Today on Open Tabs I go through my internet search history and talk about lucky eye lashes, Roseanne, Pusha T/Drake beef, weird songs, and much more!
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
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roseanne bar, I'm not fucking talking about that at all
There are only two ways to do it, you, their virtue signal salmon are racist, which
she'll be applied. Everybody or you do then
I'm gonna try avalon burt chrysler. This is my show open tabs if you haven't seen it. This is where I just go to all the tabs of open during the weekend. While I was on the road, I'm looking
this thing right here is my lucky eyelash my
Why would you want what is up with that? By the way I became a lucky eyelash. I've never heard of that before
lucky eyelash. What polyps
pictures. He could see them on bert.
sure, so it says
my last that's like three inches long and it hangs down.
So
if you listen the pod guest,
You probably know that I was lucky I lashed about two and a half inches
an eyelash. I get one
The first time ever got one.
Was twenty six years old and I was
lying out alone. I noticed it allows
like flicking it and also-
kind of crazy. I gotta pull that when I get to the hotel,
and I didn't go to those I didn't get important, though dollar forgot about land drunk locally.
Day.
And had a meeting at
I won't say NBC or abc
and there's an asian woman in there.
and someone saw my lucky bilaterally or what the hell is all in your eye-
and I said I was a long eyelashes. I gotta pull it
Asian one goes, never pull it now, it's it's superstition and age and cultures,
If you have long hair, you don't pull it. It's good luck! That's why sometimes you'll see like an asian lady with a long whisker on her chin or like or like an asian guy, with a long whisker coming out of his cheek or his forehead,
there's an asian woman. I know
scribd, who used have come out of her forehead and she never fucking touched it. It's a she understood it
This lady said, do not touch it, that's a lucky eyelash, don't ever pull
good luck will happen when that eyelash grows sought to succumb to fox with well.
smith by the worm with will smith and I was lucky eyelash boom
from that day on. I never,
It's not our less. That's the
first time. I've noticed that I was showing up and now it shows up probably once a year. I'd say
and I've had a bunch them. These are some images of my past. Lucky eyelashes or guy soldiers
This is one
Those down to my knows this.
one of the longer ones
here's another one
is a different one. I had you can tell by the aging in my eye, but they get
like tuna, have in half that one's really fuckin long? If you look at it
That was really long, because not really that noticeable in person and that every once in a while, like the light right, the right light will hit it and you'll be like what the fuck is that blue this one, this one that's good,
sure it's going up, that's a good day when the love ya less goes up. That's a good day.
Those dangling loques I just jumped in the pool and it's just a thin blonde. Hair
as I had wondering hotlines, someone pointed it out and was like oh my god, you're lucky I'll, ask during hot ones, really by the way I did hot ones, Scott,
three point: one million views, and so many people recognize me from my ones that was a very
key point, my life, that I did not ones
I had a lucky I'll for my special right. There, comfortably dumb the lucky eyelashes attached to that poster
because my buddy miles mostly pulled it out and I held onto it and I to its taped to that poster lucky eyes is on their poster. I used to
every seas,
production right.
our production for trips, lip or bertha conquer,
which was also distracting. Could you do interviews people and they would you
stare at the eyelash. I got one for my book release. I got one for my special there's one. You can see it in my special conference
the machine
obviously did really well for me and I
lucky. I last for my special
is coming out on. Netflix
this beginning a fall
philip eve, how a lot lately allotted lucky eyelashes. Lately I have why get up that I've been
faster and faster and its whenever I wonder for tax stress induced but like like when I start doing something good, my book,
any time some big happens. I grow in and I had one I mean like too
months before I started: shooting special lands like oh honey, you grow and elect
lucky eyelash and I won't
for stress induced. I wonder if it's like doesn't
and their little knowing?
because they get in your vision and you and you don't want to lose them, see very cognitive, not rubbing your eye,
and you're not drawing your eye, but
and by the way, the last one I had
say the last one I had was
borderline world's longest eyelash. It was like over
two and a half inches and what I did as I wet it, and I laid it down on my face and I measured it with a ruler and then
I looked at in the world's longest eyelashes from this guy gains will, I think, is like
who in three quarters inches was the worst
always eyelash. Four point
That's not like a bunch of know them.
say a lot ilo. It's an asian lady, oh shit,
count typing. Ok anyway,
anyway, I would lie measured. It knows like only I'm coming towards the world's record
I got it. What a little mention of my face- a measured it and then I went in- and I sat in my reply to this- is when the living room was set up differently than it is now. I guess
I sat in my recliner and I blinked going
almost be combed up.
And then I went back to the bathroom, is gone and taken it off
When I measure that I accidently pointed out as a yearly atop
one or a bottom on the same fucking eyelash. It's the exact same Alice every time. It's so weird. It's the exact same eyelash everytime, there's
meanwhile so much fatter. His cigarette
look at this again last, that's a good one
This? Is this one this
this one, the one I have right now by the way I have really long eyelashes. To begin with, I have
beautiful, eyelashes I've gone
Just I'm a man of many.
And attributes my perfect feet.
If you look at my feet, not what I'm in training or I'm running marathons, as I often do by the way I had a dream. I ran a half marathon yesterday in my dream. We hold on
I just told the on stream ship anyway,
Let's start opened and closing tabs
I'm not here to talk about roseanne
it's really hard is really hard for,
You know you see all these here.
Here's all say.
Departure. Jimmy kill seen in there,
so much virtue, signalling going on on the internet,
I have to say that
like racism
This should be understood,
when you say it all a graces and adjust freaks to me like your little racist, but you want
think of the guy. That said, dumber gay. What the fuck you mean, I'm gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay dude. I hate gays. I think you're gay, in my opinion,.
