Today on something you should know some fat, about alcohol. You really need to know if you're drinking this holiday season also why do we dream and why are so many of your dreams so upsetting? There was one recent study where scientists put recording devices in people's brains while they were asleep, and they found that these utterances that they made during sleep talking preparing negative and people just seem to be in distress. Then what's the best tasting catch up by far And how to make friends and be comfortable in a room full of strangers, the model of expert at working around the map for covert helder when you're talking to are very off putting behavior the person that you're talking to and maintain eye contact there'll be at ease, then you'll be ready. Then,

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are in a festive time of year, people breaking a lot and a lot of what people think about alcohol turns, to be more myths, in fact, for example, beer before liquor never been sicker. What the truth is its actual the total amount of alcohol consumed and how quickly. Who consume it. That makes you sick nothin. the nation of booze All you really need to do is pace yourself about one drink per hour, and you should be fine mixing caffeine will make you less sleepy the truth, that when caffeine, especially diet, soda is consumed with alcohol, it can actually alter your perception of how drunk you are leaving. You did Rick way more than you planned instead, its better alternate your cocktails with water to feel less sleepy. Old wine is the best wine. While the truth is

lot of wines are actually meant to be consumed right away, or at least within the first year, two of production, a good rule of thumb, to keep in mind for any bottles collecting dust on your shelf, the cheaper, the bottle. The fact stir. It should be consumed light beers. A healthier option, but the truth is big, our only light compared with their counterparts. In other words, a corona light is lighter than a regular corona, but that's all it tells you The only way to really know if a light beer is low and calories is to check the calorie count container takes one hour to sober up for every drink, the truth is, it is true only for the first drink for every drink. After at an extra thirty minutes, since the effects are cumulative. For example, if you have three thanks. You'll need to allow four and a half hours to sober up and that something you should know.

I know something you do every While you were in bed, you dream and if your dreams are anything like my dreams, they often make a lot of sense their hard to remember and seem, as if They don't really have much to do with real life, but dreaming has been studied scientifically necessarily regarding what dreams mean, but why We do it in the first place. Does dreaming really serve a function and if so, what is it and can We better use our dreams based on that research here, to talk about This is Alice. Rob Alice is a journalist and columnist for new york's science for us and she's author of a new book called why we dream I allus so

first of all the science, no really why we dream- or are there just theories and possible explanations of why we dream airlock myriad, then do you have a lot of science system, then one of the main ideas is that which comes from evolutionary psychology is that we dream in order to rehearse for things that will be stressful during the day that would explain wire brain their subjecting us do something. That's often so unpleasant people notice that they have

many more inviting dreams and you are more likely to be falling down and flying through the sky, so scientists were wondering: why would we have to go through something so unpleasant every night and the solution that they came up with was that if we go through this unconscious practice session, then were more prepared to face out situation in real life? I mean there was one reason study where scientists put recording devices in people's brooms, while they were asleep and they collected the the utterances that they made during sleep talking and when they analyze, then they found that these utterances were very negative, that they use the word no four times, often during sleep as they didn't real life and they cursed all the time. Dreams were very profane and peoples

to be in distress. Couldn't it just be, though, that while europe, sleep in your body is repairing itself and sleeping because the human body requires it, your brain, to do something, so it fires off these random things and theirs.

nothing more to it than that couldn't? Could it not just be that it seems unlikely because there are so many patterns in dream? I mean they're, not just random. There are studies showing, for example, when rats run through a maze, and then they fall asleep that they're actually replaying that sequence in their brains. Their neurons are firing in the same pattern as they did while they were running through the means during the day, so they're learning at it. That dreams are they're, replaying, family and things that have happened to us during the day, not just random things. There are studies of humans showing that, when you're going through an intensive learning experience like when you're learning a new language, you actually have more rem, sleep and rem is the time when you are

