, giving a sermon and a hearing confession from audience members and giving the parents and so I want to do some dark and dirty where he can talk the way he talks completely be himself and just unleash. I wanna see joy unleash because I think that when people seem for the first time I got

did this benefit this past year and I had joey on, but also a lot of cool kids, exec Alfin access and Sarah silver men and people like that, and they of course, never seen or heard of judea before rule, and so I put him on like fur and they're all sitting in the back, and he was a little bit self conscious like these fuckin guys here, so he did his shit. He's too can about this girl pissing in his mouth and all is that I'm sitting with zagging seminars and ages. Jaws drop their going who his this guy has. Like. That's fucking Joe ideas

and they were blown away by him, and I think that when you expose Joey diaz to people they just they don't know what to make of it, but they're going to watch it again yeah he did. Oh, we have been doing these spots and over to the rams game, and I had this. I wanted to get a shirt, a jersey and those around too old to get the jersey yeah my own. I wrote this joke real quick. I was like oh yeah. I was like I'll. Do this bid on jerseys on how I'd get a jersey of a guide, probably call the cops on if he was walking through my neighborhood, and I was like ooh or write that down and joey and I go to a show together and he hops up on stage he's already got a fuckin huge chunk on jerseys yeah, but it's but it's like imagine if you could say all the stuff that you'd wanna think, but you never could say, I'm not getting some fucking jersey, as I'm fuckin, and just goes off on this racially jar, fucking massively insensitive, fucking, wife, beating cope

norton? Ok, just it would- and I was like I guess I will do my right on that mining- is the shadow on the law and said o puppet of this fucking, a cave aiming fuck you ass. I would pay money towards that. One now iii, yeah. It was great. It was great because the thing is about stand up. Is it I dont think its explored the bread the stand up is so why do you think about guitar acts? You think about what Gallagher did you think about carrots bethink about louis black? It's Annie thing and I respect all of it, and I think one good comic see good comics. It doesn't matter what little niece therein. They feel that they know something's real, and I think that joey is is organic natural voice and I think it needs to be captured, but it can old, is only like to networks it. It would be right for do shoot a lot with other comics like records from that new show.

not that often now I see how much that I think, would be part of a panel. That would be good. You know, because I, what can I do them, but what the fuck? What is my strength? Well, I think what you said about me with the family thing. I always think, like you, gotta talk about your life you know the things you say about your family, you know. Obviously it's Follow around? I could see a file around reality? Show of you meshing being a party animal with getting up at six a m to be with your kids, you know- and we know where that leads you I mean those are bears to film now, because it's like you know, you're invades your invading your own families, privacy, you being followed. The editing is fuckin crazy. Over hundreds, hundreds of hours is shit to do without offers

the lot offers to do that will do the renovation and do a show with the girls and leanne and yeah atlantic children. Pr fuck now right costs because of what happened last night. like I told you, the very true story of how that is, and I have a figure that I'll stay It'll be a lot lessened, really gonna, be like us fund this year old guinea parenting yeah that won't tell you how awful of a fucking parent I am, but to watch that in that moment you would have been like these people are fucking bad right, but you know there could be a shell of dads with different parenting techniques. You know dirty dads, like I'm. You know like as a father, I'm you know I do. I just wrote a whole bunch of blogs for parent dot, co defend their about light based on the today. injures book for boys, which is his book? Where you go about that book? Isn't it great yeah, that's a great book, so I did a bunch of things we built a go car. We built a fuckin tree fort, that's this

eyes this garage really and we so I I've do danger, show we went down the steep, assailant, venice flip. The go cart almost bro, some bones. You know we go surfing and giant waves. I try, get him hurt, he's got scars and I think that's good and you know, and I my parents style is like yeah, you know what go for it. I did as a kid made me who I am. And so I and then you have apparent that may be a little bit like Tom papa, I think, is a little bit more shadow parody. You know I've seen them parrot like from afar here with really live right around here here, and so we go to the same restaurant. Sometimes when I see him- and I won't say, hi I'll, just watch him parrot a little voice, hey kids, you don't want breadstick yeah hold on lemme cut that for you

