Hey, what's going on it's bill bird, it's the Monday morning, podcast for Monday may thirtieth Two thousand and eleven happy memorial. Above all, should be at a parade for the true you're just sleep it off. I hang over you are a fuckin selfish, can't you, Wave hello to the troops at the airport but when they gave him a day and you're supposed to be outdone yet lay in your fuckin bed, you do hey. What's going on in my bed too have abrasive I've braces to what that line from high everybody, the papers and Butthead movie. Oh boy oh boy who took Tylenol P M last night. I did I roof it myself.

Everybody ever just really really really fuckin tired, fuckin time Joe Joe. I slept like a fuckin stalled kid. I was really tired. Last night. I was nodding off. I was on my couch and what the fuck was. I don't know it my dog, whose afraid of the wind he's like the way and make it a single whole fuckin podcast. My dog does not like wind, it freaks the fuckin thing out, each its way out of its cage. I call it the cage. The dog trainer calls it the CASA which is spanish for the cage No, it is. Ah, I took two years of Espagne. All save you play coffee means house varieties suggesting that not a cage cage implies that it something negative

And you don't have a shot up, you useless, can't alright go trim, your fuckin babe stay out of my head right. It's a fucking cage. The dog is q, breaks out of a house. You know. A break into a house. Oh my god, It's so awesome. I have to get in there and see what kind of stuff they have you. Break into a house born you break out of a structure, that's not a whole! Ok, when you don't you The fact that your gums are bleeding and your scraping the chest hair off of your torso, so you can squeeze through a fuckin porthole that your family body can fit through. That's not a house. That's not a CASA! That's not may saw, or whatever the fuck it is in French.

You have taken dinner with a c h friend for House Shepherd was a fuckin hatch lush. A niece was assured. We'll show me a Jacques Mozilla fuck yourself. I think you know something I actually took french one pass. That then, was but was too dumb to go under French too. So they actually have French to weigh the AAA of Fuckin. French part do and I flung so bad. I flung tat class so badly. My dad made me go back to French one to get the basics and then went back and flung back says Christ still little secure people you want to. I am a comedian that little let little story. I just gave you right there that I'll, let you know right there, then I'll. Let you know you know the fact that I could go back

in time and do worse than I did the first time. You know you guys ever see back to the few Without Marty, Mcfly goes back in only two Dodge writing all the wrong. Somebody comes back to the future. He's gotta Toyota, for rather right in everything, worked out at the girl of his dreams. I did that real life. I went back and time our the french one, and I actually ended up doing worse so because I never like that trilogy everyone else. Was just go along for the ride. Now said they don't do this fuckin bullshit! I write it go back in time and any do even fuckin. Worse, let's move on here. This is the money money podcast everybody for those of you who are enjoyed the sound of my voice and feel like you can't get enough of it. Just in case you missed at last week, I actually was on the atom Corolla podcast the imo.

Downloaded podcast in the history of podcasting. They even The t shirts some sort of get spoke, a world records that they set for number of downloads. I was on last week's episode and I had a great fucking. Time which was recorded, live at John. Of its is comedy club at Universal Fucking Strip Mouth, whatever the fuck. You call that day. This big thing out here called universal. I think that to make movies and at some point they just made a left turn and there were like, let's just stick like twelve shitty restaurants. Next to each other in a big I max theatre and then will have some stupid rides and I got a feeling that a bunch of fat, foxen, hawaiian shirts, will show up what you guys taken our yeah. It's fuckin do it here what they were right. They were right

bunch of ferries walking around with their swollen feet. It will give a look down affect people's feet. That should not there already fat because they had a whole bag of fuckin Evan aims on the way over there were those giant fuckin bags. You know the kind of bag. It so fuckin, big that if you are making a brick wall, One of the bricks was just the beggar eminem you it. We would still winning their wooden compromise the structure you could just concrete right over the fuckin thing. What's with the yellow brick that's a big bag, Eminem sweetheart might fat fuck and uncle showed up with it. And I dropped it on the ground and I couldn't take up, we just sat there laugh at bay We in Europe are we just sat there laugh at you pick it up. You fat, fuck, about earning Tubby very trying to pick up

Well see, the problem was that there was a there was a bit of a year and probably a fifteen percent grade in my front yard, so the federal bent down rolled fell backwards on his big toddler, ass? They walked to set up the curb, and I went to jail for eight months manslaughter charge I also have to Parma Community service is I have to talk about the dangers of bullying, but In a tribute to him, we took that big bag Eminem, so we we put a right, no Walter, God rest his soul fuck am I talking about on the Monday morning? Podcast has a donation button, everybody do you the door. I love you got twenty point. Just born in a hole in your pocket. What do you do when you deal with their money? Her? You gonna, spend it on that fucking unappreciative, sitting across to me. Right now, who can What you listen to

listening to it on your ipod, she sit right across will look at her stupid fuck inside of her face yeah, you married that your legally bound to that one. Do spend another twenty bucks on her get there. Some sort of ok now no appetizer Applebee's? Is that what you gonna do damage you laugh and right now archer. This is worth it What is she isn't? She's not going to give a fuck what she do right now, Looking around the room you now looking for for a fuckin, a different d, with the with the bigger dollar side on it you know you will know that this was a holiday with the amount of meanness that I'm spewing here. A little frustrated, I'm still trying to get over. This fuckin called that I've had all goddamn weak, so frustrated because I've been going on stage going off in supply.

