With the american express goal card. Everyday is golden because dining out and in common with rewards fill you grow. Regard with all your favorites and then some and enjoy night out with a hundred and twenty dollar dining credit up to ten dollars per month and statement credits with participating partners. new card members are sixty thousand points after you spend four thousand dollars and purchases on the garden you for six months make every a golden with the american express gold car find out more an american express dot com. Slash! U s. Lash explore dash gold and roma require term supply, hey guys, brain newport guest, Always they come out everyone's them a little late. We had a funeral this week, but it is wednesday, and it is released its great podcast coming up real, quick, every tuesday night

the conqueror on travel channel at eight seven central tune in check it out dates, coming up flappers this weekend june, seventeenth and eighteenth in burbank, orlando, the very next week, and then I got a week off July. Eighth, ninth, I'm in full of columbus funny bone hartford, connecticut July, twenty second, two thousand, Third and twenty fourth, then syracuse stand up, live in phoenix, kansas city, toledo, albany, Houston, not houston, counted, crews feel liam health, adelphia, helium, philadelphia, comics, comedy club, Gotham dayton, baltimore Today's podcast really funny guy he's the podcast for forest Sullivan son Yonah had an hour actual on central half our special and company central, you know and you let them get ready and strap in four own bed

the yeah I'll check your levels, low check, check, check that one's hot. I know that one's hot here we go there. We go one more time. One yeah, I got you learn to three no eye, so we watched wouldn't so this guy, so that real, quick, we're gonna start off This is gonna, be part of the swap cast. This is We see no owen Benjamin though my podcast before where my favorite fuckin lines are brazilians or like, like avatar, and make our hammers man I'd fuckin, laugh to this day when I think about that, There's no way I can meet a brazilian and not think of your assessment of them is people, nothing, cameras, man hammers the perfect genetic specimens. And so are so both on Europe cast. You analyze, jokes yeah, ok there, while they laugh so obvious metal

by more stories days, but when I do right a joke. something topical, and so I burn it. So the joke I'll obsessed with right now, yeah really obsessed with, is cat. Calling, ok, look out and I'm because. Because I, when I talk to my dad about it and I've talked to us, Some people on radio shows that video the one voice are all the girl walkin around and the first thing what said was that was that black dude suspected and border regions? I can do no white, guys, no white, guys no eyes, so that was it. go to hell. That's what I believe that as a joke right or I think that's where everyone would go to read. But then I thought has nothing to do with race, nothing, as they need race reports and welcome. Gladwell shit right here right It's a socio economic zachary behaviour, so I heard that's awesome so and that, but then I get angry, I get angry, so this is my joke running the floor but Joe getting is. I get angry because when you say

cackling onstage everyone's puts their heels into the sand of where they stand right. All the guys go its black eyes. So don't you love when you can break through that? it's the greatest feeling in the world, so yeah with something like that. I feel like you have to do with math. So, but what I do is I punish them at first I go cackling. Let's talk about it, I go no one in here: does it cause it usually let my shows predominance white guys and everyone assumed as roman a girl ago, because very simply, that's just how poor people communicate. You know and they have to swing for the fence. Hail Mary pussy passes yeah it's great. They have to swing for the fence. Yes, and so I say I can't take them on dates. They gotta try to find the weakest member of the herd and maybe get a bj in an alley. Well, genius, bert I go so I said to them I say but to be honesty, because this is where a joke writing has to go. I

I'm blown away where I want to when an audience gets offended that I'd take it to the next level. I go to be honest with you. Contrary, contrary belief would have to apply right now, it's not these men's fault. It's the women who fucked these men it's their fault yeah and then I today to analogy I go serve you ever gone fishing. I've, never gone fishing and put your dick in the water. That's lazy! Joke writing. I should think of something smarter by go. Have ever gone jean valjean, lady, about nothing lazy about dick with I'm someone goes. Why did you set me dick jokes? I go because if I didn't it's a TED talk zone taken there, I gotta give her gun fishing. and leaned up to the water and whistled at the water and said: hey fish. Looking good folks, I said no, what did you do you put a hook in the water and it didn't work every time, but it just needs to once sort of I go in there. I bet there's a lot of fish in the sea that find that hook, threatening that find that hook aggressive and say that work makes me unsafe. There's one fish. It's like

looked at her and that's all you need that, sell finding and then another, but I'm still angry and this joke. I'm still angry that no one's on board with me that it is not getting a pause, then I'll go I'll go. So quite honestly, I think it's your fault ladys. I think yours apology, unless you plan on smoking him out of the way we asked the muslims to do the taliban. Then it's your fault. Yours, an apology. Funny thing about that. Promises, like the people that would call it raises- are the racist. Yes, because their wants now you're talking about being having got a lot of things are money resources and if they're, like that's racist, it's a you're. The one saying black people were poor. Not me I didn't know it exact and I'm saying it's anyone whose poor right our italian, those poor, irish guys, here's here's a good concept for that joke is that poor white people live in a place where no one walks by their place. I trailers no one's walk into wells. Fargo passed a fuckin trailer,

if you live in cities and you're right and the poor, the predominantly poor white people in the foothills of appalachia don't have a chance to interact exactly cause. There's what you're going to catcall a cow yeah. I know just how that's why they fuck sheep, because this is hot as is walking by, but it's not your species yeah. I love that bird. I think that's genius, yeah I've been I've, been I've, a white whale of a joke Lately it's about how our ducks have fifteen inch dicks. Did you know that no yeah, once once I get, because that's what yeah like it just that concept alone makes me laugh, but people look at me. They either don't believe me or they're free doubt yeah, because I the whole thing is about how I want to be a duck because they they fly swim but still choose to walk to the navy seal of animals, then added fifteen tamar, and it's because there's so much non consensual sex in the duck.

Immunity that that docs have made that you have a giant like stop stop because up border. The joke I feel you skip over, was ass, all the research, you how to do five thousand going about it. Just go, don't even ass! Behind a lot of ways if they give a lot of guidance I agree a gram of adderall to figure out this stuff out and that is to duck vaginas and to think about, like a duck being sexually aggressive is so funny to make as its eichmann much excitement. Sir They now have to push these one that call the party pussy were if they don't want to fuck like a duck, Did they don't like they send a dick down the wrong one? That's why dogs have slowly evolved into their fifteen and dick, so they can navigate this labyrinth of pussy shut up with you two vaginas yet now die. That's like genital arms race, like that,

dog pussy is like becoming a labyrinth. Is it doesn't want to just get because it's like doc, rape to me, it's funny, because they're so docile and dumb looking, but like data see that's another thing that let you know when you're like man, that chicks like mare and segment, you know, but those are it's the same. They did their heels in the ground where they hear a word. They like, like me, Secondly, love that geo economic capacity and that they are talking, love it. But when you do like all white crowds in the suburbs are like he just penal raised that what was the rain was the right you didn't tampa was tamper, but, like you did I well says: tampa you've been posting videos of you online telling Campbell was great. It was great. It was like ten minutes long and it started off so cold and then did all the racial stuff until everyone's clapping because ground, because people- our good, I dont, think people are bigoted. I think that we, are just born to have small tribes and then, when you start connecting people like what you do with the category, thank enacted

well outside of these made up. Like raisins and an nation and stuff people start black ding, because I noticed that when I lived in george, I used to be a tree guy in georgia. Knob after couple, we like some of these ike like hillbilly, Israel, like new york, It's like the east, still ride like they're trying to justify that they're friends with a northerner, because that was cool and I was like holy shit. This is everything like it's just a tribe and then you can break those those bonds I don't, do politics either, but I do I kind of like what you did right. I tried to break them old, wrote the whole joke. Is it the president? Isn't? powerful there like a manager applebee's, and then I go through each one and republicans Democrats independence, a laugh at it where it's like you know.

karma is just a soup. You want your soup, we can get soup and then a charm psych, it's gaspard your con. It's supposed to be called get the fuck out and I'm like the vasta president would be jimmy fallon because he just makes everyone chill it's a new way of cool tube tribe, called quest. Here for some food and loves vodka. No to be how it's like the jug isn't like. Who is the best president? It's? What is the President yeah? president. Basically, their job is to make everyone fuckin chill out of the essen. Doesn't tank its see. Things like that. I always find that was like the way patrice looked at stand up, I think, was to take something semi complex, semi, Fragile, like something very volatile, yeah and break it down ration and will it down? in an analogy toilet that you quit, you couldn't disagree with. Yes, like I loved watching him do that,

yeah bird is capable that too bills. Amazing here's the thing I want. though like and I want I want this. I've watched the law one of our specials and I've watched a lot of people's second hour specials and I thought to myself. Ok, what is your responsibility as a comic to have some sort of growth between specials? Or do you just write whatever you're good at writing? And then next time you do it. You just write that again and the next time you do it. You just write that again write interesting like like I said, take for instance. Maybe I mean I don't want to use names cause it's everyone I like like, but it's like, but as a mitch's dead. So I guess you The safe and everyone knows he's a genius yeah black silk so hard.

There is a saying which is to live. What what responsibility is it of his is a comic to grow his joke writing, or is he simply good at that style of joke riding? He just keeps doing that until he dies. right, like like a tell like schemes for the memories, is the perfect fucking album. So, though I mean, if what you say and avert stanhope say this: a lot stavros, like I've written all the great jokes, wouldn't what's left a written all my great jokes would have left. What am I going to do next? Where do I go? it's almost like the difference between a joke right. Mechanism and drawing from your life, is the first hour I thought was easier because it's like I had twenty three years to pull from and then when I was too six. I now have three years to pull from so either had to develop by god a mechanism. It made me right jokes, I could just pull pollute the air like or I had delight join. navy or some shit like I needed more life experience tat. He and ahead of him showed that, like

how do you know what is it that one thing about being atomic? As you know, there's more than anybody is like if you're on the road, allied These promises are being like playing, so hotels, the meetings, rangers dude. I didn't had an agent Andy Cohen, who is just he didn't mean to be like, like not bob robustly, but like he didn't mean to be totally deflating in the moments but, like you just would say things that were so true that just like, oh, I guess I should just quit like yeah, I get a job like you, I'm a one time I lost once away and he goes That's great. Can we see next hour and when he goes, what is it all about? Spin bikes and I was like yeah, oh yeah, and on my head, I was like yeah- haven't really done other than spin. That's hilarious. I guess it's going to be a fantastic hour like he wasn't being a dick. He was just like like yeah. That's great, I remember he said the dane one time. He goes: hey man, no offense! No one wants to see. play monopoly with your grandma like

market, whereas images like he just would cut to it a bit. But I look like birds last hour, the black and white one it's so funny! I ran into someone yesterday, oh at the pizza place. I was talking to this guy and he said. Oh, I didn't like that and I went ooh watch it again. I think you're wrong. its awesome. I hear those yellow goddamn it. I said yeah yeah watch it again. You are you're actually wrong and he goes really. I said a problem. I promise you yeah. good. It is one of the things we can be like well you're wrong, then yeah yeah, but it was so it was, but I was a little Bronx. I just got off the plane. Those get a piece of the girls guys like you. I know you you're comedian, again it s a like who else you like like Babar like us. especially when all your wrong yeah, it's like, I don't like hot baths. Yeah, it's a dude, try it again like in the world. Doesn't like a hot bath. Let me guess: was it too hot yeah that was it not hot enough? It's one of the cars. If it's perfect, it's fucking perfect, but like what I loved about.

What he did on that, and this is why I am looking at so I just did an hour for showtime. getting ready for a new hour now doing another hour, and I was like I already got the material but only cause. I I had more than enough material for the first hour, but then I was like okay hold on that's too easy, not that that's not that! That's too easy, but I go that's. I need to look at something challenge. How do I grow as an artist? How do I grow as a comic so that, like what's something I could do I like go what, if I said you know what I like is when people have conversations with inanimate objects. What if I take one of my jokes and turn it sideways and have it have a one sided? Have it be a one sided conversation or like things that I like that people do? I just add to my bike. What if I want to be more physical and a bit like? I should really challenge myself and go alright in this last hour, Wasn't very fiscal. I didn't really do any characters. I didn't do that. Try to add that it is not my responsibility. he's go. I told your stories downwards towards you know now toy,

I liked the general neck grew asked one in the sense that he would tell us story about himself which he never did, and I love that about his mare and now adversely or adversely I love touches our, but it is recent. Our loved it, but it was definitely it was too, is definitely in his comfort zone. Have you seen a bows new haven't seen it ever people like it, really no happy, is it a little burnham just he just came out with one but, the feeling that one is going to be different than his past ones, because the trailer was intense, really yeah. It was on Netflix yeah, it's just like one of his lines was like, if you can live without an audio, watching you. I do that, like it's like holy shit, you're young, for this kind of profound fuck, is useless, crowed us but check that dude out he's a pre aesop. You know he got into the right business. That's together, was an internet star but deserved it?

