At the age of nine, John o leary was severely burned on one hundred percent of his body. Eighty seven percent of that was third degree burns. Nobody expected him to survive the first night, but he did and then next and then the next he served five months in a hospital bed, dozens of surgeries, including the amputation of all of his fingers and near If therapy he had every reason to be angry at the world and retreat from life in some of that happen, bud the age of twenty seven, a simple moment that he never saw coming change his life and awakened a sense of purpose and contribution that, with him forever chains and will also launch him into a career and a life that could be described as nothing less than stunning, fully alive, deeply

I did it on purpose and he's now told his stories and inspired millions of people around the world written two books. We actually had John on the podcast back in two thousand and sixteen when his book on fire came and I invited him back today both to explore the ideas in a new book in are, but also did again on the last few years and explore. He's moving through this particular moment in time, which is an experience that, as effectively eliminated more than ninety percent of his income and he's Mary father of four, Soon, as ever john has the truly for honest and realistic refrain on how do not just move through this particular moment, but also how,

to move through the days, no matter what the circumstances of the moment or the life are increasingly in a play, some plunder and really powerful an eye. Opener conversation cannot lay to share with you I'm jonathan fields, and this is good life project

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so the ten percent happier podcast has one guiding philosophy. Happiness is a skill that you can learn, so why not embrace it? It's hosted by dan Harris a journalist who had a panic attack on national television and then send out on this journey of transformation and he's now on a quest to help. Others also achieve peace and happiness, and every week Dan taught you top scientists meditation teachers. Even the odd celebrity in wide ranging conversations at explore topic, psych productivity, anxiety and lightness, psychedelic and relationships. The interviews cover everyone from bernay brown to cerebral less to sam Harrison more. I love learning from his questions and experiences and incredible guess think of listening to ten percent happier as a work out. For your mind, fine ten percent happier where every listen to pot casts. You and I had a opportunity, sit down. I once he was about four years ago for five years ago at this point and it splore life, some that the big moments and

excited just to spend a little bit more time with you yeah like fast forward your little bit further until I were in a really interesting moment- and I. For those who may not be familiar with you want we touchdown down of what I think has become known as quote, inciting incident. Your life dropped back to when you around nine years old, come and saint louis baseball fanatic, one if you like public kids in the family and in the blink of an eye everything changes here, so What makes the question you're asking so wild is that the simple question is one that I could not have answered until I was twenty seven years old, because I never told anybody what happened to me as a kid. And tell grade school charms or high school bodies are cowards. Fraternity, friends, I told nobody and so The answer to your question is that of age. Nine. I had witnessed boys in my neighborhood playing with fire and gasoline.

And I figured many of these kids can get away with this and it would spark to life. So could I, and so, with my mom and dad gone on a saturday morning, I walked into their garage, had been over a five gallon container of gasoline Fail to the brain with with gas little The cardboard on fire try to bear the containers slowly tipped it towards the flame waiting for the liquid, And, as you know, and as should Lesters, no, the fumes came out first and it created this enormous explosion. That's what the metal can into and launched me twenty feet, the far side of the great city, my world on fire, and that's the that really. The first paragraph of the four page of the first chapter of a turning point in my life Tell me I mean I know this moment. Was you end up your parents, from what I remember the time but you're you're siblings were home. So you? U S, effectively the garages semi exploded non fire, as are you you're, exactly right,

not me through a little bit more of certainly the immediate moment you're, which weird about that is most times when you hear some went on a story I would imagine from their childhood. It's probably all through the lens of their parents or history with a little bit of embellishment, but this is. These are just my memories and there's their laser focused clear, I remember it as if it was just yesterday in this is not thirty. Three thirty four years ago which occurred then, after the explosion. I found myself on the far side of the garage from where it all began. I remember looking around me and seen everything ablaze like everything was on fire immediately I, oddly enough, did not know I was on fire. I just knew I was in trouble. in every way, you can imagine that word means light. I take took off. can I give you may fallen as a kid on a board or biking you just pop right up new start moving that's what I did hear so I just took off running. I came through the fire back into the house. I ran through the kitchen

and through the family room. I stood on the front of our house on this rock just screaming for help I didn't know even for white, but I knew I needed help bad. And I saw like orange things jumping off of me again I don't think I knew I was on fire. I just knew I was in pain and in trouble, it needed somebody else other than me to help before I needed to save your and as I'm yelling for help, I see my brother Jim racing toward me. He was seventeen. I was nine, and he had never done any anything cool for me in my entire life leading into this moment. So it wasn't exactly him. I was praying for the elderly family wasn't exactly ready for this moment, and yet this was the day that change all all of our lives and clean. My brother, Jim. He raced past may he picked up a rod he beat down the flames, it took him was ninety seconds, a completely knocked him down. He told me later on. They were leaping three feet off of me in all directions at once:

a torch, I'm an inferno he's beating down the flames. He then carries him outside in this rug. drove me in the ground. Jumps on top of me runs back. The burning house calls nine one, nine one one and then chases my two sisters out of the house to and what the cool things about this moment is Jim had been somewhat itself focused as a seventeen year old sometimes is in life, and yet a day you changed, he has remained changed and the knights and eighty seven he was the lifesaver of the year the state of Missouri, so it's pretty cool think what someone can do in their life when it just has nothing at all to do with their life yeah and how something happens to one person can and is not just this. Had this isn't just happen to you right this hat, to everybody who is in your family to night. It changes the quality of everything from that moment forward. You end up in the hospital.