Of Lance Armstrong and I'm really beginning to realize how few people give a shit about bicycle racing. I should go to be honest with you. I should put that out there and somebody connected with the tour sent me an email and die said. He thought that the shit I said last week was fuckin hilarious. When I was trashing that fuckin cunt. That piece of shit Tyler Hamilton, Tyler, Hamilton, you aren't you guys understand. First of all, though, if you are actually keeping up on the Lance Armstrongs story. All four of you. Do you understand that he's not gonna get caught? The guy took fuckin five hundred God. Damn he passed, more so now. All I can do is just get people to say that they saw him. Do it. That's not gonna hold up in court

not to mention the people coming forward, our fuckin known cheats. You know: Tyler Hamilton this fucking. Could this is his background, the ball, so this guy miracles was Tyler Hamilton announces Retirement Friday. This is an article October, eight ups are April, eighteen, two thousand and nine all. I did research. This week, Nazis, retirement Friday. Why? Because he had conflict everything he could accomplish. Wonderful sport, no, he retired Friday after testing. Positive for this steroids d! a witch hunt, over the counter herbal and anti, herbal and anti to present. He's a guys what anti depressants Annie's taken steroids. This is the guy. That's gonna, bring it down a known, fuckin, cheat! he was ass. It was the second doping offence for the veteran riderhood did positive

now don't offend gay people. Here he tested positive for homo logos. Allow blood trains, you should be a big bang. Seamen evidently shot to his fuckin veins to add to the test Austro Jesus Christ, I fucked anyone that you're home a glow. We're globalists. Blood transfusion, two thousand foreign served a mandatory two years suspension, even as you disputed the test results through two rounds of arbitration. These are the kinds of pay who are coming up. Disguised life's over, he wrote a bicycle until he was thirty. Do you realize how big a whole that is in your resume? When you try to get back into the real world they try and get a desk job. Do you know it's weird? Do you have any sort of job experience? I wrote a bicycle from age, eight to thirty and then I got fired, I got five

from riding a bicycle. Now I would like a management position. A Tyler. Why don't you go fuck yourself, so there We do our jobs. What do I do? I write a book. I want to write a book. That's work. What should I do? What if I just go and sixty minutes- and I read out, let's Armstrong View piece of shit: douche bag other fuckin month, this fuckin guy Tyler Hamilton evil. I just can't believe that shit, ok for Of people I'm retailers right now, you can't write a bicycle: said last week, kit right a bicycle: thirty miles of fuckin our up a goddamn mountain all right for a month. We can't do that without being on drugs. So get your fuckin heads out of Santa Claus is ass thereon. Drugs, ok, they're on drugs. Yes, all of them

So what are you gonna? Do you take it away from Lance and give it to the other drugged up guys? This is fucking stupid. This is the truth. Therefore red Sox. First, two thousand four year keys are right. It up guys be you're right it up guys. He wants seventy zero. He was seven in a row. Kay closed on the next one. I don't wanna talk about it anymore,. Voices in my head: stop bring it up, God, Damn I'm gonna blow my nose hang on a second, I gotta hit pause right on back Jesus Christ. I swear to God. If this fuckin cold last one more dam day I'm the mustache right out of my beard, I'm gonna, look like Fuckin Abe, Lincoln, not worse than blowing. You knows when you got a mustache thing up for our process right, so anyways back to the damn podcast speaking of sports. How about those Boston Bruins have all

fuck, it hey, where's your tea out. There oh fuck and charity, golf gay, raising money for cancer. That's what the one that's all two teams left people, the boss didn't Bruins and the vote. Coover conducts. The only profession sports team that throughout its history, has dressed worse than Sinbad The ugliest fucking? U reforms, ladies and gentlemen, known to fucking man, to all of sports for a good twenty fucking years, horrific acts. They came out of the gate with the great uniforms of all fuckin time and then what happened What happened in the eighties day decided? We need

which it up a little bit see the problem is Not only are they in Canada there where the West Coast they don't even know what the fuck is going on there, what style Zoran? So when the fucking, early eighties, they switch the goddamn uniform. Some like that. You know it was, was Yes, go finally made it to Vancouver by nineteen. Eighty two Everybody else was listening to the talking heads right last, couple of police albums. They were still up to do a little dance. Make a real love and then they came up with the ugliest fuckin goddamn uniform I've ever seen in my life and the OAU. A jerseys were bad enough, but the home once I'm telling you were the ugly this picture of cam Neely. When I have it up on the if the M M podcast dot com, the official fan page of the money, Mony podcast of him in that

Uniform and I swear to God. When you see him in that uniform, you would actually consider drop in the gloves with the guy. That's how bad these fuckin uniforms are. So these douche bags and their little fucking. In town way, on the West Coast a candid way out there, they live on the other side of the fuckin. Rockies. Ok way, the fuck out there like if you were in Seattle and decided that you were gonna die I have to Alaska, then only be one little shit, ass, fuckin town on the way there and that town is called Vancouver. It was funny about those cuts. They actually think that their cosmopolitan up there they got a bit of an attitude. People They think that they have this fuckin. All, let's do some ecstasy. We got a couple a night clubs up here. I sort of these dumb constitute after day for fucking years, where the ugliest fucking hunters shit uniform I've ever seen in my life,

I'm a vain six gray. When I saw that uniform one, then it's fucking horrific. You know I'm in six great people, I just stop colouring. I should have love that uniform. That's what it looks like some sick, what a five year old them. When you did that when you have five, you grabbed every crale in the box and started, writing letters. Europe, as you thought that would make the fuckin girl look at you, Yet how can you knew you wanted to do some too? But you didn't quite know what, because there was no internet seated know what fucking was yet because you are allowed to have a childhood. That's what those fuckin uniforms I hear it's amazing. Is these motherfuckers? They finally admit. That they made a fashion era and they go. Today. The original good idea that they had their way, they do they fuck it up. They fucked it up. They went back to the blue and white with a little bit,