Adversely there's a lot of us. They grew up with the rose and went no that's insane for any millennial. Listening
but there's a lot of us that resembles a like
Our second mom like that was a great a sick. What maybe one of the basic arms of the eighties along the cause be show
it's just as complicated.
Why is the cause we chose the greatest show. You have no idea how great the cause we show is. I know
I can't say that anymore, because he's an animal
man. That was a great fucking show
cause. We show so good. You don't know how hard you got to laugh with your dad
Theo got his ear pierced and here,
leaning get that makes no sense to you
understand, there's a lot of good. Why is it that we,
Theo got his ear pierced and you can't even watch that clip without seeing a rapist and
malcolm and eddie,
The guy from malcolm and eddie, I know that doesn't make sense to anyone either. I feel like. I live in a fucking vacuum, where all my references don't make sense anymore. Roseanne was his
legit good person. I dont know I've never met her. I have about.
Your friends that are that are friends of her.
Every story. I've ever heard about her
didn't start with the inward and an end with the m word. It didn't
start with negativity
I don't know what happened I won't defend. Her all say is that I watched her on tv and I really used to like her show. So it's always really hard compartmentalize. These things. I said I wasn't
talk about roseanne
but they thing I going to do is shallot a fucking wanda. Do I love wanda sykes, one sykes all eyes, I remember wander is fuckin
across the board. Top dollar there's no
fucking question she quit roseanne. The second I was out there's one girl on the show on our name. I'm not making fun of her. Though,
such a weird tweet to read. She was like
appalled at roseanne tweet. I called to quit the show and I found out
was cancelled already, but I would have quit
began issues from shameless
Really she go, she's really employer would give her
she's, eighteen million. You know, and I guess she doesn't
virtue? Singling furs just tweeting like understand what they do. Yes, I mean
shouldn't you to say that excuse just actually said nothing about how many like so that we get that's that
is there a says, we're getting likes the recess, we're getting retweet theirs
swoop, you're putting on the back.
Ever live, you know so funny. I was not a big self promoter.
like I would this form of what I'm doing right now. I've actually thought,
actually thought about getting off?
You know rogan when times are dead, pirnie shop.
walks too much in a loving way. Who is just like when you talk too much, you talk too much and then you start saying shit that you haven't really thought out
are you just saying shit? I've even thought,
Get rid of this because, like I think, I'm talking too much
knowing about roseanne you don't I should do.
shut, the fuck up just sit back
watch news come in and watch
unfold like a prize fight and just sit.
Back in the bleachers. Have a beer have some popcorn, so
actual. Everyone should do
everyone's ringside just thrown in their fucking opinions. I used to
ridiculous when I go to a football game.
and people would yell out advice? Oh come on, why we were in the nickel nickel of guy. You shit on me
Do you know I'm talking about. I go bro
the stands with me. You know, asthma,
if not less than me you did you look like you, didn't play football growing up?
So how dare you critique
of a game going on that you're, not a part of you. Not you just have to do to spot the jersey,
That's my feeling. Everyone what's going on online, is everyone's drawn in Sweden,
get to gear event or talk in a second, because he said this today I was almost ass. Would Gary manner talk? I'm sessile, bulgaria vanderdykes? I wanted to shit on I'm not in a bad way like just like,
I'm I'm a little hesitant for fur
These motivational speakers that are all over online that you can see. I'm just like I'm like enough.
and it's only because I know a guy can see susan motivational speaker now. I know another guy who's.
Own, some colony clubs, and he was like brow.
The same way you can become a ventriloquist, you can become a motivational speaker
If there's a guys were like no I'll tell you the things to say, and then you can go on the road and you can do the you can do the open mics, which are basically seminars were like yeah, we'll get you up. It's like two grand
You can talk for like ten minutes get used to it.
It's it's it's a it's a scam, it's a fucking scam and how easy would it be for you to go up on stage and do that right now, if you had to,
preparing just getting up and
having a motivational speech to thousands of people.
Adversity is
I think, those without adversely dont know challenge they don't know, loss without loss
then you'll never gain. How can you gain if you'd never lost? You need to embrace lost? You need to embrace inversely. Those who wander are.
always lost.
Find your adversity, find your loss and drink it in.
granted by the ears and saying we're going to do
this together and if you
if not then you're, just some guy sitting in your mom's basement eating bon bons with the remote control like a side, armed quarterback talking about life, you're, not living your life, you need to live your life and if the loss of adversity come to, you then learn to welcome it and learn from that. I love lol.
I love adversity
That's so easy, so easy, google viral
and some are just like. Do I gotta learn to inspire yeah? It's me. That's all that anyone does really online
ridiculous, I'm going to college, but I dont know colleges doesn't really feel for me cause
knowledge.
Is the prom queen we're not all getting the prom queen. There are some people who yeah the prom queen for them. They end up. Marrying they end up having a great life. Kids are living in ohio. They got a mountain house where they're looking and seeing the sunrise over another ale every day, but we're not all getting the prom queen and sometimes you gotta find the free.
girl, the girl that hung out with the smokers in the stones and former with her, and she might be your prom queen. She doesn't look like the prom queen, but she might be your prom queen. That's why find you
College, find your prom queen fund.
the thing that you love and then everyday won't feel like work every day, you'll. Just
show up and be in love with what you do for college.