Oh, what is, I think, a sunday morning show that's a panel with some dad's talking about. Anything family related. That's in the news. That's really got out. My really interesting shall so great idea. So, when you take a meeting, do you have ideas, or do you just like fuckin, just roll with it and kindness shoe from the hip, the entire. Now it's like I just I just pitched a pilot were waiting to hear and it was me two other guys the daily show producers and we did. This idea was called fits my life and it's just me giving advice to people, and so we shot a pilot presentation, and then we beat at you know, meetings and meetings have beaten out the pitch and going in, and you know they they wanted to like set it up the beginning and then let me go and it just gets before was like fellas fellas. It's a cardboard their great guys in the great produces, but a comedian needs to run a pitch.

in the ass. You know cause you get a manager and agent going well the thing of it. They talk third person like you're, not in the room. The thing about Greg is he's got a great demographic is like shut up. Here's the fucking shell and you make them laugh and you make them laugh and you make them laugh and then you leave. That's what it is, but why you're making them laugh you're, giving them little snapshots or what the show is they ve got a feeling. They see it and if they're not laughing they're, not buying it and don't ever pitch in the afternoon really. All they do is fuckin your and they want to get out of there. There behind running work pitch in the morning, go in there at ten o clock to eleven o clock. That's the spot. I won't do afternoon pitches anymore god, dammit yeah yeah- I just I'm in the midst of a of general meetings, I think general meetings, but everything turns into a pitch yeah right and our moral yeah. That's different relegates like meeting with. You know what he wanted.

If you want to do- and you tell them what you wanna do, but all my ideas are fuckin all my ideas are way too out there. Yeah they're like her was okay. You know, I think that'll be fun, but also you gotta, like always know your pitch into Do you go you don't get on the network, shows they have on the air or just go. This is what I want to do yeah. I know what I want to do right now and I want to do it. What I want to fucking do and then I get inspired by something- and I was like. Let's be the thing I was like, I'm fucking inspired. I want to deal with speedo and I want speedo to call me up and go make content for us with speedo yeah. I just want to, and I'm like passionate about it like I'll, fuck yeah. They I'm really passionate about. I wish you'd get people to do it, but doing a fucking six, a m

drinking morning show out of here yeah like just a video like a fuckin, really bad video morning, news show with a guest and just getting fucking obliterated at six, am yeah and you're in, but I then our wifi is fucked up, so I can't livestream it yet we're getting doug with high has done very well yeah. Well, I talked to I talked to people Josh yeah, and we were talking about doing the call in sick to work. Tour that I do the concert work show here and do a concert. Work show yeah. Just do it fucking seven am at a, but then I was like who wants to get hammered and go to culver city. Yes, what can we do know here? If maybe here you do realize you're coming to my man cave six, am you know you gotta do is: have people meet you at the starbucks on ventura and then blindfold them and bring the may I say, don't know where you live Oh yeah, you do people now we live. Do when you go to someone else, your google, how much you pay for it.

no or do that all the time. Well, I know what you paid for this place. I told you yup, but like I do that time, I go to a house, I'm like wow. I bought my place in venice, twelve years ago tripled in value. When did you sell it? They didn't know more than tripled in value on it. I rent it out. Where do you live? It's got three units on it. I rent them out and I live in, mar vista shut, fuck venice, but I want a backyard with a fucking crackhead in it done with venice. That's me, home bert. I look out all it's all like hipsters, now people lot of shops and guise of pork, chops, sideburns and kids. In fact, in two thousand, italy strollers, it's bad ask for your son to be like yeah. I grew up in venice. He did. He grew up in venice group of fellas Yeah dog town, there's fuck it. He grew up in venice, my daughter's, a surfer she's on the surf team cool. That's your Jim class three days a week earlier so devout me and my son built bill skateboards together, so fuck yeah pad out

and we'll move back to that house, but it's too small for us right now. Really the other kids were share. in a room. So we moved to mar vista and now we'll wait for them to go off to college and we'll move back said to pursue them going to college and we're going to be last. One will be fuckin Julia that scare with boarding school at its depressed me like that you in the idea of them leaving right like they're, so our life right now yeah a I can't a man They make me think about young new different thanks stupid shit showing me viral videos, or you know they introduce me to me. My son introduced We all kinds of music and I just kick it hit eating his friends and having conversations with young people like just I mean just like that. I didn't you work out yesterday, but I went nag played softball with girls I pits to the through with them and and and

