But you are cellular, it's just twenty nine. Ninety nine per line for one two or three lines. So you don't need that robot daughter, you built to get a fourth line for family plan pricing, rope, Elizabeth she's, not going to like that. Oh boy get the low rate of twenty nine. Ninety nine per line. U s cellular built for us terms, apply visit! U s! Cellular dot com for details! We value human connection with fewer distractions, us cellular built for us visit your us cellular authorized agent located at eighteen. Fifty two decorator pike in athens it goes its birth, releasing podcast from the crown room in atlanta amount or right now ST patty's day, Columbus funny bone I'll, be there that weekend right after I'm in grand rapids during my first thing, tat was called

really certain a long road, long road distillery on the eighteenth and nineteenth man, wise guys in utah, on the twenty fifth twenty six and then helium portland, twenty, ninth and the thirtieth, and then First, I am taking my hours by special. Please get tickets if you're in irvine, please now, to the show I would like it to sell out would be uncomfortable if I had an hour special that did not sell out virgin beat the seventh through ninth of april to moines, Calgary, breyer DC, helium, louis schomburgh, flapper or lando back in columbus albany new york and that's my tour dates. Today's podcast. I'm gonna see if I can find it for you is. very funny woman she is she has a pie. Gas cannot play a civilian play it for you, a quick

so fucking funny. She in podcast at the very end. Ok, listen! Ok, I'm playing that and the crown room by the way at the airport I guess she masturbates telling you if for no other reason, get subscribe to apologise because of that if the species so funny, I listened the one she did with anthony from Opie and anthony. I listen to the one with Kevin Brennan. Hilarious and we had a rich, she was to are supposed through her podcast. But when I took over and just did, I did. I just interviewed her kind of for the first time I listened and she was really a cool conversation. It is a cool conversation. I think you're gonna like it and she gets emotional at the time and, of course, being the horrible interview I am, I just ignored it so check out her I cast called coup in the gang podcast entity,

Is gas? Is esther coup. The oh, so we got this ham on our front porch and it was not refrigerated. So I called my dad and was like. What's what's up, I mean that's clearly: it's not not okay, for it not to be refrigerate and he was like well. Is it like salted? It is it crusted in salt- and I said yes, it is. He was like. Oh, that's well? They did it back in the old days and then they would hang it like in a smokehouse and why that is that is so cool cool right yeah somebody sent me a guitar, that's pretty awesome at asa yeah? I thought that was so nice. I always like a whole guitar. I can imagine like a pack of strings or a tuner or something right. Oh you guys have a lemon tree. That's an orange! or oranges they're, just smaller parliamentary wouldn't be that big. That is fucking Ah, sir,

I have a lemon tree and a lime tree, but they're in a pot they're not not nearly as impressive. Are you going to plant them in the backyard that better. oh thanks for the water sure yeah. What what I do know rose with it. Oh Oh, I didn't realize I'm sorry. I was trying to give her knees, some room. She was right up the thing, I'm sorry my knees, don't need room. I know I felt bad though ok! Well, maybe I should leave since I totally screwed up your shot I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was trying to be helpful. I know this is not my profession. I got I'm sorry, oh poor, Liam Shaw. Okay, sorry, I I don't know anything about you. Are you comic I must I'm a comedian. Yes, that's also, why figured yeah That's right, now there are other people going home to divide gas, that aren't com

except me we had a professional wrestler. I was assuming you were not that totally. No, no, no I've. Never I've never done wrestling professionally. How long have you been a comic? I started in Boston like twelve years ago. Oh my god, yeah were that's great. Yeah yeah, it's gray and have a key lime tree mango tree. How far has all gone awry as I do? I eat all the oranges from your aren't. We eat a lotta, do we couldn't possibly eat all them? I usually pig ask it and leave it on my front. Porch and just texts like the community just come get some because we have so many of industry. This house it was bill, and thirty nine and the tree was planted in thirty nine. So ass a rule, established old, aren't you the also enter so many oranges and overwhelmed like I'll spend a week? Picking oranges. All like an or a day for a week, and it looks like have done nothing about it?

beautiful and is and if so nice to have free oranges, I was actually thinking of bringing you guys are. bag of oranges and then something inside me told me not to smart it. It was you Are you telling me it was yeah telepathy tree telepathy, yeah you're, welcome, yeah you're! Welcome your right hand. Hopefully the hopefully were in the shot, so the southern there may not be video on this podcast. I apologize people but man. What happened? Leanne move the camp I think it's. I think it's wide enough. The promise I put it on a medium shot, while back and and just put on a wide shot, yeah, I think it is to be fine. We totally fine at so good to. Finally, like hang out with europe's I've. I've watched,

one? So many things I mean, I think no way. Oh of course yeah. Oh, my god, you have probably one of the best open gym appearances ever. Do you think, though, oh no question that for those of you that don't know where you've been on you've been on two you've been on two of the most the opiate tim's ever what was the second one, the first ones when you masturbated in twenty seconds, oh yeah, that was the first one that was fucking amazing I mean literally. I was, I think I was listening live and I was where I was driving too, but I was a little to stop the car because I was like I'm not paying attention to the road. I am just listening to this no fucking. To me I mean what how how quick was it and because of that watching a document mary that made me how laughing hysterically about a guy it was a hundred orgasms a what's the documentary. Yours Will you the one I think said it? Oh, no

Another documentary of alone was fifty orgasms a day, I'm I was certain I heard it from you, I'm almost certain there's no way I would have figured it out. name document- I don't know you said there is there's people have this systems, sexual arouses syndrome, yeah, yeah and they'll, just below making a salad in the kitchen and she has the lake hold onto the counter. No words: your conduct, your memory, there's documentary about it about this woman who has it but the better one is this guy, because this guy literally has full blown nuts and lay down so, these are its that's debilitating. Oh it's horrifically the multitask I can common. You know I could get my used well, as a german rios montt opium. I don't. I was under thirty seconds, hausa part. As you said you could. Your finger can move fast I could I have this like vibration in my hands, where I can. I can like shake things really quickly like a turbo power, brute yeah,

Remember I was looking for. I asked them. Do you have two glasses? You know they were like they're, like we're plastic cups of like no. I need like a glass and did it nobody. a global reality. One understood what you are saying is, I don't think I understood what you're so accounts show you here right at this class of water wholly frank so. I have this vibration. Just in my body Burton system It's like. I have a vibrator in my hand, that's fortunately that was one of them. epic appearances. Oh my god. I think I want to say I tweeted you right after that yeah that was fun, making yea avert. Ok. Now I think obvious anyone. That's can, as that would say that, as I see it it's, but it's it's sexy and cool, and that put it for a comics perspective I'm someone who always put myself out there, a hundred percent you just putting yourself out there

two percent totally and that's what I like about it. Yet I would in trying to be like so sexual with it or it which it just came up in conversation. You know, and I was a guy we ever had a masturbation race and every It was like what is that, and I was like what what do you mean? What is that? Don't you ever, you know like that's like the safest sex, if want to hook up with a guy, but you just they are like hey. Let's have a masturbation. eight to see what level your ad and, if Taken you half an hour to come dude, not going anywhere. I think I could probably have been able to masturbate without getting fully heart. That's great like like there's people I think it's, I think it's embarrassing now that I say that but like for, like there were times where I was like, where your blood, is too high or in Brazil you're trying to write the hang over Maybe if I run down the shower

my god, this is going to not happening and then you're like. Oh, I dunno manage that one but yeah it was. It was great because you put yourself out there and I was like nah. I mean masturbation one thing. But for me it's a lot of times. I'm going to do radio and someone will be like hey. Do you want to you want to do a shot, and I always think I was thinking out cause, that's what I would want. I would I don't wanna watch someone come in tethered. You know, unlike and sober tethered and and just being like will the guys. got to shows tonight and I've got of a more out and I'd like to do over the mac store and take a look at a new that I don't want to see the fuckin or see the people that live. Taking big swings now and that's what I hear It was exciting to hear and then now I masturbate at the end of my podcast. I did

know that yeah. I didn't know that the fucking chicken yeah, because you know what I I hurt like people have asked me like- was that real when you made yourself when you masturbate on the show and people die, their suspicions and their doubts. yeah it's a hundred per cent. I feel, like I don't fake. My laugh. People accused me of faking. My laugh me too, and that pisses me off like no. Why would I? Why would I ever fake a laugh I think I know what you're talking about exclusively is when you go on getting doug with high yeah because about first, what I'm a big laffer. I'm a really big lab with big lab, and I love laughing a lovely there's, no point in it and I do believe these fuckin chickens are coming in here. I do, leave that there are cynics out there who don't live life happy right, they don't ever they don't. Even themselves come ever was

if of hear me, and these pages accuse me of being fake it and it's not, and it's one of those things I just go. None other toil of my life of my very happy. If I make myself live, I made myself live today it really made myself laugh today, just thinking of of in our own put out a surprise. I want to a solo podcast on fridays, to inspire people to have a great weekend and just and do like an do. something real silly like a real silly for electricity for five minutes. I just do like a like an inspirational friday. We can podcast and is not even if I could beat our powers under this book terminates taller, and it's just me and my the fur when I thought of was so silly that I was like, I started giggling and then the way I was in therapy in the middle of it. My third was like what are you laughing about, and I told him because that's fucking so bizarre, I I did it the other day. I could not stop laughing. I couldn't stop laughing in therapy.

no interest in. I was going to do a gig to city and we want to buffalo wild wings for dinner me in the host the defeat tract. So we drop drop in and I just saw all the pictures, the blazing wing talent and I just thought how many times would it be inappropriate to do the blazing wing challenge? I give you an online. First. I want a giggle laughing at you, but now we ve is one of the first data the wild wings, and you are young. You are seventeen and you didn't know how its work and you, but you are very confident and guy goes as we're gonna get you guys we're both have diagnosis. Between the blazing wings Alex girls like these agreements, really what I just I started giggling, but there are people don't live like that. There are a lot of miserable people who hate the sound of laughter you now and so when they hear us laughing lake or go restaurant and people just stare and people stare?

in a way to tell me to shut up when I'm laughing with dangers there so miserable that there did. You want the noise to think I don't enough people respect another, speak for myself, but how privilege I feel to get to hang out with the actual funniest people in the world. I hang up on a nightly basis on a daily basis. I am friends with not like notably the full literally the funniest human beings that live yeah, like you, can argue that bill bur doug, stand hope, Joe rogue in irish afeared, Joe ideas, tug benson that the Tom segura christina present sky, that these are actually the funniest people in there, the funniest people north and then my family there, my friends, like I get to fuckin. That's why I laugh so much. That's! I go to a fuckin progress with patton, oswald and dull bent and Jeff tape, and I'm literally all I did was:

for one hour because battened me, to me, but he is the funniest guy on the planet so like so I find those people that don't find laughter they're. Just like look at you weird. When you doing you laugh, I go the facts wrong with you, why can't you just slow down enjoy the moment, yeah people we such haters you're. Do people hate your life aggressively, oh, my god, we have in common and yeah yeah. I know because I, as Nicky car and she said: no people love my love and I was like. Oh okay. I thought who's Vicki core she's, a comedian, yeah yeah. She was on last comment. No mia I laugh is, and it sounds like I'm going me me me me me me me like it it like when it gets very high pitched, and I can't I can't turn it off, especially when I stop getting your place right. Cart. Fourth, begin the thing on laughing about like of eye over think that single market about makes me laugh been harder and harder and harder behaviour laughed. like a funeral or

left. I love it. I left they are even more serious part of a wedding, dmitri, Morton's wedding. We are with the gun in Debbie, Jane ass, a guy named Lenny marcus, I don't know I mean other both Jews, and so the data making fun of the catholic service and cause dmitri catholic, and he is there were like fuckin how much standing. Do you doing this thing and I go a lot and I, like I know it's like we're. Standing had seen all time, I try to write a joke about above them to use guys they gathered running. This is like a guy, they worked out like a year, and then I did this. I did a fake stand and they both stood up. I was howling, fuckin laughing, it very inappropriate the wedding. I laughed at my grandmother's funeral a grandmother. I thought too much of how sad that they don't you smile when you're casket, and then I thought well, my fucking retorted, like

How will you smile? She was like smile like and I started giggling, I'm a girl at the funeral of laughter. And that's why I liked you so much because I was like this: we kind of live life. very on early Emmi. You take bigger physical risk. then I do I don't go by jumping or skydiving or all you should should re How do you do have like giving society at all yeah? Ok, I want you to. Let me have them. It helps. You release that anxiety by jumping out of airplanes and stuff. There's a moment when you jump out of an airplane when you're falling to the earth. We realize- and I've been saying this- my stand up lately a little bit, but you realize the dice have been rolled, and you realize you are You are literally either going to live or die within five minutes, and you can't change that and it's a really for someone like yourself and myself, it's an extreme.