Dude. This is so easy. I can be motivational speaker in a fucking heartbeat, really gimme gimme, another life advice, I'll, give it or bang it out of the park. My wife is is having troubles she.
she's, not sure how to communicate with with her mother or my mother, she's she's, having trouble with the in laws, and I dont know how to help heard communicate with
my mom or her mom there's just the communications can't be spelled without the letter. You, you are the problem with communications so easy by the way. I'm just dealing a lot of Gary veterans upgrade out there, because that's all I've done is I've watched him. I got into these navy seals motivational speeches. Those are the only ones. I can really hang my hat on cause. I'm like they're, like they have really seen shit. I'm gary vaynerchuk by the way is like
hard core is one hundred and sixty million dollars. His dad he's from belarus, russia, belarus in russia, russia he's in russia, is born in russia. He's an immigrant, ok! Do when you're an emigrant, you get
set of life skills that no one else fucking gets you
see life always from a different perspective to perspectives? You see that your parents eyes, and you see it out of your friends eyes. So it's it's almost like,
almost like being blind and then learning how to see you get to hear things better and you see things, but I dont know this: I'm not an unknown. My I'm not an immigrant, but I always look like
every time I talk to anyone whose
a child of immigrants or
where did we get themselves
my my seeing the inward by seeing immigrant. Can you say immigrant me more than I am and note the traces by the way I like to apologize using the word immigrant and when
a person of of of other country,
When you arrive yo see, that's it
of color
there appeals
P, o country,
appeal country?
It's always think like I'm, I'm not envious and envious meeting like. I would never look at someone else's adversity, adversity without loss. We can
I never lose some someone else's adversity and and and long for it
do long for things that are not
are not original to me, like I remember seeing mean an indian guy in the front row in braille. One time- and I said you're, indian or native american, indian native american- and he was
yeah,
What kind and he's like one like navajo, I think like? What do you mean? You think he's a guy, I'm like
I mean porno alone. I think someone else I said
wait. How do you not know what you are and he was like? I dunno man like what are you as a woman
a little bit irish law by german. I think anyone sweet penguin
you're telling me you be more interested in yourself if you are native american than you are already in right now and I went over yet
so crazy? I guess you're just a person to be the same here, which is why I be the same volume dig it. I am now anyway,.
Well, how did we get on with this ran of fucking?
I said this is going to be a short one. I apologize
point is shot out to fuck. You want psych unwillingly
yet we're going, get really gets a caravan
shocking, a second listen to a little bit of speeches because they are motivational and he is worth one hundred and sixty million. This is what I'm going to say and he did take his dad's wine business in
In brooklyn are long island and
blew it up.
He does look at social media and I have
can a lot of his vice some from social media and by the way I love them among him. On podcast I would lie
to a coming on a diet, a hook in get them on my biogas
I want him to want to be my mother ass, you know!
when, when will you know- and you know how you bring people sometimes and they have been asked of l a podcast and I didn't even ask and someone else asked like and then all of a sudden they're here and they're, just like hm,
voter.
To wander for just quitting first
fucking bad ass bro by the way
don't think anyone or stanzas in hollywood roseanne could very easily been forgiven. Another doesn't make sense entirely now, knowing what happened but there,
is a chance to the amount of money she was making for that network which doesn't really have anything.
its network other than roseanne, but it may resent the biggest thing that ever came to television last ten years ago.
one in new. All that and just said, I'm done before anyone else.
It's very easy to send out a tweet and say I would have quit
If we had been cancelled, but just you know, I would have quit.
that's a very easy to put out the tweet
You know, there's no threat, one
walked away. That's fucking balls. Thank you
under my under saint. Thank you. It could just be
you're fucking bad ass, an example
for a special struck, an amazing pneumonia
from scott peterson.
I can understand. I can understand why you have to die but not kill.
through the horrible.
I think that I'll take that back lit up pretty soon. I was a crime that meant I meant.
never mind, never mind!
more about your feelings of wanting. You know, George soros. I google George soros because, because
fuck, you scar, peters, and you get me in trouble and you're in jail.
Still in jail and they're crazy, they were like walk round and skype years.
still in jail like
I? U sometimes, although Jared still in jail like it, it's not a good experience room. He had everything.
Some of those people to have everything that fuck it up,
he Petersen was. I am talking about a deceased person
I've always appear sums hot shit. I can
Erin. Their life seems so good. What's this was the story. I have heard it from skype peterson.
on our. Is Christ
you- don't know- I haven't- got petersen now. How are you twenty six?
how the fuck do you not know what happened with scott peterson
I know it looks right now like right now, like I don't know, and that's why I'm Google it. I just want to find out
he's my age.
I wanna see. When did he sent to jail
skype here, some day, lazy petersen, she was pregnant. Ok,
scott petersen was having an affair with this chick
and I guess he wanted to marry her and and.
So he
killed lazy petersen prayers. Pregnant wife took out a boat in the mill, the fuckin bay carbon,
The apart. The babies in marries, cutting or by your part, thrown overboard comes back and then is like
I don't know she went on a jog by the way. This is
part of that. This happened a lot at this time. Is it before
Anyone realise raving about a paper trail or social media or, like anything,
like that like how easy it was like cell phones contracts can phones, so they keep
to check here.
Called his girlfriend there's one thing I remember, I remember running a joke about it, but he called
girlfriend and the,
really was dating and was ike,
he was lasers, liars, a pathological liar at a sociopath at a narcissist, and he after you
killed lacy. He called his girlfriend said I'm in paris.