You know like nice is shit. That's the thing that I get lost on a lot of these lot of comics lycian amphetamines and our fitzsimmons about this recently that it the the brand their brand, is more important than the joke. We did. I want to do a sketch about that, As you know, a comics like well, I got the snapchat and then I'm going to start this hashtag. This filter is really the they hit me and is now in someone's like where you where's your job pad. Now I was How do I add a new order? at multi platform, where's where's your joke book, and then he just goes. Who I should sell. Joke books call emerge, murder, yeah, it's like we can get down the website yeah. We can go with echo mobile devices, That's a good app joke book, that's hysterical yet so many these people are like branding experts, but not joke experts, and I won't name any names, but there's a lot of them out there? I'm watching these people, I'm like you're, this crazy fan

base because your? U should sell steel you'll, make more money like like you're good, in marketing you're, not you'd, spend no time living any life or making fun of anything in what you do mark is so like I I respect, I respect any comic. That right out of the gate goes talks about the orlando shooter's right, but then but the ones we're talking about would never fucking dog about that re. But I would ever talk about it because I'm not really good at that and is too big, and why, every time I try to be a gene people look at me like you're, sick. Heaven, and why you want to pull back a little like I try to do it. I am fairly, in writing de material and people really good at it, and people look at me thou and there like. Can you if it to someone browner Alex it's just that I'm so aggressively big and why there is okay. So here's the thing that, like the and that the angles really early to talk about the orlando

What what is bothering me is that it seems like all the people with that want to talk about assault rifles, so we need to ban them, but I don't I've never heard like a really solid. plan owes no plan for that, so they set some because look out really give a fuck. Oh have guns, I don't have any or fifteen. I dont need an air fifteen rattle devil. I don't want people walking around with their fifteens. I do understand that in our country we are allowed that right and that they're there so they're there, but like what are you going to tell my buddy dino cow? Had my counter you're going to have coward, take his six air fifteens and turn him in great there's five from a guy that was gonna, kill Donna people right. So how do we get him out of the hands of the guys that when I was a major communication problem between gun people and non gun people, as they think that debt, assault rifles or automatic, like machine guns, are already illegal. Those are illegal. You can like that's illegal work, people,

think in their head is already it's never been legal. Never illegal and then and then the flip side. The n r, a people think that people want to take their guns. Law abiding citizens guns in a lot of the anti gun people just why background checks, for example, this dude was the I want it like. He can't fly in an airplane, but you can buy an assault rifles, but that's the problem in my book. So we should this guy. He had been checked out, but they have be our twice You want to buy a gun. Where did he get? How did you get? It is by like that's that that there's which paranoia about don't take my guns, that, like No one would disagree that we shouldn't let that guy buy a gun. Anyone who thinks isis is making a lot of good calls, shouldn't fucking, be able to buy a gun and no one's going to take our mike's a r fifteen. that's not even on the plans for

I a like obama, actually did a good job talking about that after the shooting, whereas ike he's like nobody like no pain, is that more gun sales in me he's like trying to take your fucking guts, it's like if you're gonna be. I wanted, lest you shouldn't, be able to buy a fuckin guy like if you ever terror ties you should be by a gun, and nobody would disagree with that of the biggest fuckin hill. Alien in kentucky would be like yeah yeah right out to them. What so, so that if there's there seems like theirs besides there's the people online that just go? There needs to be done to get rid of all guns. That seems there eddie that is so improper. That's like an earthquake happening and being like. We have to get rid of the earth. Snake know that it's not going anywhere where frontier nation, good luck, getting rid of the guns, get that we never happened, never never gonna happen now and by the way. Nor should it it's like. There's a lot of places

in this country that don't have the kind of infrastructure of cities a uk just call nine one. One in fact, in Montana, is a wolf is attacking your sheep. You gotta shoot the wolf, so it's like guns, aren't they album. Is this crazy mental problem we have in this country and and and the ability of like violent criminals to be with bygones. That's the but have any answers. That's social media is given If everyone, this sense of entitlement, I'm a fucking comedian, I'm not a law maker, I'm not a governor I've! No idea! I haven't done the research to know what the best move is, but, like every ask oh that's done an open. Mike, is like the thing this country needs its like what the fuck do. You know I don't know shit. I just I mean I just Did anyone who is ices sympathisers

shouldn't be able to buy a gun. I do know that I think I agree with that. Yeah I baby and a r thirteen. What did the I, whenever I see guys posting anything about taking all your guns away, immediately, tag might counter and a coward, and I go hey buddy. What do you think ghostly text? Because what do you do this to me? It is like they can take my foghorn away from under the das. I did as he ever blonde that on you, as one of my things I told him he had to stop because it made me not enjoy the show I did. I would, panic at obtaining affect sitting there waiting for him to not like. I was like it just just I got here I'll, take it off and then he just put it anyway, any you could never tried. Furthermore, this year, as can be a black eye, fuckin he's got

I was with him one time we went to the gun range. I think we shot a r fifteens and they just bought. Two guns is like walking out and grabs your guns. That was like the fuck up. He was like. Oh, I got one for my mom for mother's day. Here's a metaphor: but like that that the energy thinking that having to register guns would be the equivalent of thinking that the envy making you register your cars. I'm taking your car like that, That's the paranoia level and I'm not an anti gun person, and I am also not a fuckin. We should. I thanks guy? I just think that I think that this is the I'm in everyone's pissed from headlines like I've, never seen people more boy, more angry, it hilary an tromp than they were at presidents that made their children fighting wars and die he's right, it's fun, can crazy what what's so wait? What? What is that? What is the answer, then? What

we welcome. You know you're square population drink it retains a water. Here is the question of acts as you can tell us die, and I was like a sword. Comes out that the shooter was gay rights. The shooter was gay, yeah yeah. I think most. Extreme homophobia comes from your desire to want cock in your mouth yeah. I will it's gotten and as soon as I heard the shot up a gay club, I was like hold on you're normal orlando there's. You didn't need to be it's not like the game. How do you go out of your way to find a place right? It's time, I've been no floor to really well. I was in our land or when it happened, yeah like there's. A million could again to the hard rock and just fuckin levelled, could go to go. It shall see manhattan. It's just everywhere. You go everyone super gay like, but he had to drive used for pierce heeded rivalry hundred miles to go, find this gay club to shoot. It up and

add the yeah. He was that he had been there before, which I don't, which I don't. That doesn't mean anything because clearly you're not going to go, should have a place. You've never been. you got it you gotta scowled at once, yeah can't just like Billy got far given. No, this is a blue blue, like ninety dudes scouting mission, but then he says but he had gaps on his phone. The agreement yeah. I bet dude, that's what so at about the home like the institute It's no homophobia because, I'm sure imagined this dude, where you're, gay and your religion, your culture, you family, everyone's, like that, makes you evil. So you, like fuck, this feeling makes me evil. This feeling makes me will, and you want to be gay, so bad and that all just turns to just ridiculous violence and Did you see it all the time it's like whatever you are, that you suppress comes out with a fuckin vengeance and this seems like such a time bomb pardon me wondered party. We wondered if this was part of the. conservative media trying it because, like you know,

Mediately everyone comes out and says it's a lbg g t, whatever you know, and this all these rights- and this is a hate crime in this, not a terrorist act and we are to add guns and then all of a sudden it seems like all those an array guys. Then I was like. I was wondering, as I read this report and it was so fucking loaded and then like they asked his neighbor, what he thought of him and he was like he was a great guy. He loves skipping like in your like rural. Let's say he liked. He liked to work out he like gnc rag, yeah, yeah yeah. You should have seen him. He like to dance houston curl up next to his dad, like you're like whoa. These are all in red flags that yeah yeah, but then I was like. Is this the conservative media trying to spin it? So it's like, as opposed to it being a hate crime, it's one of their own. That did it to them. That makes sense yeah. I just think people get lost in these terms too, not just face the fact that the world's scary place where I was

an act of terror. Was it an act of homophobia? Is this? Should we stop the boards where it's like? This is just a guy that shot fifty people like that? That's just a terrible and sad thing in life, so was fucking crazy. So it's like people can get so it's almost like defence mechanism to to need a label and then fight someone else who, as the other, able let's go, you think it's here, as I think xenophobia. Oh, you think it's homophobia, ethics, terrorism or you say it's like war. will fix it. Will hilary will fix troublemaker worse trauma make about it's like that whole line of thinking is just to not let yourself internalize pain and then just like real. build and and go through the process of being like wow, that's terrible that these people are dead like what crazy, we're all how to explain this to my kids, yes and media, it turns into a fight, it happens and it seems like no one sits there and says like like most immediately gun guys. Go ah fuck you.

I know what you're going to say. They spent it with their agenda immediately, and that made me sick. I mean I remember like it: twitter and facebook all this shit anything could happen. this blame their enemy and then a reinforced or stare beliefs. No matter who you are you now that the hilary we it is in the trumpeters. They both do exactly the same thing. I just think you're in tromp suggest farc and get it over with they need it so bad kind of like that shit like they. They want to fuck each other, so bad there like twitter. wars and staff there like just fucking hacking and robbing the whole time this I to follow the unfollow, some certain peoples I felt like, and I think that this is the the majority of society, the love fighting they deserve. lord in fat and rich, I mean he's ever. so about how people as written this thing about the middle class drinking everything I gather all we had our masters degrees and we have to get used to it.

Thing for our children and we have to budget I'm like that's. My childhood us happy my parents are professors, we'd fuckin. What's about about that and I'm not I think that we now have it's like. It's almost idea The increase in autism is more than just a difference and definition of autism. We're now like every weird his artistic testing, when back in the day or just like, I don't fucking, Put a store around wayne no punch in the dick. You know it's like it just here. He just had some weird fucked up thing. The spectrum has gotten so abroad, yeah, it's like if you're not a banana republic, commercial you're on the spectrum, basically you're, not like whatever starve commercial makes you want to think that a human is like. I would force you're beyond the spectrum is a kid I play piano all day did not talk in fuckin war, vous clause. That's me tired, shouted. The others had sounds like it's on this picture. Oh my god. I didn't fuck, it speak. I just played bach all day and

It was weird and I used to weave cloth really. I would just like, like knit repetition of a scared of people like. I think I remember someone diagnosing is having anxiety. I did this order like you're out of your mind, and then they said it was like. Oh, I definitely got that shit totally I do not like I dont, like one of the things I don't like, like I'm supposed to go to that improv tonight, yeah immediately, I'm like, oh, I don't wanna fucking go what! If, because I'm going to be a bunch of remember their names and I'd be like hey. What's up, It's good to see you might just brain slipshod walked up on my website. at so druv web is a perfect guided. So it's up to you so easy to talk to really is easier. Folks, it is so easy to talk to others. So many people we've just come up there and I'm I don't even know if their agents are, I dunno if they're managers or if they work there, have their comics like they just hang out there.

about when people say what's new and you start talking about a personal thing and then their eyes grace over cause. They wanted you to tell them about and entertainment thing here and you're. Like did, I just had a baby like you re, going to talk about, fuckin trying to get on a v h. One show like who gives a shit a move by my biggest problem is when people say. So. What are you doing? What are you up to these days? And you just go nothing because I don't want to talk about like I don't want to be like- and I don't want to now- I don't want to brag- and I don't want to like- I don't wanna fucking lists off my resume. Nothing really you're not doing anything and then you're like well done. fuckin make it sound like that? Let me say it like that. Yeah, like that's the thing that drives me. Fucking nuts, and then I and then I end up getting drunk. I end up totally end up drinking too much cause, I'm uncomfortable, yup fuckin than that with drunk crowds, the crowds drunk onstage I'll, be like I gotta get drunk or I'm just gonna hate you people like. I need it

it's real rosetta stone right now I gotta get hammered. So what you're saying makes sense to me. I was like that in chicago this weekend on the late show friday. That's all I was like. I don't know what it was but like for early show friday I was like it was a very mediocre show. It was my fault. It was just very like I was, I wasn't- writing a bunch on stage night and I fucked up a couple jokes like meeting new ones. I'd where I fucked. I was too aggressive with them and try to do old material to get them back, and I wasn't enthused about the old material and then I realized it was too late and I was like fuck. I was told this yet and then they start yelling at the machine, and I was like I'm having fuckin problems with that in my head, that that I'm still telling the story that I can't get away from, that. Like everyone wants free bird man, I know but, like I said I go, will I like one point? I said I go if you guys just been waiting for this story in the aghast. Tell it already you're sweet as it is. area where I just fucking you allow me,

do stand up that. I tell this one story, so it's almost. I got a hardship being like. Do you just want to fuck me you don't even wanna talk hear about my views on politics. You just want to see these and they show the tits and you're like yeah. That obviously fits yeah. Your ex is over. I can't picture you having a bad said, though, is I mean you're so likable and in like If things went south I'd almost think it was funny like I'd, be like. Oh, it's hilarious, oh the the sunday show things went south immediately would have been, can dude the host goes up and he goes he's like we're like there's a car club in the audience, I'm going to I'm not going to sit in the same names cause. I don't want to offend anybody right cause. There's a car club in the audience we go. We used to go out make a car club joke, I'm gonna go goer. Sorry, I was late guys the show started late. I I'd a t bone, this fucking beautiful car out there and just watch these guys yeah, and he goes like

no no! No! No! I am not going to start like that. I'm not going to start like that, so steady just goes, hunting cause is anyone's celebrating anything and everyone starts yelling. A person's name is ago. Is that a birthday like no he's dead, and he's a go see the guy in the little like these. It got shot last week and the ride and for him and he's like. Oh ok, it's the silence. Oh my god. The feature goes up and is getting silence for like five minutes, and then he just goes. Ok fuck. This you guys need to loose the fuck up yeah? I didn't. I didn't start any of this yeah and then he broke them off. Then they had a really good time and then immediately the car club was like they were in control, They were shouting shit out during the show, and so I just let it happen and it went really well and then,

iraqi lady wanted to get on stage? Was really hot? She just what gets up on stage and then fuck him another guy. What's gonna stay I just let it happen, I like those guys they just started fucking, yet they, but but then, but the orlando thing. It just happened that night. or were also? I think everyone is like talking about it and then did you talk about it now cause there was a cause. They had lost someone from a shooting in chicago, that's crazy. They were driving riding for, but it was fuckin and then one of the guys and then I paid a compliment. I said you notice two guys brother. I was like you know, a sorry for your loss. We did a shot at the end and the one guy one big guy comes up to me. Goes yo man, mad respect, but I thought he said. That's bad respect and I got far I was like fuck. Are you serious

bad respect like it like in. Like more intensely, I still thought he was saying bad and I go do I was just doing like a toasty. No, no! No! That's where I met matter of fact, and I went oh that's. Where respect I was like. Oh thank god. so you're in orlando last week. Yeah just add one He again satellites thou swine outside it now is a core corporate gig, and it was fine and then the next morning It was just so weird like people are just silent and it is fucking nuts. Why don't these shooters? Think of? Like I mean it's almost like they do it isis? Does it and they know immediate like do they think that they they shot up a gay club that the half of america would be like well like I just I just it's just so fuckin bizarre. I don't even know where, to put it work, what a dude was american now he wasn't an afghan. You is like ethnically afghan

but he was born and raised in america, will yet how the fuck does that happen? I mean you realize has never been on my ever in my thought process. I've. I've had a lot of really sad things happen to me, and I've had a lot of like bouts with trying to figure out. How do I deal with this new ones? I think, buy an assault rifle and shoots. Stranger, never wiser, never want like. Never ever yeah, I felt like I've been marginalized and I'd want to stand up for my people at times and I've never once thought of assault rifles. answer. What do pushes people that? Why I got is that I have no fucking clue. I mean I don't, as anyone interviewed this kid from the chicago, the the that shot up the aurora Does that kid? Like you look at em and you go, you have to know you fucked up like you got after know that fuck man that was really bad, call

you think they're just some brain problems where they don't have a sense of reality condemns Why she's like siphoned movies or like dramas or someone and people in their head? Thank did the world, isn't real. It's almost like the ultimate form in our system where it just like forth its like a video game, is that possible will be, I think nor system plays into it. Do you think I could call is getting more narcissist. Oh my god. It's getting crazy right, I know. I know two textbook narcissists like the up and down that my therapist are like no that's narcissist behavior, there's a book called a law, so my wife, my wife, read the book something about looking in the mirror or something it's about narcissism and it's just believe the rules are applied to them, they dont and they can rationalize that. The rules that apply to them and they don't have regret remorse, they do things and then they,

