You listening to Carmody Central, hey everybody traveller here. The daily show is officially back on tv. Ok will not like on tv on tv, because for now we're not the daily show with the danish social distancing, show broadcasting from my apartment, because we being responsible and we stay at home in order to help contain the brain of corona virus. I've been in my house for eleven days now he's a fun took that I learn today. Rice tastes better. If you show could in some hot water. First, it's not as crunching. But it works, is cool things. You know when you sterile, also because I'm now exe and this is my new reality. I'm gonna try slowly turn my little library area into. A tv studio, you know, there's a more presentable tv studio space, and so I am responding to

of your concerns that I've seen online. I have decided to replace the dying plant that was behind me with a fake plant that will last for ever anyway, This episode going to catch up on all the latest corner virus developments like bad news about the Olympics, the big bailout fight in Congress and desperate doctors getting help from tv doctors. So, let's get into welcome the danish social distancing show from New York City to your health somewhere in the world. This is, the daily social distancing forever no ears, you could always somebody first, the FDA has just the new krona virus test due to start shipping this week and this test will magically decrease the weight time for results right down from a few days to a mere forty five minutes there's, no time at all. That's just the time you take to wash your hands if you're doing a bright, also as doctors of tree

more patients, their learning more about the disease and ways they can help people self diagnosis. Earlier, for example, doctors are now saying that a loss of smell or taste can be a symptom of corona virus completely true. So if you thought your husband's chronic fighting problem suddenly got better. You endanger girl, it's just me doesn't seem like the disease has more specific symptoms, everyday right, because first first they were like ok, it's flu. Symptoms, and they said no, it's a cough, but it's a dried cough and now you lose your sense of smell protest, he's gonna be like apparently corona virus makes you're right but really large and your left batch gets all lopsided and twitchy. Then you gotta go to the hospital. If that happens, you gonna following every time you sit down. Wool corona Oh, oh, here's some really good news for all those people who stressed about running out of toilet paper? There's a new online toilet

If a calculator that will help people figure out how long your supply will last so that you you can upholding arabic right now, some people on board so much toilet paper there, from a passive down. There will end I grandchildren, children, I've, bequeath fine couldn't function of Shopman out or soft that I bought during the corona crisis of twenty It wasn t. So that's the Good NEWS, the ban, news. Is that the corona virus Walter is still in full swing in India? Prime Minister Modi has borne hundred million people under the locked out. That's right. An entire bus in India is not allowed to move, and in Germany, Chancellor Angela Merkel became the first european leaders. Self quarantine and the country has banned groups of more than two people from gathering.

Which is rarely unfortunate for Germans because you realize it takes at least five people to get in or out of lay the hose in like Le Pen's animal. Joe! You can't do that alone. Now, International NEWS, today is over Japan, where the summer Olympics look like they being postponed, until twenty twenty one yeah they postponing the Olympic games meanwhile Tom and Linda going forward with their game night as planned. Yeah, I've, gotten but now they want me to do it over Skype. Unbelievable. How even plank night over Skype. Which caused you, have that's the point of the game commercially. I can see. No one calls I haven't company with my kids at home to cancel German Linda just cancel, but if I was Japan, I would have still held the games, even if all the other country dropped out because think about. If everybody else's ouch you win gold in every event, although

come lost in every event, but still a menu sing, the national anthem and for winners and either way I would have held the event, the other way to say Olympics is you can just do it over zoom was Skype like everything else right now, you know just have gymnast doing their thing in different places. They could describe to each other. Now, just like ok, high everybody Can you see me? I want to do I want to do if a bag full of bright. Now. Sorry, what not to do say. I can't hear you you're breaking up you're breaking up. Did you did you just say? Did you say dog shit? No, I sit back flip. I want to do a back flip. You guys it's coming. In like here, I just got on these. It might turn to boot forms. Will it be? I know I've been MIKE. I'm doing the thing you, you know what left let personally Did you just turn social distancing into an olympic sport? We can watch that. Have you watched people,

