Budgeting, Relationships, Career
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This is an unofficial transcript meant for reference. Accuracy is not guaranteed.
From the head waters of Ramsay solutions. Broadcasting from the dollar car rental studios gave Ramsay show that is down carriages and painted all home more taken. The bloody super, Bmw status, symbol of joys and they ran through your host. Thank you for joining us America, cooperating with me on that they show Doktor John Aloni Ramsay personnel
were answering your questions about life and about money you, Japan and Walter
the phone number, eight hundred and eighty eight eight hundred and twenty five five thousand two hundred and twenty five.
Tell me, is whether in Florida, I tony welcome too, that I Ramsay show
they even John, and I my call today our pleasure. How can we help
my wife- and I am we just received an inheritance from my grandfather. State were a baby steps for five six than words is discussing some ways and on how to give save and spend familiar arrogance and for wondering if he had
maybe I'm together, son on some wise waste uses an arrogant and am I
about his memory. How much was inheritance about thirty thousand and what are you thinking of doing or that?
We talk a lot about about their there. Five underground kid numb, mostly
under eighteen,
be thinking about going to college soon, so we thought about possibly gifting now some centres with family members, although we do
a number of fellow members,
more cautious about because if you are not being over financial sum,
the desert. This just got complex. So you your grandfather, passed away.
And left you money, but not the other grandkids, yes, sir,
any reason why year, I think,
that's probably had similar relationship issues with with my my mom and my aunt, I'm sure I'm on the ways. So I don't,
they m that played into it,
if his last will meaning his the wheel of what his will as what does he want to occur? That's my will my will. As against my will.
If his last will is for you to have the money and not, then why would you give it to them? Does you feel guilty good good question, put something we ve been talking about? You know it
and I having younger sisters and and wanting to make sure that they have them off the money to go to
engine and did you give it to you to steward at like, as as Conover Off book executor? Or did he said? No, we want you,
this money cause you're doing one of us, it's gonna use it wisely. Yet it was evening may mean the birth rate
So they wanted me to manage it along the way, so not not specific, I'm I'm giving it
and then obviously didn't have a conversation with anyone right as passing. How old are you, therefore, ok and you're thinking about giving how much to the younger siblings that something may have an figured out yet, but
without saying that a few thousand apiece- and there are now many of five of the five year national shove. Three appreciably. Fifteen grand have the money right, ok! Well, I think you would have to do it in such a way that it ensured that it was being used in for something that your grandfather would be brought up because he left it to you. For that reason, they did not leave it to them because he's afraid they would lose control of it. So you know it would sound something like this, if you, if you thought
He was proud if you're. If one of these five went to college and they make the decision to go to college- you say: I'm gonna hold back three thousand dollars for you. If you decide to go to college, to pay for your college help you pay for your college because you haven't grandpa would be happy with that.
If you won't do it, if you want to buy cocaine with it, I'm not gonna give it to you, because I don't and grandma would be proud of it.
Or anything in between whenever you breach the spectrum, where the weather, where the level tips the scales, tip and grandpa wouldn't be
out of whatever your decision, I'm gonna use. That is my judges to whether you get the money or not, but I made
got it here sitting whatever you want to you, you can say whatever you want your deal right in the chair,
I'm gonna have for years you ve gotta hold your chin up.
And not carry around this thirty thousand dollars, this last willing gift as don't perceive it as a burner or become one and don't,
spend excessive nights wrangling your hands over it with a junior wife. No, your sisters know your grandpa and you'll make your decision. Then you stick by it. There's a hug
percent, chance someone, your family to three are not gonna like what you come up with, and they'll get about. You're gonna do with integrity, otherwise you would have left you the money
you clearly are somebody who's handling their money. Well, the fact you mention that you ve got your wife about. It, tells me you're different than than men
married men than I know so, hold your head high and make the decision and then don't look back and yellow journey to kind of set. The aim to put this issue to bed by shutting the principles or other guidelines aside.
Which you will give the money and whether not you're gonna share those issues are guidelines with someone that would you could sit down with the five of them a site. I've made them.