Well, that's not me, no, no, they got you act like the gold. Star generation grew up or it's like everybody's, like your special, imperfect in and then grow up and they're like yeah I'll, do whatever the fuck. I want there's more. The millennials these days are like that in this, like rules, don't apply to them. Type thing like I was what I was watching or not not rules don't apply them. That's what russia inaccurate statement probably, but where like every they should get it for free, yeah, where's, the item, and indeed on title. I don't think I've had to act as an act of aggression and never right to like ruins. when's career like if you just do it. The wrong thing or like the trigger warning thing, is insane like for anyone actually knows war vats People have had to create like they have ptsd you're like people Taking this trigger warning thing and making it because they have problems, you can't say a word or they get fucking freak out. Ok, like that, so disrespectful to actual victims, yeah, it's just psych

sure victims here to someone who seen their friends mode down by a gun. They would have a trigger warning like trigger warning, started as a good thing, most horrible things started good and then it became fucking insane like trigger warning to be like yeah. Can you because I see a are shaking. You know. I know that's like that. Have seen seen so much violence it if they cease a certain dang early noise search shaking physically and it's like, but now every guy Damn kid in college at yale and shed has trigger warnings, words. I give you safe, Rita, I'm gonna start puking on my dough, dick you like you're fucking. Why website? If my cousins friend was a died and europe you just said it and it's like ok for the word retarded. It is a word already that's Another problem I have with it. It's like that. Word existed and has nothing to a town syndrome and means under developed, and people are just fuckin high jack the wording be like it's, not ok, worded

my plan is retarded it's under developed because nothing, you do. It turns into a gear. The one make an advocate job. Yet I think I think, like real, One time said to me that, then I don't know. If this is, I don't he just said. It means all I know is that I had the conversation with him and we set out to buy gas, but the word faggot had nothing to do now. Man, and the burdens yad bundle of stay. I used to mean an old woman. It man anything that like it, slang for like a different groups like an old woman, was a faggot. Is it be? Like others, faggot you know she's out of food and doesn't really do anything faggot and then faggot. Im are a homosexual because, when give you children, so I got these debts. Faggot he's just eats and doesn't get me. Kids really has nothing to do. A faggot met a burden burdensome person so lightly. Yeah, like the able

It almost started as a joke like as it is a bundle of sticks it you would put on your back and what kind of you down. We like faggots heavy, and it would just because you firelight I you know a man. I I wish that I could take this as a bit but, like the word has been out of you, haven't heard it for like a solid like two years: A lot of people have stopped saying it. It's it's going to make a comeback. It's it's been aged, like a fine wine cause like even cause. It's just it's going to start not being associated with gay people again, and then it's going to come back cause. It's like a or you can just call someone who says that they have trigger warnings is a faggot, because it's like Europe, into the crew yeah elegance. Like now. You know we're not in agrarian society. So we don't need everyone to have kids, so gay people aren't burdens. In our society, and even if you needed liked,

kids to make sure that the ship was ploughed. I can see homer fought, not homophobia but like not liking Like you have a gay can be like this fuckin kid isn't gonna give me any more workers cause folksteads and you dont make a kid from do. Did fuck by as soon as we got off the farms does will we no reason to think to hell and it's kind of like gum, gay people actually are probably or useful to society than ever in history totally. Because they are simply their footprint- is very small and their adding so much to charities and two fuckin. special interest groups and like totally now that I have a baby I can see you know little faggot it on his he's. A bundle is a burning. Now I love but it's kind of like spend so much time dealing with likewise crying your leg feeding them and share that life agent is yet again

goods to have that they can just be like. How do we solve the world's problems? How do we make a beautiful painting thither, I mean that's. The truth is I gave youths gay men and gay women are literally I dunno man, I was going to say the most selfless because they give out so much to society, but then I mean I know. A couple of gay dudes are super selfish yeah. So I couldn't. I couldn't just do broad stroke, your kids will brushstroke programme anybody anymore. Now, some much easier in the seventh eighth, you get your european with a house, pain, pain, You have just a roller! Israel- and let me tell you about gas, blacks, love, weed and now it's like so fine, you now is there so many sub categories of people yeah an end, but but it is kind of true as like is ike at all like if you were gone hiking with your kid always only twelve weeks, all oh,

twelve weeks just had a little walter, o dude congrats thanks man. How would you like it the thick of it, I'm in the thick of it yeah. It is still a milk zombie he's still just visited hilarious of the fucking, so great they're, the best literally it's like I'm, I'm doing a bit about him. Now that I look up to him now my role model because he he demands what he wants. All the time like I used to and she was crying but does or demands he's like war than in the building isaac. I need you now I'll give you didn't mean it. Can mouth on. My website all you need is. I can give it to me and I'm just like you don't do that. When I do that and she said cause, you don't need it as bad. I'm like I need it just as bad as that little fucking faggot, I needed What is gonna baby a vagabond areas is a bird in a burden dude

all I know is I went hiking one time I had Ila in my backpack backpack and had ga in a stroller, and these- and I was I was hiking runyon and I was like I'm gonna- get to the top. Do this, that both the girls and then all of a sudden so these two gay dudes just smoked yeah, and it was such an analogy for how I looked at life. I was like these guys fuckin two dudes one house, income thanks, doubling cutting, ok, fucking, great bodies, all their whole life is set up to just let fuckin Let's make sure we do everything we want to do. Let's do it as just carrying these fucking burdens. I used to do a bit guy. Gay people are called gay because they're so happy they get to fuck the gender they understand and they're. Like you working out, making money and blow yeah. Let's do this thing, how we strike eyes whittled down homosexuality to just like what we want to do. Yeah football

blowjobs jobs around the pizza totally. I said that what like, whatever by gay bias like that's a bit of it, rosacea. I was like how often you go to jail he's like everyday mike? How often you get blowjobs zig everyday, unlike what the fuck you talkin about that you love working out J more. It is a bit about Why gay dudes are always a gems because they shower with with the gender they want to fuck yeah, that's so funny yeah, wait where they go or I've. I've heard him do it before about him. Getting in the gym, guys come in and guys like. Are you going to want to go back out and work tries and he's like all dries yeah. Just your arms are all fucking exhausted, yeah. Well, I haven't figured out lesbians, yet I think they over those means for awhile a while to lesbians in new york there, almost more into like knick, knacks and subaru is just like hanging out, because I don't think they're like outside showing you chose boxes and going to gems. No, I don't think they. I don't know. I don't think whether

I think I mean again I'm using the roller right now, I'm using the robot roller put the I think the sex stereotype for gay men problem applies more to single gay men than two committed game. I bet there's my I can imagine all knows. My sexual drive is much more than that of my wife. My wife can easily go without a month felt sex at me like no, it's not, every day it is for me it's not. A release is just so like I Imagine there has to be. I guess gay relationships were two dudes, don't fuck all the time, but I couldn't imagine that if I was in a relationship another do and I knew the one eyed I be like nowhere fucking our fuckin yeah,

like er you're, always going to watch me. Jerk watch just watch me jerk, but, like I think women is probably more. I wouldn't call want to see. I wonder if I have a my friend one of my really good friends is gay. I wonder if exponential, if like what what the stats are on that like, if women have gay women have less sex than gay men, statistically as much as women don't have sex in, I mean yak as they did. They have like a up throughout their minds, Progesterone ass agenda changes or sex drives and manifest. have one. Seventy year cycle you it there's a hard up at thirteen to twenty and that its eye up there for a while, and then it just kind of soya drops down. Women are like twenty eight days. It's a roller coaster. It's magic mountain! You don't you know what I was blown away by boat way, there's very few people that I know that I did. I can have these conversations with the lamb.

im dead serious. When I say that, because I enjoy your perspective, I don't think your perspective is fearful. You know, like you taught us, you speak from you. I think we're both kind of like a economists in that sense, yeah that you know I don't think we don't? You dont mean hate to anybody ever that you're just trying to look at it objectively from the outside looking in yeah? the matter I've been trying to do is. I may be wrong, but I'm not lying like a later. I may be like ours wrong about that. I learned more things, but at the time I'm never mind you. That's. Why I saw on stage I've settled on stage a couple of times when I take pipes, so have some aggressive, jokes lately and I say to them if you didn't like something. I said just come talk to me and tell me what you did like changed my mind because I'm gonna be getting up one stage next week again and if I'm saying some stupid, I dont know Stupid, like mad, is trying to get laugh. It so hard sustainable stage and look through almost through this veil of darkness and figure out. Why

what is getting a laugh and why it's getting a laugh? You just sometimes you're like we're fucked worked. I got it. I did this think god sixty minutes seven days railroad an hour in a week, and I I taped all of it. made a documentary because I like showing bombs and the vulnerability of it and like, for example, I did this bit about halloween. You know how costumes now and people got worse and brown and someone was offended and as I can, as ago I deserve you dressing. A werewolf does at our offend armenians and it'll, get laugh and then have not, and then my wife pointed out that women got offended because they're, like most women, have lack some kind of shit- and I was like I don't even fuckin thing- that, like I've, never had the perspective that a woman would think female armenian, would think that I was making fun of them. For being. Harry like in my mind that like. I not only am envious of body here like I've been made fun of for not having of hair like in my mind. It's not.

Yes, on a hairy person, and it's only man so that I said armenian men got more of a laugh and then I senator bearing on it, because at a need it because I had the joke became about I've, got you we should ask. This is one of those like no hate things where it sounds fucked up and when you think about it, no one's offended events, so it is long, it about. Someone asked me to gonna walk for skin cancer. And so I trained I got a fitbit. Am I. it was on a masturbated. I got some great stats takes me. One point two miles to combine all the shit. and then and then I'm wearing a sombre and the same guys like that's, offensive the mexicans and likewise like that's their hat, not yours Man and I'm, like you, know much more offensive. It is to say that's their hat, that's so then I started thinking. If anyone needs a sombrero, its white people is the sun is not our amigo. We, shade we gotta get away from that thing and I'm like in the way the world works is apparently, god is a comedian, the widest people

the smallest hats, jews yama could have no brim briquemont whatsoever, so I propose Accidents and jews switch hats and that's how we fall can cure skin cancer. Not you walk in the park in our and and people want to react like jus mexico. You now, but in its only about shade keeping son out of hazard! Oh yeah has nothing to do through again, nothing do with raised as new writhing and it literally to do and then I'll tag it with like a skin cancer walk. It's like that's how you get skin cancer. You know and I can't remember I was oh yeah, that's why I bailed on the werewolf thing, because I no longer needed for the sombrero bit but, like that's a perfect example of like if I offended you I didn't even know I am I'm, so one sided in my life tat. I had never even think about women waxing Harry Chet. Like my wife's ike, Why have mexicans? You know after wax my leg upper fuckin lip a little bit, I'm like what's wrong? That's fine! It's great

I'm not mocking that, and so I was like. So that's why I bailed on it yeah it's funny. You'll you'll have no intention on a joke that then all of a sudden approach totally perceive it. I was there's a a bit. I have it's about these factoids and las the joke itself, I think, is mere the one part it's it's. I read three factoids of the black dude you're walking through ever walk from terminal six terminal floor through the design on oh yeah, you ever be. The fact was on the walls. yeah. I think so in a bathtub or walk in first time. This is exactly what they say. The first fact what is does people that all people in the world dutchmen are over six feet, dutch women over five, seven and the blacks who just looks at me and he goes, and hot, do, and I see no like a little yeah the next one, and this is where I forget what it says really, but it says basically, the the tube in london was the first

subway system. But what I was saying- and I didn't realize of saying it, because it was the first underground rail road system which crowds would grown at because they thought I was making a joke about. Harriet tubman, and I'll take. Are you fucking kidding me guys? It's like I'm like I'm just trying to get to the next back to it by the way? This is the joke. The next fact, because I said to the guy when he said when we saw that I went I that was before computers was trying to say it was like he believe they did, that for computers, that was those four computers and then the next one- and this is the joke- is the average annual rainfall in phoenix is eight inches, and I looked at the chicago. That may not seem like a lot to you hilarious to me and then the black. I didn't appreciate it. He just goes no, no that's I mean how do they sustain you know, and I was like no. I just did it.

Active children into back. Take airport like it's fucking funny did bought but yeah, but I said underground railroad system and immediately, and I thought to myself how fucking up tight and why do you have to be there that you have area tubman on the top of your hair like there, it tell me it comes from guilt? I think it comes from I am being racists. Failing legs, I've learned mine there, like after our we, it's kind of like that shooters extreme example of someone who is gay, who externalize is their rage. I think that an one who gets offended by a good hearted person, doing a joke and a reference. It there's no victim of there's no like neck if the thing you're saying a racist because they're like don't say because in my mind I'm hateful and like when I think that its bad yeah? yes, I was all takes as one fucking flame to start the riot all take

one by one and then everyone, also it's good? If they don't do because we're still monkeys, so it's like, if you don't it means that you agree with it. So it's like you have to ou to show that you're, not racist. At that point, it's fucking terrible, it's terrible literally. They groan. No way I was like. Why are they groaning and also use a lot? Is it sub was- and why did we get like this, where we it didn't used to fucking teeth like that of women, train to be offended all the time like what makes it and and what is it about that, like that, when people go see dumb don Rickles, they love it like don Rickles. Is I mean? Have you seen the documentary MR one must now is a good dude. He says shit that I promise you you've not heard. Like that's the one thing like he there's a a

the asian guy in the front row. He goes seven years in the jungle. Looking for your father, seven years, yeah like just he is, he is for next level offensive. I remember watching them on letterman when I first started stand up and he said something, and he I mean I can't remember exactly what it was, but something to the effect of of I love being in new york. A lot of puerto ricans watch update. They got the knives. yeah like what I wouldn't where's, the joe. It's almost like the crowd has to consent to it because it's him yeah, it's almost like like saying. The phrase I was offended by don Rickles out loud makes you sound like a fucking idiot, because it's like, oh, I was bitten by a bear like no shit. It's a bear. You now, it's like if you go and do a downright rickles show you. You know that that's what he does. He says crazy shit. If you get offended here, the dickhead, I can't stand these mail

social justice. All hate hate them. I fucking hate them the guys who are apologize for men and stuff- oh fuck, oh my god, they're fucking, terrible. I find that I've I oma. I was trying to work a bit about this, but, unlike I dunno, I have nothing. I you just write. I guess what you're going through but like, like, I don't know if I've ever trusted saw anyone who turns on their own yeah, like so many turns like like and by the way more than they should. I it's one thing if you're like yeah man, do some fucked up shit yeah, but when you cause we can all agree to that. But when you're like manner bad, it's like that's, not even true, it's egg, especially as a man. Now, if you're, a woman saying that I gotcha ray and if you're a black man and ultra white men, toto azure blackmail and our trust black men, I don't trust you re. I go I don't trust women who go? No, no, no are places in the kitchen. I go. No, no! No! No! No you're places to fight us right. Your place

to stand up for your own yeah. I dont get people who don't support their own to an extent like I understand, being empathetic to everyone struggle and end, seeing all sides of the case. Yes, like blake liquid, when oh take out, often black people tiered. I got that right, like I, don't understand people who don't donors day when a double You think it's kind of like when your team queerly fouled and aid and aid the wrath. Let it go it's like do you know like well come on. It's like no take the fuckin basket just take the way, and that's why they called it unfortunate that I can't there was this one woman who tweeted this thing. I will never do like aggressive tweets of people, because I know everyone has their own battles and shit except for piers morgan