The overwhelming feeling to have a realization to have when you realise oh fuck them micromanaging everything about my I've I've been trying to make sure that I can stay safe Ivan What if you were to die when you jump out of that plane? Would you be ok with tat? I read: that's that's this question that is presented with you at the moment. Could you going I'm doing something that has a bucket list? Adventure, If I am about to die, how am I gonna meet my maker? Do I really speed? Why am I going to race to the ground fearful for the next minute and not enjoy this moment of freefall? Looking at the earth, thirteen thousand feet above the earth, or am I going to like? How am I going to approach this moment and you are forced to make a decision on whether you can be. Terrified like? No, no, no are you going to be like fuck yeah and you it's it's an impressive overall at moment to do, and that's why I say: jumping out of an airplane for person like mere you is

So much more impressive for, like a guy like like I mean rogan, would never do it, but like for a flight a nihilist for like tj miller, is to do it. I don't think it would. I don't think he'd worry about it, he'd be like. If I, if you die, you can't fucking, stop it fuck yeah like, but for me a new to be approached tablet that that realization, while falling to the earth it's really amazing and and there's other things I wouldn't jump out of an airplane of. Are you? Are you definitely do a bungee jump, Ok, how safe is a bunch egypt? One hundred there has been no, accidents, little anecdote accidents but like if you go to a place, their track record will be a hundred percent, May I have gone white russia, water rafting, that's actually scarier to me than by jumping nowhere. then I can go bungee, jumping safety. Why saved? And now I I look at statistics, I'm an economist with it when safety don t jump the math

ex of a jump are so exact that they could lose eerily and they have they could place within an inch of the ground. If they were, We do so when they say you're not gonna hit the ground by ten feet there not guessing ten feet there. No, exactly where you're, with your weight, where these cordial stop you, ok, what I wanna go when having I should I started tradable jump. I do right off the bat. No questions asked: do you any dates planned in vancouver. Now, ok in in whistler, there's a bunch jump, that's just outside of whistler, and it is the best bungee jumper. to about two hundred ten feet and it is fucking fantastic theirs. why you jump here and allay that if you ever, if you ever like I'd like a girl, we that you want to do with arguments and friends it up

a mile high into the endless natural forest and it's called bridge to nowhere. I see I'm not a hiker its, but it's it's a really bad ass, like it's. It's fun as crap five miles in five miles out: safe, is but biology. America think safe is budget company in the world, two hundred beauty, a hundred percent safe. You should jump the stratosphere wins the next time you in vegas I was just there last week at a little jobs, a virtual. Your job, stratosphere use job stratosphere that a really that's a really safe but nobody really safe, thus safe in the world, but it does test your fear of heights and it's it's it's an asshole, clincher yeah you look down afford I'm trying to think what they ve got down: there: Bungee wise. I don't have anything cause I've. Just I was just in you. Have you ve been a monkey kingdom without in its just ass I miami I have heard about. I've been wanting to go it's like in jungle island tonight. Can I tell you how to make a viral video? Will you go on being dead, fucking serious, go to my monkey kingdom

the guy's name, because no contact there go and I just have someone bring a camera and put a mic on you just make sure that just so the audio is clean and have him take you to the monkey experience I swear to god. You will lose your fucking mind. It is the greatest thing I've ever done in my face. life? I swear to you no question in I can show you. I can tell you, but it's better. If you just don't know, ok, just go to monkey kingdom, I will say I will text tell them what to do. I began to laugh like hyena theirs and then do it. The greatest. I would pay money to watch. You do that now in the fucking way anonymously or you will have, or you will have a I'm, not even fucking with you. You will have the most viral video that that month, I promise you. If you go and get like a friend, who's got a good camera, say periscope. It

I wouldn't I would fucking did I wouldn't shoot it and I would have it. I would just have it on a very nice camera so that clean like ten eighty and put it on youtube, and, promise. You it'll be it'll, go viral monkey kingdom, I just email, Jim gaff, gonna take tweeted demographic and it is a great experience. Brad. My life. Ok, monkey kingdom is the greater fucking thing: I've ever done in life I'll go as we forget yeah and I'm trying to think I note on their there's a camera that you can go. She this with the because it will be a virus. Oh, I'm not fucking around. What do monkeys touch you you'll see. I don't know anyone tell you and how ask just let it ominous set me up with my guy and he'll bring you in he'll do what he did with me and you just videotape it. It will fucking go viral. Okay, I put you out what how why do you stay miami just out of curiosity Was in new york for like seven years, and then I was just like I have to get out of here, and I met my boy.

and where do we like along the same thing and he liked his movie, arouse like ok, fine, so. He moved down to miami yeah. I moved to miami, but you know what I've been so much more relaxed since I moved that, like my career has been doing better since I moved cause new york is so fucking stressful. You know, Does your stuff fucking war zone? You know like you, you have to like fight people there share the sidewalk and everything. So I go to new york once a month pretty much and I I do everything that I used to do it. I go there, but now it's like in shorter spurts, so everybody's like oh, I want you to do this. Do my pocket do that soon? So I'm actually busier now than I was before- when I was living there, that's interesting because I feel like I feel like the same thing happens for me like you go there ok, get your my PA guest and you let go. This is much better than living here. Doesn't want olivia, they'd, never think of having like I go, and whenever I go, like open, you do open, jammed EU anthony's I think you can. You do run, run benny. Thank you and you like for lives through there

never ask yeah you're always around the belated fuckin bird is always here later. You know hundreds of years, although every few months or so not is often, though you're, not as after general about here. You know what I did live here for a summer, like maybe eight years ago. Those are just for a couple of months yeah, so you grew up in boston store in Boston. Ny grew up in Chicago. Oh, that's right! I knew that both then yeah. I've seen your I've seen a lot of your church. It leaves I've seen you more deadly than you ever seen me I'm gonna go getting, though, with eyes by favour. Podcast. Oh you watch now. I watch it beginning to end. It is my favorite part. You watch the last one. Nineteen twenty three s ring. No! I know I did not at the last one I saw was with you and we don't watch it because I was like I felt like I was just coming so mad. So much I drink this, I teach see soda use what we are really so you ve never been on. No getting that. I know what you want it that is so funny I mean yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I guess I have smoke we totally but like I did, I

I would now I'm not the kind of guy except you, kids. That would be able to do that and then I do not really know what we are really difficult. Conversation out, my daughter's when all their friends are very many with drugs there, like you, ve, never seen. diane, I, oh my god, it's fucking hilarious and then my daughter's author, that would be like dad got high shit and was hilarious and had a great That's fine, you're, a comedian. It's not like you're, noblest of still doubt. Also yet, like that, can I get stuck in my head yeah I get a river. Some parents tell their kid straight out, like smug. We'd have a friend that that tells her her son, that no we wait on you You had cream parents right yeah. So what were they like? they were fucking crazy, bad shape, crazy building. The koreans are the crazy ones there, both fucking crazy cream parents like have this. I get a water it's stereotype is that their very strict, abbott is generational. I believe I believe that

My generation of korean people, like people that are in their forties, aren't as bad as ones that were in their sixties, which aren't as nevers as one that were in the eighties seems fading. Is that true, it doesn't feel Therefore, we really yeah, there's So strict I mean I just I don't know if you were spanked as a kid, but not, but not too aggressive, yeah. I know we were spanked like as hard as possible lake with our pants down like naked in, for my brothers and just coupling shame with the punishment with physical pain. You doin here filiation you'd have to stand in a corner holding it. dictionary in your head for hours. You know just just like just torture shit. You know like they're into torture shut up, so you, your source, you'd, gets butler. What would you have spent four Well, my dad worked at night, so he would always be sleeping during the day, and but you know you have five fucking kids they're gonna make noise and there are

close in age to three years apart. So where does you know being he's just being loud and then he would come out and just you know they like shut up dial up and everything. So what can I do for a living? He worked at the post office. You sorting, male at the post office overnight so then and your mom was a stay at home mom or did she work as well? No, my mom was a nurse also okay, and so where did you grow up in chicago in rogers park? like where's that on the north side, north side yeah, it's also I draw the black people are right. Yes, I said all of my people, cabrini green did you did did you? Did you ever do stand up a new in Chicago? You know what no. I moved Boston and I started stand up in boss. I never even did stand up in chicago can I tell you right now, I just realized: were I'm we're supposed to be doing your podcast and I'm doing my my guess with you. So we'll just do a swap cast and I'll give you it's audio. You can. Release on yours are released on mine. Should we do that? Yeah yeah? I was in the middle of this. I realized why I suppose

will do at my house, but, like you had said, I'd love to have you on my podcast and I just immediately started putting you on. I didn't even realize I did that, I'm so sorry, I don't. Even polish eyes went wrong with you all those give you the I'll, give you the earlier. I start every podcast talking about pooh. No, we don't shit, I'm shooting aggressively right now. Are you I'm not I'm not using a squatty party, but I'm using two stools like I am raising my have you have you ever shit like that yeah. Well, you kind of squat down on toilet notable eurasia. Legs? Your legs are up here, yeah you like, I better. I find that it just keep I showed it to me. My youngest was theirs. Is video the unicorn shitting ice cream. I saw people say that to me because I'm obsessed about pool yeah they're, like you, would love this and I'm in right now and I just got off the road, but it's like literally I've been. I took a massive shit this morning for I dropped the girls off, went and worked out, came back I took another shit and I feel another one brewing, so I took a juice. Do you ever you drink, drink, kale juice? Yes, yes, that comes out of me