In paris, some of my cell phone them paris she's a year in paris
If a phones didn't work that way back, then you couldn't call
from overseas on yourself. It just didn't work. It was two thousand three use apprehended
two thousand three, but this is before I met liane. I'm guessing
but you just didn't know it was him and then all of a sudden he dyed his hair and tried to take off from mexico, and they caught him in
like. Well, I mean all of us. I think we're
like there's no way he did. It he's a good looking guy he's got his shit together. Clearly, someone murdered his wife and got rid of the body, and then it was
oh it unravelled and he clearly did it. It's the whole premise: the movie gone girl with benefit, but a black cats. Basically imagine if Scott petersen wasn't guilty technically that's the premise
of that discussion,
peterson is
thirty five years old. He is a
He is thirteen days older than me: wise, been Jeff for fifteen years,
Let's see what I would have missed had I've gotten in jail fifteen years
everything
a first. Why would not have daughters? I would be a single forty, five, you, oh my god,
his daughter, which it would be
His daughter think son.
Oh son, this right corner god, man. How do I know how I know that so much he's just before you could get in trouble, Jim
used to make jokes about Conor Petersen nonstop,
no, never
seems crazy. I can say
I kept my therapist today is just a joke. Is just a joke like not about the roseanne stuff, but about it
great thing about, like a member,
this guy kirk noland, who did
who is to do midget com
Does that was by the
understand that what I just said is the inward for little people, but that was what,
he called a nano- I'm not calling out perky with a great guy he's a very
funny comic but is closed.
Bit was midget calls you bring a landline onstage like a fucking telephone, like
clean, your telephone, onstage and hope,
up to the speakers and then you go hey gimme your gimme, your cellphone
gimme gimme, a home phone. Who is this before cell phones? I want to say, like they were there around, but they weren't, as popular cell phones, showed up technically meaningful
Everybody in
nineteen. Ninety seven. Ninety! Ninety seven! Ninety eight! That's when everyone started getting cell phones, that's what it was like made sense. You don't have a cell phone. That's when you started saying hearing you, don't have a cell phone, no one like ninety two, ninety three, that's
you could get a cell phone, but in ninety seven, as when everyone Adam and earn
york, I should say rather and
but we will be on the road and I worked with Kirk. I think twice and
is the closing that was midget calls. This is I mean this blew my mind, cause I've thought about this today and I was like I was like he
make a phone call you'd give a phone number and he'd make the phone colony be like, and I had this vote
thing that changes boys. His voice about
magic, and they
her magic, my made it or whatever, and
it would kill, it would murderer in the room and I'm
but this one time his lady was complaining that was offensive by way. This is
this woman was woke way before anyone was woke were at last, some limited she's complain.
its offensive and leslie. The manager who was good for
all of us like
one of those comical managers were you we, everyone, party and owning a thing,
partied really, but he like he drank a little bit. Maybe, but she was
as he's like it's. A fucking joke, learn how to take up
fucking joke lady and the ladies, like my sons, a little person and I find
it offensive
he doesn't sound like that, and he doesn't
like go around one. I imagine
I'm going with you
I remember being they're gone.
It's not a joke to her, like that. It is a joke to everyone who is uneasy. I'm a little person
it's not a doktor, so that I saw I found kirk's fuckin fuckin.
Are today. I am I just out of nowhere. I've had this card since two thousand and three probably when
that's what I knew Kirk was in two thousand and three
That's why I had scarp eaters and jobs, so is going up to sacramento through modesto worker were scott peters and liberalising peers, and an eye
see.
And there is another. I worked with named Jim brewer now,
Jim brewer, you know, but his name was Jim brewer b
p, w e R. There were really great guys. Who was a really?
One time in my life,
not you not in any way.
We are on this forget over everything being a joke.
yeah everything was a joke and our remember going like. Maybe it isn't, and so then then,
then I obsessed with the concept of like ok, what's
through the thought, a statement and a joke
to think what resigned and was made a statement should mainly we make a joke per se. She made a statement, but she had framed it as a joke. More
they. You hear the sellers coming out today where she was like. I was on ambient air.
but you're allowed to say that, because you I've I've devil by the way out.
I guess it doesn't really exonerate you, but like I've got into a fucking,
twitter five, someone cause I was drunk because I was drunk and miss, read it again
confident and let them up.
That's really me doing. I'm still doing it
Amy entire woods used to choke projects on ambient. Allegedly
let's just allegedly that there's a lot of allegedly. I told us today that as a morgan freeman, that's actually grandchild. Allegedly, I don't know what he did.
Now. He will. I looked some of this up ass. It was alleged that he had sex with his
step grand daughter,
that's fine, wired
You know that. How does it step granddaughter? I try to try to stay away from any child
right fuckin did you hear push? It is destroyed,
There was a cool song. Awesome yeah
let's see if we can hear a little bit of it if you haven't we'll get. I know we're not going to get advertising on this now, but that's completely fine. I don't really give a
Talk about the advertising, I just care that you're interested in
a good time time. Yeah don't get get advertising on most of these very but delicate. What it is.
A drink terms. I would you stop push? Would you like I'm good? No,
in a way that a bloody situated at the misses the bracket cobb bigger questions. Now
breakfast club, the greatest fucking show on the planet, the breakfast
charlemagne, the god
number. One.
Behind the other guy was headed goes guy's did
and dj desire to be. I keep fuckin his name up. Why?
Madam president, I believe that the mere deafening fill the bigger question then the thing
I brought up and I mean that he hadn't and then I mean I really feel like. They need to be answered that that's real, so you know we we talked about that. We talked about the writing or whatever the fighting allegations are. Apparently
Doesn't writers on songs guy goes writers for stuff, that's kind of fucked up its
for its more fucked up in comedy. I may get it,
Actually, I can't supporting comedy, you know who you are and I should know you are, and I support it. I just those points.