you're, just laughing. So my like that when they leave, I thing is just look at my wife and be like I'm ready for another one. When you have this, in that you're, going to see them all the time. You know this a lot of kids that see their parents three four times a year after they move out foc. Why I mean it almost gives me anxiety just to live with my wife like it was just me and her I know kids like how often you guys having sex once a week, but we're a little bit dry spell right now because of the house yeah. I would imagine it's a she's, very vocal and there's no way. We can do it Please say what you think: you'll have more sex when the kids grub move out. Amendments can be like fifty five yeah, no now she's, only in pre menopause right now. Yeah or peri menopause or whatever, and so I can't I dunno, I dunno it. Just fucking freaks me out yeah that freaks me out to think like that. My girls will go off to college and then I'll just sit with this lady all day, yeah and just be like

old. All your stories, you can't is now these start. As thirty started, star yea Vienna hang out and they here's the worst. You ve been arrested, We see that couple and are older and they don't talk the whole meal because their exhausted they ve exhausted their stories, altered and comment on the fuckin lettuce. the service they try to engage the waiter too much. They try to talk to the waiter too much and he's got other tables to deal with. My wife said to me the other day. She goes. She said something about our our retirement fund and getting old, and I told her and it almost made me feel good, I'm going to die before I get old like I was like I plan on being out of here. I don't want it like. We saw a couple walking in the park and they had matching a little walkers and my wife was like that's going to be us one day and I was like nah, I'm not going to make it that one I'm going to be gone. I need you to you, need it the best thing for all of us. The girls go to college

Hmm, you know. Maybe I lie I'll, make it like fifty five yeah but like and then I die you get to start a brand new life. Yeah you gotta reinvention, you go, eat, pray, love around the world, the girls have an independent mom who's got a ton of money now cause. I had a great fucking life insurance when, like I just can't like getting old, really freaks me out, like being an old man right, free, think, my father felt that way. I think when he died. It was the end. It was time for him to die in his mind. He had accomplished. Raising kids well put us through college. My sister was just out college, and I always feel like he went. I did it, I'm a I'm, not a happy guy. I don't want to be around things rolling and at worst, in my life, goodbye- or just I mean I get- maybe a maybe

change like I couldn't imagine forty when I was younger yeah and now my growing like forty four is around the corner. Forty five doesn't seem that bad, I don't mind getting up to forty seven like you start thinking like that, but I just I the the I like being seventy freaks me the fuck out yeah. I look forward to seventy fifty now which sucks, because I'm on that cusp of being at the peak, like you know, being a guy that is considered as a show runner, I had liner boom all and then no, you start to see it slip it I'm not seeing a really yet, but I know it's right? Fuckin there and is gonna, hurt it's it's there. Only if look, I know you're saying but like it's not there like four.

Ron White is not there. He like that louis ck didn't make it to later yeah. You don't want to be I'm not. You don't want to be the guy. That's eighteen years old, that's the hottest thing in columbia, because that just doesn't end well right. You don't want to be the guy, that's twenty three The guy is thirty. Two maybe he'll commit chances. Are he won't? You want to be thirty six when, when you want to be the the belper meant mentality of like forty four and really fuckin killing it yeah cause, then you can work into your fifties and then once you're. Fifty six people like us still go to a twelve hundred seater and watch them like louis ron white, like all the His guys seem to have the trajectory I'd rather like. While we were talking about retirement funds, my wife and I'm like I'm, the fucking retiring, like I will not retire, I'm going to keep working like in my head. I was like, I guess I'll just do cruise ships like that's the thing that people go like. Oh, it must be sad, the ages of me, okay, here's my worst case scenario: I'm on a cruise ship