Midmorning yeah, it's nice to like clean out your system. Will you also people dont like using, because it makes them shit diet, like liquid diarrhoea love. I almost think that shooting was a part of my diet, but, like I look, the shitting as a way to lose weight like I just feel like well, a media, little unhealthy just put extra all on it wow and then, and then I ate the really really spike of things called the EL diablo pepper or the it's called the is whatever the worse password is for the sun. soul or something son of god or something I just pepper into mexico, and it fuck my stomach up forever. I think it ruined my really have really spicy peppers where to like it I'll I mean it really bothers my stomach. Now. Now, but I mean that for the longest- I'm shooting was like how I am sure to form of bolivia, but, like that's, how I reckon

it is. My weight was just spice it up well and it works. It worked for me. for the most part healthier than you know, tinier tubes up or something or you know doing- that stomach surgery. the black or whatever yeah yeah that can't be healthy, can't be I don't know I mean I don't know if it cannot. I can't you know what Do I shit like after every meal, I'll I'll, even shed during a meal we hold on walking through? How can new shit on command non cash command, but my system is so small, that when I eat lunch, I'm like I'm fall. Let me go share and then I'll get you the other half of my savage back. Are you serious because I've trained mice, stomach. I dont have a trained aid or if my parents, just starved me grown up or what, but I just e, very small.

increment in increment knew no small. Increments end. I I I don't. You know. I have two empty myself. before the eat again or real continue. Finish my meal. You are pretty tiny. You now help monsieur I would like a hundred and ten pounds wholly rap yeah, I'm too thirty. Five right now write your time, big as me. Twice ass, big ass, you see you follow that much faster. or when you're jumping out of an airplane no was followed the same rate. Do we yeah? There's everything falls nine point, eight seconds or so possible. That's fucking crazy! I dunno I dunno Right, I mean I mean, maybe aren't you can argue that Uma? I might even fought slower than you, because I have more wind mass economy. no, no, no meaning like I have more morphed, surface area, so the wind mice. Oh me down more where your smaller you might follow a dark and I

like a sales totally like oh yeah, I'm sweets what it was like a typical korean when you we're going up. What did you eat cranford all the time now now parents, they eat korean food and we were like gross thou by it. Was yeah cause. We were like opened the fridge and it'll be like cow tongue and anchovy, heads and all this nasty korean food. Now I love korean food, but growing up. We would protest and I would start to protest really yeah. I would I would be like you know this is discussing. We need madonna, We need a american food but like when you are apparent, you should listen to what your kids, what your, whose they don't know, what's good for them or bad for that, and so I grew up fuckin mcdonald's in taco bow and burden really yeah sweet for other siblings Oh: are you the orders and the second oldest? Second oldest? Yes, it. What did that? What are they all do my older brothers, a cop shot up yeah,

kay and my younger brother he's a computer programmer. Don't make sense. Please email me asian worldwide, well. Well, Oh man, a computer programmer and then are the other ones my broker mortgage broker I'll, take it and then my sister is looking for a job. Okay, yeah. Now what did your parents they did so you smoking part on the internet. I don't have easy man really. movie, do kind of stock me online, really yeah. So I can imagine that, would they fuck em, I mean smoking, Paul I've smoked pie in their house. with them, not knowing what that what it was shot. Mom would be like swimming the basement and should be like, with this ma, you bring fruits from new york, we're gonna get mom, it's fruit, go back upstairs,

You know up yeah like she doesn't know what it is called brothers gotta be like listen. Do you guys all have like really old nineteen fifties, sitcom e white names- you know yeah yeah, you know, I know just me. We will have a good. We all have. We all have names from the bible possessed her from the bible esters, a book in the old testament, a real yeah, ok, she'll brother them. Do that, I'm sure now they are start with. J Abraham, J G, abraham, Abraham, that's crazy. I'm deal decree and aim to now creating no. I was born in the u s army that was customary that you got like five years. They are really give a shit about like customs and culture and shit. I don't agree and people ask me about croatia. I don't know anything, please be graham just a little bit really yeah.

I ego a mile will johansson cook it would chew. My lego has just say: oh that's all. He needs to say that sentence in different variations and it sounds like you're talking grant exactly. What did you say I set, my mama told me not to laugh loud refitting, vulgar residents. Because they ve got me all alike. They may we all in situ because when I was a kid like they were nobody's. Gonna want to marry her because of her loud laugh with oil, like thought, I weren't you know I don't I would. I would believe it, but then I also would reject that notion and discontinue laughing rule yeah, because you know that are trying to like bring me down and letting me know that, I'm not you know, I'm not. What's the word desire, because of my loud laugh, that's so crazy! I know right, that's so so it is part of what, What do you think shame is a part of asian culture.

because it's it's supposed because they they love. Having this group mentality of like everybody, should sort of be the same. So if anybody's different they they love to shame you because they're all conforming to the way that things should be. You have to act as we have to be quiet, you have to be submissive and not not break the more at all. Here I don't, I don't know why, but I'm China break them you know, did any of your siblings kind of conform to the two that, like so subservient like almost like because there is like a child in your family. That is like the good kid where your momentarily good, he doesn't drive from no we're all kind of fuck ups. Really, I think, Are you guys? Is anyone married to a white person? Now they were married to a black person,

My brother is marrying a black person or yeah good grade. Were you there when he brought her home for the first time? Oh my god. Well I no. I wasn't there, but I bet that was fucking awesome. I would have paid money. money for a translator just to justice, in the house when it when that happened yeah. But you know what we ve. We grew up with black people in our house. because my parents are missionaries, and so we would just have missionaries from all over the world. I also so they don't there's not the stereotypical yet entire, I agree, and I now know they were actually not the stereotype, typical korean parents, because they were like telling me I'm not gonna be able to marry. You know,

everybody and all the other parents know we're like sort of groom their daughters for marriage and teach them how to be a good wife and stuff to me, they just look at me like she's, a fucking lost cause. Really, when did they think that you are a lost cause when I was it was what was the turning point where they were like what we can do this one. Like when I was a kid and I was just loud and making fun of everybody in my family. I would just like roast everybody. You know yeah and, and they were just like look at me like oh she's, too loud, like nobody's ever gonna, want her. That's so fuckin crazy, yeah I know right that it just seems so odd that that would be an approach to parenting, well, asian cultures. Also, they devalue women and girls in the united. When I was born, my dad walked out of the hospital room and was like what the fuck are. You yeah, because it's it's a sign that europe sperm is not manly, that you don't have to

doktor on and so either No, he already had a son. He was past when I was born really yet that's gonna, be a great way to enter the earth, and so if they give the the boys get all the preferential treatment drew yeah like they give you ever read books about like through this asian written by italy, chinese immigrants. They always right about the boys, get the egg in their soup and the girls get no egg in august. The boys are more special, I was fuckin socks and you have chickens and you have daughter than you feed them eggs all the time they got eggs and you're older than the other. That I think that I think that it so funny that I think that what I'm seeing now in white culture, so why culture? I just mean

This social justice warrior liberal arts mentality of is oh. I was trying to friend about this, but no one's, no everyone's paid so much attention to how to raise women and how to raise girls and how to be fair to girls that evermore. ignored how to raise boys for the past for the past twenty years ago, that's interesting. The Porto alegre say the person who tell was telling me this cause. I don't know I mean I don't care. It was it was on a heed this, my friend on aid. She told me about this author, this this princeton or harvard professor saying that wrote a book how to raise raise boy has no ones so concerned about women's rights in and hate speech and and date, rape and boys from

fret level theme for girls and eat all having a chubby barbie now and religion so focused on that that every kind of forgot, oh shit. You know boys have a lot of emotions to that. We can't figure out and so when we were talking for awhile about doing some sort of talk where we gotta colleges and raise funds and in good colleges and speak, I would speak boys and say: listen. You know it's! Ok, if you cry no, not not just that, but, like hey guys, know girl really once three guys and one like no girl once as a group sex like no girl, once a train on her honor but like in guy culture. You know no one really can start to slow down to explain how rape happens to boys. So by the thing you said, don't rate they just don't rape.

Never said he was going to happen, how they never said like. Yet they never say like this be this is what will be you're gonna, be with a girl you gonna be walking through when no counts. It make that sense yeah. And so and so like. No one really paid attention to boys and they now boys are like scared. Like failure of these young boys, there aren't, I feel bad for the young girls is like I feel like they must be. They don't don't even like really took up as much as people used to I feel like I want, and I don't know I'm never run early. Nobody young boys anymore, like I don't talk to anyone, I know what it was like to be a young man and I went to college right when date. Rape became official like right when people said that the term that my freshman year, the term, this plastered everywhere was no means no yeah and so myself, avoidable and its actual sick people, so nothing

I saying that I am just as if, if I heard no I was already saying no also like I was I'm I'm not that kind of guy. Like everyone: I've had sex with is pretty much been a girlfriend. For years, I will have one one I stand and maybe overdue of a bear overrated. to one night stands, and so, but I know of been in situations where you watch boys turn into dogs and the end you see that mentality take over where one girl, just all she wants, is attention and friends. That's all she wants yet doesn't want to be fought by nine guys. She just wants to be flies wants to now. that she's fuck a ball and desired, and maybe she doesn't have the word and then let her collect those visual accolades and she can go home and jerk off to it and do it over again the next day and there's a lot of there's a lot of you know: I've I've witnessed an expert, experience. One time were, I realized after the fact

It was like a wet T. Shirt contests I was like none of these girls are whores, but that's what the boys see is that they're all whores, because they're taking their shirts off a lot of them, just want attention they just Want to feel important the same way I get on stage and I d tell too much about myself. They just want to feel and then it may be, that the law, the words to express it, to justify their importance in their head and they think the only way they can revalued is doing what he sure contest, and I just I remember, witnessing that going thinking guys wish they like louis the horror. like they were just talking. Shit about them at a member thinking in a weird way I do stuff. I do that exact same thing like a just war attention. I want people to like me, I do it and stand up and I just divide tell too much about myself yeah, you know you have, Empathy for women that I really appreciate the mass of empty for women. I think I learned a lot about in dollars. You have to there's two dollars.

any changes you and I too sisters. I stopped to assist our see. That's right. You know people boys who grow up without sisters hours. I fear this sort of are missing their missing their missing. A large chunk look, I said I would talking a lot about one stage, but about how you know that in this will go back to the asian culture book for guys so much. If so, is so shameful because we don't know what we're doing like all. My information I got about sex was from tired regos, like some guy, I'm fucking ninth grade, who basically broke down what girls light. By the way none of it was fucking accurate, because a ninth grader was telling me, oh and so I went on. I think we did a whole revamp of sex education in schools. Oh my god, like one hundred percent, I think need to pull boys aside and go here is how this works. Ok,

The only reason she's getting you feel her tits she's, getting no joy out of this. The authorization I here filleted is so that you'll like her, like it there's a we do get some joy at this moment. Does now, but like an in ninth grade, there's girls are, like others, moving fast, but fuck it I want to say no, and then you know like they're so here you are young. You just feel like you. You should do this because you know he gave you a ride or something of the sort complicated. You know when you're when you're a young girl and if you have all self esteem my daddy issues? Fog lake pile? On top of that? That's what makes you know quota close sluts or whores as everybody likes to call us. You know. In those those things I don't think or share with boys. I think boys think what, if, if I don't try to feel her tit and if I don't be, if I'm not persistent about feeling her boobs, then I'm gay, you know, like that's the weird thing that there is this shame and the boys had like like I'm