these days when they walking down the street going to the grocery store every time someone gets within six speech of them. The basically doing olympic move. Now, despite one a virus being one of the most stressful situations. The world has ever experienced it has also given us moments of pure comedy gold, for instance, in it despite being one of the hardest hit countries with sir, thirty thousand confirmed cases, some Italians are still going out. Living their normal lives and having fun, which is not only a response it stressing alot of people out and so lot of italian mayors and local leaders have started hosting videos yelling at people to go back home mere. Even all noted civic one global, remembering bought out enough. I study last Monday, ammo

gotta, be nearing Mummy Monday imo corny launch mafia, so she never so near. The redundancy passage Nandi boss in many different among men been issued in Gaza may be babies couldn't by setting We do not think we need that in your phone gender Lucy was. I believe that before I love any station. You gotta say I love how direct Italian because in America, mayors alike, please help to flattened the curve to limit your excursions. Only essential travel. Please. We know people By doing this, we need you and in ITALY they just like the back inside, Look I gotta eat them. You borrow some for me. Why only similar becoming an approach on the banks of a book to break

you mind that about wake you now, while leaders in ITALY it's a common. Kick their constituents ass. The residents of Spain, see to be a little more well behaved, and so too what the citizens stuck at home, the police. Our driving around and performing for people in the street. Goodbye, applause see. That's nice that's a really nice thing for those police to do and something that would never work in the USA. Can you imagine that police driving out jumping out of their cause with instruments playing People assume is black people start clapping. The cops would lose their shit just be like

we're here to sing for you lucky. We like shots, fired shots, fired, yeoman, clap and put your hands down under my fans. Man they're my hands all right so that some what's going on around the world solar switch years and catch up on everything over here in the? U S. Over the past few days, more high profile people have tested positive for calling virus. Andy Cohen has grown a virus Senator ran Paul has grown a virus even Hobby Weinstein's, whose in prison has tested positive for grown virus which makes curl of ours. The first thing that's come into contact with hobby Wednesday by choice now because ran pull tested, positive a number of sentences. You came into contact with him, quarantine themselves, out of precaution and when Trump was asked about those sentences he couldn't barely contain. His glee present Troms press briefing yesterday started on notes of unity and strength by quickly turned to him.

Appearing to mock, senator Romney's decision to self isolate himself on top of senator fallen for senators are in ice elation and the rules say that in order to vote, then we risk also to their word comes. I will repeat with the critical stimulus package about expenditure on these emotional is due to this hasn't been searching for God. Damn you even if we all get wiped out, I feel like trumps pettiness is gonna, be the only thing that supplies this pandemic unlike does no good time for a president to be a dick, but what he. Then there was a little. I mean it was shitty Mitt Romney is in danger of being exposed to the virus and

Romney's wife and has Mss so she's at a higher risk for complications. And I'm in trouble even think of this when he spoke in all because he condoms and a husband and wife ever getting close enough to expose one. Another. Now, obviously, is not just famous people testing positive for corona virus. Every day, the number of infected people in America goes up by thousands, and because of that hospitals are now being overwhelmed, doctors are running out of vital supplies like mosques, gloves and gowns, and it's gotten so desperate that the city c is telling doctors to just try and use scarves and Ben Dennis. That's really troubling for two reasons: one doctors obviously going to be an increased risk of getting infected by the virus. To every hospital is gonna start looking like it's being run by the groups and the blood I may don't you ever limit

to proscribe and shit in my ward curs. Now let me get that city scandal mischief. Whilst so now the hospital equipment shortage has so dire- that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo announced that the state was forced to buy two million mosques from overseas for about five times their regular price and even though some mosque manufacturers in America ramping up production, it's not happening fast enough. It's happening fast enough for the doctors who are on the front lines and show governors have been pleading with President Trump to use that, fence production act to force private companies in America to produce all the supplies. Hospitals desperately need, but Trump has refused choose this law. Playing that it would turn America into Venezuela and why we,

coming american governors to figure things out for themselves. He also wrote a letter to Kim Jong Boon, offering to help North Korea to fight the corona virus. So at this point I don't know, what's more unbelievable, that from is worrying about North Korea or that he was to write an entire letter like ask me: maybe that's what doctors and american need to do. Then you take two hours off launched some missiles into the sea of Japan, then maybe Trumbull be like nice. Shack guys grew miss launch here some masks? M recognise Game shop with many Little struggling and the federal government not doing enough to solve the crisis, everyone is trying their best to help out. However, they can tv medical those are dominating all this applies their mosques, their gloves, their gowns that they ve been using his props