Vision, grandpa. Let me this money, a wife and I've thought about it. We're gonna allocate three thousand dollars for each of you to pay for college help you pay for college. If you choose to go to college, if you do not choose to go to college, the money is not, therefore you and that's our decision and a hundred percent of the time. What John such true someone like that, but at least it's over, but right goes right now, there's always rustling in your mind, back and forth should I should know
What was that I am being shop, Gemma being generous, my buying something that rubber be proud of Emma, not, and just me
some decisions and the clarity
That decision making gives you will give you piece the lack of decisions. The ambivalence is worth. A lot of anxiety can come from these.
So don't drag it out, makes him decisions, pull the trigger move on and on and just enough for me,
The paradigm is, is the decision wise is unhelpful, hopeful does it bring healing and harm would grant Bobby proud of this, and I use all kinds of things
paradigm. Then you go and now I'm done making decisions and then, when you start writing checks,
shutting the money aside, deride check some other day later on open phones, a trip
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out and people's Alot Dave. But if the lot people said no more, I'm ready to change no more. Never again, I don't want to
another problem, Unlifelike Corona.
Be ready next time. I did that
when I lost everything I said, I'm eleven like this anymore cause problems,
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This is where the militias and India Anna I'm a list of. Welcome that I've rapture. I thank you for having me on your shall sharp. What's up, I have weakened the thoughts of mild round set to get you and we go through
the week? My husband has done the calculation and call it cost us about eleven eleven hundred fifty two,
the year to drive there were putting,
Ten thousand miles on my vehicle a year,
Then there is also the where entire issue we have both of our cars paid off the agenda.
That is our mortgage. We finish babysit number three haversack month of expenses
what's your houses and going to the church about
on twenty five. Ok go ahead, I'm sure
You were gonna hear fine,
here. We ve been going there her almost twelve years ago, like family there. There is a church, those its cause
I got two miles away or just kind of thinking.
Trying to figure out? Is it worth it today
extra money and not have the weren't here and our vehicle, or just stick with what we ve been doing
This does not sound like a math problem, vehicle, wear and tear problem on my wife and I are family and we're back in Texas, our church about thirty miles away and we drove and it's a long drive. Sometimes it wasn't is that in the middle of nowhere
two and a mill, the cotton field and down it was any drove past, some perfectly good shirt, hundreds of them in Texas, yeah
and that was where our people was and that
community rallied around us and loved us, and it was good and in their was got to be a time and that I was long and we transition. So I've been down that road. I think it's probably nodded.
I think it's hard carnation, for you guys is one of you
ago not end.
They do not want to.
We both I'm wanting to stay
tat was my dear one of us wanted a really stay. One of us want to go. This is doesn't sound like a.
Math problem or wear and tear problems on a gay. That's a long way to drive
in the car three times a week. That's also your people inside think. It's it's a different level of differ
recession. Your husband have something
any early. You been there how twelve years, twelve mama, I'm here
well the amount of money and what you're describing as ratio to your income is irrelevant. If this is where you wanted to go to church, I wouldn't say you did
Stop going to church there, that's financially responsible
That does not
upon our radar with these numbers. Ok, maybe like twenty.
Nor is the union's been living under dollars a month ago that church we have talked about it, but there are other issues that are going on so in our in this case, but it sounds like the the where leaving a church is because your relationships are there for those of us that are church members that go to church regularly. We form our large portion of our social circle. There are you me, John Right went, and so we understand what you're talking about that. This is you're, not just not going to that particular building. This is your circle of support. Your friends assume shows up the hospital if he calls, I might have been a car wreck. Are these peering? These are the people that
that you do life with and on that, that's what we are discussing here and that's what's hard to change. When you change churches, there has to be said for the importance of that the word local there's something in in
Nashville there's a man you talkin about different universes thirty miles. In thirty miles sections away from the city, and so there's something to be said for get involve local.
In dealing with issues that are ten miles erase run your house, because this is a painful decision. It feels like it is absolute and I'll, give you a suggestion and might not work, but if you ve got a place that you're looking at locally just start half numbing at both of Jesus, is it both submits? Ok, you know, and so sharon- and I actually split time between two churches here and there five miles apart, but we go to each one for different reasons. Both the pastures are very close friends in both cases. If I went to every single church that I'm close under the pasture around here, I got on a twenty different ones, but that's not the point that the but we're just plugged in we had people groups in both places.
