This podcast everybody and we could see him here and talk to you about parenting all day all day, but we should do it. Yes, I'm parent or we should. I guess we should point out that we are the only parents getting drifted by ten year old. That is not true. Bullshit, that's not I believe that it all does your tenure opting out they are not really ass, he has dyslexia she's, not pretending on mad she's, she's doing other things, drifting the way she is a massive criminal. It's a brand new podcast that you guys are going to fucking love it today, one of my favorites.

That I've done in a while to only because you know I've been really good this past week, I didn't really party at all and not with this week, I'm dudley putting a port at last. I the store importing tonight at toggle, ass, his house and then tomorrow, night and partly with her and cigarettes and then I'm off to omaha, and then I should do towards and then I'm in and then I'm home again for a week and I'm not gonna be party, I'm doing a liver cleanse. Does it sprang back whatever spring break running it worth it? We're gonna get a house malibu for the weak says he does me now tasked christina. Did it now

Tom christianity well whatever, and then I am off to salt lake city, everybody, please called salt lake city, anyone in salt lake city. I is like an hour away. I've driven a proverb from salt lake city state in a mormon compound out in Provo beautiful did the backyard slingshot out in Provo ut Provo, not provo, salt lake city stand up. Huntsville is almost sold out. Alabama. Get your tickets to stand up. Huntsville stand up, live huntsville on the twentieth of the four twenty and then the next day is a concept or so in nashville on the twenty first century Yes and I'm doing the evening of twenty first, the new toys evening of twenty third I'll be doing a lot of shows down a natural I wanna be jumping. once he shows it's going to be a lot of fun or he's going to be there. Doug Bentz is going to be there. And there are many.

Calgary at the end of the month. Detroit is almost sold out at lounge on the fourth of may, and then the fifth and sixth at liberty hell ship just outside cincinnati at the funnybone, then its georgia's play. Why I told you that then the crapshoot casino and the next day the live podcast, the bisbee on the twentieth, that is the nineteenth on the twentieth, with doug stanhope at the royal albert something theater, some. Those are the dates. Everything else is on bert. No, you know what everything is else isn't on berber dot com. We just got the updated schedule yesterday, so I was getting put on there being put on so you can go to purr, purr, purr dot com go to my twitter, my whatever I hope you have a partner as good as I do. I have a really great partner. I can be honest with you that may not have santa cause you're on the podcast, but I'm I'm going to speak from,

for a second. I will tell you today's website, a sponsor by blue apron, and I talked to tony about this in casual conversation, because it is very true: blue apron is changing our family. it really is, I can't I there's a lotta copy of poetry, but I'll tell you honestly. I enjoy getting a blue apron so much they deliver it right to your door. It's fresh all the ingredients are fresh. Possibly raised the income and globally locally source for the monterey bay. Fish aquarium watch Why are you know it's it's amazing, but fuck all that we have so much fun, making these people we do, and the thing is the girls ask: are we having blue every night and they have tried every single dish, ten and twelve. So, like you know, food of choices like corn, dog date or dot, though they did that every dagger, but

asking. What are we having tonight is a blue apron and their trying everything they. The I've been really impressed. Bulger wheat last night and they ate it, they loved it and they loved it with chicken and the chicken we didn't make it too spicy cause. They say hey. If you don't want it too. Spicy use a third of the packet. It was absolutely fantastic, we're putting almonds and walnuts on everything. That is. not our family and their eating it in their eating it. So all I say to you is very simply before I finish his red to check out blue apron. If you have a family by it and and it really bring Let's get you sit down, have dinner together and they go. What is this and you talk again? It's been a blast. I've really enjoy the sponsor I have ten immensely very mobs but seriously check him out. Like I said, all the beef took an import comes from responsibly raised animals. The seafood at source by the same sustainably understand is developed in partnership with the monterey bay aquarium, seafood watch and all the food from practiced from

genitive farming. I'm a horrible outlet reader, but I will tell you ninety nine percent of the continental. U s can get it and ninety nine point five five of food des deserts. Deserts are you talking about. I dunno. Let me read it no reading it because blue apron ships, the exact amount of each ingredient required for each recipe- and I will say this- it's cheaper than me go to the store, because when I go to the store, I buy a tunnel shit, and this is ten dollars per person. You cannot get that out to eat and he's gonna go to mcdonald's. You get the kind of food, and this is all healthy food and it's delicious. It really does I'm tellin you these. The future meals come up spinach with fresh mozzarella, pizza, with olives, bell, peppers and recover. Salad, judging falada falada falada falada sweetens, our sandlewood buck joy, carrot, ginger and fried rice, parmesan cross a chicken with creamy, fettuccine and rose.

the brok alene. Oh, my god, baby broccoli, amy with fond tina knees with hard boiled eggs, regular salary shot up, that sounds amazing, it is affordable. The food is always diverse. We have two totally different type of pork meals, it's easier shit, we're making them an under thirty minutes and were making what the girls georgian I made one the other day island in the may one the other day, Leanna and I make a most of the time because it's fun to cook together, I'm telling you right now! These things are fantasy. We just got one at our front door and you know what's nice when, on a rush to go, run it to the kitchen, because it's fresh and it's going to be fine. We can keep our fridge for five days with it is my favor, the thing that we do. It is pretty awesome. It is pretty awesome. I have to say, and I have to say for two meals a week. I don't have to figure out what we're having

in my fridge, and this is coming from the heart, and you will hear me talk to tony about this later, but I'm being dead, serious, try him out, it's very simple: what are you doing? I'm telling you that you have plenty check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free, try. It gave first three meals for free and see if you like it, hit me up on twitter, Let me know that you guys did it send pictures of your meals to me, and I said I put up my, but I have pictures of all our meals because we present them so nice. I try to out beat the guy who the picture who made his meals and these are cool chefs, giving great recipes, and then you can cheat and steal these recipes and do your own versions biggest stealing they give you

recipe yeah yeah, but no, but now I know how to now. I know how to get some fond off the bottom of a plate. I did it the other day check out this week's menu and get your first three free meals for free with free shipping go to blue apron, dot com, slash bert, cast, brt c, a s t you will love how it feels you will love how it tastes to create incredible home, cooked meals with blue apron. So don't wait. That is, It went dot com, slash bert cast. Let me tell you something: sucker hear what I say: blue apron, a better way to cook, I'm being sincere about that. I really think you will you and your family will truly enjoy this. So take us up on it. Stray few meals were given. Meals to friends were buying blue apron for friends, because it's cool as shit too great little gift. It's awesome and today's podcast is so awesome because I have been healthy as shit and

I hadn't been drinking and I've been doing a bunch of unassisted, sleeps and tony came over. You already know who the guest is and tony's career has really blossomed. Since I first talked to him- and he I talking to him about this, but we he one of my first set at the comedy store in Eden. You find out a lot about people when they have nothing to gain and they're nice to you and right after my first set- and I tell tony this and I think I caught him- a tablet off guard. He came out to me. Put me out brought me out to the power was out at the patio and you came up with a drink and he was like: hey wanna, buy you drink man. Congratulations! It's a big deal. He look, I'm fuckin we fourteen years old, two older than tony, and it meant a great deal to me and it meant a lot to me and by the way I will say this. That's who I surround myself with these days is guys like that. I was at the store last night with redman kind of fuckin love that guy and with tony tony

robin and Josh Otto myers check out his his show every wednesday night at ten p m, the comedy jam I'm on an equal, nineteenth butter and so are treated myself to a cigar. It was the first cigar I had had in a few months and tony and I had I had a cigar and tony was having cigarettes. I think, halfway through he started smoking a joint, but I had to go pick up the girls, so I didn't partake and it was. It was it's a great podcast, a great chat and- and I hope you enjoy it woah guys without further ado, and let me tell you something: if you're not chart using our laughable app, I think they just updated it. It's even get our tour dates off there so check it out on laughable. Once again, you can go to laughable and find tony hinchcliffe on there.

and then you can see all his kill tony's and you can pick what guests you like and then see all the shit they've done. I love this fucking app. It's laughable at me and fitzsimons were talking about it. The other day so check out laughable, go to the app store and get laughable ned. You know, I love you and I'm not talking to you. Carlos all right. Today's podcast keep it going. Ladies and gentlemen, you got a beautiful tonight, my wife is leaving she's going in this week and ongoing to overhaul my mom's watching the girls. Ladies and gentlemen, from kill tony tours with rogan writer from the roasts, put your hands together for tony mother fucking him, with the goal of this is all started off by saying I got into comedy: because I loved laughing, I didn't getting highly, never like

do you remember, Dimitri Martin got into comedy, we were talking about it and he was like a. He was like I like the math of it like he like to figure it out, and I was like that's my least. I hate it growing up right, like I dont like sitting down and getting putting pen paper, might do it no I'm inspired. I d, like I and I understand, there's a theory that you like. No, you should be working when its bracy shows up. But I think a lot of muscle guy that right on stage a lot so right. It's an interesting thing. you, don't get a rush like a rush as a kid like their son, like an animal inside either the frickin loved it that got like a weird, like serotonin rush from hearing other people laugh then type of joy that you can bring the people opposite of crying or whatever it is like a weird noise. We make you look at

really is what laughing is and how weird we are from making people want to do that so much so weird, and how do we make him? Do it more in. we're often in louder and all that, it's it to just do it for the math. I don't really. I don't get that part, but is it putting words in his mouth? I mean not, you really meant misquoted a human there. Yeah hear ya know I mean I'm only I'm saying like he enjoyed. There are guys and he's one of them, but he enjoys like he's been one of his favorite things to do is do palindromes, pound romas. Think I do remind me, I basically said backwards and forwards, but Dimitri has the. I think he has the world record for the world's longest palindrome. I think it's like something like seventy two pages. Wow, like he's a genius by the way, once again, I'm sure I'm putting words in his mouth it. He does have the world's record, but I don't know how long it is. I wonder how many giant pieces of paper it took him to write down that

huge happened. Many no real stairway giant human size, no books. He had to go through a year, but I like the and so that's why I end up watching specials, because I go I dunno. I, like I like laughing like stan hopes. Our special was so enjoyable yeah. It was enjoyable You know, for so many different reasons and and in a weird way, I think, if you're, not watching, if you're not watching comedy, can almost be left behind. That's what that's the myth of the road yeah. I watch people specials. Almost ever even my special you watched, I watched your special oh I'm sorry to hear that I feel bad. I write I don't like. I am but every day that goes on, I get more and more embarrassed of it. How many? What did you do? You have a two two

but but but don't you do sort like with looking at your first one: do you ever look at it like yeah yeah, but I'm glad I'd, yeah yeah I did it. I may, without a doubt, devil got. I did exist, I hadn't I'd still be doing their material sakhalin, so that there is one cool thing is cleansing your act of this ship material dude, I'm such a better comic because of podcasting there, because of podcasting I write cleaner. I write smarter. I write more from my. Art and heart, but loot, but also I listen, will occupy gas. That's my biggest flaw. Probably is I listen to me? Gas- and there are some I have to- I have to like scrap- which one makes you the hardest, christina and tom there's something about them. They make me cackle. You know how some people make you have a different last

in other another. You too, I see you are you have almost we've been concerned for your health on kill tony a couple of times. If I'm be okay, if we're being serious, my favorite podcast to do is probably kill tony, because I love that format yeah. I love that format. I love that cheat code of us getting up and not having to try to be funny but funny be happening bright. I was explain that to a british comic. Do the day about we talked about this there than it would have as yet. You mention that, although you are anything england area, but my favorite part of life to the one is making me laughed the hardest recently, but I have to qualify this by saying: I won't listen to rogue.

