Where can we can welcome the arm chair expert on dan shepherd, I'm joined by lily patman good afternoon, sir? How are really good me too, This is a very rare occurrence, we're both doing the intro and the fact check in the same for our chunk that we did the interview. Yes, yes, I'm right and fuckin high offer this won't. Let us special energy, oh my cod, everyone should watch his dark american symphony alma I feel like, if you're unfamiliar with John at all watch the doc, then listen to this interview cause you can't imagine how special and creative this human being is that lives on planet earth with us, John, but teased. Oh, my freaking, god just to set the stage here. Nominated and twenty twenty four have been grammy's. He won.

If you won album of the year that same year, he won an academy award, a bafta, a grammy and a golden globe. Weight is here I was looking at that was going to be one of my question. He needs an emmy and a tony. I will get him there he's fucking your age for crisis bastard. I hate that that was the only bad. The only bad thing about John. Is that he's young. I think it's okay cause he's not human. That's true yeah on his plan, a more he's from he. Seventy yeah, that's comforting, while he is a grammy award, winning musician and television personality has also done so much. I can, when you talk about that, but using three seasons of trimming and he's been in two spike lee movies, the body of creativity so dense, and we took a law We then we will get to it. We went way over fund find the scenes, he had a heart out at twelve thirty any left it three. Do there

wait, one thirty, but still in our uzis uzis. His albums are world music radio. That's his new album! That's out right! Now! It's incredible! You know some of the songs on it and it's just a beautifully done. Album we are is the one that got all the nominations: hollywood africans christmas with jean baptiste social music and this documentary that we are so high and its on netflix. It's called american symphony and it's a really gets. You to fall in touching heartbreaking documentary profound, please enjoy John Battisti,

he's depression was impressed me he's only six months or a liar. You know ass. I now is a reason. Why doesn't depress me is because you're not from this world Human yes says: you're cool ensemble. Tell me if you are my guy that that so flattering I do want to say. I know you probably already decided outside in its were done in your probably so sick of hearing it by now, but we ve had a ton of awesome people on this attic, but I don't think we ve had a level of

genius like we have today, you gotta, save it to the end. I had to say it now, because it's so true. This is amazing to see what it looks like here. Wait John, the show before. Yes, my wife introduce ok, listen to David, sir Darras sure, he's a she's, a huge fan and got me converted to be a fan of David via this show son, I yeah? He too is from another galaxy. I think the store, retelling. This man is able to pool our yes, releasing gets away. Well, I m o my right. It knocks me out, and I can't believe that he's seeing things so differently than everyone else, yes, in reality the same situation there, everybody will be the same roman seeing, but he seeing it from another lens and then we're communicate that. Thank you for that

I am so delighted he is maybe our most frequent guests we've had him like four times or something I took him for his first motorcycle ride up front he's a very special person we have. Oh, my gosh and the way that y'all have a report makes sense is four times yeah I got a vive yeah yeah, oh my god. I love the fine, can't believe that you have created this and have the vision to make space for this and share it with us. as in the organic way that you have come together and to see that to understand that vibrational frequency existed between you and you can connect those dots in the world to create a space for them is an manifested and share it

community around it huge huge van and also desert dna of the way you have conversations it's kind of late therapy, its accessible people, connect to the heart and journey and it's not promotional this organic. Thank you not many places just when you on Oppress John. What are you doin stuff like that way? You can actually talk in year be for real and breathe come all right. Yeah listen, I'm gonna make some are so beautiful. Did you notice that the two of you I want you guys to stand next to each other and just smile yeah, you've got it. You've got, don't deny it monica thank the stars

for mine! I'm going to make some. Let's do it! Let your bathroom t and look at the hue of the brown skin is this carmel less cause the skin can be? Isn't it come on? Oh, let it shine mighty, but power. Oh wow, she's, mighty, powerful way home alone, mighty and powerful you're not married. Do you want to give mere yeah? I think so? Wow okay, I noticed not supposed to be on the driveway yeah. I say. Oh, my god is that all right man own it. You know we got a lot of stuff. We don't own about ourselves. We mentioned seconds, and now he and I are already coordinated in the same exact agenda for you. I know you guys find your husband, I'm happy to have. You here,

Once in a lifetime entity, I mean you're so special in so many ways. So what guy will hit the lottery? That's the question: why do you feel, like you haven't met that person will have so many already issues exactly brown kid, george new orleans and pretty early on that had some experiences that told me that I was not attract as you are worthy in so many can, I say, even worse or as a boy that like turned she liked, the boy in the friends were setting them up. Writing they. So why don't you ask monica? And he said I can't her parents work at dairy we, which is like an indian stereotype- they didn't they didn't. He ones and engineer was a computer program are but out he's out I'm afraid to talk with someone s. Parents work a dairy queen. Ok, thank you, so she learned really quickly. My ethnicities, gonna stand in the way of anyone can prevent anyone from loving me. Even if they do love me

and now how do we protect myself from that, while not gonna like anyone anymore, because I don't want old myself up to the or like people who definitely can't or won't love me back prelate, more tat like very unavailable or the cat then dunno the football team, Matt Damon, Matt Damon, the stratosphere ryan obtainable is like these extremes and a cry. A scenario where is hard to find that actual compliment exam guy we're getting there. Now why I'm trying I've been going on some days? I have really been forcing myself to do it and there is a person and prior to cut this chemical pilot. And let him have it I'm in this space. Let's be honest, yeah right, let's just lay it all out open the kimono, yeah he's so nice and he really likes me, and so I am trying hard to not let that be a problem, because when boys

you like her if fucks with the whole messing up all the programming, because for me, people like me something's wrong with them yeah, it's really an interesting thing. You say we have so many brilliant women in our lives who have found that person yeah and often times they say the same thing. If someone loves them and really just giving them the world, it's difficult, it's almost like a concession. Yes, please! I know this is supposed to be the other way, but please please just tell me about that, because these brilliant women, beautiful in our lives, and they're just not able to find that there is a few options under that umbrella. One is like they don't see it. I've witnessed that a bunch of times where, like someone's, clearly hitting our monica, we walk away. I'm like that. He was in love, as you say, you're fucking, stupid. So there's that version then

is the one she just said, which is of this person likes me. There's something wrong with them, because I'm unworthy of loving there's some broken in them, a thorough attracted to me, which is the most heartbreaking of all these s rough. But we all I have a different side of that same die right. So another version of the unworthiness for mine is like well. I gotta show I put on and I definitely think it works you're going to fall in love with me. I have the opposite things like you're, going to fall in love, but we all know this is smoke and mirrors and when it clears- and you find out who I am we're fucked, but it's The scene die of unworthiness, not worth loving right can do you feel that that's in extroverts game, where you creating this show or is it because you and ensure vert an you, don't feel comfortable sharing up front in that way, so you ve created this character. To get permission, I created a character at malevolent that worked, so I stuck with it, which was like on punk rock. I don't give a fuck

girls were like this guy's confident I wasn't, but it worked and am I owe this works, I'm gonna keep at this who know but the eleven year old, as he so far gone. I dont know what that little boy. When I look at my fifth grade pit, there's a sweet little boy like lincoln and that photo and then six reads like let's go see exploited in wild? And then that's been me now for so long, but we definitely need you Did you jive with women early always been able to chat with gales and get on with them with amazing. Is I've always had close platonic friends? Will women from I remember an elementary school, and I always head male friends as well, but I always have at least one close woman friend, who was probably the only person I have certain conversations with. It was like a way for me to also understand the world from another perspective with the guys we want go in there. He hasn't ass eating was a refugees from

his humanity and maleness. It's so funny. You phrase it like to have thinking about that recently and have only just started to be able to articulate that yeah cause you're, not safe when you're a boy, you say, I'm scared. This person, his me or I'm nervous about this. All that stuff. You can't do it. You can't touch. now, if you dare persona non grata ray, you know, I was kid who really. I didn't talk until I about ten, a very quiet, very observant, of all the folder me big family come from a very, very colorful city, new orleans. Then a jazz dynasty, it's amazing, it's also scary. Could everyone is really put in himself on aids, they know themselves, yoda youngest, you dont know, yet you don't files and sisters. Yes, I am the youngest of thirty cousin, slow, alma, siblings. All my uncle

the arts at eight years old, in a band with your brother. Yes, it was great, don't get me wrong, just was not the expression and I thought would become my primary mode as a career path. I never thought I would be a musician until our well into my teens, almost twenty. even though you are so firmly on the path to become one. You still that night fi with that really quick. Do you think it's because there wasn't enough avail or air in the room where you grew up. You know this deep man, I thought about that, and it was it so much that it was more that thing that we were talking about modoc as far as seeing yourself and if someone it on you. You don't see the situation here in. We don't see who we are oh, where we are in time and time is movie, there's a real momentum. Things are happening things the fallen into place, things shifting decisions are being made, and I got to a point where I realized had that I was on and its

matter. Then, where we all face this question, do we accepted or not am I standing you in the way that sometimes you're waiting for life to happen, but it takes a long time to really like is happening. It happened you're waiting for it, ps is happening in its blowin by an you. Gotta recognise acknowledge today today life's happening momentum if not when you gradually way, not when you get hired for this thing that when you bought this gig, you were born into this betty's. This is who you are some people about enough from day one is set. Other people is already set, but you just have to find all the equal, but for you, desire huge forest, for whatever reason, mammoth mechanics behind this, and you have to just decide. You want to accept that are not here. When did you accept it? It's a really see music as a profession. When I was in my teens seventeen eighteen nineteen not really it until I was twenty four twenty five. Can, I guess at one,

the things that might have solidified that, oh, my goodness, at his want to say I love to me to your bag cat, you know and whose gather on the christmas tree and they celebrate christmas anyways. Even though there are no prizes. Like your mind, you hire three ass because I think the most moving thing that you ve done for me is stay human and going out in the real world in its an antidote to plugin and drop society. We live in an you're going out in your actually getting to look into the faces of the people whose emotions and mood. You are adjusting with your output and as an introvert, while you haven't been doing that comedic lee or through over gas, like I was doing so. I have to imagine you're moving through the real world with your band on a subway on a corner. In new york- and you are orchestrating human emotions