I hate that guy, but I fucking just I rip I rip into piers morgan. I just can't stand what he tweets he's such a little dickhead. What does he do? Eat like he'll, just he'll look for exit, what it's like, someone disagreed with them on something, and he was. I will you five, seven and I'm six one piers morgan said that's. I wrote I'm six seven. I was six one in middle school. You little bitch like I'll. Do that shit to him because he's if I can bully really I yeah fuck him. I don't know anything about pierce mortgages known from twitter. I just it's random, but this woman started this like this whole, movement about how its not all men, but it's enough. Men were she's like saying that their bad, pretty much he's like you now. This happened to me, and this happened to me in people get on board and I remember there's is one tweet. Did she say got thousands are retweeting. I was this big feminist thing and its something like it's now, all men, but it's enough to me.

get. So we should entrust stammer babo. I wrote if you change and a muslim. That's a word for word trump rhetoric and it I start because no one I mean some people, then I didn't respond to any one else, and I was cause it's like just what it sit there. It's because you know she's not for trot. You know that that was not at all. So it's ike she's, true like what he's saying that everyone is frickin freaking out about which I don't agree with either of them are agree with tat. Stance on muslims and I don't agree with her stance on man, it's like of use that there's a few bad apples and ruin for everybody. It's like just admit that you agree with each other that if you think all men are fucking rapists, because you had some I grab erasmus subway like you're an asshole. You mean you, demonize. An entire group of people are based on a few things a did, and I just watch these men be like you're everything. With men about. I was like in my head.

like, oh and by the way, you're welcome for all the wars. The highways leg, all this yet that men do of real- and this is how you gonna fuckin its people, its people who you noted is is ike that per that woman and trump I have more in common. All hundred percent then mean trump and people would assume mantra. I have a lot in common because they're, racist and sexist they look at us are like? Oh, those are white men. They probably agree with a white man. It's like people can't get past. It's just like your cat calling joke. They can't malcolm Gladwell that shit and get to the ideals of people or the social economics of people. I defend trumps supporters, I dont defend tromp. I think can jackass, but I understand people support tromp, because I think there's a lot of poor white people that dough have a voice in the world and they just want to see the big burned. Ten and so I get that and now I'm not one is people who thinks if you are trump you're, an idiot, that's kind of sending fucking stupid because I know people that are like all they want to do is go to

There are two guns intel jokes and in the last ten years, all three things have been taken away from them or it's like you to go to church you're, stupid of me. Guns, your coward and don't say faggot in athens and sell these people are like I just one, Moreover, anyone that isn't what took my fun shit away do. Are you sure your set it on stage of the days has sown about on the form like he goes. I'm gonna form because I am, I think, were set up verne an apocalypse, and I want the person least The vote will be in charge of hilarious. I'd think those days are is but the fuckin, the truth is, is that meant those people take absolutes ngo

like go all men are horrible. All men are rapists and go no. No, no! No! No! What you should look at is going hate boy. Culture has has been overlooked in in in in the learning process about sexual assault. Everyone has has gotten women aware of sexual assault, but no one's really spoken to the boys. Were boys. There's a book that a harvard I think professor wrote called up called eye for it fuckin. I wish I was smarter. I could tell you, but it's about the fact that everyone's done so much to put women up to the on the neck, to the next level, to get women to wear. The writer are across the board equal to men that everyone has forgotten about little boys, and like just how fucking uncomplex a little boys mine can be re, how primal it is and- and I waited long talk of a woman

we're going to try to do this organization to go out and speak to young boys, because that's where that's, why I can do some real change and the thing is look. Not all men are rapists, but all men, all men, I'm not all men, not a member majority of men at mardi gras It adds cheer yeah. Okay, that's where we started at, because whatever that I mean all men are pigs. That doesn't mean you want to violate a woman's fucking body over pigs for her to show that there are not all men, I'm sure jamie kill steam will probably not cheer want to show that Jamie he's a very funny guy, but he's a. He is definitely a social justice warrior and very nice guy, very sweet guy, but like hardcore like, if you don't, google him just tried in the july, these people have they ever fact like women. Don't want that in the bedroom. I don't wanna guy, that's like! Is it ok if they really want like not don't

that what I say things like there's going to really watch myself could then a really see, good man would be like all they wanted your ploughed garbage, you know, that's not it in a respectful manner. Maintain your gender words like don't cross any boundary, don't do anything. I'm consensual but like don't be a blob like don't just be like instead of meat, fuck and let's just talk about the rights of children in uganda. You know it's like that's, not sex and it's a cycle that of my wife's, a fucking, engineer. It's not like. I get those like very you now motivate it my mom's professor, you know all the women in my life a very strong. What unquote and there are also women they still like. You know to feel safe and fucking. You won't sweat, drink beers, fucking go running. You know like shit, that just dudes do there is something about blake, I think, may mean

training your gender is you gotta, do it because it doesn't help anyone. If you just start not being a man, then it's like everything goes to shit. I do a bit about why, like men are pigs, and do and women have to adjust our accepting that, because women are pigs to it. For a small amount of people like like women will like a guy like justin timberlake and be shameless about it and make us buy tickets so that we can watch her. Watch him. The answer My god he's so hot and then show focuses, accounts placement prize because she got so horny watching the guy. She really wants to fuck and we're fine with that yeah and and then I'm the pig, because I want to fuck best buy like the whole place. And end, so I do a song called how it feels for us and women best buy yeah and women like it, because it it shows them that it's not a threat to them. Or can we just look at asses, it's called how it feels for us in its its

Okay, ladies, you know that feeling when you see a bag at the mall, and you want it, even though you already have one, you have five at home, you're holding one in your hand when you're at the store- and you like- I like those shoes now my gear fucking wearing the same shoes you like, I know, but I also want to know what what it's like to be inside of those two: that's how we feel about pussy and it's like, but its very logic and then santa claus with canada, india and it's like? Basically, it's just like fruit in the jungle like look at that one. Oh, that girl is wearing white jeans, no way like when, but like when women gawk at a guy. It's usually because the guy's better than you and that's why they EL offended when it's like they'll got it like Are you now is somehow or one wife doesn't? Look you fuckin fives re exactly there, not j d like they're, not looking at the front of a homeless guy, do not like all there's a dick in those pants. You know it's like there. They'll fantasize about like did the dude. The death

he guy from season wanna game of thrones, like my wife, is ike. She like shuddered one scene was like because, because he's huge due to fuck and protect his woman in honor, but a sensitive, and I'm like I get that that goes by. than me. He can write a horse without a saddle and fuckin kill a whole village. I get that but like when gods, oh and guys look at chicks, women are like threatened in your like. No, she just has a pulse like my like vero. Let it adds another by the bedside do her more than me and like now I would rather have you take, but would you fuck her if I, like you, it's egg yeah she's is Why am I could she's alive and that's forgot isis of wrong? I have myself I'm so sorry and that's that's I'm talking about and its Man just follow other alpha's, where it's like the best thing for him. Phobia in the inner city was to show the wire is omar, was a closet homosexual who is a bad motherfucker and it made black deeds in interest please be like. Oh gay people can be bad motherfuckers.

And then that's it that did more for than any after school fuckin special. Just to see omar on the wire suck a dick she to do in the head and do its we're just like. gay people aren't so bad insane it's like it's not like. You must love gay people. It's like now show us a gay person that shit is the same cultures us and will fuck and accept him immediately. Yeah. I think that's what I think. That's like a wonder why it's been so hard for anyone in the nfl come out. I don't now I mean it seems like it should have happened by now, The ec is there's a lot of gaiety aids and well. I don't know if it's all there are to be examined.

If you're gay, I mean how great would that be, I mean look, and this is a perspective of the way we look at being gay like the way I look at being gay is just fucking, mardi gras. Oh totally, I'd make a tackle my dick and move I'd. Fuck that'd be incredible because I I imagine for me that's the equivalent of me: allowed to play and, like the luxury of all right, I would be lighting bitches other spending accurate, I'm in a jam getting ready for the launch a rebel. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe that's why women everlasting when you get a team together to be on the launch of able and by its just you I would imagine that the being gay as a whole different factor because everyone. Then it's almost like cause. You be the only do

good, so then there may be some weird shit going on with checks and competition. Imagine if everyone wanted to fuck each other and you're playing football. That would be crazy, like I did this thing in like a mud wrestling thing with this girl one time yeah and we were in I mean I don't want to be too telling you that you could find this online but, like we were very close to naked in writing- and I look I'm very faithful to my wife, but like just her muddy leg happen to rub up against my muddy junk and it was like all of it literally instantaneously- I went primal like how do I get my brain was like an eye issues, hot shit, and but it was so crazy that, like If I play the laws are able- and I forgot sweaty in my pocket our producers fuckin grind instead

maybe like all fuck and that's what I'd imagine would be like brigade neville Julia, loving it? It's like derek jitters, female monsieur since, like that chick if she's married she's robin down basically a billionaire air star athlete super nice, like they're gonna, have some they're going there's going to be some primal thing with a did, you know he gets or certain fur birthday This is such a good monsieur. That's like the perfect gift, he's. Like diamond hearings, but it's like mean something you're like even if that chick is, in love with her husband. She still gonna have a little quit quit tremble you're gone away, but it's it's gotta be just a man

it's better man than her man. That's that's the difference between men and women. I got a massage from a girl from a young lady or not young leash, a woman in omaha yeah. It's and I've had it from her twice and both times the best massage I've ever gotten, and I told her the same thing both times as I think I'm just going to get massages from black women, because black women look at me and hundred disgusted read there? Not they don't like she. This woman was not like oh fuck, yet this is what I am into and it was almost like. She was massaging, took me to get me away from her like Kelly. fuck yeah. So she was doing there was no like treatment, for she was just like, Yes, he wasn't seeking your approval and it was the best besides I've ever had I was like was it visit? Could she could commit so much

to their massage or because you kind of like that feeling of someone being discussed, and I have no idea but at both times is the best site. But I got the feelings from her finger like this was work and then there is nothing. I'm not taken my time on any extra parts like I'm too fuckin put in work. Full time is the best massage and I said the same things he respected the honesty of it yeah. It was like just like fuckin. it clogs in right now you don't want anything besides, what's happening right now cause this is your job yeah, that's fucking, awesome a great massage, but then I've had them from like I've. Had I'm from like hippy chicks, like young hippy, chicks in my head, I'm like and like I've had like middle age, hippie chicks do, and I was always like I dunno they're they're, getting too into this. Well because they're like trying to too much. I don't know maybe like they fit like. There is a dialogue we could have been like this tactic. There's no fucking dialogue, yeah! There's there! There was

Never she knew, and I knew there was never the opportunity the animals like you, roll over him alone like that was not. it happened. So it was a work. It was fuckin but like you've had them before, where you get a massage, you like, I hope they don't think I'm going to ask for a hand job and if they offer one that will make me uncomfortable. So there's this weird kind of like energy in the room. The me I'd, like everyone's a little nervous of sought that something had happened. Verses with the black check. You know there's lines drawn in the sand like yeah? Like words, bids you will not get a hand job in your like, I know better than as whereas in that norman, it's kind of like people, I've been told they're, like all women, love mary guys, and I don't think it's that they love Mary guys. I think that if there's barriers like whip, What can be more themselves because they're, like oh we're, never gonna, fuck the deeds? Marriage? I can just be

myself and then in that interaction, dig in there's more of a bond. I thank yeah. I feel like I feel like I enjoy, women more now than a married like I can be more. I have more fun at a bar. The has women at it cause I don't cause. There is no fucking nothing's going to settle down. Dead at any point in the conversation you can be like you know, I'm married and it's like that Why rings or awesome, because I used sometimes almost feel bad did, I would hurt a girl's feelings if, like I was. Angle and and they will there be a virus or something- and I just didn't want to hook up with them. I would almost like I was letting them down, like you'd, see in their mind like what's wrong with me, and it's like no, I haven't slept in three days. My hands are shaking from dehydration. Like I could've fucking, you know it's in and I you're right, there's a I think that adversity

the women are a lot more allowed to be themselves cause if you're single, a woman's like fuck. I don't wanna lead this guy on or what, if I do like this guy, I play that because it's hard being a woman and where we were dealing with us as much as I am not one of these social justice pussy guys it's like taking the tightrope, they have to walk with single guys words like ok, this dude wants to five weeks, big example tits, but he's also like a good dude. So I kind of want to be friends with them so like. How do I act so that I'm not leading them on and at this in time and being myself by being myself means these gonna fuck me like steady tents to do so? I think women always like being my friend, because I always had enough of a train wreck personality rugby like they just knew I wasn't gonna be like put I need you, because I was always like just such a fact psycho. I can always be like drunk the sward centre, like some crazy thinking

they just could be themselves because they knew I wasn't going to be like book vulcan. You promised me you now, that's why you know Vienna making a piano wherein shit. It's like. I always had enough women female pension where women can be friends of make it wasn't like. I was that hard up for pussy that I'd be like, but you bought me that cod so that means you jerking in my dick now god yeah I've man I would get. I would come fuck. I now that I think about it. I wonder how many women just found me. bearable because I was reading into anything they did guineas ever like there's just so many times that I was like ugh. This person totally wants to fuck me at the end and I'm sure they didn't, but it doesn't matter because I had already had that covers like once. I said she wants to fuck me: then everything she said was loaded and everything she there

image of her mouth, my old roommate. I was like I used to think she wanted to fuck me all the time she'd be like when I get. If you want cause. I slept on the couch when I first moved to new york, sick of going to sleep in my bed with me and in my head I was like I'll pass and she's like no nothing's going to happen. I was like sure well, yeah. I then I'd say to my character. Care did and then it's like everything. It's like haber. You want some coffee, it's like I'm not gonna take a border every year. It is really into everything of value to coffee. Now, what do I gotta do a lunch you like, as you need me, to have some fuckin tappan my step for the past. And session you're begging for it that lasted so long. They lasted to a point when I told my wife. We had been married for like by four years and I was like, and she said something I was like. Oh, like three of your friends, wanna fuck me she was like uh. No one wants to fuck you and I was like now name him and I named them all.