your mom is given by the doctor. The code on us making it through the first night which, if I'm right- but I remember you saying, as was a half hour one per cent of right, exactly right, then, and there you know, people are putting odds on the chances of being re elected or the stock market bouncing back or how long we're gonna be uncovered. Nineteen or. the realities. These guys had no idea of what would happen the only thing they really knew for sure I would not make it so, the percentage odds and twenty twenty. When we're having this conversation of a patient rain from burns. Is this they take the percentage of the body burned there, at age and there we're talley. And twenty twenty one, a patient like I was burned on a hundred percent of their body. Eighty seven percent third agree, but the hunter presents the first number. for of the body shows up in today's firms, they have a hundred and nine percent likelihood of dying subtle three years ago. There really there wasn't any chance at all, and so, when the physician said

then one half of one percent chance. It was really my friend later on in life. His name is patchy aversion. His way of time, I mean that there is utterly no chance. And yet we're having this conversation right the listener. If it don't don't give up hope yet the guest today survives the fire so hang on, for the surprise ended yeah I mean Really you survive that night, it's about a journey back to part of what you doing the very early days was, I guess, multiple surgeries and in hospital for three four five, six months, a boy do you have recollections of that actual It simply because I know you have crystal clear recollections of the incident in himself when you are in that state, especially when you're in the hospital lan eighty percent. Eighty seven percent of your body's third degree burns one hundred percent of your I'm, assuming also that there is a very heavy pay me and I d do you have clear memories of that window in time afterwards, yeah

could, I say, all five months and hospital. I remember as if it was photographic in my memory, absolutely not, but here couple memories that our seared in my memory. The first was my dad covenant last little room and honest with you that the thought I had that in the EU. Are the only thought, as I'm looking to my hands in my body I burnt up, was oh my gosh, my dad is going to freaking, kill me when he finds out The only thought I had that morning and then I hear his voice. They bring back into this room. I remember thinking on the old man's gonna kill me he marches over he points died looks it means. As John look you wanna talking to you So I look up my dad and he goes. I have never been so proud of. anyone in my entire life and my little body today this morning, I am proud Your dad, He followed that with I love you, I love you. I love you and, as you know, your father you'd, like you know what this is like. I remember, shut my eyes thinking. Oh my gosh! No,

I told my doubt what happened The EU has no clue what has really taken place here that I burnt down his house that I brought myself that caused this devastation regarding, does find up and yet clear dad new and he also recognise what actually matter, sometimes during periods of great crisis like the one we are currently living in right. Now It does have a way of yes causing an inflicting some pain, but all slowing down, refocusing us on the things in the people that actually matter and that that can in fact be a blessing that. That day, my dad reshaped- focus of his life and has never looked back and saw his love was part of what I remember and another thing right behind my dad. My mom's love she took my hand in hers and she said baby. I love you in. The question I asked her was: am I die? What will this fire kill me And I assumed she would say no that seems to me what a normal nice parent would respond with and instead cheaper the truth, which is what we need as

sinners as a nation, as leaders in business and family society like we do need honest truth. It can be, it's painful to hear, but man, it's ultimately the way we can take the next best step forward. And that day my mom said David. You wanna die because it's not my at all. It's yours and I said, mama no, I don't want to die jeez, I don't want to die. I want to live in, response. Wasn't I realize now now all of us have the same fate background, but her response was baby good and take the hand of god walk. The gene What I mean you fight like you never far before, your father and I will be with you. The staff is all around you, but johnny they choose you gotta fight for and on that morning it was the first day of the journey going ahead. What we made a commitment to fight forward having no clue what sunday my look like or monday, or we too or month three, but we knew the fight was on that Were you mentioned you take you by the hand those and would never be the same after this either party,

you endured was will explain one sure, so you know when you burn so severely skin, never naturally grows back, so they have to take peace. skin from the party or body that are still healthy. For me to my scalp in my face, My face as you look at it today. It's completely unburned seemingly, but my scalp was where they drew fourteen different times. the skin for my entire body, such a radical cool process the breezes little patients back to life, but they start at the core of the stomach and chest in the back and they move out from their an unfortunate by the time they made it out of the hands. It was just too late, so they had grown so tat. They had amputate the fingers to keep the rest, the body alive, some This is what you to do to save a patient with its frostbite or burns yeah. as a nine year old kid realized, going through your mom being very honest with you and being in their everyday choosing. This is how I want to be here

at the same time, when you discover that you're going to affect we lose your fingers as parted, like that's part of the bargain, that's part of what now, it is going to happen here, As a nine year old boy, Will it I'm gonna live like I'm gonna make may get through this, but there's gonna be this major chains. What spends in your head so I wasn't the bargaining table when the negotiation was had. It took place mid february about a month and a half in in the way. I remember it and again there are remember everything. How do you remember five months of life in particular when you're inundated with all kinds of and morphine but I remember, distinctly waken up from a surgery in its painful memory, but it's also look back on it- a beautiful memory and I looked up and saw my dad crying and my dad- never cries man amid guy army guy, like you just in taipei, alpha dog, humble and faithful and beautiful

but not the kind of guy that usually lead with tears back than he does now, but not back then any is crying on top of me man, another nobody's crying about. So I remember looking up and saying that why why are you crying and he said, baby data they had to take your fingers and tribunal What does that mean for a kick amount of anastasia mean nothing So after we go through this a few times in a use words, I did not fully understand liking amputation, one of my first question to, was well when will they grow back? her brows and finger nails grow. So when fingers grow and he said, your me about that, they never come back ever. and do that that was the hardest point in the time in hospital, because even a child? You realize what that means like the very first thing that would, through my mind, is I'll, never hold anything. My hands, including a pen or a girl's hand? or the opportunity than before it and life I'll never get a job, will cow life? Well, I haven't so my dad keeps saying to me. They say

if my life and I keep reminding him, eat it, save it, you took it that you took it so that it can, painful moment and yet today you know you and I are looking at each other, so we're able to see each other's faces in the background, and you see behind me kid all over the wall, and this beautiful bride pitcher in some those shots and I've got a wonderful job that I love in a life which rate with no one, no one at all so It was a difficult, difficult day and moment and yet it did indeed led to the best of their promise in front of me that it offers at a moment that it it sounds like was really can a transitional in a lot of ways. You finally come home, I'm in munich you're spending five months or so almost immobilized, because you can't really move because that's part of the treatment- I guess it's probably changed since then, but effectively they have to do that. You know they regrows said that it stay stable, having lost a huge

mt of muscle, mass and not being able to turn to move all that well here in a wheelchair, in your home was, Two days and there's enough the door to europe at what I love about. My story is how little of it is my story. If I was here just bragged on how great I was, or am it would rock all, in every one of your listeners right back to sleep in the region. I love this story and all the stories we share is because none of them have anything to do with me. I'm a character in it on the one kind of noticing what's taking place, enable the share with everybody else, the importance of live in this in their own life. but I'm not the euro and the story teller, so that its importance We hear that contacts on a matter that table. It's been forty nine hours or something that I've been home. It's freshmen, I'm in a wheelchair, unwrapped format. It till it bandages still the journey for hard and arduous, but I will survive if we realise, and then the knock on the door is my piano teacher