I'm saying you're busy. You want to movies, I get it
the nadu comedy. How about that just do comedy. Just don't,
about put a button in it, but opinions
go to a movie come back then do some comedy when it comes to write your own joe she's, a businesswoman, the fuckin world when it shuts when you come- and she is,
can producing tv shows, show running tv shows, creating tv shows, making movies, directing movies, writing movies. Enduing stand up and by the way, once
he's doing all this ship? She just
What's your stand up on Assad and will do guess, that's everytime she wants to like if she's got a little time, but she does it, she doesn't
I try to fucking multitask in a way that is unmanageable, so that now she's putting out products that aren't hers. That's what
that's. The kind of mobile I'd want to be like whitney. We now you get tonight. You know
The the the the baby meeting of the of the black racer like black lady, do we, I mean okay, I don't I'm not originally.
you normally ready to you. You know you
but look a millionaire talk to me in in, and you talk and a baby magnet with all of that right. The paucity I don't even know who he is really.
I don't know. Pusher two years is I've? Never listened to him ever in my life, but I'm gonna start the two
the distract
I can inform the district anymore, apparently push a tee. The cover
Just track is drake in black face have a tacit view.
does drake in black face. We see if I can find it drake in black nope.
I guess- traders not draken black face. I don't know
it's good distract, I wish I could find
my play, it lucy votes on youtube!
push tee,
What's it called to the tardy dust to the to to to to to to to push a t
Oh here goes: yeah, that's plague interacts with blood. That's gotta be drake right, the store
of added on work
old star
this is the song of getting a little bit. Looks I drink
easy money
samantha me a surgical son who liked outline a surgical. Some
jump the tops of the corpse ok, but that is the most like affected,
way to get it just by a convertible? Don't
not by a coop and then chop the top off of it. I saw that in jackass it doesn't work the way you think it's going to work
Oh wow, multi lingual. I already like pushy spiders, the spider joined by drugs, really afraid spiders. You should know that
making a lot of this up. Okay, I'm just trying to. I had patrice do this one time for me with Jay Z, he explained the lyrics, so I'm gonna man's I'm going to I'm going to white
explain the lyrics of this of this
this? Isn't racist, Eminem, gonna, Eminem, white splain? The lyrics of this distract brought. My white people
black, explain it, but your white, so you're gonna white splain,
I'm white swans widespread, but I'm, but I'm in the black culture. So I know better. So if your white watching this, let me black splain this! Do you? Let me
displaying this to you, I'm gonna displaying that's that's all. It is not wise plain and I'm not blacks, plannin on display in, like I know what this is about, saw break it.
on four yokul
of these names urges all. The snakes are common, adam
the final draft national j c right here, jaycees track my surprise, even though you just saw stadiums people remaining last week or so
baby must be a part of drinks.
empire baby from cash money and so the
the millions that also
up when babies involve cause baby is a ruthless gangster. Put some respect on it. Put some
spect on it.
a bird manner baby
It's sixteen and live music for the past few years been angry and full of lies. The online wednesday of the gram, the jewish wedding ring like it's a bad thing. Your father walked away at five hell of a day the caravan fucking
dis to almost certain pusha t by in grub with his dad, I'm guessing
If he's wrapper, has not a bit
wrapper thing is I didn't rub out my dad was awesome. Catches
I don't mean to write a bite to eat all every year than hip. Hop soap.
stolen glasses in iraq house Iraq's in a glass house,
rocks and the glass house.
drake how'd. You will win over seeking common rail sea hobbes me by the way, not cool either. I think that the sea barbie suit was bad ass on when I was younger, so
You were afraid rolling stock
drake socket so
drake, you just got fucking,
oh god, where they go. Drake come back from that drake,
his main draw say: fiance, let them know a poor
star, drake,
a porn star pregnant, get ready for this. Slam track the cleaner instagram, but the stitches honour she
smells like
it is deeply. We tell me, keep things hiding them. Why did we complete patrol? I guess
I'm assuming his porn star
girlfriend is mexican or power.
makin and
I won't let drake has no relation with the sun. So
playing border patrol. What a great
what in rhyme bush? Indeed,
he deserves. Peters impress ruddiness real beyond our space, girlfriend gypsies porn star me he'll world as a whole
by the way. This is so fucking real
what I love about this rap, as is so like it's like
it just so off this publicity, I'm fuckin by all his albums,
versus unselfish. The kurds is no earlier
Drake had said that push a T. Look,
up to someone younger than him that dossier is younger than pusher tee. I think, and then I think
and these like how you gonna have your
king pin your boss, your guy, be younger than you look up to a younger man.
Me vs rehearses. If we all go to hell, it'll be worth it the same, the only ones I actually saw the ghosts still giving up seeing a biggie and tupac two ghosts:
the visual forty hunched over, like ok, that's not cool! I'm, a big e forty fan euphoria,
multiple sclerosis, but that
he's like heist over like he's eighty forty hunched over like he's eighty eight forty.
Multiple sclerosis, I'm a huge forty van cannibal fucked up slam by
This is the rap game. They also should each other in the chest. So if you
as far as like rap game rules, go I'm on one side slide
how much time he got them in sixty six. The day, you don't really want a word on the line. That was a fucking really good, distract
I was really a distraction. I apologize. I chopped it up. Oh Johnny,
speaking to distracts doing here how you, in here little audio of the its identity.