It's like we're, calling them right now. I was like no, no, no don't call up yeah, it's usually no you'd think they would have bucky, let's put it out, I'm alive. So finally, I told Amy Schumer one time I thought she wanted to fuck me when she says Not at all. I go your bullshit to this day like, then, why are you making eye contact? I told her. I said I go look I I was like very candidly. I know where I know like the number range that wants me you're in that number you're in that window. Right, oh you definitely like. I said I tell you this much. I if I wanted to, I go fuck you and she was like not at all she's sincerely, not at all, and I was like a better way of doing this for, like four other guys, I'm like Amy, let's not lie each other. Let's just call it what it is yeah and she was like not at all that so fucking, for I was it's early on in my sexual life. I was the opposite because I didn't have sex to my freshman year in college and, like I was

it's so unappealing to women. My childhood. That way- and I was like such a late bloomer and the bloom was such a fuckin rapid ascent like it went from everything I was good, made me a loser that no check wanted and then immediately it became the best should ever for so I didn't it's almost like netflix taking over overboard busters? What it's you know, economic! Eighteen, when I was sixteen playing piano, reading books being tall like all these things, people like all you're, an ogre, fuckin, nerd Zagat. Look as your burden. And I and it was like you know it's like I just was like. Oh I'm one of those guys that women don't like and then I went to college and everything just readjusted, and it was just like all those things and it was like When will we have to be like? I want your dick in me, and I d like well even say that when you dont like I was the opposite and then I became normal. But at first I was like women. It's yours.

But I've got to go back to your place, I'm like. Ah, yes, we can play checkers like nothing, fuckin register exegesis myself, image was women die. one. If I make them ganglia, tong piano is an attractive and I read too much and that it became like. I can tell you all you're, playing moonlight sonata, your six seven. Let me so good egg and before that of as the fucking opposite like I do turn. It was like it. It's kind of like when, when being jewish, change the game like they made them. Be bankers like way back in the daylight, the middle ages. There, like we gotta, make these already. Jews handle autumn other money back and others true. This is fucking legendary. What happened in, and it also happened with lawyers in the early nineties, hundreds its and when a glad was bucks, but like think about we're, ok, so back in the day, money was transferred from marriage. She now blue blood decide this duke marries this fuckin duchess. And I got more lands in england and shit so banking in any fraid was seen as dirty right there like we don't

touch money like fuckin, its dirty sought to make the Jews do it you now that he's a fucking Jews, we're gonna make them do it and so the jews are like our eye off. I can do it because we're more literate is every one of us has to read because bar mitzvah, then you guys just put it down the basket and and then the renaissance comes thirteen hundred ordinance, fifteen hundreds and now sudden trade is the shit. You know new world Marco polo trade is happening and guess who already had all the trade routes the Jews ran? Everyone does our shared because being a banker then came the job and they have been doing it for a thousand fucking years gives are forced to the same thing This was in one of Malcolm Gladwell's books. I think it was outliers where lawyers in the early nineteen nineteen hundreds in america. It was like all the harvard. Yale guys raw wasps and they would get all the best what jobs best firms and the jewish immigrants were forced,

do mergers and acquisitions, which was seen as dirty and shitty, and then everything changed innermost, like our shared really oh yeah, a lot of times. You don't know what the whole world will shift in someone's. Just in that position, where was like, you didn't know it go and in fact, a lot of times oppress groups will be forced to do certain things and then their culture. Just is it's like entertainment with african americans. It's like lots of times, had to learn how to sing and dance, and in all this shit to just by, and then you know with with their growing I'm a status, it's like oh shit, these dudes, your fuckin, really good at music and singing and entertaining it's like all. We ask is that part of the culture now and you see it all the time. It's so fucking, interesting to me. That's really yeah! I love when you see something like like, I always think about like podcasting, like I got in it when the

what like? I just got in it when it wasn't like when it was just getting popular, just started doing them when they first going forgetting popular right. So don't I release mine. Then I got all these listeners, but it was just because it at the right time and then I think, like what if right now they said you know who we're gonna, see what, if some was like we're. Gonna start taking over podcasting on air podcasting on your thing and then you're, like oh you're, set up to already be doing that I'm already doing it exactly got all the equipment. I actually don't have to buy new stuff already built the infrastructure where someone's like well it's you're saying that you want this and you know it's it's like what netflix It was unbelievable because they were already setting up They are already setting up a system in place to get people content through the mail basically was on demand- was what changed so it started off is probably They were just trying to get by anyway. They could blockbusters kicking there ass and they start like mailing shit to people and then when the internet at the end,

the structure were now. You don't need the post office and you can just do it by clicking on something there like. Well, it's weird because we have fuckin millions of subscribers. That's all they do now and it just just massive it over it out. Millions of subscribers. That's crazy thing about netflix is that they had millions of subscribers and their business like. But what am I bodies started up a bit. are in a minute bastardize this one on our true. It is, but this is how I recollected. He started a bar right after college called east Andrews in atlanta and what they did. What they did is they said, give us your email address and in do have a cover charge and we will email deals to you and you'll get it. You just give us your email address. So what he did is all these people this right before anyone ever really

as the the like. Now no one will give out their email address. Cause they're like I only have fucking spam from it yeah but like he did that right at the right time and he got all the people that just moved to atlanta. His email address, like all of your florida state florida university of georgia. everyone that wanted to go to this bar. He got everyone's email address and then he was like well fuck it. Let's start another restaurant. We have seen a guys If you liked these andrews try out our new place, yeah and all these people are like fuck it. We like that, let's try this and so being in. There the right time yet almost like, cultural viruses and cultural inoculations cycles. Words like you, get a virus. enters your body and your body can't fight it yet so it just takes over that's what happens with all these social media things like it's kind of like when you go. Vague is one time I was in vegas doing commercial thing from a no vote and southwest, and I was all someone added do is tell me a joke and they got a free round trip. Get anywhere in the world, tommy joke this is free. No one fuckin do it, because

all their defences, we're up their inoculation, their immune system, because everyone was handing him shit the so I got two people and we like hey. Excuse me. If you don't Maybe I know I don't want your horse. You know because it was vegas I went to a street and mine and I was okay. If you tell me jirga, We take it. There are no fuckin way because no one's handing them shit. So it's just like the first people on twitter, the first people on instagram effort because Everyone is like open to this new thing where it's like. I'm just gonna like all this thing like and then they can advertised to the people, it's it's a scam ms canned laughter, we're back in the day. Is it? when you heard you're like all that, must be funny, and then people got used to that it got abused, shitty shitty shows would just play. Can laughter and people like waiting this isn't funny and now You here can laughter, you assume it's not funny where it's like us inoculation, happens where it were Organism adapts to whatever the fuck

comes in and then, if you don't have the infrastructure, you're fucked it so funny, I started. Collecting email addresses in like long long time ago and a just and I just stopped because it was like. I was too much of a and ass. All the ass I've miss eyre, Kevin heart, collected email addresses, I feel like now. Isn't it does? work like I used to think. Having did at the perfect time to area like now. Look at the new I look at the new. The new acts like. like everyone's obama get on snapchat I go you might as well. He looked just got to succumb to all of them, don't be like. Oh, I don't get this one right because the next, because this going to be gone and eight months and you gotta find the next one after that I mean. Am I with so many at the other morning. I woke up a tweeted I put on facebook. I periscopes I did a snapchat and I posted on instagram and I was like what am I leaving out right like

Am I go? Did you ever see then? What happens? I think, as he is someone just switches, your and goes way old school and that's the move like handwritten ladders, words I think I'm gonna fuck. Are you guys up and take it all away? You know it's like in person teaching Like is now Think there's so many apps that I almost don't think we can Do it without any more because it's like we, now. All have that well I'll, just get into everything and people just are coming through all this fucking garbage. There was a comic podcast. That's why podcasting is the shit, because it's just good content. I I subscribe I do like thirty pod gas and day there's a new one, I'm like oh, I can listen this and enjoy it verses. Now too, It is just like for control is he or Hillary is a current trump is hitler? Who is it's just a fucking stream of bullshit twitter twitter is, is I mean, I think, has gotten taken over by marketers too. So it's just seems like I dunno, I feel, like twitter's master

still talk people on twitter but, like I don't use it. The way I used to the pot dude podcasting is it it's the same medium. Just presented a different, an easier way to acquire it. If you give me any thing, just make it easier for require that's what I'm looking for and also Oh, it's it's the long form. Hearted podcasting is, I love about its, not just like thirty one, they have to shock me and equipping like this actual might give you aids signal. I need to see what would the farc and that its I'd buy. Geico, and I'm like you, tricked me again, however, clicking on it, I think by geike podcast you're, like you just want to slip in someone else's world and just like chill and like you jogging or I've anger at work, and you just want to be in a world and just listen who not a guy. I listen to chris gap gap

get our yeah. I got a new one ever listen to that you, but I hear through a goodwill, I heard a more marin and he was fuckin, fascinating and also a god damn it man like fuckin, follow check out his podcast auto and then you're like, like. I love that when, like you get someone on the podcast like, I am blown away like them, trying to think of would like to stanhope podcast my favorite I guess eber due to him, giving me props and about gas did more for me than doing like leno five tat was it you do that in one of the plot cast. He said that he does like relationship material, but he likes mine and I'm super funny. Young people like more people. to me from him. Mentioning me on his part, gas me doing and nationally televised stanhope spot it just like fifteen seconds. Friends of Doug stand up. Giving me credit basically what he's saying as I gotta like that, like that's a hack premise, buddy,

a really good hack well, but, like that's a huge compliment for come from him or any compliment. He's yeah he's fucking love me too yeah. I did it. joggers crews wear them and we can talk about that. Yeah yeah so use it What am I shows, and after he just came up, I as like fucking, I was scared to have a guy like him watchmakers I wasn't brilliant enough. you now, I got in wanting to see me talk about our men and women are different and he literally said he was. I do too usually don't like many women are different chad, but I like how you do it and, as I like holy shit, it's amazing thank you there. He is yeah he's one of those guys but his his podcast. I fuckin lot love it. It's it love at its very much

I you know I dunno I'm trying to figure out my podcast about yours is awesome. What I like about it, what I don't like about it right! My wife was like I'm going through this thing. I dunno about some of you. First, like so Tom sawyer, and I are really good friends thomas his wife Christina made a start today, hashtag on wise, bert, so fat saying that I'm fatter than tom, which is not accurate, I'm not that of the time, and if I got it, at first, they just hasn't got away and it's been like three weeks. All I get are bert that treats all day long. I decided to eat about that and after a while, you start getting to a point where, like it starts to really fuck with your self esteem, it did. I saw you like twenty seven about that. I'm, like is bird. What about this? Like? I really do I I didn't know if it serves the joy if it was a joke or you kind of being argued as a joke and that you're talking about like big fat, shame recently it's been resident there had spoke, treats those appeared that,

agent called there are like? Oh, no, no, it's its aim, his humor Kesha and you are the three most fascinating people are the entered that fucking and fine, like the girl, has called me like a number of times it came in. I am really sorry. I did not know is gonna get this what's steam, but you're, not fat it so it's like, but the thing is that no, but I am really like I know, but here's here's, the problem with you is yours like in the zone to be super offended because you're not a fat person? if you're, like a giant fat person, you'd be like no shit. You have enough where you're like when I was a hacker, sounds fair. It and high school- that regular to run a few people through tomatoes. In my face I was the haggard eyed, so I got see the heart of the monster like what makes people freak out fat people dont get offended by fat jokes, its people that our fatter than they want to be tat. Is the person

that has a thought out I'll down. It's like it's, not what someone is its where their prey It is and whether in securities are and that can be anywhere- I mean we all know that stunning girl. That thinks he's fucking ugly, and we all know that leg you know Bobby leave. see bombs every time and he kills every tat. It was so funny cause like rebel, wilson and and and melissa mockery, the high browning I've ever heard them talk about fashion aiming but like Amy and kasza talk about fast, shaming I don't I I mean I can see where people say they are overweight but like for me yeah. If, if it was an equivalent for me it would be a career dig where it's like. Oh I've never fucking heard of you or some shit, and it's like, I wouldn't react, but it would hurt me I'd be like, oh because I I haven't read she achieved that level of like where I'm like. Oh, like You know super confident in everything have died, and everyone knows me in respect me. I'm still you out. I'm still

hundred dog, but I've done enough where it fucking hurts, or am I gonna sit com for three years, have had to call me several special and you don't fucking no land that goes from my head. I guess it's there zone. If I was so weak when I move to allay or even a few years and of someone's. I have never heard he it's like no shit. You know tv, but when you ve had a hundred tv appear, It is in people haven't heard of your fuckin stings and that's like where you are with but body real, like you're, not fat, and four, it's your identity, but you're fat. enough, where you're like fuck, I gotta like and, as I I've been talking to I've, been talking to subaru about it. A lot because, like we're like it all of a sudden it'll just go into fuckin droves of like like fucking twenty you'll just show up and I'm like travel channel doesn't get the joke like they. They don't know that it's, and so I tweet anything about travel, tale only windows traveling. And why would you let someone so fabio on your network? So travel channel's actually started to be like

little like freaked out and I'm like, and I can explain that the reality of this started a thing in like a year. You are like chiseled, because you what we didn't have a choice sum up. My wife was like my wife was like this is where art comes from your view. You should be talking about this on stage. An issue goes it's a great story. Dude she's, like you need to talk about this in your podcast. What you should do is you should talk to your therapist and have your therapist on your podcast and talk about very honestly how you're feeling she's like I'm guarantee there are women going through exactly the if institute that's a great idea, and so I think I'm going to do with my parents therapists next week, but like other than the other part of me doesn't want to like. Even this conversation makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to add, I don't want to add sunlight to it, so everyone goes I was really getting a burnt. This is fun lyra. Everyone starts like, like I said I want to have a funeral yesterday, two days ago, like I'm to be hospital, social media and everyone's ike Tom Tom, Christina we just

broke bert, he's a sad, oh fat, bitch like fuckin, and I was like in my head. It was like I got angry cause. I was like you didn't break me. My wife's grandmother tied like I'm fucked like then I'm like fuck you're, breaking me right now. How dare you fuck and in some ways you need a like incorporate this in your pocket. Let your podcast, you know, taught you. Terrorism is sick and fuckin. get a trainer and have a trainer? Come train you for thirty minutes, once a week put on on your podcast ere it, and I was like fuck yeah like and that's why I look upon us now. How do you grow bigger? How do you make it more your thumb, print of of what use Brain among the most secure thing you can do is show and security. If you did that, that is like p that inspire in. Thank as everyone has feelings of like this. Everyone has this shit and an that's. How you really can act to people is just being like in mom. and when you almost don't give a fuck

you reveal who you really are and everyone's like. Oh well, you should have just said that the whole time, because we all feel that way, it's correct, you're right about the career dig thing is like it's like. I saw this person and will say them, but there just became an unnamed people have heard about, and I when at the store- and I said, hi to them and they were like. I don't know you and I was like I was like in my head. I was like I dunno the fact that I know you is the fact that I know you means you probably should know me only because I'm like I've had specials. I've been on tv for six years. I've been doing stand up. I you know while all the podcast that you're just doing right now, I actually did you like my home- is built on laughter like I made my house by paying for it with making people laugh yeah, and the fact that you don't know me as I was like. Okay, do maybe you really don't so then? What It's ok! Well, my wife Amy gave me good advice or that were on the. Ah. She came with me to round the road somewhere and why the weight staff, because the it's almost