I have to imagine enough of that and you go oh yeah. I got a thing. I can do it's so glaring yeah. I bet it's clarion. It hits you like, oh wow and the introvert. Aspect of things and not really being comfortable with that, we started to call that out and say we have get our rejection in today then threw herself in the water less git rejected today, vehicle whether it saying hello to somebody on the subway eventually turned into play a ballot for this The person who looks lonely on the subway and it becomes this way of sharing this self consciousness. and also realise and all while I have something there. I can do. That is creating community and its tapping into all of these lineages in these major forces and sound and key

water is connecting the something that in this time, people really really neat, and I felt that it was so purpose. Driven ass, whenever the changed from you really nailed it. The names human came to me as the ban name as the mantra, the idea of what we were doing, calling social, music and understand? And while this is something else also, I don't wanna get to sack, ran or sentimental about music, but if there were a day to do it, it would be today so as a comedian God you stand up at largo its community in its wonderful there, my folks like this kind of comedy its heavenly I went and did it vegas its miserable. You got a guy from texas, with a cowboy hat next to a jewish fellow from new york next to

guy from Alaska who just lost twelve thousand dollars, they're all looking at you like we're, not in the same group. You can't cut through that it's almost impossible but music. This is where I would say it's the ultimate superpower, because you could drop down anywhere. You could even throw an alien in the mix and you well articulate. What can't be articulated is only thing. We can all agree on these days. Yes, you could put left in the right in a room and if you play called means alabama, people are gonna cry in even on the most basic level. We can all agree. We are hearing sound together. Yes, we can't. Even to a point in the major power centres of this country and the planet, really, where half of once I can agree with half of the other There's something is happening now and nature, and you can be.

looking at the same thing, feel in the same thing but music. It has this power that if you can get people to agree on the fact that we are hearing and experiencing something together at the same time, what you can attached to them experience and what can be carried from that experience to all of these different peoples, lives which then ultimately affects the whole. Is so profound, that's what stay human became a vehicle of, and we will play everywhere. We started plan the subways just for fun and creating these experiences, but we played on military bases. We play for loyalty with played in situations where our lives? When danger, we literally changed the energy in the room so that people didn't know we were shifting their intention? do you hijack the whole nervous system, yet names it goes away? All the racket inside goes away. It so magical impossible. I can't be explained this was our thing we do, as primates

of the many monkeys on planet earth, made all these instruments and their plugging in the other people through its really. What are you saying? The dock, which I love, that music is inevitable, that such a beautiful way of putting it it was always coming. It was always here it's in the fabric of the universe. Yes, incredible! That's so deep that one of us who created these instruments at some point what drove that and think about how long ago that came into being that there was a feeling that we need to spend the time to do this and then so many traditions and rituals ways of expressing that have existed, and maybe in the less millennia, it's become something that is a infrastructure in a business in its commercializing. You know you put it on t shirts. Yale cancer take, but for millennia before that many thousands of years it's been some the way way deeper and inevitable.

Reality in the realm of invisible tat is what I want to bring back to because right now, that's what we in our traditions of music, more than ever is how do we bridge back to that early intention of the music or what great? I dont say this to insult music, but it serves absolutely no purpose. There's no purpose to you do not need it for survival of all these things we needed tools. We figured that out, even drawing to some degree is a form of communication. To inform another generation is how you stab the fuckin ox. Music has no purpose louder than to be in harmony with one in her, except, I think the original b is your heart. How you know you're living is through a sound. Yes, it's the first sign of life, and so perhaps that's why, I weren't so wired. You lay your head on someone's chest and you can hear their heart.

Do you love him and you think? Oh, my god, that's the thing. That's keeping them here always proven. I've studied this in great detail because of the way that we're born and seventy five per cent of our body as infants is one water, in a way that that sound carries the heartbeat of the mother or the lullaby. That is, song in your ear when you're how are these you're right? You're born into rhythm, you spend your first nine months been formed its very loud in their oh, my goodness is a symphony when the music becomes something it is more entertainment based. We lose the thread of that as we lose more more of it. You have these conversations in an doesn't just affect the creative arts. It affects our investment in engineering, I investment in science. I believe that these kinds of intangible

art forms an mediums can solve. I issues. No, we have to sit down, we have to talk about policy and we have to have this table. Full of people were not artistic who are not creative in this way? Who aren't scientific, who aren't envisioning things that don't exist, policies great? We should address them. We should vote and all that but sitting at the table to discuss solutions for humanity and removing music in art, and science is unbelievable. Yeah I was thinking while researching you into the new orleans create ass. Yes, what was about noise centre for the creative arts noica Doha, Now, don't shout bible full. We we have been viewed so many people that have attended public creative arts programmes

he again it's one of those things you could think as an extraneous expand, sir. It's not vital people need to learn to add more whatever, but an inordinate amount of people we end up chatting with are the products of those things. Yes I do want to step out of the theory for half a second talk about juilliard, oh yeah, because further outsider for monica night, like what do you think of wanna when you think of juilliard- and I don't know anything about it, but I picture like this picture S. Camp. Ask everyone lacking around is creative and singing and drying, and I assume it feels wonderful to be there. However, I've heard enough store he's about We are to know that I don't think that's true yeah. My thought of it is much more like rocky for when the russian is being trained by the government. He's got all these high tech machines and it's so dialed and everyone's trying so hard, having read the

thousand hours mountain Gladwin, knowing the fuckin repetition, I think more of whiplash, think think of pressure of equal girl likely a pursuit of peace. Infection, that's relentless and daunting, and then the people that make it have to be so specific. I want to know about that. Like is there a common thread like the amount of time y'all spent by yourselves in a room is interesting. It's gotta be a freak show in a spectacular way one per cent. Sometimes the list is accepted in a year from all across the world. So with all respect, I say this few get into Julia. had to be a weirdo when I say weirdo, ami soul, counter culture, who's gonna sit in a room from maybe eight years older before until seventeen with a shallow perfecting. Oh strokes, trying to figure out how to make this tuning or this peace that's impulse.

What a play that no one on the black understands. How to make this work on. How to just do the perfect plea. and tom do in literally become so competitive with this that it's what you're thinking about maybe every waking hour of your life for ye adolescent, a failing, oath these a prerequisite beyond or you just a natural european arm. Do those exist. You see to be won, but did they exist? I believe that there is more poor phenomenal now because of many factors, the information age, this so much definitely they exist. I think that Julia is a place where people go and find community what other weirdos? And I think that as a beautiful thing

yeah. I just know this from my uncle. My uncle went to juilliard played trumpet. He had outgrown the trumpet instructor in his town. Then they will go to downtown detroit. Then they had to drive to ohio. Eventually he outgrew every one in a three state area and they had to drive to pennsylvania. You know like you're, getting more and more isolated in a sense, and then you get to this place. Finally, and everyone else has had the same bonkers experience on planet earth so in some way I would imagine you're seeing like minded people for the first time is in that, could I would be really bonding or also you're, very aware, too, of the competition which you just mentioned, so that could also be a roadblock. So I'm wondering what is the vibe between the student body? You know it's many different eras of Julia. Does the era of competitive razor blades in the piano for the competition ha that kind of thing right then, as this era, which is the recent era- and I really applaud the generation- that's coming up now, living through cove, it

The log down, although that some musicians dream you has already in your bedroom behalf, I think about our knowledge layers. Science is the worse, the most anti, so she can perform for people and no work new mental fortitude that they have to stay focused on the craft to live to lead to come out of that there's more communal feeling now, and there was competitiveness for reasons that warrant productive. When I was there as much as I learned We cannot build a band ass. They human came from friends that I met at school and friends that I still have today is a lot of great mentor. add in moments that will keep for me, but also had moments where it was like. Okay, there's competition from people who are supposed to be helping me, there's interference and a lack of understanding of my approach to art which doesn't match the pedagogy

maybe does it match what is considered to be the right way. I was going to say: were you a threat to tradition, that's what it will be perceived as, but as I grow, I see it more as I'm expanding the tradition, while now they're very happy. I always believed that as much as I felt. I was gone against the grain. I was believed it for greater purpose and it will be some that would make space for alive more people. Could we assume that they wanted to insist that you got the perfect classical foundation, and then you were freed up fly away and create beyond their like. Let's say book so you gotta learn first to draw realism before you can do cuba's and those that may be there premise if we're being generous, it was even more of a lack of understanding of my idiosyncrasies and waded out was as a human being. First off I was sent, but then my first year, two psychotic,

you mentioned that in the dock- and I was like- is that true that just kind of like a norroway, they were worried about your mental health. Yes, they were like, something is wrong with him or he's on some substance sure what do you think you are doing that made them yak anger amidst a lot of people who, I would assume, are similar to you and you strike me as very same yeah yeah, like it's very stiff in Iraq. is it at all its most of the time in people feel self, conscious and nervous, and when I was seventeen, this is age of me, developing my character that character that allows for me to move to the world and have armor, and that character is something that was a protective measures, and also very very much a flamboyant out word expression of my joy and ready for music in life and one in the shared out what other people one the free other people I? Why is it near stiff, and it also was just a lack of-

over reverence for things that people said you supposed to. really. By into and look at as la wise, it I mean I love john call train, but I would in that aid now say home. What about john cold training could be What thought about what could have been different? If he was here today or what about beethoven, could be better why's that the goal stand is a great point and I would imagine it pertains way more to juilliard than any other kind of musical tradition, which is in your way, your expected to accept that the greatest have already been here that you're in the shadow of all these people there on another plain and the best you could ever do is match them. The best it can't be done can be replicated, and you should just spend all your time trying to just reached the level where at least you can express what they had expressed its own like an arrested art in a weird way, which is counter intuitive yen

what the world needs. I have so many huge ambitions I feel like I'm just install in so many ways and the expression of art was like Beginning of me, understanding how the world was how much stuff was possible, how much we could actually do yet. I knew that so yeah, that's so impressive. If someone told me to go to the psychiatrist, when I was seventeen or something I'd be like something's wrong with me, did you ever feel that are, you were like now, they're wrong all year, huge anxiety, the huge number of depression needing a lot of more support from friends and family that whole first year was yes, I do baby fainted in the subway. I got pneumonia. The first couple weeks I was in new york, wasn't hospital alone no family? In new york I discovered had a distant my cousin lisa, then that's how we got connected gloves and hospital right from there. I go to school, get sent to the psych office, have a council

then he write a letter to the dean when the dean gets. This letter, I probably find, has led him up with, gives a lettuce, and you are mistaken about this young man. In fact I believe I was in the present is his words. He said some very likely some on the lebanese things like that moments like all, while this person sees something in me able to achieve this small gola. Oh I have these friends of family and health emitted move to this period. I moved to California. At twenty. I had so many friends in Detroit and then I land in santa Barbara, the shit I was doing detroit was not working there. I was so lonely and I had a year where I was questioning my sanity. A lot truly nervous like are we going to have a breakdown like? Am I crazy? It misses my arrogant side of my new smart people. Go crazy, trying to explain why I'm crazy, when it was linked to loneliness in the trying to figure out where I'm going in the world, but I was very scared. I was losing my mind for a year and a half did you have the