The label gang like armor armor thinking, there's a girl. Did I dated that local and its action and I didn't have sex with and all of a sudden. I got mocked and I was like because I don't have sex with her. and then I I was shamed, because I didn't and I was like and then an a we start, giving a girl. No! I wouldn't you fuck me you fucked up or else the poor girls like, because I like you and I want to be a war to you, like with the other guys. So you getting all these confusing fuckin feelings of your like hold on you're fucked. Everybody else you, wouldn't fuck me in an almost disliked the person and then and then and that's not fair. for her. It's just like you as a friend, so she wants to keep you as a friend. That's why she never fuck you! You didn't care about these other fucking guys! That's why you, fuck that, but in your head, as a child and as a child, because I at the time I don't think I was eighteen- but I remember thinking hold on. Why did you fuck everyone else like how dare like what's wrong with me,

just one more sad, her your self esteem, lower, say a matter no mean feat I'm probably making it sound worse than it was, but but yeah it, and so I think there was like two girls that that happen with where I dated them, and I think they had had sex with guys before think they regretted it and they got no moniker of being slots and then, when I did it They were trying to revamp their image. Guys. I understand that we, if we sleep with somebody right away, it doesn't mean that we sleep with everybody right away. You know people think! Oh, oh, she was just go around, do actually. Thou was literally like a one time thing like that was my one freebie of the year I'm letting myself go crazy and do that usually on. I, like that and an end we get labelled like people assume that just because you're one way by some guys You know it takes longer to sleep with them or whatever. Yet why? Why can? Why? Can it be the same for girls as with boys like there? Are they, like, I said,

There are two girls that I can think of in my life, and I am, I can name all the people I've had sex with, but the two have on that list were one night stands one girl, I actually masturbated with across the room. it's really fun. Isn't it fine? It was really fun yeah. That was like one of the cooler things is back when I was young and I can make it look good and we lit a candle in the center of the room. While you got into it yeah yeah, it was really fun and she, but then we ended the having sex, two's, one that gives us I'm totally one to say, but those girls I did. once have. I regretted it both of them. I was like this isn't how I want to. This is how I want to represent that act. For me, I don't wanna just have sexual someone in them I have them leave and I'll have a connection or wyck be comfortable to watch movies with them. I was like I remember. I was so impressed at the fact that it was that it and that I was willing That I didn't know them, I couldn't have said to them. Hey. Would you like to the movies, I was afraid to say

You want to hang out again because we had had sex and I uncomfortable that remember thinking but same time. I am willing to roll the dice on possible, getting them pregnant and then doing them for the rest of my fucking life like I'm late, you and uneven and could connect me that person forever, but I am not willing to reach out and do something with them. On friday right so silly so fuckin silly, but it is true once you get go all the way and have fallen intercourse with somebody. It does make it awkward, really awkward is that the one you know the one of the girls suffer me. I almost promise you this. I think she's up with me, so that her her sister, didn't have to run all tell him that night That could be true, but I gotta be honest with you. She was from liverpool as she we had met her at the Boston comedy

I mean a bunch of guys had met her and her sister and then then that night I think they didn't have a place to stay and they were like just traveling through new york. There were on liquor and they were broke and they were like, and we all went back to my house and her- and I was like yours can crash here if you'd like and she got in bed with me, and I think she did it as like. A thank you, like a thank you. The I've been there and then I ended up go into the going and spend a day with the next day or good. She was actually really cool. supper, dung didn't go all the way out of her mouth because it is connected at the bottom of it in those people wow there was scope we have a ten handicap, but no have you ever seen. Those people know for some people their skin on their tongue. You have your skin underneath you're connecting your tongue to the bottom, but it connects all the way. To the very tip of their tongue was kicked out of their mouth, so they talked like this and then I'd go back as far as they can stick it out. Their mouth wasn't french kissing her. It was weird I had to go into her mouth and liquor tongue

What was really odd. Edgy smoked, coom cigarettes and drank hennessy and the whole time I was having sex. Where I was like this is what it would smell like to fuck tupac that are either yeah, so how many people have used sex with. I don't know, I've had like one two, three, four, four boyfriends five, And in between all you knows, you sprinkle a little, but I mean I don't. I don't know is not a time but I've hooked up with guys, but also like not have had sex. Like I'm a big fan of doing that you don't, I mean like like just like a maceration race like we don't even fucking have to touch each other. You know cause I I'll I'll, just like hook up with a guy just to see how big his penis is, you know and I o k. Let me file that under that's too big see later I'm not gonna. Wait, you don't know what you're going to bed yeah

like I know. I know like how deep you know. I like it. I'm so blown away right now sweep there is such a thing. Is too big yeah really oh, my god, how yeah no wait. Please tell me somebody Do you know yeah, it was alike with Jim Norton he's got a massive dick. Did you know that? Does he really? He is a massive dick. Now, how do you know? I saw it last comic standing to you site, I piss next to them. I said something I remember this distinctly the smallest guys who have big, is a massive fucking dick like what red Ernst has a massive dick to all. Rhetoric has a fucking hog like hog,

Oh my god, no, I m a fan of little dicks, not little but like medium to lecture me Assad's medium to average like five and a half inches vulgar little. He wouldn't. Let me just Above all, the Maybe that's interesting. No he's is going selling a really this myself racist. I don't know by only say this guy, the other day saw, I was, and am them never been in love. asian porn, because only because the asian guys in crete me out like the age, guys rose like the real like, like that. It's like it always seems like victim me. Did you set make sense yeah it's disgusting. It seems like the guy. doesn't like it like she's, always got her eyes closed and her head back, but I know just the other day like I will go to couple. see if I were, it was just the ones I'd seen, but they all the asian women are the same noise during sex. Like kind of quiet

lying like like yeah, go right, pass that nice start screaming rule. yeah, I don't do the whole. You know yeah yeah yeah. I don't. I don't I don't do I don't watch early watch porn either, but I've heard needed I won't I've been on like it's it's instincts, it's it's a bad part of a bad habit of mine, but on the road, I end up just being depraved in a weird way again I understand I gotta and with my very faithful him alive, I'm never to normal I've never even remotely, you're, so sweet I senior periscopes driving in the middle of nowhere in like north dakota or euros. Random, fucking town, I'm very I'm very happy and my wife and I sexually are like meat and potatoes. We don't we're not too crazy, but I want to get on the road. It's like this weird, it's like there's a DR jekyll and Mr Hyde. Just with watching porn

see I watch more potent than the average guy. I'm like a wonder. If that's one of these, that burned into our subcultures comedians that we, but then I hear that you don't watch it. I go. Oh that's fucking, but I think guys are got guys are more drawn to porn than girls. Are steve byrne used to say metre? visual yeah, the gorilla film it watch it look at it, and women are more there can. I think I have a great memory like I could. Just recall the top five been out moments from my sex life, and is Bring that up and loads note. You brought it up, let's run through all run through bind our through my just gimme, just give me one of your top five would be one of my top five I'll get I'll start. It, of course, can be my wife, but there was a time when we were both just dating where we won one. We took a bath together and we had, in my old I'll, say, liven up the three story: mansion in the hills.

took bathroom candles that everywhere, and I think we got to the beach that day and we ended up having the bathroom, and I think both of us will write that down. As probably number What number to the other one is one time we're out of her lake house in alabama, and we took jet skis to this, I didn't like fuckin lagoon in the lake like it was like back through reads and alternate opened into this big like just like a big pond, but it was off of the lake, so you got there on a jet skis and my wife. This is a different woman. I don't even feel I know this woman anymore literally just got naked and just started wow and I was like I was scared of alligators. So, like the whole, I got naked too, and then we swim over and we it like literally, that was probably at that's gotta. Be enough one was number one that was one of the best, so sweet, then you're number one in,

you are you're way, but it was also about sex. I want to say I you know I wasn't very comfortable. I wasn't very comfortable intimacy like the moment after sex was felt very embarrassed and I've. I wanted to get away because you feel vulnerable when she watches you shake in yeah? I guess I guess we're having not so interesting. I used to a joke about this. Having with some one for me. It was. It was so the feeling was like having an orgasm with someone I was always like. I don't normally do this with people like I do this by myself is sacred. It's it's like a it's like a a practice that I've that I've done only by myself from the age of whatever thirteen until seventeen. You feel embarrassed like they see your cum face. They see their suicide out about me me that I never anybody, anybody and so the first time

It was a nightmare. I wrote about in my book, I'm not and revamp it, but it was a nightmare. My losing my virginity, the sex time was almost as bad as that. The third time was even worse, because I I just like and it just progressively I never and then, and then the vulnerability of like, I said of the fact that I've spent my life for this person were what if we had a sexually transmitted disease and then so they were all these. There are all these things that I dont think we're motions did that I could fully place into a lie, where I was like, where I was not ready to commit someone for my life. and then, when I met my wife and it wasn't until by four months dating When I realized I want to marry this person, then all the sudden, then that was the first person I had sex with roused, like oh. This is how supposed to be wound up. I mean, and I had great success in a with. I would like with great people like people. I love I wanna be from five other

it's three people. I didn't love to people. I loved and I my wife to six photos as extra two people are definite loved, but the first. one. Oh no, I guess my number seven chasm forgetting one person, the propellers martini, do virginity. Okay, first person was was not wasn't. I never even if it was the first time I was like is the first time I was like sex sexually active with somebody, native for a so that was the first person I never ozone. Scare what are they a pregnant? I'm not ready to start a family. Will you do. Condom? No, I did but then sometimes did sometimes there, like a little hole, or sometimes sometimes I didn't yeah but sometimes, and that that was finally up then the next person I think I was a little more responsible with, but I didn't totally men loved her. I thought, but I just I always. I wasn't totally there

yeah, I mean what you got your wife pregnant purpose right. No, no! No. No way of georgia ammunition in accident, but georgia was unplanned I'd like yeah, got we were dating, so that must have brought mix them up, but you our knowing. Oh no, no! No! I we were already in we were this is by the way. This is one of two things in my life that I have lied, like only because I never wanted, and I say that openly so, if I've ever set an indifferent someone knows knowledge in our lab lied about this before only because when I, younger, I was afraid that people would think that that I didn't love her because we had got pregnant before we got me Third, I understand that so I I got a job. I'm went down a florida. I talk to my dad, my item. I doubt it and what we were on the beach clearwater just I water, and I told my gentleman

I want to marry her and my dad and I went looking at rings and we picked out a ring and I bought it and my dad was having it shipped to me in an array in l a and I moved in with leanne rowe realize okay, this is it so I moved in with leanne we painted the living room. I then went on tour and while I was on tour, she I came back and she said she was wait and, and she was moved in, she was pregnant with a ring had just shown up and so like. I was going to ask her to marry me regardless and then a part of me, like you didn't know, she was pregnant and without the worrying when about the ring and then and then by the way, what she says: she's, pregnant I've never been happier in my life. if I literally, was ike. So it s answer. Yes so the answer

Oh q yeah, but I like, I remember she dumped me before that and I had fought to get her got to get her back and I remember I was a mess. I was a fucking mess when she dumped me. I was a mess like I've. Never been like that you know crying crying for forty. Is all you ride. You cry by yourself. Would you like call up your friends in the shower in the shower? yourself by myself a light ever wailing like. Who is your cry like your laugh? It's either so funny, William Shatner, one time to a general meeting with william shatter about a movie doing about comedians- and he said he said the care from looking for you to play would be someone who has to cry. Can you cry a boy crying, oh yeah, and he said how do you cry as this really funny side just taken their back? I cry in the bathroom by myself The bathroom everytime I cried, there's been a mirror, and every time I see myself,

crying in the mirror, cracks you up a cracks me up, and so I end up laughing hysterically. While I cry that, if you like, if you are ever convicted of a merger, and you had to go to solitary confinement. You would be fine oh yeah yeah crack yourself. It's been myself out you by your eyes and then it be cycle and you'd be it'll, be funny, nor do the dude do they asia, man or white duty or black dudes or anything anything now aye, I date non asians, really ever did a nation no, no one, because The asian men in my life have always been of a force of oppression. They ve always try to control me or get me to stop now things so loud lowly

wanted me to like have an arranged marriage and- and- and you know my brother's a cop and he would just like, beat me up and stuff. So it's just I just have this. You know it's like if everybody who looks like a certain way, doing bad things to you, you may now want to date, then, when you're older, you know, that's interesting people. say that I'm racist for not dating asians and unlike wall, you? If you had my life, you wouldn't want to date. Asian, neither didn't you do. Do you part of like a little bit of it? conspiracy. I want to say that once remembering the when you do that come extending yeah like what was it eight season six or something and six and you went up and you told racial jokes about being korean and then some like I did it and they fuckin destroyed the white guy. Yet we talk about this on. been anthony just before the ensuing I fired just and Bobby Lee was there what about ilusha? He was the one who brought me up and was there's some korean girl doing jokes about haiti.