Then they got to see on that thing and then they got this fuckin Killer whale coming out of the top of the sea look like a Fuckin whale centre, terrific. They just you know what it is they just couldn't one hundred percent admit that they made a fuckin mistake and you're just went to the original, which is what the fuck they should have done. Just like the jets is domiciled, brain cancer. They realise that those uniforms they wore with Richard Tide of framing Macneil were a fuckin mistake: terror. A mistake bill part cells came in writing with this big fuckin point. Wash out as dockers And he says: listen we're going back to the original and they like we do, because we want to win everybody out. There's gonna go, out their dress. Like Joe, will you gonna fuckin problem with that west

walk or doesn't have a ring. I rest my case. I should think he wore early on. I should have picked him whatever Marty lie and never got a ring, even oil. Like Merlin also fuck hang on a second geez. All right, I'm back. Where was I all? That's right, trashing, the Vancouver conducts. And that little mining town way out there on the West Coast of British Columbia. Yesterday, limit that they made a fuckin mistakes and how they get this whale. Coming out of the letter see I fuckin hated. I went up there. I went to a game up there and I wanted to get a Fuckin jersey. I just couldn't get myself to do. You know like our living on the West Coast. Now I need a West Coast team. I like the cannot I liked it

he went back to their uniform and I looked at it closely so that stupid whale coming out of their look like when that fuckin alien thing comes out of that dude stomach and that movie, I can't remember you know it thing that comes out of the fucking alien you November, the aliens in that movie alien right, Alien enough times that sentence when it opens its mouth, for some reason, rather than using its big mouth in its use, its little mouth that nibble That's what it had made the whale version of that coming out of the lunacy they just you know I don't fucking now, then they got The fuckin twins there who is brothers on the same fuckin team is no rule against that, can evolve. A bunch of brothers on the same battleship, because at that time in world war, two, when the boat got sunk, then some poor, Mamma, dad they lost five kids to save fucking time. Is that the same rule with sports? What do you got

new blood relatives and the same God Dempsey Wise. Was it like a mom and pop fuck it Hardware store something they motherfuckers, I'm just trying to work up some hatred. I really don't have any hatred for Vancouver I know you don't even know shit about your city. You know why cause you never in the nose set once every five and God Damn millennium, your hosting Olympics in our work, why could she got snow? Does not cause? You got a good fuckin city. A clear knock it off your idea of dark night. I have a people are afraid of the wind she's. The wind. What are the song about? She's like the wind, is about love, lost watch in one of these guys do

these channels. That shows us more moral day weekend, so they given all their talk and had stood the fuckin weekend off so that just shown a bunch Iraq concerts and I Although I hears here's my underrated, frontier reader overrated for the weak underrated, the who live, concert video where the Isle of Wight best Keith For each year ever gonna fuck and see never been. That indicates moon. I like I love the who I love their recorded music, I've never seen good footage. It's all he's always on tv like pretending to drum you know, magic, bus or something like tat? He has a weird way holding the sticks, so just because it They never seem like. There was a lot of power than there was that one worry Blue is drunk it up and P Townsend hurt easier, and I always I know something I always fuckin hated. I hated how they destroyed their instruments. If I didn't fucking eyes

he'll just watch you know watching peach smash guitar, whenever I watch cells to just given me, give it to somebody in the crab. Why would you do that. There's a bunch of wanna, be rock stars in the crowd. There would kill for that guitar by Peter. You put them. A top down young man to man, people teased you about your big fuckin knows your rockstar now knock it off. Then they be blows up that drum just make sure Sick- makes your fuckin sick, May anyways so anyway, so I never saw a good footage to that guy. I already knew he was a beast that guy that guy Fuckin, without a doubt, without a doubt, one of the most original dramas of all time

dare I say the most original rocked Roma wherever I love fucking job bottom and the end he laid down the blueprint. But when I hear Barnum play I mean he granted, he put it put the poet twenty years into the future but still I kind of, could see some sort of a guy the key, for I don't see any linked to what the fuck you. I want you to watch Tito pointy psyche. We was like a protectionist. Should have instead an opposite timbale, so where the guy was plainly, it's fucking mind blowing absolutely. My bony spent in this taxis? Do this thing? Reese slaves? the snare and goes flying up in the air like us, we're Tommy legal that shit so. That's my underrated for the weak, somebody actually has an overrated, fuck is it here. Let me remains limited overrated. The state of Florida sports fans.

Maybe he'd ban Wagner's Florida Marlins Orlando Fans, Jacksonville JAG some room to be moving at the beginning two years ago, Florida answers suck, etc, etc. That is about lazy, overrated started off. We are actually making some points, then you just What about your topic see just put it on my shoulders, bring it home. That's what Did you just started a project like some broad and then you like? Can you just honey. What I thought you said you were claiming the ketchup. Now you fuckin move it. That's what you just did to me and that overrated there I gotta go up

But let me take up, I hate to tell you this or every sports franchise, everybody's bandwagon right Go look at forty two when your team sucked you think I was watching the Bruins after fuckin re Bork left and we saw the big bang, x for like three years we We ve had a lot to do with that. Clutching grab fuckin awful shit, just a terrible period for hockey no wonder tat. People want to fucking God. Damn, maybe that that's that's why they had the strike. They were like how. And bad as our leak that the Tampa Bay Lightning just wanna Stanley CUP. Did you see that Stanley CUP Parade there was like a people there? You know they thought it was a fucking spittoon. Yeah, so I would say everybody you know that that you really get bandwagon fit Yankee fans, bandwagon fans. If you watch highlights of them in the eighties Roger Maris broke Babe Ruth.

And home run record, I mean you could have fuck and walked up to the gate, bought a stack of fuckin twenty tickets, all next to each other out in a goddamn outfield. You know. Finally, there was nobody abroad gave nobody itself the games, and we saw that we get the big three and then all of a sudden everybody's, their everybody's got bandwagon fence but I also think Acts moving out because its Jacksonville, yet well I got radio station out there don't give a fuck about them. I don't up. I don't think this, It of Florida has bad sports fans, they go fuck, it viable college football. The hurricane since the seminars, whilst they got together, Florida, fuck and gaiters. Maybe if there Fuckin college sports words so great there. They they would actually shorter programme and are now other the tap tap adjust sought. They got the buccaneers right with you,

Socked every year, but one, why am I still package on them? there? Are the rearview mirror? Congratulations. What what could play off series. I was unjust, but by the way, I'm just break and balls by the way for all you, dumb Kuntz, who actually take this seriously my pill per hates temper. He doesn't like the cover. Now my teams are playing you guys and my team is not as good as your team. So what I do is I just trash your city and it gets done enough to take the fuckin bait. I get a nice debate going because if you want to argue facts, All you gotta do is a lightning fast, as you say where we wanted no for your fuckin, dumb continent. That would have been the end of it, but you were too stupid it do it. You sat there defending how boats for some unknown reason. So anyway, Stanley CUP Finals, this year's this Boston brewers, versed Vancouver conduct in case you haven't figured that out and. We haven't wanted since nineteen seventy two and the Vancouver conducts have never wanted. So, if you ever