The spheres yes- and I want to ask you to cause you ve found way to not be pigeonholed. You force people to reassess how they view you The huge huge element to at first, you think, you're crazy. You think that at your moving through the world in the things that you expect for yourself or just outside, or maybe everybody else is greatly which is even more than all the building on and your crazy. I'm all his aim. We that's a scary world, be it so you get past there, then that's! The first on trade It may be achieving something, so they knew it. If something- and then people want you to do that thing, then you say I'm somewhere else now I want to do something else, and you do that. Next step in really quick as a few times. Yes, as a view- and I want to ask you- I feel like one of the hurdles of those changes- is some interesting poll to not seem ungrateful exactly

if you liked me in comedies, and then I go I'm going to take two years off, so I can write and direct something. You do feel a bit ungrateful for the folks who supported you doing the original thing you wanted to do. Yes, yes, and you love them not only are generally so grateful for them, but, like I do something for a while, I'm like okay, we did that now, when are we going to do is a short ass ride. I won't do all the things so what's next on the docket, but it feels ungrateful. It really does I'm really big on being very self aware and having gratefulness and humility guide everything, because if you stop seeing yourself stop being yourself, you can create the thing there most resonant that only you can create. I am aware of that. many reasons as a vow.

you, but I also feel like that, can limit you like crazy. That can make you be like. Well, I'm gonna just do this, because this is my place. I'm a stay in my place and this website they want me to be, and I can't do it. It repels me stay tuned for more armchair experts. If you dare, we are supported by defender, oh boy, oh boy, have I loved land rovers for ever? Oh so, attracted to that defender, mind me what a beastly car in the history, the off roading tree there. So wonderful, listen europe for any challenge. That comes your way. So is the defender one ten, the iconic vehicle has been re, imagined for twenty first century adventures and

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Just said I haven't done what I'm gonna do yeah. I believe that deeply because I think so many artists, they love. It and then they tried to do their version of it. And what I see with you, the eclectic nature What you're doing world radio I'm gonna do this genre in addition or your symphony, I'm gonna have indigenous stuff, whereas most people only have kind of the band with to commit to. Like I wanna be the beatles. Let's see what my version of it is you're gone, I wanted to be the beatles. I also want to be illegal bird humbird ink. I also want to be so, and so and so you're in my mind, still in the phase where you're doing almost everybody in, even though you are you have such a fingerprint on everything we still haven't seen, I dont think yet you leave it into this whole. Other thing that someone will try gas, rightly still knocking off all these genres in this incredibly interesting way, but I think you tasting everything at the all. You can eat bar and then

like now, I'm going to go, make this dish and we're not even there yet didn't nail it go ahead. Yeah. Do you relate to that assessment? I love that and our relate to that it is so true, I feel like the latest bloomer. It is so true to my experience. and how I'm perceiving my journey. You're still like proof, acting your shit, yes, crazy from the outside, though, because it already better and a true gift, in a way that no one else is doing and you're saying you just started it so hard for the regular human to wrap their brain around again, and I think that's the difference between people who are just really great at something and then

a genius level where you're gonna actually create an entirely new ran area, but even like we are the notion that you had a classical composition on their you did that account gray. I dont know what you'd took from that. I don't think that was the finished product I think we were like. Ok, that's a piece try this thing? I'm inter this thing and then somehow, It's gonna be what comes eventually who knows what the timeline is you casting lines out there? This is what came back oh wow. Now I understand this a little bit through doing it huge on the experience, your learning them really just like the somehow did not rejection and threw herself in a wall find a way to do the thing and do the thing would stakes put skin and game and then learn from that? That's the best for me process Ok, so I'm thinking out loud now, because we have oliver genres pretty well, find for better and worse and

there is no new instruments. There's no new notes. There's no new tempo are the building blocks. Are there I think, what new the human experience is continuing to have all that you and I to men in modern public age will say we had their female friends because we didn't feel like the whole site of ourselves was being experienced without them. That's a new development called trains, not saying that in an interview in its way cute and help as well so the new thing that's out there for you to grab he's weirdly the evolution that were experiencing just as a species. Yes, the music is life, is music is life and its converged enough. The thing that I was getting it when I think about the internet age in the information age, the convergence of all this experienced essex. El raided the human experience. So now we have all these different conversations and we pressed-

the them at a await us exponential yassin changes the way tat. We relate to each other things we make in now What are we gonna make? That is of the essence of this time? Musically it's gonna be expressed all these values, and although this synthesis, all of this stuff is really is found a way to be one and connect to in the past. Of course, but really creating the future. That would do right now. It's almost like we ve just been aragon blasted. With all these things, it seemingly dont have a thread connecting them. I think of like that. first time you gotta disneyland our world whoa, whoa, whoa, theirs, how much stuff was that right. That's about pirates, that's about nymphs that are floating around! That's about it's a small world and it's so overwhelming. I think that's the stage we're at right now with all of this crazy new technology and information, we're getting we're at the stage where, like we just walked into disneyworld, were like. Oh, my lord. This is hard, but

the time you're like oh yeah, but it's this way you can chill kind to make sense of it, but I think worth at stage were summoned means to help us make sense of all. This are bigger. What is the through line of all tat right? It's so deeply tied to the real spiritual and moral awakening that we're yearning for connecting the dots on all of this dispute information and experience is gonna show us the wonders of all of us, and I think, music, play such a crucial role in the way that physicists no longer speak in English right soon as they get to a level of physics? Now math has to speak for that and when they're telling you about the theory of relativity they're doing their best to make metaphors out of the mouth, but the mass action. What it says it, and so I think what we are trying to find and spress and latch onto it's, not gonna just in words, it's going to

in math, and then it's gonna exist in music, which is this thing that is really a magic trick, is so crazy because music has to now find its new meaning in society. The expression of those things, the things like it can be put into words? The sort of language of invisible realm, an unspoken truth there we now in need of articulating so that we can move to the next phase, music needs to shift its purpose, so it can serve that ultimate vision a great quote I wrote down jazz, is really a term that doesn't encompass what its pointing out the intellectual breath of black geniuses who are based we denied the credentials of being a genius in society because of their skin tone. We always talk improvisation, and it really, is one of the only forms of music that exemplifies the american experiment, putting all these different cultures and no one country in coexisting and trying to create beautiful music together. That's that, yes, I got it

say there were many moments in the dock that I was stirring. Knock is really browser. Yes, yes, the dock in america then set in the middle of it. She goes. This is almost to devastating the watch, but in the most complementary way in the way that life is the saving and beautiful, and you have to keep going. It's ink radical. She referring to the sioux laker of it all. That's not what she was saying was devastating was devastating. Is this magic that exist that so few people can access so kind, a rare and our life. You seem to be you answer liquor seemed to be living inside of the bubble of the magic. I had so much envy watching it for many reasons, but one of them being you to seem to live in this just endless bubble of creativity and pressure, which is so beautiful, therewith stakes, as you just said earlier. I think that's part of perhaps why there's stakes in both of your lives, but even our response,

for people that dont know your wife had leukemia, whereas in remission for five years. The timing of this is, on the right hand, I'm so sorry, so the remission for ten years, also okey has meant a ban. Can now those monies favorite part being how do you know they merit being cheese in remission for ten years and then litter the moment if we fast forward through it's like juilliard, venice, stay, human, it's, netherlands, teaching it's starting to perform live it's a couple albums it's becoming the bandleader and composer for the tonight show with Stephen colbert. This whole thing leads up to your album, which gets nominated for eight grammys eleven. Well, reverse all eight, for we are the. If you're on a king, pain for the grammy's you're also composing your first symphony to be at carnegie hall and the leukemia returns.

I mean the evil nessa. The universe of the timing is cruel and unique, and cosmic and life and no wonder your body started. Speaking back to you look, I'm watching you try to uphold this schedule of going to work on the symphony than do some press for the grammy's then fly to the grammy'S than see her in the hospital you this than face time with her, and I'm like this is so much for a human to handle and he mentally is going to keep doing it, but things are going to start cracking as they do. Yes, life is all one das, the big lesson that started the process. I don't even want to say I learned it, you have to keep redressing it all of it can change Everything is fair game all the time. Just like the passive It is of imagination, and things are can change to make the world better our relationship that we can invest in another thing that we can do to make I environment beautiful and magical. It can all fall apart.

Did you ever in your mind when you are feeling low and dark did you ever feel like, coming out of our mission. Was your punishment to fly to close to the son? Of course, it's a natural thought to feel that one is the cause and effect yeah, like god, gave me all. This is a little too much. I don't deserve. this no one does not. It's eleven that's preposterous but see. You can't hold on to that belief that talk that that's like when you don't think that you beautiful yeah. No, it's the same kind of things. We don't see ourselves, we deserve all of it all of it. But do you not how I have the voice monica the two. We relate a lot to this great example. She's long, outgrown, auditioning four commercials, she's building a house now street from us she's pass that

but she had such a hard time. Letting go of those additions can see, thought if I stop doing that. Stuff this'll get like we're on a given, take its like a few years when you yeah you're making deals all the time with the universe. Yeah like. Ok, if you show your ungrateful here than the other thing will go where I used to have a really big obsession with. If good things happen, something bad will happen. Right, like there's a homeostasis which is very wrong. I think that's what you're saying is like that something to the ethics. but I would have fallen in the garret personally. One thing that dispels that myth, and that's not same thing as saying that energy you put out in some form doesn't come back the theory of relativity, but if you prioritize differently, if you so focused on forward. Motion momentum, healy, few so focused on being a vessel and being the voice. The tipp of his

beer, few so focused on that these other thoughts become trivial. This I falls away. You're going who fast is too much fire around just burns off, because these bodies, man, you giving it you're all. You only have time for one thing, and then the key is, if you have many things going on, how do I integrate all of it? So that is all steel serving that one thing would you you have to become a master of compartments yeah. I was not in shifting now we're doing this now ruinous now. We're doing that, I say: In my mind that I was compartmentalizing until Zuleika, my wife she's a sage, and she said to me no john, you integrating you found some sort of wild harmony, its unorthodox, harmonic, symbiosis,

you figured out how to do this? Well, that's real syncopation! Actually, none on! That's not him. As we know it is like it or not. It is this divine logic to it, and I believe that as a harwood as well, Yes, they are fully learn that you have to really invest in it we step away okay, so I had a lot of ambient. I have to earmark one other thing. I'll tell you. I was very envious of, but one thing I was not envious of in this was really consuming me. While I watched it, you spend some each time in the hospital with her. By the way I didn't know outcome. While I was watching, I was terrifying. I thought this is gonna, have a heart breaking any. We didn't know the outcome while film right in their some moments on the second trip to the hospital after the bonds transfusion. I'm looking at her, and if I were you, I feel it the thing that be rustling with is too: she need to be endlessly. The full right now or does she want me to summarize in give closure-

this beautiful experience we had cause I'll do either, but I just don't know what you want to do. I can sit and tell you baby whatever you gotta, do If you gotta let go. I want you to know. This was a miracle, and this is a fucking victory. This life we had want to know what to do, and I guess it's a male thing. I guess it's the impulse to fix something, but were you at all wrestling with like what she needed if she was such a superstar. I would be wrestling with a more naturally our what to say in any given moment over eight months of not knowing are we going to be here together? How do you know what to say ever yeah? You know what to do ever, but there's a pressure on people who are going through illness to sell.