My mom walks into the kitchen- and I look up at heard then I hated I hated piano before I've upper. so it wasn't like I was looking for two someday may be returning the piano man. I hated it when I had all ten digits, and now I have none I'm on morphine, I'm wrapped in damages and I'm in a wheelchair. I know she's not there for me. How could she be there's no way I'm my mom walked in and I look up and I say mom. Why is she here. My mother doesn't say a word. I think europe, one of political friends and those of us who divide the service of religiously or whatever else on social media. These days might benefit from a page. Here she doesn't say a word talk is cheap. Talk is cheap, Instead, she just humbly quietly on the brakes on my wheelchair she roy? let me away from the pity party, where I've been really for five and a half months, she me into a living room. Were my great grandmothers piano was she lacks the brakes on my mother walks out without speaking a word. his beautiful lady, mrs Martello steps in that room

put your arm around me. I'll, never forget this money either put your arm around me and many eyes and says John we're gonna do this together, and then she had a rubber band. She wrapped around my right hand, put a pencil between. and the bandage. My darn was up in an airplane spent, so it was completely unable to play that time. But what with a pencil strapped to a rubber band? At the end of a bandage broken hand, a little boy and wheelchair unworthy begins playing the piano and as much as I hated that first lesson later, the door bell rang and that woman came back and then back and then back for five years of lessons and manner. Today I love the piano factor in quarantine. My daughter grace not learning one new song every week during quarantine so far Eighteen, my mother or mrs these days, I'm wildly grateful for those lessons in television,

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it's a beautiful thing that the gift there was a new in part instilling a of this thing, which you ve now carried decades forward in your life and until average your kids in your family, but the part of it is, you know, You come home and fingers are largely amputated. The idea of doing something like this, let alone even the most basic functionality is the most foreign thing on the planet to you and your mom and your piano teacher basically yearly plot this coup, to use the piano as a vehicle to teach you a different lesson. It isn't that's a wonderful word to describe it. They took over the power and in doing so, rich still the power, if you will like because Your first point is dead on I had no ambition, I can do a couple. Things were

fact: I'm never going back to school and never gonna get a job, I'm never going to or had a right, and I'm going. dependent upon everybody else for the rest, my life, and to be so? If I mean really transparent, I was all right with all that man, I'm home the boy, measures are sing in baseball back and see in life is all right. I don't have to go to school. This is a win win for he had never like school in the first place, and yet that piano class was really the first massive step toward normal. Tor possibility at the end, but it's also something that says: maybe not the world, but at least your mom and this one other woman in your immediate family do now accept the view that you have left the hospital with about the way your life is going to be and they are not going to let you accept that either and not only that, but you you're you're other, take us dead on his right at it. It is the world's view when you

a kid as fragile as broken as scarred as wounded and as in quotes finger courts on the right now people as useless as this child morphine rap format. It till it broke in us. The world can gives up on that, and then instead, these people in- and they were two examples, but then ended what your individual after individual cap shown up, as other examples that this child can have an awesome lack, not just ok This shows gonna go on to do some amazing things just watch, but the Personally, I am convinced of that. Was the child himself I guess it was it sort of the the evolution of which a mantle first in hospital, which is, I guess you have got to choose the path it you want. but believing that that path is even available to when all you can see is Culture is a suitable way to make it happen

the genius of your mom in european or teacher, basically saying beginner We are going to be able to play songs or be a concert pianist or but we're going to show you that you can play one note at a time with a pencil heel like riband it to your hand like that's all you have to believe and take a step towards that, So there wasn't saying by into this whole vision, it was. by into this one microscopic task, just because I'm here in this right now as a business owner as a spouse as apparent as a son to two parents, both of them struggling one of them with parkinson's disease, with thirty years of experience behind that. And I'm here in this nada, as my story is nine years. keep it my stories of forty three old man like yes, you a bold vision and yes, you need to realize the value of interdependence and all this other stuff. But man. The first step is- the most important. Can you take the next step today and that's enough? That's enough. There and having those people around. You

You are you also, I know part of them party. journey in this really really early days, knowest or to move move a little bit forward ahead is theirs there, certainly turning point, where your parents are iii, you're on the men than your parents are sort of looking insanely. Is there anything we do with his hands and is really the tale of two surgeon. man, I'm so glad you asked this question, so thank you for doing your homework and asked and probably my favorite. Why? One of my favorite stories from that book and. Here's a story where I have my fingers amputated all the way down to the knuckles, so. They will never again be able to grasp anything out, no matter what, except The fact that we read about two surgeons who are doing surgery that somehow cuts into the webbing of the hands and allow the patient to regain the ability to grasp things greatly crazy, but but What that, why not so we drive out the surgeon is the seven our roads. From our house we way forever to see him. He comes

the remy eventually meets with us and when I remember most about that visit is the entire hour or so consulting. Never once spoke with me, so he talked at me. He talked about me. He poked and prodded, he did the things that you might expect to run my hands and knuckles, but he never once saw me now and so the aim of this visit, my father, who was just it up a prince of a guy So this position so doc. What do you think what do you think about my son. And the physicians response was missus word for word. if he was a horse, I would shoot him then he of your son was a horse. I would shoot him. and so we get out of that Waiting room as quickly as we possibly can we get back into our awesome woody station wagon of the day the seven our trip back home? Never go back to that position. A ten days later, we had our second consult ended with a guy in our own backyard. His name was Carlos pop alardo. I reckon

with them recently actually of an amazing guide and an amazing reconnection, the thirty three years It would have remember most about that visited now ten years old, while we're waiting for him This gentleman walked into the room and he was looking at a folder, a patient's folder. And he was singing in italian when you into the room like a have a grasp of english, you sing italian? I have no idea what you say, and I can only here, the joy in the sun Sit down there's little doctors desk and reach the file for a little bit. He shuts it dramatically. He. his hands? I best loud yours, my goodness, what luck is this- is it has? come to pass that today I get to meet the miracle boy himself. John O'Leary has it to be there Carlos due to meet the miracle boy. Then he clapped his hand. together and said what what asks you grab. Folder looked into it started singing again and he walked out of the room. Now

What did any one of us and in a moment later, the door opens backup. We see, Sweden ban peaches had around the corner glasses around his eyes and he says I'm so embarrassed, were you hear the whole time. Ten years old, I have this enormous smile. My face right now and I nod- and he goes on- John o leary and I know my head, and he goes argued. A miracle boy may I say your hand, And so he walks over. He takes my broken right hand in hers. He shakes it with both of his enough Nice long cancelled my dad's a dot? What would you think about my son tat in the physician? again on the never forget what he said, he says: Denny, they are as beautiful as italian sunset. That's how the physician chose to view my hands. We opted to do work with this gentleman. There are four surgeries involved. But as you and I have in this interview today, this conversation I have a pen in front of me that I'm holding with that the figures that he cut.