And we get different things from both experiences and give different things about experiences and I'm gone a lot, and so she chooses what she wants to do, what I'm gongs. All of that it comes into play, but I'm just we split time and you might try split in time for a little while and she Argos, because I used to think it was so absolute. If you don't have one place your place and you don't like you
what else is being like cheating, unfaithful, remembering unfaithful to match our camp cheating on much urge you know, but it's not
these days. Things have shifted a little bit too culturally that that make that a little bit more pliable. So I might try that
you might go where you go in our I like these people and make us from new friends her take without drive him down and rob the drive is draining out, but every week we ve only changed her two terms in since August save thirty years ago, forty years ago, and every time has been more painful for my wife than it was for me. Both both of us had paying much and I wasn't without pain, but but because again the social circle is there and that's where my friends are and that's where the you know how the people we do dinner with during the week. You know that kind of thing, and so that that
That makes a tough and whenever I make an hard decisions like this, I want to get rid of the variables it don't matter that sound feel like they do, but they don't that's the car pause. Then none of that enters into this, not not in your situation,
it's a small enough percentage of the whole thing is irrelevant. Barbarism
in California. Hey Barbara. Welcome that Dave Ramsey Show thank you for taking my car. I've been trying to get in four weeks.
I'm glad you got here and how can we help? Well, I know what needs to be
but I dont know how to do it. My fiance has co signed for two loans
daughter- and we recently found out that she's been very inconsistent and making payments
we know they should be sold, but there are not being cooperative
therein there late thirties, early, fortys and say well your arm.
It's none of your business are our money. What
everything is not anybody else's business, but we don't know
yeah at this. But how do you do this? With adult kids how'd, your daughter,
These are either this is his she's, thirty seven. Ah,
one is a earth, but one of them
pickles is a car. That's about fifteen thousand dollars upside down the other!
luxury, are Lee
ah
and how did your fiance sign for these? The army was
four years ago the car was two years ago
Then he met you and you set him straight out. I've known him for twenty plus years lad. He just he always trusted that she,
She was paying it and on time, and he was never
concerned with, but his credit score, or he is credit report and never checked they shared appeal.
OX so and then, when you conveniently never got male yeah because we're working on our first budget too,
There s an item you to be my lead. Well, we are down to this Sunday
and while congratulating go nonsense, thank you.
There's! No, your marrying! You gonna marry under the sharp right down and
Your fiance has raised a princess
well he's never told her? She, no for anything, and now you ve come.
And start saying now. You're gonna be the wicked witch of them where this the ugly step mother, if you're, not real, careful hold on.
The brake on job. To talk to you about this
that I Ramses.
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or jargon with Barbara in California is getting ready to get married Sunday today
say you ever thirty four year old daughter
co signed an expensive our vehicle
a car should not pay the bills. Answer his credits, getting dinged the
mother, they step mother to beat numbered all of this in his suggesting
a bad idea. Of course it's a bad idea. What can we do about a John Barbarism right, yeah yeah, so
here's a couple of things, one it's
His job is number one job, and this deals to love his daughter, and so I'm going to challenge you with doing the best you can do not talk about about his daughter in law.
Kim two sides, as is the side he's gotta choose, is with her this
thing is: is he really has two options and reward
a consumer daughter or he can pay the bill. So we called stupid tax around here or maybe a princess tax urge pay the bill, and
One thing that drives me crazy with adults is when they want to have one side of the of the the scale, but
the other right. So I'm gonna take your money. I want you to co sign and then they get indignant say you can't
about my money. You don't get to talk my money, absent
he does, and so I recommend that he has a non emotional gopher, coffee Goethe.
Restaurant, that might be open in California there and sit down and talk to his daughter about eight we gotta come the terms are hostile right or wrong and you don't go and we gotta. Have you don't go? That's got out and you don't say a word about this and then have to get married. You build a budget today.
And you go forward any may have to build in a deluxe. Are the payment that you're not kinda, sending you? Maybe you didn't agreement from France. I never does us again: that's right going forward
if you say a word, it'll
do everything all you can do is encourage him to have a backbone with her
for some reason or another he's not in the past.