for well and she's, shoulder that in the most authentic way possible that it's a beacon for how to be a caregiver, how to be with her. It becomes, I oh, she is so often equally embracing this situation that it instructs me and I'll see her. And sometimes is a time to cry. It's bet, if you don't say anything is better, which is common sit with the weight of the reality yeah other times, I know that I need a word from you and I'm giving you the cue and if you are attentive to that cue you'll know what to say cause it's not even about trying to be some sort of wise person, who's encapsulating it all. Is about being there s a hard place to be just be their yeah. That's the heart is the day when she's a fucking gangster

she has a role on this planet to show us how to live under duress with grace. She really is the person and she has such a way of expressing increase, art through that debt is another layer like it would be one thing if it was just her ability to be an example of this aspect of the human experience how to being community in that be alone in that. Had a process that, but then to create art, Well, she sittin in their. She can barely keeper eyes open she's. Making these panels in war ever is valued at full. That I do my health is day here. It's not normal and as our family continues to girl, I'm so grateful for this chronicle. Having this chapter document it and, of course, of us making it to this point, the side of it when you met her and she was play

stand up base to me I'd, be horny as is that such a you pick the standard base the appeal, is the instruments laid like what are you doing over the net? You noticed immediate queue of a certain type of person? Has it's such a good clue jill do anything she wants to do yea all that yeah yeah. It lays out a lot for you, of course, her first impression of me, because you are a move in a town like fourteen, I'm still like We urge issue

client. You must be very honest, jump because you're so successful, it's all working. I meet you at seven, eleven and you're. Putting this might have to discuss hanging on by on by a thread screaming yes lot with going right. Yeah I've made me look. There was the other thing she could see, not other ten people can see. Would you given them up front or that's? U? They can perceive the lairs a person or look through all this stuff or she sire saw oh yeah, quick, and that was at first sight. Wow. This is disconcerting. I don't know if I'm comfortable with that very naked or bore me yeah. Okay, yes, she had this epiphany moment when we reconnected,

She was at juilliard for, like, alas, your high school, she didn't even get away from high school, but she was there for pre k. Of course she didn't, and I was the julliard the first year, so like we're? U apart and she's in the subway, would our friend, Michel Michel, recalls the story and sly. Remember his life? best John batteries and I was wearing here- falls though some weird dance in the subway I didn't see her. I didn't see that you're in the bubble. This was like Tat always will have false, I'm always somewhere, as she goes. Oh tat, John Betty's from this Well, the I'm gonna marry him one day come off It's. Why me she has a clearer way. She has this kind of way of connecting with what's happening, but it's like premonitions is not an obvious thing to say that at that point in time we don't

I have like years of history. We don't really even know each other, like that. Can I also say I think you're an intimidating person to fall in love with. I said this out loud while I was watching the documentary I said he's on such a different planet in a beautiful and wonderful way that if I loved. You and was interested in you I might be jealous of that force in your life, and I would feel perhaps that I couldn't ever fully connect with you. Oh, it's an intimidating level of creativity. You have given yourself to it. The wind came in you're like blow me away and you have been blowing around and I think it takes a very confident person to love you and to think that I have a role in that. I think a lot of people before her thought there, and not even people who I've had relationships with, but people who I could tell they were on the periphery,

and intrigue and the think pan could I be in a relationship with John in they ultimately decided no end. I can see that now because they see our relationship and the like Oh, I didn't even know that this was possible when they see you in. Like, yes, is really interesting, like some of my friends shown its like, I didn't know that these pieces, it fit because you already had a love, your already married to something so profound. Yes, how could you possibly make room for another I didn't even know that for a while, because I was so deep in I didn't realize that I was being perceived like that by potential suitor here. I am thinking that as a straight dude. Watching among this guy scares me I'm afraid the love of my early lay my mama

the fallen lover too, like I do. I'm, like I dunno, do I ever watch an amazing player. Can I be a part of that creativity, she's a force and a polymath? It's unbelievable, she's absorbs a medium and then just jumps right in you know. We met she's playing the bass, she's written books, bestseller exactly and now this painting obsession that's incredibly productive while she's in a hospital. If she didn't have that relationship with her graph, it couldn't have connected when I speak in prison in thinking about you as I wanted to ask immediate, is hit me thy. Oh wow, you guys do this public relationship so well in our beloved self are not really for us. This is our first experience in it's a lot I back in a beautiful way, but its very, very, very exposing or something

about their vulnerability, begets vulnerability, begets expectation, and we have really really felt that like it's, on real the kind of response to us as a relationship. This is a great great great avenue because you actually touch on it the dark while you're making it, which is this fainting really peculiar thing, and you seem to have a sense that it is minimally corruptive. It'll change you what's funny, as I think I am ahead of it, as I'm sure you think, you're ahead of it, but then I'm also smart enough to know like well there's no way, I'm ahead of it right, I might be doing hopefully the best version of it, but to be arrogant enough to think that it hasn't affected me or change me is probably insane, even though I don't think it has. But clearly it has has two is too much it's too powerful in abner more and unique, and so now you add a relationship in to vat and the not become.

The third member of the relationship, a it. If the person in your relationship and my relationship third person there's a world people have this vision of things that they have to share with us or have to like instruct us about. Even this weird thing of people having to almost pit us against each other, the hey you know it's, not a competition, but we win either way, but by the way, it's the same as you being a musician, you make people feel a certain way. if your musical output and then when they meet you there's some expecting in that you as a person, chatting we'll give that same emotion, but you can't chatting the emotion, your music does. That's why you fucking do them either

because you're, whereas bianca's urine, introvert so yeah, you can't deliver in person the thing they fell in love with, so it's a very similar pressure, so your relationship, certainly as portrayed in this documentary, seems very aspiration off, do not even have you re feels like of another time and space and planted in so special, and only there's so much, if only I could have that which is beautiful. But if you're out on this street and people are coming up to you to together and there like crying. That must be we're, like I don't know how to handle this right now. I'm a person is also the merging of their cause, the expiring so the music and what we have done there and the experience of what she's built that coming together is soup.

Intense individually as an artist. You want to cultivate that sort of intensity with folks, because that's what's gonna see people the most, but then in person it's a difficult thing to understand. When you're protecting your family, an you protecting what is sacred for you and what helps you to replenish and thrive, and then but deliver. How do I continued to service this community that we love but also gives him sapphire sow yak zoe, one of each of us thanks Actually, that's why I was like you. You must be honest. We both want it both ways. So Do you wanna ma oh and share, as you did, in its beautiful and people, hopefully very moved like we did

and then you want to go to a different planet where you live on as a normal person, because when Chris and I are in a restaurant and were pissed at each other, fucking happens all the time go to new orleans. Where do you want to eat? Now I want to eat here. We ate there last time, fuck it fine, we'll go to your plate, and then they see us and like we're both on our phone at a table. A they're like no no years. Those who give me this warm fuzzy feeling and I'm nervous you guys we're getting to like that's the element. How do you what How we have chosen to deal with it thus far is to try at every turn to be super honest about or in couples therapy, and we now get along and covert was almost career ending for us is just going. I'm happy to share the fun postal, I give her a slob, but also no it's a beaten down and we hate each other. Sometimes it's all happening, so I feel like the only to do this if you're gonna be transparent on one end of it you're almost obligated to be transparent across the board, or now it is a product now it

curated? Now it is inauthentic la so to me anna doubt, is letting the other shit be known as well. We ve always had this were flattered by this. ass, tat relationship goals, but do not full use. You're not gonna meet your christian lives can be easy as a fucking job, just like your music job. You work your fucking ass off. It kills you the symphony, almost killed you in the relationships almost gonna kill you, but the big. opening night and you go fuck. That's. Why did it? Yes, the truth is the amygdala. The investment breeds these moments of just transcending glory. You give it all and you make it to those yeah and you just open ago from like little hill. He climbed to the next little hell, but most of its a valley. Do you feel an obligation to continue to be transparent.

Or is there a moment where you feel like okay, we did it. We ve given a great example. Now it's time for us to retreat. Yet We are sixteen years down the road of this you are I know what you're urartu. So there was a moment world. You know I knocked paparazzi down and I was free, deny fuckin hated it. We want go anywhere. There is definitely a whole right for me. They're becomes a moment of acceptance, would says like yours, gonna change the world get realist. learn to live life on life's terms. Valves this you gotta get at peace with their or it's gonna, kill you and then you go oh yeah none of it matters if they know my kids name. There were years where I didn't want him to know my kid's name. Now they know everything's, okay. For me, it's meant just the process of accepting it and learning to be fine with it and no, I don't think they'll ever be a moment we retreat other than if we just go retire and there's no way.

would see us, but I'm at peace with it. Now it's totally fine other, then and I've talked about this on here- a bunch, the pressure of the. Third identity, which is together. That's very president. To be trying to service this. Third, fictitious identity can get a little tricky and as far as balance, there's gotta be times where you don't feel like being on and she does, or vice versa is a deep thing and with us in particular thinkin about I'm always so protective of saliva and preserving our energy. But even we go places and you have like team see, is not even plan. So as those moments more so with your somewhere in and all of a sudden, you bomb rushed and there's a com. station at summit was to have, and unlike know, and she So generous well she's in a very unique situation which has people are gonna, see

in symphony it's going to remind them of their loved one who went through that, or maybe they went through that so that people that approach her are going to come at her with the level of emotion that she will the service and its half do she? Doesn't how I really doubt it, but I'm worried about always dont have I'm coming to a solution, though I think maybe in it goes for us too, which I like I cherish. If you like this show it's because you been through some shit, maybe you're an attic. You know me people. I meet that of fans of this. that their unlike month, three of sobriety- and I note that I s heavy. We ran out met, laura's, wedding, there's another wedding going at the same places. Dude pulls me aside. He I'm only at this wedding cause. I listen to your show and I got sober. My brother would have never had me here and I'm the best man and he started crying and then I start, crime is a year

a walk through the world. I'm gonna be at a wedding happy day, but on this are crying with this dude. I gotta learn to love that and be grateful for that, but maybe a tool that helps me a lot is it's all about expectations, so yeah ass? It's when you didn't expect teams to be there and you feel fuckin bomber, and you were expecting another thing and that thing happen, and now you didn't have a game plan for that. You feel powerless, that's very hard for me. So I have to be really good. Where we going. What should I expect? We will go out and fly out of an airport, I'm gonna talk to a lot of people. People are gonna. Take pictures of my kids. I don't like that. That's all common Just admitting meeting myself that's coming. Helps me a lot when we think we're gonna go. Do a beach, that's in the middle of nowhere and rice. Three four talk now that's unexpected and I hate unexpected and I had expectations and expectations are not coming. True, that's this discomfort for me so like the better and get my expectations right.