Out of the weapon of my hands, unable to hold a phone dress myself play a piano with courts. If you can imagine I am able to do things in my life today because that man saw not a horseman that should be shot but air, said that should be admired It's interesting, I wonder, sometimes I think we all run into people like that. And I wonder what it is not that I wonder what it is about them. I wonder: do you have to be borne that way? or a ten. You are there things that you can do or their practices are there It is there some intentionally where you can wake up maybe not in and I an never anger whatever days but over time, if your orientation- and I guess really, if we assumed alan's outright- that's it you're too big, were writing career right now in your latest book in awe because it to

that is really it's. It's about a question or yours, another question in their beautiful way for me to brag on that, but I believe with your aunt, your question was either or are you burn this way or can you switch into it, and the answer is yes, and so what I for those of us who are born into this ability to seeing in italian. Walk into a patient's room like that's just awesome, somebody born with that kind of hard that kind of mindset that kind of charisma, others I believe, configured to make Others, I believe, can adapt muscles that allow them to be way more. Playful of waymore whimsical way more curious way, more child, like not childish. I've We see way too many examples of those of us who are childish in the way we can, it or yellow, raise our voice plenty that already going on the weekend. train ourselves to return to whom he once were, which was The ability as little wants to see the world with it profound sense of all for everything everything

whether to patients without fingers in front of us, an italian sunset or a peanut butter, enjoy sandwich waiting to be Edith. I quit and choose to see everything as if it is the the very first time ever. We witnessed that end, choosing to be like that. We are so begin to show up in a very different mindset, a manner he I mean it's interesting to hear you say this right because you're an interesting messenger for the message, because he people Look at you know, sitting here now, you're in early forty, so this conversation with corliss pot alardo happens more than three decades ago. You have built by all accounts, a beautiful only a stunning career out their speaking, for which a lot alot of people consulting and helping millions of people. and if somebody sit here and looks at what you have

how'd. You don't like the word overcome. I would imagine you at you, dont use that word. I say to you this way, I'm not all impressed by general theory. So. I am, I feel, ass if I lead forward by there's in my experiences and the thing that have done well, is to be able to say yes to both for those yesterday, individuals who should have right on time and yes to the experiences that we're both damning very difficult. it also incredibly life giving yeah such it to have that frame because it it would be. he for somebody to sir, like look at the journey they ve been on his head. Well, I stand if they have a dark lens on the world. I would understand, with the iversen, that they have faced, not solely waking up in a state of under a new state of awe and state of possibility like ok, I get that any you have very intentionally chosen the exact opposite and built a life around the exact opposite, which I guess you don't we

is probably a lot away. Your fascination with this question comes from which, and when we talk about this word, always we bounce it around nearly a couple of times now. It is, in fact the name of your latest book in awe. What are we actually talking about That sounds so trivial and childish, but its joy. Like raw another, her joy for everything In fact, when asked for come back from circling. Their planet when they come back. Seen the sun as if no one has ever seen it before in the stars like no one has ever seen before they are, that changed all of them. Now. The way they described at these researchers is to come back with a sense of all just a sense of all what went to set me The radically changed through an experience, and january for those of us who are a bit more pragmatic or may that more cynical whatever your lens of life is that's all right, because me, too, I was not the optimistic ferociously. domestic joyful guy. There

here in front of me right now in my ear, twenties anymore. Twenties it took a wife change and experience isolate aged twenty seven. If you can imagine when a group of three girls scouts asked me to share my story at their troop them for some ever told anybody what happened january getting burden age. Not. Why would I tell a horrible story? We want the tragedy, a little boy burn, spends five months and ass for loses his fingers and goes to the rest of his life broken where it where's the joint that and yet in sharing this story, for three girls gets that they did not even pay me with a box of smokers, but that they do pay me with three farm hogs afterwards. And then one of their fathers say. Would you speak tonight, but my organization, so I did and then another guy from that organizations, and I got it in association which had come there next after a while, you start rules into what what are they coming for? Why do they me back what are they order? They seem in a story that I'm not

and in time I began to look in the mirror and seed notches. The amputation in the broken isn't scars and a few weeks that remain. But like hearing the and beauty and did a ton of resiliency stuff. I never saw myself were usually the last one to see the beauty of the reflection we may think we're good in some areas, but I Those who knows best know the areas that were actually best it and it's not even the ones. We generally think we are as I was really fortunate middle way through my life, to have people who barely knew me but became familiar with me through the story to point out to me where I shines, because I never thought it myself and that that changed my perspective, not only on them the reflection in the mere but a life itself. Yeah me essentially a lot of people report yeah, you mention the astronauts when I have taken some. unexplored, I'm really emerging fascinating research and the study of all the scientific

yeah have you reference docker, countless berkeley whose done some leading research around it and very often the rough and is there, is some something that happens to your something that you witness, that shatters your model of the world as you know it and leaves you to figure out how you're going to reassemble the pieces to to create a new lands in it, on the world with children, to me as it almost invariably when hear stories about people who experience moments of awe on the level where nothing is the same afterwards, twelve it to some sort of massive natural phenomenon orally grandiose experience and, what's so powerful to me about your story about the three girls scouts. Is that its evidence that there are these opportunity is for your worldview to be shadowed and reassembled differently. In these little touch points all along the way

for those of us who would rather not get burned on a hundred per cent of our body or wait. space acts at a couple million bucks to take you to space The good news is exactly what you bring forth, that It does not need to be that radical inflection point it can be a king, The cancer in the recovery thrown a capitalism spouse, but men Let's not wait for the dramatic dramatic. recognize it in the seemingly insignificant that that's were the best if it happens, there's a phenomenal spiritual guy named Henry now in, well renown, new york times less on other all all this, often travel the world, but his law a change for the better when he left the world and saw beauty in the lives of those who had some challenges within. With their emotions, those who had been born with my mental retardation, those who were diagnosed with down syndrome. These, People who are maybe the rest of us see is somehow challenge in one way or another, but in work