talons on or if a if cigar is on, I won't lie. Usually those are the ones I don't listen to only because sometimes comic side in bits, they're working on, and that is you can't draw your information from a place like that within like so I don't. I know that I didn't come up with the premise, but I have a bit about being like a dolphin. I am certain at this. What do you mean be? Unlike adult dolphins, don't have any responsibilities like no one ever asked a dolphin to grow the fuck up, they're, just a dolphin when a dolphin jumps out of the water does a flip. Everyone lose their fucking minds. There are no dolphins in the water going like fucking seriously, man like dude. Why don't you just help us get fish and you're like fuck? It man is what I do. I'm a dolphin remember that between us it'll be easier but like and and by the way I don't mean, like that's a premise, a premise: I'd I'd. started on a long time ago about dolphins, but it is the first shock of the arabian was one of the new york. I wanted to run in front of buses like that, like a dolphin and just jump up those all I had to it and then an order. A beer like a dolphin there's very

simple comedy: go to the bar and go on beer, and then I backup- and that was It- was very simple comedy, and I had this- the kind that I just fucking love those I it was very simple and then the horse. I read. I read a book by a book by really great. I forget his name is a guy that everyone reads not jack kerouac, but the guide as the member the book that looks like it's got a hummingbird on it, but it's not fair packaging cigarettes. I don't really read anyway and then and then I know for a fact on an airplane as like. I could figure out this dolphin bit numb like wold on and you know I drink and I black out and awake up on airplanes, so like halfway through I'm like did. I just hear that. Did I hear someone say that why am I thinking of this dolphin bit right now and so I've been really careful to not do it on stage I mean you gotta, let it rip the you know everybody

in fact joe- and I had this talk last night for a second, it's like every single thing has been covered, whether it's out there someone special or out there on the internet, its official, I get up in done every idea. First, figment of a show? It's been done, awesome capacity or another. I literally the segment to a show, one time that I didn't even realize. I had seen on british tv yeah and I went and I just sitting in a room, and I want it to be a good idea and then we got to do it and halfway through doing it's almost like it's just like the british show- and I was like oh fuck- that's where I saw it exactly. I mean it's just like so crazy, you're going to say you pitched a bit for a show, I buy literally, was like my manager. My manager calls me yesterday we're having just a normal like talk, scheduling things getting airplane tickets for whatever, and I go and you got me at a weird time. I just got stone to the gulets and he's like you're always stoned the gulets, I'm like yeah, but that's how we that's, how I write and get the everything that ten percent that you get

That's for me getting stone to the gullets and I go check out. This india that I just so happened to write down and I'm being sort of silly, but I'm also sort of excited about this idea. It says oh dash, bitch dash, who erie and I'm like it's an oh, bitch, you wear a so whatever like bad person or Terrible person died. We pay tribute to them in this, men of the show we call in a bitch you area where we have just give them like fuck, you rose stools. Do you like a real? I got us. You now send off and he's lake

We are John Oliver did that on his podcast, like John silver as pie, cast an essay on its has guy these guys I've. Everything already has a bad guys. Winning me love. You John part here. What are these guys? Just they? They take everything folkestone overdue, with a guardian podcast, our ears got any awards. There's this guy. The jobbers best friends were called Daniel kitten owing to see him pearly he's like the mitchell bird, like the cool, all crazy, australian, doesn't do press every show sells out the guy. Everyone was talking about him since they brought him on. Everyone brought him up to me and in england it was like. I was like fuck are going to hear more about this guy yeah. I

I did a bit, but I'm really, I'm really honest. Like I have a. I have a hard time with peep. I have a hard time with thieves as what happened to me a few times yeah and two- and I learned you just don't say it out loud, just talk behind their back fuck em. I can't I can't it's it's almost like rape, culture and we're way. If you call someone as a thief it's in a weird way. You from the bitch right and the? U like, really really and its people go to defend them. Just like, oh, you were drunk, you are you. You dress like that. For a reason, people like really are you sure it's a parallel thinking because of you know, and you like? No fuckin trust me. I know that person, I told the joke in front of them. heard me say: that's when it's a thing and I think that's the thing that a lot of like like internet

Well, don't really get is that we see each other. The reason why I don't watch specials like at all is because I'm probably at the comedy sore pound for power more than anyone. I lived out three blocks away from it. I will there forever I live at. You know what I mean I can go there, get tired and then go home Still have an hour and a half two hours of needless energy, burn playing a video game are thinking about the next day or reading lines or whatever it is right, and so I get see what I want to see and I get to see the craziest fuckin shit. If I'm here and ripped lily, I last night I walked in and when I got there at eleven fifteen Seven, thirty, on a random night, Louie just popped in the o, r and robbins swaying the main room. You just roar sounds like four hundred people getting bought raped in the main room. As I walk like towards a back door, you can just hear from outside the building,

which, with laughter it's not like rock and roll, you know what I mean. I think people get that like it's like yeah. You can hear the band when you pull up to staples center, like you know the colosseum or something, but to hear laughter outside of the club nasty shit on on the hell's. My point, oh- and it's not like I when I watch louie or I watch jokers a I normally organically sort of naturally, have seen them recently, working with Joe Joe way out for years. Yeah needs instantly he's already. You know he's already working on his third special, since starting working with me cause he's done to do so. His last special triggered is yeah him and stand those herman stan When I put cigar off to the side, I I love cigarettes act, but I I, never throw him in the mix. I just don't because he's like we're so close right. It's how it's it's very difficult for me to

his, I think, he's that's like where the problem with I have with him and push, I think their podcast layers, but I know them and half the time they're making inside jokes that I feel like I'm, a part of other than the genes. Mommy's hitler jokes so, like mohammed timid, stand, hope dude either to best. Specials billboards is amazing. I haven't seen him. Every five watch the lot and they're just The last one on triggered rogan hits the gas from the start. He peels out, and literally doesn't step off the day. Do what do you do us? Although data released he's, not pay, it he's waiting for them, people to catch up he's not given a fuck

I was watching it like this with my eyes just wide open, dislike holy shit, because I had watched him work at all out. Did you go to? Did you do that special with the duke? Well before that we can? I was going to I had my own like thing like my own head lining, weaken that I just couldn't get out of it with some gutter. Somethin like that are out of is going to end. Edwards ended up doin it, but I was going to do with the end, but I had I toured all around with him while he was working all that out and you get to watch him execute it like that, and I only watched the first like thirty five minutes, because literally like ok, I mean I'm obviously than that gets to be a point watching Joe and other great chapelle. You know who I am lucky the open for when he's an ally, sometimes watching these there's. I love it and it inspires me, but only to a limit, then there's a part where it's like some literally like there's nothing I can do

though I must say fast forward seventeen years of work to get like when I see especially chappelle, you know what I mean when he hits those fuckin just beats it's his he's. Look there's a lot to be said about chappelle or both of his hours. Personally, I like liked Ella one better than the other one, the das, because I thought sought. First, I saw that one before the autumn, one I saw my head. I was like you bet better than allay, which hits thanks as like say, like you know, to a chef. It is is great, but you better make better pizza as you know, it's like pepperoni and cheese. I love both of them yeah, but there are things there are nuances of what he does that as a as a konica. He could pick apart any ones. If anyone's anyone, and I can tell you what I can tell you: what's a lazy in anyone's act, absolutely and what's what's what's inspired, yeah, not all I'll say is that is because I haven't seen him in so long. There were more insight.

I moments out of this hour then, and I talked to talk about this. Probably ad nauseam there are more fired moments of him, just break actually getting a laugh without trying to work out what I went. Wow man and his the choice of words is the same thing I was saying about who tunnel, but before that it must stand up yeah. I stand up one of my. He does his bit about isis, and it's just so perfectly writ yeah that then he go and then he's like isis not doing his bid justice, robert robbers, ices is recruiting young men out and out with our relationships that are lost in america to join is this anomaly k? That's my firm base, the law.

this great though yo isis on work in this corner, such a great fuckin lines. So then I look at it may go, go go you know what really This has no connection with it. What it says? to me was I have these long stories, these fuckin twelve minutes stories. I tell him stage and a funny. The great their outrageous are crazy, but I never looked at it backwards. And I looked at that joke backwards and went wow. He got me to eyes some work in this corner write this and I went to gray way to look at a joke, work it backwards, and then I thought what am I stories have great endings and I looked at this joke about my buddy Dan, as he listened, is right now going. I I want to hear the fucking joke, he's the guy from travel channel, but a joke about jumping off the stratosphere, where the ending is fucking amazing, but I never could-

like, I never really cared to write it because I didn't like the middle partner, want none on a fundamental part right, the middle part, the ending. What is what you you I'm not saying I know how center of the joke, but I bet he- and I bet he watched it. You know it was like fuck that you know it's amazing how things get written for you. Then you never know the front to back or back to front, and it's some it starts to stir rinkitink one liner and turns into an entire story is seen as a rebate in it that I liked that's it three beads, and on that I, like those like move, I can get from one day to the next, be to the next that I'm done, but I got so lazy with my story. Writing that. I would think that I believed that an outrageous premise. All I needed there. You know like almost ran out of air. I remember telling you know the mafias herrings ability Storytelling show that really popular the great storyteller producers as well- and I said I to occur

call to do a story. I did poses for the many ball, my fucking eyes out and then- and I was like- and I will tell nervous here's the story, we'd like to work on lego. I ran out of oxygen at at ninety feet in fiji and she was like ok. I think I know the end of that story. I was like what she's like I don't know why you tell it like I clearly you live and I was like yeah she's like so. What's the what's the stakes in the story, I was like fuck. It was a kind of looked at it that were never so like it. Without any insight from outsiders or from the industry I started going like I started saying to myself like I want. You told phenomenal fuckin story, probably a month ago about and I'm not gonna give away your big sums. I don't know if you ve, recorded or not What about your neighbor, your neighbor now is that are you working on that yeah So good, it's so fucking and I went and by the way in which

in that I went. Every story doesn't have to be. A temple sometimes can be very casual, be just walk down the street, and I was like that. And then I said I'll start looking in your life at like it doesn't need to be big. You know, I don't have anything in that realm ran but, like I was really impressed by the story. think that's inspiration. I look for when I watch comedy is to go yeah like that's it. That's a great such You fuckin story, I'm so excited about that Ben I've been closing with that vienna closing our fifteen hour and a half long sets on the road. With that. I know it how I've been working at it. hard. I dont really do stories and that's really works. Boot showed me off guard. No one. I want that's a great fuck historian may is gonna, be ten years of me doing stand up comedy continuously and its truly the first story that I've ever had and really great story- and I was so excited- I'm so excited about it and we just submitted it loose

to lose scholars. Louis yeah, it's called right now That's amply back the distance travelled landscape equipment in years and we just submitted this is not happening because, unlike this is the want of pop I was saving for your next hour and they turned it down what they said. They don't want it. So I mean I was going to save it for to close my next hour regardless, because I feel, like you know, hopefully it's on netflix again and I feel like there's, really only minimal crossover between the two. If that's all, they know how crazy that sounds, but I feel like there's not that much. overlap between comedy central and netflix anyway, so I was gonna, do it for both, but they said that it's too stand up, be of a story. It's too, like funny of a story not compelling enough. That was

Nope ugh. So I was a terrible problem to have because that that that- and I had that problem with this- is not happening. I love I. First of all, I don't think anyone that works on the show doesn't know how much I love that show yeah. It really is meant for what I do yet on yeah, and I told like it not now like an idiot but like real excited that I could do it again. I got this flying dildo story ready for it. and, and and it's a really like immediately my agents and managers like. Why did you use that on this? You should use it for your hour. That's a fucking great story and I was like oh yeah and then I'm like, and then I burn them and a bad way. It wasn't like fleshed out, so you did do it, you do it on. This is not happening. It's not happening and and and then my animated agents were like, why don't

Can you do that for your our knows? I have done it in my head. I want, but we once I do a story I did stand and then allow do my that's. How I look at what I do it on on an honor alike. Media lay out you have on it and then I did I did this or been calling it out, because I know as a really does not have a really fucking popular show and everyone's cannot fly let's find out, they first heard our rogan, then I worked it out and now and then the other night I was like. I don't fucking tell that story and they're like please, and I was like fuck it I'll tell it, and I told it the right way for the first time and I went mother fucker right offside. fuck I rushed it to get it on. This is not happening. I remember I had like a tag I needed ari, to ask me about er- and I was like just asked me: he was like. What's what about whatever happened is I could just come onstage and just asked me and I'll tell you what happened, and I fucking worked it out perfectly and I want muh shit so bummed.