for free with my wife doing forty five minutes a comedy and getting paid. That's that's my worst case scenario. That's not bad! I'd like to be I'd like to be like I dunno. If this exists, but like I think, b, a It's better older man, comedian than a younger guy real. I told my stories like a like, like twenty two about the russian mafia, admiral Weird yeah, like you know, like yeah, like a date like yeah. That's it merle, haggard like that would be you know our our fault, there could be set up at the point of a big high birth. sixty five yeah and people at sixty five are dirty. Now they want to hear dirt. They're, tired of being fucking pampered yeah the world was so different. We should probably wrap this up. It's been a solid this has been highly, I mean desert, and I say this, I'm so glad. I know you guys. I've really qatar

you for. I now do you know where it is warm and I feel, like I you're one of those people that I've known in this as for so long, my entire career been like always looked up to that always bit was like. The forerunner of the direction. Your blazing is the way I want to go, and obviously I think of minute it to an extent with the pod, gaston and and and but like. I could talk to you for fucking ever. Thanks you're one of the easiest Gaza talk to. I appreciate that one of the guys, like you look at Hugo, you like as long on going in the direction the same when he's in them doing it right? The outer mean right thanks man, and I you know- and I look at you as part of this, like this debt. Squad kind of mentality of like I'm doing it. My way is, I think, is inspirational to me and I think it keeps me more on that track and you just your own voice I see your europe or whether your on stage you're doing this and he now it's it's great to just sit down,

the unit so on on pressured, there's no gender. How do I we gave a pretty good tutorial ana. The business of podcasting definitely are by the way the podcasting marketing conversation was one of the hardest. I've ever left of, like I've had a beer like that is yeah. This is an angry progress. The more the more exciting part of this. This is one of my favorite things is I like. I did this with Bobby Kelly and what christina Brzezinski I'll do with Ralph gorman, but this one will be one where when I release it, I know the exact time our release it, because it's right when my lips in numbers, dip out for the day, yeah and I'll release it right at that our tax, six o clock onto the night and I'll just watch the numbers. Skyrocket, no shit! You watch you like vodka. I looked to see what my dollars are for the first time

Why should they be increased by? I won't give exact numbers, but by fifty percent on my first day downloads. Now she first they downloads of increase by fifty percent. Anything the key is putting out exactly six o clock on Wednesday. No, the key is that I have stopped interviewing people I don't care about ryan and I've only interviewed people that I really want to talk to. That's so funny. You say that because lately my podcasts, I think, have been strong, and I look at this because, like I just I just have one that was so fucking great. That is not a big name and I can't remember who was, but I realize, like that,

That's when I come through. If I'm interviewing somebody that I don't know, I'm servicing them. I researched yeah. I have a producer and he puts together a script with a bio that I and I'm trying to like. You know, do a chronological interview about and I suppose the end of it all. I did was ask questions I didn't come through and if the guest is a dud, the podcast is fuckin. It could be one that like say I do your podcast and a bunch of people go I'm going to listen to fits dog radio because I like this and they listen and they catch that dud they're fucking done. I can't afford to have one where I'm not at least being in control or being myself, because I'm being fucking tom, Brokaw or charlie rose or without are my biggest flaws. I was having people on where I was where I was not being myself and like- and I had this moment of clarity where I was like first of all, first and foremost,

I'm a fan of comics, I'm rather than of comedy like I did a password Bobby Kelly like by two weeks ago- and I was like this might be one of the best pockets I've ever done here, because I love Bobby. I, like your things, my lad and I just love being around them in, and I just and I was like this is an engaged compensate. This is why listen park, etc. This is me talking about after him, where I don't feel like I'm fanboys yeah cause I've known them for so long by anyone? That's listening this! That's what they'd want to hear yeah and I started going. Oh, this is okay. This is what I should be doing. There's a lot of people out there that I was like like I was like I bring 'em in sure, and then you and then you're interviewing them. I was like no, no, no, the best ones like my favorite ones, that you do I'm being serious when, you and rogan go on, and you do rogan in you guys wrongful like three hours plus here and I'm sitting there and it's not it's not an interview is just a hang and you're like others is fuckin, and you guys are going back up what you did.