with these individuals, kids at first and then adopt later on in life, as it continue to progress where he saw her life oughta be lived and it changed his life profoundly. Because he saw within them the ability to view ice water as a gift, They were blown away by inch warm at noon after a rainstorm. We step over. ugh yuck. They were in awe of an inch. It's. The way they perceived life changed the way that he chose to perceive his life, which changes entire life art afterwards. So may, it does not need to be going to the moon and back. It does not need to be bringing burned on a hundred percent of your body to choose hey, it's jonathan from good, like project. If you are in your thirty or forty, is with friends too busy to join you on a vacation, you have to

out flash back. The only group travel brand for solo travellers, your age, imagine dining with sumo in japan, or basking on a private yacht in croatia. All with people like you, visit, flash pack, dot com, slash podcast, to save to under fifty dollars on your booking an offer only available until July. Fifteenth are you deconstructed interred. which I thought was a fascinating frame for this, you sort of say, yeah there there are. Five senses associated with us, I'd like to walk through those. If that go with you, you, of course, we ve colored, touched on on one or two to us. Instead, you talk about wonder as being one of them. sensors and it's really mapped as almost curiosity and and an openness to possibility, Toby more to everything, to everything. You know what's so ironic is up. the story by giving you the way we adults, because the whole book is this. What is it the kids have that we lose sight of, and how do we return to it and

what they have is rocky curiosity and openness. That's key and openness, everything, and so one of the very first responses on my book came through, and it was a one star rating if you could imagine why it wasn't a one star rating. A reader criticized me for being wildly political in this book and having ever thought contrary to the thought, thought tat. She holds fast. You which is very ironic on so many levels because number one. The book is not political at all. At all: Secondly, as I read through her context, her belief system, it's actually the exact same police basis of that I myself have in my personal life it's not so bad. I feel like I'm packing during a package, but I find it very ironic that someone that I would see eye to eye with man in the way we go through the life was the view. A person who came into this book with their arms cross, saying why? Don't you see the way? I see it? Kid would never to this. They would be furious? And then once you gave them a little bit of information, they will learn from other than before kid love.

to end sentences now with exclamation points like this email I received from this is our one star reader. Both question marks They want to know why you fear the way you feel they want to know Are you sure they want to know why your hands missin fingers wiser skin read MR but as soon as you answer that stuff for them, not like what you're wrong you're wrong body. They don't ask Questions to have you come over their side of the fence there. If the questions said that they can meet you somewhere in the middle and it's a really cool way to imagine how we can come together as a as a community, in particular during a crisis. But it's a cool way or imagine how we can solve many problems that remain in front of us today, not only around the economy and cover, eighteen, but solutions to problems that we don't even know are in front of us. Yet we will not a judge mental mindset to solve the issues of the day, but raw unfettered curiosity. The curiosity that is alive and well in the wonder of a child. Yet

the idea that we spend the entirety of our lives, trying to get back to the state that we lived when we were young child. Because that is certainly where tat you use a prompt. What, if, as interesting exploration- and I happen to be really believer in that prompt as well. We for a number of years ran an adult summer camp at the end of the summer camp tee and one year I used to always give the final you like tat, on a sunday morning before we bless everybody on and end up religious way by the way, just see answer. Colleagues at ten o clock people and they galloped on stage and they said going to do something a little bit different and I had set out on the first day the invitation when people arrived. I said. I want you to actually move through the next four days, just saint yourself. What what? If, what, if I may Alex now with this person, that I've never met before and just started talking to them? What, if I did always things it made me uncomfortable and then the

this morning. I invite people to come. and just I had a stool at a stool next may give them the making sure there what stories and it was maybe the most moving thing that I'm so glad that I didn't sit there. Bending our sucking up time and space, because The stories that came? whenever we said molly. I said to myself: well what if I do this and the people said it was uncomfortable and- and I was scared and always nervous- and I made the best friend of my life and I realise that I could make art and one one They came up she's like what, If I sang in front of formed in twenty five people with Jonathan at like our man you're? Calling me a thing with you now and I don't think so, but Thirdly, it is such a simple, yet powerful, prompt when you really just you it almost like where it s a lens to move through day man,

it's one of the most powerful infrequent asked questions available to every one of us and it is life changing it on a very small scale. Back to playing eyes using your voice in for a four hundred I had learned the piano at a young age, but I would never play publicly because by the way, I'm missing fingers that in naturally an amazingly miraculously grow back, and so I have sir, we created thing that allow me to do some things, but may I missed the notes all the time, so I don't play bars on a white christen parties. It's at my house but my wife and I went to a concert. A little band called called why about four years ago and they rocked the house and two days later, I fly out to a conference in LAS vegas. It's in front of four thousand aren't married for twenty three thousand people and they have a p, now after the side, some do my sound check in the morning making sure the talents are just write and after we get all that worked on what the theatres completely empty. I walked and I started playing the scientist. It's like my favorite color vice. I start gently playing this thing out,

and then I feel somewhat tat my shoulder and she says I I don't know you gotta play the piano and I said- I dont- and she was my heard you you do we play for my family today and her family, twenty three thousand consultants and The adult answer is heck no man Have you seen me? Have you seen my aunt? Have you heard me no, but the question comes to mind. It's one, kids ask all the time what, if what, if What what? If I just did it man, and what I'll tell use? Not only was it by far the most moving partner and that one hour to jail, the piano in front of people who make excuses for far less thinks that mrs Messina fingers and playing the piano anyway We make excuses autonomy and life at limiting beliefs internally and externally, so that I was cool, but at every single venue over the last four years, since when they have a piano, I will play it, and I monkeys and I think the rockies are almost as powerful as the right you sometimes the abyss

to stand up, leave behind your ego, stepped forward and said people. Let's do it together, look that's before into possibility together. So I love the question what if, I've kennedy, I think, the data September twelve in sixty three may, correct me. If I'm wrong, and rice university said william. We choose the moon now because it's easy, but because it hard we had not yet invented the majority of the stuff that would be in spaceship that the ilo is the metals, the technology, the navigation, even the food that will govern and back in it that that spacecraft, but we got there, not, by having the answers, but by asking the questions. and that is ultimately how we will move to the season of cover, nineteen, how we will rebound from a recession and how we will build. I think, into society. Far greater after the storm than the one we entered into it with tat, and I completely agree- and I think a party embedded in it is also

willingness to get in so to the question which is imperfect. You know where it's it's, to accept the fact that its its more interesting and potentially more valuable and more rewarding. To just ask the question: answer it. Rather than only asked the question. If you know that you can deliver perfectly on the answer, which is what so many of us do, and then we just walk away. instead of saying I mean, like you said, you went out, you didn't hit every note and and varied lay the notes that we're off were more power. Four resonated more powerfully with the audience like the ones that we're on I so even as a prisoner of ask myself what the heck organizations key brave men, and why did this stage keep growing in size? because the reality is, I'm not the most articulate guy out there.