Besides these called your mom's house, pod guest episode,
for fifty would doktor droop and
Tom said gerda and his wife, Christina p? Their talk
about eating asses and doktor drew act.
nellie calls Tom bert effected by bull. Could starfleet
it's a good book, your diet, you might be sort of quieting things down a little bit, but if you're dallas stirred the rack bulk in your applications, fiber farmer, yeah yeah citrus scent of that abuse or sufficiently sure that all you have to. I don't have deal now with all that in your in your abdomen. Don't you have to keep things going to I eat so many vegetables. In my diet, I tell him
bring lady. I take amazing ducks. How is it is time for me? You have to her ass bird before you. It's yours knew that, due to the earth to eat her ass bert before she easier is too slow.
So when you gave way, sometimes your your ear canals close up,
tommy didn't hear it a love it thank you for whom
sent out to me, fuck, yeah.
Stay late, triathlon, that's a triumphant I'll, be doing drake prayed black
is the used by Pusha to promote new track that is fucked up,
Being that he's have tuition, learning sure is allowed to go for
like face- oh my god, can I introduce you to my new obsession please by the way we are not getting
but we are not getting add service on this. At all add revenues at all, but
my daughter is.
Fucking, lightning rod for the most quirky
stuck in your head. Bullshit you'll ever hear all fucking day long, wherein lay
mammoth with all our friends, and I was singing this song nonce
and I also sing and then finally, she plays it. For me, you ready
I'm not gonna, let all part mother the front
and the back end, which now is
I obsession,
I was walking through the forest of december. When I saw a troll said I want to thank you and the baby and she's all sweet sender like a tiny baby can get some, but my daddy in the all bulging weekend, eyelids my wardrobe or my body rolls watch opera. My body rolled high gigs high gigs business, how you do it stuck in my head all day and a bug in isla finally plays for me and this woman you got to see her. He is awesome. He is
track suit. That is as a little similar to it. She's gonna,
well around her waist and you see body rolls on top of the bell and she just dances. She has fought
hilarious areas does, and I know, she's a wrapper but she's a robber. The way awkward venus wrapper like they do Joe grabs, you know, but they still have skill they sell
skill, but their due davy Joe grabs
make me where I come from random finder form and make them more. Please really, because my body tat power by sickles bags sighted than the rest of europe, s law woman's all really good, and this is why we do twice. He play some word headed off. I'd org you right now that what what I want! I want I point to you in the camera,
I dont you right now
this might be the best rap
of the year,
better than what we just listen from D
cause. It didn't hurt you once feelings and amazing
happy, when I point,
Do you get ready for it by the way? I will be stealing this and using it in an instagram,
a promo at some point this year. I promise you born. I was all wearing side. I just do not want to say one day. This is how we do shout.
Two leslie hall
that's leslie hall, the did that was on.
Uncle. It's called.
Tight pants body rules by the way, if your dad just
can you guide the kids in the car get this song
we, like you, drive and somewhere and go
hey guys, want to hear the new album is like the hot thing on and just play it and just play it in earnest and what my wife, I did it to my wife. While I was like oh this island, I have a new favorite song and my wife's like what the fuck is this by the way followed by you ready for this hold on hold on,
where it wait? I find this is even fuckin, worse
I told you about this. The other day, stuck in my fucking head,
bree ready for then let me get it out of your head and put this one in your head, because this is islas other favorite song, you ready for this.
I was other recession. Disparity of those who talk about day right here is nobody noticed at why my smiled endless rocking saw no idea free carrying me by the way. My daughter's theory is that he's gay and then he's in love with his buddy. I think this is a play and if it is we're going to see
rather than stand extra myself when I was body not the bathroom
and how long it's been, I'm just like the Michael in the bathroom at a party who cares man, I'm waiting till this time to leave and picking around, as I softly grave, the that's absurd
these are objective. There will be studied, let that lyric pass you he's taking
at grout in the bath
and when a party- and I was obsessed with that line too, because
such an like
secret time I've.
In in a bathroom at a party by myself I told you this, the other one I have like four or five different times robin
The parties have been too embarrassed to come out. I've been in a bathroom ten years old.
We go to
final day say: closing ceremonies amount of my mustang yankees team
the swore is
tell my parents will just take part.
With us and then are you ok
and so I know we have that. I know we have closing ceremonies. I know we have a pool party at this bar, as is after
so am I had I thought, cool isis.
This is where my speedo. Under my my
uniform and then, when I get to the the tear of my uniform, I go swimming. It must be the guy by the way, I'm ten then ask
yeah, how old ten years old. This is
day, I realized now,
everywhere. Speed
hey, I bowed down there
sometimes only weirdos where's peter,
this is a day. I got speedo shamed
So we are closing, may ceremonies and the whole team. I'm super excited about this party.
That we're going
it's a whole team party at a really fun team,
I loves when party somebody's are the best for me. I love
good, seizing audits, when party organised
up, I'm gonna pick up propane on the way back,
to this war, as I remember this so day, so vividly full yankee.
Uniform go out with,
except the wards. We had done
coach comes up to me, says any. Your uniform, like her usual
uniform, your pants and your your shirt. We need to turn back in
I don't have any clothes and he was remain on a close,
so I have as my speedo and he was one and then you wear speedo, ok,
so I take off my shirt, I'm the mill, the field. I take off my shirt and my pants.
The mind you I have knee high socks with stirrups I have cleats on. I have a baseball glove at a at the edge of the speedo
and at first I was like everyone's by words below them. Their blood
and I'm sitting there going I'm the only one in his veto, like a guy who looked like a young male stripper in training like did anyone order a center fielder,
so I'm hanging out and I'm feeling cold like I'm, just like brisk like I'm like my nipples, are hard and I'm like it's a little cold out and like everyone's looking at the one guy in in a sneeze
rise. Stirrups socks pleads a glow.
a baseball and
You know just I look out. I look out of place.