A Christmas love her behind if you're
stay out of it cause you're, not gonna you're, not going to
anything good to happen. She yard
I view this whole change in attitude, Europe I am as her fault and show,
stay way back from that
In the realm of these solutions, lobby on the dead free stage, Mackay lies with a sigh Michaela. How are you I am? Do I you dave better than I deserve, where you're from or even of Thursday morning, Anna ok,
we're nerve in Indiana I'd say about an hour south of any. Not by all gotcha, ok, cool, welcome to Nashville
and all the way here to do your debt Frisco. How much of you paid off? I paid off about twenty thousand are right and how long did it take its thirteen,
that's good for you and your range of incomes and that first started eighteen thousand and then move to twenty four thousand by picking up another job. So what
for. Let me how I started and corporate wellness, and I also were cast our bucks so working to full time jobs and then, when I became debray, I got to quit. The corporate life and work might make some coffee allow the good for you all is fantastic. How laureate I'm doin three and work
That was the twenty thousand almost at once. What you're degree exercise science exercise giants? Why are you not do enough? I'm just kind
got monotonous. Does the same thing over and over and my colleagues not to let you get different,
all the time. Difference smiling faces every morning, sale of it. The now taken some time to kind of way out. What I truly want to do
for you or your free guess. So what
thirteen months ago, the put you on this journey. Well,
actually started with doing envelopes. When I was really little arms you had received some spent some and gives them the whole as a kid. I got paid four dollars and then I had to figure out what to do without extra dollars. I kind of grew up on it and then is to something I've always liked to do going into school I'm. So I went to college for three years. Instead of war, I'm dead,
packing everything and tell save col,
save money on their with college and everything, though
So what are you on the whole get out of that? Thirteen months ago, my, and so I started the book, the tone,
They make over I'm reading not going through, highlighting everything and new. I just want to pay it offices I could get. Then I could be freak same body. Is that free can do whatever that they really want, and I can say, making coffee little bed and love, and I met your passion. Ceramic saw you yeah, very cool. Show you are your parents on the floor?
We still have one european gambled. Avenant yeah mouth are european at your piece baby, my parents are taught the class and then I also became a co coordinator,
for financial peace, universities, step as well College, so yeah
while you're all in very cool, very cool good for you, ok sure, you're in all pro now
what is the secret to getting out of debt that you tell people keep going down, sat
You don't necessarily need to go, get your nails Santer go out to eat or by new clothes, and it's really gonna fuck for little bed, but just keep going and there's gonna be light at the end of the tunnel. Definitely
Showing you pay an approach to women? Don't stop right right,
Do you remember a moment when you thought I can keep doing this?
well about like halfway through a really kind of garlic overwhelming, because I was working from six. I am too.
When Pm Monday to Friday and then also working on Saturday S while so like me, and I really do want to keep working on these hours. I just wanna have some social dialogue. Seventy eighty hours a week, you click on it, but I knew there
right at the end of the tunnel. There is definitely I was gonna be like worth at all in the end, and then I could work less hours then have those dinners and be able to hang out with people and have more of a social life who was your too
who the hell germs up in the desert. When you're going through this, my dad Mama my brother and then my boyfriend, s laugh so they all have to undergo the beard over there. Yet I'd be em out yonder. They definitely Johns your check, email, Sergio, Mercury's mercury's worthy yesterday. They heard her Mamma down with it you're on your own. Yes, yes and my brother on your brother awesome, while you gotta good croup, very through very cool. What was that
part. Three of the work
the long hours that was definitely the hardest part and then just deciding to dutiful to full time jobs? I was really I was the hardest part social model. I hope we will say while the number you have no life, if you do that, everyone should have. Was it worth it? Oh yeah! Oh definitely, it was definitely worth it
because you do you have all this freedom, and now you have the extra income in your able to kind of
whatever you really want to do, you're not held down to okay. Well,
after work all of these hours so that I can do it in a year. Whatever your goal is gonna, be now it's like. Ok,
like: I can go on me. I can go into these things. Then it's gonna be ok and again I do everything we do. Every scream always harp on this, but I see a mom and dad between the care was over there and I just
the moms and dead who are listening to this show with little kid.
With teenage kids with grown ups to. Let folks know that this day,
saying it for years and years nears at you, change your family tree and now we're starting to see if the EU babies coming through pay off their debts to this idea.