the main. There is actually a study of the english speakers. Learning french and found that the students who were incorporating french into their dreams were the ones who are mastery and there is actually a correlation between dreaming in french and improving in real life, really you know, you know something. I've always wondered. I've heard that blind, bold dream, even though they've been blind since birth. So what did they dream about? Did? Have you ever looked at that yeah? It's interesting actually do some blind people. Do you have sight and dream I it tends to depend at what age they lost their sight, so if they lost their sight before the age of five, they probably don't have fate and dreams, and for most of us our dreams are very visual sight as much. This is the most common sense and dream in dreams. We tend not to feel things. We don't really feel pain, usually even hearing things

is pretty unusual. I mean ass if you're a musician, you might have more auditory dream, but if people have lost their sight after around the age of five are then they do intend to continue to experience, tightening their dreams Whenever we don't. We don't hear things in our dreams. Typically, we do, but those tend not to be the most salient experiences like they tend to be much more visual, but I mean we. We have. We have conversations in dreams, but were more likely to remember these business hurry, visual themes. Over the years I've been offered people to come on and talk about dreaming. her protection in an ivory resisted, because it does seem to me that if you ask ten dream interpreters to interpret a dream, you'll get ten different inter rotations and this. This idea that, oh, if you dream you're flying that means this, and if you're eating in your dream, that means that,

What's your taken all of that young and I think your instinct their correct there is. There is really no such thing as dream. Inter patient, I mean you can try to understand where the dream is coming from, you can look for correlations between the dream and and old memory or between recent experience. But you know we don't there's no such thing as a dream. Dick Mary, you can never say this isolated element of a dream always means a certain thing. I mean humans have certainly tried their dream dictionaries dating back to ancient times. You know their interpretations, like people would try to use dreams almost as fortune telling devices that you know. If you dream of your teeth falling out, it means you'll come into a fortune sort of random thing. By the way that it is possible to meaningfully look at your own dreams. If you

pay attention, jeer, dreams, and you you start recalling them frequently. You can look for emotional patterns or patterns in which characters turning up and we do tend to have our own idiosyncratic dream languages, but we have to figure that out for ourselves, but there have been studies of people who dream durant journals over decades that find that there are certain things that stay constant, So I'm thinking of one woman who kept a dream, a dream journal for fifty years and there were certain motifs that recurred at release in really similar ways. So her mother appeared in one out of four dreams and in one out of ten dreams she was

running after at bath, so dude most people dream the way. I dream in the sense that they don't really seem to make a lot of sense. You know you're in a car and then it turns into an elephant, and then it did- and it's all very strange and surreal- is that the typical dream, or or am I just nuts? You know we have different types of dream over the course of the night. So your dreaming, everyone pay it, though that happens about every ninety minute and towards the beginning of the night you're having shorter, ran in be assured of ten to fifteen minutes and those entering those early dreams? They tend to be a little more mundane, more urgent. You know you're replaying, maybe what just happened during the day but then later in the night rente those get longer they can stretch on as long as an hour and those are the dream, the tent. be very story like an intense and

It were more likely to remember both because they happened closer when we wake up, and also because they're, just more memorable and in those dreams, we were making these more random associations, because the the part of the brain, the frontal lobe, that the logic centers are less activated and the emotion centers the amygdala are fired up. So you have a sort of chemical drew up. It's like almost designed to have emotional experiences that don't make that much sense like you're, not stopping yourself from making connections that during the daytime, you would ass, it sort of honest spectrum with mind, wandering and free associating that we might do during the day. I want to ask you whether it's really possible to solve a problem in your dream that you can't solve when you're awake, because that seems really strange to me.

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to defined a new doktor zadok is what I'll use. Why would you do anything else? Go to zogg doc, dot, com, slash s, why ass, K and download the tsar doc app for free, then find and book top rated doctors. Today, that's z, o c d, o c dot com, slash s. Why asked kay Zack doc, dotcom, slash s. Why, as k so Alice heard stories about people, you know Einstein had a dream and came up with this, that people are to use their dreams in some sort of a deliberate way, but it's at all always seems to be einstein and people. You know it isn't me. I don't think I've ever had a dream that I woke up the next morning in aha Here's the answer is that common I mean, I think it very. Do you. Do you remember your dream?