Did you get into hockey this the series to watch, because the fans are gonna, be ridiculously excited because one group of fans have this ever waiting for thirty nine years and the other group have been waiting their entire hockey lives are right So predictions for the series of directives actually what I did the last time a pick and the other team and maybe I'll jigsaw. I think once again. The other team has too much fire with him send Dean and whatever's Fuckin brothers neighbours Ryan Kessler. They got Luongo Luongo you can rattle, though you know castles, just a pretty boy We now know took all his anger out of the game. To start the fucking Play series. First, the San Jose Shocks, Joe Torrent goes you

fight, any any didn't didn't do anything. I just took the face off skated away with his shredded J crew body. You I'll take what you do. Did you play hockey? You try to be an underwear model. I don't understand to do right, Kessler, alright, so but he is an American. So I do like that aspect of em. The said Danes are actually direct. Descendants of Nazi s, soldiers? You know not not just some fuckin regular guy worked in a fuckin warehouse in any get put in a guard tower Ahab just doing my job, I'm not I'm talking about people who executed that horrific final solution. All right! So you know if you route for the conducts out their people, you you're You're saying thumbs up to the Nazis, I'm sure I'm just put that out there, blow in the lid off that one people that I think it's gonna be fucking series I gotta fill in the broader gonna win gave one and yes,

scared the shit out of that little mining town up there. I really, I really gotta, feel it. Got a feeling. Char is gonna score a Gull euro against all odds because he loves take a fuckin slap when there's no one One of the net from the Fuckin red line and he loves to shoot right at their pancreas too, but I got a feeling it's gonna fuckin, getting between his goddamn elbow and the side and then the one goes gonna get rattled he's gonna get pulled in the second period. Low changes. Gotta have a go to up while you Boston cancer trash em, you dumb fucks, your faces. Haven't Stars are we gonna run out of town because they have a bad couple of weeks ago. See you at the end of the season. Joke Also whatever fuck his name is he's gonna pockets Georgiana. Steel are fucking coach for the brutes Claude Julie,

is gonna, fuckin, say yeah. That leeches is, has a lower body injury, that's what I'm guessing not going to say it because piece of shit out. There would actually go after the injury, but I think we're gonna work, we gotta with a cup. Ah, would that be glorious. That would be enough to knock me right out of my sobriety. Now I want you a fucking part yesterday and actually showed up with a rack, a blue moon and handed over, and I watched other people drink it, and I was just I really question my citizenship at that point. Like him, I am I still a citizen of this country that I just fucking dead. There is our battle want to drink people. I should get your conversation about booze at this party and somebody brought up Frederick

bird taxes, which is an hour and a half outside of our Austin Texas. Evidently, it's an all Germantown speaking of Nazis. Ok, I gotta know if you guys realised this, but I'm actually mostly german. I mention this before that's. Why have a jar line, and I don't have that one hundred percent irish potato face. Ok, I don't look like I. I fucking woke up face down in a plate of fuckin mashed potatoes. Like a lot of my irish brother. Still, ok, I don't look like that. I don't look like you know. I never knew my dad because he got so drunk and he fell face first into his shepherds pie and actually English. Anyway.

Plough ahead here so there's this town called Fredericksburg, which is actually my middle name, William Fredericksburg Bert. I don't, if you guys avenue that it's all german town and evidently when you drive in the town, is like one one fucking street main street right and swears described me at the party. You know I barely was listening or just staring at the bubbles in the guise beer. That's how bad I wanna drink now and the first A bunch antiques farewell The second half, though, is just a bunch of October fest type bars, and I was thinking God damn it. I want to go to that tab. It regatta one of those big things we gotta play the downward your thumb and have the little fucking crowd open up when the beer Stein, that's how bad I wanna drink now people. So I would ask people, people

people of of the podcasting world who are listening to this thing. What's what's the deal with further regional tortures? I want to know. Is it worth the trip from in Austin. What am I gonna go down the adze sexually get down there done that a zillion times owing to drive up the Fredericksburg get absolutely yet faced and then drive home drunk back to asked and get pulled over by some fuckin goddamn cop and a horse. Your stare? What stage Urien is taxis, don't mess with taxes Then I am, I not a sweet talk. My way out of that right. I just unbuttoned a couple of buttons from my button down show off a little better, read chest there and I just start compliment knows his side are. Six Europe we know already is secure. To put this on Ebay

get over a hundred grand for, but I got for my daddy you guys these dad dad is drive away the regulation. We have a donation button on the other, podcast dot com that I mentioned. That always forget to mention that suggest donate whatever the fuck you can donate and I swear to God. She dies donated week I will. I will donate five dollars towards the United Nations Fund for curing the common called. Do you know the common cold doesn't kill over seven million people every year. Do you realize that? But it makes over four billion people unbelievably uncomfortable and in some extreme cases, even in the month of May. So please, Give a dollar give seven do whatever you want to fuck do! Oh by the way I want to be on the air

in each alive. Today, And I shall live to ten p M Pacific time. They're gonna be calling me on my cell phone Can it be a do what you think about the playoffs Albert. I gotta be taken. I can't wait. I cannot wait, all right. Last week I told you that I read that story about that debt, fuckin douche. Who were brought in the ringer wasn't played this guy's kid and there when he complained. The parent complain that kept a kid on the bench. The next year die kids on another team and then he's playing against this douche coach and at the end of the game, is kid didn't shake his hand, and this fact in fact to the God Damn League is now is saying this kid ass to shake hands so the debt like. What do I do, what away

do so I was trying to think of a country way for this kid something he could do to this guy, So this is a solution. Some came up with tell their kid to shake their cultures hand for an awkwardly long time, actually like this idea, holding on when the It tries to pull his hand away and the whole time smiling, maybe throw a wicked There are two: you know: a passiveaggressive fuck. You love the park. Yes, well, I think that's great. I would actually clasp it with both hands. Like you just signed some sort of monumental peace treaty like do you will be great have have is have the did you his dad come down a boy when Jimmy Carter, God Was it I wore said dot instead big Guy, to shake hands a peace treaty between Egypt and Israel or something like that, and they both shook hands and then Jimmy Carter made it like a