I think it's right there. Would you just heard that these eyes and arms and authenticity man in his honesty in this come on? Let's do this together, we will figured out when we began this business fifteen years ago. My first employ for more money than I made in the previous two years, combined and so there was no way. This thing was gonna happen and I had not yet for that, but my wife and I knew well that's not the clear that is yours to having. Apparently, because you can't you can bring on staff. And then I received a letter. The mail in all its said was this: it was a quote: she wrote in her hand writing, but it said John and then the court was Let us determine that it can and should he done and together we shall find a way end quote and then the words Abraham lincoln below it, determined to think that the thing can and should be done and together You'll find the way. when that is a really cool, childlike way to go through life. If the thing,

is worthy, whether it's getting to the moon and backed by the end of the decade, figuring out how to rebuild new york city, which you and your family neighbours or deal with right now. Let us determine but the thing can and should be done in. If you get that far together, we shall find a way tat. I love that sage word from gentlemen, who did a little bit and life, it's easy to call bs on o, leary or others man, but that when we the country together, you know you got the guy, gets a little bit of ST credibility man. So yes, if you're gonna, listen to a politician, these days checking the lincoln and also notice that he brought him people from all different parties in completely different perspectives. Some people would say: tat your enemies even closer than your friends. That might be a part of it. I think lincoln was wise and flow, though, to learn from people who disagreed with and I worry frequently I will make a judgement about a current affairs, but I will tell you I worry frequently that we only want to hang out with people that look act, worship vote just like we do yeah what

closes our world. Rather than expands and opened, it. one of the other things that you talk about you describe as one of these five senses, is something that you call expectancy, which I thought was fascinating and if you does it gets building on where we ve been going, but I think the wording, back and see. The word wonder have like it. It conjures up everybody serve like oh yeah sure. I understand that the word expectancy. I feel that it needs some. He need to break it down. Little better first, the model of it and then the breakdown of the model and I'll be brief in these remarks for the non baseball fans, but I have a son, Patrick we think thing he likes more than the breath in his lungs is is baseball. He just loves baseball, he's a currently twelve years old, but an age and then each year going forward, he gets to choose with his dad where he travels that someone has a guy who you to travel all the time, my kids,

to choose where they went with her daddy, we called the daddy trip, they choose the city, they choose. What, stay and they choose every meal. We eat every activity. We do it's their trip, I'm just for the rhine, unlike there're, I'm there, candy baby. I'm just gonna get him into the right scylla. He chose kansas city because the saint was card offered shoot were playing the rules, and what I noticed first, as he got in my car, for that trip is he has glove, whether glove on his left hand its summer no he's gonna lose it he's an eight year. Old boy were gone, for two days: don't bring your glove Patrick at he said to me that I'm gonna need it. I'm gonna need it to your computer glove and in the eighth inning of the game. This is a true story, like all the more first of all by dexter fowler are right. Fields is crushed down the left field line. He and I had a few rose deep, I wisely duck. I don't fingers another glove on. That's for sure, and I have my wherewithal to watch out for myself.

And my child eight years old stands, lift his left hand high, and I hear this loud about Crashing into whether I look up here looking down his glove is still up and is a baseball inside of it, remember they get Jonathan met isa Turkey is guy in the world and is first out of town game, and he gets a ball. The next to summers on these road trip he brings his glove and the sounds crazy. Except for the fact I've photographs evidence to back it up. in seated in various places, within these ballparks, once in pittsburgh, the following summer and the following summer at cincinnati, he comes home with baseballs off a foul balls or hombres three consecutive trips, three consecutive baseballs. What is that? What part of it is luck, but the other part of it is expectancy. So what second seat is the belief that, if you think something's going to happen is far more likely that it will happen if you believed that you're gonna catch a baseball. You actually bring a glove if you believe

that every pitch has your name on it, because the balls gonna come your direction, you don't even go for a hotdog, you don't go to the bathroom. You don't look down at your phone, your constantly watching the game so that you can be proactive. Your expecting it Which is healthy when you wanna baseball's a kid and will guarantee it, but it's gonna increase rot in healthcare pharmacies. Pharmacy rubs either. The challenge many pharmaceuticals have is what They give you a sugar pill or the actual goods either way patients begin to show signs of improvement. That's called expectancy, it's the placebo affect, conversely, if they tell you, this is gonna, hurt you whether they you're, not you actually feel pain it held expectancy and on that, help them no simple effect. So what we think will happen, in fact, does can happen in her life because we shop in a completely different manner than we would otherwise. What I love

the way you frame. It also is there's this idea of manifestation. That's been bouncing around as metaphysical and spiritual world for europe for the last decade, fifteen years and allow five times its framed as it You simply adopt a certain mindset. The universe will rise up and change to accommodate you and give you what you want. What else about your friend and and I have never been an advocate- a rat right at this time. People will say, but I, but I doubt that this might end all these immediately start to happen. What I love your frame. It is, is this well yeah, It's not because all of these completely outside of your control, magically chains to accommodate you. It's because you cry a very specific expectation, and maybe without even some it is deliberate flickered. Your son brings the club to again that's an intentional at, but there once you sort of they tell your brain. This thing

you know you also start to notice what they're a hundred other micro actions that get taken you're, not even aware of but you're acting. Very lay in the world and through these out through these changes in your own behaviour all day every day they greece. The likelihood of these things happening, and I love that it creates. And of the locusts control is within. You read it and waiting for the universe, to just rise up and accommodate you you're so right and even What are you gonna? Take a story, run baseball, org, dating or anything else in the world diet, cancer, anything else, you think differently meditate differently. For those of us who have a faint like you pray differently. exercise differently, you speak to you self differently and two others differently. What which influences back the way they speak back to you, they mere the ways you you treat them