infuriating not to be a dick because of how hard I kill. Look after people like you. Who are the best means of ever seeing it's crazy. I've never heard of you and that forgets a knife right in me, almost like, like this, do with a high dick did. No one will suck and so I start not getting mad, but I'm like a startling. A credits to this young dude, like almost like, add something proven on my ward, and this is maybe you know me from the house been here before. Maybe a lotta people don't remember my facebook and my wife goes just roll with it, be the underdog I just be like oh yeah Actually I'm working hard, like let people like feel that I don't work. Why do you need to prove that you use something you're, not unlike because I've done So much is like great. Let people discover that you don't have to put that in there I can face, but it is right, but its is yes, she's totally fuckin right, but it too, I don't mind,

strange you're saying that, like I've, never heard you, I go yeah that I mean there's a lot of people now, but I get it all the time Yeah, I mean like some people recognize me like that? I went to high school with em. Like it's over and then someone with one fuckin youtube videos, aids, cinnamon and puke on themselves. I don't like all that do. Do I heard a story if the guy who's on the internet, who's at the chicago improv sold out a like noon, show it discards. Six p m show hundred dollar tickets yeah, and I was like I'm doing the math in my head going whoa. What did he walk out with and they're like yeah yeah, and I was like, I think, fifty garrett attitude, one showing only the fifteen minutes, I mean it's unbelievable, he just and then he did a meet and greet, but he's an internet star and you're like oh yeah, but there's there there's people. I discover all the time for the first time

like like, oh yeah, that's true, you gotta. I gotta look at it that too I'll say it this way like. Well, I mean I'll, say what I like Chris Delia's somewhat I've known for a while, but I've never like. I never really sat and I've gotten like try to go through a shit watch it and others. Did this thing on this hot one's, my favorite fucking web series. Check it out I'll cbc that now so fucking good I'll check it out, and I watched it and he made me laugh hysterically fucking by times that I was like when I watch. ITALY and then all sudden, I'm like going through and watching them like holy shit, he's funny as fuck yeah, but I've known him, I've known him, but I'm I've only known him to just be the fucking sweetest guy in the world, really nice great guy, but I and then, when you go on stage It's like. I don't sit and watch a lot of comics yeah. Is he going to be heard? It's like we're on the road, so marge that it's so hard for like road com.

To see our headline spots, because we're always doing them the same nights that everyone else has and dileo said to me. We did a show at at the it's really itchy you're saying this, because he we did a show at the store and he gets. He was supposed to be him than me, and he just like without doing something about sensei smoking a cigarette, but he didn't do that. He was not they, they couldn't find him, so they had me go up and then he went up and then he came up and he was like dude you're funny, and I was like it's the same shit we ve known each other of each other for a while. We just never sat watching other shit and then also getting discovered by someone you respect and then a goddamn and you're funny. Like a cell phone? I don't even know if rogan is ever sat through watching one of my stand. Ups or you know, yeah, that's interesting and I'm being dead. Serious I've only watched the girl a little bit like. I haven't, really sat through any of his hours for fear. One one is like a I watched the beginning of one, and I was like this is good turn off them and I don't want to jinx it.

Yeah. I don't want to sit through it and then the other parties use- I don't want be too influenced by a totally new, no yeah, and it's not even that I crave attention is that I crave careers stability so like it's, not that I want people tell me how great I am. I want people to consider we go the shows, so I can beat feel that sense of comfort that I thought my credit would give me and I do have comfort, but it's just it is just the wild west. Mentality that didn't exist. When I moved here in two thousand three, where thing where its legs, do asking myself ass to where it's like you can just be replaced by an app like it, just like it's a whole new thing like like the credits did so hard to develop used to just You in rooms that were already sailing out to be here is where you ass thick ass for three years and have an hour, I'm calmly central you for sure where it were good to go.

and now it's I hold on did you. I didn't understand what you I didn't understand that the happiness of it until you just said it is. If you had said to you right when you go I hear you're gonna, be a serious failure for three years on the ongoing sitcom yeah prime time and you're going to have an special comedy, and to have our spanish and you're gonna. Do why no nine times and then you d been like, I would ve been Am I don't wire? I dont want that the house tat big guy to literally be like I won't be able to find my keys in a house that big, if you'd, said, bert your weight by the time you're forty three, you will have had two specials one on comedy central one on showtime you'll have been you'll. You done thirty pilots, forty pilots, but you will had been on the air continuously for six years, yet anyone rogan like certain that peat and millions of people listen to religion,

Lee dear voice for three straight hours, I be like what what, but while many boats to have right instead alike, am I mit hydrated from fucking all day long, my wife, what does she look like my wife. What are you talking about my fucking airum hair? it'd, be like so my wife is deaf record me fucking, our friends all the time, then right, because then she can go on my ninth book, god, damn it and then not like. So what like? What forget it thus, with a per capita? This business is its we really like like running too and hours a day every day and right when you get to the olympics everyone's like? Oh, we can use motorcycles and you're like what the fuck it's like, no you're, still super fast. Like we love how fast you are, you run the running portion. It just isn't you runs it was before. Is it

when a yard sprint to the motorcycle and then it's a twenty mile race on a motorcycle yeah. So you have that extra advantage and you're in great shape, you're in great endurance, yeah, so like you'll last on the motorcycle, but we're not running at the way we use to end. You you're also a great motorcycle driver, but this dude has just about amerika, gonna send. You can do about it because I because his pants on the company that now is taking over the world were it so ensuring that I'm so glad you worked on running. Put your hair, like with your hair, bad branding, brow like what the fuck you like glue. Guess you didn't hear the hair portion of this raid, do you speak mandarin? It's like I'm. A sprinter big mandarin, you're fucked it. So fuckin bizarre, it's like I'm always almost

what's really fascinating me these days is the what seems to be the leap in money like so many people. I know I feel like I feel like no one in this business. I feel like you either make or shouldn't do exact numbers, I'm gonna, I'm gonna I'll, do this sounds horrible I'll. Just say this when I started to stand up when I started headlining, my offer was for thirteen hundred and fifty dollars a week. That's what I got. I heard stories of guys making six grand a week, and I was like oh my god and I knew a guy who's making eighty grand a week doing six shows yeah

it's always like oh wow, maybe probably probably two and eight shows I was like wow, okay, alright and then it just it just it just seemed like this business went from a place where now no one makes like twenty grand a week. You either make like ten grand a week or fifteen grand a week or you make maybe grander wheat, rice, there's, no more! You make fifteen hundred awake. I never got above that, or you make fifteen hundred dollars a week and it's like or like three grand. I remember when, like three grand was the price on the road- and I was like okay, this I can do yeah a guy could figure this out and then sewn some merch and then maybe a couple of bonuses hit some bonuses. Oh dude, it just seems like there's a fucking, huge, there's, no middle class, Totally like you're, either rich from comedy and four zero is sing right now, that's like three grand a week. What are these fucking assholes complaint about? You don't understand. We get paid differently like like a lot of like

it really is important to understand how it's broken down. You have to give ten per cent your age and ten percent. Your manager and you now pay a different tax bracket and you have to pay for travel and you eat out every meal and there's a million fact Is where it's not? It's, not what you think it is. I remember telling someone I was like. I remember what I thought. Three grand a week was a lot of money and someone was like- oh So you know three grand a week is a lot of money. I go no! No! No you! I! She! I said three grand. I should have said three grand. I should have said twelve. hundred exact idea. We can already said my three granted. I got one hundred and I remember my wife. I mean to this day I brought home a check the other day for one day's work, and I was fucking blown away and I gave it to my wife. My wife was like well, don't forget, you're. Looking at that number, we only keep half of it. And then, when you look at that you're like that fuckin sought, yeah shit man only keep half of that. It's almost like a shake being like did you can pay

Amie doggy. Now, I'm going to give you a hand, job you're still getting a hand job, but now you you compare it next to the doggy bag. One could have gone doggy and now I'm getting a hand of a job yeah. But if someone told you three hours before you're going to get a hand, job you'd be like awesome. If, if someone to exactly yeah So we got all we're getting down. His style? I heard I was going to get a fuckin. These girls are just going to run a train on me yeah and that's what I that's. The thing that blows me away about this business is like all of a sudden. You turn a corner It turns into a mad dash. Oh, and also this is something that I've learned and I'm sure you've, probably seen with with a growing experience, is how few people- are satisfied. Words like I will look at online and be like wow. That person must have made a leg. Everything that I right now, and then you hang with that person and the like

man. Why aren't I the next one? It's always it's like everyone's next ache from working up will know like there is no top like you look at so like. Oh I'm trying to think for. Like look at bill, I mean I don't have pilfer it's hard to say because, like like, I look at so you ever. Do you ever get on Google trends know I may have just put you into spiral. What's going to happen, what what is it? Google trends and oh man, google trends is my obsession right now. It's like what what's the most googled thing in the world? No, no! No! No! No! No! There's imac, just gotta show it to you so that you can see it because once you see it then you'll go oh fuck! Is it it's on? So,

The these are my lips in numbers, nice. The only people, I think seem happy are the ones that focus on other shit. That's why I like burn rogan is cause like it seems like rogan focus our problem like getting really good at archery. It's almost They sidestep the whole fucking game. You now, this is so this is Google trends. So ok, so up do this. I want to this with comics gazeta fuck and make it very real but like to type in alex rod. Regos designated her. So this is how popular this basically is a timeline to show you how successful he's been. These are when he spiked right- and this is right now he's pretty low he's only eleven, whereas

in august two thousand and thirteen. He was at the peak that must have been probably during the steroids that so what causes his services searches, how many people so now you can add a term and compare him To dare argue this is gonna break my brand derek cheater. Oh no! Okay. I'm going to start comparing myself just to look at Derek jeter. Now Derek jeter averages a twelve alex rodriguez, as is six, so you watch them and they they really track together the majority of their career, but then all of a sudden froome he's never been there. Now you want to see that fucking killer yeah him car dash in? No one compares to this bitch. Look how we leave right now now

Let always lead here: let's just do this, so, let's, let's take our rodriguez out of it. Ok now will put in cabin heart, and you see how big cabin heart is is not even fucking a blip near kim kardashian, maybe take out Kim kardashian you see. The cabin heart is fucking on the rise compared to their cheater. Now, let's take out derek dieter and put it Amy shimmer. This is so, I've been spent so much time doing this. It fucking makes you crazy, so white. What have you learned? I've learned how fucking and successful I am output in my name is so that you can see.

But I did mine is zero for charitable, put in some of the output in some real ones for you, but like this type and Amy Amy, shimmer, first cabin heart and all the sudden, like kind of whatever tracking tracking tracking and then zip am just up top there's train wreck right here July. yep! I train wreck and then now she's at on par with Amy with Kevin heart. So must take these out and then this would this. Is it fucking, mind lying. So this is bert. Chrysler stand a comedian so right now, but by the way this chart looks amazing

compared to nobody right, but if you put Kevin on her hard on here, I wouldn't even you wouldn't even register you'd just see a blue flatline, but this is what's great about it, so you go through and you go most. People searched crusher, bert, bert, bert, bert the machine, and then you can go to where bert is biggest. Doug. Benson reduced this to me. So in nebraska, as I type in the wrong fucking name, Nebraska, where my big fucking nebraska the basket- pennsylvania, ohio, district colombia, delaware it just tells you where you're popular. So now you got yeah. What are you gonna do now type in you want to see you vs me, or to real care, I'm way under you have already done you realize it. I know I can. I can already tell you. I can only tell you what was the most googled, and this is by the way. This is what I did as I watched you. You have a massive spike in here. Massive spike was there when I did it.

Security. Yup see, that's why they sit. This should is fuckin bullshit, so I think we're roughly on the same, but this fuckin I was like march two thousand nine, what the fuck did he kill. And the you guys. I think when you guys broke up or started dating. its vulcan insane. That's where it has never been that big I've never been epic. yet I was a large, that's fucking massive that doesn't mean anything now. I'd like to hear hear those type in us versus billboard cheese is this is this is how big Let us look at the bells, amongst other things, that we were all round the same place into them, in five years now and then a sudden philly thing too, to my own. I'd still be big bear in I knew a bigger than birth, but that which is for Please, it's always say something in December, two thousand fifth,

in belper- was fucking monster. It yeah I'd. I've done this with just about everyone. I could tell you when I can tell you when people were famous and why they were what they were famous for. but what's some interesting shit that you've learned from it? Oh can you just check out my states as well? Here, let's just get out of bill and bert and just do owen, and so your biggest states are vermont vermont. That's interesting, ohio, california, arizona, florida, new york, washington. So, according to Doug benson, you should be hitting all of these places once a year. Do you even perform a vermont? now you need to get to vermont. Do you do ohio yeah? I do have all the time yeah ohio, this we're all ohio cause. They've got all the comedy: clubs, california, arizona, Florida. So what am I to our own benjamin and then on Benjamin comedian? Imagine height dog, I really be Wikipedia.

This man, oh benjamin girlfriend, says yeah so it's interesting to see where you are right now. What other thing that I start noticing is like the moron active on social media so, like. if you notice like I feel like I'm going on an uptrend, but I just was more active on allowing social media to be in my life. So like right now june sixteenth, I'm a thirty four. My height was my hundred. Was I never had one hundred hours compared to you, I'm never going to get you to your hundred, but, like my height was then you can go back and go okay, so may

thousand and fourteen then just Google may two thousand and fourteen burke riser and you go oh clearly, and then you can also do this. You can type in your tv shows. So if I type in trip flip, you can coincide the spikes so you're, like. Oh that makes sense for that, one that makes sense for that one. So that was one trip Flip was on yeah. Unfortunately, a lot of it is also when companies are pushing you like with all their shit yeah. They have advertising budgets. It has a lot, has a it's, it's not foolproof, but you can. It is here. This is the one. Yet what are some I'll show you? don't say names I want, but this is I do this one all the time cause I'm blown away by rice and then I think we're at the same point right here are both picking up because of the fucking thing. That's fine idea, you watch it and then you watch you just click fuckin, fascinating you'll, be obsessed with it,

So how do I not peak in one I'm like what like what I do to fucking jack this thing up? I dunno, I think, the mo ok, I think they are affected by and I'm I'd be curious to take a look at my calendars, but I think that you're that I'll look at mine specifically but like so like, so these are affected by tv premieres. These do or tv premieres and then I think, like I'm, trying to figure out like right now I got a show on the air since june two thousand and sixteen and I've been promoting it. I've been calling into radio stations, I've been doing my podcast, so I think the more you just keep out there like go doing radio doing stand up, yeah, that's more like you see the peaks what's really upset, everyone was right. Now, please fucking. Google means I can compete with bert. Yet if in water.