Everywhere, walking kids are looking at me importing and laughing, and I was Michael in the bathroom. I will
I went to the bathroom, forced hills and I sat on the toilet. Just waiting just
hiding and waving, because christmas
whereas maybe all start team and they play.
in all star game against the number one team in the league that year and I had to wait for that whole,
They played a whole fucking game
played seven innings, I say
in the bathroom for seven innings, just sit
they're. My gloves just going hurried, fuck up so
embarrassed. So
humiliated and, like you know,
I'd go to the bathroom and I'd wait and I'm like the game's gotta be over and I walk out and they'd be like inning, two and I'd be like mother
fucker and then the like aeroplanes,
what's up over here, speedo you want to get over here and I'm like nah, I'm going back to the bathroom, and I just sat on that toilet sat on that toilet, probably alone
we'll have to get hemorrhoids and then I got out. And finally, I didn't get hemorrhoids as a joke, and then I got out find the game's over chris waters comes over and he's like why
speed? Oh there's, a girl
talk about later, get the car and ominous speedo in the car. Ominous speedo in me
sucks in a car is just such a weird fuckin. Look when everyone else's wearing clothes in europe only in its veto and we stop you
propane those I get the fuck her
but the goddamn propane got home
Walked into my mom, my mom, I love my mounted at my mom's awesome. She's odin saw oblivious to end
trauma and my life, meaning like
mom just was like was like
how was closing ceremonies, I'm like I'm wearing a speedo knee high socks, stirrups cleats on a glove and a hat. Can you be like what the fuck you wearing? Why wouldn't you just notice like what the fuck?
I never tell you about the time I shit all over myself at tennis camp. I show myself I'm playing a kid and play the kid that looks like aziz Ansari by the way Aziz Ansari. Now he looks like Aziz. Ansari now goes about that big mess. Then I was probably ten years old right and playing get ready to play him in a tournament and and before he shows up, I think either they shit
as you go, take a shit and, as I go to go, take a shit which is over the men's locker room, which is a little bit away from the tennis courts. This sounds like a white privilege. Fucking after school special, the Aziz Ansari comes up analyses on sorry, but the one that looks like him comes up and he's like. Who are you ready to play, and I was like: oh I'll, take a shit after the game, so
are playing about.
three matches in it's a pretty evenly mass game like we're back and forth. I really
If I'm going to shit now like, I have to shit right now and I decide to start throwing the match, I'm like I'm gonna throw the match because I gotta get
the fuck outta here I can't go, I'm like I go to the bathroom and he was the closest finish a match. I'm like okay, and so I just throw
the fuckin match. I run to the men's locker room and as
open the door to the men's room. I can feel it coming up, I'm holding it in my ass cheeks like holding it
I sit down, ones will pull my pants down and as I
pull my pants down. It's like normandy, as,
door starts dropping. The troops are already fallen out, a shit all in my underwear. I shit all over my pants. I shit on the back of my shirt. Like I said
it's down in my shirt tail. The end of my shirt sits in the shit that I've placed all over the toilet. I sit in the shadows, shit of my socks. I shit. I sit on the shit, so it's all over my legs, I'm gagging! I don't know what the fuck to do. I am sitting in like hot
moulting shit like a very, very like newgate consistency of shit,
Oh, my god. My pants regard my socks around my shirts gone. All that doesn't have shit on it is my stance: miss swann, like ok tongue,
eerie groupie man. What are we gonna? Do?
get out of my clothes. I go into the shower. I rinse off I rinsed my close up, but their shit their shit. All
intel, they're soaking wet their shit and I'm like fuck it I'll look in the men's, locker room and I start opening things, and I find a shirt and a pair of pants.
grown men, shirt, grow,
pan right. So I take an a parachute
I take issue lies Adam issues. Guy,
I throw my clothes away by the way. I don't even clean up the shit in the stall. I don't even clean the shit up in the store I take. I take the grown man's pants, no underwear, I tie
new shoelaces round my waist and tie them on. I take the shirt grow measure and I put it on.
No socks.
stands miss, throw my close out
leave the men's locker room and as I'm leaving the women's locker room, I hear a guy walk in and go mother fucker like looks at my my store
like who the fuck should all over everything I go back
I finished the game I go. I am I'm finished game I lose. I just lose, I'm like get me the fuck outta here, I'm waiting for my mom to pick me up, I'm in another man's clothes, I'm terrified the die is going to come out and his underwear gone, who took my fucking clothes and see a fucking ten year old in size. Thirty six pants going,
although I agree with our way I my mom pulls up in her station wagon. My mom is to do this thing or she'd she'd. I would sooner do in a while but sheet,
with the hair on her knuckles on her lips,
She got like this
so I I my mom pulls up and I come out. My mom's got her hand like this, and she just looks at me. Real Kennedy goes. How was your day- and I wanted to go
I'm in fucking grown minsk either. I have sexually assaulted by an adult
fucking something bad happened.
and my mom says how was your day nose like I shut myself she's like oh, how
I was been bad knows. I know my mom indifferent clothes like I'm no socks on most, I shouldn't my socks, no interesting.
your sisters at ballet, we're gonna swing by ballet, wrote my mom a lover to death, but just was never dialed entities and by the way
my mom, I'm sure, like honey, you had traumas every day in your brain, just Michael in the bathroom at a party is just bird
De in the bathroom birdie in the bathroom in a speedo stir up tall socks and
his ball hat of by way
Well, it's my publicist. I guess these are growing up
The screen, my emails from my publicist,
Put our views root cause
of school shooting, says tenancy lawmaker wheel,
should also
never speak again port
these are the cause of school shootings. Yeah, let's see here. What's the common theme in all these school shooting their boys and they all by jag off had a white boys must must be porn. What
Let's end this, how long have we been gone? We going for an hour right. Let's end this with a gary vaynerchuk speech, because
I am a joke around about motivational speaking, but gary Becker, especially especially your online you're. Looking to do stuff online he's the longer you foot should listen to this affords.
you mean a speech wall built into that. Here's is wikipedia page
team in a speech will be less than that.