easier. It is yes, you almost have to move through situations and no, oh, this half it's ok. I know where I'm gonna shift to and guess what it's gonna happen. It will and then when it doesn't happen, you're delighted because your expectations, I was going to deal with that right right and then, when it does happen, you're a genius and clairvoyant- and you predicted this so at least you feel like you have power, because you already knew about it. Oh man, this can be route people. I know. I know you feel like you and I and listen to. You will feel rude, but it's actually just putting up a boundary and it's just like we actually can't talk today. I am so grateful for you and we're having a long time. I know

You have to yeah, it will save. You, though, cause if you're just giving and giving and giving run out. It's a lot. What you just said that made me get a job. My favorites are the people I know, and then you get to the point where you're driven to do something like that and set a boundary sometimes, and you feel so outside of yourself, like. Oh, no, I'm thinking about it for a month, yeah to tuned for more armchair. You stare what I will say be other thing to have kids to get to this point which, as I had to say to myself, guess what some p for that meet, you are gonna, walk away and think you're an asshole, but you, my vacation. You know you're, not on your friends earlier like driving

with no one. That knows you would say that, and that's really important, and I think you have to go like yeah, I'm going to have to be okay with, the fact that some people will not have the interaction they wanted and they'll tell everyone. They know that I was an asshole and I'll still be alive and I'll still be able to do all the things I want to you know like you, do have to accept that some people Think of the thousands of crazy situate off. We were in vegas the formula one raised and robbie was like: let's go

restaurant I'm really gray. How far is it is like fifteen minutes Greg cut to an hour and five minutes later we have been walking as fast as we can through vegas zipping in and out of people going up and down staircases right. I saw a look on someone's face. That was so excited to see me, but I was an hour and five minutes of this walk, considering just taking a cab to the airport and flying home. That's why I was at mentally. I was like, oh this poor person, they're getting me an hour and a half walk to dinner there, but that dax exists. Oh man, you see that's the thing when you run into people they're expecting one hundred per cent and I've had this tendency to just always want to give it now we're together

I want to protect sue like it is also like that gets easier right, yeah, probably easier for you to draw a boundary if it's for her exactly so lean on that ooh that bad, I kind of wanna, tickle john Russell and take on a real man. I feel like y'all created this y'all can I have this real conversation. There's a moment in the dark You're right did when we re using resolve fucking graceful about I almost through the long I go to that airport and find the persecution of the future I tell you that you walk up to get a shoeshine. He explains. Do you somehow he doesn't have the correct products to shine your shoes and

and people certain recognising you, then he notices you're on the fucking cover of the newsroom. This I have as aerial time it's a nice air and then he remembers. He has a special polish that will work for your shoes. His people It's not ok to live in a world where that have I hand the world in couples therapy. This amazing, oh yeah, watching all push so that Tom lobby to who so awesome. I love him so much the taube. Likewise, with the porter eating season, Wangemann he's no sin on some starve which, like you know, intellectually, but hear him say she's like what are you gonna stand up for yourself more? Why aren't you margaret he's like honey? I'm a very large black man. I don't have the luxury of being aggressive or outspoken things, can go. I have to cross the street, so I don't scare people- and I was like oh my god that hit me

when this racism conversation comes up. It's always position is just like. Will they get this job? Will you get into the school? You make this money now. It's fucking walking down the street, it's not being there to advocate for yourself it's all day, all the time not at work it's everywhere and we can thinking if we get these metrics right. If we had, let's say boy folks are six: the population they occupied. Sixteen percent see rose boom. Now it the numbers on the page that the beat down of the experience you training, fucking shoeshine, is the beat down. I mean you're, holding five grammys and you can't get a shoe shine. That's reality in twenty twenty two! Yes, I have experienced this speaking of being in the public and perception so even before I had noticed when I first started working in tv and I would wear the thing that I've seen on television.

The version of that in public people treat you in this way. I go out. Go to a restaurant that I frequent with a friend of mine this time, snot after work, I'm wearing a hoodie, I'm covered, you can still see I'm a black man. This guy, who is it's the most effervescent friendly person to me all these other time he say: hey, you can't be here. You can't wear a hoodie in here wines, so it's like. Ok, oh, use me yeah. Another moment happened to me where I'm coming home before so known, as is about fifteen years ago in new york, I'm living uptown came down to my apartment when wash in height, we got through an alley to get to this place shortcut about We, I am there's a woman. There will walking through I'm wearing a tuxedo. She turns around. She sees me she's what

faster. She turns around again on my all. She must say hello, ass, a wave She runs full see, she's thinking for whatever reason there. She should be afraid of me. She said a black man in an alley forget that is where the taxi. So that's a deep part of our side. Both were programme in a certain way to perceive race, gender. It's a certain perception for each category, but I dont think white person can actually understand what it's like to look at a human that human to get scared. It was deep. It was a real lesson for me and not that I didn't understand before that cannot really did, but it would just such a perfect micro some of them. I did the whole exercise. Why can't you do and talks going? to my house, we probably live.

same building and this person sees me and I'm waving and even the thought that I needed to comfort this person. Why I need to make you feel safe and attack on our neighbours. Who are you this such a deep and you see it in programmes on television would produce a lot of now and thinking about images of black people who are perfect nuanced images of black. people in media nor there's a people of color and me think about how limb did it is, and how much there is this desire to create a surface level. Diversity is like swirl, economics. Weakened, makes things improve the image of it, and we know that people will buy into cause it sweeps under the rug, the bigger issues that you talkin about. The new wants that action needs to be addressed and understood so that people can actually then move

forward so not just on the police. Think of our most primitive desire, which is the people, will love us. What is the opposite? people loving us people being tariff. Each of us is the opposite of what every human would want. You out of community that you're a cast away its now. I can't love you because I can't love you, because your brown, I can do I care. What are we gonna do about that? Yeah? I can't and it's the same, it's I feel I'm not worthy. You feel like I'm not safe to be around. This is why the reaction when stuff like what you know, trayvon martin sandra bland these moments. We know what we were out margin in brooklyn, thousands of I was leading marches. The feeling is so you bigwood, as is hard to even out taking place. Is it a protest or is it just after mason of humanity eyes it all of the above and the self employed at young say it? How do you even express as someone who studied this,

civil rights movements and the effectiveness of them, and you know you talk about the way that things will organise and the level of depth of study and philosophy. I was put into it and understand of policy and the connecting of so many doubts that I will it is leaders did and the criticism as well The modern era people Don't know what the end game is. People don't have a vision of how to protest or how to connect those you're right cause in the sixties. There were actual laws to be attacked. That could be seen as the finish line and now finish line is a little bit opaque. It's because of things that are so systematically built. So how do you addressed something collectively That's really really insidious. In general? I believe in people expressing their humanity this guy speaking in uncoupled therapy. Yet gift

He gave me and everyone that watched it. Oh man, this dude can't be himself that's his experience on planet earth? He was unable to be himself because it was too dangerous. How do you Press you, humanity when there are things put in place to take it away that invisible, sometimes you not even aware of- and that goes for all of us- desert assault on humanity through our political systems through our worship of capitalism and the chief value of our whole culture, being driven towards monitors asian. This is why images that whistling media, are discussing their we're having a raw how to change things I impossible because at the rear well, that's word argue, has to be led by art, because legislation can't do it exactly like a pass any law they want. It's not gonna make that woman fraid and regardless

laws on the books somebody might It's more penetrated has done. Happened, and I think that's where artist quintessential, yet how we purified is so we see each other. Will we philadelphia right? Oh yes, how much that changed the landscape to see this man, we all feel safe with Tom hanks, go through this thing. And just observe historic they're, not telling you you have to do anything to just ask you need a watch, the experience and then, LO and behold what happens in the wake of it, a map, the progression of things by sitcoms, that I love and so, funny you say philadelphia when you said that it made me think about what I watched growing up. I've watched dick van dyke show, okay and then I'll watch, mary tyler Moore, my favorite show is probably taxi. Andy kaufman law. Care to twenty one gigawatts. What's his name, how good was he a fucking taxi? Do you remember

absurd were Jim, I think, was the end of the astor Jim who plays in back of yes. Yes, dad brown, but Jim is a cab and he has to pass is striving tassel, but he can't do you know this episode s and he brings to people from his cab company to help him. She any goes well. Do you know where your work and they go so now? What do? he just keep saying that slower hour after trade, I wanna taxi area, love love what deems onto earlier heartbreaking themes and law. We all bob James deity, daddy he at at at at at at. At that

leno ooh yeah cab crossing that that gets the yeah yeah. That alluded to that. A little eu to delay louder mine eleven bought a hoodoo they were like hey. Will you score this sick calm? He came in your way off base, but we're gonna go. We don't give a fuck that it is out of the show, but is it hurts? You go too far ran up the ideas of those show that was acceptable and then you get too like the jefferson, all an affair, last loved on the family good times, even you ever gerard I, like Jarrod com. I love him. We interviewed on one of my favorite interviews. the decision to make a suit

in the modern age to approach it away did guys brilliant even before a bill cause be sure you have to be perfect. In order to be black and media and have it real life for all of america to love to accept within now look at it lantern. In your life that down glover plant, as should be the cause. We show that's. What's infuriating, yeah yeah, I'm saying that should be the most ubiquitous that shows number one for me is like a new language and its all sides of him and ass the essence of the age where Yes, this kind of what we're talking about or ice like We all have and I'm going to give you some really funny stuff. I'm gonna give you some point. Someone gives us a heartbreaking stuff, I'm going to give you a black in the episode where he's in the basement of Michael Jackson's house, but it's not Michael jackson, but it is Michael Jackson, I'm going to give you everything. It does speak to something about what people are ready to accept in terms of the images and stories and

represented how to represent it. There's so much that's left to be done were still in the face of the crisis. rock joke as neighbours and average white Dennis liquors phase, where you have to these. That is where it really is a high bar. That's the thing about what can happen if you show the normal true, depiction of a person? Yes, that's them latin right! Now, ordinary! Even that's great! We ve had a few different guest on the who have We want permission. The showed the full spectrum saw us not being likeable ass. Being like a ball like that's really, the request is that just I want be visible. I wanted

invisible with all aspects of my humanity, a full human will, which is why I say when tmz is up your ass to say we're not talking today, we're not talking right now, you're allowed to do that. That's what people do, and I know part of It- is being a celebrity and being liked, but part of it, I'm sure, is being black and wanting to be nice and in represent your representing everyone out. This is the bird and I've sent him. So much of the many things I wouldn't like being responsible at all times represent an entire population of people are not up for that barely represent myself. Almost they do. You feel, like you, have anything in your life, as a white person. It is likely that you feel representative of the lineage of or the x russian of no other than a b, an attic, that's about like the only thing I

feel this kind of importance that I represent crackly on the flip. I've thought about How do I represent if I'm gonna represents something larger either make it be my family? I'll make it be humanity because there that allows for a noble expression of the group and we need allegories. We need figures to aspired to or two at least watch be aspirational. Try to live up to the greatest ideals that have been defined by our greatest mines. So I think it is actually important fuss. But when its thrust upon you in a way that is looking for a fall That's when the pressure is unhealthy and ass, while wonder besides races, there's something that you feel I have the luxury of not that's the honest truth if be limbs its height moment an interview. I dont have a response.