La la gas and google own benjamin. I mean, I think it's a sweet. What's the one where I was like hold on, do you I googled someone- and I was like fuck like what are you guys doing once a month like its clear that there's a part that it's going like this in spain in spiking spiking and I go hold on like what is this. This is clearly something is happening. I forget whose career was most probably any, of the people I've googled, but but I was like I was like what I was like you're releasing something I think it was Amy. I was like what are spiking like every fucking month. What was it I dunno? I I got one that I think you should check out check out our Jeff reason watch how it coincides with shootings, whoa hold every time there is a mass shooting his gun bit, get shared like billion times- Jim Jeffreys, german, Jim, I'm sure Jim Jeff.

In just look at where they spike it'll, be newton. Be. Orlando it'll be ok, jeffreys and then we'll just go shoot mass media, yeah, Matt, mass shootings, shooting. We're here: wait till measuring summits of the messenger fuck man, I am what's at the what's that the batman one that was the aurora rory yeah, how about newton, the elementary school shooting that she's doing she,

is a loser. Jesus Christ, Jesus! These are all the mass shootings, so many fire damage I've only heard of like fucking there's one every day, almost or c fuck yeah, let's just see, let's just type in, was it newton yeah but like school? school. Maybe so now I can, in my view, working what it what's a fuckin met. Like what's definitely account now combine or so ago, Was the aurora policemen aurora a you

How about the train wreck, shooting shooting, but well that just do the train wreck the rosetta? No, I dunno, I dunno how we can it is yeah. His thing gets shared every time. There's a shooting yeah. The thing is, every time there's a shooting. I need a bit like that. Maybe I need a bit that okay, what else happens besides? Like maybe I, if like ok, so what seems got the shark attack bit so everytime? There's a watermark called they share my bit, which bet that's it. I gotta come up with a bit yeah find something that happens. Then everything that happens their own place? My bit, I now and I think this google translate exists- is going to affect my life. I might end up assessing a present or something I just want to spite brown you ve got. This is all I did. I swear to god. I swear to god. I saw that going down.

and I want know- and I literally have been online everyday googly myself- putting out tweets pocket, unlike I'm all over them, is somewhat hilarious and said right, I'm going back up so like can breathe man. Peaked in one nine. Just because I dated somebody, you wanna feel a lot better, though I won't in names. I regard as this is yeah yeah Hilarious wants, I know, but

mine kind of did that a little the album I was just one little know. You've been you've been around the ornament consistent, but that's see that's taking off down. I can tell you what that was the but yeah. It's it's just what you! What you gotta do is put yourself up against people like, like I've done. I've done this to everyone. I've done this to fucking everyone, but like the better ones the ones that make you feel good. It's like there's a lot of fucking, there's a lot of ones where you're like you're like oh, this is fuckin like oh, I bet I bet I've done it. I got to a place where I had to had to stop. I had like block myself from the website because I was doing it at all. I was doing for years affecting the way my self esteem felt about myself like I was just like. I was like fuck man like I like. I just was like holy shit man. I am not doing very,

Oh my career and ass. I know I've been steady for awhile and this is and by the way I feel like I haven't achieved anything. So I go. That's my my thirteen and twenty three. Then I go when the showtime special comes out. And I start really hitting the road hard. I go aguilar spoken and startling we'd hold on. This is just a chart. and another thing is look. It were now slaves to algorithms like that debt, that it has nothing to do with happiness in oh nine hours, I was miserable. I just that, there's no spike when I just my first child or when I crack Dakota one of my harder jokes. It's a widower spikes based on how many people want to look at you. Something a lot of. It is negative, o lot, o all of that was needed when that was going dawn. I remember I remember when, when you started dating her and I was like holy fuck, I was like how did he updating that person that person someone that I've heard of my whole fuckin life then that's just it wasn't. It's not like. I am

organ shit about her. I think it's just like it was in a grey time in my life you now, and so when I look at that spike and I'm like all that spike must have really been good It's like now was hit. You should do you should taught you should do a google trends. Joke that's all you man is on an earlier. I met with Google trends joke about your spike, so guys I want to give up their own and to talk about my spike yeah, it's just called my said's bomb sets by one about motorbikes, I'm going to I'm going to destroy you, but that you guys, google it at some bombs. Some sets some spikes. What what's the thing that could happen? What's a bit, you could write that happens a couple of times a year before we do that. Premise and ends. we do a bit about haley's comment and people like do that every eighty years, it's gotta something the shootings or per here yet are perfect because they make everyone, think it's it's, etc ring thing, but there's, but there also common, like people like it,

emotionally charged event, because people die senselessly, but itself fuck in common that, like Jim Javert, go ahead there, the googled spike bahama. Now I had. I bet I bet it's true because he says items are shooting just fuckin spikes. What something else like what something that happens, often that people work emotional connected to and would share your material with about said event where they're like this is the case this did. You gotta get out in its debate where people write this period in our time this watch this after an event, Ah, man minor, see I've locusts, I wouldn't be so much on family, like like every day that, like it, isn't, create the perfect bit that incorporates rape, gun control, sharks, So if someone gets raved and shot whether swimming with a sharp they spread here is a time and do you just every time? What's it positively

you haven't seen negative is widespread. I don't want yeah, that's the problem of the fucking google trends is like just right. A pro jerk joke just write like a like just take gems joke and just talk every time he says yes you say no yeah, that's what I like about goods. This is why this is Why guns are awesome? I wonder if you could do that. What's his shit, what I wonder if you could literally just negate his this promise it it's a flawed premise. Logically, by that still funny it's funny bit, but it's about us is I, when, like it's like the the governor, we're going to take those from you and we're like ok and they took our guns because guns fucking shoot me now. Bed when, at the same time, when you, Google generous the first thing that comes out, of course, it is but the difference between nah, australia. In the? U S, is they don't have that many b? or you can almost go door to door and take their guns. They only have three. And fifty million people and we're all we're all different foe,

everything you know. People aren't is like homogenized here. Its aim of fuckin fucking health leading it's like Sweden, healthcare. They o eight million people like you made it is give them all band aids. That's not a lot of people like talk to me about fucking china, you now so even a political thing it just in numbers game. I get so much easier to disarm population when there is an of millions of them and their culture their that's the thing the bothers me about the antics and people as when their blatant hypocrites like a movie producer debts ike. and I'd gone and all their movies have people shooting each other. With guns like that it's way more toxic to create a culture where guns are fucking awesome than it is just actually having a gun argued by the way I will be googling, Jim jefferies. You ever seen him punched. He got punched now comedy store in london. That was like, like I said, to someone but on stage food I gotta get points to get a spike dude. I've already I'm videotaping

everything one of my shows by the way periods, having all my shows now, just all them a videotape all of them, and I raised them if they suckers going. I'm fucking delete it. but in case I tell a new bit and I have habit, although I don't really footfall through with it, but also in case someone charges the stage. I had one time some guy charged stage and grabbed my beer and pounded it, and they got him off stage in like a matter of seconds and they happened to have footage of it. And so I was like oh fuck.

And put it up. Fifty thousand hits. I was like fantastic. How did you title it? I dunno forget and but iced the other thing. The other thing, if you look at if you look at if you look at my sp mice, last regular spike, was in december when I was podcasting twice a week and I was vlogging once a week, so I was putting out content. So the more you put out content the more you start, spiking, the more shit you put out like I was talking to harley morne steyn about it and he goes with the way blogs work. If you do a daily vlog, it catches fire and while a youtuber youtube review, sat and did a daily vlog like if you literally just camera you every morning, you

worked out a joke. You grabbed the paper and you like today's joke. This is the joke. I'm writing and you wrote it for five minutes. However long it would take you to write a joke. I mean I could probably write a quick one. You know, and you just did that every single day, so people had something tune into every single day. You thought you'd watch your number spike. I almost guarantee you, I I'll I'll, almost bet money that you could out spike me right now. If you just did have a daily blog for for it, for three months, you'd watch despite climb or I could just whack off on the top of the eiffel tower. Some shit yeah, I'm thinkin something a but will burgers, I just why, like something where people are lagging dude he worked on the eiffel tower, whereby all whole ship, but let me totally to make out, as it does on one just to get bubbly bird going over fabric

I said to someone the other day. I went otherwise I I was trying to I very fucking long and it takes me more time to explain it, but I did it my hour, so I I can't do the bit, but I had gotten I'd had hot wings, and I was fingering my wife and then it for fucking pussy qualifier and she was like. Oh my god did. You have wings and I was like oh no, your tastebuds up there that's somewhere and then and then I said tour and then I said to SIRI and it's one of the things where my brain works. Where I go that's what's, but I gotta I said a serious error: you how to get the best out of a pussy, and in theory goes. How do you get a basketball out of a bus? I knew I now that you bring that of the forget. My original problem did now. I want to know how to get a best will end up was examining this back. How do, but how do you get lake? I mean what what's the cheap code? Jim Jeffreys did not write a book that joke as

That's kind of liquid did my story about the Jews becoming great bankers. It's almost like he did the bed, and then the world became like that's how I feel but anthony doesn't like I used to cancer. I used to haiti comedy I don't like this. Do two fuckin dickhead and then the world became so sensitive. I now love it. Oh do You sure you yak bit I just know his whole style of like being a dick. I used to be like stop being a dick, like don't don't make fun of people that just are victims, so that's fucked up now victim culture is so prevalent that, unlike thank god for that dude for wages ripping on people that are sensitive, the so like it's also hague, the whole world world grew into his style. In my viewpoint, you know yeah. I think it did. I think, but I liked I liked his last special, because at the end he did that kind of like a like kind of.

and about comedy central. I remember I see I watch this shit is I'm going in and out of sleep after taking a bunch of town I'll pm, it's really good. He just goes onto a rant about comedy central. What do you say? I don't really remember it that much but he's, but it was about this bit. He did about a shark attack and he got like real sincere death threats and he was like you don't understand that's what I fucking look for yeah like apparently he is the guy that I mean I I know I did it the other day the shooting happens, and I fucking go over to him and I'm like. What's his joke, yeah he's gotta have the joke he's like he's like it's crazy that he goes to literally a tragedy happens and my inbox is filled with people, though, unlike what you take see that I liked when he talked about that, because it was like he let the people behind the curtain enough to be like? Oh, okay, it's a joke to him versus joke.

Does he think he said that I think of all the time is. He said when he finds offensive is the people who, when something bad happens, type in you know hey to my heart. goes out to all those people are ip sadness I profoundly, and he goes that's basically someone saying. No hey don't forget about. me. Oh, how to preserve yeah I did it. We'd have to princes death ran like I'm like so sad about. prance reminds me the time he told me. I was so we're awesome so inconvenient for my day, like quote every celebrity on twitter and that one big cause everyone's like yeah as you can. match up with everyone's tweet. It was like a way to break. About themselves away till I get attention off, but see, I will say that the dots and pray- as I do understand when people say that when they feel powerless- and they just want to be like dig it about It just heat. I think there's so much narcissism now and entertainment that people have taken,

things swede and their work into spike. Do that The problem of society is spikes because everyone's, ok how the? How can I capitalize cause? It didn't used? be a currency like exposure. Wasn't a value. People tried to hide from it like it. Almost like low class to be in the fuckin gossip com and now we're like? Ok, how do I do everyone so their fighting about me. So I get a fuckin spike and I can sell more adds had a white cap like now. Now what I'm doing is going. What kind of tragedy happened? that isn't gun violence that I Capitalize on and make a giant joke about so that every time it happens, people fucking in due time and bore that's a promise. You can even be aware, What we're doing how fucked up it is and still be. Like still looking despite the negative vote. because they're tying our our careers with it. Now it's not like it's like you, it's it's such a fucking crew. It is time to be alive. They really is just like a spike just living space.

We'll have a somewhat uneasy see there. We were two hours who have met That's a good! That's a good run! Man too good run man. This has been a fucking seamless conversation. It has lit so I mean I'm I'm dude, because you ready for the fuckin. Are you ready for the sad spike of this conversation? Yeah is that is that your numbers on my podcast, last time we're spike as you like us. Do it again. I go oh, and I know that coming when you have someone that people love that they almost discover through your podcast that the second time they come on their fuckin even higher, like the people that I brought on that I did never like that. I was like I was like that: I'd we're not like joey ds, army or tom's, a girl that these people that the people there this already like we're like fucking love, met labour. We're, like you shane moss day, o neil. They just like immediately everyone's, like all fucking.

With your rv. I got a funny match where I got to finance your idea story for you guy like it so did his podcast The church what's happening and I gave me an edible that was so riddick you're so strong or to appoint a live. Another good me You like that, you know I'm used to like tat we milligrams of gdp. This is like a hundred and fifty plus where smoking joints and so are like ten minutes into the black ass. I realize I can't talk guys our being like and like I didn't We can make you feel like that. I felt like a different drug. It wasn't. I was high, I was like I'm fucking fucked up and so like twenty minutes in I'm trying to maintain conversations we're talking about, like my piano teacher, got a sex change. I'm saying like I don't even know what I'm saying and I just go. He goes If you like yemen, catches its saying it's a I go outside as our walkin around. It is never won back during apply cast people kept tweeting me like his own fucking dead, like where is it

ro, so I started walking around. I realize I can't talk at all. I have no ability of talking the the the whole world is like, like he jokingly add that I I saw the devil's dick or something, and I'm like I kind of get that now, like I did kind of see the devil's dick, and so I started in writing. I go to a park alone for like an hour, and I just went home and like I, didn't know. Until the next day I was like. Oh my god. But like that was that was a podcast that was going like. It was like, and then he just kept talking with Lee and fucking. I never came back like it was like where the fuck did, that dude go like I lost my mind, and it's because of this. You seem to really enjoy it because it was so visceral and real. They got to listen to a man who lost his mind and then had fucking amazing I was just out of us so fucking great. I gonna watch that now

dude. I I still haven't listened to it, because I'm almost scared of like how crazy all sound, oh I had. I did the I did a podcast with Doug benson for anyone I'm going to post this now, is that you call that yeah yeah. Now. Oh I'm also the improv this Saturday June eighteenth morose headline eight o clock shown in next week. Gotham coming governor cities have come out of that huge pianist dotcom. That's my website. Pianist, not penis huge pianist dot com. The I was what was I gonna say to Doug benson's. I did Doug, so anyone who's looking for that podcast called doug loves burt. I did a podcast with Doug benson alive by castle, ST louis, and it will fucking mean it was like fucking chaos really yeah and I won't listen to it. Cause like people have tweeted. That is the funniest shit because I remember it being funny until it was not funny and then we got no final stage- and it was like

gonna fight with another comment, identify with dugan state, bad and those bad is lives. I haven't listened to it cause. I won't listen to it, one of my biggest ones. Last week I've been gleaming scour stone and I try to hash out an old fight and they literally got the like in a fight my park as screaming at each other, really and like I've, gotten more emails and tweets from that than anything because people are like that was fucked tracy like it starts off with me, trying to get him to work it out and adjust it, and it's like their time. King like how we talk norm We therefore that honours its I'm so fucking pompey. Let me posted because they're, like you and put me on fuckin colleges in the outer like they were talking. I comics like that is being like petty is shit but real and I'm like a viewer Image is these people, on television and look at how our lives haven't changed. We're still like you folks, with me early and I, like I had someone there to see me from fucking the rachio. It was just chaos, oh the I did. The podcast said it would me and him in a hotel room.