But you know what the new way is a mash up. Maybe I can put it on a special totally I've. Only I mean that You have to realise, like it's hard to find those things now on. You know not bashing comedy central, but on their websites platform. You can find it on comedy central. Thank god already got youtube to put them up right, no one's finding shit on comedy central's such a confusing website yeah. I love you guys very much, but man you've got to fucking, fix your website seriously and that's a problem with networks as they don't want to really drive you to the internet. They want you to watch tv, that's how they make their money and it's, but it's it's backfiring. If they, if they push the internet first, they would be youtube. No, it would be if they would have been the everything it's an interesting approach they took. Meanwhile, those companies are all like so far in the green look at netflix their stocks that are an all time high, a high. They ve been go on this way for since forever. To have

will trends things. Do you know Google transit is sorta eu. Tell me you don't woo woo, it's fucking fascinating with those I got the wild guys I do. This is one of my favorite things that, by the way is I'm also in therapy because of it, because I have a problem of this problem of validation with getting people have made me we're happy validation, ultimately, validation. Well, my serotonin dips, usually from party and And- and I got my first- the entry days which are you know if anyone's wondering it's a xanax the first day at four pm and then a sonata the next night at seven pm. That's how I reentry what's a sonata who only the best sleeping pill ever invented it stays in your system for two hours. That's it two hours so for two hours, you'll feel real sleepy and you fall asleep and then it's out of your system. So when you sleep for another five, you wake up, feeling amazing, completely refreshed. Now

I have a problem. I have a fear of addiction yeah so like I won't so I have a regiment like a party on the weekend when I'm on the road of a drink, a few drinks on a plane thursday, in the friday drink saturday, I fly home sunday drink on the plane and then monday xanax at four pm this and so on the same as a fourth, because it is all at party and just gets into your system, and you just gotta shake it. be there for my family's, whatever happens to have, but to a quarter of a million. I have Xanax, which is nothing if anyone knows anything about xanax at I like four p m and I'll just chill how great my family we make a blue apron together blew up. Brought my family together, so fucking much of no fucking idea, I swear to god. I would. I will have read a sponsor for this at the beginning, but I, to say candidly had do. We have a blue apron. Now, do you cook it all little bit dude they deliver the food. You right deliver your food in a cooler at last for like

It isn't afraid of sure. I already said this and the thing I'll make this very short, but I'm the really cool meals and for me with two kids, it the whole family, gets in the kit, in cooks, and then we have a dinner together and it's fucking, it's one of the cooler things that it's one of the coolest monster I've ever been involved with, but more importantly like for my two days home, I'm covered two meals that are like brand new shit that might get not just a meal. It's an experience, pam apron. So what you heard I apologize for, but I do really love the product but and then the next night, I'm good all day, but I do. I am prone to anxiety, so I'll start laying in bed tossing and turning on shit or all the doors locked, the gates, locked, try and like so a sonata helps me just go to sleep, no one's them, fine! I am so yeah like this all week of them. I've had unassisted sleeps, we call them. I have I started it.

Same thing drinking wise and instead of this annex and sonata, I just balance out, but we offer amounts of coffee and we'd yeah. If I need to be awake and I have used to drink a little yeah yeah the viewer, either my favorite things I was in columbus recently. I remember you lived in columbus when we went through a period where you were having like fine whisky, fine wines and big big dinner totally, and I did that the other night by myself, and I thought I should call tony and tell him I'm having that moment. I love that yeah feels great. Doesn't it it's priceless dude there's I wish I could Joy, Bala, one right now, but I'm so calorie, conscious that I'm a little He d about it, but man I have such a great for condemn, I think, will smith and wollensky is. Is that the one in the yeah it's great? I feel it feels good to treat yourself. Sometimes we went to. We did one of the vegas runs me rogan any in a couple of weeks ago, and I noticed when I was checking in the lady

there is already a do. You ever get comes with your room, a hundred dollar voucher to the spot. Right now, my growl, it's interesting. I look up the spot prices when I'm hotel room? It's like five hundred dollars for anything. I'm not. I don't really know you're in vegas for a second, I was like what are you guys staying in Columbus, yeah yeah, nowhere in the hand at a really nice hotel. So I go to the spot, even though everything's under control just to see if they have a steamer, am I go, I ask if they have a steamer and they go well. We have this. One in rome, it's all right or we have other steam room. If you have, if it is seventy dollars you, access for the whole day. I got home. I will my hundred dollar about your work for this seventy dollars. Special steam room in very like absolutely like, are a great. Let's do it and it was a fuckin steam room, humidity, room sana, a

ice, fountain thing that you stand under laws ripping ice slob, though it's just a bucket in a stainless steel like spaghetti strainer, you just go there stand under a noose, fucking shakspeare bottle of those, and there was this one they where he lay down new goods like it's like a shallow pool. But it's just grades in your laying down in its all windows in your does, but naked in your own little cell, with just when all vegas right there but naked just looking at you, wiener floating them using an onion, comes in massive hog, tony yeah. You might have put my dick in there with you yeah yo, my dick needs us that that massage table, I was just getting my dick, a massage. So just out of curiosity you to go back a titch. Do you Your stand up moving did move

the different direction than where it's been totally agony. Then at ten years, I think at ten years, when I did my first special. I want to say that ten years ago, when I did my first special and I look at where I've come from there to now and that right, then I was doing jews a couple of stories, witten with a lot of jokes in between, because I I was afraid of losing them right? And it's interesting that I would love to have talked to me ten years ago. But where do you see? I mean it's crazy, the difference n, I'm really lucky to have at a special come out last january on netflix, because in one shot right one, it and I made it seven and a half years then I made myself: I we yeah now sold at the netflix bob and the river was made up like some hundred eighty bucks. I cannot. I cannot talk about that

literally at the item- and I have like a twenty year- not allowed to talk about this netflix thing. It's going to be. When I get to talk about it, you will not believe it really, no one believe it, but I can't talk about it now by tonight was speculating butler say. We made fuckin magic happen and if you watch it is clearly not a huge production like this eddie camp operator with sweating bullets. Yet, failures all around him like that. His screens went out. He sweating. He has all this stuff this guy. That literally, was the bulk of the budget. One human being one hour of work and his meddling in the middle east or the bathroom and looking to let her only a sea wobbly, there's audience members getting up during which throws off the focus of the steady camp but other than the pretty as the fires, the comedy It's not going to talk about this with where you were

your idea was it that was at your study, campgrounds guys idea though it was, my idea was our in my dreams and you know in a dream world. I think hopefully this next one or maybe later on. I can go back and revisit this. This shooting style with a much better budget. An extreme like bees It's a swedish style swedish I'd another see everything's been done. John Oliver was in sweden; no, it was very popular harmony. Corinthe did a movie based on it it's a style of swedish filmmaking where it's just one shot interests and its

But yes it is it's not as interesting, sadly enough and not something off, but in chile enough your specials much better than the though genera. That's out there that John or doesn't keep your attention very long. It does not always right now, I'm sure sounds like its dutch asshole happened. It's there was a very popular filmmaker that kind of coined it where he just I thought of kind of lazy for this filmmaker to do it then horny granddaughter when I got interested and I tried doing a couple of ones like that as shorts with my buddy, when I had a g g, one gl one anna and could never do it cause I'm I want to be the filmmaker, but I really want to be in front of the camera yeah, like that's my ultimate goal, but to go back to the comedy thing like. I was lucky to make it and have it, but all it's done is totally it's been. I mean it's like a barometer, for I mean I'm almost

embarrassed of it to fuckin ridiculous, like I'm embarrassed of my special, but I've also been doing it eighteen years, and so I have right to be embarrassed at fuckin by way right up I did my last special, which was like a year you're year ago almost I was Probably should have that one and then someone special lament all well. I know what my next one's gonna be said, that sort of what I am sitting on. If you ask me a year ago how I felt about my special is different now about their every week. In these long sets its all different until when you do that special correct me. If I'm wrong by John, I dont think you would in many had lining, I can buy yourself you're, no other death squad, doors up and then and tore with rogan, and now you ve kind of gone away from that. I think you did the dc improv now by day do the road every week and now I just did providence and I mean asked in here

in seattle, poor on everywhere. I go everywhere. It's and it's a did. You learn a great, about yourself. Well, you are the last person and no one. I tell told me this one time he was like enjoy these years, enjoy the man write as much as you can cause with a very different monster when they paid to see you and at your show- and I was like I was like: oh if the day when the day happened and by the way I don't. I don't even I this or this is another perspective shift for you to take a look at, but I don't think that date really started happening. For me until january of this year. While I love that in january, this year was the first time where people were like like first in rogan, retold machine changed my career globally meat or nationally, regionally glow like people in australia and sweden, all her animals and people

on the machine, but for the most part I it was still papering rooms in January things changed entirely and I went Oh fuck! Now I feel the pressure and I and by the way I was writing new material and I was like fuck. I remember I won't accept to know I talked to Tom, obsessive about it. I was like dude cause Tom had been there already for like a year and a half two years yeah. He had already been a a place where he's getting shifted from me totally and by the way I'll show you on the google spikes. The day happened. The aren't googled trends, I'm going to hate this Google trends is gonna, ruin me No because you can't, because you compare yourself that you can compare yourself to other comics, oh shit, to do this wolf this. So it probably man watch I'll, show you it's so much fucking, fun go back to the thing you are distorting about about head lining. You know we're another thing:

but I'll realises whatever when you're the new. In town with, like podcast heat according to the club and are owners or booker's without or not. This day you, but they will always throw their absolute fast ball of a feature right before me. Right now. I love that you're telling me this because, like you, talk of the air. They have all those local jokes. You have no idea what their even talk about. Dude. Let me say signs made of the washington enters stated to thirty and citizen your standard in the green room. Like I got this fucking crime, you hear references like that, and you hear roar from the audience and it literally like what I'd imagine a? U s. Sea fight are going through in the green or in their locker room. When you hear the crew like in another fight yoga oh shit, real and that guy's going Your head, if you think of local feature, doesn't want

everybody telling him you are the man that guy was good. But, to be honest, you are my favorite, we ve gotten that I'm sure right as features you know it's not always the smartest audience member. They don't realize that. Maybe don't realize that not maybe, but definitely the features doing twenty to twenty five minutes of gas. We all their gas that they ve ever created. So, however long their career is that's the twenty five of the crunched up heat, continuous, no need for two for fat Where is the person doing in our fifteen hour and a half Take you on a ride. Let you breathe do this and that it's a whole thing, but the challenge is what that's. When I get like literally amped up dude I get, silly right before when I'm headlines on the road I cannot show. The comedy story in a cool as a cucumber, maybe a semi walk across the back of the room once or twice like you know, just walk in.