I had shakes sandwich with using his hands. Is the bonds standing basically perpendicular to them? So I think that that's what should happen I think he should shake the guy's hand class, but with both hands and you hire a Jimmy Carter, look alike to fuckin sit there and you just smile, you don't let go until that. Guy fund pulls his hands free and you never stop smiling and never stop. Looking in the guys, I I that like that. You guys like that solution. I do Zero, but about seventy more stories about that. That seems to be an overwhelming vote. Over That's the wrong word: Jesus built Jesus Christ, the whole podcast was go and great there. What you do you pick the run. Fuckin word, the fuck is wrong. With you read the guy. Damn copy diameter. You guys, you guys always think that this shows an improvised citizen

write it out that I spent fifteen thousand dollars on my own, a professional grade, camera and teleprompter right now. I'm reading all of this, including this right. Now it's just scrolling right now. You know that whole bad at reading out loud is it's all just an act, anyway, as anybody else. Seventy stories about that this type of behaviour. Rather than over welling. I know it's a reoccurring theme, that's what I was trying to say you know were somebody becomes a coach and die. You know they're getting to live out this Vincent body fantasy. They start taking. Well, I sucked as an athlete- or I wasn't good enough to me it's the president when they start coaching just immediately that competitive thing kicks in again and they forget that their coaching, a bunch of fuckin eight year olds they start walkin around, like fuckin, my Ditka, you know chewing gum like they just got done finishing a fuckin, eight ball, a coke

In case you thought I was talking about pool I had to say of coke. I'm sorry people the congested. Does anybody or seventy stories of that I actually. I had good coaches. What I was grown up suffer my football culture. We reached a kick me and my fuckin legs. Only play one year footballer parents didn't like, because I came home with all these bruises and they showed up in practice. They saw the coach kicking me, my legs I raised the movement when you do and leg lifts cassettes which you want. Third greatest adieu leg lifts to make sure they get that twelve pack. So you're, these leg, lifts and- you know what ever you legs would come down. He come over in a kick in the side. Give you like Charlie horses, to move my five pads over offered to the side. This was the seventies people. When you could kick kids, not only can kick him, you can kick them and for their parents. This fucking right does anybody have any stories are just some some bad coaches, just

totally over the top, Here's a new sound for you guys see if you guys can guess what this sound is all right. Not me blowing my nose on the MIKE What was that all that noise near that? That might show like me, wiping out my mustache disgusting? playing hockey tomorrow and I were fully funded shield and ever ruddy knows, do you understand what I'm gonna look like already looking like I'm fuckin, almost at the summit of Mount Everest by by my second shift Icicles in your mustache, what is gonna? No, it's just not ours! Now that I got rid of the Ladys on the podcast, speaking of Ladys, there's basil, we'll downtime between the eastern and western carpets?

dolls and finally in the Stanley CUP, so I had four fuckin days of all, my god. How am I going to fill up the tab, and I don't know what happened I put on as preeminent. I've somehow got into the Ladys softball FUCK World Series. I love it I absolutely love it. I want to one of those fuckin pictures. You got a lot of guys out there. They laugh at that shit. Don't though, right fuckin died, fucking put it in a cheap sheets, viable flogging, a dead giant God. Therefore, first of all, they pitch the ball from like four feet away, and it comes under him. Then I'll, take em. They do it so fast. It looks like it's coming right out of a baby maker like some sort of Fuckin Nolan Ryan meet some hoary stripper. You know you know the ones that shoot a ping pong out of it. What's this looks like the softball she's coming at this weird fuckin angle. I would love to do it because

The parks are really small freak zodiac, made contact. They pitch it so fast. It's going over the goddamn wall, then to run around yet the runner- the basis, but you get it you don't you're, not gonna get winded, because I think it's like forty five, feed to each basis, ridiculous basic. If there's no leading, I think, and women softball, because once you take led your basically its second base, or I have to do- is just you know for their help in yet safe its second. Actually, there is leading a right before some fuckin. Bull dog of a woman fuckin starts given me shit about it. I understand and not to speak of rights. Ok tell me those women in Lady softball. Like this suggest. There's enough, Women built like that to fill up fuckin like nine different teams, I'm not buying. Ok, those

else, I'm tellin you right now would run me. The fuck over nodded batteries ran out again in the memory was full on what the fuck happened: son of a bitch If I was ever talk about those God, Damn softball lady ease Tell him you man, those girls with it, they did the old Packer sweep pitch now to any one of them, but in fact they could run over Re Louis, but I'm telling you it's a great God, damn spot couple of seconds. For you to listen to me. You know go from what I was just talking about what I'm talking about right now, but in my world it was like five minutes and I came and what the fuck I was talking about. That's going away. So frustrating I was joy. What he was saying about those fuckin goddamn pull dogs who play fuckin thought by

pull dogs in some form or a couple they're kind of cute. You know I like some fuckin thick thine I'll, take it down. You know even with that, Greece, under your eyes, Jesus by the way we have a new video everybody. We have new video up on the unemployed, cast dotcom member not last week, but the before I was hyping the cage versus Cons Mme event, where they have come. Fighting Ex cons, Mme style in the octagon at the yellow sports arena. Well, The Monday morning, Podcast brand new man in the street Jason LAW had Jason LAW had who has his own sports podcast with Joe Bart Nick. John Camp, an era cabin era Is in the name of the podcast is called men. Are talking,

So anyway, he was out there. Ah, he covered the invent for us with SAM Tripoli. Nevertheless, is comedian die. They made a really great video. If you want to see what it was like was looks like it was a fucking great time. Definitely the was way more for the cons then was for the cops and a lot of tat. These were gotten lotta we'd was smoked and I think you guys check it out. It's a great video. It's on the M M podcast dot com. So after you had done hit the donation button right on the right hand, side writer and meet the Facebook fuckin icons check out that video so I did get another videos gonna be up later on this week. I did another one of my famous internet or of a city. I did a tour of New York City. That's gonna be up and ass. She read Somebody not I'll Hollywood on yeah, I'm not gonna name a name, but I was out in an italian restaurant and, as I was walking out, there was some the famous sitting.