all this has the way of making you hungrier. You eat differently, used our work. It out differently, start living differently. Take different actions. You gonna work differently. Everything starts to change because her my that changes so, and I will I won't negatively critique the model that says if you shut your eyes interest if it comes to pass there's power in mindfulness that no unequivocally that's a fact. But I think the real powers when you open backup your eyes and you move you move and so that that that's where the goods are So do I think it really it is your programme year internal jp ass to what you want to happen and then. get build actions and behaviors around it, but it doesn't leave the actions and behaviors don't start to become up and until you actually identified a thing which is interesting also because when we related back to the Experience you had with your piano teacher,

you didn't necessarily know- or she didn't necessarily know at that given moment in time. What is the clear picture of the endgame that were working towards? you know. So you can. I love the idea that expectancy can work on a micro scale as well and an arab over time to something much So in that same, the the book is unpacked and five different senses. I think there's like thirty chapters, but it's five big building blocks and since tools, back and see him within that as a kind of contrast, hope and hopelessness, learning was this an open one of the kids within that is a guy named andrea norman and hears a phelan who did every in the world to spend the rest of his life in jail, I could just not do it at all and then an encounter with a rabbi. Who talked about forgiveness, he started going to counseling. He started learning about anger and anger management, ptsd grown up in the way that he grew up outside a boston making

these decisions have in the perspective of the world in one lent them two nuns who talked about redemption than the epic opportunity he still had walked confined to start living a better life and they told andrei. We want you to come up with a dream come up with a dream for what possible and so this guy could not read dreamt of one day going to harvard. it's kind of a radical dream, audrey norman designed to get us to eighty. He goes on to learn how to read and write. He goes on spend spent just two decades in prison, but he goes on to then graduate high school in college. Any he's an professor at a school called harvard university. How is that possible it's crazy story, but the view A first step along this journey was him believe in that, in fact, it was possible that this learned helplessness that had kept And change your entire life no longer was part of the equation, itching the way that felt about himself he interact with others, including the guards, including the count including the rabbi

including the community at large, which, eventually, with changes life in total. under normal andriy norman's dear friend of mine, the real deal history for it was heartbreaking leap for he made a lot of difficult, painful decisions on the way forward. but eventually decided to changes mindset and that might, ro change. So very small change in solitary confinement, by the way that micro change began to change that complete trajectory of his entire life. Thereafter, yeah I love it also because it makes impossibly large things feel parson. Not because you believe that the impossibly large thing will happen, but because, if you can identify the tiniest next step It becomes much easier to actually believe that that as possible and in that sense will inspire the action just then it is where duality of lightning you can have very vaguely hold the big impossible thing out there

not believing in it, but maybe just like a half of one percent saying who knows but, getting to enough belief for the immediate micro thing, to do and then just letting wedding. risen returns on your tiniest action, you start to become a body of evidence that eventually, let you believe the bigger they might just happen. So I believe we thought we can get a lot more done in a day than we ever could now allowed now, maybe you're, not the woman was not their career searcher writing You think way too small about what is possible in a lifetime of lifetime. My gosh look How many careers you wanna have? Where what place do you wanna live? Who do you want to connect with? Do you want to change the way for the better all the stuff that is possible, so when I walk through people through goals an exercises rather than saying you know, but by june fifth, what is possible

I always begin with the end in mind, shut your eyes and you get achieve anything in your while the streams and nothing was impossible. Why would you do another moment. I do this in this and endemic, slowly peel back slowly, beer backing keep coming all the way back until it all away into the day and then we say ok, what is one thing you won't do today Andrew norman, too toward harvard university. One thing our reach out to the guidance counselor about? How do I even take the first step towards energy edi southern heart that one step and we need it, at first baby step, then you are on your way to harvard yeah. Now I love that, talk about two of the five senses. Are you also spend time diving into something you call emerging release? when the concept of belonging and the fact that you are in fact, a peace in this larger fabric humanity and community and and and interesting spent on the concept of freedom Awesome listener surely spend more sometimes more time, settling into that if they want to know

because our its powerful, deep conversations I think also they all tied heather right now, like we ve got these five things, both in the moment that were in, but also really curious on a very personal level, for you sue you, spent your entire adult career basic. building a body of work of building a set of stories, building a set of ideas and tools and practices and principles, men which we try lying around the world planes, trains and automobiles constantly speaking, you know this has become. The scent piece of the way that you contribute to the world the way you, your living. The way you support your family were, this moment right now, where the rear that you have loved and used as your primary channel for all. This and things is effectively doesn't exist right now, so my curiosity is as as we sit here and have this conversation in this moment- and that is in

at your reality and we talk about this idea of embracing wonderin except and see in immersion in belong in freedom and coming to us of awe and your also facing this. This reality, which a lot of people from outside looking inwards, would view as bleak force similar? How tell how, from the I'd out your navigating this moment. Man, I'm so glad you asked and were so real, even though I it like, just to add a little context. I'm up I'm an author pack ourselves and motivational speaker now: Four percent of our revenue disappeared, unfair on on march third, ets eighteen members, my on mortgage for kids, wife, helping parents out now four percent gone so for me to pretend, as if everything is totally fine and as like the legal movie, everything is awesome. Everything is awesome, well sort of britain these are challenging times.

And so we ve done a couple things. One had been very My team, with my wife and with my kids, that ok. To be sad. I did the time of grief, it's a hard time: hardship, isolation, unemployed, for many in those never seemed to go up every single week, so it is ok to begin feeling some sadness, and anger around this you gotta go which have lost always otherwise that's really learned and growing in full awareness and life's I've read it and then you breathe and then you realize, and now what so we had a couple decisions to make organizational one must return the city to the safe harbour. Of everybody, and just wait for the storm to pass, and in one in four months back the guy's. What's up shuttle area on the stage was right, that's one, fraternity and its one, we refused, because I think the most important work we will ever do actually will take place during the season

so what we did it we raise the sale higher than ever before. We ve actually been doing far more work than ever before. Using weapon ares using technology using podcast, getting our work out their coach of individuals. Could you not teams organizations One thing, I'm really proud of his that we ve been able to remain fully gainfully employed across the board we ve been able midstream the pivot. The titanic away from the icebergs, that we had already hit damage it up into, can continue to move forward in life and not only to keep ourselves afloat, which is fine, but more important to keep other organizations other individuals, another teams afloat, which is our calling some. extraordinarily excited about the fact that we were able to pivot online radically quickly, that was very cool another thing we recognise is other, inhibited, we still have lost a lot of revenue. But we still dream of being generous. So where, as an author,