Korean guys on tv and then somebody else did asian jargon below side, but that's how the whole? That's? How like I introduced to own a law in a community. Yeah, that's interesting here and you can't you. a little bit like a favourite of the one community yeah. I guess I mean I, I you know what I should have started listening when Bobby talk about me on the air, but I just listen to that episode and I was like, while this is so cool. I want to say, I want to say you're very part bobby. You know why what he says that we're friends on his podcast, but then He talked share of army route yeah, so we and the whole thing than I periscope of our of about. Obviously, and if somebody splice that, with content from his podcast unto, you too video really like out. If I don't want to, I love Bobby Lee globally lass powder, but that's interest. And you know I mean I can- and I am sure that if you say

wanna take real men, that's gonna hit pretty hard with a green man. The great marrow beverly b of by he's also a comedian and as a comedian, I think communion trumps race. Ok, it's a real, patrice gonna get mad at you. Do a black, joke, or am I gonna get mad that patrice is doing an asian joke? I agree with everything which we set about asian sake. They don't fuckin. Remember like you when you're a second time customer third time. Customer you don't owe me I would rather have a white waiter later. It's true the silver scylla ohio. She's huge, yes she's. Oh that's a fucking ham, no priscilla per spot. I haven't into your pod cast- and I find your point of view on asians funny, because what what'd you well because

you just don't know anything about asians adult because you from Tampa Tampa and there were no asians and thirteen zero asians. Yet one of we grow up, there's one kid: sam HO and his sister, a sister. I forget his name, her name but sambo hate summons, just discovered the ham. Yes, I heard your episode. What Yoshi here you are asking about. Asian staff, because you don't know anything, you don't know anything. I look at you you're one of my first jokes First asian joke ever was, and this wasn't even a joke. This was so they trustworthy happen with me and doktor can is said, did you know the chinese people cannon stand: japanese people yeah that was hilarious- realize that I didn't know that I was with Dr Ken. I've changed the joke. I've told it was steve Byrne a couple of times a tour with steve, but I was without can it and we were at the centre improv and

and we were in the hallway? This is Jim when he was just a doctor, he wasn't famous. He was just a doctor and a comic, and these two older asian people were arguing or of were arguing with the boy alter who wasn't letting them in and I went. Can I think your? I think your parents are trying to get back here, but I wasn't trying to be racist. Just like candidate your parents trying to be as like. Are you fucking kidding right now and I went no. I said I I'm just cause cause. They were trying to get into the back way. That's why in my head I just figured Oh, they must be KEN's parents who must be coming in to say hi again cause you're laughing at you. He was like he was like burt those weren't, my parents and I went. Are you serious? He goes yeah first of all, they're fucking, japanese and I go oh I saw what I got. What are they saying? You look? What's the difference? No, no! I'm not I'm difference by your. What are they saying goes I don't know, there's saying I'm not japanese, I ass. It will cause What is that? What I say it like? It is like a kind of noble somebody.

Japanese their totally different languages I enjoy about you. I love that year, like open the ignorant about it openly. Those people are gonna like those guys who try to learn the phrase in korean like on you as a yo and ohio goosey, matt and issues. I stop trying out just admit you, know anything about us and I'm cool with that. We have. To share anything. You want to know about asians. We want two thirds treat school which is over on at it off it's over in, like ain't, ain't got bark right by koreatown and it's predominantly korean school. It's majority korean and I and I fucking loved it, but I was not I'm definitely not someone who is not going to speak like I'm not going to go like like it was crazy, like we'd have thanksgiving yes and was all fucking mg and fuckin vegetable roles and like, unlike and like a brother, the beef bourgogne, the well being and it was already ryan. I mama

my dad coming to the thanks giving feast and it was all cream food. All korean food was served. My dad was like. Hence we know just what the fuck is. This is where the most days he's like where's the stuffing where's the turkey and I go. That's not a school, and so I wish I used to tell us when it first found Kim g. I'd never came to you. I got a fucking love kim t like him g to me, and I think it has to do with digestive stuff. For me, are you like that, spicy, here later, a spacey believing yes and I I I this one crema would give me a five gallon jug of creamed kim cheat. Her grandmother would make her mother will make, but then you, our smiling, garlic. I love it. I used to put him to you, never think something crazy or next door, neighbor we've eaten more kimchi than me by our next door, neighbor korean guy. When we lived in his apartment down by a koreatown him and his wife, both korean, he was a chef.

And he sat me down one time thanksgiving. They came over those giving an it's like an executive chef at rock sugar down in in century city, and he was like you know, man. I don't think I'm just done with the executive chefs and also really he goes yeah. I think I'm I think I'm gonna start like a taco truck and he started Kogi talk. Those were roy focused, so here late into their killing it yet and so fucking priscilla bumped into this. This has been the worst videoed podcast I've ever on that point, and so he- and I remember, tell him it's. The worst idea is ever had in his life ass. I wouldn't do it right what the fuck do. You know what the fuck do, I know, is ripe, and our daughters were best friends and did what to do dance cost. Together I saw em every I saw this guy,

all the fucking time and I watched him explode and came as Steve byrne was as vince vaughn one time and he called me up and he's like you're friends with the Kogi guy right and I said yeah, you have a neighbor and he goes yeah Roy and he said this is by the way. This is one that steve does not like this, because he's like bert sounds really. excuse me he said, as he goes, while we're at the truck and with vince vaughn and it's fuckin lines at six hours. He goes. What does he look like? I go, he's Korean seems like you a describe him. I go. He looks like you steve, like fucking quit. Imagine you are more hip, hop and ears like what I got married raise the white half of you, that's what he looks like more like you bought. It looks more like your mom, the more like you're less, like your dad and then the other part. I said was but he's more hip hop and he goes bert and he goes oh wait, never mind. I think I see yeah yeah, that's great! Oh my god the other that I'd think I took I took. I looked it raced back when I was younger

I talked a lot more about race than I do now now. Only because I just go see if this looks good yeah, that's fine! Now only because I feel like I've learned a lot more so to come from that, and I ignorant and in the most benign way will it be. Learning I learned a lot more. So now your father Tampa doesn't have chinatown booming full of asian running and a lot of people are, like you, don't know anything about asians I always felt like. If you don't ask than your then you're, then you're offering up the fact you you'd be more comfortable staying ignorant, then starting a conversation yeah regarding any one. Anyone like it If you ask me, I and I can't imagine anyone's like this, but if you ask me anything about being white, I want I wouldn't take insult to any question. You asked: why do people white people jump out of planes and bristol lives. I heard you take your life for granted or vine clue. I think, because I don't

it's the same reason that you see white people these days, but my wife getting fuckin chickens. It's it's this weird, in an idle I'll. Just speak from my perspective, but I feel like there is this weird thing: that white people and pictures and privileged are looking to find some sort of hardship to connect with with themselves. It must be growing tomatoes and an fuckin just like rock climbing and they're looking for something, I can't. I can't figure it out because I'll jack jackson, I'll jackson, has the funniest goddamn joke I don't even know if the joke- or you just said it to me- he was like he was like man when I was born there were when I was growing up. There were three acceptable activities as a black man that I could do. I could play basketball. I could go to the club and I could hang out

but he goes, I couldn't go kayaking and it was the funniest realization of of just exactly. I don't know why white people predominantly are wrought, climbers and sky, divers and bundy jumpers and I dont know is because you are not risking your life by leaving your house every day. You know like compared to a black eye whose unarmed and is going to visit his girlfriend. He risk getting shot by a police officer. You know, and so you have, you can't just walk around life. Just so happy go lucky that your life Let me add a little risk to this year. let's shaken up a little bit, make it more interesting. I don't know. I find that. Where you ask me anything about being white, I dunno, I would never find offense to it. I would never assume that you are trying to be mean. It aren't just be like. Oh, she must know right cause we're open like that. That's open! That's comic!

people. Some people get offended when you're, like don't call me white, like as if you said, in a pejorative manner. There are people in my kids' schools that, if you, if you said to them like, if you said so, why do white people do this they'd be like first of all, they'd be like? First of all, I'm one of the good one like it just this will or they'll correct you in there german irish italian in blah. Blah blah or people are so uptight about the term white like white people are finding white racist. Well, it's the same thing I think we go back to is. Is that I'm at I've always felt like what happened with racism in general? Is that it didn't, really go anywhere technically. It's just why people started denying it like I I believe that there's still racism out there. I I do. I really genuinely do say. Obviously, but I think now, as opposed to, I think white people just kind of fuckin hide it in the closet and they don't

bring it up in a oh, no, no, no, no, no, arms, I'm really, graham very progressive, but he's so paranoid about being called racist. Yeah. Oh it's it's! It is it's it's! It's a game! danger. You shut down a white persons, ability to communicate when you call them racist. You ve basically said I can't listen anything you're about to say because everything you say as tinted by One way that you were brought up, yeah it's it is, enjoying when I was a kid. The term white person wasn't even spoken. I feel that the like, because everybody, which is why I am so happy

would point me out and say: oh you know that asian girl or the korean girl, or you know the one, the mexican guy, the filipino girl, the indian girl, but like nobody was ever like all the white girls are going to girl scouts, even though the white girls were all going to girl scouts, like nobody ever said that because they were just the minority, I mean the majority yeah and it just was the default. But now everything is becoming so diverse hinders more minorities everywhere. Minorities now can speak, english, the game. Changer mean yeah, just the fact I mean I was saying to this buddy of mine, who we didn't show together Mohammed Walid, his dad came from pakistan and had a speech impediment, so he spoke in broken english in a speech impediment. Imagine just how how in usually ostracizing, that is in the seventies, to move to a place like,

irvine orange county words, all fucking white, you just every part about you is an Outsider- and you feel like that- I mean those kids that say like. Like I mean I had, I had a couple years, I'm sure now, maybe I did I can set up like kids. That say I never felt like I was accepted. High school. I was a loner. I was an outsider. Imagine if, in that, that's by whatever sometimes by choice by music by association? Imagine if you come too country an english isn't your first language, if a speech impediment and then you like, fuck it- I don't feel like I'm accepted by them but there are making all the money in old like how do I get ahead in this world? That's why we look at suburban white kids who get addicted to drugs as fuckin pussies yeah? You know do they all really life is so hard. Your parents are so rates that you just don't have anything to