and yeah, sometimes sometimes I remember dreams, but I find that, as I try to remember them, they slip away yeah. dream journal or do you have any practice like I know I don't do that I also find too that that's dreams really stick. me the next day that, as most of them I don't remember much about some of em. Have a real profound effect may be because something horrible happened in them like it. It's almost nightmarish like, but but they really kind of cloud my day the next day yeah I mean they can absolutely effect. was one study that I read about couple of people in really initiatives that found that if they had dreamed about having a fight with there, partner or about their partner cheating on them. If they were, they reported here,

feelings of intimacy in the morning and were more even more likely to actually have a fight, so they definitely can exert influence on our behavior. What certainly are mood, even if we don't remember them, sometimes you just wake up with it I know he's the ran around. I don't know why I feel this way, but it, but it's a profound feeling like and it's usually negative yeah I'd recommend keeping a dream journal if you are interested and it doesn't have to be like a patent paper journal and can be, but you couldn't even a speaker dreams, you're phone in the morning. You could take them up if you do not call them just intending to recall then thing before bad that you want to reaching for your journal. First thing in the morning can really really hard, but what about this idea that einstein, you know and other people have found the answer in their dreams, because I never do

Yeah, I mean we tell a lot of these a spectacular stories about scientists making breakthroughs in dreams and artists using dreams to you know come up with the ideas and their hassock stories of musicians, everyone from beethoven too all macartney composing in their dreams, which sounds may thing but for most of us are problems, are a little more down to earth, and but our dreams can still definitely give us insight into them. There was one study by a harvard psychologists call deirdre bear it who gave students the task of,

had to pick a problem. There are happy in their lives than before a lot of them. It news from if you do the relationship or indecision over career path and think about it before a bad and set an intention to try to dream about it, and she found that many of them were actually able to that. They drew out the problems and that they gained some insight. Into them and somehow fair solutions were in metaphors that they had to unpack for themselves. Other times they just almost received answers sure they were they knew about and then felt that those answers did resonate with what they wanted, but didn't know that they wanted one other thing: that always fascinates me about dreams is how you can surprise. You yourself in a dream. You know you go around the corner and there's that thing you never thought could be there. But it's

or dream how we? How can you surprise yourself in your own dream? It's your dream! Yeah! I mean what trivial aspects of dreams. I think that you're creating other people and they're talking to you and you're like telling yourself this whole story. But yet you are, you are the producer of it. I mean freud would say that that every figure in a dream represents some aspect of yourself, so you might be turning your fear of something into person who comes to represent it, but there's definitely a lot that still kind of mind. Boggling injury is one of the things, that I remember hearing a long time ago, it was an interview with Paul mccartney and he he said that he looked at it as when he dreamt about his mother, who had passed away that it was like

to see her again and that, in fact, that is what the lyrics of the song let it be. When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me is exactly that: in his dream. His mother comes to him and he use it as a chance to see her again, and I love that. I just thought that is so great, and and so what I, when I dream about my mother, who is also passed away, I with that way, and it's like you get to see her again, yeah. I didn't know that about. Let it be waiting. To have more dream when we're going through times in the strategy, transition and loss and an extreme example that is when someone you love, has just passed away, and most people who are in mourning described very vivid personally, meaningful dreams of fun

of the person coming back to them. I mentioned before that. You know there have been stories of people like einstein having dreams, and you know finding the missing piece of the equation that solves all the world's problems of a are. These It is true. Do we know? Are these myths or a it did how often does it happen a what's the sense of what that's all about. There have been studies that show that people get more creative answers to problems to word problems when they've just woken out of dreams. Late and said there was one study by a researcher called Robert stickles who book students out of rem, sleep, or they were just awake, and they were given a word problem where they would have to you'd have to match pairs

words and word. Pairs were very obviously linked together. Lake shorten long disputes would just opposite hot and cold, and then others that the words were a little bit, of illegally related, so safe and wrong was one fat or cowboy and rock so typically link that you would have to think a little bit harder to make, but with a study and with that, the people who we just walking out of dreams leave actually made those more a bleak connections more quickly, so they were They are coming out of dreams and dream sleep and still working in this kind of luther wider network of associations that we have in dreams what about the idea of deliberately trying to do things with your dreams? I know there's loose people claim to be able to dream.