ring and agreeing, and it's just fucking hanging out yeah. That's what I like. I don't like the fuckin so tell me, yeah and saws like and then the place where I was like. Oh, I can just do the people I want to hang out with and if I, if I do for them, fucking three times a year that I don't give a fuck it's a good bobcat. Now, I'm a big believer in that. I think if you can get like Andy kindler for me is like a guy. I want him or his four times a year and the killer, and I are for oh by the way the one little caviar whole story with Kurt metzger and amy is that very criminals came out in support of Kurt? No, we do it's yeah and so shit that as a person has been raped. I will tell you that kurt is a great heart and what he's saying is right. You cannot have a witch hunt right and was like and came out in support of kurt, but also said. I think, which is very true. Hey man wants you been raped, there's a lot of things. You don't know why you do them and a witch hunt

could possibly one of those things that you would do and be like. I don't know, I want justice, but I don't want to do it. The conventional way was a really I'd, I'd implore. Anyone know, whatever I said about the Amy humor Kurt bury crumbs thing for can take with a grin salt. I bet I barely red at all, I'm dyslexic, and I can't see very good news there yet Alex going to my visions going well, so I'm a kind of half reach yeah, so so um pollyanna was an interesting part biologist. What about oak and the reason I say that any kindle introduced me to Barry crimmins and said I pay varies really funny comic and bear was very nice. I was like oh thanks and you didn't have to do that, but sandy someone I'd like to have. Here, but I only know him: they have buryin. No one had very on his second grow out of their own harpy blow me one I feel like. I might end up he's some. Then? I'd try geek out over so beata yeah, like Andy somebody geek out over ruby, ok, but I won't take with Annie because he won't let you

This is the largest slaves spinning off into a rift. We item. I want one part gas and he started singing venture a highway, but in june the words to shit on hollywood. It went on for I'm not kidding you fifteen twenty minutes straight and I was on all fours crap. Up and once he gets you laughing? He just turns the screw. He is so He told a story at our story. Should fear storytelling. I was there and yeah yeah I was is just like. I love when he thinks it's not going well. long. I guess that's why I've everyone comics complex but he's vocalize reappear is so fuck the he's the best he's so unique and it's a shame you're living alike, as he doesn't do the road a lot, but they, but the privilege of watching Andy can learn, live at a small place. perhaps not doing well, it just doesn't get any better than that. Why is it that it's it's even better

One is not doing great because that's when he really spin now, that's when he like he fight, I mean there's a few kind. Kevin mean it like that tie glasses, like tat glass as as his which I guess would be oddballs when he decides when issues goes from the shock and realizes factor blessing. I gotta runs he's either Kenny stabler yeah. want to watch him. I thought and scrambled like our waters. Jim scramble more than I want to watch. Him is start back. Two steps throw a partiality: for completion. Yea, there's some dmitri more and I want to see him take the hand just handed off off, but man with them. There's no thought What they're saying is coming out of their mouth at the exact moment that thinking

and it's true to what's going on there in there it's like there is just coming out on stage. He did Todd garcia the thing one time for a a what. Rather he was warming up the audience for a taping, and someone came out to say something. Anyone thanks that I think the guy said you don't know my name and toggles know. I know your know everyone's name, and he said, let's real, quick. Let's do a thank you to everyone in the staff, so turn the house, our house lights on and he's like bill Steve jerry, Donny, ah Ricky steve. These are all the production guy, all the production, guys yeah. I wouldn't want to give them all a round of applause and the fucking all the cameramen. All the product guys are doubled over laughing and the guy goes there is none of our name. Greer any totally cells- and you know that guy shows up at a club a gay early and he goes in and he adjusts all the lights

gels uncertain light goes through the sound system, reworked the board, he'll have them by new micro. He brings its own microphone may god is what he does brings its own. Microphone are rain. is the seeds goes through. Reed does the whole fucking club for free, really yeah? He did and then talks to the people about how they're, how they're seeding, how they're policing the crowd when the checks go down everything I've come into clubs that he has just left and I go in and I go ma'am. What did you guys do? The grimmer miller douglas was here He bought a lamp like really. I really like the lighting said it was given them anxieties. We bought a lamp and put that curtain up seed or civil war, Peter anymore, you really. This looks nice here. He did one of my favorite things ever that the ever and that was