Trans EU measures? Thank our legislative Mackay LE was when she is welcome other Longbill Oak right, but that she is different now and she's gonna. I don't know but Mary, this dude with a beard, but it may happen the oligarchy right, deaf rebates and it's gonna go on and nobody has ever gone to own what
you're decisions, no one's gonna own. What you'll want to do and end no one's gonna ever put you in a bind again in this goes back to
my dad, this idea of change in your family jury creating legacy, but about us goes away
incredible
and when you get home
Mikhail US age like? I do an older and you got your Loki AIDS and their work,
Junior they're watching you,
well: you're, you're, impressive, you're, a hero, young lady. Thank you thank you are not afraid a hard worth, while
I mean you gotta Chauvelin, dug out very proud of
very well done very impressive. We're gonna be able to do anything. You want do with that kind of work. Ethic and that kind of DR no kind of attitude, including by him some beer tremors. Now you has been with us, I can't grow bigger than its imperialist against. What is right here with the psychologist is dealing with late, really sad bar my bedroom to reach our eye Mackay towards
Well, we're barge pointed out with thirteen months broke it eighteen thousand to twenty four
in a year and now one job again counted out a share of debt free scream. Three, two one
I love it. John you're
absolutely right about the change in the family tree the people
Philanthropy University. They start oftentimes just for that to get rid of the pain of the problem brought today, but quickly they start to catch,
global vision that
Oddly man leaves and inheritance to his children's children.
Cannot only retire with dignity, myself,
be the last Ramsay in this branch.
By somebody else controlled by somebody controlled by the man. This
is that I Ramsay chef.
Our structure that ironic, twelve fifteen. Eighteen rejoice with those rejoice weep with those we live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty but associated with the lonely, never be wise in your own site,
pay, no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honourable and the sight of all if possible. So far as it depends on you live peaceably, withal Martin Luther King Jr said injustice anywhere is
To justice everywhere: open phones, this our this is the Dave Ramsay showed Doktor John Bologna Ramsay personality is my co host today
on the air Kathryn is next in Tennessee Catherine, how do you do Hagen
even doktor D, I'm amid thirty year old nurse practitioner, trying to advocate the online dating world in the midst of a pandemic. What is vice, would you give me if the
and I'm dating has the career that does not sit well with me. Some examples are like a whole life insurance ages or mortgage life insurance agent, Hampshire, agent
no debt collectors telemarketers or those who practise. What can a puppet show. You wanna, say drug dealer dance on my old aunt. Wealthy
No major our libraries drawn up their rather mommy.
Cocaine me doesn't sell whole life insurance matters, so nice out, there's people but there so nice hate. This is how it stop,
Guess, I'm Askin South start again soon. I think of it.
The first thing that you did it's really wise to call to comply.
Lee out of touch old, Mary guys to help you navigate online dating back down their time. The second thing is, I tell you in all seriousness is this is this? Is it take, sounds funny in any kind get out to a few little bit, but it just goes back to values. What are you value and write down and hold
ass to them and their don't bug genome. If it.
You're not gonna, buy whole life insurance and you don't do a life insurance and you think people who peddling that our preying on people
I have a hard time being relationship as somebody you gotta respect who they are and what they do now.
The teacher- and I
I was able to honour her every day.
And so that it might take on it. If
I agree with John sure we have the answer, but the ah.
I dont know that on first blood.
Anything you named. There would be a complete deal killer
By that I mean
maybe they're about to leave that career, or maybe they ve got plans to do it for a little while longer or maybe,
hate every day and they're looking for or in other words
be. It is not an indicator of their character.
But if you get in there and you associate those things were scummy people and you determine yeah. This is a scummy person obvious.
You walk away will quickly, but
sure that it just says: ok,
based on their career. I'm not gonna check the box on online dating. I would just ask that
no matter what all people that do actually wires and I'm not gonna talk to any other. I would talk to omen mean, but after coupled age, if you, if you could
convinced that really they are smarmy than obviously you're gonna walk away, but you might
the real story in their of somebody who's in the middle of some kind of a journey here.
Transformation that you wouldn't mind going on the red. With of all the other things lined up. Ok, it's a girl that gets me is it said it so I should feel guilty about feel like it's not right.