But I believe it really get like fuckin like like, like to go into in octagon or something like you know, there's comics. That is the opposite for their colleagues or school cute like give too far the road than another calmly store, and there like a fuck up to bring my egg rout I'll, tell you I've. I was one of those guys my first set at the cottage door, which patently I'm it's like there's a couple of things. In my life, where I go: hey man you'll, never catch me talking shit about you. You just did me a solid when you didn't know that it mattered to me: judd apatow one and never talk shit about that guy cause. He brought me up at the comedy store and my first time ever sat there. He tossed bumped me judd, apatow, bumped me and I was like ended. My first set ever wow and judd apatow says who's next to the

off to the side and he goes burt burt and he goes okay. This next guy, you saw him on here to show on travel channel called triplet, be a no show called birth, conquer, perchance for bert chrysler, and I went he pronounce my name right holy shit. He knew to my credits and I went dude is my first time forming here. You could have very easily, not you probably don't know who I am right, but the fact that you took a second to go with the guy bring up next. Well, how do I pronounce his name? What is it? What are his credits didn't come to me. He did that I won't do your comic forever you're, not you're, obviously a great producer and fluently your comic of my heart and you are always be a friend. I will never talk shit about you. I won't let people talk shit about you like that and the

person s all right after that. Was you and you say, congratulations and you bought me a drink and I went away. Do you dont and every fucking door guy came by and when I came in congratulations men every four, I'm forty four and make a fucking dick load of money. I don't technically need that in my life and I was nervous the fuck. I was scared of new comedy for eighteen years. That's why you do need it in your life. That's why you're putting yourself through those challenges may have sat next to me and he goes hey man. so sorry about your door about it. Don't worry, I understand the fucking break down and get it and Adam sat next to me every door guy said, installations. Then you came out and bought me a drink. Like congratulations on your first set, and I was like am I had I was like dude. This is like that. No one knows that this is a bigger. This is as big a deal to me as letterman. Was I mean it's in those moments they register forever, but the thing I'll say is like there's road guys, a lot of them massively talent.

comics. That would that are terrified of comic store. Oh no doubt terrifying. Where I started there, my first spot ever was in the original room. I went there to start. I was built in the dark like bain, so I think that's why, like I'm so comfortable there and by the way that I take that with me on that, even though I am come, even though I'm cool is a cucumber there. My pride when I'm on the road, I'm wrapping the comedy store if ice at the comedy store it has to be crazy. The entire time I have to blow their minds and the first thirty seconds to for me to be yellow super comfortable like with thing clearly improvised that I couldn't really plan take myself to the zone and that totally its that's interesting, because that's a flip and also When you look at the comedy, store is bigger than letterman and everything. That's exactly how I

when I started there and I think, putting a place on a pedestal and making it that big of a deal, because it is helps you it pushes the limits on my therapist said to me that first, where I wanna go past, I didn't call I was on the road. I can call my veils the first week I talked about in their views, I feel really guilty. I just have one at home and I feel your spoke of my family and he said so. You know you ve talked about this with me. There would be any pass a big deal and you say you know one of the things that I wanted the whole time out on the road do in travel channel in doing that,

I was like. I want to be one a work at the comedy store it's one of mine. It was one of my goals in my career. I want to work at the comedy store and my therapist said: if you want to work at the comedy store, then you have to work at the comedies. Do you have to show up every day and work at the comedy store and he's like, so you must work at the comedy store and I was like oh yeah and I was like fuck. If I got the one that off I gotta I gotta go. If I want that to be my thing, and I did my first like I maybe First, I don't know how long about like my first chunky time, every night I had offers, I can only add, like monday, tuesday off come on tuesday night. Do three sets come in tuesday night. Do three set come in ripe it wasn't until the end of world podcast. When I was like, I felt really comfortable and was like. Ok, I feel like I feel, like

I don't feel like I belong here. I never. I never feel like. I belong anywhere this part of my problem, but I go, I feel, like I feel comfortable here. I don't feel like. I need to ask anyone: how do I get a drink or where's the bathroom, or can I go back You know I never feel like. I belong anywhere either. You know I really hits me is when I'm at the? U have c Seth rogen, no matter what like now or what no matter where we are, if its buffalo or sacramento, especially vegas, especially msf g in alike, but it's, oh bizarre being that close to the octagon one time leonardo dicaprio was sitting directly sitting directly behind me site. Do an entire one! Eighty turned to look at rio, dicaprio's wearing a ball captain sunlight,

is trying to lay low next to tobey maguire and one of the guys from entourage who doesn't realize he looks like a blood run around at her blood diamond runner and africa cause. That was his outfit. For that I am like hedo blue now. Do you feel like if I because I feel like this, for you I feel like- and I felt like this for me. I remember me and Tom segura showed this conversation. We were the youngest guys, headlining funny bones at a for a for a period of time, and I felt like there were target on us laughed like that when like when we went on the road there were guys aimed at taking us down, no doubt, and you feel like that, no doubt without a doubt and there are also now I'm just guessing haircut- would be if I was them there, they think that we, real. You know what I mean they think like. I do this in my home town, just like that

they just so happens to be friends with Joe rogue blip eddie bob, and they got lucky with that. If I lived in a way, I'd probably have that they start rationalize and I get it. That's what we're all we're all sort of doing that we're all sorting sort of china hype, selves up as much as we can and think that were special and and out for blood man. They want to be number one in it. get just one of those shows just one- then they won that the way I look at it like you can't give them any slack or- and you know, I'm always super nice to them and everything. You know what I mean like way over the top nice, but I know they're out for blood. It's like house of cards shit. You know what I mean where it's like. I know that when I walk out of that room, they're gone, this is about me. It's been ten years since I felt that, probably more than ten years, probably maybe twelve years since I felt that I and now it's so funny I have made made so

friends by having those weekends where you have a guy who doesn't know who you are, and maybe you go to the car- when you hire them and he says some off off. Color shit, you like a: how did you get? How did you become? Who do whose dick do I gotta suck the headline and you're like hold on I certainly was dead. Man, I'm just doing the work and then and then you break down and then one I think they'll say: do you like him? Unlike what can you talk to aaron for me or can like what my doing wrong like. Why am I not a headliner yet on the same age as you and I'm not had their? What am I doing wrong and you go and you haven't was conversation when that and then they become friends and your like, and then now that is the norm for me, and I am so much so that I dont really bring a feature with me because I do believe, if that there is good in everyone, and I believe that those guys they were trying to do dicks when your younger that are maybe still younger. If you're saying

or whatever that do the local shit that sometimes can be hockey like. Why do I believe in local comedy, I believe in telling whoever's, trooper or or or or marc Grossman, yeah Philly? I go yeah put me with your what your favorite guy put them on me. It's because it's a sold out weekend of great shows they're, gonna murder and I can sit back and watch bingo like, say things to them like a poor one guy's side, and it was that tells me I was like, as I came in work on some writing like you got a bit up and running it kills. You know that, like what doesn't kill throat just throw a couple of those in the middle and try to figure it out, that's the point of the art form. There are foreigners and to go. Have a murderous, even get your dick sucked. That is the antithesis of it. the are form, is go up and throwing your soppy shit, the middle close drugs open strong, the figure out some stuff. Take some dances, grand ideas, as I don't mean,

do something that you saw me do on the late show that you think you could probably do to like bring a check up on stage. I'm saying take chances with material right, if all if it and as I say it's an hour set, if you get only a new five seconds, if it's five seconds and that in which you crack up in which its like it's in there. I literally say it with my weird style of stand up I'll literally say to an audience: thou riff, something that into a joke and I'll, say it a hundred percent time. I do it now. It's literally become part of my style. We're all go wow. That part wasn't part of that Joe and I just wrote that shit in front of you. born here in Boston where you know ida and they fuckin double down. They get it because I've been. I open up like a book after You know what I mean like. I told you somewhere between three and ten minutes and in which, after I initiate contact our share any it turns out by calling out somebody farts or whatever the air conditioner goes on. Whatever is going on. You know they don't times. Those crazy shows goes intend Antonio, a thing

toto and ice. and it was, chaos- was talking- chaos mortgage, japan from murder balls there, whose in a wheelchair- and he wrote Onstage wow does a shot. It was that night ended by the way, with the more exuberant falling out of his wheelchair or you fall. Idaho arizona fall out of your wheelchair and then the next day we were supposed to do a podcast when I was like I'm so fucked up from hanging out with you that I cannot talk, but I said to someone who's cared that you were going to say, I'm so fucked up, I'm hanging out with you. I can't walk. You have to maneuver a wheelchair. I want to go to lunch with the idea of another wheelchair, but I said to the audience halfway through, I went, and it was I said I went by the way. This is the art form like that. Just you know this is the art form. I fall in love with the fucking chaos that you gotta put together and still try to to try to elbow in a bit. An elbow in us and by the internal and it's hard once you create

thing. That's insanity and I'll literally say that, although I have no idea how going to follow this with my written material, this shit is ridiculous. Gotta crowd work, insane and thereby yeah. Now by mama and you know it just gets. It can be so perfect sometimes, and it can happen five minutes in. and minute sending your like dude, I cannot let off the gas for a second now that the only way to do it is like you just can't slow, and then yeah you gotta. You gotta like that that that opportunity you are going to give them to give them a show and let it breathe is now over or else you're going to it's going to be hard work after so funny, I feel like not I'm not saying I've been doing it so long, but I feel like when I do see brilliance happen in the room. In the moment. I get scared of it I go. We could definitely start digging his whole, but due to this whole and we find gold than all words.