Ability to have an answer you do, I saw it's in the dark. I can feel this guy tip toeing around wanting you to make the statement. That's going to service the thing about what's happening and please now go sum this up for us make us feel better and safe. That's not on my plate for Christ, then it's going down a red carpet and were both going on a red carpet. I'm three people ahead of her. Not one person's asked me whose, with the kids but The person ass her were the kids so that some as a woman yeah, when you're brilliant, successful woman, you threatening to many yeah you're, pushing against tomb empty things, ok, you're, starting to make me feel uncomfortable looking at to take a similar? There must be a terrible mom then may have your better. The it's a wild thing I'm lucky? I I mean the best I can do is just on that. But what about in comedy when you would know, for me, also think about musicians and nyc. How do I live up to

quality is another one of our values and our family. How do you live up to the highest quality and the craft? Do you put that pressure on yourself. Do you just say I'm just being dax and I'm my thing. I have a commitment to write what I like. And then accept whether that appealed to men. People are not. This is the only thing I can do. I've never felt myself going like. I know people like that kind of thing, and I'm going to try to do that or I could or it's there for the taking that I haven't done you I really enjoy stepping into lions den in another medium. You cause you act bunch now or you have yes being a person whose not viewed ok,

you have to represent the next phase of where this art form is going and you can just be a practitioner or taking something. That's like the early cuts of this film, I'm good friends with george Lucas and I didn't know this was going to happen. He opened the opportunity for this to happen. Matt sent me a cut of the film, this is almost at the end. Met is incredible and he doesn't want me to show this film, but in the ga ga I have you work on that and I'm okay. Well, I want to step into this lines cause he says he knows coming over today, Francis ford Coppola Oh my you're, going to get notes from these two and RON howard's and cecil b, demille just exited. It has to be president. He hangs out in the theater and watch his films with his friends and his friends just happened to be. People and a are the great french artists as their keys.

Can a film and we all the watching each others felt in. We play the film and phrases like. Oh, We have a film. I would love to see your film John, and I also play you my film, so we're sitting in our men as lions, then, and literally the film is up there and it's up against how scared the is there a monologue, enemy or whereas three, the best I ever did. I prefer that way, you know I'm bringing into another space because hearing their perception from their medium. It informs me music. Ok great! This was another observation I made about you from american symphony that I found so envious, you're still getting piano lessons. If I could not believe that- and I would also like this guy

I once he doing what I truly believe that already like the grass in and I would have been bought, monica just like you are building I wanted, you learn still goes. I get teeth and the like any guys. Revenue studies are now. He granted that you got a breeze was a beautiful no, but I was like guys would allow guy. I mean what I was. I was recognising why I could never truly be great at something because you're still a student thou art blew my mind. The fact that you can sit down and take instruction, I crumble and criticism man. I feel, like you so open in conversation that it seems, like you, curious and you constantly trying to grow ya'll both or haven't these conversations and are trying to isolate, take something from this anti alive, not just for the sake of having an. I feel that way with

everything in the plan. It it's a growth mindset, they call it now an elementary school. I feel, like I don't know anything and I have to temper it, which is, I am constantly looking. to see what more I can know how I can understand it better and at a certain point it can drive me crazy to push the push in the push to want. It almost forsake the things I think I know because of my own notice, older ass, an going gonna, be the thing that really is gonna resonate moray with screw. That, but then I know that was hard fought to So did I need to have these pillars of feedback the great part about their seat, watching, thereby my oh wow remember: first met him, he's a incredible piano teacher who are met as nineteen That's a good lesson every day for a year and as I oh wow, I'm still trying to think about the things tat. I was

doing when I was nineteen. I love he goes yeah. You remember the first time you play needed a bunch of fancy stuff to try to impress me yeah. William dog, pulls no punches, that, oh, my god, probably worked, but yea I don't know, and if You can give me insight. I'm welcoming yes, beauty for I admire they say the most brilliant people understand. They don't know anything wow, that's what it means to be smart to understand you. Let me know anything: ok, thing I was gonna say said at your market is a thing I'm envious about. So what monarch? And I both experience, which is blissful, france and it is improving on a stage with people. Feel so good, but It's not a motion when I was she you connect with these different. positions, in go places. I found myself like

oh my god, I'm not ever gonna be ill experience you have before I die. This is tragic. I just gets so jealous that you can do that. I guess I wanted to know that it does feel in your chest and in your heart the way it seems like it would it's one of the best feelings I can describe yeah. I thought yukon it. It becomes like a super consciousness, as you probably experience in some way when a joke that is improvise or seen that improvised lands- in the timing in the moment in the audience it just all feels like, while we're connected to something in this moment, thus created oneness, there's a real beauty to that that is so so inspiring is so hopeful. It leaves you with such a feeling of inspiration that I can't even express to you how much it

changed my life, knowing that that's an option, that's a space to go into yet in view make space for it, you intentionally go. I need x amount of this in my life, do protect it. That's what I want to ask. I've tried to make everything every process, ultimately living life, an act of creating inspiration in improv in the most structured environments, on the biggest stages in the studio, any sort of expectation where this is where you button at betty's. This way you like got a zero in and you gotta know what's going to happen before you get there. I always leave space a little wiggle room and make a b as free in certain zones as possible? Ok, great so do you think it was a gift? Ultimately, those fucking power goes out in the middle. This thing, even working on forever, while juggling a bone

transition and the grand we think and all this in the power, goes out one night only performance our high years literally this performers had been postponed three times. I got cove the day before the vote. Woke up in the morning, took the test and I felt like crap a bus it. It me then I'd be hospitalized does not and it fell, but that was happily he filmed he captured fifteen hundred hours of law, my bat hineman- is a beast this guy's relentless and is truly just like. I just want the truth of what happened and the story? Don't tell me what is supposed to be and I'm a captured is an I'm, a capture that and then I'll decide three postponements bedridden three months before which you see in the dark, goes the premier literally in the hospital before that the world says thou

and it was postponed another year we get on stage. You got an orchestra that are hand selected these people in the orchestra. You got people with modular synthesizers. People who are playing classical instruments will like indigenous folk instruments, all blended together. It's just this impossible. Logistical thing: Matt has twelve cameras shooting with steadycam on stage. I was a battle in and of itself, then we recording I gone through all of this stuff union stuff. This orchestra is hand selected, so many people have never even played indoors before and were on stage the first movement. The power goes out for fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes Not only does it go out for fifteen minutes no one in audiences aware, because the light in the van You were only on stage. Is the power early on staying guest,

the whole carnegie hall went dark right. I'm watching you hit that little bored. I thought you were doing some kind of a beaten up my I don't hear the bees making active pump up, but nothing tat cells, they anxiety, and then you have this. Easy moment? It appeared to me at some point, you surrender do it absolutely and then what was the pc plate was that it was clearly improvise completely improvise in it starts with the frustration of the moment. It starts out hectic in mean a ceremony. Yes, then we fine, some beautiful kind of exit to it transforms real time. It's almost like we're literally peeking inside was happening inside of your body, but physiologically it's like panic, for straightened stress it started deluded did, and then oh you're, doing the thing you know how to do in Europe amber. You can swim, is and then you're like wait. We have a big hole to fill and I know how to fill it. That's what it appeared

b. Is that what was happening down internally happening? In my reverse analysis? some of it in the moment it was survival. Was this this idea that oh wow, so many people created the opportunity for us to be the people to create this moment in history- whether you know it or not, this is so important and for it to be halted, it felt like a spiritual attack, just like the years of toil and the craft amusing and study in all of these peoples, music in living life and trying to transmit that into means in vice versa- and all this comes into a piece of music there's a oh wow- I didn't even have the audacity to even try to write anything like this few years before this, and now we did it, and we here it's like Paul pulled the plug hole is trying to attack us what force out

they're, just trying to attack us yeah, it's the same force. That's got you at the hospital exactly it was a processing of it in a purging of it was like a battle we come out on the other side. We can just take a deep breath and finally just revel in this moment? Zuleika is their front and sin I mean it was really a spiritual purging as a battle. I bet that but an experience to have lived through because fear he's right, like your worst nightmares and what they feel like they'll be verses. What they're like when you're walking through them, when you show up, as you said, is so much better. It's almost like a red in there you survived, and now you want change at imagine. No, I prefer the hours rad, those quite amazing, the documentary american symphony is so beautiful and wonderful, and then world music radio, which is your outlets out right now, which, if I can just You have a shout out that my kids

be who you are so much. I've been believe in your music all week in preparation for this and drive the kids school and they will be you are came on, lincoln already knows the words which is awesome. for me, calling your name as the song yea. I love that way. I can. I tell you the funniest story chris and I got on a plane, leaving Nashville one time Eleven years ago and fuckin lionel richie was on the plane, he's three rows ahead of us and then in the middle of the flight. He just gets up and he comes over to rc we're assuming he doesn't know who we are hi, I'm liner, richie and all my oh, my god. How are you hello, we're chatting and he had just performed at bonn room. We were there promoting something at bon row when about were too and I said you know I have to tell you this boy, you're mine, but actually know what your best song is. The biggest What is my best and I go, this is your life any of that My best song there's no way he thought that is

the previous moment, because the knights of the give me that yeah- oh my god, was at fault, that's great line or richie. He should be studied in music programmes. He did something trends sitting from where he started Two way ended up songwriter and is cultural presence. This really pretty unprecedented and and very elegantly yale right. Oh yeah, we just worked together in montreal, Zuleika families, tunisia and also switzerland. So we would add a whole family for a month and we spend some time would miss. The ritchie we were hanging out out there. He was performing at the great de montreux jazz festival and we were just there and then I called him and I said: hey I just like to spend time around the legends yeah again they. or something but is often times just being around them. You pick up something even

The way you gave me that anecdote they exchange in his energy. I got some development failure and yet why this is how you are your musical ever be any more or less than you as a human being all of his coming up. That's what you have to give what you are. So what are you? Yes, yes, we say, son in a style, dining at the world, music, radio, so good, it's so good. So, if we're on an airplane, I would have told you the best song on that album. Calling your name. I saw a beautiful. This is

and so heavenly. I have to shut it down. I want it shut it down. If not, reality were knocking on we're, probably in travel, because your hundred aren't we six hours ago so good at though I see that go with it all with three. This was a dream, so you you we would you be set up like? Would you be said again really here? Ok, you get my number you set me up. Ok it'll be cetera. Yeah. I can't wait to hear how you got a mime. Wow l, a bass has to be l a pace. I am being a house riser, you guys roots getting man, I would com, Wait they raw age. god you're lucky as a mother, fucker, her loving you don't even know you well, you know what we got

some like. John as events, sulphur, so self war? What at all at close, I'm going to get to it all now that they're heating day we give thanks going to be the glue that keeps texting themes he will transition. Accepting them so how's it go a photo that a little related to scale.