Let's listen to the beginning of this greatest speech ever by gary vaynerchuk. Let's see, let's see if we can find Gary v and just find like a a great short one. I figured his instagrammers like minute: oh yeah. What am I fucking doing
best of Gary Vana chuck. Fourteen thousand on stop crying and just keep partially
How is the most important work?
and that's what you need to do. You need to work so hard guys working,
businesses. Here this is
the party Gary the
there's a young, very, very chuck, but he's got a gun.
The forearm wristband band, like he's, got a little hip hop to like it. I like it
We grub in new york right, but is on its knees right now to learn from this.
parties, we're building
businesses, I used to work,
literally muslim.
Do. As I say, we shall listen that we should listen to that. I like this
This wasn't about right.
possibly
how is the most important work amber.
and that's what you need to do. You need to work so hard guys working
businesses here. This is
parties we're
businesses. I
I work in the liquor store from seven in the morning to ten at night, for seven straight years and the only days off, I took her to watch the new york jets and you know what that did. It made me throw up on myself, so that was a vacation, a great public speaker.
It's two job job thing right. Ninety five! I don't have time if you want this, if you're miserable or if you don't like it or you want to do something else, and you have a passion somewhere else- work nine to five
couple hours with the seventy two in the morning is plenty of time to do damage.
So we re now. What he's talking about is right.
brilliant time. Management is the number one thing that can
get you to the next level of where you want to be, and I always it is from lands perspective. Land broke her days up into eight hour chunks
yeah this is jumped by the you know are better than I do. Will she say eight hour chunk at eight hours for sleep, sleep, eight hours for work and eight hours for what.
We want an eight year and so.
She started looking at things in her life that made her angry
None of this just goes into the eight hour chunk of work and work for
was like the girls in this not shed and eight hours for herself
time management is the number one,
if you say you're home enough time?
then you don't have enough brains to have enough time really be a fuckin motivational speaker, you started
you're equity, you're brandon, whatever you're trying to accomplish after hours you everybody has time, stop watching fucking lost how long you been doing this
stop watching lost.
Gary very toxic photo inspiration.
The sea best advice for young people, you'll ever hear a horse. This is they're all fucking, long, let's go to his instagram and get one will end on that. If you want to learn more about time, management go to wife of the party episode fourteen entitled time management. Instagram
Gary v instagram, let's see if this
I just liked I just like the way he talks. Sometimes
ali versus speed here we go,
about time management
How can that my six hours sleep eighteen hours, eighteen goddamn hours? I want to know what you're doing with your eighteen hours, you're dying, deprive and at night, and you can travel for an hour here near respect solid. Can you spare cost because two hours with your kids with those are the five hours watching
it's scary. I only spent eleven hours and don't complain or one more thing. That's the same speech we just listened to from last year turned into the alpha guards, stop watching house of cards and excellent.
is watching. Handmaid's tale is sherry, Kerry, very truck, hey man! What he's got against tv is that a big fan of fucking programming
this is a lesson on this one. This is a good one
gave me slams of volume, patriots, van okay. This is good.
And while I am on this, one and unassailable outgrow is paralysed.
or the day
Cares not playing
it you near portland.
Is Josh. What are you asking I'll give you the answer, you're trying to build your personal brand. I love the movie.
he's saying: I'm a die hard patriots fan. He met him in an airport. They took a picture. He goes what's your question: he was I'm a die hard patriots fan. If
If they go, the superbowl we or the superbowl with me on me
there are says: no, I'm not watched the patriots played down.
a civil gain in the last war signals they played, because I refuse everybody's the greatest come back in a civil, I'm good. I have no idea what the fuck you guys are talking. I, like many of you, are winners and I'm a winner. You for winners, dish, very views, fucking bad ass by way
I want to know my PA justice. We have fixed my brand,
double down. Doubt triple downy said right now: if you do some good triple down on it, that
we added this podcast as gary these advice triple down on it. If you do in some good triple down on it, I get offers new tv shows. I do I do not do. Let me know why narrowly pan out for me triple down.
you know what works for me. My podcast stand up. That's it triple down
as gary these advice.
check them out man, let's see if I can get them on the podcast. We want them on the podcast, but we want him to want to be on the podcast. I'm going to work out,
Travel on transport can stay at lake.
I think I'm saying a right august, knife
august eleventh, maybe
attribute the triathlon I'm getting to training right now.
I am also doing those fastings, the sixteen our fastings shore made of
Can I go eat right now. You guys have
fantastic week. We are
podcast coming up what comes next, I don't know it's a david techno bernard shaw, lotta people asking for
sharp brinish ob next week, right, Bernie sob next week. Guy
I love. You have a great. We take care of yourself, be healthy. You boys, on the wagon I'll, see you this weekend in San francisco. Clusterfuck cluster professed cluster vets,
sunday, I'm doing us, Joe I'm no
pod, gas and I'm doing a radio show I'll see, was empty school class professed. I love you
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Transcript generated on 2023-07-13.