Is there in the whole of the rest of the show? It's really a. It really is a fascinating fuckin. It is, I think, once I think in its what that's great about our art form is, I think, once more, well- do figure out more about it in the psychology of the rooms and how each rooms different one guy came up to me last night. Hey man nice to meet you Baba baba, I just saw all three of your all three of your shows in Chicago. I got you saw three of my shows. He goes yeah that weekend you did insane. He was. he was just gonna come the thursday night. I ended up come on thursday, Friday saturday, like while nice to meet you. literally without any hesitation, go what's a note that you noticed after watching me. Three shows that you wouldn't have noticed after the first show, and it goes well. One thing I this about your show. It seems like the crowd. sort of on a delay. They were laughing at what you were saying, but there will. It was

was almost like they were laughing after. You were saying it when you are setting up for the next thing and I go that speak. That's an interesting note. First of all, thank you, and I explained to him because knew what it was immediately when he started saying it. I started telling him about the room zionism in downtown towards a small. But are these seats will now it's like a hundred and sixty, but it goes straight back deep, tight walls left and right, which I love, because I don't move around much at all and are very like very stoic and when I do move it's still just like within my little parameter and which, by the way, a dog ear that keep going and I'm explaining him like, while the stage there

super high. So psychologically, people are naturally thinking that I'm talking down to them and all the stuff- and I just start spelling out from all this little shit that only really surgeons know about, but since I knew from him going to three shows that he might find it interesting, and he gave me an interesting thing that he thought I really didn't notice. You know all of a sudden we're talking about it and it reminds you know we use his? U f, c analogies and I'm do another one like someone who's, never the. U f c before is like wow. Well that punching parts cool right, but I don't get it when they get down on the ground. That part seems boring, whereas if you talked to anybody who's been, really knows the hour form and gets more into it. You realize the punching parts fuckin awesome, This is our great. We all love it. You can't be punches unless it's this, slow chess movements of jujitsu and where a guy decides to put his arm is winning are losing we watch

guy lock his legs on one ongoing. What a guy's one legs we can decide to draw and you're like what the fuck. What are you doing in here like watch watch? What do I do not want all there? He got his ear and when you see it, you see it, but if you're looking at if you're looking at it is a blog, but when you see notice the little things it gets more and more interesting and that I think a big part of the: u s, seas upward success in because it's a beautiful art form. It truly is, and once you realize that those boring parts are boring and what I'm saying is the entire form of staff. Up to me is like that in which is, I feel, like an sort of like the mad. Unlike being a magician to her once something's explode, if you're like? Oh, I get it now now I'll know how all those tricks work. I feel like there's, not really it's not like that withstand up with all the different styles and evolutions of a comedian. I feel, like the more people know about these things and how rooms are different and how ooh

The first show compared to the second show I had I gone to the second show. We probably would have gotten to hang out more with the comedian afterwards or you know what I mean, because we had they had to rush us out to see the second. A lot of my friends are like hey man. I didn't get to have a drink I was like well, you went to the first show I did a fucking our meet and greet, and then I went back and I literally walked right on stage. I I I feel, like a yeah, my my what you do your meet and greets while the show's already started, I have to us and our mate our meet and greet. I didn't realize really do that. That's an interesting thing. Oh yeah, my I've always thought I had the like. Just either super dip out and like just waved a people, real, quick or but and you can do that. I don't have that luxury right like I have such an approachability yeah, like the people to listen as pie. Podcast know me very intimate, led, exact and so on,

well to a show, or the see me on rogan, I'm so open and honest, though sometimes to an uncomfortable place that when they come up to me, they want to have that everyone wants to which is fine. Everyone must have a minute and tell me their story and then or why they like the pie, guess what they like about the PA gaster, what they liked about, like or they're losing weight, and And what do we know what tom like or we now have you been Australia not to stand up just the two of you get it shall stand up. There I just got an offer. Animals are just going to offer to do it. Nov nine spoiler alert with wellbore summer. There I have a feeling. I have a feeling that They gave me the offer that, like we noticed your two weeks free and I was like yeah, we have thanksgiving. was one of those weeks. I can't go for that, but my wife's, the one it is very et, I international touring, it's my lifestyle She knows that the when I go abroad it gets fucking insane exit. Yet my clocks off

and I'm fuckin I really am inspired, is silly as this sounds I'm inspired by travel really makes. It really makes my but useful and so we did london and showed up very quickly, and I was like I started going to add another show, as shows like Adams. Many shows began and my wife's like no she's like no, because I won't have you for a whole day, cause the whole damn thinking about the show. I'm like, like I'm abroad, I'm trying to notice Things like the one joke I wrote in england. Was that they're very proud of their torture. Like you, there are so many places where you can tour weather like this is our torture. We used to put his balls in a vice, and I was like wait. a torture that america, but we can't really bring it up or like war over you're talking we never broke half their foot, so they can run away and so on. But that's where my head is the whole day is writing jokes. I shut my eyes like now you're here with your family, you could do you. Podcast do as many podcasts. You want dip out on any tour want, but when it comes to shows at night we don't have

today and we don't have you for half of the next stakes are recovering, but we are those meet and greets. For me, I'll do a full meet and greet the lines are, are fully very long right now, and usually I'll get done the meeting greet and go right on stage because a feature in host I've already threat there. That's great. I didn't really realize that's a thing. Well, if you, if you are going to help a lot of people from the first chefs, sometimes they just don't go out, and I needed that because I don't go out because I is that if I go out I'll be, I feel I feel like I'll be blocking something, but if I may call them that summit want me to adjust and just like the here, you want it again with a hear you on this or the here. You won't kill, tony and and they're like and they're. Like hey man, I got a question like so many like can't tell you the coolest thing about this fucking podcast I've talked about Alice dyslexia, and the guys that listen. Obviously, if you listen to the podcast, you probably aren't you're, probably a big reader, but you probably aren't like I'm. Not a big reader while a sort of progress and a lot of them

dyslexia house here and they ve. All Emily me on my fanciest, a bunch Misspelled emails come dear tribe. Oh, so it's only ends gotten a bunch, a really great books to read about delectus, actually to help ilo and, like one of them changed is changing all his life and I was like, and this just some guy came up you're shoney's, like I know I was dyslexic on dyslexic. I've got a great book, really helped me guys. I could be read Henry winkler books here. You right the dyslexic fond, and then I told the lamp did it that it's a dialogue, it's a dialogue that is extremely valuable to me. You know

I do and other people coming up going, hey man, why don't you ask tony about this? Why did you ask tony about that and Hugo cool AMO next time, like I did a podcast with them, Henry phillips and a bunch of people hit me up they're like dude, you missed a lot of points, so then I did with mama. Chris Fairbanks yesterday that will go out after this one this one's next week, Chris fairbanks will be the week after and then Henry phillips and chris Fairbanks, and are going to do a three way. Pod and drink. That's what I told you my by double by gas. We gotta do one night with like some nice whisky me you, unlike rebel, are eager to or like or I loved yet rogan on, progress be just so busy and I really feel bad asking him. because when I asked him one time and he was like he was like yeah, we could do that or you could just come on mine and I was like I was like definitely I'd much rather go yours, then you'll be all mine cause twenty. people here it as opposed to a million and everybody that listens to years, will definitely listen that exactly, and I was an end so now I am always

TAT I would not have been has then I just don't ask sounds like a wanted to look like I'm lobbying begun on his because he said the cool guy it'd be like just come online and and I'm like uh, if, if, if he wants to, we talk, if you, if he wants to do pockets, alaska and by the way I don't say that not fishing. I'm just saying like it's way like like saying with you, I don't ever asked, we kill tony. But if you want me on your tax me can you to kill tony and I'm like yeah? Of course it's so funny. You mentioned not wanting to ask him to do that, because I literally am doing my podcast with him tonight stem and he's showing up to the comedy store and our related the pony hour, yeah, the mutiny or my new podcast, where I just talk to people like this, it's fun! It's! I liked this. I wouldn't get like I'll bump into you at the store and we'll have a drinker talk quickly about some everybody's floating around there. But it's really nice. You know like one of my favorite people in the world, we just were with him his gregg fitzsimons, yeah, fitzsimons man, I've respected that guy for eighteen fucking years, and it

and until I got a podcast about that, I became friends with him and it and by the way his podcast is the best version of what is this. What I'm doing is like a mash up of like Marin rogen, like I don't rogan, just fucking whatever. He finds interesting that on the podcast yeah and I'm the same way, but there are people that I find interesting that my fans are like bob cyber. I get that you're interested that, but that is not interesting me at all, like black sales of obsessed black sails either. The creator of Sales on my part, gaston, like and thirty thousand people were like that was cool when their black sales, the tv, show that I loved all about pirates, so fucking good its ending this season, so you missed the ship, but salesman and, and then, if I put Are you run as easy on here by my biggest, and I could talk to them for four hours

I think I might have talked to them for like three hours, three and a half hours, because we got drunk and ARI couldn't finish a sentence, but but then that's when everyone shows up and they're like that's what we're talking about more of comics, more of drinking. More of ca Just my buddy Dan today said you know what I like about you podcast, because it's a really like Eighty, the conversation that bounces all around the place, yeah and he's like- can you makes you not want to turn it off she like where, where, where where's, I knew you guys brought up. Google, friends. When are you going to finish that conversation right now? So this so what's beautiful about google trends? Is you can find out I'll? Do it? This way, so you can see oh fuck, I just fucked it up man. This is exciting. I can't believe I'm gonna find out a new thing that I'm gonna have to check like everything else, so you can find out where People are when people when people funding on the internet and how many people are funny, you wow. So that's it

the really tricky part up anybody's yeah, vs type, something into a search bar that pops up. Yet, no so what's better, as you can compare, oh yeah. You can compare my name in their normal. Do you because that would be a hurt. My feelings I'll do Tom's girl by the way he's my brother, for success, because I know what he's making on the road and I judged by google translate my income. They love that spite like that. I was like big spike. I was like I go six. I know it. Tom was making clubs and I was like at this year, and then I did. This is well Tom's a blow you away. tom. Well I actually this isn't a good one, because Tom like see that doublespeak There were well see that spike, where that big one for me and then your him there than you do that you know what that is. That's bert is fat,

Why a crazy! Well, I mean you guys, really shot out of the strategy and learn the watch. A sea ari will the same one. How doesn't come For some reason, I think man, that's crazy or issue fierce ran it's it's. it's really fuck in fact advance and reduced to me. So then pan fuck. Amanda instagram stories. Now not ours, not coming up here Do I'll show you you you and then I say you rogan against you a cat. This is it Things are really fun. One type into google trends, ha ha ha rowena milburgh, because there, and by the way the king is Daniel, tosh wow he's he's gotta. of yours over there

I n c h: yep l, K, c l, I F, f e h, I n c h, c l, I f e tony hinchcliffe. It's not even showing up, I might have spotted wrong. Oh my god, I'm not even a blip on the map this is when tony tony to avert their right yeah. That's about right, yup! I did a giant okay! No, no, no you're, popping up! Here's your google trans! Now, I'm so scared! this- is when this is that time on alive podcast when Bert realise that I'm not famous and after even be trending from my own, really is making a joke, but this is really. I don't think you could do anything worse. To hurt somebody's out, yellow came up is actually really good, but the best is when you, ok, here's you. Ok, that's got really good

but on coming car rachel you there, hey can emma That's ok, I'm doing a podcast right now. Can I call you back? I have a few. radiance. I want you to look up and see if we can acquire shares. Ok, I'll, go back by now. You re for that this is gonna, be very humbling, but its humbling to all of us you ready Joe again to roaming comedian, okay, you're, nothing more than being humbled that blue in the air now that is fucking insane right now. Did you don't you none of us register on his fucking radar. Oh, my

for raising know what happened in october. Two thousand fifth, that's an act is probably not october. It might be that one might feel euro wrestling clad in February february in february, to those sixteen to announce exceed. What do you think? That's what she came to us in europe. Fifty you figured opera easily. I did this with own benjamin when he was a queer what's at spike, and I so what you can do? As you know, tony heathcliff February, two thousand sixteen and then say check out. new networks for illegal, that's what it was an own benjamin, yet a man! despite the blue. Everyone out of the water, it's when you going aids to christina richie like I can let that be my spike If so, then me and one or text each other back and forth and go on spike and right now, wow, but yeah that it's really fucking fascinating here. If you want I'll put you up

it's like like this. This is a really good barometer. Additional tell you the business plan of people like Joe he D, as has just been committed to his podcast guest. Remember him telling me dog, fuck everything else. My PA guest and joey is a good one. When you type in Joey he's a he's a little humbling as well and he's just an arise when he's with duncan he's the funniest human being in the world too, Joey tease, like you register you register, but fuck. I gotta get my life together. I could do this. I I go on when I'm serotonin drops on mondays. I do three things for things. I checked my twitter. I checked my instagram. I check my facebook. I check my google trends. and I and I find that when I am in a weird funk of like no serotonin, I end up doing it almost obsessed.