And be aware that their dreaming in their dream and then be able to do things in the dream? I've never been in to do that. I always wake up as soon as I realise I'm dreaming and but by here people say that you can use your dreams deliberate leak. Can you really yeah absolutely? I would say that you have had the experience where you realize that you're in a dream, while you're in a dream, I would guess that it would probably not be hard for you to improve at least the dreaming. That's already like on the way and their technique, the people

is to prolong their lucid dreams and can stabilize them. So they don't get startled and just wake up. There's one technique that is recommended by Steven, the burj who's, the very expert, lucid dreamer, and he suggest that you do that. You just do anything to physically engage with the dream world and use your body. So rub your hands together, really try to feel feel the floor, feel your surrounding and that can also just help you calm down. So you don't get so excited that you wake up and for people who master lucid dreaming, absolutely they can use lucid dreams to to practice for things, and you know alot a lot of athletes report using these dreaming to to practice for their events or to stage encounter encounters with people from their lives and get some emotional satisfaction from not in a way

read somewhere that you can do that. Yes, though, this is actually how I got interested in the topic of dreams in the first place, dreams hadn't occupied that much of my mental phase. I was growing up. Probably I think I had a similar attitude toward streams that most of us have that there, Maybe they're kind of interesting, but really we should or shouldn't talk about them too much they're a little embarrassed thing. You know, educated people shouldn't take them too seriously. But then, when I was in college I was, I was on an er Article dig a requirement for my major and Staying in this very small town in Peru, and there was no rival.

tonight and I read all the books I brought and a friend of mine who is on the dig. Had this book. There was a guide book about lucid dreaming, based even the bird who I mentioned before, but the way he Liberal described it founded extremely who is becoming aware in a dream that you're in a dream, I so not having much else to do. I started practising the exercises that he suggested, so First, improving my general dream recall by keeping a dream at diary and talking about my dreams throughout the day which being geological dig, you just don't have a lot to do. You have people around to talk to you. I was a very good place to try that

improve your dream recall, and then you start doing exercises like throughout the day. You ask yourself whether you're, awake or asleep, and you do something to check, so you might plug your nostrils and see if you can breathe and if you, can read through your plug nostrils than you know, you're in a dream, and the idea is to have a becomes ingrained, and so you pose the same question in your sleep and if europe instantly aware your answer that you're in a dream and a removed again, so I started having this dreams that summer in college, and just and then came to mind blowing and from their got further into dreams. Can you it will? Can you say I'm gonna have a lucid dream tonight and you will sometimes not perfect bring me, I mean people are very different. Some people, I've met people who lose their dreams

Naturally, I met one woman who has listed dream every night without making any effort for me, it's like I have to get into the mindset. I have to do my reality, checks and then yes also say before bad. You think about my desire to have a lucid dream, as more than I do that diligently for a few days are probably have one, but it is a bit of it when you look at all the reason that you ve looked at at dreaming what what the one or two things that really kind of blow your mind that really fascinate that really like wow, if, if we haven't talked about them already, that that end

studies, anything that, like man, this is wild. Hmm, alright, here's a study on that. I found very inspiring about how dream the role that dreams can play in helping us psychologically, and this is a study by a woman called rosalind cartwright who decided to study people who are going through a divorce. So she would have people come in right after their separation when they were new, most depressed and then come in again about a year later and she asked them about their dreams at both points and she found that the people and you know, took other measures of their wellbeing and she found that people who were dreaming about their exes at the start of the study there actually doing better in real life, they were more likely to have moved on.