Cuba blow your life away, doing coke. I I I can't imagine I think that maybe it goes back to that thing. Why do why people? Why am I? Why does my wife buy chickens? Maybe it's the thing to feel some sort of hardship to put it in perspective. As the same way, it's nice to have tickets, I don't think it creates a hard. Ship, it's a boy. It's like all of a sudden you just it's one of those things like growing around tomatoes or growing kale or growing your own kind of like like it's it's this big step. I'm not saying it right now. I'm sure there's a guy said a ripe and in an article, but it take a step back in history. I imagine the first person who realized hold on. I don't have to have chickens to get eggs like I can just go get eggs or this is a fucking game changer. yeah, I hated taking care of my goddamn chickens. Oh this is fucking. You sing rewind when you grow your own tomatoes and grow your own eggs, but it's kind of nice because with all the technology and periscope,

in internet and social media that you know we do it's kind of nice that during your day, part of your day, It is going to the backyard and harvesting some eggs are tomatoes, yeah, it's but but imagine those marginal. First born a while sitting like this book mentioned the first people who realized like this, generation like hold on, I don't have to fucking, have a garden anymore. You mean you can tell me I can do what I want. I can be a computer program. Opera or I can build tyres reagan will do something I want to do and then I just go get tomatoes her fucking great. As that I can go get to make the first supermarket We're like hold on, I can just get tomatoes and for people probably traded tomatoes. You're, probably I have you know a bushel of potatoes, I'll trade. For your tomato. I am certain that happened you now they give it give eggs in trade worry dads with people? These fucking chickens haven't even started yet exit you just got him know: we've had him for fucking three months: they don't like eggs for like

three months? Why cause the fact? Who knows? That's the reason the gridiron he's got in chickens for by three months, have not made a jet wow, maybe even longer we might have had them in the longer, but the word they should be eggs any day now and but you can have a positive. No you don't MR then they make babies. Oh so then they make checks through the chickens have excellent. They don't they just make. They make falcon blank eggs they may make eggs are fertilized eggs at your I'll. We share. Imagine if I could eat your eggs. Mine can imagine. you can harvest your eggs and they were really tasty and you put them on a plate. That's what they are. I wonder how big are Eggs are, oh, they gotta be well. I mean you figure, I mean our sperms or you can't see him and under microscopes through the probably my microscopic But chicken eggs are so big foresaw what a delicacy, if you could, if you could go if you could eat supermodel egg

It'd be like go to the restaurant and it's like it's it's like a hundred bucks. Now it would be like twenty thousand bucks. You think yes to get an egg out of you're a female, a human body. We only make like one among right or tat one a month or two, maybe from both sides of the tube yeah to yeah, but to be able to they get it out. That shit is expensive. oh fuck yards expensive on anything about that painful yeah. All that would be. That would be insane if you could, like, I guess, it's cannibalism, almost yeah the czechs will eat thrown eggs. Really chickens will eat thrown eggs, so you gotta get us you take them away because they'll just eat their own fucking eggs. Yet, no way do you think you'll ever have kids. Now, how old are you I'm thirty six or you fuck? I thought you were like twenty two now. That's all I remember another. Thirty six is all by any stretch of means specially. Instead,

not at all, but like I thought you and your mother, you, twenty eight. No no questions asked. Thank you. well now I would never wanted to have kids, because I saw my mom pregnant when shoot. When I was a kid and she would in pain and shoot her belly just like got huge and look so uncomfortable. She couldn't do anything and just fucks with your body, I fought with you when I was five. I was like this life fucking sucks, I'm like I'm, born a girl. I hate this. I need to have a baby. I was like flipping the fuck out when I was five really yes, I was like I fucking. That is why can't I be born a boy, and I was convinced that I I was in the wrong body. You know really, yes of so, because I could just feel that my parents, you know, gave so much more preferential treatment to my brothers than to me because a girl

just valueless she's a drain on your wallet because you'd have to you know you have to find. We to take care of her when she girls older, whereas a boy can have a job and pass on your family name. incredibly sexist. So I should have this weird question, but it's safe you, you and your brother got into a fight which I'm sure you did grown up and he hit you. Would you be like no, no, no you're allowed to hit women. Now, I'm not saying that you gotta hit women but like in that kind of culture. Now my dad is the one who taught my brother how to hate women what by example, you know he would he would as he would hit my mom. And so you know parents are the ones stab lige, enactment fear of violence in the home is not like. Kids. Just are gonna, be violent, just without having seen it so it's like, and then my dad is the one who told my brother when they go to church he's our dad

and so he gave you know the reins of power to him, and then he would just hit us, like my dad, told my brother to hit us basically really yeah talking insane yeah? I know I m just like I just had no protection growin up, you know here my fucking parents, in my own brother, to hit me and he you know that was his car training and he's a cop. Now I'm surprised I haven't seen him in the news. The killing some unarmed black teenager, like I'm sure, That day is coming, you know every innovation, leave asian continent tv on my way to send em. Look like him be. How did do? Do you talk to you much. I talk to my little siblings, I always I always like. Whenever my brother would beat them up, I would jump in the fight and protect them really yeah. So that's insane did note what kind of effect does this have on on on your

growth and getting interrelationships when that kind of stuff. When on house complete the negative I mean I just have such low self esteem because you think to yourself, if I'm not even worthy for my family, to protect my basic physical. Well, being, I must not be worthy of anybody's love. That's so crazy! It's crazy! Do you think your self esteem is what got you into comedy, Lhasa, yeah for sure, because they too, I just needed the validation that I just needed to be loved and you know I when I'm on stage, I spoke in the love from the laughter, and you know it sort of you can live off a lever. A fading twenty four hours until the next night comes, you know, but it's it's horrible, I mean, but there are so many immigrants that

to this country and they continue living by the rules of their old country, because in korea is not illegal to beat your wife or you knows and your kids issues normal there. But like torture is shit. You know you're like koreans. When they ugh, they don't you dare not even affectionate, it's not even loving like they hit you on the back like a korean hug is like rule yeah. You get that you should follow. You know like. Oh you eating. You know like issues its constant criticism, the asian cultures I rejected, because its clear constantly criticise, and I just want to be praise that he's. One of you know here laughter now. Have you connected with this like, like nothing? say I think I've heard you say this or not saying anyone's, listen, he's going like bird really, but you were a big fan of overtones right yeah

love margaret show and she able part whether outside in san francisco or oh, no, no, no, that's not a guy who did out or show with marco. Oh, you know Y yeah. I was that Margaret Cho, when I was in san fran last year and I'd never met her, and I I o was always talking to my sister about this. I was like telling my sister like we should make a documentary of us trying to meet margaret show and just like you know our path to like how we got there. You don't like hey. I beg your pardon early. Give me a break, and then she tweeted out when I was in san francisco that she's doing like this robin robin when Robin Williams died, it was a hashtag, be robin and she just perform like for homeless people in front of a shell and whatever money that people donated she would give to the homeless people and either. Would you so great, and she just has such a being hard for the homeless?

community and she's just so giving an. I went, and I said something like issues sort of swarmed by people at the event like by press. Everything so, but as my first time seeing her in person- and I wanted to like say something to darren- and I said something during the korean, but I don't think she understood me She just kind of looked at me and was like yeah, but I always always. I always want to ask the augmentin to like put us together on getting doug with high episode. That'd be great, that'd, be fun right yeah, I'm having my podcast in the couple You know maybe month I'll go but the I think she wants to say she has an hour I'm coming out or something out sound, but but. she someone that I looked at there's a generation of comics that I really respected and I looked up to that do not do what I do and I dont do it they do, but but for some reason like her journey.

We're all flow like that that generation I love they what they do. I love it and it's not what I do like the very liberal. The very open minded, the very anti establishment. I'm I'm pretty. Am I even go as far as I am pro establishment. Are you want me to know by eta I am married with two kids- I at least buy cars. I are just average even big deal I mean it's just like like they live out of the box. I'm definitely out of the box. Yeah and, now she has. I do I do like basic cable television, I'm cool get in here I've been doing it and not make it to me how's your work in that, like basic cable, and then doing the funnybone than the improves. The I'm. Not a rock club comic is doing stuff on sundance and and just I see you re so that that someone is a pro establishment. I mean like I'm not above there more rockstar immortal normal or do you know

it's okay, the comic I think right, but but it it suits you and you're good at it too. I admit to what I would have liked. You know like I like those guys too but like I probably would never. I really honestly, if I was just a regular guy and I didn't become colleagues I was so ostracised in high school and that I was at the weird, kid lunchtime of the morocco or janine were from saying that that energy of that all up vibe is the kids that had we're in the library we were in the yearbook club and that's where they hung out, naturally form the sense of humour and they read comic books and, they became comics cause ever ostracised. I was never ostracised you were. You are well I am sure in high school, I was a regular fuckin due to played varsity sport. It's I was all county for a. I was a and I went to college and I joined of turn

and I got here- is that boy and I hate guy's, an eye and I fuckin, and if I had, gotten discovered by rolling stone magazine, I'd, be selling pharmaceutical supplies living in orlando maybe- we may be in Tampa, maybe in atlanta. Maybe you're not, I know, but those are my friends isn't my best friends is the very regular people you know oh really regular and they would never go to Iraq? watch comedy show you know, and so product can imagine that I would have been much different, so probably wouldn't have never. I guess I was without cider, in high school aroun yeah? I mean the jaw either. Jocks all knew me and like the jobs in the cheerleaders. Actually, a home economics class and my table at home ec was with jackson cheerleaders, those with the popular kids, but I wasn't popular. You know I was like nerdy like I was on a newspaper, stay I was in marking band and yes, so they all. Not responding to that was hotter when you're older yeah could I had like braces is an buck teeth and glasses,

I have. You know. I was a dorky asian girl and who had hand me down clothes that were baggy. I'd have clothes that fit or no new clothes at all. So I know I was a church girl, so, would sit at the table and they always thought it was so funny. Like my naivete about like I did know anything about sex like they all had boyfriends and girlfriends, and I'm this virgin who saving myself for Jesus, and so you know one time the teacher was at work today we're going to make cookies. So you could pick your own recipes and you know the jock sitting at my table. He'd be like people tell tell her. What do we want to make dildo cookies and, like I knew a kind of What a dildo was. I knew something bad or sexual or something- and I would is my hand, be like mrs last year. Would I want to make dildo cookies and make make the whole class laugh. You know because I would just become the butt of the joke

and I would crack them and I knew I was saying something that I should have an ever. Then the teacher would take me aside and like feel bad for me, I guess at the jocks we're taking advantage of lake. You know little me and she d, like you, know We don't listen to John and Sarah and they're just trying to make fun of you. But, like I didn't mind, I was like. Oh, let me be a vessel to make the whole class laugh. Do you feel like that? Do you feel like I like shows cause I like do you ever feel like, like I'm doing the roast battled, and I you not doing them judging opium on it. I don't actually know what I'm doing to be dialogue with you. sure you're. Judging it. I hope, but I know that people make fun of me and I have I'm the same way. You are, I don't mind, being the vessel for comedy right, you can be the a joke. We're not going to get butt hurt, I'm more comfortable, sometimes being the butt of a joke. Oh my god, we do have that in common. No there's no

fucking accident than I watch a lot of the shit you do like. I love it because I feel the same way. Oh, my god I go. I failed to definitively the same way where I go right go! Oh, I am the butter, the joke. More often than the one you I can make anything that only not the one making my yoursel objective, you can appreciate when somebody makes a good joke, I knew and starts laughing at you you could join and on the laugh, I'm trying to look for the email to tell you what I'm doing, but I don't know. I don't think I got it yet, but I'd like I'd I'd definite the land I would never. I like, for some reason when I make fun of people, because I'm such a nice guy, because whatever but whenever I make for people it really hurts against job I've never heard the other people. Like me, too, I heard people the feelings all the time I go. I do that all times like wow. So if I do, if I go like, if I make a joke about.