This is a real thing that is happening right now. Tv shows tv, Doktor hospital shows on giving their property and I'm glad that they not giving their doctors in whose jobs are mad. Sexy futile, corona virus made it hard to breathe. Before can imagine, treated by MEG Dreamy. Don't do UK something wrong of others. The symptoms. Do it's your eyes, I can not, because the number of people infected, keep increasing. Governors of nine states have ordered this. Citizens into lockdown, which means right now, million Americans are forced to stay at home. A hundred million people, that's one third of the was population or one somewhere car in New York,

and because a hundred million people are forced to stay at home. The economy is on the brink of a historic collapse. Over the weekend and official, with the Federal Reserve predicted that the unemployment rate could skyrocket all the way up to thirty percent and to give you a perspective, that would be worse than any point during the great depression, so to try and stop this from happening. Congress has been working on a massive two trillion dollars: stimulus to four million dollar stimulus package. That would give people money. And keep businesses afloat, but Nego relations between Republicans and Democrats have been contentious and the main sticking point, has been. The Republicans are proposing that a huge chunk of the stimulus money would go into a slush fund controlled by the Trump administration yeah. So imagine that Trump would have a ton of money that he could control and

wouldn't even have to tell the public who they gave the money too for six months. Six months is a long time coming We Mexico, by that time, living them than Alias senior wow. You realize tat would basically be able to choose which businesses he wants to survive and which businesses he wants to end up like his businesses any company that has publicly imposed Trump or makes vegetables could get screwed it's over for them Johnnie Green Giants? Can be out here, selling his kidneys just to make ends meet and while make us a haggling over funding and healthcare professionals are trying to keep people alive. Many parents across the nation are facing a struggle right now and that struggle is being stuck at home with their kids so only on I gave this elastic a call to see how she's handling being stuck at home, the dizzy hey

oh so good to see your face. You do in freedom, self quarantine them I'm doing what everyone else is doing. How are you doing? Oh I'm, I'm sorry, I'm great and were were, were doing great now, just line of family law in time allotted time together, which now we do. We don't get that allowed. So I guess small silver lining in this thing. Yes, so so much time together, just a lotta just being trapped And a one bedroom apartment with a small child for two weeks shallots, it's goodbye for such a tight space. I'm actually finding a lot of new places to crimes that that's good Well, I mean look on the bright side. At least you have people there. I mean look on the bright side. At least you have people there like. I don't have kids, so it's just me alone at home, like I'm trying to find ways to kill time like yesterday, I put all my

put all my t shirts on at the same time like all of them that how lonely? I am like you have your family. You can spend time with them, no Trevor love. I would love to be that. Well me right now see when you have a kid you go into a thinking, understanding our tops a day tops of spending twenty four hours a day with him. It's a lot more money go to school. He come back with acute story. You know some kid fell down the playground and he laughed it with Larry. All of this worries. I already know I mean all the stories I'm here to stay in all the worst. Well, ok, I'll! oh, please not hearing. You say any of this, but like school and that you just go back in your room body. Go back in your room. Make me a drink, an old fashioned

with the model. It you got a muddle. It he's all that upper body strength black but other than making drinks, are you? Are you also teaching your kid at home? Could I know a lot of moms and and and families have been saying that home Cooling has been the hardest part of this self distancing process. Are you? Are you home schooling, your kid yeah yeah, going terribly it's it's horrible and, unlike expected to know all of this stuff. I've forgotten about long ago, like like you remember learning about the different types of clowns, yeah what he can men and he was like mommy. My favorite type of cloud is a cue Kim cumin cumin them. Human and are even now. I don't even know what Iraq Criminal Numerous yeah yeah, that animal Spain too. But he was saying a dirty word and they wish was over the capitals of states

the capital of main. Is a gust of wind, the way should be should be the main city. They should all be like that remain city, Alabama City, Colorado, city, capital and that of the United States should be in America, city shut up, SIRI shut up shut up, so many voices through just so many it's just incessant. Ok, here's the thing like a flock of look right now, feeling it but think on on the bright side like after this is done. You know all the clouds and you'll learn about all the city like you get to learn the things that that your son is learning in schools or like it. It's a win win now, but we're nine. When now we're not gonna do that anymore, why HANS going. You are. This is not an issue he's gonna, come in handy, eminent, each himself, Post, corona, he's gonna, know what it's like to impose corona right. I kind of Macgyver a mask out of his teenage mutant,