be dating just to feel that they recovered worth and in particular people who had really active dreams about their active, their exes a lot going on. They work confronting them or bringing in different experiences as opposed to people, were having more passive Since you someone who is not only studied dreaming but also really participated in lucid dreaming in recalling your dreams and any less piece of advice for people? I think everyone, even if you think that dreams don't mean anything just why not make a little bit of effort just failures off for bad. I would like to remember my dreams. Maybe to keep her dream journal and just

what's going on in your brain, I mean you're spending two hours about twenty twenty five percent of your time, asleep in dreams, and you know it's this whole aspect of human experience tat many of us are just ignoring, and it's very easy to happen to you. Do you want meaning that you can ring from that right? I mean what could it hurt and who knows what you might uncover Alice robb has been my guest. She is off. of the book, why we dream the transformative power of our nightly journey, there's a linked to her can the show notes thanks Alice, thank them much if you're, a parent, The subject of technology has come up in conversation with your kids U s! Cellular knows how important your kids relationship with technology is, and they ve made it their mission to help them. Stably, good digital habits, early on. That's why partnered with screen sanity, a nonprofit dedicated to helping kids navigate

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that com for restrictions in details once again go to apprise, picks, dot com, slash s, why s, K and use code asked why s k for a first deposit up to a hundred dollars price picks? ellie fantasy sports made easy I think you will agree that friendship has changed. You probably have friends you communicate with only electronically through texts and emails and social media, but are those real friends, maybe by this new definition of friendship, they are but many what you that real friends, people, yahoo people use in time was in the same room. That's what constitutes friendship and it. You have a lot of electronic friends. Maybe crowding out time for your real friends. So we a balance here. Is there real value in having lots of electronic friends? You never meet. What purpose

They serve and just how important are real friends by the more traditional definition here to discuss. This is susan role when susan's speaker and author of several books, including food, to face how to claimed the personal touch in a digital world. I susan I don't think, there's anything wrong with digital friends, those people you never meet in real life. Everybody them, that's not going to change and in fact those there's some real value in those kinds of connections right. Why only note that book, I would friendship, came up with something that, I think, is true. We now have something called tat. No friends, I have a friend india we ve never met. We ve, never even talk. It's been strictly talking on email, but we beyond, feel an affection and a kinship beyond business I think a lot of us have that, but in a way,

Also in our life want friend whom we can call when something goes wrong and something is good, sometimes winning the trend that we can call when we need the right to the emergency room, that's a close knit friends and we can meet those people in work, but not if we're just stay in touch flew gizmos. It's gotta be something that happened not only on the phone, but in those room, though, with a cup of coffee c even the bottle beer. Often, though, people will complain that there aren't the opportunities there aren't the places to go to meet people unless you go to a bar, which a lot of people don't want to do, and you could people online, but then that gets back to the whole electronic thing, but really that they're. Just that. The opportunities are what they used to be. Sounding like my mother go out, you'll never meet anyone sitting at home for this century is

need everyone sitting at home, but it won't have the same value or we need to do is I think a lot of work in such isolated situations is mixed when that invitation comes, that we put ourselves in situations. Oliver Kennedy had chambers of commerce. We have rogueries how bout this go to your community books or that it brings in a local author for book event. Here you're gonna meet people who read: how could they had the boy be bad enough and I know people they do. They made people in bars in kiev club. They join hiking club, you ve gotta, put yourself situations, whether our other people- or this is a very I waited world and the like the result of being isolated. Is it doesnt contribute to our health? Research shows people who live longer and live healthier? Have social connect?

well in many people do find themselves in situations in rooms with other people, but there's are often that, petrifying fear of. Actually, talking to someone and I wonder you know what is that fear that it is the fear of what what what stops people from saying, How are you my name's, my din and it's nice, to meet you always actually with been interesting, is doctor, philip them Bardo and doktor bernard occurred? Did she have done a lot of research and shyness their shyness experts on what has been found over the stand for china's clinic when I first road how to work a room? Eighty percent of american adult according to research, self identity, shy. Now it's up to ninety three percent of its doctors embargo said he attributed them there

high statistical jump to technology. So, first of all, a lot of us are shy. Even I am sometimes you walk into a room and you go. What am I doing here? You know there's so many other things I should be doing. The one thing is shyness. The other thing is there's some what I call mothers or even fathers, your warning, and one of them is we were taught don't talk to strangers. You walk in a room, it's an event at the party, its business conference. It's a fundraiser and you see all Oh people, whom I gonna talk to. What am I gonna talk about? It is very daunting important thing. The now for all of our listeners is ninety. Three percent of the people in the womb feel the same way. You can even start the conversation about that first time, you're here your member of the organization. You can even safer