Other setting figuring out if we can still be friends. Oh that sounds this one, you guys like we'll work it out relation, and but I didn't, I just put the fuckin thing in the middle and I we just talked about a garden. It had the night before. Had been a show, The next morning I done press and he's came up. I hotel room and he was like alright, let's figure this out and it's fuckin it's two hours of us just fucking being real honest. How did it get so bad? so I know we gotta go about users as and I had to tell you about the manual labor shit. I that's fucking amazing did a belt. I want someone to take that on audio clip of that and then marry it too Your view on the size of walking out just do it in. bore screen shouting it from the youtube where I'm, what are you staring at the ceiling? Looking like I'm, what I'm saying the devil's deck and it's like, I and I said so irresponsible how much marijuana he gives people should always

I was like you know the gradual we are starting from the start that thing in all find those and die. and it was like. I hate letting people down we're gonna hate it. I guess I'm late. If I'm, if I feel like Someone is like met like I'm letting them down. I get so so much anxiety and I'm so scared to hear them like while he tweeted as I do that a blast egg fucking great arrives, I know, is, did anatomy is cool for him. That's Bobby and honour, and away like that. I thought me up that that I can speak. That was, for I mean I know Joey. I would say very well that his ideal circumstance is that you go or I have to tap the fuck out cause chino Joe, is like dude we're going deep tonight, motherfucker bro. I still think about

It looks I I I haven't smoked much weed sense, because I'm I'm seriously in intel's tick again I mean I'm probably I like weird the devil and I like like weeds, I'm going to probably get myself back into it somehow, but, like I didn't know that it could go to the at play, oh he did it to me in my dad. You brought It also taken in after all to lock the accusation. So much the night before it is a baby and added. Take a lot at all, but I have the prescription case. I need it and sounds like ok I'll take one of these sure. I'm aware nah nah you now, and so I have like that- workers have, after all, but the devil's deck, and I just I was like I was looking to jelly like you is like a dragon, slash magician, slash god like. I literally, was just like, and I was like a cat communicate.

what I'm feeling right now, all that is fucking. He did that to me and my dad one easter. He gave my dad edible edibles that was popcorn and I go dead. He's like what you just said, marijuana is not in a popcorn buddy. I go Joe enjoys like we're going deep, Coxon, yeah and then, and then Joe is like. He is not going to the rapid all by himself, imports in my hand- and I fucking- need some and then we might address maize in conversation with fucking beautiful That's a good level being at I was a handful was fine. I would. I would have looked at my dad at where I was at enjoy his show and I would have been like there is literally an emperor here that I can't. I can't see things you fucking hole and I'm sorry Your fan of like you, enjoy and rogue and everybody, and so like when I like. Listen, do you guys supply gas in light of the talk about like weed and daphne I'm like. Oh that's, cool, I'm to really enjoy getting high, would joe in and chatting with them, but it was like an axe.

Factor that I wasn't prepared for. Was my phone ringing yeah, it's right! Next to you, oh cool, I got to go. Oh tom, segura, color, nice eh, I'm doing a podcaster on speaker. What's up yeah with one benjamin, have you seen the podcast he did with joey where he took a a death of star star death. I did get up and leave and just walked out of the park. Did I live? Couldn't talk anymore? I was too I was. I was a wine to come back in my mind. I just getting air, and I just I just never came back- and I was five fucking lost my mind, is like he goes yeah because I I actually saw the devil's dick. The episode where I won and then I cried and pulled over. My wife got an uber one.

in my area to where I went out that night either he pops a in his mouth at a time now I find it to be like so far can agree. I don't know how he does that much. I don't know he did he make leader likely gotta eat another what'd you get Really it back to you who we he's dead, we through the fog and working glass. You do you see the park ass, you did with the avant or they mushroom. I was with deal that night after he gave up the mushrooms and their fucking unlike their time. You must stop in them It feels like man. I can't really answer these questions to be totally yeah. Now it is really really average. I mean nobody like him. I dunno really goes that deep. Every day, every single day that yeah yeah yeah

with it like. I have so much respect from oz. Twitter followers were saying that I was like in training in the leg you now get. There are one day and I might do. I want to come back and indefinitely like not be much of a virgin leave, but I can't ever get to where there, because I I can't talk physically, can communicate at that level. I would you want to get there

They seemed so I mean he says, really happy with it, though you can fucking hang out at craig. I've got a shower that one time where he accurate that and he was sitting in the back and he would kind of like really gone out and I go what's up and go. I think I got too high for that one for sure, but yeah if that little too much like you, don't gauge for what's acceptable, but basically he just operate at that level. It's really crazy. It's amazing! How a man well! Aren't you a little bit then alright I'll talk to her art by the yeah,

I've seen him when he gets like when Joe it's way past way past noon, and it's just like her, and you can see him like not now, but I can't like I am. I cant do we'd like that. Now it's it's not even we did that point. It's it's. Something else and it's intense, I can rogan go that big. I don't think so. I have her rogan talk about it on his podcast. Here's the thing rogan didn't have a problem going that deep, but he doesn't. I don't think he does it. I think he does it when he wants to get like knowledge or something when he wants to get deep inside himself like his deprivation tank and it'll. Take that much and then fuckin spin out, and you know he says it- I'm the I don't even notice as like. All I know is that I think I've heard him say it is due to destroy. The ego and get in and fuckin. I think he thinks the panic attacks are healthy and they fuckin I dunno, I'm not really certain. All I know is that when I first the very first time I met him, we were at, we were, and he would show me his deprivation tank, and he was like you gotta. Take like

and can edibles go in there. I do it alone a lot more easily than if I, if I was in that zone alone, maybe I would have liked shit about myself, but with other people I feel is inadequate, ran like I can't I literally and looking at your face, and it's like theo on martians somebody improper. Waiter and he just goes man. Your face is going fucking crazy and I'm like I don't know how people could do that like I I could like I honestly was. I could not eat mushrooms new podcast. No, I could not, and I didn't think theo. Could I didn't realize how much potty smokes I keep. I think he smokes a lot yeah theo theo can turn up the heat. A lot. There's like one of those dudes where, like you, are in something crazy and new about them. Every time you see him he was like did you know? I killed a man like it's just like randomly he's. Fucking done everything he's he will he really lid a really interesting life?

he was one of the people we did a show called reality bites back on comedy central. I walked away thinking he's one of the funniest people. I've ever been around because he's just half the time he's not trying to be funny and I've found we fucking genius did yeah and his Thinking his view, unlike how everything's gay is real. funding is, I guess it gave a fuckin where socks you know where I would you would get mad. You're is, is the funniest work about him yeah? So I know we've got to go, but I do want to fucking hear more about that. Benson thing that like oh, what did you guys fight about? It was so I came in of it's going to sound so silly. I came in off. A plane was very excited as a little drunk not hammered by buzzed yeah, and I I thought it would be very funny to walk into the show with one hundred cheeseburgers. I think too. I maybe at two hundred burgers one hundred cheeseburgers hundred and fifty g are working to spike god like so so I show up too

the event with one hundred burgers or maybe it's two hundred- I forget what it was and dogs like do not bring those out, and I did not hear that I heard it by didn't. He hear it. I didn't realize a real request. I was like duh I brought in one hundred burgers is a joke. I'm definitely coming out with an a burgers yeah and I brought up the burgers and it just it. Fucking set him off and and and I was I was steamrolling- the entire show like I was. It was chaotic, and I from what I understand. It's fun, it's fun for the first thirty minutes, but then I just won't let go of it like. I won't I'm not stopping steamrolling like even when he asked me to leave the stage. I do leave the stage or like it at one point: he walks off the stage going. Fine, it's your show.

and then I go to check on him and then we had a conversation and then I go off and I'm like wow. Maybe I should just go home like I think, he's really upset so then. Instead, I decided to walk out into the showroom with my shirt off and that fuckin sent him through the roof and then he gets really mad. It's like you can tell he's really upset and I and I'm oblivious to it, which is probably the worst like for someone to be upset and someone to really not have known. They were not that they were making someone lose their fucking minds first and so He tells me- and I don't remember how secular is very it's clear that he's like this is, I am not find this funny. You either get on the stage and you try to rebound or you don't, and I decide to literally hat and hang it on stage and try to rebound and not steamroll it and just have a good time and try to make it better, and I don't and I and it just it gets it. It just gets.

Bad like it gets bad at one point I think there's like I don't know, I'm hoping he edited some of this stuff out because by I don't think he did a I dunno if he did or not, but it gets bad. I tell someone to go fuck themselves like and then I fucking walk offstage and I go home and then they continue to try to do the podcast and it was awkward and then it was bad and doug texts me that night and he was like hey man. I don't have to release it. If you don't want me to, I was like I don't really care it might spike access by makes us. Why is vague? It out? I was like and he's like are making to paid episodes which does not out there for anyone to listen to, and you know and he's not going to share. He said he won't give me money from the profits cause he's charged like two bucks for it, but I was like I don't need any fucking money, although I'll after the amount of tweets I've gotten I'm like whoa how much money to make yeah and like the hundreds of cheeseburgers but but what's crazy is we did a show together the next night, so we hash it out.

I told her. I will show again another together the next day and a lot of people had been there the night before and they were like, whatever and the cheeseburgers. I go there in the fridge and they're, like clinical dogs like how about we give them out in the crowd, goes fucking nuts they're, like yeah, and then me and Doug signed like fucking fifty fucking cheeseburgers, like with magic marker. They like loved it, they love the bit and so Doug was like. Maybe I should have let the cheese birthing go, but is he a vegetarian? I would not know it was a cause. It was is because you know I m at them. Plenty of this is point corporate into a bit his audiences and a big drinking audience they, but they are stone and they do eat. Yeah, oh, I think his food. If you go in if it is, it would be the equivalent meaning someone going into my show and giving everyone free beer and going hey man. Just you know the reason I'm valuable of these clubs is. I sell a lot of alcohol to them, yeah, so you're kind of cutting into the alcohol for the club, hence making my promise

for the club, not as profitable. Right so, and that was Doug's argued in the first place and is argue, it was It is very valid when I asked you not to bring them out in the first place, you should have just not brought them out, but I did not hear that and he was like. Were you drunk? I was like no. I was just I was firing hot man coming in hot. I was coming in hot pumped up one hundred burgers bare fucking. I was getting ready to take my shirt off like what the fuck are whole are a lot of our podcast is about what we like Can that show and what's did very interest in and who I pay, respect to like I have acted like that of jon. Hamm was on stage, probably not, but if tottenham was on and had a bunch of hamburgers, maybe I dunno yeah, I mean, if you're looking at the last name, pine alone, you've you have to and then I was saying you know so and he was like. Maybe I just need to pair you with bigger figures people so that you'll be a little more respectful so that the show will be not the bert show.

bert losing his mind ago, but those are the shows I like I like when tj comes in and fucking spins out of control and the whole fucking shows about trying to reel a manner or todd, glass or fucking zach or whatever. I, like I'm their guest specific for me and he's like you like that, but some people don't and then I listen like bobcat and and and the director and dog and another guy, and I was like- and I was like, oh so when you just kind of like when you sit back and you don't steamroll it, it is a pretty fun show to listen to like it doesn't have to be. the road, but it's my insecurity is whatever I have that insecure about that. I'm not funny enough to sit back and not talk whatever yeah man, I like steam rules, it's a good, its grip. The pike ass we did together mean him is really for an interesting. It's like it gets creepy at times, but really interest. I'm definitely lessening I mean that's it. That's the irony of all this shit! That's why the spike is ruining the world now, because that will make me need to what listen you're like where am I

I gotta hear what the fuck goes on, you'll like it. the earlier you'll, like it I'd I'd its that's, that's it's good, its good and its workers, we'll get about mine. They like hearing me by my I started realizing that because I don't analyze analyze other people's jokes, that's a dick move like why didn't this guy get a laugh like cigarettes, posted him bombing, one time at a club and it was fucking whose better the wireless whom still totally like all play. A juggler eventually I'll show like a joke work, but like the beginning stages, when I'm just like uncomfortable on silent and you can tell I'm fuckin spiralling like people love that shit, it's dude, it was fat, its specially fascinating. When you hear like when you- here, someone describe what you're about here is this, and this is what happened and you see that all fuckin fuckin fast needing. Did you the man? I a hollywood, improper, saturday, yea p m a pm and then next we got them in new york city

and I m ass his. Why didn't leave out? We didn't tell everyone who you are, who you were engaged to set after to You will find out who you're engaged to in two thousand and nine oh sounds like someone's about to get a spike sounds like someone's about to get a spike yeah. Oh fuckin, welcome. That is. The beauty of my level is like low enough, where, like my spikes come from little things. You know like if you're like a You gotta, like fucking, launch a nuclear bomb to get a spike, though, is bigger than quick, Kim kardashian cancer is bigger than Kim kardashian. That's it that's it that's what I said fuck man I'm going to uga, because I'm such a numbers guy also do a physics podcast like I am talking to you absolutely. Will I find the one where you go? Who do you do you? Must I gotta figure out who it is, but there's some comic where you're going Wait. What do you do once in my once a month it is so fucking big and you're like every month are going like this one, who is it can't remember all figured out attacks idea

maybe they're a werewolf every full moon ages, fuck someone up or something like that. It's literally something like that where it's like its lunar, like it hits on one fuckin part a figure. Maybe it's a chicken its whenever they get their period. They do some crazy tweet or maybe my fuckin, maybe my Jim Jeffrey single, be fat, shaming, dude, you got associate yourself a fat shaming because you're not fat, where people would feel bad for you you're the perfect zone. We're like every dude like tat could be Me too now, because I guess that's our where you're not like a fat persons us out like people like serious we don't say that that's a dick move. You know it's like you know your lives at stake. It's like. Are you guys seriously call him that givat, but so dude? You got to associate yourself with me. You know what I'll tell you I'm going to work

Biogas- and I want to tell you what I'll do the fat shaving is your spike? Can then, every time you know you can be the male face of achieving flock of gray yoga, special, my shirt off to, dare maybe I just call it fat shamed yeah? It's called so brave the male bravery about normal male bodies, fuck, it's like when Schumer did that naked picture. Where it's like you know, a woman flawed you gotta do same thing where, like I'm brave, like I have a fucking issues with being fat shapes and now I'm I'm taking the control in my own life, so you're not going to call me that I'm gonna show you my body. I love my buy a product or getting the the. This episode is brought to you by the machine.

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