William, like by seven times that circle seven times within the day of like sit down and I'll check. You too, it'll be like watch some videos, then I'll, be like what and then I'll like. I like you, because you can check like in the past hour. You check like in the past hour how much people googled you for your whole life life since two thousand for since google trend started. Don't she sometimes, though, when you're certain in drops in you do that to help yourself like? Doesn't it brings you down or risky yeah? That's what my eyes. What I'm my focuses on is not using my phone not getting online getting online for stuff that I care about today, online. Do things I've done a line today other than that right now might have posted a tweet, earn a facebook? Something might oppose this. then an eye, but can be kept me great for the pod guest and a church

lights and I and I watched rogan with the guy's got on today. I only as I'd heard him and Jim talking about this guy yeah, and then I saw that guy's name pop up. I forget his name: no tax, something or taxation. Something like that. I saw no today today's dorm right now with a I'm goin base twitter handle on those actual name no text. Something like that. Was it stood out to make them like, whilst escape. Doesn't want tax collar moriarty. That is. Colin Moriarty, he is a. He is a guy who put out a tweet on the national day without a woman said something to the fact. I'm not I'm misquoting a ser. Don't get the literal but national day. While I wanted, who never been so quieter comfortable around here and he had to resign from his job at a gaming.

Why, for example, is that of racist? I did not quote improperly history. Funny, or than what I just said, but enjoy oh and Jim were talking about it and it just you know, came up on my phone in the car with my daughter, and I heard them losing their fucking mind about this guy, who called the tweet racist, which it wasn't and so he's on the podcast, and I started listening to that and I'll probably finish listening today- that's racy, but those conversations, those are the ones on shows that I I can't get enough of an alison like when new it's on I'll, listen to it cause Norton. Doesn't he doesn't I'm not saying that those other guys run material like norton's, not there's no bit coming out of north they're, just having a very educated conversation there's a lot of It is doing a lesser. The fight companion, callanan schwab, schwab, Schaub and eddy on accepting eddies, fuckin, fascinating, yeah,

it's an interesting thing that you mentioned the running bets on rogan, because I've gotten bits off of talking on rogan yeah, but you know what I mean like it come It it's one of the like what comes first, the chicken or the egg type of things for me on that show, because, like I'll get a bit out of that, because immediately you realize sort of right if Jos laughing at something hard than there's something there's a speck of something there I did that early on. I would be like if I found a story. I still do this If I, if I tell them a story or we get no story or he asked a question, he's intrigued of a figure try to figure it out onstage, but for the most part I don't I'd I'd, I you know radio is so def

in podcasting and I don't think you ever got to do radio traditionally. The way I used to write, we do five stations in the morning. I'd been dabbled in it, but I know what you're talking you could run bits on radio and find bits of figure him out on radio that could go on stage the first time I did rogan. I did a bit, and this is two thousand am as long time ago. I did a bit and he and his like I mean you, don't know unless you know Joe, but he just like desert like not genuine, not laughing, but ask they keep asking like really. I just genuinely intrigued, and I went oh fuck, don't ever. I literally was like I remember. I was sitting next to Brian on the couch, his back when they did it on the couch, and I was like in my head. I was this is not radio right, because I'd I'd come and like I was doing radio no radio there's a conversation was like a fuck. We have it

our conversation- and I was like oh you better- be evolve, bert, stop with the fuckin one time I thought a bear right now and then and then and I and that's why I said I podcasting changed the dialogue of colleagues because I then stop doing my calmly, like I was going up and presenting a bit as a democrat comedy the. Where do podcast words like a a conversation that you have and that's why I think It's done properly like a conversation, you you can find things, so you can get a bit out of it that it's great. It's almost like what we are talking about earlier about. You need taken chances, take chances in the middle class, it's more fun to get a letter somethin, then it is to just kill and it's the same thing was podcasting like if you find it in conversation that would normally have remained yourself something it just so happens that may be a man.

to later when you're on the road- and you are developing- that no a bed and the aid it get in which his when a few times as me, people like oh yeah. I remember I heard that you know the bird shit thing on rogan visa and They'll be like I heard you run it on rogan and it's like now. I I wasn't right, what I mean I would have running at it. That's the craziest! When special, when you say something and on a pie, that is funny higgs that have been you're like gets. There's. No, I'm not going anywhere that man they're like like everyone's I got the that I talk about your dad shitting. His pants are talk about your dad being addicted to speed, and I'm like that. That was not a bit I don't know, exploring that my devil disown me. I said a lot of progress apologizes everyone, biogas, but me out. I think, that's, I think that's the coup, the most fascinating aspect of you know the whole

Sometimes, that's when it turns into a bit is when the audience member brings that up. Is one where it's like talk talk do the joke. They thought it was a joke that during our rogan, but I literally almost put my pants on the drive back from sacramento tat S You know that part where there is no exit, yea yeah. Well, I had an w. I was a vague and for I've years and I'm not gonna do the whole story, but I was a beacon for five years. Sigh and another thing, a pan buds sober like tat. shitting your pants and I'm like, oh, I don't you know. I don't want to really. You know to me: that's a tough premise, You know what I mean because, like it's right there in the now the sun started doing it. Now. It's like it's got these layers cause. It is, you know, a writer writer If I am digging into,

shit my pants bed. So, all of a sudden, it does have like shitty pants these layers to it, in which you, now all of a sudden, it's a smart shit. Your pants joke europe, I told a joke to Joe gonna. Take a piss, on a par cast. Joe did show gonna. This is unheard of by the way, an anomaly what you're talking we did a five hour, podcast and so on in the middle we're having so much fucking fun enjoying the middle had to go to the bathroom. He goes you got in and redman was there and I feel so we're calling them read them, but brian was there, as was a brian, but then everyone will be like who's, Brian and brian and Jamie, and I told a story about what had happened, that weekend in a cincinnati or or early though- and I told it to Brian and jamie is Joe to took place and then it came back I finished it and they were laughing in Jos like what was that in my head. I was like that is going on stage

by the way. The only reason I told us goes jos leaving, and they knew Brian would thing was funny right. This is it. This is a total red ban, move right, air bodily fluids, yeah yeah. How did you watchman till midnight last night, not till midnight, yeah what's, the weather went up to the store, and I was it. It was great yeah. It is great he was so excited. I guess I could see by his tweets and that he totally totally televisions, brine red bat? Now it's fun gazette cnn. podcast he's straight up. Podcast guy! You know straight up podcast, as it gets he's the he's the archetype yeah. For what Percent of the listeners want to be like tat so many emails where I m looking for help on this are looking for urban editing Solly we're gonna be read, then, are be read Ben. Young jamie and you're, like like I tom cigar across his blue ban

and then there was yellow ban for a while. He is- and it's all very you know so like for him to get at midnight. It's really really awesome. That's great of grief for any of us, but it's it's great to see brian cross over a mainstream totally, because because I think that you know, I think that was his- that one joke he told about bob hope scared- him off the business for awhile bob hope you told it ruins You told him on a road show as right during the ira rack war, and I think I don't know I'm not gonna tell you might not want it share but I don't know about this. I wish I could smoke with you- I going to go pick up my fucking kids and I'm like

I get it I kits after school. You definitely can't what time is it for now we're fine? I fuck. Yes, I'm supposed to leave here. Thirty one, forty five, but like a real amazing like you have like a real human life. I am totally the opposite his cigar and I've been talking about that a lot lately, because you do run into a lot guys are age where they are like I, I was eating their lunch and my wife the other day, and I was thinking of one of our friends who will remain nameless, but I was like. Wonder what he's doing right now wonder if he's just alone. Like you know, forty four: is he just having dinner by himself at lunch by himself and part of me was like that must be really nice to be like but I get them on the road and I do it on the road. I am like you know like I wanted.

I wanted to go out and fucking do and I wanted to work and my wife, like I've, been on the rotating you mean straight. She was like this. Is your we come sick? What you should do, is a plan like a tiger like a project more like a regular dad. What and goaded home depot and- and I was like fuck abba- one- you're. My shower, I know who you are. I know you. This is podcast, appreciate the advisor that tomorrow in my shower. Do you smoke weed before doing things like that? Now, if I'm from with girls, I'm pretty they're meeting like even the whole week after I don't even really met we'd, really messes, you up it's a party for me once I smoked a party like a I smoked the other morning before ray

before press, I like a grass of press and I enjoyed it so much. Then I got back to my room and I could go to sleep and I could work out and I was hungry and am I fucked up is a bad idea and if I was home- and I ve done it before like when we have like a pupil- at a friend's house, or something and there's a lot of parents, and I don't have any responsibilities. I might take a couple here to have a few drinks, but for the most part that was one our friends Tom and sandy lived here, and they both smoked pot but for the most part like the my gluttonous will be the cigar today and then I go get the girls. Have a conference call and at like to wait? No wait once my commerce call outcomes caught to that. What have have the cops called to I got to pick the girls up. I could leave her at one. Five to get the girls, have a cubs call and they'll come home, and then it's pizza night, that's friday night around our house. That's so cool it's cool if you're not on a fucking diet, you have to make cauliflower pizza

ah cultural flowers, the crust, it's really good is actually only get a lot. I hate to say this, but a what I if the blue aprons is, I substitute the rice for shredded cauliflower while and it's still the healthiest fuckin meals. You'll ever have great sauces. I'm doing blue apron reads: do this fucking podcast but do and then you can do cheap. My cheap mode off. There's like I'll look at what they said and then I'll go Albany go! Do that It went like this all week. I've been doing that I've been really bad. I disorder delivery. All the time anytime. I want to, I figure, I'm just working so hard and you know treat yourself and I just get straight up delivery. I would love to I used to cook for myself more, but now I'm just like the little like a mic, a grown boy I smoke, we continuously and made friends with snoop dog recently, like actual friends, and he.