Who house a talk, show and I and it wasn't Conan. It wasn't that guy from Scotland but I said hey what's up too many mentioned that he saw my fuckin watched the one that I did, the tour of alike. I got a big kick out of that. Don't look at goddamn internet fame, People are on the internet too. I didn't realize that I would not like that, Most people there aren t be so they did then a watch it they like read books or You don't go out and go by like a fuckin ferrari or something it's always just blow my my whatever we got it. We got this great video up there, the cage versus cards and others have one tour of New York City, my tour of New York City. I did when I was just the catch. This call that wasn't a miserable fuckin mood.

So my come off a little more angrier than usual, but it seems like a lot of you guys, enjoy that shit so definitely checked out on the unemployed, cash dot com, the official podcast page of the Monday morning- pocket sorry, we have forty five minutes in people. You know what that means. That means I got. Fifteen minutes to go. So it's gotta be for the advice section and if I was actually, if I had some sort of production quality on this, we would agree. The Disan Music right there, time for our advice your hose Billy blur and I'm rip off this melody from somebody else, aright dear bill. I am thirty four years old and have been married to Linda Jesus the name right out of the gate. Lovely NEA comes walking in writing of all ready to do it. What are the odds? Are that once you grab yourself a microphone, it's in the closet, my closet,

all right, don't go snooping around in there. I got some fuckin incriminating evidence in their God. Damn fuckin broad's can ever keep their face. Are you shit? Let me see if I can put this in here, we go Gonna get discoloured right here: anyways robbery and the first one without you I'm thirty four. We have thirty four years old and been to Linda my wife for about five years. We met an online dating website is then a man they met online and they ve already been married for five years How long is the internet better road is the fact that this fully phenomenal starting to feel old. Jesus Christ, you tell I had paused again people fucking current. What am I doing here? I rigour dear boy thirty four years, already said that shit he's been online for fuckin five arrived in years.

We met on an online dating website immediately felt a special bond we day for three years, but I knew she was the one waiter It is now that I read this last week. I read this one last week on the road fuckin page. Jesus Shanghai. Second, I well forget our advice, dear bill, I gotta You should hear things going on in my life right now they need to vent about. Also. I would like to hear your advice. You guys don't need to have fuckin interests like that, just asking, Vikas and I'll. Read them a shit, it first first, I live in South Carolina and I think you can guess that they're pretty much I'm sorry two years all that I just graduated from college with a degree in psychology, Job outlook is pretty bleak right now and I just got laid off from my shitty delivery job Jesus Christ. What the fuck is going on this kind

is to desert a green psychology is delivering fuckin elements, cakes, the supermarkets and it has laid off, because I must have applied for at least thirty jobs at this point, and I've stopped applying for the ones that I'm under qualified for started. Sorry and I'm sorry, one employed, I don't then why the access of entry into the restaurant is industry is so fucking high. I can't even get a job. Serving because they keep telling me we only hire people with two years of experience. While it's the lives, the laws of supply and demand, I you know If, though, we weren't the middle of a recession, you can walk in there with the coming out of prison and they let you work the guide them Mesquite grill. It now. I worked in a restaurant there's a bunch of package, I guess we there was such a good economy like one eighty seven.

Wait a second. There was right after black Monday, I don't know, maybe the south. I have no idea. I worked at this place called the Sable CAFE and carry North Carolina way back in the day, and we still have this do who used to came any was on work, release in prison, and they would lead about suited wash dishes and workers way back now washed. His is, he actually work. The fuckin cooking like it was above me the bus, slash grill chefs last dishwasher. Rob was slowly gone on a business lash hardy, as is our people as people graduate gradually quit. They would forget, they would just give me their jobs and an extra fifty cents around those like well outbreak, the dough as I sucked it that he realised that they pay me three. Fifty in our in a girl guy five dollars an hour, so they went from paying a fifty in our but two guys.

To pay me for dollars an hour for fuck em, a dumb fuck and more so anyway, that this Dutch used to come in and ever more time came walking in the back until three fucking jobs. We was slammed and, I said comic. I go we're out of glasses. The fuck we're out of glasses than this guy work. Release goes Why don't you wash? Some are a novel idea. That's what he said like he was just walking get Renaissance man really really there shall shake the fuck you you don't have to work for, can carbon, oh god, I watch all the stake. Knives make sure county obey, it doesn't take him back with you fell in stupid fuck, it all brothers facial hair, five fucking cut. It still bugs me because I didn't say anything to because I got intimidated, even though I thought it could take the gave us this guy's been imprisoned. You know, he's got, beat me up there. Rate me how I think I'll watch some glasses so anyway Is he

If I can struggled through four years of school that I think I can get the hang of slinging taters skins, an onion rings in a few weeks. What is What is there to learn? Always catch Wanna get cooking job, What do whatever is serving job? Why? an event like being await over now it sounds agafea about actually come yet. Do he can't learn? the job at a restaurant, Now he always was that under dot, I'm sorry did not come. It really I use a nobody Sagamore cookies. I can. I thought he said he was having a hard time of it with the server. Is that you can learn and like to second all, that's what that's what he said, but no one is talking about sling and tailor skins and on your wings. I think you just me and serving it. Slinging, doesnt slinging mean yeah bed was didn't. You say earlier than he's, trying to drive as majority disagree with me. It didn't they earlier that he was changed. What is it a omitted like this? What is there to learn in the second year of restaurant experience such a cannon?