am I glad I made it. You know it we. You know I had an extra hour on the freeway and I found it hard to find a parking space It's the little, throw away lines that we don't practice about the things we have in common that we call small talk. That's the place that waste do you remember. Everyone feels the same way in came there to meet. People in the chances are if there are a hundred people in the room there like ninety five lovely people who would be happy to talk, by matching its partly that fear of rejection that if you start a conversation with some one, the dough, though not want to talk to you and reject you and then never feels good. So you don't start the conversation, but but that almost never happens, I'm coming. We got out what I think of the way things could happen usually does.

some people are shyer than you, so they don't know exactly what to say, but I gotta give this tip that that I think really works if we walk into every room and we make it our goal to make other people comfortable with us. Instead of worrying about our own comfort, their kindness, which is a bad thing in our brain and then you become or we all, but a little more outgoing. If we see what we can do to make other people comfortable in that linked to one of the road in the remedies which is instead of waiting for people to come over to you act like the house. This is, according to doktor, Adele shilly in house do what they can to make other more comfortable pretended to your party monsieur when, when you're, the host of the party, there is a very different mine, said, you're much more internal,

control and confident because it's your party. So why not? Why not pretend this is your party right? but you know I have an ant and who I won't name. She was a guest everywhere. Bring me food. Tell me amusing stories we all know. People like that make me have a good time well and then there's the other people. They introduce you to other people. Even if they just met someone, they say something nice. They make the introduction they make. You feel comfortable, they noticed what you're wearing they tell you that what they are eating is delicious. You should try when they're, just there I have personal, we really have had house training. Most of us know how to treat people when there bite it in our homes. So we just need to take those transferable skill to those events where we're not actually the host, but we can act like one How important do you think it is if you're gonna go to an event to actually deliberately sit down and come up with some things too

talk about to have them on the tipp of your tongue, MIKE you're, talking to a former girl, take care we must prepare. We, you know, that's what makes us more comfortable we do our homework and when I say prepare, you know not word for word but read your paper. Read a local paper. Read an online paper. Prepare prepare your attitude prepare conversation. You know. The other thing you can prepare are some strategies. we're getting into a group of people. Well, let's talk about that. That's a universal problem of lean walking into a room in trying to. It fit into a conversation. Oh my god. That's the worst. Everyone in the group and you're thinking nobody for me to talk to. They all have their people. What you can do when you see a group- and this is

I advise in all my presentations. I say this to our mike audiences: go over to the group that, having the most fun the one that's a little more boisterous and outgoing either be more open to someone joining them and be. Why would a picnic it looks like they're not having fun to go over and talk to stand in. The periphery agreeable body, language smile mad, your head, if you agree with them and when someone looks your way you can step in, but here the magic of the mingling maven, the people, the person that people remember when you see someone in your periphery when you're in a group that back and then you'll have included depths it was excluded and they will always remember you kindly. I remember hearing a piece of advice in it. May have been from you from one of our earlier conversations that

if you're intimidated by going in walking into a room full of people make the attempt to go there early so when you walk into the room, it isn't following there's just a person or to that was me. This is what we learn from shy people, a person that thinks of themselves as shy. The shy people never go to an event waded in fifteen minutes after it's called and the reason is it's easier to be in the room when other people men then to walk into the room. That seems already full of people. So when you're already in the room- and someone has to walk past you to go to the bar the order of the desert table,

smile and nod that's easier, but if you have to walk into a room full of people, that's tough, so shy people. There is a lot we can learn from them, but that one is probably the golden nugget dont go and make the grand entrance shy. People just I don't do a grand entrance. What about those people who do make a grand entrance who do effort leslie walk into a room full of people and their everybody's best friend, who are they people and what is it they have that the rest of his don't have well raised by my mother. Now, I'm kidding I'm you know, there's some people that just are they they're just natural and that they're comfortable in their own skin, or maybe they didn't get all those warnings that they should.