he sort of inspires me to just here illegally. Yeah treats marijuana like it's, you know like gets distant more casual thing I'll do that at night, like sometimes late at night. I will, if I, if I've, had my If we've been somewhere, we had some wine I'll, come home smoke some weed and try to shoot something in my man cave that I think is interesting or like I'll write down some ideas of things. I want to shoot, and there's a thing. I shoot so bad a show you real quick, but I got this came home and I had a little kid. Elliot airy, chocolate, chocolate, air, anna ones like five, grams, which isn't a lot of split it in half, that's like two milligrams of nothing, but it's that threshold marijuana right. Where you just feel inspired, then you can have a cocktail and you feel a little buzz, but you're not high as fuck. You can really write. I feel like once I've. I'm all I've heard about this. Something on rogan about threshold tree

it's a hallucinogens where people are taking the base milligram of alicia micro deaths and producing that's it might reducing so sometimes I'll. Take five milligrams. two two and a half milligrams of the of of an edible and just go. Alright, I got forty five minutes to sit here and think idea and then once I think of that idea, this is when the blossoms, by the way that I used to do the single my podcast of intros, where I did sketches of different characters that is microdosing. That was me going like do Paul revere meeting a guy. voting your wilbur show like and so on, but yet for the most part I like to speed, however, hit you back up, knob, Australia, that's what speed is located when they resell about the tour. Like do you heads up speeders located here, we can make this happen. Did the greatest that little have other ethical smoking weed that it was like one of those days

in the pool the parents got it you're, not doing anything but hanging out and cooking dinner, and I had this great packs pen when I filled out whatever joey recommends for me at at at our weed dispensary yeah and I take like two hits and I just you get creative. I love the feeling. However, when your kids around you just it's a you, can totally smoke around your kids. There's no problem with it doesn't make you a fucking. You've got thrown out a window right, but for the most part I like to be available for them. If they're like, let's go on a bike ride my gas to buy, let's go, do bike ride, it's also dangerous. I read an article with Robert downey Jr who's like So funny now that I'm off drugs, I don't need black tar heroin to watch teletubbies was like ha ha ha is so extreme black tar heroin. But what does your day look like like like what does your day? Look like I like. Well, it's always insanely busy for as mellow of gig, that I have been

has I'm always developing and working on multiple shows are multiple crazy gigs at once, in which now. It's like sorta, like dream, gigs I get to take little writing jobs. My I've been lucky enough to get you know. A cool team of agents and managers was your. What was your first writing job verse writing. Job was working with Jeff ross on rose. I was making fun of comedians. I was hosting the open mics at the comedy, store I've just got a reputation for being like man than in other one more time for that guy looks like you know whatever, and have it Running on rose, switch off, yeah, ok and the friar scrub rose in the comedy centre and then we ve made a show called the burn. I remember that show two thousand october two thousand and eleven and that was found, that was my first like staff staff staff super I told you I was

twice six twenty five, twenty seven, twenty six, twenty seven and dumb broke its fuck at the time in us. The money was like huge and so that was my first one, and now I've got another point to whereafter. six comedy central roast and I've literally just gotten to take my pack at what I wanna do and if I wanted. If I wanted to write for a writing job right now, I could pretty much do it, but it wouldn't make out right, ass, the fun multiples of my own thing and while building an infrastructure during at all, you know so that people, when it happens, it's like there's a little bit of a you know. I tell you where what I do, if I could do it all over and I this is, and you it's right up what you're just saying I want my goal in this business is

And I'm kind of rolling the dice on this I've been turning down some easy money projects that I don't I don't find technically fulfilling like right now, unlike my stand up is great. My podcast is great, like two really good things. I'm putting out there like, oh, let's, just find out good stuff to put it out, but my goal is to have a shingle have an office where I got like three young kids who are really hungry and no technology and and are really passionate, and it's close, I can ride my bike or skate were there and to be able to walk in and say, here's what we're working on today, yeah and and through you. I see that as like, like that. That would turn if I could jump into your body, for as

but before you jump into your body for a year, I'd focus all my energy on that, because that would turn into a fucking conglomerate like quiche, because you're so ripe with ideas and and thoughts that are a little bigger than what you know like the one shot thing is just out of the sky. What guys we're thinking about! I want to show the thing but, like I totally agree with you by the way and that's who you just absolutely nailed, you just nailed exactly what my dream. World is Now, I'm doing it by myself am overwhelmed by road. We all are managers overwhelmed ape, I dont know I feel bad for whoever my manager wraps we're management would because, if he's spending fifty minutes every other day, at least on the phone with me about whatever the fuck were to a least forty five fuckin like we're just re fan, and like I mean literally like talking about productive work and fuckin, you know you're, so right

If I had three like we're talkin about yellow bands, you know what I mean hungry people it, because that's exactly what I'm doing. My business manager, I go. Let's willis incorporate that nor budget an ugly. I I had an investment in the lad. Did it would pay off so ridiculously Joe Joe Joe? Is the one that Joe that Joe and Adam corolla set up set up the paradigm of like less lockdown, less put down roots and create do what we want to do? I mean the fight companion. That's not an idea that anyone, whatever green light. You like it showed just how to do it and that's just caroling rogan did that and that's just with podcasting You know what I mean like corollas doing rule is doing his production movies, tv shows and ass the goal- and I am but the problem is you gotta make you gotta make

couple million a year in order to deficit fund that and I'm still go into people to get money on gas and oil. You have jumped, I'm tellin, you will and not its single I got makes a million who were kids. You gotta make two million nea It's incredible, though, so my day ends up being I pretty much wake up slightly, over from whatever you know me, it was just you know, I don't drink that much, but I do drink often like at night. So that's usually just so two three four, maybe drinks, and that fuck me up a minnow hundred and fifty pounds of just pure bones. of bounds, a fucked exercise, probably fuck that shit out of unto over there you better one she's, a hundred thirty. Everybody she would lose her daughter either. So yeah

wake up slightly hung over and I try go for a short run before having my first start, coffee in cigarettes of the day in getting at gone and lay out the plan a rude. Normally it's already laid out now. So it's always mishmash of just. I have you know, paths that I'm working on different things with come over indifferent time slots, unless I'm doing one of the three podcast that I do what she'll tell tony's at night monday's at eight, then there's the pony our, which I just taken stock I'm release whenever, whenever some is available. Really is one that I lie around yeah you're totally coming up next beyond kill tony on Monday, and

the progress lang. Podcast that I do with my body is called the store horsemen, which is the probably the funniest podcast that I do not have not heard, and I'm gonna know everything about. Podcast we just are starting the right road for you wrote for doubly rashly. No, they offered me a job and I didn't do it. I didn't take it. You and SAM roberts and call cabana and like a few, you guys got me back interested in arrest. My buddy cow had obviously got me interested brac. Infant per wrestling- and I was like I ended up now- I know what the pie bomb thing is, and I watched it with us. If you came over watch one paper deal with the group became aliens that we add that I hang out with. You would die of after we literally its state there's nothing like can exert a comedians in cars, drinking coffee. Well, let me tell you what

Most extreme hilarious version of that is comedians in living rooms, watching pro wrestling legged ridiculous, you the rifts, and that if it somebody's first time sings buddy. It's always like their initial thing. For us, the people that know the characters its always doubly hilarious, to see that law I would love to. But I don't know anything about per I've been trying to talk to a rogue, and this is one where I fell bad for was last night I read to us, we have a saying another Jovan. I literally go hey man, we gotta do a pro wrestling companion. He goes he has. I don't have time for that shit I haven't like. Of course you don't. What am I think I wish I had that the traits I wish atlas do. This was a war name, a comic and then name their admirable trait that they that they have that you wish you had more of. I did. I just did this on my walk with my wife. This is, I only did it to like and so Bilbo. I I wish

Had more of his money, yeah yeah that that that that sounds great and I mean you know respect. Oh I mind for bill, yeah media that would be a grow up a good one, mine for bill is. I wish I had his obsessive about the bit. He it's unbelievable ii com has an idea, and then and you can watch them. If you spend enough time with them, you can watch him chew it in conversations with you, you can watch him, think it and it's really admirable I've seen him. Do it a handful of times where you go, where you go you're just talking, but you're so funny, naturally, you've been thinking about this. All fuck day how majorities like all month, and then that is a tale. Has that same thing? I wish I'd above that about them. You want to hear it.

Interesting, little short story about me and bill Barr from when I was just a door guy, fuck yeah, so my whole mentality, when I started at the store by the way, was fly yeah. I gotta tell you this. The only other person that started one of these stories on this podcast ever and I'll lead I'll lead. The show with this is chris farewell edit, this part out with Chris fairbanks. Yet last week, the other. Yesterday said your an interesting story- and I said django's the day Mitch almost lost his life I wait hold on one second slow. This down. Tell me this whole story and he was like oh amazing, fucking story. He tells I'm not going to spoil it, but he was the one that had to go to the hospital and I was like shut the fuck up. It was one of the most amazing stories. I've ever fucking heard that's next week upper caste. What was the

it was just about over this, isn't going to be that great of a story here, so I can edit. You wanna, hear a good story about boomer edit that out it's a win, win we're talking about bill. It's like What was that I must have been like Anna three, for years in as a dog, I am my whole thing when I was coming up at the store was like. I was always super confident. You know people do like funny. Imprint comedians do funny. Impressions Amelia, I'm number one and all this stuff, but I I never say that you know what I mean, but I've always had that sort of you know Wider though my point is this, like I always came across his confident, but I was fly on the wall, I was the most quiet, smiley door guy, you know planning my over whatever is in the perception of was always very quiet very hello, very respectful of the canadians, yet not over the top, but you know to cite me they're coming

I was when I worked the doors boss colleague club. Always since you work the dollar six months six months, then I got a six figure deal. Well then, I was like I'm moving to l a everybody suck. My good bitch fuck, yeah percent of them are just fucking, flew out to l a and then, and then I got tunisia hole, we share, but you said, superfly on the wall. Billboard. Obviously you know one of the best. He you know I've everyone's favorite right and but I was always very mellow. And I mean- and I never Do you know when you make a first and a real first impression like I just wanted to, let you know you know, and it was wanted. where I go up to him after watching this said that he did about a bunch of stuff that had just like sorted just happened right and it's all right. just six minutes of tying die by bomb on just fucking Is roaring a sound like we hadn't heard in a while

there anyway finally decide on money. You know what wanna, go up and say something to him about it. Then I went up to him all these, years of silent approach, you know what I mean and I literally go bill to swim. I you know man, it's amazing how you, so easily take something that just happened and. Make it so hilarious and what he said. Knacks changed my life forever. He goes. You think you think that was easy. and all of a sudden I'm a decade right, because you think that's easy. You know you think I just magical, here's something in the news and I just walk up in it so easily. I make it a thing: nah man, that's work, I'm sitting there working when you're hanging out whatever I'm writing, I'm writing that I'm working on it. It's not easy. For me, it's not easy

and it was like. Oh my god, that's when I realized the funniest people have to write, you have to fucking dig in and you have to double dig in and I ended up feeling like a dick after that and he I think, in a cool way. He totally knew what he was doing and he knew that I was a door guy and he knew that I'd been there a few years and I think he knew that he was teaching me a lesson that I was either going to take or leave. But I took the hell out of that. well yeah and that's a great life, a great life lesson. Bill bird sit. There is fun, is he is breaking down. Looking at me thing at adjusting it fuckin hours and hours and hours, and that was you know what was sort of in a few seconds driven into my head by m was, like you know, all of us It started to make sense to me the little bit that I know about chapelle wakes up super late. Does he wake up soup

wait are the laying in bed thinking about fuckin shit and move in and around the little things like that, like it's like of course. Yes, you don't just saying this is my impression of you saying that to me. If I was in my, I was in bill burr's shoes, yeah man, some people just talented, I yeah I obsess about a story like I woke up at four in the morning yesterday cause I had this fight with this guy in my dream and I had a really good comeback and in the comeback I went. That's a good fuckin line in the dream, and so I got up. I went that's going to fit well into that into this story and I got up and I wrote it down. and then I was like what am I going to sleep for like another hour, forty five minutes, I was like I'm gonna just stay up of a cup, coffee and I'll write and I just ended up fucking beaten it out, walking around my house by myself, just walking in circles and working out the story, and then I was like ok