No no you're values, you your values! Now I mean! Let's just do you know? Why would you feel guilty if you didn't want to draw a coat data? Croak cocaine dealer even feel guilty
that's true, that's an extreme example that you're still making the decision based on values right, but its next.
Example that allows us to laugh in, but it illustrates that are used to value based decision. Someone who doesn't mind cocaine
Man who does about cocaine might think it be called a data. Cocaine they'll be great. You know,
are you not, but the USA, and so the thing is your value system in Europe. We use our values too.
Decisions every day whether we are conscious that we have values, you still make them
decisions on that? All the time
make decisions on how you got treat someone you make decisions on type of danger.
Buyer, do all of it,
ends up being those
a thing so yeah I mean I figure wisely now would have far from view.
I'll. Do what I wouldn't do is just say one hundred percent
people that currently,
at this moment in the whole Ivan
we won't show people at work currently in the debt collector business are disqualified. You can say got one
strike against you, Bob you might have to strikes, are coming to the gate and you only
one more inside you get in
the conversation the first day I thought so
but don't you said so wise I'd. Rather she somebody's default settings set to. Let's talk to somebody, let's engaged with humanity, there's yeah, I think gonna preconceived notions just burns holes
People also have your values and and horizontal about like deciding I'm never going to work or someone based on one tweet yeah. How passionate
however, you have no concept of what you're talking about you, ve no window into their life you and is too thin, is too thin, which makes you narrow
I always wondered when somebody's gonna tell marker calls me I always want to x,
a little bit with the frustration that someone just call me in the middle of a meeting, and I thought there was emergency, but then the second thing is: is this person is probably the best again to get a job in trying to make ends meet for their family
and in order that migration lecture for them
It has a person. You are too high five m M and hang up the phone with dignity and look at so yeah, I'm just gonna, hang up
if you don't
hope. It's kill me man, my default settings, luscious hug, it out man. You can't do that anymore. Woe rather near half, eyebrow yard. The Argo and people now, I guess,
with this in Massachusetts, efficacy area
hi. How are you I hope of their families- are doing well? Well,
short on time. Go straight your question. So I've been deemed essential workers ice age shut down, but I've been struggling with feelings of guilt and frustration about not receiving them extra benefits.
People on unemployment are like you first
that nearly how I'd say, you're not getting unemployment? Now it's more like I'm frustrated that I'm a kind of filling people who aren't medical workers are, but are still essential. Work is kind of got left behind, but at the same time I feel that there should be a lot more grateful because I do have a job to go to every day
Yes, I'm I'm. I'm gonna challenge you to do this Cassie. I absolutely one hundred percent understand that impulse and that idea that I'm working really hard and why are they get all
Jane and why and why not me one at us and I'm gonna, tell you that's think of your life as a backpack, and that is choosing to pick up a brick and carried around? That's not gonna. It's not gonna
help them not get paid. It's not gonna help. You do your job well, and it's not gonna. Do anything for bridging the divide
have across our countries are now in a new local community. Somerset put that stuff down work really hard honour the people there
serving in your job and let the other stuff go Richard.
The number one best selling book called love your life, not theirs. I'm going to send you a copy of it. Comparison is a thief that will destroy. Destroy your contentment, your peace,
ambition. Its comparison is a really nasty thing and all of us engage in it, but to the extent your call him because a conference like I'm sorry
and the more you exercise more. It's gonna eat at you, but that break down
Why should I count our blessings? Power Macfarlane?
a tutor said about that is my fact, almost into to legitimately Rachel's contentment journals and they love your life, not there
great question. Nine people are struggling that all over the country will be back
before you know it in the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace and that's to walk daily with the France of peace crises
hey, it's Kelly, assessing producer and vote for the Dave Ramses shit. If you would like to your temporary screen, live on the show make sure you visit, Dave, Ramsay, DOT, com, slash, show and register. We would love for you to come to national today, your story
Have you got questions about retirement, investing and becoming an everyday millionaire, go beggar and brought her with my man Chris open on the crest of Intra. I M excited to be able to talk to you all week in week out we're gonna focus on your calls, and it's going to focus on building well investing and how to become an everyday millionaire subscribe to the Kosovo show wherever you listen about gas hates me
Producer of the Dave Ramsay show this.
Transcript generated on 2020-07-19.