talk to strangers, but the other thing is if you're around, and you see someone if you consider a magnificent mingle or watch what they do, they seem natural because they don't think they're working the room. They don't. Think when their networking, then they want networking loses out there being and they are wonderful teachers for the rest, They are the good role model you see, in fact one of the gentle In that I know a p who said he was shy, so shy as a kid. He thought it was a disease. He watched a teacher of him who he sought with grated it and what he did ass. He observed what this person did and he s

waited him and that away. We learn how to be a mean, if maybe they're, seven to ten percent of us that are really comfortable in such situations and by the way, the person that looks comfortable in a business situation may not be comfortable in the social situation and vice versa, because where each shy different kinds of situation, but those people seem natural. You know what it is. Those are the people they can. The wine on themselves and other people make a comment about it and move forward. They just seen at ease, but the most important thing is my they make us ease with them. Yeah. I think it's my theory anyway, that that's a big element of like ability that you like people who

You feel at ease around who make you feel comfortable. Who want to hear what you have to say. You know it and here's the hint for perilousness when someone's talking what we need to do is not to planning our next word. We should do something in it sounds very easy, but it often isn't when we're worried about what to say next, netted listen to people as they talk, though, if people that make us feel comfortable, they pay attention to us when you are really paying attention you're. Here, the cuban people give you four the conversation and you won't be worrying about why your next words were cause. You could pick up on what they said. Well, it seems simply, but I think it's harder than it looks it harder than it looks because

what we really are worried. Am I gonna say the right thing. I don't want send this person, but here here is the other things that I think is very interesting is that when we look at leaders and people who are very adept at this than we had, two former presidents we're skilful one withdrawn or the late ronald reagan in the others go Clinton, and when people talk to them, what they ve always said is both of these people made. You feel as if he were the most important person in the room. Even if they only talk to you for two minutes, we can adapt that to us how about this?

if you want to be an expert at working, a room, and I mean by being nice in a room and meeting in mingling in creating relationships and connection what you do is you do not look over someone shoulder when you're talking to them? That's a very off putting behaviour, just focus on the person that you're talking to and maintain eye contact and you'll make them feel important, though It is then you'll babies and then conversation flow. So here's a situation. I think people often find themselves in when there and a party where they don't really know a lot of people, mostly it strangers, and whatever is bad. Disgust may be it's. Politics may be at some other kind of touchy subject and you're, not agreeing with what's being said, do you keep your mouth shut? Where do you chime in or what's your recommendation.

depending on in some people have to say, I think you're wrong there. They, like the contentious conversation, cadet, sometimes could be fun. That's this isn't the place to do it. You, in durban, one hand in a beverage in the other, but there are other ways to say think you wrong, there's ways to say: well that wasn't my understanding of it! I have a different perception. It's been my experience that, and you can say what you think and feel and observed that I think the words you choose wouldn't be people can say. Susan you're, not direct, and you should just flat out say what's on your mind and disagree with people begin now it like their people. I know that say with on their mind and they pride themselves on it in their times. I want to say to them. You know what we don't care, don't say it be a little more gracious while think there's a lot of wisdom in that? I think graciousness in many ways is lost art and maybe it's worth bringing back

Susan Rowan has been my guest cheese, the author of several books, including how to work a room and face to face how to recover the personal touch in a digital world and I've gotta linked to her book at amazon, in the show notes for this episode that for being here, Susan, americans consume over six hundred million pints of catch every year, in addition to ones in the grocery store, there are also all kinds of organic and gore may mail order catch ups, but of all of them, which is the best ketchup people at america's test, kitchen held a blind tastes test of thirteen different brands of catch up, including their own homemade ketchup and the clear winner was heinz heinz was the best second place went to del Monte and third place to hunts ketchup.

What about the fancy? Mail order brands, were they didn't rate very well at all. They were described this too thick knots move enough or to vinegary, even the home made. I chuck that america's test kitchen maid themselves, didn't come. Stu heinz in their blind taste test which tasters described as perfect, and that is something you should know right: an reviews are always appreciated and wherever you listen to this podcast on spot, a fire apple pie, or tune in Google podcasts You can leave a rating and review, and I appreciate it. If you would do so, I might carruthers eggs for listening today to something you should know

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