The first year, even the first six months, as I agree with how the hell, my supposed to get a job, I'm also being cut out from financial support of my family, who are put me through school if I can start paying bills and I'm gonna- have to move back in with my parents at a shitty small town, about an hour away from the city I live in. Job outlook There is even worse than I would hate to move away from my friends and girlfriend me my well don't live together, but she's, offered a lot of needed support and, most importantly, she's ports me pursuing comedy it's my dream. Come a comedian and I can We go so far. While I live in South Carolina, nobody that he can only go so far living in South Carolina FUCK, you become the next goddamned cable. Guy too people this I've guarantee you in South Carolina, there's a guy there whose king of South Carolina, and we ve never heard of him. Every

data values there yeah they fuck. It makes six figures a year and I understand what he said. I was. He doesn't. Maybe the King South Carolina what's gonna movies tv is becoming nationally had money. I don't understand what you say about just say it. You can make fuckin money there. There is money to be made with those drugs can idiots there. I gotta do just do a Rick flare impression that will be a close and bit you'll be fine. Would he lives out there? I would like moved to New York City, but will be able to do that if I am not able to save up money- and I definitely won't be able to do at any time soon, because I am awaiting a trial for do you why I got back you weren't, even getting like unravel, more and more every sentence becomes there's something else. That's why country I did so sad- these people live. It lay upon it. They're alive I love my girls vagina.

Get a job washing dishes. Did you just rhyme care? I really don't know why cause a cop Even drug than way. Did the song should be called, I know not Rick Flare cousin, I Rick flair and I know Otto bleach, my hair, but I guess a dream, and would you help me get your hands off? Guard dont get scared that right here I got. Yourselves anyways, the trial is deceptive, pepper and, if I lose my license, I will We set further back from my goals, yeah. You think I am not to mention our growing. We my apartment, it's a one bedroom with Bay windows that I think my neighbours is starting to catch up I'm trying to hold my skill is now Jesus.

We went out late last night, trying to hold my skills here, but I can't afford to keep trying open rights that are at the in our way across the State North Carolina. By the way I've stopped drinking Eric, Finally- and I am sorry that this email ran a little long, respectfully What's he gonna? Have the politeness sourly Caesar, respectful praiseworthy plantation Kentucky, Fried chicken timezone, Homer, Louis lapels, that's a summary earth that sell their that's, how they get you with the politeness engage with. Lightness of an idea that the ads you now as someone grew up in the south. I now do you know it. That's all, Dounia masking so much. You know that it is called the Called the old Stonewall Jackson. They all while Stonewall Jackson Cover, I surely were locked up you don't you lot priority today, who I try to be very respectful.

Then you're fucking turned the corner. We take some above that bore a board for have you thought Iraq was honoured, fuck a snake? Well, what's goin out of thing here, that boy, folk, rock star snake was under it. So what is it? What is he asking advice is asking me how the fuck he gets out of all this bad should write. You live in South Carolina, let let's less real, Shelly. Lessons learnt South Carolina can't get a job slinging fuckin tater taught to fuck and were wearing overalls and somehow the crack of the rash still hang out of it. You gotta do you, I he's gonna move. Back home with his parents and our away where the job is even worse. This worry is right now and he got out his anyway

the stream of Andy. I one solution here other than hitting the lottery gotta start deal, and we I mean yeah right. In south, can you grow some tobacco just start so whacking in a bag The only way this sum gone over this fucking, the sound you Jesus Christ. See people is why needed had the donation button. We heard billboard PBS here I think I need a new mixer pursue wires. Any say something about being a psychology major something aren't you supposed to some sort of internship at Why did you do school and you have no time for that entry into a job? He does want to do that. This guy wants to be a committed. So what you want you, the as yet so sorely needs. Need some sort of hustle together this shit. I do this out this I'll make you feel better guess what happened to me right before I became stand comedian. I lost my license for drinking a driving I didn't get started, gets started

batteries go and lower. This thing, hello, hello. We go. I think I, like the sound bad asked when it starts to come out tag. Meeting sorry. We go back. What did I just had a pocket button here, nervous other things lit up which was never lit up? you fuckin whore, alright, let's let's wrap this thing at this. What you gotta, do you gotta? Why you gotta? three d, you why. I don't know what to tell you when you got a somehow try and find a fucking job fuck. Have did hold with my parents, I D day job and I did comedy at night and I saved every fuckin dime I drove a piece of shit car and would have died rather than get a new one. I I just

throw new engine, it mildly solely went like fifteen hundred in debt rather than fifteen grand that's what I did so listen. Do you wanna be a fucking comedian? You want a bad enough. And figure out how to do it. You're a hell of a situation there, you gotta get a fucking job, I would open I'd, take any fucking job. You can take landscaping anything you can do get through this fucking. Do you I horse shit and despite the fact that your work all day still gotta go out, and you still Do what do those open makes you gotta, do it and die? it's hard. Is it's gotta, be it's gonna get. Make your tough that's. What gotta- be to make it in the world. You gotta be tough. You gotta get up. You know what you ve been knocked on. Your ass, you flat on the back flat on your back and you gotta, get up right the reps over your right. Now, sacks most people,

Just lay they're gonna go fuck, it lay between my mom's Teddy's and just say I quit and life you're, not do that. Are you you gonna pick you up. You should see the look trying to inspire of this a Fuckin hall, but he can get it nobody's gonna slackened up. How would you get? I said I would you get out of it do. I use rather take any job that I could get, but I'm a sob clad, so maybe I could get no. I was thinking maybe sitting you perverse. You'd whore yourself out. No, I wouldn't, why why why? What my neighbours, the Bilbao Bobo Nuggets Emma he'll, do do what's gonna happen. Hit, there's gonna be a committee. You wouldn't say, whereas I, if you add, to sell your ass saying stallion? If you had to do it, if you had need to become a lady of the evening of

Even if I had to do it, I wouldn't go out on the street. That's for sure. How would you do it? I would set up like a website or somethin. I be one of those high class broad media night. The lobby of hotel be making classy members will. What would be the theme song you website? Do you good luck again. The little man I don't know, that's what I would be adjusted. None the you if you want, but if you add that saw you're wearing avail, that would freaked me out. Why would I want avail just that's what that song just made me think, we'll never once No, you said this way I will be doing is really bad. There's just cancel Your hotness They were given the guys that you're a girl just do something so weird. It cancels out like how good looking is maybe a laugh like puke issue so drunk