the majority of your sales come through the first week, assails all pre orders, all the I can do in the months leading up to it all then hit boom. It's going to be a huge week. Let's get it all that cash flow. This thing out. Finally turn the the world from red, the black? and then I had a conference com aboard number, a bigger others, big sisters and I'm in the big myself and just ass, I was a little in my life at one point in I'm a big and want to get back, so they're going through the challenges they face organizational and then the executive director shares that you Kid you to go to school, for food, big, they d get educated, but please came for breakfast and lunch and our job now not only to create matches, it is to provide food and joy. experiences that keep these kids alive alive. and she shared it in such a manner. Whirling stirred my heart, and so I can on that day, my wife and I talked about, and we reflected and prayed over it, and so we decided to give a hundred percent of the profits of the first week of the book in awe

charity would give it all the big brothers and sisters in a manner extraordinarily proud to say we we move, probably thousand bucks or so someone in the first week every one of the dollars that would have gone to us instead went to big brothers. Big sisters, jury the time Jonathan. Then I would have benefited from that that money like we were deaf. We have been fully from those dollars by men. Were call to be generous not only during periods, in its sunny and you're on top of the world, telling everybody else how great it is up here at all, come on people but then, when you really can shine is when you feel like the shells are upon you and your down, inviting you're in the valley and you're, not which weighs up and you're not sure when the fog skillet clear to remain joyful, then and generous, then to make a difference. Then, until allied your children to see you like this, then to be totally candid with you. I think it's going to be the best we do this year, maybe ever organizationally, to give the best of our year away to this awesome organization and

them, then change life, the kids they serve like. I have joined my heart. You most, it matters. I share that story because it reminds me and my kids- it's it's not about us, it never was it never will be. So, let's make sure we weed. like the season. Just about us. I love that powerful, real exe what you're going to right now and then make some really deliberate choices here. This is usually going through your framework and saying I'm not going to deny a mk, I'm not delusional about what's happening here, but I'm I'm realistic on practical to look at the truth of things the ground and make choices, even if its Isn't necessary the easiest choice for us to make if it feels like it's the right choice and nearly pudding in this place of feeling the way I want to feel and also being of service, which is a huge part of who you are and what you're up to so. Can I just riff on that for a minute, the movie, my kids and I watched early on called in in early into this pandemic called groundhog day

and I'm sure everyone everyone illustrates is united. Most of them are, are probably posting that their living grandma day right now and I get that man he's your time days. We feel isolated work retract in places with poor in many places were not do in life. The way we wish we were or used to There's a man like round day and what they might be missy and what we might be missing when we say that our living right now is what, happened in that movie, and you don't strain the movie, let letter said on John's lap, just for a minute longer, kids and and that this is what happens to feel connor's phil, an angry, whether man who doesn't even like his job in the first place, and then it keeps when the day again and again and again- and he gets angry and he gets mad at me- clenched his fists and then he eventually says forget it. If I can't get out of this, I'm going to embrace it I'll fill counters played perfectly by bill bill marie learn. French. He learns Abou language. He learned a ballroom dance. He learns how to

the piano, both classically and also jazz. He learns how to become an ice. Sculptor Phil Connors learns when a kid is going to fall from a tree, so he can be there to catch him. He learns when an older guy is going to choke in a restaurant we can be there to save up here the names of every individual in that town so be there for them to serve them in whatever their needed for that day, and in owing to become the far better version of himself during this grandma day, Not only does phil everybody else better during this time, which is our calling buddy, only snaps today, anyway, he wakes up to this new dawn this new day, this new opportunity in front of him and my hope for John o leary for my kids, our family, our organization and then we can influence is that we utilise its time to become better and that when normal returns, we don't returned a life like we normally did. That we recognise- maybe the latter we were climbing- was leaned against the wrong wall. Made me

We can achieve a different level of success in a new way. Maybe we can recognise again what it really means too to be signal to be successful, the impact for and to be of service to those around us in the community, and if this and does that man. It's gonna be hard to get through the season, the law the term. It could have mighty. benefits society, And I always see things as a glass half full, but I think we can come through this thing, even better, because of what we're going through. That doesn't mean we're not going through some unbelievable heartache right now and we lose france and were deal of ptsd in unemployment and everything else, and our frontline healthcare workers and those of us who have lost family members but we can grow in time that this might be the kind of thing that are there, back on us a moment in history, they believe it or not, was a defining moment for the better. A good place for us to come full circle. As well so sitting here in this

in ten of the good life project. If I offer up the phrase to live a good life, what comes up jeez. What I had this morning and I wake up to my left and I see a brunette sleeping still and then I got up and walked and how I see for little kid sleep in and I go downstairs. I make a coffee a walk outside. I watched the sunrise I say my morning meditation. I say my prayers. I give thanks let the dog back into the house and get after my day, and this is a hard time for us for me personally, I'm a business owner, speaker a father, but you and I talked before we recorded. I had to take a son in today for surgery. This is a difficult day for so many of us, but when I think of the good life I think of the life I currently have gone on, and I just hope and pray that are worth there's realized, whatever their going through right now that man, What if they define this moment is a good life might I do for the way we enter into this good life and what might do for the rest of the life that adult after this good life Why don't? We recognise that in twin

eighteen, when I wrote the book in art that The four percent of new stories were negative during a period of profound or profoundly low unemployment and his work, high markets, nine. Four percent of our new stories were negative and it reflects, I think, a collective consciousness of how we feel about our lives. It I really encourage people to see life, not friends of cynicism, because then you will. Leave that it's not a good life. Seated it's a ferocious optimism through the lens of a little bit of faithfulness to the lens of hope, through the lens of expectancy, bring your glove and watch what happens. Thank you

One hundred, thank you. Thank you so much for listening, and thanks also to our fantastic sponsors who help make this show possible. You can check them out in the links we have included in today's show notes and while you're at it, if you've ever asked yourself. What should I do with my life, we have created a really cool online assessment that will help you discover the source code for the work that you're here to do. You can find it at spark: a type dot com, that's s, p, a r K, e t, Y p e dot com or just click, the link in the shadows and, of course, if you haven't already done so be sure to click on the subscribe button in your listening app. So you never miss an episode and then share share the love. If there's something that you've heard in this episode, that you would love to turn into a conversation, share it with people and have that conversation, because when ideas become conversations that lead to action, that's when real change takes hold, see you next time.