I like. I only know that's a long time ago I had a friend who is a ball buster and then, whenever I'd ball bus back, if it would like hit home, and then because you're, a writer laugh, is better at busting balls than there. Maybe I'm not them that another also fairly insightful, so I said, then it would turn into him. Calling me like a week later be unlike dude why'd. You fuckin say that and I like our cause, we're almost people, people email me and there like. Why were you such a dick to me at the party last night or something? What are you talking about? We are all just having a good time, outages bus in your balls and it's funny because I naturally grew up busting balls and of turkey. That was where I learned. How to balls and I'm really good onstage If someone is fucking with me, I can buy my last destroy that situation, but with other comics I've always found that when I do those roast jokes, they come out and hurt them.

Feelings MA am and there like web design. I think of me and you like, and how does that make you feel when people tell you that they ve you ve, heard intermingling, feel fucking powerlessness. I feel like I feel like like to think of some one. That is that I can say their name. So we'd be an example, but like I a good example right now that I have better than eight, but I like I'm, one time. Someone tell me something on like before they, stage, I wrote a joke about it. They went on stage, and it was about a car that they had gotten and and the knot, and then I made a joke about their car and it got a huge laugh and then I got off stage like amen, fuck. Why wouldn't you tell me that personally- and I went I was it's. Just a Joe gore comedian that so funny as a person introduced me as like, though, as an or not complementary way like and like they hold it

Hence this guy. This guy he's not hammered right now will be hammered in two minutes and I was like why would you say that to prevail stage and then? But so I don't live so I've always kind of bit my tongue when those like, when people make jokes about people about my tongue, tribes, like sometimes it comes up to biting yes, meat, I have the same problem, but you know I just tweeted about those last night. I said: if I mean to you, don't cry it just means imagined If she could be that mean to me, imagine how mean she is to herself. Oh, we but to my wife says to me that I have very punitive response to myself. I'm very punitive punish myself until severely hard fucking, our low self esteem yeah I mean I am but rude all to myself, if I do something that I that I, that I regret like something You only regret, like doing

ran into a friend, and I just said something that maybe I should have said and at most a shot devolution of said, and I really regret and I was drunk and I wasn't mean, but I was just like I just made things uncomfortable and awkward. really like the guy, and I am, but it sounded like, maybe that I didn't like Amor it or that, and it was just I've, just fuckin felt stupid and I fuckin and beat myself up over myself or go to therapy or to therapy this morning, oh wow? How is that it's great right? I love it because it helps me identify shit like helps me identify shit that I do I like about myself and notice when I'm doing it and stop doing it, yeah like a and a, and it just sets up avenues to try to do better stuff yeah. That makes any sense like like being- punitive, I'm very pewter with myself. How do you know when you have a good their past? I don't know, I think if they, I think, if you,

you feel good about use like talking to them? I don't know about you know. I've always wondered that I've had to therapists, and I liked both of them, but then my second one would start talking shit about the first one you like, oh, you were in therapy. Wait too long. It shouldn't take you this long now MIKE while, but sometimes it's nice to just be able to vent know like you have a problem and you have an issue with like I, don't know, how long have you been in therapy I the odds. Since since before her birth conquer, so I wasn't there be during birth conquer only because I was one of the biggest problems I was having was. Ursus on this has sizzled down way too much, but I was having

I was having a perfidious moments too often emotional epiphanies twice a day. I do sometimes three times a day doing by show triplet and then doing birth conquer. I was doing things like where there was a day. I think, right where I jumped off stadium. Repelled off a mountain and then swim with great white shark, three bucket baculus adventures we were maybe should do one and then sit with it for a day like that was fucking crazy, but I was do we want to use. You are three in one day which is its production. Is there not don't act like their dicks? There's production is like we would want to do as much as possible while we're in africa. So let's go like I drink goat bother with a massage even and spend the night in a in hut on the serengeti and then see the morning and what was happening as us having cognitive, emotional, epiphanes, but never having cognitive epiphanes and a lot of that and by the way I don't speak.

for any of us like two, if I'm saying the wrong thing or if you're dealing with this and I'm wrong, john resembling a law that is what brings about ptsd is ike. Is These poor young guys are going up poor, but I feel bad for them, because you're going in to war torn areas blowing up literally risking their lives day in and day out coming home, and you have all these emotions that floods, you all these motions about life and n and n what is life and Then coming back in then being to have to do it the next day and then coming back to life, and you just go to the store and you're like what the fuck man like. I like. I go to the store and I was just be like I I just feel like well. You're endorphins are just like serotonin through the fucking roof I can like who reaches those levels ever and and and my weight just caught up with me cause. I was at my fourth year doing trip flip and I had been doing

this living this lavish amazing eccentric, bucket list life for six months of the year and I did and then I'm gonna go tour to sort out clubs. and we like to stand up and and do podcast with famous people and then, and then what was happening is when I come home. I was it because we Reentry is like I, I was just fuckin wasn't ready for this. down, relate wide wire. My wife, my wife and kids not treating me like I'm the rockstar that I am or why you are. Or why do? I have to listen to a story about soccer practice like I'm, not no offense, but I fucking I told you over the messiah chief two days ago and gotten a helicopter and tat and find out of their swam gray sharks, graver, sharks, repelled of table mountain of again bulgy jumped

in the rope swing like that at all, and then you have talked about fucking saw practice, but it's better than the alternative. What are you came back here to a one bedroom, apartment and you're? All alone, you have no downloads even more deprived of that's, why my wife is a fucking lifesaver, because I know Happen is like I'd. I would just have an emotional spin out on on the road. Like where I'd be, like like I said I just had one this morning, oddly enough- and I told my therapist about it but like when you, when your schedule just lines up so that you're gone for like a month and then you're like what the one fucking day I could have been home and my wife's like nope you're done, I'm gonna get you therapy you're just talk about whatever feeling- and I told him I was like whose like the very first days like so so this is- and this is what you know, what one I. So what do you know about me and he goes what like us, I used or therapy who do you know about me? He said I said that to him or use as have. What do you know about me? There's a lot. You should know that before we start yeah news like, I could see it. Unlike ok,

I was like a ninety nos one. Rolling stone magazine, discover me common number, one party, animal country I moved to new york within six months. Will smith discover me and I got my first tv show My second tv show I did every year and have my second tv show. I got more, bull, I wasn't emma fighter of stun pilot, tamed lions and then I've not according to morgan, and now I travel around the world doing populous it like a little. given that this whole spiel about me that I'd give anyone doing radio and he was. Literally like ok, let me process. This he's like damn. I should have googled you before taking this appointment, I mean I went through a list like I got involved with the russian mafia. When I was twenty two and we robbed a train I felt like, and he was just like holy fuck and so on men and then I realized, I think, edinburgh you're funny is that he leaves and talk about this. These cognitive activities then he realized is a very low threshold for epiphany. So like, like. I have a pivotal moment

like the very easily so maybe have alone threshold for what I consider an orgasm baby. You do. Maybe it's just like that feeling when as the notice if the comics job. But when you clean your ears now I just heard this guy who's jokes, that oh, it's rick and pastors when you clean clean your ears with q tips and you get that spot. You're like in his orgasm mandatory cosmic yeah over the threshold for organic I'd. I don't I do I just I just come alone. are these come along? I dont work out. I you know, I don't have to rule is a good idea masturbating using my party, So how much longer you in l today, I'm taking the red item tonight about tonight I mean yeah nice and the seven seven seven. What what airlines do? You fly american american if I ever voted triple seven yes, but they provide both their name, all those are the best when I just get up good

yeah. When you have a lay down seats, you know it'll go check for some of those fights check when you book it, but if it says first only that means that the business class you can buy for coach fares and they just don't offer the service. Oh, always check on those triple seven. So you don't get food, you don't get it. Do you write a class leap in the bed was so sometimes they won't offer a lot of times the one you're catches miami to doubt. S. Ok is, is the shorter leg flight we get a plane. You like oh the reason is the technical issues paying for the service. I would easily drop the service and just pay the fair and get the seeks. I don't need the fuckin service. I could bring my own food, no shit like, but

that's what you're paying for is the service. So a lot of those times check when be book and see if it offers first and business because sometimes they'll just offers for offer first they're, understaffed or the or the or because of the turnarounds. Oh okay, yeah, so always check that that's the best nice yeah. Do you think you'll ever move back to new, go back to EL delay. Yeah. You know every time I come here, make new friends and I see old ones, and I have so much and when I come out here and I'm always hi, I'm high all all week you home warning. You know what I ran out rule, but I waved a little bit so yes, but very does anything though you were yet. What are you talking about he has. I actually brought up ptsd on my on getting, though with high when whitney cummings was on. I didn't see the whole thing. I say that women cummings took the best hits of merit honour that I've ever seen she was. She was literally smoking pot. Like someone

I'm gonna show having a lot of you'll. Do it because I know they're gonna smoke a lot like you take good bullheads, but men only because you, and started first and then she went second ass. She was like she took some Michael phelps. Bond didn't I was like she got factor. She did get fucked up yeah, but what we say about ptsd or I brought up ptsd and in the comments for that video. That's like the number one commenting people click like on. You know an end. Some people, like she's, probably joking about it. You know people assume that, because we're comedians everything we say as a joke and are ignored I can speak seriously about shed to just because she made me for having ptsd does me, I don't have it would you have produced from just getting beat up as a kid you know, and the constantly is, though, a group in a war zone. You know like continent there like plates being thrown and there are holes all over our walls and, like my parents would like hang a picture frame.

Over any hole that was created during a fight, but there was, calls everywhere, so you have all these like weird picture frames that are organised the office, a fucking mess, You know and it's and it's a and a and then I think that people realize, like there's, there's varying differences of ptsd like just because you say of ptsd doesn't mean that you ve got the same thing that a guy that got blow up in iraq as well. You know, but, but that was one of the waves on the comments I thought was really interesting because people are like people like they were like thanking me for bringing it up louis near because people have ptsd from growing been an abusive situation. You people have you go to your for two years to have. he tells the Gaza. I grew up in a fucking violent home for seventeen years, like it probably has more damaging effects than you know. Fighting with in a word only two years

I mean I, I kind of I've never seen any I've never seen anybody get killed or anything and but but fog it was. It was brutal, yeah those those abusive families were that's your reality. I mean I I listen to the and the burning coals talk about it. He grew up in a very I think it was his stepfather was sexually violent. I think he he talked about opera these like that fuck you up forever, like you can get rid of that it's hard to get rid of you guys got all here. I had to get rid of and you don't I'll get startle just out of nowhere. You know like it'll just come back to me. Or you know I don't really like hugging people real and and near sometimes, when I go back to me, call me clubs and I haven't seen people view- will love hugging issues like sometimes I like carrying something big. So people, don't hug me rule yeah, because hugging kitty pave army em to sound a little baby saying this, but issues issues

you, when the only physical contact you had as a child, was getting hit. Then you know you gotta be careful how hard you hugs people! That's interesting, yeah! so what like, when was the last time you got you, you were hit the last time I was head probably you know when I was sixteen or something they are going to be honest with you. I got hit in college in a fight but, like I don't think I'd, I don't think that I've been hit all that much in my life. I think if I had been hit, I think it would fuckin it on me really heavy yeah it does that army heavy you now it's it's it's hard! It sucks dealing with it. You know like it's a who wants to be hit. You now forget, it hurts physically and an add on to it.