We're gonna, get so nervous. I love that she wants me as they are yeah I get it. I get it! This year he's painting, I'm like hey, I got paints, do look at the yeah, but I also love that you're expressing yourself. Thank you. If you do another one night only symphony, can you please invite us that's so interesting? I had a similar request. I was so angry why, Seeing this that I wasn't there for that. While you know what I'm angry about in this literally in my notes, I want to see stay human on a subway or in person in public. If you told me were plain to morrow, I will fight in new york that That is a life goal of mine. Now. Do you guys ever still do that You know I'm doing my first ever tour in february

so february was the name of the two is called peer, find the airwaves pure in the air and it in small, theatres and cross america's election year and at the time where feel like the stay. Human experience needs to be revived and that experience that we created together in as time is almost more relevant than it was, we were doing in the subway twenty levin, twain's well or even further. Of course now? Yeah almost feel like that. Nor is the love campaign like a love revolution, and it has to be town hall feeling intimate There are so many things were gone to around it. Schools were gone, going community centres. We be plan in the public eye. But do you need me to drive you don t show may come on. Let's go I'll have wrecked made, its views will come on, I'm get back into the stay human outcasts

he found out while being honoured, though I'll go see those shows, but also, if you ever think, you're gonna pop out on fur. Staff anew and get crazy. I wanna be there I'll, try to snapping. I monica they're gonna make any promises. I won't. Let you breathe get bar. I love like this. Is just one haven't sent you? Thank you, John back. They were storage room for the jack so showed your hair. All the our wrong hello hi Are you some knowledge and, on your chippies a little I have a couple of chippies last stuck in your teeth. Chips will do that He has some chips and then you're dealing with it for a little while afterwards. So I I do love a chip. Yeah they're phenomenal, especially a salt and vinegar

I now move vinegary better. Please anchorman and don't least energy with the vinny, the vehicle sure don't be silly. Do you have any be ever was retro if your name was many we should keep that really out. You share one for semi, these things. Are you at the silly singing abyssinian veni, David David, what area payments hey? Who we call cinnamon case any you order? Venza had a baby white socks, how lucky? year and a half ago, or something really was yeah just arrived. Yes, though it only happen a day day, this is so and keep it is getting like too fat acts, even though it was said I like got all over, and the guy wrote this long letter to David.

Is the guy delivering you yes driver from like they are paid for the age old postage and brought it to? U ps, so it just stuck in this learning has increasingly mister horsfall the logistics and then some guy working merrily came across it and I guess it was all fucked up, so he could see what and at and then he wrote. This whole letter is very sweet. actually very heartwarming. Very out of apologies in the letter woman dies ball so, but he made sure got to have iran is a zone to use me because he sells for a baby That would help motivate you to be healthy and he was a white socks fan himself. movie narrow. It might be a christmas, it's my they make you my wall and love in the mail dang easter egg. It does on the good christmas movie exactly like you, we delivered thing didn't easter.

The rest come out. Will today that again and with it now so today's really december first yeah, so I woke the girls up with the charlie brown christmas album la flames. the house it's on now, it's like, we cannot miss it. Today is a day. Is it miss song start today, and they will not stop until the new year today. is the day I get to start eating. My tony's advent calendar, oh heavy tony's advent. Can't you know tony's chocolate. I do know. Yes, you do a big bars, aruf, hamley as the rolling collar I do now, young kids drew the packaging. Yes, it's so delicious. They have an ad and counter this year they sent me and again a new chocolate every south father. Yes,

okay, but I'm serious, yeah, okay, you're shifting gears, yes, okay, I feel bad because this has now happened multiple times recently, where we are recording the fact check so quickly after we've recorded the guest hey. I actually prefer that, but it's not a will day. It's good! I guess. Normally. I don't like that. But in this weird case, because one of the complete, I read about online, which is a fair one. As so often we don't talk anything about the gas right. Oh that's when I hear that opposite. You never get to the facts. Run out about the gassed. Oh, that's what they mean Well, as you can go either why right? But the problem is, it might have been a week later in it's just not on from a mind. So in this case I am glad about. I don't think it's gonna wayne but the amount of magic. I feel

when my heart and soul in this moment has were in the direct awake of well yeah his enemy. finish so is so he not. We ve been having somebody episodes with a factor has recorded so quickly after the guest, as recorded that there isn't. I haven't edited it yet I don't even have it yet. So I cant do facts on it and I feel like be people think we ve given up to those that we don't be hearing hike in. That's not true. I want to remind everyone, there was a very long and rich writers and actors strike that we still are feeling the rat specifications of which normally we have a little buffer, that we don't have exactly yeah, it's kind of fun, we're flying by the seat of our pants. It's fought desinteresse. So we have just finished interviewing John but tee,

his ts and and now we're doing a fact check on him so uh. Yet again, there are no facts because we'd literally just did it, but I would venture to say I don't think there are any facts on this episode it didn't feel fact have felt emotional heavy it art heavy are both is an isn't. six years I have been wanting to have him on for quite a long time and you know why my which my face, which No, I don't necessarily consider very plugged in right to the guys to hop culture nam because he lives in which she mentioned timid She had seen him on something or an interview or something this was a while ago. She was like you should really have. She suggested to have run the show yeah wow, yes, and

and then was she right and lemme thank her. She was telling me about his story him and sue liked. The story, and I was like oh wow- that really does sound really interesting, and I don't mean to say this, but I'm gonna say if you watch the door and then you watch him perform, say at the grammy's and you wonder is actually that person could someone. be that person. I just want to say that he is, It is beyond that process that seems unimaginable when you're watching him performer. Whatever ass, Actually? More of that? Why I now enemies in the top five most people, we ve interview a tough fight. I think wages I say that to be safe because we have had so many an opera, I think, of all the work,

or are you what a room on rural development is, but he's not like? I loved that is, I'm not saying. Yes, I think he is the most unique person we ve had on. The show, I said, am I stand by, I think, he's the highest level of genius we ve had in this attic. I do think that I think it above the scientists. It's a different frequency of life. He is living on yeah. It's he's been dropped down. Nor do I believe that its adjacent to what you're saying, but I would say- his version of genius is in the most finite amount. I've ever seen like there are almost nobody that his his specific jean sally. I mean the areas where I mean like it is a truly one of one so many levels, not just his his musical ability, his synthesis

how here we go in this horrible work. Is utilization synthesis since the sis? Cynthia said cynthia said I guess it is really urgent. There's no science and society has sent us of what life is a bow and his ability to communicate that through music is on. Another is just another wonder: ass, yeah, oh, but just the spirit. if his energy so fun yeah yeah. When I said I wanted to like tickle him and roll around with him, I that's the best way. I can explain how I felt about them like I just want to like. Take all that tackles other out loud, like like puppies. Oh, you line of m o I heard on accident- oh god. No! No! I just wanna like quite like the play was often verbally and then in the now.

I just want like our ass and very physical person, it's my first language I love your love. Likely I touch squeeze fish. Tat has sometimes you. and give someone a ten pick them up, carry them around during the wiz khalifa episode. You pushed me down: yeah yeah, that's right. And act like you didn't he was worried about in one of the most are given, as has happened in iran of his eyes- grew tickled him by the end of the work that they ought to be asked. Tickle me by the news very sweet with lincoln whiz, where's yes in lincoln. That was so. Lincoln is not a hunger by nature. I mean she hugs us of course, attitude not like delta will hug Nine year old, dr new border is blinkers their way.

When lincoln walked up in just started. Looking at him, she just weirdly instinctively just walked in and hugged him out is so unwinking something like very warm towards her. I I noticed it was an old man. He's really mean the ten year old. So I'm sure he connects with that age rose really. And now does he have a ten year old became very clear, he's very into the ten year old. In a way that is so. It doesn't just have a kid like, but we're not here to talk about ways but it could as well. Let's go back to the facts thing, okay, great, so people will complain about that, but part of me doesn't buy it a tiny bit because, let's be honest, yeah even in the the best version facts make up like seven percent of this guy, we ve been doing it for six years and went off for an hour every time. So I can't imagine you're still listening the fact check expecting a tunnel. I think they're, like our I dont understand. My guess, is that people who s not backtrack like hearing about what's goin on

and our life. That's my hope in my my kind of believe at this. What does this isn't knew that we're giving facts for five percent of the time we do pick up new listeners Why did you read the breakdown that spot? I sent us about our year. Yes, it did you notice what our fastest growing it says, our fastest growing country agonizing. What number two ass I knew in asia in fear, india, and I am glad that you are just guessing, but ass. I now was it not a shocker to you it wise. I was not exceed to get well I guess one reason I wasn't expecting. That is, I kind of forget that everyone speaks english there or that many many people speak english there. I forgot that pretty much I Well, whenever we see the breakdown of who's, listening generally, outside of the us, like australia is always up there. Canada is up there, it's all english speaking, new zealand, england. So to see india I was thrilled.