eternal underwear, dad's gonna, come in handy and a search for quarters in the valuable skill how to cook a rat with a magnifying glass when I told him that way, You eating rats, it's like just gonna, be like a month force, but you don't know trapper, we don't know yet, but I'm even if you like, I feel like the things you You look. I hate you. I just think that things are teaching him a little things in the extreme, Don't thank me later helping me later. What I'm coming now I'll be right there. I gotta go sorry recesses over all fund. What does he do for resource recesses? For me, ok, by that vodka, yeah. So that was dizzy like everybody who, I think is raising Med MAX we'll be right back. Today's episode is bro.

To buy irresistible from focus features written and directed by John Stewart, starring, Steve Corral Chris Cooper, Mackenzie Davis and rose burn in theatres and on demand. Now John Stewart is back and he's you, the comedy events of this summer irresistible, the story of a democratic political consultants who helps a retired marine colonel run for mayor in a small Wisconsin town Watch, Steve Corral and rose burn. Face in a local election that garners national attention. John Stewart Irresistible is in theatres. And on demand now what back to the danish social distancing show. So, as we all know, Donald Trump may not be the best at managing a crisis or, in funding, told a hospital. Is that needed to buy mosques or doing anything presidential, but we cannot deny the man is great at words and don't take my word for it. Take his words for its an example of the pure. No,

the card to the highest level of activists in. If you, if you take a look at what we did in that room, desert bore, truly spend tat left flank you laugh Now you may remember this or you may not, because a sort of happened before Corona went crazy, but this is actually a great time back into our trump some best words competition, because before we started the daily social distancing show, the daily show had an online bracket where you could choose trumps best words, I'm willing to find best word of all time, and so Michael Costa, and why would Junior have some updates on which were It's in the lesion YO a young man, you good so far, yeah. You know there is a little bit better around major from the ways down, but, more importantly, does more information than I needed to hear. Have you voted your costume

guy isn't election day about trust this, worse, the daily Shall Reggie gained replaying. By now thinking it s words Trot mispronounced without to dissuade sixteen or, as tromp would say, the sweat sure star. Now. The first measure we haven't swishing is naturally verses, intricate and combat infringe Reuben badge. Nausea, don't take us out of context Roy, but I like the nonsense you heard of your first speech. Cost of love the Nazis? and here's another one. Roy Crianan verses not immersion animals by an enormous shrilly economic she'll, shelter Why is definitely not a slow criminal. I tell you that much. I actually like criminal I feel like its criminal, but with a tentacle. What about this matter? Can help verses

it's good to see some subjects acoustics coming out parent alone. If you look at the heroin epidemic, I like Caroline. It's like China, say Heroin, but then he thought a woman named Marilyn's name and he tried to spring up to go well aware over here. Like does he normally buys heroin from Maryland? What about this magic transplants? Verses orange? I hope they now go and take a look at the origins of the origins of the investigation the beginnings receives, lung and liver transplant annually is well, I'm gonna go and transparency. Is I'm not worried transplants right now, as are the dog? even in the same building as you, and I just feel the need to social business. Just a little more. You ve got less than two days to evolve for trust, best. Words are daily, show Brackened, Jakob, loving beer microbial one. Oh yeah!

I was gonna shaven, but I don't have the time right now now Michael Costa and Railway Junior everybody thanks. So much guys aren't anybody that for today's episode of the daily social distancing show thank you so much for shooting in, but before we go. If you want to help out during this time, remember you can we ask that if you have anything please go to know kid, hungry, dot, org and donate to kids who get meals while the schools or shut down, If you want to help feed kids, specifically New York City, then go to city harvest, dot, org and you can do. What are you able to stay safe out there or stay safe in their inside and I'll? See you here tomorrow,

daily show. The trouble no ears at once. The daily show we nights at eleven and central on family, central and calmly central watch episodes videos at the daily show that was on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the daily show on Youtube or exclusive content, and this has been a car these central podcast