emotional pain of like here somebody in my life who supposed to love me and their hitting me. It's just fucking confusing it as a child and all these like self help books. I have read and near the therapy I've been through it now. It makes sense to me because I've been through therapy and I should probably continued to therapy by children when they are being abused. They internalized because he d look at their parents, as you know, superheroes, and did you think as a child? You just or so naive and you're. Just so, you know any better. So look at your parents like they must be. You know almighty. Why would they do anything wrong? So if they're doing something wrong to you, you must be bad and internalize it will you. I heard your story about. You are here in the phase in your teeth got knocked out your dad, like dealing with bring you to the hospital. You thought you were fine which you know now is like you know, people be horrified if they found out. They happen to somebody's kid. Your word

Say that I think it is on Joe rogan yeah yeah, I I I I said that the other day on stage randomly I said yo when I got my teeth knocked out. One of my eleventh birthday and my dad made me finish in He brought me a shortstop yang came into my mom. You look at it like my fucking its being so annoying with his teeth. Meanwhile, should have been brought to the hospital in an ambulance immediately. I should have been taken out of the. I are my dad. I'm real like are you fucking kidding me. I remember. I remember the first I'm ever. I only remember being spent about banks a number of times by number one time vividly like vividly, because what it was for me, the I dont member, the pain. I remember the event that it

caused it, but I remember the humiliation, like the humiliation like it, it almost stings more. You know it's like a. I watched I watched. I watched the traffic with Michael douglas and and bonito del toro. And it's a drug movie and there's a moment were beneath showed arturo in his partner, get taken out to the desert by these narcos and there are forced to dig their own graves and really killed that. I think that is what I that I notice there's not there's. You can't correlate the two, but I remember being spanked on my sisters was like my sister's fourth birthday and I remember being spanked in the in the ah in the garage and like I got taken out of the already cause my my sister had the blower candles out and I just slammed her head in the cake, and I thought I thought I thought it was so funny that my

was going to congratulate me in the garage. I didn't realize that he was about to spank me, but I remember I remember going out to the garage and turning around and him standing there, and then it was almost being walked to your own death, like that as long always. I said that was like when I watched this scene. I went out the whole time. He'd be like no don't. I remember him saying I don't do this. You'll have to do this, like, like almost for his life: hey stop! I promise I'll stop. You don't have to me and my dad buddy, you just same your sisters face in the cake you getting a spanking and I was like amerika like tell him you spanked me, I understand it the stage rising to negotiate with it, I'm gonna be like. I'm sure I didn't say it is ultimately but ever being like, I understand notably what I've done wrong. Trust me. It's it's it's heavy on my heart, like I fucked up, I get it I feel guilty. I want to change myself. I don't like who I am right now like. I want to sell that to them, and I know it

dead honesty with you, and I and I'd have to ask my dad about this. I don't even know if he spanked me, but I don't all I remember is he walked me into that thing and told me to pull my pants down and I was humiliated. I was like that was enough hoof. I'm sure I got spanked because it's the least wanted to check on your dick growth, probably not, but how old it was probably first grade sex price for sure. He just wanted to make sure your dick was okay, yeah. No, no, he was hitting me. He was going to hit me and I don't remember if he hit me. I remember respect me or not like I really honestly, don't remember you spank me only because all I remember about that moment is his walking out the garage door. There was a current. There are two cars in the garage, and so as that, little tiny space where you walked by just enough room to open a door and slide a new car and turning around

seeing him standing at the door, closing the door and saying pull your pants down, and I remember going like oh fuck, like everything, will pale in hail, hail in comparison to this fucking moment and these feelings. This is worse than getting it. It's humiliation, it's the shame. If now feeling like shit like it's, not just bad. You hit me, but you gonna, humiliate me too. That's why don't I my kids, Oh, thank god, you don't hit your kids or never hit my kids. I know and that's an exercise that one of my therapists said to do you like, find a kid who looks kind of like you and like imagine you being that kid, and can you imagine like how could anybody hurt this kid? You know they're, so cute and so helpless and so little.

You know it's interesting ya. Think of like at this podcast has really changed me exponentially. I dont think I took it very seriously, my first two years was my first year. I I just how long have you been doing it? I've been doing it by two years. Now that's awesome and I I had. I have had moments where it's changed. It's it's changed and morphed and into different things, and there have been really fun ones. It is, and I guess it's not ever the same man lately The fitness schreiber beginning to really great conversations with really interesting people, a really great conversations, and I don't think it's. I don't think it's me. I just think it like the energy of where we are as comedians these days, the honesty that we're bringing to the stage and what we're talking about. Do you talk about getting spanked on stage? I talked

I have wondered about my dad hitting my mom yeah yeah was a joke. I say you know my dad my had hit my mom growing up and some people laugh at that part. How's egg. That's funny part you asshole! and then then I was telling my friend I said he stopped. He heading my mom and my friends I would did he becoming can, I say said: no: she got a gun, she's americanized issued if she get a gun now, oh yeah, no, actually Yoshi wrote that joke for me really yeah. Now. How long have you known yoshi and I met him last year- oh really yeah, but when I met him we did a show together and he heard of me, I'd heard of him over the ass ten years and we never fucking that yeah and I'm just like he's

he's not like Bobby lay Bobby. We got all offended that I was making fun of asian eyes. I could care less, you know, yeah he's a joke beneath guy. But you know he's egg bye bye he's asian guys getting mad at you. They are admitting there, given you power. If these truly are the sexes piece of shit, that they are, they wouldn't even care. What woman was saying we we'll she's an interesting I because he he talks. Shame a lot to me. He really is in and really fascinating, guy yeah. Unlike his life experiences, he was a definitive outside extending in korea. He examined ease japan or korean grubbing, japanese, japan, yeah right, That is because he's like has a japanese name, but he's kind of korean is korean. He says he's korean is park. Are these he's? Maybe that's just what he tells me denton I think, you're patrolling monopolized work will do this

swap gas. Why will send you the audio, follow this and you can post? It? Is your progress, too or any other stuff that you do in your pockets. I've. Basically I've had one of the coast, Relations. I've ever had just talking about this. No way fucking. Thank you so much for having me or anything else that you do on your podcast that that I start every conversation about pooh yeah. So we did that yeah and, and and no that said, I mean I plug it. so, while I support both versa, like you, I am obsessed with large I now swine posting a weekly log along by weekly podcast but what comes out on wednesdays, my blog comes out Monday's, so I shouldn't myself. I edited myself opposed to myself is just kind of like. Are they nine minutes? no more new, no longer than nine minutes. Usually not seven. Do you tape like more and edit it down to nine tape, they probably about an hour twenty you take yourself talking

into the camera for an hour in twenty minutes. Yeah but Yarborough doing stuff like I'll. Take on the road with me. Allah of out with it out at the end of this, because I'll I'll shoot us walking out. and then that'll be entitled used the video of a starting. I call upon you, in this vote. I use the interviewing you. I thought that was really funny really funny and oil pipelines that in the log in I put my u to channel obsess my youtube generate now. I'm obsessed with youtube Where I swear, I find myself watching all my shit then I started saying: why am I not putting stuff on youtube? You watch your own shit. I know I know I watch everything on youtube. I watch with. I want all right old, opium anthony stuff. I watch aldo beast of opium Jim stuff. I watch stand up or what or patrice clip clips. I want everything on youtube, so I started making tend to put on youtube. I opened a youtube channel two my daughter, eyelids opening one today. Why said? Because we did this montreal northwest festival

This last weekend and miranda sings was there and george. my daughter, love miranda things and either was like I one day, I'd like to have like mon you to channel, and I was like Allah you can do that now. Look what you want to do. It was. I have a character name: Gregory I do. Oh, my god, she's going he's gonna. Do this character, Gregory we're gonna film! It will put it to you. I'll additive were, will put you to channel a private just then she is our friends. That's so cute, Do you ever put her in your videos, though no yeah? I talk about her stage, a lotta like almost too much right now, and so you can find My: u to channel my twitter, my my everything at bert bird, bert dot, com be or tb archie be artie, Taking my our special for showtime April. First of the earth an so if you liked come see that you get tickets cheap right now using the promo code. Bert, I think he's bert and you can and come out to see that naturally, at my travels he'll show starts up fourth airing in june,

and bring a conqueror conqueror travel. China, and I cannot tell you right now. If we do anything and allay I'll bring out, go body shall be yours, arriving or anything in a heartbeat, no, I don't want to go skydiving I will reach honouring. Our regional trading may only be largely maybe bungee gentler, ruler posters. You have done because of equity, rollercoaster, no really will get out your comfort on a promise. This woman was sharks out and catalina. Oh no! No! No! oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah! Oh, you know what I'll get to I'll get you in miami because we'll do something in miami alcohol, but you've got to go to monkey kingdom. I speak spanish. If we really go you like you know like good spanish, shall cuba or somethin you know I mean he's, be good vanish yeah I can. I can speak up conversations in the as one your most of them, like pickaxes, burka, where I merely said this is well or released the same day so that we can you know it or what it doesn't matter to me what I'm working ever will find you

could find me on twitter at easter cuckoo k. U k? U e s! T h e r k? U q! I paris, same name and age group, and oh, my god, banks and, and then I would ask all march, I'm gonna, be in casino in atlantic city, come out too. That is in the news. the area and my pocket call coup and the gang hooligan. Yes I see who are the gangs on itunes and stitcher. Do you try to bang out a lot of them when you come out to new york in l, a yeah yeah ethnic gloomier on last week. Are that that's going? Would you what are you talking about? We talked about his in going to jail. I'm serious. You know. I know I know but I do not even want to talk about it. I mean just a little bit. Oh I listen to this can be on going again and then korea, anko and a gang fuckin, perfect easter. I really preceding this now

well. Thank you so much. This has been a fucking blast yeah. This has been great and it's like we have the fucking laugh. If I could just thousands and twenty seconds. That would be the next fuckin. What your handicap here, your guy, so Everyone tune into her paw gas, the listener orgasm at the end debt of everyone. Do you do it yeah, I everywhere every we can add another one, so I'm until eight twenty right now to have twenty and twenty one yeah? Then next we now have twenty one than you know. I'm gonna go to like three hundred I'm subscribing right now, driving right fuckin. Now, oh my guide, jimmy camels, hosting the hermes, whom god wow

He knows my phone, you, I just as our chris rocket to store last nine practices, ask immaterial cause. It was a girl grey ass. I heard I heard some of it in like, unlike npr, is one of the things you talkin about and it was. It sounds fuckin to his easel legend, yeah he's the fuckin best I mean his hair was called because I saw him. He was is taking his time you now. He he didn't seem rise in. I wanna things its impressive about him that I think I'm downloading civil pike ass, subscribe rate review, guys that so important writer view. You eddie, I'm right my review right now I put my password and but do this right out. It do exactly what I'm doing going your phone go to the podcast app hit subscribe than go to that middle middle tat, hit review, and then

it five stars and then coup carollings coup in the gang and burnt cast. Thank you so much. I came here for the orgasms, but stuck around the conversation amazing Odd cast love esther coup oh my god, bird you the vast that's a guy's rate review and subscribe to it to esther curs due to mind, and it really makes a difference so. there we go. That's when you can see my review. You guys can comment on my review. Send my review. Is Posted all right, that's it guy, Esther! Thank you so much. Thank you so much whether your pink you by the way man I open for geological

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