I was thinking more like hammer toes comin out of some fuckin Paris sexy shoes when you, get the shoes with the red soul, all seek and all those other horse. When you buy me a pair bet, your birthday is: bring up yes, I could say right now what what you're getting, but I can tell you what you're not getting? What do you mean? You don't know overpriced, horseshoes near you know I do at last. Second, you ve seen the birthday cards. They give you the one. I gave you last year that had to do. We have to do with golf, and I just some scribbled about it. They were out of bed. They cards, but now I told you this use that I wanted to. And the poor. So you had all that all that twenty of David parts I went to the voice to devalue, probably didn't ask for array: as for a where Could I have are you line by line but what does you actually get any surprise me now the reality is now. I never went there

Well, I didn't go at all. I was what is wrong with you now you weren't, Yes, I was I'm still sick. I've been carpet a blow, your resulting in their head. That's why you know what I can tell you where to go in our lady, get it wrong we're getting back here yeah. You know why, supposing the spoiled brat that you are the last does that mean because I went out. I would buy you stuff that you wanted thinking that that would shut you up. That's not why you're out of your head! Why? Because you love me, yeah. Well, you know I love most about. You is what I like best about you when you're not running a yeah, just fucking Robin my head as I watch sports. That's what I like! That's all I need. Are you need all those but shows where they go fuck away to a man's hardest through his stomach noticing shut your trap

rub? My head is watching the game in order a pizza right then- and now I underline like when I create overnight and our sexual cooking review- you love that day. I do love, then you tell me when I wasn't here for a couple days, you felt like a lost cause. You're, so dependent on me now need regular, reopen were walking around the apartment. Like I did. I was out, you know what I felt like the male step forward. Wife, like. How do you know how to pay bills? If and how did you get it now, when I had a high bills, you take that back lady. I take it back on just fucking with me. I don't know why I ain't gonna cook cook shit. There was food and I would cook it and I would make an it tastes. Delicious went back into the Amazon. You was great yeah, How can you imagine the salmon too and not as to make tat I had I had the beef stew really big,

so Bailey descended and forget it and make roads is restyled chickens set it in forget it yeah underrated under a really bad thing. I don't know. I think I threw that thing out that why, because with it big weird rubber gloves handled in a second group of those days were like the fuckin sex offender yourself walking around me up in the UK. With these these rubber gloves that they didn't move? That was a thing they were like. They were like form to some murderers has just had slipped your heads into Gaza, so worried about it, and then you get in Burma

very well to get see all the way up to your elbows like Jack Kennedy, but there were these big fuckin. Herman lunch was all they were quickly with this white yeah, they look worse color. They felt I've already got like getting back to these sad it every rights. Do you want it's dead thing? Was the shit that thing I've ever ready to chicken meat a great chicken? They headed and it came out with golden Brown. Any fuckin lunch meet for the Fuckin weak right, yielding that sir was TAT the way they claim the heat would somehow steam the vets? That shit didn't wound. So I took up my walk. That was it by the way, how sweet executor I bought it's beautiful lily, I thought the best goddamn guitar. I have an that's all I've been doing, Feliciano had either brutal couple weeks right down near. I was on fuckin six flights and fifteen days I caught a code. I caught a code.

Those two episodes glee yeah right down the line, Besides I shudder two days and then I was dead DC and I did New York in the middle of that sort. Once in a while. I was should go out and I'll spend a little money on myself and I bought a Gibson S g that is white left handed white with the black pick up, not likely up the black pick guard. And this thing sound, so fuckin good, even Even I some good on it plain that Arrowsmith this weekend seasons of whether you came in and also you know you were hypnotized by whatever but I a good time whenever good time with it so were anyways. That is it that support gas for this week. Guy do what I want.

Vague Jason law? Had the same Tripoli near you, gotta see that video law had got two letters. They use my hand is an incredible person here and he had loved any as an incredible podcast would show partner called the men are talking there. The two of them of worker? Oh, my god, are I have two years. These are the terms guys that if you know, if you want you gotta go out drinking or just one fuck, it hang out with these guys did they their throw backs old school guy. Guys these are the guys what I gotta rose bull every year. These are the guy your partners and cry partners in crime. These are the guys I stumbled into the rosebud with with Cuba. Cigars and then people scream at us. We have a great fuckin time. Yes, so that sets up on the other part cast our colleagues want to donate. We really appreciate it, we're gonna be doing some more video, definitely starting to add those, you can only see that exclusively on the unemployed, cast our

I think. I've said that enough ok saw coming dates. Upcoming dates the bird with official website. Ok, billboard, dot com, be it the Chicago Theatre, Roma, Jude, fiftieth, We want those anti social network tours with the wonderful Jim nor Norton. These Fabulous Gibraltar and the always adorable David tell adore. I ever tell you guys are all the key idea. David tell is his sweetheart of a guy. I realise that we will do what we want and we visited those troops at the the Pentagon. The wounded warriors who visited soldiers- you know you know what to say: whatever do day was in his fucking element. She really did he fucking lit up. I was going to I just followed- is lead and it was ass. A man like you, yet that's, ok, you guys are there? Oh and its memorial day, TAT has been world where what, we, don't centres, sweat passing them on a bed, you know, should we

do a parade or something or right. On June, twenty ninth of doing the very special one here this is a gradual, rather benefit at the Weltered theatre. All proceeds go to his wife and kids Meanwhile, definitely people commented yeah. That's that's a huge one deathly. If you gonna give you gonna do anything. He reappeared Chicago drive out the falconer for that? That's right what else real quick eye of the patenting of these more anti social network dates on July, first them at the play. But Theatre in Seattle, Washington, just south that adorable mining town Vancouver that on the third I'm gonna be in Vegas, ah hurl theatre, resort, has guess who's not going now. Are you not for the July next, cut it out,

the world. You know you will find yourself your stay home support me. He when I go to good cities, why don't What about when I need you wanna go to tamper. How come you know come out for that one. I came out to Florida with you and I am e near it's you only go out to the sand was jets. Yes, yes right, you know what we're becoming like daddy and Maria really fucking getting dish trills. I gotta get off this all right. That's a park! Yes to this week, that's it fuck. You selves I'll talk to you next weekend. Grab, your Ladys Teddy's. For me right, that's I'll, see you next week.