Cool alright- and I was like- oh, I don't think I'd do this enough, like I don't wake up, passionate about making my career better meeting with the material. I I I I let the inspiration come and then try to bring it on stage, write down a bit and then bring it, stage except you know, and then I'll go on stage I'll figure it out, but also do we know fucking five shows a weekend, so it's not like I'm just in the store doing one show a night emit emit fuckin omaha it becomes. Are. Sometimes you know what I do to counteract that lately and new thing that I've sort of taught myself were looking at them straight in their fucking, is deeper and longer than normal. Oh yeah, if this makes sense like you know, I've been done shows every week and in this and that all of a sudden you get to where you are performing for years, for most of the walls. You hear them. You know what I mean. I've just been looking at the

in steeper in the eyes lately it makes it so much more fun. You see that over the years and you're staring at all know each of them, though you spreading the stair, but it's when one person, one person use lack woman and I stare her down. No, it's our one per Some say that when you're looking out there instead of like you know, sometimes I would look higher up start. I do that. The are either talk too, who I connect with people sometimes than sometimes like. When I tell them machine story, I disconnect entirely, and I can just looking candles candles logo, tell mister lloyd, This is in the fog any lighthouses that wave back in four. Why is that? Why do you wear it? Don't you get lake a jolt from seeing if somebody's looking right at you going like ha how I do on like a new material, but when I tell the machine story, sometimes I'm like you know what I would be doing it during them. If I

the machine stories I would finally merce I've done everything I would bind the person who seems like they were enjoying themselves, but at least the one person. Who's sorta, just like the boy you can tell that, like maybe her boyfriend is like your biggest fan and he probably plays your podcast out loud on a boom box. You know all the time and she's just sorta over at that one and they cause they stand out in a room. A three hundred four hundred. I look for you. Could I look for the guy. I look for the person that is not my demographic like usually and like, and blackmail, go rivermouth about story, atomic bomb. mafia is like now. I know you don't like the story I go, you ready and he's like yeah and I go hey. Do you have any questions jump in yeah? That's one thing! I love about one thing: I love the attack, have to having making sure stories true and it's not alive nah stretch the truth to get a laugh but integrity. It has to be its also the hindrance. I have is that we change the make up of a story, but

Is I love you ask me questions about accepting bits I go. And the lives we hold on. I do get what was train. I got like almost a grateful, can wash and what's crazy is that it can completely fuckin, it can be something right there- that you're totally didn t even notice, but me and I totally think that's party like old school howard, stern genius was robin in the glass booth. You know that was literally to like make her feel more like an audience member more like a listener. She was supposed to be the one that was sleeping, laura, have a glass booth here Maybe I'll do podcast, where I run a line out here and shut the door, and I have like a couple comics who get to ask questions like a middle like a like I'm going to do this progress I want to do come up. Is I want to do what door guys from the store I spoke to them.

fucking mind running blank rang chow, no here, call me the other day in the middle I Josh Martin, nor was it was Josh, I think, but no wasn't josh but same but I want to do some of the door guys like to bring door guys in when I do podcasts like it would be cool to bring them in and go Ellis elsewhere, doing a three person, I'm doing a podcast one guy. Once you come in and hang out and just be on the podcast promote shit, it would be, cool because I remember being that guy in new york and when you got invited to go, hang out of the debt die and the like, don't say anything but just fuckin hang it was really cool and then you did say something funny and you get a laugh You should use our stage like. Thank you. Thank you patrol sadist, yeah, yeah jerry.

Me patrice. I did I worked while he didn't really work with him, but I got to work next to him on the roast of charlie sheen. Do you hang out with Matt girdle yeah, my towards the fucking best yeah? I love that guy yeah he's great he's a fucking rape thing. Man yeah I did by the way. If you don't know he didn't rape, anybody he defended a guy accused of rape said you can't accuse people. I did a podcast about if you wanna hear the whole thing and that apparently the guy great people and kurt was like back yeah. Why did you have to be a rapist yeah? I was doing the right thing. It's an interesting robin hood for free speech. He's a beast, though man I did the best vancouver with him and big jay and yeah. What was that wait? No hold on I'm thinking of the show that Russell peters wrote, and big jaded. I don't know what that is stuck in and I was like the one day we're like. I know your time and I was toronto. Toronto j I fell while we should be still be doing. I think.

brian had that that original idea, those death squad tours, I think we should be doing- So those every now and then the area, I'm telling you it's it's a no brainer, really is what it's a brain. Because we're on different agencies and all she's want that one not yet, and I want to speed up their clients for the weekend. If not, we I'll make more money by ourselves alone, maybe now that all that, I'm in the way that I picture it, definitely doubly how many more tickets do you think we could add to Tom cigars weakened, not many any I bought a ticket to him is already going like I'd, see bert too thanks, I dunno man. I think I get it. I think, with a couple of months of preparation with a couple of months of promotion, I think we could be doing amphitheatres mike my goal was, let me start Tralee amphitheatres,

I don't know about amphitheaters I mean I do. I think I know about amphitheaters. I did them with oddball and I think rogan with his draw. First of all, you did him with oddball and they were all failures now really ever since there is what they cancelled, twelve of them those, but I was on it every single one of those times Agora signed and eliza messenger and fluffy, an fuckin, Jim Jeffreys and Sebastian. not one of them sort of ticket and they cancelled all I'm asking but was a failure. I'm sure there are some successes, but I guarantee you anyway producing oddballs like yeah, we didn't have chapelle to sell out an amphitheatre and by the way knows that that's what I'm gonna do an amphitheatre with nine other guys I'll. Just do the empathy, IRAN, myself! That's the problem is like we could never take. Me aryan joey army or

I'm going to do is show one time every one who's gonna buy a ticket would have bought a ticket for me by myself or by myself and tom by yourself yeah. So that, like we know we're not branching off enough. Yet what the reason to do. It is to hang out other really talented comics. Who gets a look at my sat and go hey for real super fuckin lazy on this, but hey for real that it better. It below you- and I saw someone else- do it. That's what I want is you don't get enough of that right, and you get into the store. What I want is what happened with that Helen Keller, frank bit was I did it, I fled I just set it. I didn't mean it I just set up and with it I was doing Jeremiah as a new stand up, show no yeah and a great show and said to tell them I say, would anyone else want to say anything? And someone goes tell a story about Helen Keller and I went

I just think Frank were the same person and it fuckin killed, and I told the story: what happened and how I found out I got off. Logan was like that better, be a bet, I no, I just said it and he goes that's a bit bad as a fuckin picks. Isn't that amazing how a baby can be born? That's going to make so many people happy and you're like, and then I was like The self I recorded on my phone, thank god you're not like, and then I couldn't say it the same way. I said at night. I guess I said it so flip italy that are more laughter. not forcing it. So. Cisco straight in june. literally you know, hard segue. I used to think Anne frank and Helen Keller were the same person, but it's so funny, even as just a turn as a start, I did I've been doing that lately and then I it was part. It was of the spine dollars joke and it

Okay cause. I was the same day that I happened to find those as we saw the anne frank house, and I thought it was Allen. Keller's house. I don't know the flying builders thing, but can I tell you something as the title of a story? Ten stars, it's ten titles. and then people this flying dildos and you're, like ok sucks when people are like cucumber care it. No mike. That's the punchline asshole like don't do that. There was an old, but as one of my first really solid its rules like I am now a murderer like like rose like I just wrote a great fucking joke. The joke was just to justify it. This is my first, like bit rose so proud of my writing there, and is it happened on the first special is my wife. True story. My wife is at a grocery store and I she was

such an, and I just got out really loud. Hey this time get a thin cucumber, and this lady was like that's an appropriate sir, like others, I get your mind at ease gutter, putting an harassed, not mine, and then I was like and then I was like and then by the way guys have you ever going to do that? Don't use a cucumber use, a carrot. Cucumbers, too aggressive! It's like a whole evasion of carrots like anybody home like it. So that was like

the first bit that I wrote that I was like. Oh it's a weird thing that there's this thing I was just watching. It's called the yips you at the ips are the ips are in baseball. It's when you can't throw the ball straight, so a player will get the yips and they can't they'll field a ground ball, but they can't throw it to the first basement. They throw it way off to the right or pitchers get it and they when they throw a pitch they catch, they no longer can hit the strike zone at all. It's the you remember the guy wild thing from that charlie sheen, it's the ips. It's a very it's a head case thing I can't define it a guy who could normally throw a bit. You can throw a baseball like this, but in the game when he fields it, he can't do it and I was like and the version we get as comics as the yips is not being able to write new material yeah, that's the absolute! No one gets it on stage. You don't get it on stage. We have the best just got sam, but the yips for us is one

do an hour, and you can't write me more and you like, I got the apes like I'm fuckin, I can't think of bits and it's just ahead thing. What's totally had discovered to be willing to fail when people people, What a writer questions I get from comedians. How do you write this and that? What do you do when you get writer's block- and it's like you know, that's one of those things where, if once you start to believe that writer's block is a thing: writer's block, writer's block zips, shit bert I'm fucking idiot, but I'm san once you think that's a thing, then your blocked you're doing that it us all in the head. I learn that immediately. That's another cool at all. You know like

it's like marijuana. The comedy lessons story was like I remember I was on the this was in between writing, for we were we, we wrote a pilot for the show me and Jeff and we were Jeff Ross and we were touring across the country. So this was me literally making money for the very first time cause it is before the show went. So I was making you know a few hundred bucks or whatever opening up for him, and it was an amazing time and we were roasting each city for his special, like I was helping him like alright. So today, we're going to terrain to toronto. You know stuff for him to say at the you know, he we were roasting each city at the top of the show. One of the only joke I have for that is a it's an it's an r from being read faith you as a really is

you'd have to really have been on the website. I was on last night to get that tonto is red face in the tonto. The they red face, never mind, it's a fucking, pointless joke, I do so. Anyway, we got to one city, it was like Calgary or something like that and I was hung over from the night before we would do a city to a theater and then go to another city, the next night and he's like alright? Here we are, we were getting lunch or something he goes all right. What do you got for calgary here? We are and I go. I got nothing yet Calgary I mean I don't even know anything about the play, some sort of like blocked up on our nobody that here in the way he just sort of his late. What were you saying, it sort of like I so dislike blank up there. He is, what does that mean? like the way he was a sort of like the real aim in the cool thing about Jeff and his like men- worship because he's a. Why is wise, unbelievably cool, You know he's got a youthful spirit, but a wise mine, because he

as you know, a ton of amazing older men torres like he was raised like a fuckin jet I anyway, and he just sort of there. What he was saying it was the way was saying areas like what is that even mean like he was real, god endo genuinely ike. We in a rogan ask way like huh, oh exactly I mean you can't and he's so cool he says tat in your life yet so Calgary flow that's like it's no writers block and that's another one up there with the fuckin bill. Thing is like that: jeff rustling, which who cares about the inspirational that my life, but that's something that I think about both of those things most every day for a half, a second, where it's like man, I can come up with any like the fuck. You mean you can't come up that and immediately

Now you know what I mean, because once you and everything so fuckin heavy and once you look at that and realize oh writer's block is just a head game and then you realize a ton of shit is just a head game. The phone thing really is a crazy thing, though. Yesterday it got me good. I mean just like how it can take you. It just gets ya, it's a different but beast it's an interesting new way. Psych yourself out and distract yourself in just be never ending in albania, I've gotta get a role within hours. That's how I was forty five minutes. Those invoking seamless those fucking phenomenal, told him, and I appreciate it the progress, the pony, our the pony, our tony tony, the store horsemen, if you ve ever enjoyed pro wrestling for a second, my netflix special ones is still up there. You can probably have to search it nowhere near the front anymore.

And releases next week. So what it, if you're fan of roasting, go to youtube and look at the look up tony, hence clifford, snoop dog. I've seen it it's fucking great. It's ten minutes that you're really enjoy a really really proud of that that really great that's somethin, mead, being the only white roaster in an all black theatre, too rarely naval, gallery and dumb lot other other stuff all for dates are tony, hence clip dot com, niagara falls and a bunch of a bunch of fun clubs. Bunch of fun clubs come- and I think you are Appreciate you don't think I so much broken. You don't want to get to say. Thank you for that drink after that

and then a lot of wow. I can't believe you remember that it stood as this episode was brought to you by the machine.