In our view. This is, maybe I mean an ominous a twenty years got or no, I wasn't there. I've just heard rumours about it, and I've always wanted people to do this to me in earth. Hockin he had. He said instead of the light, just have em start vacuuming Im turning over the table down, dude

parts of his personality like it's one of those things that, like not everyone gets to like just like just like you met leanne out there Todd met leanna on his way out and and Todd's like you, gotta do my pocket. I really want you to do my podcast and I go. I definitely want to do it he's talking to Liam and he goes, but I think like like. If you do it, we need to make it an event like well. What we should do is you come over and have a slumber party and then we'll wake up at like seven in the morning and we'll do the podcast then we'll after the slumber party, because then we'll have all that slumber, hearty energy yeah and you know me, I get wrapped up and go fuck diego's will make a real nice dinner or you know a pre make a breakfast and and and we'll go to sleep while sleep in the living room and I'm like that sounds great, and then it leaves

and yet you fucking mind spending the night at someone's house not living in a way, it's funny that I've taught classes also they go. Why not use your fucking forty years old, you're sleeping in your family and your house and you're doing just fine? and you coming the fuck home he's gay yeah. I felt like such a fun night like yeah. Let him do something else, the thing I know I was on the train. Have you ever heard the have you ever heard? If someone can isolate this audio, it is the best Have you ever heard him and rory scovel doing the sanford and son intro outro now I've never laughed so fucking hard a bump bump ban. So the todd tells the story to worry scoville who fears of the first time I think and tat goes, not funny. Let's, let's me and you do it like. If it was our show and we'll go, he goes we'll do it as red fox. So then they do it as red fox and then it just it just Todd just his way. They start it starts.

I rolling out and he's like. Let's do this jerry seinfeld man, so these like! Let's do it, let's do it as me, but don't do it. It's like real. Do it apologetically, so it he took the bit night. in different ways, and I was on a train singing the song different ways. He's got the audio than no. You know the story about him the canal is why there is nobody there among the people that line. He just did that line moves and gentlemen red fox pump pump Bannon, and then he comes up. I informed phono ten lot of other people pump pump. it is our duty jerry finds I've. Do it is you do it? you out of it is me, do it is a positive delegates, spins it out ninety two four ways: I was on a train from brussels to amsterdam and I was how in fucking crying laugh air at todd doing this, and I would like, as a he's, the most interesting, and in his own little fucking yeah. I now

and worry is out there to worry. Is super fuckin talent? You really used ass, a storyteller show he did of our. Is he he now that what was it? You know this Retelling shows the story girl only remember, but his memory was hanging off the strip propose like really casually and before he started his his thing. He just rambles off the top of his head for like five minutes, and then I wish I remember the story, but I was just so blown away by how

in the moment he is he's like Todd he just rarely in the fucking moment yeah he did, he did a show. We did a show in for new year's eve in san francisco and he just I think he did it in character as a christian yeah, and it was like so funny and in my head I was like I didn't know. This guy was christian this, how great how ballsy christian comic to do the show with us yeah and then he discovers her on hold on. I was like that's not you yeah, he did he's really fucking tie. You have no idea why that guy is not famous he's good. Looking yeah he

it's not nice, fucking guy. I bet it's one of those things that he does what he does brilliantly red. Everyone wants to take him a plug him into their formula and they just need to give him his own show to do what ever the fuck he writes. He is so frivolous the other show to produce maybe I'll, think of a chef for him. Fuckin a do it. I think the ideal. You know who else did a really great story by the way? Let's say this because we are talking about styles of comedy: yeah nyc food, oh yeah, he did a story, guess as a member among skeptical talk about any put any comic whatever, but like he did the guitar. For so long and I felt I think he felt like handicapped by the ass. We got rid of the guitar, for doing storytelling, and he told this really great fuckin story that was small and had nuance in got bigger, and I was like,