that was a year. They do speak English and there are a billion indians. So I wonder if align them are my family, that cross, my hitting, because we wouldn't saw hudson the odd ninety three percent, indian busy daisy. and what I liked about that is like they show up for each other and your indians are like maybe they're shown up her mind might be ass. Your indians could could maybe make us ask your rogan billy him. What have you india you're like justin bieber there and I don't even have abandoned their beforehand when I was for your first murals up? That would be they don't give a fuck. They have one. They have huge stars there. They are not paying attention to little old me. I think they are. I think, that's why we're seeing the huge growth- and I thank you robin I both. Thank you on behalf of the show we thank you. I was excited to see that because, if we, let's just

that we had the same percentage of listeners per capita in india that we have You mean you well, that would be a juggernaut, Maybe you should go, do your master, tad, oppressed on driving the careless now turning my pants, my parents are planning a trap, a big india trip. After my dad retires, maybe or whatever in a couple years he's and every time I know he's acting like he's gonna hear hear What kind of a new round is a travel ban, and so he could do thing wants to give her back here so they're, making all these trips and plans and stuff. You know what he's cry. I suggested this to my father in law. he's getting writer, retired they're not gonna want em to retire. It's a prime opportune. need to say, like I'd like to go down a six months a year, just sort out there that's an option, Can you anything right? Yeah do yes, he already

because he was was retire like before same occurs is now a year. His works, changing battling now is warranted, a mentor role, which you really likes, look his other thing. I want them to travel cause. I know I'll make my mom very happy, but I think it's keeping him young and I like that further work, yes only mentally agile and its gives him a ton of self esteem. He says that also has an enormous brain that has to be focused on something. That's what people don't predict exactly like. What feels that I now it's hard and he bodies he was for Stu retire, he's along as employ wonder, bred in their history. He was forced to resign because he had and also the actually blew out Then I remember last week and he was forced to retire yeah. And he was so depressed at the really took that heart. What do you do that, when you think

about retiring. What do you think? Do you think about it? So you don't think about it at all. I have your fear of when this show and never when you retire right like when this show comes to an end, what the fuck will. I do then, like what is next for me, That scares me alive, but I tried to try to remember that there was a time before this. yeah that you're happy in fine and helping all know that, like there was a time before this, and then this came by and I could never have imagined at are expected, so I have a plan for you, but you know what is I just think you're such an exceptional writer. Thank you that is on my list. The eye you could eight if several different ways yeah by the way. That's my retirement

we're going to just sit or wake up in the morning and then relax throughout that, that's I don't think that's ever in my future yeah. So what is it I'll do and- and that's for me, it'll be yes, I definitely want to devote time to it. Speaking of I have some, I don't know for sure normal for sure, but I think I might not do my gift. Guide this year, Oh my guy. Well, it's funny. You bring it up because I was lying in bed last night I was thinking like Monica let's get going, I need I like. I need the shit I guessed are ordering as it won't get here in time. Now. That's why I'm feeling like a fact. I have to do it today tomorrow, I dont, but right now we have a lot going on right now up until we have a break, but then it will be too late and up until now

point I feel overwhelmed like we do have a lot. We six shows a week. We have six shows we can two. Shame on eight had its own area and in that's great and fine- and I love that's all you, but I'm here, like the idea of doing the gift card feels slick too. I feel like one thing too much the great. Yet the straw. This is my break. This camel, I am a camel because I don't drink water, I might change my ma. Am I do big pivot? Our goals are, back up Leon. I gotta have like everyone's getting gift. Cards is You can blame monica you're pissed, the lack of thought that went into a boy monica, and I thought I'd just reminded me cause I posted this week about tat- show be ass. Beautiful again, your writing beautifully

and it's so good, no is really good. I am not that was on an exaggeration. I I think there is an effort that the set, to us episode of the show us when we cried at the when I was editing again, I was ball. Why? I am so grateful that that piece of or exists yes, and that it we are affiliated with. It is a minimum level of gratitude. It's very special, so I ve been valley and eliminating lisa exams. Also do a season of eight new are now by now. I think I might do. a shocker waste.

I now give back now. I I think if I do it or when eventually I might do a exploration of all the boys and men who have impact in my life metro said: anne contributed slash not such maybe I learned they didn't, or they did too MIKE. Is she because, with boys and men there so you to help you we ended up process, my stuff I know where europe Jed said it. We ve got a bunch of people say we all know. Well, it's so, Madni know why you are where you are, and it has no impact. It's crazy. I I have a date tonight is taking everything and to not cancel can tell you, I'm so proud of you. truly aims

money, I'm so proud of. You is hard. He saw nice any. He really likes me near course. He does and I'm really trying to not, but that let that blue guy, like exactly and is it going? I get is going against contrary its literally contrary action. Its so hard so we'll see, but is it is its complex using them so hardwired. Orna come on the show, already good marriage. Now dornan, don't brush your hair. I follow her on instagram now. Oh, I do too there's very few posts right, yeah and like not very many foreigners- oh really yeah and then I had that anderson pack posted it. He rode back

meet me now beats a now in korea, town so yeah I mean, I don't know they little battle. But he responded. Lets me here any tagged, his restaurant connected. the weirdest fantasy I had in this- is actually for the first time in this fact check message because as John has worked with bridges he's worked with everyone out when you go through the list it so amazing. I had this insane fantasy, where John knew he was coming here, so he happened to look. In surinam runaway would do that, but let us say he did and then he saw that and then he's like I'm really good friends with anders. This will be whole areas to shop with him. I had Why is it that shares your camping? Sure right, I'm the kind of main I made it makes sense as the possibility tat I now fantasies their tough, because there's a phone

they're fine and they suddenly expectation eternal. They didn't job with Anderson back and there was even better guy way. I mean I. I would have now realised that, because we need full time with both exactly total and I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on what we are experiencing today with him so special I just want to see one behind the scenes thing that happened post interview yeah he an hour What will the taxi score? Of course, once we wanted to take pictures, he was now plain the score food housing as he loves and we were dancing all about and then on the walk to the car. I kind of four. Ask him to listen to my favorite score of all time, and they grew sun score from racing with the moon. I cannot recommend this movie enough for people to young sean penn, he's beautiful in it he's such a beautiful boy in it. Nicholas cage went to my favorites such a movie and the score is my very favorite score of all time. Dave gruesome, so I played

for him when we were walking out. He stopped in their tracks in here. Started doing the thing you saw in the dark, he went to open and then we were leaning on each other, and I was starting to tear up and then we look tat, each other and stared in each other's eyes, while we're lenient that canada tickling thing I was talking about that we needed we needed to be touching. It was lovely yeah, that's lovely, very for a moment, If you have what I had, I told them about it, but did you have what I had when I was watching the doc or it's just as deep set? sadness that I don't have that thing I do. I am I I feel very chaos. We think you can observe it, but I feel more, like I don't see an astronaut, I go to space and feel like shit. I can't do that. The way this it is like. Oh that's there for the taking an itinerant dedicate my life to figure out how to,

I don't have that. I don't think there is a shot and hell that, even if I started at age too, I would be able to do what he doing that in the area. Of course, it's not something, but there are powerful interacting with him musically that aren't him Yet they can join the ride and participate without him, they can that sky plain the trunk along. He was playing the piano that guy was doing things for emotionally that were on par with John was doing just like this thing there sharing, and then you here that this I think my number one love is music, I'm listening to music all day every day I have. Since I was a kid I just fucking love music. I love every genre and I can't participate in it, but it's my play along with my drawings. That's there's a but there's an eagle version. of it and then there's just the

I'm missing out on something beautiful. It's not my ego I'll give. way about I'll see someone stand up and I'm like shit. I think I should be able to do that. That's more! My ego This is more like. There's an emotional experience on planet earth that I can't have, but instead of just two, king, the emotional experience, it's an emotional experience to consumers, have it in infiltrate you and as opposed but I want to put the sat right. That's the part that I'd! I am. I know you do, but if you're getting pulled out of the actual thing by wishing you were a creator, The recipient is as important as the creator of art you're right, one more one from a different angle is really For that, I don't know why. I was really important me that you don't think this is my ego talking, but my very

everything they do in the world is to communicate. That's what we're doing I I'll love it. I love connecting with people. So it's just a version communication. That is even more impact for and more to the point and more emotional, and I can't do it, I dont speak the language. I got I would love to exert loved the community at large. If I could sit with John in pain paul emotions are out of this thing. I do support and I would be great air, but you talk to him in your own way, so why it like. I just wonder if there's something about a approval in there- really don't think that's occurred. So many think, like again, the only thing I can admit to that's me wanting to prove, prowess. Sir, my abilities test myself against something see if I can hit the mark, but this to me is what I said Add in the interview that I believe which is like math explains fit six in a way that language can

similarly music planes, emotions in a way that I can I'd love to express my emotions with something we understand. Ideas like that would be very beautiful and efficient in true. I'm just try my best what these? words, these dumb sounds I'm making with my tongue and teeth yeah. You know I do know yeah. I get it, I feel that way a little bit I mean I I feel more when I watch it Look when I see his hands on that piano and what is happening and what is getting channeled through his heart through his finger tipps a thing get to come into my ears and not only my ears, my body like I get, I get to experience it. I just feel so deeply grateful that that exists on this earth

when we get that. Yes, I think the other element were responding to that. We know innately, but we're not conscious of is We can see his brains that doing now we know biomechanical, his brain is doing it, but he's not conscious of what comes out when he is breaking up that power outage yeah, but he has learned to I mean flow- I guess is the definition, but he doesn't have to think about that yeah. That's to me what so intriguing and appealing about it, nor even when talking you run every sentence through your head in a nanosecond before you. Let it come on your mouth for good reason, but this thing he does just satisfied. Yeah you marry purer, we limit will

I belong to muzzle murmuring as when we do these facts in you. Look down at your computer you're about to tell me a fact. I know any people again a greener and I keep having to remind myself others, no, not showing looking at her facts- and I remember there I can lower both in here are always very special and we knew tat. It was paper, but it's an onion onion paper. We have one more monday left of this year for the show. After this episode, we have a thursday episode. Another Monday episode, one other thing

the day I was a member start rehearsing my eldest reality. Gonna get out, we ever christmas special come in your way, Ben anyway. This is our second last monday of the year and it's been white a year. I had a lot of. I again. Fun is not necessarily the word but kind of going through. All of our at the sides to figure out are best up this. Your regular but different of a best of orange viewer by seven longer fewer longer and spread over to day so Monday will have our monday best of that's a great idea top tat. I love that you're doing experts yeah monday's, then thursdays will do our top ten

thursday, but I was peace it putting this altogether this week and figure out who we were going to do in the sections in naval. Goodbye really are very proud of the three of us and what we ve built very proud of it, and I am grateful for the year we do you guys are impossibly great. I dont know how the fuck, but we all found each other, but it's like are also We have our little zones that we're responsible, for is just at least I'll speak for you, too, is being done absolutely perfectly. It's crazy, I'm astounded! All the time will tell you to all that we're going to use this on the best of repeat herself and she okay well You'Re- about to leave to go on a little night occasion yeah day trip to vegas to grow the sphere. I wendy dying to go to cancer to bad.

so blurry sir. I love you. I love you.