I was like shut the fuck. Am I not working hard enough year of your intro to a zip lining store with my kids that I felt I felt. Like I didn't, do a great story on thou, unlike I had a great idea for a story, but it just didn't have the laughs built into alike. I saw guy's going up Yes, sir, I sharing threw out their story. I do think there were doing bits. Maybe I don't know because truth, is where we were sitting you. Could here the audio very well. You could get a sense of how people are doing, but I just me like last it's per minute and volume of laughs yeah. I don't think I had that built into my set the same way, and maybe I didn't rehearse it enough, but I just felt like I wanted to tell it. Great story and it didn't occur to me to crush yeah louie Louie Anderson did that he was like. I told great story yeah. He told a really great story about his brother was like them FBI most wanted a reality for the story. How his brother was. I a bank robber, one of the top

bank robbers ever in the world yeah, and- and there was one day where his brother came home and they had to hide him and the cops. The fbi showed up. It's really an outrageous story, but it wasn't very funny. Yeah and louis got in his head and he was like fuck. Can I tell another story? We stayed for the next show and told another story. which was really good but like like yeah, you know, are in a kind of trying to similar stories were like a story, doesn't need to be dug funny threw out, it's got a great ending right all you need my ending with strong. That's all you need is very being beat up on stage in Boston, so we heard you tell the story: is there a good, solid idea. I was like a certain people are like well what happened and it is wrong. stay at my my my story. At all This year was up so funny. The meat of the story, I think, is not as funny as all the side. Accoutrements of the strike like at the I didn't know how to tell a story, and then I said something stupid one time on stage and rogan was like that's yeah fuckin. That needs to be in it yeah and I was like oh and then

hold it and the night. The end were targets on stage of me as funnier than the whole fuckin story. Here I have in mind. Sat up. One doesn't keep tat in the shower. Hopefully here cause. Hopefully they ll keep it because it's much vaunted the story and then one slip up. I tried to say I was these peoples and then say: rosa parks or harriet tubman by said, Rosa tubman, I didn't realize what I said and they started laughing rose That's funny ass, like of farc- and I am frightened color in the story and so and then I realized there's gotta pee, it's a moment. It has a brilliant improv in the moment that I was very lucky to have, but I've tried to sense, recreate it and it just doesn't work yeah. It was like. Oh that was lost in it. One taking it works and I never can regret the storytelling shows good.

Great idea and our worries, it's unbelievable- that every every time he goes up between acts he's got new funny story. he's he's inexhaustible. He is a machine. I have so much respect for that guy, starting with the shift that he used to do like going into the hood. You know with a kkk uniform, like all the shit he's done, has always been ballsy when he, when he did when he picked up the day, laborers and drove them to immigration. I really honestly, don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life yeah. He pulls up in a truck to home depot and he's like hey guys, we're building the deck, let's go and they all jump in because they don't know where I'm taking them and he pulls up. The immigration of citizens and, if anything, let me and they start running like crazy? It was just such a funny. Guy was in, like he loved that shit here, use of these an interesting guy. He really as he's a good listen, you know just shit like he gave us all

very nice gift for doing his show really. Also, I still got I got to gifts because he's I think your wife would enjoy one he's gonna, get to guess, I'll and and then like tat the night. We were Hearst it at the comedy store. He split them. At the door with everybody a kiss, just a fair minded person. He I was going to new york to. I was running the show for fx, and so I go to new york and I was going to be there for like six weeks I was like yeah, I gotta find a place he's like dude, I'm going to be in australia for a month. Just take my place I'll, take it the one on like eleventh or the one on ios in the east village, east village, yeah great fucking plague. It was a great place, what a great things that can draw down and I open it up. It's like filled with weed and he's like want the money. Just fucking stay there yeah it's such a nice dude he's a he called me up and he was like. It was really bizarre. He's like hey man. I think you need some time alone with friends

and I was like okay and he's like I'm doing. The show in Calgary just can be a few of us were going up, he's like whatever money I'll make it the door I'll just ball, split it and will cover flights up, they're gonna give us the congo will go to sea. And people have a great time, but it's like I really like he was very adam. He goes. I really think you need to get away from your family and be with like comics and realize I was like okay in my head. I was like ok, I'm not going to do this here. So then leanne. He texts me leanne, sees the text and goes. I think, he's right. She's like I think you should go and cut fuckin loose, yeah no worries about business. You do one show it's no pressure, just go up and she's like it'll pay for itself. She should do this and I was like fucking seriously.

She was like yeah, and so I went, we went to stampede, went to Calgary and it was a fucking blast, yeah yeah and we went on stage and I never had been more free onstage. I shot a blog about it, so I was like in my head. I was like well, I gotta get it to pay for itself more than that, so I shot of log or he got lost. He threw up on a kid yeah and yeah it was fucking hilarious. We did a podcast fucking through the roof and I got video to it. I gotta pose that, but yeah it was like fucking, great and henri was like I'll sleep or always, like all people, the floor. Like my mom, like I'm a married man, I'm sleeping in a bed by myself, yeah, but he's a great fucking guy. He really is, and he loves comedy man yeah. He loves and you know hope.

In selling of shit on the and calorie thing, but like he fucking scraps his material new special I'm working on yep like shit. Now I want to be more like him, I'm just trying to work out this fuckin zip lining. But hey can I play some dates? Yeah! Please, please, please, I'm sorry! Alright! Coming up oh shit, my phone died. Alright, I'm going to have to tell you approximate dates on your website for yeah, fort lauderdale, improv believe it's september first through the fourth and then I'm working at the cleveland hilarity s in September I want to do hilarity, sits a great room. I've used to do Probably not that was tat. He now hilarity is the place to perform.

And then I'm going to believe what your website fits dog, dot com and then and and and then I'll be in Calgary, actually at yuk yuks in september. As I love that club and then october sixteenth, I think it is I'm doing a benefit. Would you like to do a benefit october, sixteenth sunday night? I would love to it's for best buddies, which is a group. I work with it's for special needs. People are going to have some big acts and we're going to fill up, fill up the main room or lake, some money, and so big names to be announced on that and anda I need to. Did I fuck up my plugs know you like a love that you go, you want to do it, I go yeah and he goes then some big names on that I was looking at your counter. I can't find your calendar it's at the top of the website. Small I gotta. I gotta change. You've got a good web designer. Ah, yes, the bachelor, these pretty great. Via my website. Sucks right now, if anybody out there listening is a web designer and you want to help me,

Email me at fits dog radio at gmail. Melba come I'll. Tell you here's! What if you want to help out this is what I I wish. People would do more often the dates he just announced make artwork for him just make like a greg fitzsimmons in a cow, garin, fuckin stampede outfit thing with the calgary on the date. The thing So you have it. You can promote your shows with it. What on twitter on twitter and posted on twitter, or put it on instagram or send it to Greg that some of the coolest thing when people do artwork for you fuckin gets me so jazzed. That's really nice. Also to put someone make something tag me in it like so I can see our retweeted tag, rogan rogan between here and just say, a grateful, this gallery it make this you ready for this No, you guys want rogan in our love. You guys so this is it make our work for calgary and cause. We all do Every year I grogan already myself in it and gregg and make it for greg's date in Calgary, and we will all retweeted and you'll get fuckin. You get

Eighty seven retreats. I love it, yeah right or rule out any progress it's dark radio, it's on tuesdays and fridays on itunes. This right is tuesdays, tuesdays and fridays. It comes out who'd! You, someone she's tag, corolla, I just saw Joey Diaz, a bunch of bunch of good names, the girl from the the office laura harden, who played a michael's girlfriend in the office yeah she's great. Sit down a bunch tat long ere. She was alive now she's darya. She saw her, she gorge, yeah yeah, she was fund. This is gonna, be progress. I can already tell em time any ones like oh shit. There are three hours near reeling, they're, gonna fuck, you We are now three hours to forty seven, but I'm an unduly long, merk marin intro by way mark I know that good I'm dying are sitting on you. I love you a box here to be like a sea minister

a guy. I rocks both ways burger, so I'm interpretation Thank you very much. This episode was brought to you by the machine. come on Chris Paul owner palm heating, cooling, plumbing lecture. For a long, lasting career. You reconsidered the trades. here's what our team has to say. Whether you know anything about a trade or not come talk to us, we can teach him how to do what we do. You'll enjoy it and you'll want to stick around you'll want to make it a career. If you want to be the best at what you do and you want to be respected at what you do comments where you need a car, plot, alarm call forum back on